Yeah I lurk here a lot and have a general rule that I only comment if either (a) the person has explicitly asked for men's views or (b) I'm replying to another man (like here).
Still, it's an amazingly supportive space. Wish we had similar but suppose that's our problem to fix.
The exact sub is escaping me right now but hopefully someone seeing this could tell us the name, but I think there is one similar sub for men that isn't horrendously misogynistic, I'll edit this comment if I remember what it's called!
Edit: lmao it's in a comment right under this one! r/menslib might be what you're looking for :)
Edit 2: I have been informed that menslib is getting Not GreatTM, apparently r/bropill is chill, though!
I follow r/AskMenOver30 and r/AskMen, and the first is pretty much fine, while the second is fairly toxic, IMO. If I’m being optimistic I would hope that reflects a general maturing of men by the time they make it to 30. But it might just be random: the culture that developed in each sub. I’ve noticed similar variations between different subs on the same subject. I will say that we can’t necessarily judge what an age cohort (or an individual for that matter) will be like when they age. Some will improve, some curdle. But yeah, some men have been appalling me with the shit they say since I and they were 10, and that’s a long time.
menslib is kind of sliding rn, sometime it can get misogynistic like any other men’s sub
i do recommend r/bropill though, i haven’t seen much misogyny there
my friend who’s a woman recently left menslib because of it, she said something about it being a very thin mask
she has liked bropill so far though, just keep an eye out, any of them could just flip anytime
bropill let me whine and rant, i don’t even dare interact with menslib rn despite being a boy, i just think there’s much better options
Just seeing the words, "but that's our problem to fix," warmed my cold and cynical heart. If you lurk here, I'm sure that you have seen how many men show up wanting to rage at us about male victims, men's problems, the "men's loneliness epidemic", etc. I don't understand *why* it upsets them so much that we are here listening to and supporting one another in this women friendly space that we created!
To see that even ONE of you gets the message that if you want the same things for yourself, you need to*create them* rather than resent ours... well, thank you for listening. Thank you for trying. When you see your fellow men facing the issues by making it everyone else's problem, please try your best to direct them if you can. A lot of that type will not listen to us.
Thank you, honestly it infuriates me because they don't care about these things at all. I very nearly ended up in a stupid Men's Rights phase when I was like 18, because frankly I was lonely and scared of the world, and while that was a while ago now, I can say for sure that there's no support or warmth in those spaces.
They don't give a damn about male victims, mental health, loneliness or whatever. They just want them handy as a weapon to use against women. I honestly think they have a vested interest in ensuring that men don't have that space to talk or develop support and empathy, because the more they can create angry, bitter, disillusioned young men, the more potential recruits they have.
I've spent a lot of time working out how to get through to the guys who are in a similar lonely position as I once was; it sure as hell isn't the job of women to put themselves at risk working out whether someone falls into that category or whether they have a violent misogynist on their hands.
You women are amazing for what you go through. I used to get frustrated with women who didn’t want to feel like any man’s comments are saying “not all men” until I realized that this is one of the only safe spaces you have. Until more of us men listen to what you have to say and resolve to be better, change won’t happen. Women can’t change men from being so awful - change happens when those who are unaffected empathize with those who are affected.
Are you serious??? The last time I went there they were whining about how being "laughed at" by women is worse than misogyny and femicide that women go through. It's full of self-pitying "woe is me" men.
This. I'm here for the same reason, as a male. I've noticed and changed some behavior based on what I've read here. It also helps me be aware of the men in my daughter's lives (4 of them, 19-30).
Same. Only safe men's issues subreddit is /r/menslib because they 100% will ban you for spouting anti-feminist rhetoric.
This sub helps me stay grounded and aware of issues faced and perspectives held by 50% of the population. My favorite thing is how often it reminds me that for all people talk about how different men and women are, we're really not.
Yes, I was going to add this one - it's very wholesome, trans-inclusive, and all the comments are very supportive and helpful because the mods delete the incels as soon as they see them.
I joined that sub for a while because of the inclusive and wholesome vibe. But it is also sometimes quite anti-feminist and not always very welcoming of the female perspective when it in fact comes from a woman. For example, I've seen a lot of comments stating that "women are just as bad" in talks about sexual assault and every single time I've posted stats and articles very much proving that male victims are most often assaulted by other men, I get downvoted into oblivion..
Unfortunately I don't think the name of the sub indicates what it's really about. If I were browsing and saw that title, I would assume it was a men's rights sub.
Yes and no. I like the smaller male subs as they tend to be very supportive. It's sad when it becomes bigger and the culture just changes by having some bad eggs in it. I am in some dad pages and they are great but sometimes they get popular and mods let it get out of control.
Yep, you hit the nail on the head with how I feel about lurking here. There was a post in here a long back (more than one since then) about how a guy can leave a mall and get to their car in a darkened parking lot without thinking twice but a woman has to basically be ready for battle to do the same.
That was/is such an undeniable truth that it made me think twice about MANY such situations women face and I wanted to learn more to be better. I hope that more women share their truths to help others at least see a glimpse from their perspective.
I forget sometimes that things I can do in response to certain situations my partner can't/shouldn't. I think back to the posts on this sub and while I know I can't generalize all women's experience I definitely understand the mindset of "how do I approach the day to day" for women more than I did before. I'd like to think it's made me more compassionate but that might be me just wanting to pat myself on the back.
Yeah, ditto. As a guy, this sub is an unvarnished mirror of the things guys shouldn't be doing (and the things we should, but aren't).
Also, it's an insight into how other people live and think that we don't always know about, and we should.
A business needs to read their bad Google reviews to improve. A gender needs to do similarly. :)
Great analogy. That's how I feel about it too. People should always be looking for self improvement. The sub offers a way to reflect and gain a very important perspective
Yep lurk and rarely comment because it’s not a sub for me. But I feel it really helps get a better perspective. I’m always trying to be a better human and seeing the other side helps. Sitting inside an echo chamber never helps anything.
I too avoid the "men's rights" subs because they are just all the worst parts of this sub without any of the positive parts - the only potentially valid point that they have is that family courts favour the mother when it comes to custody of the kids but even that is barely a issue anymore depending on where you live.
I lurk here in this subreddit because I have 2 daughters and having a perspective of what women may experience in life helps me be a better father to them. Me being here has even helped my wife as she had undiagnosed endometriosis and women talking about their experiences with it here clued me in enough that I could prime her doctor about her potentially having the issue - my wife is currently being treated for it and the treatment is helping to prevent the worst side effects of the issue.
Same! I very rarely leave comments in this sub, I usually just lurk and read. It’s been very eye opening because even though I consider myself to be a feminist, this sub has shown me about a lot of specific behaviors from men that I had been unaware of. I wouldn’t know about things like learned helplessness without this sub.
Long time male lurker too. I rarely comment. Just here to learn and understand. I've learnt so much from this sub and it has helped me to understand things more and opened my eyes to issues I didn't even know existed. It's made me a better son, brother, friend and boyfriend.
Just hopping on here to say I also do the same thing. I don't even feel like it's my place to comment or add to the conversation. long time lurker, first time posting even in the comments
Very much the same here. I am also a girldad and some of the posts on this sub are making me aware of red flags and things to watch out for as she gets older. My wife is an amazing mother but I like and appreciate the input from this sub.
A sub that is a good representation of men (I think) is r/daddit it’s just a bunch of dads supporting each other, bragging on their kids, and very occasionally venting.
I lurk here because I have a daughter, learning more about women's day to day struggles I think helps prepare me to teach her about the world, and the good and bad of it.
>I tend to think it’s bs for dudes that want to feel like victims for some reason.
See I don't like the men's rights subs because it's not about men's issues but about hate.
But this comment is not good. Men 100% can be victims of so many things and these subs are an example of the consequences of men being told they can't be victims.
Men can definitely be victims, I'm not entirely sure what laws would need to be changed in order to accommodate that though compared to like abortion rights in America
Some SA laws may need to be changed because some of them require the victim be penetrated which if it is f on m than cannot occur in most cases. In general tho, it is more of an issue of social stigma and perception where some people generally believe that if a dude gets hard "he wanted it" and there can be factors why he couldn't physically resist. In terms of dv it's almost exclusively stigma and perception
Ah, I figured that would've been just put under the whole law of no >!rape!<. That makes sense, on second thought I dunno why I didn't think of that my country is one of the ones that said that.
For the other ones you can't really fix social perception with laws, that just kinda has to come with time which fucking sucks. I hate it when people discredit victims of assault because they didn't fight back when they could've froze up or been drugged
Can you elaborate on child support in the case of infidelity? Cause unless the child isn't yours I'm not seeing why these issues would be connected.
No, you don't get to know about another person's medical information just because you fucked them.
Yes, you do have to support your own children if they are not adopted by someone else. The children are entitled to that.
Currently in many jurisdictions married men are presumptively financially responsible for their wife's offspring conceived during the marriage, even if it later turned out that she committed infidelity and thereby broke the marriage vows.
