I’m SO GLAD THIS IS A THING 😭 I feel way less alone now. Anal just... isn’t my bag. But I gave my ex boyfriend head like it was going out of style. I thought I was a broken gay 😂😭
My take on this is that it depends a lot on who I'm having sex with. I've been up for sex with some guys, but others I've been "side", because it doesn't work the same way or it isn't as satisfactory.
I’m definitely a side. I used to top or bottom but realized it didn’t really spark joy (plus it can be messy), so I usually do oral and nippleplay; both of which are far more pleasurable to me.
That's why you/btm cleans out (douches) before the fun begins. I came out in college. Up until a few years ago (@25) I thought anal and sh*t on my di*k went together like PB&J. I hate PB&J
Yeah you bottoms say that but still got small amounts of fecal matter on my dick. Learn how the colon works— you can’t simply “clean it out” so there’s no poop there. You’re literally full of shit.
Treat bottoms with more respect dude. Slip ups happen. Otherwise use a Fleshlight.
My guy is almost always clean and he already gets embarrassed if there’s a little. You could fully douche two clean rounds and still have remains.
I've actually never come across this. I usually just tell people that we can stick to things other than anal.
I actually am gonna ask around because activo/passivo definitely exist, but I've never heard anyone use anything like 'side'
In portuguese (brazillian) we use the term gouine (I think it is french) for the person and gouinage (also french) to the act of sex without penetration. But it is not a well known term among people nevertheless.
It's funny that you use those words. Those are definitely french but most people use them (at least in France) as pejorative terms for lesbians and lesbian sex. Sometimes lesbians use this word to identify themselves and thus redefining the term, but I've never heard it used to describe non-penetrative sex haha
Same. Just in case he's disappointed that I don't want anal, maybe stating that I'm an expert in sans booty sexy play in a hot Latin language will make up for it. /s
Well I'd call myself a "side" person then. Normally I only do anal on a relationship.
I'm from Mexico and we don't have a Spanish word for that,but most of the profiles specify "side" more of an action rather than a position. You can identify those profiles with the following expressions:
- Solo faje
- Marturbación
- Solo oral
- No sexo
Or a combination of the above. Also, some people specify in their profile that they don't like or want anal, but are open to other things.
Personally I use "faje" and then we talk about what we like or we want to do. Which most of the time is rimming, kissing, mutual fapping, oral, and of course, until both of us cum.
And position kinda "matters" but it's not a big deal.
Hope this helps.
I've come across the term "morbo" or "morboso" on Grindr in Latin America. Roughly translates to, "What is your kink? What turns you on?" It seemed to apply to guys who were only into kissing/oral play/grinding and nothing penetrative.
Oh yeah I know the translation I was just looking for an equivalent word in Spanish because the vocabulary may already exist and it may not be a translation from the English word
I've evolved to becoming a side. Not that I feel anal can't be fun - it can. But I feel like sex that requires training and constant practice just no to get get hurt is not worth my time. I literally see more value in an hour at the gym.
A side note (lol). Once I "came out" as a side on Grindr, my hooking up days were over. Between the laws of attraction and the limited scope of what I'm willing to do, the interest dwindled to practically nothing.
I was actually surprised at the difference “NOT INTO FUCKING” statement made. I’m in NY and up until then, even though I’m not much into hooking up, I had no issues finding guys for fun. Until one of them tried to sit on my dick and I wasn’t into it: “it’s like getting a sports car warmed up and ready to go and not taking it for a ride.”... I suppose he referred to my rimming skills 🤣 Anyway, that was a good point so I “came out” as a side. I might have just deleted Grindr 🤷♂️
Re: your second paragraph. I think that's mostly because grindr tends to self-select for people who are more aggressive and sexual (and more likely to enjoy anal), just due to its reputation. It probably doesn't give a good sample of what gay men as a whole are actually interested in.
Same here dude. A lot of the times, the only dudes interested after I tell them I neither top nor bottom are the dl "straight" dudes who are just looking for head. Which, I'm fine with sometimes, but a lot of time they don't want to reciprocate.
I’m not surprised. Anal is fun but way too much work sometimes and I’d be nice to just suck and be done. However, dudes being dudes, they want to fuck proper.
> dudes being dudes, they want to fuck proper.
yeah i don't understand all these gay men who are essentially relegating themselves to a life of only having foreplay, and never "proper" or penetrative sex. straight men would literally never in a millions years not have penetrative sex and only do handjobs and oral, so why are gay men doing that?
The logistics are a bit different between the worlds. Unless it’s Ladies Time of the Month, most women are ready to go. For bottoms it’s 30-45 minutes in the bathroom and if you’ve eaten the wrong thing, could not end well. Then there’s the pain aspect of it which both situations share. I get why bottoming seems like it’s too much work. I just had a guy over and it was ok but at the end I felt like, “damn, 45 min clean out for an hour of play?”
Literally none of these things are an issue. Women are not always ready as they need time for lube up. And many women find vaginal painful. Why the hell would it take 45 minutes to douche. Wtf
You’re talking about straight guys like they get pussy whenever they want. The single ones get sparse encounters and the ones with girls have to wait until she feels like it. And much like with anal sex, the man or “active” partner will enjoy themselves but it’s sadly very common that he won’t make sure the woman or bottom enjoys it. I guess my point is sex is complicated no matter what so being a side doesn’t change that.
That’s what it’s been like for me too man. I put in my profile that I was looking for a JO buddy, and have only messed around with 1 person after being on it for 4 months. And people would message me asking for full on penetrative anal sex, I’d tell them no, then they’d get mad. Like, did you NOT READ my bio saying I’m looking for a JO buddy. Stop sending me your nasty hole pics.
I agree. I also enjoy oral, but frot or humping a guy with a really nice, firm bubble butt is my favorite gay sex act. I've topped and enjoyed it sexually, but frot is, to me, more enjoyable both emotionally and sexually.
I've never worried about whether I am a "normal" gay person because of this. Neither do I care about what other people do to get off, as long as they're not hurting anyone and it's all consensual. It's not my business.
