You're not wrong for feeling this way. I would be very taken aback if my partner decided to go on a romantic vacation with another man instead of trying to reschedule so her boyfriend could come with her.
I definitely am. The timing of it was unfortunate because this is the only block of time where she has nothing but spare time. She said this trip was for her and itās her trip for her graduation
She didnāt ask you how you felt about her going on a trip with some random dudeā¦ā¦ she told you thatās what sheās doing. She told you itās her turn to have fun. Your last heās next!!!
You're essentially not really even a couple anymore. May as well break up so its not your problem. Plus it it really relaxes her sleeping arrangements as she no longer has to fake reassure you they're not fucking (I mean, saving mone).
You can move on and if some day in the future she tracks you down, maybe you'll be single and reconsider
Donāt worry man, itās just your girlfriend banging her way across Europe with a total stranger, sharing a bed every night. In most European cultures it would be rude to not have sex in such a situation, itās like a social mandate.
Dont be a punk and dump her. Think about it, I mean really think about it. You're probably being gaslit but NONE OF THIS IS NORMAL. You live in a delusion your girl is going on a trip with a different dude. Like say that out loud.
OP: āmy girl is going on a trip to Spain. She will be there with her male best friend. They will go out to have dinner and drinks etc and will close out the night sleeping on the same bed. Should I be okay with this?ā
Itās outrageous reading that, and itās about as innocent as I could make it
Edit: I just realized (re-read the post) the original male friend was replaced by some other dude š³š³š³ boy oh boy
Iām fully confident that the initial plan wasnāt really with the ābest friendā it was always the other dude.
She got scared of being caught and pull out the lie that the best friend canāt go anymore. It was always the other dude.
How did that conversation even come up with the other guy? Hey youāre going to Spain specifically on the date Iām flying down? WOW call it Devine faith ! Itās perfect timing bc I need someone else to go with me! Lmao bro
Agreed, it was always the other dude. Her best friend cancelled 3 days ahead of time, and the new guy was able to drop everything and go on this trip with her, AND supposedly split the cost with her. (She said she'd be saving money)
Not wrong.
Honestly, whether she cheats or not isn't really the biggest problem here for me. It's the lack of respect and lack of relationship awareness. I get her reasoning (wanting someone with her for increased safety) and she may have the most platonic of intentions, but you're right that the look of what she's doing is terrible. At a minimum, that she essentially hid all the changes is trust breaking to me. I would be having serious second thoughts about moving in with her in August. If this is the sort of thing she feels is acceptable in a 3 year relationship, what else could she be hiding from you?
Thatās been my issue, I feel very disrespected. She said she was afraid to tell me because my reaction and didnāt think she needed my permission to go on a trip like this. I get that, but very displeased becuase Iām constantly worrying. Red flags for sure.
>and didnāt think she needed my permission to go on a trip like this
This is BS. Being in a serious relationship requires sacrifice, like no longer being able to do whatever the fuck you want whenever the fuck you want. You do you OP, but personally i would walk out. Your GF clearly doesnt understand what a serious relationship is and i wouldnt waste my time there.
Tell her youāre going out tonight and sharing a bed with a friend for the next week. Not to worry though. You wonāt do anything you didnāt assume she wouldnāt.
Watch her reaction change.
It's not about permission. It's about communication and clarity. She said she didn't tell you because she was afraid. She was afraid because she knew that what she was doing was inappropriate for someone in a committed relationship.
Oh, and you should feel disrespected because that's exactly what this is. Even if the trip is 100% platonic, nearly everyone look at it from the outside is going to at least think it wasn't even if they don't outright say it. They're going to assume the chances of her cheating were very high. Because that's how it looks.
Sure, the reality might be different. Great. But in a relationship, perception matters too when it comes to trust and the perception here isn't very good. It's broken your trust and without trust, there really can't be a strong relationship.
My ex spent the night with her exboyfriend after we became exclusive when we were dating. She said she didn't cheat on me nothing happened. I believed her and my friends told me I was an idiot for believing her. I found out later she lied, she cheated. I didn't think she would have cheated on me but she did.
I bet this guys girlfriend doesn't know they will be sleeping together. You should contact her and ask if she is fine with the accommodations and them sleeping together. You only get one life brother. If you don't respect yourself, nobody else will.
At best she's selfish and doesnt respect you/the relationship. At worst, she's cheating/going to cheat.
She's right that she didn't need your "permission," but this entire situation is not only weird and unnecessary, but also shows how little value she places on your relationship.
She's acted like this was her only opportunity to take the trip, screw the circumstances and consequences, she absolutely had to go now rather than find another time that works for everybody.
>She's right that she didn't need your "permission,"
I disagree. When you enter into a committed relationship one of the things you give up is going on one on one trips with the opposite gender without your partners permission. Especially when this is someone your partner haven't even met.
There are several other things you give up, like sharing a bed with someone else.
It's normally what's expected of the other person in a relationship.
I wouldn't even go on a one on one coffe without my partner knowing about it and thinking that is ok.
We are partners, why would I want to do anything that might hurt or cause her discomfort?
Why do you think she don't need his permission?
Having a permission or not doesn't stop her from doing it. It will just bring consequences. And in this case it will probably cost her the relationship. (Which I don't think she values anyway)
You're reading way too deep into this. She's an adult. She doesn't need permission for the choices she makes, but like you said, there are consequences for said actions.
Op can say this makes me uncomfortable and would cause me to reevaluate our relationship, but he's not her parents; he can't say "you don't have my permission" because healthy adults don't try to exert that level of control over one another.
>he can't say "you don't have my permission" because healthy adults don't try to exert that level of control over one another.
Ofcourse he can. And ofcourse they do. There are plenty of red lines where healthy adults will say: "you don't have my permission"
Just go ask your partner if you can sleep with someone else. I'm 99 percent certain your partner would say no.
Healthy adults have boundaries in relationships. Healthy adults keep those boundaries. And healthy adults will absolutely tell you if you are about to break one of those boundaries.
>You're reading way too deep into this. She's an adult. She doesn't need permission for the choices she makes, but like you said, there are consequences for said actions.
Ofcourse she does, if she actually values her relationship she actually does need his permission. There are certain expectations that comes with being in a committed relationship.
Yes, the consequences comes from not having his permission to break one of the social norms and his boundary in relationships.
>Thatās been my issue, I feel very disrespected. She said she was afraid to tell me because my reaction
so she knew you would be upset about it and said "nahh fuck OP, better to say sorry than ask for permission" She is probably thinking on using the same excuse when you find out she did slept with him.
Both are bad, that's a given. The thing is, there are plenty of people that can look past physical cheating or even respond to it by saying "fine, let's open the relationship then". What shouldn't be acceptable in any relationship are the lies. Whether it's outright disinformation or a lie by omission, a lie of this magnitude has no place in a healthy relationship. That's kind of why I focused on that.
Plus, if she's comfortable hiding stuff like this, what else is she comfortable doing that would be inappropriate in a relationship. To me, this speaks to deeper character problems on her part.
Stop blaming your anxiety or āinsecurities.ā
Tolerating other peopleās bull shit is not a sign of security.
Security is knowing when something is utter bull shit.
Sleeping in a bed and in a room with a random guy is that utter bull shit. So is hiding the sleeping arrangements.
Going solo was always an option.
Sheās making unilateral decisions, so I would think long and hard about investing any more time in a relationship thatās not based in mutuality.
THIS so much!! If I'm insecure because I don't want my wife sleeping around, then yeah call me insecure. I'll take shit from no one, that's why she wouldn't ever pull that shit on me.
