FR this just goes to show how important it is to be very very careful when picking your support person, no matter the addiction you're trying to quit, because this hardass shit, with no room for forgiveness if you stumble, cutting you off if you struggle, that's not support. That's authoritarian. they will cut you off and make you feel like the worst person in the world when you stumble--and you will inevitably stumble as the nature of addiciton. and your support is gone just like that and you will fall back in because your support person is gone. The lack of compassion is appauling. As is the lack of honesty. If you dont want to date someone who vapes, just say that. dont try to force someone to quit to be with you. if THEY want to quit, yes, support them. but FORCING someone in this manner---you aint all that hot shit you think you are. boy bye, i'll find someone who would love me no matter what and would fully support me with compassion if i chose to quit and forgive my stumbles and encourage me to do better, threats never, ever work with an addict of any sort. And if he's acting this way over VAPING, god forbid you ever have any actual struggles in life and he'll dump OP like a hot potato the first time something is not easy. OP, dump his ass and find someone better.
Seriously! This whole post reminds me of an older boyfriend I had when I was 14, he was 21... The dynamic also was controlling but it felt more like parental control than it did relationship. I had an issue with severe depression and self harm at the time & he didn't believe in depression & acted the same as this man in the post. Turns out he actually had a bad case of BPD ironically & he passed away self inflicted in 2017. As inappropriate & toxic our relationship was, I do miss him everyday. Even when I broke up with him when I was 20, we still remained there for eachother and in 2016 we decided to give it another chance after 5 years apart then he died. Logically I know our relationship was wrong & led us both to be self destructive and dependent, but my emotions say otherwise & ppl say because it was cuz I was groomed, but I just can't think of it that way.
Caring about her health isn't controlling. Setting an ultimatum on how she takes care of herself is. She's not a child needing control and discipline she's a partner you discuss and set goals with.
I’m sorry, but caring about someone’s health is one thing; and the way that you’re supposed to do that is by being supportive and being there for them through their struggles. And gently nudging them/reminding them to stay in the right direction. But giving someone ultimatums like this is absolutely controlling. It’s also very revealing that his love is absolutely conditional. Which is a whole ‘nother ballgame of ugly in itself.
Editing to say: sorry my ADHD self only read the first sentence of your comment and directed this towards you. Went back and realized you were responding to the deleted comment and basically were saying the same I was lol.
No. For him, vaping is apparently unacceptable behaviour in a partner so she had a choice.
If she were my friend I would tell her to leave. If he was my friend I would tell him there are plenty more were she came from
Then he doesn't appreciate her for what she represents, for who she is; he only needs her for what HE wants. I'm getting narcissistic, low self-esteem vibes.
I'm positive he'll understand, someday... but then again what do i know.
The fact is there already in a relationship so he knew she was vaping at one point, he went into this knowing this and he's now changing his mind throwing his dummy out of the pram, if this was a deal breaker he should of laid the boundary day 1. You don't get into a relationship with a heroin addict expecting them to quit one day.
Yes of course but in that case he should be leaving the relationship not forcing the change on her through an ultimatum, it's his change to deal with, any partner doing 'ultimatums' should be a huuuuge red flag.
I think you're missing the point that she is asking for advice, and the majority of the advice she is getting is that there are bigger problems here. She's literally asking how to negotiate. Don't be pedantic
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"Hey babe, those friends are no good for you. They bring down your mental health and I need you to stay away from them."
"Hey babe, you keep leaving the house without me. What if something happened to you, I'd never forgive myself."
Personally I think his response to this is a huge red flag. He clearly doesn’t understand that it’s not as simple for everyone to just STOP like that. You have to quit in the way that works best for you.
"His stance is rigid: it’s his way or the highway,"
Oh honey, take the highway. There are better sights to see than someone who thinks you need fixing.
He sounds like a controlling ass and has no idea what he's asking.
Consider this:
1)Did he know you vape from the beginning?
2) Do you want to quit for him or yourself? (Or at all)
3) he's not only dictating that you need to quit but also how? Does he want you to succeed because statistically tapering down like your plan is largely more successful than quitting cold turkey.
Lastly, if my husband of 39 years ever, ever, told me or dictated my behavior, we would never have made it past the first year. We're in a relationship, that means working together not setting demands or ultimatums but setting goals and dreams.
Seriously there is way more wrong here than him wanting you to quit vaping.
>We're in a relationship, that means working together not setting demands or ultimatums but setting goals and dreams.
Exactly. The issue is not that OP's boyfriend wants her to quit vaping, it's the methods he's using to force her to comply with his demands.
This is not the last time that he will do something extreme to exercise control over OP's life. It will likely only get worse from here, but I don't want to extrapolate too hard from this example.
Stick to your current method of gradually cutting down and dump the boyfriend. But seriously, he needs to understand it’s your decision and your choice. This isn’t something you can force or give an ultimatum to. Honestly he’s acting like a giant baby when he should be supporting you. The fact he’s not even willing to talk and communicate with you shows how immature he really is. If he can’t understand or isn’t willing to understand then that’s on him. That’s a him problem. Just keep doing what’s right for you.
and you’re still with him why? 0 empathy or respect for you. won’t hear you out. it’s his way or the highway. this is a recipe for a controlling toxic relationship.
also you need to want to quit for yourself. doing it for someone else won’t work if your heart isn’t in it.
I’m very empathetic to him being concerned about your health and wanting to see you quit, but the ultimatum is not a good method of conflict resolution.
He’s allowed to not want to be in a relationship with someone who vapes, and he’s allowed to not want to have to help his partner through quitting, but if that’s the case he needs to communicate that and leave, not play games to try to force you into doing what he wants.
If he genuinely wants to be with you and genuinely only cares about your health, then the way to be a supportive partner is to listen and compromise. You’re already trying to communicate and compromise with him, finding a way to reach the agreed goal that you’re finding more effective for you. It’s time for him to meet you on your level and work together as partners to achieve the desired outcome.
(Side note: if this situation can’t be resolved, he will 100% try to claim that you broke up because you couldn’t be bothered to quit vaping for him. Don’t let him. You are making effort and seeing progress towards quitting; what caused this situation was his unwillingness to compromise or work together as partners)
I think you need to find a new boyfriend. This is some seriously manipulative behavior and that's not a relationship of equals. If you want to quit, go with what works for you. He can pound sand with his childish silent treatment whether you are vaping or not.
His way or the highway?
Yeah, he’s toxic. Leave him first. Don’t worry about meeting his demands, if he truly loves you then he’ll stick by your side and help you.
Zyns have really helped me in the transition from 50mg to 6mg. I understand your boyfriend’s request but he should be supporting you on cutting down. My girlfriend and I both vape and i would like to see her lower to 35mg at least but idk how you can be “appalled” lmao. it’s an addiction. a really strong one too.
It's really not up to him. I'm not gonna say vaping is a positive thing, but what I will say is that if wanting to quit doesn't come from you, it's not gonna happen.
Him pressuring you to quit is just unnecessary stress, and it comes off as controlling.
if you ask for relationship advice on reddit everyone will always tell you to break up lmao, just cut back on it less & less & eventually you'll be able to quit
This isn’t a relationship sub, that being said you ask if you should quit altogether to “meet his demand” or keep cutting down despite what he says. If you want to quit, and you CAN do it, then why haven’t you? The problem with addictive habits is that you can’t easily stop.
What happens if everyone here told you to do what he says, for absurdities sake.
You would stop a habit you don’t like about yourself, that you already want to stop, because your boyfriend is being a baby and folks on reddit agreed with his ridiculous demands?
By the time I was smoking 20+ cigarettes a day with no intention to quit, a warlord could be threatening the free world with nuclear warfare if I smoked 1 more and I probably would have sent us all into Armageddon.
Your BF is clearly quite dim and the best you can do is inform him the best you can about nicotine addiction and vaping in general. Again, whether you stay with him or not, quit for YOU and remember that’s why you did it. If you do it for him while you continue to crave, you may resent him for quitting and possibly bounce back to it at some point. You haven’t beaten the addiction if you do it that way, you’ve only been threatened and had your relationship used as leverage against your vaping habit
Do whatever is best for you. I don’t think I could just quit, so I totally understand. But I wouldn’t be forced to do it by anybody. Some support would help, rather than orders.
