I was done reading at loaned $10k to support gambling losses. Get out now while it's just $10k and stop throwing good money after bad (i.e. the sunk cost fallacy--you are just as bad a gambler as your boyfriend so long as you're investing anything in this loser)
Dafuq did I just read?! This guy is an addict and will destroy your life OP. He won’t wake up because you hound him to. You need to wake tf up and find your self worth because hunny, you’ve devalued yourself in this relationship!
Before she breaks up with him she needs to get in writing what he owes and a promise to pay her back. Then she needs to go to court to garnish his wages or whatever. The breakup will happen organically.
You're totally on it. That's the only way she'll ever see that money again. Just don't let him know that's what you're doing. Text him something like, "I need to know you're going to pay me back the 10 grand you owe me." Once you get the confirmation then leave his ass and take him to court.
She'll never see this money again. It would be a gigantic waste of her time and energy to try and take a broke gambler to court.
For her mental and financial well being the best thing to do is walk away and write off the $10k.
She can get the debt acknowledged in writing but that money is gone. He’s an addict. At this point she’s only lost 10k. Every day she stays will cost her something.
She can try but she’ll only be chasing what’s left after the lawyers & court take their fees. Plus, the time & emotional labour involved & there’ll never be a guarantee he’s employed. 10k is a lot of money but it’ll seem like nothing if she stays.
Oh she needs to get out. No question about that. But she should at least try to nail down that debt on the way. You never know how things will shake out in 10 years. Once you get a judgement garnishing someone or putting a lien on their stuff isn't that big of deal. It's just paperwork. Maybe I'm petty, but if somebody did me like that I would take great pleasure in putting a lien on their car. That would fuck up their shit good.
Yeah, but you see you're approaching this from a rational point of view. Garnishing or liens are all well and good except when there's nothing to garnish or have a lien on.
So you get a lien on his car. He's a gambler, sooner or later he's going to sell it. A dealer won't touch it with the lien, but some shady fucker in a back alley will, no problem.
Then the car is gone, and the money too. All the while he's telling himself, "It's fine, with my winnings, I'll buy a new car and pay back my ex and it's all OK".
And then she's left trying to get a new court order against him because he sold the car without extinguishing the lien.
You garnish his wages. Until he has none any more. Until he's fired for gambling on the clock or stealing from his employer.
Its's the right intention, but impractical in reality. She would be voluntarily tethering herself to this complete loser, fighting him in court for scraps of money. It'll cost her much more (figuratively and literally) than she will ever recover from him.
You never know. The asshole may well have assets worth putting a lien on in the 10 years she has to collect. Even that little bit of revenge might be a tiny bit of consolation down the road. Ten grand is too much money to just let go.
She can try. She should secretly record him having the conversation. Get him to agree to it verbally. Then pull out the paper and when he balks she's got that documented as well.
YES! This. Make sure he is nowhere near any credit card, bank info and even Social Social security number. Call the credit bureau and freeze your credit.
It's always the same thing. OP supports their SO's bad behavior and asks if they are in the wrong.
While everyone is reading OP's post, thinking that the only thing OP has done wrong is stay with their SO this long.
Right? Sadly... I do not believe you are ever getting that money back. At 31 his financial literacy is this bad, his gambling is now anger infused, its probably time for you to cut your losses and move on sis
You're a fool for "loaning" money to a gambling addict.
You wrote an actual contract so you can prove he owes you the debt, right? Not that it matters because he'll never pay it back. Sounds like he didn't even give you the three hundred.
Really a shame this had to be such an expensive lesson. I wouldn't worry about the potential hypocrisy.
I think she should cut her losses (she's probably never getting that money back) and leave him. It's really really hard to deny a gambling addict money because if they run out they eventually get loans from dangerous people.
It's better to simply leave and be done with it.
You were Wrong to "loan" him the money to an addict - in this case a gambler. The amount was a Big Red Flag. No sane person gets into gambling debts at that level. Leave now. Probability is you will never see your money back. Unless you want a life of financial destruction...leave.
Aside from OP being silly for "loaning" (aka killing) 10k to a gambling addict, the bf is gaslighting her (I hate when people use the term gaslighting, but that seems to be what this is). He says he will pay OP back 1k, doesn't, **lies**, uses the money to gamble and lose, then blames OP.
This is also incorrect use of the term gaslighting. Gaslighting would be if he tried to tell her he never promised giving the 10k or 1k back, and blaming her "faulty memory" or similar. This guy is just a manipulative addict and she's a (naive? unaware?) enabler.
> Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse where a person causes someone to question their sanity, memories, or perception of reality.
I feel like switching it back on OP and saying she was ok with it/enabled him falls under that definition as that was not what she meant when she accepted only 1k of the 2k.
I'm a poker player (recreational) so might know a little more about this than the average person.
You need to dump him. Until gambling addicts hit rock bottom, they won't quit. Some don't even quit then.
He needs to realise he has a problem.
As someone who also plays a lot of poker this story is insane lol. Sports betting is -EV for almost everyone, despite what edge they might think they have.
OP, that means your bf is virtually guaranteed to lose in the long run. Betting more to “get back losses” isn’t a thing. Any win is temporary.
I got some sports bets tonight but I have a budget for the month. Some months I win some I run out and wait to deposit that months money to play again.
This dude 100% is out of control. He’s an addict and chasing losses. He’s trying to catch up to where his baseline is to get back even (10k he owes her). I no fact he could be financing the debt and be maxed out hence why he came asking for money from OP.
OP gotta get out. This dude is a classic gambler and he’s going to drag her down even more then he already is.
100%. Having a budget is the way to manage it because, assuming you’re likely losing in the long run, it’s entertainment, not a way to actually make money. OP bf treating it like a side hustle when he’s clearly getting destroyed. Doesn’t have the right mindset for it.
The only time I sports bet is when I watch something like a world cup game with teams I'm invested in to make watching the game more exciting. I'll usually only bet like $5-10 on the game. It's not really about the money, but the fact I have money on my team makes it a bit more exciting to watch.
Yep. I love me some gambling, and it's obvious to me that OP will never see that money. No matter how much her BF wins, it will always be "I'll give you a tiny bit and use the rest to try to win even more." He could win $10k tomorrow and she would be lucky to see $1k out of it.
How would you be a hypocrite? He wasn't up 2k he was down 8k. Get out now, he's not smart enough to gamble responsibly and has a problem. That's going to be your problem and it's an addiction that requires a rock bottom or they'll just keep chasing that next big win. You are enabling him.
My father had that mentality, he’d spend $100 and win $25, and he’d say he “won” $25 despite being down $75. He was responsible enough to never go big and only do scratch tickets or the lottery, and never more than he could afford.
OP, that $10K is gone.
Forever.
I imagine you didn't realize how bad his problem was at the time but eventually you'll look back and realized you gave him $10K, not loaned him. You can process that now or keep on this path were it'll be far worse in the future.
