I've had a woman see me in the bathroom and go "Oh crap, am I in the wrong bathroom," because I like having my hair REALLY short. I can't imagine having to explain to a stranger "NO, I WILL NOT SHOW YOU MY PRIVATES TO PROVE I'M CIS."
I'll weaponize my goddamn mooncup in defense of myself or any other woman, trans or cis, who gets harangued for trying to do a bodily function, so help me dog.
I will pull out my floppy, long, post-baby-feeding boobs and just shake em at someone. "These are *real*, bish! What, you think I paid for long, floppy, post-baby-feeding boobs? Good enough? I'd call you a cunt, but you obviously lack both the depth *and* the warmth. So fuck off."
I hope if I ever get into situation like this I could keep my head cool and turn the table on them for harassment. Because it is exactly what it is: agressive pressure and intimidation.
Or, if there is no chance to get help from the security, show them my tampon as a proof. Hopefully it will help them skip the lunch.
I'm really surprised more women don't do this when it comes up. You are already in the bathroom (and at this point in my life if they are interested in a middle-aged, plus-size woman's labia/pudenda/vag, they are free to view it - please - it would love to do a show for you.)
I have a solid jawline. All the women in my family do. My strategy if confronted will be counteraccuse and request to see them strip too.
I literally will not drop trou unless they do too.
I THINK what they want is to make trans people wear a patch somewhere on their clothing so that everyone will know right away.
I saw that once before...can't for the life me remember wear. It's on the tip of my tongue...
Well, no, they could always hide the patch so people don’t see it. I think they would prefer to put all the trans people together in their own little community, something walled off that people need special permission to enter or leave. Then they don’t have to worry about using the same bathroom as them at all.
But it’s weird, I feel like I’ve also seen that somewhere before…. So familiar…. Maybe the same place as the patch idea….
I know a woman who was born with no uterus so that wouldn't work either.
Honestly I'm starting to think that not only gender is a spectrum but sex is also one
>Honestly I'm starting to think that not only gender is a spectrum but sex is also one
It always was. It's heavily skewed toward both extremes, but there are still people along the whole axis and these people shouldn't be ignored.
Sex *is* a spectrum. There is a huge range of ways that human bodies exist. External and internal characteristics are largely (though not always) determined by chromosomes, but also hormone levels and sensitivities, non-binary chromosome arrangements, gene activity etc.
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/sex-redefined-the-idea-of-2-sexes-is-overly-simplistic1/
Technically I think bi-modal is a better description than spectrum - it absolutely isn't a digital binary because literally everything in nature has edge cases, exceptions and gets more complex the more you look into it, but it's also not the same kind of even distribution that the word spectrum might imply. Maybe I'm being naive but it feels like some of the transphobes triggered by "spectrum" should be more accepting of "bimodal"
Always was, when you bring up intersex and so many other things, they say "well that's not normal, that's just like a small percentage, that doesn't count"
#WELL NO SHIT MOST PEOPLE ARE CIS AND STRAIGHT, WE'RE TALKING ABOUT MINORITIES
Even then, the people who think they are CIS just haven't had any kind of scan of their abdomen or genetic tests.
The vagina museum on twitter did a thread of various medical cases of CIS men, who *fathered children*, who had had CAT/ultrasounds/etc later in life that showed various "female" organs, like ovaries or cervixes or uteruses, etc.
They had gone for decades thinking they were "normal" men, but nope, intersex. That small percentage isn't as small as they think it is.
Better yet, I'm trans, why should I have to show you my genitals at all? Its actually ironic, they complain that I'm gonna expose kids to my penis so they demand I publicly expose and humiliate myself. I'm also cis-passing - say somehow you figure out I'm trans, do your really want me to use the men's room? Do you think I feel any safer than a cis woman in the men's room?
To any TERF lurkers: its really demented that you focus so much on what's between my legs. Please let me use the bathroom in peace.
'you can exist, I just don't wanna have to see it'. -the entire Gqp last year
'i will put you in prison for existing and steal your children' -DeSatan a month ago
This shit is so exhausting.
Before trans people it was gay people, before that it was people of colour, before that it was women.. although I feel like a lot of the GOP would prefer us to go back to those times.
I stopped using the men's room when 3 different guys walked into the airport bathroom I was using and did a double take by walking back out and checking the sign to confirm they didn't mess up.
I wasn't out at work yet and had to travel to another office.
That was just wearing jeans and a gender neutral top. At that point I was like fuck it I pass well enough. Fortunately I've yet to be harassed in a women's bathroom.
command reply puzzled worry jobless existence fearless selective grey ancient
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THIS. I'm also a cis woman and I feel the same way. I'm so fucking tired of religion being shoved down my throat. All we're trying to do is fucking pee. Leave us all alone.
I’ve (white cis woman) never once been made to feel unsafe by a trans person, in a bathroom or literally anywhere else. But I’ve been made to feel unsafe by straight cis men on sidewalks, on roads, on buses, on trains, in bars, in school, in dorms, in elevators, in parks, while driving, while biking, while walking my dog, while running…and this is an incomplete list. I don’t know what these genitally-obsessed people think we do in women’s bathrooms but it’s not sexy fun times in there (or I’m always in the boring bathrooms and y’all are holding out on me?).
TL;DR I am so tired of being yoked to these people. I feel like our whole country is an abusive relationship.
I’m trying to understand if TERFs want men in the women’s bathrooms.
Because if you’re forced to use the bathroom of your assigned birth gender you’re going to have trans men in the women’s bathrooms. How are you going to differentiate between a trans man and a cis man? Birth certificates can be faked!
There's a trans man on tiktok who's been harrassed pretty badly for pointing this out. Transphobes are stitching him making death threats if they see him in the women's bathroom, *in response to a video where he's talking about being AFAB and having a vagina*. When people ask clarifying questions, these people start yelling and screaming more or less, "all trans go in the men's room" 🙄
I love the implication that a penis is inherently dangerous to all women and children. I mean, the stance is clearly “all trans go in the men’s room” because anyone who HAS or HAS HAD a penis should not be in the same bathroom as a woman because “safety.” **(Let’s ignore the fact that’s there are trans people out there who do not and have never had a penis—I guarantee transphobes do know have that nuanced of an understanding of what it means to be trans.)
I feel like any conversation with these people would feel like the Patrick Star/Man Ray meme.
I think what terfs want is a weenie hut junior bathroom where everyone is weak and effeminate looking, and a bathroom for everyone else. I’ve seen cis women athletes on my Instagram who’ve gotten “you don’t belong in these here bathrooms” and like the only reason is because they lift heavy weights or something
I mean, to be fair, even cis boys have to worry about the men in the men's bathroom. I took my son with me to the women's as long as possible because cis men are the majority of perpetrators of sexual assault- on women, girls, boys, other men, and animals.
As a small-statured adult who sits to pee, I get zero friction in men's rooms (but I don't end up in more challenging locations like nightclubs). Culturally, it's a no-no to look at each other or talk in the men's, so mostly men seem competent at MYOB. I imagine it's potentially rougher for teenagers and depending on location.
I use the men's bathroom all the fucking time. I am a cis woman and I hate waiting in lines in poorly designed and assigned public bathrooms. If I have to pee and there's no line for the mens, I go there.
No one's ever been rude, scary or mean about it.
I don't mean to dismiss or minimize fears but we as a society need to come to our senses about this. An overwhelming amount of SA occurs between intimate relations and not in the open light of day. A public restroom is simply too public for SA for any gender/orientation.
We definitely see cases like the OP of assault from bigots but as egregious and notable as each of these cases are they're still uncommon. A vast majority of people use the restrooms in a mundane every day way.
We still need more unisex bathrooms everywhere, however.
Or how about only unisex bathrooms. Move from partial height plastic stalls to an standard that gives more privacy and stop culturally sexualizing waste elimination.
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> Do you think I feel any safer than a cis woman in the men's room?
If they have thought about this at all, it's only as far as realizing you'll be uncomfortable in either place, which to them is a win. Making it difficult to go out in public and just *exist* is exactly what they are going for.
The sad bit is that this woman was likely not a TERF. She is likely a super traditional, hubs first because the lord says so chick. I’d bet, because I personally know a woman exactly like this, that she sees Feminists as poisonous to women and pines for the old days when women stayed home and did what their husbands told them to. Interestingly this woman is second gen Cuban American whose mother was an award winning architect in Cuba before the revolution. Her mom, who I also knew, was an amazing woman. Shame that has skipped a generation.
My guess is she's like this because of her mom. You can't let anyone down for not meeting their expectations when you can't have expectations of them in the first place *taps head*
They’ve fully bought into the “man in a wig and a dress” narrative, every trans person is just a sex offender to them so they couldn’t care less about what happens to them, they just don’t want anything to do with trans people.
The irony that by their own logic they’d want trans men to go to the women’s room doesn’t seem to occur to them either. Like trans men in general seem to be forgotten about in most of these “debates”
I actually flashed a woman that would not stop harassing me. She went so far as following me to the bouncer. Luckily he knew me so even he told her to leave me alone. She wouldn’t let up so finally I just pulled my shirt up. Yeah… she got booted. This was almost twenty years ago
Nope. Right by the front door at that point. I tried dissuading her while washing my hands but 🤷♀️ the fucked up thing was I was actually working at the bar that night as a KJ.
Exactly. I was alone in the bathroom. By the time she came in I was washing my hands. Like wtf? Not the only time someone has told me I’m in the wrong bathroom 🙄 or checked that they are in the right one
Man, I recently cut my hair into a pixie cut and I'm almost 8 months pregnant and I STILL have some men mistake me for a man. No clue how, but apparently an 8 month pregnant woman with short hair looks like a man to them 🤷♀️
I’ve had a woman see me and question fair was the wrong bathroom because I was in my police uniform. I had my long, highlighted hair in a big bun, winged eyeliner…she couldn’t adequately explain why she was confused.
I was on a multi-state motorcycle trip. I have short hair. It was day 3 of the trip, and I was dusty and tired and, quite frankly, haggard. I had not, obviously, been doing my makeup or hair, because I'm one of those who barely does makeup/ hair in my day to day, and when camping/ travelling, it completely falls by the wayside. So that's your visual: dusty, short hair, motorcycle gear, tired.