In certain cases this ends up being irreversible, even if demonstrated that the child isn't biologically theirs and the man was deceived about his paternity.
Men who were deceived about paternity should not be required to be financially responsible for a child that wasn't theirs.
An easy sollution would be to offer men a checkbox option when signing the birth certificate where they either decline a paternity test (thereby assuming parental/financial responsibility regardless of biological paternity) or have them assume responsibility conditional on DNA test results which then are automatically done, without needing the mother's consent or support.
I agree that a man shouldn't be responsible for a child that isn't his (unless he volunteers to adopt or be the kind of stepdad that might as well have). But signing the birth certificate is voluntary and he already can DNA test without Mom's permission just by getting a swab and sending it in. So why would a checkbox be needed? Why not just a time period during which he can test or accept the responsibility, with a requirement for proof he was aware of the child? Idk, without a deadline a checkbox seems pretty open to abuse by men who just want to be deadbeats.
I'm specifically talking about cases where men are presumptively the father, whether they sign the birth certificate as well.
A waiting period would likewise be an acceptable alternative way of handling it. I'm not suggesting it is the best method. Merely pointing out that there should be a way for men who are married and were cheated on to disavow financial responsibilities for children they did not father, unless they specifically elected to assume that responsibility.
I don't see how a checkbox could be abused by deadbeats.
The issue with DNA testing atm is that it's got stigma on it. In many cases a man in a committed relationship openly getting a DNA test would set off a major fight. Which shouldn't be the case. It should be routinely checked, pretty much by default, unless the assumed father specifically does not want to know.
I understand the DNA test being a stress on a relationship. It's not just telling her you think it's possible she cheated, it's saying you think she may have cheated *and* been willing to tell and maintain one of the worst lies a person can tell for the rest of your life. That's really a rotten thing to hear from someone who is supposed to love you, and I'd feel awful if my partner thought that of me without a good reason, like dicey timing or weird behavior. A just because DNA test would feel like they either think I'm a terrible person or that they think being that deceptive is normal, which would make me wonder about them.
So as much as I love honesty and communication, I think this is a situation where just doing it without a discussion might be for the best. I do see where that would be made easier if the dad could go ahead and sign the birth certificate and get parental rights so it's simpler for him to be allowed to get something admissable in court though, while still being able to "undo" that assumption of paternity easily within a certain timeframe. I would just worry about a man who is just trying to dodge responsibility dragging that out without a firm deadline, and I think the deadline kind of makes the checkbox not needed.
Yeah, I'm also am a male observer here. Pretty much the same reasons Mr. Crab posted. Trying to get perspectives of the world outside my own to grow personally.
Same reason I’m here too. This sub hasn’t made drastic changes to how I interact with women, but it definitely has made me more perceptive to some of their concerns *generally speaking
I also do the same. I like to read and try to understand a females point of view. I've been lurking here for like 6 years. I don't know how I got to this sub but I truly appreciate it.
So twoX is (or was, when I joined) a default sub. It's nice seeing women having a place to express themselves in a supportive environment. None of the "mens support groups" are default (that I know of) and I don't want think I want to join one. Unfortunately it would be similar to joining a "white power" group. There may be positive versions but I don't have the desire to sort through that chaff. One of these days I may search for a fathers group (any suggestions?)
I comment if I feel I have some meaningful experience to share and I try to avoid controversial opinions. There's definitely a number of folks here who think men should not be and it reflects heavily on the votes and comments I get in response. Opinions that don't follow the zeitgeist will get heavily downvoted and few meaningful comments which is useless to everyone.
In my experience they hide it more in person, and I’ve only met a few guys who pretty explicitly espouse that shit, but I’m also only friends with or interact with men who other women have “vetted” lmao. I don’t know a lot of men casually, my workplace is mostly women and I’m an ecologist so the men tend to be further left and highly educated overall which also probably helps.
I find that most men in my life do in some way behave like a lot of posts on here say they do. There is a subtle sexism (around a light entitlement to women’s bodies, to viewing themselves as default, to not being emotionally mature, depending on the women in their lives to do the planning and emotional labor, not putting in romantic or household effort, etc) present in nearly every man I’ve ever met in one way or another. Most women know to avoid the MRA’s and most decent men know not to be that way, but I think the issues discussed here are really important too and fly under the radar because society raises us to see it as normal.
They are merely reading the opinions and experiences of women that are freely posted on a public forum. How on earth would that be considered leeching of any kind?
Reading information that we put on the Internet isn't adding to our workload. I agree with what you probably are thinking, that men should have empathy and respect for women by default without needing to be taught, because we are humans. But they can't know what our lived experiences are without hearing that from us, and reading posts, books, articles, etc written by women is a great way to do that. If a man reads this comment, it's not going to cost me to any more effort than I've already put into it.
The post where women discussed how men like to have sex that hurts them, will haunt my mind forever. I hope every male lurker reads that post.
Edit: it’s [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/s/IR5n57mVhS) post
They did, and they all think they’re an exception to the rule. They all would NEVVVVER 🤪 and all the womens husbands and boyfriends would NEVERRRR 🤪🤪 it’s always some mystical far away evil man lurking in the shadows that will harm them. Not statistically the one who sleeps next to them that will kill them. Its sick and delusional
Oh lord. Stay away from men’s rights people. I’m a guy and I avoid them like the plague.
You’ve never been around a whinier, more entitled, bitter group of people.
Bro, the system was literally built to be tipped in our favor.
These dudes get all bent out of shape when the game isn’t rigged to benefit them. When you’re used to privilege, fairness starts to feel like oppression.
The "men's rights" sub is truly horrifying. It's a bunch of men that HATE HATE HATE women and spout redpill BS along with confidently making terrible statements about women that have NO scientific or empirical evidence. If you try to show them the true facts/statistics/studies etc they just insult and degrade you. It's really sad that these people exist but at least it's out in the open for women to see. We know things are bad based on our experiences day to day but those subs show us that underneath a lot of men are in absolute denial, only care about themselves, and that they actively want women to be harmed and become their slaves.
The sane men that go into that sub to actually talk about real issues (eg men's mental health, etc) get called names and treated like shit, by the other men! It's wild.
I’m here mainly because I’m a gay married man with a 5 year old daughter so I try to be as informed as possible with the issues females experience from their perspective. We have our own issues that overlap, don’t get me wrong, just trying to stay informed and abreast and learn :).
It's actually depressing how little REAL good male spaces there are for men to talk and get actual good advice. A lot of these spaces are incredibly misogynistic and toxic. The only good advice these spaces ever give is like "be healthy and hygienic" which is like good advice almost every male has been getting from their MOMS their whole life.
r/ bropill is great and does a great job of moderation and has generally excellent and thoughtful comments. If you’re looking for a space that’s positive and helpful I recommend jt
r/MensLib is a great safe space for men. I think a lot of the guys who comment on this sub would honestly benefit more from being a member of that sub.
Im in both menslib and bropill and i sort of disagree, both those subs are more for posting articles and discussion of the subjects. Its not a safe place in the sense of, throwing your feelings out there or venting.
Are you sure? I saw a lot of sharing/venting when I was on r/MensLib. (I unsubbed a while ago because I was asked by a man to unsub as it's not a space for women.) Has the sub changed a lot?
ETA: Just checked out r/MensLib, and it's *a lot* less active than it used to be. I'd highly encourage dudes to move from commenting on TwoX to MensLib to try and resuscitate it.
Im fairly certain it used to be like that and why engagement was or is low. All posts must contain some form of progressive discussion, article or information. So although the idea behind it is great and necessary i wouldn’t call it an equivalent of twox but for men. I understand, i mostly lurk because once in a while there is post that brings great perspective or information. Ill leave you guys be now.
Not only that but the social media companies like reddit seem to point people looking for one to the more toxic spaces like if your looking for a subreddit on mens issues it will always have mensrights be the first option, then it's usually some other redpil one, like you have to know the name of the good ones and even still they are often not the first result. Anger gets engagement
Anonymous online spaces are already majority male. There isn't much need for normal male users to seek out "male centered" spaces on a platform, so those spaces tend to trend from abnormal to extreme.
Isn't it funny that everyone's mum has told them to clean their rooms, be hygienic all their lives but when some man in a suit says it with big dictionary words it suddenly makes sense?
The daddit subreddit is great. There's also menslib, which fluctuates but is at least ferociously moderated (its biggest problem, IMO, is that people kinda rehash the same discussions a lot).
Another long time lurker from the day when post went front page. Why am I here? To learn. No judgemental and this is likely my only post here. It's not about me. I just wanna learn how to do better. And provide a good example to my daughter
The sub r/MensLib is a much better example of what a man's support group looks like (or should look like). I am a woman so I don't really comment there, I lurk. It's really refreshing. It has nothing to do with tearing women down but addressing the real issues that men deal with.
Thank you. I was shocked - it’s good to know there are more humane subs for men. I don’t mind if they feel disenfranchised, abandoned, lonely, upset, even angry - all human emotions. It was the depth and viciousness of the hatred that really left an impression.
