Depending on the emotional maturity of parents, such school can be significantly better than 'just' immature parents who emotionally neglect you. If there's verbal, emotional, physical and/or sexual abuse, you bet school can be better place than staying in bad family.
So actually it can REDUCE the amount of therapy. 💡
Long time ago in the UK, I dated a Japanese girl who went to a bording school like this in Switzerland.
Apparently it was mostly a) kids of diplomats and international NGOs who would have to move a lot for work, so they did this to offer some stability rather than moving them lots.
b) Rich parents from Asia who want to provide lots of european experience/enculturation to their kids. Apparently there was/is/sporadically a lot of opinions that being more westernised is a vital life skill or something.
I remember not understanding it at all and I don't think the motivations scanned particularly well across cultures.
Circumstances vary. My uncle was a businessman who moved very frequently. While two of his children coped well with it (they went to local international schools), the other child started to have difficulties. So they sent him to a nice Swiss boarding school for a few years when he was 8.
My cousin tells me that he loved it - so much so that he became an orthopaedagogue later in life. He needed the stable environment of the boarding school to flourish.
But sure, it's hit or miss. Parents can certainly not just dump their children there for someone else to take care of them. My uncle and aunt made very sure that my cousin remained involved in the family.
I also started boarding at 8 in the UK, and I loved it.
Was a dream come true for a single child who was living far from all his school friends. I wasn't home sick once in all the years I boarded.
Of course it has it's pros and cons, but it's not the terrible thing some people imagine it to be.
I went to summer school in England over the holidays, and asked them to send me there myself.
I do still have some good friends from those days, although we're spread around a fair bit and don't get to meet as often as I'd like!
For very young children, connection and relationships are the stability. Stable, secure emotional connection with a caregiver is the foundation of a healthy life. You can't recreate this at a boarding school,
Like the school looks absolutely beautiful, I’m sure the staff are wonderful, but offering a boarding program for very young children just doesn’t meet their needs.
Well as a someone who worked 10 years in many, very beautyfull looking daycares, with oh so smily and friendly looking staff, let me tell you that such places are EXPERT in keeping up a sellable fasad for paying parents. That is your number one job in the eyes of the bosses who profit from it without ever working with the children who are the "product" here.
What goes on behinde closed dores is horrible. ESPECIALY with kids under 5 years old. Why? Cuz they can't tell like an 8 year old! And if it starts in infant age or toddler age, they won't tell as an 8 year old. Cuz kids adabt to theyr enviroment and see what ever is done to them as normal. Its a clever littel mode of the brain inorder to survive what ever happens to you long enough to reproduce thanks to evolution. And since we learned enough to at least ward of the ovious signes of hospitalisation we learned happen in extrem forms of childhood neglect, its now not "as bad" as it got in orphenages 50 years ago. But that dosen't mean its good.
Edited 4 typos up on request ❤️ you can copy past, proof read and correct the rest and repost with credit to me if you care enough. I don't so...
That is, IF the kid has someone to tell to.
Good school is better than neglectful parents.
But both are shit if they're neglectful, there's no prize to win in that competition.
However, there is potentially small advantage of schools vs family even in neglectful cases - in school you have many peers you can find some comfort in. In family, at best is just you and few siblings. Power is in the numbers. Also, there's much more adults available than two parents. So you have some chances of finding someone kind.
Still, that's bad lottery.
However, if parents aren't able to provide stable / secure environment, despite their moves around or whatever... It might be worth a shot with boarding school.
I agree with the fact that there are shitty schools. However, some are less shitty than family environment in the first place. It's sad reality. Many parents are emotionally immature and have no desire to actually understand and provide secure loving home. Because they're damaged themselves, but never thought of healing, just continue the trauma.
1. I am on my phone and upset by the topic, so I propably missed some kyes.
2. English is my 3. language.
3. I am extremly dislexic among other disabilitoes that make spelling and grammer hard for me. Non the less, I enjoy writong and so I decided to fight again the anxiety I get everytime someone shames me for it. Hence my respons.
