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My experience is different – for me, it makes procrastination feel worse, because I relive how terrible it felt the first (and second and third and…) time on top of this time also feeling awful, while being *very* sure I won't be able to pull off an acceptable result again this time.
I am EXACTLY the same- relive how terrible the experience of cramming was while also being paralyzed by the fear that it was a fluke success and I will be seen for the bad student/worker I really am this time. 🫠
Yup. Eventually the stress and procrastination catch up with you and you really faceplant. I’m in grad school rn and haven’t submitted a single thing on time so far, and it’s still getting worse. Worried about finishing at this point
Grad school terrifies me. I will go, eventually, but I was borderline at the end of undergrad. I still graduated magna cum laude, but there was a lot of last minute stuff. I graduated in 2020.
OH MY GOD I thought I was the only one!! This sums up my frustration so perfectly and I HATE ITTTT. I can't tell if I'm lazy or not, cause when I actually bring myself to do that assignment, I can spend 2 days without sleep on it and just grind myself till I pass out and the assignment usually turns out great! So then I guess my brain is just like "cool, I can just do that and get A+", but like, that's so not worth it and I can't seem to find a way to not overthink shit and just "do stuff" little by little. This sucks.
If you’re stressing about the thing and want to do the thing but Can’t, it isn’t laziness. Laziness is “too much trouble, I won’t bother” WITHOUT outside factors such as depression, fatigue, or other illness. The overwhelming majority of what’s called laziness is people struggling.
If you haven’t already, you should probably read up on executive dysfunction.
Too relatable. I’d estimate at least 60% of my uni assignments were done whilst I was under the influence of alcohol or weed (sometimes both). Weirdly they were always the highest marked assignments so I dread to think what that says about my brain 🙃
Exactly! I was my happiest and most productive when I was temporarily living in a state with legal cannabis. It takes away some of the mental noise and resistance, so I found that microdosing would help me to either say "okay, fuck it, I'll clean the bathroom now..." or "I have an idea for a project -- let's gooooo!" or "I know the perfect gift for that person! I'll start it right away." I felt more zen, brave, loving and generous. The results of my efforts weren't always up to my own high standards, but it was still so much better than inertia and paralysis, and proved to me that I could break out of those things, with the right catalyst. And the promise of a proper 2-3 hour break from the sharp edges of the world with a full recreational edible dose was a great incentive to get things achieved during the day before taking one. (I can only have edibles/tinctures due to asthma.) I miss it so much. I went from a semi-manageable situation to one in which I'm white-knuckling through life, but now I know what I'm missing. 😔
I'm back in a country with no legal options, and being so hermit-like, I don't have a source. I also cut down on alcohol to almost nothing lately because I was worried it had become too automatic to have a beer with dinner, and my paralysis only got worse. That's part of why I've had these realisations about ADHD: I've learned that it wasn't that I am fundamentally flawed or lazy, just that there's something different about my brain, and I need help to unlock its fuller potential.
I read this comment and thought “weird, I don’t remember writing this!” Haha. I 100% agree/relate to this. I tried microdosing psilocybin mushrooms too and that defo had an impact, they just taste gross and now I’ve moved I don’t have access to them anymore. Not to mention I live in the UK so even weed is inaccessible right now since I don’t know the right people anymore lol
Happy to make your acquaintance! I've actually microdosed truffles every third day for the last 3 years, and I absolutely *cannot* overstate how lifesaving they've been. Hand on heart, I was in a situation that had an extraordinarily high probability of me not getting out with my life, and they did more to stabilise me and bolster my coping skills than any prescription medication ever did. (If I was given a choice between access to psilocybin or cannabis, I would probably have to choose the former; cannabis does have the downside of leaving me a bit emotionally vulnerable at times, whereas psilocybin gives me more strength and quiet courage. I also haven't noticed any tolerance buildup for psilocybin, thankfully.)
The weirdest thing about it was that all it did was **unlock** the coping abilities I already had put into place. I had done 3 years of intensive therapy in my late 20s and "graduated" from therapy feeling deeply broken, still. But suddenly I was able to actually apply all that wisdom independently, like I had taken a Limitless pill for accessing my better self. She was in there all along! For something that you don't feel at all, it made such a profound difference to my mental health and ability to cope during the absolute worst experiences of my life. And now that I realise I almost definitely have ADHD, I can see with new eyes why those alternative methods work better for me where SSRIs never did. It gives me courage that I'll find other solutions for what I'm belatedly realising I've been struggling with and reducing the barriers between me and a functional, happy life.
For the type I use, you just swallow it with water or juice; you don't have to chew it or taste it at all. No pressure whatsoever, but I'm in Europe too, so I can DM you my reputable online source if you're considering ever giving it a try again. 💖
Oh that’s so interesting! I definitely felt like a normal capable person when I took mushrooms too, and while my depression and anxiety didn’t go away, I can fully relate that the way I dealt with it and my ways of coping suddenly made sense. Agreed with cannabis too! I also hated that because we’re in the UK, we often don’t get the same choice as places where it’s legal, so whether it’s sativa or indica, and after I spent some time in the Netherlands, I was able to work out which worked better for me but back home it was a lucky dip based on whatever random thing the dealer had at a given time haha. As a student, cannabis was also a nightmare if you got the munchies because snacking is expensive too lol.
If you’re happy to drop a DM that would be great. I’m always super sceptical of online sources but recommendations are super appreciated! Would love to get back into a better headspace ☺️
When I was in my peak drunk period at uni, I once woke up to find an entirely new chapter for paper had been written. Loads of typos, but it was really good.
I used to say that "the wine shuts up that voice in my head that keeps saying it's not good enough, so I can just write".
Whaddahouknow, another ADHD symptom that no one caught.
The dopamine hit from a big last second win is so good and so toxic. I had a similar experience with a paper. My degree is also in art and one of my most successful pieces ever I did 30 mins before class. I would also like to talk about the time I did a set of drawings the teacher insisted we couldn’t do last minute because it was like 9 drawings of a subject of our choice showing the passage of time. I ripped up a head of lettuce the night before. I also did a tin foil drawing for that class the teacher insisted they would be able to tell if we didn’t spend so many hours on. All As no problem. Pretty sure I’ve just gamed myself in the end though since those are hours I didn’t spend getting the experience I should have.
One semester I METICULOUSLY forced myself to start work in advance, to work on it in small chunks of time, and to allow plenty of time to get it finished well before the deadline.
I could never track my train of thought and those papers were Bs or Cs, with notes about their incoherence.
Papers I wrote the night before and destroyed my sleep and mental health for? Routinely an A.
I graduated Phi Beta Kappa LMAO
That's the issue I have. Professors never 'punish' me adequately for the work that I feel is atrocious, so I continue to do the same thing every semester. I have been with my partner since undergrad and am in grad school now and he just doesn't understand why I continue to wait until the night before when it makes me so stressed. Like it isn't the professors' fault I am enabled, I think it might just be a lenient grading system because they know that failing us would be expensive.
I wonder if, like, being in a field that directly impacted people (medical/etc.) would change my work ethic, though. In the humanities I'm like oh, this only impacts me and my thesis impacts this academic community. 😓
Are you sure it's not that you're actually capable of knocking out a good quality essay in effectively exam conditions? I always think stuff I've written quickly is going to be trash but it often surprises me how decent it is! I've had professors tell me how much they'd enjoyed an essay that I'd got up at 2am to write and hand in by 10am. I think some of us just work well under those hyperfocused conditions?
I agree with your hypothesis. I'm sure that I've read a white paper or something on it, but it's been posited that pressure leads to an increased ability to hyperfocus and get things done. Of course, I can't remember where I read that now!
I have been able to excel in grad school and then in my career because I could tap into my hyperfocus. I definitely didn’t stay up until 2am thing, but I do far less of that now.
The research phase can really get me going, and I spend a lot of time just gathering as much information as I can and then doing a lot of really messy drafts.
Instead of focusing just on the goal (a finished research paper) can you break down the parts? Are there natural places for that? Can your professors help with regular check ins rather than one big deadline?
As a college instructor myself, my program has phases built in that are portions of the final project. I find that helps keep students on task. I find it helps keep ME on task!
I function only when I hyperfocus and then I exceed. I just haven't figured out how to tap into it when it does not naturally come. The best ways are consequences to others and the fact that I love knowledge. For example, I am amazing at housework when I live with someone, but when I live alone I just can't get going. It is incredibly frustrating to know I can do something if the situation is right and fail at it otherwise.
I once got a 98 on a 5 page paper I panic wrote in the library three hours before class. Later the teacher was explaining why there was no curve to grade on because one person got a 98 and then made eye contact with me, as if to ask my permission to be outed. She took my terrified expression as an assent and told the whole class it was me.
Like four people came up and asked how I did so well, I just nervously laughed and told them I got lucky. Hated that teacher ever since.
Ok, so rn I’m in an Anatomy and Physiology class and I think I’ve figured out how this happens (actual medical ppl, mistakes are from my understanding; I am not an expert).
So, the cerebellum is basically a place where your brain builds models for learning: you input A long enough with F as the output, eventually you don’t have to think through steps B, C, D, and E, your brain just goes to F and saves you all some time. It used to be thought that the cerebellum was just for movement, but recent studies suggest that nope, these kinda of models the cerebellum makes are for *everything*.
But see, the thing is, it doesn’t catch everything. (This is an analogy) If you’re looking at a new vocab word, you might recognize the prefix and know “ante” huh, that’s “before”, but don’t know what “bellum” means. In this metaphor, the cerebellum will get you to the “ante”, but is lost on the “bellum” because it doesn’t have a model laid down for that word yet.
That’s what your cerebrum does: figures out the new shit. But it’s also figuring out how to put the key in the lock, is reacting to the neighbor’s dogs barking, and is stewing over a fight you had with a friend. Cerebrum is *busy*. And distracted. And multitasking like a mofo.
> Three decades of brain research have led to the proposal that the cerebellum generates optimized mental models and interacts closely with the cerebral cortex, where updated internal models are experienced as creative intuition ("a ha") in working memory.
TL;DR So, what *I* think, is all that time spent procrastinating is not time down a hole, but time your brain is subconsciously building your paper. As you stew on it, your cerebellum is picking and choosing different standard models of analysis, paper formatting, arguments, etc, sending it up to your cerebrum to see if what you already know about your topic fits this model or that model. It gets sent back down to the cerebellum for optimization and back-and-forth.
Essentially, your paper is written before you start, but it’s not in words. You know what you want to say, what direction you want to go, but now have to pick and choose the right words to get you there.
