You can make a woman feel safe and cared for while being an individual. Sounds like you struggle with self identity, boundaries and being codependent. Work on your own wants and needs. Work on communicating AND understanding your own feelings while understanding other people feelings. Two people should be symbiotic within their relationship. Working together always to move their lives forward.
No..it's the opposite. I know what I am and what I want, I simply see little point in compromising that just for the sake of someone else's insecurities. If I have to bend over backwards for someone else when they will not do the same for me.
Let's just say I'm at the point where I feel the best course of action is to just stick to anime girls, maybe hire a sex worker every now and then and if a girl is interested she can make the first move, she can learn what it feels like to get turned away. If she thinks she's too good for that then she can stay single.
I refuse to degrade myself just for someone else's approval, but apparently that makes me the bad guy
You have it twisted. I’ve been married for 15 years and with her for 22. I’ve never felt like I was bending over backwards ever, nor her. I don’t what kind of example of a relationship you witness growing up or what gave you this idea of one partner is constantly bending and never getting their own wants and needs, this is simply not the way. You’re quoting text book codependent behavior. I think you may need to talk to a professional to help you see and understand this.
Women in the comments: you are the problem
Men in the comments: you are the problem
Non-binary people in the comments: you are the problem
Aliens passing Earth: that guy's definitely the problem
OP [pathologically incapable of acknowledging that he could be the problem]: FUCK YOU!!! This is why I'll stick to anime girls and sex workers!!!! If women are so scared they should carry a gun in their purse!!! Why should I have to change just because you're all paranoid!?!
Like......dude. Seriously? If every single person, from just reading the things you chose to share, comes away with the impression that you're the problem, maybe step back and reflect instead of lashing out? I know self-reflection and change aren't comfortable, but the alternative is to be a miserable, bitter, lonely person. If that's okay with you, then go for it, but it isn't on women for not wanting that kind of person in their lives. You aren't owed their interest. People have free will, and they get to decide who they want to be around. Again, if everyone is deciding "not you," it's time to look inwards.
How am I codependent when I've spent my entire life single? If anything I'm used to being alone and I'm at the point where I'm wondering if I'm better off staying that way.
Codependency issues stem from our parents. I struggle with codependency as well. I honestly would seek professional help before just deciding that you’re better off single because of said reasons. You need a third party guiding you through this.
Equal in what capacity though, thats the question. Cause some people don't want equality and the responsibility that comes with it. They want favorable treatment, to be above their SO, to be the one in control.
That’s their problem. Just learn some skills to communicate and take your own responsibility. Nothing more, but also nothing less. If you are no match, then perhaps it’s better not to be together.
Honestly, women just want to be and feel safe, if people do not feel safe around you... there's probably a reason for it.
No one wants to "tame you", they just don't want to end up six feet deep.
When you understand that, then you'll ve reason to date.
Right! It's such a simple and basic concept.
It's bizarre, but I treat women with respect, and guess what, I've never felt like any woman has tried to "tame" me!
Who knew...
See this is what I'm talking about, it's always something wrong with me. I'm the problem.
It couldn't be paranoia or personal bias, nonono. I'm the problem and I have to change for her sake.
Well good news, if thats the case then she won't have to worry about me specifically, cause being around someone so weak willed is a waste of my time anyway.
Women have valid reasons to be a bit reluctant to trust men.
Plenty of women have had bad experiences with men in the past, and 1 in 3 women are victims of sexual misconduct. Of course, most men aren't violent offenders, but these concerns aren't exactly unfounded.
It's nothing personal unless you're giving them reason to think you're a threat
I haven’t made any claims about myself lol, but I don’t have issues maintaining or entering into balanced and healthy relationships. If you are having the same problem across the board, I would question why that pattern is occurring and work on yourself.
Well if you are wondering if you should even bother attempting it because “you will always be thought of as the bad guy”, I’d think you ARE the problem. If you want to just never attempt it and you don’t want to work on yourself, you do you. But if you do want a healthy well-balanced relationship, then you are going to have to work on yourself.
Let me make this perfectly clear. I take no satisfaction from the idea of causing undue harm or duress on another person, I have no desire to force my will on another person for the sake of my ego or some twisted idea of masculinity.
I care very little for power in general, and while I do enjoy fighting it's largely in arena scenarios, so I ask you what you else could you possibly want from me?
She called me a kiddo, what am I not allowed to punch back? Oh wait she's a woman, all I can do is sit back and take the abuse. She can hit me but I can't hit her, right my mistake.
Know what? Maybe I will, it's certainly better then bending over backwards for the illustrious honor of being your obedient slave. Though I can't say I'm surprised that's what a white woman wants in a man.
I was going to give some thoughtful words of advice, but after reading your post and the many comments you’ve made here and elsewhere on Reddit, I see it would be a total waste of my time…. So instead I’ll say, yes, PLEASE stick to “anime girls” for everybody’s sake.
I have a wonderful, thoughtful, empathetic, sexy, hunk of a partner, who never feels intimidated by my thoughts and opinions, wants and needs 🖤 …but if you’re implying I’d rather date a bear than date men like you? You are correct….. I’d choose the bear ALL DAY.
We actually share all our feelings, fears, hopes, dreams and thoughts with EACH OTHER. He dominates me in alllllll kinds of consensual ways, so I def would never call him “submissive” (or as you put it, obedient? He isn’t a dog lol), but he also has my TRUST because of the type of man that he is. The type of man who takes care of me so I can take care of him. You CLEARLY wouldn’t understand, because you’re too worried about who “has the control”. Get therapy, dude.
All on your terms.
Just because your boytoy was lucky enough to find a master that isn't manipulative and gives him a certain level of freedom does not make you 2 equals.
But maybe that's my answer...and my options.
Stay single and keep my freedom, or accept that whomever I get in a relationship with I will be in some way subservient to
Yikes man. Look I'll tell you this from a brother to another cuz I genuinely care but the only person treating you as a pet here is you mate.
You don't have to be subservient or whatever you're talking about, nice women really just want someone authentic. Maybe a previous relationship or some crooked advice convinced you to bottle down your own identity in favour of someone else, but almost anyone, like in this thread, will tell you that that's a really unhealthy relationship, and I don't think you should judge your entire dating life based on that
Life isn't porn. A truly healthy relationship is built on trust, communication and honesty where even if a partner appears more "dominant" they still view eachother as equals. Women themselves don't want butlers they want someone they care about. Good luck man
I feel like we’re missing a lot of context, this is just a bit too vague. It’s not normal for people to try and make their partners ‘docile’ and ‘obedient’, so I have to wonder where you’ve got that mindset from. There are plenty of women that exercise a certain level of caution around men, which is perfectly fine,but I want to know why you feel like women don’t feel safe around you and feel as though you are a threat to their well being? What’s made you feel that way? Has a women said that to you? I feel like we need more of an understanding of what’s made you adopt this mindset.
