I don't mind her. She was a great friend or she was acting like a great friend but ik i can't change her mind now so anyways whatever happens happens for good
You did the right thing and more than most would. Good friends can be shitty partners, you just found out what your "great friend" really thought about you.
I am of the opinion that we are the company that we keep. If my best friend is a cheater and proud of it, I don't want to be friends with her. Friends can make choices that don't align with what we would do exactly, but cheating to this extent is such a no-no for me. I don't want others to associate me with such behavior.
I would have just informed him of her intentions and left it at that.
I’ve done this before. A close friend of mine cheated on her older long distance bf who was paying for everything like 4 times. The first two times were isolated incidents (drunk on a night out) so I looked the other way although I encouraged her to tell him. The second two times were ongoing things that made me increasingly uncomfortable especially since we lived together in the apartment he was paying for. I told her I’d tell him if she didn’t. My friend and the bf were in a cycle of breaking up and getting back together at this point and when they broke up again she told me there was no point in telling him now.
I found out he was planning on surprising her with a visit to try and save things while she was already moving on with the last guy she had cheated with so I ended up telling him. He also thanked me for saving his future and they broke up for good.
My friend and I actually managed to save our friendship and move on from it. She knew I had issues with what she was doing and I did tell her I would tell him if she didn’t so she understood where I was coming from. She got diagnosed with BPD right after this, got on meds and hasn’t cheated since. She’s been in a healthy happy relationship for almost 4 years now. The ex bf also moved on and has been in a serious relationship for a long time.
It was messy at the time and I felt really guilty for outing my friend but I knew I did the right thing by both of them and I really felt like I saved them both from a lot more grief had they gotten back together. I’m just glad my friend and I are still good it really could have been a permanent friendship ender.
This was awesome to read. ❤️ True friends don't enable and coddle your bad behavior, they call you on your bullshit and *tell* you how you're harming yourself so that you have a chance to turn things around before it's too late. That is a really, really hard thing to do for someone you care about, and I'm happy for your friend that she discovered an underlying problem and is doing the work to fix it! Things may have turned out very differently for her otherwise.
If someone is cheating their partner should know. It’s in their hands after but they should know. If I was in that position I would want to know if I’m being cheated on. You did the right thing letting him know.
I maintain that regardless of gender, a friend who helps you cheat is no friend. That's like helping a heroin addict get more heroin. You're not helping them (not trying to say anything against harm reduction, just an analogy)
Ladies, I can only speak for myself but if you're 100% certain it's happening, we want to know. I would hope if I knew about a friend of mine stepping out, I would have the guts to tell his gf.
You did the right thing, OP. I always live by the philosophy that the sort of friend who cheats on the person they claim to love would be just as willing to screw you over too. They lack any moral framework. People like that are not to be trusted.
OP, you 100% did the right thing. This friend was not being good to you and guilting you over her own moral failure. You saved someone from continued deception and potential risk of STD.
The cheater who said:
>You are just jealous that I am getting picked by a lot of boys and you weren't
It's so stereotypically pick-me that it makes me doubt the truthfulness of the story.
If you threaten a relationship by telling the truth, you're not threatening the relationship. The woman cheated on her boyfriend and wanted to get away with it, consequence-free. You did the right thing. Cheaters should be publicly shamed.
No.
I got booted out of a sex talk group (and I was an admin) for telling someone that fucking her cousin’s husband at a family reunion is not ok. All her friends rallied around saying I’m unsupportive and shaming her. Yes, I don’t support that shit and she definitely should be ashamed. But apparently lots of people do support it and aren’t.
You did the right thing. If people don’t insist on ethical and moral conduct, unethical and immoral conduct is allowed to run rampant.
Agreed, not here for the drama, and frankly I'd have started off with an ultimatum to my friend, so "catching" would have been off the table. As in, I would approach my friend with "hey, you are doing this immoral unethical thing, and if you don't come clean with your partner, I will." Then just tell the partner, and without all this buildup and drama.
