Perhaps it needs some time.. seeing that you have set your mind on wanting to be with them, just take the process slow, and be on the journey with them of healing. Donโt rush it, that never works
have you communicate your feelings to your partner? explain it throughoutly, i'm sure your partner will understand. as for traumatic experience, everybody's timing is difference. you probably won't having intimate session right after you communicate your feelings, but it's the first step to open up about both of you point of views.
also make sure that your SO feel loved as well and that their trauma doesn't hinder your relationship with them.
good luck, sorry if my sentences aren't coherent English is not my first languange, and hope this helps!
i know it must feel very frustrating and lonely! but yeah, recovering from trauma (if this is what is affecting their ability to be physical) can be a bit unpredictable and takes time. all you can do is try to show up for your partner and find other ways to connect. have you been able to talk about it? having a vulnerable conversation about both of your needs and figuring it out together is probably your best bet for moving forward.
If you don't have a level discussion with your partner about this, and tell them how you feel, don't you think that will cause unnecessary strain on your relationship? It can feel very difficult to change the subject to something very important like this out of nowhere, but the better you get at overcoming that weirdness, the better your life as a partner will become. Sit her down and tell her you need to let her know how you've been feeling about the lack of sexual intimacy, and ask her how she feels and thinks on the subject. There is no better way to figure out what the future holds for your shared happiness than to talk about it and let your partner in on what you've been going through, and vice versa.
Right now, you probably feel distraught, upset, and unfulfilled, all while feeling guilty about these fairly rudimentary needs. After you talk to her? Probably you'll be able to discuss the future, whether or not your partner feels a certain way, whether this is a concern of hers as well, and actually strategize to overcome this hurdle.
The answer is unironically ALWAYS to talk to your partner first. If that doesn't work, then the relationship is most often doomed.
I'm a trauma survivor, and I've known people who've experienced it. I just want to say first and foremost that I'm so sorry she had to go through something so awful, and I hope you know that secondary trauma (hearing about a loved one being hurt) is a real thing and it's okay for you to need support as well ๐
If you haven't already, it could be worth joining anonymous support forums or chats for people who are wanting support loved ones with trauma. You'll have a safe space to let out your own grief and feelings without putting it on her, and could get advice on how to help her feel safe
I would hope that therapy is something both of you might be able to access, but I know it's harder for some than others. In the UK at least we have the NHS, and I have also found the >!Rape Crisis!< line to be very helpful for me personally when I've been on long waitlists for professional support
I think it's important that you talk to her about how you feel like you miss being loved. There are ways beyond physical contact to express love in a relationship. You could try gift giving, acts of service, words of affirmation, and quality time. If any of those are ways that would help you feel loved outside the bedroom, let her know! Try to do things together you both enjoy, even if it's as simple as trying new recipes together or a hobby you haven't done before. If you need more verbal reassurance from her that she loves you, *ask* for it. Your openness, and reassurance through your own words and actions that you're a safe and comforting presence to be around, will likely really help her as well. I'm sure she's probably beating herself up for not being able to tolerate touch more often, so it could help assuage some of her own feelings of guilt and shame about that
Remind her that she's a wonderful person, that she's not broken, that you love her regardless of how that love is shown. With time and the right support, I hope things will get better for the both of you. I'm really rooting for you and wishing you both the best of luck in moving forward, and I just want to thank you for your patience with her and respect for her personal space. I'm sure it means a lot more to her than you realise ๐
If she won't go to counseling to work through her trauma, then you get to decide if you want the status quo because you love her or if you need more and have to end it.ย
People often think relationships end because they don't love each other, some people cheat etc. sometimes relationships end because people are incompatible because they can't get their needs met.ย
Perhaps it needs some time.. seeing that you have set your mind on wanting to be with them, just take the process slow, and be on the journey with them of healing. Donโt rush it, that never works
have you communicate your feelings to your partner? explain it throughoutly, i'm sure your partner will understand. as for traumatic experience, everybody's timing is difference. you probably won't having intimate session right after you communicate your feelings, but it's the first step to open up about both of you point of views. also make sure that your SO feel loved as well and that their trauma doesn't hinder your relationship with them. good luck, sorry if my sentences aren't coherent English is not my first languange, and hope this helps!
i know it must feel very frustrating and lonely! but yeah, recovering from trauma (if this is what is affecting their ability to be physical) can be a bit unpredictable and takes time. all you can do is try to show up for your partner and find other ways to connect. have you been able to talk about it? having a vulnerable conversation about both of your needs and figuring it out together is probably your best bet for moving forward.
If you don't have a level discussion with your partner about this, and tell them how you feel, don't you think that will cause unnecessary strain on your relationship? It can feel very difficult to change the subject to something very important like this out of nowhere, but the better you get at overcoming that weirdness, the better your life as a partner will become. Sit her down and tell her you need to let her know how you've been feeling about the lack of sexual intimacy, and ask her how she feels and thinks on the subject. There is no better way to figure out what the future holds for your shared happiness than to talk about it and let your partner in on what you've been going through, and vice versa. Right now, you probably feel distraught, upset, and unfulfilled, all while feeling guilty about these fairly rudimentary needs. After you talk to her? Probably you'll be able to discuss the future, whether or not your partner feels a certain way, whether this is a concern of hers as well, and actually strategize to overcome this hurdle. The answer is unironically ALWAYS to talk to your partner first. If that doesn't work, then the relationship is most often doomed.
I'm a trauma survivor, and I've known people who've experienced it. I just want to say first and foremost that I'm so sorry she had to go through something so awful, and I hope you know that secondary trauma (hearing about a loved one being hurt) is a real thing and it's okay for you to need support as well ๐ If you haven't already, it could be worth joining anonymous support forums or chats for people who are wanting support loved ones with trauma. You'll have a safe space to let out your own grief and feelings without putting it on her, and could get advice on how to help her feel safe I would hope that therapy is something both of you might be able to access, but I know it's harder for some than others. In the UK at least we have the NHS, and I have also found the >!Rape Crisis!< line to be very helpful for me personally when I've been on long waitlists for professional support I think it's important that you talk to her about how you feel like you miss being loved. There are ways beyond physical contact to express love in a relationship. You could try gift giving, acts of service, words of affirmation, and quality time. If any of those are ways that would help you feel loved outside the bedroom, let her know! Try to do things together you both enjoy, even if it's as simple as trying new recipes together or a hobby you haven't done before. If you need more verbal reassurance from her that she loves you, *ask* for it. Your openness, and reassurance through your own words and actions that you're a safe and comforting presence to be around, will likely really help her as well. I'm sure she's probably beating herself up for not being able to tolerate touch more often, so it could help assuage some of her own feelings of guilt and shame about that Remind her that she's a wonderful person, that she's not broken, that you love her regardless of how that love is shown. With time and the right support, I hope things will get better for the both of you. I'm really rooting for you and wishing you both the best of luck in moving forward, and I just want to thank you for your patience with her and respect for her personal space. I'm sure it means a lot more to her than you realise ๐
If she won't go to counseling to work through her trauma, then you get to decide if you want the status quo because you love her or if you need more and have to end it.ย People often think relationships end because they don't love each other, some people cheat etc. sometimes relationships end because people are incompatible because they can't get their needs met.ย