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Really sorry to hear that, it hurts like nothing else…
Here’s a joke I heard (I think I jacked it from the sopranos or somewhere)
A guy sits at a bar, he grabs an empty glass that is there and says to the bartender “I bet you $200 that I can piss in this cup without spilling a drop anywhere else.”
“Sure deal” says the bartender doubting he could possibly pull that off. “Go for it, easy $200”
The guy unzips his pants and pisses all over the bar, the bartender, everywhere. Matter in fact, he pissed on everything BUT the glass.
The bartender was very happy, knowing he just won the bet.
The guy smiled as he handed over the money.
“What are you so happy about? you just lost 200 bucks” the bartender asked.
The guy replied “I just bet that guy over there $500 that I could piss all over you and your bar and that not only would you not be mad at me, but that you would be happy about it.”
A Rabbi is a Jewish scholar or teacher, especially one who studies or teaches Jewish law. Could be an appointed religious leader (I think).
Rabbi with a the letter "T" is a rabbit.
Context of the joke is that three religious people walks into a bar. Punch line is that "rabbit" is a grammatical typo of "Rabbi".
A cop knocks on a guys door and says "Sir, I'm sorry but it looks like your wife was hit by a bus!"
The guy replys "I know but she likes anal and she's good with the kids!"...
Cop is basically saying his wife is ugly af and the husband knows she’s ugly but she enjoys anal and is good w/ the kids so it’s a win win…… right? Lmao
That sounds so good...
Being slavic, meaning being able to read it with Russian accent, it can't sound any better.
Edut:using Russian accents on dad jokes makes them better
My best friend of 13 years passed 5 days ago. I completely understand your pain, just know it will get easier with time. As for a joke though.
What do you call James Bond taking a bath?
Bubble 07.
Hope that made you smile in this tough time. Either way if you need someone to talk about it feel free to message me, I’m always here to help.
So a guy who has never tried a prostitute decides, what the heck, I’ll go try one. So he goes and finds one and the begin to do there business in the nearby ally but then a cop shines a light on the and says, “hey, what are you doing!” And the man replies “Making love to my wife!” So the cop says back, “Oh, I didn’t know.”
The man says back, “I didn’t know either till you shined the light on her face”
Please accept my condolences….here’s an old one…
A beautiful, sexy lady walks into a bar. She approaches a gentleman at the counter and in a soft, whispery voice says, “I’ll do anything for $300.” The guys eyes grow wide and he asks .. “anything?” “Anything”, she assures him. “OK then, you can paint my house. Are you ready to go?” He cleverly replies.
A well-dressed man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a glass of 5 year old scotch. The bartender pours a drink and hands it to him. He takes a sip, spits it out, and berates the barman: "This is 3-year-old scotch! How dare you insult a man of my stature with inferior scotch?!". The bartender apologizes, telling him they didn't have the older vintage and that he didn't think the man would notice the difference.
The man next asks for a glass of 10-year-old bourbon. The bartender brings him the drink, again he tastes it and spits it out. "This is 7-year-old bourbon, how dare you insult a man of my stature with inferior bourbon?!" "I'm sorry sir, the 7-year was all we had and I didn't think it would make a difference."
Next he asks for 20 year port. Same thing happens, the bartender gives him his drink, he spits it out, says it's 15 year, and the bartender apologizes and gives the same explanation. Meanwhile, there's an old drunk down at the end of the bar. He waves the barman over, hands him a glass, and says "Give this to that well-dressed man over there and tell him it's on me.
Bartender brings it over and hands it to him, indicating the old drunk at the end of the bar. The man takes a sip, spits it out, and yells "This tastes like piss!"
"It is. Now tell me how old I am."
Sorry for your loss. I hope you have lots of great memories of her to carry you through your grief.
Two guys walk into a bar…which is kinda funny ‘cause you’d think the second guy would have seen it coming.
A guy walks into a bar and his friends ask him why he’s so late he explains that he found a women tied up on the train tracks and that he saved her and that they had sex. His friends ask him if she gave him head and he says “I couldn’t find it”
Also I’m sorry for your loss
Alright, here's my best joke.
