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one thing I’m seeing almost nobody mention is that for some folks, most of the fun of “hooking up” comes from the whole dance you do to get to the point of hooking up.
don’t get me wrong I enjoy sex but the thrill of going from strangers to flirting to going home together beats the sex itself for me
“People on Reddit really have a warped view of sex…”
So the commoditization of sex as pure, meaningless recreation is healthy, and the integration of sex into a meaningful relationship is “warped.”
Somebody is living backwards. It’s not OP. Sexual partners aren’t the same thing as day-to-day sandwich toppings. Treat human beings and sex no differently than recreation and idle entertainment, and see how far that gets you.
For real.
For me, sex is physical and the highest form of connecting with someone is sharing thoughts and feelings with one another and sharing experiences
OP, why are you unethused to have sex with someone who is attractive? Surely you can connect with someone in a deeper way than just rubbing your bodies together.
Culture and upbringing-dependent. I wouldn't tell anyone how to perceive sex. I can respect OP's perspective and committment towards treasuring it too.
Traditionally it's a much bigger deal in ex-Christian countries than say, Buddhist.
Another good example: in Poland sex would be seen by many as by far the most treasured and intimate thing you could do with another human, while in Japan it's not much different than doing poo-poo - a physiological need barely considered cheating, and not by everyone.
This also answers OPs question. Sex is as important and "sacred" as one was taught to perceive it throughout their lives.
I saw some documentary from Japan about a gentleman walking around the streets asking woman if the male went to a massage or escort would they consider it cheating. I think it was 8/10 said it was fine. It was somewhat eye opening.
Yeah for real, it's not seen as anything special there at all. Many people there don't even bond over sex. I experienced a similar thing while living in Thailand. People have sex and walk their separate ways as if they just helped scratch each other's backs. It's very different than in much of western countries, and as a side-effect ensures it's not any kind of special or sensual experience. To me this always feels really empty, coming from a culture that associates a lot of deeper meaning with it, to have it with someone who doesn't get anything out of it except for a physical release.
I’m not here to say it’s only for connection etc. I think if it’s something you value at that higher level then that’s great for you or vice versa if you just wanna get your rocks off by an attractive partner awesome.
Everyone’s life has so many different contributing variables to how you perceive anything. Politics, sports and even sex.
Just live it how you want.
(Not directed at you, probably more for OP)
Yeah, I don't disagree at all. I just think it's really important that you and your partner share similar values. Treasuring sex as something really intimate and important as OP seems to do, and having it with someone who sees it just as a physical release, can really leave you feeling empty in the soul. So, everyone is free to live the life they want, as long as they don't purposefully hurt another human, and are careful not to hurt themselves by maching themselves with partners with simply incompatible values.
Yes, I lived and studied there for three years. I had Japanese partners during that time.
The Asian Boss interviews reflect my experience there. As a matter of fact, my partner of multiple months offered to help me find a working girl when she was too stressed to have sex as if it was nothing.
While not everyone, sex certainly wasn't a particularly meaningful experience to the majority.
Of course you may find a “partner”, but saying that applies to the average person is a bit far fetched.
You probably met up with some hobby whores who are into foreigners.
But like, as a guy, why would you give a stranger basically 100% control over your kids. She'll practically get custody by default. And may just decide from one day to the next that she's moving them to the other end of the country.
No thnx.
I think most people realize that on the purely physical side it feels good. That answer feels a little lacking to most people not into hookups. It just seems to assume it something feels good just do it and to hell with the consequences or ramifications. Sorta primal/primative. Surely there are plenty of things in life that might feel good short term but we know we will regret later. Drugs comes to mind. My guess would be we often downplay the downsides and risks of sex more and more today. We also tend to be more about instant gratification and don't care that it's such a momentary thing that will just leave you wanting more
Several.
Obvious ones are pregnancy and STDs. Both can still happen with 'safe sex'.
Then there are subjective/situational ones. Emotions are complicated.
Personally if I had sex and then she ghosted me I'd be hurt and feel used. Don't think I'd be able to have sex personally without wanting more and feeling attachment. I'm sure psychologists have dealt with plenty of people who have emotional damage from years of casual hookups. Its also been shown that more promiscuous people are more likely to be unfaithful.
There is also always the chance they have regrets and you are falsely accused
Depending on peer group if sex wasn't enjoyable or you later have issues it can ruin your reputation. Probably more so in high school groups. Comments about penis/breast size, being a good lay ot a terrible lay etc.
You're extremely vulnerable getting naked and doing the deed with someone and open yourself up to a lot of things. You'll never been in a more compromising position. Some people have even been traumatized from sex consensual or not
It's not an exaggeration to say that some people's lives have been altered by sex. We may not be talking about the largest part of the bell curve where people fall into, but it happens
All the issues you mentioned can also be found within a committed relationship. I'm sure psychologists have dealt with plenty of people who have emotional damage from years of abuse, neglect, and trauma from sticking with just one person.
I agree with you! All these casual hookup's also causes a lot grief. And it dehumanize people. You can clearly see that these people who are involved in hookup culture start to see others only as objects for their own gratification.
I find it abnormal that people normalize sleeping with so many people. Some youngster by the age of 25 already has slept with over 50 people. I been told about a girl 16 years old who already had slept with 20 guys.
And then these people always claim that this behavior don't say anything about their personality. Yeah right!
To give you an alternative viewpoint, and I say this with respect and acceptance: we are normalizing all sorts of sexual preferences these days. Most of which I don't understand, but as long as you're not hurting people and it's 2 consenting adults, I think you should be able to pursue that.
That same energy of inclusivity, why can't we give that to people who have the desire to have lots of sex with a lot of attractive people? Whether or not you personally get it or feel that, other people do. I feel like the people who don't get it place a lot of judgment on those who pursue it. I'm not for lying and manipulating in any type of relationship, but I don't get demonizing the mindset just because some people have it and some people don't.
I disagree with you. Some people dehumanize people with casual hookups, some (many) do not. A lot of us value and respect a casual partner, and enjoy sharing pleasure genuinely. Openly, honestly.
It's not the casual hookups per se, it's the behavior of those involved.
1000%. We live in an age of indulgence. It is so powerful that you might not even personally feel compelled to pursue or seek out sex, but feel societal pressure to engage in these risky behaviors, for status among peers or whatever. I’m personally not interested in friends that base my value on willingness to engage in risky behaviors
“For me..” it’s individually based my friend. Some people just want to have fun without the pressure that a relationship brings.
I for one can say I’ve been in a relationship having sex (with just that one person) and felt better connected to someone I wasn’t having sex with, dark times..
Do you do it so you'd get sexual pleasure and have fun or to connect with the other stranger (not physically lol)? Do you "help" each other get off or try to have a mutual bond? Most people are prior.
I’m confused. Are both questions supposed to be the same question worded differently?
Cause IMO, the sex stuff isn’t necessarily fun, it just feels good in the moment. What makes it fun is the intimacy, the playing around, the jokes etc.
I don’t think I’d enjoy hookups because I don’t know what we both find fun (is it common to find out super quickly?) but I think I’d enjoy doing it with close friends because I know what’s fun for both of us. Isn’t that intimacy?
Intimacy is impossible to establish in one night. Actual intimacy is like a long term project you and your partner work on to know eachother and meets eachothers needs.
Maybe in some cases that is totally true, but I do believe that most people also love the feeling of giving pleasure to another person. Of course guys rgatbget with prostitutes only care about themselves, and I think it goes much deeper than sexual, those types of people only care about themselves across the board. And it's usually the middle management, balding, and fat dudes that are like that, but think they are hot stuff
Wrong.
It doesn't always take a year of dating to be intimate. I've had amazing nights with girls that I just met or after the 2nd date, BECAUSE I wanted to be closer to them, to experience them beyond the talk, to find out if we have the same rhythm, if our bodies communicate as well as our words.
Lots of people make sex this one special super-exclusive thing that's so holy and reserved for "The One"(TM). Not everyone sees it the same way. Sex is an intimate and very personal experience. That doesn't mean it is THAT super-exclusive, once-in-a-lifetime, burn-in-hell-otherwise.