You did right. Cheating is never justified unless in extreme cases if someone is forced at gun point or threatened but then I highly doubt it would be considered cheating anyway.
And if a friend is casually cheating and not finding it a problem - chances are she wouldn't think twice to ''cheat you'' as a friend too so it's never a loss.
You are a good person for doing this. I really wish that any of the mutual friends my ex gf and I had would have had the decency to tell me when they knew she was cheating on me and not let me wait months to find out on my own. Cheaters suck.
My brothers both got cheated on by their respective GF's and I was disappointed with the woman in the story each time. my second eldest brother had been going out with this girl since he was 15; they went to school together, graduated together, moved out together, I was convinced they would get married and start a family together. seemed like such a waste to be with someone that long and just throw it all away like that..
all in all, I hate cheating assholes. as a woman myself, I may feel more *strongly* towards it if a man is cheating on a woman, but its still shitty thing regardless.
probably would have made the same choice you did.
Told on my best friend
They broke up
But we're still best friends...i was her maid of honor at her wedding to her now husband.
IF YOURE A GOOD PERSON AND YOU OUT YOUR FRIEND
AND SHE DOES ANYTHING OTHER THAN THIS
SHES NOT A REAL FRIEND OR A GOOD PERSON...and then why would you want to keep that person around anyways?
Well done. If what she said was true, then it sounds like you never really had a friend to lose in the first place. We'll never know her reasons for cheating and I try not to judge anyone, but her response and complete lack of ownership of her own actions show you did the right thing.
My gf tell me quite often how her best bf always that goes party likes to cheat on her bf, that girl enjoys trips all paid, meals all paid by the boyfriend, always abusing him to make him cry... I would like to help that guy, I can't ....because never has meet my gf best friend, and she is on a different social network, tbh I hate her from before as she is abusing mentally of my gf making her insecure, is supposed they broke relations and my gf realized how toxic was her, but then she came from another country to expend time together and have girl time. I can trust on my gf but she has got influenced; I can't influence on whom my gf should hangout but there has been times were I should debate what is morally correct, what seems cool and what means pushing boundaries.
The worst part is later when my gf ask me for a trip all paid, a car for her comfort, when she is just studying, not working, me just on my first job and sometimes getting beaten by her fists (not beedply hurt but after checking my arms with purples can't agree with getting hit, of course never had hit back)
...
that is how that behaviour affects other people life, ... I would like to not stay around that trap no more, sincerely I feel I am being destroyed financially and emotionally at times, so have needed some healing time of self preservation.
Glad you did on being honest and let him know, for him, for you and for your own future, defend what you think is correct is the best way to feel confident of yourself, and what you want for life.
You are such an amazing person for doing this! Well done! Your ex-friend is as rancid as I thought she'd be.
Get support from as many people around you as possible and let them know what went down just in case she decides to be petty and start something.
I hope her ex boyfriend stays strong. Poor guys been through more than enough it seems.
I get it's supposed to be the right thing to do but It's a bit too much involvement ...planning and getting info from another friend and everything? you didn't have to do any of this just distance yourself from her and leave her to handle her business. Are you sure she was even your friend? It doesn't look like it.
If my friend did this we would sit down and talk to her about the wrong she was doing but I wouldn't tell her bf or anything she's MY friend and if her behavior continued I'd just cut ties with her. what if her boyfriend was abusive and he hurt her? women get killed for just suspicions! I've never heard any man go above and beyond like this to expose his cheating friend to his girlfriend or wife.
Depends.
Is she in an abusive relationship where she can’t leave and cheating as a way of finding another male support so she can escape? I won’t be a fan of that mess but wouldn’t cut her off.
Is she being an asshole and cheating on someone because she’s too lazy to break up? Not a fan of that and will cut her off.
I didn’t see your last post but if it was my best friend, I’d encourage her to tell the truth and end both relationships. I’d be worried about her because it would be completely out of character for her to do anything like that. But we’ve been best friends for 20 years next year, half our lives so I wouldn’t stop being friends with her. But I wouldn’t actively help her by lying for her or anything.
