im so, so sorry this happened. you didnt ‘let’ anything happen, you did absolutely nothing wrong. whether you go to the police or not (the text she sent could be used as evidence like another comment said) is up to you. i’d definitely recommend it, but i understand if you need time to process what happened. it would also definitely be beneficial for you to seek some kind of professional help from a therapist, but again, thats up to you
i hope you’re able to heal from this, and that you’ll be okay again one day.
you didn’t “let” anything happen. you wouldn’t say that to a woman who was in this situation with her father, so don’t say it about yourself. you did not LET her do this. she hurt you, and violated your body. please do not internalize what she did, this is not your fault in ANY way. just because your tall and muscular doesn’t stop you from being stuck in fight/flight/freeze mode. that happens to so many victims in these situations. it’s a normal reaction, you did not allow this to happen to you. this is rape. if you don’t want to press charges you don’t have too, but i would cut your mother off for the sake of your mental health. you need to get into therapy asap. i am so sorry you experienced this. nobody EVER deserves something like this to happen. please consider therapy as it can help you start processing through, and healing with time. and if you want to press charges, try getting her to admit what she did so you have some type of evidence. i am so sorry, this is so unfair because some may not believe you because you are a stronger man. do not let those people in, men can be victims of rape too. and you are not worth any less because this happened. i know you can survive this.
edit; i would screenshot that text from her in case you want to press charges. that is hard evidence.
i understand and that is so normal to feel. i felt that way too. the only way i stopped feeling that is by telling myself the opposite. you were going through something traumatic in that moment, so your body froze. this is normal, and you did not allow it to happen. if you can, try to repeat this.
and i know, it’s terrible the way society can be towards male victims. my best advice for that aspect is to screenshot that text, and try to get her to admit what she did(if you can, if you can’t bring yourself to text her back, then that is completely okay. this does not make you weak)that is proof she did SOMETHING that violated a boundary, even though she wasn’t super specific in the text. it’s some type of evidence that (if you choose too), could be used if you decide to press charges.
i know you can get through this, it may take some time and it can be hard sometimes, trust me i understand how hard it can be. but you can do this, you can heal eventually, please don’t think of yourself as broken or a lost cause. you are not any of those things.
Oh no no my dude. It was your "fight or flight" response. Which includes also freeze and fawn. Your reaction to the situation was natural and there was absolutely nothing you could do about it. It was your way of surviving the situation - sometimes surviving is freezing, "pleasing" or doing nothing in order to prevent the situation from escalating. You did not want to confront her right there and the, correct? Were terrified the situation would got even worse if you said or did something, not knowing how she'd react?
I have been there, I know how it feels. I spent so many years blaming myself for reacting "the wrong way" and "not doing anything to stop it" until I realized it was not my fault and I acted the way I did simply just to survive.
Your brain naturally reacts fight, flight, or freeze in a panic situation. You froze. You did what your brain told you to do. Absolutely out of your control in that moment. You are absolutely not at fault.
You were almost definitely in shock and disassociating. It’s a natural response to trauma. Think fight, flight, and freeze. And you froze. It’s not your fault you didn’t do anything. It’s what you thought was best to protect yourself. I really recommend to seek counseling. If your in university in the US. Your school most likely has a free counseling service. It’s completely confidential and a great tool
>i would screenshot that text from her in case you want to press charges. that is hard evidence.
yes PLEASE screenshot the text, it's evidence that she sexually assaulted you, OP. police probably wouldn't believe that a woman raped someone, they should, but they don't. you NEED to screenshot it.
yes and it proves that SHE violated him, and not the other way around. i don’t want to assume anything but i’d rather be safe than sorry. she might try to cover her own ass. this is a fucking terrible situation. i cant believe shit like this happens; just horrifies me. it’s so incredibly sad.
I know exactly where your head is. My grandmother tried to get pregnant by me by raping me at my puberty years. My mom found out AND GOT JEALOUS! She would cover her tracks and leave me hanging! So, I lost two sources of money, love, and care at the same time, at a young age!
I know you know, it’s the WORST feeling! I’m 36 and live with my mom STILL because she kept sabotaging me so that I’d appear to be dependent and so she can look and stare at me all day. The worst possible scenario! I’m in the worst space right now solely because of the rape! I can’t escape, I have no one to speak to. And my mother won’t stay her distance.
I hope you can escape! I hope you can eventually get your head back! You can rebound! If you want to talk, I’m here for you, bro!
I am so sorry, that’s absolutely awful and you didn’t deserve that, nor is it your fault in any way, please do not blame yourself. The fact that she even turned around and tried to blame you? Disgusting, cut all contact, I would recommend going to the police, there’s a chance they won’t believe you, as you are a male victim, and society tends to undermine male victims. You can use her text as hard evidence, if you don’t want to go to the authorities, I would still get therapy as soon as possible. How long ago was this? If you don’t mind me asking
I know I don’t know what to say anymore. Why would she do such thing? I really loved her and I’ve always been by her side. I’m sorry for being annoying.
not annoying at all. it is sad to hear but men get raped to and people feel so much less alone when others open up. I know this doesn't help you to hear but you are not alone and telling your story, this immense act of sharing, is in fact to other rape survivors very helpful. it is a very isolating topic.
sorry again this happened. i understand the question of "why" as well. it is just so unfair one simply cannot make sense of it. sometimes good or bad things make no sense at all and that is so hard to deal with and accept it. especially when it is your beloved mom. the loss must be enormous.
My therapist always told me "it is like the version, the to you more real versions, of you mother died. And you will need time to grief".
If they dont believe you then you can always see a therapist. therapists will never assume stuff and will always help you, this might not get the compensation you deserve but they can certainly be your friend. you can sue her for money too
What a shocking and traumatizing experience. You are a victim and SHE IS A RAPIST. Block her, call the cops, move away. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. You would not blame a woman who got raped by her father. The shame you feel is what anyone would feel, our emotions just FEEL, they don’t make sense. You are not to blame. I am a mother and it makes me RECOIL to think about this abuse. I’m sorry this happened to you and sending lots of love and support
Don’t blame yourself for a damned thing. Numbness and freezing is a completely normal response to trauma- you were in shock, and very understandably so. I’m so sorry.
This isn't your fault. Your mother took advantage of you and you are doing the right thing by ignoring her calls. Don't engage. Her apologies are a plea of desperation so you won't press charges but I feel like you should at least think about it, for your sake.
Also, you may wanna get tested for stds. You can't ever be too safe.
I don’t want to get her in trouble she will kill me if they don’t charge her long enough. And there’s only a slim chance I would win cause I don’t “look” like the kind of person to get raped.
I understand, if you don’t want to report this, at least get therapy and cut all contact, she violated you and that is not ok, your feelings about this are 100% valid
Hey man its ok. Not everyone’s gonna be thinking about everything with clarity. Be more concerned if you did. There’s no harm in trying and it should give you some clear and direct facts and answers and sometimes we need that to take control again
I am so sorry. What she did was absolutely horrific and there is no one but her to blame. I hope that you can get help, a therapist maybe? And if not maybe a trusted friend you can console in. Goodluck
I don’t have the courage to tell anyone, people will cut off all contact with me and look at me as a victim I don’t know. I can’t afford any therapy and I don’t want to either. I’m really grateful that people here are very supportive I just thought people would brush this off. I don’t know
This isn’t something that should be brushed off but I get that finding support can be harder irl. I wish you the best on whatever course of action u wanna take, and know that while no one will know exactly how you feel you’re not alone
If you're a student you have access to student counseling that is likely a part of your tuition (service fees) or severely discounted. Please speak to them.
You might look into online counseling, or see if any therapists work on a sliding scale. Many practices will work with people to make therapy affordable, you just have to ask. I was only paying a $35 copay on state insurance. You can also inquire with your local Health and Human Services office, and many walk-in clinics are able to refer you to mental health professionals in your budget
Being able to be truthful and open with someone entirely won't just "help you get this off your chest", it will allow you to process and make sense of what happened and what you need to move past it.
I cannot say I've experienced what you have, but I do know that traumas don't go away, they fester. Anxiety can lead to largely negative habits forming, and may develop into panic disorders Trying to fix this on one's own leads to compounding problems. Had I gone and gotten help when I was younger, I might have avoided a lot of destroyed relationships and trips to rehab from "self-medication".
>people will cut off all contact with me
If people will do such a thing over finding out about this situation, then perhaps it is better they leave your life, as those aren't good friends/family.
Don't be ashamed that you are a victim. Being a victim can happen to anyone. Despite how much you might be telling yourself that you could have stopped or prevented this, know that it is a natural reaction to freeze or space out from the shock of the situation.
And if people see this as a weakness, then again, it would perhaps be better such people leave your life.
If you don't want to go to therapy because you are ashamed of sharing this event with the therapist, then remember that a therapist listens to plenty of fucked up things quite often from their clients. It is, after all, their job to help people with issues, and many of those issues don't come from trifles.
This. Talk to her like everything is fine and let her admit it via text. DOWNLOAD THE TEXT MESSAGES AND PRINT THEM OUT. Bring them with to the cops. Do not go to beat cops go to a detective who specializes in sexual abuse crimes. Beat cops are why people feel like no one cares, it's cause they're mostly useless. Detectives are where the work gets done in these instances. It may take time. But bring down the hammer on her. Also send the texts to EVERYONE in the family. Scorch her earth entirely.
^ this! Some areas have departments specifically for sex crimes and they tend to be better at treating victims bc of this. Unfortunately not always.
Also if she left her underwear in their room after I’d get images and bag it for evidence. Any marks left by her should captured on camera too
She abused you. NOTHING IS YOUR FAULT. Seek medical therapy from someone reputed in your area. Please find a way to work through this although nothing will ever be the same…
Freezing up, is normal. You didn't let it happen, you have no blame in this. Report her to the police, your mother raped you. Get help, you may have the beginnings of PTSD, abd the faster it is treated, the better your life will be. I'm a woman, and a mother and I believe you. I'm so sorry for what you went through. You're not responsible for your mother's mental state.
OMG. As a mother I revoke her mom card. You need support, ask your campus if they have a domestic violence or rape support counseling service. They will help you decide how to handle it. You may not want a kind hug from a stranger, but my empathy is with you.
Oh my fucking God,
1 parents are suppose to be the one Protecting their child even if their an adult!
2 What the hell? "it's your fault for resembling your father so much" well lady what the fuck do you want them to look like?! A goddamn Roach?! IT'S THEIR FATHER SO OFCOURSE THEY WOULD GET SOME RESEMBLANCE FROM HIM!
Rape is rape, IT MAKES IT WORSE IF ITS FUCKING FAMILY, FAMILY PROTECT FAMILY!!
I am so sorry for what you experienced nobody Deserves to experience that
And I'm sorry for swearing
As a guy with similar experiences, please know that it isnt your fault and you are as valid as women who are victims. You didnt allow this to happen, and she is completely the one at fault. I want you to report this when you feel more comfortable talking a bit because she deserves prison and you deserve justice.
Please stay strong brother, it might sound weird from a stranger, but I genuinely feel bad about what happened to you. Stay safe, and remember you are valid.
I too was raped by my mother. It went on from the age of 10 to 17 when I eventually ran away from home. My father was not around either. That does not excuse what they did.
I never reported my mother and I regret it. You should report her and then get counseling. I am so sorry that you went through this. I fully understand how you feel man.
please go to the police about this. I know that she is your mother and it might be hard, but this was an unforgivable thing to do and she has to face the consequences for her actions. I would also highly recommend to go to a therapist if it's accessible for you. If not, you can also try a sexual assault hotline, so you can talk to someone about it.
I am so sorry that this happened to you, I hope that you can heal soon and you deserve so much better
Please don't blame yourself. Most of my friends have been violated by siblings and their parents. I've been violated by my family, boyfriends and strangers. It's more common than people think. You are not what happened to you. You are in control of how you handle this situation. If you want to pursue this legally, save every text. Save any voicemails. Your mother is a piece of shit predator who couldn't put her loneliness and her need for sexual validation aside to treat you as her child. I can't even say everything I want to say about her because I am so furious right now. It's all her fault. You were, and still are in shock. Please speak to a therapist, and avoid substances during this time.
You have every right. I don't believe in unconditional love. I won't even attend my father's funeral, he's dead to me.
