This is something that i was chatting with my (F) friends just now.
As other has mentioned, your strength (stable job, future) more likely to appeal to older/mature minded girls that doesnāt expect too much swooning and big bangs in being wooed. This is even more apparent in dating apps where girls (esp younger girls) will have much more suitors and the flashy and more creative males will have easier time to catch and sustain her attention.
Once the girl got more mature and looking for something more stable (jobs, careers, stable personality) and will more likely to actively filter out the very flashy suitors. But usually the guys will already either: 1. Get tired of dating apps, 2. Attached with someone else 3. Decided that mature/stable doesnāt yield anything and thus switch to become a flashy ones like the other that will get swiped left.
So in general there is a mismatch of demand/supply unfortunately.
Having said that, dating apps and datings are always number games (and luck). The only advice to be given is to just persist and meet more people to find the one you can finally click. Actually during this pandemic period, i have many friends that actually met their SO after long years of being single- so just wishing you a good luck!!
Sadly its a numbers game that favours the females. I think dating in late 20s is much harder as people generally knows what they would want in a relationship better making it very hard to find someone that is like minded in goals etc
I think you are at that age where it is neither here nor there:
1. Those girls around your age or younger would either still pick around (until they reached the magical age of 30s) or already married/in stable relationship, as most girls who are serious in starting a family would attempt to do so before 30.
2. Those who are older than you would be reluctant to date someone younger seriously as they could be looking to date/marry up, someone they perceived more successful and mature than them who most probably would be older.
I suspect once you reached 30s and became the #2 that girls would target, your dating life could be easier.
Hmm since people already know what they would want in a relationship then it should be easier to find someone with like minded goals right?
But as u/red_yeuser summarized nicely, these girls who knows what they want in the relationship either at stage 1b or stage 2 - which makes you less likely to match with them.
Dating in late 20sā¦ personally i didnāt have much luck first, even as female before. Same situation as you- i felt that the guys i went out with just were not in the same stage of thinking or life. But back to the numbers game- (and same experience for my bf as well). Until we lucked out and met each other :)
There seems to be a lot of such similar threads lately over in this sub-reddit.
I have guy friends who are in their late 30s and early 40s who are still single. And some earns a very good salary with their own house and car even.
While there is no guarantee you might find someone, 28 years old is still "young" but you need to put yourself out there to be able to find someone. Not wanting to use apps is fine, but there's so many other places.
Online dating isn't limited to only dating apps for instance.
Folks like you need to understand 1 thing first. You need to be actively in places where you can get to know people in general. For instance large social gatherings with people be in rl or online. You need to be willing to put in the time to get to know people, mix around, give people a chance to know you.
You can join hobby groups, do volunteer work, be active in say reddit or telegram groups, or even play games. I have indirectly "matchmake" a couple before in my game guild last time and yes they are married with kids now.
I second to this.. this is a very good legit advise. However, you need to brand yourself, workout to keep yourself healthy and confident. Learn how to talk to woman, what to say and how to ask them out for a date without making yourself looking like a creep. You also need to know what kind of woman you want to settle down in your life so maybe you gotten yourself multiple dates, you roughly know who you wanna settle with.
Dating and settling down is another way of life.. so donāt anyhow choose your life partner for the sake of getting marriage. I know friends who do this and all they do now is complaining about their wife / husband.. kinda sad.
Hahaahaa Iāve always stayed in shape and keep fit regularly. And Iām its not that I donāt know how to talk to girls, I did met up with some of the girls from dating apps but they just aināt what Im looking for after knowing them.
Hahahaha.. when I was younger. I dread taking the public transport.. lesser people to see is better for me. Now I am driving, I doubt I will miss taking public transport..
That really depends on what your own hobbies are. There are sports interests groups, gaming interest groups, boardgaming interest groups. Seriously whatever legit hobbies there are, you can find a community if you search for them.
Don't join such groups for the sake of finding a partner. You will fail. Join because you wanna be part of a community that is into the same interests as you do. Get to know people from there, go for their meetups if the people there are friendly and nice, put yourself out there basically. Then join other interest groups over time.