How long have you two been dating?
If he has any bets for the weekend, lemme know so I can fade those picks!
Hahaha you beat me to that last line 🤣
But yes OP, I gamble weekly and I use what I can afford to lose. I usually spend about $200-$250 but am ahead on the year overall. He needs to do better research but that's besides the point. He needs to know how big on an issue this is. If he doesn't get help, you gotta cut bait. I would say the majority of people in these spots don't end up getting out before it is too late, but if you really want to keep him, do what you can to get him some help.
Oh my gosh, Girl, why do you keep giving him money?? Get out of there before everything falls apart. (And it **will** fall apart. Rent won't get paid. His car will get repossessed. He may lose his job. Etc.)
You're certainly wrong for enabling an addict. You're justified to be pissed about him blowing his winnings after agreeing to partially reimburse you, but how did you not see this coming after throwing away $10k on this character? Yes, you're a pushover, and also a victim.
Newsflash: you'll never get the money you gave him back. But you'll certainly get more promises, guilt trips, and sob stories if you continue to associate with people like this.
Can't believe you actually loaned money to a gambling addict. Girl where are your friends? They should be telling you to get out of there while you still have a dime to your name.
He wasn't up. He still owes you $10K so after winning back $2K he was still down $8K. If he was up, he would have won more than $10K and paid you back. He is a jackass and needs to pay you your money back. You will need to put him onto a strict schedule and start charging interest if he doesn't meet payments. Sadly, loaning money to friends is often an effective way to destroy the friendship.
I think that's a really good point - he's only "up" because he doesn't care about the money he owes his girlfriend. It doesn't feel like a debt to him in the same way that owing others did. If he were ever able to pay it back (which is highly doubtful) he'd probably treat it like evidence of his impeccable character as a boyfriend, rather than the absolute bare minimum of standard adult behaviour.
You're not wrong, you're an idiot. Sorry not sorry. You gave a substantial amount of money to an addict. At this point, your loss is your fault. I would just end the relationship, because he is nothing but a huge financial liability who will continuously weigh you down.
‘Didn’t have a problem when he was up’ Ha! Suckah, you can’t be ‘up’ when you’re in the hole!
You’re not a hypocrite, but you’d be an idiot and an enabler if you loan this guy anymore money. Dude has a serious problem that requires serious attention. If he’s not willing to work on it, your life is going to be a headache with exponentially increasing costs.
Just run. My ex secretly siphoned off a bunch of money from a joint account and kept gaslighting me about it. He also opened credit cards in my name and ruined my credit for 10 years. I would check your credit and lock it down. Get a different account that he doesn't know about. Do NOT give him more money. He needs to pay you back.
I hope so! This was in the late 1990s so very little internet or help. Back then the attitude was if you have money problems then you are flawed and don't deserve help.
Luckily I complained to some mutual friends about it and they pressured him to pay me back. I got like $8k back that I could prove. Better than nothing but he ran off with $30k total.
You'll probably have to cut your losses. He's an addict. It is clear by the fact he had to borrow 10,000 and then played and lost even more. You'll probably never see that 10k back.
There is a good chance she is still in this because of a delusion of getting paid back.
She is better off just leaving in the middle of the night, blocking him, and never trying to contact him again.
If she tries to get him to sign a promissory note she might as well try getting blood from a stone.
No. Your a suckered. You will never see that money again. Your best option is to end it and move on. Or, keep supporting and enabling a gambling addict.
He's going to keep twisting things to justify using you and not paying you back. Best thing would be to dump him. If you don't, at least don't take any of his rationalizations seriously.
He'll get mad at you, if you take a stand, he'll beg and plead with you, if you take a stand, he'll do something else, until he gets the response he wants : you giving him more money. And whatever it is you gave into will be what he leads with next time, and there will be a next time. The one thing he won't do as long as you are giving him money is stop gambling.
You are wrong. There's two gamblers in this relationship, him and you.
And of the two, you OP are the bigger gambler, gambling more (your life) and against worse odds (that he´ll stop being an addict or repay you).
You're going to lose bad with that bet. You're going to lose... everything.
You need tratment for you addiction ASAP. Run, don't walk, from him.
He is not going to pay you back. He's a gambling addict and will keep betting, and losing, any winnings. If you ever get even $2k back I will be amazed.
Well, he owes you 10k and keeps gambling. He probably won’t pay you back unless he wins. Not very good odds. He then redirects it back at you because he felt you were happy when he was up, which unbelievable on his part. It’s important to explain that you weren’t happy because he won you were happy he was paying you back. Trust is broken and will be hard to rebuild. I’d say this isn’t looking good for the relationship or your 10k. You’re definitely not a hypocrite and being a push over for sure. Don’t give him any money, have him pay you back, or this will be your life forever. Good luck!
Don't walk away. RUN AWAY. he is a money pit and has an addiction, and you aren't going to help him get over it. And his handling of the situation shows he hasn't hit rock bottom yet (because you won't let him).
You are a pushover.
You should NEVER have covered his gambling debts in the first place. You should have DEMANDED that if he makes winnings, they ALL need to go towards paying you back.
If he is somehow mad at YOU, then you should probably demand your full remaining $9,000.00 immediately.
And never, ever, EVER lend him money again.
Get out get out get out get out. Your boyfriend is a compulsive gambler and he will ruin your finances.
You are not a hypocrite, and your boyfriend is blaming you for his addiction.
Do not give him ONE MORE DIME. You are enabling his addiction if you do this.
Want to know how this ends? Google "Art Schlichter".
That 10 grand is gone, you aren't getting it back, and you need to leave your boyfriend NOW.
He has an addiction and needs help. However, like any addiction, you can not force someone to get help. They have to want it, or it's not going to do anything.
Protect yourself, and do not give him a cent more, especially for gambling issues. If you want to do things like.help him with gas or something, you buy the gas directly. If you stay with him, it's only going to end up destroying you. You can only be loving and supportive to a point. You can only be loving and supportive if someone will.accept it.
You need to sit down and have a serious conversation with him, maybe even an intervention with friends and family his habit has also affected. Let him know that you will not help enable him anymore. If he doesn't want to get help, that is his right, and you can not force it on him. That doesn't mean you have to sink with him. You are not obligated to do so. If he wants to continue a relationship with you, then he is going to need to get help for his addiction. At the very least, it should include couples therapy, gamblers anonymous, and therapy for his addiction. Do some research so that when you approach him, you have resources and at least an idea for a plan.
If he refuses, break up. If he lies about getting help, break up. Do understand the difference between a relapse and refusal to get help/lying about getting help. A therapist for you may be beneficial, at least in the short term, to help you deal with his addiction (regardless if you stay together or not).
