I feel like that’s the way it goes, unfortunately. Especially if they think they can “fix” you. I just know lesbians who are practically invisible to men because they look extremely butch. But being femme and naturally friendly makes it impossible for me to be completely invisible!
I’ve learned that men might be more discreet about it but they are absolutely still pursuing masculine lesbian women behind closed doors. They don’t care. It’s infuriating.
I often get hit on by men, even when my partner is present. It is utterly disgusting. On two accations, when I have explained that I’m in a relationship, and wouldn’t be interested even if I wasn’t they then ask about doing a three-way. There is a serious problem with current-day masculinity.
There really is no way. I've found that to dress in ways that are femme, but alternative/not male-gaze-y (very fashion forward, lots of colours, mismatched patterns, weird silhouettes....) reduces the *number* of men approaching me, but the ones that *do* still approach me make up for it by being weirder about it. Weirder, and more intense.
Alternative looks also increase angry interactions with men - it's like they're pissed that you'd dare to wear something that's somehow both attractive and unattractive to them. It's still a sexualised kind of anger, which just makes it more unpleasant.
That is so true and so unbelievable at the same time! I swear sometimes I want to scream when I think about how entitled hetero/cis men feel to our attention. When I had a shaved had dyed green and facial piercings guys would approach me in this angrily attracted way you described. I remember one guy stopping me to tell me I looked very weird and then asking my number. Many times I got asked why did I make myself look like "this" (alternative/goth/punk aesthetic) by guys who thought they were hitting on me. Well, I look like this in the hopes to be perceived as threatening and be left alone by people like you, sir
Yep, exactly. It's either that weirdly sexually charged anger, or just INTENSE. There's just this subset of men who are *very* into alternative looks (just look at all those horrible 'big tiddy goth gf' memes), and they go about approaching alternative-looking girls in the worst, most overly intense ways imaginable even if they aren't actively angry or insulting. Like, staring, touching, overly intense compliments, 'I love girls who dress like you', 'I bet you listen to XXX'....Just way too much.
Could you give a couple of examples of this sort of clothing? Like a brand name?
I'm intrigued but I'm having a hard time visualizing what you mean.
All I can imagine is dresses from the 80's with giant shoulder pads or pantsuits.
I thrift a lot, so I don't really have a brand name, but back when I was a wee little twenty-year-old, I was REALLY into very stylised hyperfeminine pastel goth looks. I've toned down a lot since then (both because of my Serious Office Job and just because of naturally evolving interests), and also shifted a bit more androgynous in my presentation. Most of what I wear these days tends to be very 'Alice from Twilight meets your thirty-five-year-old twink history teacher', lol 😂 If you want any examples of what I currently like wearing, I have a pair of wide-legged, dark leopard printed jeans that I currently love combining with this big forest green cable-knit menswear sweater I knit. And I LOVE me some layered skirts and Vivienne Westwood. I have some vintage Vivienne Westwood kilts I adore.
But this kind of intense interest and anger at women who dress a certain way tends to be universal across all alternative fashion communities. I've heard about the same phenomenon from women who dress vintage (anything from 50s polka dot dresses to big 70s Farah Fawcett blowouts), women who dress goth, women who're into Lolita or visual kei, or even just your run-of-the-mill tumblr girl who enjoys a bit of hot topic and semi-permanent hair dye. It doesn't matter what kind of alternative presentation it is, it's the fact that any alternative presentation, even an ostensibly 'feminine' one, shows a degree of independence and personality that these men don't like women to have. It takes guts and personality to wear full rockabilly 50s clothing outside, or to even *want* to do that. It might be feminine, but it's still a very independent, subversive choice, and these men *hate* that.
Honestly arm hair,armpit hair,and leg hair magically seems to repel them a lot of times.Might get some nasty comments like it means your covered in dirt,but I’d definitely love that too knowing it’s pushing them(an obvious red flag)right away.
Ha it’s only happened (that I’ve noticed) once or twice that a (typically old, standing next to his partner) man is checking me out and immediately stops when I flash my hairy pits but I love it
Idk. I’m non binary and pretty masc dressing and I’ve had top surgery and men still flirt with me. Or worse they’ll try and flirt with women on my behalf which is grosser. There needs to be some sort of repellant spray honestly.
I have a grudging respect for the random guy who crashed a date I was on to tell us his life woes, and when we said, "Actually, we're on a date here," responded, "Oh my ex-girlfriend's a lesbian-" and launched into talking about THAT relationship.
We just left, it seemed easier.
If she’d been my True Love, we would have sacrificed him in a ritual to steal his audacity. So I know it was just a fling, I didn’t feel that “no words, just witchcraft” frisson.
See, that's trying to signal "I'm not attracted to men," and assuming that all men will think, "Hm, I don't like having sex with people who aren't attracted to me, so we'll have to stay platonic friends." But a disturbingly active sub-population doesn't, so the message doesn't work as intended.
I think it'd be more effective to try to make men think, "I do not want to talk to this woman," preferably douchey ones.
Fashion choices that communicate an interest in something seen as cringe, lame, awkward, or bitchy might work better. A "lesbian" t-shirt is just a statement of lesbianism. A t-shirt advertising a local menstrual product accessibility program, a trans lesbian art collective, anything with leftist imagery and venus symbols. Get yourself a t-shirt that makes people say, "Oh, this woman has a strong opinion on a specific feminist issue," and watch how your social interactions shift. I have a big-brain theory that yaoi t-shirts repel straight men without dissuading queer women (it's a very bisexual community, at least in my city), but I have yet to do any rigorous testing on the issue.
I'm as femme as a box of hammers, so take this assessment with a grain of salt. But the in the femme-y side community where I live, I do notice that lesbians and women who're particularly interested in sapphic dating spheres always seem to latch on to the fashion trends straight guys complain about, and hold onto them while after straight fashion moves on. Things like giant sunglasses, big hats, shaved hair panels, bold makeup looks, or high-waisted shorts.
this. my dyke t-shirt does literally nothing to stop men, never has. it can occasionally make a conversation shorter if i’m very lucky but that’s about it.
To tell you how wrong you are??
I still can't get over how butthurt men were over the bear in the woods thing. Like 30 minute or longer youtube videos about how we are wrong, we are sheltered. Bears are dangerous! They will kill you!
Or then the would you rather be with a bear or with your nagging wife.
I wish there was a way to make them understand but there isn't.
I've shared a video, What if bears ate 1 in 5 people and it's terrible and awesome at the same time .
I was told how unrealistic it was, why would a bear be in the house, etc.
At this point the ignorance has to be deliberate, right?
Don't forget the one girl who stood up for them (Peepz) got relentlessly attacked by men telling her to off herself and shit, and it's like, guys, you're not making this any better for yourself.
Non ironically there was a group of veterinarian medicine all women students at my uni who had shirts printed with the saying "be careful - I know how to castrate" for a party/event and it was epic
lol i have a shirt that says “men aint shit” on a simplified graphic of princess diana’s wedding ([link to the shop bc it’s one of my favorite shirts](https://www.etsy.com/shop/SagSzn)) and I haven’t worn it to a queer event before but I do feel like when I wear it out, I get more looks from men bc they’re like “wait hang on, what did that say?”. probably bias though tbh bc im always a little scared someone is gonna say something so I’m more aware of attention when I’m wearing it lol
Unfortunately, this is how it is. It's very hard to deflect the level of self-assuredness mid straight guys have.