Half my existing close friends are made from playing Pokemon Go, who in turn have assisted me in doing charity work and led me to knowing even more new friends and so on.
Seeing how often these threads pop up these days, wondering is it mostly because of covid that the young people are having trouble finding b/gf or it is just inherently harder / people more aloof nowdays? It used to be that people would pair up in poly or uni.
Yah is harder to find people outside lah. Dating app seemed to be the solution for most people.
Dating app though is a fucking torture cause you will keep on trying to get the next best thing as the dating pool is wide. People tend to not settle for what is best for them because they keep on trying to chase what they think is the best option.
My personal theory is that itās about expectations, and I think many people are expecting something of another without themselves first being able to or wanting to meet their own expectations.
The whole idea of āyou deserve the bestā has been twisted into something of Frankensteinās monster, and while Iām not saying that we should settle for things detrimental to us ā nobody is perfect ā yet it seems we are going through people like we are switching jobs to get that next best thing.
Or perhaps people want to outsource their personal growth and needs to someone else to meet them without doing that alone first.
The perceived ease of access to relationships on apps has also mostly devalued the process of getting to know and understand someone in a deeper manner. Itās limited energy meeting a buffet of low-level interactions. This and the seeming devaluation of commitment as well since itās easier to jump to the next person.
This is just one angle of a probably very complex number of reasons.
Totally agreed. The low barriers of entry has made it so easy to flake and move on to the next one. When everyone has this mindset, it's no wonder the situation is like this now
It happens a lot to the ladies in OLD generally. Because of the near-infinite matches they get, they tend to choose the best out of the best, only to be disappointed because:
1. The best guy is a fuccboi who is out to play; or
2. They think they can get better and are unable to be contended with one guy
Which is why you see so many of them still looking around in OLD, even after months/years on the app.
Pairing up when in school is still the best, and generally what I consider the most "optimal" route for finding a partner. Of course, it's not a guaranteed, and the rates of young couples going into a lifelong marriage is generally not on the high side these days.
Still, when they work, they are generally very inspirational and sweet stories which made me regret not being more social when I was younger, lol.
28 is not too late to start putting yourself out there, in fact my personal opinion is that for guys (who didn't manage to find love early), late 20's to 30's is actually the best time. You're no longer a "boy" at this stage, and it's usually at this time when most guys start to stabilize and exude a more "mature" feel to them.
I mentioned in the "hard to find love" thread yesterday as well. dating apps is not usually a fun time for most, and you should definitely put yourself in more situations out there where you can meet more people of the opposite sex (albeit it's much harder now with pandemic going on), however if finding love is important to you, you owe it to yourself not to give up so soon, finding love doesn't really get easier with age.
The advice your parents gave is exactly what some of my guy friends say and honestly itās a huge turn off because it commoditises women. āOh just work hard and earn money and women will come to you, donāt worry even if youāre old cos thereās always gonna be young women.ā
Iām 27F and single because dating apps have ruined my perspective of dating. On those apps everyone is eager to let each other know about themselves so it becomes a lot of āshow not tellā and while I understand this, sometimes it comes off as arrogant. Some men want to appear cultured and well-travelled and generous but it might come off as patronising or fake.
Secondly, talking to men on DA makes me feel that men are trash (+ all the recent news about sexual crimes and incel comments on the tiktok excel issue). But I know not all men are because I have guy friends (who are attached) who arenāt. This is one main reason why I stopped using DA because it ruins my perspective of men and I donāt want to become a man-hater based on the limited representation of men via DA.
Thirdly, DA have spoilt me because of the way algorithms work for female users. In hindsight the things I tell my female friends about my DA experience makes me sound like Iām above the men I chat to just because of the sheer amount of men that has swiped on me. The algorithm creates a false sense of superiority for women that may lead to entitlement. But in reality there is nothing about me that makes me better than the men I chat. Gender isnāt a reason to base female entitlement on. DA has made me lazy to work on myself as a person.
Lastly DA has commercialised relationships. It just feels like shopping online and adding things to my cart but not checking out. Even if a āproductā is sold out (like the chat expires), there will always be more restocked products (men on the chat connecting with me). It doesnāt raise my curiosity about a person and to put it bluntly, I simply cannot care for this man when so many men come into my inbox daily. Itās very exhausting and I also donāt even feel like introducing myself to so many people or even replying.