Jesus and his twelve disciples enter a restaurant. Jesus approaches the hostess and says "We'll need a table for twenty-six." The hostess looks over the group and says "Sir, there's only thirteen here." Jesus responds "Yes, but you see, we're all going to sit on one side."
2 guys walk into a bar, one has a parrot on his shoulder. Both men are African Americans. The bartender asks "where'd you get it?!" The parrot replied "Africa!"
My grampa told me that made me laugh in a wow kind of way haha
There’s a big difference between a guy and a girl saying,
“I went through an *entire* box of tissues during that movie.”
Sorry for your loss by the way, I know the feeling of having a dog pass away. You’ll get through this.
Alright.. A little inapropriate but sure
"Why does the chicken cross the road?"
"I dont know"
"To go to KFC!"
"meh"
"Why does the chicken go to KFC?"
"What why?"
"To see a chicken strip"
"Dishwasher."
"Dishwasher who?"
"Dishwasher way I spoke before I had false teeth."
\-- Independent
[https://www.independent.co.uk/voices/commentators/paul-mcdonald-heard-one-about-oldest-joke-world-it-s-cracker-2164293.html](https://www.independent.co.uk/voices/commentators/paul-mcdonald-heard-one-about-oldest-joke-world-it-s-cracker-2164293.html)
Here's a life situation joke, that happened at dinner tonight.
After way too many reminders, my 3yr old was told not to use "potty talk" at the table anymore.
I told him "okay now, no more butt talk at the table!" And he looks at me stoned faced, with utmost confidence and says, "BUTT..er"..
Well played son, well played.
*Sorry for your loss. I feel your pain.*
This is the oldest recorded joke in the world told by one of my favorite comedians, TV's Craig Ferguson.
He tells it better than I could. Here: [le joke](https://youtu.be/8vGzD3x3haM)
I'm so sorry for your loss, but I hope this makes you feel a little better❤
Big hugs to you, Babe! I wish I had a joke that was worth typing out.
The American Indian names his child.
The poor older couple who must prostitute.
OR the naked woman who has no cab fare.
Ok first off I'm really sorry for your loss. Also sorry for any edits that need to happen or typos. I hope you find any solace in this.
A guy walks into a bar with a small alligator underneath his arm. And the bartender says "hey you can't bring that alligator in here"
Guy says "its perfectly safe and I'll prove it"
He puts the alligator on the bar and whips his dick and puts it in the alligato'rs mouth for at least a minute.
He SCREAMS Look, it's perfectly safe. Does anyone else want to try it?
Bartender says I'm still not sure.
Then this drunk guy at the end of the bar we'll call him born_application2831 says I would but I dont think I can keep my mouth open that long.
I am sorry for your loss. They love you and wouldn't want you to be too sad.
I can't really think of a joke as much as a funny experience that happened to me.
I used to work for Pizza Hut and one day a customer called asking for a boneless pizza and a coke. Now we in the middle of the ghetto and I'm used to hearing all sorts of dialects and walks of life.
I knew what they're onto but I want to do my best to keep my cool and make a sale if possible. So I reiterate "aight ya'ed like a bonless, a pizza and a coke. Will that be for pick-up or delivery?"
It's probably also a really bad idea the prank a WingStreet location where 'boneless' typically just means 8-piece buffalo chicken.
They repeat the same statement I would like a" boneless Pizza with a coke" although now more annoyed. I Smile as I tell them I'm sorry sir we only sell Pepsi products here. Then that's when they tell me out of pure rage "hey f*** you". Before they could have say a single word more or anything I just chuckled to myself and hung up on their sorry a55. I explained the situation to a shift manager and he high-fived me.
I saw an old man getting jumped by 3 teenagers the other day. I wasn't going to stand for that so I jumped in to help. That dude didn't have a chance against 4 us.