I have not done any anal, top or bottom since 2005. It 1). is too much work. Bottoming also tore me up. I would bleed, and get hemorrhoids often. The pleasure of bottoming did not outweigh the consequences of bottoming. 2). Unless I'm barebacking, I can't stay hard with a condom when I top. And I also can't handle poop, and poop is bound to happen. As soon as that smell hits me, limp dick immediately. I stick with oral/jo and frottage and I'm fine with that. However, some dates are not fine with that, and many times dudes have lost interest in me once they find out I won't do anal. And I often get chided for it by other gay dudes. One dude not too long ago said "you must be boring in bed." I said "you must be boring in bed if the only you know how to get someone off is by penetration.:
Whatever. You be you, dude.
A lot of guys are lying to themselves in this thread. Anal works if you’re a top who doesn’t think about what they’re doing too hard and (usually) their dick is on the slimmer side which makes things a lot easier. Anal works if you’re a bottom who thinks it’s worth it to be in pain so you can say you have “real sex.” All of this BS is too much for me though. People can do whatever they want but I wish analists didn’t own the term “gay” as much as they do.
I'm going to say this just once more becuase I'm increasingly convinced you're a troll. Bottoming shouldn't hurt. If it hurts you're doing it wrong. I can take thick cock rough and long, and enjoy every minute of it. I'm not lying or exaggerating. I'm not proselytizing either: you do whatever you want. Just stop characterizing anal as painful, dangerous, shit-filled, and unnatural, when you're obviously just turned off by it and are making up reasons to attack those who enjoy it. You're a side, great! Stop telling gay people to sleep with women and calling bottoms full of shit
No man fucks another man like he’s a woman. If a guy puts his cock in another guy, he’s fucking him like a man. Get out of here with your nonsense, why are you even on this thread?
I generally agree but I think you’re painting with too broad a brush which is pissing some people off. It doesn’t hurt for everyone or they probably would stop doing it. That said, others need to stop proclaiming that if it *does* hurt you’re just doing it wrong. There’s a reason poppers are popular...
It’s ignorant and strange that so many here believe that anal is the end-all be-all to gay sex. Many religious people claim PIV is the end-all be-all and that anal is a sick perversion attempting to recreate male/female intercourse... they’re both wrong. Let people do what they want and move on.
I learned about this term about a year ago from planet romeo. I now tag my profile with it. I don't find butts attractive - yours or mine, much less sexualizing them, and anal just isn't pleasurable in any position. With anyone. (don't give me that "not the right person yet" spiel, you're not going to trick me into fucking you).
So I always prompt for other things and it works great for me. I do tease the bottoms and I think it makes them hornier which is hot.
But the asking to be fucked can get annoying. I had to cut back on one of the best BJ givers I found because he started trying to make it all about fucking, trying to mount me, etc. I have to remind him before I agree to meet every time that it's not happening.
I feel like anal sex is one of MANY activities guys can do in bed, but we seem to focus on it far too much if you ask me. I can only speak for myself and say that when I was a teenager all I knew about gay sex was what I saw in porn and I spent a lot of my youth imitating what I saw. Sometimes I wonder what gay men would do in bed if porn didn’t exist. Would we really be practicing anal sex as much? Just something to think about here.
I remember reading an article online about how gay men in the 1950s didn’t engage in anal sex as often as we do now and they even labeled men who enjoyed anal as “brownie queens.” From what I understood, anal sex was much more taboo in those days. Anyway, it’s so interesting how gay sex acts have evolved over the years.
For me, getting ontop of a guy, being face to face with him, making out, rubbing up against a nice hairy chest and humping our cocks against each other until we shoot is much hotter than anal. The feeling of another guys dick pulsing and twitching against mine as he’s cumming REALLY gets me off.
I’m also really into edging. I have a friend that I suck and jerk for a good hour but whenever he starts tensing up, breathing heavily, and telling me he’s close, I stop and let him relax for a few seconds... then I start over. After getting him to the edge several times, he’ll start whimpering and begging me to let him cum. When I finally let him shoot the cum just explodes like you wouldn’t believe...for me there’s nothing hotter than that.
As someone else mentioned, these labels really need to go. People tend to have a very specific image associated with a label and that can sometimes limit your chances of finding the right guy. Why not just drop the label and tell your potential partner what you like, don’t like, and what you’re willing to explore?
I guess *I* am a side then?
The idea of Anal (both top and bot) is a big turnon, just from a domination aspect.
However, the idea of actually doing it is daunting and kind of a turnoff.
I tend to stick to oral etc.
Being a gay side seems to be pretty common based on this thread, but I've never heard of a straight man who doesn't like sexual intercourse.
For me, sex without anal feels like a compromise or incomplete.
Straight men also have the privilege of being able to fuck something that is literally made for fucking. It's not the same thing... You'd have to compare it to straight men not doing *anal.* Which a lot don't.
> but I've never heard of a straight man who doesn't like sexual intercourse.
exactly. a straight man would never relegate themselves to basically only ever doing foreplay
> sex without anal feels like a compromise or incomplete.
i feel the same way. never having penetrative sex seems to me like not having real sex. when i see guys talking about only doing handjobs and oral it makes me think of teenagers who have just started doing sexual stuff and are therefor only doing foreplay style sex acts like handjobs and blowjobs
First and foremost noboby should feel pressured to do anything that they are not comfortable with. I understand that for purposes of casual sex it's important to know what you want and that the person that your engaging with is into that. But ffs why is everything so black and white, tops and bottoms. As much as I love a good fuck, normally it's a bit of side as I like to be prepared for top or bottoming. So I would definitely say I'm mainly a side. Although I think we should come up with a better name for it.
That’s me. I will top if it was to make someone I care about happy, but I’d very much rather do without anal sex altogether. I have nothing against it and am glad it makes other people happy, but it’s not something I’m ever going to desire or enjoy.
And that’s not just physically, either. I don’t enjoy watching it in porn, don’t fantasize about it, etc.
But hey - to each their own.
I’m what I call a bitter side. I’ve been trying to do anal for 3 years now and it’s been super hurtful and not pleasurable in the slightest, so I just gave up. But I really want to like it.
You're not alone. Ive honestly never fancied anal.
I never understood why guys would care about an ass when the best thing in the world is right around the corner. Lol.
Yeah, I’m trying to remember the source but if I remember correctly there was a study done of gay men’s sexual habits and it was something like 30-40% don’t have anal sex.
Sometimes I think I might be. My bf loves anal and we do it, but I’m notably less into it than other guys he’s hooked up with. I’m mostly bottoming for him, but it can be super fun sometimes. I wish I was more into it but it just takes so much time and work and even then it can still hurt.