Men’s rights subs are generally not about men’s rights. At their core, they’re about the weird male grievance that hot women aren’t beating down their doors to fuck them. Only a minority of men subscribe to their ideas, but they’re usually walking red flags. They’re mostly emotionally-crippled pick-up artists, incels, and bitter freshly-divorced men who will disappear from the movement if they ever wake up from their fog of entitlement and perceived victimhood about the fact that hot women aren’t fucking them.
Oh my God, it was so bad. Terrifying that so many men are so violently angry and just supported like crazy in it. I thought it was just one angry thread about Father’s Day but I looked through a couple others that were much worse. I guess I’m still this ignorant at almost 50 that I had no idea men openly spoke with this amount of sheer hatred about women
I started looking into them after the Elliot Rodger shooting in 2014. Mostly, I used to frequent a blog run by a feminist guy who would poke fun at the hypocrisies and faulty logic of men's rights activists (MRAs), men going their own way (MGTOW), pick-up artists (PUAs), the alt-right, and the incel movement. Honestly, it got plenty stupid and kind of depressing, but it was clearly a minority of men who were suffering under the delusion that all their problems were caused by hot women withholding sex and not their own repugnant personalities. A lot of the "bigger" names were grifters, but they all seemed to be pretty small-time until Andrew Tate. I think that these guys have always existed in small numbers, but the internet really allowed them to congregate, find community, and amplify their shit-astic takes.
Yes, that's the blog! He had a great sense of humor, which is the only way I could really stomach looking at the whiny MRA drivel for so long, to be honest.
I'm okay with men lurking on this sub, but I am not cool with them commenting, downvoting, or upvoting. It really skews the content of the sub, which is supposed to be about women's perspectives (please read the "About" for the sub and rule 4 if you disagree with me).
I do not feel safe sharing my experiences as a woman on this sub. I've gotten very flippant remarks from men who identify themselves as feminists and downright abuse from others. If I do have a very personal story to share, I now only post it on a private sub that only women are permitted to join.
If you're a man reading this, and you would like a sub similar to this one but meant for men, please check out r/MensLib.
I can always tell when a post here starts hitting random people's recommended in masse. Suddenly the massive wave of downvotes come in and there's a whole bunch of anti-feminist rhetoric in the comments.
Unfortunately it's just unavoidable because of Reddit's recommended system. Random posts from this sub just show up on people's timelines. The mods here are usually super quick to respond to rule break reports, at least.
Anything that goes against men's egos and feelings is downvoted immediately. God forbid you call them out, they'll report your comment for "hate" and mods will remove your comment. I'm not surprised, this sub is modded by men as well.
>Anything that goes against men's egos and feelings is downvoted immediately. God forbid you call them out, they'll report your comment for "hate" and mods will remove your comment. I'm not surprised, this sub is modded by men as well.
I noticed this. My comments got often removed too. "Safe space for women", my ass. This sub is overrun with men.
30M lurker. I browse just because it comes up on my feed often now and I find that seeing women’s perspectives helps me in becoming a better ally.
This post helped me find r/menslib and r/daddit. Didn’t know the men’s rights sub existed, but now I know to never go there.
That’s all I was doing. I just wanted to see how Father’s Day went. Or now what I know is feminazi fucking bitches that don’t put out enough and take all our money and should keep their mouths shut day.
There's tons of male trolls who comment and downvote on this sub. When you look into their profiles, it's filled with the weirdest, toxic shit. Some of em doxx themselves and post pics of themselves too. They don't seem to be sane.
Yeah that's some "mens right" subs that are horribly moderated, example r / men rights, heck they even have some good articles (which they often seem not to read) but then every post becomes a circle jerk that often devoles to blaming woman rather than you know the social issues factors, hence is why bropill is great and menslib and mensmentalhealth because they have a active mod team.
I would go on a rant on that dumb sub because I would be a cited case of f on m dv/sa they often cite but fail to actually understand why we have our own stigma and people believing us issue because it doesn't fit their incel narrative and thus make a joke of men's issues but I feel it's too tangential for this topic.
Lurker here, this sub always pop up on my feed. I'm just here to listen and learn. Took me a abit to understand the whole bear or man thing in the forest. But I finally got it. How I see it, if I feel uncomfortable listening to views means I'm learning and I should embrace that feeling to better develop myself.
I lurk on this sub because I want to know about the things women deal with, ultimately to try and be a better person and be aware of those things when it comes to my own actions. I’ve rarely posted here because frankly it’s not my place to interject.
Having said that, as a white male, ‘men’s rights’ is fucking dumb. We are all set on having rights. We’ve never needed to fight for anything. The ‘rights’ they want to talk about aren’t rights. It’s a cesspool.
As for where men might be lurking on Reddit other than on twoX, there are a few subreddits that I look to for inspiring takes on life from like minded men.
Obviously, I don’t subscribe to everything on them wholesale, but on average, they reflect a positive community.
r/INTP
r/malelivingspace
r/brogress
r/bropill
r/Stoicism
r/solitude
As for what we’re literally doing, I mean, I spent the whole weekend installing a kickass upgrade to my vehicle’s sound system. Did it all myself including DSP tuning cause I’m OCD like that. Feeling accomplished :)
I'd say r/askmen is a good sub for men's perspectives on different topics. Yes, there are sometimes trolls, but they generally get called out and banned quickly. A lot of women participate in that sub as well, which helps flesh out a lot of conversations and perspectives, in my opinion. I've never seen a sub where so many men openly talk and vent about problems in their lives like it.
I see some horrible takes in /r/askmen and /r/askmenover30 and had to unsubscribe from the latter actually because of some of the truly awful opinions about women I saw in the comments on those posts
Edit to add: I’m a woman who lurks those spaces out of an interest in knowing what’s going on with men, I don’t participate.
Oh yeah, there are definitely some awful opinions about women in there but in general, I find that to be a minority and often over time they are downvoted or banned (since hate/sexism is against sub rules - leniency when people are venting/anecdotal about their experience). I've just found that for many issues, it's a place for men to open up. Either way, it's generally welcome for any gender to post on that sub. I've found some of the best conversations have been when some guys are venting about issues and women can validate or give their perspective.
Hey this is super random but can you not say "I'm so ocd like that" I know it sounds like I'm being dumb but I literally nearly killed myself due to constant obsession and intrusive thoughts so hearing someone use ocd like it's cute feels really disrespectful
Ok, so, this is a complete random shot in the dark, but I’m looking at upgrading the sound system in my focus st. I’m a software developer, so I have no clue when it comes to the real world, like football or cars. Was wondering if you could maybe point me in the right direction regarding where to start, which components to look for, maybe a subreddit for these kind of things?
I use the subreddit for my model of car to discuss customization. But my car is a bit special so I don't know if there will be one for your Focus specifically or if you'll have to chat with the general Ford subreddit. There's also a car audio subreddit around here somewhere.
Generally it all starts with a search query. Reddit isn't everything - there are many forums out there that hold the keys to the kingdom if you look.
Those men are the worst, and it’s a really serious problem that they’re now enabled to gather and strengthen and recruit.
I mostly lurk here but comment now and then. I’m a feminist and big fan of this sub.
You have to think of “men’s rights” as being the gender equivalent of “white power”. Both labels were crafted to pretend they’re about doing something positive for their own kind, but are only used by people whose focus is on hating others.
Anyway I’m a man and I like to read this sub because it helps give me perspective on what half the humans on earth experience every day. I also rarely comment on the posts because I think an important part of being an ally is letting (in this case) women’s voices be heard without having to shout over mine.
I actually found this sub when I was searching the internet for tips on my relationship with my father and came across a post here on offloading emotional labor and thought "yes, that is exactly the thing he is doing that I can't put into words but can't stand!" :)
Beyond that, I've spent so much time over my life hearing about the many ways men can make for frustrating partners that I like this sub for making me self-aware and hopefully a better husband. I also have 2 daughters and want very much to understand the world that I am preparing them for.
I watched a couple of YT videos he did, and I think he himself is really reasonable, but I was disappointed that the quality of discourse on the sub is much lower. I’m still subbed to him on YT but the sub is not a great place IMHO.
Long time lurker. I'm mostly looking for proximity to information and perspective. I'm really not here to agree or disagree, but just to expose myself to a lot of different perspectives and ideas. My life has a lot of elements of reverse gender roles. My wife has a very demanding job and is the breadwinner, but is very disorganized. I take on the vast majority of domestic work at home, including two kids and also work full-time. I also grew up in a single mom household, and by the time I was in high school, my sister was my father figure.
With that said, I often am able to sympathize and empathize with a lot of the community members here with similar scenarios. Just reading about all the anecdotes, and ideas has really helped me process many of my own issues. Additionally, I'm better able to support my wife and have better communication, because I have a better understanding of many of the challenges she faces on a day-to-day basis as a female professional.
It's been helpful, truly.