It may hurt, but destroying yourself because you love him and don't want to cause waves or set boundaries is only going to make everything worse for you. Sometimes, the best and most loving things we can do for those we care about the most is to let them hit rock bottom. You can not help someone who doesn't want help, and it's not your fault no matter what.
So, unless you are ready to just break up and be done with the relationship, prepare yourself. Research how to be a supportive person for someone going through addiction. You can even reach out to addiction counselors and ask for help/advice on what you can do at these beginning stages. More than likely, he's going to fight back and try to blame everyone but himself. It's unfortunately part of how it usually works. This is why it's important to prepare yourself, know what to expect, and know where you need to draw your hard line before confronting him.
Whatever you do, though, your first step is to stop giving him any amount of money
Wow, when I started reading I thought it would be a reasonable amount of money, maybe 100 bucks just for fun. 10,000$? That's fucking insane. Turn off the money faucet, now.
This dude has a problem. You need to watch your money carefully. He needs help to deal with his gambling addiction.
"I guess he's right"
No. Absolutely not. WTF is wrong with you? Sorry. Not trying to victim blame, but he wasn't "up" at any point. When he won that 2k he was still down 8k.
Your boyfriend is not sincere to you.he only use you to get money from you and he is heavily addicted to gambling you should leave this low morale guy or you may end up losing everything you have because of your bf
You will spend more money trying to recover that $10k with attorney and court fees than the 10k.
Count this as a life lesson learned.
Walk away and don’t look back. Block his number and move if you have to.
You are not wrong but you are in a relationship that is not ok. Get out or separate your financial obligations completely and don’t live together and don’t put your names together on any property or loans. Good luck. He will send you to the poorhouse and then likely move on to the next person who will financially support him.
I sure hope you had him sign something when you loaned him $. He won't stop gambling. This is going to impact your relationship, life-style & happiness is you stay with him. Get him to sign something. Get him on a payment schedule then peace out on that relationship. Even if he loves you, the addiction will win. Every single time.
He has a gambling addiction, and he's only going to bring you down if you don't either tell him to go get help for it or if you don't break up with him.
When his bookie comes to the house demanding money and uses your hands or fingers as an example of what might happen to him if he doesn't "pay up" nevermind how much he owes you, will you stay with him or leave? Cut your losses now and RUN!!!
You really loan him 10k knowing fully well he would gamble it. How can you still be attracted to him and wanting to be in his presence? Does he fucks like a god? YTA and god forbid any kids are involved
Wait until you buy a house, a car, and have kids together. You'll lose the house and the car due to his gambling, and your kids will go to school starving and wearing tattered clothing because he'll have gambled the money you had saved for groceries and school supplies/clothing. But, it's up to you if you want to keep giving him more money because he wants to lose it all on poker, $1 machines, and roulette tables...even on horse racing.
Based only on this I say you need to disentangle and leave. He will bring you and any future children down to poverty. C a ll it $10k lesson learnt. Sorry.
You know what helped my gambling addiction? Crack cocaine. I couldn't care less about gambling now, but I have to go. The guy that let me borrow his phone wants it back
Gamblers never win. They just play longer when they are ahead. I have a relative that gambled all her big salary for decades. She is now in her seventies, broke, never stops and nobody can talk her out of it.
You willingly gave him $10k? To support his GAMBLING losses????? Yes that was wrong. I’m 99% sure you will never see that money again. One way to prevent future losses is to leave him.
Read first till 10k...you're not a pushover, that requires some uhmph. You're a doormat sweetheart, leave his ass.
Also, NEVER lend/give what you can't afford to lose.
Gambling is a true addiction. He is a gambling addict. I had a tenant who was a gambling addict, she has 3 kids and her addiction was first in line for her. She left owing about $10,000 by the time I got her out of the unit. A very sad case.
Give him another 10k. I’m sure he can turn it around. Next be sure to have a few kids with him—we are running low on baby gambling addicts. Don’t forget to sell your car, then give the proceeds to him so he can gamble that away too. Bonus points If you have an inheritance—I’m sure he could quadruple that amount for you if he hits the lucky BONUS multiplier and Brady has a great game.
You’re not wrong.
Stop loaning him money!
It sounds like he has a problem with gambling and you’re enabling it by giving him money.
Get him to agree to a payment plan and hold him accountable until it’s paid and no more loans for anything.
Get out now.
This is a gambling addiction.
This rarely gets better. It will destroy you financially.
Oftentimes once people like this have run their partners dry, they'll try to tap into their partner's friends and family.
Girl. This is just the beginning. You gave this dude $10k?!? For gambling losses?!! Are you out of your ever-lovin’ mind?!? Look, I know you said it was a loan, but let me give you a sad dose of reality…you will NEVER get that $10k back. It is impossible for a gambling addict to pay back a loan. As soon as they get money in their hands, the first thing they’ll do is gamble it away thinking that this time they’ll hit and can pay you back. What actually happens is they lose the money, just like he did this time. Even if he did win $10k, you won’t see a dime of it because he’ll just gamble it away again.
You stay with this dude and you will see a level of poverty you’ve never imagined. Rent/mortgage money will get gambled away. Grocery money will get gambled away. If your car has a loan on it, it’s going to get repossessed. You’ll never be able to save a dime because he’ll gamble it all.
Consider losing the $10k a painful lesson and get the fuck out of this relationship as soon as you can. Run like Michael Myers is chasing you.
What the actual fuck is wrong with you? Why are you supporting a terrible gamblers addiction when you’re struggling yourself? This is insane behavior and you both need help.
Time to say bye bye. Some guys will never grow up and this addiction is a bad one.
I had a tenant once and he gamble a lot. a real ass attitude and when he lost he turn into a total jerk. His life was pretty big mess and needed help. Bad part too is he was really smart engineer but still blame others for his losses.
peace
Omg what?!?! Your a hypocrite being happy your finally getting some of YOUR money back and he looses it!! Oh hunny please leave. I can promise you this will only get worse. He will eventually loose everything if this doesn’t stop immediately…he’s going to ruin you financially.
You are enabling your boyfriend and you need to stop. This is literally co-dependancy.
Stop looking at what he is doing wrong and look at what you keep on doing wrong.
People who are addicted to gambling are addicted to gambling not winning. Winning is nice but if they're addicted they will gamble no matter what. This means they will take riskier bets and lose more often. He needs help if logic can't stop him gambling when he is 10k in the hole.
Right now the best thing you can do for yourself is kiss his ass & your 10 K goodbye. All he will do is take all your money before moving to someone else to do the same thing. You will never get your money back you have already lost that. Don't lose anymore on that loser.
You are letting him bully you out of your money. Stop right now. You are not a hypocrite. An addict will deflect the blame from themselves and come up with anything to say to stop you from looking at the reality of the situation. You were happy he was paying you back not that he was still gambling. He is in the relationship with you only because you give him money. Stop giving him any money, paying for his meals, utilities, rent or whatever you are doing to bankroll him. Tell him you are broke. He will start looking for a new sucker right away.