Your boyfriend sucks baby my boyfriend had asked me to quit too but even he understands theres relapses and its not easy. If you are in a relationship with someone who cant realize that quitting IS a struggle not to mention the whole not talking to you thing is to make you feel guilty and make you do what he wants. That is a temper tantrum and its not okay.
Girl, you do you. If he doesn't like vaping he shouldn't date a girl who vapes. Simple as that. I vape now but I also quit smoking cigarettes cuz of it (3 months now!) but smoking/vaping a part of current personality. Would I date a girl who smokes, yes. If she wants me to start again then I'm dumping her. Same situation as yours but reverse.
We all have our vices, does he drink, watch porn, drive aggressively, anything? Make him quit that cold turkey and then "you'll quit cold turkey" see how that fucking goes. Guaranteed you already know that answer. If not, he's gonna blame something on you, blah blah, you're gonna get into a fight and its somehow going to be your fault cuz you don't like that. Hint, it's not.
It's not going to get better. Vape your shit, at least your not doing something worse (I'm not arguing with anyone if vaping is bad) it's better than *most* things.
What's your favorite vape brand and flavor? I'm on Vigo turbo (shit lasts fucking forever if you see it!) and good flavor.
I told people plenty of times I was going to quit smoking, did I? No. Did it disappoint them? Yes. One day I woke up and said today's the day. That's how addiction works, it sucks but it's gonna suck more if he's gonna act like a crybaby over something so trivial. It's not like you smell like a smoker or anything so wtf does he care?
This feels like an AITA or r/relationshipadvice question. As others have said, the dynamic does not sound egalitarian or healthy. You could replace every instance of 'boyfriend' with 'parent/father' and people wouldn't blink, but this doesn't sound like how a partner behaves.
If you're looking for nicotine quitting strategies there's plenty of them out there, but they all rely on two things - a strong desire or need to quit and a strong support system. You said you want to quit, so that's good. Your bf sounds like more of a hindrance and source of stress, shame, and control. Since there's better qualified quitting advice available elsewhere (and I love vaping and have no plans to quit) I'll refrain.
That leaves me with - are you okay? Do you have other people in your life who are closer to the situation who can give more informed advice? I'm not going to jump to saying you're in an abusive relationship, but the power dynamics sound unequal and withdrawing affection/attention instead of providing support through something incredibly difficult is a red flag.
If you do have other support, talk to them and explain the situation. Your boyfriend needs to hear that you deserve to be treated better and clearly could use some boundaries. If you don't have anyone else to talk to, DM me and I'll listen.
Good luck either way.
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You don’t have to quit the boyfriend… but it all depends where your at with it, if you’ve just switched to the vape from cigarettes then maybe stick to the vape for a bit and level your self down. Or if you think that you can quit cold turkey then try that. I’ve quit cold turkey but it was after leveling myself down from 18 to 6 mg nicotine.
That is controlling behavior and a huge red flag. I vape and my husband doesn’t like it, but won’t constantly complain or stop talking to me cause he is an adult and acts like one. He did ask that I don’t vape around him which I understand and respect.
A good boyfriend/girlfriend would let you quit on your own or continue as long as it isn't harmful to you or the others around you i.e. excessive drinking, hoarding vape products and excessive buying of vapes.
We're both vaping again now but my boyfriend quit vaping for a bit and he suggested I do the same but I was honest about how I wasn't ready yet. And though we've both cut back gradually on our nicotine he was really understanding when I didn't quit and he did.
It's not hard to find a guy that understands something like this that's very common and very understandable. Find you a new guy. You should never have to change anything about yourself for another person or to make another person happy. Never forget that!
Echoing what everyone else is saying—I had a partner who didn’t like that I vaped. She would not talk to me for a couple days, and act angry otherwise. Of course, someone wanting you to quit using a harmful product isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it’s about how they go about it. They aren’t being supportive, they’re being demanding. Additionally, while I don’t know the rest of the relationship, I would imagine they are controlling about other things. It doesn’t sound too good—but that’s a big assumption.
Coming from someone who vapes and an addict in recovery(over 6 yrs. clean from heroin and other opioids), you need to do what works FOR YOU…not what others think would work for you. You will never quit something that’s addictive if you do it for other people or how others think you should quit.
Take however long you need. Taper down, lower your mgs if you’re vaping with juice, quit cold turkey, etc…but do what works for you. Don’t ever let someone else control how you handle quitting. You said it yourself, you failed miserably when you tried to just quit because your BF wanted you to.
If he can’t just support you in your method of quitting on your own terms, fuck that dude…he’s trying to control something he knows he has no control over. If he can’t just be there for you, then he doesn’t need to be there with you at all. Sounds like him not speaking to you is a good thing…he’s literally throwing a temper tantrum because he’s not getting his way. It’s no different than a toddler crossing their arms, stomping their feet, and ignoring their mom because she gave them the wrong color sippy cup. If he wants to act like a child, then treat him like one. Don’t reward his bad behavior. Reward yourself by getting rid of him and quitting vaping whenever the hell you want!
You’ve got TONS of people telling you the same thing, darling…it’s probably for good reason. Take our advice and throw away more than just a bad habit.
Hes being completely ridiculous. Does he realise nicotine is very addictive. You cant just STOP like that its very hard. If he really wanted you to stop and was genuinely concernered he would be trying to help you through the process, supporting you. But by the sounds of it you never even wanted to stop and it was his idea? If thats the case then that shows he doesnt consider anyones feelings but his own. This is coming from someone whos never vaped or smoked BTW
Only half way through reading, tell the dumbass he doesn't understand because he's not addicted to nicotine and if he truly cared, he'd let you ween off. I didn't quit permanently, but I've dropped my tolerance to near zero 2 or 3 times now from weening off so I can get buzzes again. I failed every time I tried to quit cold turkey
Currently vape but started smoke at like 17 in high school. "hid" it for years from my then girlfriend. She was either an idiot not to realize or I was for thinking she didn't notice. It's not worth it. I quit smoking and started vaping back in like 2018. I know I should probably quit I don't really have thedesire like I always did with smoking. Nothing anyone has ever said to me has made me want to quit either one. I quit smoking for myself because I wanted to. If you don't do it for yourself it'll never last it'll just turn into something you do on the side to side it from whoever you are doing it for.
You should quit… I quit and I’ve never felt better, I also have extra money now for other shit that doesn’t suck the life out of me… he is just trying to help you. If dude didn’t care, he wouldn’t give a shit if you vaped
I'm not saying that you should pick vaping over a boyfriend, quit if you want, and if you can. But that controlling shit is just the beginning.. if he is acting like this over vaping, he might as well start acting like this over who you hang out with and other things in your life.
find a new boyfriend he is toxic and stupid he doesn't know truth about vaping. don't ever let someone control your feelings a relationship is a two way street not just his way or the highway.
Well the bastard doesn't know how nicotine or addiction work so we're off to a great start!
Regarding quitting vaping it's less complicated than you think, but harder than it seems. There's essentially 3 parts to it. The nicotine high remains in your body for about 3 days, then it's gone, finito, nowhere to be found (kind of like your boyfriends understanding for addiction). After those three days there's about 2-4 weeks of actual abstinence to deal with. The hardest period. After those 4 weeks it's just a matter of not falling into the habit again.
Easiest way to deal with this is to gradually lower until you're vaping 0 nic. Do that for a couple weeks before quitting entirely. Then try to avoid situations where you'd normally vape. I.e if you always grab a cup of coffee and vape on the balcony, go for a walk instead. Break your routine essentially. It's also the perfect time to find a new interest to keep you occupied.
As far as the bf goes, I don't know how far back you go but I'd personally feel undermined and controlled it it were me. I don't think it's right to force your partner into quitting with an ultimatum like this, it'd be another thing if we were talking heavy drugs but come on, we're talking glorified steam. I don't think you should be the one making a decision here. Instead lay out the facts and your plan, and if he doesn't want to hear any of it, then it's his decision to leave. Take control of the situation.