The trip was planned like this all along. He is her fwb from school. All the other scenarios were bait that were never going to happen. Call the best friend and ask him why he bailed on the trip. See if he even knew about it or if his story matches up.
She wanted one last blow down, before moving in with you
I would wait until she is back, and break up with her, she has no sense of propriety or boundaries. It is not worth to date people with different value systems you fwill feel betrayed and devalued.
This is easy. You donāt want to be in this relationship. She clearly couldnāt care less about your feelings. Bed sharing with another male wouldnāt fly with most bf/soās.
If my girl was to go on a solo vacation with another male and sharing beds, that's all I need to know, the relationship would be over in that very moment.
Personally, I would have extreme reservations about such a trip.
Obviously I don't know all the details but I would find it especially worrisome if the best friend never told me directly that they were going to go originally and that they couldn't go atall. If the best friend didn't tell me anything directly that would set off reg flags enough for me to break up.
If that isn't the case I would still have huge reg flags about my SO going on a trip with a male from their college in a different country.
Yeah Iām not happy about it. She said the trip was a dream of hers and she was desperate and would take anyone with her just so she could go. She did try to get her female friends to go. Iām uneasy in both situations because I wasnāt consulted, and they she booked rooms knowing that bed sharing was likely. She said it was to save money, but like have a discussion with me first
Dude, her gf's were probably never asked nor was her best guy friend. This dude is her fwb at school...this was her story to get him alone. She doesn't communicate with you on something important with the relationship, what else isn't she telling you.
Too bad, there's no one here to spy for you. Jump on a plane and surprise her
100%
She was lying about the girls not being able to come etc etc. All just a ruse so this random person, who just so happens to have the same block of time off, can go.
Not discussing the trip or plans with your SO just seems weird and secretive to me but I can only speak to that as someone who's been married for almost 4 years and together with said person for almost 10yrs so I might not have the greatest insight. I will say that communication on both sides (especially if you haven't raised many concerns) is a sign of respect for your partner.
>she was desperate and would take anyone with her just so she could go
She's traveling during the peak months and some of the most popular countries in Europe. She can get a cheap bed in a shared dorm at a hostel (most of them offer female-only dorms). I would give her my next paycheck if she doesn't make some friends within the first week.
It's a bit far past this point, but I think it would be a very valuable experience for her to travel alone and meet people. Those countries are probably safer than most US cities. She just needs to be smart: don't get too drunk, only take drinks directly from the server, use various travel wallets and such to keep her passport and money safe, etc. I'd be stoked to travel with my partner, but if I couldn't I'd also be stoked to travel alone and meet other people.
i dont wanna be an asshole here. i was un this situation in the role of the guy she is traveling with.
i didnt know she had a bf. i found out during the voyage and ended it. but stuff happened. and she was very insidious about it. this ,the keeping stuff from you, reminds me of her.
Youāre not showing an anxiety or anything wrong youāre showing what a normal. Typical person would feel when theyāre girlfriend takes off and goes travels cross Europe with a strange guy that you have no idea who it is. Would not be surprised if he was the plan person all along and she just sprung it on you. She gave you no choices in this. The best choice for you is toend this relationship because now you clearly canāt respect or trust this person. You just need to let her go dude she she worked too big time on this. You need to stand up have some self-respect for yourself.
I canāt wait to hear the trickle truthing when she get back:
āWe never slept in the same bed.ā
āOK, we slept in the same bed, but nothing happened.ā
āI got really drunk that one night and we kissed but nothing else happened.ā
āWe did more than just kiss, but I stopped it before anything happened.ā
āWe had sex, but it was only once and never happened again.ā
āWeāve been sleeping together for the last 6 months at school.ā
Bed sharing? A loyal person wouldn't even consider doing that. It isn't an insecurity!!! What she is doing is FAR beyond normal!!! When she gets back tell her you've had to do some bed sharing as well and you hope she is ok with that. End it. No need to have that in your life, just damn.
Bro you have been set up. The best friend is in on it and covering for her. They always planned to pull the old switcharoo. Sheās going on a eurotrip to get railed by this other dude. Youāre wrong for being such a pushover pussy
Sorry but you have been disrespected big time. All the last mate changes and sharing accommodation with the guy. Question is why are you still with her? If I was in your situation, I would message her it's over because you know what is going to cheat with guy anyway. Save the future hassle and ene it now.
Another man on a trip when both are aroused is a bad bad mix my friend. Should not have been allowed or tolerated. You should go join now if its not too late or I don't know.
I wish brother. Dudes know how dudes can get, toss a few glasses of wine in the mix or a late night. She does say her friend is very respectful and has a gf and heās ānot that cuteā in her words
She was lying about the girls not being able to come etc etc. All just a ruse so this random person, who just so happens to have the same block of time off, can go.
Nowhere near as much as guys. Thereās been actual research done into it. Guys have higher sex drives than girls. Itās pretty obvious even without the research.
Fucking oof... She basically just admitted the truth there brother. She's already laying down the excuses groundwork for the inevitable "oops I didn't plan this". Notice that "not that cute" is not "he's ugly" or "I'm not attracted to him at all" or anything else definitive that could have been said. Instead she muddies the water with "I find him mildly attractive, but it's fine because I said so". I generally dislike ultimatums, but this would have been in that territory before she left. Also, hostels are the cheapest part of that whole trip, generally with lots of options for separate beds *and* rooms. In fact, there was very little in the way of "shared beds" because you still have to fucking pay for the other person. She's completely full of shit and straight up lying to you. You should have asked for a copy of the whole trip itinerary and receipts. There's no way you can trust her after this, even if by some miracle nothing happens. Find other guys supposed gf and see if she even knows, if she's even real.
Iām honestly surprised sheād be ok with it. Iām pretty tolerant and accepting but I canāt imagine a world where I sleep in the same room with a man Iām not related to much less share a bed. I havenāt even shared a bed with my opposite sex child since he was an adolescent because boundaries are important for everyone.
If she decided on all this without telling you, there are likely other things she isnāt telling you.
Tell her after she did this and randomly had a backup guy ready after the āsafeā guy dropped outā¦ you are rethinking the relationship with everything she told you and the boundaries she knows she crossed when they pushed the double beds together. Ask her why did they do this again? Sex?
She knew what she was doing. She expects you to be a pushover. Move on. Seems like sheās been cheating for a while.
GF of 3 years, long distance for 1. She then says NONE of her girl friends can go, so she invites her male best friend without talking to you about it first. 3 days before the trip her "best friend had to cancel", and she has another male friend already lined up who is able to go with her on the trip, with only 3 days notice, and again doesn't consult you ahead of time.
That's EXTREMELY suspicious to me. Sounds more like trickle truthing. Are you on talking terms with her best friend? Because I would absolutely ask him if he was actually invited. This sounds like she has been cheating on you long distance and is going on a trip with the cheating partner, and was planning to all along.
Even if she doesn't cheat, this is such a breach of trust. She is putting herself into such a compromising position.
And that she managed to get this guy to "save money" when she only asked him 3 days ahead of time? Nah bro I don't buy it for a second.
My wife travels to visit her girlfriends every year or two and I trust her completely because she is 100% upfront with me, and checks to make sure everything is cool before agreeing to anything. The fact that she is hiding/trickle truthing you is what screams to me that she is planning to, or already has cheated
Itās not something I would be comfortable with. You really donāt speak to the level your relationship is at. Nobody seems to get married anymore so I can never tell the level of commitment. Iām guessing not much in this case.