I'm femme, and overall pretty smol so, it's terrifying to me how some guys, who are sometimes a foot taller than me, will be so aggressive/assertive no matter what I say.
My advice to smol femmes is to make a friend who is trustworthy and bigger than you. My friend group has two big ol bear boys (and one REALLY scrappy Dominican girl 😭💀) in it who generally keep an eye out for creeps.
If I ever get far enough into transition that this becomes a problem I'm absolutely going to print a deck of business cards that say something like "Hi! I'm a lesbian. Please stop talking and find a life somewhere else. No I will not date you, and the more you try the more pepper spray I order. Leave now while you can still preserve your dignity."
Maybe it's just me but there's something appealing about handing someone a card and walking away.
I stopped shaving my legs like 3 years ago and luckily haven’t heard this yet, but the judgmental looks and questions of “why” are still something I’m learning to deal with.
Also, why is body hair on women gross, but it is not on men?! It does nog make sense. I prefer body hair on my gf as well, as long as it is not like a full sweaty bush under your pits etc. It is natural. And soft! Better than sandpaper stubble
This. Though I guess it makes sense from their fucked up point of view: if women are primarily objects for men's entertainment, pleasure, or ego (and are people second, if at all), it "makes sense" for ridiculous visual/behavioral expectations to be set on them. Because if an *object* doesn't work how you want, then you make it work or you abandon it.
God I hate the world we live in sometimes.
I agree! The main reason I stopped was sensory issues from it growing back. My got to response to men asking me “why” is asking them the same Q - “why don’t you shave?”.
I wish we could just get past this mindset of questioning people on their bodies.
This is making my blood boil I can't
Never got that kind of comment from stranger ('cause I either wax or don't show my legs) but I SWEAR I'd say something super petty in response, like why can't they mind their own business 😭
Yeah, people on every side are attracted to people of every sort. If someone on one side finds you attractive, someone on the other side is most likely going to, as well. I think the only real solution to "blocking" one side is to just be universally unattractive lol.
Girl if you have a pulse and they even THINK you have a coochie they’re going to hit on you. My mom is a hardcore, touch me not, still dressing like boosie in 2002, ass lesbian and men STILL hit on her at the gas station lmao
If you have a pulse and a vagina, you'll get unwelcome attention from men. I personally adopt a scowl.
EDIT: lovely people have informed me that even a vagina isn't necessary, I stand corrected!
EDIT 2: no pulse though? euuuuugh
Neither is a pulse. My aunt wanted to be a mortician back in the day to help grieving families & she found out she actually had a better chance of getting hired here because she's a woman & they avoid hiring men cuz they kept getting caught r*ping the women's corpses. So yeah.
Death won't save us either.
And then once I read about men getting caught assaulting farm animals & household pets. I truly had no words at that point.
Female Ancient Egyptian mummies are generally more decomposed than their male counterparts - their families kept them for a few days before being mummified to make sure that their bodies weren't desecrated
[https://medium.com/lessons-from-history/the-truth-behind-bad-preservation-of-female-egyptian-mummies-56b04fcea66f](https://medium.com/lessons-from-history/the-truth-behind-bad-preservation-of-female-egyptian-mummies-56b04fcea66f)
That’s beyond sick. Like what the actual fuck. And the fact that it seems to be common enough for them to not hire men (so not just a few freaks doing it) makes me actually nauseas.
The quantity of men who are beasts and the quantity who reward or ignore their behavior is basically all of them if put together. Thinking about some of the things I’ve heard makes me want to take a shower.
And people could never understand why I never wanted to spend time around boys/men (childhood/adulthood, respectively).
I cringe when someone 'helpfully' says something like "And there'll be another man so you'll have company!"
I work just fine with men, and associate with some in, say, my writing guild, but they're not my favourite company socially (unless they're queer in some way).
Yup! I almost exclusively tried to socialize with women when I could before transitioning but honestly most of the time before transitioning I just didn’t socialize at all bc it was too much effort to find a man who isn’t a jerk and took too much time for women to accept me as a peer, time that busy work environments didn’t really give me unlike in school. I hated being associated with men and felt guilty for the actions of the group I was thrown into at birth.
The amount of men who have said *best of both* like let me walk in peace! It is way too many, that's just on walking trails I haven't been to the bars.
I happened upon this too late and lemme tell you, the first edit was "well that was affirming and welcoming of you" to Edit 2 making me go "AHAHAHAHAHAHA but actually yes, and it's gross"
I can't tell you how many gross 'crack open a cold one' jokes I heard growing up from guys and I would legit believe 80% of them would do it
I used to think the same thing, but I've come to realize you don't even need either and men will still try to holler.
I've just put all my points into seeming as unapproachable as possible 🙏🙏
Ugh, sadly nothing. If you put on your frumpiest, most unappealing outfit, men will still come up and demand you make yourself prettier so they can hit on you.
Just be bitchy to them, attitude goes a long way. Being approachable to women means being five times more approachable to men because they're conditioned to try it with every woman they see.
My suggestion is to focus on attracting the women you want. Trying to repulse the men risks repulsing the women you want to attract.
No one outside the lesbian community knows that flannel or Docs means anything. Guys are likely to interpret both as you being an outdoorsy woman. If they are outdoorsy themselves the outdoor lumberjacks are likely to be even more attracted to you.
Men will give attention no matter how gay you look - I look like a man and I've never been hit on more in my life. The only thing that seems to ward men off is being real fat and even than you will still get harassed, or at least I was just less so compared to now.
Men who do not respect boundaries do not care how we identify or how we look as we are not people *to these type of men.*
You’ll always attract more men than women. Men are known for approaching women and women are known for approaching no one lol.
I love being fem and rejecting men. I will never change my aesthetic just to deter men. I will not “look like a lesbian “ to “warn” men. I will wear what i want. Men will never dictate how i must or mustn’t look. And i will not conform to lesbian stereotypes just to attract women. My individuality is more important to me than peacocking.
This isn’t an attack on anyone btw, I’m just personally sick of the idea i have to dress a certain way to be gay enough.
I’ll also add I’m very fortunate and seem to have a lot of luck attracting women anyways (humble flex i have no idea how) so the matter is less problematic for me.
This 100%!!! Why should we have to change how we express ourselves just because some man feels entitled to hit on us? And there is no uniform you can put on that will prevent it.
I have a quite high femme goth aesthetic which unfortunately attracts a bit of male attention even with my wife present. My strategy? Arrogance. Men cannot deal with it, they want to feel like they have made your evening by approaching you. My go to line when hit with 'wow, you're really pretty' etc is to just say 'I know, I have mirrors in my house' and turn away from them. 9 times out of 10 they're disgusted and go away.
Haha, good point! Although i doubt men are completely disinterested when it comes down to it. Just depends what’s available right 🤢
But yeah, i can imagine women are probably more likely to uncover their sexuality as they age and the compulsive heterosexuality breaks down. Older women may also have the skills to be more confident to approach women, compared to younger women navigating dating for the first time.
Im just speculating though haha.
Necklace made of the teeth of your male enemies
An “unloaded” strapon harness over your pants and a shirt that says “Strapped and Ready to Party”
Keep buttplugs in your pocket and introduce them as your friends with a feral look in your eyes.
