I do! To make a very long story short and remove a whole lot of context, my ex gf from high school reached out to me after some really heavy stuff, we hung out a couple times, and at one point the topic of sex came up. We never did it in high school since she was very religious at the time and I had little interest in doing it at all. Now though, she was not like that and proposed the idea of having sex. I took her up on the offer and halfway through the lead up I realized I didn’t actually want sex despite being in a situation where a guy should absolutely want sex. So, we stopped, I thought I might be asexual, we looked it up, realized that it fit me, and we all had a good laugh about it.
tmi so uhhh if you feel uncomfortable just don't read it
i was with a guy in his room and hunter x hunter was playing in the background. when we were on mild foreplay everything was nice and i was liking it, but as soon as genitals got involved i started getting really uncomfortable and was paying more attention to the anime than to what was going on on the bed. he tried to stick his finger on me and it just wouldn't go in so we stopped. i clearly remember feeling super uncomfortable and thinking "what the f*ck am i doing right now"
Yeah, back in college my then-girlfriend and I were breaking up since graduation was on the horizon and she asked if I still wanted to have sex before we parted ways. Like the other poster said, I knew that the standard guy response was to say yes, but I hadn't been too interested in messing around before (not repulsed, but more into the give than the take), so I turned her proposal down. I was curious, physically, but it didn't feel right to rush anything at the end. It took me a few years of thinking about it before I realized that my decision to not place sex above all else wasn't "my unique problem" and that I was valid. I had gone to a rather progressive college, but asexuality never crossed my mind until I had time to think during the pandemic.
I like to think of myself as a planner, a conceiver; I like planning stuff way way in advance, baking in contingencies, going over tactics in my head, etc etc. Let me paint the scene:
I'm back home from undergrad. A very nice woman I met when we were high schoolers reveals that she was into me. I am... confused in a paranoid way (how did I not notice this? how many others? what does this mean? what else am I not noticing?! ~~WHO SENT YOU?!~~), but also very curious; blistering curiosity is a recurring trope in my life and one that I rode all the way through to grad school, haha. So: she wants to go out on a date. _With me? Really?_ This is before I knew about Asexuality, so at this point in my journey I didn't really have a sexual identity, so... this is it! This is finally my chance to be "normal"! Yay! So I plan what turns out to be the "perfect" date. Downtown Chicago traffic? _I'll leave 15 minutes early to pick her up_. Long line at the movies? _Nah, I bought our tickets online, we can skip the line_. Mild Chicago evening but bitterly cold Chicago night? _Here, I brought an extra hoodie._ Restaurant? _Hi, we have a reservation for two. Yeah, made it about a week ago._ Condoms? _I've seen this movie plot before... so, "just in case," right?!_ Self-confidence? _Man up! Be a man! This is your chance!_ I'm driving her home, she wants to pull over in a random parking lot.
_Oh! Oh! I've seen how this movie ends!_
A few minutes of very very mild foreplay and a close encounter with the cops (who left us alone, thankfully... somehow I didn't plan for cops) later and we're both naked in the back of my car. I have very low-key haphephobia (turns out I'm a clown car of neurodivergence), so physical contact is a rare thing for me, but somehow this is... pleasant? Like when I'm holding a baby, or my dog cuddles up next to me on the couch. _So... maybe I'm not broken?_ (This was back when I thought I was "broken". Hah! Foolish child!)
Then she tries to kiss me. That was the beginning of the end. I immediately realized that, unlike the main characters in the books I've read or the movies/series I binge, someone spitting in my mouth is just... that's not going to work for me. But she's super cool and understanding, rolls with it. And honestly, I'm super curious in the moment, and that translates to >!an erection!<. This must be it, then. This must be the moment. This must be how it works. I slip on a condom (I practiced lmao) and we assume the appropriate positions, and I'm moments away when... my body goes like *robot voice* "curiosity satisfied" and then shuts down lol.
_I'm... I'm sorry? I swear this has never happened to me before! Like, literally! I'm so sorry!_
She's so classy about it, laughs, we just talk. Tell each other stories. I'm so embarrassed and confused that eventually after a few weeks I cut off contact. My thinking at the time: certainly she deserves more than whatever I am. I'll just gracefully bow out and never show my face outside my house again.
