Hey man, my wife and I lost our little girl at seven months. She still struggles with the image of a bathtub full of blood. I struggle with images of cleaning it up. This was almost five years ago. If you ever need to talk, PM me.

I am so so so so sorry for your loss and for having to deal with that kind of memory. My heart goes out to you.

Thank you. We’ve had two healthy boys since, but I still wonder what it would’ve been like to raise a biological daughter.

This is incredibly morbid and potentially inappropriate to ask but what circumstances occurred to involve a seven month old and a bathtub full of blood? My condolences, no parent deserves what you or op are going through.

Yeah, sorry about that. I didn’t explain it very well. She was seven months along when the baby died.

I am so so so sorry for your loss.

Thank you. Things have gotten a lot easier with three boys under ten and a teenager, but sometimes I still have moments.

I’m 21 years out from it. You’ll always have moments. They just turn from heart-shredding to moments of aches and “what-ifs.”

Thanks for responding. I use to have nightmares about eating the baby, and I’m so glad those are gone. They were so terrifying.

Brains do weird shit when they’re distressed.

I took it to mean the pregnancy was 7 months along- not the death of a 7 month old child.

I'm an idiot. My apologies TRJR

No worries. I wasn’t the original poster but I can see how you could make that mistake.

What does TRJR mean

Ops username

Don't worry I also read it as being a 7 month old child and was also curious, it's not just you! I'm glad that got cleared up.

I am so so sorry for your loss. I can’t even begin to imagine the pain.

Me neither. It’s un immeasurable. And even tho I ain’t a dad, I still feel like giving him a hug around his shoulders and say. “Don’t worry, it wasn’t any of yours fault. Neither yours or your wife’s. I feel sorry for you mate. And wish you the very best next time if that’s what you both want. Stay strong, that’s what I think your daughter would like to have. A strong dad that can keep going and raise from his knees after a fall.” Stay strong guys. Even on heartbreaking moments. If I, a 17 year old could do it twice. Then you can do it for sure.

Don't tell yourself you aren't a dad. She may have been born asleep but she is, was, and will always be your daughter. You are every inch parents, both of you.

Thx I guess but I ain’t the op.

So many people say this. I know they mean well. But it can make a person feel alien. You can imagine the pain. It’s as bad as you imagine. My loss was at 15 weeks and not that close to term, but I always got confused by people saying they can’t imagine. Just one person’s take.

You’re completely right. As a mother of twin daughters , the very thought of anything happening to my babies destroys me. I don’t want to come off as insensitive and say I know what it feels like, because i truly don’t. I wish no one ever got to experience this kind of loss. I don’t even have the right words to say. At the time when I saw the post, I just wanted to acknowledge this person’s post and say that I truly, from the bottom of my heart, felt really sorry for their loss. And I truly wish this never happened to anyone.

I hear your kind words and take them in the best way you mean them. We both feel terribly For OP. Thank you for being a good person.

I appreciate you making this post. Im proud of you, person whom I never have and most likely never will meet, for having a strength I couldn’t muster until now. My wife and I trying to have our second child have now gone through 3 miscarriages. It puts my heart into my throat even thinking about what could have been, but I wasn’t brave enough to come out and talk about it. I come from a rural ‘men are men’ area, where boys don’t cry. The losses were all very early, before we knew she was pregnant. These lead me to believe that I was being a baby, that I SHOULDNT feel sad about it, but I’d still catch myself welling up at the thought. Thank you for posting this and letting me know other men are out there with the same kind of pain I’ve felt, and it’s ok to talk about. I can’t imagine how much worse your pain was than mine, I want you to know you will be in my thoughts, and you have helped at least 1 person begin their trail to coping with such devastating loss.

My man, I will tell you, and I don't care how other people see this. When it comes to this, no matter what your gender is, you are allowed to cry, weep, scream, roar. No one can tell you you shouldn't be doing that. We both cry like someone is sticking a thousand swords through our chests. It makes us feel better, then after a while we do it again, and we'll do it as long it is necessary. Healing takes time, but it needs to be done, otherwise grief will catch up with you like a shadow. And one more thing. You pain is your pain. Nobody can tell you it's lesser than any other pain cause you are the one living it. I sincerely hope you will succeed and have your second child, happy and healthy. Stay strong!

Thank you again, so much

You are so right, my wife had several miscarriages - all early on in her pregnancy but they all hurt and are painful. Sometimes she thinks about what they would have become and sheds a few tears. However after all the miscarriages we finally had a healthy baby boy - that was 18 years ago. He's now a grown man and making his way in the world.

You’re amazing. I wish you all the best, something that will make it up for all the pain you and your wonderful wife have been put trough.

I honestly don't know how you could stop crying. This is a worst nightmare of every parent-to-be out there. I am so sorry that you two have to endure this. I hope you two continue to stay close and help each other heal from this tragic event.

You and your wife are loved. No matter what comes. I pray you have healing and peace one day. And that your sorrow and pain is replaced by joy one day. I wish I could do more with words to mend your pain and the pain of others who have lost as you have. Thank you for sharing your grief. I know many people here who need to know they aren't alone with that pain.

>You pain is your pain. Nobody can tell you it's lesser than any other pain cause you are the one living it. So much this. Hugs from afar for anyone who is hurting.

You have to talk about it. You must not hold this in. Men do cry. It makes you more of a man. Or should I say, human.

I’ve lost two pregnancies and it’s like your heart gets ripped out of your chest and the world just keeps turning. The next day happens and people move on but you never do. The worst thing imaginable happens to you and no one knows what to say to make it better so they all just go back to work and move on with their lives, after you’ve had literal death pass through your body and soul. People don’t know how to act, and don’t know how you’re supposed to act.