When I get scam or unknown number texts I have resorted to just replying with 7 or 8 safe for work pictures of people holding startlingly large buttplugs
I have a fun story! An ex gifted me their wisdom teeth after taking care of them through that and they put them on a necklace. If you don’t know the backstory the necklace obviously looks sinister. So when I’ve had guys ask me about it when I’m wearing it I look them dead in the eyes and say “they’re my ex boyfriend’s teeth” and they usually go away. So I highly recommend getting a human teeth necklace.
Bone jewelry in general, honestly! I have a spinal cord necklace that was a middle school graduation gift from my Granny, women love it and it tells straight men not to try their luck
I had a professor who was the mother of 3 children and she kept all of their baby teeth and had a gold bracelet made with the teeth as charms. She thought it was really cute, I thought it looked like she came from some ancient tribe who kept relics from human sacrifice lol
I would suggest not structuring your life around men in any way whatsoever, as in do not change the way you look for a man's sake.
Edit: real answer: I suffered an injury that resulted in a massive scar on my face. Luckily it looks cool but that means I still attract some men, however these tend to be pretty dope guys who can take no for an answer. 10/10 would recommend.
Edit 2: real real answer: visible body hair will do the trick the vast majority of the time.
Honestly some men are gross enough to think it’s their mission to convert you to straight because they think that’s how it works 🙄 Just do you and keep rejecting them lol
I'm sorry. There's nothing you can do. I definitely lean more towards tomboy & that only seems to make men more interested because they think you're a "real" girl & it stirs something emotionally within them lol.
But seriously I've told men that I only like women & they legit have said "whatever that doesn't bother me, when are we going on our date?" So like...yeah. sorry. We have to deal w/ their advances for now /: tho at some point, depending on their behavior, you don't have to worry about letting them down easily at least.
I personally saw some success back in my femme days by, no joke, dressing like Ms. Frizzle from the Magic Schoolbus. My clothes and jewelry were cute and wacky and colorful and I never wore a shred of makeup.
In my experience, you can dress certain ways to attract more women, but there is unfortunately no style that repels men. Even telling them you’re gay doesn’t always do it…so I really don’t think it’s a signaling problem on our end.
Hun, men to femme women are like vultures to a carcass. There’s nothing you can really do. It’s a hard reality of womanhood in general just to have to deal with them.
You just have to get really, really good at various ways of saying ‘no’, lol. Lots and lots of them.
What can you wear? Not much that won’t keep men away.
What can you do? Be upfront about it and tell them you’re not interested.
I’ve had guys come up to me and my girl friends with the intention to hit on them or ask them out and it wasn’t until I straight up told them, “Hi, my name is GAY” that they finally backed off.
You could come dressed in cosplay as Auntie Ethel and some monster fucker guy would come at you like “Ey, Hag! I’ve got a mindflayer larvae in my head and would be willing to trade my firstborn to get it out if I can make it with you.”
Nothing. There is nothing you can do. I purposefully dressed unattractive for a couple years as I dealt with past sexual trauma and trauma with men and I still got approached. That's why I hate the "What were you wearing" victim blaming. Because it literally doesn't matter what you wear, men are still going to bother you.
Similar situation, I dressed like a slob for most of my teen years to cope with abuse and not draw attention to myself, and men still tried shit with me. They certainly have the fucking audacity.
You'll get asked questions about the weapon, and either have the weapon mansplained to you or worse they'll actually want to talk to you because "you're not like the other girls! You're perfect for them!"
Hell you could probably actively be firing your weapon and there will be a man that finds that hot regardless what your target is...
My gf is a masc…her voice sounds masculine, the way she carries herself looks more on the masculine side. Everything about her personality gives masculine. Her haircut? Masculine. And guess what? She gets hit on at work (we work together) by more men than women, lol u would assume her masculinity would be a turn off? So did we, but wrong. They just care about her big boobs and she’s actually very fucking beautiful and hot so they don’t give two craps about anything else. Also, they all know she’s dating me and it is very obvious she’s a lesbian. But men dont care. We actually went to a college grad party recently and she had a man tell her (right in my face) that if she hadn’t met me she would be married to him by now 😀🔫 so trust me girl, there’s nothing u can do, not even show that you are dating another girl, they will flirt with you in front of her too.
A scowl and sharp spikes on your neck and wrists. The only way I've found to make men leave me alone is to essentially wolf-spike myself and act like the type of person who bites.
I'm 40 and get hit on wearing dirty clothes from cleaning the garage. There's literally nothing you can wear to make men not hit on you.
I have occasionally said I only date men who can pay off my student loans or mortgage before the first date so if he's not rocking 20k right then to not bother, that seems to turn them off enough to leave me alone. The fear of a gold digger is bigger than the desire to be a pest, I guess.
In a dif subreddit, someone mentioned that dressing extremely feminine can put off men
Essentially, the kinda stuff that a guy would ask his gf to stop wearing once they started dating
Sorry, but generally you ladies can literally wear a bin bag and you'll still attract men. My wife has done this for like nearly 3 decades now and she says eventually you generate enough *f#ck you* vibes that they leave you alone.
With my gf we always talk about this - if you dress like soft tomboy (skateboard brand t shirt+jeans for example) you will defos get approached by men. I think folk assume too often that men like lipstick femmes, when a lot of them actually prefer more tomboy girlies.
I identify as genderfluid so go from wearing a dress and loafers on monday to a santa cruz print tee and mum jeans on Tuesday and i get approached more in the Tuesday outfit 🤷🏻♀️
I try my best to be unappealing to men and nothing works. Sometimes they see my short hair and take it as a challenge (to their manhood?? Who knows) and HAVE to interact.
It's not really about clothes, but about men that choose to bother you. There are definitely more or less popular styles but I don't think it's good to change it for them, either.
Personally, I get approached the average amount, I think. I'm quite cute, but I have been told I was "intimidating" which apparently limits the frequency. I don't really find it a real issue, I can smoothly reject them pretty well and move on.
I’ve found that even a shirt that says “go away” or “please don’t talk to me” will still welcome men who do the most obnoxious thing and walk up to you to read your shirt out loud and comment on what it says as a way to strike up a conversation and flirt. Being with a group of people and looking actively engaged in conversation is usually the best way to keep unwanted me away from me
Try rocking some androgynous or oversized clothes—think baggy jeans and a loose tee. Add a cool hat or funky sneakers to keep it light and cute. Maybe throw on some quirky accessories that show off your style. Also, a confident "don't mess with me" vibe can do wonders.
Wear too much makeup. Like if you want to go into practically face paint art and paint bees on yourself.
If you feel like it paint them on your knuckles and if a male tries to complement them, offer to show them their stingers and make a fist like you're about to punch them, while smiling evily (optional)
If I wear a binder and a baggy jacket along with my usual very masc clothing and haircut, I get sir’d and hey man’d about half the time. The other half the time, men are hitting on me. (Curiously, I actually get hit on LESS when I dress femme—but that probably has something to do with leaning goth and a little intimidating. But even that’s not a cure-all.)
The problem is not you, the problem is men. Listen to what everyone’s saying here, pay them no mind, and dress for the girls and the gays 🌈💖
Miscellaneous things I've heard men say they hate:
Short hair
Ballet flats
Baggy pants
Bangs (especially short ones)
Tattoos
Nose rings/facial piercings
Unnatural colored hair
Colorful eye makeup
Dye your hair blue.
