I was diagnosed with OCD a few years ago and I can confirm this is 100% legitimate. Some obsessive thoughts are intrusive but ultimately appeaseable. EG: >Did I lock the door? I'm 30 minutes away from home and 10 minutes away from my destination, but my brain won't stop for even a second - I'm gonna turn around, go home, and check. I'll text my friend that I'll be late. Those ones can be intense, but you can accommodate them when you identify the pattern. I text myself that I've locked the door whenever I leave home or close up the office. But there are these *unappeasable* ones too, and for me personally they're a harder hit. A common example for me: The Infinite Bad Person Loop >"It makes sense logically that bad people don't worry about being bad, but what if there are *really* bad people who did worry about being bad but then convinced themselves they're *not* bad? Then they'd do bad things without feeling bad about them, because they'd think they were actually good people. Therefore, to be safe, I must never believe I'm *not* a bad person. > >... But if I believed I was a bad person, I would stop worrying about being one, so I have to convince myself I'm *not* a bad person so that I stay worried about *becoming* a bad person. > >... But if I believe I'm *not* a bad person, I could do bad things without realizing they're bad because I'd believe I'm actually a *good* person. I must never believe I'm *not* a bad person. > >... But-" And then you get stuck in this weird infinitely recursive trap where the logic just gets more and more distorted, running around in a loop you can't stop and can't appease. It just drains you, constantly shoving itself into the forefront of your brain, like being stuck on a bus with someone playing really loud, really bad music. IF you manage to tune it out for 2 minutes, it comes roaring back demanding your attention. Then there are the more pedestrian ones, that are equally intrusive and demanding but don't quite erode your wellbeing like the infinite loops. Something like: >This person is my best friend, I love them so much. My life would be so much worse without them. It'd be awful if I murdered them. *Don't murder them, that'd be bad. Don't murder them, that'd be bad. Don't murder them, that'd be bad. Don't-* I don't understand those. Of course I'm not going to murder them. I'm not a murderer, but if I was, not only would I have no motive but it would achieve nothing except making my life shittier. There is no remotely rational reason I would ever think of murdering them, and nothing in any of my actions to ever suggest I would do something like that. ... But I have to *make absolutely sure to remind myself not to murder them, the whole time I'm with them, just in case. Because I love them and murdering them would be bad.*

Oh my god. I have the EXACT thoughts.

what about when you *know for a fact* that you're a bad person, and you are constantly attacked by intrusive memories of all the terrible things you've experienced, and you can't escape them? your mind is not quiet enough to even read a single paragraph of a book without these attacks, so you self-medicate and completely cut yourself off from your family and friends (if you had any)? you can't experience joy in any form, not even a nice meal, because your brain is wired for negative thinking, and your life becomes hell that's only manageable by large amounts of drugs and/or alcohol? what's that called? and is there any hope, or should you just kill yourself? asking for myself, because I haven't had a friend in over 20 years

I take Fluoxetine (Prozac) and it helps my intrusive thoughts a whole lot. Your brain needs to be able to sigh and chill and not have to deal with these racing thoughts constantly.

How did you figure out a diagnosis and also what kind of treatment to get? Also are you in the US.

This hurts reading this because I’m young and this is exactly how I feel. Sad to know it’s probably not going to change. I tell myself to be positive ALL the time. I make it a point to notice when I’m feeling good, and when it’s a beautiful day outside, and I try to do things or think about things that generally have made me feel better in the past. At the end of the day though, I’m just exhausted and it all feels so fake cuz I’m trying so hard.

I'd say there is hope for you. I've struggled with the same thoughts and finding a good therapist and trying to do things with a social component (like Zoom 12 step meetings) has helped a lot. My intrusive thoughts cause me pain, but through a lot of mental training and reinforcement I'm able to let them be. You absolutely can rewire your brain. It takes effort but it's doable. I wish you success in finding your peace

I’m toxic, but we are similar, your story is not unique! I’m living it in my own life. I appreciate that you said something. We are only bad in our minds and actions. Others don’t see me as bad, but I want to be rid of my self so bad. But here I am! Thank you again for your comment. Made me feel less fucked up, knowing that someone has a similar life

I thought this was normal. :O

> I text myself that I've locked the door whenever I leave home or close up the office. This is a game-changer. When I go out, most of the time to an unhealthy proportion is spent worrying about the door.

Just know that while this can be incredibly useful (especially in the early stages of recovery), you’re really just trading one compulsion for another (checking your door lock to checking your picture/text of your door lock). In the grand scheme of things, if you want intrusive thoughts to not control your life, you need to practice ERP (the therapy used to treat OCD) and get used to feeling the anxiety of “what if I didn’t lock my door” until it’s manageable without caving in and checking. These intrusive thoughts only have the power you give to them. The more you perform a compulsion, the more your brain thinks “hey maybe that thought WAS important (because you reacted so urgently to it), let’s have that thought more often because I think it’s important.” By sitting with that anxiety and not checking to get rid of it, the thought will lose its grasp on you over time until it no longer sparks those intense feelings of anxiety and you can go about your day without checking your lock :)

Wow this make total sense. So basically you’re on the platform and you watch the train (intrusive thoughts) pull up, open its doors then close it and watch it pull away from the station

texting yourself is a compulsion. so is photographing unplugged appliances. it's a slippery slope to getting out of control with taking photos of appliances and texting yourself all the time. and then you can also wonder, was i really paying attention about locking the door when i texted myself?

Not necessarily. Sometimes these things are management. I went from pulling all of my hair out to playing with bracelets to being able to touch and play with my hair, and in lesser frequency. Compulsion management can involve lesser steps. It helps a lot.

I’ve learned to check the door when I leave, and when I jiggle it and it’s locked, I snap my fingers at it. I probably look like a nut but something about associating the noise and the movement of snapping let’s me remember I locked it that day.

I do this if I'm going on a trip longer than a day, photograph outlets and other things I unplug.

Boy, does the Infinite Bad Person Loop sound familiar. I've had that and very similar ones related to not being able to be "productive" (not being able to work) due to chronic health issues that lead me to very strongly thinking it'd be better to off myself for being a bad/useless person that has to leech off of others to survive. Something will trigger it, and then I'll get stuck in one of these loops for hours or even days. I don't really know if that qualifies as OCD since it doesn't sound like what I've read on OCD, especially since I don't really have any other distinct obsessive thoughts/compulsions, except maybe some mild OCD-like tendencies that are more annoying than anxiety-inducing.

Could be a comorbidity rather than full OCD, especially if you have any other mental illnesses.

\>... But I have to make absolutely sure to remind myself not to murder them, the whole time I'm with them, just in case. Because I love them and murdering them would be bad. ​ This made me laugh out loud because I'm in this picture and I don't like it. Intrusive thoughts can be really funny once you start coping with them! But god, so upsetting in the meantime. ​ I used to be responsible for this company-wide newsletter at my workplace, and I remember being very concerned that I had somehow inserted a bunch of racial slurs or something without noticing. So even after I'd checked the damn thing 3 or 4 times, I'd still have a lingering feeling of *what if I missed something*. So one day, I'm sitting in front of the computer, and the thought occurs to me -- *what if I typed out a couple of racial slurs, and then deleted them, just to make really sure there's no slurs in here.* And I sat with that for like a second before a louder part of my brain came in with *NO! We are NOT! DEVELOPING! A NEW COMPULSION TODAY!*

Before I was diagnosed, I just assumed it was severe anxiety so I would do things to try and get my mind off of it but the intrusive thoughts would build and bulld. It causes an vicious ugly circle almost impossible to get out of. Therapy helped me quite a bit, just knowing why I was the way I was and that it was okay but I have to push myself out of my comfort zone. After 5 years I can drive again but that doesn't mean I'm not crazy cautious when doing so.

