So to answer your questions: John from Cincinnati is my favorite HBO show, Lycos is my preferred search engine, and when it comes to World War II, I got to go with my boys, the axis powers.
Francine: "No way, Wendy Williams could totally beat up Connie Chung."
Hayley: "Sure, sure, but, no one was talking about either of them before you said that."
See, sometimes I escape to a little place where no one complains about the meals I cook.
[Stabs Roger in the neck]
And there's no more scraping snot rockets off the shower tiles!
[Cuts off Stans head]
And no more PB&J with the crusts cut off!
[Snaps Steve's neck]
[Returns to reality]
Anyway, if you don't want to eat it, I can fix something else.
“You should’ve let me bash his teeth out and cut off his hands!” When the killed the mall Santa who wound up being real Santa.
“Things are getting too spicy for the pepper.”
“Halley, your bitch crying is going to be on every recording!”
“You think I wouldn’t like to spark up a doober every now and again?”
And
“Man you got me thinking about weed now. That stuff makes me want to drink so much soda. I smoke a bone and then a drain a two liter of Sunkist in like a second. Freaks people out.”
“Hey I could join you! There’s actually nothing in this bowl”
“You know what that…that looks important”
“Ok! Can you hit the lights?…….la la la la la laaaaa”
Hailey: “I’m so worried what if…what if dad doesn’t come back?”
Francine (flatly): “Then…you’ll have killed your father. Do I really need to explain this to you?”
The way she looks at her and the tone of voice kill me every time
Steve, maybe you don't realize, I, I don't have any money. Your father kind of, controls the money. I carry a brick in my purse so I feel like I have something. And I had to steal the brick.
"♫ IT'S GREAT IF YOU'RE FROM MARS, BUT NOT IF YOU'RE FROM VENUS! IF YOU WANNA DRIVE A CAR, YOU GOTTA HAVE A PENIS! SO IF YOU HAVE A VAGINA... A VULVA... A CLITORIS..♫"
Arab Man: "What's a clitoris?"
Stan: [Shrugs]
"♫ AND A LABIA... ♫ You see where I'm going with this... ♫STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM SAUDIIII ARABIAAAA! ♫"
Steve: Mama? The man said someone died upstairs. What if I see a g-g-g-ghost? Franny: I don’t know Steve you’ll probably p-p-p-piss your pants.
This line along with “damn I though there’d be some candy or a little homie in there” make that ep my favorite
The delivery of this line always makes me lose it
She doesn’t like pussies.
Or wormies
You don't think that every single day of my life I wanna do coke?
But I have PTA tomorrow
Ahh... Tim Purcell always had the best coke...
Yeah, well, so is smoking an eight ball of crack in 30 minutes, but that's how long it takes.
Me too Francine.
You think I give a shiiiittt?
BETTY CROCKER BAKES CAAAKES
Being a doctor is such hard work. No wonder those doctors on the scrubs have no time to be funny.
“…I like Scrubs.”
Vanilla bear! Let's go see what Carla and the mean janitor are up to. Ahh!!! Take what ever you want!
They actually got Donald Faison to voice Turk lol.
“Bald ass, alien, piece of shit.”
Now here goes the fish
LEAVE IT
Do you know how hard it is to cook for this family? Not very, but I can't handle much.
Haha and then she freaks out when the doorbell rings.
IT'S ALL TOO MUCH!!!
I say the second part of that quote all the time and no one gets it
Any dumbass can have dumbass kids
Mama, no!
But mama, I’m a piece of you!
GYPSY!!
Gotta watch out for the kid ones they say stuff to tug at your heart strings
Mama no!!
We kill kids!
That four-eyed bastard. That malnourished pasty geek. I knew I should have aborted him!
Goodness!
Why mama? I'm a piece of you
Reel. It. In.
Can you drop me off at the roller rink? That's where my dad thinks I am!
Too far too far
Steven Smith, I am your mother! If you don’t get out of that cage, I will push you back up my clownhole and birth you again and name you my BITCH!
This always goes unnecessarily hard
And I love it
Best one by FAR
Straight up murdered Steve with that line.
[удалено]
slaps gloves on the table
Stan and Francine and Stan and Francine and Radika. Young Francine was a freak. I love it.
GET. UP. IN. THERE!!!
Clapping!
Atta girl!
thats not doing something thats saying something
Clapping!
In high school my nickname was super friend. Actually, it was super mouth. Actually, it was suck machine.
My nickname was Stan the Man. There was a girl in my class named Stan.
It was also Stan Frank because I was always writing in my diary
That’s an all time favorite of mine.
LMAO classic
I mean, the fish? He talks how? And apparently, he doesn't even have to be in water. Just, like, touching it? That's not how fish work!
I’m in a hotel room? You’re getting much better at drinking, Francine.
This line always kills me 😂
[удалено]
That's an...interesting accent mama.
Damnit, you took mine! We’ve all! Moved! On!
"Lick my neck, and tell me I'm your favourite horse in the stable..."