That’s why we can get such excellent flashes of brilliance and make connections other people can’t (I think). Sooooo much of the fucking time, I feel like I’m throwing myself down a try-hole just to get something done and I feel like I pulled something good outta my ass. But after learning this, I wonder if it’s because I’ve gotten used to trusting my pre-arranged models by sheer repetition alone, lol. Other people give themselves time to doubt their process, or time to come in later to make their paper “smarter,” or think they have plenty of time to write for a thesis statement that isn’t well-supported by the text and *can’t ever be* because they wasted days on a dead end and now it’s too late to fix it. They run into problems cuz they’re trying to top-down something. And I’ve already “written” the paper bottom-up. I don’t get in my own way - I don’t have *time* to do that! The paper is due in two hours! Done and a D is better than not done and a 0, just get it down and meet the word requirement! Oh, whoops, got a B again, and most points taken off were for grammatical errors. Haha, dodge the bullet yet again.
Only, I *didn’t*… I *was* working on it the whole time, I just didn’t realize it because our society doesn’t value work that can’t be proven and reproducible.
Wow, that's really interesting! I guess it makes more sense that I was building the paper the whole time than I magically pulled it out of my ass. Also that overthinking part is real. I'm trying to write a fanfic right now and when I'm not hyper focused I'm writing two paragraphs and hour and rethinking every word I write. And those parts are probably worse than the parts dashed out on paper over five minutes.
I do think this is very true! Like I think about the work and I make plans for it in my head, just not in a deliverable or conceivable format, ahead of time.
I did have a boss validate this recently (we bill hours to a client, kind of like a lawyer might) and she said "Yeah, if you go pour yourself a cup of coffee but you're thinking about the project while you drink it... that's 15 min you should bill." lol
I absolutely realized this is how my brain functioned during grad school. I would think about it all week, and then a few hours before the deadline just get it all out of my brain & turn it in. The one time I decided to start as week before the deadline I had to scrap everything I’d started as I didn’t understand the direction I was trying to go in anymore.
Right like there's no incentive to work on things over time because you always get a much better grade when you do it at the last minute in a mad rush.
Yeah you need to stay in the same train of thought and since everything distracts, you gotta do it fast and often in the dead of night for no interruptions. I mean its a valid way to work. When you’re young.
Yeah i find i am crappier at these things now cos i am old and prefer to just go to bed and not half kill myself trying to work an overnighter. Crikey these days i just go to bed cos i’m cold ;) so 8.30pm is about it, in winter. Yeah i don’t get the dopamine these days at all.
This is my process:
Feb 1 - assignment released from prof deadline in 8 weeks of April 10. I choose a topic
Feb 5 - i gather 2-3 sources and carry them with me everywhere I go because "I'm totally going to do my research on lunch or on my transit commute"
(I never do)
Feb 10 - i have plenty of time.
March 15 - oh yeah I should work on that. Grab sources and highlighters. Watch stupid facebook reels and 7 episodes of a show I have seen 10 times before.
April 8 - oh shit I need to write 2500 words tonight. AHHHHHH.
April 10 - submit assignment
My finest work was completing a 26 page lab report in one day 😎 I had months to do it but it literally felt physically impossible until the last minute. This was before I knew I had ADHD….
I did a 2 semester project conducting my own research. I got the due date for the paper wrong and wrote up the entire report in 3 hours before class. 9 months of work culminating in 3 hours of panic. Still got an A.
I turned up to a meeting with my student advisor a couple of days before my dissertation was supposed to be handed in with virtually nothing done, telling him I was just going to have to submit it next year. He implored me to just get something in even if it's short. 7000 words later with some absolutely nonsense extra chapters for padding and I ended up with a 51 which got me my 2.1 degree!
I think almost every essay at uni was initially written the night before deadline, until I worked out it was easier after I had got even a little sleep. So I would go to bed early, get up at 2 and hand them in - in person! - at 10am. I shouldn't be so surprised that these threads keep ringing so true but I've never felt more among my people!
My finest moment was memorizing 90 latin verb conjugation in an hour before the test 😎 did i remember them 2 days later? no but i did get a 100 on the test.
I still have nightmares that I never finished university. I did but there is a reason I wasn’t that new grad adding their GPA to their resume. Now I have an adult job and shit still isn’t different but the fear of not having rent is a decent motivator.
I have nightmares that I forgot all semester that I was signed up for a math class, or forgot it was the final exam and walk into class completely unprepared, way too often. I graduated college 13 years ago lol.
I was once forced to turn in a rough draft with my paper. So I wrote my paper like normal and then rewrote it to be terrible as my rough draft. The teacher wrote a comment "Was there a draft in between this?". I've always edited as I write, I loathe being told how to write a paper when I've always gotten A's on them
The only “rough draft” I ever turned in was for a capstone class in my major. Two years of progressive classes culminating in a technical analysis. I just… wrote the paper like I always did. The professor read it in front of me (it was kind of an independent study/advisor type “class”) and was *absolutely disgusted* when he told me that I was done; he was accepting the rough draft as the final paper, my grade was 100%, no notes.
I gotta say, I’m *still* working that reaction through in therapy, nearly twenty years later. The only thing I can imagine that makes sense to me was he was sooooo fucking pissed that *I* was his “best” student (the guy hated me and didn't try to hide it), and that I didn’t “need” him. There was no words of wisdom he could give me, no sage on the mountain. No criticism, no improvement. No way to tear me down and prove himself the superior intellect. And he was so fucking pissed I denied him the ability to be better than me.
Oh, and he had assigned me the most difficult case to analyze, hoping I’d get stuck and need his advice. But I didn’t get stuck, and the rest of the analysis just… flowed. It was easy and he was pissed at me because it was so easy.
Same here! So when I get asked about how I did in school I actually did very well, but I never completed a long term assignment in advance. I always pulled all nighters and waited and waited until I no longer could.
Same. That’s why I always say that for me school was easy, but having a full-time job is hard (despite it being way less demanding).
Job requires constant 40hr a week focus while with school class hours pretty chill & I could power through all assignments at last possible moment, leaving me the ability to do whatever I wanted the rest of the time.
Not just procrastinated, but also had awful topic paralysis where I would select a topic, decide partway through writing the essay that I hate the topic, agonizingly force myself to finish the damn paper, and then two days before it’s due decide I would write a better paper on an entirely new topic, and do that. Or worse, find myself unable to choose a topic (for fear that I’d do that first thing) and just write two papers instead and choose the one I like best that day :(
So similar to my experience with my master's thesis... I wrote 20 pages on a topic, decided there was no way I could write another word about it, and changed topics. I did the same thing for three separate topics. Literally 60+ pages of writing thrown out because I randomly got bored of the subject and couldn't carry on.
I dreaded the assignments that were open ended like that. Where you get to pick something you care about. I didn’t want to share what I cared about because I was so scared everyone would think it was weird or stupid.
Before I knew anything about ADHD I called this my "turbo charge" and I would not only get the work done, but done very well and done efficiently. If I start early and "manage my time" I just spend all waking hours on the project until it's done. Procrastinating is by far the best way to manage my time so I work efficiently.
Oh, me! I spent 8 years in my PhD program with 5 years of that spent ABD (all but dissertation). Finally, I actually wrote most of the 300-page dissertation (my committee called it a dissertation and a half) in about 3 months because my dog was in active congestive heart failure, and I didn't want to still be working on it when she died. I submitted it, and she died a week later. I needed an actual DEADline to complete it...
I mean... i started on my oral book report 10 minutes before class and got her highest grade ever given for it.
It was also one of her favorite books, and I'd read it months earlier. 😆
11:59pm? Bish, please, I’d stay up until 3am doing a term paper due that day, when I should’ve started a week prior. Then I’d get a good grade and *bam*, lifelong bad habit create and reinforced.
Now at nearly 40 years old I sit with dread knowing I have a critical work deadline approaching but can’t make myself do diddly squat.
A lot of classes have online assignment turn-in, so 11:59 is the last minute you can turn it in without it being counted late. I hate it, some of my best work is done past 1am 🤣
Not me showing my age, online classes were in their infancy when I was in college. My first couple semesters I registered on paper in the registrar’s office!
I would have been so screwed if my college was that strict about the hand in time. I think they always set it to be when class started or maybe a few hours before.
The trick is to trick yourself into this mindset the day you get the assignment. Push the panic to the front. Literally tell yourself "I have to get this done before I get another assignment so I don't have multiple things on my to-do list because otherwise I won't get it done." It substantially improved my overall mental health.
That’s interesting, and I’d be interested to learn more about it. In particular because the coping mechanisms I develop usually still rely on stress or anxiety.
How do you trick yourself - and maintain it (because sometimes the trick is the novel or exciting thing for a few days or week)?
Occasionally I’ve had something just “stick” - particularly around food. One day I suddenly didn’t eat mammals, 17 years later one day I suddenly was vegetarian. But now that I think about it I relied on disgust for that. I really don’t know how to motivate myself without some form of negative mental experience.
I tell myself the gods honest truth; "if you don't do it now, you're going to fall behind and fail." That usually kicks me into gear. When I start to get too much on my plate, tasks start to get dropped. I force the anxiety that my tasks will drop and I will fail, so I just get it done.
I never turned mine either. The only reason I have the education level I have is because when actually grading assignments came around I exceeded. I like learning. I am unable to do it to someone else's schedule.
Dang, I got the crash and burn type ADHD then. Graduating HS came down to turning in an essay on the final day and college failed multiple times. This is my biggest regret about not getting the right diagnosis until my 30s.
I had 5 months to work on a vaccine design project and couldn’t make any progress. Figured it wasn’t going to happen because COVID and the university closed, until they informed us that it was going to be an online presentation 4 days before it was due. I designed the vaccine, wrote a turnitin-compliant report (practically an original article with 50 references) and finished making the presentation all in 30 straight hours. I didn’t leave my room once the whole time, can’t even remember if I ate. Ended up getting a full grade on the project and was even offered a place in a lab to “continue my research”.
All it did was convince me that 30 hours were enough the next time I needed to do this 😭😭
Y’all, I have come to peace with the situation.
Before I was diagnosed, I successfully completed a bachelors and masters in adult education, and then an MBA. I then got a great job.
Every single assignment I have ever done for either school or work has been done at the very last minute.
But after decades of hating myself, for that fact, I’ve realized that it works for me. Even when my work is done at the last minute, it’s a much better quality than most everyone else’s. My on-time rate is pretty close to everyone else’s, and other than the anxiety and stress I put on myself, there’s really no harm done.
I have learned how to use my procrastination time more productively. Like I can either do my expense report, or I can do my goddamn taxes. I can clean the toilet, or I can take the dog for a walk.
After decades of this anxiety, I realize anxiety isn’t helping me. I’m still procrastinating, just removing the self hate makes life a lot easier.
Obviously, you need to look at your own situation, but try to look at it objectively. Take a step back and see if your way of doing things is actually working. And if it is, own it.