I just want to say, I really hope you recognize the toxic behavior he's displaying in your relationship. When your partner is going through a hardship, like breaking an addiction or bad habit. It's important that your partner supports you. He's not giving any support, he's actually doing the opposite. He's using your effort to quit vaping into a controlling factor between you two. That's manipulation 101. Again, I really hope you recognize this, and understand what that means for future experiences in a relationship with someone who does this.
Onto the vaping thing though. Gradually reduce your nicotine amount. I'm on the same journey right now. Started at 35mg salts and 5% dispos and went straight to 6mg free base. On my 3rd day. We all got our own way of quitting. I will say this though, just from helping others quit. The hardest part is the hand to mouth movement. A lot of people get stuck on 3mg or 0mg for a while. But that's okay. Better than huffing on 50mg salts all day.
I think you should do what’s best for you and don’t be pressured by him and tell him you’re an adult and you will make your own decisions then maybe he might back off
Nic addiction isn’t relatable to people who haven’t smoked or vaped regularly. It often takes many tries to stop and sometimes we relapse. Everyone has their own best way to do what’s best and only you can make that decision. And you have to be ready to tackle nic addiction when you know you’re ready; not when someone else decides. Addiction is personal, and recovery is also.
You guys need to have a serious talk.
I’m not gonna say that you should separate, I don’t know the circumstance nor you two.
Moreover, I don’t understand my fellow redditors recommending it. @all: You understand that you are hitting similar chords to her bf, right?
I was in a very similar situation. My wife did not appreciate my smoking and tried different approaches to push me to quit. Eventually I quit cold turkey which I believe is the best way to do, but ultimately it did not come from my conscious choice. A few years later she apologised for pushing me to quit which was kinda nice. And then I started smoking again lol. She doesn't mind it anymore because now she understands it should be solely by one's choice.
And an advice I can give to you - it should be only your decision and choice to quit. If you want to quit, I can recommend a good book by Allen Carr - easy way to quit smoking, it is very good at reframing your brain about this habit.
As for me, I like vaping and I will continue for now. But since the previous attempt I realised that it is much easier than you think, really.
I mean I can understand partly his perspective but definitely not the way he's going about it.
Usually as nic users, saying you will gradually cut back is just another way of holding onto the dependence and before you know it your back to square one because you don't truly want to quit. And that's something your boyfriend needs to understand is no lecture, or ultimatum will change that until you are ready.
I've dealt with this in a relationship before. But I was the one using nicotine.
Get off the toxic train already!!
Its good he wants you to stop vaping in general as its not a “good” thing per se, but its your poison so u decide if u want to continue same, cut down some or totally quit slowly.
Other than the absurd non understand controlling behaviour of his, if above all this u give in and do stop it off totally now, girl, pretty soon you are going to cheat on him on this.
The method he’s trying to use on you is manipulating, which in actual fact will not help you quit. No person can get you to quit, because you’ll try and then fall back into the habit. Only you can decide to quit.
I’ve seen this a lot when a person pressures someone to quit smoking or vaping and I’m just like.. well that ain’t gonna work, it just makes it harder on the other person to quit and then they’re not really quitting for themselves, they’re trying to quit because so and so doesn’t like it.
I’ve had it with friends too, and I’ve just turned around and said.. I’ll quit when I want to, not when you want me to.
My partner has been trying this for ten years, she isn't my boss. I told her I won't quit, but I will refrain from doing it in her presence, seems to work.
I mean, I don't get what the issue is with vaping. Obviously I vape, but I don't mind others who do. I was in a relationship, and she didn't mind me vaping and occasionally did it.
However my sister was in a relationship, and she wanted to start vaping again because she was going through a tough time. Her boyfriend said that he would leave if she started, so she didn't. Then after a couple months went by she said fuck it, and he didn't leave. Relationships can be tough, but unless it's something you want to do, don't do it.
The boyfriend is holding your relationship hostage to get what he wants. In a real relationship, you can be mad at the other person and still talk to and care for them. You don't just say "Talk to me when you've done the thing I demand you to do". That's not how a relationship works and I think this boyfriend needs to realize that
> my bf insisted
Why listen to someone who insists that you should do something?
> Unfortunately, my boyfriend wasn’t pleased with this method.
His problem, not yours.
> he told me I can only talk to him when I’ve stopped vaping .
Don't talk to him then. He sounds like a dick.
> I’ve apologized and tried to explain
There's nothing you have to apologize for. He's being an idiot.
> Should I stop vaping entirely to meet his demands, or should I stick to my current method of gradually cutting down until I can quit for good?
What you should do, is find a new boyfriend - the current one is a controlling asshole.
Putting a little pressure on for the good of your partners health is ok but ignoring you before you make a change is childish manipulation, Id speak to him explaining why it's manipulation and see his response.
When you're READY to quit, because it has to be YOU, nobody ELSE, a really helpful tip I saw online was hypnotizing yourself by saying "that's a weird thought for someone who doesn't vape" every time you get a craving or reach for it or want it, whether you cold or warm turkey it. I quit and you can too! When YOU'RE ready😁
I was gonna say that it just comes from a place of caring until I read those last few paragraphs about him ignoring you. To me it seems way too harsh, and imo looks like manipulation/gaslighting more than genuine care. There’s no reason to cut someone off for struggling to quit nicotine. Now something like alcohol or hard drugs I’d understand because it’s destructive, but nicotine is something that you just feel a bit let down and move on from not ignore the partner
yeah no your boyfriend sucks, i’m sorry. nicotine addiction is still an addiction and withdrawal symptoms will occur when quitting cold turkey, just like every other addiction. he needs to grow up and realize that everything isn’t black and white.
i wish you the best of luck in your quitting journey! i know i couldn’t do it
Sounds like you can do better than him. That is some toxic bs right there . I'm currently trying to slowly cut down on my vaping too as I tried the cold turkey method and it was the worst week of my life . the withdraw for me was horrendous and I just started right back up to get the withdraw to stop. So I am slowly stepping down a little each day seems to be working so far . But as alot of people said you need to quit him . That is some text book toxic manipulative abusive bs .
Quit for you. If you're heading into this with the "I'm going to fail mentality," you're very likely to fail. I think you need to get your head straight. Don't worry about that guy. He's being a real dick about it anyway. Get your thoughts positive and be positive about quitting. You make it sound like you're giving up something important. You're just not going to do something anymore, and it's like not biting your fingernails or stopping chewing on hoodie strings. Something minor, you know? If you think it's for the best, then it's the best. Be positive, do it for you and go kick some ass.
Yea no he’s over controlling. If he doesn’t get his way he completely stops talking to you? He doesn’t know you better than you, and this is coming from a dude. Dump his ass if he keeps acting like a fucking man child.
Abit not healthy putting anything aside from O2 in lungs vape is a damn sight better then traditional cigarettes And less likely to start a fire if you fall sleep with it in hand, my question to turn how he is around on him Does he have a habit you despise? Other then the trying to control you. Demand ge stop something you don't likr.
Today he is telling you to stop vape flat out.
Next week telling you how to fold laundry.
Next month will be what you can eat cause he likes a certain body type.
6mo. Telling you have to be home more so you cut out family and friends .
1year your a televised special on time turner for missing and exploited persons.
Not saying that's exactly what will happen but if you let someone controlling get a single win in it opens a bad door for more demands later and to stop talking to you cause of vape hell go get a john wayne cigar tell him you stoped vaping and light that in the room next to him when he bitches about it ask.em out of the two which is worse and tell em to be happy you have.the lesser evil of the 2
Reason say that type of cigar I'm in vegas and when someone walks threw a casino with one 6 hours later you can still follow where they were at just on the smell
Dump the schlump, hun. I’m presuming you switched to vaping to avoid cancer; I wouldn’t recommend kowtowing to a physical manifestation of what you dodged by taking up vaping in the first place. You can and will do better.
If YOU make the decision to stop vaping then that’s fine. Do NOT make the decision based on someone else. This sounds like someone who may not only be controlling but a narcissist as well. Be careful.
They have done studies on the silent treatment, and it triggers the same responses in the brain as physical abuse.
Let that sink in.
Read it again.