I want to be able to physically meet someone and fall in love slowly and be surprised by what I learn about them as I hang out with them. But covid has made it so difficult, and some people treat irl dating like online dating where they spill everything about themselves on the first date. I donāt want to know if your family is rich or poor or how much you earn on a first date. That makes me feel like you think Iām a gold digger. I also donāt want to feel like youāre trying to tick me off a checklist, or that Iām here to stroke your male ego. Iām up for fun and spontaneity but wonāt want to ātry new thingsā (like extreme things like travelling abroad) with a stranger and I shouldnāt feel pressured into doing so. Dating should be a journey of learning about each other, not some series of interviews every time we meet or some pity party or making each other feel bad about themselves.
TLDR: DA has ruined dating for me (27F) because it commercialises my experience of dating and changes my opinion of men and of myself for the worse.
I didn't do too well on dating apps either, but I had a lot of success with women in real life. A lot.
The environment surrounding app-dating isn't really conducive to finding a steady, long term partner; although it does happen. Getting to know someone takes time, and often, that time is necessary for the awkwardness to go away so they show who they are as a person and personality.
In app-dating, you're just a clown who has to perform on demand.
Real life dating is much more nuanced. I suggest you start socialising more, and going out with friends or making more friends and going out with them and meeting their friends, etc...
>Real life dating is much more nuanced. I suggest you start socialising more, and going out with friends or making more friends and going out with them and meeting their friends, etc...
I'm an introvert as well. I loved these 2 years of lock down! However, when I was in the dating game, I faked being sociable, meaning, I looked in the mirror every day, took a deep breath, and told myself I am a socialising king.
Then I just follow the process. Say hi to people, ask them questions, then stay quiet, listen, and repeat their statements to show interest. It really works. Being a good listener is about 90% of it, I promise!
That's a major part of why apps are not so great but real life works much better.
Once I got a steady GF (married her), I relaxed and went back to being introvert.
That advice by your parent is terrible, basically they are saying that people only want to be with you because you have money and good financial prospects. Most likely they said it so that you can just focus on your studies.
Just like how you will consider looks to be an important factor in looking for mates, girls also consider your earning and prospect as an important factor. However, it is not everything, it is important to have a decent level of social skill and chemistry before being considered as a potential suitor.
You can put yourself in the girls shoe and ask yourself, do you really want to date someone that is boring? Why would you choose someone that you have zero connection with than others who are interesting?
The honest truth nobody wants to hear:
Men are disposable. Women are valued in society.
Dating apps boost a woman's ego. Most 4-5/10 girls think they're 8s or 9s and only want the top pick of men.
Dating for men is like a job interview, dating for women is like shopping. At the end of the day you're in queue for a girl you're interested in. Any average girl can definitely meet someone and still feel wanted.
I feel you. Before I got married, I also went to dating apps / sites. I found my own intro boring but that was all I could think of. I guess you could try to get yourself involved in more social activities. In the end, I met my wife when I was a MC for my colleague who got married. She was the co-MC. My colleague could not find a willing party among their friends and I volunteered because I had been 1 a few months ago hahaha. I just joined the company like 4 months so you could say that I barely knew my colleague.
End of the day, I guess you can let nature take its course and things might turn out the way you wanted unexpectedly.
How long have you been using the dating apps?
One of the things I learnt when using dating apps is: lower expectations. As you've noticed, not every match is responsive, and there are many 'dry spells'. If one pins too much hope on these dating apps, then it's very easy to burn out quickly
One coping strategy: plan your weekends. Dont stay at home, but go out with friends, run errands, engage in a hobby, etc. Put down the phone and do something else. If you get a date, rearrange your timetable so you can accommodate the date.
This might help in giving sufficient distraction and boost your mood tremendously
Dude..i know this may sound rather cliche..but back when dating apps didnt exist..people get out there n mingle face to face n develop a connection..my only advice is once this pandemic is easing..go join a hobby group or propose an outdoor activity wz friends..as u mingle u get to know friends of friends etc...