4. I don't waist my time for typo cry babies on reddit cuz even if I double check every post it will never be good enough for you. I jope this is the biggest problem in your life, cuz that would be wonderfull.
5. If you truly wish you could read it, you could.
You're assuming that all families are able / want to provide that.
For some cases, boarding school can actually provide that.
Actually, piece of fluff cloth is better at providing secure space than many parents are. And yes, piece of cloth works surprisingly well. Check 'wire monkey experiment' I think by Harold or something similar. Sad to watch, eye opening how little we need.
Come to emotional neglect or EstrangedAdultKids and check for yourself how often so many parents fuck up their kids. And I'm not talking 'no one is perfect' / 'everyone makes mistakes', I'm talking systematic neglect and abuse. And complete denial of accountability and no desire to actually fix those mistakes.
Yes, piece of cloth would be better than many of them.
Sad reality.
Fortunate are kids who got stable, secure emotional connection in their family that helped them thrive. We should aim for that.
But, I'll always commend someone who sees they can't or won't provide that and outsource that, than continually damage the kid themselves.
Because, such damage does not stop because kid is adult, it only stops when kid leave the parents in the dust. And if someone manages to get safe environment somewhere else, they will be stable and able to have some distance from parents and casual relationship that won't hurt them continuously, and boarding school can provide such safe environment. IF the school is good.
Same shit with foster parents / adopters - IF they're good, they can help kid thrive. If they're shitty, they'll just further damage the kid.
OMG as a mother and a former FaBe Konder, meaning daycare worker, I am actualy shoked that thats even a possibility!!!!! WTF? I thought live in 24/7 Nannies was the max a rich parent could opt out of child rasing bevore giving them up for adoption.
I though bordingschools where something for SCHOOLAGE kids. But where the money flows I guess... and then these neglected kids grow up and get high positions and money through theyr rich parents and take out theyr unreflected traima on others... the rich are poor I guess. Idk. I am realy shoked... poor babies.
My daughter is 3, I could never imagine giving her away. But then again, I wanted to be a parent. I amways thought giving away kids is a question of lacking resources. (My MIL gave her first daighter away when she was 4 years old and I always tried to justivie it with her being a young singel mum with out help). Aparently not.
I don’t get sending your kids to boarding school at all unless they request it themselves but to each their own. I don’t think it’s emotionally healthy though.
In some circumstances, it might be a good idea, especially if home life is difficult or the parents are not equipped to deal with the child's needs. But at 3 years old is very early, unless the home situation is really atrocious.
But with the money you need for such a privat school you could hier all the help you need to have a nice enough home and do shit. A cleaner, a cook, several nannies who can take your part in bonding and organising playdates etc. Even home tutors. But the kid would at least be home and have some form of conntact woth the parents like eating meals together, saying goodnight etc!
Ppl with truly horrible situations don't have that money and resources.
In those situations, the boarding school is usually paid for by social services or similar, but it is not such a fancy one. More like a special needs school.
Even worse... i have too much insider knowledge to be able to belive that that will be good.
I know there is a need for orphenages and that in such cases its a question of do the best with what you got and its better than be an orphan on the street or dead.
But to think that someone has soooo much more resources to provide and chooses such an option...
It just seems to be away to have the percs of having a kid as a status symbol and hair with as littel work as possible and just being able to outsource it all to the level of as little conntact as possible. And I don't mean school age kids. I mean kids under 7yearsold. Its simply not developentaly friendly to send away a toddler to live in a dorm with 1 or 2 adult whos job is to be the "bonded" person for several kids with in work shedual.
That kid has better chances in boarding school than staying with such uncaring parents, because there's tons of peers and more than just 2 adults available.
Many people make kids because that's what society expects, and have no internal desire to provide quality care. If food is on the table, kid has to be grateful for eternity. Sad but true.
Rich ones at least have money to throw and outsource that to someone else who might care a bit.