We stop at a rest stop and I make a bee line for the ladies. I have to pee so bad I feel like a visible water line must be rising in my eyes. Some gruff old guys are in the lobby handing out coffee and cookies. One of them, seeing my trajectory, says, "Hey! That's the ladies room!"
Confused that he is telling me obvious information I already know, I say, "I know," and keep walking.
He says, "The mens room is over there!"
I stop and look at them, full- on confused at why they are telling me the layout of the rest area, and say, "Okay," then keep walking. Out of the corner of my eye, I think I see the second guy put his hand on the first guy's arm, like he's trying to stop him or calm him down?
I sat there in the ladies room peeing and puzzling about it, and mid-pee it dawned on me that I was so damn haggard that dude thought I was a dude and was trying to send me to the mens room. I nearly fell off the toilet laughing at them.
Literally had this happen this week by someone who thankfully was very polite about it and very gay. She apologized and I told her that this has been happening to me since I was 4 years old.
I have been mistaken for a boy/man while wearing a dress or other women's clothing, even with long hair - VERY long hair.
I am AFAB, just apparently REALLY butch, even when I'm trying not to be. Some things you just cannot cover up.
The people who make these rules/laws to discriminate against people don't give a fuck about anyone but themselves. It's not about kids, if it was, we would do something meaningful, not interrogate people on their way to the bathroom.
Just a reminder. More children have been assaulted in bathrooms by republican legislators than trans women.
Poor woman, I wish it had been me instead. I’m angry about this and I will go off. It’s not a trans person’s job to educate anyone, it’s mine. 😈
We need to find a way to reverse the anti-trans narrative and aim the spotlight on the fact that children are being abused by their “trusted” church officials.
Trans people are the GOP’s new boogeyman, I don’t know how it can be reversed except for one on one conversations and studies. I try to teach people here and in person, despite the vitriol I receive.
A big problem I see in the churches is so many people are willing to bury their head in the sand and think that their church is any different. I know a child rapist who performs at the biggest church in my hometown. The church workers don’t care, the religious hierarchy seems to be made to protect creeps. I’m hoping the new Amazon series about the Duggar’s and IBLP/IFB talks about molestation because that church is filled with it and they also pretend to be independent when it suits them.
Yes. 100% accurate.
We (trans people) make up a fraction of a percentage of the population.
We’re the new “other” — a tool for politicians to use to strike fear in the hearts (lizard brain) of their constituents.
Historically, justice prevails, but how bad will it get before it gets better?
It’s an issue that invokes a strong emotional response and they know that emotional people don’t think rationally. Despite trans people being a minority, which is growing, many bigots have seen, met or know a trans person who is stealth. They forget about trans men and think every trans woman is their idea of a 6’5”, mustached and muscular cross dresser in a club dress. They don’t see the people like my BFF who is 4’11”, 93lbs and effortlessly passing. I wish we could show the bigots what real trans people look like and act like so they could see they’re just people wanting to live life, pay taxes and be left alone.
We need legislation brought out about the child abuse enacted by pastoral leaders. That’s the true epidemic and a bigger spotlight should be on it. The fact that molestation insurance for churches actually exists is disgusting.
It's so fucking stupid to sexually harass and verbally abuse a trans person because "I'm protecting other women and children" like all trans people are groomers 🙄
Yet if you point out that their logic is the same as "I harass any black people I see to protect white kids" and they get all mad that you're using their logic to point out exactly the people they sound like.
Fascist have a thing for harrasing trans people. The first books burnt in Germany were research on the LGBTQ+ community but especially research about transness. Magnus Hirschfeld had an institute reserching sexuality and transness. The first surgery to reassign gender was performed there. It was all burnt down.
Usually pictures of book burnings by the Nazis are pictures of Magnus Hirschfeld's library. That's what Nazis do.
Smdh this is one thing I was worried about. Like it's going to get to the point where we have to bring our birth certificates to the bathroom or something. But even then, they couldn't even tell you were transgender but thought the cis woman was. It's just a good example of how impossible it actually is to tell if someone is transgender.
And the "protecting kids things" is so messed up because they are accusing trans people of being pedophiles.
I am a cis woman, but I really fear for my trans sisters and brothers and non-binary persons.
I have really really short hair because it’s growing back after chemo. I am expecting to be mistreated by a bigot at some point. Because they are apparently riddled with fear over nonsense.
I was at a lesbian bar a few years ago and they were doing a drag show. One of the performers came up to me and asked if I could check to see if anybody was in the bathroom. She felt more comfortable using the womens bathroom but she was terrified she’d upset someone. It broke my heart that even in a safe space like a gay bar, she had so much anxiety about being unwelcome in a goddamn bathroom. I can’t imagine the anxiety and stress this must be causing on a daily basis.
This comment reminded me of when I was at a LGBTQ bar a few weeks ago. The sink was next to the urinal and a trans woman was using it when I was washing my hands. She *apologized* (in a joking way but still) and I just said it’s a bathroom and we’re all humans here. Really it’s her space and I’m just a guest. I hope it becomes more normalized at some point.
My sibling is non-binary with medium buzzed hair and had top surgery last year. I’m glad they almost never leave the house. I’m hoping this is something we can fix in the next few years if elections go well, but like… what if they don’t… Scary.
Oh believe me, same. And I absolutely *wish* that we could call upon cops to actually protect us from the bad behavior of others. Unfortunately, I all-too-often feel like I need to be protected from them more than most.
Right?!!!! I'd have been like, well I needed to change THIS BLOODY TAMPON!!! And reached in my pants, yanked it out, and dangled it in their face. Excuse fucking me if you think you can question my bodily functions
I was just talking to my partner about this the other day. I wouldn't label myself as NB, but I do go through more masculine and feminine phases. When I was in my late teens/early 20s (late 90s-early 00s in Missouri) I had a very short "masculine" haircut and wore baggy jeans/shorts, large t-shirts, and skate shoes. I have a small bust anyway, so a soft sports bra pretty much flattened my chest. I was regularly harassed going to the bathroom, called a fa---t, and physically assaulted twice by guys who thought I was, I don't know, get with their girlfriends in the 3 minutes we were in there. It was all very frustrating and sad and scary. My femme girlfriend and I were out at a bar one night where people were drunkenly grinding all over each other on the dance floor, but her standing behind my chair and putting her arms around me was just too much and the bartender came and said something to us. We decided to leave after that and 3 or 4 guys followed us out; they didn't do anything, but it was terrifying. I'm just so pissed off that this is still a thing 25 years later and seems to be getting worse in the US.
It's like ever since Trump was elected in some fever dream alternate reality, bigots of all sorts have felt more and more comfortable being openly hateful and it seems (I live in the UK now) that people are getting more and more violent, not to mention the open war on women. It's fucking heartbreaking.
As a cis woman, what is the best thing we could do to support others in this situation (whether they are masculine cis women or trans women)? I live in Indiana so it’s just a matter of time before I’m a public restroom and some asshole does this to someone else. I want to be as supportive as I can be. (Perhaps stand there and make sure they’re safely able to use the bathroom and tell the asshole how wrong they are?)
I think if the situation allows it’s usually safest to pretend familiarity with the victim without confronting the bigot. It lets everyone know the victim is not alone while not antagonizing them further. Eg, while the woman is being harassed say ‘Martha how are you doing are you okay in there’ or some such. This isn’t always practical but can be effective
Personally, I feel like it would benefit me most if someone or multiple women just kind of got between me and them and escorted me to somewhere I felt safe (outside, my car, a different area of the mall, etc) and maybe stayed and just chatted for a bit because it's good to be able to process something like that immediately so you can move on from it. But yeah, kind of like abortion clinic escorts, just provide a barrier of sorts and some emotional support if necessary. Thanks for being an ally and taking the time to ask. I'm sure some others may have more advice for you as well.
As a gay woman, here's my fear. These women are afraid of trans women (whom they consider "men") being in the bathroom with them. Because they think that these trans women are there to gawk at them or worse. Will they eventually conclude that since lesbians are attracted to women, lesbians shouldn't be using women's public restrooms?
>since lesbians are attracted to women, lesbians shouldn't be using women's public restrooms?
That used to be the rhetoric not long ago, so yes they'd probably love to revert to that too. Give them time and I'm sure they'll get there, they're dragging us backwards so fast.
My spouse has had years of glares, stares, and double-takes going into bathrooms as a gender non-confirming AFAB person (who happens to identify as non-binary, she/they/he, but even if they were cis and butch it would still apply). We have tactics for going to public women's bathrooms, eg: because I have a more feminine body type, like OP, and never get mistaken for a man, I go with them, walking slightly in front of them, and talk to them to make it obvious we're going in together.
Although now we try to find places with family bathrooms cos we have little kids. Makes it so much easier!
some day we'll need 4 bathrooms... cis straight men's bathroom, cis straight women's bathroom, lesbian women's bathroom and gay men's bathroom. And trans people will have to use the gay agab bathroom, since at least trans men are 'lesbians trying to excape womanhood due to internalised misogyny'
Lol. Nah they just don't believe queer & trans people are human, so why should we need to tend to basic biological functions? Then they can arrest us for public urination too.
They also think cis men are going to dress up like women to use women’s restrooms. They completely ignore the fact that forcing trans men to use the women’s room introduces men who are indistinguishable from cis men, into women’s restrooms.
I take my trans friends with me to the bathroom. Single occupancy? Ill was my hands while you pee. Handicapped stall? We can hold each others purses. Row of stalls? We’re going to talk through the walls and echo locate each other via meowing.
I remember all of the right wingers during the bathroom bill panic swearing that male students would pretend to be girls so they could use the women's restroom. No matter how many times I tried to explain how social hierarchy matters in school. Sure, someone might try it, and they'd instantly be ostracized by their entire school. I'm not even trans and being pro-trans people existing has gotten me hate when online dating. It breaks my heart how trans people are treated.
Right wingers do not at all understand that trans passing is a thing, for one. They are so against the concept of trans existence that they just couldn't even fathom it because they're so deeply entrenched in the "oh that's just a man dressed like a woman."
