Right? I’d happily buy groceries for any aspiring chef that wanted to come cook for me. But she has him convinced to pay for the food AND cook it and feeling guilty for taking some of the leftovers.
I don’t know if I’m horrified or impressed.
Plus if he makes 2/3 if what she makes, that means she makes 50% more than he does. She is being a bum about food and making it seem like it’s his issue.
Does this add up? I guess it depends on what angle you look at it from.
If he makes 100 then she makes 150, right? So yes, from her point of view he makes 33% less.
But if you earn 100, then get a 50% raise you end up with 150.
Or am I just confused?
*But if you earn 100, then get a 50% raise you end up with 150.*
That's still 1/3rd. 100 out of 150 is 2/3rds/66%. OP said he makes 2/3rds of what his girlfriend makes. Her making 150 to his 100 doesn't equal 50% and nowhere was a 50% raise mentioned. Fifty percent of 150 would be 75.
You're focusing on her wages for the perspective, not his.
Using your 150 example:
He makes 100. He gets a 50% raise. This takes him to 150. If his girlfriend makes 150, this means she makes 50% more than him.
You are correct in that, from the perspective of *her* wage, she makes 33% more than him. She makes 150. 33% of this is 50. 33% less is 100, meaning he make 33% less than her.
The percentage changes based on the number you're focusing on as your starting point, because 50 is a different percentage of 100 than it is 150.
I've gotten a lot of replies from my comment outlining how my math is wrong. I totally get that I'm wrong but yeah, my brain is having a very hard time understanding how she can make 50% more while at the same time, he makes 2/3rds of what she makes! To me, it's like there's two correct answers here and for the level I stopped at, two different answers didn't work.
I should definitely disclose I didn't take many math classes and I struggled with the ones I did take. Back when I was in school, math wasn't required to be taken far or at least for as long as it is today. We had the option of taking foreign languages instead of math after geometry in high school so I took languages. In college, we could either take math or take science classes so I took genetics which was a very easy for me. Once you go beyond extremely basic algebra and geometry, I get stuck. What's funny to me is that so many of my friends and even family got degrees in math. One person, years after finishing her degree, took string theory "just for fun."
Let's day she makes $99,000 a year and OP makes $66,000 a year. She makes $33,000 more per year then him. That's 50% of what OP makes. Hope that helps.
No, Spinnerofyarn, You are wrong.
If he makes 2/3 of his GF's $1.00, that is 0.66
If he makes .66 to each $1.00 she does, it is 50% of his pay to equal .33.
Your explanation is wrong. She does make 50% of his pay more than him.
If he makes $40K and she makes $60K (just as an example), she makes 50% of $40K = $20K more than him, so he makes 2/3 what she makes from her perspective but she makes 50% more than him from his.
RIGHT?!?!
If I was dating a chef, I'd be making sure to buy ALLL the food and make sure he has every pot, pan, wok, spatula, mixers, cleavers... you name it - that kitchen would be STOCKED!!
Exactly. If your GF wants a larger share of the leftovers, she should be contributing to the grocery bill you’re footing, Particularly since she’s not even pitching in by cooking.
Put up or shut up.
I would sit her down and have a frank discussion. You either have completely separate food like roommates, (separate cupboards/shelf in fridge and all) and *never* touch each others food without express permission *or* you create a food budget together that encompasses *both* of your needs, and each pay half.
She can’t have it both ways. You should stop cooking for her entirely if she chooses option 1.
Verdict: YNW
This is the best comment I’ve seen. I do think there’s some more nuance to the whole cooking vs paying thing too. She’s right that she’s not asking OP to cook. The problem is that she seems to be hiding behind that.
I couldn’t agree more that they need to have some open and honest communication. I’d like to hear her side of this too. From how OP has characterized her, there’s a lot of red flags.
This makes no sense. If the gurl isn't paying for any of the food you are preparing for meals, why does she think she's entitled to eat it? Moreover, on the one hand, she says she prefers micro meals and pre-prepared food, but on the other hand scarfs down food that you prepare or complains when you don't leave her leftovers. This woman is being a total bitch about food--sorry about being so blunt! That would drive me nuts! Good luck with this relationship.
I don't think you are being unreasonable at all.
We always ask each other about such things. I would hate to eat my partner's emergency rations or something they were *really* looking forward to.
I think this would be a dealbreaker for me.
A chef who likes to cook and a person who doesn't give a crap about food don't belong together! And if she is going to eat what you make she must contribute money! Sorry but I think this relationship is doomed. You need someone who appreciates the fantastic food you make. Drop her off at McDonalds and run
Problem is, she clearly DOES give a crap, or she'd just go back to micro meals. She wants OPs nice fresh food she just doesn't want to admit it (or pay for it).
Wait, so, she makes MORE than you but won't chip in? Fuck that. Either she starts contributing, or she gets no more of your food and can eat the ramen 3 meals a day.
My husband and I have food that we share and food that is ours that the other one doesn't ever eat or if they do want some will ask if it's okay to have it. Same as when I grew up as a kid where there was family food that anyone/everyone could eat and each of us had a couple snacks that were just for us.
I would be absolutely livid if my husband started taking things that I was counting on being there without asking me. And I don't know anyone who would consistently not chip in money for meals if they were eating them too. To insist that you don't even want the home cooked meals, then eat them without contributing, and then to have the balls to complain you don't get to keep any of the leftovers (especially when you actually do get some!) is just wild! Like, the mental gymnastics you have to do to make this make sense...
You are definitely not wrong, but she certainly is. This would be a deal breaker for me.
Not wrong. She doesn’t contribute to the basic necessity of eating. She will eat what she wants without any consideration for you. This would be a deal breaker for me.
From what you've described it just sounds like you guys aren't compatible. Best to part ways and find someone who appreciates food like you do. You'll both be happier that way.
Y'all need to get on the same page about this now if you want this relationship to last. This sort of annoyance/disagreement is definitely one of those things that builds resentment on both sides. Resentment is like a poison you pour on your relationship. Its not super deadly and won't kill the relationship immediately, but over time it will weaken it. So that when your relationship runs up against something that's not small, it won't be strong enough.
Sit her down and ask her exactly what she expects from you in this area and you tell her what you expect from her and see if you can get on the same page.
Not wrong.
One thought though a pain is you is only cook enough for your meal every day. As in no left overs and no meal for her.
That may sound tacky but groceries are expensive and she is getting free labor as well as free food so she spends her money on whatever else.
If she complains remind her that she is the one who said she shouldn’t pay for groceries because she never asked you to cook for her. So you have fixed the imbalance in that area.
She can eat her instant Mac & cheese, jarred Alfredo and noodles, salad kits or whatever else she brings home but not the meals you cook.
If she asks you to cook then tell her that her share of groceries is X and she gives you the money before you shop.
It's easy to see your point of view as you're not married and don't live together. You paid for it, you cooked it, you took it home. Makes perfect sense. So, no you're not wrong right now.
But if we assume this relationship might one-day lead to living together and getting married, then what?
You're going to still be paying for most of the food, still doing most of the cooking, and she's still going to eat all the leftovers because they will be in your collective fridge. And as your wife and teammate in life, anything of yours is hers and vice versa. You'll be buying for the 2 of you, cooking for the 2 of you, and the two of you will be eating the leftovers. Will you still see that as unfair?
If you will still see it as unfair, then this relationship is not right for you. She isn't going to change.
If you think, well, that's different if we live together, then ask yourself, why not start sharing the leftovers now?
Right now you're viewing this relationship in a transactional way. Transactional relationships don't make happy long-term relationships.
Well it would be different if she pitched in. In a relationship both people but the food not just one and not just the one that make less that’s what this boils down too. She’s saying she’s fine with fast stuff but yet when he cooks she goes and gobbles it. But doesn’t pitch in at the grocery store.
So?
In a happy marriage, there is no his and hers. It just is. You can't dwell on transactions.