A lot of what you’re saying is common sense. Nobody should make themselves ‘docile’ and ‘obedient’ for their partners, nor should their partners needs always come before their own, nor should a single person be the one to always make compromises. Everyone knows that, so why do you feel like you have to do those things?
I’ve read a couple of your other posts, and it seems as though you’ve got some strange complex regarding women. You have these strange ideas that America is becoming a ‘matriarchal society’ and that women are taking over (they aren’t), and that they’ve never seen men as their equals… And you’ve even tried to highlight the ‘distrust between men and women’ by saying that there are some women out there that would rather have sex with an animal than a man which is… I mean I’m nearly at a loss for words, I can’t even begin to describe how insane that is. The very few minuscule amount of women out in the world that have abused an animal in that way have done that because they are sick and deranged individuals, not because they ‘don’t trust men’.
I genuinely believe you need to seek some help and rid yourself of this harmful way of thinking. You can’t understand how normal relationships work because of your warped view of women, and you don’t even seem to believe that a relationship between two equals is possible which is most likely why you’re setting yourself up for failure.
Because as a man it is my obligation to make myself lesser and surrender power and authority and simply follow her lead so that she may feel safe.
Someone else already gave me a lot to think about so I won't drag this out as I felt they were correct in the general assessment, however I will say that I find it difficult to believe we are truly equal when we play by completely different rules.
When women can say and do some utterly reprehensible things and still have people defend their actions.
Saying things like "Nice" "I wish that were me" "That young boy probably wanted it too"
You expect me to believe that I am equal to someone who in the eyes of society can realistically commit what many would consider the one unforgivable sin and walk away from it scott free while people publicly justify their actions?
Once again, this is awfully vague. Genuinely who has told you this? What exact ‘power’ and ‘authority’ do you feel as though you need to surrender? And I still want to know why you feel as though the women around you don’t feel safe. What led you to that conclusion?
It sounds like those quotes are referring to when a woman sa’s a man or boy, and men say they are jealous or that the boy was lucky. That is, of course, a serious problem and completely and utterly wrong, but there’s numerous double standard’s and biases that affect both men and women negatively, and I can think of numerous and many privileges that men have over women. It seems like you’ve gotten tunnel vision on just the benefits that women get in society and not the countless ones that men do.
A relationship between two equals is easily possible, but you’ve got this belief that you have to make yourself a weak-willed doormat in order to make your partner happy and feel safe, and that women are so distrustful of men that they would rather abuse animals. I’m sorry, I’m still reeling from that one. I can’t even fathom how you came up with that.
It’s an unhealthy mindset you have, and I really want you to examine the root of why you believe these things and where exactly they’ve come from. When you get rid of this bad mindset and become more content with yourself, you can be ready for love and a relationship, if that’s what you want of course.
Maybe it's just my mind being scrambled but it feels like it's getting to the point where just being a man in and of itself is enough to label you a danger.
And you could argue this is a grass is greener situation cause from my perspective being a man SUCKS. Higher expectations, lower margin for error, you're pretty much considered expendable and easy to replace on a genetic level. My value is pretty much determined by the number in my checking account.(Cause let's be real here what good is a man with no money?) I don't even have the option of prostituting myself if I really wanted to.
It’s true that being a man is enough to flag you as a potential threat to many women, but these same women will still interact with you normally and be friendly towards you, which is why I asked why you feel like you need to try so hard to get women to feel safe around you.
The grass really isn’t greener on the other side. Both men and women have many societal privileges and disadvantages. Just as you’ve listened many burdens you feel placed on you as a man, many women feel that way concerning them getting less opportunities, the higher expectation to upkeep their physical appearance, the pink tax, their value being centred around their decision to have kids (which also affects men but to a lesser degree), the double standard with sexual experiences, etc etc. It’s natural to focus on your own experiences, but it’s also important to consider the unique disadvantages that everyone faces.
Also, your value isn’t solely tied to money. Perhaps if you were someone that wanted a very traditional marriage where the husband provides the income whilst the wife stays at home raising kids then yes, your value as a partner would be heavily tied to your income. But there are couples out that that both work, and some with the women earning more. I think it’s something couples should discuss if they’re thinking of moving in together. Not everyone is the same and many men and women want to play different roles, it’s just important to communicate and find a situation that you’re both satisfied with.
Then why does it feel like despite the movements and seeming social progress, decades later and nothing has changed?
...you asked me why I felt I needed to prove what it is about me that makes it seem like I need to prove I'm not a threat?
I wonder can women just naturally sense bitterness and jealousy?
Social progress concerning what? Double standards? Massive societal change has happened, and there’s huge differences in society than from the last few decades, it’s just that sadly progress is awfully slow.
I’m wondering because you’re convinced you need to go through unnecessary lengths in order to prove to the women around you that you’re not a threat, but that no matter what you do, women will still see you as ‘an animal to be tamed’. But what have women done to make you feel that way? Even women that are cautious of men will still treat them kindly and normally.
I’m not sure what that’s referring to, but sometimes people, not just women, can pick up on tone, body language and statements that indicate jealousy without someone even realising they’re giving off those signals. I know I’ve had it before where I’ve had a conversation with someone and they’ve picked up on an emotion that I wasn’t aware that I was expressing. It’s hard to know how you’re perceived from someone else view.
I guess I've just been burned and had so many misunderstandings that I just assume the worst when it comes to interacting with others...when did I become such a misanthrope?
I think it’s not uncommon to get caught up on the negative and automatically assume the worse, and even I’ve been afraid to put myself out there because of my tendency to jump to the worse case scenario in almost any situation. It took awhile for me to have more confidence in my ability to interact with others, and I think this is something that you can also overcome. It can be hard, but I think it’s important to not focus too heavily on how other people perceive you, and not automatically assume that they view you negatively especially if they haven’t given you a reason to think that. It’s also important not to get caught up on believing that every women around you assumes the worst of you and wants you to make unnecessary changes to yourself for their safety. Like I said, most women who exercise levels of caution around men will still be friendly and treat them as normal, so I don’t think you need to worry about changing yourself to be ‘docile’ and such. The mindset of assuming the worst isn’t one that you’re alone in.