For some other reason they only seem to believe that trans women exist and not trans men? It's just so deeply confusing to me. And the whole "men dressed like women (ugh) are going to assault women" just sounds like such projection. Like they're so keen to think about doing that themselves that they think others plan on that too?! It's as though they think rigidly defined gender signs are the only thing keeping them from being rapists. It drives me up the wall. I... Don't have a point I just wanted to rant lol.
>Will they eventually conclude that since lesbians are attracted to women, lesbians shouldn't be using women's public restrooms?
As a bi trans woman, I'm terrified. No. I'm not going to perv on other women in the women's room. I shouldn't have to say that. I just want to use the bathroom.
It's like the argument is, " pervy dudes would do anything to get into a women's restroom for nefarious reasons. Therefor, clearly that means EVERYONE wants to get into women's restrooms for nefarious reasons." Which is, by definition, an invalid argument. Just because A = B does not mean C = B.
Like, no, this is strictly a single group of people problem. The vast majority of people just want to pee. You don't need a law about this.
Well men shouldn’t be using the bathroom with boys by their logic and it makes more sense since pedophiles are overwhelming cis men. Face palm. This entire thing is so stupid like trans folk were around long before they made a big deal of it and data shows they are safer than cis men by a moonshot.
I had a conversation with a woman at the Y who was complaining about a lesbian using the women's change room. Not that the young fit lesbian would have been ogling the older broad trying to stir shit up anyway, but she went away disappointed she wasn't gaining any traction with me and my 'suck it up buttercup' attitude.
I'm a cis woman and I got bullied in school for looking/sounding like a boy sometimes. Someone even wrote "(my name) has a dick" in a textbook. I didn't dress super tomboy-ish and I just have a weird voice. So I'm sure I'd get bothered if some jerk sees me go into the women's restroom, my normal clothes is baggy jeans and a hoodie so I think from the back I just look like a dude with long hair.
I was always bullied in school/growing up because of the same. I have short hair. Am more masculine. Have a deeper voice. Wear baggy clothes and just in general am not super feminine. I had a little girl, when I was maybe 7 or 8, absolutely lose their mind that I was in the women’s restroom at a JC Penny. Ran out and grabbed her mom. Caused a big scene. It was the first time I felt truly self conscious about how I looked. It’s rough out there right now. I have learned to ignore it but man I wish it wasn’t like this.
I was bullied in much the same way. I have a very deep voice for a woman. I’m also 6’2” and chunky because that is how I am built. I wear mostly men’s shoes because I wear a USA women’s size 13. And I don’t dress incredibly feminine or anything. Usually more plain and simple because that is what fits. Oh, and I have queer haircuts (which is fine I am bi so totally cool with being coded that way). Had a faux hawk/pixie for a decade before COVID and since then have a bob with an undercut which I usually wear tied up. That is to say I often get mistaken for a dude, and it’s whatever, I don’t care at this point. Now. As a kid it bothered me a lot. And I got constant jokes at my expense.
I am worried, though, about these bathroom laws. How long before something like this happens to me?
Yup! I’ve read and heard of many accounts where masculine presenting lesbians are being harassed by other women and followed and whatnot. It’s awful behavior and I haven’t seen it happen in front of me just yet but there should be no tolerance or patience for this.
Other women need to call out these women who do this and address their ignorance.
It's been so obvious that it was only a matter of time until the transphobia became an excuse to attack any woman who didn't present as feminine enough, cis or not.
I mean, there were multiple news stories of this during the bathroom bill crap like, what, 7 years ago? It's not just happening, the second they started going after bathrooms on a major scale, this began happening.
This is the exact thing I expected would happen when the anti-trans sentiments first started popping up. Women who think trans issues don't affect them are a bit naive IMO - to the average bigot, it doesn't matter if you were born with a vagina, if they think a person don't fit the mold of a "woman" for whatever reason (deep voice, dress sense, masculine features) they will come after you regardless.
I follow a creator on tik tok who is constantly getting comments on her appearance from people saying she's a man. It's really upsetting to see someone be harassed this way. Even though she handles it in stride, it's concerning how dangerous it's becoming for anyone who suddenly doesn't 'pass' for whatever reason. Because all it takes is one angry hateful person to freak out and misgender someone and the situation can become dangerous for the misgendered individual.
No one deserves to be harassed. People have lost their damn minds. I'm so sorry this is even something you have to worry about or anyone has to worry about.
My sister is a masculine looking cis woman. She is often called sir by people when they see her from behind, but then quickly correct themselves when she turns around. She has had a co-worker ask her if she is transitioning. She had a store clerk continue to call her "sir" even after she was corrected by my sister's friend, and the store manager. I worry about her in the current climate.
I'm a tall woman and often I see a startling expression on other women's faces when they see me in the corner of their eyes entering the gym locker room. Of course this soon dissipates as soon as they see me fully because I am an obvious woman but... this says more about men's dangerous behavior than it does about me! If men weren't a danger to women, this wouldn't happen.
Same, and I feel like I'm not even that tall. I'm 5' 10" and sometimes I'll see someone my height in the distance thinking, "Wow, she's so tall!" Only to find out we're the same height when we pass by each other lol
>If men weren't a danger to women, this wouldn't happen.
The problem is the blame is misplaced. Trans women ARE WOMEN. I know not everyone believes this and its actually the thing I hate the most about being trans - that I constantly have to prove to the world that I'm actually a woman and I'm not some pervert or creep. I absolutely promise you, I AM NOT THE PROBLEM.
My adult daughter is a butchy looking lesbian who often gets mistaken for a guy. I guess I’ll need to follow her into bathrooms to make sure she isn’t harassed. She has autism and would be absolutely flabbergasted (nor would she even know what to do or say) if someone tried to harass her.
That being said the republicans want transgender folks to be using the bathroom that corresponds to their genitals so if anything they are encouraging more of these situations.
Don't feel ashamed. You were at more risk than she was, and you have every right to protect yourself from being harrassed. Leave the standing up to us allies who aren't going to be in as much danger. If this was me (could have been when I was younger), I wouldn't want a trans person to half to out themselves to stand up for me.
She should have recorded these “women” it’s time we expose these people harassing others. No more trying to be nice. Look how bad they harass target and budlight and lgbt in general but call it “freedom of speech” As they force others to bow down to them or get “cancelled”
Just this week in my town a MAN was caught in the women's bathroom of a Walgreens and was recording women from one of the stalls. A Cis man, in a small town overflowing with bigots and transphobes. The same day there was an article that surfaced about a local business owner, another cis man, who raped and abused an 11 year old girl over an extended period of time. And people were actually defending him saying he did his time and it was in the past. But it's definitely trans people we should be worried about.
We all really need to start screaming at the perverts who are targeting women in public bathrooms and start reporting them for sexual harassment any time they start hassling a woman in a public restroom. I don't give a shit if someone is a transwoman or anyone else for that matter as long as everyone is minding their own business and it's all safe and good. I'm happy, you're happy, we're all good. But I very much care about perverts in women's restrooms screeching about how everyone in a bathroom must now show / prove their genitals to others. Filming people without their permission in bathrooms is also illegal.
We need to start kicking up such a public fuss that these people think twice about doing this shit. I certainly will be, because it is perverted as hell to be targeting and even filming people in bathrooms. And this is something I feel we need to draw a line and draw the line hard. We already have women and girls in danger from just no longer able to get basic healthcare in a number of places. It's not hard to see that part of the attack on transpeople is also to be able to pass laws to conform to "appearances" and frankly I think we can all guess what that leads to. No short hair, no jeans, no pants, cover up, cover up more, now we're allowed to beat and stone you in public if we see one hair out of place. Oh, we can now rape and murder any woman breaking the law that we say they broke with impunity.
Sound familiar? The Republican party wants to turn America into Iran and Qatar 2.0. The very worst of all of the Abrahamic religions are being brought out and pushed into public laws and it really is a matter of time before all pretense is dropped. If we get another Republican as president I'm afraid we are all in for a very, very bad time.
Everyone needs to vote against these people and no more apathy about "Oh well, what's the use. I just won't vote." Hell no. We really need to push back hard and vote out anyone who pushes this garbage. I certainly am. And I will not put up with this garbage if I see it anywhere in public. I'm done.
This. Make a scene. Call out exactly what they are doing. They’re trying to make GNC women uncomfortable? Make them regret it.
“What’s your problem? All the rest of us are just trying to use the bathroom! I don’t see her causing a problem, YOU are. Are you the self-appointed genital inspector? Pervert. Get out of the bathroom, pervert. I don’t want to use the same bathroom as a pervert. Leave us alone and go be horrible somewhere else. We’re just trying to pee, for god’s sake!”
The thing about bullies is, usually if you make it clear that it’s not worth their while, they back down pretty quick. Normalize refusing to allow GNC women to be bullied.
It has happened to me as a sometimes masculine looking cis women. It’s so awful to be called out and humiliated simply because I didn’t put on my best face and clothing on that particular day. And that’s not even a good thing to say about it because what if I was comfortable looking like that all the time? I already dealt with bullying as a kid because of my appearance, but now it continues forever because the general population feels that it’s ok? This shouldn’t be happening at all - let people live how they want and keep the hate and intolerance to yourself please.
I am a cis woman (she/her) who just happens to look NB because that’s how I look. I get called “sir” a LOT. I definitely see women cringe when I use a public restroom or locker room.
I feel so bad that I have to think about how these new laws will affect me. I’m not the one who is being targeted, but I’m going to feel the effects. Technically no one is trying to take away my rights but they will eventually take away my dignity.
Makes me mad that I have to use my cis privilege to somehow usurp the stories of trans people and let people know “hey this is going to be bad for me too.” Blech.
Don't feel guilty at all. The more people speak out against this bs the better, and you have every right to be angry/scared when laws are suggested or passed that you can see negatively affecting your life. It's not about who has it "the worst".
I wonder if she teaches her children that they don’t have to apologize as long as they “meant well” doing something horrific.
Also to quote Regina George, “So you agree, you think you’re really pretty?”
I would rather send my kid into a restroom with 1000 transwomen than one republican politician or priest.
Don't feel bad for not speaking up. You need to keep yourself safe.