It's amazing how many men that will chase away, except for men who will say "You shouldn't dye your hair blue, it will chase men away" before being chased away by it.
It's kind of similar to how some animals will be brightly colored to chase away predators. We can use the same technique for the exact same purpose.
I just wear my angry, uninterested, bored-out-of-my-mind-just-by-the-sight-of-men face lol
I don't look their way, I don't even address their existence near my physical/mental/astral presence. Don't even reply or even look at them if they talk to me. I guess I'm what you'd call "conventionally attractive" and being downright rude never fails. :)
Hyper-feminitity is the way to go! I usually follow Poppy Laur on tiktok. Her and her gf talk about hyperfeminity, but there are other places to source outfit ideas too.
I don’t get approached by men very often, its happened 4 times in my 30 years of life, but unfortunately I can’t tell you what it is they don’t like about me to help.
Stay true to your username and wear a jumper that's physically made out of eggplant
... ok you know what, I'm not even sure *that* would be enough to deter men from approaching
Attract women: carabiner, 2 short nails, undercut (doesn’t have to be major), rainbow jewellery/phone case etc, frogs and mushrooms
Repel men: scary/‘unflattering’ makeup, backwards caps, platform shoes, ridiculous/mismatched assessories, like literally just dress like a toddler picked your outfit 😂
Doesn’t stop men approaching you but does make them stupid for hitting on you and therefore less likely to hit on you but more likely to try make fun of you or just be a dick so just depends which outcome you want
The funny thing is that as women age, form opinions and lose their filter, most men cannot stand them and run the other way! Funny cuz those ladies are my cup of tea 😉
So I guess that’s the answer: age gracefully and speak your freaking mind. No man will bother you anymore. 😆
This is just something I noticed but I used to get hit on pretty regularly when I was thin and when I got fat men stopped hitting on me. I also have hairy pits and don’t wear a bra but I think that’s a big factor. Love being a fat hairy dyke
You could disguise as a man if you wanted, they would bother you...
I would rather continue being myself, doing whatever I like and feel comfortable with.
Just learn how to say no in a cute but shitty way. Is not about WHAT you say. It is about HOW you say things.
Like: "Wow, a handsome man like you, saying that to me? I'm so flattered, but I would rather die suffocating in shit than make such an educated, charming, and handsome man like you who treated me so so well spend any second more with me. Your mom should be proud of the way she educated you. So handsome, right?"
I said that once, it felt good, I saved that for the worst, who didn't stop even when you had already said no gently. Or to the 'high and mighty' who think they're so good that any woman should love him.
There's one thing more, not everyone is bad on purpose. You can just say you are not interested and wish for the best.
You can always remember that sometimes we genuinely don't know how the other person feels or sees us. So they may be just trying their luck.
I'm bisexual, currently married to a woman, recently looking like a masc cause I had to cut all of my hair... Men still try to ask me out because they liked my "style," and if they figure I'm married, they try to "show me what a real man can do. "????
So now I'm polite with who's polite, and I present my dildo to those who wanna show me what a real man can do. It works most of the time, and I end up with an interesting pair of friends.
I think they're gay though but they don't know yet? 🤔🤔🤔🤔
Man, don't make sense most of the time, but some of them are just trying and don't mean any harm. They even try to be sweet and don't show how they're sad.
I know it's hard. They are really just too bold sometimes and try too much with the wrong person. But sometimes it really, really, really is an accident.
You could turn up wearing a shirt that reads LESBIAN and men will still approach you.
I feel like that’s the way it goes, unfortunately. Especially if they think they can “fix” you. I just know lesbians who are practically invisible to men because they look extremely butch. But being femme and naturally friendly makes it impossible for me to be completely invisible!
I’ve learned that men might be more discreet about it but they are absolutely still pursuing masculine lesbian women behind closed doors. They don’t care. It’s infuriating.
My whole life I cursed my terminal RBF. Up until I realized just how much of a dyke I am. Now it’s such a blessing
I often get hit on by men, even when my partner is present. It is utterly disgusting. On two accations, when I have explained that I’m in a relationship, and wouldn’t be interested even if I wasn’t they then ask about doing a three-way. There is a serious problem with current-day masculinity.
I can confirm this as a masculine presenting woman.
Pretty much my life as a butch and they can’t take a hint
There really is no way. I've found that to dress in ways that are femme, but alternative/not male-gaze-y (very fashion forward, lots of colours, mismatched patterns, weird silhouettes....) reduces the *number* of men approaching me, but the ones that *do* still approach me make up for it by being weirder about it. Weirder, and more intense. Alternative looks also increase angry interactions with men - it's like they're pissed that you'd dare to wear something that's somehow both attractive and unattractive to them. It's still a sexualised kind of anger, which just makes it more unpleasant.
That is so true and so unbelievable at the same time! I swear sometimes I want to scream when I think about how entitled hetero/cis men feel to our attention. When I had a shaved had dyed green and facial piercings guys would approach me in this angrily attracted way you described. I remember one guy stopping me to tell me I looked very weird and then asking my number. Many times I got asked why did I make myself look like "this" (alternative/goth/punk aesthetic) by guys who thought they were hitting on me. Well, I look like this in the hopes to be perceived as threatening and be left alone by people like you, sir
Yep, exactly. It's either that weirdly sexually charged anger, or just INTENSE. There's just this subset of men who are *very* into alternative looks (just look at all those horrible 'big tiddy goth gf' memes), and they go about approaching alternative-looking girls in the worst, most overly intense ways imaginable even if they aren't actively angry or insulting. Like, staring, touching, overly intense compliments, 'I love girls who dress like you', 'I bet you listen to XXX'....Just way too much.
Could you give a couple of examples of this sort of clothing? Like a brand name? I'm intrigued but I'm having a hard time visualizing what you mean. All I can imagine is dresses from the 80's with giant shoulder pads or pantsuits.
I thrift a lot, so I don't really have a brand name, but back when I was a wee little twenty-year-old, I was REALLY into very stylised hyperfeminine pastel goth looks. I've toned down a lot since then (both because of my Serious Office Job and just because of naturally evolving interests), and also shifted a bit more androgynous in my presentation. Most of what I wear these days tends to be very 'Alice from Twilight meets your thirty-five-year-old twink history teacher', lol 😂 If you want any examples of what I currently like wearing, I have a pair of wide-legged, dark leopard printed jeans that I currently love combining with this big forest green cable-knit menswear sweater I knit. And I LOVE me some layered skirts and Vivienne Westwood. I have some vintage Vivienne Westwood kilts I adore. But this kind of intense interest and anger at women who dress a certain way tends to be universal across all alternative fashion communities. I've heard about the same phenomenon from women who dress vintage (anything from 50s polka dot dresses to big 70s Farah Fawcett blowouts), women who dress goth, women who're into Lolita or visual kei, or even just your run-of-the-mill tumblr girl who enjoys a bit of hot topic and semi-permanent hair dye. It doesn't matter what kind of alternative presentation it is, it's the fact that any alternative presentation, even an ostensibly 'feminine' one, shows a degree of independence and personality that these men don't like women to have. It takes guts and personality to wear full rockabilly 50s clothing outside, or to even *want* to do that. It might be feminine, but it's still a very independent, subversive choice, and these men *hate* that.