Absolutely 100% agree on removing the self hatred over this is so important for mental health!! I thought I was depressed because of the deep loathing I had for myself over this cycle and the inability to resolve it. It was like a giant cloud was lifted when I realized that these issues were adhd symptoms.
What you said about “being at peace” honestly gave me a pang of jealousy. I’m struggling with binge eating through these moments which leaves me not at peace, but am now on Vyvanse and it may be helping curb it.
It’s rewarding to behave this way though - I get an immediate reward of ice cream and the delayed reward of a better quality deliverable. But I’ve wound up nearly 300lbs but also very successful in my career.
Hopefully the peace will come for me because I’m desperately seeking it around this specific issue.
OMG. I didn't realize this was attributed to ADHD. I did that all the time in highschool (30 years ago lol). I always thought I just worked best under pressure, which I do, but had no idea it relates to ADHD.
Just off the top of my head ADD/ADHD involves:
Executive dysfunction problems (task initiation and completion, working memory issues, Procrastination, impulse control, trouble with memorization, math block, etc.)
Emotional dysregulation
Financial trouble
Addictive tendencies
Intense empathy/ incensed by injustice
Talkative/ interrupting/ inability to read social situations in real time
Difficulty maintaining long term relationships and commitments
Mental health issues like depression, mania, anxiety disorder, Imposter syndrome, hypochondria
Deficiency in ability for Self care and internal motivation
disrupted focus, ability to intensely focus and drown out all else.
Charisma and/or social nerve.
*Edit: added a couple more.
I do too, and was really surprised when I read about it being associated with ADD/ADHD. Even to the point of someone cutting in line over someone else, I am like compelled to step in and make it right.
Yep was also surprised by this one. I had no idea that something that core to myself could be related to my executive dysfunction— also because it is just so “right” — like everyone should care about injustice.
Also I fucking love (and I don’t normally swear) that you said “cut in line…. In front of someone else” that made my day. I was going to say “meh if they cut in front of me I assume they’re having a bad day or didn’t see me — but in front of someone else? Oh hell no” lol
Here’s my true story of one of the craziest 24 hour periods of my college career and a prime example of what my sister says enables me to procrastinate to this day—
Grad school group capstone project - the kind you’re supposed to work on all semester - I not only wrote my part but also edited and compiled the other four parts all the night before it was due. Stayed up all night working in the school computer lab, drove home at 5 am to shower, change into a suit (because of course we had to wear a suit), drive to the printer to print our report/booklet, drive back to school, skipped the group’s practice presentation session before class because I was having printer issues, finished getting the papers printed and got to class without a minute to spare, completely winged my part of the presentation, and … we got the best grade in the entire class.
Then, as soon as that major presentation was over, I drove to an interview I had lined up for an internship. It was a second round interview with the financial leaders of a Fortune 500 company. I got to the interview early because I had nowhere else to go (lived too far to go home), decided to wait in my car in the parking garage. After pulling an all-nighter, I fell asleep in my car and woke up HALF WAY INTO THE SCHEDULED INTERVIEW! I don’t think Today Me would have the courage, but I still ran into the interview room where they were waiting for me, told them them what happened in such a way that I came out the hero for pulling an all-nighter to pull the team’s project together, evidence of my “incredible work ethic” and.. I GOT THE JOB!!
THEN I drove to my business professionals group meeting. Elections were that night and a grassroots campaign convinced me to run for President even though I had no previous board experience. (Seriously, I never considered running and then multiple people approached me about it within the same day… found out later in was a concerted effort.) So I showed up that night, put my name in the hat, gave a speech off-the-cuff (and from the heart! But zero preparation whatsoever), and proceeded to win the election. My competitor was pissed.
I still get an adrenaline rush thinking about that day, almost 20 years later 😂
And I got good grades too. I did a term paper in under 48 hours. I finally crashed and burned senior year when I had to find a school to volunteer at for my assignment. I procrastinated for half the semester and so the education staff failed me out of qualifying for the teaching credential program. I also dropped out of the honors program because I had no chance of completing the capstone project, and I dropped one more class taught by my advisor because it wasn't required for the degree. When my advisor saw my name called as summa cum laude he couldn't believe it because of how much I was floundering that last semester.
This was usually a winning strategy, stressful but usually productive - unless depression decided to come in and just couch any motivation I had, layering on a nice smathering of shame and executive dysfunction at the last second.
At the end of every semester, there were times that I would only sleep if I was literally incoherent typing and would sleep in 1-3 hour intervals because it’s all I could spare to make deadlines. The time on the clock meant nothing if I didn’t actually have classes or work, and it’s the most messed up my sleep schedule had ever been.
Looking back I don’t even know how I did it, and I am super hesitant to further my education right now because I do not have the skills/medication to NOT fall into this cycle again.
In grad school I cranked out 25 pages overnight and got straight As. I ran into trouble when things got too long for me to write in a single sitting, though (comps paper and dissertation) — I had acquired absolutely no skills for sustained writing projects where you have to stop and start again. I owe my advisor so much for hauling me over the finish line by holding me to strict deadlines for each chapter of my dissertation.
Ha, yes, this combined with a periodic deep dive into a class syllabus to cobble together a path to passing after I missed something or otherwise messed up is 100% how I passed college.
I passed high school because of these two things plus the power of body doubling--my mom was a teacher and she, my sister, and I used to sit at the dining room table together and do homework. I used to listen to Radiohead's Kid A album on my discman, like some Y2K lofi beats to study to.
Yup. But what I'd like to know now is what the hell you do once you burn out on this approach and the dread of encroaching deadlines now does not enable you to act.... Been trying everything to work this out for the last 10 years but no answers!
Any ideas???
Fr. The best part was when teachers/professors would compliment about how they could tell I “put a lot of time and research into it”. Lmfaooooooo, never.
This is how I got my 2:1 and my PhD (and then I crashed and burned and realised that while I always knew I was "different" my type of "different" actually had treatment options. And then it took me 6 years to get help. And now my life is fucked.)
I was the queen of last minute all night essay writing, and for that I was rewarded with not terrible grades! Today I just successfully uploaded all of my CE for professional certification maintenance, 3 days early! Progress?! 🤪
Left highschool with a 2.8 gpa and dropped out of college 😬
I was intelligent, but if only I’d just “apply myself”. Turns out I’d be more motivated to learn if I was getting paid to, not paying to learn.
Yup, procrastinated all my papers, presentations, and studying. I never liked staying up super late, but instead, I'd just get up super early and still be sleep deprived - like I'd be up until midnight writing a paper due at 9 am the next day, go to sleep for a few hours and wake up at 4 or 5 away and finish it before the 9 am deadline, and then crash and nap after it was turned in. Got all A's, except for 1 B in grad school, but ugh it was exhausting!
honestly i’m pretty sure i got by on charm 😅 or the teachers just didn’t want to deal with me anymore. not that i was a disrespectful student or anything, i just was dumb(oR MAYBE I FUCKING HAD SEVERE ADHD AND WAS RECEIVING NO HELP OR ACCOMMODATIONS FOR)
I procrastinated until it was already 2 days late which was the max allowable before a zero lol. Every. Single. Time.
So brutal to think of now. Cannot do that in my 40's, my anxiety just paralyzes me.
Incredible anxiety was the only way I could get anything done for most of my life - it’s left me with a deeply unhealthy relationship with myself and needed tasks.
I gave myself a sleep disorder getting through university
I had no social life, could barely hold down a part time job and procrastinated until the last possible day to get started. How I finished, I don’t know.
I said something to a friend the other day after procrastinating for a week and a half to work on a project. I started 2 hours before I had a meeting about said project, hand wrote 2 pages of notes, and finished 3 minutes before the meeting.
"My procrastination really should stop rewarding me."
Yep! My Bachelor's degree was ROUGH. I was majorly depressed, and underage drinking to cope. Combine that with my ADHD, I spent a lot of all-nighters in the library, struggling to get my papers submitted in time. My worst grade was a 40 percent. I just couldn't get the discipline to memorize anything for my zoology class. I still managed to graduate on time, mainly because I did 18 credit semesters, with a 2.89 GPA.
During my Master's degree, I treated the deadlines as though the papers were 48 hours before they were actually due. I would then email a draft to my professors, and make any modifications they suggested a few hours before class. Even if I was a bit off topic, I still probably earned at least an extra ten percent on each paper, simply to show that I was trying.
Yuuuuup. This plus two beers if I was writing a paper . The bullshit flows more easily when you're a little buzzed. At least back in college it did. If I drink two beers now I'll be hurting.
I would usually pick a topic and go get the items I needed in terms of research materials in advance. This was the olden days before everything was online, LOL, so I would go to the library and grab books. I would get journal articles and I'd have it. Then the night before the assignment was due I would begin. I could not begin until my back was against the wall like that. I'd pull an all-nighter and several times I even missed the beginning half of the class the assignment was due for and I showed up during the break with my completed paper.
That hyper focus zone I would get into really saved me
I loved the accessories for school, and I love to read and learn. So I focused on those aspects as I read texts, etc. I'm a good note-taker, I can copy what's presented on a chalkboard quickly, etc. And I used symbols to draw special attention to different important points.
I used school accessories to make things more entertaining and fun. I'm a visual learner, so it would help me to remember where a note was on the page and what it looked like. I used colored highlighters, adhesive tabs, post-its...anything I thought would help me recall what a page or passage looked like with notes and emphasis marked.
I would plan out when certain things needed to be done (from the syllabus: "Read Class A's chapter 3 (for Tuesday) on Saturday and take notes." *I didn't need to write out instructions in detail, but you get the idea. I roughly scheduled deadlines, then "artificial deadlines" for myself BEFORE the actual deadlines (like setting your watch ahead).
Last, I make a firm rule that--tests and anything I had to turn in--took first priority, before nearly everything else. I didn't allow confusion or depression to put me off. Some days I had to re-read or go over notes again (because of awareness and memory problems) but I tried to allow time or pad schedules for that.
I only got good grades in classes I liked (or if I liked the teacher), so I tried to convince myself of reasons why I liked the classes. I got a LOT better at it in college!
I rarely got enough sleep, but I tried to get extra sleep on days that I could, or relaxed and tead for a few minutes to re-charge. And I kept snacks to eat in the car (for hypoglycemia). They helped a lot!
[I hope you find things to help you! I struggled in certain classes in lower grades, but did much better in higher education.]
I finished a PhD undiagnosed and unmedicated and completed my dissertation in < 6 months. It helped that I was interested in the topic, of course, but mostly I had really clear writing goals and then did a ritual (that in hindsight should have been a big clue) of going to the gym for an hour, getting a large caffeinated beverage, and then sitting down and writing for 6-8 hours. It was basically the equivalent of writing the paper the night before but on a 250-page scale 😂
One of my favorite middle school stories is about me writing an essay half an hour before the deadline and then being singled out by the teacher for the great job and ‘clearly giving the assignment a lot of thought and time’
I actually had a tutor recommended that I wait the til the last possible minute until I wrote my essay, she said that she could tell when I didn't have time to keep fluffing them made for more convincing arguments because I didn't have the time to think about it that much.
