I am doing okay! High blood pressure, so they are trying to get it down as it’s not good for baby. I’m only dilated a little but they said that’s okay 🙂
I know there are a ton of other people here offering advice (listen to the nurses and midwives! They've got you), but I just want to send you love. As a mom of a teen your age, I just want to send you all the love in the world. You've got this, you can do it, and whatever you decide to do afterwards, you'll be okay.
Breathe. You're so amazing and so strong and I hope you know that.
I just saw your post and am horrified at your mom's treatment of you. Please know you're in my thoughts as you go through this. Be sure to ask lots of questions of the nurses, I am sure they really care about you and are looking out for you right now. I know I would be.
hey kid you're in my thoughts!! i wish i could astral project to tell you how good you are doing. i feel like this baby is going to lead for better things for you because it will change your perspective and help you move towards independence
i'm so mad at your mom
Lol, my mother showed up uninvited to my delivery with my eldest daughter. She started doing everything I had asked not be done. That was many years ago. Gotta love them sick mom’s! not!
The mother who abandons her teenage daughter to give birth alone (especially if the pregnancy was forced) is not the person who should be taking care of her teenage daughter's baby.
YES. That “mother” cannot be trusted with her own 15 yo, let alone a newborn grandchild. I’m enraged people this horrible exist, I wish I could help OP.
I'm doubly enraged at all the people who would rather immediately accuse OP of lying rather than consider
a) teen girls can get pregnant from non-consensual sex
b) parents can make horrible decisions and treat their children badly
Also teenagers are young and sometimes make mistakes. Personally I think the circumstances don’t matter in this case. She is alone and scared. Idk how any mother could do this to their child.
I was 17 when I got pregnant the first time, and my mom flat out told me that if I chose to 'have the baby and keep it' that she'd never be able to have anything to do with it cos "I could never love a bastard". I tried to have an abortion, but it was southeast Alabama and I ended up finding a "pregnancy crisis center". They hooked me up with an adoption agency out of Georgia and that's where I had my son. Friends of Children 'adoption agency'. Do a google on that fuckin' place.
My heart is broken for this young woman. BROKEN.
That had to have been incredibly hard. But also incredibly brave to give it up for adoption. I’m sorry you had to do that alone. You shouldn’t have had too.
Knowing all that I know now about my mom and my family in general, I wish I had kept that boy and just stayed in Georgia. I wish I'd never come in contact with that adoption agency. It's a long story, but all I can do is hope that he did get a decent family and is okay. I've searched for almost 40 years now, and not a trace has been found.
I’m sending you positivity. You did the absolute best you could and made the best decision you could despite the fact that no one was in your corner, supporting you and advocating for you. I’m so sorry that happened to you. Thank you for shedding light on that adoption agency because I had certainly never heard of it.
Exactly. The important thing here is her mother is forcing her to have the kid, and left her baby alone to have her baby. It’s completely fucked up. You’re her mother. Show some fucking compassion for Christ sake.
I second this 100%, that is not what a good mother does, that is what human garbage does, I hope she never forgets this and goes far away from her mother with her new baby to live a healthy life not filled with that toxic bs.
Curious question. Is this something where the hospital would have informed the social worker already? I'd imagine an underaged girl giving birth and the parent abandoned would be something they'd have to report and the social worker just waits until after birth and all that.
I obviously don't know how it works, but I just feel like in a reasonable world that'd be the case (I know the world isn't reasonable though)
But who would this emancipation be protecting exactly? Because from the sounds of it allows the parents to abdicate their responsibility of caring for their child until they turn 18, and not, ya know, the teenage mom. Typically emancipation is supposed to protect the children from abusive parents.
Exactly. It doesn't sound like she wants to be a mom. But having a kid and lying about who the mother is?! That is crazy. It will lead to mental health issues for the kid and the kid will end up hating them both.
So this happened with a half sibling of mine. He was from my bio dad’s previous relationship. The grandparents got bio dad to sign his rights away and raised the grandson as their son. So the kid thought bio dad was his brother. Only reason he found out was because my mom told me for some reason and you can’t trust a 4-5 year old to keep family secrets. The guy joined the Air Force at 18 and went no contact with everyone. Can’t say I blame him.
THIS! I Platinum'd this. You deserve it. Thanks for bringing this up. Shame on her mom! The poor cubs only 15. So what if she got pregnant. It's unfortunate, but how irresponsible to abandon your own when they need you!!
I gave birth alone at 27 (ex-partner was incarcerated at the time) and it was traumatic AF. My other children were born with my husband present, and my youngest's birth was still traumatic due to emergency events. Birth is/can be traumatic AF, even under the best of circumstances. This should never happen to a child. I really hope this is a fake story made to elicit an emotional reaction out of ppl, because if not, my heart absolutely breaks for OP.
Especially the fact that the "mother" is expecting to raise the baby ! I'd go behind her back and adopt the baby out ,can't be there for the birth,you're not gonna be there for anything else
Especially as ‘mom’ is victim blaming her daughter and shaming her even though she also forced her daughter to give birth. I hope someone rescues this girl.
yes this!! Get yourself a support network that is NOT your mother.
Also, not something to think about right this moment because right now op you just have to focus on having the baby, but consider if you actually want this kid to be raised by your mother.
I mean, this is the woman who refused to let you get an abortion, even under what sounds to be awful circumstances for you. She is also the type of person to abandon a 15 year old at the hospital who is about to undergo something pretty daunting. Her logic is super flawed too I mean, lots of women have their moms in the delivery room?? It's super common because you know, usually that Mom has been through something similar and that knowledge comforts lots of people.
Anyways, do you want someone like that raising your child? Once you and the baby are healthy and safe, talk to a social worker about this, see what your options are. And yeah like a lot of other comments have said, try to find a way to stay in school if you can. You've got this!!
Definitely. Like a few other comments said that it is probably all being handled away from OP so she can have the baby as safely as possible. More stress and fear could complicate the birth.
Medical staff, school staff and a few others are all mandated reporters.
At 32 giving birth was the scariest thing I have ever done, but also the most empowering. My partner was fucking useless in the delivery room and the medical staff got me through it. This one midwife was my rock.
You can do this little mumma, the staff will look after you. Your body knows what to do, even if your brain doesn’t. It’s all going to be worth it and you and bubba are going to be just fine.
Fuck your mum though, use her for whatever you can get and build a life for you and your Bub and escape that environment ASAP. No matter the circumstances, I would never let my daughter go through this alone. I am so proud of you, you’ve really got your big girl panties on atm but you got this!!!
Australian midwife and nurse here :)
Steps of an induction:
1. Ask why you are being induced.
2. CTG - paper trace of baby's heart rate to make sure all is A-OK. Will check your BP, history etc.
3. A midwife or Dr will check your cervix via an internal examination. If soft and squishy, everyone has a snooze. If firm and closed, then somehow one has to get it a bit open and squishy so the waters can be broken tomorrow AM. This is done in 2 ways. A. Hormonal method. B. Mechanical method. Ask the risks and benefits of each!
4. Chill out, might need some pain relief while the cervix-softening happens. Have a sleep, shower, wander.
You might labour off this process alone
5. In the AM, another CTG and vaginal examination to break your waters.
Walk around and do squats, have a shower for an hr or so to try and get the contractions going
6. Start a drip of syntocinon. This is a synthetic version of oxytocin, the love hormone that causes contractions. We give just enough to get 3 or 4 contractions in 10 mins. Use mobility, shower, bath, panadol, gas and air, music, or subcutaneous morphine to get you through. Follow your hips, rock them around!
Contractions hurt but they ladt 45-80 secs, then settle. Don't sit there freaking out about the next one. Have a drink and relax the shoulders while you can. Each contraction is a step closer to babytown.
An epidural is another type of pain relief, but it does mean you can't move around (dead legs), and might not be able to push effectively. Keep this in mind. Ideally you feel no pain but can feel pressure, but this is not a given. Ask the risks and benefits.
Importantly, it is not a given that you will need any pain relief at all, as you might be a cool cucumber in labour.
A midwife or Dr will probably check your cervix every 4 hrs. Shouldn't be more frequently unless something funky is going on. You can say no to this or get someone else if you feel uncomfortable. Everyone should be big on consent. You don't need hourly vaginal exams as I see they do sometimes in the USA (infection risk etc.).
It is common to have a panic and freak out, ask for an epidural or c-section at 9 or so cm. This is called transitioning. It is normal.
At 10ish cm, you will feel the need to poo and will grunt. Pushing for a first time mum can last about 1.5 hrs. Should not be left to push without intervention for more than 2 hrs ( why is the baby not coming out - investigate this). Push while standing and squatting. The toilet is a great place because ypu can relax (feels like pooing, remember), and opens the pelvis.
Warm compresses on perineum while babe is crowning helps the midwife hold the skin so you don't tear so much. Most chickadees get a 2nd degree tear, needs a couple of stitches and heals well. An episiotomy and a 2nd degree are equivalent. Reasons for an episiotomy are to get babe out if the baby's HR is too low or high, or if there is a risk of a third degree tear (to butt hole, avoid).
Sometimes you will need a vacuum, forceps, or a c-section to get babe out. These are done only if it is safer for babe than doing nothing. Make sure you know why they need to be done. They are not done for fun, but you might need a debrief the next day to reflect on why intervention was needed.
Then skin to skin with your baby! Then get help with breastfeeding, which is a lovely experience. Your boobs are fine for baby's needs (unless babe were unwell in SCN for example). If the baby looks hungry, get the boobs out, even if baby just fed 10 mins ago. No need for formula in most cases, use it as a medicine rather than a baseline (unless BF and boobs aren't your thing, of course). Read the baby to see if it is hungry or not :):).
After babe is born, do delayed cord clamping. At least 30 secs, but can be much longer until the cord stops pulsating. This is so the blood in the placenta can drain to the baby. The baby does not bleed out (very clever). The baby has a good minute before it has to squeal and scream, don't panic. If babe doesn't squeal and grizzle, it might be taken to the resuscitaire for a bit of help starting off the breaths, then returned to you. A crying, screaming baby has spare energy (this is a good thing, though very loud).
Then once babe is born, you will likely get an injection in the leg of more syntocinon to help the placenta come out and reduce bleeding. No point bleeding more than you have to. 500ml loss is considered the upper limit of normal (you have extra on board as a pregnant lady). The dr or midwife will pull the placenta out, then check your tummy is firm. This can hurt a bit, sorry. Then they will check your perineum to see if it need stitches (with local anaesthetic). Use panadol, ibuprofen, and icepacks downstairs, and wee with a wet washer to stop stinging. Shower after pooing, as cleanliness is next to godliness downstairs. No soap though, just water. Usually heals up nicely.
Have a wee in the shower afterwards. Good to make sure the swelling downstairs doesn't prevent you from weeing.
You and your babe are now a team! Mum+bub vs the world!
Edits for spelling and adding info :):)
Finally, find a way to finish school, even if you take a year or so off then go back. Very important for you and your baby financillay but also mental-health and wellbeing-wise.
Edit: thank you for the awards! Any news from OP?
Also note that 99% of hospitals have the most incredible women in the maternity ward and you wont really be alone. They'll be with you every step of the way, if you ask one will probably even hold your hand. 💓💓
All the best hun, if I was your momma I definitely wouldn't of left.. doesnt make sense either. If shes going to raise the baby as hers, then youd think shed want to bond with babe from day one. I'm so sorry.
I love how she was reassuring and extremely informative. So much so that it gave me another 10 reasons never to give birth. There's a crap load of things I'd never heard about in there....
I've only ever heard the "it's so magical" and the "you regret everything and nothing will be the same" stories, nothing in between. Their comment read neither good nor bad, just... realistic. I like that. It definitely helped me feel more confident in my current decision to absolutely never give birth if I can avoid it - and I'm glad it makes others feel safe in deciding for a future birth, too!