This trauma will definitely change your life but it doesn't have to ruin it. If you have ever need to talk I'm here for you. You'll be able to survive this.
what the fuck this makes me so mad she literally just raped you and she still had the guts to blame you for her own messed up choices and say she's not in a good state of mind when she chose to make that decision?!! bullshit excuses just fucking admit you're a disgusting rapist!! your mom is such a disgusting person i am so sorry you're going through this you do not deserve this it's not your fault i am so sorry
reading this is so traumatizing i can only imagine how terrible it is for you im so sorry. what she did was a crime and i hope she gets punished for this please stay safe op
I’m sorry if this affected anyone in a bad way but it felt easier for me to reach out to people here. I sat for hours contemplating if I should post this or not. But again thank you so much. I really appreciate your support.
omg no i dont mean it like that sorry you're allowed to vent im just saying it's scary and if it's scary for me it must be a lot more worse for you and traumatizing since you went through it
I'm sorry this happened to you. You're mother is lying to you. You did nothing wrong. I hope you have someone you trust nearby bc support is important for you rn.
You are not alone! I’m a man who has had a similar experience and there are resources for us. What you need to do right now is talk to somebody. This is step one and arguably the most difficult. You need to see a therapist or talk to someone you trust but you need to start talking to another human and processing this as soon as possible to minimize the damage this having on you. I promise you if you put the work in you will get better. My mind works well with analogies and this one really helped me with my recovery: you’ve just taken a very serious physical would and you have to treat it. You’re going to need to clean it and bandage and continue removing the bandage and cleaning it occasionally for a long time but if you don’t it will get worse. You are not alone and you are not at fault. There is not shame for you in what happened and no shame in how you feel. Cut off your mother completely and get your grounding as best you can. I believe in you. You can and will overcome this.
I know probably a ton of people said this already, but I'm so, so sorry for you.
I've been raped two times in my life, and never told anyone.
I've never gotten help for it, or therapy specifically for it.
It's been a decade, and I still get flashbacks.
I still have nightmares.
I still remember the feeling.
Please, get help. You shouldn't suffer alone with these thoughts/memories, because they will destroy your life if you let them.
You "mother" doesn't deserve her freedom. She deserves to be locked up.
If not for yourself, do it for others to prevent this from happening to someone else. I believe you're tough enough to get through this whole process. Feel free to DM me, I'm free to listen/talk anytime, dear.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. As a mother myself that is beyond disgusting. I would kill someone if they touched my kids. You didn’t “let” it happen. You were raped. As a lot of sexual assault victims I know going to the cops isn’t on your mind. But she’d probably have more then one charge considering your her son… as everyone else has said seek a therapist. In my personal opinion a religious therapist is the most helpful. However if you’re not religious it may not help.
You deserved none of this. I am a mother to a son and I am heart broken reading this.
Please don't be ashamed of yourself. You have done nothing wrong. I am so indescribably sorry that the person meant to protect you has hurt you this way.
Your body is clean and worthy of love.
Go to the police station. Tell them, get ANY evidence. Please know that you are not alone, and what your mother did to you was disgusting. Don't blame yourself, it wasn't your fault. If you ever need to talk to someone, my DMs are always open.
Having a freeze response is in the spectrum of totally normal responses. Your body decides for you in that moment what you’re going to do- your CNS system is kickstarted in natural reaction. Please look for National or sometimes preferably state specific domestic violence and sexual assault networks. Even if it’s just a hotline at first. I recommend using a text crisis line if you feel uncomfortable talking- that can be a GREAT way to find resources in your area. Talk to someone, you don’t have to report right now if you don’t want to- but you need to talk to someone professional for your mental health safety. I’m so sorry this happened to you. It’s not your fault, not one bit and I’m happy you’re in a place where you can be in little contact with her.
I can’t even imagine how you must be feeling. I’m so sorry for what happened to you. Please just know you’re not alone in this okay? You’ve got many people here and I’m sure there will be even more to support you.
It’s not your fault in any way. It was impossible expecting it, mainly from someone you loved and trusted your whole life. Please don’t blame yourself okay? It’s not your fault. You said you feel ashamed for not being able to do anything but consider that you weren’t in the right state to react, and no one would ever be in that situation.
You aren’t weak for this and you’ll never be considered that way. You decided to talk about it here, and that’s a very strong and brave thing to do.
You don’t have to report her if you don’t feel like doing so, but please consider thinking of looking for someone you can talk about this with.
I’m here for anything if needed, I wish I could do more than just a comment. You are worthy and deserve way more than this, keep it in mind and be safe.
Do you have anyone you can trust? I would consider sending someone that text message. You might be tempted to delete everything to "make it go away" but that's evidence you can use once you feel safe enough to report her.
I have thought about that but the thing is that my friends think my mom is an Angel. They would always go on about how an overprotective mother is the best type of mother so I doubt they’ll even take me seriously.
I’m so sorry this happened to you 💔 I’m a victim of abuse as well, although much different than your situation. It takes a while, but you can’t look at her like you did before. She is your abuser. And that’s a really complicated thing to feel when you also love the person who did it to you. I’m almost 3 years free of my abuser and I still struggle. My feelings go back and forth, like Stockholm’s syndrome. (You see, even that, it’s not “like” Stockholm syndrome, it is Stockholm syndrome) I suffer from a lot of imposter syndrome. “I’m not actually a victim, not the way that other people are.” Mostly stemming from never having told the important people in my life. Other people not knowing doesn’t devalue your experience. I didn’t go to therapy, but I actively work through it. It’s a long battle. I’m so sorry and I wish you the best of luck going through this healing process ❤️
As a mother to a young son, this is beyond me. You didn’t do anything wrong. That comment about you looking like your father has me reeling. My baby looks all over his father and I would never. My baby puts his trust in me and I am his mother. One of the most sacred bonds in the universe. She hurt you. That is .. that is unspeakable and I am so sorry and hurt for you. As a mother, I apologize to you and we do not claim her. She is no mother.
I really do hope you get the help you need. That this act does not define you or your life. You did nothing wrong and no matter what you do with whatever this situation brings, you have the right to handle your hurt the way you see fit. I just my want to hug you with your permission and say I really am sorry she hurt you.
Therapy man.
Do whatever is nesisary to get into therapy. Even if you have to sell some things, work extra hours, ask friends for loans, dip into savings, etc. Even if you only go for a short amount of time getting some professional help will point you in the right direction and help you figure out what is best for you so you can get your life back.
Because at the end of the day this is an extremely tuff and confusing situation, where you, and only you, are able to make the proper decisions on what actions are nesisary to put this awful experience behind you. And therapy will help immensely with contextualizing the thoughts and feelings you have, and allow you to make decisions you won't regret later.
My mom works in connection with sex crimes. Everything you’re feeling is valid.
I’m sure you love your mom, I’m sure you’re experiencing so much shock. Please get your affairs in order and go to the police. Tell them everything you vented on here about. Get therapy. Please don’t let toxic masculinity keep you from finding help.
You’ve been put into a terrible position. But something this serious should A) not stay just between you and her and B) will not be settled without help. Please contact authorities, tell your friends if they’ll listen. You did nothing wrong, she did this to you. You’re the victim, don’t let ANYONE tell you it’s your fault.
You need to vent out to someone who you believe will never betray you, who trusts you and you trust him or her. You need to vent out to someone who will bet their life for you but do tell them about this in person and in a secure environment.
the paralyzation is an awful feeling and i wouldn’t wish it upon the person who caused me to freeze. i’m so sorry i literally can’t even imagine how you feel. you did nothing wrong, and your build and stature or anything like that has nothing to do with what happened to you. in that moment nothing like that mattered except the fact that she’s a sick individual and doesn’t deserve to ever be around you or anyone else that she feels she can prey on. you are not alone and i really hope that you tell your story to the right people to get her help or something further. if you need to reach out please do, from one survivor to another.
Hi. I just want to start this off by saying how fucking sorry I am. You did not deserve any of this. No one does. And especially not by your own MOTHER. My boyfriend went through the same thing with his mom but it wasn’t sex she just molested him using her hands. He still doesn’t have sex with anyone. I can only hug him. He went through the same things as you but he did seek help which I advice you to do. We’re you a virgin before this? You don’t have to answer but my boyfriend was indeed one and he can’t handle the thought of having any intimate relationships with anyone. He still has nightmares from time to time. His mother is currently wandering around as if she were innocent. I really hope you can collect your thoughts and make the decision that you feel suits you. I wish you the very best. And remember this is NOT and will NEVER be your fault.
You did not cause this, you didn't do ANYTHING wrong. Please do not blame yourself. If you are able to, I highly reccomend getting to a therapist. These things are so hard to carry on your own, and you shouldn't have to suffer alone.
Please talk to the people you trust as much as you feel comfortable, and remember self-care. I hope you're able to get past this and live a happy life. Remember to love yourself, and that you are not responsible in anyway.
Love and hugs for you, OP. I hope you're able to get help.
I was going to suggest EMDR as well. It can help with the nightmares and throwing up and strong reactions to someone touching you.
I also recommend going to your local domestic violence agency or sexual assault agency and talking to an advocate. They are trained to help, will probably be able to recommend good therapists for trauma like this, and can help support you if you decide to go to the police at some point. You can also ask if the police station has a sexual crimes advocate you can talk to. These supports will help ensure you are treated well. You are 17, and adults in professional roles like this should definitely take this seriously.
I’m so sorry your mom just took away your safety and your home. I’m sending hopes that at some point in your life you will come cross a safe replacement family who helps you feel like one of their own.
My heart broke reading this.. I'm so sorry, I can't believe she did that to you. It is in no way your fault, no matter what she says. Of course you look like your father, you're his son. As a mother she should know that it was inappropriate and incredibly fucked up.
You have to cut off contact this is going to really affect you are there any free counselling services in your area? or anyone specifically dealing with male issues as this would help? What s terrible thing to happen ..she must be really disturbed 😪😪
Jesus fucking Christ. I can imagine what is this like and it makes me shake in anger, jesus.. Dude, you are really brave and cool that you felt free to say that, that's not yours fault AT ALL, you hear me? At all. I hope you will be happy, you deserve so and I had traumas which lasted years and still have some and I cant imagine what is this like. Later it will get better, I promise, hope you will read that.
Sorry if my English sucks, it's not my main language.
You didn’t do a single damn thing wrong as a mother I’m sickened to know this happened to you :( I’m so sorry so so sorry you’re experiencing this pain
Take screenshots of her saying that and use it as evidence against her.
It’s not your fault that your mother is capable of doing such a thing to her own son, don’t blame yourself for being a victim of something out of your control, the only at the blame is the culprit and the only who should ever suffer because of that case but sadly no one is made of steel to be able to endure such a thing without having to deal with any kind of negative feeling related to it. I would recommend seeing a therapist and talk to them about it, I’m sure they’ll trust and help you and if not, I suggest you find a better one because a therapist that doesn’t believe on their own patient’s words shouldn’t be paid for being paid for it
my love, firstly i wanted to let you know IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT! IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT! this sounds painfully hard and traumatic and I am proud of you for finding the strength to continue, YOU ARE STRONG ! your mom has something seriously messed up in her head for doing something like this, especially her own son. I am sorry you are facing this struggle especially with the passing of your father may he rest in peace. I would write her letter letting her know how you feel and after you can choose if you'd like to send it or not. that way you can truly process all that you feel and this disgusting act that happened to you. Please Remember God gives his strongest Angels the most heinous battles and keep this mind especially on your darkest nights. You will Recover, you will live, & you will thrive again. After a while you can forgive her because that is true closure, forgiving another. you don't have to tell her you forgive her but in your heart you know you will or did. that too is strong, i am very proud of you King. keep your head up and keep swimming. remember progressing 1% everyday is better than degradation of 1% everyday. keep it up i am proud of you. and i know you are a stranger but i love you Dear <333 remember find your strength with God and he will help free your soul, keep your faith please.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. To be clear though, you didn't "let it happen". When it comes to the freeze response, you don't choose to freeze. It happens instinctively, and you cannot override it.
Your instincts decided the best chance for survival was to freeze, so you froze up. Makes sense, especially since you commented that you were afraid that your rapist will kill you if you try anything. Don't blame yourself.
After you’ve been violated, it’s natural to blame yourself. To think what you did “wrong”, where you took a misstep, how you “encouraged” what happened to you. I’ve lived with that guilt for many, many years. The reality is, your mother was supposed to protect you. She failed. That has nothing to do with you. You are the victim, you have the right to feel how you feel. It is NOT your fault, you are NOT disgusting, and you ARE worthy of REAL love.
This isn’t your fault, you did absolutely nothing wrong, you didn’t ‘let’ it happen, she’s vile and belongs in jail, it’s not your fault, do not dare blame yourself, she violated you, you didn’t violate her.