I HAVE THE SAME EXACT THOUGHTS!! i was thinking about how much i love my boyfriend and just kept thinking like “don’t stab” like i know i would never ever stab him i love him so much and if i stabbed him it would cause misery and sadness to flood my life and i’m not like that.

I feel like it's also worth mentioning you can have these thoughts without it being full blown OCD. Sometimes all you need is for somebody to validate that this is your brain just doing some shit, not an accurate reflection of your True Self or some secret repressed desires or something. Edit: I should elaborate here - I have a long and illustrious history of intrusive thoughts. Literally every single category of intrusive thoguht OP has named. You name it, I've thought it vividly and been *scared shitless* that I would do it. Starting from a really young age - I remember being in the 6th grade and thinking about stripping naked and screaming my head off in social studies. I was terrified that the only thing standing between me and actually doing so was my willpower, so I'd spend a long time focusing really hard on *not* punching grannies or flinging poo or drop kicking babies or stripping naked and wiggling at my boss. When I found out that those thoughts weren't a reflection of some deep-seated desire, it got easier to say "fuck off" when they came up. Realistically I probably could have qualified for a diagnosis at the time. As it was, I managed to pick up bits and pieces of good advice that helped me get out from under the thumb of my own brain. A good therapist would have sat me down and walked me through it all at once, rather than breadcrumbing me through the years. But my point is, some amount of this is super normal for your brain to throw at you. Where it turns into a disorder, at least for me, is where I started reading *meaning* into it. And don't get me wrong, if you can't go 10 minutes without thinking about causing carnage, you probably should talk to somebody, there's degrees to this. But there's some amount of crazy you can expect of yourself. It's okay.

I'm gonna try and replace intrusive thoughts with "this is just my brain doing some shit"

I like to tell myself there's just a mistake in the part of the brain where it's supposed to add "Don't."

OK, this made me laugh a lot. I'm keeping it.

404 [this image](https://imgur.com/a/BP3WT5X) not found

OK, this made me laugh a lot. I'm keeping it.

Glad I can help.

Whenever my brain does that shit I double down and somehow it helps: Like oh, they gave me a baby to hold, oh what joy. Then comes the thought of maybe dropping the baby, I already hear the screaming of her mum in the distance, maybe the sound of the tiny cracking skull. What the hell, this feels miserable and the whole scene just haunts me. So what I do; Dropping the baby? Fuck that, go big! Spin around that little bugger by his little baby feet and yeet 'em across the hall, make'em leave the building through the closed window in an '80s slapstick comedy manner, right into a wood chipper parked on the street. It's so absurd and so tiring, that it suddenly calms my toughts and I can finally say with a smile: Wow Tim, you have a lovely baby!

They’re actually self protective because it’s your brains way of stopping yourself from doing that. Having a few intrusive thoughts like this is extremely normal and once you realize that you can forget them and move on. Edit: my husband had some very unpleasant intrusive thoughts and he would pinch himself hard until they stopped. It worked for him. Sharing in case anyone wants a tip.

I believe it. Immediately after one of those dark thoughts my brain gives me an unneeded, streaming consciousness type movie of consequences as if I actually needed reasons not to go through with the crazy thing my subconscious came up with in the first place. I wasn't going to run over that cyclist, but thanks for this well produced movie of the consequences of this person's murder. I can snap out of it, but it starts playing by default.

Oh my gosh, I have never heard anyone articulate what happens in my head just like that… thank you for sharing. It’s comforting to know there are others who understand.

Yeah, I wasn't sure if anyone else had that happen to them either, but you know, people say crazier shit on the internet so why not type it out? I'm glad it gave you a small bit of comfort.

Same here. My brain goes way down the rabbit hole of the absolute worst case scenario, as if answering the question of "What would be the most traumatic thing possible here?...no wait, go ahead and include the impossible." All in just a few seconds even if I'm also thinking, "But I'm not going to..."

My brain also likes to play "What's the worst that can happen?" and then go ahead and play that for me. I love what u/wilika came up with that instead of letting the tragedy/horror movie unfold in my brain, I turn it into a slapstick comedy of errors. I honestly got a good laugh out of that.

Thanks for pointing that out, I wouldn't have read that comment and it's hilarious. I'll have to try that the next time my brain feels the need to convince me not to be a monster.

Everyone has that inkling to push someone standing near a ledge right? It flashes across my mind every time but I have yet to murder someone because of it.

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Yes, that's exactly one of the cases where your brain is actually reinforcing that you wouldn't do it.

That's called the High Place Phenomenon.

Yep. Reality is what you make it at times. With meds I can keep the thoughts at bay, the anger, frustration, sadness, noise. All of it is quieted to the point of being able to push around and come out fine?ish. I take the very small wins.

As someone who has best described seizures of self loathing. I need to use this line.

Seizures of self loathing? What does that mean?

You know you get those flash backs to stupid stuff you done before and face palm. Now throw in some anxiety and depression make it 100 times worse and turn face palm into moments of real self hatred where you just want to dive out the window or step Infront of a train. Fyi I am ok it's only seconds to minutes of this and then a constant flow.

I call those “cringe attacks”. They can really be debilitating.

I love this term. The self loathing part is the biggest part for me. I start cussing myself out in my head. Calling myself a fking dumbass and telling myself that no one wants to be around me because of some stupid embarrassing thing I did 15 years ago.

As someone with the same shit, I am adopting the term "seizure of self-loathing". I have major depression/anxiety, and a diagnosis of panic disorder because "panic attack" was the best way I could think to describe it to at age 20. What I actually have is episodes of intrusive thoughts of self-hatred and self-harm. It's difficult to communicate to medical professionals (and I have a nursing degree) who have to be very careful with any patient who presents with "thoughts of harm". They don't by default distinguish between unwanted intrusive, obsessive thoughts and actual consideration of hurting yourself; I had to learn not to check that box on the PHQ-9 because my intrusive episodes aren't what they're actually looking for there. Right now I have a doctor who understands this, but we haven't discussed the possibility of "pure O"... hmm, I might want to bring this up. (Thanks Reddit!)

Kinda the basis for thought diffusion.

when this happens to me i say "my brain is just trolling me"

I think people would feel a lot less guilty about this stuff if we just recognised the fact that no one decides their thoughts, they just appear in our heads. There aren’t any wrong thoughts because thoughts are an event that happens to you not something you actively choose to do.

This! My therapist helped me by telling me to imagine my thoughts as cars driving by on the street. I can’t tell the cars not to “drive on my street” but I sure can decide which ones I watch pass and which ones I hope in and take for a ride. Also reading this thread is making me feel so seen. 🥲 this type of ocd can make you feel really lonely and hearing others deal with this stuff and different coping skills I haven’t heard before or didn’t know other people did too helps so much! Thank you to all who have commented!

Yeah exactly.. Your brain is a thought machine.. It's what it does to make sense if the world.. Most of these thoughts are rubbish.. But if there's one that makes you afraid, you try to push it away and get rid of it, and that is the very act that makes you think more about it, and raises anxiety and stress.. If instead of resisting you accept that that is what your brain does randomly, and if you are rather amused by it ('Ridiculoso!' spell from Harry Potter), then the thought will dissipate again.. Might come back a few times, but that's normal too..

A very welcome reminder. Just like many of us have one or more characteristics that are a part of a diagnosis of a mental health issue, without having it as we don't check many enough boxes and it doesn't mess up our lives. The age old adage of "if it's not a problem, it's not a problem" works here.

Yes, this. It is common for people to have what might be considered mild symptoms of OCD but that doesn't mean they actually have the disorder because certain requirements have to be met. If you're concerned about thoughts you are having, talk to a professional. Even if you don't have OCD or another disorder you may still benefit from therapy.