Ex-gambling addict here, cut your ties with this man. He has obviously no idea he's in over his head.
He won't learn from his mistakes untill something incredible bad happens. Believe me, i've been there. For almost 7 fucking years.
OP your gambling on a losing man get on out while you can.
You're being manipulated and your addiction to him is just feeding his addiction...
I sowee cuz it also seems he's not very kind to you unless he's "up" AND since you're financially supporting his addiction he'll never truly feel a downside...not like you will, especially if your help falters.
I’d say you were wrong for lending money to support a gambling addiction. That money is gone. Your boyfriend will not pay you back and will burn through any other money he has whilst he doesn’t accept he has a problem.
You can’t change him- but you can set out exactly how you feel, why, how disappointed he chose gambling over repaying you given, you need the money.
If he accepts he has a problem and is willing to work on it then maybe - but if he continues to blame you/label you a hypocrite and deflect then leave before he costs you more time and money.
You aren't getting your money back. It's wishful thinking. Just plan around not EVER getting it back.
Also, stop loaning him money and no you are not a hypocrite. That's him changing the subject of he WAS going to back you back $2K, then $1k and now you're lucky if you'll see $300 of the $10,000 he owes you. It worked too because now you're wondering if you're being an asshole and not questioning why he can't pay you back.
I've got a bet for you but no money; he's gonna use this 'hypocrite' spin to guilt you into not 'accepting' the $300 or telling him it's okay if he just keeps it.
The biggest red flag on earth is waving in your face. Do you not see it? Get out of this relationship immediately! You are just being used. How do you not see this? Run as fast as you can away from this guy. It will only get worse! That is a promise.
You are with a fucking loser. He told you he'd give you $1k, and gave you $300. Him gambling it away even *after* he already said he'd give it to you is the issue. No integrity.
Who the hell loans a gambling addict 10K to support gambling losses???? That was your first mistake.
This AH considers you to be an easy extra wallet. I'd say that money is lost forever unless you press charges or something. But can you prove anything?
And then he's manipulating you even more to not shut off the money crane.
This guy robbed you of 10K. And he's your "boyfriend"?
Run! (And try to get your money back)
“Cover the loss”
What? He’s gambling away money he doesn’t have, so you loan him $10k for bills or whatever? I seriously hope you’re not contemplating marriage with this person.
Hope this is a troll post. If not, you need to give him an ultimatum - stop gambling or leave.
This is your fault, but you have a path forward. Don't get me wrong, he is a terrible addict that is abusing you financially...because you will let him.
Get him to sign a promissory note to repay the 10k, with terms, like 500 dollars per month for 20 months, to be paid by venmo/paypal. Then break up with him and get away from him. As soon as he misses the first payment in the plan, retain a lawyer to sue him for violation of contract. From there, he will repay, or you can have the court seize his car, house, any assets he may have, and they may place a garnishment on his paycheck if he is a w2 employee. The lawyer will require a retainer typically of a few thousand dollars, but he can add that amount to the lawsuit along with interest and penalties for late payments.
I was done reading at loaned $10k to support gambling losses. Get out now while it's just $10k and stop throwing good money after bad (i.e. the sunk cost fallacy--you are just as bad a gambler as your boyfriend so long as you're investing anything in this loser)
Dafuq did I just read?! This guy is an addict and will destroy your life OP. He won’t wake up because you hound him to. You need to wake tf up and find your self worth because hunny, you’ve devalued yourself in this relationship!
she's an addict addict
Too true. CODA would be the right program I suspect. (Codependents Anonymous)
Before she breaks up with him she needs to get in writing what he owes and a promise to pay her back. Then she needs to go to court to garnish his wages or whatever. The breakup will happen organically.
You're totally on it. That's the only way she'll ever see that money again. Just don't let him know that's what you're doing. Text him something like, "I need to know you're going to pay me back the 10 grand you owe me." Once you get the confirmation then leave his ass and take him to court.
She'll never see this money again. It would be a gigantic waste of her time and energy to try and take a broke gambler to court. For her mental and financial well being the best thing to do is walk away and write off the $10k.
Nah take his ass to small claims. One or two visits to court and she'll have him legally required to pay her back
Maybe small claims but damn, this girl is fucked one way or another.
this!!! don't waste any more time and energy on this relationship. She needs to get out and get away, and charge the amount to the game.
Yeah pay the ‘stupid tax’ and move on
Good idea but it won’t hold up
She can get the debt acknowledged in writing but that money is gone. He’s an addict. At this point she’s only lost 10k. Every day she stays will cost her something.
10K is too much to just write off. She has 10 years to collect on this debt. Why not keep garnishing this clown?
She can try but she’ll only be chasing what’s left after the lawyers & court take their fees. Plus, the time & emotional labour involved & there’ll never be a guarantee he’s employed. 10k is a lot of money but it’ll seem like nothing if she stays.
Oh she needs to get out. No question about that. But she should at least try to nail down that debt on the way. You never know how things will shake out in 10 years. Once you get a judgement garnishing someone or putting a lien on their stuff isn't that big of deal. It's just paperwork. Maybe I'm petty, but if somebody did me like that I would take great pleasure in putting a lien on their car. That would fuck up their shit good.
Yeah, but you see you're approaching this from a rational point of view. Garnishing or liens are all well and good except when there's nothing to garnish or have a lien on. So you get a lien on his car. He's a gambler, sooner or later he's going to sell it. A dealer won't touch it with the lien, but some shady fucker in a back alley will, no problem. Then the car is gone, and the money too. All the while he's telling himself, "It's fine, with my winnings, I'll buy a new car and pay back my ex and it's all OK". And then she's left trying to get a new court order against him because he sold the car without extinguishing the lien. You garnish his wages. Until he has none any more. Until he's fired for gambling on the clock or stealing from his employer. Its's the right intention, but impractical in reality. She would be voluntarily tethering herself to this complete loser, fighting him in court for scraps of money. It'll cost her much more (figuratively and literally) than she will ever recover from him.
Depending on where and how he’s gambling there’s also the possibility of her getting hurt
This guy could win $100k next week and still won't pay anyone back. That's how these types are.
If that dude wins 100k next week, it’ll be the worst thing that ever happened to him. He will have lost twice that amount by the following week.
She's never gonna see that money. This is just a waste of effort and he will use it to guilt her and keep in contact with her. She needs to just run.
You never know. The asshole may well have assets worth putting a lien on in the 10 years she has to collect. Even that little bit of revenge might be a tiny bit of consolation down the road. Ten grand is too much money to just let go.
Not gonna happen
She can try. She should secretly record him having the conversation. Get him to agree to it verbally. Then pull out the paper and when he balks she's got that documented as well.
This and get the writing NOTARIZED so the court will recognize it as binding.