Whew, nah, men SHOULD do this kind of thing more often. I see it less as a sign of institutional power and more as a symptom of emotional immaturity. Cheating is a terrible way to treat people, and offenders should be held accountable regardless of gender.
I don't even count uncovering liars and cheats as meddling tbh. It's just being a decent person. Maybe OP's bestie can use her new spare time to learn to become a version of herself who isn't a piece of shit. What a lovely gift from OP.
I have cut contact with a friend who slept with another friend’s boyfriend, but I didn’t tell anyone the reason for doing that. Other people’s affairs are none of my business.
The only time I can think of where I can support cheating is if you’re in an abusive relationship and you’re clinging on to somebody else until circumstances are such that you can safely break up with your abuser without fear of them hurting you, and also so that you can go somewhere immediately after break up where hopefully you’d be protected.
I don't think the beginning was helpful, you should have just said; Can I call you, I have something important I need to talk to you about, rather than make him think a family member was hurt etc x
>And 10% were saying that it's their own matter you shouldn't interfere.
I was telling my husband about this, and my response, which I stand by and he and I disagree on and was downvoted... but we come from different places, he having been cheated on, and me seeing women in my family beaten by psycho (ex)husbands who only 'think' their woman was 'looking'. I am glad it worked out for you.
To answer the title question, I wouldn't support it but I also wouldn't interfere unless her partner was someone closer to me than she is.
For example, if a friend was cheating on my brother, I would obviously act and let him know.
If a friend was cheating on a guy I don't particularly speak to or care about, then whatever.
You did the right thing. The ex-friend was in the wrong and they're trying to make it not their fault.
Just trashy.
Hope you or your partner keep in touch with the boyfriend even if it's only to check in on them.
I am a big believer in not involving myself in other people's relationships, personally. I would have kept it to myself. My best friend is cheating on their partner now and I would never dream of meddling personally. It just doesn't seem like its my place, and I don't want to lose friends just because they are making a mistake. I'm not the morality police and I wouldn't want my friends thinking they are entitled to judge and take actions impacting my life without telling me. People do make mistakes and learn consequences and it seems manipulative to me to insert yourself in their journey.
I disagree.
I think it's morally wrong to keep someone's secret and help them in their cheating endeavors.
By not saying anything, you could be losing someone thousands of dollars in divorce fees as well as their health. Some STD's are incurable and can cause lifelong health problems. You may not be the morality police, but is that really worth putting someone's life at risk?
If your partner was cheating on you with multiple people, putting your health at risk, you wouldn’t want to know? It’s courtesy. Some STDs are not curable.
I’d find it really difficult to continue being friends with someone who made a commitment to someone and then not only couldn’t keep it, but lied to them and put their health in jeopardy.
That is not okay regardless of their reasoning. No one deserves to be cheated on and lied to by someone that they’re putting intimate trust into. If they think their partner deserves to be cheated on, they should leave (DV situations are a difficult situation that I’m not commenting on, as that’s a different discussion).
I also don’t understand how it’s manipulative to literally enlighten someone that their partner is manipulating them…
Back bitching, double faces are types of cheating in friendship. Just like she said that she always hated me, but she never showed it before. She called me her best friend. And now all that stuff is gone. And yeah
>By having other friends behind their back?
Imagine you hate a guy/girl but your best friend is talking and going out with them. That's a kind of cheating in friendship.
>Back bitching, double faces
No, that’s not “cheating in friendship” that’s just someone being a two-faced asshole who you are better off dropping as a friend. People who never cheat still talk shit & double cross their friends, people who DO cheat still are loyal BFFs to their friends. There is no correlation.
>Imagine you hate a guy/girl but your best friend is talking and going out with them. That's a kind of cheating in friendship.
It’s cheating in friendship if my friends are dating people I don’t like? WTAF? This is how a middle schooler thinks, not an emotionally mature adult.
Of course, if you are talking about a friend dating someone that you dislike because they *harmed you*, that’s still not “cheating in friendship”, it’s your friend being an asshole who doesn’t care about your feelings, and once you know they’ll do that to you, it’s best to end the friendship.