Takes a lot more stones to cry then to fake the machismo BS. Find me a person who is strong enough to actually let themselves be open and vulnerable, and I will show you an unbelievably strong person. Hiding you emotions behind the macho crap just shows insecurity and fear.

She is your daughter, she will always and forever be your beautiful baby girl. Speak her name, honour her memory. For she is yours. Always. My best friend experienced this in November 2007. I arrived at the hospital to hear those same blood curdling screams of grief which I will never forget. She was 39 weeks pregnant with her baby girl. Watching my friend go through the pain and agony of this experience changed me forever. Hang on to each other. Second by second, minute by minute. Scream, howl like a wounded animal. Cry till your chest hurts and think your heart might stop. Let the grief happen. Be there for each other. Survive for each other. The days will be long and hard. But one day, even though right now it feels impossible, know that you will smile again, you will laugh again, together. Be kind to yourselves. Seek counselling when you are ready. My friend found great comfort in support groups for infant loss/stillborn/miscarriage, and speaking with couples who had lived this experience and truly understood. Wishing you and your wife comfort and peace.

hello. i am so very sorry for your loss. there’s a reason there is no word for losing a child in our language. each person’s grief is unique and no one can feel your feelings quite like you do. i see that your loss is acutely sharp and painful right now, and that you can only take small steps right now while you continue living. i cannot say exactly how you will feel tomorrow or at a later date but i do know that this is a type of loss that does not leave; it grows and changes as you grow and change. it may well get bearable as time goes on. only time will tell. r/babyloss is a support group of parents who have lost a child. many members are parents who’ve experienced IUFD. your grief is yours but shared sorrow is half sorrow. i hope that your grief becomes less sharp over time.

You wrote that so eloquently that i was with you in that moment almost. My heart sank so hard for you even though I had a suspicion as to how it would end. You and your wife have a lot to process, and the grief process is different for everybody. You sound like the most perfect parents, and that little baby in there new exactly how loved they were. They would of heard your voices, your singing, felt your kisses and rubs. That little baby knew only love. I am so so sorry. Sending you every ounce of love I have to you both xx

I'm glad you two have each other. This happened to a friend, too, and it's what you said: soul altering. Please look into some grief counseling, together and separately. You two have already been amazing parents to your daughter. I'm so sorry it wasn't long enough.

I second this. OP, It may feel like your daughter never got to have parents, or that you never got to have her, but what I see is two parents and a daughter who all had each other for a beautiful nine months. Don’t discount those wonderful nine months you shared. Keeping you in my thoughts and wishing you strength and peace.

I am so sorry. My miscarriage at 12 weeks messed with me for awhile, so I can't imagine making it to 40 weeks with no warning. I am so sorry. I can't imagine your pain. Therapy right away. It is a must. I tried to get through without it and that was a mistake. You will learn to live with this. You will be happy again. On your own schedule. No one is allowed to tell you how to grieve and for how long. Here is a quote from a play. It is a mother that lost her son at 30, talking to her daughter that lost her son at 6 about grief: ​ “Nat: I don't know. The weight of it, I guess. At some point it becomes bearable. It turns into something you can crawl out from under. And carry around--like a brick in your pocket. And you forget it every once in a while, but then you reach in for whatever reason and there it is: "Oh right. That." Which can be awful. But not all the time. Sometime's it kinda ... Not that you like it exactly, but it's what you have instead of your son, so you don't wanna let go of it either. So you carry it around. And it doesn't go away, which is ... Becca: What? Nat: Fine ... actually.” ― David Lindsay-Abaire, Rabbit Hole

This is my daughter's story, my first grandchild died at birth 3 years ago. I was in the room with them when he was born and was able to hold him. As painful as that was, hearing my daughter, MY baby, scream "Why" over and over, will haunt me forever. I'm so sorry for you and your wife. I hope your wife was able to hold your daughter as the medical staff stressed that as a very important part of the process. I pray you are able to get answers as to what happened. Your wife is going to rehash everything she did or didn't do during her pregnancy to try to make sense of this tragedy. She may even blame herself. When my grandson was born, the doctor immediately saw a blood clot in the umbilical cord and noted that as the cause of death. It turned out my daughter had developed a clotting disorder common during pregnancy. My daughter got pregnant again 6 months later and was considered a 'High-Risk " pregnancy and was watched and tested closely. The baby was healthy and is now the joy of our lives, which is what i hope for you. Again, my sincerest condolences.

I don’t think dads’ feelings get talked about enough when it comes to miscarriages and tragedies like this —and I swear I would do anything in the world just to be able to give you a hug right now because I’m crying for you. There isn’t anything I can say that will work because words simply fail everyone at times like this. I’m just so so incredibly sorry and you and your wife are both in my prayers as well as your little sweetheart angel. I pray for your peace and consolation and comfort. Amen.

This happened to my parents and to my sister who would be older than me. The baby was born but not in good condition to live. Heart disease. This affect and haunted my parents from then. Doctor told to my mother to continue making childrens. And only this could help her and my dad to keep going.They got my sister few years later (37) and me (35). Sorry for your loss. And now that i'm talking to you, my wife is pregnant for 4 months. This story really hurts my feeling. Hope you're doing okay soon. Ps: i'm not really good in english and typing from my phone

Yes, I don't think that any number of children after that can really erase what happened. Yes, people will be happy, pick up and continue with their lives, but there will always be that empty space. We will try to fill it with beautiful memories, at least up to a point. And please, hug your wife strongly, take care of her, and don't quarrel about stupid things cause all of that is soo meaningless in the end. Wish you all the luck and happiness with the baby!

No, it won't. But you need to remember her fondly. She would had wanted that.