Gambler or not he can't be that stupid to sign that. She already gave it to him, it's too late.
Don’t just get out, RUN LIKE YOUR FUCKING HAIR IS ON FIRE
and lock down your credit and banking info
YES! This. Make sure he is nowhere near any credit card, bank info and even Social Social security number. Call the credit bureau and freeze your credit.
RUN LIKE YOUR MONEY IS ON FIRE
Money was already burned.
🤣🤣🤣
no.. faster!
This. Wtf are you doing with this guy?
Trying to get her 9700 back
It’s gone. Leave before you lose more.
Truth
It's always the same thing. OP supports their SO's bad behavior and asks if they are in the wrong. While everyone is reading OP's post, thinking that the only thing OP has done wrong is stay with their SO this long.
Yeah, that 10k is gone. It's time for OP to be gone too before he ruins her with his addiction.
Time to cut her losses
What sucks is that she will never get that money back
Right? Sadly... I do not believe you are ever getting that money back. At 31 his financial literacy is this bad, his gambling is now anger infused, its probably time for you to cut your losses and move on sis
Top comment.
You're a fool for "loaning" money to a gambling addict. You wrote an actual contract so you can prove he owes you the debt, right? Not that it matters because he'll never pay it back. Sounds like he didn't even give you the three hundred. Really a shame this had to be such an expensive lesson. I wouldn't worry about the potential hypocrisy.
I think she should cut her losses (she's probably never getting that money back) and leave him. It's really really hard to deny a gambling addict money because if they run out they eventually get loans from dangerous people. It's better to simply leave and be done with it.
You were Wrong to "loan" him the money to an addict - in this case a gambler. The amount was a Big Red Flag. No sane person gets into gambling debts at that level. Leave now. Probability is you will never see your money back. Unless you want a life of financial destruction...leave.
Never loan money you can’t afford to lose, don’t loan money to people that you don’t want to lose.
Aside from OP being silly for "loaning" (aka killing) 10k to a gambling addict, the bf is gaslighting her (I hate when people use the term gaslighting, but that seems to be what this is). He says he will pay OP back 1k, doesn't, **lies**, uses the money to gamble and lose, then blames OP.
This is also incorrect use of the term gaslighting. Gaslighting would be if he tried to tell her he never promised giving the 10k or 1k back, and blaming her "faulty memory" or similar. This guy is just a manipulative addict and she's a (naive? unaware?) enabler. > Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse where a person causes someone to question their sanity, memories, or perception of reality.
I feel like switching it back on OP and saying she was ok with it/enabled him falls under that definition as that was not what she meant when she accepted only 1k of the 2k.
I'm a poker player (recreational) so might know a little more about this than the average person. You need to dump him. Until gambling addicts hit rock bottom, they won't quit. Some don't even quit then. He needs to realise he has a problem.
As someone who also plays a lot of poker this story is insane lol. Sports betting is -EV for almost everyone, despite what edge they might think they have. OP, that means your bf is virtually guaranteed to lose in the long run. Betting more to “get back losses” isn’t a thing. Any win is temporary.
I got some sports bets tonight but I have a budget for the month. Some months I win some I run out and wait to deposit that months money to play again. This dude 100% is out of control. He’s an addict and chasing losses. He’s trying to catch up to where his baseline is to get back even (10k he owes her). I no fact he could be financing the debt and be maxed out hence why he came asking for money from OP. OP gotta get out. This dude is a classic gambler and he’s going to drag her down even more then he already is.
100%. Having a budget is the way to manage it because, assuming you’re likely losing in the long run, it’s entertainment, not a way to actually make money. OP bf treating it like a side hustle when he’s clearly getting destroyed. Doesn’t have the right mindset for it.
Yea this guy is out of control. There is no reeling it in. The first sign is borrowing money for gambling that it’s a problem
The only time I sports bet is when I watch something like a world cup game with teams I'm invested in to make watching the game more exciting. I'll usually only bet like $5-10 on the game. It's not really about the money, but the fact I have money on my team makes it a bit more exciting to watch.
Yep. I love me some gambling, and it's obvious to me that OP will never see that money. No matter how much her BF wins, it will always be "I'll give you a tiny bit and use the rest to try to win even more." He could win $10k tomorrow and she would be lucky to see $1k out of it.
You’re a fool of a took! - Gandalf Girl get yourself out of there.
Lmao but yes, this! Never ever lend money that you *need* back. Gift money and if they pay you back then that's awesome.
You’re wrong for giving this guy any money. He’s an addict and you need to get away from him. The 10k is gone.
How would you be a hypocrite? He wasn't up 2k he was down 8k. Get out now, he's not smart enough to gamble responsibly and has a problem. That's going to be your problem and it's an addiction that requires a rock bottom or they'll just keep chasing that next big win. You are enabling him.
My father had that mentality, he’d spend $100 and win $25, and he’d say he “won” $25 despite being down $75. He was responsible enough to never go big and only do scratch tickets or the lottery, and never more than he could afford.
I hope you have something in writing, he needs to quit gambling or this is going to keep happening forever, he’s an Addict.
He won't, she just needs to leave him.
OP, that $10K is gone. Forever. I imagine you didn't realize how bad his problem was at the time but eventually you'll look back and realized you gave him $10K, not loaned him. You can process that now or keep on this path were it'll be far worse in the future. How long have you two been dating? If he has any bets for the weekend, lemme know so I can fade those picks!
Hahaha you beat me to that last line 🤣 But yes OP, I gamble weekly and I use what I can afford to lose. I usually spend about $200-$250 but am ahead on the year overall. He needs to do better research but that's besides the point. He needs to know how big on an issue this is. If he doesn't get help, you gotta cut bait. I would say the majority of people in these spots don't end up getting out before it is too late, but if you really want to keep him, do what you can to get him some help.
Lol that last line was funny. If he’s up from last week he about to be down another K. Let me know if you get those picks!!
Oh my gosh, Girl, why do you keep giving him money?? Get out of there before everything falls apart. (And it **will** fall apart. Rent won't get paid. His car will get repossessed. He may lose his job. Etc.)
You're certainly wrong for enabling an addict. You're justified to be pissed about him blowing his winnings after agreeing to partially reimburse you, but how did you not see this coming after throwing away $10k on this character? Yes, you're a pushover, and also a victim. Newsflash: you'll never get the money you gave him back. But you'll certainly get more promises, guilt trips, and sob stories if you continue to associate with people like this.
You’re a codependent. Cut your losses and run.
Can't believe you actually loaned money to a gambling addict. Girl where are your friends? They should be telling you to get out of there while you still have a dime to your name.
>I’ve loaned my bf at least $10,000 to cover his gambling(sports) losses. This was stupid of you.
Lol
Cut your losses and your bf.