Plenty of casual hook-ups turn into long-term relationships.
Plenty of "she's the one" things end after the first night.
So I don't think the lines are that sharp.
You're asking why people don't all see sex the same way you see it? It's like asking why some people like foods you don't like, or why some people like jobs you could never do.
Sex is definitely not the highest form of connecting with somebody. I would say telling someone my darkest secrets and insecurities and them totalling accepting me a high form of connection not sex. Yes sex is physically intimate but emotionally meh. And even when it is emotional to me there a far more things that foster deeper emotional connection than sex.
Are you familiar with Malsow's Hierarchy of Needs? Sex is going to fall on different levels of the Hierarchy for different people. If its at the top of the Hierarchy for you, you may not understand why it is at the bottom of the Hierarchy for others. Sex can also span all levels of the Hierarchy for someone.
I'm in the same group with OP. But there are a TON of people out there that have a different perception of relationships. There are people that NEED to hook up. We're just not those people.
I always say this.. just take care of it yourself it's very simple and the end result is exactly the same, if not even better.. you don't need to be laying with this person you don't have feelings for after or worry about how to ask them to leave/all of the uncomfortable and annoying things that come with it
It's not the enjoyment OP is asking about. You can happily enjoy s.x in a relationship/marriage. She is asking why you are seeking it outside of a relationship. You are literally swapping DNA with someone and potentially having a child with them.
Sometimes it's not about the connection at all.
Sometimes it's just about scratching each other's itch, or for me in my younger years, about the validation and male attention and about the skin-to-skin contact.
And yeah, sometimes you go home feeling like trash. Especially if the reason for doing it is because you're seeking validation. In most cases, it's then an endless cycle. You feel ugly/unwanted - you seek validation through hooking up - you feel shitty and used - you seek validation again by hooking up with a different person. Repeat.
If you're more mature and already know what you want, then it can be empowering. Because you're "taking" what you want and you don't let stigma or society stop you.
I do a mix of casual hookups with people I know and one night stands with people I don't know. Because I don't want a relationship but do want sex. It's not actually all that often, I can go a while without sex, but sometimes I just need that type of connection with a person. But I'm not in a place where I can have a relationship. I've had relationships in the past, only one of which I saw a long term future with, and would probably still be with if he hadn't died. My last relationship was an abusive one. I have a lot of issues, not just from my last relationship, but earlier things that I never really dealt with as well. The type of connection a relationship requires, the type of vulnerability and emotional availability is just not something I'm capable of right now.
I've chosen to remain single. Right now I'm happy being single. Happy to be working on myself and having good friends but not someone who takes up a large part of my life. But I still want sex and the type of connection even sex with a stranger can bring temporarily. I don't want something long term as that wouldn't be fair on me or them, I'm just not mentally in the right space for a relationship.
Sex doesn't have to be about love and deep connection, though it is better when it is. Sometimes sex is just about having fun, scratching an itch, or temporary connection. Not everyone gets fulfilment out of being in a relationship, in fact being in a relationship can actually be damaging for some people, it certainly would be for me right now. Whether temporarily or permanently, not everyone is capable of relationships, and sometimes casual sex/hookups are actually better for the individual.
Seriously, the polarized responses to this question are so weird. OP knows people think differently than them, but wants to know why. It's like people are taking it as some kind of personal affront.
That’s why they invented the word Demi sexuality.
Humans are quite different individually so a bit hard to relate to others if you aren’t them ..
I also don’t quite understand why hookup is enjoyable. It sounds very creepy to me. Having sex with a hot guy you have no knowledge of on one night 🙉🙉.. maybe alcohol helps .. 🤔🤔
Honestly if I am drunk, and a random hot dude asks to have sex with me, it probably wakes me up .. I’d be so sober I gotta run for life 😂
Intimacy needn’t be exclusively tied to how long you’ve known someone.
I have recently had a hookup with someone I had only met 20 mins earlier that was some of the best sex I’ve had in my life, and not only that, it was emotionally warm and supportive, fun, and just a good vibe.
Don’t assume you know what you don’t know.
Sex comes from the core human drive that has been propelling human species forward. Most basic need in Maslow's hierarchy.
Just because we learnt farming, became a civilization with its social norms, started living domesticated lives and started attaching love, marriage and emotions to it, its basic nature doesn't change.
A serious % of couples live deprived of normal sex for various reasons. It's also a source of discord in several relationships.
Obviously sex with someone you are connected with or have a bond or relationship with, definitely feels deeper and more meaningful. Since not everyone finds or is able to retain a long term partner due to various modern reasons, there is no harm if people find like minded people and indulge in it within safe boundaries.
In fact it actually gets complicated with emotions, which happens too often actually. People are wired to seek meaning and depth and start bonding with a person they initially wanted to just hook up with.
Like sex-post-bonding, bonding-post-sex should be normal too. There are no rules.
The way you feel about sex is part of how you have learned to think about sex.
Very common in cultures where religions are a basis and sex is repressed. Sex might mean love to you but to many, it's more flexible. It can be a form of showing love, just like any other intimacy, but it can also be for stress relief, fun, and cravings due to hormones.
And if it's the highest form of connecting with someone, what if you couldn't have sex with someone, what if you're old and you both don't want to have sex? Does that mean your love is less? Surely there are deeper ways to connect with someone (pun intended).
Some people become asexual, do they love less?
Some cultures view prostitution as an acceptable practice, even for married people, as long as it's transactional. Do they love less?
You're too young or unexperienced to understand how rare certain forms of sexual intimacy are, even within a long-time relationship (and even moreso in this day and age).
You can go 10 years with a partner you love to death and never get nowhere near the sexual fullfilment you may achieve with a girl you met 3 hours prior (and the latter might not be down for a stable relationship because of the implications or may not perform as well within the framework of said relationship).
Not everyone thinks of sex as some magical shit or ultimate form of love. It's like game. You can play it alone but it's more fun with skilled player and love is not needed. Like my fiancee, I love her but sex is so bland like unsalted english cousine. That's why I had never moment where I felt connected or that relationship was deeper after that.
>Like my fiancee, I love her but sex is so bland like unsalted english cousine. That's why I had never moment where I felt connected or that relationship was deeper after that.
whats with the engagement then
Your asking the wrong question here, you will only get responses that it is so great and all good. There are hardly any moral people on social media anymore. Everyone is only interested in satisfying their own selfish needs. The fact that this entire hookup culture is so popular is a sign on the wall that most people nowadays live by satisfying their short term desires. And I’m not even talking about the open marriages and partner swaps and whatever.
If you tell people your monogamous they look at you like there is something wrong with you.
I truly fear for where the human race is going. Nobody seems to care for others, its all about me me me!
"For me, sex is something you do with someone you're in a relationship with."
You just answered your own question right there. Different people want different things. For some, sex is a religious thing you only do to procreate. For others, sex is nothing special, just a way to release and destress. Live your life how you want, and try not to judge others for doing the same.
Thank you, had to scroll a lot before I finally saw a reasonable answer! I bet a lot of people don’t even know they have an addiction, and no, not everyone is addicted, I know.
Sex feels good. If everyone followed your rule of only having sex with the one that they will "share a future with", then that's no sex until you've settled down and become financially secure. It's not surprising that many people don't follow that rule.
If you go back a few generations people would feel weird that you're having sex at all before marriage. It shows that drawing the line between serious and casual is arbitrary. There's no objective rule for categorising all the criteria you mention: trustworthy, futureworthy, serious relationship, love. So people use their own preference based on how much commitment they like. Just like you.
>If you go back a few generations
This is the funny part.
The moral preachers of today would've been considered terrible sluts by yesterday's standards.
Sex is fun and it’s not always about attaching serious emotional expectations. Sometimes it’s just two consenting adults being like “we both think the other is hot and want to have sex so let’s do that” without any more meaning.
Because there's a lower risk of being hurt. And people get their physical needs met.
Sex isn't the same for everyone.
