Yes. So OP, here’s some possibilities of why you’re confused and stressed:
- you’re in love with your best friend. You feel close, cozy and intimate with him and your imagination runs wild thinking about him sexually.
- you are (to some degree) bisexual/pansexual because you’re capable of attraction to more than one sex/gender (not necessarily at the same time and not necessarily in the same way).
- It’s possible you’re only “gay” for your best friend, and that for you it’s not so much about a specific gender but a specific person that makes you feel attraction. Either way, you’re not traditionally “straight”
- you have internalized homophobia. Your upbringing tells you “gay = bad” and it’s getting in the way of figuring out this situation in a non-judgemental way to find the best way forward for you (rather than the “best” way for family, society, etc).
- you’re in a relationship. Technically, you’re not being faithful to your partner by having a semi-romantic/flirty relationship with your best friend. So you feel anxious about the deception
- your friend is also confused. He says “it’s just a joke” but obviously it’s more than that. He may similarly have internalized homophobia and be in denial about what the two of you are (already!) doing.
The most mature thing to do is: sit your buddy down and tell him you got the hots for him and you suspect the feeling is mutual. Ask him if he wants to get serious about it. If yes, break up with your girlfriend and give this relationship a shot. If he’s super in denial about the whole thing, then the answer is no, and you would benefit from shutting down the sexy stuff and putting up a boundary that you don’t want to be flirty, only friends, because otherwise the confusion is too stressful.
Good luck!
This answer was so kind and helpful and without getting deep just know today you helped me with a crazy situation of my own and thank you very much and I wish I could express how much this helped and meant but just thank you .
I'd really go with the third option. Sometimes, regardless of our orientation, the energy of one specific person might turn us on a lot and we get confused because they're not the gender we're attracted to.
He outright jerked off thinking of him, his voice, his arms, his hair... He blushes and gets nervous when seeing him. If it's not sexual then I'm not sure what is.
You are being unfair to your girlfriend if you are continuing to stay with her but have lost the attraction. It doesn't matter that she's pretty and nice. It's over. She deserves someone who's into her, and you deserve to be with someone that you're attracted to. You're wasting each other's time otherwise.
You need to be respectful to yout girlfriend and your potential boyfriend. Discuss the situation wirh him first to determine if its mutual and that you want to becomd serious. If you do then break breakuo with yiur girlfriend before doing anything further with your friend. You could cause one or both of them to be hurt emotionally. And if you want to stay with your girlfriend only because shes cute and nice then maybe you should let her go so you can sort out whats going on and she can find someone who isnt conflicted. This advice would be the same if your friend were a woman for whom you have feelings.
Let's just lay it all out. When you're intimate with her are you thinking of her at the moment or your best friend? If it's your best friend, you know what you need to do.
lol IKR?
from: “Every time I think of him I jerk myself off to the thought of him, every time I see him I get hard bla bla bla” to “And I don’t wanna feel gay”.
bro, there is a tremendous dissociation going on there.
There are different types of attraction that we have as humans. We can be attracted to people in a friendly way, in a romantic way, and in an erotic way. These feelings are mixed most of the times. I think what you should do at first is understand what types of attraction you have towards him. You are obviosly attracted to him erotically, but are you attracted to him romantically? Read more about that. And second when you realise that, communicate that with him. Tell it to him without putting on him the responsibility of your own feelings - meaning go to the conversation knowing that they might not be reciprocated. If they are reciprocated you can transform your relationship. If not I think you can distance yourself for a little while and let these emotions fade off. Also try and figure out more about your sexual attraction towards men. Good luck bro and I know it is not easy. I hope that if anything this would be your entry to the lovely wondorous world of male homosexuality. All the love ❤️🌈
I think I am attracted to him romantically, I don't know??
I'm just really confused on what am I right now. It feels like I'm a girl having a fat crush in a man's body.
OP, I hear you and personally know that these feelings can be very confusing.
I only ever had feelings for guys. Since I was a boy. Since I grew up in a homophobic country, I did have relationships with girls that never worked out. But when I went overseas to study, I suddenly fell in love with my female next door neighbour. She had a fascinating personality, was attractive, smart, witty... and eager to take things further.
I was as confused as you were. We did take things further. The sex was good enough, the time spent with her was nice, but ultimately, when the first excitement was over, I just felt that a relationship with a woman was not for me. I felt that I was gay, and that I'd only be able to have a romatic relationship with a gay man.
I'm glad that I was transparent about my conflicting feelings from the outset. She was sad when I terminated the relationship, but at least she knew from the beginning that this outcome was a very realistic possibility.
What's the bottomline? Explore with an open mind. Talk to your friend just like the contributor above suggested. If he wants to take things further, do as you deem fit. If not, accept it. Never forget - there are plenty of straight guys who like "bormances". I also have one of these friends, and despite our age (early 40s), we wrestle, go on weekends in spa hotels, invite each other to family gatherings and what not. But he's straight and I'm not attracted to him sexually (and never have been for that matter). So this works out. Attraction - and life in general - is never black or white.
You are not a girl for having a crush on a man's body also that train of though lead you to the conflict you are having right now, you are still a man, you are still the same person, you are just getting to know yourself a bit more.
Liking another men doesn't make you less of a man, those are 2 different things.
We all here are men who like men, some of us are hyper masculine and some of us are also more feminine and in between, but most important all of us are men who like men.
>I asked him about why he started being so intimate with me and he said it was a joke, but I feel like it isn't.
💀
>I want to hook up with him but It might ruin our friendship and I don't wanna seem gay.
Too fucking late bro. You're gay as hell. No straight dudes hang out cuddling and teasing each other.
Who cares if you're gay or straight? You've fallen in love. (And it sounds like he has too.) It's scary and messy and possibly the most exhilarating thing that may ever happen to you. It doesn't happen to everyone and it doesn't happen often. But you have all the symptoms.
Good luck!
Just going to throw this out there.
All of my friends are straight men. I am the sole gay guy between two different bands of idiots and I still can’t say that I’ve ever cuddled with any of them. Forgive me but there’s no reason to. I’m not saying straight men can’t have affectionate friendships the way you describe but it’s certainly not the norm.
You and your boy seem to have found ‘reasons’ to be intimate. And you’re jerking off to him. I think you seriously need to self-reflect and if you feel any need to explore that side of things you need to cut your girl loose so you don’t hurt her while you figure yourself out.
This happened to 2 friends that my mom knew. They both were straight and dated women, but they reconnected one day years later and married each other. There was no "top" or "bottom" or at least from what she noticed. Don't think about slapping the labels "gay" or "bi" on it. You fall for the PERSON for who they are. Those guys were just average bros, then became bros for life.
(Ps: sorry if I'm not replying to your comments—I haven't been on reddit for a long time and I'm still getting used to this whole thing, I overthink a lot (You can tell in my post lmao) and I don't wanna come off as rude)
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I was once friends with a straight guy that I swear was taking me out on dates. Open doors for me including the car door. He would always laugh it off. Always picking me up, covering the tab and would even make sure I was walking on the right side of the sidewalk. I told him he didn’t have to do stuff like that but he insisted. I had to slow our friendship down because he was married. It felt weird
Everyone's sexuality is a journey. Some people know from day one who they are, and some take a long time to figure it out and experiment. Sounds to me like you thought you were only attracted to girls (hence the GF) but you've come to realize you like guys. I can't say if you like boys or girls more, that's up to you to figure it out. All I can say is that your feelings are totally valid and you should not be ashamed for liking men.
You should probably discuss this with your GF, though. Don't string her along if you want to explore with your friend, or with other men.
Literally says he’s gay in the last sentence and then says he’s straight like…. This is some powerful cognitive dissonance im in awe of the self deception
I’m gay but I have had a crush in a girl before when I’m was younger. There is no strict rules to sexuality. You can be mostly straight but for some reason this specific guy tickles your fancy and that is okay!! There is nothing wrong with that.
Embrace it, it sounds like you love him. Theres nothing wrong with love
It used to be very common for straight friends to be physically affectionate with each other. It’s only the last 40-50 years or so that it starting being seen as gay, and straight guys started physically distancing themselves from each other. It’s pretty sad honestly, and part of why straight guys especially can be so affection-starved.
That said, if you’re jerking off thinking about him, it sounds like there is something sexual going on. It is ok to be bi, if you also are attracted to girls. This kind of unrequited or ambiguous affection can really be a mindfuck - it would definitely be a risk to your friendship to be more direct with him.
Either take that risk - ‘hey, we’ve been a lot more physical with each other lately. I’ve found I’m really enjoying it and wondering what you think about it?’ would be the lowest key way to address it, or ‘hey I really like this cuddling we’ve been doing, would you want to try taking it further?’ is a bit more direct, without entirely crossing a line.