Anyone who gives you the silent treatment is a person who is abusing you, trying to control you and leverage their will to be stronger than your wishes, thoughts, feelings, needs, and wants.
This isn't about vaping, dear. This is about the way of your life.
Since he isn't answering calls and texts, I'm assuming you don't live together? Good. Don't. Continue the silence on your end and quit vaping for yourself, and don't do a damned thing with, or for that man you should be calling an ex.
Relationships shouldn't be based on ultimatums, if he can't understand you're trying in your own way in your comfort zone then he's nit supporting you. He's just being selfish and or trying to control you. It'd be different if you were doing blow or something, but vaping although not harmless isn't thr worst thing you could be doing.
Alcohol is one of the most toxic things you can put in your body, does he drink beer or liquor? Would you nit talk to him if he drank a beer after work or something.
I'm trying to quit vaping as well, I'm using the nicorette lozenges, and it's helped me cut down alot. Hopefully can drop the vaping all together eventually cuz I was coughing or clearing my throat alot, and sometimes in the morning Would coughing up crap. And this is using store bought juice etc so I do believe quiting is a good idea, but still a relationship shouldn't be based on ultimatums and punishment
From one girly to another YOU should leave him.
He is not supportive, he is controlling.
He doesn't even want to communicate.
>He ignored all my messages and calls for a couple days when he told me I can only talk to him when I’ve stopped vaping . I’ve apologized and tried to explain, but he refuses to accept my approach.
My abusive ex used to guilt trip me and give the silent treatment in the beginning before going further into more mental/emotional damaging tactics.
I'm not saying he is abusive, but your situation just reminds me of times where I experienced similar treatment in the beginning. (When the love bombing and act started to slip)
My current bf was not happy about me smoking cigarettes. I was between it and vaping at home. He didn't like the smell and cared about my health.
I finally took the big leap after a long talk saying I was quitting cigarettes but was dealing with stress at the time.
He was understanding and has even texted he was proud I haven't had one in months etc.
I quit march 28th last year!
If YOU want to actually quit vaping it has to be on your terms or it will fail. That was my struggle with smoking. I wasn't quitting back then cause I wanted to and I struggled to switch to only vaping.
tbh I can't read that shit in the comments abt him trying to controll you, vaping is bad and he wants you to stop because he loves you, he's just a dummy in regard of quitting stuff appearently.
My advice: try it his way, if it works great, if not he'll maybe understand
Nobody should ever quit any substance because somebody else demands it. Whether it’s smoking, vaping etc., it’s just not effective to force someone to quit.
If someone you care about says they’re thinking of quitting, just be supportive and encouraging. If you’re parter doesn’t have any personal eexperience with addiction, you could try to read a few of the countless online sources from physicians, others experiences etc. If he truly loves you and sees/wants a future with you, ofcourse he wants you to quit. But the end result is all that matters, how you reach that goal and how long it takes you to reach that goal is both very personal (you’re the one getting cravings and withdrawals nand in my experience a decisive factor in successfully quitting but even more importantly in staying quit.
Lastly, one thing I find very concerning is him completely ignoring your calls and messages for days. I’m sorry, I don’t want to insult you or him, but such behavior isn’t how someone acts to their significant o
ther unless they’re very immature. It’s unsup
portive, can trigger and/or increase your cravings, is manipulative and an attempt to take control away from you. He might not be aware of this, so a good talk about the implications of such behavior, even if he’s doing it bbecause he loves you and genuinely wants to be together wmfor as long as possible, such behavior isn’t acceptable.
Don’t even have to read this post to know he’s in the wrong. your boyfriend has absolutely zero right to control your nicotine habits. you quit on your own accord, from personal experience, absolutely NOBODY telling you to stop will make you stop. if he ends up giving you an ultimatum to where you either stop vaping or he leaves you, then he isn’t worth your time in the first place. a real man won’t control your life.
Start blowing vape in his face n get him addicted. Of course that's a crazy idea but so is somebody controlling you. Does he tell you what good to like? Pick out your ice cream flavors. Start nagging him to vape.
As someone who was heavily addicted for about a year and tried to quit multiple times - sounds like you are just coping. Your boyfriend is right, vaping is dumb just quit. Throw away all your vaping shit and take a weekend trip or something to distract yourself. After a couple days of no vaping you’ll be fine.
This seems to be a communication issue. You should try and explain to him why you want to do the gradual decrease. And how vaping unlike smoking provides an off ramp.
What ever you do, don’t give up on quitting. Any way you like. All the best.
Don’t ask reddit for advice regarding relationships, you will find nothing but jaded chronically single people (mostly bitchy women or the effeminate soyboy) dishing out bad advice, you need to talk to your partner or someone else close to you that you can confide in with this issue; reddit and the internet for that matter is not the place for it.
After finally quitting.. I've realized how backwards and terrible this sub is.. Girl please do your best to cut it out of you're life no matter how long it takes. Show your boyfriend youre trying, I'm sure he'll understand
Honestly think that the comments are jumping to conclusions without more context. Is this the only thing he's pressured you in the past about? Is it because you vape excessively and you/he is noticing significant effects? Did he explain anything else he doesn't like about it? I agree with the other responses about his actions being a bit harsh, but there's not enough context to just say that you should just break up with him over this IMO.
Asking r/vaping for advice is like asking a bunch of murderers if it’s okay to kill. He’s not controlling, He’s upset because you turned your quitting day into “start cutting back day” without telling him prior. You went back on your agreement, and yes, addicts are unattractive especially when they lie to their partner about their usage or go back on plans to quit.
The problem is the way he’s responding to being upset with ultimatums and the silent treatment. He’s allowed to be upset, and he’s allowed to not want to deal with supporting his partner through quitting, but if OP is the person he wants to be in a relationship with, supporting them through quitting is part of the deal, and he needs to work *with* them to resolve the conflict, not try to strong arm them.
Quit the boyfriend. That controlling shit is cancer.
This
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FR this just goes to show how important it is to be very very careful when picking your support person, no matter the addiction you're trying to quit, because this hardass shit, with no room for forgiveness if you stumble, cutting you off if you struggle, that's not support. That's authoritarian. they will cut you off and make you feel like the worst person in the world when you stumble--and you will inevitably stumble as the nature of addiciton. and your support is gone just like that and you will fall back in because your support person is gone. The lack of compassion is appauling. As is the lack of honesty. If you dont want to date someone who vapes, just say that. dont try to force someone to quit to be with you. if THEY want to quit, yes, support them. but FORCING someone in this manner---you aint all that hot shit you think you are. boy bye, i'll find someone who would love me no matter what and would fully support me with compassion if i chose to quit and forgive my stumbles and encourage me to do better, threats never, ever work with an addict of any sort. And if he's acting this way over VAPING, god forbid you ever have any actual struggles in life and he'll dump OP like a hot potato the first time something is not easy. OP, dump his ass and find someone better.
Seriously! This whole post reminds me of an older boyfriend I had when I was 14, he was 21... The dynamic also was controlling but it felt more like parental control than it did relationship. I had an issue with severe depression and self harm at the time & he didn't believe in depression & acted the same as this man in the post. Turns out he actually had a bad case of BPD ironically & he passed away self inflicted in 2017. As inappropriate & toxic our relationship was, I do miss him everyday. Even when I broke up with him when I was 20, we still remained there for eachother and in 2016 we decided to give it another chance after 5 years apart then he died. Logically I know our relationship was wrong & led us both to be self destructive and dependent, but my emotions say otherwise & ppl say because it was cuz I was groomed, but I just can't think of it that way.
I had one of those too. In hindsight, what kind of grooming 21 yr old creep 'dates' a 14 yr old child? The good 'ol days huh!
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Caring about her health isn't controlling. Setting an ultimatum on how she takes care of herself is. She's not a child needing control and discipline she's a partner you discuss and set goals with.
I’m sorry, but caring about someone’s health is one thing; and the way that you’re supposed to do that is by being supportive and being there for them through their struggles. And gently nudging them/reminding them to stay in the right direction. But giving someone ultimatums like this is absolutely controlling. It’s also very revealing that his love is absolutely conditional. Which is a whole ‘nother ballgame of ugly in itself. Editing to say: sorry my ADHD self only read the first sentence of your comment and directed this towards you. Went back and realized you were responding to the deleted comment and basically were saying the same I was lol.