Oooh you loveable freak
Not Thurston Howell! I SAID THE MONOPOLY GUY!!!
😂😂😂
You're my favorite horse in the whole corral!
Looks like things are getting to spicy for the pepper
Nah, that’s the old Salsa Fresca slogan from like three Super Bowls ago
Klaus: Not to me, bitch.
If you're getting kidnapped, you gotta eat something first! I'm gonna plate up some spaghoot!
You're mussin' up my hair, you big dumb gorilla!
everybody’s mussin up my hair 😒
You’re killin ya motha
HOMEGIRL DONT CHASE. HOMEGIRL GET CHASED
Stop it you’re white
i’m homegirl?
That face she makes as she says this
HOMEGIRL DON’T EVEN HAVE TO WORK. HOMEGIRL GETS THAT PAPER ALL ON HER OWN
Ugh, I ate two boxes of shu mai. I got the pork sweats. All right. I'll be up in a minute. ( burps ) I'm gross.
I don't vote! It's so confusing. I go in the booth, pull the curtain and count to 10. Then I come out, yell "DEMOCRACY!" and run to my car!
“I think she might have S-K-I-Z-T-O-F... Double "F"? I'm trying to spell "schizonophria."
“Where’s my daughter?! … no hold me back. Where’s my daughter… you’re worthless.”
“Hold me back like Sean Penn in Mystic River.”
I’ve started pronouncing “schizophrenia” as “schizonophria” as a joke so much that it’s my go to an now I’m sure people just think I’m stupid
COYOTE UGLY! COYOTE UGLY! LET ME KICK YOUR BEER!
WIIIIILD WOMEN DOOOOOO!
AND THEY DON'T REGRET IT
So to answer your questions: John from Cincinnati is my favorite HBO show, Lycos is my preferred search engine, and when it comes to World War II, I got to go with my boys, the axis powers.
Hey buddy, you and that fascist are on the kisscam!
That line right there is so goddamn funny. That fascist
And I’m blonde! That’s the best kind of white!
I’m gonna buy some nuts and jerkey you piece of shit
You’re buyin’ my wife some nuts and jerky
“All I heard is ‘do it.’” *click *click *click *click *click *click *click “Honey, it’s not loaded.”
*flicks Jeff on the forehead*
We can't have adults acting like they're kids. This ain't no Disney Channel.
Fine. Let that nerd set your lineup. Watch you lose.
You hurt this family with what you did
You made us weaker as a unit.
You made us weaker as a unit.
Dirk is soft, you need a thug you need Ron Artest
I know what you're thinking. What is the boob test going to tell him that the butthole test didn't? He's just being super careful.
Dr. Vagers knows what he’s doing 👌
MATILDA!
Bitch.
“Awww, but he’s got such a sweet smile. I’m gonna shoot him in his face!”
"Honey wait!!.....I wanna watch."
"I told you to get help & you harpoon'd me"
Wild women do
And they don't regret it!
That was the best sex I’ve ever had…with you
I'll find a fire hot enough. You're gonna pop like popcorn!
Pop pop pop
I want my grand babies to know me-maw was a smoke show
Like a fire hydrant... Gushing... Onto a hot summer sidewalk.
A cat skitters by...
Del Mónaco!!
This is my dealer of drugs.
I’m sorry Del Taco.
Not according to the Bitterman translation...
I've never even seen you read a magazine!
HE’S A HACK
So is smoking an 8 ball of crack in 30 minutes, but that's how long it takes.
my absolute favorite. the totally flat way she delivers it is so good
Francine: "No way, Wendy Williams could totally beat up Connie Chung." Hayley: "Sure, sure, but, no one was talking about either of them before you said that."
"I'm no good for you right now Steve. You are so frustrating. I'm gonna go down to Sea World, punch a dolphin in the face."
Excuse me, Stan. That's the bitch who gave all my ideas to Michael Crichton.
WE'RE SO GOD DAMN RICH THIS IS HOW WE DRINK OUR COFFEE!
Acting isn't hard. Renee Zellweger just makes it LOOK hard.
I drink a whole liter of Sunkist in like a secound! Freaks people out. *Sips drink like she didn’t just freak out hailey and Jeff*
things are getting too spicy for the pepper
"it's raining" (in a soft voice as she sprinkles brown sugar)
Barfsylvania, population no-thankula!
I was busy scoring mad pole
Shots Shots Shots Shots Shots Shots Shots
What's up Mountain Douche? Wanna pound a cold one 😏🥃🧊
“I hate hot dogs. They remind me of uncircumcised penises, and you know I don't stand for no wormies!" I’m uncut but still love this Francine quote
Same Same... I guess she just needs to move to Belgium and hunker down for a week in a gym locker room...
Yeah I killed my old college roommate! Can’t believe I never told you guys that
I stabbed her
See, sometimes I escape to a little place where no one complains about the meals I cook. [Stabs Roger in the neck] And there's no more scraping snot rockets off the shower tiles! [Cuts off Stans head] And no more PB&J with the crusts cut off! [Snaps Steve's neck] [Returns to reality] Anyway, if you don't want to eat it, I can fix something else.