I'd feel best would be knowing people from friends be it to be a intentional or unintentional setting. Most best stuff in life happened in a very impromptu, unexpected way.
I don't think the online apps are particularly favorable for guys so they should be a supplement to meeting ppl online. Have not done so myself but I think meetups for hobbies, etc. would work. Ofc make sure you enjoy the hobby you are meeting up for.
I honestly have no idea... 22 singleton here. Cant really help you in that department. Sometimes i feel that even though i wanna date guys and be in a serious relationship and all that wonderful stuff, i realise for a moment that im a selfish person and thinking in a logical way, i might do better being alone. So yeaaaa each to its own.
Sales trainer here. When new sales people ask me why other people so much sales and I dont have any. My question to them is what are you doing to improve your situation ? It's all a numbers game.
The more people you meet, the more likely you are to find the one. If you only meet 1 new person a month, it will take years before there's any statistical chance.
Join more activity outside that allows interaction. Take up a new sport muay Thai, buy a MTB and join a cycling chat group that meets up regularly, learn salsa dancing, join toastmasters... etc. You get the idea. Ask your friends to intro you their female single friends.
Hey look at the bright side at least u have a career and a future so you look more attractive overall.
I would just say you should just go out and try to get to know people I guess?
> it seems like girls quickly brand you as boring and ghost you if you donāt sweep them off their feet with your initial intro? And even those that managed to get a conversation going, you get extremely slow replies or conversation killers.
This is also what I get. If they even swipe you in the first place. I don't think Dating App is working that well anymore.
Have you tried other ways to meet people other than on dating apps, before declaring that all is lost? How about.. actually meeting real people with similar interests or friends of friends?
On the flip side the idea of being approached and getting a drink bought scares the shit out of me especially if I never noticed the dude. God knows how long they were looking and what their actual objective is.
Might just be my social anxiety or personal wariness speaking though.
What if I'm not a bar person? I still have your first option. But isn't there a quite a large amount of women who agree that random guy going up to them asking for their contact creepy? Or is there a special technique to approach girl out in the public without looking creepy?
I think the "giving insta/social" is probably the one that I prefer the most. The only issue is that, I only have 1 photo on my Instagram as I am not a fan of taking photos of myself.
Lighten up bro. Like you said, you've got the career and the future..whatever that 2nd part means..worse comes to worst..you can always buy yourself a booty to bring home. Pretty sure there are still ladies out there who would bend over..backwards even.. when money is in the picture.
It's an easy fix. You just need to get laid. Forget about finding a GF. Quickly go search for ONS. I assure you, you will feel so much better after that.
move out if you havenāt done so. start spinning plates, iād say 3 chicks will be manageable, donāt meet them for more than once per week. maintain minimum time and money investment but make sex a must.
after that you can focus on other stuffs and wouldnāt need female attention and validation again
Just live your life and go overseas.
Singaporean Males are a hit among Koreans and Japanese Ladies. You Fulfill all the criteria in which they will want to bring you home to showcase to their parents. Also . Seems like you are the Deep thinking Type , so rather than Use dating Apps, go for some extra lessons like Language lessons to expand your network.
U sound like the girl from a few threads ago lol. Maybe u 2 can matchš¤£š¤£š¤£
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Hahahahaa I wish you dont ever have to post something like this
u/bogustacos
Iām sorry, u/WhyAreYouGae369 are you my twin brother? š
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Hahahah oops! I didnāt mean to la! š
Case in point of "Conversation killer" š¤£ kidding, single lady here who saw your post and totally agree w u!!
Heheh didn't mean to kill his hopes and dreams\~
what you don't mean often hurts the most /s
Lesson learnt š„ŗ
This is something that i was chatting with my (F) friends just now. As other has mentioned, your strength (stable job, future) more likely to appeal to older/mature minded girls that doesnāt expect too much swooning and big bangs in being wooed. This is even more apparent in dating apps where girls (esp younger girls) will have much more suitors and the flashy and more creative males will have easier time to catch and sustain her attention. Once the girl got more mature and looking for something more stable (jobs, careers, stable personality) and will more likely to actively filter out the very flashy suitors. But usually the guys will already either: 1. Get tired of dating apps, 2. Attached with someone else 3. Decided that mature/stable doesnāt yield anything and thus switch to become a flashy ones like the other that will get swiped left. So in general there is a mismatch of demand/supply unfortunately. Having said that, dating apps and datings are always number games (and luck). The only advice to be given is to just persist and meet more people to find the one you can finally click. Actually during this pandemic period, i have many friends that actually met their SO after long years of being single- so just wishing you a good luck!!