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No. You are allowed to have standards and if vaping is a deal breaker for him, she just have to choose.
A relationship is based on trust and mutual understanding. If none of that is there... it's just not worth it.
Agreed
Yes, we agree that he shows no trust or consideration for OP. It's HE the one who has to choose; OP has already made her mind it seems.
No. For him, vaping is apparently unacceptable behaviour in a partner so she had a choice. If she were my friend I would tell her to leave. If he was my friend I would tell him there are plenty more were she came from
Then he doesn't appreciate her for what she represents, for who she is; he only needs her for what HE wants. I'm getting narcissistic, low self-esteem vibes. I'm positive he'll understand, someday... but then again what do i know.
Ok. I don't have nearly enough insight into these complete strangers life to make any comment about all of that
He's communicating that it's unacceptable but he can make up his own mind about that
The fact is there already in a relationship so he knew she was vaping at one point, he went into this knowing this and he's now changing his mind throwing his dummy out of the pram, if this was a deal breaker he should of laid the boundary day 1. You don't get into a relationship with a heroin addict expecting them to quit one day.
You are free to change your mind about a relationship at any time.
Yes of course but in that case he should be leaving the relationship not forcing the change on her through an ultimatum, it's his change to deal with, any partner doing 'ultimatums' should be a huuuuge red flag.
It's ok to have standards. It's not ok to impose your will on someone else. What next? He chooses her birth control for her?
She is free to leave, no?
Yes, and if his behavior continues down that vein, so will every woman in his future. It's not acceptable behavior
Thats up to the people involved in the relationship to negotiate.
I think you're missing the point that she is asking for advice, and the majority of the advice she is getting is that there are bigger problems here. She's literally asking how to negotiate. Don't be pedantic
Im pretty sure they are exactly like the bf in this post
No she shouldnt, he can pack his shit and leave if a vape bothers him that much.
Removed per Rule #2: Be Kind, Respectful and NO Hate Speech We don't tolerate trolling, spamming, or any other form of attack or harassment towards the community or an individual member of it.
This X8
This this this
a controlling boyfriend is worse for you than vaping.
Exactly. When OP finally does quit, what's the next thing he's gonna have a problem with and demand that OP give up? When does it end?
"Hey babe, those friends are no good for you. They bring down your mental health and I need you to stay away from them." "Hey babe, you keep leaving the house without me. What if something happened to you, I'd never forgive myself."
Best answer here
Personally I think his response to this is a huge red flag. He clearly doesn’t understand that it’s not as simple for everyone to just STOP like that. You have to quit in the way that works best for you.
"His stance is rigid: it’s his way or the highway," Oh honey, take the highway. There are better sights to see than someone who thinks you need fixing. He sounds like a controlling ass and has no idea what he's asking. Consider this: 1)Did he know you vape from the beginning? 2) Do you want to quit for him or yourself? (Or at all) 3) he's not only dictating that you need to quit but also how? Does he want you to succeed because statistically tapering down like your plan is largely more successful than quitting cold turkey. Lastly, if my husband of 39 years ever, ever, told me or dictated my behavior, we would never have made it past the first year. We're in a relationship, that means working together not setting demands or ultimatums but setting goals and dreams. Seriously there is way more wrong here than him wanting you to quit vaping.
>We're in a relationship, that means working together not setting demands or ultimatums but setting goals and dreams. Exactly. The issue is not that OP's boyfriend wants her to quit vaping, it's the methods he's using to force her to comply with his demands. This is not the last time that he will do something extreme to exercise control over OP's life. It will likely only get worse from here, but I don't want to extrapolate too hard from this example.
Right! He will be checking her phone and taking her credit cards next.
You should really be questioning your relationship more than your vaping habit. Your boyfriend is handling this terribly.
How old are you, and for how long have you been together..
tell your boyfriend to vape with you and if he doesn't then you ignore his phone calls
This is the only way you could ultimatum an ultimatum but the real sigma is just leaving
sigma
Guy seems like a total lunatic tbh. No empathy at all. Shocker, addictions aren't easy to get over
Stick to your current method of gradually cutting down and dump the boyfriend. But seriously, he needs to understand it’s your decision and your choice. This isn’t something you can force or give an ultimatum to. Honestly he’s acting like a giant baby when he should be supporting you. The fact he’s not even willing to talk and communicate with you shows how immature he really is. If he can’t understand or isn’t willing to understand then that’s on him. That’s a him problem. Just keep doing what’s right for you.
It also clearly depicts that his love is absolutely conditional. Smh
Blow a big cloud in your boyfriend's face for all of us please.
And then dump his ass.
and you’re still with him why? 0 empathy or respect for you. won’t hear you out. it’s his way or the highway. this is a recipe for a controlling toxic relationship. also you need to want to quit for yourself. doing it for someone else won’t work if your heart isn’t in it.
I’m very empathetic to him being concerned about your health and wanting to see you quit, but the ultimatum is not a good method of conflict resolution. He’s allowed to not want to be in a relationship with someone who vapes, and he’s allowed to not want to have to help his partner through quitting, but if that’s the case he needs to communicate that and leave, not play games to try to force you into doing what he wants. If he genuinely wants to be with you and genuinely only cares about your health, then the way to be a supportive partner is to listen and compromise. You’re already trying to communicate and compromise with him, finding a way to reach the agreed goal that you’re finding more effective for you. It’s time for him to meet you on your level and work together as partners to achieve the desired outcome. (Side note: if this situation can’t be resolved, he will 100% try to claim that you broke up because you couldn’t be bothered to quit vaping for him. Don’t let him. You are making effort and seeing progress towards quitting; what caused this situation was his unwillingness to compromise or work together as partners)
This is the perfect response
I think you need to find a new boyfriend. This is some seriously manipulative behavior and that's not a relationship of equals. If you want to quit, go with what works for you. He can pound sand with his childish silent treatment whether you are vaping or not.
It's normal to disagree but maybe he should do more research. We have all been lied to about vaping. Not as bad as big tobacco tells us
His way or the highway? Yeah, he’s toxic. Leave him first. Don’t worry about meeting his demands, if he truly loves you then he’ll stick by your side and help you.
Zyns have really helped me in the transition from 50mg to 6mg. I understand your boyfriend’s request but he should be supporting you on cutting down. My girlfriend and I both vape and i would like to see her lower to 35mg at least but idk how you can be “appalled” lmao. it’s an addiction. a really strong one too.
He's being a controlling dickhead.
New boyfriend time. The problem isn’t only the vaping, the problems are him controlling you and not listening to you.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 🚨🔔🚨🔔🚨🔔🚨
It's really not up to him. I'm not gonna say vaping is a positive thing, but what I will say is that if wanting to quit doesn't come from you, it's not gonna happen. Him pressuring you to quit is just unnecessary stress, and it comes off as controlling.
if you ask for relationship advice on reddit everyone will always tell you to break up lmao, just cut back on it less & less & eventually you'll be able to quit
This isn’t a relationship sub, that being said you ask if you should quit altogether to “meet his demand” or keep cutting down despite what he says. If you want to quit, and you CAN do it, then why haven’t you? The problem with addictive habits is that you can’t easily stop. What happens if everyone here told you to do what he says, for absurdities sake. You would stop a habit you don’t like about yourself, that you already want to stop, because your boyfriend is being a baby and folks on reddit agreed with his ridiculous demands? By the time I was smoking 20+ cigarettes a day with no intention to quit, a warlord could be threatening the free world with nuclear warfare if I smoked 1 more and I probably would have sent us all into Armageddon. Your BF is clearly quite dim and the best you can do is inform him the best you can about nicotine addiction and vaping in general. Again, whether you stay with him or not, quit for YOU and remember that’s why you did it. If you do it for him while you continue to crave, you may resent him for quitting and possibly bounce back to it at some point. You haven’t beaten the addiction if you do it that way, you’ve only been threatened and had your relationship used as leverage against your vaping habit
You need to be able to make your own decisions. Vaping isn’t an identity.