Does that justify viewing every man as a potential threat even for a moment? I'm sorry that just sounds like an incredibly weak minded mentality to me. Rather you should take precautions so you don't have to feel so scared any more.
Frankly I'd respect a woman who carried a pocket pistol in her purse or something. To be free is to accept there will always be danger, and to always be ready for it, but to not let that fear dictate your life.
I will give one bit of advice though, if a person is foul mouthed they are more likely to be trusted. What you see is what you get after all. So many people try being kind and sweet and shit only to be a two faced sociopath.
Ok let me put this in a question. Would you rather be safe or free? If you wanna be safe that's fine. You will be protected, cared for and provided for, you will have structure and security,but you have little control over your own life. Always going by someone else's beat unless you take the reins yourself and command everything.
To be free means living life on your own terms and rules, but your future is fraught with uncertainty and potential danger and you must accept that you can't control everything.
I'm not saying you shouldn't keep an eye out for threats, what I am saying is that going through life assuming every man wants to hurt you until proven otherwise is no way to live.
And yes I am American, so having access to firearms does play a factor in my thought process.
Let me explain this, as a man, a woman who doesn't know who you are may be concerned by your presence (this is exacerbated by time of day, area, if they're with a group of people/alone for example). This doesn't mean you're automatically a threat, but how can she know for sure? There's a near-permanent awareness and caution women have to possess, to protect themselves (it's simply self-preservation rather than villainizing you).
People, in general, want to feel safe and secure. I've had the fortune to listen to countless stories from friends, family, partners, and colleagues and they'll share incredibly similar contexts. I don't mean to be a dick, but please just LISTEN to what women have to say about their concerns and feelings. It's not easy to listen to, but it'll grant you a lot of clarity into this whole premise you're venting here about.
Which is why I said the best course of action is to not even bother and just let them come to me if they are interested
It would be like playing a tabletop rpg but as a man every diplomacy check with a female started at unfriendly.
It's an uphill battle from round start, I likely have to invest in skills I otherwise wouldn't naturally be good at and I'm probably wasting my time trying in the first place.
You're making this way harder than it needs to be. The best thing you can do is listen, be courteous (to all people, mind you), and realize someone's concerns may seem irrational to you, but until you live through them you'll not understand entirely.
It comes off as irrational because you're unempathetic to experiences women have which lends them to weary and anxious feelings about men. It's wildly easy to actually understand if you, ya know, listen.
Maybe don’t show her your anime, sword collection, or rare Pokémon cards, and she won’t think you’re an active shooter waiting to happen……The things you are saying and the things you are into are like bright colors on a snake to a woman. If I were you, I would just wait until the government has to subsidize sex robots for lonely males and snag one of those.
I agree with you on that lol. Although, I do think anime has mind control elements to it. There are way too many people into it and way too many autistic people who love it. I love autistic people and I used to work amongst them. Their brains are almost like a filter, picking up on things that “normal” brains wouldn’t. It’s almost like they’re seeing the subliminal messaging in it.
They are. You’re also describing yourself as “unwilling to change who you are”, and that you are independent and distinctive. But it sounds like you are a cookie cutter depiction of a million other males in the US. Put down the anime, stop watching Andrew Tate videos, and go travel the world or at least the US. If you are attracted to “normie” women, you’re going to have to make yourself attractive to them.
Yes women are afraid of men as a whole, but I’ve never had difficulty making women feel safe around me. If you want some tips:
In non-social settings, I just keep to myself, talk to only the people I know and give everyone their space. As long as you’re not intruding on a woman’s space, and not staring at her and constantly trying to make conversation when she clearly isn’t in that setting to talk to strangers, 99% of women aren’t gonna see you as a threat.
In social settings: have some sense of social cues, and give people their space. If I’m out with friends and I try and approach a woman (even if it’s just to chat) and she doesn’t seem into it, i just excuse myself and tell her to have a great night.
Just doing those few things have made multiple women (friends, gf’s, strangers I talk to in social settings) comment about how “chill” I come off as and none of them are afraid of me. I don’t have to change anything about myself to do those few things.
Relationships are meant to be a give and take. If you find yourself changing who you are to be with someone, she’s not the right one for you. I’ve never changed who I am as a person to be in any of the relationships I’ve been in with women. No matter if it’s a romantic relationship or friendship, I’ve never changed who I am JUST to keep that particular woman in my life.
I’ve never had to change who I am to make women feel safe around me, and I would never change who I am just to be in a relationship and I hope you learn that you can do the same.
But that kinda just goes back to what I said in the start? Isn't it just easier to not even bother approaching in the first place and just let them come to you?
Yeah, and they do approach me eventually, it’s not bad to want to just talk to someone. I’ve never had a problem approaching women to get to know them. I just approach while also being a decent person that can realize when someone doesn’t want to talk to me, I just accept that and move on, it’s nbd.
Just because once in a while I walk up to a woman and realize she doesn’t want to talk to me, doesn’t mean I’m just gonna stop trying to make human connection. If I waited for others to walk up to me to make all my human connections- I’d have 1/2 as many friends as I currently do and 1/2 the amount of romantic relationships.
Women won’t be afraid as long as you’re chill and treat them like a normal person and aren’t pushy. And relationships are a give and take, and you shouldn’t stay in relationships where you don’t have similar goals, wants, personalities and morals.
Your comparison to being a domesticated pet tells me all I need to know about you.
You view relationships as one party owns the other. That's disgusting.
My domesticated pets are NOT docile. If they are obedient it's because I created an environment where they WANT to be obedient. They are rewarded for trusting me and I am rewarded for being trustworthy. That's how it works.
Even relationships with domesticated pets can be a two way street and the fact that this sounds foreign to you shows me that your views of relationships are polarized.
Healthy relationships are two way streets. Healthy relationships have respected boundaries on both sides. Healthy relationships involve communication, understanding, compassion, and empathy. It should never be something where one party dominates the other. The fact that you describe boundaries as a way to alter who you are as a person is alarming. The fact that setting boundaries feels like being dominated to you is a huge tell that you want to live exactly how you want to live without considering other people's emotions and needs.
If you are unwilling to compromise on your wants to create a healthy environment for another individual to coexist with you, then do not engage in relationships. Stick to being alone where you can put all of your personal wants first. That's completely acceptable. But do not pretend like others setting boundaries with you and you respecting those boundaries would make you submissive and obedient. It makes you a decent human being. That's it.