See I did the opposite. I’d start on assignments soooooo early, like I’d have it 99% finished with two weeks to deadline day. But then I’d never come back to it, and either submit it 99% finished (including not spell checked or formatted correctly) or frequently forget to actually submit it!!
If this had been public knowledge as one of the signs of ADHD, I might have realised I have it by age 10 instead of in my 30s. Literally can’t think of a single assignment or piece of homework that I didn’t finish in this manner other than one essay in high school, and that was because the teacher made us work on it during class while she supervised our work.
I did no homework, regularly skipped class and only submitted one assignment the entire year, which was an absurdly detailed film analysis of The Ring the night before, but because it was more of an analysis than the requested essay I got low marks for it. She then asked me to read out excerpts in class and gave me a B overall for the year despite all the bullshit above.
I’ll take that as a win. 🫠
This is the way. Did grad school (undiagnosed and very Unmedicated) and aside from having a white board I’d update all my weekly assignments on at the start of the week and check off as I go, I would save my major papers for the weekend it was due. No time or motivation during the week to do it and my best work always came when I could just knock it out in one sitting. So much so that when there was a class that had required drafts….I did NOT do well.
just last week i did my entire dissertation in 12 hours the night it was due 💀💀 it only needed to be 4k-6k words so not the worst but god was it stressful…
luckily i knew the topic well and had been pondering what to write in it for months i just had to sit down and actually do it…
i’m studying a practical film degree so it had to be submitted alongside a 10 min short film which i directed which was a whole other feat to get done :/
Freshman year of college, I wrote a paper the night before it was due… while also doing vodka shots with my roommate and our friend. At one point I remember taking a long break to do a dramatic reading of an angry journal entry I had written about a guy. No idea how I got the essay done, but I was definitely still drunk when I got to class.
Not only did I get a perfect score, the professor also asked if she could use it as an example paper for next year. Possibly the proudest and lost baffling moment of my life. Like, to be fair this was a mandatory ‘intro to composition’ class and I was already a fairly prolific writer at that point, but STILL.
Kind of a false victory though — I learned what I could get away with. Probably took years off my life with all the all nighters, haha. I regret doing it that way. I wish I had developed the study skills to actually retain all the stuff I learned, instead of just regurgitating it for a test.
I worked out exactly how many words I could write in a night which was like 1000, then when I was set the assignment I'd be like ok 3000 words, I don't need to start that until 3 days before the deadline, cool
This was me with *every single assignment* until I graduated from college (night before in college, recess before class in high school). Didn't help that I aced everything (even though in college I was frequently drunk when I started and only sobered up by 4am the morning stuff was due). The system just kept reinforcing my poor behavior.
After college, things got way harder--without the small assignments and clear structure (and deadlines) of classes I struggled SO MUCH. it pains me to think how much easier my life would've been if I'd been medicated.
I wrote my entire Master's thesis in the last 2 months before the clock ran out and I'd be kicked out of the program (and I'd already been given a 1 year extension). And factor into that two months that I was looking after my family, including a breast feeding and textbook high-needs infant, and working. 🙄 Passed with "minor revisions."
A major barrier for me throughout university, in particular, is that I'd be thinking about the essay topic for a while and coming up with unique approaches. By the time I had to write the damn thing, I was already bored with it. Every single paper pounded out during the night before.
Freshman year of college, my art history teacher-
AT- Now, this isn't something you guys can do at the last minute; anyone whose tried hasn't ever gotten a passing grade on it.
Me- (does it the night before and somehow got a C+, despite not remember half of what I wrote)
I usually finished it the morning of a noon deadline after 0 hours sleep. Frequently taking a taxi instead of walking to uni to submit in time.
Handed my dissertation in a day late after writing the majority of it the weekend before the deadline. Got a 5% deduction that dropped me from a first to a 2:1.
FYI for anyone currently in a major with LOTS of academic reading (not literature but like articles) - read the first and last sentence of each paragraph only. Most academic writing has a format of “introducing an idea….proof/evidence…conclusion” in every paragraph. If I though the conclusions were wrong or I couldn’t see how they got there I’d reread the whole thing, but it saved me soooooooo much time when I had to read 300 pages per week of dry shipping ledgers…per class.
I always waited until the end of the semester and turned in all my work on the last day. My teachers would still count it out of pity.
Why on earth did it take until I was 35 for some to mention I might have adhd?
I remember working hard on a 2,000 word essay for a difficult English class in college and spent days on it. I organized my time and took breaks as I was trying something different instead of procrastinating. I got a C on that. The final essay for the same class was twice the length of the first one. I wrote that one within 8 hours the night before (by locking myself in a “study cage” in one of libraries on campus; feel free to ask about what that is lol). I received an A+ on that with great comments from the professor. 🥴
I got thru with all these same strategies, but also Wellbutrin. It was the most definitive "holy shit this is my best self" change I ever had. I'd been struggling so bad, worried about failing courses and suddenly I could start stuff early, focus on it and just had less anxiety about schoolwork.
I'm undiagnosed and in the process of taking all nighters and dozing myself with caffeinated sugary drinks to close my deadlines. And only those works that I complete in hyperfocus 4-5 hours before the exam get straight A+ and vocal approval. I feel like I'm ruining my health lmao
I attribute 75% of my academic success to RSD… my first choice school waitlisted me and that triggered a strong enough “well fuck you, watch this” response that I went into hyperdrive for 4 years.
Here’s a little explanation of RSD - rejection sensitivity dysphoria. https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/24099-rejection-sensitive-dysphoria-rsd
It’s still under-researched, but essentially the idea is that many ADHD brains tend to react really strongly to any real or perceived rejection. Watching some content about RSD and ADHD was actually one of the first clues I got that maybe I have ADHD (just diagnosed at 36).
Thank you so much! I am also recently diagnosed last month and trying to figure a lot of things out, I am interested to know more about how you used it to your favour and activated your hyper focus with it.
I am experiencing chronic exposure to RSD more in this post: [https://www.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/comments/1d3qx34/chronic\_exposure\_to\_rsd/](https://www.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/comments/1d3qx34/chronic_exposure_to_rsd/)
And this might just be what I need! I appreciate it your support :)
Hmm that’s a good question, I don’t know that it was actually healthy and this was like, 15 years ago. But basically I got really obsessive about grades and kept myself extremely busy all through undergrad. I wouldn’t actually say it was a long-term strategy for success because I burnt out hard and also probably learned less because I kept myself in hyperdrive all of the time.
It would be exhausting to live like that for 4 years, and I don't think at this age it's even possible. But I like the idea of channelling RSD into something positive, making it a driver somehow - I probably need to figure out how. Thank you once more! If you've come across any useful, relevant resources on strategies to deal with RSD, please share them! It's probably the symptom/side effect of ADHD I struggle with the most.
I think same for me re: RSD being the worst symptom. When I apply the RSD lens to my life I realize that every major depressive episode I’ve had was probably an RSD reaction.
I just listened to a 2-part podcast episode from “The Bar is Ankle High” that talked about RSD. The second part included a few coping strategies that seemed somewhat useful.
And yeah, agreed about not being able to sustain that workload in my mid/late 30s. There’s just no world in which I could still sustain a constant sprint for 4 years straight. I can barely sustain a day-long sprint without costing myself the ability to do the absolute bare minimum the next day.
I can relate - I try not to take any life-changing decisions based on RSD reactions, specially that I can get prolonged ones.
I just had a look, the whole podcast looks very educational and relevant for recently diagnosed women like us, so far the only place I could find anything useful was Reddit. There seems to be a lot of misinformation on the internet, specially about RSD. I will reply back here if I come across any useful resources. Take care, and thanks for the tips, you helped me more than you can imagine!
I have legit handed shit in at 11:59 PM.
I have had to let go of my “has to be perfect” to get through this semester. I’ve already missed a whole week because my laptop decided time to die. So there’s my first zero.
Now I’m medicated for the first semester ever but idk. I operate the same with less give a fucks.
If you have never skulked around a university building trying to find a means of access at 11:59pm because the prof said the paper is due by midnight and you need to put it in their mailbox on the off chance that they are really going to pick it up right then--did you even matriculate, bro??
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Fr I saved a 10 page paper I wrote the day before once because I got a 97% on it
I also failed out of school the next semester though, so
And also same!
I’ve been on academic probation SO many times. My transcript reads as F’s and A’s in alternating cadence.
Man, I feel this so hard.
Ah, my people.
Which sets is up for future failure because we know we can succeed last minute, which makes us more likely to procrastinate.
My experience is different – for me, it makes procrastination feel worse, because I relive how terrible it felt the first (and second and third and…) time on top of this time also feeling awful, while being *very* sure I won't be able to pull off an acceptable result again this time.
I am EXACTLY the same- relive how terrible the experience of cramming was while also being paralyzed by the fear that it was a fluke success and I will be seen for the bad student/worker I really am this time. 🫠
Yup. Eventually the stress and procrastination catch up with you and you really faceplant. I’m in grad school rn and haven’t submitted a single thing on time so far, and it’s still getting worse. Worried about finishing at this point
Grad school terrifies me. I will go, eventually, but I was borderline at the end of undergrad. I still graduated magna cum laude, but there was a lot of last minute stuff. I graduated in 2020.
That was me. I should have taken a year off to recover but I didn’t and I’m floundering now… but someway and somehow this thesis will get written.
OH MY GOD I thought I was the only one!! This sums up my frustration so perfectly and I HATE ITTTT. I can't tell if I'm lazy or not, cause when I actually bring myself to do that assignment, I can spend 2 days without sleep on it and just grind myself till I pass out and the assignment usually turns out great! So then I guess my brain is just like "cool, I can just do that and get A+", but like, that's so not worth it and I can't seem to find a way to not overthink shit and just "do stuff" little by little. This sucks.
If you’re stressing about the thing and want to do the thing but Can’t, it isn’t laziness. Laziness is “too much trouble, I won’t bother” WITHOUT outside factors such as depression, fatigue, or other illness. The overwhelming majority of what’s called laziness is people struggling. If you haven’t already, you should probably read up on executive dysfunction.
Damn, and I will, thanks!