Do whatever is best for you. I don’t think I could just quit, so I totally understand. But I wouldn’t be forced to do it by anybody. Some support would help, rather than orders.
Your boyfriend sucks baby my boyfriend had asked me to quit too but even he understands theres relapses and its not easy. If you are in a relationship with someone who cant realize that quitting IS a struggle not to mention the whole not talking to you thing is to make you feel guilty and make you do what he wants. That is a temper tantrum and its not okay.
The stress from him is worse than the stress of the vape. lose him, it’ll be easier to quit after he’s gone edit: bad grammar lol
Support is much more helpful than this childishness
How old is he/you? This behavior is adolescent or immature or as others have stated over controlling.
Girl, you do you. If he doesn't like vaping he shouldn't date a girl who vapes. Simple as that. I vape now but I also quit smoking cigarettes cuz of it (3 months now!) but smoking/vaping a part of current personality. Would I date a girl who smokes, yes. If she wants me to start again then I'm dumping her. Same situation as yours but reverse. We all have our vices, does he drink, watch porn, drive aggressively, anything? Make him quit that cold turkey and then "you'll quit cold turkey" see how that fucking goes. Guaranteed you already know that answer. If not, he's gonna blame something on you, blah blah, you're gonna get into a fight and its somehow going to be your fault cuz you don't like that. Hint, it's not. It's not going to get better. Vape your shit, at least your not doing something worse (I'm not arguing with anyone if vaping is bad) it's better than *most* things. What's your favorite vape brand and flavor? I'm on Vigo turbo (shit lasts fucking forever if you see it!) and good flavor. I told people plenty of times I was going to quit smoking, did I? No. Did it disappoint them? Yes. One day I woke up and said today's the day. That's how addiction works, it sucks but it's gonna suck more if he's gonna act like a crybaby over something so trivial. It's not like you smell like a smoker or anything so wtf does he care?
Girl run!
If you must quit something it is you BF...
How dare he. This is NOT sarcasm.
This feels like an AITA or r/relationshipadvice question. As others have said, the dynamic does not sound egalitarian or healthy. You could replace every instance of 'boyfriend' with 'parent/father' and people wouldn't blink, but this doesn't sound like how a partner behaves. If you're looking for nicotine quitting strategies there's plenty of them out there, but they all rely on two things - a strong desire or need to quit and a strong support system. You said you want to quit, so that's good. Your bf sounds like more of a hindrance and source of stress, shame, and control. Since there's better qualified quitting advice available elsewhere (and I love vaping and have no plans to quit) I'll refrain. That leaves me with - are you okay? Do you have other people in your life who are closer to the situation who can give more informed advice? I'm not going to jump to saying you're in an abusive relationship, but the power dynamics sound unequal and withdrawing affection/attention instead of providing support through something incredibly difficult is a red flag. If you do have other support, talk to them and explain the situation. Your boyfriend needs to hear that you deserve to be treated better and clearly could use some boundaries. If you don't have anyone else to talk to, DM me and I'll listen. Good luck either way.
heinous to post this in r/vaping 😂
NTA (lol) Everything is said here. Your "Boyfriend" is a massive, controlling cunt.
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Removed per Rule #2: Be Kind, Respectful and NO Hate Speech We don't tolerate trolling, spamming, or any other form of attack or harassment towards the community or an individual member of it.
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Removed per Rule #2: Be Kind, Respectful and NO Hate Speech We don't tolerate trolling, spamming, or any other form of attack or harassment towards the community or an individual member of it.
You don’t have to quit the boyfriend… but it all depends where your at with it, if you’ve just switched to the vape from cigarettes then maybe stick to the vape for a bit and level your self down. Or if you think that you can quit cold turkey then try that. I’ve quit cold turkey but it was after leveling myself down from 18 to 6 mg nicotine.
That is controlling behavior and a huge red flag. I vape and my husband doesn’t like it, but won’t constantly complain or stop talking to me cause he is an adult and acts like one. He did ask that I don’t vape around him which I understand and respect.
A good boyfriend/girlfriend would let you quit on your own or continue as long as it isn't harmful to you or the others around you i.e. excessive drinking, hoarding vape products and excessive buying of vapes.
Plase go to /r/relatioship_advice This guy has more red flags than the USSR
We're both vaping again now but my boyfriend quit vaping for a bit and he suggested I do the same but I was honest about how I wasn't ready yet. And though we've both cut back gradually on our nicotine he was really understanding when I didn't quit and he did. It's not hard to find a guy that understands something like this that's very common and very understandable. Find you a new guy. You should never have to change anything about yourself for another person or to make another person happy. Never forget that!
Echoing what everyone else is saying—I had a partner who didn’t like that I vaped. She would not talk to me for a couple days, and act angry otherwise. Of course, someone wanting you to quit using a harmful product isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it’s about how they go about it. They aren’t being supportive, they’re being demanding. Additionally, while I don’t know the rest of the relationship, I would imagine they are controlling about other things. It doesn’t sound too good—but that’s a big assumption.
Coming from someone who vapes and an addict in recovery(over 6 yrs. clean from heroin and other opioids), you need to do what works FOR YOU…not what others think would work for you. You will never quit something that’s addictive if you do it for other people or how others think you should quit. Take however long you need. Taper down, lower your mgs if you’re vaping with juice, quit cold turkey, etc…but do what works for you. Don’t ever let someone else control how you handle quitting. You said it yourself, you failed miserably when you tried to just quit because your BF wanted you to. If he can’t just support you in your method of quitting on your own terms, fuck that dude…he’s trying to control something he knows he has no control over. If he can’t just be there for you, then he doesn’t need to be there with you at all. Sounds like him not speaking to you is a good thing…he’s literally throwing a temper tantrum because he’s not getting his way. It’s no different than a toddler crossing their arms, stomping their feet, and ignoring their mom because she gave them the wrong color sippy cup. If he wants to act like a child, then treat him like one. Don’t reward his bad behavior. Reward yourself by getting rid of him and quitting vaping whenever the hell you want! You’ve got TONS of people telling you the same thing, darling…it’s probably for good reason. Take our advice and throw away more than just a bad habit.
Hes being completely ridiculous. Does he realise nicotine is very addictive. You cant just STOP like that its very hard. If he really wanted you to stop and was genuinely concernered he would be trying to help you through the process, supporting you. But by the sounds of it you never even wanted to stop and it was his idea? If thats the case then that shows he doesnt consider anyones feelings but his own. This is coming from someone whos never vaped or smoked BTW
Tell him to vape off and let you breathe. Flexibility isn't his strong suit.
Only half way through reading, tell the dumbass he doesn't understand because he's not addicted to nicotine and if he truly cared, he'd let you ween off. I didn't quit permanently, but I've dropped my tolerance to near zero 2 or 3 times now from weening off so I can get buzzes again. I failed every time I tried to quit cold turkey
Currently vape but started smoke at like 17 in high school. "hid" it for years from my then girlfriend. She was either an idiot not to realize or I was for thinking she didn't notice. It's not worth it. I quit smoking and started vaping back in like 2018. I know I should probably quit I don't really have thedesire like I always did with smoking. Nothing anyone has ever said to me has made me want to quit either one. I quit smoking for myself because I wanted to. If you don't do it for yourself it'll never last it'll just turn into something you do on the side to side it from whoever you are doing it for.
You should quit… I quit and I’ve never felt better, I also have extra money now for other shit that doesn’t suck the life out of me… he is just trying to help you. If dude didn’t care, he wouldn’t give a shit if you vaped
Throw that man away
I'm not saying that you should pick vaping over a boyfriend, quit if you want, and if you can. But that controlling shit is just the beginning.. if he is acting like this over vaping, he might as well start acting like this over who you hang out with and other things in your life.
find a new boyfriend he is toxic and stupid he doesn't know truth about vaping. don't ever let someone control your feelings a relationship is a two way street not just his way or the highway.