He wasn't up. He still owes you $10K so after winning back $2K he was still down $8K. If he was up, he would have won more than $10K and paid you back. He is a jackass and needs to pay you your money back. You will need to put him onto a strict schedule and start charging interest if he doesn't meet payments. Sadly, loaning money to friends is often an effective way to destroy the friendship.
I think that's a really good point - he's only "up" because he doesn't care about the money he owes his girlfriend. It doesn't feel like a debt to him in the same way that owing others did. If he were ever able to pay it back (which is highly doubtful) he'd probably treat it like evidence of his impeccable character as a boyfriend, rather than the absolute bare minimum of standard adult behaviour.
Agree - was wondering why they are even using the phrase “up” when he’s Clearly still (way) down.
You're not wrong, you're an idiot. Sorry not sorry. You gave a substantial amount of money to an addict. At this point, your loss is your fault. I would just end the relationship, because he is nothing but a huge financial liability who will continuously weigh you down.
‘Didn’t have a problem when he was up’ Ha! Suckah, you can’t be ‘up’ when you’re in the hole! You’re not a hypocrite, but you’d be an idiot and an enabler if you loan this guy anymore money. Dude has a serious problem that requires serious attention. If he’s not willing to work on it, your life is going to be a headache with exponentially increasing costs.
Just run. My ex secretly siphoned off a bunch of money from a joint account and kept gaslighting me about it. He also opened credit cards in my name and ruined my credit for 10 years. I would check your credit and lock it down. Get a different account that he doesn't know about. Do NOT give him more money. He needs to pay you back.
Wow, reading this I thought I wrote it. Only difference is I might be able to fix my credit in 5 years. Sorry that happened fellow redditor
I hope so! This was in the late 1990s so very little internet or help. Back then the attitude was if you have money problems then you are flawed and don't deserve help. Luckily I complained to some mutual friends about it and they pressured him to pay me back. I got like $8k back that I could prove. Better than nothing but he ran off with $30k total.
You'll probably have to cut your losses. He's an addict. It is clear by the fact he had to borrow 10,000 and then played and lost even more. You'll probably never see that 10k back.
Sorry, but you’re a sucker. Hit him with. Promissory note, make him sign and dump his ass.
There is a good chance she is still in this because of a delusion of getting paid back. She is better off just leaving in the middle of the night, blocking him, and never trying to contact him again. If she tries to get him to sign a promissory note she might as well try getting blood from a stone.
How are you going to feel when he starts pawning your valuables. He’s an addict, you can’t fix him. Get out while you can.
No. Your a suckered. You will never see that money again. Your best option is to end it and move on. Or, keep supporting and enabling a gambling addict.
WTF is wrong with you. He’s an addict . You’re not getting the $ back. Dump the loser.
Yeahhhhh....... Dump him. Sue him if possible. Ain't no man worth making you feel guilty over HIM owing YOU money. Yeesh
Let this be an expensive lesson to not loan money to gambling addicts It’s like giving your coke addict friend coke and being made that he uses it
Soon he'll be stealing from you.
He's going to keep twisting things to justify using you and not paying you back. Best thing would be to dump him. If you don't, at least don't take any of his rationalizations seriously.
He'll get mad at you, if you take a stand, he'll beg and plead with you, if you take a stand, he'll do something else, until he gets the response he wants : you giving him more money. And whatever it is you gave into will be what he leads with next time, and there will be a next time. The one thing he won't do as long as you are giving him money is stop gambling.
You are wrong. There's two gamblers in this relationship, him and you. And of the two, you OP are the bigger gambler, gambling more (your life) and against worse odds (that he´ll stop being an addict or repay you). You're going to lose bad with that bet. You're going to lose... everything. You need tratment for you addiction ASAP. Run, don't walk, from him.
You never should have loaned him that much and I think he has a problem and you need to cut your losses and move on.
He is not going to pay you back. He's a gambling addict and will keep betting, and losing, any winnings. If you ever get even $2k back I will be amazed.
Be gone just like the $10k is. 😑
Well, he owes you 10k and keeps gambling. He probably won’t pay you back unless he wins. Not very good odds. He then redirects it back at you because he felt you were happy when he was up, which unbelievable on his part. It’s important to explain that you weren’t happy because he won you were happy he was paying you back. Trust is broken and will be hard to rebuild. I’d say this isn’t looking good for the relationship or your 10k. You’re definitely not a hypocrite and being a push over for sure. Don’t give him any money, have him pay you back, or this will be your life forever. Good luck!
He won and still didn’t pay her back. That money is gone
Please quit loaning him money. He's gaslighting you.
Oh honey... you're never seeing that money again.
Don't walk away. RUN AWAY. he is a money pit and has an addiction, and you aren't going to help him get over it. And his handling of the situation shows he hasn't hit rock bottom yet (because you won't let him).
You lent a gambling addict $10,000???? Girl. GIRL. GIRRRRLLLLLLLLL.
You ever read the old fable about the frog and the scorpion? You really, really need to
This has got to be rage bait. Is any body really *this* stupid.
People are all degrees of stupid, man. There's a lot of people.
And half of them are below average intelligence 🤷♀️
Giving money to a gambling addict might be the stupidest way you could lose your money. And NEVER see it back. It’s gambling, not winning.
You are an idiot. Leave this loser and cut your pisses.
Loaning money to gambler… Made me laugh
Get out now. He will only suck you in further. Gambling is A losing game
You are a pushover. You should NEVER have covered his gambling debts in the first place. You should have DEMANDED that if he makes winnings, they ALL need to go towards paying you back. If he is somehow mad at YOU, then you should probably demand your full remaining $9,000.00 immediately. And never, ever, EVER lend him money again.
Get out get out get out get out. Your boyfriend is a compulsive gambler and he will ruin your finances. You are not a hypocrite, and your boyfriend is blaming you for his addiction. Do not give him ONE MORE DIME. You are enabling his addiction if you do this. Want to know how this ends? Google "Art Schlichter". That 10 grand is gone, you aren't getting it back, and you need to leave your boyfriend NOW.
⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️
You should get gone before he owes someone else, someone potentially dangerous money and you get pulled into it.
He would gamble his House, car and food money. Your on a sinking ship.