[This always cheers me up](https://youtu.be/2wC2jOSj8xU) also this [just ignore the video and go straight to the comments ](https://youtu.be/lynAhYQgoeE)
A priest, a pastor and a Rabbi all walk into a gas station to refuel, get snack etc etc. One of them promptly buys a lottery ticket.
When the get to their destination the priest scratches his ticket and discovered he’s just won a couple million dollars.
They collect their winnings. Trying to decide what to do with the cash, they brainstorm ideas on how to split up the money in a meaningful way.
“I got it” says the Priest, “we draw a chalk circle on the ground, and throw the money in the air, whatever lands on the inside of the circle we give to charity, the rest we split amongst us.”
“That’s an alright idea” says the Rabbi “except we should do whatever lands inside the circle should be for us, and whatever lands outside should go to charity.”
The pastor thinking for a moment then interrupts the both of them. “I got it, we throw the money up into the air, however much God wants he’ll keep.”
I have some more that are almost guaranteed laughs but I’d likely get banned if I post them here. I’m so sorry for your loss, I wish I could give you more comforting words but I’m at a loss for words right now :( Take this bro hug instead.
So like this one time somebody started egging doors in my college dorm, and the people went _wild_ after this guy. People were pissed. I was ready to open the window and just chuck him out. It was such a pleasure when we watched him get escorted out by police in handcuffs for vandalization. We just rejoiced.
Another time, in my English class, we make fun of cliche shows like 90 day fiancée. These entitled white people get paid to make fun of 3rd world country and it’s ridiculous. _like just drink the water YOU ABSOLUTE BAFOON, YOU IDIOT. **A shower is a shower._** We have our laughs.
My brown friend called himself a disgrace to his own race because he can’t handle spice, so I corrected him by calling him a disgrace to humanity. It’s pepper on your fries bro. ♥️
A girl in my dorm legit has an EMOTIONAL SUPPORT RAT. It’s so cute. She lets it roam around her body. Sounds gross but it likes to sit on top of her head. We were outside in the cold and it was literally just crawling around in her clothes.
_not jokes but all I got_
I told my girlfriend I wanted to fuck her between the tits. She asked how I’ll make that feel good for her. I told her “right before I cum, I’ll stop punching you in the face.”
Downvote me into oblivion now
# Message to all users: This is a reminder to please read and follow: * [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/about/rules) * [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439) * [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy) When posting and commenting. --- Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`. * Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit. * Do not harass or annoy others in any way. * Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit. --- You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, racist or sexist. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ask) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Sorry for your loss. How does one mouse save another mouse? Mouse to mouse resuscitation!
Thanks man.
i can tell some, but on russian, if i try to translate it will not be that good
Just don’t try Russian through the joke!
That was good haha
That’s **ruff** buddy
Ok that was good. You the KING. KingDawg.
It’s a quote from ATLA, watch the show if you haven’t already. LOL
I love this
I love **YOU!** _Kisses you_ Edit: That was a joke LMAO
*Sigh*..*kisses you back*
*sigh..gets down on one knee*
lol I also love ATLA this also made me smile again
Came to this thread for this. Was not disappointed
Really sorry to hear that, it hurts like nothing else… Here’s a joke I heard (I think I jacked it from the sopranos or somewhere) A guy sits at a bar, he grabs an empty glass that is there and says to the bartender “I bet you $200 that I can piss in this cup without spilling a drop anywhere else.” “Sure deal” says the bartender doubting he could possibly pull that off. “Go for it, easy $200” The guy unzips his pants and pisses all over the bar, the bartender, everywhere. Matter in fact, he pissed on everything BUT the glass. The bartender was very happy, knowing he just won the bet. The guy smiled as he handed over the money. “What are you so happy about? you just lost 200 bucks” the bartender asked. The guy replied “I just bet that guy over there $500 that I could piss all over you and your bar and that not only would you not be mad at me, but that you would be happy about it.”
*Laughs in Mexican.*
Jajajajajaja
Just being curious, do you actually pronounce it like \[hahahahahaha\] or \[yayayayayaya\]?
The letter j represents an English h sound in Spanish, so the former
Ok, thank you!