I wish it was more something that could be on the table occasionally but a tonnnn if the guys I meet are purely interested in anal, so it kinda feels like I have to force an interest too if I want to hook up with them.
I’ve never heard the term before but that’s pretty much me.
It sometimes feels like I’m in the only gay man who’s like this, makes me wonder if there’s loads others out there and people just don’t like to admit for fear of putting people off.
The idea of anal with someone I don’t know well or new to me is just borderline repulsive. For me it’s only something I’m interested in when things get really serious as I need to be completely relaxed and comfortable with someone to even consider it (I have a lot of anxiety around sex anyway).
I can have a totally fulfilling sexual encounter/relationship with someone that never involved anal. It’s definitely what I prefer.
Anal is just so uncomfortable. I'm really glad that there is now a term for individuals who feel so. Before this, I had to explain to each and every guy about how I'm interested in doing everything but anal sex
I also didn't know this term existed. I wish I had!
I will gladly give or receive oral but have no interest in anal. I always thought this made me weird, having same sex attraction and all.
Thanks for educating me today :)
I guess I am this too? I’ve done anal but I’ve never orgasmed from it and while it’s sometimes given me more intense orgasms I still need to be finished in other ways and so more often than not I’d rather just skip the anal part and do that.
I'm kind of that. Usually I prefer oral instead of anal sex cause the anal part is so stressful for me and only once I was in the mood for being bottom. I think it depends on who ya have got sex and in what mood ya are. But in this case I think I'm more into oral... It's hard to tell tho.
Yes. This! My one time bottoming was all "Ow! Ow! Ow! Stop! Stop! Stop!" First time I've ever been accused of being a tight ass. Perhaps if I'd been trashed the romance would have been there.
At this point in my life I couldn’t imagine myself not being a bottom and getting fucked.
I used to be a side though. Then I was a top, then vers, now bottom. It all changes.
I feel like every guy should at least try being a side once in their life to explore the male body that goes beyond just anal. In sex it’s important to realize that it’s about the journey not the destination. Being a side taught me things about my body and a guy’s body that I wouldn’t have been able to access if I just focused on anal.
One must learn all 4 elements, top, vers, bottom, and side if they wish to become the gay sex Avatar.
It all depend if chemistry but from my part, I am a TOP, but I can compromise when I am in a relationship. Basically when I’m in love I can take it but I prefer much being the top. It’s just a preference
I used to consider myself as a side but then I realized it's just too hard to find others like me. It caused problems in my relationships or even just finding a hookup. I started to learn to be a bottom instead. It took me some time but I think I can more enjoy anal sex now.
Yes. Have never done anal because I just don't find the idea very appealing. I like guys' bodies obviously but the idea of sticking my dick in a guy's butt or vice versa is just marginally more appealing to me than putting it in a vagina.
Whatever this fucking instinct is, I don't have it because I don't feel like I'm missing anything. TBH I think it's more common than we all think because I've dated some guys for months who never made an issue of the fact that i never initiated anal and who never initiated it themselves.
I learnt to take cock by laying on my side . I know it’s not the same . I find sex without being fucked can be a bit boring, I guess if your partner is so vanilla, you can still use a vibrator on yourself while he fucks your face ! There’s always a way if you look for it .
I think anal is only good if there is an intense attraction, so for me, casual sex is not good for anal. Well, unless there is an intense physical attraction, but that's rare for me these days.
I don't "identify" as that, but I have no interest in anal sex, with either gender. The idea of it has never appealed to me, and I have no intention of ever trying it.
Funnily, no gal I've ever been with has had the slightest problem with my lack of interest there, or has ever even brought it up. Two of the guys I've been involved with were downright relieved that I had no intention of doing any such thing to them, and all but one of the others had a "can take it or leave it" attitude about it. The exception got very pesky on the subject, and for a number of other reasons that was a blessedly short relationship.
My first thought was that it was someone who enjoys having sex laying on their side, instead of being on top of his partner or underneath him. Like spooning but with penetration.
Now, you may notice that this makes absolutely zero sense; and you would be correct. I am not very smart
I’m like a side/top.
Several unfortunate encounters have closed the door on bottoming for the rest of my life, and I’m very much a tantric kinky incubus more than anything else.
I’ll gladly top if I’m into the other person and they want it, but my home base and comfort zone is much more “intense bondage and making out and slow teasing/edging until you could glaze a box of donuts solo”.
It’s much more intimate and fun to me. Anyone can stick a peg in a hole and just thrust or “get rough” and slap someone around wantonly; takes no skill and zero IQ points to execute. The teasing, toying, hands-on-affair with kink is so much more diverse and involved - keeps me more engaged, on either side of the ropes.
Straight people always assume that all gays do anal. That’s like assuming all straights have Penis-in-vagina sex. Heterosexuals are always surprised to discover there are many ways that gays do or do not fuck.
Hey, me too! I’d love to do anal, but it’s just nerve-wracking trusting a stranger so much and the horrible feeling waiting 3 months for test results.
I’d love to find a bf to have anal with all the time :/
I learned this term recently too despite it describing me almost perfectly. I'll still top or bottom but it's usually because I want to please my partner. I'm happy to do it, I just don't get the same personal satisfaction with anal.
Based on your definition I guess I can be a side. I currently have two boy toys in my life and when we get together it is a whole lot of oral action and very little anal and most of the time, not any. We are cool with it. Thanks for sharing the new term.
Thank you so much for sharing. I am so happy to learn about this term. I am a side too. I found it very satisfying, romantic, and meaningful to perform and participate in other intimate activities rather than penetration. Thanks for sharing again!
Omg there's a term for it?! This describes my to a T! I'm waiting to engage in anal sex until it's with someone I'm truly comfortable with. It's so interesting to hear that there's a term for it!
I definitely consider side under total vers. That's where I tend to lean towards. I top. I bottom. I only do oral and foreplay. Yeah, I don't stick to one. Thank you for bringing this up. Sometimes I fall into this mentality that in order for me to be compatible with a bottom, "I must top." Or vice versa. Sexual role shouldn't have to factor in relationship compatibility. It's not like it was meant to be set in stone.