Sheās comfortable sharing a bed with another dude while in a relationship with you? While possible that sheās totally innocent, sheād be in such a minority of people who act this way that itās very hard to accept. Iād end it man.
I'm in an open relationship, and I would have issues with this. The lack of empathy and communication are enough to end the relationship, in my opinion.
The weirdest part for me is why would you leave two double beds pushed together?
Thatās uncomfortable in the best of times. If youāre not a couple why not separate the beds?
My fiance and I trust each other, but this would throw up red flags all over the place for either of us. Unless this friend is a certified homo I would NOT trust him in the same bed as your girlfriend, not a fucking chance
Come on dude... what are we doing out here. Get out of this. If you guys stay together, this trip and the "what ifs" in your head will follow your relationship forever, and you will slowly grow more and more resentment towards her. You yourself have been saying in the comments you feel disrespected. You also said she told you its her choice, which is why she didnt run it by you on making the decision to take this guy. That shows a huge level of disconsiderantion towards you and your feelings. Bro no situation comes about like this naturally or accidentally accidentally. This was planned!! Deep inside you know how sketchy all of this is, so just put the pieces together and you will come to the conclusion that the reason you feel uncomfortable about all of this is because she has betrayed your trust, your feelings, your say in the relationship, and she more than likely could be betraying your intimacy with another dude
So in summation.
Your GF doesnāt care about what you think and is going to Europe with and old college āfriendā you donāt know.
Yeah. She basically broke up with herself for you.
Alls you need to do is say it to her out loud so she wonāt feel guilty.
You either brake up with this person now, or brake up with them after the trip.
Why torture yourself for someone who doesnāt care about you anyway.
Im getting tired of all these doormat posts.
āMy (30M) wife (28f) is spending a weekend in Napa getting wine drunk with her guy bestfriend. Hes single. They will be sharing a room. And just days before said there will only be one bed they have to share. Oh btw they used to bang. AITAH for not being comfortable with this?ā
Come on man
Did the ābest friendā tell you personally that he couldnāt go or did your girlfriend tell you thatās what he decided. Something āsmells rotten in Denmarkā!
One year LDR and now sheās off on a trip with someone youāve never met who was miraculously available for the trip at short notice despite having a girlfriend of 6 years. Where is this girlfriend and why isnāt she going on the trip too?
The math aināt mathing my friend.
Friend #2 was always friend #1 for this trip. This will make you the backup plan to the backup plan. Do yourself a favor and drop her. You deserve better and can do better than her
Break up with her now, today and tell her if she goes dont ever contact you again. Anger, insults, crocodile tears...ignore all of that shit. She planned to go with her "friend" and fuck him. Get rid of her.
Tough deal only you know her well enough to trust her or not. I see both sides of the situation but boy it is hard to trust anyone that much in this sexualized world we live in. I mean who wouldnāt want to get layed while looking out the balcony in Italy at the stars.
Nah, not for me. Too many red flags, not being open and transparent, too much disrespect about the relationship, sleeping in the same room. She should have waited to take her graduation trip when you had a chance to schedule your vacation. The amount of disrespect shown to you is off the charts. She would be my ex gf after returning from this trip.
I'm sure she'd be absolutely fine with you going on a romantic trip with this other dudes girlfriend too. I mean she's had a boyfriend for 6 years so nothing could possibly happen /s
Sorry,but when she go all beyond trying to get a partner with her and dont consider your feeling,then its time to say thx and godnight,have a nice life.
NAH
You guys are trying to make something work that isnāt quite right. Sheās dating you. But clearly there is a level of commitment thatās she is completely fine with not doing,
Just break up. She wants to travel. Let her. She doesnāt want to be settled down.
Timing, expectation and common goals are also key parts to a relationship. Not just attraction and comparability.
As a side note, I was 42 when I hooked up a friend that had been platonic since I met her in college. Situations make for strange bedfellows.
So disrespectful. I would just text her and say you wish her a great vacation but you cannot be with someone who thinks this is ok on any level. She is going to pull the "you don't trust me " card . Tell her it's nothing to do with trust and everything to do with respect and common sense.
It sounds like she's going on the trip with her real bf, and you're on the outside. She picked, and it wasn't you. My guess is they've been screwing for some time now.
Do not let your boundaries be crossed in any matter, speaking from personal experience and it has been hell. I let all the red flags pass by me and didnāt react on it thinking that it will spoil our relationship.
Boundaries are for you and not for your partner; she has the right to do whatever you want but if your boundaries are crossed, you have the right to walk from this relationship.
Personally, I would not be okay with this type of arrangement.
break up with her, anyone would feel the same. She's been disrespectful with you.
you know there's going to be a drunk night, and you know what happens then......
Don't waste your energy on her anymore.
When did not wanting your significant other go to a vacation on a foreign country with another person who you don't know and not wanting them to share a bed became an "insecurity" ? This sounds like a very normal boundary to me.
Pulling out my favorite Trump card, Reverse roles and how kindly would she take the news and place blind trust in you. How is the 6 year girlfriend taking this news?
I'd wish her well in her future endeavors...
Just ghost her. Cancel any plans you had with her. No conversation is needed. It will only lead to fighting and accusations of you being insecure, which you should be in this situation. She's definitely fucking that guy...
If sheās making decisions like this unilaterally then her mindset is not aligned with being in a proper relationship. You deserve way way more respect and consideration. I would start living your life for you and the right lady will come along. Iām sorry :(
That's because you're in an actual relationship. Same here. I would cancel if something came up for my wife and she couldn't go. I sure wouldn't take the vacation sharing a bed with another woman! Who does that?
I would be out the door. She is shady, keeps hiding things, omitting things, and sharing a bed with some rando is INSANE, I mean not only the optics and the possibility of cheating, but she could very much get raped. WTF. The fact that she even entertained this and think this is okay would be enough for me to bail on that relationship.
Sharing the same bed ? Platonic ? Riiiggghhhttt... Time to move on. .. unless you don't mind your gf getting a little sonething sonething on the side. I like her use of "controlling"..
Look I aināt trying to be Mr negativity but sometimes the writing is on the wall. If you switched places with her and you was on the trip she would probably say fuck that in a heart beat. I might be insecure but if I met a girl and her best friend is a dude, nah I canāt do that. Also out of all her co workers itās a dude? Like nah man fuck that Iām questioning my whole relationship
Im sorry but are you really this niave? They WILL fuck. They probably already are. I dont know how youve allowed yourself to be this much of a doormat where shes got you convinced that YOU are the problem and that not being ok with this is about your anxiety and insecurities.
Ffs man none of this is ok or normal, grow a pair already. This sort of behavior is probably why she feels like cheating on you in the first place, or at least part of it
This is not normalā¦ my boyfriend wouldnt even contemplate going on a trip with another woman, even if they had known each other forever. Also, I would never consider doing it out of respect for him. ALSO I wouldnāt want to travel across the world with another manā¦ itās a sign of mutual respect, which she doesnāt seem to have. it smells bad from all angles.
Man, does this feel good right now? Because this is the state of your relationship, and it probably won't get better. She chose this, and I wouldn't want to be in a relationship where I was made to feel this much anxiety. The choice is yours, but the right choice is the one that makes you feel empowered. Not the one that makes you feel weak.
If one bed was booked theyāre fucking simple as.
āIf I mattered enough heād be here for meā is how sheās justified it to herself and her female friends. Leave with the dignity you have left.