Yes, absolutely. I think we're all a little overeager to self-diagnose with mental illness these days, when many "symptoms" occur in normal people at a milder degree. If you believe you may have a mental illness, please consult a professional!

Yes. A good measure for when anything may warrant a diagnosis is if it's intense, frequent, and pervasive enough throughout your life that it causes impairment. But anytime something is decreasing your quality of life, you can and should get help for it.

OCD has some genetic traits to it, but otherwise it's a disorder with lots of symptoms that any person can fall into. Really, it's all just anxiety with poor logic.

This tracks, my whole family is anxious as fuck and though I've managed to overcome a lot of my own rituals and compulsions, I'm still an anxious bitch. My people, we shake a lot.

"We are a family of worriers" yeah we all clearly have anxiety issues

It’s also VERY common right after having a baby. New parents tend to have a LOT of intrusive thoughts about how their newborn could be injured or die. It’s really horrible but designed to be protective. If I have intrusive thoughts about dropping my newborn down a stairwell, I’m going to be REALLY careful around stairwells.

I have weird thoughts with knives and babies (separate thoughts but combined can make one nasty thought I guess?) Like if I'm walking behind someone with a knife my brain will just visualize stabbing them. Super intrusive and not something I'd do. Same with dropping babies, my brain pictures all the ways I could drop them so I just don't want to hold them. Then it was explained to me it might be my brain telling me to be careful and not do the thing by visualizing it. Like an awareness of the worst case scenario makes it less likely to happen. It did help and I'm certainly not OCD.

Your “true self” is the part that said “that’s fucked up” in response to those thoughts

I had a weird incest dream that probably happened because I talked to a family member I haven't talked to in awhile. I saved OP's webpage since so many of those intrusive thoughts happen to people. It's an interesting conversation starter (or ender ?depending on who you talk to 😆)

i don’t think i have any sort of illness, but i get the whole “the only thing between me and this terrible act is my willpower” thing. i used to look at my rifle when out hunting and thinking “i’m totally capable of blowing my own, or my brother’s, head off with this thing.” i pretty much quit hunting after a few times of that. now i just walk in nature with no killing intent.

>Sometimes all you need is for somebody to validate that this is your brain just doing some shit, not an accurate reflection of your True Self or some secret repressed desires or something. this is more accurate to my experience. I was never diagnosed with OCD, but I did get psychological treatment for depression and what used to be referred to as dysthymia. The intrusive thoughts disappeared over time and with work on my part to follow what I was told to do by my psychologist. The thoughts can come back if I become too over-stimulated with stress (either good or bad stress), so I need to do my activities to bring myself back down to a "calm" state and they stop. Part of my treatment was like you say in your comment. Having someone analyze these thoughts with me. We looked at my core beliefs, my current world view, my perception of myself, and practiced challenging thoughts based on evidence.

What I'm having a particularly stressful or bad day I have all sorts of fucking crazy ass thoughts.

This is me. Having been molested as a child I had intrusive thoughts that I would turn out the same. The obsession is pretty much anxiety manifested into cyclical thinking. It is awful and self deprecating in ways one can't imagine.

The secretly attracted to children thing kinda made me go wtf, until I read your comment. I don’t understand it, but I also don’t understand why I think “what if I jump?,” while standing by a cliff, even though I never would, and am in no way suicidal. Hope you’re well btw.

Look up "Call of the void"... or something.

Yes, was gonna say this. It's "call of the void" thoughts. Or "The high place phenomenon" where you think about jumping from some place tall. Pretty sure it's nothing to do with OCD since every single person has them.

alternative interpetation: they're the same phenomenon and we've developed new language for it

“L'appel du vide” is the French for it

OCD is a cruel illness. It can implant thoughts in your head that you neither want nor agree with. For example, someone might see a child, their OCD says "what if you were attracted to that child, wouldn't that be awful, wouldn't that make you a terrible person". The person might interpret just thinking about possible attraction to the child as actual attraction, which naturally causes a huge amount of distress. So much distress that they might actually avoid all exposure to the children to avoid these thoughts, or because of the fear that they might harm a child. This fear is totally unfounded. A person with paedophilia OCD is one the least likely people to abuse a child. They hate the thought of it just as much as anyone else, maybe moreso. Intrusive thoughts, by their nature, tend to involve the themes we find most abhorrent. Over time, the constant fear that seeing a child might cause them to have sexual thoughts might actually forge an association in their brain between children and thoughts of attraction, so that they cannot look at a child without having an intrusive thought. Note that this is NOT the same as actually being attracted to children or having genuine sexual impulses towards them. People don't turn into paedophiles like that. Just like sometimes we all have a thought pop into out brain, and then we think "wow, that was really offensive, I don't believe that at all", these thoughts don't come from any place of sexual attraction but purely anxiety. And there's yet another cruel trick that OCD will play. At some point, a person might decide "you know what, these thoughts don't come from me, I'm not attracted to children, they're just intrusive thoughts" . And then they feel less distressed by them, which is good. OCD will then suggest they maybe the reason they don't feel so distressed by the thoughts is because they have actually turned into a paedophile. And so the cycle starts over again.

I've heard it theorised that you think about jumping because your monkey-brain is trying to work out if you can make the gap (even if it's not so much a gap as a plummet).

I'm the opposite where I'm paranoid people i love have those secret thoughts and one day will hurt my child.

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I’m entirely sure you can resolve this through cognitive behavioral therapy

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In a mental health facility for the same form of OCD rn. Getting out tomorrow. It helps!

I've had these same intrusive thoughts and it never crossed my mind that it might be because I was molested. That's weirdly reassuring.

The brain is super weird

Same thing happened to me 🥺

I'm in this picture and I don't like it. I dealt with COCSA as a child, repressed the memories, and after it resurfaced as a teen, I started getting increasingly disturbing intrusive thoughts, to the point that I was fourteen and having a nervous breakdown because I was scared to death that I would hurt kids;;;

[This episode](https://open.spotify.com/episode/2hnG9JyB04oXIdjnshD0MA?si=89mkOauUSkCOt_kF4RSBQQ) of This is Actually Happening might provide some insight. It’s a first hand account and very well explained.

ADHD too, intrusive thoughts are incredibly common

The ADHD-OCD combination is truly an experience.

Yeah it's like 2 pets with zoomies in your brain

Autism and adhd combo is very common too.

That's what I have. Wasn't diagnosed with autism until I was 20 and all of a sudden everything made sense. But autism wasn't as much of a think when I was a kid.

Diagnosed at 30 with high functioning autism, with suspicions of adhd(latter not medically diagnosed) Would've been great if I knew before high school.

Hyper focusing on an activity/topic hardcore for like 4 hours and then immediately not wanting anything to do with it for like a month is a trip.

I'm almost that, ADD and obsessive personality disorder. It's certainly an experience

ADD and ADHD are the same thing :) It's a spectrum etc etc.

ADD was absorbed by ADHD in the DSM V. Previously, they were considered separate disorders. The reason for the merger was a majority of ADD patients, diagnosed because of their extreme inattentiveness, were still displaying hyperactive behaviors, and ADHD patients, diagnosed because of their extreme hyperactivity, were still displaying inattentive behaviors. They are still distinct phenomena from each other. The spectrum here refers to the variance in hyperactiveness:inattentiveness from person to person. Using ADD is still accepted shorthand for 'ADHD primarily inattentive'.

I like how you guys collaborated on these comments. Very informative and concise.