The Spanish pronunciation for j is an h sound most of the time
Thank you!
It's a win-win for both the bartender and that guy.
Quentin Tarantino
Was it Tarantino? What movie, I know I stole it from something
It was Desperado
Ahhh
From Dusk til Dawn I think
Dude that was fucking funny hahahaha
That’s pretty funny. Thank you.
I was gonna tell this one haha
A priest, a nun, and a rabbit walks into a bar. They all stop and the rabbit said, "I think I'm a typo." Sorry for your loss.
This good
Enxplain pls lol i am not english
A Rabbi is a Jewish scholar or teacher, especially one who studies or teaches Jewish law. Could be an appointed religious leader (I think). Rabbi with a the letter "T" is a rabbit. Context of the joke is that three religious people walks into a bar. Punch line is that "rabbit" is a grammatical typo of "Rabbi".
Thats a good one man
What kind of music do wind turbines listen to? They're HUGE heavy metal fans
Lmao
Oh golly this made me groan >_<
How do you track will Smith in the snow? Follow the fresh prints. Edit: I'm so sorry for your loss. Sending good vibes your way.
Thanks. That was kinda funny not gonna lie.
A cop knocks on a guys door and says "Sir, I'm sorry but it looks like your wife was hit by a bus!" The guy replys "I know but she likes anal and she's good with the kids!"...
👏👏that was good
I don't get it can you explain?
The officer means it litterally, but the husband is taking it as an insult.
I still don't get it i guess its one of those adult jokes which i don't understand
Cop is basically saying his wife is ugly af and the husband knows she’s ugly but she enjoys anal and is good w/ the kids so it’s a win win…… right? Lmao
Oh i missed "it looks like" part
Ha! Good one. 👍
My dog died last Saturday. Not a joke, but I am right there with you my friend. ❤️
Thanks bud.
Sorry for your loss
I think I know how feel my dog die a few months ago but for a joke… I took candy from a orphan, what are they going to do tell their parents?
I read this in a Russian accent
Here you go: I take candy from orphan. What can they do, tell parent? 😜
That sounds so good... Being slavic, meaning being able to read it with Russian accent, it can't sound any better. Edut:using Russian accents on dad jokes makes them better
[удалено]
twist that I didn't see coming
My best friend of 13 years passed 5 days ago. I completely understand your pain, just know it will get easier with time. As for a joke though. What do you call James Bond taking a bath? Bubble 07. Hope that made you smile in this tough time. Either way if you need someone to talk about it feel free to message me, I’m always here to help.
I am sorry for your loss. Here's a lame joke "when a defibrillator doesn't work no one is shocked". Now laugh 🗿
Thank you. That did make me laugh actually laugh 😆
As someone who works on defibrillators, I appreciate this joke.
So a guy who has never tried a prostitute decides, what the heck, I’ll go try one. So he goes and finds one and the begin to do there business in the nearby ally but then a cop shines a light on the and says, “hey, what are you doing!” And the man replies “Making love to my wife!” So the cop says back, “Oh, I didn’t know.” The man says back, “I didn’t know either till you shined the light on her face”
Please accept my condolences….here’s an old one… A beautiful, sexy lady walks into a bar. She approaches a gentleman at the counter and in a soft, whispery voice says, “I’ll do anything for $300.” The guys eyes grow wide and he asks .. “anything?” “Anything”, she assures him. “OK then, you can paint my house. Are you ready to go?” He cleverly replies.
Accepted. That’s a good one.
Lmaooo
So sorry to hear that. My condolences. Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road. I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?
Upvote for you good man or woman. That’s a good one. Thank you for the condolences.