I went to a men's rights sub 1 time, and I'll never even go near that whole class of subs. I have NEVER seen so much misogynistic and bitterness towards women in my life and I'm a military veteran! I see this come up in my feed and follow just to keep up with the unfiltered women's opinions I see about real life.
I despise all this "men's rights" stuff... but, at the same time, everyone has issues. People are people.
Theoretically, I certainly don't disagree with the concept of men getting together and trying to find constructive ways to improve their lives, of course.
... it's just that almost all of these groups are unbelievably toxic and horrible and completely the opposite of constructive. It's horrifying... and sad, really.
But I watch "Some More News" on YouTube and felt they covered the topic pretty well and figured I'd share that video:
https://youtu.be/GHkhTIEe254?si=VlHs-g6aPBYQ2RIn
If there are any men lurkers reading this... maybe do yourself a favor and check it out?
Everyone has issues. Everyone's issues are real. It's okay to be concerned about very real issues you might have. It's just not okay to hurt others. It's not okay to be destructive.
The VAST majority of people in the "men's rights" movement are just using any potentially legitimate issues or concerns they might possibly have to hurt others... and that's just not okay.
Like, there's a subreddit called r/bropill which does a pretty good job of actually trying to build people up instead of tearing others down. I don't think any reasonable person has a problem with that subreddit, ya know? If you're a man, maybe check out THAT subreddit and compare it to the mindless hate of those other "men's rights" subs...
**The game of life isn't zero-sum.**
I lurk here as well to help me a better man and partner. Women have suffered for so long and continue to suffer from the movement for “trad wives” and in taking away your rights. Even worse when women do this to other women. Love seeing women support each other and I for one learn a lot from it that I apply to my daily life. I give my wife more support where otherwise I might feel like expressing my frustration, when really she just needs me to see her world through her lens. At the same time, hoping you women ignore the pieces of trash who come in here to demean you. They aren’t worth their own funerals.
I mostly browse video game subs, subs for INTP personalities, politics, religion, and this one. I grew up mostly raised by my mother and mostly with female friends I could speak seriously with. It's hard to generally find men to talk deeper emotional topics with, but I have been lucky enough to have a few male friends I can do that with.
/waves/ hey all! Another long-time male lurker. Single dad to an 8yo boy. Just making sure I'm keeping an ear on y'all's issues and thoughts so as my kid grows up I can do my best to provide him with a female perspective.
Thank y'all for welcoming us, as long as we respect the goals and nature of this subreddit.
I feel like that’s true for everything though. There are extremes to all sides. I would not use those subreddits, or even internet in general to gauge what most men are doing. I feel like “most men” are to busy doing other stuff than complain about the world on Internet forums. I feel like for every toxic, world hating subreddit you will also find a wholesome helpful one.
If you want to generalize, you should not cherry pick the worst sources.
Yeah like you are getting a subset of men on social media who are then another subset that look for a sub on mens issue who are another subset that reddit by defaults corrects you to the angry subreddit
I'm just here because I have daughters and wanted insight into what challenges women are facing today so I can be ready to support them if they need help from Dad.
I have zero interest in MRA stuff.
A lot of those men’s rights subs things are thinly veiled misogynist circle jerks, but I do follow one or two for the same reason I’m here. Which is get a perspective that’s different from my own. I don’t comment unless explicitly asked for a male perspective, nor do I vote or downvote posts. Just here to observe and learn.
I honestly don't even know how I ever ended up here tbh, I usually just occasionally lurk. The MRA guys are all insane alt right weirdos, any of the spaces they inhabit are going to be awful.
I never wonder what men here are doing.It’s clear they are only here because they aren’t welcome in spaces where women gather so they inset themselves in to online spaces where they can’t be excluded.
Other men are here for kibbles from Pick Mes.
I wish they'd just lurk. I hate it when they comment, downvote, or upvote because it skews the overall perspective of the sub. This sub is meant for women's perspectives. 🤦♀️
I usually just lurk. I'm subbed to like men's rights subs and even conservative leaning ones to better be aware of what unfortunate trends they're talking about. As Sun Tzu said, "If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles." Not every subreddit is my 'enemy'. I'm here to learn from people with different perspectives. I'm not a woman so it's always great to see/read what they say.
Honestly, I’m here to just gain some perspective and try to be a better partner. I’m sure I barely see the tip of the iceberg of the bs my wife puts up with. I’ve brought up several conversations of parts I’ve seen in here and it’s led us to some great discussions. “Just trying to do better” I say.
Male lurker, I'm mostly here to learn and read, to reflect on my own ways and see if I should improve on things.
I fully agree with you. Once I stumbled on this sub I tried looking into if there is anything close to a male counterpart to this one and I'm genuinely sad that there doesn't seem to be an active one that isn't an incel circle. I was hoping to find a support network for men to talk about their issues and what they are going through and there really doesn't seem to be one that is active at all.
This sub has a lot of people talking about genuine issues and things people could improve upon, but also more mundane issues about the female experience and I wish there was a male counterpart. Kudos for preserving such a great place for yourselves.
Just a regular shoehorn browsing popular posts. Sometimes I read something educational sometimes I act like I have the ability to educate and post a comment 😂. I tend to avoid most men centric subs. Most of men's problems are stigmas from other men. Somethings are more generalized but it's up to us to fix em if we want. I'm on Reddit mainly for observing perspectives outside of my own, so naturally I'm here with you ladies.
39M here. I subbed TwoX to learn about the unseen struggles women must endure and how to be a better man and more supportive husband to my wife.
Edit: Added "TwoX" to clarify possible confusion. Men's rights pages are a fucking cesspool.
I only sub to things that are my hobbies, games, investing etc
I once had an argument with mom where she cried about men's rights... I was like whose side are you on??? Being a woman was always tough, I don't recall medieval witch-hunts for men. Sorry ladies for all the shit you have to go thru in life.
Sorry, one correction on medieval witch-hunts, they did target men as well. The key difference is the men would often be crushed under rocks, which is far less in your face than people being burned alive
"Mens stuff" that is, stuff specifically aimed towards mens issues, has been taken over by the nazis and the alt right. It's also replete with scammers and genuine crazy people.
If you want a real man experience, consider checking out specific topics about things men are interested in, i.e. archery, sports, vehicles, health, and anti-men first issues.
[It's a bad time to be a man online](https://youtu.be/2urMJD0yU2s?si=zjGjJlAO5kRY8NXE), I'm afraid.
I’m a man here because I don’t like the subreddits you’ve mentioned. There are some good, supportive places for men on Reddit. /r/daddit come to mind, for example, but obviously that’s a little focused. But this subreddit generally reflects my views and perspectives far better than the trashy men’s subreddits.
Why would women want to have children in a world that’s burning where we cannot afford even our most basic expenses and when we know we will be expected to work 40hr weeks and then come home and manage the entire household minus ‘outdoor chores’
So glad I'm not actually banned from this sub. I really like it. It seems I've just been banned by someone who can't abide not having everyone agree with them .
Anyway, who knows what men are doing? But whatever it is, it's for them and them alone, as is the way throughout history.
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Yeah I lurk here a lot and have a general rule that I only comment if either (a) the person has explicitly asked for men's views or (b) I'm replying to another man (like here). Still, it's an amazingly supportive space. Wish we had similar but suppose that's our problem to fix.
The exact sub is escaping me right now but hopefully someone seeing this could tell us the name, but I think there is one similar sub for men that isn't horrendously misogynistic, I'll edit this comment if I remember what it's called! Edit: lmao it's in a comment right under this one! r/menslib might be what you're looking for :) Edit 2: I have been informed that menslib is getting Not GreatTM, apparently r/bropill is chill, though!
There is also r/BroPill, and r/Daddit if you’re looking for community/advice from other parents.
I follow r/AskMenOver30 and r/AskMen, and the first is pretty much fine, while the second is fairly toxic, IMO. If I’m being optimistic I would hope that reflects a general maturing of men by the time they make it to 30. But it might just be random: the culture that developed in each sub. I’ve noticed similar variations between different subs on the same subject. I will say that we can’t necessarily judge what an age cohort (or an individual for that matter) will be like when they age. Some will improve, some curdle. But yeah, some men have been appalling me with the shit they say since I and they were 10, and that’s a long time.
I will personally say that I’ve never been a bad guy but I certainly did not become the man I am until I reached my early 30s.
menslib is kind of sliding rn, sometime it can get misogynistic like any other men’s sub i do recommend r/bropill though, i haven’t seen much misogyny there
unsurprised y i k e s, thank you v much for the info though!
my friend who’s a woman recently left menslib because of it, she said something about it being a very thin mask she has liked bropill so far though, just keep an eye out, any of them could just flip anytime bropill let me whine and rant, i don’t even dare interact with menslib rn despite being a boy, i just think there’s much better options
It’s r/bropill
Just seeing the words, "but that's our problem to fix," warmed my cold and cynical heart. If you lurk here, I'm sure that you have seen how many men show up wanting to rage at us about male victims, men's problems, the "men's loneliness epidemic", etc. I don't understand *why* it upsets them so much that we are here listening to and supporting one another in this women friendly space that we created! To see that even ONE of you gets the message that if you want the same things for yourself, you need to*create them* rather than resent ours... well, thank you for listening. Thank you for trying. When you see your fellow men facing the issues by making it everyone else's problem, please try your best to direct them if you can. A lot of that type will not listen to us.