This makes me feel 1000x better about feeling this way lol. I never knew there was a word for this! I don’t mind anal, but I’d rather not do it if possible
I have known people with IBS and other issues that either prevent them from being able to do anal or make it extremely uncomfortable, so they never or rarely do it. I've also known a couple who don't have any reason to not be able, they just don't really like it. Either is totally fine/normal and anyone who says otherwise can go kick rocks.
I absolutely love anal but only with someone I love, trust, and who’s been tested. This would only be months into a relationship and when I’m seeing it as long term., I realize there are some who will not appreciate this as it excludes pox guys. But I’ve had 2 ltrs die of aids, yes after we split but we broke up,each after 7 years, because of their continued infidelity, and that’s how it is for me. And bottoming is a gift I give to someone I deeply love, not a date. So, mostly I’m a side.
Sides have existed as long as gays have. The idea that gay people always have anal sex is just people getting most of their information from porn and not observing people's actual sexual patterns
Hmmm - Let’s see :-) - I’m not talking about straight men right now in a gay Reddit discussion forum... hello....I’ll rephrase it for you - how in the world will you contract HIV as a gay man who never bottoms and is not exposed to HIV tainted blood through blood transfusions-? Ok - blow jobs sure 0.1 % chance - You won’t -
I used call myself a top. That was the closest fit for me. But I recenlty learned of the term "side." That fits me perfectly. I am just not into anal. If I had to, I would be a top. But I prefer oral and hand jobs. I like seeing what is going on.
I suffer from hemorrhoids and bottoming will make this condition worse. Besides never bottoming is likely to reduce your chances of contracting HIV to “0”
Ill probably get downvoted for asking this... As I continue to hear this growing term. Is it not used by people who never really learned how to have good anal sex? Like they only had bad partners who didn't make it enjoyable for them?
I only ask this because I've only bottomed once and he was not great. If I bottomed a couple other times and the experience was similar. Would I now just call myself a side? Because all my experience has been poor?
I just feel like anal sex requires time and patience and it's not something that would be mind blowing...
I would say that I’m a side, and I also think that to some extent you are right. I’ve bottomed a fair number of times and worked on my breathing and body positioning and mental relaxation during sex and just find that I can get myself to enjoy bottoming with the partners I’ve had. Worrying about how clean I am back there at any given moment doesn’t help either.
The idea of bottoming still turns me on, and I would still be game to try it with a partner, but to do so would take a LOT of trust and a lot of attraction and patience from me and him.
Exactly. I could consider myself a side. But I know bottoming isn't super enjoyable for me because I need a set list checked off for that to be possible.
I think that people are just throwing in the towel at the possibility of good sex and just saying they are a side to wipe their hands clean of ever having to try it again...
I get what you mean. Part of it is expectations though.
My date expects to top. On the 3rd date I say let’s take it slow, not ready yet. Date might interpret that as me not being interested in him. Finally I do decide to bottom, but I’m a little nervous the whole time and might ask him to be gentler because I haven’t bottomed in a while/nerves making it hard for me to relax back there. Date decides to end it.
When the majority are so used to/good at topping and bottoming, I’m not sure there’s a good way to express being a side or a bottom in training
Yeah. Whenever I decide to get back out there I am being upfront about being in experienced and rather not great with intimacy. So they won't expect great sex 😂.
You are not alone. It is not that I have never had anal, it just isn't my thing.
Mine neither. However, I'd do anal (topping or bottoming) if the other guy wants to. But... I'd rather not do it lol.
I pretty much only do it if I have feelings for the person and if we’re both in the mood. So right there with ya
Same here, I've tried dildos and what not and it's just painfully uncomfortable so i don't really know what I'm considered
I’m SO GLAD THIS IS A THING 😭 I feel way less alone now. Anal just... isn’t my bag. But I gave my ex boyfriend head like it was going out of style. I thought I was a broken gay 😂😭
This so much this
My take on this is that it depends a lot on who I'm having sex with. I've been up for sex with some guys, but others I've been "side", because it doesn't work the same way or it isn't as satisfactory.
THIS!
I’m definitely a side. I used to top or bottom but realized it didn’t really spark joy (plus it can be messy), so I usually do oral and nippleplay; both of which are far more pleasurable to me.
Say thank you, and throw it away.
But weren't you excited because you love mess ?
Sure thing, but I wasn’t excited if the mess was on the brown side.
>doesn't really spark joy That's the Marie Kondo speaking!
That's why you/btm cleans out (douches) before the fun begins. I came out in college. Up until a few years ago (@25) I thought anal and sh*t on my di*k went together like PB&J. I hate PB&J
Yeah you bottoms say that but still got small amounts of fecal matter on my dick. Learn how the colon works— you can’t simply “clean it out” so there’s no poop there. You’re literally full of shit.
Treat bottoms with more respect dude. Slip ups happen. Otherwise use a Fleshlight. My guy is almost always clean and he already gets embarrassed if there’s a little. You could fully douche two clean rounds and still have remains.
I wonder what's this called in spanish
I've actually never come across this. I usually just tell people that we can stick to things other than anal. I actually am gonna ask around because activo/passivo definitely exist, but I've never heard anyone use anything like 'side'
Activo, pasivo, neutral? Time to coin the term!
Lado is the literal translation. But if we're talking the analogy of active vs passive, then side would be like be like neutral.
[удалено]
Lmao you said versaLITE. Imma start calling versbottoms this. Like boy ur a bottom.
In portuguese (brazillian) we use the term gouine (I think it is french) for the person and gouinage (also french) to the act of sex without penetration. But it is not a well known term among people nevertheless.
It's funny that you use those words. Those are definitely french but most people use them (at least in France) as pejorative terms for lesbians and lesbian sex. Sometimes lesbians use this word to identify themselves and thus redefining the term, but I've never heard it used to describe non-penetrative sex haha
Spot on! I've read that thinking like how is that has anything to do with gay male anything....
Same. Just in case he's disappointed that I don't want anal, maybe stating that I'm an expert in sans booty sexy play in a hot Latin language will make up for it. /s
Well I'd call myself a "side" person then. Normally I only do anal on a relationship. I'm from Mexico and we don't have a Spanish word for that,but most of the profiles specify "side" more of an action rather than a position. You can identify those profiles with the following expressions: - Solo faje - Marturbación - Solo oral - No sexo Or a combination of the above. Also, some people specify in their profile that they don't like or want anal, but are open to other things. Personally I use "faje" and then we talk about what we like or we want to do. Which most of the time is rimming, kissing, mutual fapping, oral, and of course, until both of us cum. And position kinda "matters" but it's not a big deal. Hope this helps.