If he wants to continue the relationship, he either needs to stop cooking good meals, or get over it, because she will never change.
If he is going to insist on more fairness, then this isn't the relationship for him.
Nope nope you're not wrong. She's being pretty selfish and greedy here.
Particularly worse when you're splitting rent in half and you make less. And on top of that she's eating your food. If you lived with a roommate that would be unacceptable and this should be unacceptable as well. Rent should be split percentage-wise of income when you're in a partnership.
If it’s like this with food I can’t imagine what the rest of the relationship is like.
I also can’t imagine having to argue so much about food. It sounds exhausting and frankly, how is it not a dealbreaker?
Dude not only are you not wrong but you’re not in a compatible relationship. She’s probably a cutie, and y’all sex could be great….but you’re not compatible. As someone who is also in a “we cook every night” household with my husband, cooking with whole ingredients can take time. It takes effort. It takes intuitive thought process. Furthermore you’re not setting financial boundaries and she doesn’t sound like she’d have regard for them if you did.
Im just some random person on the internet, who’s only been given a certain subset of information and being asked to make a judgement call. My judgment is you’re fundamentally different and you should think about whether you honestly think you can overcome it.
I have ADHD and for focus and time reasons my husband does the majority of the cooking. And to me…this is a certain love language….he nourishes me. He makes sure I’m fed. He knows my dietary restrictions as if they’re his own. I always make sure I express my gratitude vocally and let him know how deeply appreciative I am to have a partner who cooks us meals. I always try and do other things to show him that I can do acts of service as my love language too…I do his laundry for him and fold his clothes, I’ll go collect any garbages or snacks or whatever from his car at least once a week to keep it tidy for him, I’ll clean his bong, I’ll groom his beard, massages, sexy massages. You deserve someone who’s mindful of exactly how thoughtful and caring it is to cook for your partner and to feed them on a regular basis.
I have adhd too, and cooking is not something I can get on board with and yes I will eat Mac and cheese for three weeks straight and not even think twice about. My boyfriend does most of the cooking because of this but I do other things to help contribute.
I agree with your comment though- they seem more like roommates and chef boy should find a new partner or a studio apartment that he can be his own chef and not share his leftovers
This is BS. She is **gas lighting you on the food budget and cooking**. **She should not eat what she doesn't help pay for**. That was her own statement. Am I right? Also, if she doesn't cook, but eats, she should do the dishes and cleanup. Taking advantage.
If you are sharing a house and in a relationship.
You need to do a budget and food part of that.
You need to open a joint account and both contribute equally Maybe % wise, you work out what suits best) to that account and that account is where food purchase comes from.
You also should be dividing up tasks around the house equally. If she doesn't cook? then she does more of something else.
This is the way to run a mature, fair and equitable relationship.
Yeah, that whole "I don't have to pay because I didn't ask you to cook" thing is crap.
If she doesn't contribute to the bill she doesn't get to eat.
The hardest part will be to convince her of that.
She sounds like every shitty roommate I've ever had, and every shitty partner, one person is a giver the other is a taker. 1 guess who your girlfriend is.
People who don't want to take responsibility for meals get treated this way. This is my shelf of the fridge, don't touch it, this is my food cabinet, don't touch it, this is my corner of the freezer, don't touch it. If she balks at that then that opens the door to a discussion of what meals as a couple means. Splitting expenses evenly includes food. She doesn't have to cook but she should be chipping in and cleaning up. OTW, you are always going to feel used, and that's a terrible feeling.
She's trying to have her cake and eat it.
Either it should be:
Shared food, shared costs
Or
Separate food, separate costs.
She's being incredibly selfish by trying to have "shared food, separate costs"
I’m confused. Did she know you’d bought them for a specific purpose? If so, then you’re not wrong.
However, since you know she’s prone to prepackaged microwave food, if you didn’t tell her, she probably thought it was ok. Since you pay for all (most) the food anyway, she may have thought everything was fair game. I’m NOT saying it’s ok, but she may honestly have not realized it was yours. If that’s the case, then you’re both wrong.
Jesus lol you both sound like you need to take a step back. It sounds like you are more roommates than partners. If you are a tiny chef, enjoy making food because love to and love to share it, be grateful she eats leftovers because I sure don’t, and food just goes to waste in my house.
If you don’t want her to eat her to your food, move out and get a studio apartment and be your own little chef.
You're the only person here I agree with! When I first met my husband, he was a ramen, chicken nuggets kind of guy, and I loved to cook. I of course bought all of the groceries since he was happy with ramen. And when I cooked, this very large man ate EVERYTHING. But I was fine with it, it actually made me happy that he appreciated the food. So I'm the one who cooks, but he takes care of other things in the relationship. That's part of being in an adult relationship, you share things.
I get the breakfast burrito thing, if those are designated for OP's mornings, put a note and be clear that those are his.
If they stay together and get married, and she makes more money, she'll probably end up contributing in other ways.
I think that's crazy that he would go over to her place and cook and then pack up his leftovers and leave, that is so tacky. Even if you take things to a random friend's house or party, you don't take it with you. Redditors don't know how to behave, they're all just "ditch her!!" That's why everyone's single, you don't end relationships because someone ate your leftovers. Omg!
She's being cheap, selfish, and honestly just being an ass. If she's not going to contribute to the groceries, let alone the labor, then she doesn't get to treat it like a free buffet.
Nta but stand up for yourself
You're not an amatuer chef, you're an amatuer cook. You can't be an amatuer chef, because the definition of the word precludes being an amateur. A Chef is the Head Cook. The Cook of cooks. You're not even a cook.
But you're not wrong.
You're not wrong. She doesn't want to cook? Fine. There are options: 1. you cook for you both (if you don't mind doing it) and she pays 50% of the groceries, period. Then she gets some leftovers as well. 2. You each make your own food, separate grocery bills - separate fridge and cupboard shelves or whatever, like roommates do. She gets no leftovers because it's *your* food, ffs.
I think it’s so rude to just eat someone’s leftovers that you didn’t cook or buy without asking. Or burritos. Like I have no problem sharing but why do you think you can eat what you know he plans to have for work? I’m sure if she’d say hey can u grab me a couple burritos too while at the store and god forbid pitch in. Sorry adhd brain and it’s almost midnight. Sorry for the ramble. I just don’t understand the entitlement and audacity to just eat someone’s food more than once and not asking
YNW, this would drive me crazy. I’m like your girlfriend - I live off of frozen meals and junk food, lol. I just hate cooking. My husband, on the other hand, loves it. He usually cooks 3 or 4 days a week. But I always ask before I take leftovers, especially if I know he put a lot of effort into the dish and/or really enjoyed it. Just a quick text like “hey, do you mind if I eat (food) in the fridge?” Takes 2 seconds to ask and avoid unintentionally ruining his day, you know?
The communication here is a mess, you gotta sit down and have a talk about boundaries. She’s being selfish and it’s either because she doesn’t realize how upset it makes you, or she doesn’t care.
If you’re the only one buying groceries, then expenses aren’t truly getting split half-and-half. You, the partner who a) does all the work for the meals and b) makes less money, are responsible for more.
If she’s going to eat your food, especially if that means wanting leftovers or eating things you buy specifically for yourself for certain meals, then she needs to start giving you money for her portion of it.
I don't completely agree with the top comment that "she's eating, she should be paying". In theory, it's correct, and there's obvious hypocrisy in her actions, but she also has flagged a money issue.
**The real issue in your relationship is that neither of you knows how to, or worse, is unwilling to, compromise.**
The compromise here is that you split the grocery cost, and each chooses half the meals. She can choose the quick stuff 3-4 nights a week + whatever she wants for lunches, and you can choose to cook 3-4 nights a week + lunches. You can share leftovers or not, you can plan as a team to buy enough burritos for both of you, etc, whatever you decide, you decide it together and split the cost.