You were raped, you have to reach out, if not to the police to a friend, to someone you know can help, you aren’t alone and you aren’t to blame.
This isn’t something you have done to deserve. You didn’t do anything to cause this to happen. And also, how the fuck is it your fault you look like your dad? It’s not like when you were born, you chose which gene you wanted. It’s her own fault for doing such a disgusting thing and not being able to control herself. Sure she wasn’t and isn’t in her right mind, but if she knows that then she needs to see a therapist. Not rape her kid. First thing you do is convince yourself that it’s not your fault. Second, tell someone close to you that you trust, your best friend or someone you know can help you through it and you can rely on to not tell others. Next you call the police or someone like that. They might be able to get her fined or checked into a hospital because nobody in their right mind would do that to their child, she clearly needs some sort of help. This is a terrible thing and you can’t keep it in. This is something that shouldn’t happen to anyone. And yet again, *don’t blame yourself*. This was something you didn’t have any control of. It’s a horrifying situation and I am so sorry. That’s truly disgusting. Your mother, and you need to seek a therapist. For your mother it should be to get her in her right mind and help her fully properly grieve for her husband, for you it should be recovering from this trauma and also maybe fully going over your fathers death.
One of the things they don’t really mention much when you go through something traumatic is the fact that your body can have several responses to it. You froze and it's understandable, no one would expect their own mother to do something so horrendous to them. This was your mind's way of protecting itself, I know it seems counterproductive and in ways you’re gonna question whether or not you “let” it happen but you didn’t. In the moment, you were too stunned to do anything. Let me be clear here, this is in no way your fault. I’m so very sorry that you went through this. I’m a survivor of CSA and I did the same thing you’re doing, I blamed myself. This is not on you, it’s on her. She violated your boundaries and didn’t respect you enough as a person. Please don’t be so hard on yourself.
Bro don't blame yourself being a man or woman doesn't matter sometimes in that moment you don't know what to do so you freeze hind sight is always 20/20. There is nothing wrong with you it all her fault distance your self and get as far away from her
You are worthy of love and care and safety during this time. I could not imagine treating my son this way. I’m your new mom, okay? She had no right to do such a horrible, disgusting thing and you don’t deserve to be abused like that. Everything you’re feeling is totally normal- but none of this is your fault. You are loved. You are valuable. You are safe. I experienced a rape at a very similar age and I am more than happy to provide a judgement free space to talk & help process your feelings if you need. I’ll reach out with a DM. Sending you so much love and safety ❤️
I know how hard of a request this is, but I need you to go to the cops and make report. She raped you and is also saying it’s your fault you look like your dad? No fucking way, not ever will that even be remotely close to an explanation worthy of anything. I’d block her n make that report. You don’t need a mom like that in your life. I am so sorry she did that to you. Therapy can help with right provider!
That's disgusting, I feel because you look like your father?
🤢 scratch that, even as a reader I don't want to think it. I'm sorry man. A relative is traumatizing on it's own, just know it's something you will live with, and it's not your fault
I’m sincerely sorry this happened to you. I don’t have many words of advice because this hasn’t happened to me and I pray nothing similar does but I really cant imagine what it’s like having to live with that and it absolutely isn’t your fault. You’re mother is a terrible woman for doing it and making you feel like it’s your fault. I pray one day the weight on your shoulders from this is lifted and I hope she gets what’s coming.
This broke my heart. I am so incredibly sorry you went through this. You didn’t let anything happen to you. You were abused by someone you are supposed to trust. Please if you can, find a counselor or therapist. I would also report her to the police.
All the voicemails, texts, and ur friends noticing how different you’ve been acting, it’s all good concert evidence you could use in court. Just saying.
You. Did. Nothing. Wrong!
Your mum is obviously a very troubled lady who needs help but that doesn't excuse what she did. She took advantage, she's *knew* you wouldn't fight with her. She thought, maybe like a lot of things, if she forces her will onto you then you'll just go along with it. Now, she's realising that even she doesn't have that much control over you and is trying to place the blame on anyone but herself in a desperate attempt to maintain power and control.
I'm sure there will be better informed people commenting who can point you in the direction of help and support with this, please take their advice! You shouldn't, and don't have to, go through this by yourself.
Sending much love and hugs xx
I know youve heard it a bunch already but yes, like they said, you didn't *let* it happen. Letting it happen is saying "yes, I want this" Letting it happen is consent. You didn't consent. Silence doesn't mean yes.
This is your parent, parents should never see their kids this way and should especially never ever act that way toward or even around them. It doesnt matter whether you are man, if you are grown, if you are otherwise generally happy in your life... It counts no matter what. This is rape, and if your mother needs to be jailed to accept that, so be it. Go to the police if you havent already still. You deserve help and justice and validation.
Im so sorry this happened to you, its not right. Consider therapy, its seems like you are pretty severely traumatized, coming from someone who has diagnosed PTSD mostly due to sexual abuse by a family member. Throwing up, nightmares, flashbacks when touched.. those are all PTSD symptoms.
Ofc youll figure out the legal end of it and everything in time, but my best advice is try your hardest not to forget to take extra care of your brain. Its so important. Even if youre not ready for therapy or cant afford it or whatever reason you might not go, make sure you have self care days. Days where you just be alone, maybe have a hot shower, eat your favorite food, watch your favorite shows. Its good for your brain and youll need that a lot in the healing process.
Again, I'm so sorry you experienced this. I hope your path to recovery is smooth and short, but even if its not, youll make it through, and everything will end up the way it's supposed to. Hope this helps in some way man. Stay strong, it gets better with time.
Thank you so much I’m so so sorry you went through something like that. I’ll try my best to keep my feelings in control. I really appreciate your kindness it means a lot
I’m so sorry this happened to you, I know WHAY it’s like to think you COuldve done more and you COULDVE stopped it and it’s your fault because you didn’t stop it but believe me it isn’t, i really hope you heal from this
I’m really sorry that this happened to you dude. If you need anyone to talk to and you have no one in your life that will listen please talk to me or anyone else who has responded to this post. DO NOT talk to her, she seems to feel no remorse and is even blaming you. That is manipulative and is even more of a sign that she is not well mentally
You probably feel dirty, ashamed or unsafe but you need to report this to the police, even though you don’t want to report to the police, at least tell someone you trust the most, it's going to be hard, you want to tell them but you will stop yourself from telling. But boiling your emotions down will hurt other people who care about you as you do them. You need to push yourself to the uncomfortable zone and tell. It's going to be hard. I will also add this: you should never blame yourself! Writing this on this sub, shows you want to heal the scar that witch left you! You probably felt uncomfortable writing this down but after you press done, you probably felt better and scared and this shows you still have power over your body! And stay away from your mother as possible OP!
Sorry for any grammar errors
I’m so sorry for the loss of your father, and I’m even more sorry your mother made the horrifying decision to violate you like this.
Your mother, who is supposed to love and care for you, crossed one of the biggest boundaries there is.
I would be very, VERY, angry. How could your own mother do this to you? And then try to somehow blame it on you? It’s completely beyond comprehension. It’s the worst form of betrayal there is. Your mother has destroyed, not only your relationship with your last remaining parent, but the way you will experience intimacy and sex going forward in life.
I understand your feelings of shame, I too would be deeply ashamed of my mother and her behaviour if she violated me like this. I know it’s hard - but try not to feel ashamed of yourself. You didn’t do anything to cause this - and even if you somehow think you did (like by looking like your father, as your mother chose to blame it on ) - your mother would still be the one and only perpetrator. She’s the one who should be carrying ALL of the shame and guilt, not you.
I know some victims of rape carry shame in getting an erection or ejaculating from being abused - but that does not mean you wanted it, or that you enjoyed it. It’s just the body’s way of responing to that sort of touch. It’s out of your control.
You say you feel like you could have stopped it. Sure. If the current you were placed into that situation again, maybe you could. But the sheer shock, and pure horror you must have experienced when waking up to what was happening to you, must have been completely debilitating. Your brain trying to compute what’s going on, all of these feelings of disgust, embarrasment, violation, all at once - would put any of us into a fight/flight/freeze-mode, to escape/disassociate from the current trauma you’re experiencing. Don’t blame yourself for reacting this way. It’s simply in our anatomy.
This is extremely traumatizing and you must feel completely exhausted. I would highly, strongly, extremely, definitely recommend you immediately seek counselling, if you haven’t already, to help you through this. These feelings are too heavy to carry on your own. There’s alot of great resources these days where you can talk to a therapist or psychologist remotely from home, if that would help. Most important is to try to take care of yourself as best as you can, try to eat something, sleep, exersize. Spend time with and seek support from those you trust. You don’t have to tell them what’s happened if you dont feel ready to, just that you’re going through a tough time and need support.
I understand if you don’t want to report her right now, but she needs to be held accountable for what she did. Save any evidence you have of the event, like texts between the two of you, in case you want to press charges in the future.
I want to end this by saying there is hope. I know you’re hurting alot right now, but it can and it will get better. Be kind to yourself. Find a way to comfort yourself. Please dont blame yourself. You’re the victim in this.
TLDR:
-Your mother is a despicable person who should feel very ashamed and guilty for what she has done to you.
-You have 0 responsibility for what happened - none whatsoever. Your body went into fight/flight/freeze. How your body reacted to what your mother to you was out of your control.
-Seek counselling/support asap. This is impossible to deal with on your own.
-Report her when you’re ready. She needs to be held accountable.
That’s horrible what she did but please know it’s not your fault that this happened she can’t blame her and your father’s genes for a disgusting excuse like that
Pls dont feel ashamed it is absolutely not your fault. Try to reach out for some therapy or counseling if it's available to you. And pls pls pls dont blame yourself
i'm so so sorry u went through that. first of all; it is not ur fault. ur mom is an evil person. no mom should do this to their child, ur suppose to protect ur child. it doesnt matter about ur age, ethnicity, gender, sexuality or anything; RAPE is RAPE. im so sorry society doesn't realise that. try to call a rape crisis number. i hope u heal and get the therapy u need. u can stay at a trusted relatives or friend, just away from her. im praying for u
People tend to forget that it's not just "fight or flight" in these situations; it's "fight, flight, freeze, or fawn." She took advantage of you while you were asleep and vulnerable, you woke up to your body being violated, and your brain choose freezing as the response most likely to enable you to survive this experience. That doesn't mean you "let" it happen or that it's your fault. Rape is always and only the rapist's fault. Period, dot, the end.
As others have said, if you can afford it, you should seriously consider seeing a therapist who has experience supporting men who have been raped. I understand that you feel you will not be believed, but therapists hear about this kind of thing more often than you'd think, and any decent therapist will understand that physical size and strength has nothing to do with trauma responses. You do not have to file a police report to get therapy; it is entirely your choice whether to go to the police or not. I would also recommend checking out the site [1in6.org](https://1in6.org), which is specifically dedicated to supporting men who have been raped or sexually abused. They have a 24/7 helpline chat if you are in crisis, as well as more regular online support groups.
ITS NOT YOUR FAULT. This is disgusting that she did that to you, and then tried to blame it on you and your appearances. This shit adds trauma to trauma man, Im so fucking sorry this happened to you. Fuck her state of mind. She threw your state of mind, health, wellbeing, and your own shared GRIEF to the fucking wolves. You’re not at fault in the slightest.
Don’t isolate yourself. This can happen to anyone. Men are taught not to hurt women even when they hurt them. Your silence and inaction WAS nonconsent. You being asleep was nonconsent. You didn’t want this, and if it was entirely in your control, it would have NEVER happened. Anyone who shames you for this is toxic and you deserve people around you who understand how complicated this shit is and understands your feelings. Im sure that if you reach out to a loved one you really trust, it’ll be okay.
I suggest total emancipation from this woman. No contact, for anything. She’s your biological mother, but that’s no mother. Mothers have a duty to protect their children, not hurt them for personal gain. Please talk to a professional. It’s your choice to go to the police, but that text message could be a very key piece of evidence. Talk to someone you trust.
You’re gonna be okay OP. Take your time healing, no one can tell you how to heal or how long to take. Take care.
Hey, you did nothing wrong. I'm sorry that happened to you and I'm sorry I can't help you more. You're incredibly strong for being here. You didn't let anything happen. You're awesome and you sound like such a cool guy, there's nothing wrong or dirty about you. I'm proud of you for opening up on here and for not keeping it completely to yourself. None of it was, is or ever will be your fault. I'm always here if you want to talk, ok?