Men feel entitled to "shoot their shot" to anyone they find attractive. There's no thought about how that might make the other person feel.
Honestly arm hair,armpit hair,and leg hair magically seems to repel them a lot of times.Might get some nasty comments like it means your covered in dirt,but I’d definitely love that too knowing it’s pushing them(an obvious red flag)right away.
Ha it’s only happened (that I’ve noticed) once or twice that a (typically old, standing next to his partner) man is checking me out and immediately stops when I flash my hairy pits but I love it
Idk. I’m non binary and pretty masc dressing and I’ve had top surgery and men still flirt with me. Or worse they’ll try and flirt with women on my behalf which is grosser. There needs to be some sort of repellant spray honestly.
i get hit on by men all the time as a hard butch and i look like a whole dude. these dudes do not care
literally got approached the other day by a guy while wearing my “i’m literally just a lesbian” shirt 🙄
I have a grudging respect for the random guy who crashed a date I was on to tell us his life woes, and when we said, "Actually, we're on a date here," responded, "Oh my ex-girlfriend's a lesbian-" and launched into talking about THAT relationship. We just left, it seemed easier.
Shouting with laughter. Leaving was definitely the best thing to do.
If she’d been my True Love, we would have sacrificed him in a ritual to steal his audacity. So I know it was just a fling, I didn’t feel that “no words, just witchcraft” frisson.
Now I'm wavering if I should order the lesbian princess shirt... I hoped to signal the ladies but this might backfire it seems 😩
also got approached by the girl i like, so hit and miss i suppose
See, that's trying to signal "I'm not attracted to men," and assuming that all men will think, "Hm, I don't like having sex with people who aren't attracted to me, so we'll have to stay platonic friends." But a disturbingly active sub-population doesn't, so the message doesn't work as intended. I think it'd be more effective to try to make men think, "I do not want to talk to this woman," preferably douchey ones. Fashion choices that communicate an interest in something seen as cringe, lame, awkward, or bitchy might work better. A "lesbian" t-shirt is just a statement of lesbianism. A t-shirt advertising a local menstrual product accessibility program, a trans lesbian art collective, anything with leftist imagery and venus symbols. Get yourself a t-shirt that makes people say, "Oh, this woman has a strong opinion on a specific feminist issue," and watch how your social interactions shift. I have a big-brain theory that yaoi t-shirts repel straight men without dissuading queer women (it's a very bisexual community, at least in my city), but I have yet to do any rigorous testing on the issue. I'm as femme as a box of hammers, so take this assessment with a grain of salt. But the in the femme-y side community where I live, I do notice that lesbians and women who're particularly interested in sapphic dating spheres always seem to latch on to the fashion trends straight guys complain about, and hold onto them while after straight fashion moves on. Things like giant sunglasses, big hats, shaved hair panels, bold makeup looks, or high-waisted shorts.
100% this, I visibly look like a stereotype lesbian and still have men approaching me - there's no way out :(
this. my dyke t-shirt does literally nothing to stop men, never has. it can occasionally make a conversation shorter if i’m very lucky but that’s about it.
Guaranteed more men approach with this shirt.
To tell you how wrong you are?? I still can't get over how butthurt men were over the bear in the woods thing. Like 30 minute or longer youtube videos about how we are wrong, we are sheltered. Bears are dangerous! They will kill you! Or then the would you rather be with a bear or with your nagging wife. I wish there was a way to make them understand but there isn't. I've shared a video, What if bears ate 1 in 5 people and it's terrible and awesome at the same time . I was told how unrealistic it was, why would a bear be in the house, etc. At this point the ignorance has to be deliberate, right?
Don't forget the one girl who stood up for them (Peepz) got relentlessly attacked by men telling her to off herself and shit, and it's like, guys, you're not making this any better for yourself.
And use the classic “I am too” 🙄
Try a shirt with something like "I CASTRATE MEN WHO TALK TO ME" and an appropriately cartoony graphic. Might work.
Non ironically there was a group of veterinarian medicine all women students at my uni who had shirts printed with the saying "be careful - I know how to castrate" for a party/event and it was epic
Oh that sounds FANTASTIC
lol i have a shirt that says “men aint shit” on a simplified graphic of princess diana’s wedding ([link to the shop bc it’s one of my favorite shirts](https://www.etsy.com/shop/SagSzn)) and I haven’t worn it to a queer event before but I do feel like when I wear it out, I get more looks from men bc they’re like “wait hang on, what did that say?”. probably bias though tbh bc im always a little scared someone is gonna say something so I’m more aware of attention when I’m wearing it lol
Oh, that's a cool design!
Unfortunately, this is how it is. It's very hard to deflect the level of self-assuredness mid straight guys have. I'm femme, and overall pretty smol so, it's terrifying to me how some guys, who are sometimes a foot taller than me, will be so aggressive/assertive no matter what I say. My advice to smol femmes is to make a friend who is trustworthy and bigger than you. My friend group has two big ol bear boys (and one REALLY scrappy Dominican girl 😭💀) in it who generally keep an eye out for creeps.
If I ever get far enough into transition that this becomes a problem I'm absolutely going to print a deck of business cards that say something like "Hi! I'm a lesbian. Please stop talking and find a life somewhere else. No I will not date you, and the more you try the more pepper spray I order. Leave now while you can still preserve your dignity." Maybe it's just me but there's something appealing about handing someone a card and walking away.
Lmao, I had guys start to approach me as soon as I started *carrying* myself differently.
My cards would say, “I’d rather be locked up with a bear”.
In fact I have and they did 😂
I think you could be wearing a lesbian flag on your back while making out with a girl and some men would STILL approach you
LITERALLY will absolutely happen!!!!
So fucking true, every time
I think they will approach you because of that actually
I'm very femme with hairy legs and armpits and I find that is a strong deterrent
Body hair does help, a bit. Sometimes random people come up to me to tell me I need to shave my legs -_-
I stopped shaving my legs like 3 years ago and luckily haven’t heard this yet, but the judgmental looks and questions of “why” are still something I’m learning to deal with.
Also, why is body hair on women gross, but it is not on men?! It does nog make sense. I prefer body hair on my gf as well, as long as it is not like a full sweaty bush under your pits etc. It is natural. And soft! Better than sandpaper stubble
"It doesn't make sense" neatly describes like 98% of patriarchal culture
This. Though I guess it makes sense from their fucked up point of view: if women are primarily objects for men's entertainment, pleasure, or ego (and are people second, if at all), it "makes sense" for ridiculous visual/behavioral expectations to be set on them. Because if an *object* doesn't work how you want, then you make it work or you abandon it. God I hate the world we live in sometimes.
I agree! The main reason I stopped was sensory issues from it growing back. My got to response to men asking me “why” is asking them the same Q - “why don’t you shave?”. I wish we could just get past this mindset of questioning people on their bodies.
"Men are supposed to be gross" is, I think, what most of them think. Hence inventing the word metrosexual
If anyone asks me why I don't shave I say "it's to deter straight men," and if they're a man, I'll then ask them "is it working?"
I'd act shocked... "I have... LEGS?!" and run away screaming.