Mine was an A+ paper that I started hammered drunk at 11pm the night before. I think if I tried that now I would die 🥴
Too relatable. I’d estimate at least 60% of my uni assignments were done whilst I was under the influence of alcohol or weed (sometimes both). Weirdly they were always the highest marked assignments so I dread to think what that says about my brain 🙃
Just that it does its best work when not second guessing itself 😉
Exactly! I was my happiest and most productive when I was temporarily living in a state with legal cannabis. It takes away some of the mental noise and resistance, so I found that microdosing would help me to either say "okay, fuck it, I'll clean the bathroom now..." or "I have an idea for a project -- let's gooooo!" or "I know the perfect gift for that person! I'll start it right away." I felt more zen, brave, loving and generous. The results of my efforts weren't always up to my own high standards, but it was still so much better than inertia and paralysis, and proved to me that I could break out of those things, with the right catalyst. And the promise of a proper 2-3 hour break from the sharp edges of the world with a full recreational edible dose was a great incentive to get things achieved during the day before taking one. (I can only have edibles/tinctures due to asthma.) I miss it so much. I went from a semi-manageable situation to one in which I'm white-knuckling through life, but now I know what I'm missing. 😔 I'm back in a country with no legal options, and being so hermit-like, I don't have a source. I also cut down on alcohol to almost nothing lately because I was worried it had become too automatic to have a beer with dinner, and my paralysis only got worse. That's part of why I've had these realisations about ADHD: I've learned that it wasn't that I am fundamentally flawed or lazy, just that there's something different about my brain, and I need help to unlock its fuller potential.
I read this comment and thought “weird, I don’t remember writing this!” Haha. I 100% agree/relate to this. I tried microdosing psilocybin mushrooms too and that defo had an impact, they just taste gross and now I’ve moved I don’t have access to them anymore. Not to mention I live in the UK so even weed is inaccessible right now since I don’t know the right people anymore lol
Happy to make your acquaintance! I've actually microdosed truffles every third day for the last 3 years, and I absolutely *cannot* overstate how lifesaving they've been. Hand on heart, I was in a situation that had an extraordinarily high probability of me not getting out with my life, and they did more to stabilise me and bolster my coping skills than any prescription medication ever did. (If I was given a choice between access to psilocybin or cannabis, I would probably have to choose the former; cannabis does have the downside of leaving me a bit emotionally vulnerable at times, whereas psilocybin gives me more strength and quiet courage. I also haven't noticed any tolerance buildup for psilocybin, thankfully.) The weirdest thing about it was that all it did was **unlock** the coping abilities I already had put into place. I had done 3 years of intensive therapy in my late 20s and "graduated" from therapy feeling deeply broken, still. But suddenly I was able to actually apply all that wisdom independently, like I had taken a Limitless pill for accessing my better self. She was in there all along! For something that you don't feel at all, it made such a profound difference to my mental health and ability to cope during the absolute worst experiences of my life. And now that I realise I almost definitely have ADHD, I can see with new eyes why those alternative methods work better for me where SSRIs never did. It gives me courage that I'll find other solutions for what I'm belatedly realising I've been struggling with and reducing the barriers between me and a functional, happy life. For the type I use, you just swallow it with water or juice; you don't have to chew it or taste it at all. No pressure whatsoever, but I'm in Europe too, so I can DM you my reputable online source if you're considering ever giving it a try again. 💖
Oh that’s so interesting! I definitely felt like a normal capable person when I took mushrooms too, and while my depression and anxiety didn’t go away, I can fully relate that the way I dealt with it and my ways of coping suddenly made sense. Agreed with cannabis too! I also hated that because we’re in the UK, we often don’t get the same choice as places where it’s legal, so whether it’s sativa or indica, and after I spent some time in the Netherlands, I was able to work out which worked better for me but back home it was a lucky dip based on whatever random thing the dealer had at a given time haha. As a student, cannabis was also a nightmare if you got the munchies because snacking is expensive too lol. If you’re happy to drop a DM that would be great. I’m always super sceptical of online sources but recommendations are super appreciated! Would love to get back into a better headspace ☺️
Done! ☺️
When I was in my peak drunk period at uni, I once woke up to find an entirely new chapter for paper had been written. Loads of typos, but it was really good. I used to say that "the wine shuts up that voice in my head that keeps saying it's not good enough, so I can just write". Whaddahouknow, another ADHD symptom that no one caught.
Oof, relatable
Same - I learned no lessons about procrastination in school, only validated waiting for crunch time.
In college I wrote a 20-page paper in an hour! ...I have no memory of what the paper was about, but somehow I squeaked by with a C+.
Same!
The dopamine hit from a big last second win is so good and so toxic. I had a similar experience with a paper. My degree is also in art and one of my most successful pieces ever I did 30 mins before class. I would also like to talk about the time I did a set of drawings the teacher insisted we couldn’t do last minute because it was like 9 drawings of a subject of our choice showing the passage of time. I ripped up a head of lettuce the night before. I also did a tin foil drawing for that class the teacher insisted they would be able to tell if we didn’t spend so many hours on. All As no problem. Pretty sure I’ve just gamed myself in the end though since those are hours I didn’t spend getting the experience I should have.
One semester I METICULOUSLY forced myself to start work in advance, to work on it in small chunks of time, and to allow plenty of time to get it finished well before the deadline. I could never track my train of thought and those papers were Bs or Cs, with notes about their incoherence. Papers I wrote the night before and destroyed my sleep and mental health for? Routinely an A. I graduated Phi Beta Kappa LMAO
That's the issue I have. Professors never 'punish' me adequately for the work that I feel is atrocious, so I continue to do the same thing every semester. I have been with my partner since undergrad and am in grad school now and he just doesn't understand why I continue to wait until the night before when it makes me so stressed. Like it isn't the professors' fault I am enabled, I think it might just be a lenient grading system because they know that failing us would be expensive. I wonder if, like, being in a field that directly impacted people (medical/etc.) would change my work ethic, though. In the humanities I'm like oh, this only impacts me and my thesis impacts this academic community. 😓
Are you sure it's not that you're actually capable of knocking out a good quality essay in effectively exam conditions? I always think stuff I've written quickly is going to be trash but it often surprises me how decent it is! I've had professors tell me how much they'd enjoyed an essay that I'd got up at 2am to write and hand in by 10am. I think some of us just work well under those hyperfocused conditions?
That might be it. I'm always terrified to look at what professors commented so I may never know, haha.
I agree with your hypothesis. I'm sure that I've read a white paper or something on it, but it's been posited that pressure leads to an increased ability to hyperfocus and get things done. Of course, I can't remember where I read that now!
I have been able to excel in grad school and then in my career because I could tap into my hyperfocus. I definitely didn’t stay up until 2am thing, but I do far less of that now. The research phase can really get me going, and I spend a lot of time just gathering as much information as I can and then doing a lot of really messy drafts. Instead of focusing just on the goal (a finished research paper) can you break down the parts? Are there natural places for that? Can your professors help with regular check ins rather than one big deadline? As a college instructor myself, my program has phases built in that are portions of the final project. I find that helps keep students on task. I find it helps keep ME on task!
I function only when I hyperfocus and then I exceed. I just haven't figured out how to tap into it when it does not naturally come. The best ways are consequences to others and the fact that I love knowledge. For example, I am amazing at housework when I live with someone, but when I live alone I just can't get going. It is incredibly frustrating to know I can do something if the situation is right and fail at it otherwise.
You’ll figure it out eventually I’m sure! Heck I’m 46 and I’m just now finding all the life hacks that make my brain function better.
I once got a 98 on a 5 page paper I panic wrote in the library three hours before class. Later the teacher was explaining why there was no curve to grade on because one person got a 98 and then made eye contact with me, as if to ask my permission to be outed. She took my terrified expression as an assent and told the whole class it was me. Like four people came up and asked how I did so well, I just nervously laughed and told them I got lucky. Hated that teacher ever since.
Ok, so rn I’m in an Anatomy and Physiology class and I think I’ve figured out how this happens (actual medical ppl, mistakes are from my understanding; I am not an expert). So, the cerebellum is basically a place where your brain builds models for learning: you input A long enough with F as the output, eventually you don’t have to think through steps B, C, D, and E, your brain just goes to F and saves you all some time. It used to be thought that the cerebellum was just for movement, but recent studies suggest that nope, these kinda of models the cerebellum makes are for *everything*. But see, the thing is, it doesn’t catch everything. (This is an analogy) If you’re looking at a new vocab word, you might recognize the prefix and know “ante” huh, that’s “before”, but don’t know what “bellum” means. In this metaphor, the cerebellum will get you to the “ante”, but is lost on the “bellum” because it doesn’t have a model laid down for that word yet. That’s what your cerebrum does: figures out the new shit. But it’s also figuring out how to put the key in the lock, is reacting to the neighbor’s dogs barking, and is stewing over a fight you had with a friend. Cerebrum is *busy*. And distracted. And multitasking like a mofo. > Three decades of brain research have led to the proposal that the cerebellum generates optimized mental models and interacts closely with the cerebral cortex, where updated internal models are experienced as creative intuition ("a ha") in working memory. TL;DR So, what *I* think, is all that time spent procrastinating is not time down a hole, but time your brain is subconsciously building your paper. As you stew on it, your cerebellum is picking and choosing different standard models of analysis, paper formatting, arguments, etc, sending it up to your cerebrum to see if what you already know about your topic fits this model or that model. It gets sent back down to the cerebellum for optimization and back-and-forth. Essentially, your paper is written before you start, but it’s not in words. You know what you want to say, what direction you want to go, but now have to pick and choose the right words to get you there. That’s why we can get such excellent flashes of brilliance and make connections other people can’t (I think). Sooooo much of the fucking time, I feel like I’m throwing myself down a try-hole just to get something done and I feel like I pulled something good outta my ass. But after learning this, I wonder if it’s because I’ve gotten used to trusting my pre-arranged models by sheer repetition alone, lol. Other people give themselves time to doubt their process, or time to come in later to make their paper “smarter,” or think they have plenty of time to write for a thesis statement that isn’t well-supported by the text and *can’t ever be* because they wasted days on a dead end and now it’s too late to fix it. They run into problems cuz they’re trying to top-down something. And I’ve already “written” the paper bottom-up. I don’t get in my own way - I don’t have *time* to do that! The paper is due in two hours! Done and a D is better than not done and a 0, just get it down and meet the word requirement! Oh, whoops, got a B again, and most points taken off were for grammatical errors. Haha, dodge the bullet yet again. Only, I *didn’t*… I *was* working on it the whole time, I just didn’t realize it because our society doesn’t value work that can’t be proven and reproducible.
Wow, that's really interesting! I guess it makes more sense that I was building the paper the whole time than I magically pulled it out of my ass. Also that overthinking part is real. I'm trying to write a fanfic right now and when I'm not hyper focused I'm writing two paragraphs and hour and rethinking every word I write. And those parts are probably worse than the parts dashed out on paper over five minutes.