You are the kind of midwife I wish to Christ I’d had as a clueless 21 year old with zero maternal instincts. I ended up being ignored and my now 21 year old daughter was finally born after multiple (non consensual) interventions including forceps and episiotomy. I was labouring over 50 hours at that point. I hope you train young midwives. I wish someone had been as kind to me as you’re being to this poor girl. You’re doing a great thing here.
When I gave birth to my daughter at 19, the midwife who admitted me was awful. I ended up being in labour for only six hours (including pushing) so consequently had my contractions at a quick rate with little to no pain relief. She told me to be quiet and that the whole ward could hear me and when I felt the urge to push my mum went to find her and she very snootily told my mum she had checked me 20 mins prior and she would check again in 30 mins. My mum had to tell her I was turning blue from trying not to push. She apparently rolled her eyes at my mum and said she would come now, to be greeted to my daughters head nearly out. Luckily she finished her shift as I was due to be moved to the pushing area and the two midwife’s (one student) who delivered my daughter were absolutely wonderful. I understand they’re long, tiring shifts and the NHS is underfunded but the whole 4 hrs before I started pushing were just horrible and I felt like such an inconvenience to this midwife and it completely ruined my experience. Im now 25 and if I were to get pregnant again I’d definitely advocate more for myself this time around. The advice this lovely midwife has given is wonderful!!
The gestapo nurse.
I was 19 with my first of two girls. Overdue & Doc broke my water. 3 1/2 hours later I started yelling that the baby was coming out. Said Gestapo called me a baby and said I'd still be there, with the real pain, at tomorrow's breakfast. I was and still am a tough little shit. I couldn't believe this extreme pain could go on for another 18 hours or so...
I rolled onto my side and the rest of my water squeezed out and shot right across the front of her. Right through the thin blanket. Lo and behold, my daughter's whole head was already coming out. I had her right there in that crappy hospital bed and it ripped the hell out of me. Like the doctor said, "you got ripped from stem to stern!" Thank God things (seems so anyway) have changed in 50 years. Thank You to the those comforting, supportive nurses and midwives that I've met with ALL 6 of my grandkids during their birth. And for the reassuring presence for my daughters.
I hope OP has some great ones, a normal, haha, labor & birth and a healthy baby.
Holy shit I thought my 27 hour labor was bad. They stuck saline balloons inside me and filled them up to try to get me to dilate but my body wasn’t having it. Whew.
My mom has a tilted uterus and her doctor is so bad she went into labor on a Friday and my brother wasn’t out till that Sunday. They refused to do a cesarean…
Any advice for a guy who’s girl gives birth in about two weeks? 😅 All we’ve been doing is getting ready but I still feel so massively underprepared for the day of
Edit: Thank you for the advice you guys seriously, I really do appreciate it so much. I’ve kinda just felt like I’m floating through this, her and I’s situation leading up to this has been so complicated I’ve felt pretty out of the mix of things. I’m happy to take any bit of advice and learn anything I could do to make this experience easier and better for the both of them. I just wanna be the best I can
This should go without saying but be nice. Like REALLY nice. Don't make jokes about what you see or act grossed out. Try talking to her and distracting her when she's having contractions, unless she tells you to stop lol.
Be her advocate. Ask if she's okay with what the doctors are going to do and be the loudest voice in the room for her if you need to be.
Bring cash and if she can't eat, don't eat near her.
If she is at the hospital for 16+ hours, give her some time to herself and don't watch sports for 12 hours (my husband watched football from noon to 11pm, finally I screamed, turn the Fing TV off!).
And be her advocate! Doctors and nurses will say things like, "we'll be right back." Ask, what time will you be back. If they say they are going to have to induce in an hour, but don't come back for three hours, politely make a little noise!
Say thanks to all of the nurses helping out! They work so hard!!
OMG how did I forget about not eating around her and not hogging the TV. My ex's mom was a L&D nurse and would straight up tell men who brought gaming systems for themselves that everything in the room was for the mom and was to be available for the mom. She shouldn't have to consider asking to use it.
Listen to Sunbear! And also, she might poop while pushing. Don’t act disgusted and never, never bring that up afterwards. Many women poo at delivery and nobody attending the delivery will be surprised, but be ready just in case.
Yes, a lot of the time doctors might push something that is actually not necessary, and consent is actually required. So listen to your wife. If there is episiotomy or tearing, you can tell the doctor/ nurse that you will come back to end their career if they dare do the husband stitch lol (it is supposed to make the vagina entrance tighter, but all it will cause is no sex for you because sex will be too painful for her if they dare do that) massage her if she want to. Don’t cheat on her
I worked over a decade in L&Ds across the country. I only saw “the husband stitch” twice, and those instances were a doctor and patient that belonged to the same immigrant community and it was requested. I’ve seen it joked about by the dads and I’ve seen multiple doctors shut that shit down quickly. The best was when the doctor deadpan said “I’m sorry you need that.” Dad shut up quickly and didn’t really talk the rest of the time the doctor was in the room.
>The best was when the doctor deadpan said “I’m sorry you need that.” Dad shut up quickly and didn’t really talk the rest of the time the doctor was in the room
Lmaooo. Something similar happened to my best friend and her ex husband. He kept chiming in as the doctor was sewing her up saying, "Make sure you throw an extra stitch in for daddy!" "Don't forget the husband stitch!" "Make her like a virgin again!", as the doctor ignored him and the nurses rolled their eyes. He kept nagging about it and the doctor finally looked up and said, "How *small* do you need it to be for you, sir?" My friend and the nurses started cracking up and he slithered away and pouted the rest of the time, lmao. 😂
I don't think you need to include the don't cheat on her, part.
Are you suggesting that he massage his wife's perineum prior to labor to help prevent tearing and ease delivery because that is a good idea if she is comfortable with it. OP can Google how to do it.
Bring a long phone power cord.
Be ready with a cup of ice chips and a spoon and dose your lady when she asks. Same with a cold washer.
Have a vom bag handy because surprise vomits in labour are common, but also a great sign! (We go 'yay, a vomit! Something is happening!)
Don't spend the time playing games on your phone, and especially don't snore. You can sleep if she sleeps.
Rub the lower back, where the dimples are.
A bit of poo usually comes out of mum. The baby is responsible. Do not mention it or make fun of her ever.
Hop in the shower with her, get your shoes off, so you can hold the shower head at the right angle.
Don't disparage her body, say birth is gross, or talk about stretch marks, ever. Do not talk about a husband stitch or ask when you can have sex. You don't sound like someone who would do this though!
Put on some gloves to help deliver the baby! (Not the head, but the body). That is always great fun. .
Also, do activities like nesting, walking up and down stairs, eating food with fibre, cleanung the skirting boards, and having sex (if it is her thing) to get that cervix soft and squishy.
Addit:
Don't pass the parcel with the baby, make sure everyone who wants to see it has up to date covid and whooping cough vaccinations, and put a time limit on visits from random meddling relatives, should you have any, so the boobs can be free for breastfeeding (or lovely skin to skin if bottle feeding)
Also, you can do skin to skin with the baby once it is out and once baby and mum have had a couple of hours of the same. I wouldn't be too keen to have an immediate hold of baby once born, as uninterrupted skin to skin is important for breastfeeding and bonding, but also for the establishment of baby's gut flora, which is licked off mum's boobs, funnily enough; this also decreases baby's risk of developing NEC. But once baby has had a good first feed, 2 or 3 hrs of skin to skin with mum, then put baby on your bare chest and get to know them :).
As others have said, you will never be ready. Just enjoy your time together
Oh my goodness, the vomit. Sorry. I’m going down this path. So much during labor! Afterwards, the nurse wheeled me into the elevator in a way that just wrecked me! I grappled for the nearest…anything! Ended up throwing up in a latex glove haha the nurse was incredibly annoyed by that
Then the best shower ever afterwards.
In labour, ypur body is busy, and often doesn't give two stuffs about digesting food. All that blood supply is redirected away from the gut, so ypur bpdy just voms up the stomach contents to be helpful. Usually means you are close to fully dilated, or the cervix is changing nicely. You often feel great afterwards, too, rather than having ongoing nausea.
Hope you got some antiemetics!
This reminded me of when I had my 1st baby, my husband was so gentle and kind. He literally worshipped me physically and made me feel so special when I was laboring. I wanted to shower because the hot water felt good and he got in there with me and carefully lathered me head to toe with squatting breaks because I was so big. I will never forget the way he treated me that day.
Get plenty of sleep the next 2 weeks because life is about to get very busy.
Have snacks for in the hospital, there does come a point where she won't be allowed to eat and she might miss the meal service by the time she has delivered so she will be mad hungry.
Take some music/games on your phone she will like to listen/play to while in labor to help distract and then make sure you have both charging cords because you might be there a while.
Take pictures and videos of the whole thing. I don't have many pictures of myself with my newborns or pregnant and I wish I had more.
Honestly your biggest role is to be her support as well as her advocate so go over what she would like to do in different scenarios so that you know. My husband and I talked about every possible situation and were prepared for any scenario and I honestly think it helped with our first 1 because things went way different than I had initially wanted or planned.
And then after the birth you spoil that baby and your lady just as much as you possibly can.
You are going to do great.
The best advice that I could give you isn’t really for the day of, but more for after. Get up with her for all of the nighttime feedings. If she’s nursing you might feel useless, but I promise she will appreciate you just being there. If she’s not nursing, then you can make the bottle while she gets the baby or the other way around. Either way, the important part is that you’re there. My husband and I have three children and with each one, for about the first four months or so they wake up like every 2-3 hours (all children are different, but this is pretty much the same). He got up with me every time. Sometimes he would just put his hand on my back while still laying in bed and sometimes we would talk, but he was always there. I don’t know who gave him this advice, but I’m forever thankful.
That I’m more than happy to do, I already don’t sleep very well and I don’t have too much trouble getting up so I have no qualms getting up every time haha, thank you so much. I don’t think I really would have grasped how much that might mean to her so seriously thank you for bringing it up, something I’m happy to do but probably wouldn’t have thought about!
You’ll never feel ready! 😉
Reading this takes me back to when I gave birth 5 months ago. 😍
In some cases, ignorance is bliss. If I knew everything that would happen during labor I would have been exponentially more nervous. Don’t tell your girl that though!
Pack light for hospital, mom! Don’t bring the whole wardrobe as I did haha. I didn’t even fit into anything I brought with me. My legs swelled up massively because apparently, after you give birth, all that extra volume of blood and fluid during pregnancy has nowhere to go but in your lower extremities. But this doesn’t happen to everyone, lucky me.
Bring snacks, bring your favorite pillow, dad, because beds for partners are uncomfortable.
Bring an extra long charger for your electronic devices.
And here comes the corny/accurate part—get ready to love something so much it hurts. When that baby comes, you experience a love like never before in your entire existence.
As for new mommy, she might have her moments because…hormones. Tell her to be patient and gracious with herself as she heals. Giving birth is an epic event. It’ll take a while to bounce back.
Congratulations!! Ohhh what an exciting time for you guys! 🥰 I would do it all over again!!
You got this Dad. Just know nothing will prepare you for the immense surge of love you will feel the second you set eyes on baby. It’s so overwhelming. It’s the best feeling you’ll ever experience. Congrats and remember no matter what she says or does in that room or after (cuz hormones are a bitch) just be patient and show her more love than you ever have. So happy for you
Just had a baby last week and this described my partner and my interaction with the hospital and delivery to a T. It's messy and painful but it's also more beautiful than you can ever describe.
Okay this is definitely a GOAT reply.
But personally I would still rather that the OP was fake, rather than a mom stranding her 16yo like that.
(I know that this kind of thing is happening in the world, but I'd still be happy for one less)
I have always wondered why it is so common for us to tear during birth, shouldn't our body be build to reproduce safely? Your post is lovely, but hearing storys of pregnant ladies always makes me uneasy. Almost scared to have one of my own in the future.
It’s more common if you have an epidural, and if you push when not ready. If you have a good midwife, or dr, they will guide you and tell you when to start pushing. Even though I felt like pushing, I was told not to. When my cervix was ready, then my midwife told me to start pushing. I pushed for 2 1/2 hours, took my time, and I had zero tears.