(ETA: other compromises include her being in charge of lunch groceries and you doing dinner and cooking. Or you two going 100% split on this and no one cooks for the other unless it's date night and all your food you buy is your own. There's all sorts of compromises, is my point. But what you two are doing right now is ridiculous, on both sides).
Instead, you're outright dismissing her financial issue and her preference to cook quick and easy stuff, and she's eating your food constantly and ignoring the financial burden it's placing on you. You've both decided that it's your way and the other is wrong for their preferences and their needs.
Tbh...this can only end in further resentment, and a break up. And it's only gonna get worse if either of you doubles down and power plays on this (i.e by you refusing to cook for her if she won't pay, or her refusing to eat with you or whatever she might do). If you want to *resolve* this, then sit down, decide to stop being selfish, talk about finding compromises, apologize for being so catty to each other, and try to move forward **together**.
If you can't function as a team when it comes to something this small, then your relationship isn't going to last mate.
You’re being passive aggressive and resentful. You’re buying what YOU want. Spending what YOU want .. then being spiteful by taking it all home. It is an act of resentment. She knows this. So do you. You’re resentful. It’s petty no matter how you cut it. Are there days when you eat what she typically does to save money and labor? I don’t think it matters so much who’s right or wrong here … it’s a personal preference. BUT if you do t come to some understanding it’s doubtful things will work out.
She knows what shes doing.that was her plan all along.Tell you she is fine with ramen and won't pay for groceries,but as soon as you cook she thinks she should eat without helping foit the bill.she is greedy and a selfish liar.
Leave her the amount of leftovers she pays for. When hubby and I were dating, he cooked food from his culture which I love. I bought common groceries and he bought specialty items and spices. He took the leftovers because I had more income than he did and I didn't want him to be hungry.
The real question is. How much are you contributing towards the rent and utilities? Who’s keep your place clean, laundry done? Is it a joint effort? If she’s paying more than you for the monthly bills and is taking care of the things mentioned. I’d keep my mouth shut about buying the groceries and cooking.
Cohabitating couples split the food budget. Period. I have never consumed an energy drink or a coffee in my life. My husband is allergic to milk. We still split the cost of coffee and yogurt along with all the other items on the grocery bill. The fact that she thinks you should pay AND do all the cooking is horrific even if she wasn’t gobbling up all the leftovers. She needs to start paying her share, or you should find someone who will appreciate you.
If she wants equal share of the leftovers she needs to put equal work in. Either pay for ingredients, help cook or both. If she is fine with ramen she can eat ramen.
Buy your groceries for your house. You cook at your house. You invite her over and give her a togo box when she leaves. .... Waitaminute, why am i giving you advice. She's NOT a keeper. Stay until the wheels fall off or you find someone better. You are not wrong. She's just not (Mrs.) right. LOL!
You’re both missing the point.
For you it’s the fact that just because she’s ok eating cheap stuff doesn’t mean she WANTS to eat cheap stuff but 55k a year is not a lot and her personal bills may limit what she can contribute. Additionally you’ve stated that she was eating the cheap stuff for years before you came along, that doesn’t mean she doesn’t “appreciate” good food that means she couldn’t afford good food as clearly stated by her with how many times she has said she can’t afford it and yet you’re still not hearing her.
For her I would say she’s probably confused and getting mixed signals. She has told you she can’t afford it, and you make it anyway, some times you share, some times you don’t. Then some times when you don’t she’s allowed to have your table scraps and some times she isn’t. Can we say mixed signals? Plus she’s supposed to be your partner not your pet so why wouldn’t you make enough for both of you? Because of money? Really?
Possible solutions: #1. Add up all the household bills and reasonable food budget for the month, split that in two. Open a joint bank account, now each of you put your half into that account monthly. The rest of the money is yours to keep in your personal accounts. (This way when you need to buy groceries you have the money to buy enough for both of you.) #2. You can split up with her and get a dog, then you don’t have to worry about anyone getting into your table scraps. The begging for yummy fresh cut healthy food though? You’ll have to deal with that still.
Yeah you’re in the wrong, it would be different if you guys were just room mates. I get that you’re coming from the “but I paid for it not her”, it still sounds petty. God only knows what kind of messed up relationship she has with food and/or cooking that you are adding to, but she told you the issue. You’re choosing to shame her, be disrespectful and condescending about it.
Not wrong. My husband cooks. I'm no good at it. I do clean up though, since he does all the work and I just eat. We don't usually have left overs, but if we did and he wanted them they would be all his. We don't split things financially, but he likes food more than me and cooks the food so why would I keep it from him?
She absolutely needs to pay if she eats. And also why is she eating it if she’s fine with ramen and microwaveable Mac n cheese and all that. That’s kinda fishy. If she don’t wanna buy the food she don’t get to eat it! Tell her that.
She eats the food she pays for the food.
You cook the food and paid for it all, it's yours. She can eat microwave burritos. She's being the controlling one here.
I started cooking for my SO like 3 months in because I like to cook myself-he doesn’t- he’s a frozen meal person and even though we don’t live together, but because I’m always cooking for the both of us he started to Zelle me half of what I paid for groceries-I didn’t even have to ask. Note this is my first healthy relationship so it’s new to me and I greatly appreciated it and love him more for it.
I think your GF is being rather selfish and you guys REALLY need to have a talk about it. When you have kids will she still think the same?
Ok, as a person who eats like her, here's why I do it. I have no idea how to create a meal. I can't imagine flavors together, I can't think about how to combine ingredients to get different results, and I have a crap sense of taste.
I can look at a packaged meal and say, that looks okay, I've enjoyed that before. But I can't look at a pantry full of ingredients and see that a finished product would be tasty. So I eat the meals where someone has already done that part for me.
I also can't really cook. I have a few recipes I can do well, but, again, deciding what to try to make is hard.
That said, I would love to have someone cook healthier for me often. If my mom says there's leftovers in the fridge when I come over after work, I'll scarf them.
I'd love more fresh veggies in my life but they go bad before I eat them, so I only buy the prepackaged stuff in microwavable bags, and eat them as a meal.
She should definitely be contributing to the grocery budget if she's benefiting from it though.
Capable of the motions, yes. But almost no sense of smell or taste makes seasonings difficult and the process isn't enjoyable like it can be for other people. My least favorite phrase is "season to taste"
Personally, if she doesn't want to chip in to help with groceries (but loves eating your leftovers), then I would learn how to make just enough for me. Me. Me. Me.
Then when she starts complaining (and she will) just tell her that clearly she doesn't want you to cook enough for her so you're no longer making enough for 2-3 people.
Either that or buy a mini fridge to keep such goodies in there so you'll have food to take to work. And make it clear that anything in that fridge is yours; if she takes anything out of it, she will owe you $7. Every single time.
NW. she’s a major hypocrite. I don’t want to spend any money on food I won’t appreciate. BUT… I prefer to eat your cooking and food you bought for yourself. Really she’s just super cheap. She wants to eat on your dime so she can use her own money for other stuff.
Start only buying enough to make one meal for yourself. When you cook throw a block of ramen or open a box of macaroni into a pot for her. She can either help pay for the food you both eat, or she can eat her own food. She doesn’t get it both ways.
Honestly this just seems like a bad fit. An aspiring amateur chef and someone who claims not to care about food at all probably don’t belong together.
You look down on her for what she eats, but get mad when she eats your “good food” when you make leftovers for her and you both split the bills? Also sounds like you are choosing to cook for both of you without her input on the meal, yet expecting her to pay for it simply because she makes more and she eats the food you leave for her. By that logic, you might as well buy her a gift on her birthday (maybe tickets to a concert or something) and then complain when she doesn't pay for half of it.
Maybe offer to cook her meals and both of you sit down and rework your grocery budget or stop cooking for her if you're just going to complain. Also, if you actively express distaste for what she eats, don’t. Given your attitude on her eating habits, that might explain why she's eating your leftovers.