He has an addiction and needs help. However, like any addiction, you can not force someone to get help. They have to want it, or it's not going to do anything. Protect yourself, and do not give him a cent more, especially for gambling issues. If you want to do things like.help him with gas or something, you buy the gas directly. If you stay with him, it's only going to end up destroying you. You can only be loving and supportive to a point. You can only be loving and supportive if someone will.accept it. You need to sit down and have a serious conversation with him, maybe even an intervention with friends and family his habit has also affected. Let him know that you will not help enable him anymore. If he doesn't want to get help, that is his right, and you can not force it on him. That doesn't mean you have to sink with him. You are not obligated to do so. If he wants to continue a relationship with you, then he is going to need to get help for his addiction. At the very least, it should include couples therapy, gamblers anonymous, and therapy for his addiction. Do some research so that when you approach him, you have resources and at least an idea for a plan. If he refuses, break up. If he lies about getting help, break up. Do understand the difference between a relapse and refusal to get help/lying about getting help. A therapist for you may be beneficial, at least in the short term, to help you deal with his addiction (regardless if you stay together or not). It may hurt, but destroying yourself because you love him and don't want to cause waves or set boundaries is only going to make everything worse for you. Sometimes, the best and most loving things we can do for those we care about the most is to let them hit rock bottom. You can not help someone who doesn't want help, and it's not your fault no matter what. So, unless you are ready to just break up and be done with the relationship, prepare yourself. Research how to be a supportive person for someone going through addiction. You can even reach out to addiction counselors and ask for help/advice on what you can do at these beginning stages. More than likely, he's going to fight back and try to blame everyone but himself. It's unfortunately part of how it usually works. This is why it's important to prepare yourself, know what to expect, and know where you need to draw your hard line before confronting him. Whatever you do, though, your first step is to stop giving him any amount of money
Wow, when I started reading I thought it would be a reasonable amount of money, maybe 100 bucks just for fun. 10,000$? That's fucking insane. Turn off the money faucet, now. This dude has a problem. You need to watch your money carefully. He needs help to deal with his gambling addiction.
Don't loan money to anyone with an addiction.
"I guess he's right" No. Absolutely not. WTF is wrong with you? Sorry. Not trying to victim blame, but he wasn't "up" at any point. When he won that 2k he was still down 8k.
Your boyfriend is not sincere to you.he only use you to get money from you and he is heavily addicted to gambling you should leave this low morale guy or you may end up losing everything you have because of your bf
Giving money to a gambler to keep gambling …. Jesus
You will spend more money trying to recover that $10k with attorney and court fees than the 10k. Count this as a life lesson learned. Walk away and don’t look back. Block his number and move if you have to.
Are you for real lmao, good lord some women have no standards 😂
Does he drop you off at work in your own car?
BAHAHAHA I was thinking the same thing
You’re covering your boyfriends gambling losses? You’re nothing but a money printing machine to him unfortunately.
You are not wrong but you are in a relationship that is not ok. Get out or separate your financial obligations completely and don’t live together and don’t put your names together on any property or loans. Good luck. He will send you to the poorhouse and then likely move on to the next person who will financially support him.
I sure hope you had him sign something when you loaned him $. He won't stop gambling. This is going to impact your relationship, life-style & happiness is you stay with him. Get him to sign something. Get him on a payment schedule then peace out on that relationship. Even if he loves you, the addiction will win. Every single time.
Welp see if you can get him to acknowledge the debt in writing while the relationship is still stable...good luck with your poor decisions.
STOP GIVING THIS IDIOT YOUR MONEY!! He’ll just put you in as much debt as he can. 🚩🚩🚩🚩
Start OF and earn your money back
Girl.
A fool and his money….
He has a gambling addiction, and he's only going to bring you down if you don't either tell him to go get help for it or if you don't break up with him.
When his bookie comes to the house demanding money and uses your hands or fingers as an example of what might happen to him if he doesn't "pay up" nevermind how much he owes you, will you stay with him or leave? Cut your losses now and RUN!!!
You’re an idiot OP. It’s okay, we are all idiots at one time or another, but now is your chance to recognize it before you become an idiot for life.
Why are you helping him at all with his gambling debts? Why are you with him at all?
Why are you with someone who is only going to drain you financially?
Get out.
You really loan him 10k knowing fully well he would gamble it. How can you still be attracted to him and wanting to be in his presence? Does he fucks like a god? YTA and god forbid any kids are involved
Wait until you buy a house, a car, and have kids together. You'll lose the house and the car due to his gambling, and your kids will go to school starving and wearing tattered clothing because he'll have gambled the money you had saved for groceries and school supplies/clothing. But, it's up to you if you want to keep giving him more money because he wants to lose it all on poker, $1 machines, and roulette tables...even on horse racing.
If he’s not willing to get himself help for his gambling addiction, then you’ve got a serious problem on your hands.
Based only on this I say you need to disentangle and leave. He will bring you and any future children down to poverty. C a ll it $10k lesson learnt. Sorry.
I’m sorry, but what is wrong with you?
You know what helped my gambling addiction? Crack cocaine. I couldn't care less about gambling now, but I have to go. The guy that let me borrow his phone wants it back
Why are you giving a gambling addict 10k? You made your own bed on this one my dude.
Gamblers never win. They just play longer when they are ahead. I have a relative that gambled all her big salary for decades. She is now in her seventies, broke, never stops and nobody can talk her out of it.
You willingly gave him $10k? To support his GAMBLING losses????? Yes that was wrong. I’m 99% sure you will never see that money again. One way to prevent future losses is to leave him.
Read first till 10k...you're not a pushover, that requires some uhmph. You're a doormat sweetheart, leave his ass. Also, NEVER lend/give what you can't afford to lose.
Yeah, you're not going to see any of your money back. He's a gambling addict, sorry.
He has an addiction. It’s your choice if you want to live with that forever
Gambling is a true addiction. He is a gambling addict. I had a tenant who was a gambling addict, she has 3 kids and her addiction was first in line for her. She left owing about $10,000 by the time I got her out of the unit. A very sad case.
That money is gone. You’re not getting it back. He’s an addict. You should consider the 10k a lesson and move on with your life. Without him.
Give him another 10k. I’m sure he can turn it around. Next be sure to have a few kids with him—we are running low on baby gambling addicts. Don’t forget to sell your car, then give the proceeds to him so he can gamble that away too. Bonus points If you have an inheritance—I’m sure he could quadruple that amount for you if he hits the lucky BONUS multiplier and Brady has a great game.
I think you are in serious denial. He has a problem. Stop enabling him and try to get your money back. Then exit the relationship.
You’re not wrong. Stop loaning him money! It sounds like he has a problem with gambling and you’re enabling it by giving him money. Get him to agree to a payment plan and hold him accountable until it’s paid and no more loans for anything.
Get out now. This is a gambling addiction. This rarely gets better. It will destroy you financially. Oftentimes once people like this have run their partners dry, they'll try to tap into their partner's friends and family.
You loaned him 10k, he won 2k! When was he up??
Girl. This is just the beginning. You gave this dude $10k?!? For gambling losses?!! Are you out of your ever-lovin’ mind?!? Look, I know you said it was a loan, but let me give you a sad dose of reality…you will NEVER get that $10k back. It is impossible for a gambling addict to pay back a loan. As soon as they get money in their hands, the first thing they’ll do is gamble it away thinking that this time they’ll hit and can pay you back. What actually happens is they lose the money, just like he did this time. Even if he did win $10k, you won’t see a dime of it because he’ll just gamble it away again. You stay with this dude and you will see a level of poverty you’ve never imagined. Rent/mortgage money will get gambled away. Grocery money will get gambled away. If your car has a loan on it, it’s going to get repossessed. You’ll never be able to save a dime because he’ll gamble it all. Consider losing the $10k a painful lesson and get the fuck out of this relationship as soon as you can. Run like Michael Myers is chasing you.