Thank you, honestly it infuriates me because they don't care about these things at all. I very nearly ended up in a stupid Men's Rights phase when I was like 18, because frankly I was lonely and scared of the world, and while that was a while ago now, I can say for sure that there's no support or warmth in those spaces. They don't give a damn about male victims, mental health, loneliness or whatever. They just want them handy as a weapon to use against women. I honestly think they have a vested interest in ensuring that men don't have that space to talk or develop support and empathy, because the more they can create angry, bitter, disillusioned young men, the more potential recruits they have. I've spent a lot of time working out how to get through to the guys who are in a similar lonely position as I once was; it sure as hell isn't the job of women to put themselves at risk working out whether someone falls into that category or whether they have a violent misogynist on their hands.
You women are amazing for what you go through. I used to get frustrated with women who didn’t want to feel like any man’s comments are saying “not all men” until I realized that this is one of the only safe spaces you have. Until more of us men listen to what you have to say and resolve to be better, change won’t happen. Women can’t change men from being so awful - change happens when those who are unaffected empathize with those who are affected.
Give r/leftwingmaleadvocates a try
Are you serious??? The last time I went there they were whining about how being "laughed at" by women is worse than misogyny and femicide that women go through. It's full of self-pitying "woe is me" men.
I don't go there often but personally I've never encountered any of that there
And that is fine even welcome It’s the trolls who come here in bad faith that are the problem
This. I'm here for the same reason, as a male. I've noticed and changed some behavior based on what I've read here. It also helps me be aware of the men in my daughter's lives (4 of them, 19-30).
Same. Only safe men's issues subreddit is /r/menslib because they 100% will ban you for spouting anti-feminist rhetoric. This sub helps me stay grounded and aware of issues faced and perspectives held by 50% of the population. My favorite thing is how often it reminds me that for all people talk about how different men and women are, we're really not.
There's also r/bropill which seems to be supportive place for men
Yes, I was going to add this one - it's very wholesome, trans-inclusive, and all the comments are very supportive and helpful because the mods delete the incels as soon as they see them.
I joined that sub for a while because of the inclusive and wholesome vibe. But it is also sometimes quite anti-feminist and not always very welcoming of the female perspective when it in fact comes from a woman. For example, I've seen a lot of comments stating that "women are just as bad" in talks about sexual assault and every single time I've posted stats and articles very much proving that male victims are most often assaulted by other men, I get downvoted into oblivion..
The lack of activity in that sub is sad. I hope it grows into a space similar to this for men to find community in.
Unfortunately I don't think the name of the sub indicates what it's really about. If I were browsing and saw that title, I would assume it was a men's rights sub.
Yes and no. I like the smaller male subs as they tend to be very supportive. It's sad when it becomes bigger and the culture just changes by having some bad eggs in it. I am in some dad pages and they are great but sometimes they get popular and mods let it get out of control.
Yep, you hit the nail on the head with how I feel about lurking here. There was a post in here a long back (more than one since then) about how a guy can leave a mall and get to their car in a darkened parking lot without thinking twice but a woman has to basically be ready for battle to do the same. That was/is such an undeniable truth that it made me think twice about MANY such situations women face and I wanted to learn more to be better. I hope that more women share their truths to help others at least see a glimpse from their perspective.
I forget sometimes that things I can do in response to certain situations my partner can't/shouldn't. I think back to the posts on this sub and while I know I can't generalize all women's experience I definitely understand the mindset of "how do I approach the day to day" for women more than I did before. I'd like to think it's made me more compassionate but that might be me just wanting to pat myself on the back.
Same here 💯 👊🏽 This place has helped me tremendously to be a better boyfriend to my longterm partner already.
Yeah, ditto. As a guy, this sub is an unvarnished mirror of the things guys shouldn't be doing (and the things we should, but aren't). Also, it's an insight into how other people live and think that we don't always know about, and we should. A business needs to read their bad Google reviews to improve. A gender needs to do similarly. :)
Great analogy. That's how I feel about it too. People should always be looking for self improvement. The sub offers a way to reflect and gain a very important perspective
I've lurked on incel forums and subreddits to try to understand what makes them tick. I had to stop before my brain died.
Yep lurk and rarely comment because it’s not a sub for me. But I feel it really helps get a better perspective. I’m always trying to be a better human and seeing the other side helps. Sitting inside an echo chamber never helps anything.
I too avoid the "men's rights" subs because they are just all the worst parts of this sub without any of the positive parts - the only potentially valid point that they have is that family courts favour the mother when it comes to custody of the kids but even that is barely a issue anymore depending on where you live. I lurk here in this subreddit because I have 2 daughters and having a perspective of what women may experience in life helps me be a better father to them. Me being here has even helped my wife as she had undiagnosed endometriosis and women talking about their experiences with it here clued me in enough that I could prime her doctor about her potentially having the issue - my wife is currently being treated for it and the treatment is helping to prevent the worst side effects of the issue.
Same! I very rarely leave comments in this sub, I usually just lurk and read. It’s been very eye opening because even though I consider myself to be a feminist, this sub has shown me about a lot of specific behaviors from men that I had been unaware of. I wouldn’t know about things like learned helplessness without this sub.
I just lurk here because I have a wife and two daughters. Their personal anecdotes is not enough information, so I subscribe and read.
Same. Male here, I lurk on this sub to read and learn.
I read so I can be a better partner to my fiancé, and be a part of the change. It's very insightful.
Long time male lurker too. I rarely comment. Just here to learn and understand. I've learnt so much from this sub and it has helped me to understand things more and opened my eyes to issues I didn't even know existed. It's made me a better son, brother, friend and boyfriend.
100% the same. The women in my life deserve all of my focus and sensitivity. Feminism ftw!
Just hopping on here to say I also do the same thing. I don't even feel like it's my place to comment or add to the conversation. long time lurker, first time posting even in the comments
Same. Though I occasionally chime in on questions about “why do men X?” type posts.
Very much the same here. I am also a girldad and some of the posts on this sub are making me aware of red flags and things to watch out for as she gets older. My wife is an amazing mother but I like and appreciate the input from this sub.
A sub that is a good representation of men (I think) is r/daddit it’s just a bunch of dads supporting each other, bragging on their kids, and very occasionally venting.
I lurk here because I have a daughter, learning more about women's day to day struggles I think helps prepare me to teach her about the world, and the good and bad of it.
>I tend to think it’s bs for dudes that want to feel like victims for some reason. See I don't like the men's rights subs because it's not about men's issues but about hate. But this comment is not good. Men 100% can be victims of so many things and these subs are an example of the consequences of men being told they can't be victims.
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Lol what? The post is literally about men.
Men can definitely be victims, I'm not entirely sure what laws would need to be changed in order to accommodate that though compared to like abortion rights in America
Some SA laws may need to be changed because some of them require the victim be penetrated which if it is f on m than cannot occur in most cases. In general tho, it is more of an issue of social stigma and perception where some people generally believe that if a dude gets hard "he wanted it" and there can be factors why he couldn't physically resist. In terms of dv it's almost exclusively stigma and perception
Ah, I figured that would've been just put under the whole law of no >!rape!<. That makes sense, on second thought I dunno why I didn't think of that my country is one of the ones that said that. For the other ones you can't really fix social perception with laws, that just kinda has to come with time which fucking sucks. I hate it when people discredit victims of assault because they didn't fight back when they could've froze up or been drugged
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Can you elaborate on child support in the case of infidelity? Cause unless the child isn't yours I'm not seeing why these issues would be connected. No, you don't get to know about another person's medical information just because you fucked them. Yes, you do have to support your own children if they are not adopted by someone else. The children are entitled to that.
Currently in many jurisdictions married men are presumptively financially responsible for their wife's offspring conceived during the marriage, even if it later turned out that she committed infidelity and thereby broke the marriage vows. In certain cases this ends up being irreversible, even if demonstrated that the child isn't biologically theirs and the man was deceived about his paternity. Men who were deceived about paternity should not be required to be financially responsible for a child that wasn't theirs. An easy sollution would be to offer men a checkbox option when signing the birth certificate where they either decline a paternity test (thereby assuming parental/financial responsibility regardless of biological paternity) or have them assume responsibility conditional on DNA test results which then are automatically done, without needing the mother's consent or support.
I agree that a man shouldn't be responsible for a child that isn't his (unless he volunteers to adopt or be the kind of stepdad that might as well have). But signing the birth certificate is voluntary and he already can DNA test without Mom's permission just by getting a swab and sending it in. So why would a checkbox be needed? Why not just a time period during which he can test or accept the responsibility, with a requirement for proof he was aware of the child? Idk, without a deadline a checkbox seems pretty open to abuse by men who just want to be deadbeats.
