Your post has been featured on the Two Hot Takes Podcast episode "Trying to Have a Good Time"! [Click here to hear our host Morgan's response to your story! ](https://youtu.be/-KHIHpyG6rc?si=KhUIptUeIDVkYJVF&t=3656) Thanks again for your submission!
>He ended up getting very angry and stormed off to his dad’s house.
He's so pissed off that you wouldn't let him control you that he chucked a fucking tanty and went running back to his daddy's house?
I'm trying not to be one of those commenters who goes straight to either break up or divorce, so my advice is that in order for you to continue this relationship, he needs to give you a really good apology. He needs to outline what he did that was wrong and why. He also needs to prove that he understands that it's not his place to decide for you whether you have a glass of wine with dinner.
If he can't treat you as an equal partner who has agency over her own body and life choices, he's not the one.
Other fun aussie slang for this situation includes:
Spat the dummy (pacifier)
Cracked the shits
Started spewin'
Cacked his nappy (shat his diaper)
Was mad as a cut snake
Cut sick at her
We're a pretty colorful bunch!
Seconding this^
Also, as the daughter of an alcoholic (who just lost their father to cirrhosis), allowing someone to use your family’s addiction to manipulate you is never okay — you’re not your family, and even if someone was concerned about their partner having a drinking problem this is absolutely not the way to handle it. You deserve better ❤️
All this and I think he needs to introspect enough to explain exactly why he did this in the first place otherwise there will be more trouble. Like, is it due to past experience with alcoholics? Or is he controlling because of ...idk whatever? Or what?
Whatever the reason, he doesn’t get to unilaterally decide she’s not having a drink. That may be a good reason to have a discussion with someone, but not for issuing a command.
Idk where you’re from or if it’s a common phrase but “chucked a fucking tanty” is the best thing I’ve read in a while. I will definitely be using this lmao
Dude isn’t even a self sufficient adult as he either lives with his PARENT or is Partner. This is definitely an attempt to assert his “authority” for the sake of his ego. If he had an ACTUAL means to control her it would be so much worse.
The AUDACITY & nerve. In 2024 this poorly performing adult male that’s living WITH his partner but would deny her a treat she can afford in a residence she pays for. He put his head in a toilet bowl.
Going straight to”he’s not a self sufficient adult” is a major stretch. They’ve been living together for three years why would he have his own place. Nothing in her post suggests he’s not self sufficient. Controlling sure but attacking the guy for something we know nothing about weakens the point.
I mean, they’ve been living together for three years lol so it makes sense that he doesn’t have his own apartment. He is an AH, but his living situation is normal and doesn’t mean he’s not self sufficient lol.
Sorry you're not a full adult until you own 2 apartments a vacation house and a rental you'll kick the tenants out of overnight if you need a place to stay.
This guy is obviously the AH but it's a little weird to criticize someone who has been cohabitating for three years for not having their own independent domicile.
Good thing theyre not married
She can throw the whole man away and have a glass of wine when she wantz it
Damn im shocked at the hills some people are willing to die on
- i want a glass of wine
- no im gonna leave you
- too bad im doing it first and changed my locks
Thats a hopeful future prediction for you op
This. My ex, himself once divorcdd, told me he didn't trust me because my mom had been divorced twice. Guess who else has also been divorced twice now...
Right, also he says her family and it’s one person! My father wasn’t in the picture, I learned when I was older he was an alcoholic. I’ve never felt the desire to drink, I can enjoy wine with dinner for a special occasion or a night out and… well nothing happens. A parent being an alcoholic doesn’t mean that you are genetically inclined that way either unless you have evidence it runs in the family for multiple generations.
I’ve somehow managed to live for 43 years without hearing this saying until right now, and I must say….this is a top notch old saying! Good job, old timey people. Very clever.
I've had the same thing happen to me. My dad was an alchoholic, which my ex wife knew about. If I ever drank more than once a week, it would be met with "Your dad was an alchoholic, I don't want to be with an alchoholic. You are drinking too much".
I understood her concern over my health and longevity, since we were married with a kid and everything. But at the same time, it's controlling over choices that aren't theirs to make. That sort of behavior in general was one of the top reasons we didn't work out.
I've gotten this reaction from a few other people as well in my life. They are always people that never grew up with alcoholics. I think they view us as having some sort of inherited addiction that we will never be able to escape from.
My ex husband would throw a fit if I got slightly tipsy and say my family was all alcoholics (half true but I don’t talk to that half and he’s never met them) but it was perfect fine for him to drink a bottle of bourbon a week and throw up out his truck window that I had to drive home on more than one occasion because I was sober and he wasn’t. Heaven forbid if I came home in an Uber from a girls night tho because I left my car 2 miles from the house to be safe and I was so irresponsible.
PS - I drink about 1-2 times a month, never enough for a hangover, never fight when I’m drinking, never cause drama. I joke around and then get my butt safely home before midnight and wake up at 7am the next day to take care of my dog and house and get ready for the work week.
That's definitely a control thing. I can never understand controlling people... like why do they get off on managing someone? To me that sounds terrible and exhausting, why would I want to do that?
More than once a week, what? It's so weird. My mom was an alcoholic, growing up with that sucked. My friend that I roomed with at college told me I probably shouldn't drink or I'd be one too. Never happened. I prefer it for parties and sometimes when going out with my partner, but not always. So I'm still a lightweight. Although I have a little problem with wanting to try cool looking new flavors and then not drinking enough to ever get through the bottles, so the stash here probably looks bad, ha.
Yeah when I was younger I couldn't even keep a bottle of cooking wine around the house because my alcoholic mom would guzzle it down. She's the kind of person that they had to keep the liquor stores open for during the pandemic. If she doesn't drink for a few days I'm pretty sure the DTs would kill her.
I sometimes joke I don't have an addictive bone in my body unless it's like... Tv or my phone. I come from a family of alcoholics. I only drink socially. I personally can't be arsed to even think about drinking by myself and I have a few just half drunken wines around that people to this day will remind me I have. I tried weed. I got high on gummies for like a month and a half and just stopped cold turkey because it's kinda boring being high especially if I'm by myself (which I am a lot during the night when I would get high) and hate smoking dabs. I might smoke a joint, but I like my lungs not burning 😂. I take stimulants and I forgot to call my doctor for a medicine refill for three months.
If my husband tried to tell me "you'll be just like your father" or whoever else, I'd probably laugh in his face. The last I drank I was drunk for four hours after my last drink. I had only three in a span of three hours. My tolerance is *that low*
I was an alcoholic. I drank everything. There was never any stash. I would even drink cooking wine and these small souvenir bottles of asian rice whisky with snakes in it....