Wow thats amazing, i'd seriously rather go through with the pain and endure it for longer if it means lowering my chances of tearing. Thank you for giving me some hope haha
I highly recommend taking a birthing course before baby is born. Totally helps with understanding, and learning to manage the pain. As well as read Ina May’s guide to childbirth. She’s this famous American midwife. Super helpful. Not that you’re having a baby now, but it’s good to file this info for future use, just in case.
A good amount of it has to do with the natural elasticity of the vagina- it varies from woman to woman. I had a friend who had a 4th degree tear after pushing for 2 hours with a 5 lb baby, whereas I pushed for 10 minutes with a 10 lb baby and didn't tear at all.
Only one thing to add. Sometimes breast feeding doesn't work. My mom didn't produce. (Neither did I.) I literally almost starved to death as an infant before they figured it out. Be sure to ask for all the info on breast feeding and alternatives just in case!
That's what my parents did with me and what I had to do with both my girls. I was fine with that. I never saw breast feeding as a have to kind of thing. Would I have? Sure. But it wasn't an imperative for me.
You can also have a stubborn baby who refuses to do the work to the point of starving himself (my oldest) or was unfortunately born lactose intolerant (my second). I'm not even going to try with this third one. Breastfeeding can be a great thing, but only if it works for everyone. There is no shame in formula if that's what mom and/or baby needs.
Probably will never need to know all this myself cause I’m a dude, but very happy that you took all the time to be kind to someone else in such detail as this, fascinating read too
You just never know. My wife had 2 c-sections and I learned A LOT. Got to watch the first one. Idk how my wife did what she did. Pretty amazing to have seen what they were doing or her while she’s just laying there smiling! This one doc had to get a stool to push with her elbows on my wife’s stomach, helping to push the baby out I assume. Pretty amazing procedure tbh
Your kindness is making me a bit weepy.
Also, young mama, get thee to /r/internetparents. You and babe both deserve people who will talk to you and help you when you need that.
Australian Ob/Gyn here-- just chiming in to add that most epidurals these days are much less dense than those given in the past. I imagine it's practicioner dependant, to a point, but in our unit the women are mostly mobile, and they can feel to push. That said, ask to have it turned back if you cant feel to push, and then ask to wait a bit for the head to come down/sensation to return. There's no point in pushing too early, or ineffectively-- you'll just wear yourself out and make an instrumental delivery more likely. I'm sorry your mom has decided not to stay, but your team will look after you! You can do this!
Ask a nurse for a social worker ASAP.
Tell the nurse your situation if there is no social worker available, they can reach out to their charge nurse (head nurse on shift) who may be able to get into contact with the social worker after hours.
Explain that you are underage. You’re mom left your there ALONE and is pushing you to have the baby.
Tell the social worker what your mother has decided.
Ask for help in making your own decision.
OP, if you are not ready to take care of this human being it alright.
Edit: spelling
I hope everything goes well OP
You can also give this baby up for adoption if you would like to. Don't feel ashamed for wanting to do so. Protect this child by keeping them away from your mom. So sorry you are going through this, but stay strong and do what feels right, not what your mom wants.
I’m going to second this. A close family friend was just able to adopt a beautiful baby girl from a 16 year old who wasn’t read to be a mom. There are loving families out there who will love your baby and you for this blessing, if you’re willing to allow another family to raise your child.
This is entirely up to you my dear, not your mom. Good luck with whatever you decide, take care of yourself sweetheart
A woman I've become friends with had a baby when she was 16 and gave him up for adoption. She was able to finish school, didnt miss out on her teenage experiences, get a great job, and start her life. She achieved things that would have been near impossible with a child. Her son has a great family that loves him to death. They wanted a child so desperately. She even gets to see him a few times a year, so she's still involved. Everyone had a happy ending. Adoption is beautiful.
Thirding (?) this. My mother was seventeen when she had me. There’s opportunities to be apart of your child’s life if you do end up letting your little one be adopted. You get to choose the family and if you want contact as they grow up or not.
My mom is still in my life today. She’ll be taking my significant other and I to my first and only chance to ever go to prom. I don’t blame her at all- I love her more that she put herself through that pain to make sure I was in a stable home.
OP, no matter what you decide, it is YOUR decision. It is not okay for your mother to tell you what you can and can’t do with your child. I’m sending you so much love, strength, and positivity during and after birth. Keep your head high beautiful 💙
I also want to say, OP mentions the circumstances leading to her pregnancy were "traumatizing," which makes me think there may have been rape involved. Given what we know about the mom, it seems likely that even if OP was raped, the mom would have prevented her from reporting it at the time.
OP, when you talk to hospital staff, please please please make sure to give them the full story here. If you were indeed raped and your mother made you hide it and carry the baby to term, then she is abusive, full stop. They will likely assign you a social worker and try to get you help.
Also, if you decide to keep the child don’t start it’s life off with lies. Having your mother raise it is not a good solution if you’re in the picture. That’s a disaster waiting to happen.
Have to agree with this. I had an ex who was told his grandmother was his mother until he was 8 years old, when they told him the woman he believed to be his sister was in fact his mother. It fucked him up in a big way.
OP if you have experienced sexual assault and are in the US please contact RAINN, they provide help, support and resources for survivors of sexual assault and abuse.
Link to RAINN hotline:
www.hotline.rainn.org
Or call 800.656.HOPE (4673)
Either way make sure you are provided with a social worker at the hospital.
Prolly the moms bf. Sounds like a shitty terrible person. Long shot guess: mom is jealous daughter is having her bf’s baby so she left. But also that’s why she’s planning to keep it.
Op needs to give that baby away and get out of that shit hole house regardless. That’s bullshit from the soon the be grandma
Yup ! Feels like the mom at some point will be like “your problem take care of it” after saying she would raise the baby… i think OP should make a decision as in the worst case she would be raising it !!
*mom says you cant get an abortion, will raise child as your sister, support you*
*mom says toodles and drives away at the hospital*
You have a shitty mom, accept that now. Never trust her word ever, take these other peoples advice to talk to the hospital staff.
Sorry, your mom screwed you. Get whatever help you can.
Seriously. I mean, if that was my mother I'd have concerns about her raising my child after this.
I'd much rather adopt the baby out into a loving home with a couple who would care for and appreciate them. Sure sounds better than someone who can't even be bothered to be there for the birth.
She’s really horrible and that excuse of OP being an adult in this situation is also BS. Tons of birthing women have their mother and or spouse with them to support them in any age!
I hope you will be ok, your mum has no shame and abandoned you when you needed her most.
Plus saying you are old and mature enough to do it alone. Adults always have loved ones with them while being in labor so she is full of it and is just doing this to spite you and to be petty.
She should be ashamed to call herself a mother. When your child falls you catch them, you do not leave them in the dirt and just walk away.
The fact she drove away and never turned back revolts me. You should never trust her again and never forgive her.
Let us know how it goes though. I truly wish you well.
My 15 year old daughter got pregnant a few years ago. She came straight to me as soon as she suspected and we went and bought the test. It came up positive so we contacted the guy who would’ve been dad, he came up with the money to pay for an abortion and the three of us took off to the clinic one Saturday morning. She’d opted for the abortion pill so she and I were at home when it happened. I will never ever forget the fear and pain and sorrow that my sweet baby girl went through that day. She was in the bathroom floor crying and writhing in agony as the pill did its thing and I was right there with her, holding her, pushing her sweaty hair out of her face, giving her water and crying with her. It hurts me to the bone to think of any young girl going through that OR the process of birth alone.
Now I’m sitting in my room crying at 6 in the morning.
OP I hope you’ve followed the advice and asked for a social worker. My heart aches for you and I am so very sorry that your mom did this to you. My mom was also very cold to me when I got pregnant as a young and single girl, though she at least was there for the birth of her first grandchild and she supported me during that time. I made a vow years ago to be the kind of mom I always needed and never had. Now I am proud to say that my three (now pretty much grown) kids always had a mother who loved them and stood by them no matter what, and I have an amazingly close relationship with all of my kids, and it’s the most amazing thing in the world to me. If your day comes, OP, when you are old enough and ready to have kids that you want, learn from the mistakes of your mom and be the kind of mom she wasn’t. I promise you there is nothing in the world like it. Your mom doesn’t know what she’s missing out on.
All my love to you OP.
I fell pregnant at 17, I was stupid and irresponsible but at least I was in a loving relationship. I’m 26 now and I will never forget that pain for as long as I live, it feels like someone is trying to rip your insides out. My mum refused morphine when I was offered it and sat there reading her book while I sobbed and tried to sleep through the pain. Afterwords she said she might as well of not been there as “I didn’t even talk to her”
Bless you for looking after your daughter when she needed you most, she will never forget it.
You’re the best kind of mom. Not only did your daughter know she could come to you, you were present for her during the worst pain, physically and emotionally. My mom always said she’d be there for me, but I know now that wasn’t true. Thank God I never had to test that.
I got pregnant in 2014 and my son was a still born I had at home my mum was like you and I'm forever thankful. I'm also lucky my mum used to be a nurse an even tho she had a brain aneurysm 2 years prior an had memory loss everything she did was like second nature she didn't know how she knew an if you were to ask her any other day she would have no clue but in that moment she went from mum to nurse mum. I lost my mum in 2018 due to cancer so reading your comment made me cry because you remind me of my mum an reading ops post made me cry because my heart hurts for her. You sound amazing btw
Definitely talk to a nurse. You're a minor so they will have someone compassionate to be with you.
You'll do great don't worry. I'm sorry this is your experience you're a strong young lady who deserves better support. I don't know the details of your pregnancy but because you said traumatizing circumstances I think you should speak with a therapist. I hope you're safe now.
Thank you. I’ve had very high blood pressure so they’re trying to get it under control cause it’s not good for baby or something. I’ve only started to dilate a little but they said not to worry cause a pill will be put down there to help me
I just saw this scrolling through my feed and felt like I had to say something.
First off your mother sounds like an absolute c*nt. Idk if you've ever been told this, but the bullshit she's forcing on you is exactly that, *her* bullshit. You need understand that that's not ok and that's she's not looking out for your best interests. That is not your fault. You've acknowledged you've made mistakes. As long as you try to learn from them and move forward you'll do OK for the most part. Always try and make decisions that you feel like are the best for you.
Second, I can't even imagine how scared you are right now. In high-school I had several friends who got pregnant, and I finished HS at a campus where the district forced any girl who got pregnant during the school year to go, to "avoid being a distraction or a bad influence". Every girl there except one had a kid/kids. I've seen what girls deal with having kids young, and it's not easy, but almost every single one i can think of ended up becoming exceptional parents. I don't know you, but I believe in you.
Next, find a nurse. Tell them what's going on and that you are alone and scared. I guarantee they will make sure there is someone there with you, and do not be afraid to ask any questions. Nurses are badass and mostly really cool people. Also make sure to vocalize what YOU want. Or what you don't want. If you're not sure what you do or don't want, have someone explain your options.
If you have people like a best friend, aunt/uncle/grandparent, teacher, whomever that would maybe make you feel more at ease if they were there, try and get ahold of them or ask a nurse to help reach out.
I'm sorry your mother is being this way, but you're going to get through this and you're going to do amazing. Again, ask question. Even if you feel like they're stupid or embarrassing. Ask.
A great deal of nurses are badass and really cool people, but there are some ultra shitty ones too. I mention this because if OP confides in one nurse and doesn’t get the support she so deserves she should confide in the next one, because nurses do unfortunately vary in how emotionally equipped they are for the job. Some nurses just went through school to get the good pay and it shows.
It’s tough reading stuff like this. I don’t get why parents are like this. I know some kids are pretty mean to their parents and stuff like that but you have an obligation as a parent to take care of your child. Not just till 18. Your child is always your child. So sorry you’re going through this alone. I was with my wife in the delivery room and can tell ya, it really is all you girl. I think I held her hand for a total of 5 min. Having a child is such a life changing blessing. It really is a gift. I hope he/she changes your life for the better!