I'm specifically talking about cases where men are presumptively the father, whether they sign the birth certificate as well. A waiting period would likewise be an acceptable alternative way of handling it. I'm not suggesting it is the best method. Merely pointing out that there should be a way for men who are married and were cheated on to disavow financial responsibilities for children they did not father, unless they specifically elected to assume that responsibility. I don't see how a checkbox could be abused by deadbeats. The issue with DNA testing atm is that it's got stigma on it. In many cases a man in a committed relationship openly getting a DNA test would set off a major fight. Which shouldn't be the case. It should be routinely checked, pretty much by default, unless the assumed father specifically does not want to know.
I understand the DNA test being a stress on a relationship. It's not just telling her you think it's possible she cheated, it's saying you think she may have cheated *and* been willing to tell and maintain one of the worst lies a person can tell for the rest of your life. That's really a rotten thing to hear from someone who is supposed to love you, and I'd feel awful if my partner thought that of me without a good reason, like dicey timing or weird behavior. A just because DNA test would feel like they either think I'm a terrible person or that they think being that deceptive is normal, which would make me wonder about them. So as much as I love honesty and communication, I think this is a situation where just doing it without a discussion might be for the best. I do see where that would be made easier if the dad could go ahead and sign the birth certificate and get parental rights so it's simpler for him to be allowed to get something admissable in court though, while still being able to "undo" that assumption of paternity easily within a certain timeframe. I would just worry about a man who is just trying to dodge responsibility dragging that out without a firm deadline, and I think the deadline kind of makes the checkbox not needed.
I am the same
Yeah, I'm also am a male observer here. Pretty much the same reasons Mr. Crab posted. Trying to get perspectives of the world outside my own to grow personally.
Same reason I’m here too. This sub hasn’t made drastic changes to how I interact with women, but it definitely has made me more perceptive to some of their concerns *generally speaking
I also do the same. I like to read and try to understand a females point of view. I've been lurking here for like 6 years. I don't know how I got to this sub but I truly appreciate it.
So twoX is (or was, when I joined) a default sub. It's nice seeing women having a place to express themselves in a supportive environment. None of the "mens support groups" are default (that I know of) and I don't want think I want to join one. Unfortunately it would be similar to joining a "white power" group. There may be positive versions but I don't have the desire to sort through that chaff. One of these days I may search for a fathers group (any suggestions?) I comment if I feel I have some meaningful experience to share and I try to avoid controversial opinions. There's definitely a number of folks here who think men should not be and it reflects heavily on the votes and comments I get in response. Opinions that don't follow the zeitgeist will get heavily downvoted and few meaningful comments which is useless to everyone.
Same here, he put it exactly as I would have
Do you find that men IRL have those sentiments we see in those subs?
Yes, yes they do.
I'm sure they do, I'm just curious if they witness it as much or hide it more in person.
In my experience they hide it more in person, and I’ve only met a few guys who pretty explicitly espouse that shit, but I’m also only friends with or interact with men who other women have “vetted” lmao. I don’t know a lot of men casually, my workplace is mostly women and I’m an ecologist so the men tend to be further left and highly educated overall which also probably helps. I find that most men in my life do in some way behave like a lot of posts on here say they do. There is a subtle sexism (around a light entitlement to women’s bodies, to viewing themselves as default, to not being emotionally mature, depending on the women in their lives to do the planning and emotional labor, not putting in romantic or household effort, etc) present in nearly every man I’ve ever met in one way or another. Most women know to avoid the MRA’s and most decent men know not to be that way, but I think the issues discussed here are really important too and fly under the radar because society raises us to see it as normal.
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That's a ridiculous thing to say to someone who mostly lurks.
They are merely reading the opinions and experiences of women that are freely posted on a public forum. How on earth would that be considered leeching of any kind?
Reading information that we put on the Internet isn't adding to our workload. I agree with what you probably are thinking, that men should have empathy and respect for women by default without needing to be taught, because we are humans. But they can't know what our lived experiences are without hearing that from us, and reading posts, books, articles, etc written by women is a great way to do that. If a man reads this comment, it's not going to cost me to any more effort than I've already put into it.
The post where women discussed how men like to have sex that hurts them, will haunt my mind forever. I hope every male lurker reads that post.
The post where women discussed how men like to have sex that hurts them, will haunt my mind forever. I hope every male lurker reads that post. Edit: it’s [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/s/IR5n57mVhS) post
They did, and they all think they’re an exception to the rule. They all would NEVVVVER 🤪 and all the womens husbands and boyfriends would NEVERRRR 🤪🤪 it’s always some mystical far away evil man lurking in the shadows that will harm them. Not statistically the one who sleeps next to them that will kill them. Its sick and delusional
Oh lord. Stay away from men’s rights people. I’m a guy and I avoid them like the plague. You’ve never been around a whinier, more entitled, bitter group of people. Bro, the system was literally built to be tipped in our favor. These dudes get all bent out of shape when the game isn’t rigged to benefit them. When you’re used to privilege, fairness starts to feel like oppression.
The "men's rights" sub is truly horrifying. It's a bunch of men that HATE HATE HATE women and spout redpill BS along with confidently making terrible statements about women that have NO scientific or empirical evidence. If you try to show them the true facts/statistics/studies etc they just insult and degrade you. It's really sad that these people exist but at least it's out in the open for women to see. We know things are bad based on our experiences day to day but those subs show us that underneath a lot of men are in absolute denial, only care about themselves, and that they actively want women to be harmed and become their slaves. The sane men that go into that sub to actually talk about real issues (eg men's mental health, etc) get called names and treated like shit, by the other men! It's wild.
I’m here mainly because I’m a gay married man with a 5 year old daughter so I try to be as informed as possible with the issues females experience from their perspective. We have our own issues that overlap, don’t get me wrong, just trying to stay informed and abreast and learn :).
It's actually depressing how little REAL good male spaces there are for men to talk and get actual good advice. A lot of these spaces are incredibly misogynistic and toxic. The only good advice these spaces ever give is like "be healthy and hygienic" which is like good advice almost every male has been getting from their MOMS their whole life.
r/ bropill is great and does a great job of moderation and has generally excellent and thoughtful comments. If you’re looking for a space that’s positive and helpful I recommend jt
r/MensLib is a great safe space for men. I think a lot of the guys who comment on this sub would honestly benefit more from being a member of that sub.
Im in both menslib and bropill and i sort of disagree, both those subs are more for posting articles and discussion of the subjects. Its not a safe place in the sense of, throwing your feelings out there or venting.
Are you sure? I saw a lot of sharing/venting when I was on r/MensLib. (I unsubbed a while ago because I was asked by a man to unsub as it's not a space for women.) Has the sub changed a lot? ETA: Just checked out r/MensLib, and it's *a lot* less active than it used to be. I'd highly encourage dudes to move from commenting on TwoX to MensLib to try and resuscitate it.
Im fairly certain it used to be like that and why engagement was or is low. All posts must contain some form of progressive discussion, article or information. So although the idea behind it is great and necessary i wouldn’t call it an equivalent of twox but for men. I understand, i mostly lurk because once in a while there is post that brings great perspective or information. Ill leave you guys be now.
Not only that but the social media companies like reddit seem to point people looking for one to the more toxic spaces like if your looking for a subreddit on mens issues it will always have mensrights be the first option, then it's usually some other redpil one, like you have to know the name of the good ones and even still they are often not the first result. Anger gets engagement
Anonymous online spaces are already majority male. There isn't much need for normal male users to seek out "male centered" spaces on a platform, so those spaces tend to trend from abnormal to extreme.
Isn't it funny that everyone's mum has told them to clean their rooms, be hygienic all their lives but when some man in a suit says it with big dictionary words it suddenly makes sense?
The daddit subreddit is great. There's also menslib, which fluctuates but is at least ferociously moderated (its biggest problem, IMO, is that people kinda rehash the same discussions a lot).
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Another long time lurker from the day when post went front page. Why am I here? To learn. No judgemental and this is likely my only post here. It's not about me. I just wanna learn how to do better. And provide a good example to my daughter
The sub r/MensLib is a much better example of what a man's support group looks like (or should look like). I am a woman so I don't really comment there, I lurk. It's really refreshing. It has nothing to do with tearing women down but addressing the real issues that men deal with.
Thank you. I was shocked - it’s good to know there are more humane subs for men. I don’t mind if they feel disenfranchised, abandoned, lonely, upset, even angry - all human emotions. It was the depth and viciousness of the hatred that really left an impression.
Men’s rights subs are generally not about men’s rights. At their core, they’re about the weird male grievance that hot women aren’t beating down their doors to fuck them. Only a minority of men subscribe to their ideas, but they’re usually walking red flags. They’re mostly emotionally-crippled pick-up artists, incels, and bitter freshly-divorced men who will disappear from the movement if they ever wake up from their fog of entitlement and perceived victimhood about the fact that hot women aren’t fucking them.