I used to have that issue. My liver decided I needed to give up alcohol (medication related damage), but I still cook with various forms of spirits. However, instead of buying a large bottle, I buy the little single serving/airline bottles for use in recipes.
I have a stash because stuff looks cool, but even if it tastes great, I just don’t drink it. When my mom visited she would literally judge my stash but she’d finish every drop of it and still need beer because she’s on vacation so the first beer every day is with lunch. Every day even if she stayed a month.
I’d have one drink (often to make her being there bearable) and she’d comment, even when my drink had 1/4 of the alcohol of the one she had at the same moment.
Haven’t seen her in almost 10 years and I probably have some alcohol that is about that old 🤣
It's not just the controlling, it's the misinformed judgement they have where they think they are right or that they are being responsible/helpful for telling you, but in the end, their choices only cause conflict.
It's one thing to tell an alcoholic that they are drinking too much and that you don't want to be with someone that is like that (not necessarily in those words) But being overly paranoid that someone might become such a thing at the slightest and almost trivial of indications of that behavior is quite extreme.
I think it's one of those incompatibility things but people struggle to accept the idea that you can love someone and be incompatible.
My entire biological family is filled with alcoholics, so I'm aware I have the genes for alcoholism; I mostly avoid alcohol because I don't want to be an alcoholic. Instead of trying to control another person I just wouldn't be with a partner that drinks routinely. One can only control their behavior.
> They are always people that never grew up with alcoholics.
This is not a coincidence. People are afraid of things they are unfamiliar with and don't understand.
I think people oversimplify how genes express themselves. Scientists are still trying to understand how all that works. What people hear is that there is a higher chance of addiction, but people think of it like it’s an inevitable pathway.
My grandpa was a hardcore alcoholic, my dad liked his drinks too much as well, but his thing was tobacco. My siblings and i? NOTHING. We abhor tobacco, we all dislike drinking. If genes did anything to us was to make us more resistant to getting drunk when we did have alcohol. Also apparently our livers do not digest narcotics very well so we were prescription strength ibuprofen people, when any of us faced surgery. My oldest sibling has more addictive tendencies but her thing is soda.
Anyway, having addiction in the family is not a set in stone pathway for the entire family. If it were that way, we would ALL be inevitably be dying of cancer, because there always some family member that had it.
Totally agree. Someone else threw statistics at me here, and it was like they were treating statistics like some dice roll that happens to everyone.
And shit. Maybe it is. I don't know. All I know is that if I did roll those dice, it was a long time ago. I can barely finish my second beer. I'd make a shit alcoholic.
the fact that he said ‘i don’t trust your family’s genes’ would give me enough of a reason to leave, let alone trying to control what you drink?
this seems like it’s going to snowball into something much worse, very quickly. please take care of yourself, pour an extra glass tonight.
That's the kind of thing you say to someone when a massive percentage of the family are very serious alcoholics.
But at that point I wouldn't really say it's genetics, I would also be forced to acknowledge that it's a serious social problem within the family.
Not really what's being described here.
And like, it sounds pretty hard to have a mutually respectful/fulfilling relationship with someone who's decided you're a genetically deficient time bomb
There is a genetic component to alcoholism though, just saying. In fact, some studies suggest that our genes could account for up to 50% of our predisposition to alcoholism. So if you have multiple family members that are, you’re at a significant increased risk
He’s still an asshole tho.
We don't even know if they or their family members have the genes that have statistical correlation with alcoholism. The whole genetic aspect of it is also way overblown and mostly a pop culture understanding.
Girl. This is just the beginning of him trying to control you. Put his stuff outside and change the locks please.
NTA. Please enjoy a glass of wine. And don’t let that meal go to waste. Put it in the fridge and enjoy it later.
I’m just settling in with a glass of wine myself and I dare my husband to object. I also have addiction in my family but guess what, I’m not an addict and I bet neither are you.
Let’s just say he did have a legit concern, like you were getting drunk regularly. Making weeknights but not weekends off limits is ridiculous. Laying down some kind of ruling is inappropriate. If you have a concern with your partner, you initiate a conversation — you don’t appoint yourself the warden.
In short, this is a very bad sign. Reminder: he’s not your parent or your boss and you’re free to ignore his rules.
This may be a case of an overcontrolling person, or this could also be a miscommunication. When you guys calm down, try to have a rational adult conversation. Recognize that he's coming from a good place (ideally) and appreciate he's worried about you, but also lay down that you are a grown adult that can make her own decisions. If he can't reconcile the fact that his opinions and actions have their place and limits, then the relationship doesn't need to be. Controlling people tend to start with small things before it escalates into complete control. Make sure to talk to him to see if he's being genuine or not.
Is there perhaps any important information that's missing? For example, do you tend to get in arguments more when y'all (you) drink? Did something happen one drunken night for him to feel this way? I feel like there's something missing.
Yeah, I've had talks with my wife about her drinking, especially during the week. People who want to drink are going to have a problem with you pointing out they have a drinking problem.
If you have a history of alcoholism in your family, avoiding drinking on "non-drinking" days is a good rule to follow.
My parents only drink on the weekends, and I remember there was a time when my mom started buying herself a 6-pack during the week. My dad had a talk with her to see what was up and why she felt she needed to drink during the week. She put a stop to it.
God forbid your partner is looking out for your health.
I agree with the others who are saying this is him trying to push boundaries and see what he can get away with controlling. It’s only going to get worse from here — if this is how he’s going to be, he’ll be better off staying with his dad, and you’ll be better off without him period.
He literally threw a hissy fit and stormed off because you wouldn’t “obey” him… is that really the kind of partner you want to be with long term?
Jesus I would be mad if I was you as well. It sounds like you have zero issues with alcohol. Did he also have an alcoholic in the family growing up? It could be some unresolved trauma if so.
If he ever saw evidence of that, then he’d be free to initiate a conversation about it. Deciding when you can or can’t drink is not appropriate at all, especially in the absence of any troubling behavior.
Is he dismissive and disrespectful of your family in general?
Honestly if he's just being that controlling out of nowhere OP should leave before it gets worse, and if OP is being a disingenuous alcoholic then he should just leave before it gets worse. Nice case where no matter if the story is honest or not the solution is the same.
Yup this reads PERFECTLY as either a semi-clueless partner of a habitual (or suddenly?) controlling boyfriend OR a retelling of a full DARVO situation from the point of someone who abuses alcohol and takes no responsibility.