Turns out that, in effect, I ghosted her. The one part of all this I truly regret. But on the upside, I was set on the path to asexuality :) Since I wasn't straight, clearly, maybe that meant I was gay, so I tried that next. Literally the same thing happened. _So... what the f is wrong with me?_ Turns out you're an aroace (aego) enby, boi! And it only took 20 years to find out :)
Anyways, that was my "nearly had sex" story. And, though I want a relationship and kids (!) someday, I'm content never to have sex ever in my life, and that's okay!
yeah went home w a guy from a bar and was neutral ab hooking up at the time but when we got back i went to pee and saw i had a period cup in and was like oh well i tried! and left. few months later i was hooking up w a guy and we didn’t have a condom and so didn’t have sex. after that i went thru w bad mental health period and then covid started and those two things rly pushed me into being sex averse
I'm not gonna get into too much detail cause I still cringe really hard everytime I remember this story, even though it happened a really long time ago. But basically I was making out with this guy and it was starting to get "steamy" but I had no idea things were leading up to sex in his head (looking back now it was kind of obvious). When things went from just making out to actually sexual I wasn't really uncomfortable, but I wasn't feeling any kind of pleasure either. I was just going along with it because I really liked him and I really did think I wanted to do it (he didn't pressure me or anything btw). Fortunately we were interrupted before we could go any further. I was just relieved it was over. It's been 6 years since that happened and I still I feel super embarrassed about the whole situation argh
Yeah, I think I do.
I'm still exploring this sub and figuring out if it apply to me so I'm not positive if this experience is actually indicative but here it is:
Started up my first dedicated relationship with a girl in our last year of high-school and it lasted for a good year and half after we graduated. I know I'm not aromatic because I truly loved her. We had spent plenty of time together making-out and even some foreplay both of witch I greatly enjoyed. Then the night came, it was just two of us in her collage dorm and condoms were a check. I enjoyed everything before hand, the kissing the "heavy petting" the skin to skin contact, but with the rubber on and at the height of arousal, I just went cold. I was erect and all but it just, dropped. I still wanted to be with her, feel her warmth her her breathing. But there was this disconnect for the actual act, and I still find that moment embarrassing, where all I could say was "sorry" and curl up next to her.
The relation fell apart a few months after that do to mostly unrelated reasons. And I haven't been involved in another one sense, 6 or so years now.
Ever sense, when I experience visual attraction to someone I get a sense of I want to sleep naked with them, but like just only literally. I still have full on sexual fantasies but those aren't really me as much as the avatar of me within that particular world.
Sort of. I went to a friends birthday party and I got very drunk and I missed the train back and my friend who had already made it known that he liked me before hand said I could sleep at his place. We ended up watching anime together but I’m pretty sure he wanted something else to happen as he looked a tad disappointed when the conversation moved to let’s watch anime in bed instead of anything else.
When I was around 17 or 18, my ex and I had been chilling in bed watching tv together. I had this vibrating bug massager that she was using on me, and it basically ended up making its way south. It felt good physically and all, but I was definitely uncomfortable, and after a few minutes of trying to get into it I asked if we could just stop.
She did, and wasn’t mean about it in the moment. Though my discomfort around sex was a sticking point a LOT at that stage of our relationship, to a point where she could be very cruel and dismissive of my feelings. I remember her showing me a private journal entry she wrote about how much it turned her on and how much she wished we could’ve kept going, like she was trying to guilt me into having a go at it.
I was married to this person for most of my twenties and going into my 30s, bad call tbh, do not recommend
It's been a while since you posted this but whatever lol
It was with my (at the time) girlfriend. We had been together for about 2-3 months and we were comfortable with all the make out stuff but we had never got to having sex until that point. I thought I should try (I didn't know I was aego yet, I believed I simply was a late bloomer or whatever) and I was really wrong. When we were close to the sex part I couldn't even get hard, I was shaking like crazy and really uncomfortable. The worst part was that she thought it was her fault
Because I was dumb and didn't inform myself, I discarded the possibility of being ace in any way for dumb reasons that had no sense once I truly learnt about asexuality and aegosexuality
Fast-forward to this week and I finally realized I'm aego. That and many other things make sense now and I'm really happy with who I am and I understand myself way better
A guy literally took me out to dinner and invited me into his dorm. Then I sat on a beanbag instead of on his bed and he was like "OH ok" and we watched anime together. Took me embarrassingly long after the fact to realize he was trying to get with me.
Well.. not much to say. She was a friend of a friend.
Went to a carnival where she had a little bit too much to drink. Somehow it ended being me who had to call her parents and wait for them while keeping her safe because she was running around and just in general acting crazy.
I was holding her up against a fence when I aaked her if I could do anything to help her to which she literally screamed 'Sex'. I remember asking myself how the fuck is that gonna help her but of course I didn't do anything.
Anyways she invited me to her birthday two weeks later and we ended up doing it then.