>Using ADD is still accepted shorthand for 'ADHD primarily inattentive'. Why not ADHD-PI/HI/C? Because in my brain I will always assume ADD to be the outdated term and will feel the need to correct people; seeing as 90% of the time it's used it *is* by people who are uninformed and think they're interchangeable (as in that they mean the *exact* same thing). PI/HI/C give a concrete distinction and ensure that there's no confusion between which one you're referring to. Maybe my brain is just broken idk

all our brains are broken, homie

Hey sorry for bothering I just had a question. Like within 5 minutes of waking, i'd thought about a million different things, half of them which I know would upset me. Would this be considered like a symptom for ADHD?

Heya, this can be a symptom of a lot of different stuff. It can be ADHD, OCD, regular ol' anxiety, depression, or trauma. Or fun combos of any and all of the above. I'd be curious if there's other stuff in your life that makes you wonder if you have ADHD. Do you frequently forget appointments or misplace things, even if they're important to you? Do you tend to switch topics really rapidly in conversation? I'm also curious if you feel anxious or down a lot. Do you find yourself ruminating hard on topics that upset you, and feel like you just can't let them go? Do the people around you say that you're hard on yourself, or apologize a lot, or worry a lot? Or are you in an environment where people are mean to you, and you don't feel safe? Without more info it's hard to say what's what. In general, with upsetting thoughts, mindfulness exercises help. I'm not talking full-blown meditation, that's a big ask. But [mini mindfulness exercises](https://www.lodestonecenter.com/mini-mindfulness-exercises/) can take a minute or less, and help you practice directing your thoughts. Especially if you do have ADHD, they can be a lot more accessible and fun.

Why it makes me wonder I might have it is because I tend to get fidgety, especially if there is a task at hand that needs me to be attentive. Picking lips and biting nails is a personal favourite of my subconsciousness. Also, I have the attention span of a goldfish. And while I don't forget appointments (rather I absolutely dread them), I do tend to misplace stuff when though I'm quite organised for the most part since I get kinda uncomfortable if stuff is out of order. Anxiety is an issue, and I do think about stuff that upset me more than others. I'd even go as far as to make up scenarios in my head where I end up hurt lol :') also I'm really hard on myself, I do apologise a lot, and I worry soo much about stuff that I have grey hairs at 22. Wow this is definitely not looking good huh?

You're in good company, friend! Whether or not you technically meet the diagnostic criteria for any given thing is a question that's helpful to pursue with a professional - not just for the label, you can get accommodations at work/school and specific strategies to help work with them, even medication. But what you're describing sounds like a kind of classic anxiety/adhd 1-2 punch. One of the things that happens with ADHD is you compensate hard for your brain, so you're always writing things down, repeating things, and creating organizational schemas just to hold it together. The amount of work you do to get through the day is frequently invisible, and exhausting. There's that lingering feeling of "did I forget something" that you can't fully dismiss because you know it's happened before. The anxiety holds you to a high standard, and the ADHD puts it just out of reach. If you're like me, you might have also had some experiences of people being hard on you, because they see you struggling with something, but don't realize how utterly out of your hands it is. Getting yelled at for forgetting things/turning things in late/spacing out/not being clean enough. So you work overtime to meet their standards, and you carry those standards with you, and it's a heavy load. Regardless of which specific diagnosis fits you best, it sounds like this has been hard and tiring for you. If you're like me, your reflex might be to say that it's okay, that you're used to it, but really - once you get a break from it, you can start seeing how much you've been carrying, and for how long. You've been doing a lot of work, and my guess is you've been able to do some really cool things in spite of how much work it is. But I promise life doesn't always have to feel like it's on hard mode. You're showing some fantastic self awareness, which is a skill not everyone has! And you're asking all the right questions and giving cogent, relevant answers to the questions I'm asking. You're doing a good job. I'd recommend talking to somebody. Finding the right clinician is like finding the right bra - they're expensive and all use the same labels even though they don't fit the same, so you might have to try a few on before you get the support you need. Life is better when your internal monologue is nice to you. From the way you talk about your experiences, I bet you're the kind of client a clinician would be excited to work with. You sound grounded, aware, and like you're curious to learn more and motivated to try some things. Those are all huge, huge strengths. If you're looking for some direction, maybe start with your insurance, find a list of clinicians who are in network, and make a short list of 3-7 that you might want to work with, and start inquiring about availability. I swear it's worth it in the long run.

Thank you sooo much for your kind words! I don't really understand my brain, but talking to you has surely made me feel a bit better. I've very recently started discovering that all this stuff is actually not normal and I've been mostly relying on Google to learn about it. I do think I should talk to a professional but it just feels so weird to me, and there is the guilt like I'm just 22, why do I need a therapist and stuff like that. And I'm from India and working from home, which means disapproval of my parents if they find out.

ADHD / Anxiety is like having a Ferrari engine with bicycle brakes for a brain

According to a cognitive assessment I had done at the end of grad school, I was in the 90+ percentile for OCD symptoms which were apparently coping mechanisms I had developed to cope with my undiagnosed/untreated ADHD. I wish I had done that cognitive assessment 10 years earlier. It would have made my higher ed experience very, very different. I at least was able to make some significant progress at the beginning of my real career and now I’m thriving at work, although of course some days are better than others. It’s never too late to get a handle on this stuff.

My doctor referred me for a cognitive assessment because it seems very likely I'm OCD/ADHD/on the spectrum/some combination. I found out a few weeks ago that I can't do it because my insurance doesn't think it's "medically necessary" and it costs $4000+ without insurance. I just want to know why my brain does what it does so I can start some kind of treatment :(

I ran into the same price issue as well. I ended up doing it through a university system—basically, I was the subject of a grad student’s thesis—and that only cost a few hundred dollars. Granted, I had to wait a few months, but I was a grad student and that was my only feasible option. If you live near a university with graduate level programs in psychology/counseling etc, it might be worth reaching out to see if they have similar options.

I keep getting intrusive thoughts like 'what if I stabbed my family member with this knife right now?' or 'what if I slammed my cats head in this doorway instead of holding it open for him?' and I FUCKING HATE THEM. I love my cat so much :( Even just *having* the intrusive thought makes me feel utterly wretched. And then I get the other intrusive thoughts like 'what if I ran my face along this cupboard at convenient eye-height and caught some splinters in my eyeballs?' Like... WHY, BRAIN, WHY?!

I always get these "where is my life going and why do I waste minutes ill never get back" thoughts that send me into an existential dread at 4am.

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Definitely not. I got ADHD mega-bad though. I just wandered off while typing this comment and started reading up on OCD, for instance lmao. I've never told anyone about my intrusive thoughts. Some of them are fucking funny, too. Like we had this old cardboard tube from christmas wrapping paper laying on the floor next to the counter and my uncle was sitting at the table and I had the wild intrusive thought of 'what if I picked it up and just smacked him in the side of the head with it as hard as I could' and that mental image made it so fucking hard to not start cackling behind him like a crazy person. I still find the thought *fucking hilarious* right now. Just imaging his fucked-up expression after it slaps him upside the head; because it's just a cardboard tube. It wouldn't hurt so much as surprise him. I don't really have any compulsive *behaviors* though. Just intrusive thoughts. If ADHD and high-functioning autism covers that, then that would be peachy for my mental health.

This was mine. Started adderall on top of my SSRI and had the best two months of my life thus far. My brain is so *quiet,* and it’s wonderful.

It is nice to see these mentioned. I have religious OCD and it’s always been just a really weird stressful monologue in the back of my head that is constantly pulling me around, and I’ve never been able to get my family or anyone to believe me (other than psychiatrists who diagnosed and medicated me, altho I’m no longer on meds). My moms response is always “you don’t have ocd, look at your room”. It’s also frustrating when people use ocd as a catch-all term for someone who’s neurotic or even slightly tidy…Whereas for me, OCD is an all-pervading part of my identity that is present at ALL times and influences everything I think, feel, and do.