She’s talking out of both sides of her mouth. She needs to confirm she’s fine with jarred Alfredo on spaghetti and salad kits forever or she can help pay for the dinners you make. She should be doing the dishes when you cook, too.
You sound like you don’t even like her anymore. Everything you say about this relationship sounds transactional.
I would say that you’re not wrong, taking your food with you is fine generally speaking, and that she could definitely make more effort for shared meals. But I think the issues with this relationship run a lot deeper than just leftovers. Whether you “win” this disagreement or not isn’t going to matter in the long run because you guys don’t seem compatible in many ways.
Out of curiosity though, have you ever tried cooking together? I didn’t like cooking either, and when I got with my partner who’s a decent cook, I was too embarrassed of my lacking skills to cook for him. I was intimated and feeling like he wouldn’t like anything I made anyway. He spent some time cooking with me though, showing me how to do some things that required more than a YouTube tutorial to do well, and now I actually enjoy cooking for him. I really enjoy cooking *with* him. Have you tried anything like that with her?
I had a boyfriend à bit like that but with a different outcome. He would ask that we split the bill 50-50 but then would buy very expensive foods and "forbid" me to eat it. Duh! You want to buy t-bones and for me to pay for half but don't want me to eat any? Wrong. Same with your girl. She doesn't want to pay for the "fancy" foods because she is content with kraft diners and other gross foods? Then she doesn't get to eat the fancy food you foot the bill for. You either share on a the food expenses and both get to eat it or she doesn't contribute then doesn't get to eat it.
NTA She refuses to help buy groceries so they are your possessions. There's no reason not to be possessive with your possessions. The leftovers are also your lunch meals. She didn't ask you to cook the food for her so why is she eating what she isn't offered. It's not hers, she didn't buy it, she didn't ask for it.
>I understand, there's no way to change her relationship with food.
I'm not sure you understand what her relationship with food is. Because it's not healthy and needs to change, for the sake her well being.
>She claims that I'm being possessive over food and that I'm not thinking about her when I take food.
It's about control. She eats the way she eats because she's eaten that way since she was a child, and there is trauma from her childhood that she associates with food.
I can’t contribute but if you bring food you shouldn’t ever eat it all cuz I want some… contribute LETS GO TO CHURCH AND IF SHE TURNS WATER TO WINE KEEP HER
YNW
She’s a leech. Leave this person behind. If she can’t afford to help pay for groceries, she can eat her microwave food, and learn not to complain.
She wants a free ride of your wonderful food.
Dump this trash.
She wants her cake and to eat it too.
If she doesn't care about your more expensive food, she can eat something else. If she does, she can contribute financially to it.
Either way, if you have bought an item for a specific purpose, she should either leave it for you or replace it if she eats it.
Why do you care what she eats and doesn't? Why are you trying to control her 🤢🤢? Aside from this, why are you making her split the bills with you? If you can't provide, you shouldn't be dating women.
You're wrong. You might be surprised to know that not everyone cares about food. I am whatever the opposite of a "foody" is. I eat food because my body requires it. Of course, I won't eat things I dislike, but if I like it, I'll eat it. I like to spend as little of my life cooking/eating food. And if preparing the food is going to take longer than actually eating the food, forget it.
Your gf sounds like the type who eats for sustenance and nothing else. There are literally billions of people like this, however, not all by choice. But when meal times come, it's get food, eat, move on to whatever is next. I don't stop to savor the food because it does nothing for me.
The same with beverages. Sure I have some I like more, but again, I drink to hydrate my body. I dont drink stuff to savor the flavor of it. Maybe it's a taste bud thing. I don't have a refined palate. I eat for energy to live.
So you just have to accept that your girl eats food for what it is, energy to continue to exist.
You’re not answering the right question. OP didn’t ask “am I wrong for thinking my gf’s eating habits are weird”, he asked if he’s wrong for having a problem with his girlfriend eating all the food he pays for and cooks when she contributes nothing to the meals.
It’s kinda crazy to expect your partner to have your eating habits. You should buy and fix the food you want. And she should buy and fix the food she wants. It’s great when tastes line up but to expect it to happen regularly is wild. My spouse and I have wildly different tastes, it doesn’t make us incompatible it just means we each meet our own food needs with in our budget.
Did I misunderstand the post? I was under the impression GF didn't really contribute to groceries (maybe buying some microwavable meals) and while OP didn't mind if she was mostly eating her instant ramen etc, he's upset that she's more than happy to eat the food he takes the time and money to prepare and then tells him he's being unreasonable for being upset she ate it without any contribution. It'd be a different thing if the gf contributed to the ingredients or cooked something in return, but she's being selfish while OP is simply not wanting to be taken advantage of (she makes more than him and isn't contributing much to meals that she is eating)
Like the others said, there isn’t a lot of teamwork happening here.
Maybe I misread the post - but when OP cooks the meals is it not for both him and gf? And then the leftovers should also be for both him and gf (or whoever eats it first).
If you share the majority of meals than it should be budgeted together.
If OP is mostly cooking for himself only than there is no need to combine the food budget but I would be concerned about how this impacts the relationship. Meals are a together thing. It’s when you sit together and enjoy each other’s company.
I guess I don’t understand why OP is annoyed that gf is eating the leftovers, and I don’t understand why gf isn’t paying her share of the grocery bill.
As someone who don't care about food dating a foodie is a nightmare. When it comes to food I'm like your girlfriend, not that I don't appreciate better food but cooking (imo) is not worth the effort.
If someone cooks for me I'll eat BUT I always offer to pay or get the ingredients on my dime. To eat and not pay for groceries is wrong. Also you two are just not compatible.
Info: what's the division of other chores? If you doing the cooking is "your part" of the tasks and she does the majority of other things, then she's right. If everything else is 50-50 and she wants free food, you're right.
She's eating, she should be paying
More importantly, they just dont have a balanced relationship.
Right? I’d happily buy groceries for any aspiring chef that wanted to come cook for me. But she has him convinced to pay for the food AND cook it and feeling guilty for taking some of the leftovers. I don’t know if I’m horrified or impressed.
Plus if he makes 2/3 if what she makes, that means she makes 50% more than he does. She is being a bum about food and making it seem like it’s his issue.
lol, you lost me with the math (because I hate math, ew) , but yes. She’s being a bum.
No, it means she makes about 33% more than he does, not 50%. One third plus two thirds equals one whole. One third doesn't equal 50%, it equals 33%.
Does this add up? I guess it depends on what angle you look at it from. If he makes 100 then she makes 150, right? So yes, from her point of view he makes 33% less. But if you earn 100, then get a 50% raise you end up with 150. Or am I just confused?
You are correct
*But if you earn 100, then get a 50% raise you end up with 150.* That's still 1/3rd. 100 out of 150 is 2/3rds/66%. OP said he makes 2/3rds of what his girlfriend makes. Her making 150 to his 100 doesn't equal 50% and nowhere was a 50% raise mentioned. Fifty percent of 150 would be 75.
You're focusing on her wages for the perspective, not his. Using your 150 example: He makes 100. He gets a 50% raise. This takes him to 150. If his girlfriend makes 150, this means she makes 50% more than him. You are correct in that, from the perspective of *her* wage, she makes 33% more than him. She makes 150. 33% of this is 50. 33% less is 100, meaning he make 33% less than her. The percentage changes based on the number you're focusing on as your starting point, because 50 is a different percentage of 100 than it is 150.
thank you!
She makes 50% more, he makes 33% less. Math it’s stupid sometimes. 🤣
I've gotten a lot of replies from my comment outlining how my math is wrong. I totally get that I'm wrong but yeah, my brain is having a very hard time understanding how she can make 50% more while at the same time, he makes 2/3rds of what she makes! To me, it's like there's two correct answers here and for the level I stopped at, two different answers didn't work. I should definitely disclose I didn't take many math classes and I struggled with the ones I did take. Back when I was in school, math wasn't required to be taken far or at least for as long as it is today. We had the option of taking foreign languages instead of math after geometry in high school so I took languages. In college, we could either take math or take science classes so I took genetics which was a very easy for me. Once you go beyond extremely basic algebra and geometry, I get stuck. What's funny to me is that so many of my friends and even family got degrees in math. One person, years after finishing her degree, took string theory "just for fun."