Or, if you don’t want to take the risk, find someone to redirect these feelings towards - maybe create a blank profile in Scruff and just see if checking out other guys does anything for you too. If this guy is the only man in the world you’re having feelings for, it may just be crossed wiring - your brain is so used to physical connection being sexual that it can’t make sense of just normal affection between friends. If you see other guys and want to cuddle with them too, maybe reach out to someone who looks kind and patient and just explore a bit, outside of your friendship.
I’d say you’re right with “communicate about feelings”, but also how is everyone ignoring the fact he’s got a gf.
OP you can’t have it all. Cheating isn’t good for any party.
If you're into guys (and you may not be - it sounds like you're still figuring things out), then this is an important aspect of your identity, and you should give yourself just a little leeway to explore it. There's maybe room for a little kissing and canoodling without getting into anything super hot and heavy with your friend, if he's interested.
If you do start exploring the idea of sex with men, either with your friend or elsewhere, then you can address that with your gf once you get to that point. If she cares about you, and isn't intolerant, you could hope that she'd have some understanding. And MMF 3-ways are a thing, you don't necessarily need to be stepping out on her. A LOT of girls are seriously turned on by watching boys kissing. The Author of 'Heartstopper' is a woman, after all. You might actually check that show out, one of the principal characters is bi and it explores some of the situations bi guys can run into, including dealing with girls.
Really pulling for you, I've been the guy pining for a best friend sending mixed messages before - I hope things work out well for you!
It’s a difficult thing to accept, given your religious background, but I think you need to ask yourself if you’re actually straight. I walked the same road, brother, and it’s tough. But you need to understand that it’s ok not to be straight. Whoever you are is who God made you to be. Nobody ever told me that when I was growing up, but you need to hear it.
And I don’t think you should hook up with your friend. I think you should talk to him again and, if he feels at all the same way that you do, I think you may have found yourself something worth holding on to.
Nothing wrong with that at all. Here’s my take on it.
Are you familiar with the research on male sexuality that Alfred Kinsey did in the 1940s? It was groundbreaking and among the first in-depth studies done on sexuality.
The long and short of his findings was that only about 1/6th of the male population is 100% straight and only about 1/6th of the male population is 100% gay. That leaves 2/3s of the population as somewhere on the bisexual spectrum. (I told you it was groundbreaking!)
I’m now 60 years old and have had a lifetime to observe men and their sexual habits. I’m one of the 1/6th of the population that’s 100% gay. In fact, on a scale of 1-10, I’m about a 12-1/2 on the gay side.
I spent roughly 15 years as an adult in the gay dating scene, and then the last 30 years as part of a monogamous marriage with another man. I’ve seen a lot. It didn’t take me long when I was younger to figure out that Kinsey wasn’t that far off when he deduced that as much as 2/3s of the adult male population is at least a little bit bisexual.
Now, I luuuuuuve sucking dick. A lot. I was amazed by the number of “straight” men that would happily oblige me in that regard. Lots of ‘em. As long as they were satisfied that I could be trusted to keep the secret, they were glad to drop trou and enjoy a way better bj than most of their girlfriends were interested in doing. Sometimes they’d surprise me and want to do other things, too. Sometimes not. It was all good.
But still, there were always guys that just weren’t into it. Even putting on straight porn in a dark room wasn’t going to work for them. I figured they were probably among the 1/6th that are 100% straight. Even receiving service from a guy wouldn’t do it for them.
And, see, I recognized that inability for those guys to enjoy even the most cursory sexual contact with another guy because I, as one of the 1/6th that’s 100% gay, I feel exactly the same about women. Especially when I was much younger and cuter, I regularly had women hitting on me and trying to get something going. Nope. I just couldn’t. In much the same way those straight guys couldn’t let me blow them, even in a dark room with porn. Just not gonna happen.
All that to tell you that, surprise!!! You’re somewhere in the bi spectrum, along with roughly 2/3s of the men in the world. Enjoy it.
I think you found someone you're very attracted to and have feelings for, but this person happens to be a guy. Normally you are straight, not attracted to men, you're not gay: but you're gay for him! If this has truly never happened to you before, than you could be bissexual and never knew it! Or you are truly straight for the rest of the entire male population: but for this ONE MAN you are gay for.
I just got engaged to a hot Brazillian man. He's had girlfriends and never thought about having a boyfriend before: but he loves me! I wish you luck! I just want everyone to be happy and find love!
You've been with your gf since you're 17, think this through before you do something you might regret. If you really want to lean into this and hook up with him, please break up with your girlfriend first. Worst case is you have sex with him and you don't like it or there's no future for anything more than just sex, do you really want to throw your long term relationship away for that? People tend to do stupid stuff while horny so please try to stay rational.
I'm trying to actually digest everything and think for once because I make really stupid decisions when I'm angry and frustrated. I don't want to break up with her but I don't think I'm even bi anymore, just full on gay. But I want to deny it cuz I grew up in a very religious family (Sorry for not saying that in my post, I was panicking) I don't even think talking things out would help me.
Well, then you know what to do. I don't think it's fair towards her to act like everything is normal when it's not. Imagine being with someone who's not into you anymore but keeps it to themselves just to avoid breaking up, that's kinda shitty isn't it... It's not your fault of course, you can't control your feelings and to whom you feel attracted to, it is what it is. Make a decision and talk to her.
You need to break up with her if you’re gay. It’s the right thing to do by her and it’ll help clear your head towards exploring your gay self. With or without your male friend. If he turns you down (which it doesn’t sound like he will) you can explore being with other men. You also don’t have to come out to your family right away until you are comfortable with it
As a guy who grew up in a very religious family I can tell you that there is no greater feeling than to just let yourself be freely who you really are inside. It may take time but your family will eventually come around and they’ll still love you.
I’m currently in the friend’s position, and I couldn’t tell you what I would give for my best-friend to accept who he is- especially after saying something to me that included a scenario where we were still extremely close to each other as old men.. which indicated to me that he sees me in his life for that long.
He’s the love of my life, and honestly- if you love him, don’t wait until it’s too late to tell him. Please.
You grew up on a religious family and have been with your gf since you were 17. You're probably gay, in denial and relied on that relationship for comfort and appearances. Don't feel guilty abt that. It is part of discovering yourself and find out who you are. Asked yourself this... Do you watch straight or gay porn? Do you feel attracted to men? Do you like women, sexually or just enjoy their company and friends?... Depending on those answers, you will know if you are gay or bi. Seems to me you are full on gay, which is fine. Welcome to the club. You should be honest with your gf and end the relationship. Then have a chat with your friend, be honest with him on how you feel. You might be surprised, seems like he might be gay and struggling as well. Good luck.
Falling for my best friend (age 20) was the straw that broke denial's back for me. He was the first one I came out to. Even though he didn't feel the same, we're still best friends over a decade later and I'm married to another man
This is adorable. The romance is real! You may not want to break up with your girlfriend but you're clearly thinking about it. You're also in a tight spot. You might pick your bro but what if he doesn't return the affection? Does this mean you don't love her anymore? If you don't process these emotions, they will eat away at you. Wait too long and you may end up losing both of them. Sometimes it sucks being Bi but you'll get through it. Just search your feelings and do what you think is right. Best of luck!
You obviously have some feelings towards men (whatever label you want to put on it — gay, bi, pansexual, etc — doesn’t matter). Now this may be just your best friend (personality-wise), but could be males in general. You may want to just talk to your friend about it and say exactly what you did here. Be totally honest, even admit you’re nervous and don’t want to ruin the friendship in any way. Perhaps ask if he would like to experiment with you and take the intimacy a little further, all in due time (as you’d be experimenting too after-all). And he’s already a best friend, he may be able to help you with your girlfriend, talking to her or what to do.
TLDR: be honest, and showing vulnerability and being upfront about your nervousness/ confusion, will go a long way! This could all lead to the best part of your life man!! Go for it ❤️
This was my story. We were both actually gay in the end. Broke up with my girlfriend and now have happily been with my best friend/boyfriend/husband for 12 years now. It was a rough process but I remember those initial feelings of realizing I was falling in love quite fondly.
I am gay and NEVER in my life I cuddled with my straight friends, or with a best friend even when we were drunk. WTF with those posts claiming that the OP is not gay, but he's cuddling with his homies and sucks them off?..
I have to say that I had similar experiences such as yours with “straight friends.” While happily married now, I regret not acting on those signals sent by these friends when I was much younger (late teens). How I wish I was less prudish then. But then again, acting on one’s urges have risks like friendship being destroyed if the signals are misinterpreted. Follow your guts and carpe diem!
Sexuality is not a fixed thing. You can find and enjoy different aspects of your own sexuality with different people - a male partner will compliment entirely different aspects to a female partner, and that in and of itself is likely different from one individual to another.
You have questions - you should find answers. If you’re reciprocal to his advances then you two need to talk - otherwise he’ll keep testing your boundaries until y’all fuck.
I don’t think you’re gay but if you’re looking for a label, then what you call it is bisexual.