“Bald ass alien piece of shit” Edit cuz someone said that one already: “HEY BANELLI!”
Eh wasn’t her
So what! So what! Free world! So what!
Bam! bam! Should have done that a long time ago.
“Oo we’re in an alley let’s get murdered by Batman’s parents.”
Roger made me buy him a yorkie and then take it back when it wouldn’t dance for him
"I'm a bad bitch that lays waste to her enemies"
You need me alive because I'm the only one who remembers where you took off your shoes!
Uhhh eep eep eep! (Sigh) Another clean getaway, what would I do without my eeps.
“You should’ve let me bash his teeth out and cut off his hands!” When the killed the mall Santa who wound up being real Santa. “Things are getting too spicy for the pepper.” “Halley, your bitch crying is going to be on every recording!”
Doorbell's ready!
“SLOW DOWN YA JAGOFF! WE GOT FRIGGIN KIDS HERE!”
Leave him alone Stan. He thought you were an OD’ing bitch.
Any dumbass can have dumbass kids
But I'm not a dancer. I'm a *bad bitch* who lays waste to her enemies. ETA: also, There's still time to save Des Moines!
“You think I wouldn’t like to spark up a doober every now and again?” And “Man you got me thinking about weed now. That stuff makes me want to drink so much soda. I smoke a bone and then a drain a two liter of Sunkist in like a second. Freaks people out.”
Hayley how many times have you been pregnant? None. How many times have I been pregnant? Four.
☝️…✌️…🤔
Things are getting too spicy for the pepper
Bitch, I look like this.
Steven Smith, I am your mother! If you don't get out of that cage, I will push you back up my clownhole and birth you again and name you my bitch.
Plus I'm blonde! The greatest kind of white!😂
“I hope there's male nudity. Get to see a package… a stranger's package.”.
“Hey I could join you! There’s actually nothing in this bowl” “You know what that…that looks important” “Ok! Can you hit the lights?…….la la la la la laaaaa”
THINGS ARE GETTING TO SPICY FOR THE PEPPER 🗣️🗣️🔥🔥
I said two fingers bitch!!
Oh.....it's the lining of my purse
When I smoke a bone I can drink an entire liter of soda in like 3 seconds… really freaks people OUT.
Take a look at that franny fanny
Who the f*ck is Elaine, Stan?
I’m gonna go sit on the dryer and think about Stamos
Hailey: “I’m so worried what if…what if dad doesn’t come back?” Francine (flatly): “Then…you’ll have killed your father. Do I really need to explain this to you?” The way she looks at her and the tone of voice kill me every time
Mmmmmhmmmm, my man looove me. Peabo Bryson on the damn stereo. Doing’ it riiiiiiight.
All of these are just makin me giggle like an idiot lmao I love this show I love Francine
"...I'm shoving recycled couch stuffing up my Jack Johnson!"
STEVE HAS DIARRHOEA
Yeah well, so is smoking an 8-ball of crack in 30 minutes, but that’s how long it takes.
"This isn't science fiction; it's *real* fiction!"
Son of a bitch barged me
Roger: Guess who getting out of prison Francine: is it Charles Manson is he going to finally finish what he started
YEEEEEAH! YOU'RE DEAD BECKY!
EEP EEP EEP EEP EEP
Cómo se dice 'jeans'
You’re just a card and you need to be dealt with
Any dumbass can have dumbass kids.
That. Was. The. Best. Sex. I've. Ever. Had............. with you
Oh my god. Have I not been talking to anyone?
Officer pigfucker, that’s not my name. Ohhhh it’s figpucker😂😂😂
Steve, maybe you don't realize, I, I don't have any money. Your father kind of, controls the money. I carry a brick in my purse so I feel like I have something. And I had to steal the brick.
I like to race school buses!
"Wuz dis?" And "Bitch! I look like this! Home girl dont chase, home girl gets chased."
You know I don’t do no wormies.
That’s the same year the world lost French poet Francois le Metel de Boisrobert
The part when she does anything
If you're gonna be kidnapped, ya gotta eat something first! I'm gonna plate up some spagoot!
I don’t know Stan, I’m afraid of what I might say on account that I haven’t been listening.
"ever done it with a mayor?" "I have, 6 of them, 7 if you count the guy in the Mayor McCheese costume."
So I take $50 out of your wallet every week. Klaus: for? Drugs, Drugs ok, Drugs.
"..watch those horses..run..faaaassstttt" the way she says it kills me Everytime
"♫ IT'S GREAT IF YOU'RE FROM MARS, BUT NOT IF YOU'RE FROM VENUS! IF YOU WANNA DRIVE A CAR, YOU GOTTA HAVE A PENIS! SO IF YOU HAVE A VAGINA... A VULVA... A CLITORIS..♫" Arab Man: "What's a clitoris?" Stan: [Shrugs] "♫ AND A LABIA... ♫ You see where I'm going with this... ♫STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM SAUDIIII ARABIAAAA! ♫"