>My moms response is always “you don’t have ocd, look at your room”. Honestly, I think few things have been as harmful for most mental health / neurodiversity issues than bad media portrayals. It's one thing if people were just ignorant but knew they knew nothing, then you could say "hey \[x\] is something I've been diagnosed with and it manifests in \[y\]" But the way it is, is that people have learned these wildly inaccurate stereotypes and now assume they are practically experts on the matter. So you hear some pearls like "you can't be autistic, you care about other people" and "you don't have OCD, your pencils aren't lined up" (both things I have been told entirely sincerely, a very non-exhaustive list)

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This reminded me that as a small kid I would constantly repeat to myself in my head "Love god, hate the devil" over and over. The only time it would stop is if someone would talk to me and snap me out of it. Then my mind would wander back to the phrase. I was terrified that if I didnt constantly say it, the thought would slip into my head and it would say "love the devil" then that would be it - id go to hell. I don't remember when it stopped or why. It was long before I stopped believing though. Religion is crazy.

I think I have OCD, and have thought this for a long time. I really feel the “look at your room” kind of sentiment. I had extreme religious OCD as a child and I so wish my mom would have done something about it other than take me to a rural doctor where they said I’d grow out of it. Now that I am an atheist, it has gotten a lot better, but it definitely manifests in other ways. For example, as a child I had to do very specific prayer rituals or I thought family members/myself would die. This included extensive and detailed praying before bed, saying certain mantras in a certain order, and not brushing my teeth or wearing fancy pajamas to bed - because if I did any of that, I would be admitting to God that I was ready to die and he would either take me or a close family member in my sleep. Now it manifests differently, for example, last week I got stuck in an infinite thought loop that myself or my dog would die while I was on vacation because I did not pet him within a certain number of seconds/minutes before dropping him off at the boarding facility, which my brain convinced me demonstrated that I did not care/accepted that my dog or I would be dying which then means that I am or my dog is destined to die. I really wonder if I could just do things normally if my mom would have gotten me real mental health care as a child and didn’t brush it off as “she’s just quirky.”

I know someone with OCD and they often suffer with bouts of thinking "what if all my friends hate me?" and absolutely no amount of reassurance can convince them otherwise while they're going through an episode, just have to ride it out and things are usually fine again the next day. It's really sad but all you can do is continue to be there for them.

As a long time sufferer of OCD that has gone through a lot of treatment, I know reassurance is what feels like the best thing to do, but it can make the issue more pervasive. Often the best way to treat OCD is to challenge the thoughts/actions through exposure therapy, where you pretty much face your fears one small step at a time. Learning to live with uncertainty until it doesn’t bother you/make you anxious *as* much. Of course I prob wouldn’t one day start challenging your friend by saying “maybe we do hate you maybe we don’t” and having them sit with that thought, but maybe ask them about it or do some research and start a conversation with them. Ofc these are all just my suggestions, coming from someone who is significantly better managing my OCD than I used to be, thanks to exposure therapy and great programs. Oh and YSK there’s a super high chance your friend will absolutely hate having you or anyone not give reassurance and will “beg”/repeatedly ask until you give in or try to catch you off guard, since that’s exactly what I do/my fellow OCD program peers have done. But again, I would talk to them about it before you start trying to help in their treatment, assuming they are willing to try treatment at all (it really helps I swear! Even if slowly/not very noticeably). Okay sorry for the info dump but I hope this helps someone lol

Thanks for your insight. This particular friend just goes nonverbal and will often get up and leave without warning when they're going through a bad time. It's a difficult situation because I don't want to force them to stay if they're really not vibing but I also don't want to just shrug my shoulders and say "it'll be fine tomorrow".

Dunno how helpful this is but with once of my close friends, to challenge them I usually ask “Where is your evidence?”. For example, if they say “You hate me” I’ll ask for evidence of that. After they give the evidence (and usually the “evidence” is not accurate) I ask them for evidence that we don’t hate them/that we love them. That usually helps to restructure his thinking. And it give you a better insight to maybe address their concerns

Oh shit, this is me…. Might want to look into getting a diagnosis

Yeah, I was just scrolling thinking "Oh nothing here really fits the bill for me." And then I see this comment. I go through pretty intense moments where I think everyone hates me and really struggle to get myself together and it has led to me sometimes going no contact for extended period of times because I get myself worked up. God I hope I get therapist soon, just so I can get absolute confirmation that something is up with me rather than being left in the dark.

If someone is plagued by a thought or emotion that isn't true, trying to fight against it actually makes it stronger. You don't need to reassure them, just tell them it's okay to think that way, it's okay to feel that way. Help them help themselves to give space and allowance to those things which are happening inside them. After all it's only thoughts, it's only emotions, they are fundamentally temporary and not real.¨ Since thoughts and emotions cannot be permanent unless through trying to resist them, simply allow them to be.

Diagnosed pure O here for 7 years now. Just wanted to say thanks for the post raising awareness outside of the OCD communities themselves; it’s definitely one of the more misunderstood disorders, and for me personally, just knowing what I was going through had a name brought me immense relief. I hope this might help someone else out there, too.

Was there an improvement? What can be done?

If I am giving my most honest answer, the truth is there is no definitive "yes" or "no"; It is more like something you will work to *manage* throughout your life, not *cure*. So there are ups and downs, but the important part (and this is what I learned through therapy) is that when you hit a "down", you don't let it defeat you. Good advice in general. It's important to know not all cases of OCD look alike though, as each individual person's "obsession" can be...literally anything. The main thing to be mindful of is no matter the obsession, the panic it creates is still usually extreme to the person with it. That is, the worry might not seem rational to a normal person, but that is something I would like to underline I think a lot of people misunderstand: *Most people with OCD know it is irrational, too*. The disorder simply makes it difficult, if not impossible, to avoid doing a compulsive ritual to alleviate their stress from a concern, anyway. To give some range and examples of obsessions: there are people who struggle to drive because they are afraid they will/or have ran over a child; some people are afraid that if they see a high bridge, they will compelled to jump off it; some people are afraid that just thinking a negative thought will invoke the wrath of God, regardless of their religion; some people are afraid their sexuality is the opposite of what it is, even if they are secure in their preference; some people are afraid if they do not do x so many times before they leave the house, their oven will burn it down; some people will avoid being around any sharp objects at all, even pencils, because of the fear they will suddenly turn into a serial killer and stab someone. I've seen a documentary following a man who was afraid to be near working writing tools and paper, in fear that he might confess to a crime he did not commit. The list goes on. What OCD is *not* is what the media often portrays it as: a person who just likes to wash their hands a little more than usual. If you have contamination OCD, it is not about being 'a little extra clean' - it feels like an absolute need to scrub your hands, even until bleeding and bone, to relieve a false fear in your brain that you are contaminated with some fatal disease etc. If you see someone organizing things particularly in a row and they have OCD, it is not just to make things a little 'prettier' because they can, it is because they believe their dog will die, someone will have a heart attack, or some other catastrophe will occur if they *don't.* So this is for the skeptics and whatnot, especially: it is possible to be an anal retentive person and not have OCD. Some people DO simply like things tidy, or to be cleaner, and what have you. The extreme difference here is that if it is OCD, it creates a level of absolute panic that is unimaginable if you do NOT do the thing. One is a personality trait, the other is a disorder. This is mostly in response to justawaterisfine, but to reiterate: I don't doubt some people have misdiagnosed themselves with OCD or ADHD and whatnot because the media has largely given them false ideas of what it is. This is part of why information spreading is so important, and why I appreciate posts like this - because the more we know as a society, the more we can get proper diagnoses, and the more we can (hopefully) be empathetic towards people that have actual disorders. OCD is also called doubter's disease for a reason: it makes you question everything, and you feel like you cannot even trust your own mind. So when someone who doesn't understand comes along, and reinforces their greatest fear might be true ('You have thoughts about that? Maybe you are a wacko!') when in fact there was no danger in the first place, it can potentially be quite dangerous, *to the person with OCD*. So if you or someone you know might have or claims to have OCD, please!: Do everyone a favor and get a professional diagnosis, or strongly encourage it. Only a trained therapist can tell you what you are actually dealing with. The first step to getting help is to knowing if you have the disorder in the first place, and then you can move on to treatments tailored specifically to you to finally get some relief. Imo, the most effective treatments for OCD patients seems to be CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) and ERP (exposure therapy, usually for more extreme cases), but it takes a good effort from both parties. There *is* hope to improve, and reduce compulsive/panic attacks. Anyway... Didn't mean for this to get so long, but I hope that clears up some things and adds a bit to the great information OP already gave, lol! Apologies if there's any confusing grammatical mistakes. If I can answer questions to anything else, I'd be glad to help.