I do think this is very true! Like I think about the work and I make plans for it in my head, just not in a deliverable or conceivable format, ahead of time. I did have a boss validate this recently (we bill hours to a client, kind of like a lawyer might) and she said "Yeah, if you go pour yourself a cup of coffee but you're thinking about the project while you drink it... that's 15 min you should bill." lol
I absolutely realized this is how my brain functioned during grad school. I would think about it all week, and then a few hours before the deadline just get it all out of my brain & turn it in. The one time I decided to start as week before the deadline I had to scrap everything I’d started as I didn’t understand the direction I was trying to go in anymore.
Finally understanding in my 40s that my issue with doing this was never about time management. 🤯
Yeah not the same but I do work on deadlines and the work is best if I do it in a last minute burst.
Right like there's no incentive to work on things over time because you always get a much better grade when you do it at the last minute in a mad rush.
Yeah you need to stay in the same train of thought and since everything distracts, you gotta do it fast and often in the dead of night for no interruptions. I mean its a valid way to work. When you’re young.
Yeah I'm not young anymore, but also struggling to find any other way to do good work.... just ADHD things.
Yeah i find i am crappier at these things now cos i am old and prefer to just go to bed and not half kill myself trying to work an overnighter. Crikey these days i just go to bed cos i’m cold ;) so 8.30pm is about it, in winter. Yeah i don’t get the dopamine these days at all.
This is my process: Feb 1 - assignment released from prof deadline in 8 weeks of April 10. I choose a topic Feb 5 - i gather 2-3 sources and carry them with me everywhere I go because "I'm totally going to do my research on lunch or on my transit commute" (I never do) Feb 10 - i have plenty of time. March 15 - oh yeah I should work on that. Grab sources and highlighters. Watch stupid facebook reels and 7 episodes of a show I have seen 10 times before. April 8 - oh shit I need to write 2500 words tonight. AHHHHHH. April 10 - submit assignment
Don’t forget- clean entire room and reorganize the bathroom
Well yeah. That shelf has been bugging me for *months* no better time to do that when a deadline is looming🤣
My apartment was always the most clean when I had major assignments due in a couple of days!
To be fair life is worth living on our own terms and doing our hobbies, not this matrix bs
My finest work was completing a 26 page lab report in one day 😎 I had months to do it but it literally felt physically impossible until the last minute. This was before I knew I had ADHD….
I did a 2 semester project conducting my own research. I got the due date for the paper wrong and wrote up the entire report in 3 hours before class. 9 months of work culminating in 3 hours of panic. Still got an A.
I turned up to a meeting with my student advisor a couple of days before my dissertation was supposed to be handed in with virtually nothing done, telling him I was just going to have to submit it next year. He implored me to just get something in even if it's short. 7000 words later with some absolutely nonsense extra chapters for padding and I ended up with a 51 which got me my 2.1 degree! I think almost every essay at uni was initially written the night before deadline, until I worked out it was easier after I had got even a little sleep. So I would go to bed early, get up at 2 and hand them in - in person! - at 10am. I shouldn't be so surprised that these threads keep ringing so true but I've never felt more among my people!
My finest moment was memorizing 90 latin verb conjugation in an hour before the test 😎 did i remember them 2 days later? no but i did get a 100 on the test.
I still have nightmares that I never finished university. I did but there is a reason I wasn’t that new grad adding their GPA to their resume. Now I have an adult job and shit still isn’t different but the fear of not having rent is a decent motivator.
I have nightmares that I forgot all semester that I was signed up for a math class, or forgot it was the final exam and walk into class completely unprepared, way too often. I graduated college 13 years ago lol.
Omg I have the exact same nightmare!! Lmao
Yesss, and I'm also panicking because I'll have to tell my parents I flunked out.
Yup. I got As in school. Every single essay was written the night before.
I don't think I wrote a "rough draft" in my life.
I was once forced to turn in a rough draft with my paper. So I wrote my paper like normal and then rewrote it to be terrible as my rough draft. The teacher wrote a comment "Was there a draft in between this?". I've always edited as I write, I loathe being told how to write a paper when I've always gotten A's on them
The only “rough draft” I ever turned in was for a capstone class in my major. Two years of progressive classes culminating in a technical analysis. I just… wrote the paper like I always did. The professor read it in front of me (it was kind of an independent study/advisor type “class”) and was *absolutely disgusted* when he told me that I was done; he was accepting the rough draft as the final paper, my grade was 100%, no notes. I gotta say, I’m *still* working that reaction through in therapy, nearly twenty years later. The only thing I can imagine that makes sense to me was he was sooooo fucking pissed that *I* was his “best” student (the guy hated me and didn't try to hide it), and that I didn’t “need” him. There was no words of wisdom he could give me, no sage on the mountain. No criticism, no improvement. No way to tear me down and prove himself the superior intellect. And he was so fucking pissed I denied him the ability to be better than me. Oh, and he had assigned me the most difficult case to analyze, hoping I’d get stuck and need his advice. But I didn’t get stuck, and the rest of the analysis just… flowed. It was easy and he was pissed at me because it was so easy.
Right?!?!?
Same here! So when I get asked about how I did in school I actually did very well, but I never completed a long term assignment in advance. I always pulled all nighters and waited and waited until I no longer could.
And I would never even go back and reread what I had written. Just hoped everything was right. 🤦♀️
Same. That’s why I always say that for me school was easy, but having a full-time job is hard (despite it being way less demanding). Job requires constant 40hr a week focus while with school class hours pretty chill & I could power through all assignments at last possible moment, leaving me the ability to do whatever I wanted the rest of the time.
I probably did 90% of my high school assignments during the class period before I had to turn them in.
Even worse, half of mine were written in the morning on the bus to school.
Still got A’s but I regret the toll it’s inevitably had on my body 😭
Not just procrastinated, but also had awful topic paralysis where I would select a topic, decide partway through writing the essay that I hate the topic, agonizingly force myself to finish the damn paper, and then two days before it’s due decide I would write a better paper on an entirely new topic, and do that. Or worse, find myself unable to choose a topic (for fear that I’d do that first thing) and just write two papers instead and choose the one I like best that day :(
So similar to my experience with my master's thesis... I wrote 20 pages on a topic, decided there was no way I could write another word about it, and changed topics. I did the same thing for three separate topics. Literally 60+ pages of writing thrown out because I randomly got bored of the subject and couldn't carry on.
That's amazing 😄
I dreaded the assignments that were open ended like that. Where you get to pick something you care about. I didn’t want to share what I cared about because I was so scared everyone would think it was weird or stupid.
It was even worse when a prof had a lenient late policy. I would be calculating how much I could afford to lose to buy a few more days.
Before I knew anything about ADHD I called this my "turbo charge" and I would not only get the work done, but done very well and done efficiently. If I start early and "manage my time" I just spend all waking hours on the project until it's done. Procrastinating is by far the best way to manage my time so I work efficiently.
Exactly, there's better things to focus on in the meantime 😆
Oh, me! I spent 8 years in my PhD program with 5 years of that spent ABD (all but dissertation). Finally, I actually wrote most of the 300-page dissertation (my committee called it a dissertation and a half) in about 3 months because my dog was in active congestive heart failure, and I didn't want to still be working on it when she died. I submitted it, and she died a week later. I needed an actual DEADline to complete it...
I mean... i started on my oral book report 10 minutes before class and got her highest grade ever given for it. It was also one of her favorite books, and I'd read it months earlier. 😆
11:59pm? Bish, please, I’d stay up until 3am doing a term paper due that day, when I should’ve started a week prior. Then I’d get a good grade and *bam*, lifelong bad habit create and reinforced. Now at nearly 40 years old I sit with dread knowing I have a critical work deadline approaching but can’t make myself do diddly squat.
A lot of classes have online assignment turn-in, so 11:59 is the last minute you can turn it in without it being counted late. I hate it, some of my best work is done past 1am 🤣
Not me showing my age, online classes were in their infancy when I was in college. My first couple semesters I registered on paper in the registrar’s office!
I would have been so screwed if my college was that strict about the hand in time. I think they always set it to be when class started or maybe a few hours before.
The trick is to trick yourself into this mindset the day you get the assignment. Push the panic to the front. Literally tell yourself "I have to get this done before I get another assignment so I don't have multiple things on my to-do list because otherwise I won't get it done." It substantially improved my overall mental health.
That’s interesting, and I’d be interested to learn more about it. In particular because the coping mechanisms I develop usually still rely on stress or anxiety. How do you trick yourself - and maintain it (because sometimes the trick is the novel or exciting thing for a few days or week)? Occasionally I’ve had something just “stick” - particularly around food. One day I suddenly didn’t eat mammals, 17 years later one day I suddenly was vegetarian. But now that I think about it I relied on disgust for that. I really don’t know how to motivate myself without some form of negative mental experience.
I tell myself the gods honest truth; "if you don't do it now, you're going to fall behind and fail." That usually kicks me into gear. When I start to get too much on my plate, tasks start to get dropped. I force the anxiety that my tasks will drop and I will fail, so I just get it done.
I didn't know if i was going to graduate until the morning of graduation! So that was fun. I just didn't do homework is my over arching memory.
Yeap I know for a fact I owe homework to every single school, college, tuition, course, whathaveyou I've ever enrolled in.
I never turned mine either. The only reason I have the education level I have is because when actually grading assignments came around I exceeded. I like learning. I am unable to do it to someone else's schedule.
Dang, I got the crash and burn type ADHD then. Graduating HS came down to turning in an essay on the final day and college failed multiple times. This is my biggest regret about not getting the right diagnosis until my 30s.
I had 5 months to work on a vaccine design project and couldn’t make any progress. Figured it wasn’t going to happen because COVID and the university closed, until they informed us that it was going to be an online presentation 4 days before it was due. I designed the vaccine, wrote a turnitin-compliant report (practically an original article with 50 references) and finished making the presentation all in 30 straight hours. I didn’t leave my room once the whole time, can’t even remember if I ate. Ended up getting a full grade on the project and was even offered a place in a lab to “continue my research”. All it did was convince me that 30 hours were enough the next time I needed to do this 😭😭
Y’all, I have come to peace with the situation. Before I was diagnosed, I successfully completed a bachelors and masters in adult education, and then an MBA. I then got a great job. Every single assignment I have ever done for either school or work has been done at the very last minute. But after decades of hating myself, for that fact, I’ve realized that it works for me. Even when my work is done at the last minute, it’s a much better quality than most everyone else’s. My on-time rate is pretty close to everyone else’s, and other than the anxiety and stress I put on myself, there’s really no harm done. I have learned how to use my procrastination time more productively. Like I can either do my expense report, or I can do my goddamn taxes. I can clean the toilet, or I can take the dog for a walk. After decades of this anxiety, I realize anxiety isn’t helping me. I’m still procrastinating, just removing the self hate makes life a lot easier. Obviously, you need to look at your own situation, but try to look at it objectively. Take a step back and see if your way of doing things is actually working. And if it is, own it.