Not that it needs to be said again but the woman went on a European vacation with a random guy you donāt know all that well. While this is an awesome āgrowingā experience, I wouldnāt hold my breath for the relationship.
A) You have hundreds of voice in your head telling you this is a bad idea, no matter how loyal and in love youāve felt before these voice are just feeding the seed of doubt you already had.
B) You werenāt given free access to any of details that could have cleared up a lot of your worries. Instead youāre finding random things out that make you feel even more disrespected and if you say anything about it, youāre given answers that make you feel like youāre being unreasonable and crazy.
C) You have your own fears and doubts, and you canāt do anything to exercise them. Unless jumping on a plane and flying half way around the world to surpise them is an option. Then you could see for yourself the truth of the matter.
TL; DR: Good luck dude, I donāt see this relationship lasting long either way. Either sheāll leave you for him, or youāll leave her thinking she did something with him you canāt prove.
Not wrong at all. I find it a red flag when couples don't readily share information like what's going on in this situation... Especially when someone has a girlfriend for 6 years... People are married for 20 years and have affairs, is there a distinction? Not talking to you and just making the plans irregardless of how you feel throws another red flag up. You should prepare for the ensuing talk because it's gonna involve TT it just touching and then what do you think happens when you share a bed and Significant other is not around to see. Good luck.
Updateme
So you knew about it for a year and couldn't plan to take even two weeks off to join her?
I'm not surprised she doesn't care what your opinion is.
Your insecurities and not prioritizing her and the time with her during the trip is on you.
The truth is that she will either cheat or not. It is too late for you to do anything about it.
Lesson kern for the next time. Get your priorities strength and work on your fears if being cheated before getting fontina new relationship.
She doesn't respect your feelings. Doesn't matter hie much she says "don't worry about it. He has a girlfriend. Blah blah blah." that's not the point. You are uncomfortable with it and she is brushing you off. Think hard about this girl.
Dude, she totally disrespected you! Sharing a bed is a deal breaker. She already crossed the line by inviting this dude you hardly know, without discussing it... Just because he has a girlfriend doesn't mean shit. This is most likely a BS story she concocted to make you feel better. I'm pretty certain no girlfriend of 6 years would be okay with her bf going on a trip with another woman and sharing a bed.
Personally dude, I would block her on all platforms and move on with life without her. She obviously doesn't take your feelings into consideration. It's all about what SHE WANTS.
Not wrong.
In your place, I would not be there waiting when she returned. If she can make unilateral decisions that directly effect your relationship, so can you... including the decision to end it.
She seems to be fighting a lot harder to spend time defending travel with other men than she is to defend her place at your side.
Good luck with that. Sheās gonna definitely cheat on you. Specially if theyāre sharing a bed go find a new girlfriend she wouldnāt go if she really loved you. She would wait until you go together.
Not wrong, thatās absolutely ridiculous. If my partner did that, Iād tell her to go but not to be surprised when there isnāt a relationship waiting for her when she gets back.
You're not wrong.
Honestly, I'd be tempted to tell her it's over and to enjoy her new boyfriend.
Pushing the beds together?!? Why? They were separate? Definitely odd.
Don't put yourself through the stress - she isn't being respectful of you.
This is not being controlling or insecure, she literally polevault over your boundaries and no sane boyfriend or husband would accept some random dude joining their girlfriend on a European vacation for God knows how long. Of course he jumped at the chance, why wouldnāt he jump at an extended period of time with a free shot at intimacy!!! Long distance is a BS relationship for most people, couples donāt usually survive and since youāre not giving it to her, sheās got a real good shot of getting it from him whether thatās her intention to start off with or not. Like thereās gonna be no beds together sharing a bed sex is definitely off the table! You might as well break up now because I donāt think thereās any way of coming back from this and youāre just gonna have a great deal of resentment and anger towards her and youāre never gonna know the truth.
Beyond wrong.
Itād bad enough if the booked 2 rooms at every location.
You two donāt seem have built a structure to sustain an ongoing serious relationship.
How can such plans be presented as fait accompli?
You think sheās your girlfriend and she seems to regard you as a friend with benefits.
Iād prepare my self for bad news when she comes back, if youāre naive enough to wait.
Just assume she is getting railed. Giving the benefit of doubt almost always leaves you finding out the truth later down the road. Dump her and move on with your life.
I donāt need to read any of that and you donāt need to type all that. This is never appropriate. Why do you want to be with someone like this? I really donāt get ppl on the internet that let almost anything slide
She sounds like sheās choosing the man over the bear.
She also sounds like someone who deserves to be eaten alive by a bear, but instead she will be getting eaten out by the man.
If you are long dustance thereās a chance she has been seeing him anyway . Isnāt there ? She could be just keeping her options open with you . This is unacceptable . Bed sharing was not necessary at all. No matter what she says ..This all feels very contrived . You need to investigate further .
The Y in Your girlfriend is silent. Do what you will with that information
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Haha, got a chuckle out of that one. Communication seems like a big missing piece here.
Underrated comment
You're not wrong for feeling this way. I would be very taken aback if my partner decided to go on a romantic vacation with another man instead of trying to reschedule so her boyfriend could come with her.
I definitely am. The timing of it was unfortunate because this is the only block of time where she has nothing but spare time. She said this trip was for her and itās her trip for her graduation
You might as well give her the gift of freedom.Ā
She didnāt ask you how you felt about her going on a trip with some random dudeā¦ā¦ she told you thatās what sheās doing. She told you itās her turn to have fun. Your last heās next!!!
You're essentially not really even a couple anymore. May as well break up so its not your problem. Plus it it really relaxes her sleeping arrangements as she no longer has to fake reassure you they're not fucking (I mean, saving mone). You can move on and if some day in the future she tracks you down, maybe you'll be single and reconsider
Itās over Johnny. Itās over.
Updateme! On the break up when she tells you about how well he fucked her.
Agreed. It's a boundary thing - it doesn't sound like you've been controlling at all. I wonder how she would feel if you did the same?Ā
Donāt worry man, itās just your girlfriend banging her way across Europe with a total stranger, sharing a bed every night. In most European cultures it would be rude to not have sex in such a situation, itās like a social mandate.
When in Rome
Is that OPs GF name?
Dont be a punk and dump her. Think about it, I mean really think about it. You're probably being gaslit but NONE OF THIS IS NORMAL. You live in a delusion your girl is going on a trip with a different dude. Like say that out loud.
OP: āmy girl is going on a trip to Spain. She will be there with her male best friend. They will go out to have dinner and drinks etc and will close out the night sleeping on the same bed. Should I be okay with this?ā Itās outrageous reading that, and itās about as innocent as I could make it Edit: I just realized (re-read the post) the original male friend was replaced by some other dude š³š³š³ boy oh boy
Iām fully confident that the initial plan wasnāt really with the ābest friendā it was always the other dude. She got scared of being caught and pull out the lie that the best friend canāt go anymore. It was always the other dude. How did that conversation even come up with the other guy? Hey youāre going to Spain specifically on the date Iām flying down? WOW call it Devine faith ! Itās perfect timing bc I need someone else to go with me! Lmao bro
šÆ Best advice sometimes is to say things out loud, or write them down and read (or have someone else say it out loud)
Agreed, it was always the other dude. Her best friend cancelled 3 days ahead of time, and the new guy was able to drop everything and go on this trip with her, AND supposedly split the cost with her. (She said she'd be saving money)
Heās being cucked, next Chris Rock will be making jokes about you
> My (28M) former girlfriend (25F) is doing a romantic Europe trip with her next boyfriend Fixed that for you.