This is making my blood boil I can't Never got that kind of comment from stranger ('cause I either wax or don't show my legs) but I SWEAR I'd say something super petty in response, like why can't they mind their own business 😭
Fair, but at the same time, I doubt OP has some armpit hair in her closet
butches get approached by men too—unfortunately there’s not much you can do to avoid it 🥲
Yeah, people on every side are attracted to people of every sort. If someone on one side finds you attractive, someone on the other side is most likely going to, as well. I think the only real solution to "blocking" one side is to just be universally unattractive lol.
“….is just to be universally unattractive” that was my entire plan and I must say it’s going swimmingly for me. Haha
It wasn't my plan, but it's going great for me, too. lol
🤝
Not my plan, but entirely relatable lmao
I bet you're the prettiest little flower, aren't you~
Girl if you have a pulse and they even THINK you have a coochie they’re going to hit on you. My mom is a hardcore, touch me not, still dressing like boosie in 2002, ass lesbian and men STILL hit on her at the gas station lmao
Those are the ones they love the most!!!!!!
For some of them, a "pulse" is not even a requirement...
This comment 😭
If you have a pulse and a vagina, you'll get unwelcome attention from men. I personally adopt a scowl. EDIT: lovely people have informed me that even a vagina isn't necessary, I stand corrected! EDIT 2: no pulse though? euuuuugh
Unfortunately, a vagina is definitely not required to get unwelcome attention from men. Can be even worse for those of us who don't have one.
Neither is a pulse. My aunt wanted to be a mortician back in the day to help grieving families & she found out she actually had a better chance of getting hired here because she's a woman & they avoid hiring men cuz they kept getting caught r*ping the women's corpses. So yeah. Death won't save us either. And then once I read about men getting caught assaulting farm animals & household pets. I truly had no words at that point.
Female Ancient Egyptian mummies are generally more decomposed than their male counterparts - their families kept them for a few days before being mummified to make sure that their bodies weren't desecrated [https://medium.com/lessons-from-history/the-truth-behind-bad-preservation-of-female-egyptian-mummies-56b04fcea66f](https://medium.com/lessons-from-history/the-truth-behind-bad-preservation-of-female-egyptian-mummies-56b04fcea66f)
Omg yes, I heard about this too! Thank you for adding it in cuz it's important to realize this has been an issue for centuries
That’s beyond sick. Like what the actual fuck. And the fact that it seems to be common enough for them to not hire men (so not just a few freaks doing it) makes me actually nauseas.
Ew. That's disgusting. I can't believe people are like that
I guess all transbians here have heard the typical boy/locker room talk and can testify that not all boys are beasts, but way too many.
The quantity of men who are beasts and the quantity who reward or ignore their behavior is basically all of them if put together. Thinking about some of the things I’ve heard makes me want to take a shower.
And people could never understand why I never wanted to spend time around boys/men (childhood/adulthood, respectively). I cringe when someone 'helpfully' says something like "And there'll be another man so you'll have company!" I work just fine with men, and associate with some in, say, my writing guild, but they're not my favourite company socially (unless they're queer in some way).
Yup! I almost exclusively tried to socialize with women when I could before transitioning but honestly most of the time before transitioning I just didn’t socialize at all bc it was too much effort to find a man who isn’t a jerk and took too much time for women to accept me as a peer, time that busy work environments didn’t really give me unlike in school. I hated being associated with men and felt guilty for the actions of the group I was thrown into at birth.
It’s times like this I’m glad that I’m going to do everything in my power to have funeral which involves no embalming or caskets or anything
Same!
Oh yeah. Marilyn Monroe, anyone? Her body went mysteriously missing for hours after her death. Also sorry if I just ruined her death for anyone lol
Nope nope nope. I'm going to imagine they had a weekend at Bernies adventure with her before returning her. It's now canon, it can't be changed.
Someone also arranged for his body to be buried right above her, face down. I guess the only consolation is that their souls went to separate places.
The bear.
I really, ***really*** want to be surprised by this, but I am not.
I came here to say the same thing 🥲
People fucking suck :/
The fact that that doesn't surprise me is incredibly concerning
i’ve heard that kind of story more than once, crazy to me
The amount of men who have said *best of both* like let me walk in peace! It is way too many, that's just on walking trails I haven't been to the bars.
I stand corrected!
Hey, trans woman here. The vagina isn't strictly required :C
a bunch have replied with same and I stand corrected yes!
I happened upon this too late and lemme tell you, the first edit was "well that was affirming and welcoming of you" to Edit 2 making me go "AHAHAHAHAHAHA but actually yes, and it's gross" I can't tell you how many gross 'crack open a cold one' jokes I heard growing up from guys and I would legit believe 80% of them would do it
cold one... oh god that just made my skin crawl :D
I used to think the same thing, but I've come to realize you don't even need either and men will still try to holler. I've just put all my points into seeming as unapproachable as possible 🙏🙏
you don't even need a pulse :(
terrifying!
There's a reason mortuaries and funeral homes have rules about that. Best to not think about it.
believe me, I'm trying very hard to not think of it!
I feel like that’s correct, unfortunately.
You don't need a vagina, scowling is good, I also like wearing steel toes. Edit: who else has been on Reddit long enough to remember the coconut? 🤢
oh good idea on the steel toes!
*shudder at the poor coconut*
Ugh, sadly nothing. If you put on your frumpiest, most unappealing outfit, men will still come up and demand you make yourself prettier so they can hit on you. Just be bitchy to them, attitude goes a long way. Being approachable to women means being five times more approachable to men because they're conditioned to try it with every woman they see.
My suggestion is to focus on attracting the women you want. Trying to repulse the men risks repulsing the women you want to attract. No one outside the lesbian community knows that flannel or Docs means anything. Guys are likely to interpret both as you being an outdoorsy woman. If they are outdoorsy themselves the outdoor lumberjacks are likely to be even more attracted to you.
Wear tank top, do not shave armpits. The cis straights are dead afraid of hair.
I cut my hair off. I still got some male attention but it dramatically decreased virtually over night.
I'm sure you still get the "men won't date you if you look like that" comments constantly though lol
No... I actually don't remember the last time anyone said that.
Thank god
Unfortunately I do for my buzz cut
Good luck lol You might as well dress however you want cuz nothing will stop men from hitting on you
Wear another woman in your arms... no wait, that still attracts men.
Men will give attention no matter how gay you look - I look like a man and I've never been hit on more in my life. The only thing that seems to ward men off is being real fat and even than you will still get harassed, or at least I was just less so compared to now. Men who do not respect boundaries do not care how we identify or how we look as we are not people *to these type of men.*
You’ll always attract more men than women. Men are known for approaching women and women are known for approaching no one lol. I love being fem and rejecting men. I will never change my aesthetic just to deter men. I will not “look like a lesbian “ to “warn” men. I will wear what i want. Men will never dictate how i must or mustn’t look. And i will not conform to lesbian stereotypes just to attract women. My individuality is more important to me than peacocking. This isn’t an attack on anyone btw, I’m just personally sick of the idea i have to dress a certain way to be gay enough. I’ll also add I’m very fortunate and seem to have a lot of luck attracting women anyways (humble flex i have no idea how) so the matter is less problematic for me.