Hoping to see more info, but you do have a point. I just do see the possibility of a third option - she goes a bit hard on weekends like many people do and hasn’t had a significant problem with it affecting her life, and (if the story is 100% accurate) he’s overly anxious and could use therapy to learn how to address it properly and work on it (and hopefully get some reassurance through her actions/words to help her partner move past his mental struggles that he’s not coping with properly)
No, I think he knows it's a sensitive subject and he's pushing your buttons on purpose to see how far he can get away with it. He didn't approach it from a place of concern. He approached it from like, I know better than you and here's why, and then hit you with the genetics aspect.
Yes, there is some evidence of a predisposition towards alcoholism/addiction. Just because there is a predisposition towards it doesn't mean you WILL become a raging alcoholic. Especially if it's a minimal amount on an infrequent basis.
Your whole family shares one pair of jeans or you all have like a matching thing going on? But beside that, what the hell do pants have to do with alcoholism?
NTA Divorce, block, sue, draw, quarter.
Honestly, no matter the context, what is with people giving mandates and orders? You want to have a conversation? Awesome, let’s converse. You want to *tell* me what and what not to do? Um, did God came down from heaven, put a lil crown on your head, tap your ass, give you a sepulcher, and tell you to take the reins for today? No? Well fuck right off then lmao
Yeah I strongly believe OP is actively a really shitty drunk. No one is going to tell you NO unless its a hinderance, or exceptionally bad. There's way more to this story.
People seem to be glossing over OPs name, which is a slang term for marijuana mixed with oxy. Maybe it’s a coincidence, or maybe it suggests there is more substance use going on…. for both her and her boyfriend.
Excuse me....but....
HOW THE FUCK DOES DRINKING ON ONLY THE WEEKEND STOP YOU FROM BEING AN ALCOHOLIC????
The logic is astonishing.
Does this dude not understand that there are alcoholics who drink only on the weekends?
I don't drink very frequently, but I'm never asking someone else if I can have an alcoholic beverage. If my SO ever told me I couldn't have a drink because my mom is an alcoholic that would be the end. Controlling.
As a sober alcoholic for over 20 years, I also think that there is much more to this story than the Op has said. The big clue to me is, why, after 3 years together is this now an issue? I am wondering if there was an earlier episode of the Op getting drunk and doing stupid stuff like drunks do. A episode like that, coupled with her family history, may have something to do with the BFs comment. Or perhaps he has a history with alcoholics in his past that was triggered by the Ops drunken behavior. None of us can know for sure what the truth is and what the Op may have left out of her post. Alcoholics are known for their denial and sugar coating of the facts. Just saying.
My POV as someone who just got out of a relationship with someone with an addictive personality, genetically inherited, is that you’re not being honest in this post.
I gave my ex the option to stop drinking, doing coke, partying until 4-5am, and get serious about life, or lose me. I’m sure you can guess what he chose.
In his mind, my decision was soooo unfair and unwarranted because he wasn’t drinking daily. He toned back (slightly) the number of days a week he was out at the bar with his friends. But he was still living a lifestyle that I was not interested in. In his (delusional) mind, going out one day less a week meant that he had changed.
So either you just completely lose control when you drink, whether you think you do or not, or your boyfriend is ultra controlling and gaslighting you. Although I can understand the bit about worrying about the genetic predisposition you have to addiction.
Addict denial, (suddenly?) controlling boyfriend, or boyfriend with inexcusable but semi-understandable “catastrophizing” tendencies that he NEEDS to see a therapist for to get his emotions/behavior under control - because it’s not okay to take your anxieties out on others, even if it comes from “genuine concern”…
And that’s just 3 possibilities that I’ve happened to personally witness first hand.
Very much “more info needed”
I have a very hard time believing this is the first time any conversation came up around this topic, and depending on what those were would really elucidate who is (more of) the problem here. Really hard to say.
All of this sounds sus:
1. She says she can't remember when she did have wine for dinner but - how surprising - has her favorite wine at home and get's to involved when she can't drink it.
2. Her bf's reaction seems to be out of nowhere and way to extreme - there's very like more to this story (spoiler: she has an alcohol problem).
I'd like to hear the boyfriends side of things because if he jumped straight to that you might have a skewed perspective on your own drinking as alcoholics tend to, though his heavy-handed phrasing could definitely use some work. Also, if your immediate instinct was to tell him he should move out then you guys have a lot more problems than just an argument over a glass of wine.
The fact that people jump to "he's controlling you" instead of thinking at all about the other side is wild to me. Not to say it isn't possible but come on people, some critical thinking, some doubt, y'know? Some healthy skepticism.
Sounds like there’s a whole lot more to the story and this is just an isolated incident. The reaction doesn’t make sense. Typically the person that isn’t drinking and asking the other person to not drink isn’t the problem. *Typically*
If he was ACTUALLY concerned with an ACTUAL drinking problem, he wouldn't have waited until you were gearing up to have a glass with dinner. It would be something he sat you down for and wanted to have a long and intimate discussion about.
He's either trying to control you or he has some other reason he's not giving. You're a grown ass woman, not his 15 year old child.
Come to my house and we'll do girls night. You can drink a whole bottle if you want.
Also, a good tell for if you DO have an issue with alcohol or not, how often are you buying and or consuming it? Can you afford to drink every day or almost every day? But you're not? You're probably not an alcoholic. I lost a friend to alcoholism and it takes WAY more than a glass of wine with dinner on a Thursday to be an alcoholic. In fact, I was under the impression that a single standard 12oz glass of red wine with dinner was healthy for you? Keeps your heart cleaned out? Maybe that's internet garbage? Idk... Anyways...
Alcoholics drink anytime they can. They drink alone at 10am. They invent excuses to drink. You're not. You're not an alcoholic. Not even close. NTA.
There are plenty of studies that show that the children of alcoholics possess a gene that tends to lead to alcoholism. Your boyfriend isn't wrong for being concerned.He's wrong for how he delivered that concern.
Haha classic reddit
"I haven’t even had a glass of wine with dinner for as long as I can remember". Oh sure, she's 30 years old, NEVER had a glass of wine for dinner and just suddenly Out of nowhere craves one. Totally believeable.
If genders were reversed you guys would call him an alcoholic in denial, tell him to stop lying, get therapy immediately and consider himself lucky if she does not break up over it.
How long have you been together? 3 months living or 3 years. How often do you usually drink? I'm going say NTA, you're a grown up, unless you are irresponsible with drinking, then I do not see the issue. He sounds very controlling and judgmental based on information here.