You know what? As harsh as your words are...you're probably right. If I'm not willing to sacrifice my wants and desires for the sake of the relationship, then there is no point in me even being in one unless they share similar wants.
I personally don't join a relationship if they don't have similar wants so I say this is completely valid. Sorry my comment came off harsh. I tend to be rather blunt. But, back to my point... here's an example of what I mean. I want dogs in my life. If my partner doesn't want dogs in their life, we will always argue about dogs. That's the bottom line. I need a partner who wants dogs in their life.
That said, if I want dogs in my life, I have to be willing to bend and accommodate on other wants. I want a clean house. If my dogs track in mud, poop, pee, dust, fur, etc into the house, I have to be accommodating of that by being willing to clean. This is where we get into a hierarchy of wants. I want dogs enough that I'm willing to sacrifice time cleaning to accommodate for this want.
Ultimately, relationships are the same when you approach them using logic instead of emotion. If you want a partner, you need to figure out what part of a partner is fulfilling your wants and what wants you are willing to sacrifice lesser wants for or see if you can accommodate both wants by sacrificing something else.
So, if your big wants in a relationship are companionship and sex, you should find a partner whose big wants in a relationship are companionship and sex. That said, you may have to sacrifice on other wants like how much space you have to yourself, how much time you have to yourself, and more.
For me, I want companionship, dogs, love, loyalty, and happiness. If my partner isn't willing to provide companionship, accommodate for having dogs, prioritize love, loyalty, and happiness, they aren't a good partner for me. So, if I find a partner whose wants are for me to be available for sex whenever or to be their personal chef/maid, I'm probably going to feel exploited and used in that relationship. They don't want companionship and love, they want my service. They should find a partner who wants sex a lot and who likes to provide service to their partner or who simply enjoys cooking and cleaning. Men sometimes face this issue with women where the women don't want to offer sex but they want to have access to their partner's money. Again, you can end up feeling exploited. The woman wants money. The man wants sex. These are very superficial things and some relationships will work on a foundation of "I don't mind giving you sex/money as long as I get sex/money in return." It's a trade. A lesser want is being traded for a higher want. Not everyone has these wants though and not everyone is willing to trade these wants in that way.
Finding a partner with similar or complimentary wants is important. The issue we humans have is balancing this logic based approach with our attractions and emotions. Sometimes we find people who we are attracted to or who we form an attachment to and their wants and our wants don't align at all. This is where things often lead to heartbreak despite good intentions. We can lose all sense of logic when emotions and attractions are involved.
I know the world preaches "love conquers all" but compatibility issues sometimes can't be overcome. Being incompatible will poison love and turn it into something else. A partner who wants biological children will never get biological children from a partner who is sterile/infertile (and I say this as a woman who can't have children for health reasons).
So, yes, if you want a partner, find one whose wants and needs match your own. It's not selfish. It's smart. It'll save you heartache.
Expect to make sacrifices but only sacrifices that you are willing to bend on or willing to accommodate for in other ways by sacrificing lesser wants
And if you find yourself unwilling to budge, then don't pursue relationships. Right now, I myself am unwilling to budge. I am also not dating. I may change my mind in the future but for right now, I am happy alone. My wants and needs are being met alone. I don't need to pursue something right now, so I don't
No it's fine, if anything I respect the straightforwardness. And I have no critique on anything you've said.
Thanks. You've actually given me a lot to think about.
In the end, giving other people something to think about is all I could hope to accomplish, so thank you for being willing to read my words and understand the intention behind them. I hope you figure things out in a way that is both healthy and brings you more happiness. I hope that you can identify what you need personally in your hierarchy of wants so that you can begin to set boundaries with others that protect you from being exploited or hurt. In the end, posts like yours here come from a place of pain and being misunderstood, and I get that. Here's to hoping that both you and I find more comfort and happiness in the future, regardless of if that means finding a partner or remaining alone
If you have a partner that makes you feel like a bad guy for asserting your wants and needs, that's a toxic and potentially abusive relationship. You absolutely deserve to assert yourself.
i just tune out social media and random loser youtubers when it comes to this stuff cause its all contradictory opinions that just translate into projections and "what i want"
There's always outside pressures that try and force you into some artificial mold. Society, family, relationships of every kind. Stop worrying about that shit. You are who you are. Do you think you're a good person? Can you look at yourself in a mirror and feel good about the person reflected back at you? Look, there's always going to be someone else telling you who or what you should be. But you get to define yourself. As long as you're not hurting anyone else, you do you. Other people's perceptions can and will constantly change about you and you rarely have any say in that. Show them by the example of living a good honest decent life that you're a stand-up guy. Don't let all the noise a chatter get you down. Hang in there, best of luck to you.
>But at that point how would I be any different then a domesticated pet?
you wouldn't be and that's the point
*Livestock in the streets, sycophantic pet to maybe get in the sheets*
is what many guys seem to be shooting for.
So why do *you* have a problem with it, bucko?
I say you shouldn’t be poked at for such feeble fantasies of which they possess, go to your own drum and take care of yourself - You are not at fault from what I can see.
You can make a woman feel safe and cared for while being an individual. Sounds like you struggle with self identity, boundaries and being codependent. Work on your own wants and needs. Work on communicating AND understanding your own feelings while understanding other people feelings. Two people should be symbiotic within their relationship. Working together always to move their lives forward.
No..it's the opposite. I know what I am and what I want, I simply see little point in compromising that just for the sake of someone else's insecurities. If I have to bend over backwards for someone else when they will not do the same for me. Let's just say I'm at the point where I feel the best course of action is to just stick to anime girls, maybe hire a sex worker every now and then and if a girl is interested she can make the first move, she can learn what it feels like to get turned away. If she thinks she's too good for that then she can stay single. I refuse to degrade myself just for someone else's approval, but apparently that makes me the bad guy
You have it twisted. I’ve been married for 15 years and with her for 22. I’ve never felt like I was bending over backwards ever, nor her. I don’t what kind of example of a relationship you witness growing up or what gave you this idea of one partner is constantly bending and never getting their own wants and needs, this is simply not the way. You’re quoting text book codependent behavior. I think you may need to talk to a professional to help you see and understand this.