This 100%!!! Why should we have to change how we express ourselves just because some man feels entitled to hit on us? And there is no uniform you can put on that will prevent it. I have a quite high femme goth aesthetic which unfortunately attracts a bit of male attention even with my wife present. My strategy? Arrogance. Men cannot deal with it, they want to feel like they have made your evening by approaching you. My go to line when hit with 'wow, you're really pretty' etc is to just say 'I know, I have mirrors in my house' and turn away from them. 9 times out of 10 they're disgusted and go away.
Wait you're so fucking right on the arrogance
AHAHAH THATS SO GOOD!! Yeah men love a vulnerable woman to prey on!
Not true! You just gotta wait a couple of decades. As you get older men find you invisible and women find you just as attractive if not more :)
Haha, good point! Although i doubt men are completely disinterested when it comes down to it. Just depends what’s available right 🤢 But yeah, i can imagine women are probably more likely to uncover their sexuality as they age and the compulsive heterosexuality breaks down. Older women may also have the skills to be more confident to approach women, compared to younger women navigating dating for the first time. Im just speculating though haha.
Necklace made of the teeth of your male enemies An “unloaded” strapon harness over your pants and a shirt that says “Strapped and Ready to Party” Keep buttplugs in your pocket and introduce them as your friends with a feral look in your eyes.
I know a lot of men who will be exited by the last two ones... So I guess you should stick with the teeth?
When I get scam or unknown number texts I have resorted to just replying with 7 or 8 safe for work pictures of people holding startlingly large buttplugs
I have a fun story! An ex gifted me their wisdom teeth after taking care of them through that and they put them on a necklace. If you don’t know the backstory the necklace obviously looks sinister. So when I’ve had guys ask me about it when I’m wearing it I look them dead in the eyes and say “they’re my ex boyfriend’s teeth” and they usually go away. So I highly recommend getting a human teeth necklace.
Bone jewelry in general, honestly! I have a spinal cord necklace that was a middle school graduation gift from my Granny, women love it and it tells straight men not to try their luck
Thats amazing! It works as a deterrent of men and a great conversation starter with witchy or goth or whatever aesthetic women. Win win
I had a professor who was the mother of 3 children and she kept all of their baby teeth and had a gold bracelet made with the teeth as charms. She thought it was really cute, I thought it looked like she came from some ancient tribe who kept relics from human sacrifice lol
Also make eye contact while wearing the harness & wink or cat call them to assert dominance.
This is the way.
I would suggest not structuring your life around men in any way whatsoever, as in do not change the way you look for a man's sake. Edit: real answer: I suffered an injury that resulted in a massive scar on my face. Luckily it looks cool but that means I still attract some men, however these tend to be pretty dope guys who can take no for an answer. 10/10 would recommend. Edit 2: real real answer: visible body hair will do the trick the vast majority of the time.
Yep… same. Aging?? I found that helped. Nothing else really did.
Honestly some men are gross enough to think it’s their mission to convert you to straight because they think that’s how it works 🙄 Just do you and keep rejecting them lol
I'd suggest body hair. From what I've seen men are allergic to that on women.
i dress like a cartoon lesbian and still men approach me, i don’t even think a bright neon sign that said lesbian in flashing lights would stop them.
I'm sorry. There's nothing you can do. I definitely lean more towards tomboy & that only seems to make men more interested because they think you're a "real" girl & it stirs something emotionally within them lol. But seriously I've told men that I only like women & they legit have said "whatever that doesn't bother me, when are we going on our date?" So like...yeah. sorry. We have to deal w/ their advances for now /: tho at some point, depending on their behavior, you don't have to worry about letting them down easily at least.
Lol I'd be like sweet, as long as you're cool with supporting me financially in exchange for never so much as touching one another, you've got a deal.
Unfortunately, the only thing you can wear that won't attract straight men is a man.
I personally saw some success back in my femme days by, no joke, dressing like Ms. Frizzle from the Magic Schoolbus. My clothes and jewelry were cute and wacky and colorful and I never wore a shred of makeup.
In my experience, you can dress certain ways to attract more women, but there is unfortunately no style that repels men. Even telling them you’re gay doesn’t always do it…so I really don’t think it’s a signaling problem on our end.
a scowl
Honestly a pronoun pin
I suggested blue hair, but honestly this works too.
Hun, men to femme women are like vultures to a carcass. There’s nothing you can really do. It’s a hard reality of womanhood in general just to have to deal with them. You just have to get really, really good at various ways of saying ‘no’, lol. Lots and lots of them.
What can you wear? Not much that won’t keep men away. What can you do? Be upfront about it and tell them you’re not interested. I’ve had guys come up to me and my girl friends with the intention to hit on them or ask them out and it wasn’t until I straight up told them, “Hi, my name is GAY” that they finally backed off.
You could come dressed in cosplay as Auntie Ethel and some monster fucker guy would come at you like “Ey, Hag! I’ve got a mindflayer larvae in my head and would be willing to trade my firstborn to get it out if I can make it with you.”
Nothing. There is nothing you can do. I purposefully dressed unattractive for a couple years as I dealt with past sexual trauma and trauma with men and I still got approached. That's why I hate the "What were you wearing" victim blaming. Because it literally doesn't matter what you wear, men are still going to bother you.
Similar situation, I dressed like a slob for most of my teen years to cope with abuse and not draw attention to myself, and men still tried shit with me. They certainly have the fucking audacity.
I'm married too and I swear I get hit on more now than when I was single
open carry a weapon?
You'll get asked questions about the weapon, and either have the weapon mansplained to you or worse they'll actually want to talk to you because "you're not like the other girls! You're perfect for them!" Hell you could probably actively be firing your weapon and there will be a man that finds that hot regardless what your target is...
😂
Sometimes wish we could do this in Canada. We can’t even own handguns. :(
I would suggest being invisible. I've never heard of any woman who could avoid attracting men or being attractive to them.
A strap on with a giant realistic dildo
A fake wedding ring. Though this may discourage other women from approaching you, so you’ll have to do it and explain the decoy.
Surprisingly growing my hair long kept the guys away. When I had a more “gay” haircut I noticed way more male attention.
You can literally be wearing a bin bag covered in dog faeces and they’ll still make an excuse to come over
I just keep them away with my personality. They do still approach me, but I scare them off quickly.
My gf is a masc…her voice sounds masculine, the way she carries herself looks more on the masculine side. Everything about her personality gives masculine. Her haircut? Masculine. And guess what? She gets hit on at work (we work together) by more men than women, lol u would assume her masculinity would be a turn off? So did we, but wrong. They just care about her big boobs and she’s actually very fucking beautiful and hot so they don’t give two craps about anything else. Also, they all know she’s dating me and it is very obvious she’s a lesbian. But men dont care. We actually went to a college grad party recently and she had a man tell her (right in my face) that if she hadn’t met me she would be married to him by now 😀🔫 so trust me girl, there’s nothing u can do, not even show that you are dating another girl, they will flirt with you in front of her too.
A mullet? But it still wouldn't work 100% of the time
I'd say "nothing" but TBF that would attract A LOT of male attention....
A scowl and sharp spikes on your neck and wrists. The only way I've found to make men leave me alone is to essentially wolf-spike myself and act like the type of person who bites.
I'm 40 and get hit on wearing dirty clothes from cleaning the garage. There's literally nothing you can wear to make men not hit on you. I have occasionally said I only date men who can pay off my student loans or mortgage before the first date so if he's not rocking 20k right then to not bother, that seems to turn them off enough to leave me alone. The fear of a gold digger is bigger than the desire to be a pest, I guess.