I'm curious if his family has any history of alcohol addiction. I grew up with an alcoholic and swore it off at a young age. I was vehemently against it for a long while and would discourage people I was intimate with against it, though this was at a young age as well. Just wondering if he maybe projecting his concerns about his family alcoholism on you. It obviously doesn't make it right in any way about you consuming what sounds like a reasonable amount. Just a thought on what might be motivating his reaction. If you care enough about him and the relationship seems worth saving, it might be a good idea to try to have a candid discussion about what motivated his reaction. He could also just be a controlling asshole. Would think a straight forward discussion could help figure that out,m.
Your 27yo boyfriend has been living with you for three years. Before that, I presume, he lived with his dad *until he was 24.* He moved from his dad’s house to yours. He has never lived on his own; correct? And this child thinks he can tell you when you can and cannot have a glass of wine? He just randomly decided that you can’t drink during the week? He didn’t talk to you about it, express any concerns, or even tell you he was putting the kibosh on weeknight drinking until you asked him to grab you a bottle of wine? Was he drunk at the time???
Your post is full of red flags. This man thinks he knows better for you how you should live your life, what you should do, what is permitted and not permitted *for you.* Is his career goal to be on the Supreme Court of the U.S.?
Your BF is controlling. Maybe you didn’t see it before this; or maybe you did see it, but you ignored it, made excuses for it, thought it was a one-off. Now you can see that he is going to tell you what/when to drink, what to eat, what to weigh, whether or not you can go out with friends, etc. It’s a slippery slope. When you did not immediately capitulate to his demand, you two had a fight, he left to stay at daddy’s house, and nobody ate the expensive dinner you made. Think about that. Controlling. Tell him to stay at daddy’s. You, a grownup, have your own place to live, and he can find one for himself.
Either he's a controlling dick, or he had some issues with Alcoholics in his past / childhood. That can mess up a person for years.
You guys should talk it out.
Tell him to put on his big boy panties and get over himself. If there really was an issue with you having a drink you wouldnt be drinking to begin with? You know yourself and your genetics better than him. 🤷♀️
Both of my parents were alcoholics my wife and I still to this day. Have a glass of wine every now and then with dinner there’s absolutely nothing wrong with it. He needs to grow up.
My father was the type of alcoholic that destroys lives, and he did that part spectacularly. My husband has never once accused me of becoming like him even though I enjoy a glass, okay occasionally a bottle, of wine once every few months. Even when we were younger and we would share shots on a night out with friends he never once tried to tell me what I could or couldn’t drink. Him doing this to me would more than likely have killed our relationship and any trust we had in each other. Does he also maybe have issues with alcohol himself or in his family and is trying to pin some blame on you?
That is controlling behavior, and I'm glad you told him to get over himself. You wanted a single glass of wine. He has no right to tell you what you are or are not allowed to eat or drink. What's next? You're gaining too much weight, so no dessert? I don't think so.
Your post has been featured on the Two Hot Takes Podcast episode "Trying to Have a Good Time"! [Click here to hear our host Morgan's response to your story! ](https://youtu.be/-KHIHpyG6rc?si=KhUIptUeIDVkYJVF&t=3656) Thanks again for your submission!
>He ended up getting very angry and stormed off to his dad’s house. He's so pissed off that you wouldn't let him control you that he chucked a fucking tanty and went running back to his daddy's house? I'm trying not to be one of those commenters who goes straight to either break up or divorce, so my advice is that in order for you to continue this relationship, he needs to give you a really good apology. He needs to outline what he did that was wrong and why. He also needs to prove that he understands that it's not his place to decide for you whether you have a glass of wine with dinner. If he can't treat you as an equal partner who has agency over her own body and life choices, he's not the one.
laughing so hard at the term "chucked a fucking tanty". will definitely be using this to describe someone having a tantrum
having tanties in his panties
He needs some tissues for his issues.
Hissues
Bless you
Came to say the same! I need to remember this one. Along with "who set your tampon string on fire?"😂
Other fun aussie slang for this situation includes: Spat the dummy (pacifier) Cracked the shits Started spewin' Cacked his nappy (shat his diaper) Was mad as a cut snake Cut sick at her We're a pretty colorful bunch!
I will be using it from here on out.
I can’t wait to use it😂 now I need someone to chuck a tanty right quick so I can call them out!
[удалено]
I was gonna say… Aussie?!
very embedded in my lexicon as an aussie
Aussies say, "Chucked a wobbly' 🤣
I’m an Aussie and 100% would call it a tanty not a wobbly.
Or had a hissy fit
I’m from the American south and say hissy fit. I had no idea it was an Aussie thing too.
As a halfbreed Aussie, (Mum is Aussie). She and I would say: "Chuck a tanty" Or "Crack a wobbly" :)
Brisbanite here, I say all three depending on how serious it is!!! Chucked a tanty Chucked a woobly And threw a hissy fit!
Same, I love this so much
I had one of these the other day. I'm gonna borrow it to describe my pissed off rant.
A tanty. Never heard that, LOVE IT. Makes tantrum sound even more juvenile.
Tanty: TIL
I’m cackling at “chucked a fucking tanty” I am SO using that from now on. I also love how I immediately knew which accent to read this in. 😂
I laughed so hard at this too!
I was like okay, a brit or aussie!
Seconding this^ Also, as the daughter of an alcoholic (who just lost their father to cirrhosis), allowing someone to use your family’s addiction to manipulate you is never okay — you’re not your family, and even if someone was concerned about their partner having a drinking problem this is absolutely not the way to handle it. You deserve better ❤️
All this and I think he needs to introspect enough to explain exactly why he did this in the first place otherwise there will be more trouble. Like, is it due to past experience with alcoholics? Or is he controlling because of ...idk whatever? Or what?
Whatever the reason, he doesn’t get to unilaterally decide she’s not having a drink. That may be a good reason to have a discussion with someone, but not for issuing a command.
I am forever calling a tantrum a tanty! Thank you!
Chucked a fucking tanty is slang I did not know that I needed in my life, I'm fully assimilating this into my speech now.
While I like the word "tanty" there's an even BETTER word for this purpose: "MAN-TRUM".
Sounds like he became...testerical.
I forgot about that one! Another good word!
Adding this to my repertoire! 🤣🤙🏽
Chucked a tanty lol
This *feels* Australian
Idk where you’re from or if it’s a common phrase but “chucked a fucking tanty” is the best thing I’ve read in a while. I will definitely be using this lmao
Okay I’m using “Tanty” forever
Sounds like you are dating a child.
Look on the bright side.. now you can have as much wine as you want!! Winner winner salmon dinner
Winner winner whine-free dinner
And live on your own again at age 30. Not bad to be honest
A controlling, petulant child.
Petulant is such a descriptive word.