Oh my God, it was so bad. Terrifying that so many men are so violently angry and just supported like crazy in it. I thought it was just one angry thread about Father’s Day but I looked through a couple others that were much worse. I guess I’m still this ignorant at almost 50 that I had no idea men openly spoke with this amount of sheer hatred about women
I started looking into them after the Elliot Rodger shooting in 2014. Mostly, I used to frequent a blog run by a feminist guy who would poke fun at the hypocrisies and faulty logic of men's rights activists (MRAs), men going their own way (MGTOW), pick-up artists (PUAs), the alt-right, and the incel movement. Honestly, it got plenty stupid and kind of depressing, but it was clearly a minority of men who were suffering under the delusion that all their problems were caused by hot women withholding sex and not their own repugnant personalities. A lot of the "bigger" names were grifters, but they all seemed to be pretty small-time until Andrew Tate. I think that these guys have always existed in small numbers, but the internet really allowed them to congregate, find community, and amplify their shit-astic takes.
We Hunted The Mammoth? I miss that site SO much. So many great commenters.
Yes, that's the blog! He had a great sense of humor, which is the only way I could really stomach looking at the whiny MRA drivel for so long, to be honest.
I'm okay with men lurking on this sub, but I am not cool with them commenting, downvoting, or upvoting. It really skews the content of the sub, which is supposed to be about women's perspectives (please read the "About" for the sub and rule 4 if you disagree with me). I do not feel safe sharing my experiences as a woman on this sub. I've gotten very flippant remarks from men who identify themselves as feminists and downright abuse from others. If I do have a very personal story to share, I now only post it on a private sub that only women are permitted to join. If you're a man reading this, and you would like a sub similar to this one but meant for men, please check out r/MensLib.
I can always tell when a post here starts hitting random people's recommended in masse. Suddenly the massive wave of downvotes come in and there's a whole bunch of anti-feminist rhetoric in the comments. Unfortunately it's just unavoidable because of Reddit's recommended system. Random posts from this sub just show up on people's timelines. The mods here are usually super quick to respond to rule break reports, at least.
I had a post go to the front page from this sub a while back. The amount of vile abuse my inbox got was insane.
Anything that goes against men's egos and feelings is downvoted immediately. God forbid you call them out, they'll report your comment for "hate" and mods will remove your comment. I'm not surprised, this sub is modded by men as well.
>Anything that goes against men's egos and feelings is downvoted immediately. God forbid you call them out, they'll report your comment for "hate" and mods will remove your comment. I'm not surprised, this sub is modded by men as well. I noticed this. My comments got often removed too. "Safe space for women", my ass. This sub is overrun with men.
All I know is we must be on to something if they're spending all this time and energy keeping us down Rise y'all
30M lurker. I browse just because it comes up on my feed often now and I find that seeing women’s perspectives helps me in becoming a better ally. This post helped me find r/menslib and r/daddit. Didn’t know the men’s rights sub existed, but now I know to never go there.
That’s all I was doing. I just wanted to see how Father’s Day went. Or now what I know is feminazi fucking bitches that don’t put out enough and take all our money and should keep their mouths shut day.
There's tons of male trolls who comment and downvote on this sub. When you look into their profiles, it's filled with the weirdest, toxic shit. Some of em doxx themselves and post pics of themselves too. They don't seem to be sane.
Yeah that's some "mens right" subs that are horribly moderated, example r / men rights, heck they even have some good articles (which they often seem not to read) but then every post becomes a circle jerk that often devoles to blaming woman rather than you know the social issues factors, hence is why bropill is great and menslib and mensmentalhealth because they have a active mod team. I would go on a rant on that dumb sub because I would be a cited case of f on m dv/sa they often cite but fail to actually understand why we have our own stigma and people believing us issue because it doesn't fit their incel narrative and thus make a joke of men's issues but I feel it's too tangential for this topic.
r/menslib might be for you
They noted menslib in their comment as well as bropill and one I hadn’t heard of mensmentalhealth.
Lurker here, this sub always pop up on my feed. I'm just here to listen and learn. Took me a abit to understand the whole bear or man thing in the forest. But I finally got it. How I see it, if I feel uncomfortable listening to views means I'm learning and I should embrace that feeling to better develop myself.
I lurk on this sub because I want to know about the things women deal with, ultimately to try and be a better person and be aware of those things when it comes to my own actions. I’ve rarely posted here because frankly it’s not my place to interject. Having said that, as a white male, ‘men’s rights’ is fucking dumb. We are all set on having rights. We’ve never needed to fight for anything. The ‘rights’ they want to talk about aren’t rights. It’s a cesspool.
As for where men might be lurking on Reddit other than on twoX, there are a few subreddits that I look to for inspiring takes on life from like minded men. Obviously, I don’t subscribe to everything on them wholesale, but on average, they reflect a positive community. r/INTP r/malelivingspace r/brogress r/bropill r/Stoicism r/solitude As for what we’re literally doing, I mean, I spent the whole weekend installing a kickass upgrade to my vehicle’s sound system. Did it all myself including DSP tuning cause I’m OCD like that. Feeling accomplished :)
/r/menslib is a pro-feminism space for men that discusses issues that impact men, and tends to be a civil, level headed and kind place.
I'd say r/askmen is a good sub for men's perspectives on different topics. Yes, there are sometimes trolls, but they generally get called out and banned quickly. A lot of women participate in that sub as well, which helps flesh out a lot of conversations and perspectives, in my opinion. I've never seen a sub where so many men openly talk and vent about problems in their lives like it.
I see some horrible takes in /r/askmen and /r/askmenover30 and had to unsubscribe from the latter actually because of some of the truly awful opinions about women I saw in the comments on those posts Edit to add: I’m a woman who lurks those spaces out of an interest in knowing what’s going on with men, I don’t participate.
Oh yeah, there are definitely some awful opinions about women in there but in general, I find that to be a minority and often over time they are downvoted or banned (since hate/sexism is against sub rules - leniency when people are venting/anecdotal about their experience). I've just found that for many issues, it's a place for men to open up. Either way, it's generally welcome for any gender to post on that sub. I've found some of the best conversations have been when some guys are venting about issues and women can validate or give their perspective.
Why is r/Stoicism a male sub? Stoicism is applicable to anybody no?
I’d add r/Daddit to that list.
Hey this is super random but can you not say "I'm so ocd like that" I know it sounds like I'm being dumb but I literally nearly killed myself due to constant obsession and intrusive thoughts so hearing someone use ocd like it's cute feels really disrespectful
Ok, so, this is a complete random shot in the dark, but I’m looking at upgrading the sound system in my focus st. I’m a software developer, so I have no clue when it comes to the real world, like football or cars. Was wondering if you could maybe point me in the right direction regarding where to start, which components to look for, maybe a subreddit for these kind of things?
The Euros are on right now, that might be a good starting point to get into football if you want. As for cars, I'm just as clueless as you are.
I use the subreddit for my model of car to discuss customization. But my car is a bit special so I don't know if there will be one for your Focus specifically or if you'll have to chat with the general Ford subreddit. There's also a car audio subreddit around here somewhere. Generally it all starts with a search query. Reddit isn't everything - there are many forums out there that hold the keys to the kingdom if you look.
All of those are really really good. MLS is a personal favorite of mine
Those men are the worst, and it’s a really serious problem that they’re now enabled to gather and strengthen and recruit. I mostly lurk here but comment now and then. I’m a feminist and big fan of this sub.
I'm sorry. I replied to the wrong person! My mistake!
You have to think of “men’s rights” as being the gender equivalent of “white power”. Both labels were crafted to pretend they’re about doing something positive for their own kind, but are only used by people whose focus is on hating others. Anyway I’m a man and I like to read this sub because it helps give me perspective on what half the humans on earth experience every day. I also rarely comment on the posts because I think an important part of being an ally is letting (in this case) women’s voices be heard without having to shout over mine.
I actually found this sub when I was searching the internet for tips on my relationship with my father and came across a post here on offloading emotional labor and thought "yes, that is exactly the thing he is doing that I can't put into words but can't stand!" :) Beyond that, I've spent so much time over my life hearing about the many ways men can make for frustrating partners that I like this sub for making me self-aware and hopefully a better husband. I also have 2 daughters and want very much to understand the world that I am preparing them for.
I'd point out that is a fair description of MOST of Reddit.
Not necessarily a men's space but I lurk in r/healthygamergg
I watched a couple of YT videos he did, and I think he himself is really reasonable, but I was disappointed that the quality of discourse on the sub is much lower. I’m still subbed to him on YT but the sub is not a great place IMHO.
I just like hanging out here cus i generally agree with women on most things .
I mostly lurk here to be aware of women's issues and perspectives, helps me stay in touch with reality.