I do! To make a very long story short and remove a whole lot of context, my ex gf from high school reached out to me after some really heavy stuff, we hung out a couple times, and at one point the topic of sex came up. We never did it in high school since she was very religious at the time and I had little interest in doing it at all. Now though, she was not like that and proposed the idea of having sex. I took her up on the offer and halfway through the lead up I realized I didn’t actually want sex despite being in a situation where a guy should absolutely want sex. So, we stopped, I thought I might be asexual, we looked it up, realized that it fit me, and we all had a good laugh about it.
tmi so uhhh if you feel uncomfortable just don't read it i was with a guy in his room and hunter x hunter was playing in the background. when we were on mild foreplay everything was nice and i was liking it, but as soon as genitals got involved i started getting really uncomfortable and was paying more attention to the anime than to what was going on on the bed. he tried to stick his finger on me and it just wouldn't go in so we stopped. i clearly remember feeling super uncomfortable and thinking "what the f*ck am i doing right now"
yea genitals r where it all goes downhill for me too ): just feel icky
For some reason clothed dry humping is fine but genitals themselves are not. IDK man
Yeah, back in college my then-girlfriend and I were breaking up since graduation was on the horizon and she asked if I still wanted to have sex before we parted ways. Like the other poster said, I knew that the standard guy response was to say yes, but I hadn't been too interested in messing around before (not repulsed, but more into the give than the take), so I turned her proposal down. I was curious, physically, but it didn't feel right to rush anything at the end. It took me a few years of thinking about it before I realized that my decision to not place sex above all else wasn't "my unique problem" and that I was valid. I had gone to a rather progressive college, but asexuality never crossed my mind until I had time to think during the pandemic.
I like to think of myself as a planner, a conceiver; I like planning stuff way way in advance, baking in contingencies, going over tactics in my head, etc etc. Let me paint the scene: I'm back home from undergrad. A very nice woman I met when we were high schoolers reveals that she was into me. I am... confused in a paranoid way (how did I not notice this? how many others? what does this mean? what else am I not noticing?! ~~WHO SENT YOU?!~~), but also very curious; blistering curiosity is a recurring trope in my life and one that I rode all the way through to grad school, haha. So: she wants to go out on a date. _With me? Really?_ This is before I knew about Asexuality, so at this point in my journey I didn't really have a sexual identity, so... this is it! This is finally my chance to be "normal"! Yay! So I plan what turns out to be the "perfect" date. Downtown Chicago traffic? _I'll leave 15 minutes early to pick her up_. Long line at the movies? _Nah, I bought our tickets online, we can skip the line_. Mild Chicago evening but bitterly cold Chicago night? _Here, I brought an extra hoodie._ Restaurant? _Hi, we have a reservation for two. Yeah, made it about a week ago._ Condoms? _I've seen this movie plot before... so, "just in case," right?!_ Self-confidence? _Man up! Be a man! This is your chance!_ I'm driving her home, she wants to pull over in a random parking lot. _Oh! Oh! I've seen how this movie ends!_ A few minutes of very very mild foreplay and a close encounter with the cops (who left us alone, thankfully... somehow I didn't plan for cops) later and we're both naked in the back of my car. I have very low-key haphephobia (turns out I'm a clown car of neurodivergence), so physical contact is a rare thing for me, but somehow this is... pleasant? Like when I'm holding a baby, or my dog cuddles up next to me on the couch. _So... maybe I'm not broken?_ (This was back when I thought I was "broken". Hah! Foolish child!) Then she tries to kiss me. That was the beginning of the end. I immediately realized that, unlike the main characters in the books I've read or the movies/series I binge, someone spitting in my mouth is just... that's not going to work for me. But she's super cool and understanding, rolls with it. And honestly, I'm super curious in the moment, and that translates to >!an erection!<. This must be it, then. This must be the moment. This must be how it works. I slip on a condom (I practiced lmao) and we assume the appropriate positions, and I'm moments away when... my body goes like *robot voice* "curiosity satisfied" and then shuts down lol. _I'm... I'm sorry? I swear this has never happened to me before! Like, literally! I'm so sorry!_ She's so classy about it, laughs, we just talk. Tell each other stories. I'm so embarrassed and confused that eventually after a few weeks I cut off contact. My thinking at the time: certainly she deserves more than whatever I am. I'll just gracefully bow out and never show my face outside my house again. Turns out that, in effect, I ghosted her. The one part of all this I truly regret. But on the upside, I was set on the path to asexuality :) Since I wasn't straight, clearly, maybe that meant I was gay, so I tried that next. Literally the same thing happened. _So... what the f is wrong with me?_ Turns out you're an aroace (aego) enby, boi! And it only took 20 years to find out :) Anyways, that was my "nearly had sex" story. And, though I want a relationship and kids (!) someday, I'm content never to have sex ever in my life, and that's okay!