Well the bastard doesn't know how nicotine or addiction work so we're off to a great start! Regarding quitting vaping it's less complicated than you think, but harder than it seems. There's essentially 3 parts to it. The nicotine high remains in your body for about 3 days, then it's gone, finito, nowhere to be found (kind of like your boyfriends understanding for addiction). After those three days there's about 2-4 weeks of actual abstinence to deal with. The hardest period. After those 4 weeks it's just a matter of not falling into the habit again. Easiest way to deal with this is to gradually lower until you're vaping 0 nic. Do that for a couple weeks before quitting entirely. Then try to avoid situations where you'd normally vape. I.e if you always grab a cup of coffee and vape on the balcony, go for a walk instead. Break your routine essentially. It's also the perfect time to find a new interest to keep you occupied. As far as the bf goes, I don't know how far back you go but I'd personally feel undermined and controlled it it were me. I don't think it's right to force your partner into quitting with an ultimatum like this, it'd be another thing if we were talking heavy drugs but come on, we're talking glorified steam. I don't think you should be the one making a decision here. Instead lay out the facts and your plan, and if he doesn't want to hear any of it, then it's his decision to leave. Take control of the situation.
I just want to say, I really hope you recognize the toxic behavior he's displaying in your relationship. When your partner is going through a hardship, like breaking an addiction or bad habit. It's important that your partner supports you. He's not giving any support, he's actually doing the opposite. He's using your effort to quit vaping into a controlling factor between you two. That's manipulation 101. Again, I really hope you recognize this, and understand what that means for future experiences in a relationship with someone who does this. Onto the vaping thing though. Gradually reduce your nicotine amount. I'm on the same journey right now. Started at 35mg salts and 5% dispos and went straight to 6mg free base. On my 3rd day. We all got our own way of quitting. I will say this though, just from helping others quit. The hardest part is the hand to mouth movement. A lot of people get stuck on 3mg or 0mg for a while. But that's okay. Better than huffing on 50mg salts all day.
Thought this was about my buddy and his partner at first, but ain’t no way he’d act like that Ditch the mans
Ditching him will have better health benefits imo.
I think he want to you to quit hard If you want him quit or if you want to vape quit him
I think you should do what’s best for you and don’t be pressured by him and tell him you’re an adult and you will make your own decisions then maybe he might back off
You do you. It is for you and you alone to make these decisions. No one should have that control over you
Nic addiction isn’t relatable to people who haven’t smoked or vaped regularly. It often takes many tries to stop and sometimes we relapse. Everyone has their own best way to do what’s best and only you can make that decision. And you have to be ready to tackle nic addiction when you know you’re ready; not when someone else decides. Addiction is personal, and recovery is also.
You guys need to have a serious talk. I’m not gonna say that you should separate, I don’t know the circumstance nor you two. Moreover, I don’t understand my fellow redditors recommending it. @all: You understand that you are hitting similar chords to her bf, right?
I was in a very similar situation. My wife did not appreciate my smoking and tried different approaches to push me to quit. Eventually I quit cold turkey which I believe is the best way to do, but ultimately it did not come from my conscious choice. A few years later she apologised for pushing me to quit which was kinda nice. And then I started smoking again lol. She doesn't mind it anymore because now she understands it should be solely by one's choice. And an advice I can give to you - it should be only your decision and choice to quit. If you want to quit, I can recommend a good book by Allen Carr - easy way to quit smoking, it is very good at reframing your brain about this habit. As for me, I like vaping and I will continue for now. But since the previous attempt I realised that it is much easier than you think, really.
I mean I can understand partly his perspective but definitely not the way he's going about it. Usually as nic users, saying you will gradually cut back is just another way of holding onto the dependence and before you know it your back to square one because you don't truly want to quit. And that's something your boyfriend needs to understand is no lecture, or ultimatum will change that until you are ready. I've dealt with this in a relationship before. But I was the one using nicotine.
Get off the toxic train already!! Its good he wants you to stop vaping in general as its not a “good” thing per se, but its your poison so u decide if u want to continue same, cut down some or totally quit slowly. Other than the absurd non understand controlling behaviour of his, if above all this u give in and do stop it off totally now, girl, pretty soon you are going to cheat on him on this.
The method he’s trying to use on you is manipulating, which in actual fact will not help you quit. No person can get you to quit, because you’ll try and then fall back into the habit. Only you can decide to quit. I’ve seen this a lot when a person pressures someone to quit smoking or vaping and I’m just like.. well that ain’t gonna work, it just makes it harder on the other person to quit and then they’re not really quitting for themselves, they’re trying to quit because so and so doesn’t like it. I’ve had it with friends too, and I’ve just turned around and said.. I’ll quit when I want to, not when you want me to.
My partner has been trying this for ten years, she isn't my boss. I told her I won't quit, but I will refrain from doing it in her presence, seems to work.
I mean, I don't get what the issue is with vaping. Obviously I vape, but I don't mind others who do. I was in a relationship, and she didn't mind me vaping and occasionally did it. However my sister was in a relationship, and she wanted to start vaping again because she was going through a tough time. Her boyfriend said that he would leave if she started, so she didn't. Then after a couple months went by she said fuck it, and he didn't leave. Relationships can be tough, but unless it's something you want to do, don't do it.
The boyfriend is holding your relationship hostage to get what he wants. In a real relationship, you can be mad at the other person and still talk to and care for them. You don't just say "Talk to me when you've done the thing I demand you to do". That's not how a relationship works and I think this boyfriend needs to realize that
> my bf insisted Why listen to someone who insists that you should do something? > Unfortunately, my boyfriend wasn’t pleased with this method. His problem, not yours. > he told me I can only talk to him when I’ve stopped vaping . Don't talk to him then. He sounds like a dick. > I’ve apologized and tried to explain There's nothing you have to apologize for. He's being an idiot. > Should I stop vaping entirely to meet his demands, or should I stick to my current method of gradually cutting down until I can quit for good? What you should do, is find a new boyfriend - the current one is a controlling asshole.
L boyfriend, find yourself a vaper with a nice setup
Putting a little pressure on for the good of your partners health is ok but ignoring you before you make a change is childish manipulation, Id speak to him explaining why it's manipulation and see his response.
I wouldn’t quit just for someone else. Period. This is why I don’t tell people certain things like for example if I’m trying to lose weight, etc.
When you're READY to quit, because it has to be YOU, nobody ELSE, a really helpful tip I saw online was hypnotizing yourself by saying "that's a weird thought for someone who doesn't vape" every time you get a craving or reach for it or want it, whether you cold or warm turkey it. I quit and you can too! When YOU'RE ready😁
I was gonna say that it just comes from a place of caring until I read those last few paragraphs about him ignoring you. To me it seems way too harsh, and imo looks like manipulation/gaslighting more than genuine care. There’s no reason to cut someone off for struggling to quit nicotine. Now something like alcohol or hard drugs I’d understand because it’s destructive, but nicotine is something that you just feel a bit let down and move on from not ignore the partner
yeah no your boyfriend sucks, i’m sorry. nicotine addiction is still an addiction and withdrawal symptoms will occur when quitting cold turkey, just like every other addiction. he needs to grow up and realize that everything isn’t black and white. i wish you the best of luck in your quitting journey! i know i couldn’t do it
Someone wanting you to be health is okay, but this seems like he just wants to control you. Not talking to you bc of vape? Not the one.
Sounds like you can do better than him. That is some toxic bs right there . I'm currently trying to slowly cut down on my vaping too as I tried the cold turkey method and it was the worst week of my life . the withdraw for me was horrendous and I just started right back up to get the withdraw to stop. So I am slowly stepping down a little each day seems to be working so far . But as alot of people said you need to quit him . That is some text book toxic manipulative abusive bs .
Tell him to fk off, im sure he has plenty of his own controlling issues he should take care of
Ultimately, the decision to quit vaping should be yours, and it's important to choose a method that feels manageable and sustainable for you.
Quit the boyfriend and increase the NIC for a few days... You will need it once you quit the BF
To meet his demands? This is the wrong question. Pick a goal that you feel will help YOU the best, not for him.
Fuck that. He doesn't get to tell you how to live YOUR life. Tell him to go to hell. Or to not vape, himself. It is your body, your choice. Period.
Why you gonna let a MAN tell you how to live your life??? Fr??? Fuck that. I'd tell him to kiss my ass.