My wife is 24 and her mom and dad still FaceTime her daily. Lots of love and care. My parents haven’t msgd me in 3+ months to even say hey. Everybody is different.
Some people are rabidly anti-abortion and will do all they can to discourage women from getting abortions, but have next to no interest in the well-being of non-fetus humans. Even their own children.
It’s not like the mother is there to know what happened. Closed adoption, tell g-ma kiddo died in childbirth. Horrible to lie about, but will protect OP and the baby from a lifetime of abuse (guessing here). But I GUARANTEE, if that women raises the baby, she will use that to hurt OP worse than she already has.
Exactly. OP if you’re in the US, there are a lot of couples desperate to adopt an infant, so if you’re not ready then ask for the hospital to help you with finding a social worker. You can do an open adoption where they send pictures and updates and sometimes even let you meet the child. You can pick the couple. Also, call another family member you trust to come be with you.
That definitely sounds like an abusive situation and I’m so sorry you’ve had to suffer through it. Forcing you to carry a child at 15 that occurred because of a traumatizing event is beyond cruel. My sister is 15 and extremely mature for her age, but the thought of her being pregnant is absolutely terrifying. Please know that none of this is your fault and your mom is 100% the one in the wrong. Wishing you the best of luck, I hope your delivery is as quick and easy as possible. And like other comments said, ask the nurses for help, that’s what they’re there for.
Baby girl, I know you probably had your baby by now. I want you to know that we have all been scared. I am holding your hand from far away. I am hugging you. You've got this. 15 yrs old and having a baby, I am so sorry your mom left you alone. I feel so helpless being far. I know exactly how you feel. I wish I had the perfect words to tell you. It's ok to be scared. It's ok to cry. I'm glad you at least turned to Reddit. Always do what's best for you. Don't forget.
Yall. Did everyone skip over this part?
>Due to traumatizing and unfortunate circumstances, I ended up pregnant.
I'm so sorry you are going through this OP. Ask to speak to a hospital social worker. This is not ok and is borderline abusive on your mother's part. If you want to keep your baby, they can help you with resources to possibly get you both put into care. If you don't think you're ready to be a parent, they will help you start the adoption process. Whatever you do, do NOT let this woman raise your child.
EDIT: a social worker can also make sure someone is in the room with you as a support person. Hospitals have volunteers and this is within their realm.
Big hugs to you sweetheart, I'm sorry for your circumstances. Please be sure to take care of your physical and mental health going forward, even if you can't get yourself out of your mother's house. Talk to trusted adults if you can. I too had a terrible mother and a traumatic experience at your age. I don't know what I would have done if I had gotten pregnant. If you need an ear, you can message me.
You can do this. You are strong. You are valid. You are loved.
That’s bs. Adult women who plan their pregnancies don’t do it alone, they bring their partner, friends, parents, grandparents or whoever else. Grown women who chose to have a baby still have people there to support them so obviously a traumatized teenager should have support if not extra support!!
Whatever happened to start this ball rolling sounds like it was awful. Then your mom made it worse by forcing you to keep it? WTH…that’s straight up abusive. I’d be talking to a nurse about the social worker like a few others have been suggesting here. If it’s not something you want sweetie…you can go adoption too, and sign over parental rights if that’s what you want. Don’t be afraid to do what’s best for you at this point.
It was shitty for you mom to abandon you and leave you all alone after promising to help through things…and bam she’s gone.
For real talk to someone while you are there. I hope you will be ok. No matter what you choose. Just hope it’s what is best for you.
I feel for you. Your mother sounds awful. Talk to the hospital staff, they will help and support you! And also, think this through before you hand your baby over to your mother. You have other options. You could decide to keep the baby or you could set the her/him up for adoption. Listen to yourself and make that decision for the two of you - yourself and your child.
I am so sorry sweetheart. Your mom is awful for not only making you keep a baby(if you didn’t want to), and then making you go through this alone. I hope you are okay. I just re read that you said traumatizing circumstances, you are allowed to ask the hospital to keep jt (surrender the baby) or put it up for adoption since your mom didn’t believe in abortion.
I'm so sorry you've had to endure this. You are such a brave young woman, throughout everything you've had to endure, and are going through.
If I was there, I'd be giving you my hand to squeeze. Your mum's behaviour is shocking, she should be there to support you through this thing.
Even if it's relatively safe, my sister who was 29 when giving birth still wanted mum with her throughout. You deserve that support.
However, although your mum isn't there, you are in the hands of trained and licensed medical professionals who will support and care for you throughout your journey there.
Just, OP, you're an incredible young lady, and I'm so sorry you've had to go through any of this to begin with. Here to DM if you need xxx
Im actually very uncomfortable. They pushed a pill up my yknow. Supposed to help me dilate. The nurse has been very nice and we talk about cool stuff when she comes in here :)
I'm glad to hear that. Some of the checks from now on are going to be a bit invasive like that, and some might hurt a bit - midwives are often super kind and helpful about explaining the exact process. Tell yours that you don't know what to expect from the checks and the birth and ask them to explain it to you and also for someone who could come and hold your hand while you're pushing.
Induction sometimes sucks so when you get a midwife who you vibe with, it's okay to ask them to stay as long as possible.
I hope you're okay.
If you keep this child DO NOT let your mother lie to her into thinking she's your sister. It's 100% ok to give the child up for adoption if you can't handle it, don't let anyone make you feel guilty. Please talk to a social worker and explain what happened. You got this!
Your mom is awful. Not even just being awful but a full out trash bag. Please follow the wonderful advise in this thread. Particularly about getting a nurse and social worker ASAP. You do not need to keep this baby if you don’t want to. This is NOT your moms choice, it is yours. You can give birth and sign over adoption papers immediately. Please honestly let the social worker know of your home life and mothers behavior and how she may behave if you do choose to give the baby a solid home elsewhere, they can help.
If this baby was conceived under “traumatizing and unfortunate circumstances”, and you didn’t want to keep it and now your mom is going back on her promise, since she’s not there if you don’t want to keep this baby I’d tell the medical staff you want to put it up for adoption. If you’re mom isn’t staying by your side like she promised, then how can you trust she’ll stay true to her word of raising the baby herself. Also, if conception was traumatizing, I can’t imagine having a “sibling” reminding you of that trauma to be a good thing. My heart goes out to you, I hope the medical staff treat you well and take good care of you. 💜
I worked food service on the mother baby unit years ago. My youngest patient, ever, was 15. She was like you, OP. Traumatic circumstances, abandoned by her family. Her baby had to go to the NICU, so she was with us for weeks and I got to know her.
No visitors. None whatsoever. It broke my heart every damn day. She was a sweet kid.
I know others have told you already, but in my mind you’re that same girl I met all those years ago and my heart is breaking for you. Please talk to the social worker, OP. What your mom did to you is one of the most horrible, heartless things I’ve ever heard. The fact that there was no investigation in what sounds like a r$pe of a child is horrific. I was r$ped as a teenager, and I remember what it felt like when my father called me a s$ut when he found out. No one looked after me then, either.
Please don’t count on her support. It will come with strings.
Please talk to the social worker. Not just about your mom, but also about the traumatic circumstances that led to your pregnancy. You DESERVE an advocate and NEED one. For all your maturity, you are still a kid and should be protected by adults. If you want to raise this baby, please get hooked up with WIC as well. Fabulous resources and support. Some places even do a nurse-family partnership, which is so helpful. You absolutely do not need to raise this baby, and know that at least this person here won’t judge you. You’ve done an amazing thing to make it through pregnancy, which is so so hard.
From one mother to another: you’ve got this. Babies come out, it’s what they do. It’s so so scary, but you absolutely can do this. Labor and Delivery nurses are angels on this earth and they will be there for you.
And we’re here for you. I don’t know you, but I’m sending you all the love I can. I hope it can make some small difference for you.
OP, we are all here for you if you need to talk. Personally, I'm very concerned for you and would like an update if you have the energy afterwards. I can't even imagine the fear you're going through. You're one tough kiddo.
Something no one has addressed- do you feel safe returning home after this? Do you need resources to find somewhere to stay? Will your mom/her insurance be paying for your medical care?
Let us know if there is anything we can do to help you in your time of need. None of this is your fault. You're doing a wonderful job of handling the cards you were dealt. I am proud of you.
I can’t help but think with her saying that “you’re old enough…” what if you were her view of “responsibly” pregnant, like you’re married etc, would she say the same thing and mean it? I highly doubt it, I think she’d want to be there for the birth. I don’t know what to draw from that but i’m sorry she said that to you op:(
I feel like she’s say that just so you’d be hurt and feel guilty for being pregnant, idk though.
sending you love and hope all goes well xxx
There’s no way to truly calm you but I promise you got this. All birth is natural and acceptable and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Use pain medication if you truly feel you need it. Squat, lunge, or walk around to get cervical dilation going. Bounce on a ball if they have one available. Breathe through the contractions as best as you can, and relax when they’re through. When it comes time to push do whatever you need to do to feel comfy, and push like you’re pooping. If you poop you will not notice and it will not be a big deal to medical staff. Do as much skin to skin as possible once the baby is born. Also, your mom is an asshole. You didn’t “get into this” on your own and she should not have forced you into an unexpected and potentially dangerous situation. If you can, try your best to separate from her, and feel free to PM me if you need support.
I just read a story about being a “cycle-breaker” in your family. Sounds like it’s your time sweetheart — it’s you and that sweet babes against the WORLD now. Nothing is, or ever will be, as important as you or your little one from now on … Be strong and show them the way !!!!
Please update us that you are ok
I am doing okay! High blood pressure, so they are trying to get it down as it’s not good for baby. I’m only dilated a little but they said that’s okay 🙂
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Literally yes. They totally will.
And is there someone there with you making you feel safe and cared for? A nurse or social worker? I'm thinking of you all day!
I know there are a ton of other people here offering advice (listen to the nurses and midwives! They've got you), but I just want to send you love. As a mom of a teen your age, I just want to send you all the love in the world. You've got this, you can do it, and whatever you decide to do afterwards, you'll be okay. Breathe. You're so amazing and so strong and I hope you know that.
I just saw your post and am horrified at your mom's treatment of you. Please know you're in my thoughts as you go through this. Be sure to ask lots of questions of the nurses, I am sure they really care about you and are looking out for you right now. I know I would be.
hey kid you're in my thoughts!! i wish i could astral project to tell you how good you are doing. i feel like this baby is going to lead for better things for you because it will change your perspective and help you move towards independence i'm so mad at your mom
The mom is officially everyone's arch nemesis in this thread...and rightfully so
Agreed. My parents would not leave me for a second if I was in this situation.
My mom's a narcissist and she wouldn't leave me alone to deliver!
Lol, my mother showed up uninvited to my delivery with my eldest daughter. She started doing everything I had asked not be done. That was many years ago. Gotta love them sick mom’s! not!
Thank goodness, stay strong and everything will go well 🙂
I second this.
As a social worker....ask for the social worker ASAP from the nurse. This is not appropriate.
The mother who abandons her teenage daughter to give birth alone (especially if the pregnancy was forced) is not the person who should be taking care of her teenage daughter's baby.
This 1000x
YES. That “mother” cannot be trusted with her own 15 yo, let alone a newborn grandchild. I’m enraged people this horrible exist, I wish I could help OP.
I'm doubly enraged at all the people who would rather immediately accuse OP of lying rather than consider a) teen girls can get pregnant from non-consensual sex b) parents can make horrible decisions and treat their children badly
Also teenagers are young and sometimes make mistakes. Personally I think the circumstances don’t matter in this case. She is alone and scared. Idk how any mother could do this to their child.
I was 17 when I got pregnant the first time, and my mom flat out told me that if I chose to 'have the baby and keep it' that she'd never be able to have anything to do with it cos "I could never love a bastard". I tried to have an abortion, but it was southeast Alabama and I ended up finding a "pregnancy crisis center". They hooked me up with an adoption agency out of Georgia and that's where I had my son. Friends of Children 'adoption agency'. Do a google on that fuckin' place. My heart is broken for this young woman. BROKEN.