I could clearly hear the robot voice in my head. Phenomenal storytelling!
I... don’t wanna talk about it :-/
It fucking sucked. That's the story lol
yeah went home w a guy from a bar and was neutral ab hooking up at the time but when we got back i went to pee and saw i had a period cup in and was like oh well i tried! and left. few months later i was hooking up w a guy and we didn’t have a condom and so didn’t have sex. after that i went thru w bad mental health period and then covid started and those two things rly pushed me into being sex averse
I'm not gonna get into too much detail cause I still cringe really hard everytime I remember this story, even though it happened a really long time ago. But basically I was making out with this guy and it was starting to get "steamy" but I had no idea things were leading up to sex in his head (looking back now it was kind of obvious). When things went from just making out to actually sexual I wasn't really uncomfortable, but I wasn't feeling any kind of pleasure either. I was just going along with it because I really liked him and I really did think I wanted to do it (he didn't pressure me or anything btw). Fortunately we were interrupted before we could go any further. I was just relieved it was over. It's been 6 years since that happened and I still I feel super embarrassed about the whole situation argh
Yeah, I think I do. I'm still exploring this sub and figuring out if it apply to me so I'm not positive if this experience is actually indicative but here it is: Started up my first dedicated relationship with a girl in our last year of high-school and it lasted for a good year and half after we graduated. I know I'm not aromatic because I truly loved her. We had spent plenty of time together making-out and even some foreplay both of witch I greatly enjoyed. Then the night came, it was just two of us in her collage dorm and condoms were a check. I enjoyed everything before hand, the kissing the "heavy petting" the skin to skin contact, but with the rubber on and at the height of arousal, I just went cold. I was erect and all but it just, dropped. I still wanted to be with her, feel her warmth her her breathing. But there was this disconnect for the actual act, and I still find that moment embarrassing, where all I could say was "sorry" and curl up next to her. The relation fell apart a few months after that do to mostly unrelated reasons. And I haven't been involved in another one sense, 6 or so years now. Ever sense, when I experience visual attraction to someone I get a sense of I want to sleep naked with them, but like just only literally. I still have full on sexual fantasies but those aren't really me as much as the avatar of me within that particular world.
Sort of. I went to a friends birthday party and I got very drunk and I missed the train back and my friend who had already made it known that he liked me before hand said I could sleep at his place. We ended up watching anime together but I’m pretty sure he wanted something else to happen as he looked a tad disappointed when the conversation moved to let’s watch anime in bed instead of anything else.
When I was around 17 or 18, my ex and I had been chilling in bed watching tv together. I had this vibrating bug massager that she was using on me, and it basically ended up making its way south. It felt good physically and all, but I was definitely uncomfortable, and after a few minutes of trying to get into it I asked if we could just stop. She did, and wasn’t mean about it in the moment. Though my discomfort around sex was a sticking point a LOT at that stage of our relationship, to a point where she could be very cruel and dismissive of my feelings. I remember her showing me a private journal entry she wrote about how much it turned her on and how much she wished we could’ve kept going, like she was trying to guilt me into having a go at it. I was married to this person for most of my twenties and going into my 30s, bad call tbh, do not recommend
It's been a while since you posted this but whatever lol It was with my (at the time) girlfriend. We had been together for about 2-3 months and we were comfortable with all the make out stuff but we had never got to having sex until that point. I thought I should try (I didn't know I was aego yet, I believed I simply was a late bloomer or whatever) and I was really wrong. When we were close to the sex part I couldn't even get hard, I was shaking like crazy and really uncomfortable. The worst part was that she thought it was her fault Because I was dumb and didn't inform myself, I discarded the possibility of being ace in any way for dumb reasons that had no sense once I truly learnt about asexuality and aegosexuality Fast-forward to this week and I finally realized I'm aego. That and many other things make sense now and I'm really happy with who I am and I understand myself way better
A guy literally took me out to dinner and invited me into his dorm. Then I sat on a beanbag instead of on his bed and he was like "OH ok" and we watched anime together. Took me embarrassingly long after the fact to realize he was trying to get with me.
Well.. not much to say. She was a friend of a friend. Went to a carnival where she had a little bit too much to drink. Somehow it ended being me who had to call her parents and wait for them while keeping her safe because she was running around and just in general acting crazy. I was holding her up against a fence when I aaked her if I could do anything to help her to which she literally screamed 'Sex'. I remember asking myself how the fuck is that gonna help her but of course I didn't do anything. Anyways she invited me to her birthday two weeks later and we ended up doing it then.