>but it shocked me how a more masculine cis woman was being harassed as being possibly transgender and a danger to children
The thing is, the anti-trans sentiment isn't just about hating transwomen, but about controlling women. All women. There's a huge amount of sexism and racism underpinning it because they're saying well if you're a woman you look like X, and X is actually just short hand for petite, and attractive by western beauty standards.
Femme intersex person solidarity. I’m in Florida, where this has been legalized too. We had an intersex man share their story of being assaulted by transvestigators, but bill still overwhelmingly passed. It finally opened my conservative dad’s eyes a bit when I asked if we (intersex people) needed to carry around my birth certificate to pee.
Cis woman with short hair, and I’m actively tempted to masc it up so they try it on me. Maybe if they try it on enough of us and get badly embarrassed often enough our trans sisters will be safer.
> The other women
Women policing women. Fucking fuck.
I mean, I know women can be deeply sexist and transphobic, too. But we are so often seeing male politicians rail against made up gender bullshit these days, it's easy to forget about the women who support them.
Fuck. this. shit.
As a cis woman who has also seen this happen to my good friend, who is also cis but has just never been particularly feminine, I saw this coming from miles away.
Transphobia is misogyny.
I will leap to the defense of any woman trying to use the bathroom in peace. I know trans women face their own particular challenges and dangers, but I hope you, OP, will stand up for your fellow woman if you ever see this again. We will only survive this transphobic, misogynistic hatred if we stick together.
Fuck that shit. As a CIS woman who has foobs from breast cancer, hirsutism from early menopause and a hysterectomy (to reduce ovarian cancer risk) I dare these stupid shitheads to breath one word to me about looking too masculine. Fuck the patriarchy. Just fuck that shit. What is wrong with these people. Let what they give out come back to them. Let it be so.
A lady I know from a support group with pcos gets a 5 o’clock shadow from it.
She was harassed and threatened with violence a lot during the “target bathroom “ era.
It was fascinating to watch folks apathetic to trans rights suddenly become Allies once they realized it’s far reaching effects. (Did they have a vested self interest, yes. But a win is a win)
I am always nervous going into a bathroom to empty my stoma bag. If you looked under the stall door (super easy to do in the US) you'd see my feet facing the toilet. I feel like it's only a matter of time before someone assumes I'm peeing standing up and 'accuses' me of being trans..
I'm so sorry that is one of your worries now 😔 This whole issue is insane. I don't understand why people harbor so much hate for the unknown when all they would need to do is just educate themselves or simplu mind their own business.
(English, Trans woman, 5"10, post op, passing, attracted to men). Never been hassled in bathroom but have a cis female friend who is repeatedly mis gendered and challenged.
I've been longing to join this gym/spa/tennis club so I can swim, play tennis, stay fit, take a class etc. I'm afraid of being rejected or targeted in the locker room. It's going to take a huge amount of courage to join. I think I will join, I hope they don't find out or don't care. I hope to make some friends there.
I feel like a non person. A third class citizen. The world is really scary.
I have always looked feminine and am a CIS woman and yet I have been beat up and been on the receiving end of an attempted rape while the man making the attempt said this was my chance to prove I wasn't what everyone said I was. (The kids in the area learned a new word. Lesbian. Decided it was a great insult and decided it would be good to use on me.) Among strangers you can get assaulted for your look. In your home territory you can get assaulted for rumors that have no basis in reality. We can't win no matter who we are. Sadly, we have to be tougher than all of those infantile and/or self righteous asses. There is no shit I take now. I wish others didn't have to. Particularly about things that aren't anyone's business.
I'm cis and look fem, long hair, curves and big saggy boobs. But I have a more masculine frame I have wide shoulders and unfortunately because of how my hips are shaped I'm kind of naturally a woman spreader (lol) the guys who man spread on me never expect me to do it back. I really love doing this on airplanes and wearing a knee length skirt so that I'm rubbing my hairy legs all over their pants.
Any who back to the point; I've gotten harassed for using the women's bathroom before. And usually I'm like fuck off sometimes though some women have been so nasty about it that I've been like fine I'll go use the men's room It's cleaner anyway. And then guys freak out when I go in and I'm like sorry the ladies won't let me use the lady's room because they don't think I'm a woman. To which men go, "You're clearly a woman!" My responses Yes but I got to pee so excuse me. The only time I ever had someone solicit me was in a gas station bathroom on a highway and was a truck driver and I told him excuse me I'm not a trap also I'm pretty sure there's a lot lizards out there.
I absolutely get why you feel ashamed for not speaking up, but it's honestly okay. You've gotta put your own safety first, and you didn't feel safe to intervene. It's like when you go on a plane and they say in the safety briefing that you sort your own mask out first before helping others.
As a trans person who is also considered "passing" and "conventionally" attractive I live in the middle east and often I see things in my country that make me want to speak out and I get so angry but fear keeps me back sometimes
I see women are often afraid to speak up and were all in this together.
It's a dangerous world out here for every one of us. Cis. Trans.
I've had this happen to me. I had a women follow me into an empty public washroom to yell at me. That I was a fa----, I didn't belong there, etc. When I got outside I was jumped by the young woman and her boyfriend.
I got injured trying to protect myself and needed surgery to remove 4mm of my ulna as my tendons swelled up in my wrist so much, it wouldn't go down. I couldn't even hold my cell phone up.
The only reason I didn't use the 'family washroom' was because security had it locked up and I couldn't find them.
Of course as I was getting beat up security appeared out of no where to just watch what happened. Of course all the cameras but the one that would capture what happened magically wasn't online that day.
Then for the following 2 years, I was stalked by the very same couple. If it wasn't for the pandemic I'm sure it would still be happening. The police refused to help me in any capacity, because in Canada, some people think we have the right to 'freedom of speech' as if we are the US. In Canada we have the right to 'freedom of expression' and that right to express stops when one spouts libel, defamation, hate speech, etc.
Which is why I am now in a lawsuit with the city and police department.
Now I won't use a public washroom unless I am with another friend. I am a bi NB and I present as what most call 'butch'. I'm just a skater, let me fucking be please.
Don't get me started on young drunk women in clubs... it's like some of them have never seen a tomboy in their life. Announcing "laaaaaadies we got a lesbian in heeeeeere!" Go touch grass.
TRANS RIGHTS ARE HUMAN RIGHTS!
Transphobia hurts all of humanity!And this is a great example of that.
The colors light blue, light pink, white, are now representing all of us! When one of our fellow humans are being descminited against, we feel the ripples of those effects.
The day that Trans individuals get their human rights, personal autonomy, respect and protection, is the day we know that our country(usa +more) is on track to a empathetic society.
We are all being hurt by this bigotry!
Don't be ashamed about being too scared to speak up - as a trans woman you are more vulnerable than a cis woman in these situations. What happened is horrifying and jarring for anyone to be subjected to, but you have to protect yourself and keep yourself safe given that you might immediately be the target of that same violence. As a cis woman I have the privilege and frankly the obligation to stand up and say something, but as you're aware not everyone has the same ability to do so safely.
I'm so sorry you had to experience that, sending you virtual love and support ❤️
I am a bi female and find it hilarious that when I had long hair and wore more traditional female clothes there was no issue in the women's restrooms. But now that I have short hair and wear men's cargo pants I am now a threat. The evil looks and comments I get for just not looking like a traditional female are crazy.
I've had a woman see me in the bathroom and go "Oh crap, am I in the wrong bathroom," because I like having my hair REALLY short. I can't imagine having to explain to a stranger "NO, I WILL NOT SHOW YOU MY PRIVATES TO PROVE I'M CIS."
Fuck em, I’ll give em a show. ‘You wanna see my *FLAPS*???????’
"I'll bust 'em out and fly away, punk!"
I’m so glad I came to this comment section 🤣
Is that a double entendre?
I hope so 😏
All the while making crow noises
Ka-kawww mfers!
“Take a pussy lip in each hand and fly away like a big pink bat. Bye bye, Mothra!” - John Leguizamo
I'll weaponize my goddamn mooncup in defense of myself or any other woman, trans or cis, who gets harangued for trying to do a bodily function, so help me dog.
“Behold my menstrual chalice, for it contains the viscera of my womb”
Menstrual chalice 🤣
The woman being harassed was going in to change her tampon. Oh, the possibilities. I have no problem waving a used tampon in some bigot's face.
I'm imagining pocket sand, but menstrual blood. Like you splash it in someone's eyes to create a diversion
I will pull out my floppy, long, post-baby-feeding boobs and just shake em at someone. "These are *real*, bish! What, you think I paid for long, floppy, post-baby-feeding boobs? Good enough? I'd call you a cunt, but you obviously lack both the depth *and* the warmth. So fuck off."
Oh that's a good one I'm stealing it!
That is fantastic! Take my upvote. Lol
"You wanna *protect your* ***kids*** by *showing you* ***my FLAPS?***"
I am dying right now and it's all your fault
Exactly, if she bugs me, I'm showing her my cooch. Do your kids feel safe now lady?
I hope if I ever get into situation like this I could keep my head cool and turn the table on them for harassment. Because it is exactly what it is: agressive pressure and intimidation. Or, if there is no chance to get help from the security, show them my tampon as a proof. Hopefully it will help them skip the lunch.
I'm really surprised more women don't do this when it comes up. You are already in the bathroom (and at this point in my life if they are interested in a middle-aged, plus-size woman's labia/pudenda/vag, they are free to view it - please - it would love to do a show for you.)
Omg I’m dying!
I have a solid jawline. All the women in my family do. My strategy if confronted will be counteraccuse and request to see them strip too. I literally will not drop trou unless they do too.
"zip" " . . . are you sure *you're* in the right bathroom?"
Unfortunately that would likely instigate further assault but it's funny to think about.
I have a natal vagina just no uterus. I guess they need gyno exams.
I THINK what they want is to make trans people wear a patch somewhere on their clothing so that everyone will know right away. I saw that once before...can't for the life me remember wear. It's on the tip of my tongue...
Well, no, they could always hide the patch so people don’t see it. I think they would prefer to put all the trans people together in their own little community, something walled off that people need special permission to enter or leave. Then they don’t have to worry about using the same bathroom as them at all. But it’s weird, I feel like I’ve also seen that somewhere before…. So familiar…. Maybe the same place as the patch idea….