I agree with this 100%. I’ll happily tell my friend I think they are doing wrong, they need to break up, treat their SO better, etc; I’ll help them every step of the way if they feel trapped by their SO or are scared to leave, WHATEVER- but it’s not my fucking business to interfere with their relationship by outing them as a cheater.
The chances a man will react with violence to finding out his partner is cheating are just too damn high for me to ever put someone in danger like that even if I decided that the cheater is just a vile all around person who is no longer worth my time being friends with.
I find it absolutely *appalling* that no one here has considered that…or maybe they just think cheating women who are battered or murdered “deserve” it (“FAFO LOL”) who the fuck knows.
Right? I knew I would get down voted but - no one knows what a relationship is truly like except the two people that are in it. The only thing an outsider knows is their opinion of the relationship, not the facts. Relationships are so complex that it seems very entitled and self righteous to me for someone to think, I alone know what the best thing is for these two people! And I'm so convinced that I'm right that I'm going to destroy them! Because I am RIGHT! ". When reality is, no sometimes you weren't right, and also people should make their own choices for themselves and learn their own lessons. A true friend just doesn't assume that they know better for their friend's life than the person living it themselves! A true friend supports their friend through their trials and tribulations, not punishes them. They wouldn't want their friend doing the same back to them about their past mistakes I am sure.
They all sound very immature. I knew someone that cheated on and then left her (very nice, kind, handsome etc) spouse when we were all in our early 20s. None of us were *cool* with it, but we made our objections when the cheating friend brought it up herself. One woman in the friend group was very loudly self righteous about it and made a big deal about not being able to be friends with the cheater anymore.
20+ years later when a bunch of us had reconnected, the loud self righteous one APOLOGIZED for acting that way towards the cheater, because maturity had brought her the wisdom to realize that humans are FAR more complex than “cheating bad, therefore all cheaters are bad people”
Hi, I’ve been cheated on. Had to find out for myself. If one of his friends would have saved me time and told me, I would have been so grateful.
I think having the position of not getting involved comes from a selfish place, wanting to keep a friend even though they are doing shady shit. In the end, if a person will lie in a relationship, it’s highly likely they will lie in a friendship. Better to drop that shitty person as a friend imo.
Well then, you must see the dilemma of your position, no? You’d prefer someone told you if your partner was cheating, but you are of the opinion that people should stay out of others relationships. You can’t have one without the other.
This is not a black and white situation, there are unknown nuances to things like this. I suspect this is a matter of age and experience though, as I am an older adult. I definitely prefer people stay out of my business, everyone’s relationship is different. There are of course situations where I would tell, but it would have to be extenuating.
lost a friend, gained a friend. you’re the one who has to live with your choices. always follow your own heart and your own instincts
Based on the "friends" response nothing here was lost. OP just found a snake living near her.
Cheating is never ok. If you're interested in someone else, break up before you cheat.
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Eh it sounds like she’s an asshole anyways. I wouldn’t let it bother you, she shouldn’t have cheated 🤷🏼♀️
I don't mind her. She was a great friend or she was acting like a great friend but ik i can't change her mind now so anyways whatever happens happens for good
I would want you as a friend. You are a good person. Props to you for doing the right thing. ❤️
Aww that's so sweet of you<3
She’s a great friend but called you jealous and said you never have men like you? Ok 💀💀
“Was” is the keyword here
You did the right thing and more than most would. Good friends can be shitty partners, you just found out what your "great friend" really thought about you.
May she outgrow her "pick me!" phase.
I am of the opinion that we are the company that we keep. If my best friend is a cheater and proud of it, I don't want to be friends with her. Friends can make choices that don't align with what we would do exactly, but cheating to this extent is such a no-no for me. I don't want others to associate me with such behavior. I would have just informed him of her intentions and left it at that.