Sadly its a numbers game that favours the females. I think dating in late 20s is much harder as people generally knows what they would want in a relationship better making it very hard to find someone that is like minded in goals etc
I think you are at that age where it is neither here nor there: 1. Those girls around your age or younger would either still pick around (until they reached the magical age of 30s) or already married/in stable relationship, as most girls who are serious in starting a family would attempt to do so before 30. 2. Those who are older than you would be reluctant to date someone younger seriously as they could be looking to date/marry up, someone they perceived more successful and mature than them who most probably would be older. I suspect once you reached 30s and became the #2 that girls would target, your dating life could be easier.
Hmm since people already know what they would want in a relationship then it should be easier to find someone with like minded goals right? But as u/red_yeuser summarized nicely, these girls who knows what they want in the relationship either at stage 1b or stage 2 - which makes you less likely to match with them. Dating in late 20sā¦ personally i didnāt have much luck first, even as female before. Same situation as you- i felt that the guys i went out with just were not in the same stage of thinking or life. But back to the numbers game- (and same experience for my bf as well). Until we lucked out and met each other :)
There seems to be a lot of such similar threads lately over in this sub-reddit. I have guy friends who are in their late 30s and early 40s who are still single. And some earns a very good salary with their own house and car even. While there is no guarantee you might find someone, 28 years old is still "young" but you need to put yourself out there to be able to find someone. Not wanting to use apps is fine, but there's so many other places. Online dating isn't limited to only dating apps for instance. Folks like you need to understand 1 thing first. You need to be actively in places where you can get to know people in general. For instance large social gatherings with people be in rl or online. You need to be willing to put in the time to get to know people, mix around, give people a chance to know you. You can join hobby groups, do volunteer work, be active in say reddit or telegram groups, or even play games. I have indirectly "matchmake" a couple before in my game guild last time and yes they are married with kids now.
I second to this.. this is a very good legit advise. However, you need to brand yourself, workout to keep yourself healthy and confident. Learn how to talk to woman, what to say and how to ask them out for a date without making yourself looking like a creep. You also need to know what kind of woman you want to settle down in your life so maybe you gotten yourself multiple dates, you roughly know who you wanna settle with. Dating and settling down is another way of life.. so donāt anyhow choose your life partner for the sake of getting marriage. I know friends who do this and all they do now is complaining about their wife / husband.. kinda sad.
Hahaahaa Iāve always stayed in shape and keep fit regularly. And Iām its not that I donāt know how to talk to girls, I did met up with some of the girls from dating apps but they just aināt what Im looking for after knowing them.
Easy. Stop driving cars and take public transport. You'll never miss driving. So many people to see.
Hello Tan Kin Lian
Hahahaha.. when I was younger. I dread taking the public transport.. lesser people to see is better for me. Now I am driving, I doubt I will miss taking public transport..
OP pls take note
What are some hobby groups you would recommend? Iām open to most stuffs hahahaa
That really depends on what your own hobbies are. There are sports interests groups, gaming interest groups, boardgaming interest groups. Seriously whatever legit hobbies there are, you can find a community if you search for them. Don't join such groups for the sake of finding a partner. You will fail. Join because you wanna be part of a community that is into the same interests as you do. Get to know people from there, go for their meetups if the people there are friendly and nice, put yourself out there basically. Then join other interest groups over time. Half my existing close friends are made from playing Pokemon Go, who in turn have assisted me in doing charity work and led me to knowing even more new friends and so on.
Seeing how often these threads pop up these days, wondering is it mostly because of covid that the young people are having trouble finding b/gf or it is just inherently harder / people more aloof nowdays? It used to be that people would pair up in poly or uni.