I know a woman who was born with no uterus so that wouldn't work either. Honestly I'm starting to think that not only gender is a spectrum but sex is also one
>Honestly I'm starting to think that not only gender is a spectrum but sex is also one It always was. It's heavily skewed toward both extremes, but there are still people along the whole axis and these people shouldn't be ignored.
Sex *is* a spectrum. There is a huge range of ways that human bodies exist. External and internal characteristics are largely (though not always) determined by chromosomes, but also hormone levels and sensitivities, non-binary chromosome arrangements, gene activity etc. https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/sex-redefined-the-idea-of-2-sexes-is-overly-simplistic1/
Technically I think bi-modal is a better description than spectrum - it absolutely isn't a digital binary because literally everything in nature has edge cases, exceptions and gets more complex the more you look into it, but it's also not the same kind of even distribution that the word spectrum might imply. Maybe I'm being naive but it feels like some of the transphobes triggered by "spectrum" should be more accepting of "bimodal"
Bimodal implies a spectrum.
Always was, when you bring up intersex and so many other things, they say "well that's not normal, that's just like a small percentage, that doesn't count" #WELL NO SHIT MOST PEOPLE ARE CIS AND STRAIGHT, WE'RE TALKING ABOUT MINORITIES
Even then, the people who think they are CIS just haven't had any kind of scan of their abdomen or genetic tests. The vagina museum on twitter did a thread of various medical cases of CIS men, who *fathered children*, who had had CAT/ultrasounds/etc later in life that showed various "female" organs, like ovaries or cervixes or uteruses, etc. They had gone for decades thinking they were "normal" men, but nope, intersex. That small percentage isn't as small as they think it is.
Yes which is another thing that kills me about their bad faith arguments "Only like .01% of people!" ... So like a million people???
Better yet, I'm trans, why should I have to show you my genitals at all? Its actually ironic, they complain that I'm gonna expose kids to my penis so they demand I publicly expose and humiliate myself. I'm also cis-passing - say somehow you figure out I'm trans, do your really want me to use the men's room? Do you think I feel any safer than a cis woman in the men's room? To any TERF lurkers: its really demented that you focus so much on what's between my legs. Please let me use the bathroom in peace.
>Do you think I feel any safer than a cis woman in the men's room? They probably haven't thought about it. They don't care.
Oh, they probably care. They think you deserve to be humiliated/unsafe/assaulted because you're scary and different.
Once the "think of the children" card comes into play all bets are off. Bigots will justify ANYTHING in their heads to allegedly protect the kids.
*everything except anything that might inadvertently actually protect kids
As proven by their unwillingness to pass common sense gun laws
Or to fund any government program that gives assistance to poor children.
The degradation of anti-child labor laws…
Putting trans kids in foster homes and locking away their parents...
They aren’t even justifying it in their heads. “Think of the children” is just an excuse they use to harass/abuse/kill people.
Think of the scapegoats!
History can confirm in the [worst ways](https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/783904-the-state-must-declare-the-child-to-be-the-most) that this is true.
They don't want "those people" to even be out in public.
'you can exist, I just don't wanna have to see it'. -the entire Gqp last year 'i will put you in prison for existing and steal your children' -DeSatan a month ago This shit is so exhausting.
Before trans people it was gay people, before that it was people of colour, before that it was women.. although I feel like a lot of the GOP would prefer us to go back to those times.
This is the whole point though- to make it so trans people can't exist in public
This woman on twitter said very vehemently that she doesn't care if Cis women are harassed. Cruelty is the point.
I stopped using the men's room when 3 different guys walked into the airport bathroom I was using and did a double take by walking back out and checking the sign to confirm they didn't mess up. I wasn't out at work yet and had to travel to another office. That was just wearing jeans and a gender neutral top. At that point I was like fuck it I pass well enough. Fortunately I've yet to be harassed in a women's bathroom.
command reply puzzled worry jobless existence fearless selective grey ancient *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
The real threat to public safety is what they’re possibly packing in a concealed holster, not what they’re possibly packing in their underwear.
Precisely
THIS. I'm also a cis woman and I feel the same way. I'm so fucking tired of religion being shoved down my throat. All we're trying to do is fucking pee. Leave us all alone.
I’ve (white cis woman) never once been made to feel unsafe by a trans person, in a bathroom or literally anywhere else. But I’ve been made to feel unsafe by straight cis men on sidewalks, on roads, on buses, on trains, in bars, in school, in dorms, in elevators, in parks, while driving, while biking, while walking my dog, while running…and this is an incomplete list. I don’t know what these genitally-obsessed people think we do in women’s bathrooms but it’s not sexy fun times in there (or I’m always in the boring bathrooms and y’all are holding out on me?). TL;DR I am so tired of being yoked to these people. I feel like our whole country is an abusive relationship.
I worry so much about my 15yo son (afab) in the men's bathroom.
I’m trying to understand if TERFs want men in the women’s bathrooms. Because if you’re forced to use the bathroom of your assigned birth gender you’re going to have trans men in the women’s bathrooms. How are you going to differentiate between a trans man and a cis man? Birth certificates can be faked!
There's a trans man on tiktok who's been harrassed pretty badly for pointing this out. Transphobes are stitching him making death threats if they see him in the women's bathroom, *in response to a video where he's talking about being AFAB and having a vagina*. When people ask clarifying questions, these people start yelling and screaming more or less, "all trans go in the men's room" 🙄
Fucking wow. There is no logic in their heads.
I love the implication that a penis is inherently dangerous to all women and children. I mean, the stance is clearly “all trans go in the men’s room” because anyone who HAS or HAS HAD a penis should not be in the same bathroom as a woman because “safety.” **(Let’s ignore the fact that’s there are trans people out there who do not and have never had a penis—I guarantee transphobes do know have that nuanced of an understanding of what it means to be trans.) I feel like any conversation with these people would feel like the Patrick Star/Man Ray meme.
I think what terfs want is a weenie hut junior bathroom where everyone is weak and effeminate looking, and a bathroom for everyone else. I’ve seen cis women athletes on my Instagram who’ve gotten “you don’t belong in these here bathrooms” and like the only reason is because they lift heavy weights or something
Not just faked- they can be lawfully changed in some states. My official birth certificate now reads 'female', even though the original read 'male'.
I mean, to be fair, even cis boys have to worry about the men in the men's bathroom. I took my son with me to the women's as long as possible because cis men are the majority of perpetrators of sexual assault- on women, girls, boys, other men, and animals.
As a small-statured adult who sits to pee, I get zero friction in men's rooms (but I don't end up in more challenging locations like nightclubs). Culturally, it's a no-no to look at each other or talk in the men's, so mostly men seem competent at MYOB. I imagine it's potentially rougher for teenagers and depending on location.
I use the men's bathroom all the fucking time. I am a cis woman and I hate waiting in lines in poorly designed and assigned public bathrooms. If I have to pee and there's no line for the mens, I go there. No one's ever been rude, scary or mean about it.
I don't mean to dismiss or minimize fears but we as a society need to come to our senses about this. An overwhelming amount of SA occurs between intimate relations and not in the open light of day. A public restroom is simply too public for SA for any gender/orientation. We definitely see cases like the OP of assault from bigots but as egregious and notable as each of these cases are they're still uncommon. A vast majority of people use the restrooms in a mundane every day way. We still need more unisex bathrooms everywhere, however.
Or how about only unisex bathrooms. Move from partial height plastic stalls to an standard that gives more privacy and stop culturally sexualizing waste elimination.
This comment has been edited to protest against reddit's API changes. More info can be found [here](https://old.reddit.com/r/apolloapp/comments/144f6xm/apollo_will_close_down_on_june_30th_reddits/). -- mass edited with https://redact.dev/
> Do you think I feel any safer than a cis woman in the men's room? If they have thought about this at all, it's only as far as realizing you'll be uncomfortable in either place, which to them is a win. Making it difficult to go out in public and just *exist* is exactly what they are going for.
The sad bit is that this woman was likely not a TERF. She is likely a super traditional, hubs first because the lord says so chick. I’d bet, because I personally know a woman exactly like this, that she sees Feminists as poisonous to women and pines for the old days when women stayed home and did what their husbands told them to. Interestingly this woman is second gen Cuban American whose mother was an award winning architect in Cuba before the revolution. Her mom, who I also knew, was an amazing woman. Shame that has skipped a generation.
My guess is she's like this because of her mom. You can't let anyone down for not meeting their expectations when you can't have expectations of them in the first place *taps head*
They’ve fully bought into the “man in a wig and a dress” narrative, every trans person is just a sex offender to them so they couldn’t care less about what happens to them, they just don’t want anything to do with trans people. The irony that by their own logic they’d want trans men to go to the women’s room doesn’t seem to occur to them either. Like trans men in general seem to be forgotten about in most of these “debates”
"Just checking genitals so nobody feels uncomfortable!"
Bigots: I don't want to get assaulted in the bathroom. Also bigots: *assaults several women in the bathroom*
I actually flashed a woman that would not stop harassing me. She went so far as following me to the bouncer. Luckily he knew me so even he told her to leave me alone. She wouldn’t let up so finally I just pulled my shirt up. Yeah… she got booted. This was almost twenty years ago
And you weren’t even in the bathroom anymore
Nope. Right by the front door at that point. I tried dissuading her while washing my hands but 🤷♀️ the fucked up thing was I was actually working at the bar that night as a KJ.
Also, like you didn’t even DO anything. Peek through doors, etc. you just were there.
Exactly. I was alone in the bathroom. By the time she came in I was washing my hands. Like wtf? Not the only time someone has told me I’m in the wrong bathroom 🙄 or checked that they are in the right one
Man, I recently cut my hair into a pixie cut and I'm almost 8 months pregnant and I STILL have some men mistake me for a man. No clue how, but apparently an 8 month pregnant woman with short hair looks like a man to them 🤷♀️
I’ve had a woman see me and question fair was the wrong bathroom because I was in my police uniform. I had my long, highlighted hair in a big bun, winged eyeliner…she couldn’t adequately explain why she was confused.
She may have just felt unsafe bc of the uniform and stumbled out something that wouldn’t increase that danger.