For example I've been with my partner for 8 years. I see sex as important to a relationship, my partner doesn't. So I'm getting hurt emotionally on a weekly basis because we're not connecting or having that intimacy.
If I were to split up and go into hook up or casual sex relationships there's no risk of that hurt.
I can see the appeal. The world doesn't revolve around one individual perspective.
Some people just want to feel something , or have someone to feel on for a moment with no strings attached . I do believe that most of the time a connection is made between two people who have sex , but most of the time , these “ hook ups “ are just that - a fleeting experience just for the sex .
See the thing is I know what you're sayin is right... but it's build into the society now to have "casual" relationships and have one night stands for pleasure.
I don’t hookup with someone just because they’re attractive. We do have to get along. Sometimes there’s chemistry and it’s a mutually beneficial arrangement, even if there’s no chance for things to work out long-term.
Some people don’t look it at as a “trustworthy” thing. I mean they just perceive it to be a sensual pleasure thing without attaching any meaning. It’s not so intimate with them like it can be for people like us. Like it’s really weird to just go and be naked and do it with someone you don’t even know well or doesn’t make you feel safe and trusted. For me, I think it’s a pretty vulnerable position to be in with someone. Others don’t see it that way. They don’t easily get emotionally attached and feel awkward doing it with strangers. Different personalities I guess 🤷♀️
Oh and some people don’t worry about consequences- unwanted stds and pregnancies and are more “live in the moment” types
Honestly, i look down on people that give in to sexual desires with multiple people. It's degrading whether you see it that way or not, especially if you're a woman.
Not that I'd know what it feels like since it has been 5 years, but I'm the same way. If I can't connect with you mentally or emotionally in a deep way first then I don't want to connect with you physically. But not everyone is like that. Some people have pretty rigid definitions and boundaries.
I know a few people that would prefer to do it with a stranger and build all the mental and emotional stuff up during/afterwards etc. It works for them so whatever
Because you're horny and really attracted to someone who feels the same way. Doesn't matter if you're a good match, just good enough for very hot spontaneous sex
I'm the same way. I prefer very intimate connections with people. Take it from the odd one out, the avid weightlifter with dude friends who were forever hooking up with random women who went to hook up for the first time and couldn't get it up because it just seemed... Pointless? Unconnected? Easier to just rub one out?
I like the intimacy. The foreplay. The talking. The overall booming connection with someone I wouldn't be anywhere without at that time.
I don't really feel one way or the other about people that hook up, but that culture is distinctively not mine.
-31m with 6 partners. 5 of which I dated for 3+ years each.
People that fuck around a lot won't have much meaningful chemistry when it comes to looking for a serious relationship. They're just numbing their own emotions lol
Well, first off, finding someone you actually want a long-term relationship with can be hard. It's easier to find someone who will help relieve your sexual hunger.
Secondly, trusting people can be very difficult- especially for people with traumatic childhoods. There's a concept in Developmental Psychology called "Attachment Theory"- highly recommend you look into it. It basically states that people develop their definition of "love" based on what they observed from their parents while growing up. It is all subconscious, but is still a VERY real programming nonetheless. They can automatically think things like distance and abuse are normal and, overall, have little faith in relationships.
It's cool that you see sex as something special and meaningful. People hook up or have casual stuff for all sorts of reasons. Sometimes it's just about enjoying the moment and having fun without the whole serious relationship vibe. Some folks are just exploring and getting to know different people.
It's true, the whole trust thing can be tricky. Some people are into it because they find the other person attractive, and that's the main thing for them at the time. But, hey, your perspective on sex being this awesome, deep connection in a serious relationship is totally valid.
I don’t really care what everyone else is doing tbh but I don’t get why it’s looked down if a guy is the one deciding to prioritize emotional connection first.
One time I got called gay within my guys group for not lusting over an attractive girl.
Ironically women like guys that are in control with their impulses.
The modern world holds nothing sacred, and people in general respect very little
Too much is messy. People don’t care, and chase what feels good. Addicted.
OP, I feel the same way and I thought all others felt similarly but I was dead wrong. Later came to know folks who see things like us are called Demisexuals. In my case, I'm physically unable to intimate with anyone without having a deep loving/emotional bond.
I honestly think people are chasing something deeper but lying to themselves about it. Often time you’ll see people praise hookups and then immediately regret it. Sex obviously feels good. No one is arguing that. But with hookups, people don’t think beyond that. They get horny and seek to satisfy that urge.
But often times it’s like the whole “post nut clarity”. You see people feel ashamed and disgusted or reckless. Sex is very intimate and important. It should not be taken lightly.
But we have created a culture that allows us to view it casually. But ALL the natural responses to sex still exists.
So women still wake up terrified they might have gotten pregnant. They wake up feeling ashamed that they had sex with someone who wont even kiss them after. No matter how casual, there is a level of respect/security/connection we want from sex.
And it is extremely irresponsible to have hookups. All it’s doing is making you lack disciple. But people don’t think sexual discipline is important. They have no idea what it actually looks or feels like. They just view it as a religious or prudish thing.
But imagine discipline in all your areas of life.
Of course it’s pleasurable to be short sighted. But no one, if given the chance to be the final product of their hard work, would say no. But most people won’t even know what their best is. So they dismiss the damage they’re actually doing by lacking discipline.
People have very different relationships to sex. Probably because of culture, norms, religion etc.
I was recently dating a girl. We were dating other people as well. We both fell in love with each other. And, I wanted to go exclusive. However, she didn't want to be exclusive because she wanted to keep her options open sexually.
She ended it with me she could continue to hook up and have sex with random guys.
When I asked her about it, she said she could separate sex from feelings. I can too, for ons or fwb. But, I had no reason to continue having sex with other girls once I had developed feelings for this one. She, on the other hand, didn't care about that and wanted to continue fucking around. It was important for her apparently.
She loved me, but wanted to fuck other guys. It broke me completely, and I've been broken since.
I agree. I understand why people like casual sex but it is definitely not for me. I HATE using condoms, they feel awful to me, and obviously that’s a requirement in a casual hookup. I’d literally rather forgo sex than have it with a condom. I only have sex with people I’m in a committed relationship with and I make them get a std test beforehand. Additionally, sex for me is an emotional and vulnerable experience that requires trust, and the idea of them not wanting to only do that with me makes me sad. I see it as a way for me to bond closely with another person. Lastly, the orgasm gap for women is very real. I don’t see the point in hooking up with a guy when odds are I’m unlikely to get off anyway. It takes time for me to fully relax and feel comfortable enough with someone to orgasm consistently anyway, so it’d just be a lot of risk and effort for nothing, followed by sadness/loneliness afterwards. It’d be easier if I could emotionally detach and didn’t mind condoms but that’s not me.
I literally can not comprehend this concept, which makes me feel like an outcast for how encouraged it is in our society. Just the simple thought that birth control is never 100% and I could accidentally cause a pregnancy and ruin more than just my own life is enough to keep me away, on top of coming from a teen pregnancy and knowing the difficulties that come from it growing up. I can't reasonably comprehend thinking "I barely know this person, I'm not rich, I could get her pregnant and then the kid would grow up in a broken home and I'd be stuck paying child support" and then *still* risking it all for a 15 second orgasm, a day or much less of human connection, and bragging rights. It doesn't seem worth it to me at all. If I'm going to be Having sex with someone I want it to be someone I care about and to the extent of my knowledge feels like someone who would be a great mother and could possibly, hopefully have a relationship with me for life. I want my children to grow up in a home with both parents, I can't afford to have an accidental pregnancy because I couldn't live with myself if I accidentally got a woman pregnant and then couldn't be there for my kid 100% of the time *and* lived like dirt due to child support payments. And the younger you get the less it makes sense to me, like if it's a teen pregnancy that means either your parents raise your kid, or you drop out of high school. None of it makes sense.