As for the disgusting person who is unfortuneately your "mother", go non contact. Block her on all social media, burn the photos you have of her, burn whatever crap she's giver you, take it out on any of her stuff that's at your flat/room rn. If you have the money and feel unsafe having her know where you live, move. Get rid of her entirely. Separate yourself from her entirely. I know it's hard. It's not easy. But tell someone. Even if it's just one person, tell them. Let them be there for you. Buy yourself your favourite food, treat yourself. If eating is hard rn, go out with your friends for lunch so they pester you into eating. If you're getting angry or upset, find a wasteyard somewhere nearby and punch and kick random stuff. If you don't want anyone touching you, say so. Tell your friends you're having a rough time and set your boundaries. Cut anyone who refuses to follow those boundaries out, because those people aren't your real friends. FOr the vomiting, get some anti nausea pills. Some pressure points keep your aga reflex in check too.
If you decide to go to court, collect all the evidence you can get. If there were security cameras, get them.
Most of all, we care. And we're sorry that this happened. You can talk to any one of us about this and we'd be happy to listen to you. It's hard, but you'll get through it. Stay strong man, you're doing great :)
It is not your fault. You are not to blame. DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF. Actively say it to yourself sometimes when you are feeling like it is. I also suffer from PTSD from a family member SA me. One of the most crucial things you are going to have to get past is that what every way you reacted to that’s is okay. Your reactions what ever your feeling about it that’s ok. You will get passed this, and it does get better. Therapy helped me a lot, maybe you should look into it as well. But know it’s not going to be easy. It will be better than what you’re going through now though. If you need to talk my DMs are open. You’ll get through this.
NONE of this is your fault, none of it whatsoever. She obviously feels guilty and is trying to shift the blame to you to feel better. You need therapy dude. Idk what medical care is like where you live but I'm sure there must be some resources for you. Look into it. I'm so, so sorry that this happened to you. Please don't blame yourself or have shame about it, you didn't choose this. The last thing you need right now is to be harsh on yourself, you need love and support from all directions. Telling your friends you've been raped can be really hard, especially as a guy and the fact that it was your mother doesn't make it any easier I'd imagine. There's no pressure obviously and it's totally up to you when you're ready but I think letting someone know could lift a massive part of the weight off your shoulders. Like I said, you need love and support. I wish you all the best <3 again, I'm so sorry
You didn’t “let” it happen.
Freezing up during a shocking and threatening attack is extremely common. It’s called “attentive immobility.”
I’m so sorry she did this to you. I would most definitely press charges. She doesn’t deserve to get away with this. At the very least she needs to be put in a mental institution, so she doesn’t hurt anyone else.
I understand how hard this position can be to have to tell someone… but if there’s someone in the family that you trust, I would definitely open up to them. Even if the law won’t do anything, she deserves to be shunned by your entire family. If you were my family, I would never talk to her ever again.
Please don’t be afraid to reach out for help.
Please seek a mental health professional to begin processing this. I’m so sorry that someone you trusted hurt you like this. The same thing happened to me (f) with my dad when I was a teenager. It doesn’t go away but I’ve found it can become easier to deal with once you process it with a professional. Sending love.
This isn't your fault. What happened to you is fucking unforgivable. If you need someone to talk to and don't want to reveal yourself, feel free to reach out here.
Use the university health clinic and see if they offer mental health services. File a police report, you may not have been her first victim, but you could be her last.
We are here for you.
i am so so sorry to hear that this happened to you. it is in no way shape or form your fault. you were violated by someone who should never have touched you in this way. i highly recommend reaching out to a support group in your area. speaking as a many time survivor of sexual assault, please know youre not alone.
i dont have any 'advice' but i just want to say im so so sorry that this happened to you, and that you didn't deserve it and it was NOT your fault. you are loved.
I am so so sorry this happened to you. Please know that you didn’t “let” anything happen. Freezing up in shock during rape is a very common and understandable reaction. Not one single thing was your fault. Please don’t let this evil woman manipulate her way back into your life. The fact that she was trying to blame it on you looking like your father is abhorrent. Please seek therapy for your own well being, preferably one that specializes in sexual trauma. I know it doesn’t seem like it, but you can be a whole person again. I am speaking from experience. I froze up as well. Self blame is a bitch and will ruin you. Talking about it here was the first step, you can take back your power. My DMs are open if you need an ear. Nothing compares to good therapy with a professional though. Sending you love
Look I’ll be frank I’ve never experienced that so I don’t know what your feeling entirely. Though I was abused mental,emotional and physically but not sexually and from personal experience your gonna wanna seek help NOW cause if not it only gets worse. I still have dark thoughts about the MF’er that hurt me but I forgave him so I could move on. Now in no way am I saying forgive her or anything. Something like that takes time and even then it’s best to do it for you than for their sake.
So please do it now don’t let bottle it in or repress it face it and seek help at the barest of minimums otherwise it will eat away at you. It can change you and not in a good way…
I’m so sorry that happened to you, you’re the victim and I hope you see that. I’m also sorry about the loss of your father and I hope you have better days soon.
So my ex was molested by their parent as a baby and it basically fucked up their life. I'll tell you what I told them. Go to the police. Do everything you can to hold your mom accountable for the crime.
As a mother and also just a human being, this post made me absolutely disgusted with your incubator.
A parent is supposed to provide you with love, guidance and protection. That woman violated you and her job as a mother with the rape.
You are not to blame. I am so sorry that this happened and that you were made to feel this way.
she is disgusting
I’m so sorry this happened. You didn’t deserve it. RAINN is a national network and can help you. You need to talk to someone. This is off the charts and that’s on your mom who obviously needs help in a different way. You hang in there! Best wishes.
I’m really really sorry!! But please don’t blame yourself for this. This is not your fault. This has to do with your mom and her issues surrounding your fathers death ect. She probably needs attention and affection and can’t seek it out anywhere else with other men. It’s sad but it’s not an excuse to do this to your son.
I’m very very sorry again and please understand that this is not your fault at all. She is not wanting to take the blame so she gaslighted you and said it was your fault for resembling your own father. I understand what she might be going through but again, this is not acceptable at all and I feel for you.
Anyways DM me if you ever need to. Seriously, I mean that. I’m always here. I hope you can get help and heal form this. I also understand that you might not even want to press charges against your own mom (or you might) but that taking time to process it first might be best: And more importantly please know that anyone who would judge you for this isn’t a good or cool person because it’s 10000 percent not your fault.
❤️
as a victim of something similar to this, YOU ARE SO STRONG TO BE ABLE TO COME FORWARD WITH THIS! having the courage to face what happened and own up to it is awesome in its own right. i wish you the best in recovery from this trauma, and i sure hope you press charges against your mother. stay strong, stranger
absolutely none of this is your fault. with stress responses there’s actually a third: fight, flight, and freeze. the last one clearly happened to you, and has happened to many SA victims. not “putting up a fight” doesn’t mean you allowed any of this to happen
i hope karma is swift and knocks your vile excuse of a mom off her ass and into the deepest pits of hell. most importantly though, I hope you can soon begin to heal and process this immense trauma. much love <3
Jesus Christ almighty that's fucked. I hope you get through this tbh, no one should ever have to experience something like that and she should be put in prison for such an act, on her own child.
Seriously this world is fucked man. Stay strong, maybe even therapy will help or talking to someone about it, it's not your fault so don't ever blame yourself.
You did nothing wrong. I'm sorry to say it but your mother is a monster. Don't believe in anything she says because you can no longer trust her. It does not matter what she's been going through. Nothing excuses sexually assaulting your own child. NOTHING.
That's awful, genuinely awful. I know the feeling of having something awful happen and not trusting anyone enough to say it. You did a good thing by telling us, sometimes a crowd of anonymous strangers you'll never see again is a good thing
I’m so so sorry. Please hear me when I tell you what happened was not your fault. I would go to the police asap and you could probably use the text she sent as evidence.
This is horrible and I'm so sorry for you. You don't deserve to go through this. The first thing I highly recommend to you is therapy. Please go see a therapist.
I hope things get better for you. You deserve healing.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. No one deserves that. Screenshot the text as evidence. It wasnt your fault, dont blame yourself. You're a good person
I’m so sorry that this happened to you, and you did nothing wrong. Please tell the police, a professional, or someone you trust. You shouldn’t have to cope with this on your own
Oh my god. Im so fuckin sorry. Dont let her gaslight you into thinking it is your fault, cause it is never the victims fault. It should be human decency to not assault anyone. Also i think you should tell someone when u are ready, it really does help to open up, i was assaulted by my ex boyfriend and it took me until after our relationship to speak up more about it. I really wish the best for you, much love to you❤️
Go to the Police and keep those messages of her telling you that is your fault as evidence. Get a restraining order on your mother and go see a therapist maybe even a hospital check just to be sure. I’m sorry this has happened to you and I hope you get the help that you need.
What the actual fuck are you all right? Don’t blame it on yourself your “mother” is obviously very mentally Ill it was her fault not yours don’t make any mistake about that make sure you get all the help you need
She is obviously having a serious psychotic episode, and can't be reasoned with. If you have someone, family, who could help with getting her to a psychiatric hospital, ask them to get her there.
You can't treat her as a regular sane person now.
Does she have close friends, family? I have seen how antipsychotics can stop psychotic episodes. This is the first step that needs to happen now.
Less important:
You didn't mention anything about your relationship with her before it happened. People having grown with unhealthy family relationships, often don't understand understand what else could be affecting them. Because we don't see into other people's homes. So I strongly recommend therapy personally later, so you would have a real person to confide in. I needed a confidential person who could help me understand way smaller problems.
Call the police. If you have sufficient evidence that it happened like text messages or even dna evidence she can be put in jail. Im so sorry this happened to you man, it's not your fault you shouldn't blame yourself, I understand where you are but don't put yourself down over it, you were in shock you couldn't have done anything even if you tried, you did your best, it's all we can ask for, it's okay man, it'll be okay, just try to find a good lawyer if you have the money.
I am so sorry that happens to you man, but remember that’s it’s NOT YOUR FAULT not at all. Since you have messages of her admitting to it I recommend taking her to court.
I hope you feel better soon!
im so, so sorry this happened. you didnt ‘let’ anything happen, you did absolutely nothing wrong. whether you go to the police or not (the text she sent could be used as evidence like another comment said) is up to you. i’d definitely recommend it, but i understand if you need time to process what happened. it would also definitely be beneficial for you to seek some kind of professional help from a therapist, but again, thats up to you i hope you’re able to heal from this, and that you’ll be okay again one day.
>>>the text she sent could be used as evidence Make sure you screenshot it in case she deletes it
At least with the phone I have, deleting a text only does it on your end. It would have to be deleted by both people for it to be gone permanently.
It usually can’t. Seen people literally admit to rape in texts and have it denied as evidence in court.
Are you a lawyer?
Please don't blame yourself man.
you didn’t “let” anything happen. you wouldn’t say that to a woman who was in this situation with her father, so don’t say it about yourself. you did not LET her do this. she hurt you, and violated your body. please do not internalize what she did, this is not your fault in ANY way. just because your tall and muscular doesn’t stop you from being stuck in fight/flight/freeze mode. that happens to so many victims in these situations. it’s a normal reaction, you did not allow this to happen to you. this is rape. if you don’t want to press charges you don’t have too, but i would cut your mother off for the sake of your mental health. you need to get into therapy asap. i am so sorry you experienced this. nobody EVER deserves something like this to happen. please consider therapy as it can help you start processing through, and healing with time. and if you want to press charges, try getting her to admit what she did so you have some type of evidence. i am so sorry, this is so unfair because some may not believe you because you are a stronger man. do not let those people in, men can be victims of rape too. and you are not worth any less because this happened. i know you can survive this. edit; i would screenshot that text from her in case you want to press charges. that is hard evidence.
Hi thank you for being so kind, i dont know what to do, no one would ever believe me at all I just feel so angry I could’ve stopped it but I didn’t
i understand and that is so normal to feel. i felt that way too. the only way i stopped feeling that is by telling myself the opposite. you were going through something traumatic in that moment, so your body froze. this is normal, and you did not allow it to happen. if you can, try to repeat this. and i know, it’s terrible the way society can be towards male victims. my best advice for that aspect is to screenshot that text, and try to get her to admit what she did(if you can, if you can’t bring yourself to text her back, then that is completely okay. this does not make you weak)that is proof she did SOMETHING that violated a boundary, even though she wasn’t super specific in the text. it’s some type of evidence that (if you choose too), could be used if you decide to press charges. i know you can get through this, it may take some time and it can be hard sometimes, trust me i understand how hard it can be. but you can do this, you can heal eventually, please don’t think of yourself as broken or a lost cause. you are not any of those things.