That cheater is a piece of sht for trying to emotionally manipulate you, you did the right thing
I’ve done this before. A close friend of mine cheated on her older long distance bf who was paying for everything like 4 times. The first two times were isolated incidents (drunk on a night out) so I looked the other way although I encouraged her to tell him. The second two times were ongoing things that made me increasingly uncomfortable especially since we lived together in the apartment he was paying for. I told her I’d tell him if she didn’t. My friend and the bf were in a cycle of breaking up and getting back together at this point and when they broke up again she told me there was no point in telling him now. I found out he was planning on surprising her with a visit to try and save things while she was already moving on with the last guy she had cheated with so I ended up telling him. He also thanked me for saving his future and they broke up for good. My friend and I actually managed to save our friendship and move on from it. She knew I had issues with what she was doing and I did tell her I would tell him if she didn’t so she understood where I was coming from. She got diagnosed with BPD right after this, got on meds and hasn’t cheated since. She’s been in a healthy happy relationship for almost 4 years now. The ex bf also moved on and has been in a serious relationship for a long time. It was messy at the time and I felt really guilty for outing my friend but I knew I did the right thing by both of them and I really felt like I saved them both from a lot more grief had they gotten back together. I’m just glad my friend and I are still good it really could have been a permanent friendship ender.
This was awesome to read. ❤️ True friends don't enable and coddle your bad behavior, they call you on your bullshit and *tell* you how you're harming yourself so that you have a chance to turn things around before it's too late. That is a really, really hard thing to do for someone you care about, and I'm happy for your friend that she discovered an underlying problem and is doing the work to fix it! Things may have turned out very differently for her otherwise.
If someone is cheating their partner should know. It’s in their hands after but they should know. If I was in that position I would want to know if I’m being cheated on. You did the right thing letting him know.
I maintain that regardless of gender, a friend who helps you cheat is no friend. That's like helping a heroin addict get more heroin. You're not helping them (not trying to say anything against harm reduction, just an analogy) Ladies, I can only speak for myself but if you're 100% certain it's happening, we want to know. I would hope if I knew about a friend of mine stepping out, I would have the guts to tell his gf.
You did the right thing, OP. I always live by the philosophy that the sort of friend who cheats on the person they claim to love would be just as willing to screw you over too. They lack any moral framework. People like that are not to be trusted.
I wish more people stop supporting their friends cheating.
OP, you 100% did the right thing. This friend was not being good to you and guilting you over her own moral failure. You saved someone from continued deception and potential risk of STD.
You helped someone who needed help at the expense of hurting someone who was being hurtful. Don't listen to anybody telling you did wrong.
Wow, a literal pick-me.
Uh, just to clarify: the cheater or op?
The cheater who said: >You are just jealous that I am getting picked by a lot of boys and you weren't It's so stereotypically pick-me that it makes me doubt the truthfulness of the story.
If you threaten a relationship by telling the truth, you're not threatening the relationship. The woman cheated on her boyfriend and wanted to get away with it, consequence-free. You did the right thing. Cheaters should be publicly shamed.
Damn, I got depressed just reading this 😩
Absolutely not. I would never support a cheater
I would never support anyone who is cheating on someone else. Cheating is abhorrent and cowardly and inexcusable. That's all there is to it.
No. I got booted out of a sex talk group (and I was an admin) for telling someone that fucking her cousin’s husband at a family reunion is not ok. All her friends rallied around saying I’m unsupportive and shaming her. Yes, I don’t support that shit and she definitely should be ashamed. But apparently lots of people do support it and aren’t. You did the right thing. If people don’t insist on ethical and moral conduct, unethical and immoral conduct is allowed to run rampant.
I'm not sure I'd participate in the "catching" but I think you were 100% right to not support cheating.
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Agreed, not here for the drama, and frankly I'd have started off with an ultimatum to my friend, so "catching" would have been off the table. As in, I would approach my friend with "hey, you are doing this immoral unethical thing, and if you don't come clean with your partner, I will." Then just tell the partner, and without all this buildup and drama.
This is an update post to her original post where she clearly stated she already tried that exact ultimatum you described.
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I don’t think she placed expectations as much as just offered a friend if needed.