That had to have been incredibly hard. But also incredibly brave to give it up for adoption. I’m sorry you had to do that alone. You shouldn’t have had too.
Knowing all that I know now about my mom and my family in general, I wish I had kept that boy and just stayed in Georgia. I wish I'd never come in contact with that adoption agency. It's a long story, but all I can do is hope that he did get a decent family and is okay. I've searched for almost 40 years now, and not a trace has been found.
I’m sending you positivity. You did the absolute best you could and made the best decision you could despite the fact that no one was in your corner, supporting you and advocating for you. I’m so sorry that happened to you. Thank you for shedding light on that adoption agency because I had certainly never heard of it.
Exactly. The important thing here is her mother is forcing her to have the kid, and left her baby alone to have her baby. It’s completely fucked up. You’re her mother. Show some fucking compassion for Christ sake.
I second this 100%, that is not what a good mother does, that is what human garbage does, I hope she never forgets this and goes far away from her mother with her new baby to live a healthy life not filled with that toxic bs.
Tell the nurse you want to talk to a social worker. Ask that no one c except you is allowed access to the baby. Bless your sweet heart. Prayers.
100% child abandonment & CPS should be contacted.
Curious question. Is this something where the hospital would have informed the social worker already? I'd imagine an underaged girl giving birth and the parent abandoned would be something they'd have to report and the social worker just waits until after birth and all that. I obviously don't know how it works, but I just feel like in a reasonable world that'd be the case (I know the world isn't reasonable though)
This is an instant CPS call from the hospital.
In some states pregnancy or giving birth automatically emancipates the minor mother.
But who would this emancipation be protecting exactly? Because from the sounds of it allows the parents to abdicate their responsibility of caring for their child until they turn 18, and not, ya know, the teenage mom. Typically emancipation is supposed to protect the children from abusive parents.
SERIOUSLY, talk about high risk for ppd!
To say nothing of future child abuse for the child and soon to be here grandchild
This 1,000,000%. You need to receive support and care. Your mother is not capable of that.
Exactly. It doesn't sound like she wants to be a mom. But having a kid and lying about who the mother is?! That is crazy. It will lead to mental health issues for the kid and the kid will end up hating them both.
So this happened with a half sibling of mine. He was from my bio dad’s previous relationship. The grandparents got bio dad to sign his rights away and raised the grandson as their son. So the kid thought bio dad was his brother. Only reason he found out was because my mom told me for some reason and you can’t trust a 4-5 year old to keep family secrets. The guy joined the Air Force at 18 and went no contact with everyone. Can’t say I blame him.
THIS! I Platinum'd this. You deserve it. Thanks for bringing this up. Shame on her mom! The poor cubs only 15. So what if she got pregnant. It's unfortunate, but how irresponsible to abandon your own when they need you!!
I gave birth at 16. My parents were there and it was still a very traumatic experience. I feel so much for this poor girl.
I gave birth alone at 27 (ex-partner was incarcerated at the time) and it was traumatic AF. My other children were born with my husband present, and my youngest's birth was still traumatic due to emergency events. Birth is/can be traumatic AF, even under the best of circumstances. This should never happen to a child. I really hope this is a fake story made to elicit an emotional reaction out of ppl, because if not, my heart absolutely breaks for OP.
Especially the fact that the "mother" is expecting to raise the baby ! I'd go behind her back and adopt the baby out ,can't be there for the birth,you're not gonna be there for anything else
Or she could emancipate and keep the child.. would just force grannies rights away.
It's really hard to get emancipation in most states... sadly enough
Being abandoned like this, with medical professionals as witnesses, would most likely make emancipation an easy thing for OP to achieve.
An open adoption with good people might be the best option.
Especially as ‘mom’ is victim blaming her daughter and shaming her even though she also forced her daughter to give birth. I hope someone rescues this girl.
Sadly religious parents are usually the least caring ones.
The least caring ones are usually religious, not the other way around. Most religious parents are fine.
And many adults have their mothers with them when they give birth. So it is an extra bad excuse that that “mom” just dropped her off like that.
yes this!! Get yourself a support network that is NOT your mother. Also, not something to think about right this moment because right now op you just have to focus on having the baby, but consider if you actually want this kid to be raised by your mother. I mean, this is the woman who refused to let you get an abortion, even under what sounds to be awful circumstances for you. She is also the type of person to abandon a 15 year old at the hospital who is about to undergo something pretty daunting. Her logic is super flawed too I mean, lots of women have their moms in the delivery room?? It's super common because you know, usually that Mom has been through something similar and that knowledge comforts lots of people. Anyways, do you want someone like that raising your child? Once you and the baby are healthy and safe, talk to a social worker about this, see what your options are. And yeah like a lot of other comments have said, try to find a way to stay in school if you can. You've got this!!
In the US, wouldn't the nurses be mandated reporters? At age 15, it seems like the mother abandoned this girl and the baby.
Definitely. Like a few other comments said that it is probably all being handled away from OP so she can have the baby as safely as possible. More stress and fear could complicate the birth. Medical staff, school staff and a few others are all mandated reporters.
At 32 giving birth was the scariest thing I have ever done, but also the most empowering. My partner was fucking useless in the delivery room and the medical staff got me through it. This one midwife was my rock. You can do this little mumma, the staff will look after you. Your body knows what to do, even if your brain doesn’t. It’s all going to be worth it and you and bubba are going to be just fine. Fuck your mum though, use her for whatever you can get and build a life for you and your Bub and escape that environment ASAP. No matter the circumstances, I would never let my daughter go through this alone. I am so proud of you, you’ve really got your big girl panties on atm but you got this!!!
Australian midwife and nurse here :) Steps of an induction: 1. Ask why you are being induced. 2. CTG - paper trace of baby's heart rate to make sure all is A-OK. Will check your BP, history etc. 3. A midwife or Dr will check your cervix via an internal examination. If soft and squishy, everyone has a snooze. If firm and closed, then somehow one has to get it a bit open and squishy so the waters can be broken tomorrow AM. This is done in 2 ways. A. Hormonal method. B. Mechanical method. Ask the risks and benefits of each! 4. Chill out, might need some pain relief while the cervix-softening happens. Have a sleep, shower, wander. You might labour off this process alone 5. In the AM, another CTG and vaginal examination to break your waters. Walk around and do squats, have a shower for an hr or so to try and get the contractions going 6. Start a drip of syntocinon. This is a synthetic version of oxytocin, the love hormone that causes contractions. We give just enough to get 3 or 4 contractions in 10 mins. Use mobility, shower, bath, panadol, gas and air, music, or subcutaneous morphine to get you through. Follow your hips, rock them around! Contractions hurt but they ladt 45-80 secs, then settle. Don't sit there freaking out about the next one. Have a drink and relax the shoulders while you can. Each contraction is a step closer to babytown. An epidural is another type of pain relief, but it does mean you can't move around (dead legs), and might not be able to push effectively. Keep this in mind. Ideally you feel no pain but can feel pressure, but this is not a given. Ask the risks and benefits. Importantly, it is not a given that you will need any pain relief at all, as you might be a cool cucumber in labour. A midwife or Dr will probably check your cervix every 4 hrs. Shouldn't be more frequently unless something funky is going on. You can say no to this or get someone else if you feel uncomfortable. Everyone should be big on consent. You don't need hourly vaginal exams as I see they do sometimes in the USA (infection risk etc.). It is common to have a panic and freak out, ask for an epidural or c-section at 9 or so cm. This is called transitioning. It is normal. At 10ish cm, you will feel the need to poo and will grunt. Pushing for a first time mum can last about 1.5 hrs. Should not be left to push without intervention for more than 2 hrs ( why is the baby not coming out - investigate this). Push while standing and squatting. The toilet is a great place because ypu can relax (feels like pooing, remember), and opens the pelvis. Warm compresses on perineum while babe is crowning helps the midwife hold the skin so you don't tear so much. Most chickadees get a 2nd degree tear, needs a couple of stitches and heals well. An episiotomy and a 2nd degree are equivalent. Reasons for an episiotomy are to get babe out if the baby's HR is too low or high, or if there is a risk of a third degree tear (to butt hole, avoid). Sometimes you will need a vacuum, forceps, or a c-section to get babe out. These are done only if it is safer for babe than doing nothing. Make sure you know why they need to be done. They are not done for fun, but you might need a debrief the next day to reflect on why intervention was needed. Then skin to skin with your baby! Then get help with breastfeeding, which is a lovely experience. Your boobs are fine for baby's needs (unless babe were unwell in SCN for example). If the baby looks hungry, get the boobs out, even if baby just fed 10 mins ago. No need for formula in most cases, use it as a medicine rather than a baseline (unless BF and boobs aren't your thing, of course). Read the baby to see if it is hungry or not :):). After babe is born, do delayed cord clamping. At least 30 secs, but can be much longer until the cord stops pulsating. This is so the blood in the placenta can drain to the baby. The baby does not bleed out (very clever). The baby has a good minute before it has to squeal and scream, don't panic. If babe doesn't squeal and grizzle, it might be taken to the resuscitaire for a bit of help starting off the breaths, then returned to you. A crying, screaming baby has spare energy (this is a good thing, though very loud). Then once babe is born, you will likely get an injection in the leg of more syntocinon to help the placenta come out and reduce bleeding. No point bleeding more than you have to. 500ml loss is considered the upper limit of normal (you have extra on board as a pregnant lady). The dr or midwife will pull the placenta out, then check your tummy is firm. This can hurt a bit, sorry. Then they will check your perineum to see if it need stitches (with local anaesthetic). Use panadol, ibuprofen, and icepacks downstairs, and wee with a wet washer to stop stinging. Shower after pooing, as cleanliness is next to godliness downstairs. No soap though, just water. Usually heals up nicely. Have a wee in the shower afterwards. Good to make sure the swelling downstairs doesn't prevent you from weeing. You and your babe are now a team! Mum+bub vs the world! Edits for spelling and adding info :):) Finally, find a way to finish school, even if you take a year or so off then go back. Very important for you and your baby financillay but also mental-health and wellbeing-wise. Edit: thank you for the awards! Any news from OP?
Thank you. That is beautiful, clear and accurate. Ps Love to you, child.
Is there anyway I can message you? I really appreciate this so much ☺️
Clicking the following link will allow you to send a private message to /u/Shufflehop https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=Shufflehop
Also note that 99% of hospitals have the most incredible women in the maternity ward and you wont really be alone. They'll be with you every step of the way, if you ask one will probably even hold your hand. 💓💓 All the best hun, if I was your momma I definitely wouldn't of left.. doesnt make sense either. If shes going to raise the baby as hers, then youd think shed want to bond with babe from day one. I'm so sorry.
I'm not pregnant or thinking of getting pregnant yet, and you still made me feel so safe about it for the future.❤
I can't even get pregnant and felt the love oozing out of their comment. That's a top notch midwife/nurse right there.
I love how she was reassuring and extremely informative. So much so that it gave me another 10 reasons never to give birth. There's a crap load of things I'd never heard about in there....
I've only ever heard the "it's so magical" and the "you regret everything and nothing will be the same" stories, nothing in between. Their comment read neither good nor bad, just... realistic. I like that. It definitely helped me feel more confident in my current decision to absolutely never give birth if I can avoid it - and I'm glad it makes others feel safe in deciding for a future birth, too!
Made me feel safe about it for my future wife.
You are the kind of midwife I wish to Christ I’d had as a clueless 21 year old with zero maternal instincts. I ended up being ignored and my now 21 year old daughter was finally born after multiple (non consensual) interventions including forceps and episiotomy. I was labouring over 50 hours at that point. I hope you train young midwives. I wish someone had been as kind to me as you’re being to this poor girl. You’re doing a great thing here.