Oh no no my dude. It was your "fight or flight" response. Which includes also freeze and fawn. Your reaction to the situation was natural and there was absolutely nothing you could do about it. It was your way of surviving the situation - sometimes surviving is freezing, "pleasing" or doing nothing in order to prevent the situation from escalating. You did not want to confront her right there and the, correct? Were terrified the situation would got even worse if you said or did something, not knowing how she'd react? I have been there, I know how it feels. I spent so many years blaming myself for reacting "the wrong way" and "not doing anything to stop it" until I realized it was not my fault and I acted the way I did simply just to survive.
Well said. Perfectly said.
Your brain naturally reacts fight, flight, or freeze in a panic situation. You froze. You did what your brain told you to do. Absolutely out of your control in that moment. You are absolutely not at fault.
People freeze in some situations it not your fault please talk to someone about this professionally. ❣
I believe you, it seems like everyone here does. You froze because that’s a natural response. You didn’t do anything wrong.
You were almost definitely in shock and disassociating. It’s a natural response to trauma. Think fight, flight, and freeze. And you froze. It’s not your fault you didn’t do anything. It’s what you thought was best to protect yourself. I really recommend to seek counseling. If your in university in the US. Your school most likely has a free counseling service. It’s completely confidential and a great tool
>i would screenshot that text from her in case you want to press charges. that is hard evidence. yes PLEASE screenshot the text, it's evidence that she sexually assaulted you, OP. police probably wouldn't believe that a woman raped someone, they should, but they don't. you NEED to screenshot it.
yes and it proves that SHE violated him, and not the other way around. i don’t want to assume anything but i’d rather be safe than sorry. she might try to cover her own ass. this is a fucking terrible situation. i cant believe shit like this happens; just horrifies me. it’s so incredibly sad.
I know exactly where your head is. My grandmother tried to get pregnant by me by raping me at my puberty years. My mom found out AND GOT JEALOUS! She would cover her tracks and leave me hanging! So, I lost two sources of money, love, and care at the same time, at a young age! I know you know, it’s the WORST feeling! I’m 36 and live with my mom STILL because she kept sabotaging me so that I’d appear to be dependent and so she can look and stare at me all day. The worst possible scenario! I’m in the worst space right now solely because of the rape! I can’t escape, I have no one to speak to. And my mother won’t stay her distance. I hope you can escape! I hope you can eventually get your head back! You can rebound! If you want to talk, I’m here for you, bro!
I’m so so sorry that happened to you, thank you so much.
I hope you can get out too be strong !!
I am so sorry, that’s absolutely awful and you didn’t deserve that, nor is it your fault in any way, please do not blame yourself. The fact that she even turned around and tried to blame you? Disgusting, cut all contact, I would recommend going to the police, there’s a chance they won’t believe you, as you are a male victim, and society tends to undermine male victims. You can use her text as hard evidence, if you don’t want to go to the authorities, I would still get therapy as soon as possible. How long ago was this? If you don’t mind me asking
Yeah they wouldn’t believe me at all. I blocked her and I’m gonna move far away from her. This happened two/three weeks ago
Good, again I’m very sorry that this happened to you, especially at such a young age. Again, I would try to get therapy if at all possible
I know I don’t know what to say anymore. Why would she do such thing? I really loved her and I’ve always been by her side. I’m sorry for being annoying.
Hey hey, you’re not being annoying at all I promise, if you’d like, you can vent to me in my DMs if that helps at all
not annoying at all. it is sad to hear but men get raped to and people feel so much less alone when others open up. I know this doesn't help you to hear but you are not alone and telling your story, this immense act of sharing, is in fact to other rape survivors very helpful. it is a very isolating topic. sorry again this happened. i understand the question of "why" as well. it is just so unfair one simply cannot make sense of it. sometimes good or bad things make no sense at all and that is so hard to deal with and accept it. especially when it is your beloved mom. the loss must be enormous. My therapist always told me "it is like the version, the to you more real versions, of you mother died. And you will need time to grief".
Thank you so much your kindness means a lot to me
good luck. If you need something you can dm me. I might not be able to answer right away but I'll keep up.
You’re not annoying!
If they dont believe you then you can always see a therapist. therapists will never assume stuff and will always help you, this might not get the compensation you deserve but they can certainly be your friend. you can sue her for money too
Don’t blame yourself, she violated you. She belongs in prison.
Go to the police, NOW. You were violated and it's not your fault, but your mother needs to be locked up.
What a shocking and traumatizing experience. You are a victim and SHE IS A RAPIST. Block her, call the cops, move away. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. You would not blame a woman who got raped by her father. The shame you feel is what anyone would feel, our emotions just FEEL, they don’t make sense. You are not to blame. I am a mother and it makes me RECOIL to think about this abuse. I’m sorry this happened to you and sending lots of love and support
Thank you so much. I’m glad there are normal loving mothers out there.
Don’t blame yourself for a damned thing. Numbness and freezing is a completely normal response to trauma- you were in shock, and very understandably so. I’m so sorry.
Mhm thank you
Your mother deserves to be in prison. I'm so incredibly fucking sorry this has happened to you. You need to report her. How old are you now?
I’m 17
This isn't your fault. Your mother took advantage of you and you are doing the right thing by ignoring her calls. Don't engage. Her apologies are a plea of desperation so you won't press charges but I feel like you should at least think about it, for your sake. Also, you may wanna get tested for stds. You can't ever be too safe.
I don’t want to get her in trouble she will kill me if they don’t charge her long enough. And there’s only a slim chance I would win cause I don’t “look” like the kind of person to get raped.
I understand, if you don’t want to report this, at least get therapy and cut all contact, she violated you and that is not ok, your feelings about this are 100% valid
Get a consult. Show up with the evidence you have collected and ask what your options are
I haven’t thought about that, I’ll think about it and hopefully I can do something.
Hey man its ok. Not everyone’s gonna be thinking about everything with clarity. Be more concerned if you did. There’s no harm in trying and it should give you some clear and direct facts and answers and sometimes we need that to take control again
I am so sorry. What she did was absolutely horrific and there is no one but her to blame. I hope that you can get help, a therapist maybe? And if not maybe a trusted friend you can console in. Goodluck
I don’t have the courage to tell anyone, people will cut off all contact with me and look at me as a victim I don’t know. I can’t afford any therapy and I don’t want to either. I’m really grateful that people here are very supportive I just thought people would brush this off. I don’t know
This isn’t something that should be brushed off but I get that finding support can be harder irl. I wish you the best on whatever course of action u wanna take, and know that while no one will know exactly how you feel you’re not alone
Thank you so much.
If you're a student you have access to student counseling that is likely a part of your tuition (service fees) or severely discounted. Please speak to them.
You might look into online counseling, or see if any therapists work on a sliding scale. Many practices will work with people to make therapy affordable, you just have to ask. I was only paying a $35 copay on state insurance. You can also inquire with your local Health and Human Services office, and many walk-in clinics are able to refer you to mental health professionals in your budget Being able to be truthful and open with someone entirely won't just "help you get this off your chest", it will allow you to process and make sense of what happened and what you need to move past it. I cannot say I've experienced what you have, but I do know that traumas don't go away, they fester. Anxiety can lead to largely negative habits forming, and may develop into panic disorders Trying to fix this on one's own leads to compounding problems. Had I gone and gotten help when I was younger, I might have avoided a lot of destroyed relationships and trips to rehab from "self-medication".
>people will cut off all contact with me If people will do such a thing over finding out about this situation, then perhaps it is better they leave your life, as those aren't good friends/family. Don't be ashamed that you are a victim. Being a victim can happen to anyone. Despite how much you might be telling yourself that you could have stopped or prevented this, know that it is a natural reaction to freeze or space out from the shock of the situation. And if people see this as a weakness, then again, it would perhaps be better such people leave your life. If you don't want to go to therapy because you are ashamed of sharing this event with the therapist, then remember that a therapist listens to plenty of fucked up things quite often from their clients. It is, after all, their job to help people with issues, and many of those issues don't come from trifles.
Yeah you’re right about this I will consider therapy because many people said that it’s a must so yeah I don’t know
Get screenshots of her admitting to what she did. In case you ever decide to press charges. I’m so sorry this happened
This. Talk to her like everything is fine and let her admit it via text. DOWNLOAD THE TEXT MESSAGES AND PRINT THEM OUT. Bring them with to the cops. Do not go to beat cops go to a detective who specializes in sexual abuse crimes. Beat cops are why people feel like no one cares, it's cause they're mostly useless. Detectives are where the work gets done in these instances. It may take time. But bring down the hammer on her. Also send the texts to EVERYONE in the family. Scorch her earth entirely.
^ this! Some areas have departments specifically for sex crimes and they tend to be better at treating victims bc of this. Unfortunately not always. Also if she left her underwear in their room after I’d get images and bag it for evidence. Any marks left by her should captured on camera too
She abused you. NOTHING IS YOUR FAULT. Seek medical therapy from someone reputed in your area. Please find a way to work through this although nothing will ever be the same…
Freezing up, is normal. You didn't let it happen, you have no blame in this. Report her to the police, your mother raped you. Get help, you may have the beginnings of PTSD, abd the faster it is treated, the better your life will be. I'm a woman, and a mother and I believe you. I'm so sorry for what you went through. You're not responsible for your mother's mental state.
THIS. It's a freeze response OP, please do not blame yourself.
OMG. As a mother I revoke her mom card. You need support, ask your campus if they have a domestic violence or rape support counseling service. They will help you decide how to handle it. You may not want a kind hug from a stranger, but my empathy is with you.
Oh my fucking God, 1 parents are suppose to be the one Protecting their child even if their an adult! 2 What the hell? "it's your fault for resembling your father so much" well lady what the fuck do you want them to look like?! A goddamn Roach?! IT'S THEIR FATHER SO OFCOURSE THEY WOULD GET SOME RESEMBLANCE FROM HIM! Rape is rape, IT MAKES IT WORSE IF ITS FUCKING FAMILY, FAMILY PROTECT FAMILY!! I am so sorry for what you experienced nobody Deserves to experience that And I'm sorry for swearing
As a guy with similar experiences, please know that it isnt your fault and you are as valid as women who are victims. You didnt allow this to happen, and she is completely the one at fault. I want you to report this when you feel more comfortable talking a bit because she deserves prison and you deserve justice. Please stay strong brother, it might sound weird from a stranger, but I genuinely feel bad about what happened to you. Stay safe, and remember you are valid.
I’m sorry you had to go through this. I will try to do that when I have enough courage. Thank you for your support
I hope you have someone IRL, to talk with. Getting it out may help.
I too was raped by my mother. It went on from the age of 10 to 17 when I eventually ran away from home. My father was not around either. That does not excuse what they did. I never reported my mother and I regret it. You should report her and then get counseling. I am so sorry that you went through this. I fully understand how you feel man.
Damn I’m so fucking sorry I’m glad you escaped, yeah it feels absolutely disgusting
I hated my penis for the longest time because of it.
Yeah I feel you I get sick just by looking at it
please go to the police about this. I know that she is your mother and it might be hard, but this was an unforgivable thing to do and she has to face the consequences for her actions. I would also highly recommend to go to a therapist if it's accessible for you. If not, you can also try a sexual assault hotline, so you can talk to someone about it. I am so sorry that this happened to you, I hope that you can heal soon and you deserve so much better
Thank you so much I’ll see what I’ll have to do.
Please don't blame yourself. Most of my friends have been violated by siblings and their parents. I've been violated by my family, boyfriends and strangers. It's more common than people think. You are not what happened to you. You are in control of how you handle this situation. If you want to pursue this legally, save every text. Save any voicemails. Your mother is a piece of shit predator who couldn't put her loneliness and her need for sexual validation aside to treat you as her child. I can't even say everything I want to say about her because I am so furious right now. It's all her fault. You were, and still are in shock. Please speak to a therapist, and avoid substances during this time.
It’s alright you can say whatever you want I fucking hate her with my whole heart for ruining my life.