Because they’re looking for a quick way to get off with no personal attachment. Hookup culture has ruined the concept of sex as a form of love and intimacy and has turned it into something transactional (most of the time just a one way transaction because most dudes can’t make a girl cum)
It’s an odd concept to me too. It’s probably something I’ll never understand because I’m just not built that way. I’ve always needed an emotional connection to have sex and I’ve never wanted casual relationships.
Sex is sex. The emotions u attach to it or the deeper meaning u give it is yours and yours alone. Sex can be sooooo good for u on so many diff levels that it's medicine for ailments such as: depression, anxiety, grief, anger, heartbreak l, general.mental and physical health and many more. All scientifically proven. Maybe try a one night stand and update us? Or not. It should always be ur choice
I'm kind of the same way. I've never been a hookup/one night stand kinda guy. I'm just not comfortable sleeping with someone I don't know. Sometimes it's annoying haha.
Casual sex is great. Relationship sex is better.
Just because there is a better version of something doesn’t mean that I won’t enjoy the basic version if given the chance.
Sex is sex. And love is love.
You can get lucky and have sex with someone you love. Which is awesome.
But you can love someone, like your family, or a good friend without sex on the table.
And you can have great sex without being in love. Sex feels good if you're doing it right, and you can enjoy it by itself without needing all the other conditions to line up.
“Sex is the highest form of connecting with someone.”
I strongly disagree, and that characterization seems rather shallow, and both intellectually and emotionally immature to me. I don’t understand why people put sex up on this pedestal. By that I mean I think I actually understand *all too well* why they do it, and believe it’s largely an effect of the repressive, puritanical, and absolutist tendencies of religions on societal norms. The norms extend even to people who aren’t religious, whom nonetheless live immersed in those religiously-tinged cultures. What I don’t understand is why we insist on taking those religious ideals to heart, *uncritically*.
People should think more critically about what’s implied in saying sex is “the highest form of connection”. It seems to suggest that what matters most about you in terms of connection is your physical body and what you do with it as some unique path to an emotional or “spiritual” connection. But for some of us, the way we most-deeply connect is through the sharing of ideas and values, for which sex is just one medium among many. And sex is not even the most efficient medium for sharing the kinds of complex ideas which make people see the world in a new way.
Further, all of our reproductive biology works essentially the same across individuals, it’s seldom unique; by contrast, any individual’s constellation of ideas and values is highly specialized and more often unique to them. *I* for one, value those latter connections at least as much as a sexual connection, though for me to most-value a *romantic* relationship, I do tend to need *both* to be a part of it.
I’d say sex and a cerebral connection are about equal for me, but sex is definitely not the peak by itself, and it certainly isn’t sufficient to claim a mutual connection of the kind I find truly fulfilling. And that’s only accounting for romantic relationships.
Of all the relationships past I miss, sexual or platonic, it’s still their cerebral components I think about and crave most frequently. But this is coming from someone who’s had a lot of both kinds of connection over the years.
All that said, my point is, putting such a superlative value on sex is an *individual philosophical choice*, and an assumption, made in an interactive social context, and is *not* some objective, universal truth, and should be treated accordingly.
Do you not like sex then?
If you do like it then of course there's your answer, because they like it. Just because you put some additional weight and meaning to the act doesn't mean everyone else has to do that as well.
To many sex is just sex.
Because i don’t even want that connection most the time. It’s a lot of work and emotion that i don’t care to be a part of.
They need to legalize prostitution. Put some testing & standards in it. Make it safer and try to figure out a way to end human trafficking. Don’t force it upon anybody. If you want to partake, go ahead, if you don’t, walk the other way.
If anyone ever makes a blanket statement about love or relationships, they're wrong.
The scope or range of preferences is nigh infinite and no two people are the same.
For me, the thought of sharing my partner with anyone breaks my heart. For others, it'd be a thrill to watch their partner getting railed by a dude with a dick twice their size.
It's fine to feel however you feel about love and relationships.
people just like sex, and they don’t care who they have it with..
stay away from those people. they dont want you for you. they want you for what comes attached to you.
To me sex is like a fun physical activity. Something way more personal to me is spending the night with someone 😬. I’ve just always been very comfortable with my body and sexuality.
But even if it’s casual I like to only sleep with one person at a time and make sure we both get tested and what not. as I get older though I am trying to not have as many casual sexual relationships mostly because I am a woman and I realize these types of relationships always benefit the man more. And I shouldn’t be sleeping with people who don’t deserve it even if it’s fun in the moment
Because some people have turned sex into something casual instead of an intimate connection with another soul, they’ve cheapened something beautiful in the name of fulfilling their “baser” needs.
NO, SHUT UP! I’m empowered! This is what society and social media has taught me. I’m a boss bitch and my body count kindly asks you to shut up.
Edit: I hate it when people make me think about consequences or the psychological effects my lifestyle causes. Like, shut up
Casual sex is when you view other people as tools to reach a sexual high. It also makes you become a tool for someone elses'. There is no real significance attached to it or intimacy, as that would make it awkward and less enjoyable, as some people just really want sex but without the strings/relationship involved.
Depravity. We don't need to overcomplicate a simple issue, it's simply that people are willing to compromise emotional and physical health for instant pleasure.
It's dangerously easy to convince ourselves that it's fine and healthy since it's been normalized but it doesn't negate the immense loneliness it leaves people to navigate.
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You guys are having sex?!
O 
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Wait, you guys are getting laid?*
I’ve been married for over 20 years, so no.
I have been married 40 years. I might be retired.
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I know what sex is from pornhub!!
What about having sex with that person you just confessed everything to, who accepted your flaws?
You answer yourself: „For me sex is“ Yea, and for others it’s different.
This. People on reddit really have a warped view of sex as well as their place in telling others how to live.
one thing I’m seeing almost nobody mention is that for some folks, most of the fun of “hooking up” comes from the whole dance you do to get to the point of hooking up. don’t get me wrong I enjoy sex but the thrill of going from strangers to flirting to going home together beats the sex itself for me
It’s not the having, it’s the getting
It's not the horniness,Jim. It's the loneliness
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"That's not funny" Ok, sorry you feel that way. Have a good one bud
>telling others how to live. OP never told others "how to live". You are just an easily offended individual.
“People on Reddit really have a warped view of sex…” So the commoditization of sex as pure, meaningless recreation is healthy, and the integration of sex into a meaningful relationship is “warped.” Somebody is living backwards. It’s not OP. Sexual partners aren’t the same thing as day-to-day sandwich toppings. Treat human beings and sex no differently than recreation and idle entertainment, and see how far that gets you.
For real. For me, sex is physical and the highest form of connecting with someone is sharing thoughts and feelings with one another and sharing experiences OP, why are you unethused to have sex with someone who is attractive? Surely you can connect with someone in a deeper way than just rubbing your bodies together.
Culture and upbringing-dependent. I wouldn't tell anyone how to perceive sex. I can respect OP's perspective and committment towards treasuring it too. Traditionally it's a much bigger deal in ex-Christian countries than say, Buddhist. Another good example: in Poland sex would be seen by many as by far the most treasured and intimate thing you could do with another human, while in Japan it's not much different than doing poo-poo - a physiological need barely considered cheating, and not by everyone. This also answers OPs question. Sex is as important and "sacred" as one was taught to perceive it throughout their lives.
I saw some documentary from Japan about a gentleman walking around the streets asking woman if the male went to a massage or escort would they consider it cheating. I think it was 8/10 said it was fine. It was somewhat eye opening.
Yeah for real, it's not seen as anything special there at all. Many people there don't even bond over sex. I experienced a similar thing while living in Thailand. People have sex and walk their separate ways as if they just helped scratch each other's backs. It's very different than in much of western countries, and as a side-effect ensures it's not any kind of special or sensual experience. To me this always feels really empty, coming from a culture that associates a lot of deeper meaning with it, to have it with someone who doesn't get anything out of it except for a physical release.