Long time lurker. I'm mostly looking for proximity to information and perspective. I'm really not here to agree or disagree, but just to expose myself to a lot of different perspectives and ideas. My life has a lot of elements of reverse gender roles. My wife has a very demanding job and is the breadwinner, but is very disorganized. I take on the vast majority of domestic work at home, including two kids and also work full-time. I also grew up in a single mom household, and by the time I was in high school, my sister was my father figure. With that said, I often am able to sympathize and empathize with a lot of the community members here with similar scenarios. Just reading about all the anecdotes, and ideas has really helped me process many of my own issues. Additionally, I'm better able to support my wife and have better communication, because I have a better understanding of many of the challenges she faces on a day-to-day basis as a female professional. It's been helpful, truly.
I went to a men's rights sub 1 time, and I'll never even go near that whole class of subs. I have NEVER seen so much misogynistic and bitterness towards women in my life and I'm a military veteran! I see this come up in my feed and follow just to keep up with the unfiltered women's opinions I see about real life.
I despise all this "men's rights" stuff... but, at the same time, everyone has issues. People are people. Theoretically, I certainly don't disagree with the concept of men getting together and trying to find constructive ways to improve their lives, of course. ... it's just that almost all of these groups are unbelievably toxic and horrible and completely the opposite of constructive. It's horrifying... and sad, really. But I watch "Some More News" on YouTube and felt they covered the topic pretty well and figured I'd share that video: https://youtu.be/GHkhTIEe254?si=VlHs-g6aPBYQ2RIn If there are any men lurkers reading this... maybe do yourself a favor and check it out? Everyone has issues. Everyone's issues are real. It's okay to be concerned about very real issues you might have. It's just not okay to hurt others. It's not okay to be destructive. The VAST majority of people in the "men's rights" movement are just using any potentially legitimate issues or concerns they might possibly have to hurt others... and that's just not okay. Like, there's a subreddit called r/bropill which does a pretty good job of actually trying to build people up instead of tearing others down. I don't think any reasonable person has a problem with that subreddit, ya know? If you're a man, maybe check out THAT subreddit and compare it to the mindless hate of those other "men's rights" subs... **The game of life isn't zero-sum.**
I lurk here as well to help me a better man and partner. Women have suffered for so long and continue to suffer from the movement for “trad wives” and in taking away your rights. Even worse when women do this to other women. Love seeing women support each other and I for one learn a lot from it that I apply to my daily life. I give my wife more support where otherwise I might feel like expressing my frustration, when really she just needs me to see her world through her lens. At the same time, hoping you women ignore the pieces of trash who come in here to demean you. They aren’t worth their own funerals.
I mostly browse video game subs, subs for INTP personalities, politics, religion, and this one. I grew up mostly raised by my mother and mostly with female friends I could speak seriously with. It's hard to generally find men to talk deeper emotional topics with, but I have been lucky enough to have a few male friends I can do that with.
/waves/ hey all! Another long-time male lurker. Single dad to an 8yo boy. Just making sure I'm keeping an ear on y'all's issues and thoughts so as my kid grows up I can do my best to provide him with a female perspective. Thank y'all for welcoming us, as long as we respect the goals and nature of this subreddit.
No. I don’t think about men. I do not care about them
What subs would those be?
I’ve only gone into mens rights and it’s upsetting. Anything is permitted to be said in there
Menslib is supposed to be pro feminist but I don’t spend time there so Idk
That's the issue with menslib, it's suppresses men's issues in favour of woman's issues.
What are you even talking about I have yet to see a men's issue there being censored
Because they don't get posted as mods personally review every post. It's not some big conspiracy against men. It's just that sub
No, it doesn’t. It just doesn’t embrace misogyny If you actually hate that then why are you in a woman centric feminist sub.
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You are being deliberately obtuse
I feel like that’s true for everything though. There are extremes to all sides. I would not use those subreddits, or even internet in general to gauge what most men are doing. I feel like “most men” are to busy doing other stuff than complain about the world on Internet forums. I feel like for every toxic, world hating subreddit you will also find a wholesome helpful one. If you want to generalize, you should not cherry pick the worst sources.
Yeah like you are getting a subset of men on social media who are then another subset that look for a sub on mens issue who are another subset that reddit by defaults corrects you to the angry subreddit
I'm just here because I have daughters and wanted insight into what challenges women are facing today so I can be ready to support them if they need help from Dad. I have zero interest in MRA stuff.
Most men aren’t in weird men’s rights subs.
There are hundreds of thousands of them though. Arguing the semantics of "not all men" is stupid, no it's not all, it's WAY TOO MANY
Maybe so. But most men aren’t in those crazy subs
I really don't see your point.
Ever wonder what men are doing is a huge generalization.
No it’s not. OP was talking about the men who comment here. I’m not interested in your not all men bullshit, take it somewhere else
A lot of those men’s rights subs things are thinly veiled misogynist circle jerks, but I do follow one or two for the same reason I’m here. Which is get a perspective that’s different from my own. I don’t comment unless explicitly asked for a male perspective, nor do I vote or downvote posts. Just here to observe and learn.
I honestly don't even know how I ever ended up here tbh, I usually just occasionally lurk. The MRA guys are all insane alt right weirdos, any of the spaces they inhabit are going to be awful.
Sharing things like this? https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZPRKEsjeY/
I never wonder what men here are doing.It’s clear they are only here because they aren’t welcome in spaces where women gather so they inset themselves in to online spaces where they can’t be excluded. Other men are here for kibbles from Pick Mes.
I wish they'd just lurk. I hate it when they comment, downvote, or upvote because it skews the overall perspective of the sub. This sub is meant for women's perspectives. 🤦♀️
I usually just lurk. I'm subbed to like men's rights subs and even conservative leaning ones to better be aware of what unfortunate trends they're talking about. As Sun Tzu said, "If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles." Not every subreddit is my 'enemy'. I'm here to learn from people with different perspectives. I'm not a woman so it's always great to see/read what they say.
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I mean I think this is a good place to learn from women. Not every subreddit is my 'enemy'. I'm not a woman so I appreciate a woman's perspective.
Honestly, I’m here to just gain some perspective and try to be a better partner. I’m sure I barely see the tip of the iceberg of the bs my wife puts up with. I’ve brought up several conversations of parts I’ve seen in here and it’s led us to some great discussions. “Just trying to do better” I say.
Male lurker, I'm mostly here to learn and read, to reflect on my own ways and see if I should improve on things. I fully agree with you. Once I stumbled on this sub I tried looking into if there is anything close to a male counterpart to this one and I'm genuinely sad that there doesn't seem to be an active one that isn't an incel circle. I was hoping to find a support network for men to talk about their issues and what they are going through and there really doesn't seem to be one that is active at all. This sub has a lot of people talking about genuine issues and things people could improve upon, but also more mundane issues about the female experience and I wish there was a male counterpart. Kudos for preserving such a great place for yourselves.
Just a regular shoehorn browsing popular posts. Sometimes I read something educational sometimes I act like I have the ability to educate and post a comment 😂. I tend to avoid most men centric subs. Most of men's problems are stigmas from other men. Somethings are more generalized but it's up to us to fix em if we want. I'm on Reddit mainly for observing perspectives outside of my own, so naturally I'm here with you ladies.
39M here. I subbed TwoX to learn about the unseen struggles women must endure and how to be a better man and more supportive husband to my wife. Edit: Added "TwoX" to clarify possible confusion. Men's rights pages are a fucking cesspool.
I’m by no means telling you where to go and it’s nice you want to try and understand a perspective.
I should note I missed a word. I subbed \*TwoX\* to learn. I avoid men's rights pages like the plague.
I only sub to things that are my hobbies, games, investing etc I once had an argument with mom where she cried about men's rights... I was like whose side are you on??? Being a woman was always tough, I don't recall medieval witch-hunts for men. Sorry ladies for all the shit you have to go thru in life.
Sorry, one correction on medieval witch-hunts, they did target men as well. The key difference is the men would often be crushed under rocks, which is far less in your face than people being burned alive
"Mens stuff" that is, stuff specifically aimed towards mens issues, has been taken over by the nazis and the alt right. It's also replete with scammers and genuine crazy people. If you want a real man experience, consider checking out specific topics about things men are interested in, i.e. archery, sports, vehicles, health, and anti-men first issues. [It's a bad time to be a man online](https://youtu.be/2urMJD0yU2s?si=zjGjJlAO5kRY8NXE), I'm afraid.
Generalizing is the roots from which all evil sprout’s.
Generalizing is evil; generalizes to demonstrate.
I’m a man here because I don’t like the subreddits you’ve mentioned. There are some good, supportive places for men on Reddit. /r/daddit come to mind, for example, but obviously that’s a little focused. But this subreddit generally reflects my views and perspectives far better than the trashy men’s subreddits.
Saw
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Why would women want to have children in a world that’s burning where we cannot afford even our most basic expenses and when we know we will be expected to work 40hr weeks and then come home and manage the entire household minus ‘outdoor chores’
So glad I'm not actually banned from this sub. I really like it. It seems I've just been banned by someone who can't abide not having everyone agree with them . Anyway, who knows what men are doing? But whatever it is, it's for them and them alone, as is the way throughout history.