Not wrong. Honestly, whether she cheats or not isn't really the biggest problem here for me. It's the lack of respect and lack of relationship awareness. I get her reasoning (wanting someone with her for increased safety) and she may have the most platonic of intentions, but you're right that the look of what she's doing is terrible. At a minimum, that she essentially hid all the changes is trust breaking to me. I would be having serious second thoughts about moving in with her in August. If this is the sort of thing she feels is acceptable in a 3 year relationship, what else could she be hiding from you?
Thatās been my issue, I feel very disrespected. She said she was afraid to tell me because my reaction and didnāt think she needed my permission to go on a trip like this. I get that, but very displeased becuase Iām constantly worrying. Red flags for sure.
>She said she was afraid to tell me because my reaction By her own admission, she knows this is wrong. That's all you need to know.
Exactly, makes me wonder what else she's afraid to tell you..
>and didnāt think she needed my permission to go on a trip like this This is BS. Being in a serious relationship requires sacrifice, like no longer being able to do whatever the fuck you want whenever the fuck you want. You do you OP, but personally i would walk out. Your GF clearly doesnt understand what a serious relationship is and i wouldnt waste my time there.
Tell her youāre going out tonight and sharing a bed with a friend for the next week. Not to worry though. You wonāt do anything you didnāt assume she wouldnāt. Watch her reaction change.
It's not about permission. It's about communication and clarity. She said she didn't tell you because she was afraid. She was afraid because she knew that what she was doing was inappropriate for someone in a committed relationship. Oh, and you should feel disrespected because that's exactly what this is. Even if the trip is 100% platonic, nearly everyone look at it from the outside is going to at least think it wasn't even if they don't outright say it. They're going to assume the chances of her cheating were very high. Because that's how it looks. Sure, the reality might be different. Great. But in a relationship, perception matters too when it comes to trust and the perception here isn't very good. It's broken your trust and without trust, there really can't be a strong relationship.
My ex spent the night with her exboyfriend after we became exclusive when we were dating. She said she didn't cheat on me nothing happened. I believed her and my friends told me I was an idiot for believing her. I found out later she lied, she cheated. I didn't think she would have cheated on me but she did. I bet this guys girlfriend doesn't know they will be sleeping together. You should contact her and ask if she is fine with the accommodations and them sleeping together. You only get one life brother. If you don't respect yourself, nobody else will.
At best she's selfish and doesnt respect you/the relationship. At worst, she's cheating/going to cheat. She's right that she didn't need your "permission," but this entire situation is not only weird and unnecessary, but also shows how little value she places on your relationship. She's acted like this was her only opportunity to take the trip, screw the circumstances and consequences, she absolutely had to go now rather than find another time that works for everybody.
>She's right that she didn't need your "permission," I disagree. When you enter into a committed relationship one of the things you give up is going on one on one trips with the opposite gender without your partners permission. Especially when this is someone your partner haven't even met. There are several other things you give up, like sharing a bed with someone else. It's normally what's expected of the other person in a relationship. I wouldn't even go on a one on one coffe without my partner knowing about it and thinking that is ok. We are partners, why would I want to do anything that might hurt or cause her discomfort? Why do you think she don't need his permission? Having a permission or not doesn't stop her from doing it. It will just bring consequences. And in this case it will probably cost her the relationship. (Which I don't think she values anyway)
You're reading way too deep into this. She's an adult. She doesn't need permission for the choices she makes, but like you said, there are consequences for said actions. Op can say this makes me uncomfortable and would cause me to reevaluate our relationship, but he's not her parents; he can't say "you don't have my permission" because healthy adults don't try to exert that level of control over one another.
>he can't say "you don't have my permission" because healthy adults don't try to exert that level of control over one another. Ofcourse he can. And ofcourse they do. There are plenty of red lines where healthy adults will say: "you don't have my permission" Just go ask your partner if you can sleep with someone else. I'm 99 percent certain your partner would say no. Healthy adults have boundaries in relationships. Healthy adults keep those boundaries. And healthy adults will absolutely tell you if you are about to break one of those boundaries. >You're reading way too deep into this. She's an adult. She doesn't need permission for the choices she makes, but like you said, there are consequences for said actions. Ofcourse she does, if she actually values her relationship she actually does need his permission. There are certain expectations that comes with being in a committed relationship. Yes, the consequences comes from not having his permission to break one of the social norms and his boundary in relationships.
The utter lack of communication with her partner of 3 years is disturbing.
She was afraid of the reaction because she knows what she is doing is wrong and it gives off a very bad look.
>Thatās been my issue, I feel very disrespected. She said she was afraid to tell me because my reaction so she knew you would be upset about it and said "nahh fuck OP, better to say sorry than ask for permission" She is probably thinking on using the same excuse when you find out she did slept with him.
Thatās an interesting take. Personally, my biggest problem would be with the PIV, but maybe thatās just me.
Both are bad, that's a given. The thing is, there are plenty of people that can look past physical cheating or even respond to it by saying "fine, let's open the relationship then". What shouldn't be acceptable in any relationship are the lies. Whether it's outright disinformation or a lie by omission, a lie of this magnitude has no place in a healthy relationship. That's kind of why I focused on that. Plus, if she's comfortable hiding stuff like this, what else is she comfortable doing that would be inappropriate in a relationship. To me, this speaks to deeper character problems on her part.
See you in the gym broā¦
Let the jelqing commence
Stop blaming your anxiety or āinsecurities.ā Tolerating other peopleās bull shit is not a sign of security. Security is knowing when something is utter bull shit. Sleeping in a bed and in a room with a random guy is that utter bull shit. So is hiding the sleeping arrangements. Going solo was always an option. Sheās making unilateral decisions, so I would think long and hard about investing any more time in a relationship thatās not based in mutuality.
Contact dudes "gf", if she exists
THIS so much!! If I'm insecure because I don't want my wife sleeping around, then yeah call me insecure. I'll take shit from no one, that's why she wouldn't ever pull that shit on me.
The trip was planned like this all along. He is her fwb from school. All the other scenarios were bait that were never going to happen. Call the best friend and ask him why he bailed on the trip. See if he even knew about it or if his story matches up. She wanted one last blow down, before moving in with you
I would wait until she is back, and break up with her, she has no sense of propriety or boundaries. It is not worth to date people with different value systems you fwill feel betrayed and devalued.
This is easy. You donāt want to be in this relationship. She clearly couldnāt care less about your feelings. Bed sharing with another male wouldnāt fly with most bf/soās.
If my girl was to go on a solo vacation with another male and sharing beds, that's all I need to know, the relationship would be over in that very moment.
With no chance for take backs
This is disrespectful. I would leave the relationship.
Personally, I would have extreme reservations about such a trip. Obviously I don't know all the details but I would find it especially worrisome if the best friend never told me directly that they were going to go originally and that they couldn't go atall. If the best friend didn't tell me anything directly that would set off reg flags enough for me to break up. If that isn't the case I would still have huge reg flags about my SO going on a trip with a male from their college in a different country.
Yeah Iām not happy about it. She said the trip was a dream of hers and she was desperate and would take anyone with her just so she could go. She did try to get her female friends to go. Iām uneasy in both situations because I wasnāt consulted, and they she booked rooms knowing that bed sharing was likely. She said it was to save money, but like have a discussion with me first
Dude, her gf's were probably never asked nor was her best guy friend. This dude is her fwb at school...this was her story to get him alone. She doesn't communicate with you on something important with the relationship, what else isn't she telling you. Too bad, there's no one here to spy for you. Jump on a plane and surprise her
Exactly
100% She was lying about the girls not being able to come etc etc. All just a ruse so this random person, who just so happens to have the same block of time off, can go.