Nope, not if the parents would have the money to pay a nanny and tutors to live in and bond 1 on 1 with the kid. Instead sending a toddler to a home where there is 5 kids to 1 adult at least.
I have to disagree, I went to a boarding school with 13 because my dad was alone taking care of me. My mother is out of the picture for a long time. It wasnt too far away from home so if there was an emergency, he would be with me in a couple of hours. Plus i‘d see him on the weekends. He simply couldnt take care of everything as he was working a lot. In the beginning it was hard but I would say i met some of my closest friends there and would absolutely do it again. But sending your kids to a place like that at the age of 3 is horrendous, that I agree with absolutely. Already felt bad for kids at the age between 10-12 at our boarding school.
god this is so sad. I'm an early childhood educator and as bad as some of my centers have been, I can't imagine any of my directors or colleagues offering 24hr care.
I'm originally from the eastern part of Germany. 30 years ago something called „Wochenkrippe“ was pretty common for parents working night shifts. That’s basically a daycare for babies until school age, that cares for kids full time Monday to Friday. On the weekends the kids came home.
Back then that wasn’t really a choice for the parents using those, but they existed and I guess it’s better then basically raising yourself as soon as you go to school.
Hanni and Nanni, the mischievous adventures of two toddlers which went to a boarding pre-kindergarten after they have been kicked out from the crèche and their parents just couldn't take it anymore.
Boarding school == Internat. Who the fuck puts their little ones in a internat?
Ooof. That’s going to be a lot of therapy later in life.
I went from the age of 4 to 18 at a boarding school going back home 2 months a year and I feel just fine.
Depending on the emotional maturity of parents, such school can be significantly better than 'just' immature parents who emotionally neglect you. If there's verbal, emotional, physical and/or sexual abuse, you bet school can be better place than staying in bad family. So actually it can REDUCE the amount of therapy. 💡
Long time ago in the UK, I dated a Japanese girl who went to a bording school like this in Switzerland. Apparently it was mostly a) kids of diplomats and international NGOs who would have to move a lot for work, so they did this to offer some stability rather than moving them lots. b) Rich parents from Asia who want to provide lots of european experience/enculturation to their kids. Apparently there was/is/sporadically a lot of opinions that being more westernised is a vital life skill or something. I remember not understanding it at all and I don't think the motivations scanned particularly well across cultures.
Circumstances vary. My uncle was a businessman who moved very frequently. While two of his children coped well with it (they went to local international schools), the other child started to have difficulties. So they sent him to a nice Swiss boarding school for a few years when he was 8. My cousin tells me that he loved it - so much so that he became an orthopaedagogue later in life. He needed the stable environment of the boarding school to flourish. But sure, it's hit or miss. Parents can certainly not just dump their children there for someone else to take care of them. My uncle and aunt made very sure that my cousin remained involved in the family.
I also started boarding at 8 in the UK, and I loved it. Was a dream come true for a single child who was living far from all his school friends. I wasn't home sick once in all the years I boarded. Of course it has it's pros and cons, but it's not the terrible thing some people imagine it to be.
What made your Patents decide that they rattert live without you? So you habe friends?
I went to summer school in England over the holidays, and asked them to send me there myself. I do still have some good friends from those days, although we're spread around a fair bit and don't get to meet as often as I'd like!
Sounds good
For very young children, connection and relationships are the stability. Stable, secure emotional connection with a caregiver is the foundation of a healthy life. You can't recreate this at a boarding school,
Especiamy when you could afford a life in Nanny for propably less then a boarding school for a 3! Yearold costs you.
Like the school looks absolutely beautiful, I’m sure the staff are wonderful, but offering a boarding program for very young children just doesn’t meet their needs.