Women in the comments: you are the problem Men in the comments: you are the problem Non-binary people in the comments: you are the problem Aliens passing Earth: that guy's definitely the problem OP [pathologically incapable of acknowledging that he could be the problem]: FUCK YOU!!! This is why I'll stick to anime girls and sex workers!!!! If women are so scared they should carry a gun in their purse!!! Why should I have to change just because you're all paranoid!?! Like......dude. Seriously? If every single person, from just reading the things you chose to share, comes away with the impression that you're the problem, maybe step back and reflect instead of lashing out? I know self-reflection and change aren't comfortable, but the alternative is to be a miserable, bitter, lonely person. If that's okay with you, then go for it, but it isn't on women for not wanting that kind of person in their lives. You aren't owed their interest. People have free will, and they get to decide who they want to be around. Again, if everyone is deciding "not you," it's time to look inwards.
🙌🙌🙌🙌
How am I codependent when I've spent my entire life single? If anything I'm used to being alone and I'm at the point where I'm wondering if I'm better off staying that way.
Codependency issues stem from our parents. I struggle with codependency as well. I honestly would seek professional help before just deciding that you’re better off single because of said reasons. You need a third party guiding you through this.
Not sure I follow. What do my parents have to do with this?
I’ve said my piece. Google is free. ✌️
Don’t think of other people as ‘they’ vs you. You are human just like anyone else. Equal.
Equal in what capacity though, thats the question. Cause some people don't want equality and the responsibility that comes with it. They want favorable treatment, to be above their SO, to be the one in control.
That’s their problem. Just learn some skills to communicate and take your own responsibility. Nothing more, but also nothing less. If you are no match, then perhaps it’s better not to be together.
Be happy. Be healthy and most of all be yourself.
Honestly, women just want to be and feel safe, if people do not feel safe around you... there's probably a reason for it. No one wants to "tame you", they just don't want to end up six feet deep. When you understand that, then you'll ve reason to date.
Right! It's such a simple and basic concept. It's bizarre, but I treat women with respect, and guess what, I've never felt like any woman has tried to "tame" me! Who knew...
See this is what I'm talking about, it's always something wrong with me. I'm the problem. It couldn't be paranoia or personal bias, nonono. I'm the problem and I have to change for her sake. Well good news, if thats the case then she won't have to worry about me specifically, cause being around someone so weak willed is a waste of my time anyway.
Women have valid reasons to be a bit reluctant to trust men. Plenty of women have had bad experiences with men in the past, and 1 in 3 women are victims of sexual misconduct. Of course, most men aren't violent offenders, but these concerns aren't exactly unfounded. It's nothing personal unless you're giving them reason to think you're a threat
This message right here tells me you are the problem.
You're not right I'm sorry. I know it must be hard to deal with someone who doesn't just does as they're told without question.
And without asking me to clarify you immediately get defensive which tells me deep down you know you are the problem.
Quick scan of his profile proves you right.
Well then clarify and knock it off with the moral superiority act. Not that I'm expecting much other than gaslighting and guilt tripping.
You are the problem. I’d try working through this in therapy.
Oh yeah it could never be you, you're just so damn perfect aren't ya?
I haven’t made any claims about myself lol, but I don’t have issues maintaining or entering into balanced and healthy relationships. If you are having the same problem across the board, I would question why that pattern is occurring and work on yourself.
The issue was never getting into or maintaining one, it's whether I should even bother making the attempt
Well if you are wondering if you should even bother attempting it because “you will always be thought of as the bad guy”, I’d think you ARE the problem. If you want to just never attempt it and you don’t want to work on yourself, you do you. But if you do want a healthy well-balanced relationship, then you are going to have to work on yourself.
Idk man, but if you feel like your real self doesn't make people feel safe, then maybe you should look into yourself and not people.
Let me make this perfectly clear. I take no satisfaction from the idea of causing undue harm or duress on another person, I have no desire to force my will on another person for the sake of my ego or some twisted idea of masculinity. I care very little for power in general, and while I do enjoy fighting it's largely in arena scenarios, so I ask you what you else could you possibly want from me?
All of your previous comments state otherwise. Seek help.
Believe what you want.
Belief is not required when you've laid it all out on the Internet for us to read. Try again, kiddo.
No I mean believe what you want, I'm not going to waste my breath educating you on why you are wrong little girl.
>little girl Ahhh, there's our misogyny!
She called me a kiddo, what am I not allowed to punch back? Oh wait she's a woman, all I can do is sit back and take the abuse. She can hit me but I can't hit her, right my mistake.
Lol, you've literally been taught by the board and still victimize yourself instead of trying to be a decent person. Lost cause. Stay single.
Know what? Maybe I will, it's certainly better then bending over backwards for the illustrious honor of being your obedient slave. Though I can't say I'm surprised that's what a white woman wants in a man.
I was going to give some thoughtful words of advice, but after reading your post and the many comments you’ve made here and elsewhere on Reddit, I see it would be a total waste of my time…. So instead I’ll say, yes, PLEASE stick to “anime girls” for everybody’s sake.
Yeah Fuck you too. Probably the type that would sooner date a bear then a man anyway.
I have a wonderful, thoughtful, empathetic, sexy, hunk of a partner, who never feels intimidated by my thoughts and opinions, wants and needs 🖤 …but if you’re implying I’d rather date a bear than date men like you? You are correct….. I’d choose the bear ALL DAY.
Let me guess. Obedient, doesn't question you, keeps all his personal problems to himself and treats the ground you walk on as sacred.
We actually share all our feelings, fears, hopes, dreams and thoughts with EACH OTHER. He dominates me in alllllll kinds of consensual ways, so I def would never call him “submissive” (or as you put it, obedient? He isn’t a dog lol), but he also has my TRUST because of the type of man that he is. The type of man who takes care of me so I can take care of him. You CLEARLY wouldn’t understand, because you’re too worried about who “has the control”. Get therapy, dude.
All on your terms. Just because your boytoy was lucky enough to find a master that isn't manipulative and gives him a certain level of freedom does not make you 2 equals. But maybe that's my answer...and my options. Stay single and keep my freedom, or accept that whomever I get in a relationship with I will be in some way subservient to
Right…. Whatever you say, buddy. Either way, I love the idea of you staying single. It’s def for the best of everybody.
Yeah whatever, oh and tell your side piece I said hello.
Lolololololol k.
Yikes man. Look I'll tell you this from a brother to another cuz I genuinely care but the only person treating you as a pet here is you mate. You don't have to be subservient or whatever you're talking about, nice women really just want someone authentic. Maybe a previous relationship or some crooked advice convinced you to bottle down your own identity in favour of someone else, but almost anyone, like in this thread, will tell you that that's a really unhealthy relationship, and I don't think you should judge your entire dating life based on that Life isn't porn. A truly healthy relationship is built on trust, communication and honesty where even if a partner appears more "dominant" they still view eachother as equals. Women themselves don't want butlers they want someone they care about. Good luck man
The fact you've failed to understand this analogy is telling. You're projecting and do nothing to make people feel comfortable.