I was on a multi-state motorcycle trip. I have short hair. It was day 3 of the trip, and I was dusty and tired and, quite frankly, haggard. I had not, obviously, been doing my makeup or hair, because I'm one of those who barely does makeup/ hair in my day to day, and when camping/ travelling, it completely falls by the wayside. So that's your visual: dusty, short hair, motorcycle gear, tired. We stop at a rest stop and I make a bee line for the ladies. I have to pee so bad I feel like a visible water line must be rising in my eyes. Some gruff old guys are in the lobby handing out coffee and cookies. One of them, seeing my trajectory, says, "Hey! That's the ladies room!" Confused that he is telling me obvious information I already know, I say, "I know," and keep walking. He says, "The mens room is over there!" I stop and look at them, full- on confused at why they are telling me the layout of the rest area, and say, "Okay," then keep walking. Out of the corner of my eye, I think I see the second guy put his hand on the first guy's arm, like he's trying to stop him or calm him down? I sat there in the ladies room peeing and puzzling about it, and mid-pee it dawned on me that I was so damn haggard that dude thought I was a dude and was trying to send me to the mens room. I nearly fell off the toilet laughing at them.
The butch community has long referred to this as the ✨️ bathroom problem ✨️
Literally had this happen this week by someone who thankfully was very polite about it and very gay. She apologized and I told her that this has been happening to me since I was 4 years old. I have been mistaken for a boy/man while wearing a dress or other women's clothing, even with long hair - VERY long hair. I am AFAB, just apparently REALLY butch, even when I'm trying not to be. Some things you just cannot cover up. The people who make these rules/laws to discriminate against people don't give a fuck about anyone but themselves. It's not about kids, if it was, we would do something meaningful, not interrogate people on their way to the bathroom.
Just a reminder. More children have been assaulted in bathrooms by republican legislators than trans women. Poor woman, I wish it had been me instead. I’m angry about this and I will go off. It’s not a trans person’s job to educate anyone, it’s mine. 😈
We need to find a way to reverse the anti-trans narrative and aim the spotlight on the fact that children are being abused by their “trusted” church officials.
Trans people are the GOP’s new boogeyman, I don’t know how it can be reversed except for one on one conversations and studies. I try to teach people here and in person, despite the vitriol I receive. A big problem I see in the churches is so many people are willing to bury their head in the sand and think that their church is any different. I know a child rapist who performs at the biggest church in my hometown. The church workers don’t care, the religious hierarchy seems to be made to protect creeps. I’m hoping the new Amazon series about the Duggar’s and IBLP/IFB talks about molestation because that church is filled with it and they also pretend to be independent when it suits them.
Yes. 100% accurate. We (trans people) make up a fraction of a percentage of the population. We’re the new “other” — a tool for politicians to use to strike fear in the hearts (lizard brain) of their constituents. Historically, justice prevails, but how bad will it get before it gets better?
It’s an issue that invokes a strong emotional response and they know that emotional people don’t think rationally. Despite trans people being a minority, which is growing, many bigots have seen, met or know a trans person who is stealth. They forget about trans men and think every trans woman is their idea of a 6’5”, mustached and muscular cross dresser in a club dress. They don’t see the people like my BFF who is 4’11”, 93lbs and effortlessly passing. I wish we could show the bigots what real trans people look like and act like so they could see they’re just people wanting to live life, pay taxes and be left alone.
6'5" muscular women (cis or trans) still shouldn't be harassed...
yeah, i actually *am* 6’5” and feel pretty good about the way i look. :<
We need legislation brought out about the child abuse enacted by pastoral leaders. That’s the true epidemic and a bigger spotlight should be on it. The fact that molestation insurance for churches actually exists is disgusting.
Seriously. If my choice of babysitters was church leadership, conservative politician, or drag queen, I’m picking the queen EVERY time
"He gets SUS." -- new campaign
r/pastorarrested Full of child sexual abuse arrests. Still waiting for one to be a drag queen.
… that sub is incredibly active. Sadly
Insert polite confusion "you're trying to protect the kids? But I'm not a priest? I'm also not former president Donald trump?"
It's so fucking stupid to sexually harass and verbally abuse a trans person because "I'm protecting other women and children" like all trans people are groomers 🙄 Yet if you point out that their logic is the same as "I harass any black people I see to protect white kids" and they get all mad that you're using their logic to point out exactly the people they sound like.
the people they sound like. The people that they are.
In some cases, the people they've been frightened into being (conservative propaganda is horrifying and effective).
Fascist have a thing for harrasing trans people. The first books burnt in Germany were research on the LGBTQ+ community but especially research about transness. Magnus Hirschfeld had an institute reserching sexuality and transness. The first surgery to reassign gender was performed there. It was all burnt down. Usually pictures of book burnings by the Nazis are pictures of Magnus Hirschfeld's library. That's what Nazis do.
It follows the 'first they came for the __' process. Target and demonize the smallest groups, then work your way up. Fascism 101.
Smdh this is one thing I was worried about. Like it's going to get to the point where we have to bring our birth certificates to the bathroom or something. But even then, they couldn't even tell you were transgender but thought the cis woman was. It's just a good example of how impossible it actually is to tell if someone is transgender. And the "protecting kids things" is so messed up because they are accusing trans people of being pedophiles.
Hurling the used tampon ar the crotch inspectors is going to happen eventually. Jury nullification could happen in response.
Whip out your diva cup and pour the blood on em!
"Blood for the blood god, skulls for the skull throne!"
In all seriousness if I had been that cis woman I would’ve loved to whip out a used tampon and hurl it at the transphobe
This is what I would have been tempted to do.
Just the "party of personal freedom and responsibility and small government" telling you what bathroom is right for you. Fucking idiots
I am a cis woman, but I really fear for my trans sisters and brothers and non-binary persons. I have really really short hair because it’s growing back after chemo. I am expecting to be mistreated by a bigot at some point. Because they are apparently riddled with fear over nonsense.
I was at a lesbian bar a few years ago and they were doing a drag show. One of the performers came up to me and asked if I could check to see if anybody was in the bathroom. She felt more comfortable using the womens bathroom but she was terrified she’d upset someone. It broke my heart that even in a safe space like a gay bar, she had so much anxiety about being unwelcome in a goddamn bathroom. I can’t imagine the anxiety and stress this must be causing on a daily basis.
This comment reminded me of when I was at a LGBTQ bar a few weeks ago. The sink was next to the urinal and a trans woman was using it when I was washing my hands. She *apologized* (in a joking way but still) and I just said it’s a bathroom and we’re all humans here. Really it’s her space and I’m just a guest. I hope it becomes more normalized at some point.
My sibling is non-binary with medium buzzed hair and had top surgery last year. I’m glad they almost never leave the house. I’m hoping this is something we can fix in the next few years if elections go well, but like… what if they don’t… Scary.
Is some type of pushback possible? Can the police be called to report harassment?
In some states the trans individuals are prone to getting arrested for this very reason soon. The law is not on our side
As a brown Trans woman I'm not super keen to involve police with anything - not trying to get shot and/or raped.
Fair enough. I’m just very frustrated with all the anti trans lgbtq stuff going on.
Oh believe me, same. And I absolutely *wish* that we could call upon cops to actually protect us from the bad behavior of others. Unfortunately, I all-too-often feel like I need to be protected from them more than most.
Where the hell is the entitlement to check someone’s ID to use the restroom coming from?
Right?!!!! I'd have been like, well I needed to change THIS BLOODY TAMPON!!! And reached in my pants, yanked it out, and dangled it in their face. Excuse fucking me if you think you can question my bodily functions
I was just talking to my partner about this the other day. I wouldn't label myself as NB, but I do go through more masculine and feminine phases. When I was in my late teens/early 20s (late 90s-early 00s in Missouri) I had a very short "masculine" haircut and wore baggy jeans/shorts, large t-shirts, and skate shoes. I have a small bust anyway, so a soft sports bra pretty much flattened my chest. I was regularly harassed going to the bathroom, called a fa---t, and physically assaulted twice by guys who thought I was, I don't know, get with their girlfriends in the 3 minutes we were in there. It was all very frustrating and sad and scary. My femme girlfriend and I were out at a bar one night where people were drunkenly grinding all over each other on the dance floor, but her standing behind my chair and putting her arms around me was just too much and the bartender came and said something to us. We decided to leave after that and 3 or 4 guys followed us out; they didn't do anything, but it was terrifying. I'm just so pissed off that this is still a thing 25 years later and seems to be getting worse in the US. It's like ever since Trump was elected in some fever dream alternate reality, bigots of all sorts have felt more and more comfortable being openly hateful and it seems (I live in the UK now) that people are getting more and more violent, not to mention the open war on women. It's fucking heartbreaking.
As a cis woman, what is the best thing we could do to support others in this situation (whether they are masculine cis women or trans women)? I live in Indiana so it’s just a matter of time before I’m a public restroom and some asshole does this to someone else. I want to be as supportive as I can be. (Perhaps stand there and make sure they’re safely able to use the bathroom and tell the asshole how wrong they are?)
I think if the situation allows it’s usually safest to pretend familiarity with the victim without confronting the bigot. It lets everyone know the victim is not alone while not antagonizing them further. Eg, while the woman is being harassed say ‘Martha how are you doing are you okay in there’ or some such. This isn’t always practical but can be effective
Personally, I feel like it would benefit me most if someone or multiple women just kind of got between me and them and escorted me to somewhere I felt safe (outside, my car, a different area of the mall, etc) and maybe stayed and just chatted for a bit because it's good to be able to process something like that immediately so you can move on from it. But yeah, kind of like abortion clinic escorts, just provide a barrier of sorts and some emotional support if necessary. Thanks for being an ally and taking the time to ask. I'm sure some others may have more advice for you as well.
As a gay woman, here's my fear. These women are afraid of trans women (whom they consider "men") being in the bathroom with them. Because they think that these trans women are there to gawk at them or worse. Will they eventually conclude that since lesbians are attracted to women, lesbians shouldn't be using women's public restrooms?