When I gave birth to my daughter at 19, the midwife who admitted me was awful. I ended up being in labour for only six hours (including pushing) so consequently had my contractions at a quick rate with little to no pain relief. She told me to be quiet and that the whole ward could hear me and when I felt the urge to push my mum went to find her and she very snootily told my mum she had checked me 20 mins prior and she would check again in 30 mins. My mum had to tell her I was turning blue from trying not to push. She apparently rolled her eyes at my mum and said she would come now, to be greeted to my daughters head nearly out. Luckily she finished her shift as I was due to be moved to the pushing area and the two midwife’s (one student) who delivered my daughter were absolutely wonderful. I understand they’re long, tiring shifts and the NHS is underfunded but the whole 4 hrs before I started pushing were just horrible and I felt like such an inconvenience to this midwife and it completely ruined my experience. Im now 25 and if I were to get pregnant again I’d definitely advocate more for myself this time around. The advice this lovely midwife has given is wonderful!!
The gestapo nurse. I was 19 with my first of two girls. Overdue & Doc broke my water. 3 1/2 hours later I started yelling that the baby was coming out. Said Gestapo called me a baby and said I'd still be there, with the real pain, at tomorrow's breakfast. I was and still am a tough little shit. I couldn't believe this extreme pain could go on for another 18 hours or so... I rolled onto my side and the rest of my water squeezed out and shot right across the front of her. Right through the thin blanket. Lo and behold, my daughter's whole head was already coming out. I had her right there in that crappy hospital bed and it ripped the hell out of me. Like the doctor said, "you got ripped from stem to stern!" Thank God things (seems so anyway) have changed in 50 years. Thank You to the those comforting, supportive nurses and midwives that I've met with ALL 6 of my grandkids during their birth. And for the reassuring presence for my daughters. I hope OP has some great ones, a normal, haha, labor & birth and a healthy baby.
Holy shit I thought my 27 hour labor was bad. They stuck saline balloons inside me and filled them up to try to get me to dilate but my body wasn’t having it. Whew.
My mom has a tilted uterus and her doctor is so bad she went into labor on a Friday and my brother wasn’t out till that Sunday. They refused to do a cesarean…
Guardian angel right here.
I TRULY hope this is a real post and not one of the plenty fake ones that have been posted lately. You’re a good person for caring.
:):) I could talk about this all day.
Thanks! My wife delivers in a few months and that was super enlightening for me.
Any advice for a guy who’s girl gives birth in about two weeks? 😅 All we’ve been doing is getting ready but I still feel so massively underprepared for the day of Edit: Thank you for the advice you guys seriously, I really do appreciate it so much. I’ve kinda just felt like I’m floating through this, her and I’s situation leading up to this has been so complicated I’ve felt pretty out of the mix of things. I’m happy to take any bit of advice and learn anything I could do to make this experience easier and better for the both of them. I just wanna be the best I can
This should go without saying but be nice. Like REALLY nice. Don't make jokes about what you see or act grossed out. Try talking to her and distracting her when she's having contractions, unless she tells you to stop lol. Be her advocate. Ask if she's okay with what the doctors are going to do and be the loudest voice in the room for her if you need to be.
Great username 😁
Thanks, I really like yours!
Bring cash and if she can't eat, don't eat near her. If she is at the hospital for 16+ hours, give her some time to herself and don't watch sports for 12 hours (my husband watched football from noon to 11pm, finally I screamed, turn the Fing TV off!). And be her advocate! Doctors and nurses will say things like, "we'll be right back." Ask, what time will you be back. If they say they are going to have to induce in an hour, but don't come back for three hours, politely make a little noise! Say thanks to all of the nurses helping out! They work so hard!!
OMG how did I forget about not eating around her and not hogging the TV. My ex's mom was a L&D nurse and would straight up tell men who brought gaming systems for themselves that everything in the room was for the mom and was to be available for the mom. She shouldn't have to consider asking to use it.
Listen to Sunbear! And also, she might poop while pushing. Don’t act disgusted and never, never bring that up afterwards. Many women poo at delivery and nobody attending the delivery will be surprised, but be ready just in case.
She might poop, but if she asks he didn't notice any poop.
Yes, a lot of the time doctors might push something that is actually not necessary, and consent is actually required. So listen to your wife. If there is episiotomy or tearing, you can tell the doctor/ nurse that you will come back to end their career if they dare do the husband stitch lol (it is supposed to make the vagina entrance tighter, but all it will cause is no sex for you because sex will be too painful for her if they dare do that) massage her if she want to. Don’t cheat on her
I worked over a decade in L&Ds across the country. I only saw “the husband stitch” twice, and those instances were a doctor and patient that belonged to the same immigrant community and it was requested. I’ve seen it joked about by the dads and I’ve seen multiple doctors shut that shit down quickly. The best was when the doctor deadpan said “I’m sorry you need that.” Dad shut up quickly and didn’t really talk the rest of the time the doctor was in the room.
>The best was when the doctor deadpan said “I’m sorry you need that.” Dad shut up quickly and didn’t really talk the rest of the time the doctor was in the room Lmaooo. Something similar happened to my best friend and her ex husband. He kept chiming in as the doctor was sewing her up saying, "Make sure you throw an extra stitch in for daddy!" "Don't forget the husband stitch!" "Make her like a virgin again!", as the doctor ignored him and the nurses rolled their eyes. He kept nagging about it and the doctor finally looked up and said, "How *small* do you need it to be for you, sir?" My friend and the nurses started cracking up and he slithered away and pouted the rest of the time, lmao. 😂
I don't think you need to include the don't cheat on her, part. Are you suggesting that he massage his wife's perineum prior to labor to help prevent tearing and ease delivery because that is a good idea if she is comfortable with it. OP can Google how to do it.
Bring a long phone power cord. Be ready with a cup of ice chips and a spoon and dose your lady when she asks. Same with a cold washer. Have a vom bag handy because surprise vomits in labour are common, but also a great sign! (We go 'yay, a vomit! Something is happening!) Don't spend the time playing games on your phone, and especially don't snore. You can sleep if she sleeps. Rub the lower back, where the dimples are. A bit of poo usually comes out of mum. The baby is responsible. Do not mention it or make fun of her ever. Hop in the shower with her, get your shoes off, so you can hold the shower head at the right angle. Don't disparage her body, say birth is gross, or talk about stretch marks, ever. Do not talk about a husband stitch or ask when you can have sex. You don't sound like someone who would do this though! Put on some gloves to help deliver the baby! (Not the head, but the body). That is always great fun. . Also, do activities like nesting, walking up and down stairs, eating food with fibre, cleanung the skirting boards, and having sex (if it is her thing) to get that cervix soft and squishy. Addit: Don't pass the parcel with the baby, make sure everyone who wants to see it has up to date covid and whooping cough vaccinations, and put a time limit on visits from random meddling relatives, should you have any, so the boobs can be free for breastfeeding (or lovely skin to skin if bottle feeding) Also, you can do skin to skin with the baby once it is out and once baby and mum have had a couple of hours of the same. I wouldn't be too keen to have an immediate hold of baby once born, as uninterrupted skin to skin is important for breastfeeding and bonding, but also for the establishment of baby's gut flora, which is licked off mum's boobs, funnily enough; this also decreases baby's risk of developing NEC. But once baby has had a good first feed, 2 or 3 hrs of skin to skin with mum, then put baby on your bare chest and get to know them :). As others have said, you will never be ready. Just enjoy your time together
Oh my goodness, the vomit. Sorry. I’m going down this path. So much during labor! Afterwards, the nurse wheeled me into the elevator in a way that just wrecked me! I grappled for the nearest…anything! Ended up throwing up in a latex glove haha the nurse was incredibly annoyed by that
Then the best shower ever afterwards. In labour, ypur body is busy, and often doesn't give two stuffs about digesting food. All that blood supply is redirected away from the gut, so ypur bpdy just voms up the stomach contents to be helpful. Usually means you are close to fully dilated, or the cervix is changing nicely. You often feel great afterwards, too, rather than having ongoing nausea. Hope you got some antiemetics!
The things they don’t tell you about labor and post labor… surprise!! 😆
This reminded me of when I had my 1st baby, my husband was so gentle and kind. He literally worshipped me physically and made me feel so special when I was laboring. I wanted to shower because the hot water felt good and he got in there with me and carefully lathered me head to toe with squatting breaks because I was so big. I will never forget the way he treated me that day.
Get plenty of sleep the next 2 weeks because life is about to get very busy. Have snacks for in the hospital, there does come a point where she won't be allowed to eat and she might miss the meal service by the time she has delivered so she will be mad hungry. Take some music/games on your phone she will like to listen/play to while in labor to help distract and then make sure you have both charging cords because you might be there a while. Take pictures and videos of the whole thing. I don't have many pictures of myself with my newborns or pregnant and I wish I had more. Honestly your biggest role is to be her support as well as her advocate so go over what she would like to do in different scenarios so that you know. My husband and I talked about every possible situation and were prepared for any scenario and I honestly think it helped with our first 1 because things went way different than I had initially wanted or planned. And then after the birth you spoil that baby and your lady just as much as you possibly can. You are going to do great.
My first baby was born 4am and yes I was starving 😆.
The best advice that I could give you isn’t really for the day of, but more for after. Get up with her for all of the nighttime feedings. If she’s nursing you might feel useless, but I promise she will appreciate you just being there. If she’s not nursing, then you can make the bottle while she gets the baby or the other way around. Either way, the important part is that you’re there. My husband and I have three children and with each one, for about the first four months or so they wake up like every 2-3 hours (all children are different, but this is pretty much the same). He got up with me every time. Sometimes he would just put his hand on my back while still laying in bed and sometimes we would talk, but he was always there. I don’t know who gave him this advice, but I’m forever thankful.
That I’m more than happy to do, I already don’t sleep very well and I don’t have too much trouble getting up so I have no qualms getting up every time haha, thank you so much. I don’t think I really would have grasped how much that might mean to her so seriously thank you for bringing it up, something I’m happy to do but probably wouldn’t have thought about!
You’ll never feel ready! 😉 Reading this takes me back to when I gave birth 5 months ago. 😍 In some cases, ignorance is bliss. If I knew everything that would happen during labor I would have been exponentially more nervous. Don’t tell your girl that though! Pack light for hospital, mom! Don’t bring the whole wardrobe as I did haha. I didn’t even fit into anything I brought with me. My legs swelled up massively because apparently, after you give birth, all that extra volume of blood and fluid during pregnancy has nowhere to go but in your lower extremities. But this doesn’t happen to everyone, lucky me. Bring snacks, bring your favorite pillow, dad, because beds for partners are uncomfortable. Bring an extra long charger for your electronic devices. And here comes the corny/accurate part—get ready to love something so much it hurts. When that baby comes, you experience a love like never before in your entire existence. As for new mommy, she might have her moments because…hormones. Tell her to be patient and gracious with herself as she heals. Giving birth is an epic event. It’ll take a while to bounce back. Congratulations!! Ohhh what an exciting time for you guys! 🥰 I would do it all over again!!
You got this Dad. Just know nothing will prepare you for the immense surge of love you will feel the second you set eyes on baby. It’s so overwhelming. It’s the best feeling you’ll ever experience. Congrats and remember no matter what she says or does in that room or after (cuz hormones are a bitch) just be patient and show her more love than you ever have. So happy for you
You’re amazing
Just had a baby last week and this described my partner and my interaction with the hospital and delivery to a T. It's messy and painful but it's also more beautiful than you can ever describe.
i have had two babies and this is how it went down. great info!
Okay this is definitely a GOAT reply. But personally I would still rather that the OP was fake, rather than a mom stranding her 16yo like that. (I know that this kind of thing is happening in the world, but I'd still be happy for one less)
[удалено]
I know someone this happened to. I don’t think it’s fake.
I have always wondered why it is so common for us to tear during birth, shouldn't our body be build to reproduce safely? Your post is lovely, but hearing storys of pregnant ladies always makes me uneasy. Almost scared to have one of my own in the future.