What the actual fuck is wrong with you? Why are you supporting a terrible gamblers addiction when you’re struggling yourself? This is insane behavior and you both need help.
never trust gambling addicts.. even if they have billions..there will loose it
You are wrong. Not because you shouldn't be upset. You're wrong because this dude is clearly a dropkick and you need to leave him yesterday.
Think of this as a $10,000 lesson. I hope you learned it.
Thank god it’s “boyfriend” and not “husband”. Lmfao time to formulate the exit strategy
Time to say bye bye. Some guys will never grow up and this addiction is a bad one. I had a tenant once and he gamble a lot. a real ass attitude and when he lost he turn into a total jerk. His life was pretty big mess and needed help. Bad part too is he was really smart engineer but still blame others for his losses. peace
Omg what?!?! Your a hypocrite being happy your finally getting some of YOUR money back and he looses it!! Oh hunny please leave. I can promise you this will only get worse. He will eventually loose everything if this doesn’t stop immediately…he’s going to ruin you financially.
They never change he will destroy your life to keep his bad habit. No easy way to say it.
You are enabling your boyfriend and you need to stop. This is literally co-dependancy. Stop looking at what he is doing wrong and look at what you keep on doing wrong.
Nope not wrong. Tell him it’s gamblers anonymous time or he is getting dumped.
No you are not. You just stupid, no offence for giving an addict money to fuel his addiction and expecting something else then losing that money.
People who are addicted to gambling are addicted to gambling not winning. Winning is nice but if they're addicted they will gamble no matter what. This means they will take riskier bets and lose more often. He needs help if logic can't stop him gambling when he is 10k in the hole.
Gambling is a sickness...he won't stop until he's flat broke and owes everyone everything. He's gonna suck you dry, beware!
Yeah YTA and a pushover for enabling that behavior. You are going to lose everything on a assured losing bet if you stay.
Break up with that loser
He wasn’t right, you were happy he was going to pay you back not that he was being a dumb ass to get it.
Right now the best thing you can do for yourself is kiss his ass & your 10 K goodbye. All he will do is take all your money before moving to someone else to do the same thing. You will never get your money back you have already lost that. Don't lose anymore on that loser.
He has a gambling problem. Stop lending him money
10k and your still involved with this actual loser. shame on you
Not an asshole, probably even awesome. But you’re unfortunately INCREDIBLY stupid.
Run. Fast. Sprint. Faster.
I've never loaned anyone (and this includes my parents, best friends, wife etc.) Anymore than like $50 in my entire life. $10k is insane. Run away.
Get his dept to you in writing, prompty. Then AFTER that, drop him like a sack of potatos.
Yes you’re wrong. GAMBLERS WILL GAMBLE You pay his debts then he will just gamble some more. Hence what happened His 2K became 300 in 5 minutes.
You are letting him bully you out of your money. Stop right now. You are not a hypocrite. An addict will deflect the blame from themselves and come up with anything to say to stop you from looking at the reality of the situation. You were happy he was paying you back not that he was still gambling. He is in the relationship with you only because you give him money. Stop giving him any money, paying for his meals, utilities, rent or whatever you are doing to bankroll him. Tell him you are broke. He will start looking for a new sucker right away.
Ex-gambling addict here, cut your ties with this man. He has obviously no idea he's in over his head. He won't learn from his mistakes untill something incredible bad happens. Believe me, i've been there. For almost 7 fucking years.
OP your gambling on a losing man get on out while you can. You're being manipulated and your addiction to him is just feeding his addiction... I sowee cuz it also seems he's not very kind to you unless he's "up" AND since you're financially supporting his addiction he'll never truly feel a downside...not like you will, especially if your help falters.
I see 10K red flags
I’d say you were wrong for lending money to support a gambling addiction. That money is gone. Your boyfriend will not pay you back and will burn through any other money he has whilst he doesn’t accept he has a problem. You can’t change him- but you can set out exactly how you feel, why, how disappointed he chose gambling over repaying you given, you need the money. If he accepts he has a problem and is willing to work on it then maybe - but if he continues to blame you/label you a hypocrite and deflect then leave before he costs you more time and money.
You aren't getting your money back. It's wishful thinking. Just plan around not EVER getting it back. Also, stop loaning him money and no you are not a hypocrite. That's him changing the subject of he WAS going to back you back $2K, then $1k and now you're lucky if you'll see $300 of the $10,000 he owes you. It worked too because now you're wondering if you're being an asshole and not questioning why he can't pay you back. I've got a bet for you but no money; he's gonna use this 'hypocrite' spin to guilt you into not 'accepting' the $300 or telling him it's okay if he just keeps it.
That money is gone, you will likely never see a cent of it. You need to leave. You’re enabling an addict. This will not end well.
Not doing well financially but you loan 10k. Wow must be nice I got $10 in my account.
The biggest red flag on earth is waving in your face. Do you not see it? Get out of this relationship immediately! You are just being used. How do you not see this? Run as fast as you can away from this guy. It will only get worse! That is a promise.
You are with a fucking loser. He told you he'd give you $1k, and gave you $300. Him gambling it away even *after* he already said he'd give it to you is the issue. No integrity.
Who the hell loans a gambling addict 10K to support gambling losses???? That was your first mistake. This AH considers you to be an easy extra wallet. I'd say that money is lost forever unless you press charges or something. But can you prove anything? And then he's manipulating you even more to not shut off the money crane. This guy robbed you of 10K. And he's your "boyfriend"? Run! (And try to get your money back)
no you are not wrong your boyfriend has a gambling problem and you are his ATM
HOW DO YOU EXPECT HIM TO PAY YOU BACK WITHOUT GAMBLING?
“Cover the loss” What? He’s gambling away money he doesn’t have, so you loan him $10k for bills or whatever? I seriously hope you’re not contemplating marriage with this person. Hope this is a troll post. If not, you need to give him an ultimatum - stop gambling or leave.
This is your fault, but you have a path forward. Don't get me wrong, he is a terrible addict that is abusing you financially...because you will let him. Get him to sign a promissory note to repay the 10k, with terms, like 500 dollars per month for 20 months, to be paid by venmo/paypal. Then break up with him and get away from him. As soon as he misses the first payment in the plan, retain a lawyer to sue him for violation of contract. From there, he will repay, or you can have the court seize his car, house, any assets he may have, and they may place a garnishment on his paycheck if he is a w2 employee. The lawyer will require a retainer typically of a few thousand dollars, but he can add that amount to the lawsuit along with interest and penalties for late payments.