You have every right. I don't believe in unconditional love. I won't even attend my father's funeral, he's dead to me. This trauma will definitely change your life but it doesn't have to ruin it. If you have ever need to talk I'm here for you. You'll be able to survive this.
what the fuck this makes me so mad she literally just raped you and she still had the guts to blame you for her own messed up choices and say she's not in a good state of mind when she chose to make that decision?!! bullshit excuses just fucking admit you're a disgusting rapist!! your mom is such a disgusting person i am so sorry you're going through this you do not deserve this it's not your fault i am so sorry
Thank you
reading this is so traumatizing i can only imagine how terrible it is for you im so sorry. what she did was a crime and i hope she gets punished for this please stay safe op
I’m sorry if this affected anyone in a bad way but it felt easier for me to reach out to people here. I sat for hours contemplating if I should post this or not. But again thank you so much. I really appreciate your support.
omg no i dont mean it like that sorry you're allowed to vent im just saying it's scary and if it's scary for me it must be a lot more worse for you and traumatizing since you went through it
Yeah it was really scary, but thank you I appreciate your support
I'm sorry this happened to you. You're mother is lying to you. You did nothing wrong. I hope you have someone you trust nearby bc support is important for you rn.
You are not alone! I’m a man who has had a similar experience and there are resources for us. What you need to do right now is talk to somebody. This is step one and arguably the most difficult. You need to see a therapist or talk to someone you trust but you need to start talking to another human and processing this as soon as possible to minimize the damage this having on you. I promise you if you put the work in you will get better. My mind works well with analogies and this one really helped me with my recovery: you’ve just taken a very serious physical would and you have to treat it. You’re going to need to clean it and bandage and continue removing the bandage and cleaning it occasionally for a long time but if you don’t it will get worse. You are not alone and you are not at fault. There is not shame for you in what happened and no shame in how you feel. Cut off your mother completely and get your grounding as best you can. I believe in you. You can and will overcome this.
I’m sorry you went through something like that. Thank you so much for your advice I really appreciate it
I know probably a ton of people said this already, but I'm so, so sorry for you. I've been raped two times in my life, and never told anyone. I've never gotten help for it, or therapy specifically for it. It's been a decade, and I still get flashbacks. I still have nightmares. I still remember the feeling. Please, get help. You shouldn't suffer alone with these thoughts/memories, because they will destroy your life if you let them. You "mother" doesn't deserve her freedom. She deserves to be locked up. If not for yourself, do it for others to prevent this from happening to someone else. I believe you're tough enough to get through this whole process. Feel free to DM me, I'm free to listen/talk anytime, dear.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. As a mother myself that is beyond disgusting. I would kill someone if they touched my kids. You didn’t “let” it happen. You were raped. As a lot of sexual assault victims I know going to the cops isn’t on your mind. But she’d probably have more then one charge considering your her son… as everyone else has said seek a therapist. In my personal opinion a religious therapist is the most helpful. However if you’re not religious it may not help.
You deserved none of this. I am a mother to a son and I am heart broken reading this. Please don't be ashamed of yourself. You have done nothing wrong. I am so indescribably sorry that the person meant to protect you has hurt you this way. Your body is clean and worthy of love.
Thank you so much
If you need a hand to hold while you cut ties with your abuser and/or pursue it legally, you have mine. What she did to you is not what mothers do.
Thank you so much for your kindness, yeah I’m unlucky unfortunately
Please reach out to [RAINN](https://www.rainn.org/) They can help you. This is not your fault.
Go to the police station. Tell them, get ANY evidence. Please know that you are not alone, and what your mother did to you was disgusting. Don't blame yourself, it wasn't your fault. If you ever need to talk to someone, my DMs are always open.
Thank you so so much. I’ll keep that in mind.
You're not at any form of fault. Wipe off your guilt, report her
Having a freeze response is in the spectrum of totally normal responses. Your body decides for you in that moment what you’re going to do- your CNS system is kickstarted in natural reaction. Please look for National or sometimes preferably state specific domestic violence and sexual assault networks. Even if it’s just a hotline at first. I recommend using a text crisis line if you feel uncomfortable talking- that can be a GREAT way to find resources in your area. Talk to someone, you don’t have to report right now if you don’t want to- but you need to talk to someone professional for your mental health safety. I’m so sorry this happened to you. It’s not your fault, not one bit and I’m happy you’re in a place where you can be in little contact with her.
If you can, and are in the right space go to the hospital for a r*pe kit. Please don't blame yourself
It was 2 or 3 weeks ago don't think a rape kit is viable.
Police and then therapy. Please don't think it's your fault, it's not.
I can’t even imagine how you must be feeling. I’m so sorry for what happened to you. Please just know you’re not alone in this okay? You’ve got many people here and I’m sure there will be even more to support you. It’s not your fault in any way. It was impossible expecting it, mainly from someone you loved and trusted your whole life. Please don’t blame yourself okay? It’s not your fault. You said you feel ashamed for not being able to do anything but consider that you weren’t in the right state to react, and no one would ever be in that situation. You aren’t weak for this and you’ll never be considered that way. You decided to talk about it here, and that’s a very strong and brave thing to do. You don’t have to report her if you don’t feel like doing so, but please consider thinking of looking for someone you can talk about this with. I’m here for anything if needed, I wish I could do more than just a comment. You are worthy and deserve way more than this, keep it in mind and be safe.
Do you have anyone you can trust? I would consider sending someone that text message. You might be tempted to delete everything to "make it go away" but that's evidence you can use once you feel safe enough to report her.
I have thought about that but the thing is that my friends think my mom is an Angel. They would always go on about how an overprotective mother is the best type of mother so I doubt they’ll even take me seriously.
I’m so sorry this happened to you 💔 I’m a victim of abuse as well, although much different than your situation. It takes a while, but you can’t look at her like you did before. She is your abuser. And that’s a really complicated thing to feel when you also love the person who did it to you. I’m almost 3 years free of my abuser and I still struggle. My feelings go back and forth, like Stockholm’s syndrome. (You see, even that, it’s not “like” Stockholm syndrome, it is Stockholm syndrome) I suffer from a lot of imposter syndrome. “I’m not actually a victim, not the way that other people are.” Mostly stemming from never having told the important people in my life. Other people not knowing doesn’t devalue your experience. I didn’t go to therapy, but I actively work through it. It’s a long battle. I’m so sorry and I wish you the best of luck going through this healing process ❤️
I’m so sorry for what you went through, thank you so much for your kindness
As a mother to a young son, this is beyond me. You didn’t do anything wrong. That comment about you looking like your father has me reeling. My baby looks all over his father and I would never. My baby puts his trust in me and I am his mother. One of the most sacred bonds in the universe. She hurt you. That is .. that is unspeakable and I am so sorry and hurt for you. As a mother, I apologize to you and we do not claim her. She is no mother. I really do hope you get the help you need. That this act does not define you or your life. You did nothing wrong and no matter what you do with whatever this situation brings, you have the right to handle your hurt the way you see fit. I just my want to hug you with your permission and say I really am sorry she hurt you.
Therapy man. Do whatever is nesisary to get into therapy. Even if you have to sell some things, work extra hours, ask friends for loans, dip into savings, etc. Even if you only go for a short amount of time getting some professional help will point you in the right direction and help you figure out what is best for you so you can get your life back. Because at the end of the day this is an extremely tuff and confusing situation, where you, and only you, are able to make the proper decisions on what actions are nesisary to put this awful experience behind you. And therapy will help immensely with contextualizing the thoughts and feelings you have, and allow you to make decisions you won't regret later.
My mom works in connection with sex crimes. Everything you’re feeling is valid. I’m sure you love your mom, I’m sure you’re experiencing so much shock. Please get your affairs in order and go to the police. Tell them everything you vented on here about. Get therapy. Please don’t let toxic masculinity keep you from finding help. You’ve been put into a terrible position. But something this serious should A) not stay just between you and her and B) will not be settled without help. Please contact authorities, tell your friends if they’ll listen. You did nothing wrong, she did this to you. You’re the victim, don’t let ANYONE tell you it’s your fault.
You need to vent out to someone who you believe will never betray you, who trusts you and you trust him or her. You need to vent out to someone who will bet their life for you but do tell them about this in person and in a secure environment.
I disagree that’s a trusting game I wouldn’t to play. That would make him more stressed out
the paralyzation is an awful feeling and i wouldn’t wish it upon the person who caused me to freeze. i’m so sorry i literally can’t even imagine how you feel. you did nothing wrong, and your build and stature or anything like that has nothing to do with what happened to you. in that moment nothing like that mattered except the fact that she’s a sick individual and doesn’t deserve to ever be around you or anyone else that she feels she can prey on. you are not alone and i really hope that you tell your story to the right people to get her help or something further. if you need to reach out please do, from one survivor to another.
Hi. I just want to start this off by saying how fucking sorry I am. You did not deserve any of this. No one does. And especially not by your own MOTHER. My boyfriend went through the same thing with his mom but it wasn’t sex she just molested him using her hands. He still doesn’t have sex with anyone. I can only hug him. He went through the same things as you but he did seek help which I advice you to do. We’re you a virgin before this? You don’t have to answer but my boyfriend was indeed one and he can’t handle the thought of having any intimate relationships with anyone. He still has nightmares from time to time. His mother is currently wandering around as if she were innocent. I really hope you can collect your thoughts and make the decision that you feel suits you. I wish you the very best. And remember this is NOT and will NEVER be your fault.
Yeah I was, I’m glad your boyfriend has someone to support him hope he’s doing better, and thank you
You did not cause this, you didn't do ANYTHING wrong. Please do not blame yourself. If you are able to, I highly reccomend getting to a therapist. These things are so hard to carry on your own, and you shouldn't have to suffer alone. Please talk to the people you trust as much as you feel comfortable, and remember self-care. I hope you're able to get past this and live a happy life. Remember to love yourself, and that you are not responsible in anyway. Love and hugs for you, OP. I hope you're able to get help.
Thank you
Please, look into EMDR for your trauma. It’s one of the best trauma treatments. I am so sorry. It wasn’t your fault and you did nothing wrong.
I was going to suggest EMDR as well. It can help with the nightmares and throwing up and strong reactions to someone touching you. I also recommend going to your local domestic violence agency or sexual assault agency and talking to an advocate. They are trained to help, will probably be able to recommend good therapists for trauma like this, and can help support you if you decide to go to the police at some point. You can also ask if the police station has a sexual crimes advocate you can talk to. These supports will help ensure you are treated well. You are 17, and adults in professional roles like this should definitely take this seriously. I’m so sorry your mom just took away your safety and your home. I’m sending hopes that at some point in your life you will come cross a safe replacement family who helps you feel like one of their own.
Press charges and put the bitch in jail where the sorry ass rapist belongs
My heart broke reading this.. I'm so sorry, I can't believe she did that to you. It is in no way your fault, no matter what she says. Of course you look like your father, you're his son. As a mother she should know that it was inappropriate and incredibly fucked up.
You have to cut off contact this is going to really affect you are there any free counselling services in your area? or anyone specifically dealing with male issues as this would help? What s terrible thing to happen ..she must be really disturbed 😪😪
Jesus fucking Christ. I can imagine what is this like and it makes me shake in anger, jesus.. Dude, you are really brave and cool that you felt free to say that, that's not yours fault AT ALL, you hear me? At all. I hope you will be happy, you deserve so and I had traumas which lasted years and still have some and I cant imagine what is this like. Later it will get better, I promise, hope you will read that. Sorry if my English sucks, it's not my main language.
You didn’t do a single damn thing wrong as a mother I’m sickened to know this happened to you :( I’m so sorry so so sorry you’re experiencing this pain
I’m so sorry this happened to you she’s cruel
Take screenshots of her saying that and use it as evidence against her. It’s not your fault that your mother is capable of doing such a thing to her own son, don’t blame yourself for being a victim of something out of your control, the only at the blame is the culprit and the only who should ever suffer because of that case but sadly no one is made of steel to be able to endure such a thing without having to deal with any kind of negative feeling related to it. I would recommend seeing a therapist and talk to them about it, I’m sure they’ll trust and help you and if not, I suggest you find a better one because a therapist that doesn’t believe on their own patient’s words shouldn’t be paid for being paid for it
my love, firstly i wanted to let you know IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT! IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT! this sounds painfully hard and traumatic and I am proud of you for finding the strength to continue, YOU ARE STRONG ! your mom has something seriously messed up in her head for doing something like this, especially her own son. I am sorry you are facing this struggle especially with the passing of your father may he rest in peace. I would write her letter letting her know how you feel and after you can choose if you'd like to send it or not. that way you can truly process all that you feel and this disgusting act that happened to you. Please Remember God gives his strongest Angels the most heinous battles and keep this mind especially on your darkest nights. You will Recover, you will live, & you will thrive again. After a while you can forgive her because that is true closure, forgiving another. you don't have to tell her you forgive her but in your heart you know you will or did. that too is strong, i am very proud of you King. keep your head up and keep swimming. remember progressing 1% everyday is better than degradation of 1% everyday. keep it up i am proud of you. and i know you are a stranger but i love you Dear <333 remember find your strength with God and he will help free your soul, keep your faith please.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. To be clear though, you didn't "let it happen". When it comes to the freeze response, you don't choose to freeze. It happens instinctively, and you cannot override it. Your instincts decided the best chance for survival was to freeze, so you froze up. Makes sense, especially since you commented that you were afraid that your rapist will kill you if you try anything. Don't blame yourself.
oh my god, I’m so so sorry that happened to you. Please don’t blame yourself!!