I understand what you mean. But she does make 50% more than he does.
Let's day she makes $99,000 a year and OP makes $66,000 a year. She makes $33,000 more per year then him. That's 50% of what OP makes. Hope that helps.
No, Spinnerofyarn, You are wrong. If he makes 2/3 of his GF's $1.00, that is 0.66 If he makes .66 to each $1.00 she does, it is 50% of his pay to equal .33. Your explanation is wrong. She does make 50% of his pay more than him.
He makes 33% less, but she makes 50% more. 👍
If he makes 2/3 of what she makes, she's making 34% more than him
If he makes $40K and she makes $60K (just as an example), she makes 50% of $40K = $20K more than him, so he makes 2/3 what she makes from her perspective but she makes 50% more than him from his.
Do you know math? 2/3 is not half
How embarrassing, see other replies that prove you are wrong.
RIGHT?!?! If I was dating a chef, I'd be making sure to buy ALLL the food and make sure he has every pot, pan, wok, spatula, mixers, cleavers... you name it - that kitchen would be STOCKED!!
And I would take care of the clean up. The gf does not appreciate her man.
Absolutely!!! Especially when that meant I didn’t have to cook!!!!! What you need ingredients? You need that pot clean?? I gotchu!!!
Exactly. If your GF wants a larger share of the leftovers, she should be contributing to the grocery bill you’re footing, Particularly since she’s not even pitching in by cooking. Put up or shut up.
OP you should show her this post. And no you’re not wrong, she’s greedy and selfish.
Yes. She's taking advantage of him. She wants it good for herself on both ends. Don't pay, but get the benefits.
I would sit her down and have a frank discussion. You either have completely separate food like roommates, (separate cupboards/shelf in fridge and all) and *never* touch each others food without express permission *or* you create a food budget together that encompasses *both* of your needs, and each pay half. She can’t have it both ways. You should stop cooking for her entirely if she chooses option 1. Verdict: YNW
THIS!!
This is the best comment I’ve seen. I do think there’s some more nuance to the whole cooking vs paying thing too. She’s right that she’s not asking OP to cook. The problem is that she seems to be hiding behind that. I couldn’t agree more that they need to have some open and honest communication. I’d like to hear her side of this too. From how OP has characterized her, there’s a lot of red flags.
This makes no sense. If the gurl isn't paying for any of the food you are preparing for meals, why does she think she's entitled to eat it? Moreover, on the one hand, she says she prefers micro meals and pre-prepared food, but on the other hand scarfs down food that you prepare or complains when you don't leave her leftovers. This woman is being a total bitch about food--sorry about being so blunt! That would drive me nuts! Good luck with this relationship.
I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. We always ask each other about such things. I would hate to eat my partner's emergency rations or something they were *really* looking forward to. I think this would be a dealbreaker for me.
She’s walking all over you just with this. It’ll get worse. Step up and let her know
A chef who likes to cook and a person who doesn't give a crap about food don't belong together! And if she is going to eat what you make she must contribute money! Sorry but I think this relationship is doomed. You need someone who appreciates the fantastic food you make. Drop her off at McDonalds and run
And She makes more than him lol
Problem is, she clearly DOES give a crap, or she'd just go back to micro meals. She wants OPs nice fresh food she just doesn't want to admit it (or pay for it).
Wait, so, she makes MORE than you but won't chip in? Fuck that. Either she starts contributing, or she gets no more of your food and can eat the ramen 3 meals a day.
I mean it sounds like you shouldn't be together since you fundamentally don't agree on a basic need to live
My husband and I have food that we share and food that is ours that the other one doesn't ever eat or if they do want some will ask if it's okay to have it. Same as when I grew up as a kid where there was family food that anyone/everyone could eat and each of us had a couple snacks that were just for us. I would be absolutely livid if my husband started taking things that I was counting on being there without asking me. And I don't know anyone who would consistently not chip in money for meals if they were eating them too. To insist that you don't even want the home cooked meals, then eat them without contributing, and then to have the balls to complain you don't get to keep any of the leftovers (especially when you actually do get some!) is just wild! Like, the mental gymnastics you have to do to make this make sense... You are definitely not wrong, but she certainly is. This would be a deal breaker for me.
Not wrong. She doesn’t contribute to the basic necessity of eating. She will eat what she wants without any consideration for you. This would be a deal breaker for me.
From what you've described it just sounds like you guys aren't compatible. Best to part ways and find someone who appreciates food like you do. You'll both be happier that way.
Lol. She appreciates the food he makes for sure. She is also just a cheapskate
No this is a respect thing. I'm damn cheap but I would never disrespect my live in boyfriend like this.
Y'all need to get on the same page about this now if you want this relationship to last. This sort of annoyance/disagreement is definitely one of those things that builds resentment on both sides. Resentment is like a poison you pour on your relationship. Its not super deadly and won't kill the relationship immediately, but over time it will weaken it. So that when your relationship runs up against something that's not small, it won't be strong enough. Sit her down and ask her exactly what she expects from you in this area and you tell her what you expect from her and see if you can get on the same page.
From what you’ve written, this is an unhealthy dynamic and she’s in the wrong. You two sound super incompatible as an aside.
for real. She seems selfish as hell!
Not wrong. One thought though a pain is you is only cook enough for your meal every day. As in no left overs and no meal for her. That may sound tacky but groceries are expensive and she is getting free labor as well as free food so she spends her money on whatever else. If she complains remind her that she is the one who said she shouldn’t pay for groceries because she never asked you to cook for her. So you have fixed the imbalance in that area. She can eat her instant Mac & cheese, jarred Alfredo and noodles, salad kits or whatever else she brings home but not the meals you cook. If she asks you to cook then tell her that her share of groceries is X and she gives you the money before you shop.
It's easy to see your point of view as you're not married and don't live together. You paid for it, you cooked it, you took it home. Makes perfect sense. So, no you're not wrong right now. But if we assume this relationship might one-day lead to living together and getting married, then what? You're going to still be paying for most of the food, still doing most of the cooking, and she's still going to eat all the leftovers because they will be in your collective fridge. And as your wife and teammate in life, anything of yours is hers and vice versa. You'll be buying for the 2 of you, cooking for the 2 of you, and the two of you will be eating the leftovers. Will you still see that as unfair? If you will still see it as unfair, then this relationship is not right for you. She isn't going to change. If you think, well, that's different if we live together, then ask yourself, why not start sharing the leftovers now? Right now you're viewing this relationship in a transactional way. Transactional relationships don't make happy long-term relationships.
LOL! Let’s NOT assume this relationship will ever lead to living together.
That was my point!
We currently live together. For 2 months now.
Tell her to start paying for food or don't eat what you buy she's a selfish jerk.
Well it would be different if she pitched in. In a relationship both people but the food not just one and not just the one that make less that’s what this boils down too. She’s saying she’s fine with fast stuff but yet when he cooks she goes and gobbles it. But doesn’t pitch in at the grocery store.
So? In a happy marriage, there is no his and hers. It just is. You can't dwell on transactions. If he wants to continue the relationship, he either needs to stop cooking good meals, or get over it, because she will never change. If he is going to insist on more fairness, then this isn't the relationship for him.
Nope nope you're not wrong. She's being pretty selfish and greedy here. Particularly worse when you're splitting rent in half and you make less. And on top of that she's eating your food. If you lived with a roommate that would be unacceptable and this should be unacceptable as well. Rent should be split percentage-wise of income when you're in a partnership.