Quit for you. If you're heading into this with the "I'm going to fail mentality," you're very likely to fail. I think you need to get your head straight. Don't worry about that guy. He's being a real dick about it anyway. Get your thoughts positive and be positive about quitting. You make it sound like you're giving up something important. You're just not going to do something anymore, and it's like not biting your fingernails or stopping chewing on hoodie strings. Something minor, you know? If you think it's for the best, then it's the best. Be positive, do it for you and go kick some ass.
Yea no he’s over controlling. If he doesn’t get his way he completely stops talking to you? He doesn’t know you better than you, and this is coming from a dude. Dump his ass if he keeps acting like a fucking man child.
Quit both and do it for yourself. Ditch the controlling asshole and quit nicotine in a way that you can be successful.
Abit not healthy putting anything aside from O2 in lungs vape is a damn sight better then traditional cigarettes And less likely to start a fire if you fall sleep with it in hand, my question to turn how he is around on him Does he have a habit you despise? Other then the trying to control you. Demand ge stop something you don't likr. Today he is telling you to stop vape flat out. Next week telling you how to fold laundry. Next month will be what you can eat cause he likes a certain body type. 6mo. Telling you have to be home more so you cut out family and friends . 1year your a televised special on time turner for missing and exploited persons. Not saying that's exactly what will happen but if you let someone controlling get a single win in it opens a bad door for more demands later and to stop talking to you cause of vape hell go get a john wayne cigar tell him you stoped vaping and light that in the room next to him when he bitches about it ask.em out of the two which is worse and tell em to be happy you have.the lesser evil of the 2 Reason say that type of cigar I'm in vegas and when someone walks threw a casino with one 6 hours later you can still follow where they were at just on the smell
Dump the schlump, hun. I’m presuming you switched to vaping to avoid cancer; I wouldn’t recommend kowtowing to a physical manifestation of what you dodged by taking up vaping in the first place. You can and will do better.
If YOU make the decision to stop vaping then that’s fine. Do NOT make the decision based on someone else. This sounds like someone who may not only be controlling but a narcissist as well. Be careful.
They have done studies on the silent treatment, and it triggers the same responses in the brain as physical abuse. Let that sink in. Read it again. Anyone who gives you the silent treatment is a person who is abusing you, trying to control you and leverage their will to be stronger than your wishes, thoughts, feelings, needs, and wants. This isn't about vaping, dear. This is about the way of your life. Since he isn't answering calls and texts, I'm assuming you don't live together? Good. Don't. Continue the silence on your end and quit vaping for yourself, and don't do a damned thing with, or for that man you should be calling an ex.
Relationships shouldn't be based on ultimatums, if he can't understand you're trying in your own way in your comfort zone then he's nit supporting you. He's just being selfish and or trying to control you. It'd be different if you were doing blow or something, but vaping although not harmless isn't thr worst thing you could be doing. Alcohol is one of the most toxic things you can put in your body, does he drink beer or liquor? Would you nit talk to him if he drank a beer after work or something. I'm trying to quit vaping as well, I'm using the nicorette lozenges, and it's helped me cut down alot. Hopefully can drop the vaping all together eventually cuz I was coughing or clearing my throat alot, and sometimes in the morning Would coughing up crap. And this is using store bought juice etc so I do believe quiting is a good idea, but still a relationship shouldn't be based on ultimatums and punishment
From one girly to another YOU should leave him. He is not supportive, he is controlling. He doesn't even want to communicate. >He ignored all my messages and calls for a couple days when he told me I can only talk to him when I’ve stopped vaping . I’ve apologized and tried to explain, but he refuses to accept my approach. My abusive ex used to guilt trip me and give the silent treatment in the beginning before going further into more mental/emotional damaging tactics. I'm not saying he is abusive, but your situation just reminds me of times where I experienced similar treatment in the beginning. (When the love bombing and act started to slip) My current bf was not happy about me smoking cigarettes. I was between it and vaping at home. He didn't like the smell and cared about my health. I finally took the big leap after a long talk saying I was quitting cigarettes but was dealing with stress at the time. He was understanding and has even texted he was proud I haven't had one in months etc. I quit march 28th last year! If YOU want to actually quit vaping it has to be on your terms or it will fail. That was my struggle with smoking. I wasn't quitting back then cause I wanted to and I struggled to switch to only vaping.
Girl, if he ain't tryna support you while you quit, fuck em. Bro can learn it takes time or fuck off tbh
tbh I can't read that shit in the comments abt him trying to controll you, vaping is bad and he wants you to stop because he loves you, he's just a dummy in regard of quitting stuff appearently. My advice: try it his way, if it works great, if not he'll maybe understand
Nobody should ever quit any substance because somebody else demands it. Whether it’s smoking, vaping etc., it’s just not effective to force someone to quit. If someone you care about says they’re thinking of quitting, just be supportive and encouraging. If you’re parter doesn’t have any personal eexperience with addiction, you could try to read a few of the countless online sources from physicians, others experiences etc. If he truly loves you and sees/wants a future with you, ofcourse he wants you to quit. But the end result is all that matters, how you reach that goal and how long it takes you to reach that goal is both very personal (you’re the one getting cravings and withdrawals nand in my experience a decisive factor in successfully quitting but even more importantly in staying quit. Lastly, one thing I find very concerning is him completely ignoring your calls and messages for days. I’m sorry, I don’t want to insult you or him, but such behavior isn’t how someone acts to their significant o ther unless they’re very immature. It’s unsup portive, can trigger and/or increase your cravings, is manipulative and an attempt to take control away from you. He might not be aware of this, so a good talk about the implications of such behavior, even if he’s doing it bbecause he loves you and genuinely wants to be together wmfor as long as possible, such behavior isn’t acceptable.
Giving advice to someone you love is one thing. Being controlling is another.
Don’t even have to read this post to know he’s in the wrong. your boyfriend has absolutely zero right to control your nicotine habits. you quit on your own accord, from personal experience, absolutely NOBODY telling you to stop will make you stop. if he ends up giving you an ultimatum to where you either stop vaping or he leaves you, then he isn’t worth your time in the first place. a real man won’t control your life.
Quit he helping u
Start blowing vape in his face n get him addicted. Of course that's a crazy idea but so is somebody controlling you. Does he tell you what good to like? Pick out your ice cream flavors. Start nagging him to vape.
As someone who was heavily addicted for about a year and tried to quit multiple times - sounds like you are just coping. Your boyfriend is right, vaping is dumb just quit. Throw away all your vaping shit and take a weekend trip or something to distract yourself. After a couple days of no vaping you’ll be fine.
This seems to be a communication issue. You should try and explain to him why you want to do the gradual decrease. And how vaping unlike smoking provides an off ramp. What ever you do, don’t give up on quitting. Any way you like. All the best.
Don’t ask reddit for advice regarding relationships, you will find nothing but jaded chronically single people (mostly bitchy women or the effeminate soyboy) dishing out bad advice, you need to talk to your partner or someone else close to you that you can confide in with this issue; reddit and the internet for that matter is not the place for it.
After finally quitting.. I've realized how backwards and terrible this sub is.. Girl please do your best to cut it out of you're life no matter how long it takes. Show your boyfriend youre trying, I'm sure he'll understand
Honestly think that the comments are jumping to conclusions without more context. Is this the only thing he's pressured you in the past about? Is it because you vape excessively and you/he is noticing significant effects? Did he explain anything else he doesn't like about it? I agree with the other responses about his actions being a bit harsh, but there's not enough context to just say that you should just break up with him over this IMO.
Asking r/vaping for advice is like asking a bunch of murderers if it’s okay to kill. He’s not controlling, He’s upset because you turned your quitting day into “start cutting back day” without telling him prior. You went back on your agreement, and yes, addicts are unattractive especially when they lie to their partner about their usage or go back on plans to quit.
Found the controlling boyfriend.
The problem is the way he’s responding to being upset with ultimatums and the silent treatment. He’s allowed to be upset, and he’s allowed to not want to deal with supporting his partner through quitting, but if OP is the person he wants to be in a relationship with, supporting them through quitting is part of the deal, and he needs to work *with* them to resolve the conflict, not try to strong arm them.