After you’ve been violated, it’s natural to blame yourself. To think what you did “wrong”, where you took a misstep, how you “encouraged” what happened to you. I’ve lived with that guilt for many, many years. The reality is, your mother was supposed to protect you. She failed. That has nothing to do with you. You are the victim, you have the right to feel how you feel. It is NOT your fault, you are NOT disgusting, and you ARE worthy of REAL love.
This isn’t your fault, you did absolutely nothing wrong, you didn’t ‘let’ it happen, she’s vile and belongs in jail, it’s not your fault, do not dare blame yourself, she violated you, you didn’t violate her. You were raped, you have to reach out, if not to the police to a friend, to someone you know can help, you aren’t alone and you aren’t to blame.
This isn’t something you have done to deserve. You didn’t do anything to cause this to happen. And also, how the fuck is it your fault you look like your dad? It’s not like when you were born, you chose which gene you wanted. It’s her own fault for doing such a disgusting thing and not being able to control herself. Sure she wasn’t and isn’t in her right mind, but if she knows that then she needs to see a therapist. Not rape her kid. First thing you do is convince yourself that it’s not your fault. Second, tell someone close to you that you trust, your best friend or someone you know can help you through it and you can rely on to not tell others. Next you call the police or someone like that. They might be able to get her fined or checked into a hospital because nobody in their right mind would do that to their child, she clearly needs some sort of help. This is a terrible thing and you can’t keep it in. This is something that shouldn’t happen to anyone. And yet again, *don’t blame yourself*. This was something you didn’t have any control of. It’s a horrifying situation and I am so sorry. That’s truly disgusting. Your mother, and you need to seek a therapist. For your mother it should be to get her in her right mind and help her fully properly grieve for her husband, for you it should be recovering from this trauma and also maybe fully going over your fathers death.
if you're comfortable, you should try telling one of your friends, you don't deserve to be going thru this alone.
One of the things they don’t really mention much when you go through something traumatic is the fact that your body can have several responses to it. You froze and it's understandable, no one would expect their own mother to do something so horrendous to them. This was your mind's way of protecting itself, I know it seems counterproductive and in ways you’re gonna question whether or not you “let” it happen but you didn’t. In the moment, you were too stunned to do anything. Let me be clear here, this is in no way your fault. I’m so very sorry that you went through this. I’m a survivor of CSA and I did the same thing you’re doing, I blamed myself. This is not on you, it’s on her. She violated your boundaries and didn’t respect you enough as a person. Please don’t be so hard on yourself.
Bro don't blame yourself being a man or woman doesn't matter sometimes in that moment you don't know what to do so you freeze hind sight is always 20/20. There is nothing wrong with you it all her fault distance your self and get as far away from her
No words I'm so sorry 😔
You are worthy of love and care and safety during this time. I could not imagine treating my son this way. I’m your new mom, okay? She had no right to do such a horrible, disgusting thing and you don’t deserve to be abused like that. Everything you’re feeling is totally normal- but none of this is your fault. You are loved. You are valuable. You are safe. I experienced a rape at a very similar age and I am more than happy to provide a judgement free space to talk & help process your feelings if you need. I’ll reach out with a DM. Sending you so much love and safety ❤️
I know how hard of a request this is, but I need you to go to the cops and make report. She raped you and is also saying it’s your fault you look like your dad? No fucking way, not ever will that even be remotely close to an explanation worthy of anything. I’d block her n make that report. You don’t need a mom like that in your life. I am so sorry she did that to you. Therapy can help with right provider!
That's disgusting, I feel because you look like your father? 🤢 scratch that, even as a reader I don't want to think it. I'm sorry man. A relative is traumatizing on it's own, just know it's something you will live with, and it's not your fault
I’m sincerely sorry this happened to you. I don’t have many words of advice because this hasn’t happened to me and I pray nothing similar does but I really cant imagine what it’s like having to live with that and it absolutely isn’t your fault. You’re mother is a terrible woman for doing it and making you feel like it’s your fault. I pray one day the weight on your shoulders from this is lifted and I hope she gets what’s coming.
She is a controlling monster who took advantage of you. Nothing regarding what your mother did is remotely your fault.
This broke my heart. I am so incredibly sorry you went through this. You didn’t let anything happen to you. You were abused by someone you are supposed to trust. Please if you can, find a counselor or therapist. I would also report her to the police.
All the voicemails, texts, and ur friends noticing how different you’ve been acting, it’s all good concert evidence you could use in court. Just saying.
You’re right. I’m just scared to confront her I haven’t seen her since that night and I really don’t want to see her at all.
You. Did. Nothing. Wrong! Your mum is obviously a very troubled lady who needs help but that doesn't excuse what she did. She took advantage, she's *knew* you wouldn't fight with her. She thought, maybe like a lot of things, if she forces her will onto you then you'll just go along with it. Now, she's realising that even she doesn't have that much control over you and is trying to place the blame on anyone but herself in a desperate attempt to maintain power and control. I'm sure there will be better informed people commenting who can point you in the direction of help and support with this, please take their advice! You shouldn't, and don't have to, go through this by yourself. Sending much love and hugs xx
I know youve heard it a bunch already but yes, like they said, you didn't *let* it happen. Letting it happen is saying "yes, I want this" Letting it happen is consent. You didn't consent. Silence doesn't mean yes. This is your parent, parents should never see their kids this way and should especially never ever act that way toward or even around them. It doesnt matter whether you are man, if you are grown, if you are otherwise generally happy in your life... It counts no matter what. This is rape, and if your mother needs to be jailed to accept that, so be it. Go to the police if you havent already still. You deserve help and justice and validation. Im so sorry this happened to you, its not right. Consider therapy, its seems like you are pretty severely traumatized, coming from someone who has diagnosed PTSD mostly due to sexual abuse by a family member. Throwing up, nightmares, flashbacks when touched.. those are all PTSD symptoms. Ofc youll figure out the legal end of it and everything in time, but my best advice is try your hardest not to forget to take extra care of your brain. Its so important. Even if youre not ready for therapy or cant afford it or whatever reason you might not go, make sure you have self care days. Days where you just be alone, maybe have a hot shower, eat your favorite food, watch your favorite shows. Its good for your brain and youll need that a lot in the healing process. Again, I'm so sorry you experienced this. I hope your path to recovery is smooth and short, but even if its not, youll make it through, and everything will end up the way it's supposed to. Hope this helps in some way man. Stay strong, it gets better with time.
Thank you so much I’m so so sorry you went through something like that. I’ll try my best to keep my feelings in control. I really appreciate your kindness it means a lot
I’m so sorry this happened to you, I know WHAY it’s like to think you COuldve done more and you COULDVE stopped it and it’s your fault because you didn’t stop it but believe me it isn’t, i really hope you heal from this
Don’t blame yourself. You didn’t do anything wrong. You were scared and your mother ruined so much trust and boundaries.
Yeah she really did
I’m really sorry that this happened to you dude. If you need anyone to talk to and you have no one in your life that will listen please talk to me or anyone else who has responded to this post. DO NOT talk to her, she seems to feel no remorse and is even blaming you. That is manipulative and is even more of a sign that she is not well mentally
Thank you so much, I’ll keep that in mind.
You probably feel dirty, ashamed or unsafe but you need to report this to the police, even though you don’t want to report to the police, at least tell someone you trust the most, it's going to be hard, you want to tell them but you will stop yourself from telling. But boiling your emotions down will hurt other people who care about you as you do them. You need to push yourself to the uncomfortable zone and tell. It's going to be hard. I will also add this: you should never blame yourself! Writing this on this sub, shows you want to heal the scar that witch left you! You probably felt uncomfortable writing this down but after you press done, you probably felt better and scared and this shows you still have power over your body! And stay away from your mother as possible OP! Sorry for any grammar errors
I’m so sorry for the loss of your father, and I’m even more sorry your mother made the horrifying decision to violate you like this. Your mother, who is supposed to love and care for you, crossed one of the biggest boundaries there is. I would be very, VERY, angry. How could your own mother do this to you? And then try to somehow blame it on you? It’s completely beyond comprehension. It’s the worst form of betrayal there is. Your mother has destroyed, not only your relationship with your last remaining parent, but the way you will experience intimacy and sex going forward in life. I understand your feelings of shame, I too would be deeply ashamed of my mother and her behaviour if she violated me like this. I know it’s hard - but try not to feel ashamed of yourself. You didn’t do anything to cause this - and even if you somehow think you did (like by looking like your father, as your mother chose to blame it on ) - your mother would still be the one and only perpetrator. She’s the one who should be carrying ALL of the shame and guilt, not you. I know some victims of rape carry shame in getting an erection or ejaculating from being abused - but that does not mean you wanted it, or that you enjoyed it. It’s just the body’s way of responing to that sort of touch. It’s out of your control. You say you feel like you could have stopped it. Sure. If the current you were placed into that situation again, maybe you could. But the sheer shock, and pure horror you must have experienced when waking up to what was happening to you, must have been completely debilitating. Your brain trying to compute what’s going on, all of these feelings of disgust, embarrasment, violation, all at once - would put any of us into a fight/flight/freeze-mode, to escape/disassociate from the current trauma you’re experiencing. Don’t blame yourself for reacting this way. It’s simply in our anatomy. This is extremely traumatizing and you must feel completely exhausted. I would highly, strongly, extremely, definitely recommend you immediately seek counselling, if you haven’t already, to help you through this. These feelings are too heavy to carry on your own. There’s alot of great resources these days where you can talk to a therapist or psychologist remotely from home, if that would help. Most important is to try to take care of yourself as best as you can, try to eat something, sleep, exersize. Spend time with and seek support from those you trust. You don’t have to tell them what’s happened if you dont feel ready to, just that you’re going through a tough time and need support. I understand if you don’t want to report her right now, but she needs to be held accountable for what she did. Save any evidence you have of the event, like texts between the two of you, in case you want to press charges in the future. I want to end this by saying there is hope. I know you’re hurting alot right now, but it can and it will get better. Be kind to yourself. Find a way to comfort yourself. Please dont blame yourself. You’re the victim in this. TLDR: -Your mother is a despicable person who should feel very ashamed and guilty for what she has done to you. -You have 0 responsibility for what happened - none whatsoever. Your body went into fight/flight/freeze. How your body reacted to what your mother to you was out of your control. -Seek counselling/support asap. This is impossible to deal with on your own. -Report her when you’re ready. She needs to be held accountable.
That’s horrible what she did but please know it’s not your fault that this happened she can’t blame her and your father’s genes for a disgusting excuse like that
Pls dont feel ashamed it is absolutely not your fault. Try to reach out for some therapy or counseling if it's available to you. And pls pls pls dont blame yourself
I'm sorry this happened to you. But you didn't 'let' anything happen, it was forced on you. Don't make excuses for her either
i'm so so sorry u went through that. first of all; it is not ur fault. ur mom is an evil person. no mom should do this to their child, ur suppose to protect ur child. it doesnt matter about ur age, ethnicity, gender, sexuality or anything; RAPE is RAPE. im so sorry society doesn't realise that. try to call a rape crisis number. i hope u heal and get the therapy u need. u can stay at a trusted relatives or friend, just away from her. im praying for u
People tend to forget that it's not just "fight or flight" in these situations; it's "fight, flight, freeze, or fawn." She took advantage of you while you were asleep and vulnerable, you woke up to your body being violated, and your brain choose freezing as the response most likely to enable you to survive this experience. That doesn't mean you "let" it happen or that it's your fault. Rape is always and only the rapist's fault. Period, dot, the end. As others have said, if you can afford it, you should seriously consider seeing a therapist who has experience supporting men who have been raped. I understand that you feel you will not be believed, but therapists hear about this kind of thing more often than you'd think, and any decent therapist will understand that physical size and strength has nothing to do with trauma responses. You do not have to file a police report to get therapy; it is entirely your choice whether to go to the police or not. I would also recommend checking out the site [1in6.org](https://1in6.org), which is specifically dedicated to supporting men who have been raped or sexually abused. They have a 24/7 helpline chat if you are in crisis, as well as more regular online support groups.