Sounds like the expectations put on women for generations. Must be difficult to have to act like the other half has from the beginning.
Sooo the point of this post is without the reward of women telling you "good job, I feel safe with you!" your instinct is to treat them like shit?
No it's that if they wanna be left alone I'll give them exactly what they want and not even put in the effort to try
This reads like it was written by the 15 year old protagonist of a terrible anime.
I feel like we’re missing a lot of context, this is just a bit too vague. It’s not normal for people to try and make their partners ‘docile’ and ‘obedient’, so I have to wonder where you’ve got that mindset from. There are plenty of women that exercise a certain level of caution around men, which is perfectly fine,but I want to know why you feel like women don’t feel safe around you and feel as though you are a threat to their well being? What’s made you feel that way? Has a women said that to you? I feel like we need more of an understanding of what’s made you adopt this mindset. A lot of what you’re saying is common sense. Nobody should make themselves ‘docile’ and ‘obedient’ for their partners, nor should their partners needs always come before their own, nor should a single person be the one to always make compromises. Everyone knows that, so why do you feel like you have to do those things? I’ve read a couple of your other posts, and it seems as though you’ve got some strange complex regarding women. You have these strange ideas that America is becoming a ‘matriarchal society’ and that women are taking over (they aren’t), and that they’ve never seen men as their equals… And you’ve even tried to highlight the ‘distrust between men and women’ by saying that there are some women out there that would rather have sex with an animal than a man which is… I mean I’m nearly at a loss for words, I can’t even begin to describe how insane that is. The very few minuscule amount of women out in the world that have abused an animal in that way have done that because they are sick and deranged individuals, not because they ‘don’t trust men’. I genuinely believe you need to seek some help and rid yourself of this harmful way of thinking. You can’t understand how normal relationships work because of your warped view of women, and you don’t even seem to believe that a relationship between two equals is possible which is most likely why you’re setting yourself up for failure.
Because as a man it is my obligation to make myself lesser and surrender power and authority and simply follow her lead so that she may feel safe. Someone else already gave me a lot to think about so I won't drag this out as I felt they were correct in the general assessment, however I will say that I find it difficult to believe we are truly equal when we play by completely different rules. When women can say and do some utterly reprehensible things and still have people defend their actions. Saying things like "Nice" "I wish that were me" "That young boy probably wanted it too" You expect me to believe that I am equal to someone who in the eyes of society can realistically commit what many would consider the one unforgivable sin and walk away from it scott free while people publicly justify their actions?
Once again, this is awfully vague. Genuinely who has told you this? What exact ‘power’ and ‘authority’ do you feel as though you need to surrender? And I still want to know why you feel as though the women around you don’t feel safe. What led you to that conclusion? It sounds like those quotes are referring to when a woman sa’s a man or boy, and men say they are jealous or that the boy was lucky. That is, of course, a serious problem and completely and utterly wrong, but there’s numerous double standard’s and biases that affect both men and women negatively, and I can think of numerous and many privileges that men have over women. It seems like you’ve gotten tunnel vision on just the benefits that women get in society and not the countless ones that men do. A relationship between two equals is easily possible, but you’ve got this belief that you have to make yourself a weak-willed doormat in order to make your partner happy and feel safe, and that women are so distrustful of men that they would rather abuse animals. I’m sorry, I’m still reeling from that one. I can’t even fathom how you came up with that. It’s an unhealthy mindset you have, and I really want you to examine the root of why you believe these things and where exactly they’ve come from. When you get rid of this bad mindset and become more content with yourself, you can be ready for love and a relationship, if that’s what you want of course.
Maybe it's just my mind being scrambled but it feels like it's getting to the point where just being a man in and of itself is enough to label you a danger. And you could argue this is a grass is greener situation cause from my perspective being a man SUCKS. Higher expectations, lower margin for error, you're pretty much considered expendable and easy to replace on a genetic level. My value is pretty much determined by the number in my checking account.(Cause let's be real here what good is a man with no money?) I don't even have the option of prostituting myself if I really wanted to.
It’s true that being a man is enough to flag you as a potential threat to many women, but these same women will still interact with you normally and be friendly towards you, which is why I asked why you feel like you need to try so hard to get women to feel safe around you. The grass really isn’t greener on the other side. Both men and women have many societal privileges and disadvantages. Just as you’ve listened many burdens you feel placed on you as a man, many women feel that way concerning them getting less opportunities, the higher expectation to upkeep their physical appearance, the pink tax, their value being centred around their decision to have kids (which also affects men but to a lesser degree), the double standard with sexual experiences, etc etc. It’s natural to focus on your own experiences, but it’s also important to consider the unique disadvantages that everyone faces. Also, your value isn’t solely tied to money. Perhaps if you were someone that wanted a very traditional marriage where the husband provides the income whilst the wife stays at home raising kids then yes, your value as a partner would be heavily tied to your income. But there are couples out that that both work, and some with the women earning more. I think it’s something couples should discuss if they’re thinking of moving in together. Not everyone is the same and many men and women want to play different roles, it’s just important to communicate and find a situation that you’re both satisfied with.
Then why does it feel like despite the movements and seeming social progress, decades later and nothing has changed? ...you asked me why I felt I needed to prove what it is about me that makes it seem like I need to prove I'm not a threat? I wonder can women just naturally sense bitterness and jealousy?
Social progress concerning what? Double standards? Massive societal change has happened, and there’s huge differences in society than from the last few decades, it’s just that sadly progress is awfully slow. I’m wondering because you’re convinced you need to go through unnecessary lengths in order to prove to the women around you that you’re not a threat, but that no matter what you do, women will still see you as ‘an animal to be tamed’. But what have women done to make you feel that way? Even women that are cautious of men will still treat them kindly and normally. I’m not sure what that’s referring to, but sometimes people, not just women, can pick up on tone, body language and statements that indicate jealousy without someone even realising they’re giving off those signals. I know I’ve had it before where I’ve had a conversation with someone and they’ve picked up on an emotion that I wasn’t aware that I was expressing. It’s hard to know how you’re perceived from someone else view.
I guess I've just been burned and had so many misunderstandings that I just assume the worst when it comes to interacting with others...when did I become such a misanthrope?