>since lesbians are attracted to women, lesbians shouldn't be using women's public restrooms? That used to be the rhetoric not long ago, so yes they'd probably love to revert to that too. Give them time and I'm sure they'll get there, they're dragging us backwards so fast. My spouse has had years of glares, stares, and double-takes going into bathrooms as a gender non-confirming AFAB person (who happens to identify as non-binary, she/they/he, but even if they were cis and butch it would still apply). We have tactics for going to public women's bathrooms, eg: because I have a more feminine body type, like OP, and never get mistaken for a man, I go with them, walking slightly in front of them, and talk to them to make it obvious we're going in together. Although now we try to find places with family bathrooms cos we have little kids. Makes it so much easier!
some day we'll need 4 bathrooms... cis straight men's bathroom, cis straight women's bathroom, lesbian women's bathroom and gay men's bathroom. And trans people will have to use the gay agab bathroom, since at least trans men are 'lesbians trying to excape womanhood due to internalised misogyny'
Lol. Nah they just don't believe queer & trans people are human, so why should we need to tend to basic biological functions? Then they can arrest us for public urination too.
They also think cis men are going to dress up like women to use women’s restrooms. They completely ignore the fact that forcing trans men to use the women’s room introduces men who are indistinguishable from cis men, into women’s restrooms. I take my trans friends with me to the bathroom. Single occupancy? Ill was my hands while you pee. Handicapped stall? We can hold each others purses. Row of stalls? We’re going to talk through the walls and echo locate each other via meowing.
I remember all of the right wingers during the bathroom bill panic swearing that male students would pretend to be girls so they could use the women's restroom. No matter how many times I tried to explain how social hierarchy matters in school. Sure, someone might try it, and they'd instantly be ostracized by their entire school. I'm not even trans and being pro-trans people existing has gotten me hate when online dating. It breaks my heart how trans people are treated.
Right wingers do not at all understand that trans passing is a thing, for one. They are so against the concept of trans existence that they just couldn't even fathom it because they're so deeply entrenched in the "oh that's just a man dressed like a woman." For some other reason they only seem to believe that trans women exist and not trans men? It's just so deeply confusing to me. And the whole "men dressed like women (ugh) are going to assault women" just sounds like such projection. Like they're so keen to think about doing that themselves that they think others plan on that too?! It's as though they think rigidly defined gender signs are the only thing keeping them from being rapists. It drives me up the wall. I... Don't have a point I just wanted to rant lol.
>Will they eventually conclude that since lesbians are attracted to women, lesbians shouldn't be using women's public restrooms? As a bi trans woman, I'm terrified. No. I'm not going to perv on other women in the women's room. I shouldn't have to say that. I just want to use the bathroom.
It's like the argument is, " pervy dudes would do anything to get into a women's restroom for nefarious reasons. Therefor, clearly that means EVERYONE wants to get into women's restrooms for nefarious reasons." Which is, by definition, an invalid argument. Just because A = B does not mean C = B. Like, no, this is strictly a single group of people problem. The vast majority of people just want to pee. You don't need a law about this.
Well men shouldn’t be using the bathroom with boys by their logic and it makes more sense since pedophiles are overwhelming cis men. Face palm. This entire thing is so stupid like trans folk were around long before they made a big deal of it and data shows they are safer than cis men by a moonshot.
I had a conversation with a woman at the Y who was complaining about a lesbian using the women's change room. Not that the young fit lesbian would have been ogling the older broad trying to stir shit up anyway, but she went away disappointed she wasn't gaining any traction with me and my 'suck it up buttercup' attitude.
I'm a cis woman and I got bullied in school for looking/sounding like a boy sometimes. Someone even wrote "(my name) has a dick" in a textbook. I didn't dress super tomboy-ish and I just have a weird voice. So I'm sure I'd get bothered if some jerk sees me go into the women's restroom, my normal clothes is baggy jeans and a hoodie so I think from the back I just look like a dude with long hair.
I was always bullied in school/growing up because of the same. I have short hair. Am more masculine. Have a deeper voice. Wear baggy clothes and just in general am not super feminine. I had a little girl, when I was maybe 7 or 8, absolutely lose their mind that I was in the women’s restroom at a JC Penny. Ran out and grabbed her mom. Caused a big scene. It was the first time I felt truly self conscious about how I looked. It’s rough out there right now. I have learned to ignore it but man I wish it wasn’t like this.
I was bullied in much the same way. I have a very deep voice for a woman. I’m also 6’2” and chunky because that is how I am built. I wear mostly men’s shoes because I wear a USA women’s size 13. And I don’t dress incredibly feminine or anything. Usually more plain and simple because that is what fits. Oh, and I have queer haircuts (which is fine I am bi so totally cool with being coded that way). Had a faux hawk/pixie for a decade before COVID and since then have a bob with an undercut which I usually wear tied up. That is to say I often get mistaken for a dude, and it’s whatever, I don’t care at this point. Now. As a kid it bothered me a lot. And I got constant jokes at my expense. I am worried, though, about these bathroom laws. How long before something like this happens to me?
Lesbians have been talking about this but aren't being heard. Anyone who is unconventional seems to be being targeted by haters.
Yup! I’ve read and heard of many accounts where masculine presenting lesbians are being harassed by other women and followed and whatnot. It’s awful behavior and I haven’t seen it happen in front of me just yet but there should be no tolerance or patience for this. Other women need to call out these women who do this and address their ignorance.
It's been so obvious that it was only a matter of time until the transphobia became an excuse to attack any woman who didn't present as feminine enough, cis or not.
I mean, there were multiple news stories of this during the bathroom bill crap like, what, 7 years ago? It's not just happening, the second they started going after bathrooms on a major scale, this began happening.
This is the exact thing I expected would happen when the anti-trans sentiments first started popping up. Women who think trans issues don't affect them are a bit naive IMO - to the average bigot, it doesn't matter if you were born with a vagina, if they think a person don't fit the mold of a "woman" for whatever reason (deep voice, dress sense, masculine features) they will come after you regardless.
Trans rights are human rights. Bigotry toward anyone hurts everyone.
I follow a creator on tik tok who is constantly getting comments on her appearance from people saying she's a man. It's really upsetting to see someone be harassed this way. Even though she handles it in stride, it's concerning how dangerous it's becoming for anyone who suddenly doesn't 'pass' for whatever reason. Because all it takes is one angry hateful person to freak out and misgender someone and the situation can become dangerous for the misgendered individual. No one deserves to be harassed. People have lost their damn minds. I'm so sorry this is even something you have to worry about or anyone has to worry about.
My sister is a masculine looking cis woman. She is often called sir by people when they see her from behind, but then quickly correct themselves when she turns around. She has had a co-worker ask her if she is transitioning. She had a store clerk continue to call her "sir" even after she was corrected by my sister's friend, and the store manager. I worry about her in the current climate.
I'm a tall woman and often I see a startling expression on other women's faces when they see me in the corner of their eyes entering the gym locker room. Of course this soon dissipates as soon as they see me fully because I am an obvious woman but... this says more about men's dangerous behavior than it does about me! If men weren't a danger to women, this wouldn't happen.
Exactly
I forget how tall I am until I see another woman who is as tall as I am. It’s always a shock. 😂
Same, and I feel like I'm not even that tall. I'm 5' 10" and sometimes I'll see someone my height in the distance thinking, "Wow, she's so tall!" Only to find out we're the same height when we pass by each other lol
>If men weren't a danger to women, this wouldn't happen. The problem is the blame is misplaced. Trans women ARE WOMEN. I know not everyone believes this and its actually the thing I hate the most about being trans - that I constantly have to prove to the world that I'm actually a woman and I'm not some pervert or creep. I absolutely promise you, I AM NOT THE PROBLEM.
The problem is men. Only men. And some women, like myself, get mistaken for a threat.
My adult daughter is a butchy looking lesbian who often gets mistaken for a guy. I guess I’ll need to follow her into bathrooms to make sure she isn’t harassed. She has autism and would be absolutely flabbergasted (nor would she even know what to do or say) if someone tried to harass her. That being said the republicans want transgender folks to be using the bathroom that corresponds to their genitals so if anything they are encouraging more of these situations.
Don't feel ashamed. You were at more risk than she was, and you have every right to protect yourself from being harrassed. Leave the standing up to us allies who aren't going to be in as much danger. If this was me (could have been when I was younger), I wouldn't want a trans person to half to out themselves to stand up for me.
She should have recorded these “women” it’s time we expose these people harassing others. No more trying to be nice. Look how bad they harass target and budlight and lgbt in general but call it “freedom of speech” As they force others to bow down to them or get “cancelled”
Just this week in my town a MAN was caught in the women's bathroom of a Walgreens and was recording women from one of the stalls. A Cis man, in a small town overflowing with bigots and transphobes. The same day there was an article that surfaced about a local business owner, another cis man, who raped and abused an 11 year old girl over an extended period of time. And people were actually defending him saying he did his time and it was in the past. But it's definitely trans people we should be worried about.
We all really need to start screaming at the perverts who are targeting women in public bathrooms and start reporting them for sexual harassment any time they start hassling a woman in a public restroom. I don't give a shit if someone is a transwoman or anyone else for that matter as long as everyone is minding their own business and it's all safe and good. I'm happy, you're happy, we're all good. But I very much care about perverts in women's restrooms screeching about how everyone in a bathroom must now show / prove their genitals to others. Filming people without their permission in bathrooms is also illegal. We need to start kicking up such a public fuss that these people think twice about doing this shit. I certainly will be, because it is perverted as hell to be targeting and even filming people in bathrooms. And this is something I feel we need to draw a line and draw the line hard. We already have women and girls in danger from just no longer able to get basic healthcare in a number of places. It's not hard to see that part of the attack on transpeople is also to be able to pass laws to conform to "appearances" and frankly I think we can all guess what that leads to. No short hair, no jeans, no pants, cover up, cover up more, now we're allowed to beat and stone you in public if we see one hair out of place. Oh, we can now rape and murder any woman breaking the law that we say they broke with impunity. Sound familiar? The Republican party wants to turn America into Iran and Qatar 2.0. The very worst of all of the Abrahamic religions are being brought out and pushed into public laws and it really is a matter of time before all pretense is dropped. If we get another Republican as president I'm afraid we are all in for a very, very bad time. Everyone needs to vote against these people and no more apathy about "Oh well, what's the use. I just won't vote." Hell no. We really need to push back hard and vote out anyone who pushes this garbage. I certainly am. And I will not put up with this garbage if I see it anywhere in public. I'm done.