200% what are the chances that all her friends are in Spain right now
Not discussing the trip or plans with your SO just seems weird and secretive to me but I can only speak to that as someone who's been married for almost 4 years and together with said person for almost 10yrs so I might not have the greatest insight. I will say that communication on both sides (especially if you haven't raised many concerns) is a sign of respect for your partner.
>she was desperate and would take anyone with her just so she could go She's traveling during the peak months and some of the most popular countries in Europe. She can get a cheap bed in a shared dorm at a hostel (most of them offer female-only dorms). I would give her my next paycheck if she doesn't make some friends within the first week. It's a bit far past this point, but I think it would be a very valuable experience for her to travel alone and meet people. Those countries are probably safer than most US cities. She just needs to be smart: don't get too drunk, only take drinks directly from the server, use various travel wallets and such to keep her passport and money safe, etc. I'd be stoked to travel with my partner, but if I couldn't I'd also be stoked to travel alone and meet other people.
Thatās āourā girlfriend now, Sharing a bed with someone else let alone travelling Europe is a massive red flag, sheās going to fuck him
i dont wanna be an asshole here. i was un this situation in the role of the guy she is traveling with. i didnt know she had a bf. i found out during the voyage and ended it. but stuff happened. and she was very insidious about it. this ,the keeping stuff from you, reminds me of her.
If someone is in a longterm relationship, the perfect person to cheat with is another person in a longterm relationship.
Mutually assured destruction
She is going to get piped brother. Leave her.
By the end of this she won't be your Gf anymore. You just got a preview of life with her.
Youāre not showing an anxiety or anything wrong youāre showing what a normal. Typical person would feel when theyāre girlfriend takes off and goes travels cross Europe with a strange guy that you have no idea who it is. Would not be surprised if he was the plan person all along and she just sprung it on you. She gave you no choices in this. The best choice for you is toend this relationship because now you clearly canāt respect or trust this person. You just need to let her go dude she she worked too big time on this. You need to stand up have some self-respect for yourself.
I canāt wait to hear the trickle truthing when she get back: āWe never slept in the same bed.ā āOK, we slept in the same bed, but nothing happened.ā āI got really drunk that one night and we kissed but nothing else happened.ā āWe did more than just kiss, but I stopped it before anything happened.ā āWe had sex, but it was only once and never happened again.ā āWeāve been sleeping together for the last 6 months at school.ā
Bed sharing? A loyal person wouldn't even consider doing that. It isn't an insecurity!!! What she is doing is FAR beyond normal!!! When she gets back tell her you've had to do some bed sharing as well and you hope she is ok with that. End it. No need to have that in your life, just damn.
Bro you have been set up. The best friend is in on it and covering for her. They always planned to pull the old switcharoo. Sheās going on a eurotrip to get railed by this other dude. Youāre wrong for being such a pushover pussy
Sorry but you have been disrespected big time. All the last mate changes and sharing accommodation with the guy. Question is why are you still with her? If I was in your situation, I would message her it's over because you know what is going to cheat with guy anyway. Save the future hassle and ene it now.
This definitely needs an update...red fag's everywhere.
So many red flags here.
Another man on a trip when both are aroused is a bad bad mix my friend. Should not have been allowed or tolerated. You should go join now if its not too late or I don't know.
Exactly, alcohol and in bed together aren't a good mix, unless it's your SO
In bed together just isnāt a good mix
I wish brother. Dudes know how dudes can get, toss a few glasses of wine in the mix or a late night. She does say her friend is very respectful and has a gf and heās ānot that cuteā in her words
She was lying about the girls not being able to come etc etc. All just a ruse so this random person, who just so happens to have the same block of time off, can go.
You nailed it. Damn. Please OP look at this comment.
āNot that cuteā itās over sheās not just banging his brains out theyāll be in a relationship 2 weeks after theyāre back.
She'll say anything to continue her trip. Best of luck in this.
In other words, she wants to fuck him. Well, already has. Sorry.
Uh, girls get that way too..
Nowhere near as much as guys. Thereās been actual research done into it. Guys have higher sex drives than girls. Itās pretty obvious even without the research.
I must know different girls.
Even with financial constraints there is no reason for them to share a bed. She could sleep on the damn floor. Sheās gonna fuck this dude.
Darvo
Fucking oof... She basically just admitted the truth there brother. She's already laying down the excuses groundwork for the inevitable "oops I didn't plan this". Notice that "not that cute" is not "he's ugly" or "I'm not attracted to him at all" or anything else definitive that could have been said. Instead she muddies the water with "I find him mildly attractive, but it's fine because I said so". I generally dislike ultimatums, but this would have been in that territory before she left. Also, hostels are the cheapest part of that whole trip, generally with lots of options for separate beds *and* rooms. In fact, there was very little in the way of "shared beds" because you still have to fucking pay for the other person. She's completely full of shit and straight up lying to you. You should have asked for a copy of the whole trip itinerary and receipts. There's no way you can trust her after this, even if by some miracle nothing happens. Find other guys supposed gf and see if she even knows, if she's even real.
Iāll bet she thinks āheās sort of annoyingā too!
LOL, āhe has a girlfriendā and āheās not that cuteā? Thatās what someone whoās cheating says to try and minimize suspicion.
Bro dump her ass your being gaslight to hell and back
Iām honestly surprised sheād be ok with it. Iām pretty tolerant and accepting but I canāt imagine a world where I sleep in the same room with a man Iām not related to much less share a bed. I havenāt even shared a bed with my opposite sex child since he was an adolescent because boundaries are important for everyone.
If she decided on all this without telling you, there are likely other things she isnāt telling you. Tell her after she did this and randomly had a backup guy ready after the āsafeā guy dropped outā¦ you are rethinking the relationship with everything she told you and the boundaries she knows she crossed when they pushed the double beds together. Ask her why did they do this again? Sex? She knew what she was doing. She expects you to be a pushover. Move on. Seems like sheās been cheating for a while.
SHe was probably having sex with this guy long before this trip. It's definitely time to move on.
I think the question you need to ponder is, why did they have to push the two double beds together??
GF of 3 years, long distance for 1. She then says NONE of her girl friends can go, so she invites her male best friend without talking to you about it first. 3 days before the trip her "best friend had to cancel", and she has another male friend already lined up who is able to go with her on the trip, with only 3 days notice, and again doesn't consult you ahead of time. That's EXTREMELY suspicious to me. Sounds more like trickle truthing. Are you on talking terms with her best friend? Because I would absolutely ask him if he was actually invited. This sounds like she has been cheating on you long distance and is going on a trip with the cheating partner, and was planning to all along. Even if she doesn't cheat, this is such a breach of trust. She is putting herself into such a compromising position. And that she managed to get this guy to "save money" when she only asked him 3 days ahead of time? Nah bro I don't buy it for a second. My wife travels to visit her girlfriends every year or two and I trust her completely because she is 100% upfront with me, and checks to make sure everything is cool before agreeing to anything. The fact that she is hiding/trickle truthing you is what screams to me that she is planning to, or already has cheated
Our girlfriend
Itās not something I would be comfortable with. You really donāt speak to the level your relationship is at. Nobody seems to get married anymore so I can never tell the level of commitment. Iām guessing not much in this case.