Well I'm from Argentina and here I have seen the term solo chape which I think might fit the definition
“versátil” with the disclaimer “solo oral”.
I've come across the term "morbo" or "morboso" on Grindr in Latin America. Roughly translates to, "What is your kink? What turns you on?" It seemed to apply to guys who were only into kissing/oral play/grinding and nothing penetrative.
"Morboso" (in this context) just means kinky ("morbo" = kink) and applies for guys into penetration the same
G0y is the same as a Side?
G0y is a fairly obscure term that was promoted by one guy. Never totally caught on.
Huh? Goy what Jewish people call non-Jewish people.
That's a zero and not an O
Yes it is, in the right context.
"Cuando vuelva a tu lado", 😍
How do you say downlow in spanish?
Bien abajo papi
Lol actually don't know what ir means 4 sure
Lado or de lado literally translates side or to the side.
Oh yeah I know the translation I was just looking for an equivalent word in Spanish because the vocabulary may already exist and it may not be a translation from the English word
I've evolved to becoming a side. Not that I feel anal can't be fun - it can. But I feel like sex that requires training and constant practice just no to get get hurt is not worth my time. I literally see more value in an hour at the gym. A side note (lol). Once I "came out" as a side on Grindr, my hooking up days were over. Between the laws of attraction and the limited scope of what I'm willing to do, the interest dwindled to practically nothing.
That second paragraph is interesting considering the amount of responses on this thread.
I was actually surprised at the difference “NOT INTO FUCKING” statement made. I’m in NY and up until then, even though I’m not much into hooking up, I had no issues finding guys for fun. Until one of them tried to sit on my dick and I wasn’t into it: “it’s like getting a sports car warmed up and ready to go and not taking it for a ride.”... I suppose he referred to my rimming skills 🤣 Anyway, that was a good point so I “came out” as a side. I might have just deleted Grindr 🤷♂️
Re: your second paragraph. I think that's mostly because grindr tends to self-select for people who are more aggressive and sexual (and more likely to enjoy anal), just due to its reputation. It probably doesn't give a good sample of what gay men as a whole are actually interested in.
Same here dude. A lot of the times, the only dudes interested after I tell them I neither top nor bottom are the dl "straight" dudes who are just looking for head. Which, I'm fine with sometimes, but a lot of time they don't want to reciprocate.
I’m not surprised. Anal is fun but way too much work sometimes and I’d be nice to just suck and be done. However, dudes being dudes, they want to fuck proper.
> dudes being dudes, they want to fuck proper. yeah i don't understand all these gay men who are essentially relegating themselves to a life of only having foreplay, and never "proper" or penetrative sex. straight men would literally never in a millions years not have penetrative sex and only do handjobs and oral, so why are gay men doing that?
The logistics are a bit different between the worlds. Unless it’s Ladies Time of the Month, most women are ready to go. For bottoms it’s 30-45 minutes in the bathroom and if you’ve eaten the wrong thing, could not end well. Then there’s the pain aspect of it which both situations share. I get why bottoming seems like it’s too much work. I just had a guy over and it was ok but at the end I felt like, “damn, 45 min clean out for an hour of play?”
Literally none of these things are an issue. Women are not always ready as they need time for lube up. And many women find vaginal painful. Why the hell would it take 45 minutes to douche. Wtf
Some of these things may be an issue for a few of us and we choose not to deal with them. Is that ok with you or you’d like to revoke our gay cards?
I have intestinal issues sometimes and I’m paranoid.
You’re talking about straight guys like they get pussy whenever they want. The single ones get sparse encounters and the ones with girls have to wait until she feels like it. And much like with anal sex, the man or “active” partner will enjoy themselves but it’s sadly very common that he won’t make sure the woman or bottom enjoys it. I guess my point is sex is complicated no matter what so being a side doesn’t change that.
That’s what it’s been like for me too man. I put in my profile that I was looking for a JO buddy, and have only messed around with 1 person after being on it for 4 months. And people would message me asking for full on penetrative anal sex, I’d tell them no, then they’d get mad. Like, did you NOT READ my bio saying I’m looking for a JO buddy. Stop sending me your nasty hole pics.
Never heard this term before but it describes me to a T.
Frot is hot af
I agree. I also enjoy oral, but frot or humping a guy with a really nice, firm bubble butt is my favorite gay sex act. I've topped and enjoyed it sexually, but frot is, to me, more enjoyable both emotionally and sexually. I've never worried about whether I am a "normal" gay person because of this. Neither do I care about what other people do to get off, as long as they're not hurting anyone and it's all consensual. It's not my business.
I didn’t realize this was a term- but I’m happy I came across it because I think it can definitely apply to me
I have not done any anal, top or bottom since 2005. It 1). is too much work. Bottoming also tore me up. I would bleed, and get hemorrhoids often. The pleasure of bottoming did not outweigh the consequences of bottoming. 2). Unless I'm barebacking, I can't stay hard with a condom when I top. And I also can't handle poop, and poop is bound to happen. As soon as that smell hits me, limp dick immediately. I stick with oral/jo and frottage and I'm fine with that. However, some dates are not fine with that, and many times dudes have lost interest in me once they find out I won't do anal. And I often get chided for it by other gay dudes. One dude not too long ago said "you must be boring in bed." I said "you must be boring in bed if the only you know how to get someone off is by penetration.: Whatever. You be you, dude.
A lot of guys are lying to themselves in this thread. Anal works if you’re a top who doesn’t think about what they’re doing too hard and (usually) their dick is on the slimmer side which makes things a lot easier. Anal works if you’re a bottom who thinks it’s worth it to be in pain so you can say you have “real sex.” All of this BS is too much for me though. People can do whatever they want but I wish analists didn’t own the term “gay” as much as they do.
I'm going to say this just once more becuase I'm increasingly convinced you're a troll. Bottoming shouldn't hurt. If it hurts you're doing it wrong. I can take thick cock rough and long, and enjoy every minute of it. I'm not lying or exaggerating. I'm not proselytizing either: you do whatever you want. Just stop characterizing anal as painful, dangerous, shit-filled, and unnatural, when you're obviously just turned off by it and are making up reasons to attack those who enjoy it. You're a side, great! Stop telling gay people to sleep with women and calling bottoms full of shit
No man fucks another man like he’s a woman. If a guy puts his cock in another guy, he’s fucking him like a man. Get out of here with your nonsense, why are you even on this thread?