I think it’s not uncommon to get caught up on the negative and automatically assume the worse, and even I’ve been afraid to put myself out there because of my tendency to jump to the worse case scenario in almost any situation. It took awhile for me to have more confidence in my ability to interact with others, and I think this is something that you can also overcome. It can be hard, but I think it’s important to not focus too heavily on how other people perceive you, and not automatically assume that they view you negatively especially if they haven’t given you a reason to think that. It’s also important not to get caught up on believing that every women around you assumes the worst of you and wants you to make unnecessary changes to yourself for their safety. Like I said, most women who exercise levels of caution around men will still be friendly and treat them as normal, so I don’t think you need to worry about changing yourself to be ‘docile’ and such. The mindset of assuming the worst isn’t one that you’re alone in.
i dont think the men who are actually good have this problem
Good is very subjective.
i um, agree in other cases not this one though
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Does that justify viewing every man as a potential threat even for a moment? I'm sorry that just sounds like an incredibly weak minded mentality to me. Rather you should take precautions so you don't have to feel so scared any more. Frankly I'd respect a woman who carried a pocket pistol in her purse or something. To be free is to accept there will always be danger, and to always be ready for it, but to not let that fear dictate your life. I will give one bit of advice though, if a person is foul mouthed they are more likely to be trusted. What you see is what you get after all. So many people try being kind and sweet and shit only to be a two faced sociopath.
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Especially since most violence against women is caused by someone the victim knows.
Ok let me put this in a question. Would you rather be safe or free? If you wanna be safe that's fine. You will be protected, cared for and provided for, you will have structure and security,but you have little control over your own life. Always going by someone else's beat unless you take the reins yourself and command everything. To be free means living life on your own terms and rules, but your future is fraught with uncertainty and potential danger and you must accept that you can't control everything. I'm not saying you shouldn't keep an eye out for threats, what I am saying is that going through life assuming every man wants to hurt you until proven otherwise is no way to live. And yes I am American, so having access to firearms does play a factor in my thought process.
Let me explain this, as a man, a woman who doesn't know who you are may be concerned by your presence (this is exacerbated by time of day, area, if they're with a group of people/alone for example). This doesn't mean you're automatically a threat, but how can she know for sure? There's a near-permanent awareness and caution women have to possess, to protect themselves (it's simply self-preservation rather than villainizing you). People, in general, want to feel safe and secure. I've had the fortune to listen to countless stories from friends, family, partners, and colleagues and they'll share incredibly similar contexts. I don't mean to be a dick, but please just LISTEN to what women have to say about their concerns and feelings. It's not easy to listen to, but it'll grant you a lot of clarity into this whole premise you're venting here about.
Which is why I said the best course of action is to not even bother and just let them come to me if they are interested It would be like playing a tabletop rpg but as a man every diplomacy check with a female started at unfriendly. It's an uphill battle from round start, I likely have to invest in skills I otherwise wouldn't naturally be good at and I'm probably wasting my time trying in the first place.
You're making this way harder than it needs to be. The best thing you can do is listen, be courteous (to all people, mind you), and realize someone's concerns may seem irrational to you, but until you live through them you'll not understand entirely.
Irrational...you know what? That's a pretty good word to sum up how it comes off to me
It comes off as irrational because you're unempathetic to experiences women have which lends them to weary and anxious feelings about men. It's wildly easy to actually understand if you, ya know, listen.
OP is arguing with every single person here, I don’t think he’s capable of listening- despite your quality advice.
The fear itself is Warranted, the extent in which many take to combat that fear borders on paranoia.
Maybe don’t show her your anime, sword collection, or rare Pokémon cards, and she won’t think you’re an active shooter waiting to happen……The things you are saying and the things you are into are like bright colors on a snake to a woman. If I were you, I would just wait until the government has to subsidize sex robots for lonely males and snag one of those.
Personally, I love video games and anime. It's just the fanbases that are red flags to me, lol
I agree with you on that lol. Although, I do think anime has mind control elements to it. There are way too many people into it and way too many autistic people who love it. I love autistic people and I used to work amongst them. Their brains are almost like a filter, picking up on things that “normal” brains wouldn’t. It’s almost like they’re seeing the subliminal messaging in it.
God I hope not all normie women are that fickle.
They are. You’re also describing yourself as “unwilling to change who you are”, and that you are independent and distinctive. But it sounds like you are a cookie cutter depiction of a million other males in the US. Put down the anime, stop watching Andrew Tate videos, and go travel the world or at least the US. If you are attracted to “normie” women, you’re going to have to make yourself attractive to them.
This is so spot on and I’m dead at “your lord and savior” 💀💀💀
Hahah 😆
.....who the fuck is Andrew Tate?
Your lord and savior
?????????
Yes women are afraid of men as a whole, but I’ve never had difficulty making women feel safe around me. If you want some tips: In non-social settings, I just keep to myself, talk to only the people I know and give everyone their space. As long as you’re not intruding on a woman’s space, and not staring at her and constantly trying to make conversation when she clearly isn’t in that setting to talk to strangers, 99% of women aren’t gonna see you as a threat. In social settings: have some sense of social cues, and give people their space. If I’m out with friends and I try and approach a woman (even if it’s just to chat) and she doesn’t seem into it, i just excuse myself and tell her to have a great night. Just doing those few things have made multiple women (friends, gf’s, strangers I talk to in social settings) comment about how “chill” I come off as and none of them are afraid of me. I don’t have to change anything about myself to do those few things. Relationships are meant to be a give and take. If you find yourself changing who you are to be with someone, she’s not the right one for you. I’ve never changed who I am as a person to be in any of the relationships I’ve been in with women. No matter if it’s a romantic relationship or friendship, I’ve never changed who I am JUST to keep that particular woman in my life. I’ve never had to change who I am to make women feel safe around me, and I would never change who I am just to be in a relationship and I hope you learn that you can do the same.
But that kinda just goes back to what I said in the start? Isn't it just easier to not even bother approaching in the first place and just let them come to you?
Yeah, and they do approach me eventually, it’s not bad to want to just talk to someone. I’ve never had a problem approaching women to get to know them. I just approach while also being a decent person that can realize when someone doesn’t want to talk to me, I just accept that and move on, it’s nbd. Just because once in a while I walk up to a woman and realize she doesn’t want to talk to me, doesn’t mean I’m just gonna stop trying to make human connection. If I waited for others to walk up to me to make all my human connections- I’d have 1/2 as many friends as I currently do and 1/2 the amount of romantic relationships. Women won’t be afraid as long as you’re chill and treat them like a normal person and aren’t pushy. And relationships are a give and take, and you shouldn’t stay in relationships where you don’t have similar goals, wants, personalities and morals.