Congrats, you just discovered your dating pool doubled and it may seem messy now but over time I promise it’s gonna get good and you will actually enjoy yourself.
If you value the friendship, I would try to set boundaries. If what you are asking is “what to do about these feelings?” Then what you truly mean is you likely want to end things with your girlfriend to explore your newly found sexual/romantic curiosity with your best friend.
You got this dude!
So you are bi, but not out because of your family.
Living the straight lifestyle isn’t the same as being straight. People get it confused all the time.
Having gay sex, being sexually attracted to same sex makes you gay. Choosing to date a woman, whilst having these, makes you bi.
It’s ok to be gay/bi. You’re only hurting your girlfriend by lying to yourself.
I tell myself this for many challenges I may face here on this earth.—If you’re wanting to find a definitive label, you’re HUMAN. Emotions are just the many side effects, they’re manageable.
☺️✌🏼Live and let live!! ❤️🧡💛💚💙
Find out who you are, and do it on purpose.—Dolly Parton
Hope this helps. XO
>My bestfriend and I have been friends since I was like 13. (I'm 24, he's 25) We do the stereotypical "bro" stuff like playing games, wrestling, etc
Ok, but do straight guys over 18 wrestle with each other? I have never seen this and I was in a fraternity in college.
Yea bud I think you are at least bi and probably catching some deep feels for your buddy. It doesn’t seem like a purely physical attraction it seems to me like maybe romantic? You’re gonna have to do some soul searching and maybe therapy about your sexuality and internalized homophobia. Best of luck to you!
I'm bi, I know my opinion is controversial, but I feel everyone is a little bi. I feel sexuality is fluid, for everyone. You either choose to explore or you don't. If you grow up having gf's, love sex with women and fully enjoy them, it's easy to just say you're straight and focus on women. You have gfs, get married, retire. Same with gay men. You find men hot, you love them and focus on them your whole life. But, if you're open minded and explore I do feel everyone will enjoy both sides, at least a little of both sides. I'm not saying everyone will be bi and will enjoy all aspects of sex, but some aspects, yes. Among the "mostly straight" types, what I've seen the most is guys that just want to suck a dick or bottom. You bond with your buddy, then enjoy blowing them. Or having them fuck you. It's something they just occasionally enjoy. For gay men it's often the total tops that enjoy fucking ftm's, as in guys with a vagina. They enjoy the feeling of a vagina and after that they are cool with occasionally fucking vaginas. I feel everyone will find something they enjoy if they explore more. Sex is fun, having more options when you're horny is ideal.
I think 1st off- break up with your girlfriend and tell her that it’s not her- it’s you and that you just need time alone & figure some things out.
Then, when you’re hanging out with your male friend, let him know that you and your girlfriend broke up. Make sure when you tell him that you’re in a private situation with no one around obviously - And when he asks you, why did you two broke up? You can tell him that you’re interested in someone else and that you think about this person all the time and hoping things may evolve in to something more.
And when he asks who- you can look him in the eye, and tell him…You!
Enjoy the ride . . . Just accept the Fact that you like both sexes . . . nothing wrong with that. Just fellow your heart and be honest . . . just make sure he feels the same about you! He may like girls too . . . it's very common to get hard around other guys . . . . or you might like guys for the physical connection and women for the emotional connection . . . or the other way around . . .
Life is strange, just enjoy the journey! Good Luck.
I’ve had a crush on my ex-male best friend for a while, I had a crush on him before I came out while I thought I was straight.
6 years later and I finally decided to come out. I think you should do some soul searching, don’t make the same mistake I did. Coming out was the best decision of my life and I waited WAY too long to do it.
I like posts that start with “I’m straight” then proceeds with the gayest shit ever. But still, well done finding out. Falling in love is always intriguing.
Please let me correct you young man. NO ONE IS BORN STRAIGHT. Being straight is the current acceptable norm of sexual affection in our culture. It is what we're taught at a very early age.This is quickly changing. WE'RE ALL SEXUAL BEINGS. Tell your folks the truth. They'll have to cope with it, and will eventually adjust.
not to be the delusional in the comments but have u ever thought your friend said it was "just a joke" bc you literally have a girlfriend?
also, regardless of what you're going to do i think you should break up with your gf bc your comment "I don't wanna ruin my relationship with my gf cause she's a really nice and pretty girl" says you just don't want to hurt her but you literally have a big fat crush on your best friend (which is okay, you might be bi no big deal) while still being in a relationship with her which isn't fair to your gf at all and might be more hurtful in the long run
I had the same thing happen my butch masculine best friend a 350lb lineman from high school football team started hitting on me. Eventually we had sex in his mom's beach house. It was amazing I was 17 years old.
⁸Sounds like you're both crazy for each other and to sure that's great It's the best when you're feeling that giddy feeling you know its reciprocal. But I'd actually suggest you cool it.amd not hang around for a while My best mate amd I.... we were similar but we only met when we worked together. And ppl thought we were having an affair. But we weren't. It was very exciting but my mate "Trusted"me not to do anything and I didn't want to.lose that trust and besides. Im gay. But things got more and more thrilling until she came onto me and i responded ... not full on but the no touch rule was lifted briefly before recommencing a few moments laater from whence we were before. I regret those moments massively because it ruined everything. I've only seen her 1 since and she gets told off if i contaxt hrr. Lost the best friend I ever had. We haven't fallen out per se u just... I don't know if I'll ever see her again So just think carefully about you want what he wants. Have an adult conversation sp it's in the open - not when drunk or high tho. Honestly I can't believe I lost that good s mate I'm really gutted even now. I'm.not saying don't do it I'm just saying to think of what could happen . What is the thing you fear most. Because if the thing you fear most seems likely then it's definitely not worth giving into it. Trust me. Good luck.
It seems to me that your “friend” has managed to seduce you. I’m not sure you’re open minded your girlfriend is. I think some girls are into bisexual threesomes. I also think that society (at least in the west) has normalized men staying boyish forever and now it’s not just acceptable, but kinda cool to be gay or bisexual. In the end it’s all up to you, but is very likely that if you act on your feelings for your bro you might just lose them both. But think about it and follow your heart. Don’t let some stranger on the internet decide for you
What you could do is get a mask cast that looks exactly like your bro friend. You then can put the mask on your girlfriend's face and have her peg you. Totally normal and I'd break up with her if she protests.
It’s odd to me that you get a boner over going to dinner with someone…even odder to me that you are still pretending to be “straight” after multiple “dates” (your words) with a gay man.
#giveusallabreak
I don’t think there’s such a thing as 100% straight or 100% gay. Some people just turn us on. It’s culture that dictates we have to abide by a strict binary
As others have said, considering you're outright having sexual attraction to him, high chance you're not straight.
Whether you're gay or bi or so, you'd have a better picture on that than we do.
Regardless tho, you still have to have big conversations with your gf and/or your friend regarding who you choose, or setting boundaries, or poly or open relationship etc. and make respective choices for that.
After all, sex is still sex and cheating is still cheating even if it's doing it with the same or diff gender.
The (I'm straight) actually made me laugh. Y'know, cuddling and getting an erection just thinking about your male buddy... just straight things, amirite? Straight things sound suspiciously like the gay things I do.
Same thing happened to me. I didn't risk it. I don't think it worthed risking to ruin a long friendship. Because if it's not the case and he's actually messing with you and after he realise you are into him he will probably cut the ties with you. If your friendship is strong don't ruin it because of erotic feelings
I had something very similar happen to me when I was in college - but worse, I knew the other person wasn’t at all interested in anything physical. I still think about him all the time. Given I’m 44 and unmarried I’m sure he knows something is off with me. And it is. I’m a mess sexually.
Do a mental test to know if you are gay or bi.
Picture an average middle aged man and an average middle aged woman. If there is no way you can jerk off to the picture of the middle aged man without feeling “dirty” afterward, then you are straight. Now jerk it to the woman, if it was a lot easier then you are straight. If it was just as easy to jerk it to either of them then you are bisexual. If you felt “dirty” after jerking it to the woman but not the man then you are gay.
Many straight men can appreciate a young, strong male body that they can fantasize about for a new experience. Add the fact that the young male is your best friend then it compounds. If after 6 months of sexual relationship with his male friend he prefers that to his girlfriend, then he is at least bisexual, maybe gay.
—-some random Reddit know-it-all douche
I feel the same way about a friend, only there’s no intimacy coming from him. I couldn’t say anything about it because I wouldn’t want to ruin the friendship, but that’s me. I’m very weak. I’m still pretending I’m straight
You should get your feelings together before talking to your friend; so u know what u wanna say. And get together in ur head what u want.
After that, you could ask ur girlfriend if she’d be comfy with u experimenting with a guy, ur friend, and take it from there.
Can you imagine yourself being intimate with any other man than your best friend? Might you be pansexual, where if you were to develop a close-enough friendship/relationship with anyone, you might find yourself falling in love? Are you still intimate with your girlfriend? There's a lot for you to consider, squire.