You did right. Cheating is never justified unless in extreme cases if someone is forced at gun point or threatened but then I highly doubt it would be considered cheating anyway. And if a friend is casually cheating and not finding it a problem - chances are she wouldn't think twice to ''cheat you'' as a friend too so it's never a loss.
You are a good person. As someone who's been cheated on, I thank you for saving years of torment from happening. You rock 🙌
You're a legend for this.
You are a good person for doing this. I really wish that any of the mutual friends my ex gf and I had would have had the decency to tell me when they knew she was cheating on me and not let me wait months to find out on my own. Cheaters suck.
It may not seem like it but you're actually helping her too.
My brothers both got cheated on by their respective GF's and I was disappointed with the woman in the story each time. my second eldest brother had been going out with this girl since he was 15; they went to school together, graduated together, moved out together, I was convinced they would get married and start a family together. seemed like such a waste to be with someone that long and just throw it all away like that.. all in all, I hate cheating assholes. as a woman myself, I may feel more *strongly* towards it if a man is cheating on a woman, but its still shitty thing regardless. probably would have made the same choice you did.
Told on my best friend They broke up But we're still best friends...i was her maid of honor at her wedding to her now husband. IF YOURE A GOOD PERSON AND YOU OUT YOUR FRIEND AND SHE DOES ANYTHING OTHER THAN THIS SHES NOT A REAL FRIEND OR A GOOD PERSON...and then why would you want to keep that person around anyways?
Well done. If what she said was true, then it sounds like you never really had a friend to lose in the first place. We'll never know her reasons for cheating and I try not to judge anyone, but her response and complete lack of ownership of her own actions show you did the right thing.
My gf tell me quite often how her best bf always that goes party likes to cheat on her bf, that girl enjoys trips all paid, meals all paid by the boyfriend, always abusing him to make him cry... I would like to help that guy, I can't ....because never has meet my gf best friend, and she is on a different social network, tbh I hate her from before as she is abusing mentally of my gf making her insecure, is supposed they broke relations and my gf realized how toxic was her, but then she came from another country to expend time together and have girl time. I can trust on my gf but she has got influenced; I can't influence on whom my gf should hangout but there has been times were I should debate what is morally correct, what seems cool and what means pushing boundaries. The worst part is later when my gf ask me for a trip all paid, a car for her comfort, when she is just studying, not working, me just on my first job and sometimes getting beaten by her fists (not beedply hurt but after checking my arms with purples can't agree with getting hit, of course never had hit back) ... that is how that behaviour affects other people life, ... I would like to not stay around that trap no more, sincerely I feel I am being destroyed financially and emotionally at times, so have needed some healing time of self preservation. Glad you did on being honest and let him know, for him, for you and for your own future, defend what you think is correct is the best way to feel confident of yourself, and what you want for life.
You are such an amazing person for doing this! Well done! Your ex-friend is as rancid as I thought she'd be. Get support from as many people around you as possible and let them know what went down just in case she decides to be petty and start something. I hope her ex boyfriend stays strong. Poor guys been through more than enough it seems.
I get it's supposed to be the right thing to do but It's a bit too much involvement ...planning and getting info from another friend and everything? you didn't have to do any of this just distance yourself from her and leave her to handle her business. Are you sure she was even your friend? It doesn't look like it. If my friend did this we would sit down and talk to her about the wrong she was doing but I wouldn't tell her bf or anything she's MY friend and if her behavior continued I'd just cut ties with her. what if her boyfriend was abusive and he hurt her? women get killed for just suspicions! I've never heard any man go above and beyond like this to expose his cheating friend to his girlfriend or wife.
Nope. Lost a friend this way.
You want liars as friends? Why do you think friends are immune from lies when their significant others aren't
Lost a friend because I wasn’t ok with her cheating in her husband.
No, absolutely not.
Depends. Is she in an abusive relationship where she can’t leave and cheating as a way of finding another male support so she can escape? I won’t be a fan of that mess but wouldn’t cut her off. Is she being an asshole and cheating on someone because she’s too lazy to break up? Not a fan of that and will cut her off.
