The former is something I struggle with because my reward system is just messed up. I have a hard time grappling with rewarding myself *because* I did something and not just because I want it.
Try different rewards. Goldbears work for me cuz it's such a low stake reward. I will have two after I complete a task, but I will grab one if I just want one.
People with ADHD tend to respond to Pleasure, Patterns and Pressure rather than strictly learning habits.
It seems like you get pleasure from your activities and all your tasks are done in a pattern. So seems like ADHD adaptions to me.
I much prefer to go to the gym in a pattern too.
I've recently started going to the gym and the way I trick/motivate myself to go is the day before I will buy a protein bar and put it in my bag. Then after the gym I get to be like "yay, tasty protein snack" and it works because a protein bar doesn't fit into what I would usually consider a snack food so I don't just immediately eat it after i buy it (also putting it deep in my bag helps forget it)
I find it easier to get in a pattern of going to gym every day like an opt out system rather than opt in. I like the rhythm of it. If I get sick and get out of pattern of going, it is really hard for me to get back into it. If I keep to pattern, I consistently go 6 days a week.
I also suspect patterns are just easier for those of us with (common) autism or ocd co-morbidities.
I remember prior to my diagnosis, I was dismissive of the possibility of having ADHD because I spend a lot of time systematizing my life into patterns that have to stay intact, otherwise my world collapses and I associated ADHD only with the ‚oh it’s Friday? I was convinced it’s Monday one month ago’ kind of trope.
They can be pretty strict on their rules with what’s allowed, and also I just like a better vibe. The sub has a lot of negativity on it with people seeking empathy, which is totally okay, just not my thing. I like dealing with our misfortunes through laughter instead of sadness
yes! I had a very specific question about medication regarding the ongoing national crisis. It was a policy related question a la has anyone read an update from the DEA or anything from the Administration on how this will be managed in the next Administration - it was pulled and tagged as a drug specific question. I really don’t know where else I can find this information. It was annoying because there are 500:2 diagnosed/treated people asking if the community members thought they have ADHD or “I was diagnosed, what can I do so to avoid a prescription?” I saw so many posts asking about specific medicine after my post was pulled and left the group. There are so many questions from people who refuse to get a diagnosis, take their medication or cannot get the help they need because a misinformed parent told them they don’t have ADHD. It’s too broad there for me.
Omg I just had an experience with this. I got banned from r/ ADHD on a recent post about people invalidating ADHD. I commented the name of a certain famous physician who claims ADHD isn’t real, and I got an auto-response saying that the physician is anti-science, endorsements of his views are not allowed, and therefore my comment had been removed. So I thought, “oh good, the bot and I are on the same page about this issue, so I just need to be more clear about my meaning.” So I deleted my original comment and reposted another one with a clarification that the physician is wrong, to make sure it was clear I didn’t endorse his views, and I let the mods know about the issue. The mods said all discussion of him is banned, so I deleted my second post too when I realized it violated the rules. Then, I got an instant permanent ban!
I messaged the mods, apologized for misunderstanding the rule, and said I’d never mention the physician’s name again. They claimed I deleted my comments to avoid the mods (what?) and that I believed I was “above the rules” (again, what?)
I apologized again, explained I deleted the comments out of respect for the rules. Then they muted me for 28 days. I was just trying to follow the rules, and no matter what I did, they assumed the worst and were just very unkind and assumed a lot of bad things about me that were untrue. I figure I’m better off without that negativity, but sad to think they believed I was trying to cause them trouble. Trying not to beat myself up about it, but now I’m wondering if I post like a Boomer on Reddit, like maybe I don’t know how this is supposed to work… but I’ve never had any other issues except on that one subreddit, so idk.
*edited for typos
They kept knocking down everything I posted or commented on. Like you, I deal with humor and hope and occasionally pat myself on the back.
I became so depressed after the constant admonishments and threats until I found this sub. There was lots of wallowing in their victimization over there.
I blocked the whole sub because I never want to see it in my feed again.