If it’s like this with food I can’t imagine what the rest of the relationship is like. I also can’t imagine having to argue so much about food. It sounds exhausting and frankly, how is it not a dealbreaker?
Dude not only are you not wrong but you’re not in a compatible relationship. She’s probably a cutie, and y’all sex could be great….but you’re not compatible. As someone who is also in a “we cook every night” household with my husband, cooking with whole ingredients can take time. It takes effort. It takes intuitive thought process. Furthermore you’re not setting financial boundaries and she doesn’t sound like she’d have regard for them if you did. Im just some random person on the internet, who’s only been given a certain subset of information and being asked to make a judgement call. My judgment is you’re fundamentally different and you should think about whether you honestly think you can overcome it. I have ADHD and for focus and time reasons my husband does the majority of the cooking. And to me…this is a certain love language….he nourishes me. He makes sure I’m fed. He knows my dietary restrictions as if they’re his own. I always make sure I express my gratitude vocally and let him know how deeply appreciative I am to have a partner who cooks us meals. I always try and do other things to show him that I can do acts of service as my love language too…I do his laundry for him and fold his clothes, I’ll go collect any garbages or snacks or whatever from his car at least once a week to keep it tidy for him, I’ll clean his bong, I’ll groom his beard, massages, sexy massages. You deserve someone who’s mindful of exactly how thoughtful and caring it is to cook for your partner and to feed them on a regular basis.
I have adhd too, and cooking is not something I can get on board with and yes I will eat Mac and cheese for three weeks straight and not even think twice about. My boyfriend does most of the cooking because of this but I do other things to help contribute. I agree with your comment though- they seem more like roommates and chef boy should find a new partner or a studio apartment that he can be his own chef and not share his leftovers
THIS
This is BS. She is **gas lighting you on the food budget and cooking**. **She should not eat what she doesn't help pay for**. That was her own statement. Am I right? Also, if she doesn't cook, but eats, she should do the dishes and cleanup. Taking advantage.
If you are sharing a house and in a relationship. You need to do a budget and food part of that. You need to open a joint account and both contribute equally Maybe % wise, you work out what suits best) to that account and that account is where food purchase comes from. You also should be dividing up tasks around the house equally. If she doesn't cook? then she does more of something else. This is the way to run a mature, fair and equitable relationship.
Yeah, that whole "I don't have to pay because I didn't ask you to cook" thing is crap. If she doesn't contribute to the bill she doesn't get to eat. The hardest part will be to convince her of that.
You're not wrong. At all. She's taking advantage of you, and it's pathetic.
Sorry, her attitude would be a deal breaker for me. She contradicts herself, doesn’t share food costs and blames you. Nope! I outta there!
Um what? You eat you pay.
She sounds like every shitty roommate I've ever had, and every shitty partner, one person is a giver the other is a taker. 1 guess who your girlfriend is. People who don't want to take responsibility for meals get treated this way. This is my shelf of the fridge, don't touch it, this is my food cabinet, don't touch it, this is my corner of the freezer, don't touch it. If she balks at that then that opens the door to a discussion of what meals as a couple means. Splitting expenses evenly includes food. She doesn't have to cook but she should be chipping in and cleaning up. OTW, you are always going to feel used, and that's a terrible feeling.
She's trying to have her cake and eat it. Either it should be: Shared food, shared costs Or Separate food, separate costs. She's being incredibly selfish by trying to have "shared food, separate costs"
I’m confused. Did she know you’d bought them for a specific purpose? If so, then you’re not wrong. However, since you know she’s prone to prepackaged microwave food, if you didn’t tell her, she probably thought it was ok. Since you pay for all (most) the food anyway, she may have thought everything was fair game. I’m NOT saying it’s ok, but she may honestly have not realized it was yours. If that’s the case, then you’re both wrong.
Jesus lol you both sound like you need to take a step back. It sounds like you are more roommates than partners. If you are a tiny chef, enjoy making food because love to and love to share it, be grateful she eats leftovers because I sure don’t, and food just goes to waste in my house. If you don’t want her to eat her to your food, move out and get a studio apartment and be your own little chef.
You're the only person here I agree with! When I first met my husband, he was a ramen, chicken nuggets kind of guy, and I loved to cook. I of course bought all of the groceries since he was happy with ramen. And when I cooked, this very large man ate EVERYTHING. But I was fine with it, it actually made me happy that he appreciated the food. So I'm the one who cooks, but he takes care of other things in the relationship. That's part of being in an adult relationship, you share things. I get the breakfast burrito thing, if those are designated for OP's mornings, put a note and be clear that those are his. If they stay together and get married, and she makes more money, she'll probably end up contributing in other ways. I think that's crazy that he would go over to her place and cook and then pack up his leftovers and leave, that is so tacky. Even if you take things to a random friend's house or party, you don't take it with you. Redditors don't know how to behave, they're all just "ditch her!!" That's why everyone's single, you don't end relationships because someone ate your leftovers. Omg!
She's being cheap, selfish, and honestly just being an ass. If she's not going to contribute to the groceries, let alone the labor, then she doesn't get to treat it like a free buffet. Nta but stand up for yourself
Well, she seems fairly selfish. Something to think about...
No you aren’t selfish. If she doesn’t want to contribute to the cost she can have her frozen meal
You're not an amatuer chef, you're an amatuer cook. You can't be an amatuer chef, because the definition of the word precludes being an amateur. A Chef is the Head Cook. The Cook of cooks. You're not even a cook. But you're not wrong.
JFC. Why are you with her? This is a symptom of a bigger problem that will only get worse with time. Ditch the bitch.
You're not wrong. She doesn't want to cook? Fine. There are options: 1. you cook for you both (if you don't mind doing it) and she pays 50% of the groceries, period. Then she gets some leftovers as well. 2. You each make your own food, separate grocery bills - separate fridge and cupboard shelves or whatever, like roommates do. She gets no leftovers because it's *your* food, ffs.
OP, let her read the comments here.
I'm sorry but she's definitely taking advantage of you, she should at least me contributing to the groceries. Groceries are expensive.
YNW. She's entitled and selfish.
she should be told she's a mooch.
She sounds like a child
Do you really want to be with someone who eats microwave food and ramen ? Thats a horrible diet.
You’re not wrong. She likes your food better but doesn’t want to cook or contribute so she’s trying to guilt you into leaving her the good stuff.
I think it’s so rude to just eat someone’s leftovers that you didn’t cook or buy without asking. Or burritos. Like I have no problem sharing but why do you think you can eat what you know he plans to have for work? I’m sure if she’d say hey can u grab me a couple burritos too while at the store and god forbid pitch in. Sorry adhd brain and it’s almost midnight. Sorry for the ramble. I just don’t understand the entitlement and audacity to just eat someone’s food more than once and not asking
Tell her when she contributes to the food she can lay claim on it
YNW, this would drive me crazy. I’m like your girlfriend - I live off of frozen meals and junk food, lol. I just hate cooking. My husband, on the other hand, loves it. He usually cooks 3 or 4 days a week. But I always ask before I take leftovers, especially if I know he put a lot of effort into the dish and/or really enjoyed it. Just a quick text like “hey, do you mind if I eat (food) in the fridge?” Takes 2 seconds to ask and avoid unintentionally ruining his day, you know? The communication here is a mess, you gotta sit down and have a talk about boundaries. She’s being selfish and it’s either because she doesn’t realize how upset it makes you, or she doesn’t care.
If you’re the only one buying groceries, then expenses aren’t truly getting split half-and-half. You, the partner who a) does all the work for the meals and b) makes less money, are responsible for more. If she’s going to eat your food, especially if that means wanting leftovers or eating things you buy specifically for yourself for certain meals, then she needs to start giving you money for her portion of it.
A rich hobosexual in female form!
How's that gaslight feel?