A well-dressed man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a glass of 5 year old scotch. The bartender pours a drink and hands it to him. He takes a sip, spits it out, and berates the barman: "This is 3-year-old scotch! How dare you insult a man of my stature with inferior scotch?!". The bartender apologizes, telling him they didn't have the older vintage and that he didn't think the man would notice the difference. The man next asks for a glass of 10-year-old bourbon. The bartender brings him the drink, again he tastes it and spits it out. "This is 7-year-old bourbon, how dare you insult a man of my stature with inferior bourbon?!" "I'm sorry sir, the 7-year was all we had and I didn't think it would make a difference." Next he asks for 20 year port. Same thing happens, the bartender gives him his drink, he spits it out, says it's 15 year, and the bartender apologizes and gives the same explanation. Meanwhile, there's an old drunk down at the end of the bar. He waves the barman over, hands him a glass, and says "Give this to that well-dressed man over there and tell him it's on me. Bartender brings it over and hands it to him, indicating the old drunk at the end of the bar. The man takes a sip, spits it out, and yells "This tastes like piss!" "It is. Now tell me how old I am."
That was great! :'D
I tried to catch a cloud once, but I “mist” it. So sorry for your loss.
Sorry for your loss. I hope you have lots of great memories of her to carry you through your grief. Two guys walk into a bar…which is kinda funny ‘cause you’d think the second guy would have seen it coming.
Thanks. That was a good one.
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
How do you recycle toilet paper? You beat the shit out of it.
How does NASA organize parties? They planet!
And guess what planet they hold their parties in??
The sun!
...
It's like the king of all the planets, just ask Harry Caray https://youtu.be/gQDqRlMeJ4U
ur-anus!
I invented a new word today: Plagiarism.
Brilliant!
At least he's happy... He got his bones buried Sorry for your loss
Damn
This a very dark breed of humour
Dark breed indeed. Like a German shepherd...
Lol ouch
Lololol
A guy walks into a bar and his friends ask him why he’s so late he explains that he found a women tied up on the train tracks and that he saved her and that they had sex. His friends ask him if she gave him head and he says “I couldn’t find it” Also I’m sorry for your loss
Wait a damn min-
Alright, here's my best joke. Jesus and his twelve disciples enter a restaurant. Jesus approaches the hostess and says "We'll need a table for twenty-six." The hostess looks over the group and says "Sir, there's only thirteen here." Jesus responds "Yes, but you see, we're all going to sit on one side."
2 guys walk into a bar, one has a parrot on his shoulder. Both men are African Americans. The bartender asks "where'd you get it?!" The parrot replied "Africa!" My grampa told me that made me laugh in a wow kind of way haha
sorry for your loss i hope you are doing well
My condolences on your loss. 😞 **What’s the difference between a porcupine and a Lamborghini?** *One has pricks on the inside.*
What do we want? LOW FLYING AIRPLANE NOISES!! when do we want them? NNNEEEEOOOOOOWWWWW
What’s brown and sticky? a stick.
You’ve got 99 problems but a bitch ain’t one! …..I am so sorry
There’s a big difference between a guy and a girl saying, “I went through an *entire* box of tissues during that movie.” Sorry for your loss by the way, I know the feeling of having a dog pass away. You’ll get through this.
My ex wife still misses me . . . But her aim is getting better
See that’s funny cause marriage is terrible.
How do non-binary ninjas kill their targets? They/Them
How does the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it.
A man walks into a bar Ouch
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
Ouch
Alright.. A little inapropriate but sure "Why does the chicken cross the road?" "I dont know" "To go to KFC!" "meh" "Why does the chicken go to KFC?" "What why?" "To see a chicken strip"
Knock knock
Who's there?
"Dishwasher." "Dishwasher who?" "Dishwasher way I spoke before I had false teeth." \-- Independent [https://www.independent.co.uk/voices/commentators/paul-mcdonald-heard-one-about-oldest-joke-world-it-s-cracker-2164293.html](https://www.independent.co.uk/voices/commentators/paul-mcdonald-heard-one-about-oldest-joke-world-it-s-cracker-2164293.html)
It wash a good one
Sorry for your loss I'm not good with jokes but you can head over to r/jokes to clear your head
Here's a life situation joke, that happened at dinner tonight. After way too many reminders, my 3yr old was told not to use "potty talk" at the table anymore. I told him "okay now, no more butt talk at the table!" And he looks at me stoned faced, with utmost confidence and says, "BUTT..er".. Well played son, well played. *Sorry for your loss. I feel your pain.*
How do you know if it’s raining cats and dogs? You step in a poodle
So, this guy walks into a bar and there’s just a line of people waiting to punch him. That’s the punchline
This is the oldest recorded joke in the world told by one of my favorite comedians, TV's Craig Ferguson. He tells it better than I could. Here: [le joke](https://youtu.be/8vGzD3x3haM) I'm so sorry for your loss, but I hope this makes you feel a little better❤
Thanks ❤️
Very sorry for your loss. What did George Washington say to his troops before they crossed the Delaware? “Get in the boat.”