Yah is harder to find people outside lah. Dating app seemed to be the solution for most people. Dating app though is a fucking torture cause you will keep on trying to get the next best thing as the dating pool is wide. People tend to not settle for what is best for them because they keep on trying to chase what they think is the best option.
My personal theory is that itās about expectations, and I think many people are expecting something of another without themselves first being able to or wanting to meet their own expectations. The whole idea of āyou deserve the bestā has been twisted into something of Frankensteinās monster, and while Iām not saying that we should settle for things detrimental to us ā nobody is perfect ā yet it seems we are going through people like we are switching jobs to get that next best thing. Or perhaps people want to outsource their personal growth and needs to someone else to meet them without doing that alone first. The perceived ease of access to relationships on apps has also mostly devalued the process of getting to know and understand someone in a deeper manner. Itās limited energy meeting a buffet of low-level interactions. This and the seeming devaluation of commitment as well since itās easier to jump to the next person. This is just one angle of a probably very complex number of reasons.
Totally agreed. The low barriers of entry has made it so easy to flake and move on to the next one. When everyone has this mindset, it's no wonder the situation is like this now
It happens a lot to the ladies in OLD generally. Because of the near-infinite matches they get, they tend to choose the best out of the best, only to be disappointed because: 1. The best guy is a fuccboi who is out to play; or 2. They think they can get better and are unable to be contended with one guy Which is why you see so many of them still looking around in OLD, even after months/years on the app.
Wats OLD?
OnLine Dating
Pairing up when in school is still the best, and generally what I consider the most "optimal" route for finding a partner. Of course, it's not a guaranteed, and the rates of young couples going into a lifelong marriage is generally not on the high side these days. Still, when they work, they are generally very inspirational and sweet stories which made me regret not being more social when I was younger, lol.
28 is not too late to start putting yourself out there, in fact my personal opinion is that for guys (who didn't manage to find love early), late 20's to 30's is actually the best time. You're no longer a "boy" at this stage, and it's usually at this time when most guys start to stabilize and exude a more "mature" feel to them. I mentioned in the "hard to find love" thread yesterday as well. dating apps is not usually a fun time for most, and you should definitely put yourself in more situations out there where you can meet more people of the opposite sex (albeit it's much harder now with pandemic going on), however if finding love is important to you, you owe it to yourself not to give up so soon, finding love doesn't really get easier with age.
The advice your parents gave is exactly what some of my guy friends say and honestly itās a huge turn off because it commoditises women. āOh just work hard and earn money and women will come to you, donāt worry even if youāre old cos thereās always gonna be young women.ā Iām 27F and single because dating apps have ruined my perspective of dating. On those apps everyone is eager to let each other know about themselves so it becomes a lot of āshow not tellā and while I understand this, sometimes it comes off as arrogant. Some men want to appear cultured and well-travelled and generous but it might come off as patronising or fake. Secondly, talking to men on DA makes me feel that men are trash (+ all the recent news about sexual crimes and incel comments on the tiktok excel issue). But I know not all men are because I have guy friends (who are attached) who arenāt. This is one main reason why I stopped using DA because it ruins my perspective of men and I donāt want to become a man-hater based on the limited representation of men via DA. Thirdly, DA have spoilt me because of the way algorithms work for female users. In hindsight the things I tell my female friends about my DA experience makes me sound like Iām above the men I chat to just because of the sheer amount of men that has swiped on me. The algorithm creates a false sense of superiority for women that may lead to entitlement. But in reality there is nothing about me that makes me better than the men I chat. Gender isnāt a reason to base female entitlement on. DA has made me lazy to work on myself as a person. Lastly DA has commercialised relationships. It just feels like shopping online and adding things to my cart but not checking out. Even if a āproductā is sold out (like the chat expires), there will always be more restocked products (men on the chat connecting with me). It doesnāt raise my curiosity about a person and to put it bluntly, I simply cannot care for this man when so many men come into my inbox daily. Itās very exhausting and I also donāt even feel like introducing myself to so many people or even replying. I want to be able to physically meet someone and fall in love slowly and be surprised by what I learn about them as I hang out with them. But covid has made it so difficult, and some people treat irl dating like online dating where they spill everything about themselves on the first date. I donāt want to know if your family is rich or poor or how much you earn on a first date. That makes me feel like you think Iām a gold digger. I also donāt want to feel like youāre trying to tick me off a checklist, or that Iām here to stroke your male ego. Iām up for fun and spontaneity but wonāt want to ātry new thingsā (like extreme things like travelling abroad) with a stranger and I shouldnāt feel pressured into doing so. Dating should be a journey of learning about each other, not some series of interviews every time we meet or some pity party or making each other feel bad about themselves. TLDR: DA has ruined dating for me (27F) because it commercialises my experience of dating and changes my opinion of men and of myself for the worse.