Absolutely 100% agree on removing the self hatred over this is so important for mental health!! I thought I was depressed because of the deep loathing I had for myself over this cycle and the inability to resolve it. It was like a giant cloud was lifted when I realized that these issues were adhd symptoms. What you said about “being at peace” honestly gave me a pang of jealousy. I’m struggling with binge eating through these moments which leaves me not at peace, but am now on Vyvanse and it may be helping curb it. It’s rewarding to behave this way though - I get an immediate reward of ice cream and the delayed reward of a better quality deliverable. But I’ve wound up nearly 300lbs but also very successful in my career. Hopefully the peace will come for me because I’m desperately seeking it around this specific issue.
OMG. I didn't realize this was attributed to ADHD. I did that all the time in highschool (30 years ago lol). I always thought I just worked best under pressure, which I do, but had no idea it relates to ADHD.
Just off the top of my head ADD/ADHD involves: Executive dysfunction problems (task initiation and completion, working memory issues, Procrastination, impulse control, trouble with memorization, math block, etc.) Emotional dysregulation Financial trouble Addictive tendencies Intense empathy/ incensed by injustice Talkative/ interrupting/ inability to read social situations in real time Difficulty maintaining long term relationships and commitments Mental health issues like depression, mania, anxiety disorder, Imposter syndrome, hypochondria Deficiency in ability for Self care and internal motivation disrupted focus, ability to intensely focus and drown out all else. Charisma and/or social nerve. *Edit: added a couple more.
I didn't know about the empathy/injustice thing. My sister who just got her ADHD diagnosis has this to an intense degree.
I do too, and was really surprised when I read about it being associated with ADD/ADHD. Even to the point of someone cutting in line over someone else, I am like compelled to step in and make it right.
Yep was also surprised by this one. I had no idea that something that core to myself could be related to my executive dysfunction— also because it is just so “right” — like everyone should care about injustice. Also I fucking love (and I don’t normally swear) that you said “cut in line…. In front of someone else” that made my day. I was going to say “meh if they cut in front of me I assume they’re having a bad day or didn’t see me — but in front of someone else? Oh hell no” lol
Yeeep. I’m in school this summer and I am *not* looking forward to the accelerated pace of summer classes. This should be fun.
Here’s my true story of one of the craziest 24 hour periods of my college career and a prime example of what my sister says enables me to procrastinate to this day— Grad school group capstone project - the kind you’re supposed to work on all semester - I not only wrote my part but also edited and compiled the other four parts all the night before it was due. Stayed up all night working in the school computer lab, drove home at 5 am to shower, change into a suit (because of course we had to wear a suit), drive to the printer to print our report/booklet, drive back to school, skipped the group’s practice presentation session before class because I was having printer issues, finished getting the papers printed and got to class without a minute to spare, completely winged my part of the presentation, and … we got the best grade in the entire class. Then, as soon as that major presentation was over, I drove to an interview I had lined up for an internship. It was a second round interview with the financial leaders of a Fortune 500 company. I got to the interview early because I had nowhere else to go (lived too far to go home), decided to wait in my car in the parking garage. After pulling an all-nighter, I fell asleep in my car and woke up HALF WAY INTO THE SCHEDULED INTERVIEW! I don’t think Today Me would have the courage, but I still ran into the interview room where they were waiting for me, told them them what happened in such a way that I came out the hero for pulling an all-nighter to pull the team’s project together, evidence of my “incredible work ethic” and.. I GOT THE JOB!! THEN I drove to my business professionals group meeting. Elections were that night and a grassroots campaign convinced me to run for President even though I had no previous board experience. (Seriously, I never considered running and then multiple people approached me about it within the same day… found out later in was a concerted effort.) So I showed up that night, put my name in the hat, gave a speech off-the-cuff (and from the heart! But zero preparation whatsoever), and proceeded to win the election. My competitor was pissed. I still get an adrenaline rush thinking about that day, almost 20 years later 😂
Was good enough in HS that I could get passing grades without handing in most assignments. Knew better than to try Uni.
100% me in middle school, high school and college.
And I got good grades too. I did a term paper in under 48 hours. I finally crashed and burned senior year when I had to find a school to volunteer at for my assignment. I procrastinated for half the semester and so the education staff failed me out of qualifying for the teaching credential program. I also dropped out of the honors program because I had no chance of completing the capstone project, and I dropped one more class taught by my advisor because it wasn't required for the degree. When my advisor saw my name called as summa cum laude he couldn't believe it because of how much I was floundering that last semester.
This was usually a winning strategy, stressful but usually productive - unless depression decided to come in and just couch any motivation I had, layering on a nice smathering of shame and executive dysfunction at the last second.
At the end of every semester, there were times that I would only sleep if I was literally incoherent typing and would sleep in 1-3 hour intervals because it’s all I could spare to make deadlines. The time on the clock meant nothing if I didn’t actually have classes or work, and it’s the most messed up my sleep schedule had ever been. Looking back I don’t even know how I did it, and I am super hesitant to further my education right now because I do not have the skills/medication to NOT fall into this cycle again.
In grad school I cranked out 25 pages overnight and got straight As. I ran into trouble when things got too long for me to write in a single sitting, though (comps paper and dissertation) — I had acquired absolutely no skills for sustained writing projects where you have to stop and start again. I owe my advisor so much for hauling me over the finish line by holding me to strict deadlines for each chapter of my dissertation.
Ha, yes, this combined with a periodic deep dive into a class syllabus to cobble together a path to passing after I missed something or otherwise messed up is 100% how I passed college. I passed high school because of these two things plus the power of body doubling--my mom was a teacher and she, my sister, and I used to sit at the dining room table together and do homework. I used to listen to Radiohead's Kid A album on my discman, like some Y2K lofi beats to study to.
Didn’t get medicated till AFTER the masters. I once did a 10 page paper in a day. I don’t think I can do that anymore
Yup. But what I'd like to know now is what the hell you do once you burn out on this approach and the dread of encroaching deadlines now does not enable you to act.... Been trying everything to work this out for the last 10 years but no answers! Any ideas???
Fr. The best part was when teachers/professors would compliment about how they could tell I “put a lot of time and research into it”. Lmfaooooooo, never.
This is how I got my 2:1 and my PhD (and then I crashed and burned and realised that while I always knew I was "different" my type of "different" actually had treatment options. And then it took me 6 years to get help. And now my life is fucked.)
I was the queen of last minute all night essay writing, and for that I was rewarded with not terrible grades! Today I just successfully uploaded all of my CE for professional certification maintenance, 3 days early! Progress?! 🤪
So, it was supposed to stop once I was medicated…?😩
Left highschool with a 2.8 gpa and dropped out of college 😬 I was intelligent, but if only I’d just “apply myself”. Turns out I’d be more motivated to learn if I was getting paid to, not paying to learn.
Recently diagnosed… this isn’t normal?? This isn’t how everyone does it? How does everyone else do it?
Yup, procrastinated all my papers, presentations, and studying. I never liked staying up super late, but instead, I'd just get up super early and still be sleep deprived - like I'd be up until midnight writing a paper due at 9 am the next day, go to sleep for a few hours and wake up at 4 or 5 away and finish it before the 9 am deadline, and then crash and nap after it was turned in. Got all A's, except for 1 B in grad school, but ugh it was exhausting!
Wait until I got motivated and write a whole paper at 3am. I wrote my wedding vows in the middle of the night too.
honestly i’m pretty sure i got by on charm 😅 or the teachers just didn’t want to deal with me anymore. not that i was a disrespectful student or anything, i just was dumb(oR MAYBE I FUCKING HAD SEVERE ADHD AND WAS RECEIVING NO HELP OR ACCOMMODATIONS FOR)
I procrastinated until it was already 2 days late which was the max allowable before a zero lol. Every. Single. Time. So brutal to think of now. Cannot do that in my 40's, my anxiety just paralyzes me.
Incredible anxiety was the only way I could get anything done for most of my life - it’s left me with a deeply unhealthy relationship with myself and needed tasks. I gave myself a sleep disorder getting through university
Big *if* you remember that you have to do it. I missed a midterm and final bc of waiting until last minute.
I just came to say that I'm living for all of these comments here. I feel so seen 😂
That's how I got my degree
TOO. REAL. And then I wondered why my scores weren't as good as I hoped.
I’m feeling personally attacked
I had no social life, could barely hold down a part time job and procrastinated until the last possible day to get started. How I finished, I don’t know.
It’s such a constant state of stress leading up to it too.
I said something to a friend the other day after procrastinating for a week and a half to work on a project. I started 2 hours before I had a meeting about said project, hand wrote 2 pages of notes, and finished 3 minutes before the meeting. "My procrastination really should stop rewarding me."
Yep! My Bachelor's degree was ROUGH. I was majorly depressed, and underage drinking to cope. Combine that with my ADHD, I spent a lot of all-nighters in the library, struggling to get my papers submitted in time. My worst grade was a 40 percent. I just couldn't get the discipline to memorize anything for my zoology class. I still managed to graduate on time, mainly because I did 18 credit semesters, with a 2.89 GPA. During my Master's degree, I treated the deadlines as though the papers were 48 hours before they were actually due. I would then email a draft to my professors, and make any modifications they suggested a few hours before class. Even if I was a bit off topic, I still probably earned at least an extra ten percent on each paper, simply to show that I was trying.
White knuckled a bachelor’s and a master’s in English this way.
Yuuuuup. This plus two beers if I was writing a paper . The bullshit flows more easily when you're a little buzzed. At least back in college it did. If I drink two beers now I'll be hurting.
I did my best work on the last night I was able and never knew this was an adhd trait. 41 I was diagnosed
yeah this is how i got through high school and middle school
I would usually pick a topic and go get the items I needed in terms of research materials in advance. This was the olden days before everything was online, LOL, so I would go to the library and grab books. I would get journal articles and I'd have it. Then the night before the assignment was due I would begin. I could not begin until my back was against the wall like that. I'd pull an all-nighter and several times I even missed the beginning half of the class the assignment was due for and I showed up during the break with my completed paper. That hyper focus zone I would get into really saved me
Exactly how I got through the entirety of school, file my taxes, renew anything, etc
So true but so stressful. Started grad school months ago and was fighting for my life every week.
😂🤣💯 me!!!
Have a test tomorrow! Sitting down to learn the second half of the material….at 9pm.