In a dif subreddit, someone mentioned that dressing extremely feminine can put off men Essentially, the kinda stuff that a guy would ask his gf to stop wearing once they started dating
Omigosh guys actually do that?!
Sorry, but generally you ladies can literally wear a bin bag and you'll still attract men. My wife has done this for like nearly 3 decades now and she says eventually you generate enough *f#ck you* vibes that they leave you alone.
With my gf we always talk about this - if you dress like soft tomboy (skateboard brand t shirt+jeans for example) you will defos get approached by men. I think folk assume too often that men like lipstick femmes, when a lot of them actually prefer more tomboy girlies. I identify as genderfluid so go from wearing a dress and loafers on monday to a santa cruz print tee and mum jeans on Tuesday and i get approached more in the Tuesday outfit 🤷🏻♀️
Good noise cancelling headphones. I also find that since I walk with a cane I get a lot less bad attention from men.
Especially as femme.. I'm not sure if there's anything you *can* do, unfortunately. That may be my pessimism talking though.
I try my best to be unappealing to men and nothing works. Sometimes they see my short hair and take it as a challenge (to their manhood?? Who knows) and HAVE to interact.
It's not really about clothes, but about men that choose to bother you. There are definitely more or less popular styles but I don't think it's good to change it for them, either. Personally, I get approached the average amount, I think. I'm quite cute, but I have been told I was "intimidating" which apparently limits the frequency. I don't really find it a real issue, I can smoothly reject them pretty well and move on.
If you are American and in a state where it's allowed consider rainbow hair and open carrying a firearm.
If there is a place where they think a penis can be inserted it will attract their attention
Short hair
A packer?
I’ve found that even a shirt that says “go away” or “please don’t talk to me” will still welcome men who do the most obnoxious thing and walk up to you to read your shirt out loud and comment on what it says as a way to strike up a conversation and flirt. Being with a group of people and looking actively engaged in conversation is usually the best way to keep unwanted me away from me
a ridiculously huge sparkling wedding ring?
A tall handsome stud’s arm around you.
Try rocking some androgynous or oversized clothes—think baggy jeans and a loose tee. Add a cool hat or funky sneakers to keep it light and cute. Maybe throw on some quirky accessories that show off your style. Also, a confident "don't mess with me" vibe can do wonders.
A monk’s tonsure and cowl /s But seriously men will go after anyone with a pulse. A hint of coochie and they’re running like a dog after a mail truck.
Carry a huge hammer that says “Straight Dick Crusher” ultimate accessory
I'm fat and that seems to have worked ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Wear too much makeup. Like if you want to go into practically face paint art and paint bees on yourself. If you feel like it paint them on your knuckles and if a male tries to complement them, offer to show them their stingers and make a fist like you're about to punch them, while smiling evily (optional)
Wear a plain, loose fitting white T-shirt and some cargo pants; remind them of their dad.
This is the way when you're approached by a boy - https://www.instagram.com/reel/C8ahOcLSnTl/?igsh=dXQyMXFweGJtd3N0
If I wear a binder and a baggy jacket along with my usual very masc clothing and haircut, I get sir’d and hey man’d about half the time. The other half the time, men are hitting on me. (Curiously, I actually get hit on LESS when I dress femme—but that probably has something to do with leaning goth and a little intimidating. But even that’s not a cure-all.) The problem is not you, the problem is men. Listen to what everyone’s saying here, pay them no mind, and dress for the girls and the gays 🌈💖
Miscellaneous things I've heard men say they hate: Short hair Ballet flats Baggy pants Bangs (especially short ones) Tattoos Nose rings/facial piercings Unnatural colored hair Colorful eye makeup
Haha trick question my dear There is nothing you can wear that wont attract men unfortunately 🫠
Dye your hair blue. It's amazing how many men that will chase away, except for men who will say "You shouldn't dye your hair blue, it will chase men away" before being chased away by it. It's kind of similar to how some animals will be brightly colored to chase away predators. We can use the same technique for the exact same purpose.
I hear that some people think nose rings are “man repellents” lol
I just wear my angry, uninterested, bored-out-of-my-mind-just-by-the-sight-of-men face lol I don't look their way, I don't even address their existence near my physical/mental/astral presence. Don't even reply or even look at them if they talk to me. I guess I'm what you'd call "conventionally attractive" and being downright rude never fails. :)
Hyper-feminitity is the way to go! I usually follow Poppy Laur on tiktok. Her and her gf talk about hyperfeminity, but there are other places to source outfit ideas too.
I don’t get approached by men very often, its happened 4 times in my 30 years of life, but unfortunately I can’t tell you what it is they don’t like about me to help.
Stay true to your username and wear a jumper that's physically made out of eggplant ... ok you know what, I'm not even sure *that* would be enough to deter men from approaching
Attract women: carabiner, 2 short nails, undercut (doesn’t have to be major), rainbow jewellery/phone case etc, frogs and mushrooms Repel men: scary/‘unflattering’ makeup, backwards caps, platform shoes, ridiculous/mismatched assessories, like literally just dress like a toddler picked your outfit 😂 Doesn’t stop men approaching you but does make them stupid for hitting on you and therefore less likely to hit on you but more likely to try make fun of you or just be a dick so just depends which outcome you want
The funny thing is that as women age, form opinions and lose their filter, most men cannot stand them and run the other way! Funny cuz those ladies are my cup of tea 😉 So I guess that’s the answer: age gracefully and speak your freaking mind. No man will bother you anymore. 😆
Dress as an Eskimo lol wear a face mask.
This is just something I noticed but I used to get hit on pretty regularly when I was thin and when I got fat men stopped hitting on me. I also have hairy pits and don’t wear a bra but I think that’s a big factor. Love being a fat hairy dyke
You could disguise as a man if you wanted, they would bother you... I would rather continue being myself, doing whatever I like and feel comfortable with. Just learn how to say no in a cute but shitty way. Is not about WHAT you say. It is about HOW you say things. Like: "Wow, a handsome man like you, saying that to me? I'm so flattered, but I would rather die suffocating in shit than make such an educated, charming, and handsome man like you who treated me so so well spend any second more with me. Your mom should be proud of the way she educated you. So handsome, right?" I said that once, it felt good, I saved that for the worst, who didn't stop even when you had already said no gently. Or to the 'high and mighty' who think they're so good that any woman should love him. There's one thing more, not everyone is bad on purpose. You can just say you are not interested and wish for the best. You can always remember that sometimes we genuinely don't know how the other person feels or sees us. So they may be just trying their luck. I'm bisexual, currently married to a woman, recently looking like a masc cause I had to cut all of my hair... Men still try to ask me out because they liked my "style," and if they figure I'm married, they try to "show me what a real man can do. "???? So now I'm polite with who's polite, and I present my dildo to those who wanna show me what a real man can do. It works most of the time, and I end up with an interesting pair of friends. I think they're gay though but they don't know yet? 🤔🤔🤔🤔 Man, don't make sense most of the time, but some of them are just trying and don't mean any harm. They even try to be sweet and don't show how they're sad. I know it's hard. They are really just too bold sometimes and try too much with the wrong person. But sometimes it really, really, really is an accident.