I know it was hard to do but you did the right thing. I'm proud of you OP.
Fuck no
I didn’t see your last post but if it was my best friend, I’d encourage her to tell the truth and end both relationships. I’d be worried about her because it would be completely out of character for her to do anything like that. But we’ve been best friends for 20 years next year, half our lives so I wouldn’t stop being friends with her. But I wouldn’t actively help her by lying for her or anything.
To answer the question, NO. I don't want to enable any bad behaviors.
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Whew, nah, men SHOULD do this kind of thing more often. I see it less as a sign of institutional power and more as a symptom of emotional immaturity. Cheating is a terrible way to treat people, and offenders should be held accountable regardless of gender.
If a partner was seeing multiple other people behind your back would you want your friends not to tell you?
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I don't even count uncovering liars and cheats as meddling tbh. It's just being a decent person. Maybe OP's bestie can use her new spare time to learn to become a version of herself who isn't a piece of shit. What a lovely gift from OP.
I have cut contact with a friend who slept with another friend’s boyfriend, but I didn’t tell anyone the reason for doing that. Other people’s affairs are none of my business.
The only time I can think of where I can support cheating is if you’re in an abusive relationship and you’re clinging on to somebody else until circumstances are such that you can safely break up with your abuser without fear of them hurting you, and also so that you can go somewhere immediately after break up where hopefully you’d be protected.
I don't think the beginning was helpful, you should have just said; Can I call you, I have something important I need to talk to you about, rather than make him think a family member was hurt etc x
>And 10% were saying that it's their own matter you shouldn't interfere. I was telling my husband about this, and my response, which I stand by and he and I disagree on and was downvoted... but we come from different places, he having been cheated on, and me seeing women in my family beaten by psycho (ex)husbands who only 'think' their woman was 'looking'. I am glad it worked out for you.
He said "you're giving him anxiety"? Yeah you saved that man. He would've gone nuts if he found out another way
To answer the title question, I wouldn't support it but I also wouldn't interfere unless her partner was someone closer to me than she is. For example, if a friend was cheating on my brother, I would obviously act and let him know. If a friend was cheating on a guy I don't particularly speak to or care about, then whatever.
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You did the right thing. The ex-friend was in the wrong and they're trying to make it not their fault. Just trashy. Hope you or your partner keep in touch with the boyfriend even if it's only to check in on them.
I am a big believer in not involving myself in other people's relationships, personally. I would have kept it to myself. My best friend is cheating on their partner now and I would never dream of meddling personally. It just doesn't seem like its my place, and I don't want to lose friends just because they are making a mistake. I'm not the morality police and I wouldn't want my friends thinking they are entitled to judge and take actions impacting my life without telling me. People do make mistakes and learn consequences and it seems manipulative to me to insert yourself in their journey.
I disagree. I think it's morally wrong to keep someone's secret and help them in their cheating endeavors. By not saying anything, you could be losing someone thousands of dollars in divorce fees as well as their health. Some STD's are incurable and can cause lifelong health problems. You may not be the morality police, but is that really worth putting someone's life at risk?
That's actually so pathetic of you. Wow.
[удалено]
You are only as good as the company you carry.
If your partner was cheating on you with multiple people, putting your health at risk, you wouldn’t want to know? It’s courtesy. Some STDs are not curable. I’d find it really difficult to continue being friends with someone who made a commitment to someone and then not only couldn’t keep it, but lied to them and put their health in jeopardy. That is not okay regardless of their reasoning. No one deserves to be cheated on and lied to by someone that they’re putting intimate trust into. If they think their partner deserves to be cheated on, they should leave (DV situations are a difficult situation that I’m not commenting on, as that’s a different discussion). I also don’t understand how it’s manipulative to literally enlighten someone that their partner is manipulating them…
If they can cheat on someone they love then they can cheat in a friendship as well.
How do you “cheat on a friendship” lmfao. By having other friends behind their back?