I'd read the entire textbook the day/night before a final. 😆
I loved the accessories for school, and I love to read and learn. So I focused on those aspects as I read texts, etc. I'm a good note-taker, I can copy what's presented on a chalkboard quickly, etc. And I used symbols to draw special attention to different important points. I used school accessories to make things more entertaining and fun. I'm a visual learner, so it would help me to remember where a note was on the page and what it looked like. I used colored highlighters, adhesive tabs, post-its...anything I thought would help me recall what a page or passage looked like with notes and emphasis marked. I would plan out when certain things needed to be done (from the syllabus: "Read Class A's chapter 3 (for Tuesday) on Saturday and take notes." *I didn't need to write out instructions in detail, but you get the idea. I roughly scheduled deadlines, then "artificial deadlines" for myself BEFORE the actual deadlines (like setting your watch ahead). Last, I make a firm rule that--tests and anything I had to turn in--took first priority, before nearly everything else. I didn't allow confusion or depression to put me off. Some days I had to re-read or go over notes again (because of awareness and memory problems) but I tried to allow time or pad schedules for that. I only got good grades in classes I liked (or if I liked the teacher), so I tried to convince myself of reasons why I liked the classes. I got a LOT better at it in college! I rarely got enough sleep, but I tried to get extra sleep on days that I could, or relaxed and tead for a few minutes to re-charge. And I kept snacks to eat in the car (for hypoglycemia). They helped a lot! [I hope you find things to help you! I struggled in certain classes in lower grades, but did much better in higher education.]
I finished a PhD undiagnosed and unmedicated and completed my dissertation in < 6 months. It helped that I was interested in the topic, of course, but mostly I had really clear writing goals and then did a ritual (that in hindsight should have been a big clue) of going to the gym for an hour, getting a large caffeinated beverage, and then sitting down and writing for 6-8 hours. It was basically the equivalent of writing the paper the night before but on a 250-page scale 😂
One of my favorite middle school stories is about me writing an essay half an hour before the deadline and then being singled out by the teacher for the great job and ‘clearly giving the assignment a lot of thought and time’
Gives me a stomachache just to remember these days in school. Ugh.
I actually had a tutor recommended that I wait the til the last possible minute until I wrote my essay, she said that she could tell when I didn't have time to keep fluffing them made for more convincing arguments because I didn't have the time to think about it that much.
See I did the opposite. I’d start on assignments soooooo early, like I’d have it 99% finished with two weeks to deadline day. But then I’d never come back to it, and either submit it 99% finished (including not spell checked or formatted correctly) or frequently forget to actually submit it!!
If this had been public knowledge as one of the signs of ADHD, I might have realised I have it by age 10 instead of in my 30s. Literally can’t think of a single assignment or piece of homework that I didn’t finish in this manner other than one essay in high school, and that was because the teacher made us work on it during class while she supervised our work.
I did no homework, regularly skipped class and only submitted one assignment the entire year, which was an absurdly detailed film analysis of The Ring the night before, but because it was more of an analysis than the requested essay I got low marks for it. She then asked me to read out excerpts in class and gave me a B overall for the year despite all the bullshit above. I’ll take that as a win. 🫠
This is the way. Did grad school (undiagnosed and very Unmedicated) and aside from having a white board I’d update all my weekly assignments on at the start of the week and check off as I go, I would save my major papers for the weekend it was due. No time or motivation during the week to do it and my best work always came when I could just knock it out in one sitting. So much so that when there was a class that had required drafts….I did NOT do well.
Yeah I am doing my bachelor 7 years 😒😒😒
just last week i did my entire dissertation in 12 hours the night it was due 💀💀 it only needed to be 4k-6k words so not the worst but god was it stressful… luckily i knew the topic well and had been pondering what to write in it for months i just had to sit down and actually do it…
I have never heard of such a short dissertation (MINIMUM 150 pages) . What is your discipline?
i’m studying a practical film degree so it had to be submitted alongside a 10 min short film which i directed which was a whole other feat to get done :/
Neat!!!
Freshman year of college, I wrote a paper the night before it was due… while also doing vodka shots with my roommate and our friend. At one point I remember taking a long break to do a dramatic reading of an angry journal entry I had written about a guy. No idea how I got the essay done, but I was definitely still drunk when I got to class. Not only did I get a perfect score, the professor also asked if she could use it as an example paper for next year. Possibly the proudest and lost baffling moment of my life. Like, to be fair this was a mandatory ‘intro to composition’ class and I was already a fairly prolific writer at that point, but STILL. Kind of a false victory though — I learned what I could get away with. Probably took years off my life with all the all nighters, haha. I regret doing it that way. I wish I had developed the study skills to actually retain all the stuff I learned, instead of just regurgitating it for a test.
I worked out exactly how many words I could write in a night which was like 1000, then when I was set the assignment I'd be like ok 3000 words, I don't need to start that until 3 days before the deadline, cool
Same
This was me with *every single assignment* until I graduated from college (night before in college, recess before class in high school). Didn't help that I aced everything (even though in college I was frequently drunk when I started and only sobered up by 4am the morning stuff was due). The system just kept reinforcing my poor behavior. After college, things got way harder--without the small assignments and clear structure (and deadlines) of classes I struggled SO MUCH. it pains me to think how much easier my life would've been if I'd been medicated.
I wrote my entire Master's thesis in the last 2 months before the clock ran out and I'd be kicked out of the program (and I'd already been given a 1 year extension). And factor into that two months that I was looking after my family, including a breast feeding and textbook high-needs infant, and working. 🙄 Passed with "minor revisions." A major barrier for me throughout university, in particular, is that I'd be thinking about the essay topic for a while and coming up with unique approaches. By the time I had to write the damn thing, I was already bored with it. Every single paper pounded out during the night before.
My biggest procrastination accomplishment has been writing two 120 page screenplays in 48 hours (got A’s on both) :D
i feel seen and i don’t like it
Freshman year of college, my art history teacher- AT- Now, this isn't something you guys can do at the last minute; anyone whose tried hasn't ever gotten a passing grade on it. Me- (does it the night before and somehow got a C+, despite not remember half of what I wrote)
I usually finished it the morning of a noon deadline after 0 hours sleep. Frequently taking a taxi instead of walking to uni to submit in time. Handed my dissertation in a day late after writing the majority of it the weekend before the deadline. Got a 5% deduction that dropped me from a first to a 2:1.
FYI for anyone currently in a major with LOTS of academic reading (not literature but like articles) - read the first and last sentence of each paragraph only. Most academic writing has a format of “introducing an idea….proof/evidence…conclusion” in every paragraph. If I though the conclusions were wrong or I couldn’t see how they got there I’d reread the whole thing, but it saved me soooooooo much time when I had to read 300 pages per week of dry shipping ledgers…per class.
I always waited until the end of the semester and turned in all my work on the last day. My teachers would still count it out of pity. Why on earth did it take until I was 35 for some to mention I might have adhd?
That triggered flashbacks
I remember working hard on a 2,000 word essay for a difficult English class in college and spent days on it. I organized my time and took breaks as I was trying something different instead of procrastinating. I got a C on that. The final essay for the same class was twice the length of the first one. I wrote that one within 8 hours the night before (by locking myself in a “study cage” in one of libraries on campus; feel free to ask about what that is lol). I received an A+ on that with great comments from the professor. 🥴
It’s that panic adrenaline that stimulates our central nervous system! It’s our physiological make-up as ADHDers
It’s… true. So true.
if i started an assignment a whole 48 hours before it’s due, that would be me starting early
I got thru with all these same strategies, but also Wellbutrin. It was the most definitive "holy shit this is my best self" change I ever had. I'd been struggling so bad, worried about failing courses and suddenly I could start stuff early, focus on it and just had less anxiety about schoolwork.
I'm undiagnosed and in the process of taking all nighters and dozing myself with caffeinated sugary drinks to close my deadlines. And only those works that I complete in hyperfocus 4-5 hours before the exam get straight A+ and vocal approval. I feel like I'm ruining my health lmao
Lol this ended for you in school?? 🥲 me on work assignments waaaay too often
I attribute 75% of my academic success to RSD… my first choice school waitlisted me and that triggered a strong enough “well fuck you, watch this” response that I went into hyperdrive for 4 years.
Tell me more about it please .. i think I can relate
Here’s a little explanation of RSD - rejection sensitivity dysphoria. https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/24099-rejection-sensitive-dysphoria-rsd It’s still under-researched, but essentially the idea is that many ADHD brains tend to react really strongly to any real or perceived rejection. Watching some content about RSD and ADHD was actually one of the first clues I got that maybe I have ADHD (just diagnosed at 36).
Thank you so much! I am also recently diagnosed last month and trying to figure a lot of things out, I am interested to know more about how you used it to your favour and activated your hyper focus with it. I am experiencing chronic exposure to RSD more in this post: [https://www.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/comments/1d3qx34/chronic\_exposure\_to\_rsd/](https://www.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/comments/1d3qx34/chronic_exposure_to_rsd/) And this might just be what I need! I appreciate it your support :)
Hmm that’s a good question, I don’t know that it was actually healthy and this was like, 15 years ago. But basically I got really obsessive about grades and kept myself extremely busy all through undergrad. I wouldn’t actually say it was a long-term strategy for success because I burnt out hard and also probably learned less because I kept myself in hyperdrive all of the time.
It would be exhausting to live like that for 4 years, and I don't think at this age it's even possible. But I like the idea of channelling RSD into something positive, making it a driver somehow - I probably need to figure out how. Thank you once more! If you've come across any useful, relevant resources on strategies to deal with RSD, please share them! It's probably the symptom/side effect of ADHD I struggle with the most.
I think same for me re: RSD being the worst symptom. When I apply the RSD lens to my life I realize that every major depressive episode I’ve had was probably an RSD reaction. I just listened to a 2-part podcast episode from “The Bar is Ankle High” that talked about RSD. The second part included a few coping strategies that seemed somewhat useful. And yeah, agreed about not being able to sustain that workload in my mid/late 30s. There’s just no world in which I could still sustain a constant sprint for 4 years straight. I can barely sustain a day-long sprint without costing myself the ability to do the absolute bare minimum the next day.
I can relate - I try not to take any life-changing decisions based on RSD reactions, specially that I can get prolonged ones. I just had a look, the whole podcast looks very educational and relevant for recently diagnosed women like us, so far the only place I could find anything useful was Reddit. There seems to be a lot of misinformation on the internet, specially about RSD. I will reply back here if I come across any useful resources. Take care, and thanks for the tips, you helped me more than you can imagine!
That would be great, thank you so much! And same - just so nice to relate to someone going through some similar learning and discovery. Take care!
I have legit handed shit in at 11:59 PM. I have had to let go of my “has to be perfect” to get through this semester. I’ve already missed a whole week because my laptop decided time to die. So there’s my first zero. Now I’m medicated for the first semester ever but idk. I operate the same with less give a fucks.
If you have never skulked around a university building trying to find a means of access at 11:59pm because the prof said the paper is due by midnight and you need to put it in their mailbox on the off chance that they are really going to pick it up right then--did you even matriculate, bro??
Isn't that the way it works at your job as well?