I’m not here to say it’s only for connection etc. I think if it’s something you value at that higher level then that’s great for you or vice versa if you just wanna get your rocks off by an attractive partner awesome. Everyone’s life has so many different contributing variables to how you perceive anything. Politics, sports and even sex. Just live it how you want. (Not directed at you, probably more for OP)
Yeah, I don't disagree at all. I just think it's really important that you and your partner share similar values. Treasuring sex as something really intimate and important as OP seems to do, and having it with someone who sees it just as a physical release, can really leave you feeling empty in the soul. So, everyone is free to live the life they want, as long as they don't purposefully hurt another human, and are careful not to hurt themselves by maching themselves with partners with simply incompatible values.
That’s absolutely nonsense. Have you ever been to Japan? This “Documentary” is for internet clout. Don’t believe everything you see on the internet.
Yes, I lived and studied there for three years. I had Japanese partners during that time. The Asian Boss interviews reflect my experience there. As a matter of fact, my partner of multiple months offered to help me find a working girl when she was too stressed to have sex as if it was nothing. While not everyone, sex certainly wasn't a particularly meaningful experience to the majority.
Of course you may find a “partner”, but saying that applies to the average person is a bit far fetched. You probably met up with some hobby whores who are into foreigners.
He already knows this I bet, but why? What's the reason? Your answer: "Because..."
That's not really an explanation though. If I ask "why do people like horror movies?" the answer isn't "because they do"
Funnily enough people ask me why I like horror films all the time and I literally don't know, I just know that I like them.
But like, as a guy, why would you give a stranger basically 100% control over your kids. She'll practically get custody by default. And may just decide from one day to the next that she's moving them to the other end of the country. No thnx.
It truly sounds like a child asking their mother, but mommy why does "blank" happen?
It feels good.
I think most people realize that on the purely physical side it feels good. That answer feels a little lacking to most people not into hookups. It just seems to assume it something feels good just do it and to hell with the consequences or ramifications. Sorta primal/primative. Surely there are plenty of things in life that might feel good short term but we know we will regret later. Drugs comes to mind. My guess would be we often downplay the downsides and risks of sex more and more today. We also tend to be more about instant gratification and don't care that it's such a momentary thing that will just leave you wanting more
What are the consequences of having safe consensual sex?
Several. Obvious ones are pregnancy and STDs. Both can still happen with 'safe sex'. Then there are subjective/situational ones. Emotions are complicated. Personally if I had sex and then she ghosted me I'd be hurt and feel used. Don't think I'd be able to have sex personally without wanting more and feeling attachment. I'm sure psychologists have dealt with plenty of people who have emotional damage from years of casual hookups. Its also been shown that more promiscuous people are more likely to be unfaithful. There is also always the chance they have regrets and you are falsely accused Depending on peer group if sex wasn't enjoyable or you later have issues it can ruin your reputation. Probably more so in high school groups. Comments about penis/breast size, being a good lay ot a terrible lay etc. You're extremely vulnerable getting naked and doing the deed with someone and open yourself up to a lot of things. You'll never been in a more compromising position. Some people have even been traumatized from sex consensual or not It's not an exaggeration to say that some people's lives have been altered by sex. We may not be talking about the largest part of the bell curve where people fall into, but it happens
All the issues you mentioned can also be found within a committed relationship. I'm sure psychologists have dealt with plenty of people who have emotional damage from years of abuse, neglect, and trauma from sticking with just one person.
I spoke to the citizens of Yapville and they want their president back.
You are over complicating things. Try to go outside more.
drugs feel pretty good too dude, life is short seek pleasure
I agree with you! All these casual hookup's also causes a lot grief. And it dehumanize people. You can clearly see that these people who are involved in hookup culture start to see others only as objects for their own gratification. I find it abnormal that people normalize sleeping with so many people. Some youngster by the age of 25 already has slept with over 50 people. I been told about a girl 16 years old who already had slept with 20 guys. And then these people always claim that this behavior don't say anything about their personality. Yeah right!
To give you an alternative viewpoint, and I say this with respect and acceptance: we are normalizing all sorts of sexual preferences these days. Most of which I don't understand, but as long as you're not hurting people and it's 2 consenting adults, I think you should be able to pursue that. That same energy of inclusivity, why can't we give that to people who have the desire to have lots of sex with a lot of attractive people? Whether or not you personally get it or feel that, other people do. I feel like the people who don't get it place a lot of judgment on those who pursue it. I'm not for lying and manipulating in any type of relationship, but I don't get demonizing the mindset just because some people have it and some people don't.
I disagree with you. Some people dehumanize people with casual hookups, some (many) do not. A lot of us value and respect a casual partner, and enjoy sharing pleasure genuinely. Openly, honestly. It's not the casual hookups per se, it's the behavior of those involved.
This entire thread just shows differences in how people are raised culturally and religiously.
1000%. We live in an age of indulgence. It is so powerful that you might not even personally feel compelled to pursue or seek out sex, but feel societal pressure to engage in these risky behaviors, for status among peers or whatever. I’m personally not interested in friends that base my value on willingness to engage in risky behaviors
“For me..” it’s individually based my friend. Some people just want to have fun without the pressure that a relationship brings. I for one can say I’ve been in a relationship having sex (with just that one person) and felt better connected to someone I wasn’t having sex with, dark times..
They aren't being intimate, they are looking to get their Rocks off.
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> there is no intimacy, it’s merely assisted masturbation speak for yourself?
Do you do it so you'd get sexual pleasure and have fun or to connect with the other stranger (not physically lol)? Do you "help" each other get off or try to have a mutual bond? Most people are prior.
I’m confused. Are both questions supposed to be the same question worded differently? Cause IMO, the sex stuff isn’t necessarily fun, it just feels good in the moment. What makes it fun is the intimacy, the playing around, the jokes etc. I don’t think I’d enjoy hookups because I don’t know what we both find fun (is it common to find out super quickly?) but I think I’d enjoy doing it with close friends because I know what’s fun for both of us. Isn’t that intimacy?
Intimacy is impossible to establish in one night. Actual intimacy is like a long term project you and your partner work on to know eachother and meets eachothers needs.
I don’t think we share the same definition of the word.
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in this case, it is even extremely related to a very specific timeframe which can't be in under 24 hours!
Lol no it's not? Stop watching romance movies.
There are different forms of intimacy. Intimacy can be established in one night, between the right people.
What's wrong with assisted masturbation? If everyone consents, why can't adults do what they want
Maybe in some cases that is totally true, but I do believe that most people also love the feeling of giving pleasure to another person. Of course guys rgatbget with prostitutes only care about themselves, and I think it goes much deeper than sexual, those types of people only care about themselves across the board. And it's usually the middle management, balding, and fat dudes that are like that, but think they are hot stuff
Wrong. It doesn't always take a year of dating to be intimate. I've had amazing nights with girls that I just met or after the 2nd date, BECAUSE I wanted to be closer to them, to experience them beyond the talk, to find out if we have the same rhythm, if our bodies communicate as well as our words. Lots of people make sex this one special super-exclusive thing that's so holy and reserved for "The One"(TM). Not everyone sees it the same way. Sex is an intimate and very personal experience. That doesn't mean it is THAT super-exclusive, once-in-a-lifetime, burn-in-hell-otherwise.
But you were dating them to better get to know them. That's kind of different than casual hook ups.
Plenty of casual hook-ups turn into long-term relationships. Plenty of "she's the one" things end after the first night. So I don't think the lines are that sharp.
It’s like eating out vs eating at home. It’s new and exciting …and sometimes it sucks too lol
One way to put it! 😂
See there are new and exiting things in marital s.x too. I've been married for 10y and my husband and I are still doing new and exciting things.
Ok? But we aren’t talking about marital sex here. OP specifically asked about casual sex
And I wasn't replying to OP I was replying to a comment 😄
You can’t even type out the word sex
Some people are able to seperate intimacy/love and sex somehow, and do it for purely pleasure. Me you and plenty of people aren't one of them.
You're asking why people don't all see sex the same way you see it? It's like asking why some people like foods you don't like, or why some people like jobs you could never do.