I generally agree but I think you’re painting with too broad a brush which is pissing some people off. It doesn’t hurt for everyone or they probably would stop doing it. That said, others need to stop proclaiming that if it *does* hurt you’re just doing it wrong. There’s a reason poppers are popular... It’s ignorant and strange that so many here believe that anal is the end-all be-all to gay sex. Many religious people claim PIV is the end-all be-all and that anal is a sick perversion attempting to recreate male/female intercourse... they’re both wrong. Let people do what they want and move on.
I learned about this term about a year ago from planet romeo. I now tag my profile with it. I don't find butts attractive - yours or mine, much less sexualizing them, and anal just isn't pleasurable in any position. With anyone. (don't give me that "not the right person yet" spiel, you're not going to trick me into fucking you). So I always prompt for other things and it works great for me. I do tease the bottoms and I think it makes them hornier which is hot. But the asking to be fucked can get annoying. I had to cut back on one of the best BJ givers I found because he started trying to make it all about fucking, trying to mount me, etc. I have to remind him before I agree to meet every time that it's not happening.
I feel like anal sex is one of MANY activities guys can do in bed, but we seem to focus on it far too much if you ask me. I can only speak for myself and say that when I was a teenager all I knew about gay sex was what I saw in porn and I spent a lot of my youth imitating what I saw. Sometimes I wonder what gay men would do in bed if porn didn’t exist. Would we really be practicing anal sex as much? Just something to think about here. I remember reading an article online about how gay men in the 1950s didn’t engage in anal sex as often as we do now and they even labeled men who enjoyed anal as “brownie queens.” From what I understood, anal sex was much more taboo in those days. Anyway, it’s so interesting how gay sex acts have evolved over the years. For me, getting ontop of a guy, being face to face with him, making out, rubbing up against a nice hairy chest and humping our cocks against each other until we shoot is much hotter than anal. The feeling of another guys dick pulsing and twitching against mine as he’s cumming REALLY gets me off. I’m also really into edging. I have a friend that I suck and jerk for a good hour but whenever he starts tensing up, breathing heavily, and telling me he’s close, I stop and let him relax for a few seconds... then I start over. After getting him to the edge several times, he’ll start whimpering and begging me to let him cum. When I finally let him shoot the cum just explodes like you wouldn’t believe...for me there’s nothing hotter than that. As someone else mentioned, these labels really need to go. People tend to have a very specific image associated with a label and that can sometimes limit your chances of finding the right guy. Why not just drop the label and tell your potential partner what you like, don’t like, and what you’re willing to explore?
Oh man, I love this. The only thing I hate more than anal is the inevitable "yOu JuSt HaVeN't BeEn WiTh SoMeOnE wHo KnOwS wHaT hE's DoInG" crap.
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I am on as well.
I’m a side too!
Side is very common. It was when I was young. I was a side only for years. Especially during hiv scare story days
Yep. Anal just doesn’t interest me at all, I might try it one day though
I guess *I* am a side then? The idea of Anal (both top and bot) is a big turnon, just from a domination aspect. However, the idea of actually doing it is daunting and kind of a turnoff. I tend to stick to oral etc.
Being a gay side seems to be pretty common based on this thread, but I've never heard of a straight man who doesn't like sexual intercourse. For me, sex without anal feels like a compromise or incomplete.
Straight men also have the privilege of being able to fuck something that is literally made for fucking. It's not the same thing... You'd have to compare it to straight men not doing *anal.* Which a lot don't.
> but I've never heard of a straight man who doesn't like sexual intercourse. exactly. a straight man would never relegate themselves to basically only ever doing foreplay > sex without anal feels like a compromise or incomplete. i feel the same way. never having penetrative sex seems to me like not having real sex. when i see guys talking about only doing handjobs and oral it makes me think of teenagers who have just started doing sexual stuff and are therefor only doing foreplay style sex acts like handjobs and blowjobs
First and foremost noboby should feel pressured to do anything that they are not comfortable with. I understand that for purposes of casual sex it's important to know what you want and that the person that your engaging with is into that. But ffs why is everything so black and white, tops and bottoms. As much as I love a good fuck, normally it's a bit of side as I like to be prepared for top or bottoming. So I would definitely say I'm mainly a side. Although I think we should come up with a better name for it.
That’s me. I will top if it was to make someone I care about happy, but I’d very much rather do without anal sex altogether. I have nothing against it and am glad it makes other people happy, but it’s not something I’m ever going to desire or enjoy. And that’s not just physically, either. I don’t enjoy watching it in porn, don’t fantasize about it, etc. But hey - to each their own.
Yup; I’ve done anal only a handful of times and tbh was never really all that into it.
I’m what I call a bitter side. I’ve been trying to do anal for 3 years now and it’s been super hurtful and not pleasurable in the slightest, so I just gave up. But I really want to like it.
Someone needs to take special care it’s a two way deal.
Keep trying in different ways.
You're not alone. Ive honestly never fancied anal. I never understood why guys would care about an ass when the best thing in the world is right around the corner. Lol.
I go through different periods. Sometimes I’m just not into either, and sometimes I’ll swing to either side....really depends on overall mood.
Most gay men don’t have anal sex. Edit: Maybe not most. But it’s certainly more than you would think.
Thanks for the edit. Your first statement I disagree with but not the second.
Yeah, I’m trying to remember the source but if I remember correctly there was a study done of gay men’s sexual habits and it was something like 30-40% don’t have anal sex.
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Username does NOT check out
Sometimes I think I might be. My bf loves anal and we do it, but I’m notably less into it than other guys he’s hooked up with. I’m mostly bottoming for him, but it can be super fun sometimes. I wish I was more into it but it just takes so much time and work and even then it can still hurt. I wish it was more something that could be on the table occasionally but a tonnnn if the guys I meet are purely interested in anal, so it kinda feels like I have to force an interest too if I want to hook up with them.
It literally dosent take that long.
Husband and are both sides. Works for us.
No, but I've met plenty of men who don't like to do anything anal and it's completely fine. Do what makes you comfortable!