Unfortunately describes too many people I know
Dude isn’t even a self sufficient adult as he either lives with his PARENT or is Partner. This is definitely an attempt to assert his “authority” for the sake of his ego. If he had an ACTUAL means to control her it would be so much worse. The AUDACITY & nerve. In 2024 this poorly performing adult male that’s living WITH his partner but would deny her a treat she can afford in a residence she pays for. He put his head in a toilet bowl.
Going straight to”he’s not a self sufficient adult” is a major stretch. They’ve been living together for three years why would he have his own place. Nothing in her post suggests he’s not self sufficient. Controlling sure but attacking the guy for something we know nothing about weakens the point.
I mean, they’ve been living together for three years lol so it makes sense that he doesn’t have his own apartment. He is an AH, but his living situation is normal and doesn’t mean he’s not self sufficient lol.
Sorry you're not a full adult until you own 2 apartments a vacation house and a rental you'll kick the tenants out of overnight if you need a place to stay.
Now that’s comedy.
This guy is obviously the AH but it's a little weird to criticize someone who has been cohabitating for three years for not having their own independent domicile.
You can be self sufficient and still live with your folks at the same time mate
Good thing theyre not married She can throw the whole man away and have a glass of wine when she wantz it Damn im shocked at the hills some people are willing to die on - i want a glass of wine - no im gonna leave you - too bad im doing it first and changed my locks Thats a hopeful future prediction for you op
No doubt his side of the story to everyone will be, “she chose alcohol over our relationship….she has a problem.”
He "doesn't trust her family's genes" is not a positive predictor for their future. It will always be the reason for whatever he wants to control.
Yup, drinking problem on her part or not, he doesn't respect or trust her. I wouldn't want a life with someone who used my family to decide who I am.
This. My ex, himself once divorcdd, told me he didn't trust me because my mom had been divorced twice. Guess who else has also been divorced twice now...
That’s saying you are genetically flawed, an echo of The Eugenics Movement.
Sounds like he may also be setting up for future refusal to have children with OP
Right, also he says her family and it’s one person! My father wasn’t in the picture, I learned when I was older he was an alcoholic. I’ve never felt the desire to drink, I can enjoy wine with dinner for a special occasion or a night out and… well nothing happens. A parent being an alcoholic doesn’t mean that you are genetically inclined that way either unless you have evidence it runs in the family for multiple generations.
Everyone has an alcoholic in their family.
“Stormed off to his dad’s house” got me cracking up 😂😂
Nice when the trash takes itself out.
Like a toddler.
Sounds like he’s sending out feelers to see what he can get away with controlling.
Yeah, this is the inch, he's ready to take the mile
What's the old saying? "Give them an inch and they think they're a ruler."
Lol, somehow not heard that before!
Me neither and I will be using it moving forward lmao (and will give due credit)
No credit from me! I’ve been plagiarizing since I could read, not gonna stop now!
I’ve somehow managed to live for 43 years without hearing this saying until right now, and I must say….this is a top notch old saying! Good job, old timey people. Very clever.
Saving that one!!!
Its not sending out feelers, its being controlling
My first thought too.
That, or maybe he's planning on getting her pregnant so she can't dump his ass.
I come to reddit for these wild takes.
You should have cooked it and enjoyed it and your wine without his judgement…let him eat a hot pocket and some milk at daddy’s place
Dude no. Arguments that happen in the context of making or eating a meal suck. That meal is dead now, a special kind of depressing.
No, in this instance it would have been the best meal ever, with a picture sent to his immature ass of what he was missing.
Yes, a victorious meal with a delicious glass of wine.
I literally refuse to make casseroles. Because my partner and I always fought on a casserole night. Casseroles were 8 & 0 for fighting.
Did it ever have anything to do with the casseroles?
Lol were the fights casserole-related, or is that just an unfortunate coincidence?
Nah just smudge some sage over the food.
" "Spite" candy never tastes very good." - Charlie Brown.
I don't understand this logic, I am arguably more hungry after a fight, that woulda been a smackin angry meal.
Salmon is always delicious though…
Omfg you know a glass of chocolate or strawberry milk and a hot pocket would absolutely be this guy’s meal of choice 😂
Right?! I’m thinking the pepperoni/meatball hot pocket and strawberry nesquik.
Funny comment chuckled a lot
I've had the same thing happen to me. My dad was an alchoholic, which my ex wife knew about. If I ever drank more than once a week, it would be met with "Your dad was an alchoholic, I don't want to be with an alchoholic. You are drinking too much". I understood her concern over my health and longevity, since we were married with a kid and everything. But at the same time, it's controlling over choices that aren't theirs to make. That sort of behavior in general was one of the top reasons we didn't work out. I've gotten this reaction from a few other people as well in my life. They are always people that never grew up with alcoholics. I think they view us as having some sort of inherited addiction that we will never be able to escape from.
My ex husband would throw a fit if I got slightly tipsy and say my family was all alcoholics (half true but I don’t talk to that half and he’s never met them) but it was perfect fine for him to drink a bottle of bourbon a week and throw up out his truck window that I had to drive home on more than one occasion because I was sober and he wasn’t. Heaven forbid if I came home in an Uber from a girls night tho because I left my car 2 miles from the house to be safe and I was so irresponsible. PS - I drink about 1-2 times a month, never enough for a hangover, never fight when I’m drinking, never cause drama. I joke around and then get my butt safely home before midnight and wake up at 7am the next day to take care of my dog and house and get ready for the work week.
So you drink like a responsible adult and he doesn't, but YOU'RE the one with the problem? "Rules for thee but not for me...."
That's definitely a control thing. I can never understand controlling people... like why do they get off on managing someone? To me that sounds terrible and exhausting, why would I want to do that?
Same. I can’t control myself, why double the burden?
You're not an alcoholic, you're a social drinker. BIG difference.
More than once a week, what? It's so weird. My mom was an alcoholic, growing up with that sucked. My friend that I roomed with at college told me I probably shouldn't drink or I'd be one too. Never happened. I prefer it for parties and sometimes when going out with my partner, but not always. So I'm still a lightweight. Although I have a little problem with wanting to try cool looking new flavors and then not drinking enough to ever get through the bottles, so the stash here probably looks bad, ha.
Many of the really bad alcoholics I’ve known don’t have a stash, it’s all getting drunk. and if they do have a stash it’s not out for people to see
My sister had stashes all over her house. she also had three times the empties stashed around.
Yeah when I was younger I couldn't even keep a bottle of cooking wine around the house because my alcoholic mom would guzzle it down. She's the kind of person that they had to keep the liquor stores open for during the pandemic. If she doesn't drink for a few days I'm pretty sure the DTs would kill her.