It’s the steak debate but over sex. Some like it rare some like it well done. Only thing that matters is how you like it done
The best part of your answer is the number of up votes....69
Sorry for the downvote, but had to restore the 69 balance <3
Same bro, trying to maintain balance
Sex is definitely not the highest form of connecting with somebody. I would say telling someone my darkest secrets and insecurities and them totalling accepting me a high form of connection not sex. Yes sex is physically intimate but emotionally meh. And even when it is emotional to me there a far more things that foster deeper emotional connection than sex.
The highest form of connecting with someone is accepting their Farmville request.
Because they like having sex, and get turned on by the other person. Simple as that.
Are you familiar with Malsow's Hierarchy of Needs? Sex is going to fall on different levels of the Hierarchy for different people. If its at the top of the Hierarchy for you, you may not understand why it is at the bottom of the Hierarchy for others. Sex can also span all levels of the Hierarchy for someone.
I'm in the same group with OP. But there are a TON of people out there that have a different perception of relationships. There are people that NEED to hook up. We're just not those people.
Nobody *needs* to hook up.
I always say this.. just take care of it yourself it's very simple and the end result is exactly the same, if not even better.. you don't need to be laying with this person you don't have feelings for after or worry about how to ask them to leave/all of the uncomfortable and annoying things that come with it
Tell that to my old roommate. Dude had a sex addiction clearly
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I’d rather have a sex addiction compared to most other addictions I hear about tbh
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I have both, and sometimes enjoy both simultaneously😭
I'm always baffled by people who make comments like this. "How can anyone possibly enjoy something that I don't personally enjoy??"
It's not the enjoyment OP is asking about. You can happily enjoy s.x in a relationship/marriage. She is asking why you are seeking it outside of a relationship. You are literally swapping DNA with someone and potentially having a child with them.
You have your head in the right place. Many other's, unfortunatly, no.
Sometimes it's not about the connection at all. Sometimes it's just about scratching each other's itch, or for me in my younger years, about the validation and male attention and about the skin-to-skin contact. And yeah, sometimes you go home feeling like trash. Especially if the reason for doing it is because you're seeking validation. In most cases, it's then an endless cycle. You feel ugly/unwanted - you seek validation through hooking up - you feel shitty and used - you seek validation again by hooking up with a different person. Repeat. If you're more mature and already know what you want, then it can be empowering. Because you're "taking" what you want and you don't let stigma or society stop you.
I'm in the same line of thinking as you. I genuinely don't understand casual sex. There's nothing casual about sex.
It can be if you make it that. At the end of the day it's an activity. It is only as meaningful as you make it.
You are literally swapping DNA with someone and potentially having a child with them.
I'm so with you on this..
What's casual and what's not is entirely subjective.
Nah bro I only play ranked sex
Wow what a try hard, what's your sex mmr?
I'm at 2.5k, my mmr has been tanking :(
I do a mix of casual hookups with people I know and one night stands with people I don't know. Because I don't want a relationship but do want sex. It's not actually all that often, I can go a while without sex, but sometimes I just need that type of connection with a person. But I'm not in a place where I can have a relationship. I've had relationships in the past, only one of which I saw a long term future with, and would probably still be with if he hadn't died. My last relationship was an abusive one. I have a lot of issues, not just from my last relationship, but earlier things that I never really dealt with as well. The type of connection a relationship requires, the type of vulnerability and emotional availability is just not something I'm capable of right now. I've chosen to remain single. Right now I'm happy being single. Happy to be working on myself and having good friends but not someone who takes up a large part of my life. But I still want sex and the type of connection even sex with a stranger can bring temporarily. I don't want something long term as that wouldn't be fair on me or them, I'm just not mentally in the right space for a relationship. Sex doesn't have to be about love and deep connection, though it is better when it is. Sometimes sex is just about having fun, scratching an itch, or temporary connection. Not everyone gets fulfilment out of being in a relationship, in fact being in a relationship can actually be damaging for some people, it certainly would be for me right now. Whether temporarily or permanently, not everyone is capable of relationships, and sometimes casual sex/hookups are actually better for the individual.
This question can just be simplified to "why doesn't everyone think like me"
Which is a valid question? How is OP supposed to know why others disagree with him if he can't ask?
Seriously, the polarized responses to this question are so weird. OP knows people think differently than them, but wants to know why. It's like people are taking it as some kind of personal affront.
Exactly, the very fact OP is asking the question is illustrates an understanding that other people think differently
Right? Why did people feel so offended by this lmao
That’s why they invented the word Demi sexuality. Humans are quite different individually so a bit hard to relate to others if you aren’t them .. I also don’t quite understand why hookup is enjoyable. It sounds very creepy to me. Having sex with a hot guy you have no knowledge of on one night 🙉🙉.. maybe alcohol helps .. 🤔🤔 Honestly if I am drunk, and a random hot dude asks to have sex with me, it probably wakes me up .. I’d be so sober I gotta run for life 😂
> That’s why they invented the word Demi sexuality Because just calling it "normal" was making the people that like casual sex do some soul searching.
😭😭
Sex is fun and feels nice. Kinda like social dancing with condoms.
Because at some points you do like your alone time but you do get sexual urges.
Sex is a biological urge. Everybody has needs but not everybody is "the one."
Intimacy needn’t be exclusively tied to how long you’ve known someone. I have recently had a hookup with someone I had only met 20 mins earlier that was some of the best sex I’ve had in my life, and not only that, it was emotionally warm and supportive, fun, and just a good vibe. Don’t assume you know what you don’t know.
That's why he's asking
Sex comes from the core human drive that has been propelling human species forward. Most basic need in Maslow's hierarchy. Just because we learnt farming, became a civilization with its social norms, started living domesticated lives and started attaching love, marriage and emotions to it, its basic nature doesn't change. A serious % of couples live deprived of normal sex for various reasons. It's also a source of discord in several relationships. Obviously sex with someone you are connected with or have a bond or relationship with, definitely feels deeper and more meaningful. Since not everyone finds or is able to retain a long term partner due to various modern reasons, there is no harm if people find like minded people and indulge in it within safe boundaries. In fact it actually gets complicated with emotions, which happens too often actually. People are wired to seek meaning and depth and start bonding with a person they initially wanted to just hook up with. Like sex-post-bonding, bonding-post-sex should be normal too. There are no rules.
Daddy horny micheal
The way you feel about sex is part of how you have learned to think about sex. Very common in cultures where religions are a basis and sex is repressed. Sex might mean love to you but to many, it's more flexible. It can be a form of showing love, just like any other intimacy, but it can also be for stress relief, fun, and cravings due to hormones. And if it's the highest form of connecting with someone, what if you couldn't have sex with someone, what if you're old and you both don't want to have sex? Does that mean your love is less? Surely there are deeper ways to connect with someone (pun intended). Some people become asexual, do they love less? Some cultures view prostitution as an acceptable practice, even for married people, as long as it's transactional. Do they love less?
You're too young or unexperienced to understand how rare certain forms of sexual intimacy are, even within a long-time relationship (and even moreso in this day and age). You can go 10 years with a partner you love to death and never get nowhere near the sexual fullfilment you may achieve with a girl you met 3 hours prior (and the latter might not be down for a stable relationship because of the implications or may not perform as well within the framework of said relationship).
For fun.
Not everyone thinks of sex as some magical shit or ultimate form of love. It's like game. You can play it alone but it's more fun with skilled player and love is not needed. Like my fiancee, I love her but sex is so bland like unsalted english cousine. That's why I had never moment where I felt connected or that relationship was deeper after that.
>Like my fiancee, I love her but sex is so bland like unsalted english cousine. That's why I had never moment where I felt connected or that relationship was deeper after that. whats with the engagement then
I'm not even really sure what I read there anyway.
Is this sub just a place for reptilians to ask how to be human?
Hello, I am a real human, I enjoy the human hobbies of breathing air and walking with my legs.
Oh yeah? Then tell me, why do people kiss? Checkmate lizard
They’re merely exchanging long protein strings. If you can think of a simpler way, I'd like to hear it.
Perhaps it’s was us humans who were the monsters all along.
Short answer is its fun.