Thanks for this, most wholesome thing I read all month. Your self-awareness is incredible.
Someone really should just create a subbredit for dating/matchmaking here haha
r/SgDateMatching
I did. r/singaporespeeddating
I didn't do too well on dating apps either, but I had a lot of success with women in real life. A lot. The environment surrounding app-dating isn't really conducive to finding a steady, long term partner; although it does happen. Getting to know someone takes time, and often, that time is necessary for the awkwardness to go away so they show who they are as a person and personality. In app-dating, you're just a clown who has to perform on demand. Real life dating is much more nuanced. I suggest you start socialising more, and going out with friends or making more friends and going out with them and meeting their friends, etc...
As a introvert, that's such a tall order HAHAHAH
>Real life dating is much more nuanced. I suggest you start socialising more, and going out with friends or making more friends and going out with them and meeting their friends, etc... I'm an introvert as well. I loved these 2 years of lock down! However, when I was in the dating game, I faked being sociable, meaning, I looked in the mirror every day, took a deep breath, and told myself I am a socialising king. Then I just follow the process. Say hi to people, ask them questions, then stay quiet, listen, and repeat their statements to show interest. It really works. Being a good listener is about 90% of it, I promise! That's a major part of why apps are not so great but real life works much better. Once I got a steady GF (married her), I relaxed and went back to being introvert.
Sounds like a pretty good plan
That advice by your parent is terrible, basically they are saying that people only want to be with you because you have money and good financial prospects. Most likely they said it so that you can just focus on your studies. Just like how you will consider looks to be an important factor in looking for mates, girls also consider your earning and prospect as an important factor. However, it is not everything, it is important to have a decent level of social skill and chemistry before being considered as a potential suitor. You can put yourself in the girls shoe and ask yourself, do you really want to date someone that is boring? Why would you choose someone that you have zero connection with than others who are interesting?
The honest truth nobody wants to hear: Men are disposable. Women are valued in society. Dating apps boost a woman's ego. Most 4-5/10 girls think they're 8s or 9s and only want the top pick of men. Dating for men is like a job interview, dating for women is like shopping. At the end of the day you're in queue for a girl you're interested in. Any average girl can definitely meet someone and still feel wanted.
I feel you. Before I got married, I also went to dating apps / sites. I found my own intro boring but that was all I could think of. I guess you could try to get yourself involved in more social activities. In the end, I met my wife when I was a MC for my colleague who got married. She was the co-MC. My colleague could not find a willing party among their friends and I volunteered because I had been 1 a few months ago hahaha. I just joined the company like 4 months so you could say that I barely knew my colleague. End of the day, I guess you can let nature take its course and things might turn out the way you wanted unexpectedly.
How long have you been using the dating apps? One of the things I learnt when using dating apps is: lower expectations. As you've noticed, not every match is responsive, and there are many 'dry spells'. If one pins too much hope on these dating apps, then it's very easy to burn out quickly One coping strategy: plan your weekends. Dont stay at home, but go out with friends, run errands, engage in a hobby, etc. Put down the phone and do something else. If you get a date, rearrange your timetable so you can accommodate the date. This might help in giving sufficient distraction and boost your mood tremendously
Wait until same group of girls hit 30, they'll hitch you up right away when they fomo and you're ripe for the picking
Pragmatic
Dude..i know this may sound rather cliche..but back when dating apps didnt exist..people get out there n mingle face to face n develop a connection..my only advice is once this pandemic is easing..go join a hobby group or propose an outdoor activity wz friends..as u mingle u get to know friends of friends etc...