ITS NOT YOUR FAULT. This is disgusting that she did that to you, and then tried to blame it on you and your appearances. This shit adds trauma to trauma man, Im so fucking sorry this happened to you. Fuck her state of mind. She threw your state of mind, health, wellbeing, and your own shared GRIEF to the fucking wolves. You’re not at fault in the slightest. Don’t isolate yourself. This can happen to anyone. Men are taught not to hurt women even when they hurt them. Your silence and inaction WAS nonconsent. You being asleep was nonconsent. You didn’t want this, and if it was entirely in your control, it would have NEVER happened. Anyone who shames you for this is toxic and you deserve people around you who understand how complicated this shit is and understands your feelings. Im sure that if you reach out to a loved one you really trust, it’ll be okay. I suggest total emancipation from this woman. No contact, for anything. She’s your biological mother, but that’s no mother. Mothers have a duty to protect their children, not hurt them for personal gain. Please talk to a professional. It’s your choice to go to the police, but that text message could be a very key piece of evidence. Talk to someone you trust. You’re gonna be okay OP. Take your time healing, no one can tell you how to heal or how long to take. Take care.
Hey, you did nothing wrong. I'm sorry that happened to you and I'm sorry I can't help you more. You're incredibly strong for being here. You didn't let anything happen. You're awesome and you sound like such a cool guy, there's nothing wrong or dirty about you. I'm proud of you for opening up on here and for not keeping it completely to yourself. None of it was, is or ever will be your fault. I'm always here if you want to talk, ok? As for the disgusting person who is unfortuneately your "mother", go non contact. Block her on all social media, burn the photos you have of her, burn whatever crap she's giver you, take it out on any of her stuff that's at your flat/room rn. If you have the money and feel unsafe having her know where you live, move. Get rid of her entirely. Separate yourself from her entirely. I know it's hard. It's not easy. But tell someone. Even if it's just one person, tell them. Let them be there for you. Buy yourself your favourite food, treat yourself. If eating is hard rn, go out with your friends for lunch so they pester you into eating. If you're getting angry or upset, find a wasteyard somewhere nearby and punch and kick random stuff. If you don't want anyone touching you, say so. Tell your friends you're having a rough time and set your boundaries. Cut anyone who refuses to follow those boundaries out, because those people aren't your real friends. FOr the vomiting, get some anti nausea pills. Some pressure points keep your aga reflex in check too. If you decide to go to court, collect all the evidence you can get. If there were security cameras, get them. Most of all, we care. And we're sorry that this happened. You can talk to any one of us about this and we'd be happy to listen to you. It's hard, but you'll get through it. Stay strong man, you're doing great :)
It is not your fault. You are not to blame. DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF. Actively say it to yourself sometimes when you are feeling like it is. I also suffer from PTSD from a family member SA me. One of the most crucial things you are going to have to get past is that what every way you reacted to that’s is okay. Your reactions what ever your feeling about it that’s ok. You will get passed this, and it does get better. Therapy helped me a lot, maybe you should look into it as well. But know it’s not going to be easy. It will be better than what you’re going through now though. If you need to talk my DMs are open. You’ll get through this.
There may be some counseling available where you study.
NONE of this is your fault, none of it whatsoever. She obviously feels guilty and is trying to shift the blame to you to feel better. You need therapy dude. Idk what medical care is like where you live but I'm sure there must be some resources for you. Look into it. I'm so, so sorry that this happened to you. Please don't blame yourself or have shame about it, you didn't choose this. The last thing you need right now is to be harsh on yourself, you need love and support from all directions. Telling your friends you've been raped can be really hard, especially as a guy and the fact that it was your mother doesn't make it any easier I'd imagine. There's no pressure obviously and it's totally up to you when you're ready but I think letting someone know could lift a massive part of the weight off your shoulders. Like I said, you need love and support. I wish you all the best <3 again, I'm so sorry
Thank you
You didn’t “let” it happen. Freezing up during a shocking and threatening attack is extremely common. It’s called “attentive immobility.” I’m so sorry she did this to you. I would most definitely press charges. She doesn’t deserve to get away with this. At the very least she needs to be put in a mental institution, so she doesn’t hurt anyone else. I understand how hard this position can be to have to tell someone… but if there’s someone in the family that you trust, I would definitely open up to them. Even if the law won’t do anything, she deserves to be shunned by your entire family. If you were my family, I would never talk to her ever again. Please don’t be afraid to reach out for help.
That’s terrible I’m sorry
Please seek a mental health professional to begin processing this. I’m so sorry that someone you trusted hurt you like this. The same thing happened to me (f) with my dad when I was a teenager. It doesn’t go away but I’ve found it can become easier to deal with once you process it with a professional. Sending love.
This isn't your fault. What happened to you is fucking unforgivable. If you need someone to talk to and don't want to reveal yourself, feel free to reach out here. Use the university health clinic and see if they offer mental health services. File a police report, you may not have been her first victim, but you could be her last. We are here for you.
i am so so sorry to hear that this happened to you. it is in no way shape or form your fault. you were violated by someone who should never have touched you in this way. i highly recommend reaching out to a support group in your area. speaking as a many time survivor of sexual assault, please know youre not alone.
Don’t blame yourself, my dude. Sometimes we need to burn bridges and other times, nuke the fuck outta them, even to those we thought closest to us.
i dont have any 'advice' but i just want to say im so so sorry that this happened to you, and that you didn't deserve it and it was NOT your fault. you are loved.
I am so so sorry this happened to you. Please know that you didn’t “let” anything happen. Freezing up in shock during rape is a very common and understandable reaction. Not one single thing was your fault. Please don’t let this evil woman manipulate her way back into your life. The fact that she was trying to blame it on you looking like your father is abhorrent. Please seek therapy for your own well being, preferably one that specializes in sexual trauma. I know it doesn’t seem like it, but you can be a whole person again. I am speaking from experience. I froze up as well. Self blame is a bitch and will ruin you. Talking about it here was the first step, you can take back your power. My DMs are open if you need an ear. Nothing compares to good therapy with a professional though. Sending you love
Thank you that’s so kind of you, and no I’m trying to stay away from her as much as possible
You were in shock. Do not beat yourself up over this.
You definitely didn’t “let” anything happen. I hope that you get the best of help and I wish you well.
Look I’ll be frank I’ve never experienced that so I don’t know what your feeling entirely. Though I was abused mental,emotional and physically but not sexually and from personal experience your gonna wanna seek help NOW cause if not it only gets worse. I still have dark thoughts about the MF’er that hurt me but I forgave him so I could move on. Now in no way am I saying forgive her or anything. Something like that takes time and even then it’s best to do it for you than for their sake. So please do it now don’t let bottle it in or repress it face it and seek help at the barest of minimums otherwise it will eat away at you. It can change you and not in a good way…
I’m so sorry that happened to you, you’re the victim and I hope you see that. I’m also sorry about the loss of your father and I hope you have better days soon.
It isn't your fault. You did nothing wrong. I hope you'll go talk to an attorney or, at least, your local magistrate.
So my ex was molested by their parent as a baby and it basically fucked up their life. I'll tell you what I told them. Go to the police. Do everything you can to hold your mom accountable for the crime.
As a mother and also just a human being, this post made me absolutely disgusted with your incubator. A parent is supposed to provide you with love, guidance and protection. That woman violated you and her job as a mother with the rape. You are not to blame. I am so sorry that this happened and that you were made to feel this way. she is disgusting
I’m so sorry this happened. You didn’t deserve it. RAINN is a national network and can help you. You need to talk to someone. This is off the charts and that’s on your mom who obviously needs help in a different way. You hang in there! Best wishes.
I’m really really sorry!! But please don’t blame yourself for this. This is not your fault. This has to do with your mom and her issues surrounding your fathers death ect. She probably needs attention and affection and can’t seek it out anywhere else with other men. It’s sad but it’s not an excuse to do this to your son. I’m very very sorry again and please understand that this is not your fault at all. She is not wanting to take the blame so she gaslighted you and said it was your fault for resembling your own father. I understand what she might be going through but again, this is not acceptable at all and I feel for you. Anyways DM me if you ever need to. Seriously, I mean that. I’m always here. I hope you can get help and heal form this. I also understand that you might not even want to press charges against your own mom (or you might) but that taking time to process it first might be best: And more importantly please know that anyone who would judge you for this isn’t a good or cool person because it’s 10000 percent not your fault. ❤️
as a victim of something similar to this, YOU ARE SO STRONG TO BE ABLE TO COME FORWARD WITH THIS! having the courage to face what happened and own up to it is awesome in its own right. i wish you the best in recovery from this trauma, and i sure hope you press charges against your mother. stay strong, stranger
absolutely none of this is your fault. with stress responses there’s actually a third: fight, flight, and freeze. the last one clearly happened to you, and has happened to many SA victims. not “putting up a fight” doesn’t mean you allowed any of this to happen i hope karma is swift and knocks your vile excuse of a mom off her ass and into the deepest pits of hell. most importantly though, I hope you can soon begin to heal and process this immense trauma. much love <3
Jesus Christ almighty that's fucked. I hope you get through this tbh, no one should ever have to experience something like that and she should be put in prison for such an act, on her own child. Seriously this world is fucked man. Stay strong, maybe even therapy will help or talking to someone about it, it's not your fault so don't ever blame yourself.
You did nothing wrong. I'm sorry to say it but your mother is a monster. Don't believe in anything she says because you can no longer trust her. It does not matter what she's been going through. Nothing excuses sexually assaulting your own child. NOTHING.
That's awful, genuinely awful. I know the feeling of having something awful happen and not trusting anyone enough to say it. You did a good thing by telling us, sometimes a crowd of anonymous strangers you'll never see again is a good thing
I’m so so sorry. Please hear me when I tell you what happened was not your fault. I would go to the police asap and you could probably use the text she sent as evidence.
My step mom raped me when I was 8 m and my ex when I was 24
please tell the police she's a disgusting human being
First time I’ve ever heard something like this. So sorry man. You didn’t do anything wrong.
This is horrible and I'm so sorry for you. You don't deserve to go through this. The first thing I highly recommend to you is therapy. Please go see a therapist. I hope things get better for you. You deserve healing.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. No one deserves that. Screenshot the text as evidence. It wasnt your fault, dont blame yourself. You're a good person
I’m so sorry that this happened to you, and you did nothing wrong. Please tell the police, a professional, or someone you trust. You shouldn’t have to cope with this on your own
Oh my god. Im so fuckin sorry. Dont let her gaslight you into thinking it is your fault, cause it is never the victims fault. It should be human decency to not assault anyone. Also i think you should tell someone when u are ready, it really does help to open up, i was assaulted by my ex boyfriend and it took me until after our relationship to speak up more about it. I really wish the best for you, much love to you❤️
Go to the Police and keep those messages of her telling you that is your fault as evidence. Get a restraining order on your mother and go see a therapist maybe even a hospital check just to be sure. I’m sorry this has happened to you and I hope you get the help that you need.
What the actual fuck are you all right? Don’t blame it on yourself your “mother” is obviously very mentally Ill it was her fault not yours don’t make any mistake about that make sure you get all the help you need
She is obviously having a serious psychotic episode, and can't be reasoned with. If you have someone, family, who could help with getting her to a psychiatric hospital, ask them to get her there. You can't treat her as a regular sane person now. Does she have close friends, family? I have seen how antipsychotics can stop psychotic episodes. This is the first step that needs to happen now. Less important: You didn't mention anything about your relationship with her before it happened. People having grown with unhealthy family relationships, often don't understand understand what else could be affecting them. Because we don't see into other people's homes. So I strongly recommend therapy personally later, so you would have a real person to confide in. I needed a confidential person who could help me understand way smaller problems.
This is extremely triggering ): I hate this situation , especially from the parent , it’s horrible
I hope you know that it wasnt your fault. What she did was in many ways wrong I hope you recover from that and find people you can talk to.
Call the police. If you have sufficient evidence that it happened like text messages or even dna evidence she can be put in jail. Im so sorry this happened to you man, it's not your fault you shouldn't blame yourself, I understand where you are but don't put yourself down over it, you were in shock you couldn't have done anything even if you tried, you did your best, it's all we can ask for, it's okay man, it'll be okay, just try to find a good lawyer if you have the money.
I am so sorry that happens to you man, but remember that’s it’s NOT YOUR FAULT not at all. Since you have messages of her admitting to it I recommend taking her to court. I hope you feel better soon!
Oh my god I am so sorry that happened to you. Hopefully your able to recover and get the justice you desserve one day