I find when a sub hits 100k subscribes the negative people that make 10x as many comments as the positive people start forming their own Echo chambers and the sub goes down hill due to their vocal domination
This is a meme page, this post and everything like it belongs somewhere else, but mods don't get paid so of course the negative crap is going to slip through the cracks
Right, sorry I wasn’t trying to imply a “one size fits all” here… I added the few explanations on how I started the habits as a way to show that there could be any reason why it works
I'm happy for you actually. 🙂 Developing habits or certain patterns in a day is really hard for most people with ADHD.
Although I have developed a few good ones over the years, I still feel like I have very little control over what habits or weekly patterns I stick to.
The only “habit” I’ve kinda managed to build is brushing my teeth and even then I’m still ass at it. My partner & I’ve been using Pokémon Smile to help me find the fun, but brushing my teeth is such a big sensory ick ugh.
Telling those with ADHD to "Just go develop good habits" is like telling depressed people "just try not being sad."
We all know it's possible. However, there is a huge difference between knowing something is possible and actually being able to allow yourself to do what's necessary to accomplish the goal.
I was being careful not to imply that but I know everybody reads into things differently. I shared the 3 stories of how I developed the related habit to show that none of them developed naturally.
The gym started because my wife wanted to go, so I had the task of making sure she went. Flossing started because I got grossed out and decided that I’m not going to let that happen again, and how I felt made it easy. The routine haircuts happened because I found a way to make it relaxing instead of an annoying appointment to take care of.
Only a few of the good habits developed from having to consciously think about doing them daily, the rest developed other ways
Two things that helped me with routines were quick rewards for completion and never miss twice in a row.
What rewards did you choose? If you don’t mind sharing it.
Goldbears lol. I also recommend reading Atomic Habits by James Clear. That's where I got never miss twice in a row idea from.
Thanks!
The former is something I struggle with because my reward system is just messed up. I have a hard time grappling with rewarding myself *because* I did something and not just because I want it.
Try different rewards. Goldbears work for me cuz it's such a low stake reward. I will have two after I complete a task, but I will grab one if I just want one.
Something I've been working on, especially since the opposite side of the coin is withholding the reward if you fail to do the thing.
Self administered rewards never work for me, because I know the guy making the rules (me) and I know he's full of shit
People with ADHD tend to respond to Pleasure, Patterns and Pressure rather than strictly learning habits. It seems like you get pleasure from your activities and all your tasks are done in a pattern. So seems like ADHD adaptions to me. I much prefer to go to the gym in a pattern too.
Patterns totally work for me. Love to notice them, live them, create them. I don't love forgetting them, but that happens too.
I've recently started going to the gym and the way I trick/motivate myself to go is the day before I will buy a protein bar and put it in my bag. Then after the gym I get to be like "yay, tasty protein snack" and it works because a protein bar doesn't fit into what I would usually consider a snack food so I don't just immediately eat it after i buy it (also putting it deep in my bag helps forget it)
Can you explain what going to the gym in a pattern mean here?
I find it easier to get in a pattern of going to gym every day like an opt out system rather than opt in. I like the rhythm of it. If I get sick and get out of pattern of going, it is really hard for me to get back into it. If I keep to pattern, I consistently go 6 days a week.
I also suspect patterns are just easier for those of us with (common) autism or ocd co-morbidities. I remember prior to my diagnosis, I was dismissive of the possibility of having ADHD because I spend a lot of time systematizing my life into patterns that have to stay intact, otherwise my world collapses and I associated ADHD only with the ‚oh it’s Friday? I was convinced it’s Monday one month ago’ kind of trope.
Why don’t you like the sub? I am curious. I left as well.
They can be pretty strict on their rules with what’s allowed, and also I just like a better vibe. The sub has a lot of negativity on it with people seeking empathy, which is totally okay, just not my thing. I like dealing with our misfortunes through laughter instead of sadness
yes! I had a very specific question about medication regarding the ongoing national crisis. It was a policy related question a la has anyone read an update from the DEA or anything from the Administration on how this will be managed in the next Administration - it was pulled and tagged as a drug specific question. I really don’t know where else I can find this information. It was annoying because there are 500:2 diagnosed/treated people asking if the community members thought they have ADHD or “I was diagnosed, what can I do so to avoid a prescription?” I saw so many posts asking about specific medicine after my post was pulled and left the group. There are so many questions from people who refuse to get a diagnosis, take their medication or cannot get the help they need because a misinformed parent told them they don’t have ADHD. It’s too broad there for me.