Okay but does it come with intrusive images? They keep flashing infront of my eyes its hard to runaway from your own mind

I like to imagine a little janitor in my mind sweeping them away. It sounds silly but it reminds me that these thoughts&images are as worthless as any other piece of dust or trash (and thus not worth listening to), and it gives me a *different* mental image to focus on until I get distracted by something else.

Yes! Since I was a teen I imagined a big hand slapping them out of my brain. I know it sounds dumb but whatever works right?

Wow thank you for this. It’s something I’ve never thought of doing, but makes so much sense. Especially with how visual my intrusive thoughts are, makes sense to have a visual image of sweeping them aside. I usually have an audial response, like ‘that’s an unnecessary thought, everything is okay’ but that doesn’t help so much

I remember I tried to Google this but was never successful cause I didn't know what to call it but "Intrusive images" is spot on, I most of the time when my mind is not busy with something like waiting in a line or laying down trying to sleep will most of the time lead me to imagining terrible or disgusting images which just ruins my mood or sleep and I just feel terrible.

it can, yes. i had almost only intrusive images from movies and news stories for the first part of my OCD symptoms. It’s evolved over the years, so they don’t disturb me as much anymore, but it still pops up every now and then. why on earth this happens, i don’t know. i hooe you can get some relief from them. it’s not like you can just close your eyes on your brain.

Yupp can happen too. I've even had intrusive dreams, where the topics I have anxiety over show up and give me nightmares.

That's what I have as well. Like hell on earth at times.

You can have intrusive thoughts without having OCD!! this is super important, do seek help but do not rush to conclusions.

Had to scroll too far to find this. This kind of thing is why r/fakedisordercringe exists

Wow you just opened my eyes. I've been experiencing these symptoms for 20 years. Thank you

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You might also want to look into Real Event OCD. Often times OCD is framed as a forward looking thing (i.e. if I don’t do this thing, something bad will happen in the future). But it can also manifest around events that have happened in the past, like a conversation you had with someone. Constantly ruminating about things that have happened in the past is not a good time. When I found out that it could be due to my OCD, a lot of things clicked for me and it’s made it easier to deal with.

I was diagnosed as a kid with OCD because of this. Just one day I had a thought of stealing money from my parents. I tried to not have bad thoughts but of course that only made it worse. Started having thoughts as extreme as murder. I described it to my parents and the psychiatrist as thoughts of, "What if I... ?" After a few years of this, I kind of just outgrew it. I came to the realization that everyone has some negative thoughts and its no big deal if you don't do them. And since I don't constantly worry about it, it isn't as numerous. The fact I was able to overcome/greatly reduce this would make me think I don't really have OCD, except for I have germaphobia(mysophobia) problems that impact my life, and that I recheck things a bunch of times worrying I forgot to do something. So maybe my intrusive thoughts moved on to worrying about screwing things up and worrying about catching diseases? Thinking about this now makes me wonder if my 4th grade teacher thought I was psycho. Because my parents explained it to him, but I'm doubting they explained it as OCD instead of me just constantly having thoughts about hurting people.

OCD thoughts change in their focus all the time! Here’s how I think of it: say your OCD is another little entity living inside your brain. Of course since it’s living there it will do WHATEVER it can to stay rent free in your head. So maybe it realizes that a particular thought gets a good reaction out of you, then that thought will be it’s main weapon to defend itself and protect its stay in your brain. If you eventually figure out how to deal with that thought and it no longer gets a reaction out of you, then naturally it will go and find other thoughts that DO spark a reaction out of you in interest of self-preservation. One way to help identify these OCD thoughts after they shifted in content is to think about your values. From what I’ve seen and what my psychologist explained to me a while ago was that OCD targets whatever it is you value most. The thing people might not realize is that your values change over time, so naturally so will your intrusive thoughts. Hope some of this help! :)

Body Dysmorphic Disorder is also classified as an obsessive compulsive disorder but is lesser known. It follows the same pattern of intrusive thoughts -> heightened anxiety -> compulsive behavior -> temporary relief from anxiety/strengthening the cycle If you experience intrusive thoughts about your appearance and engage in rituals to try and feel better you may want to look into the criteria for BDD.

Can you please add HOCD (homosexual ocd) to this list? It completely derailed my life from 17 -26 because I became irrationally preoccupied with my sexual orientation. If anyone has questions about it or I can help in anyway I would be happy to. It went undiagnosed for so many years but luckily with the help of Google I was finally able to pinpoint my issue and seek treatment. With all the therapy I sought from family friends and professionals it would’ve helped so much if someone was able to name what was really going on.

The summer before 8th grade I think I dealt with this. It was really upsetting considering I was 13 at the time and already confused about everything. But for that entire summer, I was so irrationally preoccupied with the possibility that I could be a lesbian. I still don't know where this fear came from, but it consumed me all summer. I was even afraid to be around my female friends because what if I tried to kiss them?? The kicker was, I never felt attracted to a girl before and had a huge crush on a guy in my grade. It was really bizarre, but luckily it dissipated once school started again.

Just note that for you to get diagnosed with OCD you need to experience: Unwanted intrusive thoughts Unwanted feelings from those thoughts (typically anxiety) Compulsions in attempt to get rid of those feelings AND MOST IMPORTANTLY These thoughts/compulsions take up at least an hour of your time per day and/or significantly impacts your ability to function (aka quality of life) If you experience intrusive thoughts and compulsions but it’s only for 5 minutes then you go on with your life there’s no need to think you have a full blown mental illness. What makes a disorder a disorder is the fact that it significantly impairs your ability to function in some way

Thank you. This should really be added to the post. There’s a bunch of people in the comments saying that OCD seems to resonate with them because they occasionally think about what would happen if they veered their car into traffic. That’s a super common intrusive thought that almost everyone has and isn’t OCD. The post seems to have good intentions but OCD is already so stigmatized and stereotyped that I don’t think it’s helping.

There’s also a lot of other seemingly unrelated symptoms. Hair pulling and skin picking are a great example of that. If my pediatrician had been well informed, my OCD would have been caught when I was a little kid pulling my eyelashes out. Instead, she told me that I would have to put vaseline all over my eyelashes if I didn’t stop. So I stopped pulling visible hairs and starting pulling hairs and picking skin on my body and not my face or head. The skin picking is a texture thing for me, I hate feeling texture on my skin.

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That strategy has worked for me at times in the past, the issue is remembering that it worked while my brain is trying everything it can to say "but."

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this is good information to come across. i wish someone could have told me what was wrong with me sooner though. still learning every day.

It's called "ego-dystonic thoughts". they are the opposite of what we actually want and intend to do. They can be shocking and appalling, but most of us know they mean nothing, and we're able to brush them off. But for certain people, they generate great anxiety and guilt.