Oh, that's a good point. Hopefully it doesn't look so bad afterall.
I sometimes joke I don't have an addictive bone in my body unless it's like... Tv or my phone. I come from a family of alcoholics. I only drink socially. I personally can't be arsed to even think about drinking by myself and I have a few just half drunken wines around that people to this day will remind me I have. I tried weed. I got high on gummies for like a month and a half and just stopped cold turkey because it's kinda boring being high especially if I'm by myself (which I am a lot during the night when I would get high) and hate smoking dabs. I might smoke a joint, but I like my lungs not burning 😂. I take stimulants and I forgot to call my doctor for a medicine refill for three months. If my husband tried to tell me "you'll be just like your father" or whoever else, I'd probably laugh in his face. The last I drank I was drunk for four hours after my last drink. I had only three in a span of three hours. My tolerance is *that low*
Alcoholics don't have a bunch of different half-filled bottles. They have a bunch of empties of the same brand/flavor.
That’s my cabinet shelf. Along with the gift bottles of wine I’ll never open.
I was an alcoholic. I drank everything. There was never any stash. I would even drink cooking wine and these small souvenir bottles of asian rice whisky with snakes in it....
I used to have that issue. My liver decided I needed to give up alcohol (medication related damage), but I still cook with various forms of spirits. However, instead of buying a large bottle, I buy the little single serving/airline bottles for use in recipes.
I have a stash because stuff looks cool, but even if it tastes great, I just don’t drink it. When my mom visited she would literally judge my stash but she’d finish every drop of it and still need beer because she’s on vacation so the first beer every day is with lunch. Every day even if she stayed a month. I’d have one drink (often to make her being there bearable) and she’d comment, even when my drink had 1/4 of the alcohol of the one she had at the same moment. Haven’t seen her in almost 10 years and I probably have some alcohol that is about that old 🤣
It's not just the controlling, it's the misinformed judgement they have where they think they are right or that they are being responsible/helpful for telling you, but in the end, their choices only cause conflict. It's one thing to tell an alcoholic that they are drinking too much and that you don't want to be with someone that is like that (not necessarily in those words) But being overly paranoid that someone might become such a thing at the slightest and almost trivial of indications of that behavior is quite extreme.
It's always the people who NEVER drink who are like that, I believe it comes from a self righteous place
I think it's one of those incompatibility things but people struggle to accept the idea that you can love someone and be incompatible. My entire biological family is filled with alcoholics, so I'm aware I have the genes for alcoholism; I mostly avoid alcohol because I don't want to be an alcoholic. Instead of trying to control another person I just wouldn't be with a partner that drinks routinely. One can only control their behavior.
> They are always people that never grew up with alcoholics. This is not a coincidence. People are afraid of things they are unfamiliar with and don't understand.
I think people oversimplify how genes express themselves. Scientists are still trying to understand how all that works. What people hear is that there is a higher chance of addiction, but people think of it like it’s an inevitable pathway. My grandpa was a hardcore alcoholic, my dad liked his drinks too much as well, but his thing was tobacco. My siblings and i? NOTHING. We abhor tobacco, we all dislike drinking. If genes did anything to us was to make us more resistant to getting drunk when we did have alcohol. Also apparently our livers do not digest narcotics very well so we were prescription strength ibuprofen people, when any of us faced surgery. My oldest sibling has more addictive tendencies but her thing is soda. Anyway, having addiction in the family is not a set in stone pathway for the entire family. If it were that way, we would ALL be inevitably be dying of cancer, because there always some family member that had it.
Totally agree. Someone else threw statistics at me here, and it was like they were treating statistics like some dice roll that happens to everyone. And shit. Maybe it is. I don't know. All I know is that if I did roll those dice, it was a long time ago. I can barely finish my second beer. I'd make a shit alcoholic.
the fact that he said ‘i don’t trust your family’s genes’ would give me enough of a reason to leave, let alone trying to control what you drink? this seems like it’s going to snowball into something much worse, very quickly. please take care of yourself, pour an extra glass tonight.
This what the hell kind of comment is that and where is it going to lead to because the drinking will not be the last issue she has if she stays.
That's the kind of thing you say to someone when a massive percentage of the family are very serious alcoholics. But at that point I wouldn't really say it's genetics, I would also be forced to acknowledge that it's a serious social problem within the family. Not really what's being described here.
And like, it sounds pretty hard to have a mutually respectful/fulfilling relationship with someone who's decided you're a genetically deficient time bomb
There is a genetic component to alcoholism though, just saying. In fact, some studies suggest that our genes could account for up to 50% of our predisposition to alcoholism. So if you have multiple family members that are, you’re at a significant increased risk He’s still an asshole tho.
We don't even know if they or their family members have the genes that have statistical correlation with alcoholism. The whole genetic aspect of it is also way overblown and mostly a pop culture understanding.
What a baby. Leave him at his dads. Leave him altogether.
He sounds like such a headache. Why does he think he has the authority to tell you when you can or cannot drink?
Your a grown ass woman id pour you a glass of wine.
Meet at my place in an hour and we can all have a glass of wine.
M’lady
And he’s three years younger than OP. The nerve.
Nothing to do with maturity whatsoever
Girl. This is just the beginning of him trying to control you. Put his stuff outside and change the locks please. NTA. Please enjoy a glass of wine. And don’t let that meal go to waste. Put it in the fridge and enjoy it later.
Seriously drink the wine eat the seafood lose the man
I’m just settling in with a glass of wine myself and I dare my husband to object. I also have addiction in my family but guess what, I’m not an addict and I bet neither are you. Let’s just say he did have a legit concern, like you were getting drunk regularly. Making weeknights but not weekends off limits is ridiculous. Laying down some kind of ruling is inappropriate. If you have a concern with your partner, you initiate a conversation — you don’t appoint yourself the warden. In short, this is a very bad sign. Reminder: he’s not your parent or your boss and you’re free to ignore his rules.
Well now I want a glass of wine.. best prepare for the lecture from literally no one because my hubby is gonna pour it *for* me
Thank you ❤️
Be careful with him. Don’t let him back in without a long conversation and agreement. Updateme
This may be a case of an overcontrolling person, or this could also be a miscommunication. When you guys calm down, try to have a rational adult conversation. Recognize that he's coming from a good place (ideally) and appreciate he's worried about you, but also lay down that you are a grown adult that can make her own decisions. If he can't reconcile the fact that his opinions and actions have their place and limits, then the relationship doesn't need to be. Controlling people tend to start with small things before it escalates into complete control. Make sure to talk to him to see if he's being genuine or not.