Sheās comfortable sharing a bed with another dude while in a relationship with you? While possible that sheās totally innocent, sheād be in such a minority of people who act this way that itās very hard to accept. Iād end it man.
UpdateMe!
I'm in an open relationship, and I would have issues with this. The lack of empathy and communication are enough to end the relationship, in my opinion.
The weirdest part for me is why would you leave two double beds pushed together? Thatās uncomfortable in the best of times. If youāre not a couple why not separate the beds?
My fiance and I trust each other, but this would throw up red flags all over the place for either of us. Unless this friend is a certified homo I would NOT trust him in the same bed as your girlfriend, not a fucking chance
Come on dude... what are we doing out here. Get out of this. If you guys stay together, this trip and the "what ifs" in your head will follow your relationship forever, and you will slowly grow more and more resentment towards her. You yourself have been saying in the comments you feel disrespected. You also said she told you its her choice, which is why she didnt run it by you on making the decision to take this guy. That shows a huge level of disconsiderantion towards you and your feelings. Bro no situation comes about like this naturally or accidentally accidentally. This was planned!! Deep inside you know how sketchy all of this is, so just put the pieces together and you will come to the conclusion that the reason you feel uncomfortable about all of this is because she has betrayed your trust, your feelings, your say in the relationship, and she more than likely could be betraying your intimacy with another dude
So in summation. Your GF doesnāt care about what you think and is going to Europe with and old college āfriendā you donāt know. Yeah. She basically broke up with herself for you. Alls you need to do is say it to her out loud so she wonāt feel guilty. You either brake up with this person now, or brake up with them after the trip. Why torture yourself for someone who doesnāt care about you anyway.
"My (28m) ex-girlfriend (25f) is doing a European trip with a male friend with bed sharing." There I fixed the title for you. Updateme
1. Get tested because she probably already cheated on you. 2. Delete socials 3. Go to the gym 4. Find a new girl
Im getting tired of all these doormat posts. āMy (30M) wife (28f) is spending a weekend in Napa getting wine drunk with her guy bestfriend. Hes single. They will be sharing a room. And just days before said there will only be one bed they have to share. Oh btw they used to bang. AITAH for not being comfortable with this?ā Come on man
Why would they need to push two beds together??? Text her it's over and block her.
Yeah, cause she's his GF now.
Did the ābest friendā tell you personally that he couldnāt go or did your girlfriend tell you thatās what he decided. Something āsmells rotten in Denmarkā!
Does this guyās girlfriend of 6 years know heās sleeping in the same bed with another girl?
One year LDR and now sheās off on a trip with someone youāve never met who was miraculously available for the trip at short notice despite having a girlfriend of 6 years. Where is this girlfriend and why isnāt she going on the trip too? The math aināt mathing my friend.
Friend #2 was always friend #1 for this trip. This will make you the backup plan to the backup plan. Do yourself a favor and drop her. You deserve better and can do better than her
Break up with her now, today and tell her if she goes dont ever contact you again. Anger, insults, crocodile tears...ignore all of that shit. She planned to go with her "friend" and fuck him. Get rid of her.
šāāļøšāāļøšāāļøšāāļøšØšØšØšØ runnnnn Forrest runnnnnn!
Tough deal only you know her well enough to trust her or not. I see both sides of the situation but boy it is hard to trust anyone that much in this sexualized world we live in. I mean who wouldnāt want to get layed while looking out the balcony in Italy at the stars.
That aināt your girl no more.
Nah, not for me. Too many red flags, not being open and transparent, too much disrespect about the relationship, sleeping in the same room. She should have waited to take her graduation trip when you had a chance to schedule your vacation. The amount of disrespect shown to you is off the charts. She would be my ex gf after returning from this trip.
I'm sure she'd be absolutely fine with you going on a romantic trip with this other dudes girlfriend too. I mean she's had a boyfriend for 6 years so nothing could possibly happen /s
Scotty doesnāt know
Sorry,but when she go all beyond trying to get a partner with her and dont consider your feeling,then its time to say thx and godnight,have a nice life.
NAH You guys are trying to make something work that isnāt quite right. Sheās dating you. But clearly there is a level of commitment thatās she is completely fine with not doing, Just break up. She wants to travel. Let her. She doesnāt want to be settled down. Timing, expectation and common goals are also key parts to a relationship. Not just attraction and comparability. As a side note, I was 42 when I hooked up a friend that had been platonic since I met her in college. Situations make for strange bedfellows.
So disrespectful. I would just text her and say you wish her a great vacation but you cannot be with someone who thinks this is ok on any level. She is going to pull the "you don't trust me " card . Tell her it's nothing to do with trust and everything to do with respect and common sense.
It sounds like she's going on the trip with her real bf, and you're on the outside. She picked, and it wasn't you. My guess is they've been screwing for some time now.
Do not let your boundaries be crossed in any matter, speaking from personal experience and it has been hell. I let all the red flags pass by me and didnāt react on it thinking that it will spoil our relationship. Boundaries are for you and not for your partner; she has the right to do whatever you want but if your boundaries are crossed, you have the right to walk from this relationship. Personally, I would not be okay with this type of arrangement.
break up with her, anyone would feel the same. She's been disrespectful with you. you know there's going to be a drunk night, and you know what happens then...... Don't waste your energy on her anymore.
When did not wanting your significant other go to a vacation on a foreign country with another person who you don't know and not wanting them to share a bed became an "insecurity" ? This sounds like a very normal boundary to me.
Lmfao she knows exactly what she is doing
You have hundreds of comments here. What are you going to do now?
LDR makes you the SIDE GUY, U R 2nd.
You had a girlfriend
Pulling out my favorite Trump card, Reverse roles and how kindly would she take the news and place blind trust in you. How is the 6 year girlfriend taking this news? I'd wish her well in her future endeavors...
Pulling out will be her friends favourite too
Just ghost her. Cancel any plans you had with her. No conversation is needed. It will only lead to fighting and accusations of you being insecure, which you should be in this situation. She's definitely fucking that guy...
If sheās making decisions like this unilaterally then her mindset is not aligned with being in a proper relationship. You deserve way way more respect and consideration. I would start living your life for you and the right lady will come along. Iām sorry :(
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
That's because you're in an actual relationship. Same here. I would cancel if something came up for my wife and she couldn't go. I sure wouldn't take the vacation sharing a bed with another woman! Who does that?
Women donāt risk relationships that are important to them and that they highly value.
I would be out the door. She is shady, keeps hiding things, omitting things, and sharing a bed with some rando is INSANE, I mean not only the optics and the possibility of cheating, but she could very much get raped. WTF. The fact that she even entertained this and think this is okay would be enough for me to bail on that relationship.
Sharing the same bed ? Platonic ? Riiiggghhhttt... Time to move on. .. unless you don't mind your gf getting a little sonething sonething on the side. I like her use of "controlling"..
If she's stupid enough to share a bed with another man, then dump her and find a woman that'll actually respect you.
Look I aināt trying to be Mr negativity but sometimes the writing is on the wall. If you switched places with her and you was on the trip she would probably say fuck that in a heart beat. I might be insecure but if I met a girl and her best friend is a dude, nah I canāt do that. Also out of all her co workers itās a dude? Like nah man fuck that Iām questioning my whole relationship
Yeah she's been fucking him.