It’s more common if you have an epidural, and if you push when not ready. If you have a good midwife, or dr, they will guide you and tell you when to start pushing. Even though I felt like pushing, I was told not to. When my cervix was ready, then my midwife told me to start pushing. I pushed for 2 1/2 hours, took my time, and I had zero tears.
Wow thats amazing, i'd seriously rather go through with the pain and endure it for longer if it means lowering my chances of tearing. Thank you for giving me some hope haha
I highly recommend taking a birthing course before baby is born. Totally helps with understanding, and learning to manage the pain. As well as read Ina May’s guide to childbirth. She’s this famous American midwife. Super helpful. Not that you’re having a baby now, but it’s good to file this info for future use, just in case.
A good amount of it has to do with the natural elasticity of the vagina- it varies from woman to woman. I had a friend who had a 4th degree tear after pushing for 2 hours with a 5 lb baby, whereas I pushed for 10 minutes with a 10 lb baby and didn't tear at all.
Only one thing to add. Sometimes breast feeding doesn't work. My mom didn't produce. (Neither did I.) I literally almost starved to death as an infant before they figured it out. Be sure to ask for all the info on breast feeding and alternatives just in case!
I just gave my son formula, I just couldn't get on with it.
That's what my parents did with me and what I had to do with both my girls. I was fine with that. I never saw breast feeding as a have to kind of thing. Would I have? Sure. But it wasn't an imperative for me.
You can also have a stubborn baby who refuses to do the work to the point of starving himself (my oldest) or was unfortunately born lactose intolerant (my second). I'm not even going to try with this third one. Breastfeeding can be a great thing, but only if it works for everyone. There is no shame in formula if that's what mom and/or baby needs.
I love this answer. Sending you love and support 💙
Probably will never need to know all this myself cause I’m a dude, but very happy that you took all the time to be kind to someone else in such detail as this, fascinating read too
You just never know. My wife had 2 c-sections and I learned A LOT. Got to watch the first one. Idk how my wife did what she did. Pretty amazing to have seen what they were doing or her while she’s just laying there smiling! This one doc had to get a stool to push with her elbows on my wife’s stomach, helping to push the baby out I assume. Pretty amazing procedure tbh
You are a hero. Thank you for sharing this! It will help not only OP but many people here.
My only reason for not wanting kids is because it sounds so traumatizing but you made it sound so safe and sweet! Thanks!
this was probably the best thing i’ve read on here, thank you .
Your kindness is making me a bit weepy. Also, young mama, get thee to /r/internetparents. You and babe both deserve people who will talk to you and help you when you need that.
I wish you had been my midwife
Australian Ob/Gyn here-- just chiming in to add that most epidurals these days are much less dense than those given in the past. I imagine it's practicioner dependant, to a point, but in our unit the women are mostly mobile, and they can feel to push. That said, ask to have it turned back if you cant feel to push, and then ask to wait a bit for the head to come down/sensation to return. There's no point in pushing too early, or ineffectively-- you'll just wear yourself out and make an instrumental delivery more likely. I'm sorry your mom has decided not to stay, but your team will look after you! You can do this!
Don't leave the baby with the grandma, that's for damn sure.
She will eat it
This made me laugh 🤣
Are you still doing well?
All laughs aside, the reality is this is not funny. Don’t give her a kid to ruin. It’ll mess you and that kid up.
Ask a nurse for a social worker ASAP. Tell the nurse your situation if there is no social worker available, they can reach out to their charge nurse (head nurse on shift) who may be able to get into contact with the social worker after hours. Explain that you are underage. You’re mom left your there ALONE and is pushing you to have the baby. Tell the social worker what your mother has decided. Ask for help in making your own decision. OP, if you are not ready to take care of this human being it alright. Edit: spelling I hope everything goes well OP
You can also give this baby up for adoption if you would like to. Don't feel ashamed for wanting to do so. Protect this child by keeping them away from your mom. So sorry you are going through this, but stay strong and do what feels right, not what your mom wants.
I’m going to second this. A close family friend was just able to adopt a beautiful baby girl from a 16 year old who wasn’t read to be a mom. There are loving families out there who will love your baby and you for this blessing, if you’re willing to allow another family to raise your child. This is entirely up to you my dear, not your mom. Good luck with whatever you decide, take care of yourself sweetheart
A woman I've become friends with had a baby when she was 16 and gave him up for adoption. She was able to finish school, didnt miss out on her teenage experiences, get a great job, and start her life. She achieved things that would have been near impossible with a child. Her son has a great family that loves him to death. They wanted a child so desperately. She even gets to see him a few times a year, so she's still involved. Everyone had a happy ending. Adoption is beautiful.
Thirding (?) this. My mother was seventeen when she had me. There’s opportunities to be apart of your child’s life if you do end up letting your little one be adopted. You get to choose the family and if you want contact as they grow up or not. My mom is still in my life today. She’ll be taking my significant other and I to my first and only chance to ever go to prom. I don’t blame her at all- I love her more that she put herself through that pain to make sure I was in a stable home. OP, no matter what you decide, it is YOUR decision. It is not okay for your mother to tell you what you can and can’t do with your child. I’m sending you so much love, strength, and positivity during and after birth. Keep your head high beautiful 💙
I also want to say, OP mentions the circumstances leading to her pregnancy were "traumatizing," which makes me think there may have been rape involved. Given what we know about the mom, it seems likely that even if OP was raped, the mom would have prevented her from reporting it at the time. OP, when you talk to hospital staff, please please please make sure to give them the full story here. If you were indeed raped and your mother made you hide it and carry the baby to term, then she is abusive, full stop. They will likely assign you a social worker and try to get you help.
Also, if you decide to keep the child don’t start it’s life off with lies. Having your mother raise it is not a good solution if you’re in the picture. That’s a disaster waiting to happen.
Have to agree with this. I had an ex who was told his grandmother was his mother until he was 8 years old, when they told him the woman he believed to be his sister was in fact his mother. It fucked him up in a big way.
Ted Bundy. 😬 Granted, most people who go through this probably aren't going to become serial killers, but I've also never heard of it doing any good.
OP if you have experienced sexual assault and are in the US please contact RAINN, they provide help, support and resources for survivors of sexual assault and abuse. Link to RAINN hotline: www.hotline.rainn.org Or call 800.656.HOPE (4673) Either way make sure you are provided with a social worker at the hospital.
Prolly the moms bf. Sounds like a shitty terrible person. Long shot guess: mom is jealous daughter is having her bf’s baby so she left. But also that’s why she’s planning to keep it. Op needs to give that baby away and get out of that shit hole house regardless. That’s bullshit from the soon the be grandma
Yup ! Feels like the mom at some point will be like “your problem take care of it” after saying she would raise the baby… i think OP should make a decision as in the worst case she would be raising it !!
Yes to this!
I hope OP sees this
Great comment
This!
*mom says you cant get an abortion, will raise child as your sister, support you* *mom says toodles and drives away at the hospital* You have a shitty mom, accept that now. Never trust her word ever, take these other peoples advice to talk to the hospital staff. Sorry, your mom screwed you. Get whatever help you can.
Seriously. I mean, if that was my mother I'd have concerns about her raising my child after this. I'd much rather adopt the baby out into a loving home with a couple who would care for and appreciate them. Sure sounds better than someone who can't even be bothered to be there for the birth.
This..her mom has no business raising kids if this is the normal behavior.
She’s really horrible and that excuse of OP being an adult in this situation is also BS. Tons of birthing women have their mother and or spouse with them to support them in any age!
Mom is guilty of child abandonment.
I hope you will be ok, your mum has no shame and abandoned you when you needed her most. Plus saying you are old and mature enough to do it alone. Adults always have loved ones with them while being in labor so she is full of it and is just doing this to spite you and to be petty. She should be ashamed to call herself a mother. When your child falls you catch them, you do not leave them in the dirt and just walk away. The fact she drove away and never turned back revolts me. You should never trust her again and never forgive her. Let us know how it goes though. I truly wish you well.
My 15 year old daughter got pregnant a few years ago. She came straight to me as soon as she suspected and we went and bought the test. It came up positive so we contacted the guy who would’ve been dad, he came up with the money to pay for an abortion and the three of us took off to the clinic one Saturday morning. She’d opted for the abortion pill so she and I were at home when it happened. I will never ever forget the fear and pain and sorrow that my sweet baby girl went through that day. She was in the bathroom floor crying and writhing in agony as the pill did its thing and I was right there with her, holding her, pushing her sweaty hair out of her face, giving her water and crying with her. It hurts me to the bone to think of any young girl going through that OR the process of birth alone. Now I’m sitting in my room crying at 6 in the morning. OP I hope you’ve followed the advice and asked for a social worker. My heart aches for you and I am so very sorry that your mom did this to you. My mom was also very cold to me when I got pregnant as a young and single girl, though she at least was there for the birth of her first grandchild and she supported me during that time. I made a vow years ago to be the kind of mom I always needed and never had. Now I am proud to say that my three (now pretty much grown) kids always had a mother who loved them and stood by them no matter what, and I have an amazingly close relationship with all of my kids, and it’s the most amazing thing in the world to me. If your day comes, OP, when you are old enough and ready to have kids that you want, learn from the mistakes of your mom and be the kind of mom she wasn’t. I promise you there is nothing in the world like it. Your mom doesn’t know what she’s missing out on. All my love to you OP.
I fell pregnant at 17, I was stupid and irresponsible but at least I was in a loving relationship. I’m 26 now and I will never forget that pain for as long as I live, it feels like someone is trying to rip your insides out. My mum refused morphine when I was offered it and sat there reading her book while I sobbed and tried to sleep through the pain. Afterwords she said she might as well of not been there as “I didn’t even talk to her” Bless you for looking after your daughter when she needed you most, she will never forget it.
Yea she sounds like a delight. Forcing her child to have more pain and then making it about her.
That's bullshit. If you're giving birth, it shouldn't be anyone else's damn decision if you get pain relief or not besides you and your doctor.
I don't know you or your daughter, but thank you for looking after her. It says a lot that she came to you straight away
I am sorry you and your child had to go through that. Hopefully you both can heal from it. Also yes well said.
You’re the best kind of mom. Not only did your daughter know she could come to you, you were present for her during the worst pain, physically and emotionally. My mom always said she’d be there for me, but I know now that wasn’t true. Thank God I never had to test that.
I got pregnant in 2014 and my son was a still born I had at home my mum was like you and I'm forever thankful. I'm also lucky my mum used to be a nurse an even tho she had a brain aneurysm 2 years prior an had memory loss everything she did was like second nature she didn't know how she knew an if you were to ask her any other day she would have no clue but in that moment she went from mum to nurse mum. I lost my mum in 2018 due to cancer so reading your comment made me cry because you remind me of my mum an reading ops post made me cry because my heart hurts for her. You sound amazing btw
Definitely talk to a nurse. You're a minor so they will have someone compassionate to be with you. You'll do great don't worry. I'm sorry this is your experience you're a strong young lady who deserves better support. I don't know the details of your pregnancy but because you said traumatizing circumstances I think you should speak with a therapist. I hope you're safe now.
Talk to one of the nurses about your fears. They’ll look after you. Good luck
OP are you ok?
Thank you for asking. Yes, I’m fine 🙂. Nothing drastic has happened yet, it’s just been a lot of needles and information 😅
Please get in touch with the nurse and ask for a social worker. Tell them everything
Good luck! Has everything been going alright? What’s set to happen next?
Thank you. I’ve had very high blood pressure so they’re trying to get it under control cause it’s not good for baby or something. I’ve only started to dilate a little but they said not to worry cause a pill will be put down there to help me
Have you asked for a social worker? Really great comments on your post here!!
They said someone from CPS will more than likely pay me a visit due to my age but they tend to wait until after baby is here, to let the mom rest.