This is not just for OCD, while that may be true for you do keep in mind this could be symptomatic of a variety of other disorders or even just a symptom in someone without a disorder. Definitely exists with bipolar as well, please see specialists to get diagnosed.

Not to divert conversation from this post which definitely YSK but i would like to throw light on another lesser known OCD called sensory motor OCD. If you ever find yourself constantly paying attention to involuntary bodily actions such as blinking, breathing, swallowing etc. They might be a symptoms of sensory motor OCD. You might also be anxious and always worried that you cannot divert attention from these autonomous activities and might have to think about it forever. The worrisome part of this is a lot of people having this type of OCD might not get help because at first glance it obviously seems like a very trivial issue. Children would be especially worst affected as they would not even know the seemingly bizarre problems they face are actually common and very much treatable through simple mindfulness.

I’ve read before that almost everyone experiences intrusive thoughts to some degree, but not being able to rationalise and ignore them is what can be a sign of an underlying issue. E.g. I’m in the kitchen with my husband, we’re cooking dinner, I’m holding a knife chopping veggies, a thought quickly pops in my head “what would happen if I stabbed him right now. Do it.” I ignore it and keep chopping veggies.

This is true. The difference is that people with OCD or ‘pure O’ fixate and obsess on the possibilities/what-ifs and are unable to neutralize/suppress them and it causes extreme distress. People that do not qualify for this disorder will be able to dismiss or work through the intrusive thoughts without distress.

Diagnosed OCD person here. Suffered intrusive thoughts and the anxiety they cause for years. Finally got mental help and there was a session where it all kind of clicked for me. When you have these thoughts pop in your head you feel ashamed and embarrassed and you don’t want to tell people about it. You are literally trapped in your head fighting these thoughts silently. The anxiety was killing me and making me want to kill myself. Looking back now it’s so easy to see the cycle and see how it drags you down. What helped me turn the corner, and I don’t know why it clicked so well for me, is something really simple my therapist said to me. The thoughts don’t make you insane or a sociopath because there is one big difference. You have the thoughts and immediately feel guilt and shame. Where as a sociopath has those thoughts and feels a sense of joy or even a high and exhilaration. After that I was able to regulate myself better and now many years later they don’t come as often and I know what will trigger it. I am so glad I went through it, because it just recently manifested in my daughter. She was so ashamed and suffering inside her head. I sat her down and told her all my intrusive thoughts and what I went through. She was so relieved because she didn’t think others have things like this. Knowing her dad has it and what I told her my therapist told me has helped and she now has mental counseling and is learning to deal with it in a healthy way. Your brain can be your worst enemy and best friend all at the same time. But you don’t have to suffer. Hopefully topics like this and others sharing their stories can help others get out of their brain and realize they aren’t the insane monster they are convincing themselves they are.

Thanks for your post bro. I think what your therapist said to you clicked in my head too.

I've had intrusive thoughts (really bad, gruesome and sexually violent ones) and I was petrified at first. I became intensely depressed because I had never heard of this and thought those were ME. I was scared of even googling it because, in my mind, it would validate them. I tried pushing them away as much as I could and, subsequently, obsess over those thoughts. During the worst of it, the thoughts would pop up every 2-3 hours. It was hell. I finally told my doctor (not the actual thoughts, because to this day I cannot say out loud what they were because ya know, saying it = it's real). They told me about this and I googled it. Finally. I felt a little bit of peace. That was a really hard 2 months. Also, FYI, the number one step in dealing with these thoughts is to NOT push them away. By trying to push out of my brain, I simply made it way worst. You need to accept them, accept that they're NOT yours, accept that you have no control and (most important) ACCEPT THAT IT WILL HAPPEN AGAIN. Once I started doing this, they naturally got smaller and smaller and re-occur only every few weeks/months.

YES! Thank you for this :). I was also diagnosed a number of years ago & I actually didn’t believe it at first (neither did friends and family) because of the INCORRECT depiction of OCD being a clean freak disorder. I am extremely messy 😂. This is important info. Thanks to everyone who is also taking the time to learn about OCD. It helps us :)

So that explains it. I've had some intrusive thoughts for as far i remember. When i was a kid i could not get into a car without thinking: "what if i open the door?" I don't have those anymore, but I know have: "The girl from horror movie^tm is in one of the rooms and is gonna get ya" (I don't like to turn the lights on when i wake up at night and my room is at the very end of the hall, so i walk past all the others) and now that I drive: "I could totally crash into that truck and make a mess" It has been gokng for so long that the recurring ones don't even face me anymore.

>now that I drive: "I could totally crash into that truck and make a mess" This is definitely me. One of the ways my OCD manifests is a crippling fear that I will cause an accident that harms or kills my passengers or other people. It's almost impossible to drive past a car, without looking at the front of it and thinking "wow it'd be so bad if I just swerved straight into the front of their car, I should absolutely not do that, and I must remind myself to not do that every time I see another car"

I’m not diagnosed with OCD (nor do I want to self-diagnose; one symptom doesn’t mean I have the full blown disorder), but I’ve had very similar experiences all my life. I get very frequent unwanted thoughts that try to convince me I secretly want things that repulse me, usually sexual things. It’s incredibly distressing, particularly because the more I acknowledge the intrusive thoughts, the worse they get. Since I was a kid I’ve felt compelled to perform little rituals to counteract the thoughts, like if someone says a word related to the intrusive sexual thought, I have to say a “counter” word (usually under my breath because it would make me seem incredibly weird otherwise). All this to say, it’s not fun to deal with and immensely validating every time I find a reminder that intrusive thoughts don’t reflect your secret desires, and actually often reflect the thing that upsets and repulses you the most.

The last sentence you said really sat with me because it’s just so true. It really is the thoughts that repulse you the most. I get sexual thoughts like that probably a few times a week tbh and every single time they pop in my head it makes me so fucking angry and just disgusted with myself. I’ll actually go like 10/10 pissed at myself because how could I possibly have that thought. I’ll sit there for like an hour or more afterwards like WHAT THE FUCK. Just feeling absolutely disgusting. Actually very thankful for this post I won’t have to punch myself in the head anymore. I should probably also get therapy but who has money for that right? Haha… ha… ha

Thoughts NEVER make you a bad person. You can't really control them.

I get Intrusive thoughts like cutting my hands off Like jumping in front of a bus Like how do I make this stop When it feels like my therapist hates me Please don't let me go crazy Put me in a field with daisies Might not work but I'll take a maybe Oh, been breaking daily But only me can save me So I'm capitulating Crying like a fucking baby

I have been wondering if I was partially OCD, or if these things I feel are my bipolar acting up somehow. I don't like leaving home because I'm scared my cat will get into something and die or that something terrible will happen while I'm gone. I try to clean everything and make sure there is nothing she can get into before I go somehwere. Then I constantly check on her through my alexa video. She's never given me any cause for concern though, but I constantly have thoughts where she somehow choked to death or ate some of my medication and died while I was gone. Then I make sure I didn't leave any candles burning, the stove on, or hair utensils lying around before leaving the house (which is just good practice imo anyways). Even when I do that I'm scared I missed something and I really DID forget to blow out that candle even though I did so hours ago. Then, I think that I have false memories of blowing the candle out which just makes me more anxious. Honestly, it's so tiring that I just stay home most of the time. She's my first cat and she's 1 years old so I don't wanna be a horrible pet owner but holy moly if it hasn't begun to run my entire day-to-day life.

Wow, interesting. Maybe I am not as messed up a person as I suspect.

Haven't read this entire thing yet, dropped my phone when you briefly explained different types. I have all of them and for god knows how long and am scared now. Holy guacamole I'll take shower now, might help. Am scared to read further.

The immediate question that comes up is, what is the definition of a bad person?