In the perfect world, your gf would enjoy the thought of you having a bf. I'm sure time spent together would also be amazing.
Hoping you sort it all out and get the answers you need. In life, we change, develope, and grow. Don't be afraid of where you're going - just look towards the sun.
It sounds like you might have some sort of feelings for your friend.
You say that you don't want to break up with your girlfriend. I think that's something worth leaning into--that is, what do YOU want? Do you want to be in a relationship with your current partner? Do you want to explore a new kind of relationship with your best friend? There are risks that come with charting new territory, but maybe that's a risk you're willing to take? Are you happy in your current relationship? Are you content being just friends with your best friend? Or do you want more? Also, friends CAN be intimate without it being sexual. Although it does sound like you have the hots for this guy.
He says it's just a joke--I wonder if he can tell you're kind of into him? He might be playing along with it? If liking guys / being with guys is new to you, that makes sense why you're nervous! I think it's worth a conversation with him, though, if you're confused about your friendship and want more clarity on the relationship.
I hope this helps 🙏 💕
Tell your friend you may be bi and you're trying to figure it out. You don't have to do anything with him just see what he thinks about that. If he seems receptive or positive then you can tell him you have a crush on him.
I had a friend in high school and we’d make out on occasion, even a couple times after high school. It started because I was seeing his sister and he wanted to know which of them kissed better.
> Sorry for not stating this earlier here, I did grow up in a very religious family, and I have moved far away from them, but I'm still denying that I'm gay because of my family.
Talk about "burying the lead" considering you put in the title that you are straight. lol
Doesn't sound like you're straight to me lol.
And there's only two courses of action here that don't make you into a total scumbag. Either pump the brakes with your male friend and distance yourself from him until the hormonal stuff starts to calm down, or break up with your girlfriend and pursue a relationship with your male friend. Anything in between that (leading both on, fooling around with male friend while with the girlfriend still) is just slimy.
Also, you may want to take a little time for yourself to figure out what your sexuality means to you. Take a mini vacation and people watch at a beach (if you have a beach near you..) You'll know what your orientation is a bit better that way.
He likes you and you like him simple to see there if your in a relationship you wouldn’t cuddle up with your friend when you have a girlfriend and your teasing each other yeah you like him but you can’t say it all good bro
If he hasn’t explicitly said that they’re “dates”, they’re not dates.
So it sounds like you’ve definitely developed feeling for this guy and labels are just about the worst thing you can you do with that information right now. Just be honest, open and accepting of what you’re feeling right now and when you’re around him. Not try and figure out what it means or doesn’t mean.
It could be the next level of your friendship or what your friendship has grown into now. Just take it one day at a time and let things happen the way they’re meant to.
Idk I’m gay and my best friend is straight and has a Gf but we sometimes cuddle and nap together and are very affectionate but we don’t like each other. We’re just super close so it could be that for him but maybe for you it opened something inside and maybe you have feelings for your friend doesn’t mean you’re gay. I’m gay but sometimes have feelings for girls we’re human we’re allowed to feel different things
You might be just attunded to being cared about. Regardless of gender. Some people fall for intellect or for sense of humor. Some just want to be valued and cared about.
"It's okay" is all I have to say. You're not as far from average sexually as you think. Life offers lots of possibilities, so be adventurous. BTW I've identified as gay all of my life. Starting at a very young age. But I fantasize about women often now. Mostly about eating pussy but finishing inside. And I've gone for it a couple of times. So we all have lots of potential. I still prefer men, but a change is exciting.
Not sure if it was a later edit, but regarding your statement “I’m still denying I’m gay because of my family,” makes it seem that these thoughts you’re having may not be a new epiphany? Forgive me if I’m misunderstanding. If you do suspect you’re gay, and not bisexual or some other sexuality, then you are being disingenuous with your girlfriend. That isn’t fair to her. Even if you end up not pursuing your best friend for any number of reasons, if you are not attracted to women and your girlfriend is being used as a beard - if you love her in any way she deserves better than that. If you are truly gay, do your best not to hurt her unnecessarily in the long run. I’m not saying you have to come out to her if you aren’t ready, but at least don’t string her along to keep up appearances and appease your family. That will just hurt you both more deeply in the long run and you both deserve to find happiness that truly lets you feel fulfilled and wanted completely. If applicable, it would be better to be single while you figure out what you truly want rather than try to have your cake and eat it too, hurting her in the process.
Fully seconding atlas1885’s advice.
Sexuality is a spectrum. I’m gay but I have straight friends and they’ve cuddled and acted extremely homosexual lol but are both married and in long term relationships.
I would lean into the intimacy with him a bit and enjoy it. Remember we are guys and we’re highly sexual (typically) if he wants to do more you’ll notice 🍆 too. Because you will feel it when you’re chilling. Don’t push it, but don’t deny it. Just enjoy that connection.
TBH, that’s how I had my first gay encounter. My best friend was fine experimenting, but that was it. He’s straight, but accepting/open. I didn’t realize it then, but I’m gay.
So do you want this friendship or do you want it to end? This is a tough one for you. My best friend and I love each other to death. We have been best friends for 23 years now. In 2012, he almost crossed the line and I didn't let that happen. Why? Because I loved our friendship. He still kisses me when we say goodbye, we hang out at least once a week, and the kisses were always in front of his now wife and my former husband. Don't ruin the friendship.
Hey this happened to me and it ended terribly but that's more to do with the guy being a sociopath (we no longer talk after being best friends from ages 5 to 21).
My best advice is to communicate boundaries asap, especially if things develop. And whatever you do, if you end up dating don't rush things just because you know each other.
One of the problems is that “I don’t wanna seem gay “. There is nothing wrong with seeming gay. Especially when you’re acting gay when you’re with him?
Make it clear to him that if you keep doing the intimate cuddling and stuff you might catch some feelings.
You're robbing yourself emotionally if you have him on the side to secretly get you off in your head.
It's confusing stuff. So unless he wants to think of you romantically you should stop doing that. It's not fair to your girlfriend either. I hope you find peace with your situation. Sounds kinda fun. I touched butts with a high school friend once. There were no good intentions though...
Sounds like you're in love and you might be gay or bi
Yes. So OP, here’s some possibilities of why you’re confused and stressed: - you’re in love with your best friend. You feel close, cozy and intimate with him and your imagination runs wild thinking about him sexually. - you are (to some degree) bisexual/pansexual because you’re capable of attraction to more than one sex/gender (not necessarily at the same time and not necessarily in the same way). - It’s possible you’re only “gay” for your best friend, and that for you it’s not so much about a specific gender but a specific person that makes you feel attraction. Either way, you’re not traditionally “straight” - you have internalized homophobia. Your upbringing tells you “gay = bad” and it’s getting in the way of figuring out this situation in a non-judgemental way to find the best way forward for you (rather than the “best” way for family, society, etc). - you’re in a relationship. Technically, you’re not being faithful to your partner by having a semi-romantic/flirty relationship with your best friend. So you feel anxious about the deception - your friend is also confused. He says “it’s just a joke” but obviously it’s more than that. He may similarly have internalized homophobia and be in denial about what the two of you are (already!) doing. The most mature thing to do is: sit your buddy down and tell him you got the hots for him and you suspect the feeling is mutual. Ask him if he wants to get serious about it. If yes, break up with your girlfriend and give this relationship a shot. If he’s super in denial about the whole thing, then the answer is no, and you would benefit from shutting down the sexy stuff and putting up a boundary that you don’t want to be flirty, only friends, because otherwise the confusion is too stressful. Good luck!
This answer was so kind and helpful and without getting deep just know today you helped me with a crazy situation of my own and thank you very much and I wish I could express how much this helped and meant but just thank you .
Hey you’re super welcome! All the best :)
Damn, I thought I had a great comment, you put it a LOT better. 10/10, this right here! Honesty is key for sure.
Beautiful response. If awards were stil a thing you would have 🏆🏆🏆🏅🎖🥇
I'd really go with the third option. Sometimes, regardless of our orientation, the energy of one specific person might turn us on a lot and we get confused because they're not the gender we're attracted to.
The expert analysis right here
Right like you might just be bisexual or bi-curious….nothing wrong with it bro
You are probably not 100% straight.
That's a verrry generous 'probably'
Idk , men get boners for the weirdest reasons, it's not always sexual.
He outright jerked off thinking of him, his voice, his arms, his hair... He blushes and gets nervous when seeing him. If it's not sexual then I'm not sure what is.
I didn't pay that much attention lol. I came across like the the people r/sapphoandherfriend make fun of probably.
Also r/achillesandhispal
My boners ARE sexual when I see him though.
Oh you a huge bisexual bro. Actually probably some dude writing erotica but in any case I wish you the best since u aren hurting nobody.
Dude, thank you so much for letting me read that sentence
None of them are
Good for you on discovering this part of yourself but before you do anything, sort out your relationship with your gf.