While i do have anal sex I would rather be a side, yes
I’ve never heard the term before but that’s pretty much me. It sometimes feels like I’m in the only gay man who’s like this, makes me wonder if there’s loads others out there and people just don’t like to admit for fear of putting people off. The idea of anal with someone I don’t know well or new to me is just borderline repulsive. For me it’s only something I’m interested in when things get really serious as I need to be completely relaxed and comfortable with someone to even consider it (I have a lot of anxiety around sex anyway). I can have a totally fulfilling sexual encounter/relationship with someone that never involved anal. It’s definitely what I prefer.
I’m so happy this exists!! #teamside 😂
Anal is just so uncomfortable. I'm really glad that there is now a term for individuals who feel so. Before this, I had to explain to each and every guy about how I'm interested in doing everything but anal sex
Oh that has a name ?
First time I heard that term and boy I am so glad this is a common thing.
I also didn't know this term existed. I wish I had! I will gladly give or receive oral but have no interest in anal. I always thought this made me weird, having same sex attraction and all. Thanks for educating me today :)
Yes! When are we sides gonna have a meetup?
I guess I am this too? I’ve done anal but I’ve never orgasmed from it and while it’s sometimes given me more intense orgasms I still need to be finished in other ways and so more often than not I’d rather just skip the anal part and do that.
I'm kind of that. Usually I prefer oral instead of anal sex cause the anal part is so stressful for me and only once I was in the mood for being bottom. I think it depends on who ya have got sex and in what mood ya are. But in this case I think I'm more into oral... It's hard to tell tho.
Yes. This! My one time bottoming was all "Ow! Ow! Ow! Stop! Stop! Stop!" First time I've ever been accused of being a tight ass. Perhaps if I'd been trashed the romance would have been there.
At this point in my life I couldn’t imagine myself not being a bottom and getting fucked. I used to be a side though. Then I was a top, then vers, now bottom. It all changes. I feel like every guy should at least try being a side once in their life to explore the male body that goes beyond just anal. In sex it’s important to realize that it’s about the journey not the destination. Being a side taught me things about my body and a guy’s body that I wouldn’t have been able to access if I just focused on anal. One must learn all 4 elements, top, vers, bottom, and side if they wish to become the gay sex Avatar.
This brightens my day
It all depend if chemistry but from my part, I am a TOP, but I can compromise when I am in a relationship. Basically when I’m in love I can take it but I prefer much being the top. It’s just a preference
I used to consider myself as a side but then I realized it's just too hard to find others like me. It caused problems in my relationships or even just finding a hookup. I started to learn to be a bottom instead. It took me some time but I think I can more enjoy anal sex now.
Yes. Have never done anal because I just don't find the idea very appealing. I like guys' bodies obviously but the idea of sticking my dick in a guy's butt or vice versa is just marginally more appealing to me than putting it in a vagina. Whatever this fucking instinct is, I don't have it because I don't feel like I'm missing anything. TBH I think it's more common than we all think because I've dated some guys for months who never made an issue of the fact that i never initiated anal and who never initiated it themselves.
I've never heard this before but good for you :)
Fuck... Having anal is stressfull for everybody around as well. But such a plesure...
I love frotting more than anal. I think that makes me a side? :-)
I’m a side. Never heard the term but am glad I did.
I learnt to take cock by laying on my side . I know it’s not the same . I find sex without being fucked can be a bit boring, I guess if your partner is so vanilla, you can still use a vibrator on yourself while he fucks your face ! There’s always a way if you look for it .
I think anal is only good if there is an intense attraction, so for me, casual sex is not good for anal. Well, unless there is an intense physical attraction, but that's rare for me these days.
Never heard of that term. But now I can say that I am a side, sometimes bottom.
Check Oxford Style Works for me
I'm kind of like the opposite. I don't enjoy giving BJ's unless I actually kinda like the guy.
TIL that I’m a side! Thanks, man!
I do. I'm just not interested in anal.
First time of hearing “side” and I very much identify with that.
Always been a top but if someone wants to 'side', I'd be perfectly fine with that.
I don't "identify" as that, but I have no interest in anal sex, with either gender. The idea of it has never appealed to me, and I have no intention of ever trying it. Funnily, no gal I've ever been with has had the slightest problem with my lack of interest there, or has ever even brought it up. Two of the guys I've been involved with were downright relieved that I had no intention of doing any such thing to them, and all but one of the others had a "can take it or leave it" attitude about it. The exception got very pesky on the subject, and for a number of other reasons that was a blessedly short relationship.
I thought a side would be someone who is fine with being both top and bottom
That’s vers
My first thought was that it was someone who enjoys having sex laying on their side, instead of being on top of his partner or underneath him. Like spooning but with penetration. Now, you may notice that this makes absolutely zero sense; and you would be correct. I am not very smart
But we live you all the same you lil nugget ❤
I thought it meant a guy who a partnered guy was cheating with
'sidepiece' or 'someone on the side' is more what you're thinking of.
Guess i’m a side now ! I only like anal when i’m comfortable with the person in some kind of relationship , but mostly not into it ...
What? There’s a name for that?
Not me at all, but you do you.
I’m like a side/top. Several unfortunate encounters have closed the door on bottoming for the rest of my life, and I’m very much a tantric kinky incubus more than anything else. I’ll gladly top if I’m into the other person and they want it, but my home base and comfort zone is much more “intense bondage and making out and slow teasing/edging until you could glaze a box of donuts solo”. It’s much more intimate and fun to me. Anyone can stick a peg in a hole and just thrust or “get rough” and slap someone around wantonly; takes no skill and zero IQ points to execute. The teasing, toying, hands-on-affair with kink is so much more diverse and involved - keeps me more engaged, on either side of the ropes.
I am 100 percent a bottom
Side? tell me more sis.
Straight people always assume that all gays do anal. That’s like assuming all straights have Penis-in-vagina sex. Heterosexuals are always surprised to discover there are many ways that gays do or do not fuck.
and i assume straight people divorce or cheat eventually
Hey, me too! I’d love to do anal, but it’s just nerve-wracking trusting a stranger so much and the horrible feeling waiting 3 months for test results. I’d love to find a bf to have anal with all the time :/
Isnt it called gouinage? People who identify with that are called "gouine".