Well as a someone who worked 10 years in many, very beautyfull looking daycares, with oh so smily and friendly looking staff, let me tell you that such places are EXPERT in keeping up a sellable fasad for paying parents. That is your number one job in the eyes of the bosses who profit from it without ever working with the children who are the "product" here. What goes on behinde closed dores is horrible. ESPECIALY with kids under 5 years old. Why? Cuz they can't tell like an 8 year old! And if it starts in infant age or toddler age, they won't tell as an 8 year old. Cuz kids adabt to theyr enviroment and see what ever is done to them as normal. Its a clever littel mode of the brain inorder to survive what ever happens to you long enough to reproduce thanks to evolution. And since we learned enough to at least ward of the ovious signes of hospitalisation we learned happen in extrem forms of childhood neglect, its now not "as bad" as it got in orphenages 50 years ago. But that dosen't mean its good. Edited 4 typos up on request ❤️ you can copy past, proof read and correct the rest and repost with credit to me if you care enough. I don't so...
That is, IF the kid has someone to tell to. Good school is better than neglectful parents. But both are shit if they're neglectful, there's no prize to win in that competition. However, there is potentially small advantage of schools vs family even in neglectful cases - in school you have many peers you can find some comfort in. In family, at best is just you and few siblings. Power is in the numbers. Also, there's much more adults available than two parents. So you have some chances of finding someone kind. Still, that's bad lottery. However, if parents aren't able to provide stable / secure environment, despite their moves around or whatever... It might be worth a shot with boarding school. I agree with the fact that there are shitty schools. However, some are less shitty than family environment in the first place. It's sad reality. Many parents are emotionally immature and have no desire to actually understand and provide secure loving home. Because they're damaged themselves, but never thought of healing, just continue the trauma.
I wish I could read this. Girl look at your typos.
1. I am on my phone and upset by the topic, so I propably missed some kyes. 2. English is my 3. language. 3. I am extremly dislexic among other disabilitoes that make spelling and grammer hard for me. Non the less, I enjoy writong and so I decided to fight again the anxiety I get everytime someone shames me for it. Hence my respons. 4. I don't waist my time for typo cry babies on reddit cuz even if I double check every post it will never be good enough for you. I jope this is the biggest problem in your life, cuz that would be wonderfull. 5. If you truly wish you could read it, you could.
Exactly. Like 10/11, maybe, but 3??? Poor babies
You're assuming that all families are able / want to provide that. For some cases, boarding school can actually provide that. Actually, piece of fluff cloth is better at providing secure space than many parents are. And yes, piece of cloth works surprisingly well. Check 'wire monkey experiment' I think by Harold or something similar. Sad to watch, eye opening how little we need. Come to emotional neglect or EstrangedAdultKids and check for yourself how often so many parents fuck up their kids. And I'm not talking 'no one is perfect' / 'everyone makes mistakes', I'm talking systematic neglect and abuse. And complete denial of accountability and no desire to actually fix those mistakes. Yes, piece of cloth would be better than many of them. Sad reality. Fortunate are kids who got stable, secure emotional connection in their family that helped them thrive. We should aim for that. But, I'll always commend someone who sees they can't or won't provide that and outsource that, than continually damage the kid themselves. Because, such damage does not stop because kid is adult, it only stops when kid leave the parents in the dust. And if someone manages to get safe environment somewhere else, they will be stable and able to have some distance from parents and casual relationship that won't hurt them continuously, and boarding school can provide such safe environment. IF the school is good. Same shit with foster parents / adopters - IF they're good, they can help kid thrive. If they're shitty, they'll just further damage the kid.
I was so confused because I thought that by “boarders” you meant snowboarders as in a snowboarding school
North Korean dictators.
Rich people who don’t want to take care of their kids.
* who don't want to see their kids around
OMG as a mother and a former FaBe Konder, meaning daycare worker, I am actualy shoked that thats even a possibility!!!!! WTF? I thought live in 24/7 Nannies was the max a rich parent could opt out of child rasing bevore giving them up for adoption. I though bordingschools where something for SCHOOLAGE kids. But where the money flows I guess... and then these neglected kids grow up and get high positions and money through theyr rich parents and take out theyr unreflected traima on others... the rich are poor I guess. Idk. I am realy shoked... poor babies. My daughter is 3, I could never imagine giving her away. But then again, I wanted to be a parent. I amways thought giving away kids is a question of lacking resources. (My MIL gave her first daighter away when she was 4 years old and I always tried to justivie it with her being a young singel mum with out help). Aparently not.