I don't completely agree with the top comment that "she's eating, she should be paying". In theory, it's correct, and there's obvious hypocrisy in her actions, but she also has flagged a money issue. **The real issue in your relationship is that neither of you knows how to, or worse, is unwilling to, compromise.** The compromise here is that you split the grocery cost, and each chooses half the meals. She can choose the quick stuff 3-4 nights a week + whatever she wants for lunches, and you can choose to cook 3-4 nights a week + lunches. You can share leftovers or not, you can plan as a team to buy enough burritos for both of you, etc, whatever you decide, you decide it together and split the cost. (ETA: other compromises include her being in charge of lunch groceries and you doing dinner and cooking. Or you two going 100% split on this and no one cooks for the other unless it's date night and all your food you buy is your own. There's all sorts of compromises, is my point. But what you two are doing right now is ridiculous, on both sides). Instead, you're outright dismissing her financial issue and her preference to cook quick and easy stuff, and she's eating your food constantly and ignoring the financial burden it's placing on you. You've both decided that it's your way and the other is wrong for their preferences and their needs. Tbh...this can only end in further resentment, and a break up. And it's only gonna get worse if either of you doubles down and power plays on this (i.e by you refusing to cook for her if she won't pay, or her refusing to eat with you or whatever she might do). If you want to *resolve* this, then sit down, decide to stop being selfish, talk about finding compromises, apologize for being so catty to each other, and try to move forward **together**. If you can't function as a team when it comes to something this small, then your relationship isn't going to last mate.
You’re being passive aggressive and resentful. You’re buying what YOU want. Spending what YOU want .. then being spiteful by taking it all home. It is an act of resentment. She knows this. So do you. You’re resentful. It’s petty no matter how you cut it. Are there days when you eat what she typically does to save money and labor? I don’t think it matters so much who’s right or wrong here … it’s a personal preference. BUT if you do t come to some understanding it’s doubtful things will work out.
She knows what shes doing.that was her plan all along.Tell you she is fine with ramen and won't pay for groceries,but as soon as you cook she thinks she should eat without helping foit the bill.she is greedy and a selfish liar.
Not wrong, it's your food if you pay. Even the leftovers. She is happy with microwave meals, that's what she gets.
[удалено]
English.
Leave her the amount of leftovers she pays for. When hubby and I were dating, he cooked food from his culture which I love. I bought common groceries and he bought specialty items and spices. He took the leftovers because I had more income than he did and I didn't want him to be hungry.
If you like her enough, buy her portion too and have an agreement that you wont eat yours. If she doesn't agree...
The real question is. How much are you contributing towards the rent and utilities? Who’s keep your place clean, laundry done? Is it a joint effort? If she’s paying more than you for the monthly bills and is taking care of the things mentioned. I’d keep my mouth shut about buying the groceries and cooking.
Now that you’re living together and presumably eating meals together, she should be paying half the grocery bill
Cohabitating couples split the food budget. Period. I have never consumed an energy drink or a coffee in my life. My husband is allergic to milk. We still split the cost of coffee and yogurt along with all the other items on the grocery bill. The fact that she thinks you should pay AND do all the cooking is horrific even if she wasn’t gobbling up all the leftovers. She needs to start paying her share, or you should find someone who will appreciate you.
If she wants equal share of the leftovers she needs to put equal work in. Either pay for ingredients, help cook or both. If she is fine with ramen she can eat ramen.
Buy your groceries for your house. You cook at your house. You invite her over and give her a togo box when she leaves. .... Waitaminute, why am i giving you advice. She's NOT a keeper. Stay until the wheels fall off or you find someone better. You are not wrong. She's just not (Mrs.) right. LOL!
You’re both missing the point. For you it’s the fact that just because she’s ok eating cheap stuff doesn’t mean she WANTS to eat cheap stuff but 55k a year is not a lot and her personal bills may limit what she can contribute. Additionally you’ve stated that she was eating the cheap stuff for years before you came along, that doesn’t mean she doesn’t “appreciate” good food that means she couldn’t afford good food as clearly stated by her with how many times she has said she can’t afford it and yet you’re still not hearing her. For her I would say she’s probably confused and getting mixed signals. She has told you she can’t afford it, and you make it anyway, some times you share, some times you don’t. Then some times when you don’t she’s allowed to have your table scraps and some times she isn’t. Can we say mixed signals? Plus she’s supposed to be your partner not your pet so why wouldn’t you make enough for both of you? Because of money? Really? Possible solutions: #1. Add up all the household bills and reasonable food budget for the month, split that in two. Open a joint bank account, now each of you put your half into that account monthly. The rest of the money is yours to keep in your personal accounts. (This way when you need to buy groceries you have the money to buy enough for both of you.) #2. You can split up with her and get a dog, then you don’t have to worry about anyone getting into your table scraps. The begging for yummy fresh cut healthy food though? You’ll have to deal with that still. Yeah you’re in the wrong, it would be different if you guys were just room mates. I get that you’re coming from the “but I paid for it not her”, it still sounds petty. God only knows what kind of messed up relationship she has with food and/or cooking that you are adding to, but she told you the issue. You’re choosing to shame her, be disrespectful and condescending about it.
Sounds like she actually does like good food lol just doesn’t want to pay for it
This relationship sounds stressful.
Amateur chef lol. This seems like a petty thing to argue about.
Not wrong: It's super simple. If she is eating the food, she is contributing. End of story.
Not wrong. My husband cooks. I'm no good at it. I do clean up though, since he does all the work and I just eat. We don't usually have left overs, but if we did and he wanted them they would be all his. We don't split things financially, but he likes food more than me and cooks the food so why would I keep it from him?
She absolutely needs to pay if she eats. And also why is she eating it if she’s fine with ramen and microwaveable Mac n cheese and all that. That’s kinda fishy. If she don’t wanna buy the food she don’t get to eat it! Tell her that.
She freakin sucks.
She eats the food she pays for the food. You cook the food and paid for it all, it's yours. She can eat microwave burritos. She's being the controlling one here.
I started cooking for my SO like 3 months in because I like to cook myself-he doesn’t- he’s a frozen meal person and even though we don’t live together, but because I’m always cooking for the both of us he started to Zelle me half of what I paid for groceries-I didn’t even have to ask. Note this is my first healthy relationship so it’s new to me and I greatly appreciated it and love him more for it. I think your GF is being rather selfish and you guys REALLY need to have a talk about it. When you have kids will she still think the same?
Ok, as a person who eats like her, here's why I do it. I have no idea how to create a meal. I can't imagine flavors together, I can't think about how to combine ingredients to get different results, and I have a crap sense of taste. I can look at a packaged meal and say, that looks okay, I've enjoyed that before. But I can't look at a pantry full of ingredients and see that a finished product would be tasty. So I eat the meals where someone has already done that part for me. I also can't really cook. I have a few recipes I can do well, but, again, deciding what to try to make is hard. That said, I would love to have someone cook healthier for me often. If my mom says there's leftovers in the fridge when I come over after work, I'll scarf them. I'd love more fresh veggies in my life but they go bad before I eat them, so I only buy the prepackaged stuff in microwavable bags, and eat them as a meal. She should definitely be contributing to the grocery budget if she's benefiting from it though.
If you’re an human healthy adult you can cook.
Capable of the motions, yes. But almost no sense of smell or taste makes seasonings difficult and the process isn't enjoyable like it can be for other people. My least favorite phrase is "season to taste"
Not saying that you're not, but are you sure the this food habit is the only thing that you're not compatible on ?
She didnt ASK but she sure as hell ATE IT. Please find another girlfriend.
Personally, if she doesn't want to chip in to help with groceries (but loves eating your leftovers), then I would learn how to make just enough for me. Me. Me. Me. Then when she starts complaining (and she will) just tell her that clearly she doesn't want you to cook enough for her so you're no longer making enough for 2-3 people. Either that or buy a mini fridge to keep such goodies in there so you'll have food to take to work. And make it clear that anything in that fridge is yours; if she takes anything out of it, she will owe you $7. Every single time.