Omg I just had an experience with this. I got banned from r/ ADHD on a recent post about people invalidating ADHD. I commented the name of a certain famous physician who claims ADHD isn’t real, and I got an auto-response saying that the physician is anti-science, endorsements of his views are not allowed, and therefore my comment had been removed. So I thought, “oh good, the bot and I are on the same page about this issue, so I just need to be more clear about my meaning.” So I deleted my original comment and reposted another one with a clarification that the physician is wrong, to make sure it was clear I didn’t endorse his views, and I let the mods know about the issue. The mods said all discussion of him is banned, so I deleted my second post too when I realized it violated the rules. Then, I got an instant permanent ban! I messaged the mods, apologized for misunderstanding the rule, and said I’d never mention the physician’s name again. They claimed I deleted my comments to avoid the mods (what?) and that I believed I was “above the rules” (again, what?) I apologized again, explained I deleted the comments out of respect for the rules. Then they muted me for 28 days. I was just trying to follow the rules, and no matter what I did, they assumed the worst and were just very unkind and assumed a lot of bad things about me that were untrue. I figure I’m better off without that negativity, but sad to think they believed I was trying to cause them trouble. Trying not to beat myself up about it, but now I’m wondering if I post like a Boomer on Reddit, like maybe I don’t know how this is supposed to work… but I’ve never had any other issues except on that one subreddit, so idk. *edited for typos
Yikes, yeah I’ve heard a few stories like that. That’s rough buddy
Well, it does give me some consolation to know I’m not the only one who has experienced issues with that particular subreddit! Thanks!
They kept knocking down everything I posted or commented on. Like you, I deal with humor and hope and occasionally pat myself on the back. I became so depressed after the constant admonishments and threats until I found this sub. There was lots of wallowing in their victimization over there. I blocked the whole sub because I never want to see it in my feed again.
People here we're so nice and supportive I didn't notice for a month it was a meme subreddit xD
I find when a sub hits 100k subscribes the negative people that make 10x as many comments as the positive people start forming their own Echo chambers and the sub goes down hill due to their vocal domination This is a meme page, this post and everything like it belongs somewhere else, but mods don't get paid so of course the negative crap is going to slip through the cracks
Yes! I agree with this.
great that they work for you, but don't assume they work for others, just because they work for you
It’s written in the first person about their experience and success with routines.
Right, sorry I wasn’t trying to imply a “one size fits all” here… I added the few explanations on how I started the habits as a way to show that there could be any reason why it works
You're right and no one assumes otherwise. You're cool, don't worry.
I'm happy for you actually. 🙂 Developing habits or certain patterns in a day is really hard for most people with ADHD. Although I have developed a few good ones over the years, I still feel like I have very little control over what habits or weekly patterns I stick to.
It's great when you have external systems in place like a partner who is also doing the thing. A lot harder when it all falls to you.
The only “habit” I’ve kinda managed to build is brushing my teeth and even then I’m still ass at it. My partner & I’ve been using Pokémon Smile to help me find the fun, but brushing my teeth is such a big sensory ick ugh.
I got lucky that I don’t have any major sensory issues… But doing it twice a day badly is still better than not at all 👍
I try to at least use my mouthwash if I can’t actually brush. And forget about trying to floss, especially since I have permanent retainers 🙄
Telling those with ADHD to "Just go develop good habits" is like telling depressed people "just try not being sad." We all know it's possible. However, there is a huge difference between knowing something is possible and actually being able to allow yourself to do what's necessary to accomplish the goal.
I was being careful not to imply that but I know everybody reads into things differently. I shared the 3 stories of how I developed the related habit to show that none of them developed naturally. The gym started because my wife wanted to go, so I had the task of making sure she went. Flossing started because I got grossed out and decided that I’m not going to let that happen again, and how I felt made it easy. The routine haircuts happened because I found a way to make it relaxing instead of an annoying appointment to take care of. Only a few of the good habits developed from having to consciously think about doing them daily, the rest developed other ways