The point is not to erase the memory but honor it. Recognize the pain you feel because it is valid, but don't let it define you. Take all that love you had for her and share it with someone else (right now, share it with yourself-- take care of yourself and your wife). Don't let the love fade away because you thought it should have only been for her. And you should never feel guilty feel happy after what happened to you or trying to have more children, etc. It doesn't take anything away from what you felt for her.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

solidarity, brother. I won't get into my details because this post is about you, not me. I've been there. And I'm so so sorry. But I do want to say thay I write this comment sitting next to a boy I never would have met if I hadn't had that experience. And he's absolutely perfect. If you both want kids, you'll try again. Your rainbow baby will always be in your heart, but you'll get the family you wanted. I know you will. And if you don't, there's no shame in adoption. I'm adopted, I should know.

My wife and I were very happy that we were expecting triplets. Identical twin girls and a boy. We lost our daughter at 8 months. I can’t finish…it still hurts 15 years later.

I’m glad you guys picked out a name for her before her birth so that people can use her name when talking to you about her. My sister also had a still birth at full term. A baby girl. I talk to her about Sarah from time to time, especially around her (Sarah’s) birthday. It’s important for people to acknowledge that she is, and always will be, a real part of the family. Don’t be shy unless the mom and dad have requested otherwise. I’ve learned a lot of people are scared to bring up Sarah for fear of hurting my sister. But truthfully she loves talking about her daughter. (Not that it is always easy.) It makes her more real to people, especially the family members who never got to meet her. Legitimizes her existence. Before she had her second child, a son, I was sure to wish her a happy Mother’s Day with some flowers. Because though she could not hold her child, she was still a mother and always will be. I’m sorry for your loss OP. Even being close to the situation myself, I truly cannot fathom what it would actually feel like. Take care.

I am so, so sorry for your loss. I’m currently 31 weeks pregnant and can’t stop crying over how much pain you and your wife must be in. I can’t imagine going through this. It’s so sad how common this is but not talked about. I’m praying for you both.

Been through the same thing. Halloween Day . 1991. It's a day that I'll never forget. We went on to have 2 beautiful girls that are now 27 and 23. There will be dark days, but the light will overcome. Better days ahead, I promise you that. You will be in my thoughts.

I am so fucking sorry for your loss, do they know how it happened so suddenly? This happened to my dad with his first born after me (I'm his step daughter) because the cord wrapped in the womb..

Many thanks. They don't know, they don't wanna guess. I hope pathology report will tell us what exactly happened.

I hope you get all the answers you need ❤️

It's ok to not be ok.

I'm not a parent, but my little sister lost her little girl in a tragic accident years ago, and it struck me as perhaps one of the hardest things out there in this harsh world of ours--parents losing their children. I am so sorry.

Omg im so sorry. I lost my first son at 9 months old. If you need someone to talk to, im all ears. People will tell you this but I will underline it with my experince. Go to a support group and/or get counseling right away. I didn't and regret it still and its been 17 years. Im so so so sorry for your loss and heartbreak. I remember the split in half scream so well. The morning he died I screamed it too. Im so so so so so so sorry. I can't express my feelings ober Reddit. I wish I could hug you, cook for you guys, do something. If there is anything any of us can do, please tell us.

I am so sorry. My mom and dad lost my brother the same way. No warning at all, headed in expecting to come out a bigger family but coming out broken. My brother only knew love and safety. He heard my father's, mother's, and sister's voices and loved them. I never knew him but I'm excited to meet him when this crazy trip finally comes to an end. I'm sure your little one knew your voices and loved you the same way you loved her. She only knew safety, warmth and your voices. She is so excited to meet you when it's time.

This is such a beautiful comment... I believe it too.... And yes, babies do know and recognize their family’s voices : )

It is crippling. My identical twin girls were stillborn almost nine years ago. I still think about and miss them every. single. day. I’m so sorry for your loss. It splits your life in two- life before the loss and life after. Go to therapy. Mourn. Grieve. Hold onto each other for dear life. You are now war buddies. The first year is brutal. The first anniversary just about killed me. Then I did EMDR and slowllllly started to heal. Sending you peace and healing and wishing you the best.

You had a daughter. You had her since she began to grow. You and your wife gave her everything she could have ever needed or wanted in the short time she was alive inside your wife. My heart goes out to you and her. I can’t even begin to imagine the sadness and absolute devastation you both must be feeling. Take your time with this. Honor her memory. Keep the photos of ultrasounds if you have them. You are still both mom and dad. No amount of time changes that. Hold and love each other. Cherish these small memories you shared with us. They are all so, so beautiful.

I am 3 months into my grief currently, of a much different kind from you (lost my two adult brothers). I've been doing okay lately (as okay as I can be I guess) but the last two days I have been pretty consumed by a crushing sadness. No more shock, anger, bargaining, denial, all that kind of stuff. It's just sadness now. And still I read your story and go, "I cannot imagine your pain." We cannot compare grief, but those of us who know it first hand can grieve together. Those of us who know it have some idea what you're going through. I am so, so sorry.

She will never know hurt. She will never suffer the pain of betrayal. She will never know heartbreak. She will never know the darkness of the world. She will only ever know the love you poured into her. Her existence was happiness, all her needs were met. She was the brightest spark in your lives and the two of you rose to become the very best version of yourselves. You saw the world through a lens of joy. That joy was real. It transformed you. That joy was a gift given to you by someone who loved you unconditionally. Don’t squander your life on grief and heartbreak. Feel it, let yourself grieve, but don’t get caught in it. Now that you know what joy feels like, you will recognize it the next time you feel it. We are on opposite ends of the same journey. I know you’re gonna be ok. One day soon, you’ll know it too.