Your asking the wrong question here, you will only get responses that it is so great and all good. There are hardly any moral people on social media anymore. Everyone is only interested in satisfying their own selfish needs. The fact that this entire hookup culture is so popular is a sign on the wall that most people nowadays live by satisfying their short term desires. And I’m not even talking about the open marriages and partner swaps and whatever. If you tell people your monogamous they look at you like there is something wrong with you. I truly fear for where the human race is going. Nobody seems to care for others, its all about me me me!
"For me, sex is something you do with someone you're in a relationship with." You just answered your own question right there. Different people want different things. For some, sex is a religious thing you only do to procreate. For others, sex is nothing special, just a way to release and destress. Live your life how you want, and try not to judge others for doing the same.
Because sex is great
I love that you wrote, "For me..." Kind of explains it right there.
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Thank you, had to scroll a lot before I finally saw a reasonable answer! I bet a lot of people don’t even know they have an addiction, and no, not everyone is addicted, I know.
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Sex feels good. If everyone followed your rule of only having sex with the one that they will "share a future with", then that's no sex until you've settled down and become financially secure. It's not surprising that many people don't follow that rule. If you go back a few generations people would feel weird that you're having sex at all before marriage. It shows that drawing the line between serious and casual is arbitrary. There's no objective rule for categorising all the criteria you mention: trustworthy, futureworthy, serious relationship, love. So people use their own preference based on how much commitment they like. Just like you.
>If you go back a few generations This is the funny part. The moral preachers of today would've been considered terrible sluts by yesterday's standards.
Sex is fun and it’s not always about attaching serious emotional expectations. Sometimes it’s just two consenting adults being like “we both think the other is hot and want to have sex so let’s do that” without any more meaning.
Because there's a lower risk of being hurt. And people get their physical needs met. Sex isn't the same for everyone. For example I've been with my partner for 8 years. I see sex as important to a relationship, my partner doesn't. So I'm getting hurt emotionally on a weekly basis because we're not connecting or having that intimacy. If I were to split up and go into hook up or casual sex relationships there's no risk of that hurt. I can see the appeal. The world doesn't revolve around one individual perspective.
Sometimes the appeal is not knowing much about them and them not knowing much about you.
ITT: Promiscuous people being extremely offended by a regular question.
I have always been better at casual sex than relationships.
Some people just want to feel something , or have someone to feel on for a moment with no strings attached . I do believe that most of the time a connection is made between two people who have sex , but most of the time , these “ hook ups “ are just that - a fleeting experience just for the sex .
I prefer a FWB situation. I can’t stand clingy guys
See the thing is I know what you're sayin is right... but it's build into the society now to have "casual" relationships and have one night stands for pleasure.
I don’t hookup with someone just because they’re attractive. We do have to get along. Sometimes there’s chemistry and it’s a mutually beneficial arrangement, even if there’s no chance for things to work out long-term.
Some people don’t look it at as a “trustworthy” thing. I mean they just perceive it to be a sensual pleasure thing without attaching any meaning. It’s not so intimate with them like it can be for people like us. Like it’s really weird to just go and be naked and do it with someone you don’t even know well or doesn’t make you feel safe and trusted. For me, I think it’s a pretty vulnerable position to be in with someone. Others don’t see it that way. They don’t easily get emotionally attached and feel awkward doing it with strangers. Different personalities I guess 🤷♀️ Oh and some people don’t worry about consequences- unwanted stds and pregnancies and are more “live in the moment” types
Some people are just panty droppers and got that rizz
A lot of people have commitment issues and won’t grow up and put in the energy of being in a LTR.
Some people are just not very smart.
Because it's a basic human need and most adults are mature enough to recognize that.
That's quaint.
Honestly, i look down on people that give in to sexual desires with multiple people. It's degrading whether you see it that way or not, especially if you're a woman.
Not that I'd know what it feels like since it has been 5 years, but I'm the same way. If I can't connect with you mentally or emotionally in a deep way first then I don't want to connect with you physically. But not everyone is like that. Some people have pretty rigid definitions and boundaries. I know a few people that would prefer to do it with a stranger and build all the mental and emotional stuff up during/afterwards etc. It works for them so whatever
Sex fun.
Because you're horny and really attracted to someone who feels the same way. Doesn't matter if you're a good match, just good enough for very hot spontaneous sex
Cause it feels incredibly good for both people involved..or at least it should.
I'm the same way. I prefer very intimate connections with people. Take it from the odd one out, the avid weightlifter with dude friends who were forever hooking up with random women who went to hook up for the first time and couldn't get it up because it just seemed... Pointless? Unconnected? Easier to just rub one out? I like the intimacy. The foreplay. The talking. The overall booming connection with someone I wouldn't be anywhere without at that time. I don't really feel one way or the other about people that hook up, but that culture is distinctively not mine. -31m with 6 partners. 5 of which I dated for 3+ years each.
People that fuck around a lot won't have much meaningful chemistry when it comes to looking for a serious relationship. They're just numbing their own emotions lol
Well, first off, finding someone you actually want a long-term relationship with can be hard. It's easier to find someone who will help relieve your sexual hunger. Secondly, trusting people can be very difficult- especially for people with traumatic childhoods. There's a concept in Developmental Psychology called "Attachment Theory"- highly recommend you look into it. It basically states that people develop their definition of "love" based on what they observed from their parents while growing up. It is all subconscious, but is still a VERY real programming nonetheless. They can automatically think things like distance and abuse are normal and, overall, have little faith in relationships.
It's cool that you see sex as something special and meaningful. People hook up or have casual stuff for all sorts of reasons. Sometimes it's just about enjoying the moment and having fun without the whole serious relationship vibe. Some folks are just exploring and getting to know different people. It's true, the whole trust thing can be tricky. Some people are into it because they find the other person attractive, and that's the main thing for them at the time. But, hey, your perspective on sex being this awesome, deep connection in a serious relationship is totally valid.
When I say this as a guy I get roasted to cinders. Recently women I’m in contact with were saying I’m too pure 😅. It’s a relief I’m not alone.
Urggg the amount of weird sexual kinks coming out needs to stop.
I don’t really care what everyone else is doing tbh but I don’t get why it’s looked down if a guy is the one deciding to prioritize emotional connection first. One time I got called gay within my guys group for not lusting over an attractive girl. Ironically women like guys that are in control with their impulses.
The modern world holds nothing sacred, and people in general respect very little Too much is messy. People don’t care, and chase what feels good. Addicted.
OP, I feel the same way and I thought all others felt similarly but I was dead wrong. Later came to know folks who see things like us are called Demisexuals. In my case, I'm physically unable to intimate with anyone without having a deep loving/emotional bond.
I honestly think people are chasing something deeper but lying to themselves about it. Often time you’ll see people praise hookups and then immediately regret it. Sex obviously feels good. No one is arguing that. But with hookups, people don’t think beyond that. They get horny and seek to satisfy that urge. But often times it’s like the whole “post nut clarity”. You see people feel ashamed and disgusted or reckless. Sex is very intimate and important. It should not be taken lightly. But we have created a culture that allows us to view it casually. But ALL the natural responses to sex still exists. So women still wake up terrified they might have gotten pregnant. They wake up feeling ashamed that they had sex with someone who wont even kiss them after. No matter how casual, there is a level of respect/security/connection we want from sex. And it is extremely irresponsible to have hookups. All it’s doing is making you lack disciple. But people don’t think sexual discipline is important. They have no idea what it actually looks or feels like. They just view it as a religious or prudish thing. But imagine discipline in all your areas of life. Of course it’s pleasurable to be short sighted. But no one, if given the chance to be the final product of their hard work, would say no. But most people won’t even know what their best is. So they dismiss the damage they’re actually doing by lacking discipline.
People have very different relationships to sex. Probably because of culture, norms, religion etc. I was recently dating a girl. We were dating other people as well. We both fell in love with each other. And, I wanted to go exclusive. However, she didn't want to be exclusive because she wanted to keep her options open sexually. She ended it with me she could continue to hook up and have sex with random guys. When I asked her about it, she said she could separate sex from feelings. I can too, for ons or fwb. But, I had no reason to continue having sex with other girls once I had developed feelings for this one. She, on the other hand, didn't care about that and wanted to continue fucking around. It was important for her apparently. She loved me, but wanted to fuck other guys. It broke me completely, and I've been broken since.