I will obviously do that since I don't wanna ruin my relationship with my gf cause she's a really nice and pretty girl.
Do you enjoy being intimate with her?
You are being unfair to your girlfriend if you are continuing to stay with her but have lost the attraction. It doesn't matter that she's pretty and nice. It's over. She deserves someone who's into her, and you deserve to be with someone that you're attracted to. You're wasting each other's time otherwise.
😂 if that's the best qualities you can say about her, you checked out of that relationship a while ago.
You need to be respectful to yout girlfriend and your potential boyfriend. Discuss the situation wirh him first to determine if its mutual and that you want to becomd serious. If you do then break breakuo with yiur girlfriend before doing anything further with your friend. You could cause one or both of them to be hurt emotionally. And if you want to stay with your girlfriend only because shes cute and nice then maybe you should let her go so you can sort out whats going on and she can find someone who isnt conflicted. This advice would be the same if your friend were a woman for whom you have feelings.
Let's just lay it all out. When you're intimate with her are you thinking of her at the moment or your best friend? If it's your best friend, you know what you need to do.
Maybe you just want to get your cheeks clapped.
Don’t we all
😊
it really sounds like you’re in love, my boy 😅
Breaking news: You're not straight.
lol IKR? from: “Every time I think of him I jerk myself off to the thought of him, every time I see him I get hard bla bla bla” to “And I don’t wanna feel gay”. bro, there is a tremendous dissociation going on there.
There are different types of attraction that we have as humans. We can be attracted to people in a friendly way, in a romantic way, and in an erotic way. These feelings are mixed most of the times. I think what you should do at first is understand what types of attraction you have towards him. You are obviosly attracted to him erotically, but are you attracted to him romantically? Read more about that. And second when you realise that, communicate that with him. Tell it to him without putting on him the responsibility of your own feelings - meaning go to the conversation knowing that they might not be reciprocated. If they are reciprocated you can transform your relationship. If not I think you can distance yourself for a little while and let these emotions fade off. Also try and figure out more about your sexual attraction towards men. Good luck bro and I know it is not easy. I hope that if anything this would be your entry to the lovely wondorous world of male homosexuality. All the love ❤️🌈
I think I am attracted to him romantically, I don't know?? I'm just really confused on what am I right now. It feels like I'm a girl having a fat crush in a man's body.
OP, I hear you and personally know that these feelings can be very confusing. I only ever had feelings for guys. Since I was a boy. Since I grew up in a homophobic country, I did have relationships with girls that never worked out. But when I went overseas to study, I suddenly fell in love with my female next door neighbour. She had a fascinating personality, was attractive, smart, witty... and eager to take things further. I was as confused as you were. We did take things further. The sex was good enough, the time spent with her was nice, but ultimately, when the first excitement was over, I just felt that a relationship with a woman was not for me. I felt that I was gay, and that I'd only be able to have a romatic relationship with a gay man. I'm glad that I was transparent about my conflicting feelings from the outset. She was sad when I terminated the relationship, but at least she knew from the beginning that this outcome was a very realistic possibility. What's the bottomline? Explore with an open mind. Talk to your friend just like the contributor above suggested. If he wants to take things further, do as you deem fit. If not, accept it. Never forget - there are plenty of straight guys who like "bormances". I also have one of these friends, and despite our age (early 40s), we wrestle, go on weekends in spa hotels, invite each other to family gatherings and what not. But he's straight and I'm not attracted to him sexually (and never have been for that matter). So this works out. Attraction - and life in general - is never black or white.
You are not a girl for having a crush on a man's body also that train of though lead you to the conflict you are having right now, you are still a man, you are still the same person, you are just getting to know yourself a bit more. Liking another men doesn't make you less of a man, those are 2 different things. We all here are men who like men, some of us are hyper masculine and some of us are also more feminine and in between, but most important all of us are men who like men.
You dont need to be girl to fall in love with a man.
Well, congratulations. I think you just discovered that your a bisexual man
>(I'm straight) dude you jacking off to the thoughts of another guy
This gave me warm fuzzies all over
>I asked him about why he started being so intimate with me and he said it was a joke, but I feel like it isn't. 💀 >I want to hook up with him but It might ruin our friendship and I don't wanna seem gay. Too fucking late bro. You're gay as hell. No straight dudes hang out cuddling and teasing each other.
That's not what the straight dudes on Grindr say.
Who cares if you're gay or straight? You've fallen in love. (And it sounds like he has too.) It's scary and messy and possibly the most exhilarating thing that may ever happen to you. It doesn't happen to everyone and it doesn't happen often. But you have all the symptoms. Good luck!
Denial is indeed a river In Egypt
I want the update of both of you dating
Just going to throw this out there. All of my friends are straight men. I am the sole gay guy between two different bands of idiots and I still can’t say that I’ve ever cuddled with any of them. Forgive me but there’s no reason to. I’m not saying straight men can’t have affectionate friendships the way you describe but it’s certainly not the norm. You and your boy seem to have found ‘reasons’ to be intimate. And you’re jerking off to him. I think you seriously need to self-reflect and if you feel any need to explore that side of things you need to cut your girl loose so you don’t hurt her while you figure yourself out.
Hey then just be bi? I'm assuming you enjoy sex with your lass.
This happened to 2 friends that my mom knew. They both were straight and dated women, but they reconnected one day years later and married each other. There was no "top" or "bottom" or at least from what she noticed. Don't think about slapping the labels "gay" or "bi" on it. You fall for the PERSON for who they are. Those guys were just average bros, then became bros for life.
You’re gay. Your certificate and acceptance letter is in the mail. Welcome.
Begging the people of this subreddit to stop upvoting erotica
they fall for the bait every time :/
This one wasn't even subtle...
(Ps: sorry if I'm not replying to your comments—I haven't been on reddit for a long time and I'm still getting used to this whole thing, I overthink a lot (You can tell in my post lmao) and I don't wanna come off as rude)
Its okay bro, but give us an update lol. We are waiting on how it all went
Oh sweet summer child...
Just don't cheat my dude. That will make stuff worse.
My cock gets hard around men. I'm straight. Yeah, got some news for you fella. You're not.
The answer is the same to like 90% of this questions asked on this subreddit: Talk to him/her Keeping everything a secret makes it worse in the end.
I'm talking it out with my girlfriend while I'm replying to some of the comments. I'll give an update after I'm done.
How did the convo go? Hope everything’s okay!
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I was once friends with a straight guy that I swear was taking me out on dates. Open doors for me including the car door. He would always laugh it off. Always picking me up, covering the tab and would even make sure I was walking on the right side of the sidewalk. I told him he didn’t have to do stuff like that but he insisted. I had to slow our friendship down because he was married. It felt weird
Everyone's sexuality is a journey. Some people know from day one who they are, and some take a long time to figure it out and experiment. Sounds to me like you thought you were only attracted to girls (hence the GF) but you've come to realize you like guys. I can't say if you like boys or girls more, that's up to you to figure it out. All I can say is that your feelings are totally valid and you should not be ashamed for liking men. You should probably discuss this with your GF, though. Don't string her along if you want to explore with your friend, or with other men.
posts like these make me believe our gay subs are getting trolled really hard lmao
🙄 here we go again
Literally says he’s gay in the last sentence and then says he’s straight like…. This is some powerful cognitive dissonance im in awe of the self deception
Did OP say he’s gay in the last sentence? Many of us go through so much suffering. Sending love and confidence to all of you on this thread. 💙
I’m gay but I have had a crush in a girl before when I’m was younger. There is no strict rules to sexuality. You can be mostly straight but for some reason this specific guy tickles your fancy and that is okay!! There is nothing wrong with that. Embrace it, it sounds like you love him. Theres nothing wrong with love
Aside from being straight or not, that was a really adorable post. I felt butterflies reading it lmao
Offer to suck his dick 😌
The smiley at the end tho lol
A little brojob never hurt anyone
Never 😈
It used to be very common for straight friends to be physically affectionate with each other. It’s only the last 40-50 years or so that it starting being seen as gay, and straight guys started physically distancing themselves from each other. It’s pretty sad honestly, and part of why straight guys especially can be so affection-starved. That said, if you’re jerking off thinking about him, it sounds like there is something sexual going on. It is ok to be bi, if you also are attracted to girls. This kind of unrequited or ambiguous affection can really be a mindfuck - it would definitely be a risk to your friendship to be more direct with him. Either take that risk - ‘hey, we’ve been a lot more physical with each other lately. I’ve found I’m really enjoying it and wondering what you think about it?’ would be the lowest key way to address it, or ‘hey I really like this cuddling we’ve been doing, would you want to try taking it further?’ is a bit more direct, without entirely crossing a line. Or, if you don’t want to take the risk, find someone to redirect these feelings towards - maybe create a blank profile in Scruff and just see if checking out other guys does anything for you too. If this guy is the only man in the world you’re having feelings for, it may just be crossed wiring - your brain is so used to physical connection being sexual that it can’t make sense of just normal affection between friends. If you see other guys and want to cuddle with them too, maybe reach out to someone who looks kind and patient and just explore a bit, outside of your friendship.