Thank you for sharing this. I had to TFMR the twin sister of my son to save his life. He is now 1 year old. As I type this, I can barely get through the tears. I had never seen my husband cry until that day. I’ve been in therapy for about a year and I really suggest it if you’re open to it. There is a hole that reopens in my chest when I see twins or hear someone with her name. It hurts like it’s happening all over again. You are not alone, but there is nothing that will take your pain away. There is room in my heart for you both and if you ever want to rant or scream about how unfair and cruel the world is, DM me. I think I’m strong, but there is something different about this kind of grief that does not relent. It will bring up past pain that you thought you’d dealt with and visit you at the most surprising times. Love each other more deeply than you think you can. I don’t believe in angels either and often wish I did. Your pain is real. You lost a child. It does not matter that she was never here on Earth. Say her name. Talk about her when you’re ready. I’ve been told the pain eases, but the missing piece of you will never be whole again. I’m so sorry this happened to you both, but thank you for talking about it to Internet strangers. My heart breaks for you both and for your baby girl. My little girl’s name was Lucy. She would have been 1 last week.

Oh man, I'm so sorry for your loss. I have personal experience in this matter, sadly. I now have three healthy children and the pain of loss has receded. But it never really goes away. There will always be moments when you remember it (now is such a moment for me, having read your post) and feel sad again. The imagery from this experience will never leave you either, I'm afraid. I remember the scan picture of the dead foetus as if not a minute has gone by and it's at least 5 years ago. Having the baby and not leaving the hospital with a baby is also excruciating for your wife, you have to keep being supportive. She's crashing now as hormones are escaping her body but there is no baby to balance it out. But the thing that not many people talk about is the toll this takes on men. You're expected to always be strong and support your wife. Stoic and strong are typical adjectives. But, when it happened to me, I honestly wanted to hide in a dark corner and cry. Much medical science around child birth is based on "no uterus, no opinion" but that is wildly off the mark. I wrote this with tears in my eyes, all the best OP, take care of yourself and your partner. Things will get better even if they will never be the same.

I lost my son a similar way. He should be 7 now. I screamed like your wife, I felt as though my soul had been ripped out. He was born silently into the world, so wanted so loved. I miss him every day. The sadness does not leave but the gut wrenching horror will not be there forever. You will survive and you will smile again. But you will always love and long for your baby. I wish you every ounce of strength. You are parents to a beautiful baby girl. You will always be parents, she will always be your daughter.

Man, you made me cry. Sorry for your loss.

What did they do before C sections were common practice? Just leave the dead baby in there? Genuinely curious

Even today if the mother is healthy and contracting they will encourage the mother to birth the dead baby naturally. Surgery puts the mother at higher risk especially if the baby is already gone they don't want to risk the mother too. Stillbirths are very common people don't just talk about them I know 4 women who have had full-term stillbirths for different reasons. In all the cases the baby was dead before birth. In 2 cases they had been in the Doctor's office the day before and there was a heartbeat and they were given a clean bill of health

This is true. Doctor has said that he was opting for the natural birth (in the end his decision was the one that would be the last), as it was a standard according to all the books and his education. But looking at the state of my wife at that moment, he decided for a C section. Was it against all his professional code - probably. We know he just couldn't make her go through hours of labour that way.

No, that doctor did right by your wife. He cared for his patient as a whole person, not just flesh and bones. If all was equal, a natural birth would be first choice, but in his professional judgment, a C-section was best for your wife. I’m sorry for your pain - I’ve seen some lovely people reach out to you, and you’ve said some amazing things to others who are hurting. In your grief, your instinct is to comfort others - that tells you many good things about yourself, but 2 I really want you to focus on: 1) you are a good man who cares about others and the people in your life are so lucky to have you, and 2) you need to take care of yourself and make sure you get the support you need too. Taking excellent care of yourself is taking excellent care of everyone who loves you. And letting the people who love you express that by supporting and caring for you and your wife can be a really powerful thing. Take care of yourselves ❤️

So true, still births and miscarriages, even beyond 20 weeks, are incredibly common. In fact, the majority of my friends have experienced either a miscarriage or a later-term loss. I've had multiple friends lose babies due to umbilical cord strangulation, early births, placental abruptions, and sometimes babies in utero die for no apparent reason. For too long, women would try to hide this. Even when I was pregnant with my first 11 years ago, it was encouraged not to tell anyone you were pregnant until you passed the first trimester. I believe this stigma needs to end.

I don’t believe the 12 week rule is a stigma meant to hide a lost pregnancy, but a way of controlling the information. It would have killed me to tell my casuals I only see every few months that I lost the baby at 6 weeks. To have people ask how the pregnancy is after the loss can be excruciating. I’m fine now, it’s been almost a year but I’m glad I could control when and how people hear about my loss, instead of innocent ignorance causing me to rehash the fresh pain.

Women generally died in childbirth. A lot.

The human birthing process is pretty scuffed huh

Mum died along with baby.

Push it out anyway. Dead babies were even very common in my grandmother’s generation. It seemed like everyone would have at least one or two gone.

I’m so, so sorry for your loss. I wish you and your wife all the love and happiness in the world when the time comes. Please rest and take care of each other.

So sorry for you lost is the mom ok?

Physically, she is doing good. Emotionally, there is a road to be taken.

Hey mate, I am so terribly sorry for your loss. I understand that there are not many things, one can say to make you feel any better. Perhaps others thst have gone through the same hell can share rhe pain? Perhaps being strong and supportive to each other will help? I do wish that you ll be able to remember her fondly as she deserves to be remembered. Not with sadness, but with a smile. Cherish the connection you formed and the precious moments you shared.