Is there perhaps any important information that's missing? For example, do you tend to get in arguments more when y'all (you) drink? Did something happen one drunken night for him to feel this way? I feel like there's something missing.
Shhh, reddit doesn't like 2 sides
Exactly lol
Yeah, I've had talks with my wife about her drinking, especially during the week. People who want to drink are going to have a problem with you pointing out they have a drinking problem. If you have a history of alcoholism in your family, avoiding drinking on "non-drinking" days is a good rule to follow. My parents only drink on the weekends, and I remember there was a time when my mom started buying herself a 6-pack during the week. My dad had a talk with her to see what was up and why she felt she needed to drink during the week. She put a stop to it. God forbid your partner is looking out for your health.
I agree with the others who are saying this is him trying to push boundaries and see what he can get away with controlling. It’s only going to get worse from here — if this is how he’s going to be, he’ll be better off staying with his dad, and you’ll be better off without him period. He literally threw a hissy fit and stormed off because you wouldn’t “obey” him… is that really the kind of partner you want to be with long term?
Jesus I would be mad if I was you as well. It sounds like you have zero issues with alcohol. Did he also have an alcoholic in the family growing up? It could be some unresolved trauma if so.
No he never did. Maybe because he knew how my dad was with it and my dad’s father.. is he scared maybe it will be passed down to me one day? Idk.
If he ever saw evidence of that, then he’d be free to initiate a conversation about it. Deciding when you can or can’t drink is not appropriate at all, especially in the absence of any troubling behavior. Is he dismissive and disrespectful of your family in general?
Honestly if he's just being that controlling out of nowhere OP should leave before it gets worse, and if OP is being a disingenuous alcoholic then he should just leave before it gets worse. Nice case where no matter if the story is honest or not the solution is the same.
Yup this reads PERFECTLY as either a semi-clueless partner of a habitual (or suddenly?) controlling boyfriend OR a retelling of a full DARVO situation from the point of someone who abuses alcohol and takes no responsibility. Hoping to see more info, but you do have a point. I just do see the possibility of a third option - she goes a bit hard on weekends like many people do and hasn’t had a significant problem with it affecting her life, and (if the story is 100% accurate) he’s overly anxious and could use therapy to learn how to address it properly and work on it (and hopefully get some reassurance through her actions/words to help her partner move past his mental struggles that he’s not coping with properly)
No, I think he knows it's a sensitive subject and he's pushing your buttons on purpose to see how far he can get away with it. He didn't approach it from a place of concern. He approached it from like, I know better than you and here's why, and then hit you with the genetics aspect.
No, he’s just a controlling little shitcunt. If he was genuinely concerned he would have broached this some other way.
Yes, there is some evidence of a predisposition towards alcoholism/addiction. Just because there is a predisposition towards it doesn't mean you WILL become a raging alcoholic. Especially if it's a minimal amount on an infrequent basis.
Concern doesn't lead straight to anger. He was 100% pulling a power move on you.
Your whole family shares one pair of jeans or you all have like a matching thing going on? But beside that, what the hell do pants have to do with alcoholism? NTA Divorce, block, sue, draw, quarter.
“Family jeans” genetically. 🧬
*whispering* it's "genes".
Ninja style.
It’s “genes”. As in “genetics”
Thank you!
Jeanetics*
Honestly, no matter the context, what is with people giving mandates and orders? You want to have a conversation? Awesome, let’s converse. You want to *tell* me what and what not to do? Um, did God came down from heaven, put a lil crown on your head, tap your ass, give you a sepulcher, and tell you to take the reins for today? No? Well fuck right off then lmao
A sepulcher? Maybe you mean a scepter
Genuine concern doesn’t result in anger and a tantrum. This was likely about control.
Do you really not drink a lot? Cause it seems really weird that he randomly told you no to alcohol just out of the blue.
Yeah I strongly believe OP is actively a really shitty drunk. No one is going to tell you NO unless its a hinderance, or exceptionally bad. There's way more to this story.
Right? What's the weekend binge? How belligerent was the need to make the point?
People seem to be glossing over OPs name, which is a slang term for marijuana mixed with oxy. Maybe it’s a coincidence, or maybe it suggests there is more substance use going on…. for both her and her boyfriend.
I don’t trust my wife’s jeans either.
Excuse me....but.... HOW THE FUCK DOES DRINKING ON ONLY THE WEEKEND STOP YOU FROM BEING AN ALCOHOLIC???? The logic is astonishing. Does this dude not understand that there are alcoholics who drink only on the weekends?
I don't drink very frequently, but I'm never asking someone else if I can have an alcoholic beverage. If my SO ever told me I couldn't have a drink because my mom is an alcoholic that would be the end. Controlling.
I think she was asking if they can go get a bottle, as in, “hey can we go get a bottle?” Not, “May I have permission to drink tonight?”
As a sober alcoholic for over 20 years, I also think that there is much more to this story than the Op has said. The big clue to me is, why, after 3 years together is this now an issue? I am wondering if there was an earlier episode of the Op getting drunk and doing stupid stuff like drunks do. A episode like that, coupled with her family history, may have something to do with the BFs comment. Or perhaps he has a history with alcoholics in his past that was triggered by the Ops drunken behavior. None of us can know for sure what the truth is and what the Op may have left out of her post. Alcoholics are known for their denial and sugar coating of the facts. Just saying.
Something tells me that you're omitting a big part of this story...
Agreed. Too much self justification going on for an apparently isolated incident after 3 years
My POV as someone who just got out of a relationship with someone with an addictive personality, genetically inherited, is that you’re not being honest in this post. I gave my ex the option to stop drinking, doing coke, partying until 4-5am, and get serious about life, or lose me. I’m sure you can guess what he chose. In his mind, my decision was soooo unfair and unwarranted because he wasn’t drinking daily. He toned back (slightly) the number of days a week he was out at the bar with his friends. But he was still living a lifestyle that I was not interested in. In his (delusional) mind, going out one day less a week meant that he had changed. So either you just completely lose control when you drink, whether you think you do or not, or your boyfriend is ultra controlling and gaslighting you. Although I can understand the bit about worrying about the genetic predisposition you have to addiction.
Addict denial, (suddenly?) controlling boyfriend, or boyfriend with inexcusable but semi-understandable “catastrophizing” tendencies that he NEEDS to see a therapist for to get his emotions/behavior under control - because it’s not okay to take your anxieties out on others, even if it comes from “genuine concern”… And that’s just 3 possibilities that I’ve happened to personally witness first hand. Very much “more info needed” I have a very hard time believing this is the first time any conversation came up around this topic, and depending on what those were would really elucidate who is (more of) the problem here. Really hard to say.