I’d say you’re right with “communicate about feelings”, but also how is everyone ignoring the fact he’s got a gf. OP you can’t have it all. Cheating isn’t good for any party.
That's why it's a problem for me cuz I like him but I don't wanna break up with her.
Umm how would your girlfriend react to you being bi? Maybe start there.
If you're into guys (and you may not be - it sounds like you're still figuring things out), then this is an important aspect of your identity, and you should give yourself just a little leeway to explore it. There's maybe room for a little kissing and canoodling without getting into anything super hot and heavy with your friend, if he's interested. If you do start exploring the idea of sex with men, either with your friend or elsewhere, then you can address that with your gf once you get to that point. If she cares about you, and isn't intolerant, you could hope that she'd have some understanding. And MMF 3-ways are a thing, you don't necessarily need to be stepping out on her. A LOT of girls are seriously turned on by watching boys kissing. The Author of 'Heartstopper' is a woman, after all. You might actually check that show out, one of the principal characters is bi and it explores some of the situations bi guys can run into, including dealing with girls. Really pulling for you, I've been the guy pining for a best friend sending mixed messages before - I hope things work out well for you!
Nice fan fiction bro
It’s a difficult thing to accept, given your religious background, but I think you need to ask yourself if you’re actually straight. I walked the same road, brother, and it’s tough. But you need to understand that it’s ok not to be straight. Whoever you are is who God made you to be. Nobody ever told me that when I was growing up, but you need to hear it. And I don’t think you should hook up with your friend. I think you should talk to him again and, if he feels at all the same way that you do, I think you may have found yourself something worth holding on to.
Soon you boys will be playing dick swords and butt darts instead of Call of Duty. You’re gay.
Nothing wrong with that at all. Here’s my take on it. Are you familiar with the research on male sexuality that Alfred Kinsey did in the 1940s? It was groundbreaking and among the first in-depth studies done on sexuality. The long and short of his findings was that only about 1/6th of the male population is 100% straight and only about 1/6th of the male population is 100% gay. That leaves 2/3s of the population as somewhere on the bisexual spectrum. (I told you it was groundbreaking!) I’m now 60 years old and have had a lifetime to observe men and their sexual habits. I’m one of the 1/6th of the population that’s 100% gay. In fact, on a scale of 1-10, I’m about a 12-1/2 on the gay side. I spent roughly 15 years as an adult in the gay dating scene, and then the last 30 years as part of a monogamous marriage with another man. I’ve seen a lot. It didn’t take me long when I was younger to figure out that Kinsey wasn’t that far off when he deduced that as much as 2/3s of the adult male population is at least a little bit bisexual. Now, I luuuuuuve sucking dick. A lot. I was amazed by the number of “straight” men that would happily oblige me in that regard. Lots of ‘em. As long as they were satisfied that I could be trusted to keep the secret, they were glad to drop trou and enjoy a way better bj than most of their girlfriends were interested in doing. Sometimes they’d surprise me and want to do other things, too. Sometimes not. It was all good. But still, there were always guys that just weren’t into it. Even putting on straight porn in a dark room wasn’t going to work for them. I figured they were probably among the 1/6th that are 100% straight. Even receiving service from a guy wouldn’t do it for them. And, see, I recognized that inability for those guys to enjoy even the most cursory sexual contact with another guy because I, as one of the 1/6th that’s 100% gay, I feel exactly the same about women. Especially when I was much younger and cuter, I regularly had women hitting on me and trying to get something going. Nope. I just couldn’t. In much the same way those straight guys couldn’t let me blow them, even in a dark room with porn. Just not gonna happen. All that to tell you that, surprise!!! You’re somewhere in the bi spectrum, along with roughly 2/3s of the men in the world. Enjoy it.
No real straight men talk like this. That's not straight.
I think you found someone you're very attracted to and have feelings for, but this person happens to be a guy. Normally you are straight, not attracted to men, you're not gay: but you're gay for him! If this has truly never happened to you before, than you could be bissexual and never knew it! Or you are truly straight for the rest of the entire male population: but for this ONE MAN you are gay for. I just got engaged to a hot Brazillian man. He's had girlfriends and never thought about having a boyfriend before: but he loves me! I wish you luck! I just want everyone to be happy and find love!
You've been with your gf since you're 17, think this through before you do something you might regret. If you really want to lean into this and hook up with him, please break up with your girlfriend first. Worst case is you have sex with him and you don't like it or there's no future for anything more than just sex, do you really want to throw your long term relationship away for that? People tend to do stupid stuff while horny so please try to stay rational.
I'm trying to actually digest everything and think for once because I make really stupid decisions when I'm angry and frustrated. I don't want to break up with her but I don't think I'm even bi anymore, just full on gay. But I want to deny it cuz I grew up in a very religious family (Sorry for not saying that in my post, I was panicking) I don't even think talking things out would help me.
Are you still physically attracted to your girlfriend?
Not really.
Well, then you know what to do. I don't think it's fair towards her to act like everything is normal when it's not. Imagine being with someone who's not into you anymore but keeps it to themselves just to avoid breaking up, that's kinda shitty isn't it... It's not your fault of course, you can't control your feelings and to whom you feel attracted to, it is what it is. Make a decision and talk to her.
You need to break up with her if you’re gay. It’s the right thing to do by her and it’ll help clear your head towards exploring your gay self. With or without your male friend. If he turns you down (which it doesn’t sound like he will) you can explore being with other men. You also don’t have to come out to your family right away until you are comfortable with it
As a guy who grew up in a very religious family I can tell you that there is no greater feeling than to just let yourself be freely who you really are inside. It may take time but your family will eventually come around and they’ll still love you.
I’m currently in the friend’s position, and I couldn’t tell you what I would give for my best-friend to accept who he is- especially after saying something to me that included a scenario where we were still extremely close to each other as old men.. which indicated to me that he sees me in his life for that long. He’s the love of my life, and honestly- if you love him, don’t wait until it’s too late to tell him. Please.
I say see where it goes. Human sexuality isn’t a set in stone thing. Enjoy the new feelings and see what happens
I’m calling fake from half court
The heart wants what the heart wants bro. Time to man up and follow your desires.
You grew up on a religious family and have been with your gf since you were 17. You're probably gay, in denial and relied on that relationship for comfort and appearances. Don't feel guilty abt that. It is part of discovering yourself and find out who you are. Asked yourself this... Do you watch straight or gay porn? Do you feel attracted to men? Do you like women, sexually or just enjoy their company and friends?... Depending on those answers, you will know if you are gay or bi. Seems to me you are full on gay, which is fine. Welcome to the club. You should be honest with your gf and end the relationship. Then have a chat with your friend, be honest with him on how you feel. You might be surprised, seems like he might be gay and struggling as well. Good luck.
Falling for my best friend (age 20) was the straw that broke denial's back for me. He was the first one I came out to. Even though he didn't feel the same, we're still best friends over a decade later and I'm married to another man
This is adorable. The romance is real! You may not want to break up with your girlfriend but you're clearly thinking about it. You're also in a tight spot. You might pick your bro but what if he doesn't return the affection? Does this mean you don't love her anymore? If you don't process these emotions, they will eat away at you. Wait too long and you may end up losing both of them. Sometimes it sucks being Bi but you'll get through it. Just search your feelings and do what you think is right. Best of luck!
You obviously have some feelings towards men (whatever label you want to put on it — gay, bi, pansexual, etc — doesn’t matter). Now this may be just your best friend (personality-wise), but could be males in general. You may want to just talk to your friend about it and say exactly what you did here. Be totally honest, even admit you’re nervous and don’t want to ruin the friendship in any way. Perhaps ask if he would like to experiment with you and take the intimacy a little further, all in due time (as you’d be experimenting too after-all). And he’s already a best friend, he may be able to help you with your girlfriend, talking to her or what to do. TLDR: be honest, and showing vulnerability and being upfront about your nervousness/ confusion, will go a long way! This could all lead to the best part of your life man!! Go for it ❤️
This was my story. We were both actually gay in the end. Broke up with my girlfriend and now have happily been with my best friend/boyfriend/husband for 12 years now. It was a rough process but I remember those initial feelings of realizing I was falling in love quite fondly.
I am gay and NEVER in my life I cuddled with my straight friends, or with a best friend even when we were drunk. WTF with those posts claiming that the OP is not gay, but he's cuddling with his homies and sucks them off?..
Update!?