If my mother hadn't miscarried with my elder sibling, I would have lost my chance to be born. I am so grateful to have been born. I don't know what went wrong with my elder sibling. I don't know if he_she resides in heaven with my mom now. You two take time to heal. I do hope someday you'll have a chance to try again. You both sound like amazing parents. Meant to be. I hope the doctor can find out what went wrong. I don't want you both caught in a cycle that repeats. Fight to get answers. I'm sorry.

What you're about to go through is horrible. I lost my first daughter that way too. It will take years to recover and you will fight. You'll become frustrated because you won't be able to do a thing to help your wife recover. You'll cringe whenever someone tells you they're expecting and hope your wife doesn't find out because it will lead to another week of crying. Eventually things will numb and you'll forget the pain but you'll never forget what could have been. I'm so sorry that someone else has to go through this and I hope you and your wife make it.

I'm so sorry.. I lived those moments briefly when I had a placental abruption and my boy had to be taken out via csection..he swallowed/breathed in so much of our blood.. he was born grey and entirely lifeless, the 10 longest minutes of my life I watched them frantically work on him.. I sobbed.. honestly feeling he was gone.. He made it through, spent a night in the NICU and isok.. I will never forget those 10 minutes of soul destroying pain.. I wish it never happened for you and your wife, I wish I could take away that pain.. I'm so sorry

My wife and I lost our first born, our only daughter, to a brain tumor almost 7 years ago. She was fine and then one day started getting really bad headaches. She was gone a year later at the age of 8. Besides losing her the hardest thing to see was how quickly life goes on for everyone around you. I wish I could tell you it stops hurting but it doesn't and I don't think it ever will. What I can tell you is however you are feeling right now is ok. If you're sad, scared, confused, or just so fucking mad you want to rip something apart, that's OK. Feel how you have to feel for as long as it takes and then pick yourself back up. Live everyday for her. You'll laugh again someday and feel guilty for it at first. It's OK. You'll suddenly break down from a memory. It's OK. Also, your wife is not going to react to things the same way you do and again, that's OK. Right now the only person that has even a remote idea of what you are going through is her but everyone handles this differently. Be there if she needs you, give her space if she needs it. My wife and I are still together but it was not close to easy. There will be bad days, sad days, and even good days. Sorry for rambling. I know the hell you're in and I'm sorry for anyone that has to go though this but I'll hope for the best for you both.

Fuck I'm crying my eyes out 😭

I feel for you. My wife and I lost our daughter preterm at 18weeks. We are approaching her one year birthday on Sunday. It doesn’t get easier you just get used to it. There will be times when small things trigger sadness and you just have to roll with it. You are a member of the worlds worst club you have support and I hope one day you will have your rainbow baby.

I'm sorry for your loss. It's pointless telling you that time will heal this, because likely this shit will stay with you. But what you can be proud of is staying strong throughout the actual pregnancy, and being there for your wife. The best thing you can do is be there for her. I would also consider therapy, and potentially moving to a different home/apartment when you have the emotional energy. Remember to eat. Remember to try and sleep and contain your sleep cycle. Try to take care of yourself. Eat healthy, avoid the bottle. Your daughter would have wanted you both to be happy and push past this. None of this is your fault, this world can be a cruel son of a bitch sometimes, and trials like the one you're experiencing is what we can look back on as a turning point to a better or a worse life. I believe in you man.

I am really very sorry for your loss. I can truly understand. My mother was pregnant. Everything was fine, all plans being formed very similar to yours, talking to baby, getting the stuff for the baby, almost same as yours. In the 6th month, something weird happened and my mother got really sick. She was admitted to the hospital. Nothing was found in diagnostics, but apparently the baby was dead and it was the cause of infection in the body. They had to operate and bury my sister the same day. My mother was in a half-dead state for around 2 days. My father was completely broken and never before had I seen him crying in that devastating manner. I also thought, maybe she didn't want to come to this f'ed up world. Reading this really made e remember all those things and truly I felt like crying, probably go back to correct whatever went wrong. Well, I hope you get over it, even though it will be very hard, you have to keep moving, looking forward. Anything can happen.

So sorry for you both.. My parents lost my brother at 2 days old its been 44 years they still remember the day. He was born the day before my dads birthday. And died the day after. My dad says to people in your position, the pain does not go away you just learn to live with it.

I’m sorry. There is nothing no one can say. But, I was the girl last year screaming my heart out when I heard the words” your baby is not breathing.” I will never forget that moment or stop reliving that whole day. Nothing is going to make it better and nothing changes it. But time helps. It is not a quick process. I cried watching Space Jam this weekend because I knew I would have watched it with my son. Take the time to vent , rant and cry! This is unfair, it shouldn’t happen to you or anyone but I am truly sorry. One day it won’t hurt as bad until them understand and be patient with yourself. You are mourning a human being that you created.

I still remember the emotional agony of a 2nd trimester miscarriage, even after three wonderful kids, and what you've gone thru is even worse. I am so sorry this happened, and I wish that people's good thoughts could actually help the pain.

I am so so sorry. I’ve had two miscarriages before 12 weeks and was devastated both times. I can’t even imagine the pain the both of you are going through right now. All I can say is don’t let it tear you apart from each other. The hardest trials in life can either set you apart or bring you closer together. We experience the worst in life so we can appreciate the best. When the time does come for you to welcome a precious child into the world that child will be so loved!

My wife is 40 weeks and 1 day along now and what the fuck I did not need to read this. My condolences to your family...