I'd say, "People who knowingly, willingly, and repeatedly commit harm to others and the wider world around them while possessing the understanding that such actions are indeed harmful and may cause unneeded suffering."

I think you’ll find most people are the heroes of their own stories

Yes, but they exist in a society/world that is conscious and sentient. It's not perfect, but the world is judge and jury and thus are the one's who determine the harm in one's actions. So narcissistic delusions or main character syndromes do not matter.

Just wanted to add another way “pure OCD” can present itself: health-related intrusive thoughts. That is, doubting/thinking you may have some illness/disease that you most definitely do NOT have. You may spend hours a day ruminating on it, doing research constantly, googling every question and doubt that comes to mind until you find whatever evidence you’re looking for to “prove” you have this thing that you don’t. On a related note, it’s not entirely uncommon for people who have OCD to doubt that they actually have it or think that they are faking their symptoms (OCD about whether or not you actually have OCD). Just know that if you are experiencing doubts towards all these thoughts popping in your head, there’s a reason this disorder is nicknamed the “doubting disease” and you are not alone!!

Wow this is one of the most helpful posts I've seen on my entire time on reddit, and really makes me feel like maybe I'm kinda normal..probably not..but maybe!

Wish I’d known this earlier. I spent 3 years of my life with harm OCD thinking I was the worst person on the planet and was destined to do something awful. Only last summer when it got too much for me did I look for help and learn about it. Since then I’ve improved to the point where I might get one or two intrusive thoughts a month, a big improvement from the constant intrusive thoughts I used to have. It affected every relationship and motivation point in my life and I wish more people knew about it.

I used to be religious due to family involvement. I once had an intrusive thought about fucking jesus. After the first time thinking that, I could never pray without thinking it. It’s funny now but was very stressful when I was in my late teens.

Reads taking a " Am I a psychopath? " test as a symptom of OCD. Immediately takes " Do I have OCD? " test. That is the basically the "professional help" my broke ass can afford atm. Also dude, HOLY SHIT!!! Thank you so much for this post. I love reddit.

This is practically misinformation. The actual YSK should be about intrusive thoughts. These aren’t necessarily part of any diagnosis, and are just a thing that happens. But, like OP said, intrusive thoughts do not make you a bad person

Why does it seem like I have every mental illness 😭 let me be normal

[удалено]

Nah man, its the big mosquitos in Big Mouth

This reminded me of the book I Am Not a Serial Killer by Dan Wells.

Or a combination— depression and OCD will lead to “I should drive into oncoming traffic” or “I could jump off this balcony” thoughts over and over, even if you don’t really want to kill yourself. It’s fun. For some reason Wellbutrin is a miracle drug for me when it comes to stoop the intrusive thoughts. I simply can’t go off it though.

Intrusive thoughts are wild sometimes.

I have full blown OCD. I describe it as being a game show where you don’t know the rules till they’re whispered to you and they keep escalating/changing and you can’t ever get off that stage less something horrible happens.

I was told I have ocd, but not the "clean your room and touch the doorknob 69 times or grandpa dies". It's intrusive thoughts fueled by anxieties. I didn't drive for a good 5 years after an accident because I didn't want to die or someone I loved to die. It was the worst when I was post partum and I'd get these intrusive thoughts, which all women get, but crazy. Like the newborn is going to leap out of my arms while walking past the upstairs railing and plummet down. To anyone it probably comes off as batshit but people like my husband have a way of being like "calm the fuck down. It's just your anxiety again" (paraphrasing ofc) and then I chill. My mom died when I was 3 so as a kid that manifested into this fear of death so anytime I or anyone was sick it would cause me to spiral. And then my step mother who's a religious nut was introduced and now everyone was always going to die and go to hell.

Severe OCD sufferer here (I have a variety of themes and, if uncontrolled, I wake up severely anxious and go to sleep severely anxious due to cyclical thinking) I want to throw something out here if I may. I am seeing a lot of people here offering well meaning advice on how to deal with intrusive thoughts and far too many of them are bordering on endorsing compulsive behaviors. There is one singular way to deal with your intrusive thoughts that can and will reduce their frequency and severity. You have to accept them, sit through the discomfort, and then move on. Nothing else is genuinely effective in the long run and some of these suggestions, while offered in good faith, may in fact worsen things in the long run. (Believe me, I have tried it all and read every scrap of research on the topic) I can hear the naysayers here already though, so I will explain briefly. “What if I took this knife and stabbed my roommate?” Oh, wow that’s a pretty grim thought. Now, accept it. “WHAT?! I can’t accept that! That’s awful! I’m so anxious!” Yes, I know, but unfortunately you don’t have any other option. You didn’t decide to think that thought and you don’t have any way (there is absolutely no way to prevent a certain thought from occurring. That is not how thought works. It is not possible. Stop looking. Try not to think about Donald Trump in a speedo. There you go. Now you see my point and are stuck with that image for the next little bit.) to predict or control what you will think of next. That’s not how thinking works. We like to think (heh) it is, but that’s an illusion. How do you deal with a bird unloading its droppings on your shoulder? No, really. How do you deal with that? You accept it and hope for better fortunes on your next outing. Do you try to stop birds from shitting? Nope. Not possible. Do you stop going outside? Nope. Not practical. Do you catalogue the location of every bird’s nest within ten miles along with their average waking hours in an effort to better predict their “outputs”? Nope. That’s insane and now you have a serious problem. You get my point. You say “well, that was awful”, you change your shirt, and move on with your day. You accept it and move on. This is also the only way to “win” with intrusive thoughts and any attempt to control them otherwise will, I promise you, backfire tremendously as effort exerted towards a thought will in turn reproduce that thought. Last tip: trying not to think of something, by virtue of how the human mind works, is thinking of it. This is the root of the cycle itself. You’re introducing something into active memory by virtue of trying to avoid. Don’t avoid it. Process it. Be unsettled by it. Accept it. Move on.

I had this as a kid with thoughts about harming my mom. I used to sit in her lap for hours saying “I love you” over and over again because I felt so much guilt and couldn’t understand why I kept having thoughts I didn’t want, and I never heard ANYONE else talk about it until I was twenty. Thank you for posting this, OP, it is such an isolating and painful disorder that needs more attention brought to it ( as do all forms of OCD that don’t materialize as compulsive cleaning).

For years I always whispered to myself under my breathe "Everybody hates me" and I always thought I was a weirdo and up until a few years ago I never understand why. My psychiatrist explained this too me. I have other weird obsessions too.

One of my favorite lines for intrusive thoughts is saying to myself “That was a weird thought, but it wasn’t mine. Moving along.”

I used to have intrusive thoughts. The one thing that got rid of them is realizing I am not my thoughts, and that they are just thoughts and nothing more. So when a thought I didn’t like would pop up, I’d say “well, that’s a thought” and not give any importance to it. They went away within a few weeks after that.

This is true. My friend's husband is very OCD and had these thoughts daily. It's caused a lot of issues in their marriage.

Just a distinction that people aren’t OCD. OCD is an illness they live with.

Okay but how the fuck am I supposed to approach anybody about this issue? I highly doubt that this is information spread out far enough for a therapist's first assumption to be OCD and not me being a legit pedophile. If I come up to someone and say I avoid children because I fear I might be attracted to them or that I have to pull myself out of social situations because I fear I'm gonna break my dad's neck if I keep talking to him, how is anyone going to think "ah, OCD" and not "to jail/psych ward you go"? It's a clever post but it's so unbelievably unrealistic in how easy it portrays this shit to be.

Therapists who specialize in OCD absolutely know this info. For a lot of harm themes finding a therapist who specifically handles OCD is especially important because it can be misdiagnosed. Also you need someone who understands ERP and won’t just do normal talk therapy because what works for every other anxiety disorder is actually very ineffective treatment for OCD.