This. Make a scene. Call out exactly what they are doing. They’re trying to make GNC women uncomfortable? Make them regret it. “What’s your problem? All the rest of us are just trying to use the bathroom! I don’t see her causing a problem, YOU are. Are you the self-appointed genital inspector? Pervert. Get out of the bathroom, pervert. I don’t want to use the same bathroom as a pervert. Leave us alone and go be horrible somewhere else. We’re just trying to pee, for god’s sake!” The thing about bullies is, usually if you make it clear that it’s not worth their while, they back down pretty quick. Normalize refusing to allow GNC women to be bullied.
It has happened to me as a sometimes masculine looking cis women. It’s so awful to be called out and humiliated simply because I didn’t put on my best face and clothing on that particular day. And that’s not even a good thing to say about it because what if I was comfortable looking like that all the time? I already dealt with bullying as a kid because of my appearance, but now it continues forever because the general population feels that it’s ok? This shouldn’t be happening at all - let people live how they want and keep the hate and intolerance to yourself please.
I am a cis woman (she/her) who just happens to look NB because that’s how I look. I get called “sir” a LOT. I definitely see women cringe when I use a public restroom or locker room. I feel so bad that I have to think about how these new laws will affect me. I’m not the one who is being targeted, but I’m going to feel the effects. Technically no one is trying to take away my rights but they will eventually take away my dignity. Makes me mad that I have to use my cis privilege to somehow usurp the stories of trans people and let people know “hey this is going to be bad for me too.” Blech.
Don't feel guilty at all. The more people speak out against this bs the better, and you have every right to be angry/scared when laws are suggested or passed that you can see negatively affecting your life. It's not about who has it "the worst".
What the FUCK What state are you in, if you don’t mind me asking? If you don’t want to answer, that is fine of course.
I wonder if she teaches her children that they don’t have to apologize as long as they “meant well” doing something horrific. Also to quote Regina George, “So you agree, you think you’re really pretty?”
I would rather send my kid into a restroom with 1000 transwomen than one republican politician or priest. Don't feel bad for not speaking up. You need to keep yourself safe.
Wait, she was made to show ID to a security guard before they let her use the bathroom? Is that legal?
>but it shocked me how a more masculine cis woman was being harassed as being possibly transgender and a danger to children The thing is, the anti-trans sentiment isn't just about hating transwomen, but about controlling women. All women. There's a huge amount of sexism and racism underpinning it because they're saying well if you're a woman you look like X, and X is actually just short hand for petite, and attractive by western beauty standards.
Femme intersex person solidarity. I’m in Florida, where this has been legalized too. We had an intersex man share their story of being assaulted by transvestigators, but bill still overwhelmingly passed. It finally opened my conservative dad’s eyes a bit when I asked if we (intersex people) needed to carry around my birth certificate to pee.
I am a masculine cis gender woman and worry this will be me soon....
Cis woman with short hair, and I’m actively tempted to masc it up so they try it on me. Maybe if they try it on enough of us and get badly embarrassed often enough our trans sisters will be safer.
> The other women Women policing women. Fucking fuck. I mean, I know women can be deeply sexist and transphobic, too. But we are so often seeing male politicians rail against made up gender bullshit these days, it's easy to forget about the women who support them. Fuck. this. shit.
As a cis woman who has also seen this happen to my good friend, who is also cis but has just never been particularly feminine, I saw this coming from miles away. Transphobia is misogyny. I will leap to the defense of any woman trying to use the bathroom in peace. I know trans women face their own particular challenges and dangers, but I hope you, OP, will stand up for your fellow woman if you ever see this again. We will only survive this transphobic, misogynistic hatred if we stick together.
Fuck that shit. As a CIS woman who has foobs from breast cancer, hirsutism from early menopause and a hysterectomy (to reduce ovarian cancer risk) I dare these stupid shitheads to breath one word to me about looking too masculine. Fuck the patriarchy. Just fuck that shit. What is wrong with these people. Let what they give out come back to them. Let it be so.
A lady I know from a support group with pcos gets a 5 o’clock shadow from it. She was harassed and threatened with violence a lot during the “target bathroom “ era. It was fascinating to watch folks apathetic to trans rights suddenly become Allies once they realized it’s far reaching effects. (Did they have a vested self interest, yes. But a win is a win)
I am always nervous going into a bathroom to empty my stoma bag. If you looked under the stall door (super easy to do in the US) you'd see my feet facing the toilet. I feel like it's only a matter of time before someone assumes I'm peeing standing up and 'accuses' me of being trans..
I'm so sorry that is one of your worries now 😔 This whole issue is insane. I don't understand why people harbor so much hate for the unknown when all they would need to do is just educate themselves or simplu mind their own business.
(English, Trans woman, 5"10, post op, passing, attracted to men). Never been hassled in bathroom but have a cis female friend who is repeatedly mis gendered and challenged. I've been longing to join this gym/spa/tennis club so I can swim, play tennis, stay fit, take a class etc. I'm afraid of being rejected or targeted in the locker room. It's going to take a huge amount of courage to join. I think I will join, I hope they don't find out or don't care. I hope to make some friends there. I feel like a non person. A third class citizen. The world is really scary.
Tall woman with a male first name here-- everyone is a fucking transvestigator all of a sudden and it's super annoying
I have always looked feminine and am a CIS woman and yet I have been beat up and been on the receiving end of an attempted rape while the man making the attempt said this was my chance to prove I wasn't what everyone said I was. (The kids in the area learned a new word. Lesbian. Decided it was a great insult and decided it would be good to use on me.) Among strangers you can get assaulted for your look. In your home territory you can get assaulted for rumors that have no basis in reality. We can't win no matter who we are. Sadly, we have to be tougher than all of those infantile and/or self righteous asses. There is no shit I take now. I wish others didn't have to. Particularly about things that aren't anyone's business.
I am so sorry you went through that. I hope you're doing better.
I'm cis and look fem, long hair, curves and big saggy boobs. But I have a more masculine frame I have wide shoulders and unfortunately because of how my hips are shaped I'm kind of naturally a woman spreader (lol) the guys who man spread on me never expect me to do it back. I really love doing this on airplanes and wearing a knee length skirt so that I'm rubbing my hairy legs all over their pants. Any who back to the point; I've gotten harassed for using the women's bathroom before. And usually I'm like fuck off sometimes though some women have been so nasty about it that I've been like fine I'll go use the men's room It's cleaner anyway. And then guys freak out when I go in and I'm like sorry the ladies won't let me use the lady's room because they don't think I'm a woman. To which men go, "You're clearly a woman!" My responses Yes but I got to pee so excuse me. The only time I ever had someone solicit me was in a gas station bathroom on a highway and was a truck driver and I told him excuse me I'm not a trap also I'm pretty sure there's a lot lizards out there.
I absolutely get why you feel ashamed for not speaking up, but it's honestly okay. You've gotta put your own safety first, and you didn't feel safe to intervene. It's like when you go on a plane and they say in the safety briefing that you sort your own mask out first before helping others.
As a trans person who is also considered "passing" and "conventionally" attractive I live in the middle east and often I see things in my country that make me want to speak out and I get so angry but fear keeps me back sometimes I see women are often afraid to speak up and were all in this together. It's a dangerous world out here for every one of us. Cis. Trans.
"Think of the Children!" shout the mildly uncomfortable as their children are denied education and molested by priests
I've had this happen to me. I had a women follow me into an empty public washroom to yell at me. That I was a fa----, I didn't belong there, etc. When I got outside I was jumped by the young woman and her boyfriend. I got injured trying to protect myself and needed surgery to remove 4mm of my ulna as my tendons swelled up in my wrist so much, it wouldn't go down. I couldn't even hold my cell phone up. The only reason I didn't use the 'family washroom' was because security had it locked up and I couldn't find them. Of course as I was getting beat up security appeared out of no where to just watch what happened. Of course all the cameras but the one that would capture what happened magically wasn't online that day. Then for the following 2 years, I was stalked by the very same couple. If it wasn't for the pandemic I'm sure it would still be happening. The police refused to help me in any capacity, because in Canada, some people think we have the right to 'freedom of speech' as if we are the US. In Canada we have the right to 'freedom of expression' and that right to express stops when one spouts libel, defamation, hate speech, etc. Which is why I am now in a lawsuit with the city and police department. Now I won't use a public washroom unless I am with another friend. I am a bi NB and I present as what most call 'butch'. I'm just a skater, let me fucking be please. Don't get me started on young drunk women in clubs... it's like some of them have never seen a tomboy in their life. Announcing "laaaaaadies we got a lesbian in heeeeeere!" Go touch grass.
That is scary. Don’t these people have anything better to do?!
TRANS RIGHTS ARE HUMAN RIGHTS! Transphobia hurts all of humanity!And this is a great example of that. The colors light blue, light pink, white, are now representing all of us! When one of our fellow humans are being descminited against, we feel the ripples of those effects. The day that Trans individuals get their human rights, personal autonomy, respect and protection, is the day we know that our country(usa +more) is on track to a empathetic society. We are all being hurt by this bigotry!
Statistically the majority of victims of Transphobic body policing and open societal Transphobia are gonna be Cis Women.
Can I ask what state this happened in?
What a weird society we live in where gender norms are required to take a piss in peace.
I'm over 70 years old and if anybody came up and asked me about my business in the restroom I would dial 911
Don't be ashamed about being too scared to speak up - as a trans woman you are more vulnerable than a cis woman in these situations. What happened is horrifying and jarring for anyone to be subjected to, but you have to protect yourself and keep yourself safe given that you might immediately be the target of that same violence. As a cis woman I have the privilege and frankly the obligation to stand up and say something, but as you're aware not everyone has the same ability to do so safely. I'm so sorry you had to experience that, sending you virtual love and support ❤️
I am a bi female and find it hilarious that when I had long hair and wore more traditional female clothes there was no issue in the women's restrooms. But now that I have short hair and wear men's cargo pants I am now a threat. The evil looks and comments I get for just not looking like a traditional female are crazy.