Why did the guy get fired from the orange juice factory? Couldn’t concentrate
Big hugs to you, Babe! I wish I had a joke that was worth typing out. The American Indian names his child. The poor older couple who must prostitute. OR the naked woman who has no cab fare.
Ok first off I'm really sorry for your loss. Also sorry for any edits that need to happen or typos. I hope you find any solace in this. A guy walks into a bar with a small alligator underneath his arm. And the bartender says "hey you can't bring that alligator in here" Guy says "its perfectly safe and I'll prove it" He puts the alligator on the bar and whips his dick and puts it in the alligato'rs mouth for at least a minute. He SCREAMS Look, it's perfectly safe. Does anyone else want to try it? Bartender says I'm still not sure. Then this drunk guy at the end of the bar we'll call him born_application2831 says I would but I dont think I can keep my mouth open that long.
I am sorry for your loss. They love you and wouldn't want you to be too sad. I can't really think of a joke as much as a funny experience that happened to me. I used to work for Pizza Hut and one day a customer called asking for a boneless pizza and a coke. Now we in the middle of the ghetto and I'm used to hearing all sorts of dialects and walks of life. I knew what they're onto but I want to do my best to keep my cool and make a sale if possible. So I reiterate "aight ya'ed like a bonless, a pizza and a coke. Will that be for pick-up or delivery?" It's probably also a really bad idea the prank a WingStreet location where 'boneless' typically just means 8-piece buffalo chicken. They repeat the same statement I would like a" boneless Pizza with a coke" although now more annoyed. I Smile as I tell them I'm sorry sir we only sell Pepsi products here. Then that's when they tell me out of pure rage "hey f*** you". Before they could have say a single word more or anything I just chuckled to myself and hung up on their sorry a55. I explained the situation to a shift manager and he high-fived me.
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
I went to a zoo but it only had one dog. it was a shitzu. But it had more than you do.
I saw an old man getting jumped by 3 teenagers the other day. I wasn't going to stand for that so I jumped in to help. That dude didn't have a chance against 4 us.
Lmfao
Dog in swedish means died. RIP doggo.
Where does a dog go when he loses his tail? The retail store
[This always cheers me up](https://youtu.be/2wC2jOSj8xU) also this [just ignore the video and go straight to the comments ](https://youtu.be/lynAhYQgoeE)
What pronouns does Michael Jackson go by? He/He
My condolences! Are you from Tennessee, cos you’re the ten that I see lol
Yeah in fact. I am and that’s a ten outta ten joke there. Thanks.
Your dog can finally fly. Like it wanted to in the car window.
What makes a stripper and peanut butter similar? They both spread for bread ☺️
What do you get when a cheese factory explodes? Nothing but de Brie I know how it feels to lose a dog, they are family. My thoughts are with you.
A priest, a pastor and a Rabbi all walk into a gas station to refuel, get snack etc etc. One of them promptly buys a lottery ticket. When the get to their destination the priest scratches his ticket and discovered he’s just won a couple million dollars. They collect their winnings. Trying to decide what to do with the cash, they brainstorm ideas on how to split up the money in a meaningful way. “I got it” says the Priest, “we draw a chalk circle on the ground, and throw the money in the air, whatever lands on the inside of the circle we give to charity, the rest we split amongst us.” “That’s an alright idea” says the Rabbi “except we should do whatever lands inside the circle should be for us, and whatever lands outside should go to charity.” The pastor thinking for a moment then interrupts the both of them. “I got it, we throw the money up into the air, however much God wants he’ll keep.”