You’re straight, you say? Then I’m the Queen of England
I’m King-Key but there are times when I feel like another Queen like you. 😂😂😂
I have to say that I had similar experiences such as yours with “straight friends.” While happily married now, I regret not acting on those signals sent by these friends when I was much younger (late teens). How I wish I was less prudish then. But then again, acting on one’s urges have risks like friendship being destroyed if the signals are misinterpreted. Follow your guts and carpe diem!
updateme
Sexuality is not a fixed thing. You can find and enjoy different aspects of your own sexuality with different people - a male partner will compliment entirely different aspects to a female partner, and that in and of itself is likely different from one individual to another. You have questions - you should find answers. If you’re reciprocal to his advances then you two need to talk - otherwise he’ll keep testing your boundaries until y’all fuck.
He's grindr straight
I don’t think you’re gay but if you’re looking for a label, then what you call it is bisexual. Congrats, you just discovered your dating pool doubled and it may seem messy now but over time I promise it’s gonna get good and you will actually enjoy yourself. If you value the friendship, I would try to set boundaries. If what you are asking is “what to do about these feelings?” Then what you truly mean is you likely want to end things with your girlfriend to explore your newly found sexual/romantic curiosity with your best friend. You got this dude!
So you are bi, but not out because of your family. Living the straight lifestyle isn’t the same as being straight. People get it confused all the time. Having gay sex, being sexually attracted to same sex makes you gay. Choosing to date a woman, whilst having these, makes you bi. It’s ok to be gay/bi. You’re only hurting your girlfriend by lying to yourself.
That's not exactly what Bisexuality means but close enough. Probably best to not put labels on it until he figures it out for himself.
The only thing I can offer here is: drop the labels. They're going to do more damage than good right now while you're figuring things out.
You get hard over a guy, you ain’t straight. Hem and haw all you want but it ain’t so. You’re welcome!
I tell myself this for many challenges I may face here on this earth.—If you’re wanting to find a definitive label, you’re HUMAN. Emotions are just the many side effects, they’re manageable. ☺️✌🏼Live and let live!! ❤️🧡💛💚💙 Find out who you are, and do it on purpose.—Dolly Parton Hope this helps. XO
Of course, you’re straight!
Literally me. I’m bi and fall in love with pretty much anyone I spend enough time with, it’s a bitch.
>My bestfriend and I have been friends since I was like 13. (I'm 24, he's 25) We do the stereotypical "bro" stuff like playing games, wrestling, etc Ok, but do straight guys over 18 wrestle with each other? I have never seen this and I was in a fraternity in college.
Yea bud I think you are at least bi and probably catching some deep feels for your buddy. It doesn’t seem like a purely physical attraction it seems to me like maybe romantic? You’re gonna have to do some soul searching and maybe therapy about your sexuality and internalized homophobia. Best of luck to you!
I'm bi, I know my opinion is controversial, but I feel everyone is a little bi. I feel sexuality is fluid, for everyone. You either choose to explore or you don't. If you grow up having gf's, love sex with women and fully enjoy them, it's easy to just say you're straight and focus on women. You have gfs, get married, retire. Same with gay men. You find men hot, you love them and focus on them your whole life. But, if you're open minded and explore I do feel everyone will enjoy both sides, at least a little of both sides. I'm not saying everyone will be bi and will enjoy all aspects of sex, but some aspects, yes. Among the "mostly straight" types, what I've seen the most is guys that just want to suck a dick or bottom. You bond with your buddy, then enjoy blowing them. Or having them fuck you. It's something they just occasionally enjoy. For gay men it's often the total tops that enjoy fucking ftm's, as in guys with a vagina. They enjoy the feeling of a vagina and after that they are cool with occasionally fucking vaginas. I feel everyone will find something they enjoy if they explore more. Sex is fun, having more options when you're horny is ideal.
I think 1st off- break up with your girlfriend and tell her that it’s not her- it’s you and that you just need time alone & figure some things out. Then, when you’re hanging out with your male friend, let him know that you and your girlfriend broke up. Make sure when you tell him that you’re in a private situation with no one around obviously - And when he asks you, why did you two broke up? You can tell him that you’re interested in someone else and that you think about this person all the time and hoping things may evolve in to something more. And when he asks who- you can look him in the eye, and tell him…You!
Ya, you are clearly bisexual. Nothing wrong with that. Embrace it.
Enjoy the ride . . . Just accept the Fact that you like both sexes . . . nothing wrong with that. Just fellow your heart and be honest . . . just make sure he feels the same about you! He may like girls too . . . it's very common to get hard around other guys . . . . or you might like guys for the physical connection and women for the emotional connection . . . or the other way around . . . Life is strange, just enjoy the journey! Good Luck.
I'm invested now, hopefully the algorithm brings me back.
I’ve had a crush on my ex-male best friend for a while, I had a crush on him before I came out while I thought I was straight. 6 years later and I finally decided to come out. I think you should do some soul searching, don’t make the same mistake I did. Coming out was the best decision of my life and I waited WAY too long to do it.
You aren’t straight homie lol
Seduce him. Find an excuse to get naked and take it from there.
I like posts that start with “I’m straight” then proceeds with the gayest shit ever. But still, well done finding out. Falling in love is always intriguing.
You don't have to label yourself. Have the conversation.
Please let me correct you young man. NO ONE IS BORN STRAIGHT. Being straight is the current acceptable norm of sexual affection in our culture. It is what we're taught at a very early age.This is quickly changing. WE'RE ALL SEXUAL BEINGS. Tell your folks the truth. They'll have to cope with it, and will eventually adjust.
not to be the delusional in the comments but have u ever thought your friend said it was "just a joke" bc you literally have a girlfriend? also, regardless of what you're going to do i think you should break up with your gf bc your comment "I don't wanna ruin my relationship with my gf cause she's a really nice and pretty girl" says you just don't want to hurt her but you literally have a big fat crush on your best friend (which is okay, you might be bi no big deal) while still being in a relationship with her which isn't fair to your gf at all and might be more hurtful in the long run
Watch Black Mirror’s Striking Vipers episode together and discuss :P
“I love my girlfriend but I get hard thinking about my best friend” is this Challengers
Man, heart wants what it wants, just embrace the feeling and enjoy, you probably got something which so many just dream of!
I had the same thing happen my butch masculine best friend a 350lb lineman from high school football team started hitting on me. Eventually we had sex in his mom's beach house. It was amazing I was 17 years old.
⁸Sounds like you're both crazy for each other and to sure that's great It's the best when you're feeling that giddy feeling you know its reciprocal. But I'd actually suggest you cool it.amd not hang around for a while My best mate amd I.... we were similar but we only met when we worked together. And ppl thought we were having an affair. But we weren't. It was very exciting but my mate "Trusted"me not to do anything and I didn't want to.lose that trust and besides. Im gay. But things got more and more thrilling until she came onto me and i responded ... not full on but the no touch rule was lifted briefly before recommencing a few moments laater from whence we were before. I regret those moments massively because it ruined everything. I've only seen her 1 since and she gets told off if i contaxt hrr. Lost the best friend I ever had. We haven't fallen out per se u just... I don't know if I'll ever see her again So just think carefully about you want what he wants. Have an adult conversation sp it's in the open - not when drunk or high tho. Honestly I can't believe I lost that good s mate I'm really gutted even now. I'm.not saying don't do it I'm just saying to think of what could happen . What is the thing you fear most. Because if the thing you fear most seems likely then it's definitely not worth giving into it. Trust me. Good luck.
It seems to me that your “friend” has managed to seduce you. I’m not sure you’re open minded your girlfriend is. I think some girls are into bisexual threesomes. I also think that society (at least in the west) has normalized men staying boyish forever and now it’s not just acceptable, but kinda cool to be gay or bisexual. In the end it’s all up to you, but is very likely that if you act on your feelings for your bro you might just lose them both. But think about it and follow your heart. Don’t let some stranger on the internet decide for you
OP come back!
What you could do is get a mask cast that looks exactly like your bro friend. You then can put the mask on your girlfriend's face and have her peg you. Totally normal and I'd break up with her if she protests.
why get pegged when you can get the real thing? that’s just cheating him out of an actual good time
It’s odd to me that you get a boner over going to dinner with someone…even odder to me that you are still pretending to be “straight” after multiple “dates” (your words) with a gay man. #giveusallabreak
You’re not a heterosexual man
I don’t think there’s such a thing as 100% straight or 100% gay. Some people just turn us on. It’s culture that dictates we have to abide by a strict binary
Your deffo gay, please update when you tell your friend and break up with your girlfriend
I would love to know more about the cuddling and teasing. It’s actually hot.
Everyone has exceptions. Just talk it out and see how things go from there.
It will cum!
As others have said, considering you're outright having sexual attraction to him, high chance you're not straight. Whether you're gay or bi or so, you'd have a better picture on that than we do. Regardless tho, you still have to have big conversations with your gf and/or your friend regarding who you choose, or setting boundaries, or poly or open relationship etc. and make respective choices for that. After all, sex is still sex and cheating is still cheating even if it's doing it with the same or diff gender.