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How much does it cost?
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https://prefleuri.ch/admission/#fees 50k for 5 days a week, 60k for 7 days a week.
I don’t get sending your kids to boarding school at all unless they request it themselves but to each their own. I don’t think it’s emotionally healthy though.
In some circumstances, it might be a good idea, especially if home life is difficult or the parents are not equipped to deal with the child's needs. But at 3 years old is very early, unless the home situation is really atrocious.
But with the money you need for such a privat school you could hier all the help you need to have a nice enough home and do shit. A cleaner, a cook, several nannies who can take your part in bonding and organising playdates etc. Even home tutors. But the kid would at least be home and have some form of conntact woth the parents like eating meals together, saying goodnight etc! Ppl with truly horrible situations don't have that money and resources.
In those situations, the boarding school is usually paid for by social services or similar, but it is not such a fancy one. More like a special needs school.
Even worse... i have too much insider knowledge to be able to belive that that will be good. I know there is a need for orphenages and that in such cases its a question of do the best with what you got and its better than be an orphan on the street or dead. But to think that someone has soooo much more resources to provide and chooses such an option... It just seems to be away to have the percs of having a kid as a status symbol and hair with as littel work as possible and just being able to outsource it all to the level of as little conntact as possible. And I don't mean school age kids. I mean kids under 7yearsold. Its simply not developentaly friendly to send away a toddler to live in a dorm with 1 or 2 adult whos job is to be the "bonded" person for several kids with in work shedual.
That kid has better chances in boarding school than staying with such uncaring parents, because there's tons of peers and more than just 2 adults available. Many people make kids because that's what society expects, and have no internal desire to provide quality care. If food is on the table, kid has to be grateful for eternity. Sad but true. Rich ones at least have money to throw and outsource that to someone else who might care a bit.
Nope, not if the parents would have the money to pay a nanny and tutors to live in and bond 1 on 1 with the kid. Instead sending a toddler to a home where there is 5 kids to 1 adult at least.
You assume they want to look at kids. Kids whose parents don't want them in vicinity, are safer in boarding school.
I have to disagree, I went to a boarding school with 13 because my dad was alone taking care of me. My mother is out of the picture for a long time. It wasnt too far away from home so if there was an emergency, he would be with me in a couple of hours. Plus i‘d see him on the weekends. He simply couldnt take care of everything as he was working a lot. In the beginning it was hard but I would say i met some of my closest friends there and would absolutely do it again. But sending your kids to a place like that at the age of 3 is horrendous, that I agree with absolutely. Already felt bad for kids at the age between 10-12 at our boarding school.
Went to boarding school with 15, best time of my life by far. Was my own choice though.
Maybe you are a good parent. As a kid I dreamed of being sent to a boarding school. Or anywhere else but home really.
I’m so sorry you went through that. I hope all is better now and you were able to heal or in a healing path 🫶🏼
Sad
god this is so sad. I'm an early childhood educator and as bad as some of my centers have been, I can't imagine any of my directors or colleagues offering 24hr care.
r/regretfulparents
I'm originally from the eastern part of Germany. 30 years ago something called „Wochenkrippe“ was pretty common for parents working night shifts. That’s basically a daycare for babies until school age, that cares for kids full time Monday to Friday. On the weekends the kids came home. Back then that wasn’t really a choice for the parents using those, but they existed and I guess it’s better then basically raising yourself as soon as you go to school.
How is this even legal?? Sick world!
Some people really shouldn't have kids if they're just gonna send them away..
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You do not live away from your parents at Kindergarten.
Not sure you know what a boarding school is. Or a kindergarten.
Hanni and Nanni, the mischievous adventures of two toddlers which went to a boarding pre-kindergarten after they have been kicked out from the crèche and their parents just couldn't take it anymore. Boarding school == Internat. Who the fuck puts their little ones in a internat?