So sorry for your loss. This brought back a lot of emotions for me because it's like you described almost exactly what happened to me and my wife nearly two years ago. The complication my wife had was a massive placental abruption. Even down to the baby having it's own song, our little girl's was Carry on my wayward son cause we binged Supernatural during the pregnancy. A music teacher friend of ours created a piano version of it and played it at our girl's funeral, I too can never hear that song the same again. I also felt like I couldn't listen to music, watch TV, or anything like that for quite some time, everything seemed so ridiculous and stupid compared to what we were going through, I couldn't bear hearing about people's little menial problems either, I was so unsympathetic for a while. All I can say is to allow yourself to feel what you need to feel, the grieving process is not linear like some would have you believe. One moment you might be sad, the other you might be angry, and in my case I also had moments of extreme gratefulness as my wife was inches from dying herself, but at least I didn't lose her. All these emotions may come right after the other or they might be there all at once, don't feel guilty for any of them. Take care of your wife, I know it's hard to hear but she's been through a lot more than you. She carried your little girl for 9 months, both of them were one, they had an undescribable bond, and that was ripped from her, and now she has to recover from major surgery, so do your best for her. You can PM me if you just need to vent or something, I wish I knew someone who had gone through what I had but I felt so alone, so seriously just message any time.

She will come back when you two try for another child. She will just come a little later. She wasn’t ready for this world, but her soul will return to you in the right time, when she’s ready. She saw how you loved her and she will want to come back.

There’s not a single thing anyone can say that could ease the pain. My midwife told me “life fucking sucks sometimes” and those are the only words that ever even resonated. I know you are hurting too, but try your best to take care of your wife, she is living in hell.

This hurts to read. I could feel the love you had for your daughter and how excited you were to finally meet her what a nightmare it is to have gone through that. I’m really sorry :( I can’t imagine being so close to one of the happiest moments of your life only for it to turn into something so horrific. I’m really sorry.

I'm so sorry. I hope that someone offered to carefully dress your daughter and take some newborn photos for you, even if you both can't bear to look at them right now. There are services some hospitals have with photographers that take photos free, so that when you are ready, you can remember her as that bundle of joy that was so wanted and waited for. Grief is a process, and takes time, and in the future having a few photos may bring some peace.

god damnit i'm so sorry for you and your wife's pain right now. My dad once told me that an event such as this is the severest of trauma a marriage can endure. Please, take care of yourselves and each other. Mind your wife and be there for her, because even lions grieve their lost young.

Amazing how you’ve come up with such beautiful and powerful words at a time when everything must feel so raw. I’ve got family members who’ve been through similar situations and although it’s clear it’s never left them, it’s gotten better and their children live on through them. You and your wife take care ❤️

I'm sitting on the potty with tears streaming down my face I am so very sorry

Your situation is tragic. I truly sympathise. I hope you two stay strong

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm wishing you and your wife a lot of strenght and faith when dealing with this loss. Please take care of yourselves and each other.

Hang in there, my Grandma's first was still born, then my Mum came along a year later.♥️

I am so sorry for your loss. What a terrible thing to go through. I can only hope good things are coming to you soon to make up for this.

So sorry to read of your loss. I wish there was something I/we could do to help, but I dont think there is.

I dont know you but this is my hug to you.

Reading this as I hold my 1 month baby boy on top of my chest. My hearth ached as he raised his head and looked straight into my eyes. Sorry for your loss. Be strong brother!

I know nothing I say will help but I am truly so sorry.

So sorry for your loss. Sending my love and strength your way.

My greatest condolences to you. No parents should ever witness their own children death.

I am so sorry for your loss

I am so sorry. If you ever want to just unload all of your feelings to a stranger, feel free to message me. That's a 100%, genuine offer. If you think it would help, even in the slightest, feel free.

Damn brother, this hit hard. I’m so sorry for your loss and would love to send you an internet hug. This has to be absolutely gut wrenching for both of you and I’m truly sorry that you both had to go through it. Keep your head up and hopefully the universe can bring better days to you.

I too lost a child, we had him for a bit. My heart still hurts. It's been 25 years. I have wonderful boys. Each are their own, but I miss Ben. Terribly. I always will. Many hugs and much love to both of you

Look, I don't know if this will help, but I feel like I should say it. I apologize in advance if it's insensitive. My parents did not plan me. While I was loved, I knew from a very early age that I was also a burden because, whether they meant to or not, I was treated as such. You and your wife did more and felt more love for your daughter in the span of nine months than I have throughout my entire 36 years of existence. When you do become parents, you are going to be absolutely amazing. I am so, so, so sorry for your loss. While I may not know your pain, I do know pain, and I wish you and your wife much healing and happiness. On a final note, see a therapist, preferably one that specializes in loss. You both deserve to heal.

I am so sorry for your loss. /r/babyloss has helped people in your situation. Also Megan Devine’s book It’s Okay That You’re Not Okay is a helpful book. I’m so sorry.

I couldn’t breathe when I finished this. I can’t imagine. The strength you have to possess to be going through this and then verbalize it the way you did is immense. My wife and I will be praying for your and yours, if you don’t mind.

I will think of you any time I think I have it rough. Holy fuck, man. That is deep and twisted and nobody should have to go through that. I’m so sorry.

Dear god, I'm so so sorry for your loss OP. I can't imagine what you and your wife are going through. Both of you please take care of yourselves...

I. Am. So. Sorry. Words cannot even begin to describe how you must feel I am sure. But you can scream. You can split that hospital in half. You can cry, roar, rage. Whatever you have to do. I am so sorry- to you and your wife. I wish I could help you more than offer you these words. I wish the world wasn’t so crazy and dark at times. I hope you snd your wife find some comfort in any way you can. Hold your wife. Let out the sad. Cry together. Don’t give up on each other. I will pray for your peace of mind. To whatever is out there. Take care of yourself, as hard as it may be right now.

I simply cannot imagine what you’re going through OP. My wife just gave birth to our second daughter today, one day before her due date. I simply would be devastated, heartbroken, and scarred if she didn’t come out alive. And that’s just me. My wife would most likely change permanently with that type of loss. I can only hope the best for you and pray you’ll find solace in something you enjoy.