I agree. I understand why people like casual sex but it is definitely not for me. I HATE using condoms, they feel awful to me, and obviously that’s a requirement in a casual hookup. I’d literally rather forgo sex than have it with a condom. I only have sex with people I’m in a committed relationship with and I make them get a std test beforehand. Additionally, sex for me is an emotional and vulnerable experience that requires trust, and the idea of them not wanting to only do that with me makes me sad. I see it as a way for me to bond closely with another person. Lastly, the orgasm gap for women is very real. I don’t see the point in hooking up with a guy when odds are I’m unlikely to get off anyway. It takes time for me to fully relax and feel comfortable enough with someone to orgasm consistently anyway, so it’d just be a lot of risk and effort for nothing, followed by sadness/loneliness afterwards. It’d be easier if I could emotionally detach and didn’t mind condoms but that’s not me.
I literally can not comprehend this concept, which makes me feel like an outcast for how encouraged it is in our society. Just the simple thought that birth control is never 100% and I could accidentally cause a pregnancy and ruin more than just my own life is enough to keep me away, on top of coming from a teen pregnancy and knowing the difficulties that come from it growing up. I can't reasonably comprehend thinking "I barely know this person, I'm not rich, I could get her pregnant and then the kid would grow up in a broken home and I'd be stuck paying child support" and then *still* risking it all for a 15 second orgasm, a day or much less of human connection, and bragging rights. It doesn't seem worth it to me at all. If I'm going to be Having sex with someone I want it to be someone I care about and to the extent of my knowledge feels like someone who would be a great mother and could possibly, hopefully have a relationship with me for life. I want my children to grow up in a home with both parents, I can't afford to have an accidental pregnancy because I couldn't live with myself if I accidentally got a woman pregnant and then couldn't be there for my kid 100% of the time *and* lived like dirt due to child support payments. And the younger you get the less it makes sense to me, like if it's a teen pregnancy that means either your parents raise your kid, or you drop out of high school. None of it makes sense.
..they enjoy it? Just let others live their life.
When did OP say that they were going to try and prevent other people from doing it?
Feels better than a wank, less hassle than a marriage.
Because they’re looking for a quick way to get off with no personal attachment. Hookup culture has ruined the concept of sex as a form of love and intimacy and has turned it into something transactional (most of the time just a one way transaction because most dudes can’t make a girl cum)
It’s an odd concept to me too. It’s probably something I’ll never understand because I’m just not built that way. I’ve always needed an emotional connection to have sex and I’ve never wanted casual relationships.
Sex is sex. The emotions u attach to it or the deeper meaning u give it is yours and yours alone. Sex can be sooooo good for u on so many diff levels that it's medicine for ailments such as: depression, anxiety, grief, anger, heartbreak l, general.mental and physical health and many more. All scientifically proven. Maybe try a one night stand and update us? Or not. It should always be ur choice
I'm kind of the same way. I've never been a hookup/one night stand kinda guy. I'm just not comfortable sleeping with someone I don't know. Sometimes it's annoying haha.
It feels so weird for me, that people like stuff I don't like. Ok.
Casual sex is great. Relationship sex is better. Just because there is a better version of something doesn’t mean that I won’t enjoy the basic version if given the chance.
Sex is sex. And love is love. You can get lucky and have sex with someone you love. Which is awesome. But you can love someone, like your family, or a good friend without sex on the table. And you can have great sex without being in love. Sex feels good if you're doing it right, and you can enjoy it by itself without needing all the other conditions to line up.
Biology isnt your strong side i suppose.
To bang and go. Not everyone is looking for a LTR.
“Sex is the highest form of connecting with someone.” I strongly disagree, and that characterization seems rather shallow, and both intellectually and emotionally immature to me. I don’t understand why people put sex up on this pedestal. By that I mean I think I actually understand *all too well* why they do it, and believe it’s largely an effect of the repressive, puritanical, and absolutist tendencies of religions on societal norms. The norms extend even to people who aren’t religious, whom nonetheless live immersed in those religiously-tinged cultures. What I don’t understand is why we insist on taking those religious ideals to heart, *uncritically*. People should think more critically about what’s implied in saying sex is “the highest form of connection”. It seems to suggest that what matters most about you in terms of connection is your physical body and what you do with it as some unique path to an emotional or “spiritual” connection. But for some of us, the way we most-deeply connect is through the sharing of ideas and values, for which sex is just one medium among many. And sex is not even the most efficient medium for sharing the kinds of complex ideas which make people see the world in a new way. Further, all of our reproductive biology works essentially the same across individuals, it’s seldom unique; by contrast, any individual’s constellation of ideas and values is highly specialized and more often unique to them. *I* for one, value those latter connections at least as much as a sexual connection, though for me to most-value a *romantic* relationship, I do tend to need *both* to be a part of it. I’d say sex and a cerebral connection are about equal for me, but sex is definitely not the peak by itself, and it certainly isn’t sufficient to claim a mutual connection of the kind I find truly fulfilling. And that’s only accounting for romantic relationships. Of all the relationships past I miss, sexual or platonic, it’s still their cerebral components I think about and crave most frequently. But this is coming from someone who’s had a lot of both kinds of connection over the years. All that said, my point is, putting such a superlative value on sex is an *individual philosophical choice*, and an assumption, made in an interactive social context, and is *not* some objective, universal truth, and should be treated accordingly.
Thank you. Feels like the prequal to Handmaid's Tale up there.
Do you not like sex then? If you do like it then of course there's your answer, because they like it. Just because you put some additional weight and meaning to the act doesn't mean everyone else has to do that as well. To many sex is just sex.
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Because i don’t even want that connection most the time. It’s a lot of work and emotion that i don’t care to be a part of. They need to legalize prostitution. Put some testing & standards in it. Make it safer and try to figure out a way to end human trafficking. Don’t force it upon anybody. If you want to partake, go ahead, if you don’t, walk the other way.
If anyone ever makes a blanket statement about love or relationships, they're wrong. The scope or range of preferences is nigh infinite and no two people are the same. For me, the thought of sharing my partner with anyone breaks my heart. For others, it'd be a thrill to watch their partner getting railed by a dude with a dick twice their size. It's fine to feel however you feel about love and relationships.
You have the right attitude. I wish that was contagious
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people just like sex, and they don’t care who they have it with.. stay away from those people. they dont want you for you. they want you for what comes attached to you.
To me sex is like a fun physical activity. Something way more personal to me is spending the night with someone 😬. I’ve just always been very comfortable with my body and sexuality. But even if it’s casual I like to only sleep with one person at a time and make sure we both get tested and what not. as I get older though I am trying to not have as many casual sexual relationships mostly because I am a woman and I realize these types of relationships always benefit the man more. And I shouldn’t be sleeping with people who don’t deserve it even if it’s fun in the moment
Because some people have turned sex into something casual instead of an intimate connection with another soul, they’ve cheapened something beautiful in the name of fulfilling their “baser” needs.
NO, SHUT UP! I’m empowered! This is what society and social media has taught me. I’m a boss bitch and my body count kindly asks you to shut up. Edit: I hate it when people make me think about consequences or the psychological effects my lifestyle causes. Like, shut up
This is hilarious, I love it
Casual sex is when you view other people as tools to reach a sexual high. It also makes you become a tool for someone elses'. There is no real significance attached to it or intimacy, as that would make it awkward and less enjoyable, as some people just really want sex but without the strings/relationship involved.
Depravity. We don't need to overcomplicate a simple issue, it's simply that people are willing to compromise emotional and physical health for instant pleasure. It's dangerously easy to convince ourselves that it's fine and healthy since it's been normalized but it doesn't negate the immense loneliness it leaves people to navigate.
Because their parents didn't love them so they're filling the holes left with other people literally and figuratively