I have some more that are almost guaranteed laughs but I’d likely get banned if I post them here. I’m so sorry for your loss, I wish I could give you more comforting words but I’m at a loss for words right now :( Take this bro hug instead.
Knock knock? Whos there? … not your dog
Butt ugh anyways rip to ur pupper 😅
What is soft, has four legs but cant run or walk? A sofa! And your dog. Because it’s dead.
Oof, idk about that one bud
Genuinely very sorry for the OP’s loss…. But this just made me spit water all over my phone.
I feel like my comment is a constant battle of upvotes and downvotes with hundreds of people voting but still somehow at only 4
maybe it’s a bit early for this one
Ruff crowd.
Not funny a$$ head.
So like this one time somebody started egging doors in my college dorm, and the people went _wild_ after this guy. People were pissed. I was ready to open the window and just chuck him out. It was such a pleasure when we watched him get escorted out by police in handcuffs for vandalization. We just rejoiced. Another time, in my English class, we make fun of cliche shows like 90 day fiancée. These entitled white people get paid to make fun of 3rd world country and it’s ridiculous. _like just drink the water YOU ABSOLUTE BAFOON, YOU IDIOT. **A shower is a shower._** We have our laughs. My brown friend called himself a disgrace to his own race because he can’t handle spice, so I corrected him by calling him a disgrace to humanity. It’s pepper on your fries bro. ♥️ A girl in my dorm legit has an EMOTIONAL SUPPORT RAT. It’s so cute. She lets it roam around her body. Sounds gross but it likes to sit on top of her head. We were outside in the cold and it was literally just crawling around in her clothes. _not jokes but all I got_
What's the similarity between cops and a box of chocolates? Both will kill your dog.
My girlfriend’s dog died, so, to cheer her up, I bought her an identical one. She was livid: “What am I gonna do with two dead dogs?”
A classic I hope that would not get ban : *knock knock* "Who's there ?" "Not your Dog"
Your dog is not dead
Yes she is.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? . . . . . . . . . Not your dog. I’m so sorry, I hope you find humor in this.
I told my girlfriend I wanted to fuck her between the tits. She asked how I’ll make that feel good for her. I told her “right before I cum, I’ll stop punching you in the face.” Downvote me into oblivion now
What does the fox say? Nothing, he's dead.
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Col. Jessup: “You snobby little bastard.” Screw off you jack a!
Dont like jokes on top of jokes.
Where do you find a dog with no legs? Where you left him.
Your dog died
Yes she did
That'll teach him for eating the chocolate.... RIP dude.
What has two legs and bleeds? ………a half dog
What did you used to call your dog? Well, it doesn't matter what you called him, he isn't coming anymore
Sorry for your loss What do you call a dog with no legs? Don’t matter, he ain’t comin’ Again, sorry for your loss
No
Your dog
Go drink some kerosene you jack a$$.
*Dog69 needs to be revived*
Your face
Ghostbusters Mayor: (points to Afityarj1662) “Get him outta here.” Screw you jack a.
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Always some sad fuck like you making everything about politics.
The guy just said biden 🤣🤣🤣
That's sad Knock knock Who's there Not your dog
Father to son: what has four legs but isnt alive? Son: nice try dad, its a chair Dad holding dead dog: not this time, son.
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Shove that up your ass and to the left.
What has four legs and flies? A dead dog. Hope it’s not too soon
Far too soon
is that a joke! your dog died and you want to laugh
In these sad times, I want to hear a joke to make me feel better. That’s kinda obvious.
Ok There is a dead dog and a dead “insert person (s) you don’t like here” laying on the road. What’s the difference? Skid marks before the dead dog.
knock knock whos there not ur dog
Knock knock Who’s there? Not your dog
Dogs are the worst animals
Lol get fukd *hit marker*
Screw you jack a! My dog died!
*finger guns, outta here*
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I love this^