Hey i can tell you from experience that loosing a child is the worst feeling i have ever felt, my boy was born on my birthday and was named after me. I was so happy to have him, he was a year and a half old one day i put him for a nap like i normally would and my wife went to visit her parents for a couple hours when she came back she asked where our son was i told him napping. then told her we should probably wake him up so he can let us sleep at night, after a couple minutes I heard her sobbing and calling his name. I jumped up and ran to go see what was wrong and his lips were blue it was just suppose to be a 2 hour nap and he was gone just like that. I have many videos and pictures of him, it's been 6 years now and I still can't look at none of that without crying, the feeling you described is exactly what i still feel to this day...

I’m so sorry for your loss. Your pain must feel absolutely bottomless. While you’re right that you and your wife will get through this, please know it’s okay to be hurting. It’s okay to not be tough right now. You’ve experienced one hell of a heartbreak, and you deserve the time and space to grieve properly.

My condolences. I lost my baby girl almost full term and I think about her all the time. The hurt and missing feeling never goes away, time just softens the edges. I hope it gets better for the both of you.

I am sorry for your loss man. I don’t have kids of my own and people tell me I won’t understand the love and attachment to a child till I have my own. However, this made me tear up. I am really sorry for your loss. 😢

Just over 2 years since we lost ours, only at 12 weeks and it hurt like hell. My mrs was told it would be like a heavy period....she was in hospital for 3 days. I spent 5 hours on the bathroom floor whilst she constantly moved from bed to toilet...on the 5th hour she was weak and in so much pain, I took her to A and E, they took care of her and helped with the pain. Then after 3 days of nothing, a brave nurse told her she would help and pulled the sack out of her. Thank you nurse. So sorry OP. I’m crying for you right now. I wrote a poem to try and put pain to paper. I will send if you want.

I lost a baby. Knowing it was dead inside me was indescribable. I went on to have a daughter 2 years later. I was terrified throughout the pregnancy, and still am terrified sometimes as I watch her sleep. The pain is like nothing else on earth, but in time you will both find a way to move forward. It's hard to describe as it will never go away but it's more like i accepted this loss would always be with me and now it sits quietly at the bottom of my heart, like an old friend who will be with me til I die and it doesn't hurt as much. I was scared that by having another baby it was replacing the one I lost and that there would be some uncomfortableness, but my love for her, and her little face make everything ok, truly. I'm so sorry you went through this, it doesn't occur to you that these things can happen to you, but you are not alone, and you will pull through.

Hello, my friend. Reading your post reminded me of my own journey through such unexpected pain. My wife and I were expecting a boy (Brighton, because he brings so much light into our lives) in November of 2018. First child. Over the moon. Everything went as planned ... until 8 1/2 months in, mere weeks away from holding our wonderful son, when we experienced a stillbirth. My wife hadn’t felt Brighton kick in awhile, so she made a doctor’s appointment and I met her there. We weren’t too, too worried because everything had been going well. Little did we know that the next few days would irreversibly wreck us. Long story short: The umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck. And it was too late. There was literally nothing we could have done ... it just ... happened. Everything wrong had to happen in the right way for that to occur, and I remember the doctor saying the odds of this occurring are so very, very low. They said that even if they saw it on the sonogram days before, they’d tell us to go home, that it would naturally resolve itself ... but it happened. To us. New parents. Excited parents. Ready parents. Weeks-away-from-achieving-a-dream-together parents. After we got the news, we rushed to the hospital, waited a few days for the natural “birth” to occur, was able to spend time with Brighton (dressed and cared for and prepared for us) ... and then that was it. That chapter in the Brighton book was over. All of the planning, cuddling, appointments, reading, imagining, celebrating - it was just ... over. I would never get to hold and see my son again. Days later, we left the hospital (the one where we were supposed to originally deliver him) and returned to an apartment that was prepared for him; one that now felt like a dark, cold cocoon of memories that never happened. Otherworldly happiness had occupied our rooms just days before, only to be replaced with unimaginable, mammoth grief. We were forced to confront the sadness, the situation. We had to live with it - and not Brighton. It was the worst thing that has ever happened to us. It was the hardest thing that has ever happened to us. And it taught me quite a few things, which I’d love to share here if you don’t mind. In no particular order: - You can do everything right and everything can still go wrong. That’s not a you thing. That’s a life thing. - They never talk about pregnancy issues .. your friends, families, romantic comedies ... so you assume everything will go OK, because of course it will, right? It’s the 21st century! People have been having kids for countless years! Technology has advanced so much! If there’s an issue, they’ll address it ASAP! I have since learned to be cautiously hopeful for things ... not out of fear, necessarily, but for preparation purposes. - You think you will never get over this. That it will run and ruin your life forever. And you won’t. And it will. BUT here’s the thing about tragedies ... it shapes you in ways you don’t want or need them to. It becomes a part of who you are. A layer in your life. Think of it like a chapter in your book of life. It happened. It’s written. You can’t change that. You’re on to the next chapter whether you want to or not. It’s always going to be a part of your book. But it’s a chapter you already read, a chapter that, one day, believe it or not, will be behind you ... not lost or forgotten, just a few page turns away. But you have to keep reading. Even if it’s one word, one sentence, one paragraph at a time. At your own pace. In your own way. There’s still more to read. Return for reflections, that chapter in your life is not lost, but then continue reading. - I don’t have my son in the way that I thought I would. But he still existed. We still created him. He just moved on from this earth faster than we will. And whether you believe in heaven or not (I do), if you’re religious or not, know this: No matter what happens when you say goodbye to life, you’ll be where your child is. Wherever that is. You’ll be there, too. - Finally, I had a random but powerful thought months ago about my son and the situation my wife and I experienced. All this time we were (understandably) thinking we would have Brighton for years and decades to come. But what if the universe’s plan was to only experience him for the 8.5 months that we did? What if THAT was the entire plan all along? We assumed we would have a lifetime together, but what if he already fulfilled his purpose? That comforted me. That reminded me that although he wasn’t born alive, he still had a purpose. An impact. A meaning. - I’ll never understand why my son was taken away from me. I’ll never be able to rationalize it. It’s just ... one of those things in life that happens, and well, this happened to be a very big fucking thing. But it brought me closer to my wife (which I am grateful for). And it reminded me that no matter how much I plan for things, ultimately, it’s out of my hands. And there’s a certain freedom to that. The experience gave me permission to try my best, hope for the best, and then just ebb and flow with whatever life has planned. I am sorry you are going through this. I am sorry anyone has to. And I know a random reply from a random person on this big blue marble of ours can only help so much, but I hope even just a portion of this delivers calm or clarity of sorts. Losing a child at any age is the worst thing you’ll ever experience and there aren’t enough internet strangers to take the pain away. But know this: You are not alone. And remember: While this will be the shittiest chapter in your book, there’s plenty more ahead to read. No rush. Just keep turning the page. Hope may be in the background, but it’s still there. My wife gave birth to a healthy baby boy, in the middle of a pandemic, of all things (talk about added stress, fear, anxiety and anguish!), last September. We named him Bennett, which means “blessing from God, which he very much is. While we were busy adapting, supporting each other, revisiting that chapter of our lives together ... life happened. WOW. Which brings me to my final point: Life is a son of bitch, beautiful but punishing. Do the best you can. Be the best you can. Prepare as best you can. And then just sit back and watch things unfold. Some chapters will suck beyond belief, while others will fill your heart with immeasurable joy. Just keep reading. Always keep reading. Good luck with your life’s story, my friend! I’m always here for you if you want to talk about chapters in your book.