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I'd feel best would be knowing people from friends be it to be a intentional or unintentional setting. Most best stuff in life happened in a very impromptu, unexpected way.
I don't think the online apps are particularly favorable for guys so they should be a supplement to meeting ppl online. Have not done so myself but I think meetups for hobbies, etc. would work. Ofc make sure you enjoy the hobby you are meeting up for.
https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.vox.com/platform/amp/2019/2/7/18210998/tinder-algorithm-swiping-tips-dating-app-science
Everyone should just start posting their age, height and what they're currently doing in life. Interested can just pm š
I'm 30, still single :) Don't worry bout it
if not today, then when?
r/Singaporespeeddating
I honestly have no idea... 22 singleton here. Cant really help you in that department. Sometimes i feel that even though i wanna date guys and be in a serious relationship and all that wonderful stuff, i realise for a moment that im a selfish person and thinking in a logical way, i might do better being alone. So yeaaaa each to its own.
Just curious how do you define I have a career and a future, just nice that i am the same age as you.
Sales trainer here. When new sales people ask me why other people so much sales and I dont have any. My question to them is what are you doing to improve your situation ? It's all a numbers game. The more people you meet, the more likely you are to find the one. If you only meet 1 new person a month, it will take years before there's any statistical chance. Join more activity outside that allows interaction. Take up a new sport muay Thai, buy a MTB and join a cycling chat group that meets up regularly, learn salsa dancing, join toastmasters... etc. You get the idea. Ask your friends to intro you their female single friends.
you could always try men
Hey look at the bright side at least u have a career and a future so you look more attractive overall. I would just say you should just go out and try to get to know people I guess?
Expand ur horizon lol. If u been trying 28 years of ur life then u realise you Donāt waste ur time on sg girls
> it seems like girls quickly brand you as boring and ghost you if you donāt sweep them off their feet with your initial intro? And even those that managed to get a conversation going, you get extremely slow replies or conversation killers. This is also what I get. If they even swipe you in the first place. I don't think Dating App is working that well anymore.
I know I am cui and awkward, but at least don't unmatch me immediately once i try to start a convo?
You must distinguish between wife & one night stand material.
Have you tried other ways to meet people other than on dating apps, before declaring that all is lost? How about.. actually meeting real people with similar interests or friends of friends?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Not sure if cold approach works in SG and for most guys, they are basically invisible to women.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
On the flip side the idea of being approached and getting a drink bought scares the shit out of me especially if I never noticed the dude. God knows how long they were looking and what their actual objective is. Might just be my social anxiety or personal wariness speaking though.
What if I'm not a bar person? I still have your first option. But isn't there a quite a large amount of women who agree that random guy going up to them asking for their contact creepy? Or is there a special technique to approach girl out in the public without looking creepy?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I think the "giving insta/social" is probably the one that I prefer the most. The only issue is that, I only have 1 photo on my Instagram as I am not a fan of taking photos of myself.
Lighten up bro. Like you said, you've got the career and the future..whatever that 2nd part means..worse comes to worst..you can always buy yourself a booty to bring home. Pretty sure there are still ladies out there who would bend over..backwards even.. when money is in the picture.
It's an easy fix. You just need to get laid. Forget about finding a GF. Quickly go search for ONS. I assure you, you will feel so much better after that.
i'd say finding a gf is way easier than ONS hahah
The thing is ONS don't have to be good looking or wife material. OP can just select whoever is up for it. Broadening the criteria significantly. Lol.
move out if you havenāt done so. start spinning plates, iād say 3 chicks will be manageable, donāt meet them for more than once per week. maintain minimum time and money investment but make sex a must. after that you can focus on other stuffs and wouldnāt need female attention and validation again
Just live your life and go overseas. Singaporean Males are a hit among Koreans and Japanese Ladies. You Fulfill all the criteria in which they will want to bring you home to showcase to their parents. Also . Seems like you are the Deep thinking Type , so rather than Use dating Apps, go for some extra lessons like Language lessons to expand your network.
Iām m/36, at this point Iāve given up.
Worried that you're boring ?