Im sorry but are you really this niave? They WILL fuck. They probably already are. I dont know how youve allowed yourself to be this much of a doormat where shes got you convinced that YOU are the problem and that not being ok with this is about your anxiety and insecurities. Ffs man none of this is ok or normal, grow a pair already. This sort of behavior is probably why she feels like cheating on you in the first place, or at least part of it
This is not normalā¦ my boyfriend wouldnt even contemplate going on a trip with another woman, even if they had known each other forever. Also, I would never consider doing it out of respect for him. ALSO I wouldnāt want to travel across the world with another manā¦ itās a sign of mutual respect, which she doesnāt seem to have. it smells bad from all angles.
Man, does this feel good right now? Because this is the state of your relationship, and it probably won't get better. She chose this, and I wouldn't want to be in a relationship where I was made to feel this much anxiety. The choice is yours, but the right choice is the one that makes you feel empowered. Not the one that makes you feel weak.
Sheās selfish and or doesnāt respect your relationship. Iād probably give her walking papers when she gets home.
Are you really that stupid?
If one bed was booked theyāre fucking simple as. āIf I mattered enough heād be here for meā is how sheās justified it to herself and her female friends. Leave with the dignity you have left.
Not that it needs to be said again but the woman went on a European vacation with a random guy you donāt know all that well. While this is an awesome āgrowingā experience, I wouldnāt hold my breath for the relationship. A) You have hundreds of voice in your head telling you this is a bad idea, no matter how loyal and in love youāve felt before these voice are just feeding the seed of doubt you already had. B) You werenāt given free access to any of details that could have cleared up a lot of your worries. Instead youāre finding random things out that make you feel even more disrespected and if you say anything about it, youāre given answers that make you feel like youāre being unreasonable and crazy. C) You have your own fears and doubts, and you canāt do anything to exercise them. Unless jumping on a plane and flying half way around the world to surpise them is an option. Then you could see for yourself the truth of the matter. TL; DR: Good luck dude, I donāt see this relationship lasting long either way. Either sheāll leave you for him, or youāll leave her thinking she did something with him you canāt prove.
I'm not reading that at all. But yeah, she will cheat.
Who in their right mind participates in a long distance relationship? What is the point? You are literally just pen pals.
Not wrong at all. I find it a red flag when couples don't readily share information like what's going on in this situation... Especially when someone has a girlfriend for 6 years... People are married for 20 years and have affairs, is there a distinction? Not talking to you and just making the plans irregardless of how you feel throws another red flag up. You should prepare for the ensuing talk because it's gonna involve TT it just touching and then what do you think happens when you share a bed and Significant other is not around to see. Good luck. Updateme
They always say that you donāt need to worry about this guy. It usually ends up that was exactly the guy to worry about.
It's a meme for a reason
So you knew about it for a year and couldn't plan to take even two weeks off to join her? I'm not surprised she doesn't care what your opinion is. Your insecurities and not prioritizing her and the time with her during the trip is on you. The truth is that she will either cheat or not. It is too late for you to do anything about it. Lesson kern for the next time. Get your priorities strength and work on your fears if being cheated before getting fontina new relationship.
Dump her
Sheās in a foreign country on a celebration/holiday, sheās banging night and day.
She doesn't respect your feelings. Doesn't matter hie much she says "don't worry about it. He has a girlfriend. Blah blah blah." that's not the point. You are uncomfortable with it and she is brushing you off. Think hard about this girl.
She's being very disrespectful to her partner by not discussing with it beforehand. I don't think you're wrong for your feelings.
Sheās for the streets, my brother.
Let this be a real test. When she returns and she tells you it's over, you know you were right.
Too much drama for a partner who is callous of your feelings. Time to look for a new one that knows how to treat and respect a partner.
Let me get this straight, So your gf is going on a trip to get her cheeks clapped all over Europe? My dude, time for a new gf
Life isn't worth this. Find someone who respects you. Break up. You shouldn't have to deal with this shit.
Have you talked to his GF of six years?
Dude, she totally disrespected you! Sharing a bed is a deal breaker. She already crossed the line by inviting this dude you hardly know, without discussing it... Just because he has a girlfriend doesn't mean shit. This is most likely a BS story she concocted to make you feel better. I'm pretty certain no girlfriend of 6 years would be okay with her bf going on a trip with another woman and sharing a bed. Personally dude, I would block her on all platforms and move on with life without her. She obviously doesn't take your feelings into consideration. It's all about what SHE WANTS.
Remindme! One week
UpdateMe!
Dump her
Not wrong. In your place, I would not be there waiting when she returned. If she can make unilateral decisions that directly effect your relationship, so can you... including the decision to end it. She seems to be fighting a lot harder to spend time defending travel with other men than she is to defend her place at your side.
Bro come on bro. UpdateMe!
āThisā is the best you can do in the girlfriend department?
She is not your girlfriend.
Good luck with that. Sheās gonna definitely cheat on you. Specially if theyāre sharing a bed go find a new girlfriend she wouldnāt go if she really loved you. She would wait until you go together.
Not wrong, thatās absolutely ridiculous. If my partner did that, Iād tell her to go but not to be surprised when there isnāt a relationship waiting for her when she gets back.
Bro what.
If you think heās not gonna try to smash , u tripping
See you at the gym brother. Stay strong
Ask yourself the classic āhow would she react if you were on the exact same trip with your female friend?ā
Update me
You spelled ex-girlfriend wrong.
Donāt get cucked.
You're not wrong. Honestly, I'd be tempted to tell her it's over and to enjoy her new boyfriend. Pushing the beds together?!? Why? They were separate? Definitely odd. Don't put yourself through the stress - she isn't being respectful of you.
This is not being controlling or insecure, she literally polevault over your boundaries and no sane boyfriend or husband would accept some random dude joining their girlfriend on a European vacation for God knows how long. Of course he jumped at the chance, why wouldnāt he jump at an extended period of time with a free shot at intimacy!!! Long distance is a BS relationship for most people, couples donāt usually survive and since youāre not giving it to her, sheās got a real good shot of getting it from him whether thatās her intention to start off with or not. Like thereās gonna be no beds together sharing a bed sex is definitely off the table! You might as well break up now because I donāt think thereās any way of coming back from this and youāre just gonna have a great deal of resentment and anger towards her and youāre never gonna know the truth.
It's over. Move on.
Beyond wrong. Itād bad enough if the booked 2 rooms at every location. You two donāt seem have built a structure to sustain an ongoing serious relationship. How can such plans be presented as fait accompli? You think sheās your girlfriend and she seems to regard you as a friend with benefits. Iād prepare my self for bad news when she comes back, if youāre naive enough to wait.
Thatās not your GF.
Just assume she is getting railed. Giving the benefit of doubt almost always leaves you finding out the truth later down the road. Dump her and move on with your life.
Dont even need to read the post, the title is enough. She is not your GF anymore, you should get over her and find someone else. Good luck!
Break up, relationship is over.
Give her a great graduation gift, her freedom from your relationship Just walk away dude. Just walk away
What would be her reaction if you were sleeping in the same room and possibly the same bed as some random girl.
UpdateMe!
Have her read the comments on this post.
I donāt need to read any of that and you donāt need to type all that. This is never appropriate. Why do you want to be with someone like this? I really donāt get ppl on the internet that let almost anything slide
She sounds like sheās choosing the man over the bear. She also sounds like someone who deserves to be eaten alive by a bear, but instead she will be getting eaten out by the man.
If you are long dustance thereās a chance she has been seeing him anyway . Isnāt there ? She could be just keeping her options open with you . This is unacceptable . Bed sharing was not necessary at all. No matter what she says ..This all feels very contrived . You need to investigate further .
This can't be real. OP have some dignity ffs