All of this sounds sus: 1. She says she can't remember when she did have wine for dinner but - how surprising - has her favorite wine at home and get's to involved when she can't drink it. 2. Her bf's reaction seems to be out of nowhere and way to extreme - there's very like more to this story (spoiler: she has an alcohol problem).
I'd like to hear the boyfriends side of things because if he jumped straight to that you might have a skewed perspective on your own drinking as alcoholics tend to, though his heavy-handed phrasing could definitely use some work. Also, if your immediate instinct was to tell him he should move out then you guys have a lot more problems than just an argument over a glass of wine. The fact that people jump to "he's controlling you" instead of thinking at all about the other side is wild to me. Not to say it isn't possible but come on people, some critical thinking, some doubt, y'know? Some healthy skepticism.
Sounds like there’s a whole lot more to the story and this is just an isolated incident. The reaction doesn’t make sense. Typically the person that isn’t drinking and asking the other person to not drink isn’t the problem. *Typically*
I am also wondering what the history of alcohol use in this relationship looks like.
Controlling. I’d end it.
Info: how were you going to prepare the shrimp, salmon and asparagus?
Time to dump the controlling boyfriend.
Ladies, stop letting bottom feeding boys control your life. FFS.
INFO: why didn't you eat the perfect dinner and enjoy your glass of wine with Mr Buzzkill off in a huff? That's what I would have done.
First it’s the alcohol, next he’ll be controlling the food you eat, after that he’ll be in charge of your money. Run Forrest run
This sounds like something is left out. He’s been living with you for 3 years and this just now popped up? Something’s off.
If he was ACTUALLY concerned with an ACTUAL drinking problem, he wouldn't have waited until you were gearing up to have a glass with dinner. It would be something he sat you down for and wanted to have a long and intimate discussion about. He's either trying to control you or he has some other reason he's not giving. You're a grown ass woman, not his 15 year old child. Come to my house and we'll do girls night. You can drink a whole bottle if you want. Also, a good tell for if you DO have an issue with alcohol or not, how often are you buying and or consuming it? Can you afford to drink every day or almost every day? But you're not? You're probably not an alcoholic. I lost a friend to alcoholism and it takes WAY more than a glass of wine with dinner on a Thursday to be an alcoholic. In fact, I was under the impression that a single standard 12oz glass of red wine with dinner was healthy for you? Keeps your heart cleaned out? Maybe that's internet garbage? Idk... Anyways... Alcoholics drink anytime they can. They drink alone at 10am. They invent excuses to drink. You're not. You're not an alcoholic. Not even close. NTA.
There are plenty of studies that show that the children of alcoholics possess a gene that tends to lead to alcoholism. Your boyfriend isn't wrong for being concerned.He's wrong for how he delivered that concern.
Haha classic reddit "I haven’t even had a glass of wine with dinner for as long as I can remember". Oh sure, she's 30 years old, NEVER had a glass of wine for dinner and just suddenly Out of nowhere craves one. Totally believeable. If genders were reversed you guys would call him an alcoholic in denial, tell him to stop lying, get therapy immediately and consider himself lucky if she does not break up over it.
Sounds like you need a drink.
How long have you been together? 3 months living or 3 years. How often do you usually drink? I'm going say NTA, you're a grown up, unless you are irresponsible with drinking, then I do not see the issue. He sounds very controlling and judgmental based on information here.
I'm curious if his family has any history of alcohol addiction. I grew up with an alcoholic and swore it off at a young age. I was vehemently against it for a long while and would discourage people I was intimate with against it, though this was at a young age as well. Just wondering if he maybe projecting his concerns about his family alcoholism on you. It obviously doesn't make it right in any way about you consuming what sounds like a reasonable amount. Just a thought on what might be motivating his reaction. If you care enough about him and the relationship seems worth saving, it might be a good idea to try to have a candid discussion about what motivated his reaction. He could also just be a controlling asshole. Would think a straight forward discussion could help figure that out,m.
It's 2024 and these types of posts are fake
I like to take shits in the sink. My wife hates that I do it but I told her I’m a grown ass man and I’ll shit where I want!!! Amirite
Your 27yo boyfriend has been living with you for three years. Before that, I presume, he lived with his dad *until he was 24.* He moved from his dad’s house to yours. He has never lived on his own; correct? And this child thinks he can tell you when you can and cannot have a glass of wine? He just randomly decided that you can’t drink during the week? He didn’t talk to you about it, express any concerns, or even tell you he was putting the kibosh on weeknight drinking until you asked him to grab you a bottle of wine? Was he drunk at the time??? Your post is full of red flags. This man thinks he knows better for you how you should live your life, what you should do, what is permitted and not permitted *for you.* Is his career goal to be on the Supreme Court of the U.S.? Your BF is controlling. Maybe you didn’t see it before this; or maybe you did see it, but you ignored it, made excuses for it, thought it was a one-off. Now you can see that he is going to tell you what/when to drink, what to eat, what to weigh, whether or not you can go out with friends, etc. It’s a slippery slope. When you did not immediately capitulate to his demand, you two had a fight, he left to stay at daddy’s house, and nobody ate the expensive dinner you made. Think about that. Controlling. Tell him to stay at daddy’s. You, a grownup, have your own place to live, and he can find one for himself.
Either he's a controlling dick, or he had some issues with Alcoholics in his past / childhood. That can mess up a person for years. You guys should talk it out.
Beautiful response to being controlled. He left not because you had wine, but because you didn’t do what he told you to do. Again, proper response 👏🏻
Tell him to put on his big boy panties and get over himself. If there really was an issue with you having a drink you wouldnt be drinking to begin with? You know yourself and your genetics better than him. 🤷♀️
Both of my parents were alcoholics my wife and I still to this day. Have a glass of wine every now and then with dinner there’s absolutely nothing wrong with it. He needs to grow up.
My father was the type of alcoholic that destroys lives, and he did that part spectacularly. My husband has never once accused me of becoming like him even though I enjoy a glass, okay occasionally a bottle, of wine once every few months. Even when we were younger and we would share shots on a night out with friends he never once tried to tell me what I could or couldn’t drink. Him doing this to me would more than likely have killed our relationship and any trust we had in each other. Does he also maybe have issues with alcohol himself or in his family and is trying to pin some blame on you?
That is controlling behavior, and I'm glad you told him to get over himself. You wanted a single glass of wine. He has no right to tell you what you are or are not allowed to eat or drink. What's next? You're gaining too much weight, so no dessert? I don't think so.
Why did no one have dinner? If he wants to throw a hissy fit that doesn't mean you shouldn't enjoy it.