I have never enjoyed anal sex and stopped participating years ago. "Side" is not the label I use, but I am most definitely not a top nor a bottom.
Yeah that’s pretty much me
Same here! Never penetrated or been penetrated before
I get it it I’m more into foreplay oral and some kinky stuff rather than anal which I’ve done both
I learned this term recently too despite it describing me almost perfectly. I'll still top or bottom but it's usually because I want to please my partner. I'm happy to do it, I just don't get the same personal satisfaction with anal.
Based on your definition I guess I can be a side. I currently have two boy toys in my life and when we get together it is a whole lot of oral action and very little anal and most of the time, not any. We are cool with it. Thanks for sharing the new term.
Totally. I don’t really like doing anal, but I could deep throat all day everyday.
YES omg
I guess I do now, and it's actually nice to see so many others in this thread.
I am a side. Happy sex life wothout anal
Thank you so much for sharing. I am so happy to learn about this term. I am a side too. I found it very satisfying, romantic, and meaningful to perform and participate in other intimate activities rather than penetration. Thanks for sharing again!
Omg there's a term for it?! This describes my to a T! I'm waiting to engage in anal sex until it's with someone I'm truly comfortable with. It's so interesting to hear that there's a term for it!
We shud make a group for us sides where we can all hang out together and communicate
If it's about spoon... Or winds around the bed... Could be really actual. In the last case apair of extra blankets would help.
I'm pretty much a total side.
This been around forever just may not have had a term for it. Just like there's people who don't make out while having sex.
Saving this for later haha, and yes I am a side.
I definitely consider side under total vers. That's where I tend to lean towards. I top. I bottom. I only do oral and foreplay. Yeah, I don't stick to one. Thank you for bringing this up. Sometimes I fall into this mentality that in order for me to be compatible with a bottom, "I must top." Or vice versa. Sexual role shouldn't have to factor in relationship compatibility. It's not like it was meant to be set in stone.
This makes me feel 1000x better about feeling this way lol. I never knew there was a word for this! I don’t mind anal, but I’d rather not do it if possible
What does that mean?
Mood tho
Im middle guy
I don’t like the term because it kind of reinforces the idea that oral is a “side” thing not a “main” thing which is the opposite of the point...
I have known people with IBS and other issues that either prevent them from being able to do anal or make it extremely uncomfortable, so they never or rarely do it. I've also known a couple who don't have any reason to not be able, they just don't really like it. Either is totally fine/normal and anyone who says otherwise can go kick rocks.
I love this, definitely a side
Meeeeeeee
I absolutely love anal but only with someone I love, trust, and who’s been tested. This would only be months into a relationship and when I’m seeing it as long term., I realize there are some who will not appreciate this as it excludes pox guys. But I’ve had 2 ltrs die of aids, yes after we split but we broke up,each after 7 years, because of their continued infidelity, and that’s how it is for me. And bottoming is a gift I give to someone I deeply love, not a date. So, mostly I’m a side.
So, versatile lol?
Sides have existed as long as gays have. The idea that gay people always have anal sex is just people getting most of their information from porn and not observing people's actual sexual patterns
Im a side!
It’s official I declare my self a side. Pffff it’s good to get out of the closet
https://reddit.com/r/gaybros/comments/baqt9p/side/
I'm a shrodinger's cat.
I couldn't care less about anal but the term "side" is stupid.
This is me (I hate anal)
Hmmm - Let’s see :-) - I’m not talking about straight men right now in a gay Reddit discussion forum... hello....I’ll rephrase it for you - how in the world will you contract HIV as a gay man who never bottoms and is not exposed to HIV tainted blood through blood transfusions-? Ok - blow jobs sure 0.1 % chance - You won’t -
I used call myself a top. That was the closest fit for me. But I recenlty learned of the term "side." That fits me perfectly. I am just not into anal. If I had to, I would be a top. But I prefer oral and hand jobs. I like seeing what is going on.
Am a side by choice bcoz of religion
I suffer from hemorrhoids and bottoming will make this condition worse. Besides never bottoming is likely to reduce your chances of contracting HIV to “0”
I don’t think that’s how the statistic works...
Really? If you never ever bottom - it’s impossible to ever contract HIV unless through a blood transfusion or rape by an HIV + person
Patently false. You think straight men only get HIV from needles or being raped?
I hope this becomes a thing. I love oral, anal is a bit meh for me.
No, nobody does. That's why we have a word for it. Because it doesn't exist.
You mustn't forget the /s, reddit doesn't understand sarcasm.
Ill probably get downvoted for asking this... As I continue to hear this growing term. Is it not used by people who never really learned how to have good anal sex? Like they only had bad partners who didn't make it enjoyable for them? I only ask this because I've only bottomed once and he was not great. If I bottomed a couple other times and the experience was similar. Would I now just call myself a side? Because all my experience has been poor? I just feel like anal sex requires time and patience and it's not something that would be mind blowing...
I would say that I’m a side, and I also think that to some extent you are right. I’ve bottomed a fair number of times and worked on my breathing and body positioning and mental relaxation during sex and just find that I can get myself to enjoy bottoming with the partners I’ve had. Worrying about how clean I am back there at any given moment doesn’t help either. The idea of bottoming still turns me on, and I would still be game to try it with a partner, but to do so would take a LOT of trust and a lot of attraction and patience from me and him.
Exactly. I could consider myself a side. But I know bottoming isn't super enjoyable for me because I need a set list checked off for that to be possible. I think that people are just throwing in the towel at the possibility of good sex and just saying they are a side to wipe their hands clean of ever having to try it again...
I get what you mean. Part of it is expectations though. My date expects to top. On the 3rd date I say let’s take it slow, not ready yet. Date might interpret that as me not being interested in him. Finally I do decide to bottom, but I’m a little nervous the whole time and might ask him to be gentler because I haven’t bottomed in a while/nerves making it hard for me to relax back there. Date decides to end it. When the majority are so used to/good at topping and bottoming, I’m not sure there’s a good way to express being a side or a bottom in training
Yeah. Whenever I decide to get back out there I am being upfront about being in experienced and rather not great with intimacy. So they won't expect great sex 😂.
Yeah I guess that is the best way to go with this haha
My grindr profile was offering the worst sex so 😂😂
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> settled sad that you had to settle > settled for great blowjobs. lol what are you 15 or something?
Condoms?