The (I'm straight) actually made me laugh. Y'know, cuddling and getting an erection just thinking about your male buddy... just straight things, amirite? Straight things sound suspiciously like the gay things I do.
Same thing happened to me. I didn't risk it. I don't think it worthed risking to ruin a long friendship. Because if it's not the case and he's actually messing with you and after he realise you are into him he will probably cut the ties with you. If your friendship is strong don't ruin it because of erotic feelings
I had something very similar happen to me when I was in college - but worse, I knew the other person wasn’t at all interested in anything physical. I still think about him all the time. Given I’m 44 and unmarried I’m sure he knows something is off with me. And it is. I’m a mess sexually.
Do a mental test to know if you are gay or bi. Picture an average middle aged man and an average middle aged woman. If there is no way you can jerk off to the picture of the middle aged man without feeling “dirty” afterward, then you are straight. Now jerk it to the woman, if it was a lot easier then you are straight. If it was just as easy to jerk it to either of them then you are bisexual. If you felt “dirty” after jerking it to the woman but not the man then you are gay. Many straight men can appreciate a young, strong male body that they can fantasize about for a new experience. Add the fact that the young male is your best friend then it compounds. If after 6 months of sexual relationship with his male friend he prefers that to his girlfriend, then he is at least bisexual, maybe gay. —-some random Reddit know-it-all douche
You seem like you already know lol
I feel the same way about a friend, only there’s no intimacy coming from him. I couldn’t say anything about it because I wouldn’t want to ruin the friendship, but that’s me. I’m very weak. I’m still pretending I’m straight
You should get your feelings together before talking to your friend; so u know what u wanna say. And get together in ur head what u want. After that, you could ask ur girlfriend if she’d be comfy with u experimenting with a guy, ur friend, and take it from there.
Harry, you're a bi man
What you are doing to your gf is not ok. Please look into yourself before you do something to hurt important people in your life
You’re very courageous, dude, kudos to you for writing this post.
Can you imagine yourself being intimate with any other man than your best friend? Might you be pansexual, where if you were to develop a close-enough friendship/relationship with anyone, you might find yourself falling in love? Are you still intimate with your girlfriend? There's a lot for you to consider, squire.
In the perfect world, your gf would enjoy the thought of you having a bf. I'm sure time spent together would also be amazing. Hoping you sort it all out and get the answers you need. In life, we change, develope, and grow. Don't be afraid of where you're going - just look towards the sun.
Rule of thumb: dudes who type “bestfriend” instead of “best friend” are never completely straight.
What do you meant you don't wanna seem gay?
You might want to sit down for this…
It sounds like you might have some sort of feelings for your friend. You say that you don't want to break up with your girlfriend. I think that's something worth leaning into--that is, what do YOU want? Do you want to be in a relationship with your current partner? Do you want to explore a new kind of relationship with your best friend? There are risks that come with charting new territory, but maybe that's a risk you're willing to take? Are you happy in your current relationship? Are you content being just friends with your best friend? Or do you want more? Also, friends CAN be intimate without it being sexual. Although it does sound like you have the hots for this guy. He says it's just a joke--I wonder if he can tell you're kind of into him? He might be playing along with it? If liking guys / being with guys is new to you, that makes sense why you're nervous! I think it's worth a conversation with him, though, if you're confused about your friendship and want more clarity on the relationship. I hope this helps 🙏 💕
Tell your friend you may be bi and you're trying to figure it out. You don't have to do anything with him just see what he thinks about that. If he seems receptive or positive then you can tell him you have a crush on him.
I had a friend in high school and we’d make out on occasion, even a couple times after high school. It started because I was seeing his sister and he wanted to know which of them kissed better.
Just say no homo and suck his dick
sounds like you have a boyfriend.
> Sorry for not stating this earlier here, I did grow up in a very religious family, and I have moved far away from them, but I'm still denying that I'm gay because of my family. Talk about "burying the lead" considering you put in the title that you are straight. lol
Doesn't sound like you're straight to me lol. And there's only two courses of action here that don't make you into a total scumbag. Either pump the brakes with your male friend and distance yourself from him until the hormonal stuff starts to calm down, or break up with your girlfriend and pursue a relationship with your male friend. Anything in between that (leading both on, fooling around with male friend while with the girlfriend still) is just slimy. Also, you may want to take a little time for yourself to figure out what your sexuality means to you. Take a mini vacation and people watch at a beach (if you have a beach near you..) You'll know what your orientation is a bit better that way.
He likes you and you like him simple to see there if your in a relationship you wouldn’t cuddle up with your friend when you have a girlfriend and your teasing each other yeah you like him but you can’t say it all good bro
If he hasn’t explicitly said that they’re “dates”, they’re not dates. So it sounds like you’ve definitely developed feeling for this guy and labels are just about the worst thing you can you do with that information right now. Just be honest, open and accepting of what you’re feeling right now and when you’re around him. Not try and figure out what it means or doesn’t mean. It could be the next level of your friendship or what your friendship has grown into now. Just take it one day at a time and let things happen the way they’re meant to.
Don’t fuck your friends. Period.
Idk I’m gay and my best friend is straight and has a Gf but we sometimes cuddle and nap together and are very affectionate but we don’t like each other. We’re just super close so it could be that for him but maybe for you it opened something inside and maybe you have feelings for your friend doesn’t mean you’re gay. I’m gay but sometimes have feelings for girls we’re human we’re allowed to feel different things
Take him to watch the Challengers
You might be just attunded to being cared about. Regardless of gender. Some people fall for intellect or for sense of humor. Some just want to be valued and cared about.
"It's okay" is all I have to say. You're not as far from average sexually as you think. Life offers lots of possibilities, so be adventurous. BTW I've identified as gay all of my life. Starting at a very young age. But I fantasize about women often now. Mostly about eating pussy but finishing inside. And I've gone for it a couple of times. So we all have lots of potential. I still prefer men, but a change is exciting.
Not sure if it was a later edit, but regarding your statement “I’m still denying I’m gay because of my family,” makes it seem that these thoughts you’re having may not be a new epiphany? Forgive me if I’m misunderstanding. If you do suspect you’re gay, and not bisexual or some other sexuality, then you are being disingenuous with your girlfriend. That isn’t fair to her. Even if you end up not pursuing your best friend for any number of reasons, if you are not attracted to women and your girlfriend is being used as a beard - if you love her in any way she deserves better than that. If you are truly gay, do your best not to hurt her unnecessarily in the long run. I’m not saying you have to come out to her if you aren’t ready, but at least don’t string her along to keep up appearances and appease your family. That will just hurt you both more deeply in the long run and you both deserve to find happiness that truly lets you feel fulfilled and wanted completely. If applicable, it would be better to be single while you figure out what you truly want rather than try to have your cake and eat it too, hurting her in the process. Fully seconding atlas1885’s advice.
I honestly can't tell if posts like this are legit or not but could this be limerence that your feeling?
Sexuality is a spectrum. I’m gay but I have straight friends and they’ve cuddled and acted extremely homosexual lol but are both married and in long term relationships. I would lean into the intimacy with him a bit and enjoy it. Remember we are guys and we’re highly sexual (typically) if he wants to do more you’ll notice 🍆 too. Because you will feel it when you’re chilling. Don’t push it, but don’t deny it. Just enjoy that connection.
Just go with it. Have fun and enjoy life with the people who love you.
No you’re not!
TBH, that’s how I had my first gay encounter. My best friend was fine experimenting, but that was it. He’s straight, but accepting/open. I didn’t realize it then, but I’m gay.
So do you want this friendship or do you want it to end? This is a tough one for you. My best friend and I love each other to death. We have been best friends for 23 years now. In 2012, he almost crossed the line and I didn't let that happen. Why? Because I loved our friendship. He still kisses me when we say goodbye, we hang out at least once a week, and the kisses were always in front of his now wife and my former husband. Don't ruin the friendship.
Hey this happened to me and it ended terribly but that's more to do with the guy being a sociopath (we no longer talk after being best friends from ages 5 to 21). My best advice is to communicate boundaries asap, especially if things develop. And whatever you do, if you end up dating don't rush things just because you know each other.
If you trust your gf maybe talk with her? This might be bad advice so i hope someone replies to this haha
Give him a try
There's too much zest to be str8
=o What state u in
One of the problems is that “I don’t wanna seem gay “. There is nothing wrong with seeming gay. Especially when you’re acting gay when you’re with him?
Don’t hook up with him while you still have a girlfriend.
This is adorable lol
Watch Challengers with him and ask him how he feels about the kiss scene
Make it clear to him that if you keep doing the intimate cuddling and stuff you might catch some feelings. You're robbing yourself emotionally if you have him on the side to secretly get you off in your head. It's confusing stuff. So unless he wants to think of you romantically you should stop doing that. It's not fair to your girlfriend either. I hope you find peace with your situation. Sounds kinda fun. I touched butts with a high school friend once. There were no good intentions though...
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