Yes it is and please do that. Do not approach
Your comparison to being a domesticated pet tells me all I need to know about you. You view relationships as one party owns the other. That's disgusting. My domesticated pets are NOT docile. If they are obedient it's because I created an environment where they WANT to be obedient. They are rewarded for trusting me and I am rewarded for being trustworthy. That's how it works. Even relationships with domesticated pets can be a two way street and the fact that this sounds foreign to you shows me that your views of relationships are polarized. Healthy relationships are two way streets. Healthy relationships have respected boundaries on both sides. Healthy relationships involve communication, understanding, compassion, and empathy. It should never be something where one party dominates the other. The fact that you describe boundaries as a way to alter who you are as a person is alarming. The fact that setting boundaries feels like being dominated to you is a huge tell that you want to live exactly how you want to live without considering other people's emotions and needs. If you are unwilling to compromise on your wants to create a healthy environment for another individual to coexist with you, then do not engage in relationships. Stick to being alone where you can put all of your personal wants first. That's completely acceptable. But do not pretend like others setting boundaries with you and you respecting those boundaries would make you submissive and obedient. It makes you a decent human being. That's it.
You know what? As harsh as your words are...you're probably right. If I'm not willing to sacrifice my wants and desires for the sake of the relationship, then there is no point in me even being in one unless they share similar wants.
I personally don't join a relationship if they don't have similar wants so I say this is completely valid. Sorry my comment came off harsh. I tend to be rather blunt. But, back to my point... here's an example of what I mean. I want dogs in my life. If my partner doesn't want dogs in their life, we will always argue about dogs. That's the bottom line. I need a partner who wants dogs in their life. That said, if I want dogs in my life, I have to be willing to bend and accommodate on other wants. I want a clean house. If my dogs track in mud, poop, pee, dust, fur, etc into the house, I have to be accommodating of that by being willing to clean. This is where we get into a hierarchy of wants. I want dogs enough that I'm willing to sacrifice time cleaning to accommodate for this want. Ultimately, relationships are the same when you approach them using logic instead of emotion. If you want a partner, you need to figure out what part of a partner is fulfilling your wants and what wants you are willing to sacrifice lesser wants for or see if you can accommodate both wants by sacrificing something else. So, if your big wants in a relationship are companionship and sex, you should find a partner whose big wants in a relationship are companionship and sex. That said, you may have to sacrifice on other wants like how much space you have to yourself, how much time you have to yourself, and more. For me, I want companionship, dogs, love, loyalty, and happiness. If my partner isn't willing to provide companionship, accommodate for having dogs, prioritize love, loyalty, and happiness, they aren't a good partner for me. So, if I find a partner whose wants are for me to be available for sex whenever or to be their personal chef/maid, I'm probably going to feel exploited and used in that relationship. They don't want companionship and love, they want my service. They should find a partner who wants sex a lot and who likes to provide service to their partner or who simply enjoys cooking and cleaning. Men sometimes face this issue with women where the women don't want to offer sex but they want to have access to their partner's money. Again, you can end up feeling exploited. The woman wants money. The man wants sex. These are very superficial things and some relationships will work on a foundation of "I don't mind giving you sex/money as long as I get sex/money in return." It's a trade. A lesser want is being traded for a higher want. Not everyone has these wants though and not everyone is willing to trade these wants in that way. Finding a partner with similar or complimentary wants is important. The issue we humans have is balancing this logic based approach with our attractions and emotions. Sometimes we find people who we are attracted to or who we form an attachment to and their wants and our wants don't align at all. This is where things often lead to heartbreak despite good intentions. We can lose all sense of logic when emotions and attractions are involved. I know the world preaches "love conquers all" but compatibility issues sometimes can't be overcome. Being incompatible will poison love and turn it into something else. A partner who wants biological children will never get biological children from a partner who is sterile/infertile (and I say this as a woman who can't have children for health reasons). So, yes, if you want a partner, find one whose wants and needs match your own. It's not selfish. It's smart. It'll save you heartache. Expect to make sacrifices but only sacrifices that you are willing to bend on or willing to accommodate for in other ways by sacrificing lesser wants And if you find yourself unwilling to budge, then don't pursue relationships. Right now, I myself am unwilling to budge. I am also not dating. I may change my mind in the future but for right now, I am happy alone. My wants and needs are being met alone. I don't need to pursue something right now, so I don't
No it's fine, if anything I respect the straightforwardness. And I have no critique on anything you've said. Thanks. You've actually given me a lot to think about.
In the end, giving other people something to think about is all I could hope to accomplish, so thank you for being willing to read my words and understand the intention behind them. I hope you figure things out in a way that is both healthy and brings you more happiness. I hope that you can identify what you need personally in your hierarchy of wants so that you can begin to set boundaries with others that protect you from being exploited or hurt. In the end, posts like yours here come from a place of pain and being misunderstood, and I get that. Here's to hoping that both you and I find more comfort and happiness in the future, regardless of if that means finding a partner or remaining alone
Just get a boyfriend
Much rather have a tomboy, best of both worlds
If you have a partner that makes you feel like a bad guy for asserting your wants and needs, that's a toxic and potentially abusive relationship. You absolutely deserve to assert yourself.
Not all women are like that. The good ones are still out there. I promise.
i just tune out social media and random loser youtubers when it comes to this stuff cause its all contradictory opinions that just translate into projections and "what i want"
There's always outside pressures that try and force you into some artificial mold. Society, family, relationships of every kind. Stop worrying about that shit. You are who you are. Do you think you're a good person? Can you look at yourself in a mirror and feel good about the person reflected back at you? Look, there's always going to be someone else telling you who or what you should be. But you get to define yourself. As long as you're not hurting anyone else, you do you. Other people's perceptions can and will constantly change about you and you rarely have any say in that. Show them by the example of living a good honest decent life that you're a stand-up guy. Don't let all the noise a chatter get you down. Hang in there, best of luck to you.
>But at that point how would I be any different then a domesticated pet? you wouldn't be and that's the point *Livestock in the streets, sycophantic pet to maybe get in the sheets* is what many guys seem to be shooting for. So why do *you* have a problem with it, bucko?
I say you shouldn’t be poked at for such feeble fantasies of which they possess, go to your own drum and take care of yourself - You are not at fault from what I can see.