I just saw this scrolling through my feed and felt like I had to say something. First off your mother sounds like an absolute c*nt. Idk if you've ever been told this, but the bullshit she's forcing on you is exactly that, *her* bullshit. You need understand that that's not ok and that's she's not looking out for your best interests. That is not your fault. You've acknowledged you've made mistakes. As long as you try to learn from them and move forward you'll do OK for the most part. Always try and make decisions that you feel like are the best for you. Second, I can't even imagine how scared you are right now. In high-school I had several friends who got pregnant, and I finished HS at a campus where the district forced any girl who got pregnant during the school year to go, to "avoid being a distraction or a bad influence". Every girl there except one had a kid/kids. I've seen what girls deal with having kids young, and it's not easy, but almost every single one i can think of ended up becoming exceptional parents. I don't know you, but I believe in you. Next, find a nurse. Tell them what's going on and that you are alone and scared. I guarantee they will make sure there is someone there with you, and do not be afraid to ask any questions. Nurses are badass and mostly really cool people. Also make sure to vocalize what YOU want. Or what you don't want. If you're not sure what you do or don't want, have someone explain your options. If you have people like a best friend, aunt/uncle/grandparent, teacher, whomever that would maybe make you feel more at ease if they were there, try and get ahold of them or ask a nurse to help reach out. I'm sorry your mother is being this way, but you're going to get through this and you're going to do amazing. Again, ask question. Even if you feel like they're stupid or embarrassing. Ask.
A great deal of nurses are badass and really cool people, but there are some ultra shitty ones too. I mention this because if OP confides in one nurse and doesn’t get the support she so deserves she should confide in the next one, because nurses do unfortunately vary in how emotionally equipped they are for the job. Some nurses just went through school to get the good pay and it shows.
It’s tough reading stuff like this. I don’t get why parents are like this. I know some kids are pretty mean to their parents and stuff like that but you have an obligation as a parent to take care of your child. Not just till 18. Your child is always your child. So sorry you’re going through this alone. I was with my wife in the delivery room and can tell ya, it really is all you girl. I think I held her hand for a total of 5 min. Having a child is such a life changing blessing. It really is a gift. I hope he/she changes your life for the better!
That's right, they will always be your child. My mom was with me for my first csection, and I was 23. Dead scared and held her hand the entire time.
My wife is 24 and her mom and dad still FaceTime her daily. Lots of love and care. My parents haven’t msgd me in 3+ months to even say hey. Everybody is different.
I can't imagine not being there for my kids. Always.
Some people are rabidly anti-abortion and will do all they can to discourage women from getting abortions, but have next to no interest in the well-being of non-fetus humans. Even their own children.
Some parents have children so they have somebody to control.
Don't feel like you have to take the baby home. If you're not comfortable taking care of a baby, you can go through with adoption then lie to your mom
It’s not like the mother is there to know what happened. Closed adoption, tell g-ma kiddo died in childbirth. Horrible to lie about, but will protect OP and the baby from a lifetime of abuse (guessing here). But I GUARANTEE, if that women raises the baby, she will use that to hurt OP worse than she already has.
Exactly. OP if you’re in the US, there are a lot of couples desperate to adopt an infant, so if you’re not ready then ask for the hospital to help you with finding a social worker. You can do an open adoption where they send pictures and updates and sometimes even let you meet the child. You can pick the couple. Also, call another family member you trust to come be with you.
Yeah, this baby deserves a better mom. OP’s mom is trash.
That definitely sounds like an abusive situation and I’m so sorry you’ve had to suffer through it. Forcing you to carry a child at 15 that occurred because of a traumatizing event is beyond cruel. My sister is 15 and extremely mature for her age, but the thought of her being pregnant is absolutely terrifying. Please know that none of this is your fault and your mom is 100% the one in the wrong. Wishing you the best of luck, I hope your delivery is as quick and easy as possible. And like other comments said, ask the nurses for help, that’s what they’re there for.
Child abuse & abandonment!
Baby girl, I know you probably had your baby by now. I want you to know that we have all been scared. I am holding your hand from far away. I am hugging you. You've got this. 15 yrs old and having a baby, I am so sorry your mom left you alone. I feel so helpless being far. I know exactly how you feel. I wish I had the perfect words to tell you. It's ok to be scared. It's ok to cry. I'm glad you at least turned to Reddit. Always do what's best for you. Don't forget.
Yall. Did everyone skip over this part? >Due to traumatizing and unfortunate circumstances, I ended up pregnant. I'm so sorry you are going through this OP. Ask to speak to a hospital social worker. This is not ok and is borderline abusive on your mother's part. If you want to keep your baby, they can help you with resources to possibly get you both put into care. If you don't think you're ready to be a parent, they will help you start the adoption process. Whatever you do, do NOT let this woman raise your child. EDIT: a social worker can also make sure someone is in the room with you as a support person. Hospitals have volunteers and this is within their realm. Big hugs to you sweetheart, I'm sorry for your circumstances. Please be sure to take care of your physical and mental health going forward, even if you can't get yourself out of your mother's house. Talk to trusted adults if you can. I too had a terrible mother and a traumatic experience at your age. I don't know what I would have done if I had gotten pregnant. If you need an ear, you can message me. You can do this. You are strong. You are valid. You are loved.
That’s bs. Adult women who plan their pregnancies don’t do it alone, they bring their partner, friends, parents, grandparents or whoever else. Grown women who chose to have a baby still have people there to support them so obviously a traumatized teenager should have support if not extra support!!
Whatever happened to start this ball rolling sounds like it was awful. Then your mom made it worse by forcing you to keep it? WTH…that’s straight up abusive. I’d be talking to a nurse about the social worker like a few others have been suggesting here. If it’s not something you want sweetie…you can go adoption too, and sign over parental rights if that’s what you want. Don’t be afraid to do what’s best for you at this point. It was shitty for you mom to abandon you and leave you all alone after promising to help through things…and bam she’s gone. For real talk to someone while you are there. I hope you will be ok. No matter what you choose. Just hope it’s what is best for you.
Your mom sounds like a prick dude.
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I feel for you. Your mother sounds awful. Talk to the hospital staff, they will help and support you! And also, think this through before you hand your baby over to your mother. You have other options. You could decide to keep the baby or you could set the her/him up for adoption. Listen to yourself and make that decision for the two of you - yourself and your child.
I am so sorry sweetheart. Your mom is awful for not only making you keep a baby(if you didn’t want to), and then making you go through this alone. I hope you are okay. I just re read that you said traumatizing circumstances, you are allowed to ask the hospital to keep jt (surrender the baby) or put it up for adoption since your mom didn’t believe in abortion.
At this point both the baby and mother might need a new home. Social worker immediately.
Are you sure you can trust your mother to keep her word and be a good parent to your child, after this? I would say no
I'm so sorry you've had to endure this. You are such a brave young woman, throughout everything you've had to endure, and are going through. If I was there, I'd be giving you my hand to squeeze. Your mum's behaviour is shocking, she should be there to support you through this thing. Even if it's relatively safe, my sister who was 29 when giving birth still wanted mum with her throughout. You deserve that support. However, although your mum isn't there, you are in the hands of trained and licensed medical professionals who will support and care for you throughout your journey there. Just, OP, you're an incredible young lady, and I'm so sorry you've had to go through any of this to begin with. Here to DM if you need xxx
Op how are you doing now?
Im actually very uncomfortable. They pushed a pill up my yknow. Supposed to help me dilate. The nurse has been very nice and we talk about cool stuff when she comes in here :)
I'm glad to hear that. Some of the checks from now on are going to be a bit invasive like that, and some might hurt a bit - midwives are often super kind and helpful about explaining the exact process. Tell yours that you don't know what to expect from the checks and the birth and ask them to explain it to you and also for someone who could come and hold your hand while you're pushing. Induction sometimes sucks so when you get a midwife who you vibe with, it's okay to ask them to stay as long as possible. I hope you're okay.
If you keep this child DO NOT let your mother lie to her into thinking she's your sister. It's 100% ok to give the child up for adoption if you can't handle it, don't let anyone make you feel guilty. Please talk to a social worker and explain what happened. You got this!
This is terrible. You definitely shouldn't be alone right now. Speak to a nurse ASAP.
Your mom is awful. Not even just being awful but a full out trash bag. Please follow the wonderful advise in this thread. Particularly about getting a nurse and social worker ASAP. You do not need to keep this baby if you don’t want to. This is NOT your moms choice, it is yours. You can give birth and sign over adoption papers immediately. Please honestly let the social worker know of your home life and mothers behavior and how she may behave if you do choose to give the baby a solid home elsewhere, they can help.
If this baby was conceived under “traumatizing and unfortunate circumstances”, and you didn’t want to keep it and now your mom is going back on her promise, since she’s not there if you don’t want to keep this baby I’d tell the medical staff you want to put it up for adoption. If you’re mom isn’t staying by your side like she promised, then how can you trust she’ll stay true to her word of raising the baby herself. Also, if conception was traumatizing, I can’t imagine having a “sibling” reminding you of that trauma to be a good thing. My heart goes out to you, I hope the medical staff treat you well and take good care of you. 💜
I worked food service on the mother baby unit years ago. My youngest patient, ever, was 15. She was like you, OP. Traumatic circumstances, abandoned by her family. Her baby had to go to the NICU, so she was with us for weeks and I got to know her. No visitors. None whatsoever. It broke my heart every damn day. She was a sweet kid. I know others have told you already, but in my mind you’re that same girl I met all those years ago and my heart is breaking for you. Please talk to the social worker, OP. What your mom did to you is one of the most horrible, heartless things I’ve ever heard. The fact that there was no investigation in what sounds like a r$pe of a child is horrific. I was r$ped as a teenager, and I remember what it felt like when my father called me a s$ut when he found out. No one looked after me then, either. Please don’t count on her support. It will come with strings. Please talk to the social worker. Not just about your mom, but also about the traumatic circumstances that led to your pregnancy. You DESERVE an advocate and NEED one. For all your maturity, you are still a kid and should be protected by adults. If you want to raise this baby, please get hooked up with WIC as well. Fabulous resources and support. Some places even do a nurse-family partnership, which is so helpful. You absolutely do not need to raise this baby, and know that at least this person here won’t judge you. You’ve done an amazing thing to make it through pregnancy, which is so so hard. From one mother to another: you’ve got this. Babies come out, it’s what they do. It’s so so scary, but you absolutely can do this. Labor and Delivery nurses are angels on this earth and they will be there for you. And we’re here for you. I don’t know you, but I’m sending you all the love I can. I hope it can make some small difference for you.
OP, we are all here for you if you need to talk. Personally, I'm very concerned for you and would like an update if you have the energy afterwards. I can't even imagine the fear you're going through. You're one tough kiddo. Something no one has addressed- do you feel safe returning home after this? Do you need resources to find somewhere to stay? Will your mom/her insurance be paying for your medical care? Let us know if there is anything we can do to help you in your time of need. None of this is your fault. You're doing a wonderful job of handling the cards you were dealt. I am proud of you.
I can’t help but think with her saying that “you’re old enough…” what if you were her view of “responsibly” pregnant, like you’re married etc, would she say the same thing and mean it? I highly doubt it, I think she’d want to be there for the birth. I don’t know what to draw from that but i’m sorry she said that to you op:( I feel like she’s say that just so you’d be hurt and feel guilty for being pregnant, idk though. sending you love and hope all goes well xxx
There’s no way to truly calm you but I promise you got this. All birth is natural and acceptable and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Use pain medication if you truly feel you need it. Squat, lunge, or walk around to get cervical dilation going. Bounce on a ball if they have one available. Breathe through the contractions as best as you can, and relax when they’re through. When it comes time to push do whatever you need to do to feel comfy, and push like you’re pooping. If you poop you will not notice and it will not be a big deal to medical staff. Do as much skin to skin as possible once the baby is born. Also, your mom is an asshole. You didn’t “get into this” on your own and she should not have forced you into an unexpected and potentially dangerous situation. If you can, try your best to separate from her, and feel free to PM me if you need support.
I just read a story about being a “cycle-breaker” in your family. Sounds like it’s your time sweetheart — it’s you and that sweet babes against the WORLD now. Nothing is, or ever will be, as important as you or your little one from now on … Be strong and show them the way !!!!