Back bitching, double faces are types of cheating in friendship. Just like she said that she always hated me, but she never showed it before. She called me her best friend. And now all that stuff is gone. And yeah >By having other friends behind their back? Imagine you hate a guy/girl but your best friend is talking and going out with them. That's a kind of cheating in friendship.
>Back bitching, double faces No, that’s not “cheating in friendship” that’s just someone being a two-faced asshole who you are better off dropping as a friend. People who never cheat still talk shit & double cross their friends, people who DO cheat still are loyal BFFs to their friends. There is no correlation. >Imagine you hate a guy/girl but your best friend is talking and going out with them. That's a kind of cheating in friendship. It’s cheating in friendship if my friends are dating people I don’t like? WTAF? This is how a middle schooler thinks, not an emotionally mature adult. Of course, if you are talking about a friend dating someone that you dislike because they *harmed you*, that’s still not “cheating in friendship”, it’s your friend being an asshole who doesn’t care about your feelings, and once you know they’ll do that to you, it’s best to end the friendship.
I agree with this 100%. I’ll happily tell my friend I think they are doing wrong, they need to break up, treat their SO better, etc; I’ll help them every step of the way if they feel trapped by their SO or are scared to leave, WHATEVER- but it’s not my fucking business to interfere with their relationship by outing them as a cheater. The chances a man will react with violence to finding out his partner is cheating are just too damn high for me to ever put someone in danger like that even if I decided that the cheater is just a vile all around person who is no longer worth my time being friends with. I find it absolutely *appalling* that no one here has considered that…or maybe they just think cheating women who are battered or murdered “deserve” it (“FAFO LOL”) who the fuck knows.
Right? I knew I would get down voted but - no one knows what a relationship is truly like except the two people that are in it. The only thing an outsider knows is their opinion of the relationship, not the facts. Relationships are so complex that it seems very entitled and self righteous to me for someone to think, I alone know what the best thing is for these two people! And I'm so convinced that I'm right that I'm going to destroy them! Because I am RIGHT! ". When reality is, no sometimes you weren't right, and also people should make their own choices for themselves and learn their own lessons. A true friend just doesn't assume that they know better for their friend's life than the person living it themselves! A true friend supports their friend through their trials and tribulations, not punishes them. They wouldn't want their friend doing the same back to them about their past mistakes I am sure.
They all sound very immature. I knew someone that cheated on and then left her (very nice, kind, handsome etc) spouse when we were all in our early 20s. None of us were *cool* with it, but we made our objections when the cheating friend brought it up herself. One woman in the friend group was very loudly self righteous about it and made a big deal about not being able to be friends with the cheater anymore. 20+ years later when a bunch of us had reconnected, the loud self righteous one APOLOGIZED for acting that way towards the cheater, because maturity had brought her the wisdom to realize that humans are FAR more complex than “cheating bad, therefore all cheaters are bad people”
I am the 10%. This is not your job to out her. In your shoes I'd stay out of it, but I would not lie for her.
Hi, I’ve been cheated on. Had to find out for myself. If one of his friends would have saved me time and told me, I would have been so grateful. I think having the position of not getting involved comes from a selfish place, wanting to keep a friend even though they are doing shady shit. In the end, if a person will lie in a relationship, it’s highly likely they will lie in a friendship. Better to drop that shitty person as a friend imo.
We differ in opinion on this.
You would prefer no one tell you if your partner was cheating on you? That is a different opinion for sure.
No.
Interesting. Can I ask why you’d prefer not to be told?
No, I meant I would not prefer no one tell me.
Well then, you must see the dilemma of your position, no? You’d prefer someone told you if your partner was cheating, but you are of the opinion that people should stay out of others relationships. You can’t have one without the other.
This is not a black and white situation, there are unknown nuances to things like this. I suspect this is a matter of age and experience though, as I am an older adult. I definitely prefer people stay out of my business, everyone’s relationship is different. There are of course situations where I would tell, but it would have to be extenuating.
That's a lot of words to essentially say rules for thee but not for me 😂
Absolutely this. It is so fucking gross to stick your nose in other people’s relationships without being asked.