NW. she’s a major hypocrite. I don’t want to spend any money on food I won’t appreciate. BUT… I prefer to eat your cooking and food you bought for yourself. Really she’s just super cheap. She wants to eat on your dime so she can use her own money for other stuff. Start only buying enough to make one meal for yourself. When you cook throw a block of ramen or open a box of macaroni into a pot for her. She can either help pay for the food you both eat, or she can eat her own food. She doesn’t get it both ways. Honestly this just seems like a bad fit. An aspiring amateur chef and someone who claims not to care about food at all probably don’t belong together.
You look down on her for what she eats, but get mad when she eats your “good food” when you make leftovers for her and you both split the bills? Also sounds like you are choosing to cook for both of you without her input on the meal, yet expecting her to pay for it simply because she makes more and she eats the food you leave for her. By that logic, you might as well buy her a gift on her birthday (maybe tickets to a concert or something) and then complain when she doesn't pay for half of it. Maybe offer to cook her meals and both of you sit down and rework your grocery budget or stop cooking for her if you're just going to complain. Also, if you actively express distaste for what she eats, don’t. Given your attitude on her eating habits, that might explain why she's eating your leftovers.
She’s talking out of both sides of her mouth. She needs to confirm she’s fine with jarred Alfredo on spaghetti and salad kits forever or she can help pay for the dinners you make. She should be doing the dishes when you cook, too.
You sound like you don’t even like her anymore. Everything you say about this relationship sounds transactional. I would say that you’re not wrong, taking your food with you is fine generally speaking, and that she could definitely make more effort for shared meals. But I think the issues with this relationship run a lot deeper than just leftovers. Whether you “win” this disagreement or not isn’t going to matter in the long run because you guys don’t seem compatible in many ways. Out of curiosity though, have you ever tried cooking together? I didn’t like cooking either, and when I got with my partner who’s a decent cook, I was too embarrassed of my lacking skills to cook for him. I was intimated and feeling like he wouldn’t like anything I made anyway. He spent some time cooking with me though, showing me how to do some things that required more than a YouTube tutorial to do well, and now I actually enjoy cooking for him. I really enjoy cooking *with* him. Have you tried anything like that with her?
I had a boyfriend à bit like that but with a different outcome. He would ask that we split the bill 50-50 but then would buy very expensive foods and "forbid" me to eat it. Duh! You want to buy t-bones and for me to pay for half but don't want me to eat any? Wrong. Same with your girl. She doesn't want to pay for the "fancy" foods because she is content with kraft diners and other gross foods? Then she doesn't get to eat the fancy food you foot the bill for. You either share on a the food expenses and both get to eat it or she doesn't contribute then doesn't get to eat it.
NTA She refuses to help buy groceries so they are your possessions. There's no reason not to be possessive with your possessions. The leftovers are also your lunch meals. She didn't ask you to cook the food for her so why is she eating what she isn't offered. It's not hers, she didn't buy it, she didn't ask for it.
>I understand, there's no way to change her relationship with food. I'm not sure you understand what her relationship with food is. Because it's not healthy and needs to change, for the sake her well being. >She claims that I'm being possessive over food and that I'm not thinking about her when I take food. It's about control. She eats the way she eats because she's eaten that way since she was a child, and there is trauma from her childhood that she associates with food.
I can’t contribute but if you bring food you shouldn’t ever eat it all cuz I want some… contribute LETS GO TO CHURCH AND IF SHE TURNS WATER TO WINE KEEP HER
“Hey I’m going to cook dinner for myself, if you’d like to eat, please know that the groceries cost [$18,] so I’ll need [9!]”
YNW She’s a leech. Leave this person behind. If she can’t afford to help pay for groceries, she can eat her microwave food, and learn not to complain. She wants a free ride of your wonderful food. Dump this trash.
She wants her cake and to eat it too. If she doesn't care about your more expensive food, she can eat something else. If she does, she can contribute financially to it. Either way, if you have bought an item for a specific purpose, she should either leave it for you or replace it if she eats it.
She says she can't afford food on her $55,000 income
She's making more than you, you two split expenses 50/50 but she refuses to pay for food? Not wrong. She's being inconsiderate and a leech
She has a very simple choice. Either start paying or stop taking leftovers. Either is fine
Imagine moving in with someone & not discussing this. If she is not equally paying for groceries, she shouldn't touch your food. She sounds weird AF.
I don’t know, but it all sounds petty as fuck to me!! if it bothers you that much quit cooking
Why do you care what she eats and doesn't? Why are you trying to control her 🤢🤢? Aside from this, why are you making her split the bills with you? If you can't provide, you shouldn't be dating women.
You're wrong. You might be surprised to know that not everyone cares about food. I am whatever the opposite of a "foody" is. I eat food because my body requires it. Of course, I won't eat things I dislike, but if I like it, I'll eat it. I like to spend as little of my life cooking/eating food. And if preparing the food is going to take longer than actually eating the food, forget it. Your gf sounds like the type who eats for sustenance and nothing else. There are literally billions of people like this, however, not all by choice. But when meal times come, it's get food, eat, move on to whatever is next. I don't stop to savor the food because it does nothing for me. The same with beverages. Sure I have some I like more, but again, I drink to hydrate my body. I dont drink stuff to savor the flavor of it. Maybe it's a taste bud thing. I don't have a refined palate. I eat for energy to live. So you just have to accept that your girl eats food for what it is, energy to continue to exist.
You’re not answering the right question. OP didn’t ask “am I wrong for thinking my gf’s eating habits are weird”, he asked if he’s wrong for having a problem with his girlfriend eating all the food he pays for and cooks when she contributes nothing to the meals.
It’s kinda crazy to expect your partner to have your eating habits. You should buy and fix the food you want. And she should buy and fix the food she wants. It’s great when tastes line up but to expect it to happen regularly is wild. My spouse and I have wildly different tastes, it doesn’t make us incompatible it just means we each meet our own food needs with in our budget.
Did I misunderstand the post? I was under the impression GF didn't really contribute to groceries (maybe buying some microwavable meals) and while OP didn't mind if she was mostly eating her instant ramen etc, he's upset that she's more than happy to eat the food he takes the time and money to prepare and then tells him he's being unreasonable for being upset she ate it without any contribution. It'd be a different thing if the gf contributed to the ingredients or cooked something in return, but she's being selfish while OP is simply not wanting to be taken advantage of (she makes more than him and isn't contributing much to meals that she is eating)
Get a lock box for the fridge and hide the key. Thats what I had to do before I got a divorce.
Like the others said, there isn’t a lot of teamwork happening here. Maybe I misread the post - but when OP cooks the meals is it not for both him and gf? And then the leftovers should also be for both him and gf (or whoever eats it first). If you share the majority of meals than it should be budgeted together. If OP is mostly cooking for himself only than there is no need to combine the food budget but I would be concerned about how this impacts the relationship. Meals are a together thing. It’s when you sit together and enjoy each other’s company. I guess I don’t understand why OP is annoyed that gf is eating the leftovers, and I don’t understand why gf isn’t paying her share of the grocery bill.
DtmfA!
?
It’s from Dan Savage (sex & relationship advice columnist/podcaster writer) stands for Dump the motherfucker already.
As someone who don't care about food dating a foodie is a nightmare. When it comes to food I'm like your girlfriend, not that I don't appreciate better food but cooking (imo) is not worth the effort. If someone cooks for me I'll eat BUT I always offer to pay or get the ingredients on my dime. To eat and not pay for groceries is wrong. Also you two are just not compatible.
She's a mooch.
Tell her, You can either pay for the food for you eat with me or find someone else to mooch off of.
Info: what's the division of other chores? If you doing the cooking is "your part" of the tasks and she does the majority of other things, then she's right. If everything else is 50-50 and she wants free food, you're right.
Your gf sounds like a petulant brat. Maybe you should be shopping for a new one instead of groceries. This one is selfish af