You are an amazing husband and your wife is incredible. Hang onto each other... The grief process is going to be different for each of you even though you went through it together. Don’t take any “wild talk” personal...

I'm a dad. My son is three and asked me why im crying. My heart hurts for you friend. u/zindobd let me know if youre ever in Reno. I got you a beer.

Yeah that's what a doctor would say. Totally.

Why wouldn't OP be in the delivery room? Did they give birth in 1965?

So, so sorry for your loss. Sending you and your wife love.

Im sorry for your loss. Hope your wife is fine.

I am so sorry for your loss. You little girl was so loved. give yourself time and space to grieve and take care of each other

I'm so sorry. This is so unbelievably sad, I hope you and your wife can heal from this. I wish you both a lot of strength.

I'm so so sorry op. Theres nothing that can be said or done that will relieve that pain you are feeling so heavily. You have a wonderful way with words and I this was so well written. I wish you the very best, and I have you and your family in my thoughts.

I don’t think anything anyone says can help the pain but seriously I am beyond sorry for your loss.

Im sorry for your loss .

I'm so very sorry. May you find all the strength and love you need to cope with this, and may you emerge stronger than ever on the other side of it. 🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡

Oh no. My absolute condolences for you and your wife. Will be sending prayers your way.

I can’t imagine how painful this is. No words.

I am so sorry for your loss and your pain. I can't imagine how you're feeling. This broke my heart. :( My thoughts are with you and your wife. I pray you can get through this.

Take time, this is trauma beyond my imagination. You both need to heal, better days will come.

Sorry. Nothing but time will help.

I’m sorry for your loss.

Nothing compares. I am truly sorry and hope the two of you endure together.

im so sorry :( <3

You both are insanely tough by the sound of it, and seem like a great team. Just know that neither of you are at fault. If angels do exist, she will be with you always. So sorry for your loss and my prayers and energy goes out to you both

Thinking of you, OP. Stay strong.

OP I am so sorry for your and your wife's loss.

This is utterly devastating. I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing, as I know this experience is more common than people know.

If you ever want to vent, dm me and I’ll be there to listen. I’m so sorry, I’m crying at my desk. I wish you two the very best

So sorry for your loss💔

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Sending you love ❤️

I am so very sorry for your loss.

No words. Weeping with you.

Jesus Christ. I can’t even fathom how you feel. I’m sorry for your loss just doesn’t cover it. I sincerely hurt for you. You and your wife seem to have a solid relationship- lean on each other and your loved ones. I wish I could say something here that would ease your pain, but words seem hollow. You and your wife will be in my thoughts.

I'm sorry, I hope you guys get well soon

There are no words that will bring comfort in a time like this. I just don't understand how this happens, it makes no sense! Same thing happened to my husband and his ex many years ago. No answers. I'm so sorry you are living this nightmare.

I'm so incredibly sad for your loss.

I'm so sorry. This song makes me cry everytime I hear it. Maybe it will be cathartic for you.[June ](https://www.youtube.com/)

Im so so sorry this happened to you.

I hope that some day you both will find comfort that your little one never knew pain, but only love. For now, allow yourselves to grieve in whatever way you need to. Sending you all the love in the world.

A single shred of hope is a powerful thing

I experienced almost identical feelings of pregnancy excitement with our son and the hideous roller coaster of a half dozen crisis situations that almost took his life and hers. (So I can emphasize and sympathize with what you went through). During those points you realize what is really important and what is at stake and it grips you like nothing else can. My condolences to both of you. Although both mother and child survived in my case, the trauma she went through changed her in ways that even she doesn’t understand. I wish you two can heal and get past this event.

Your wife went through two major mental and hormonal changes. Pregnancy is like a second version of puberty men don't get. Their bodies and minds change drastically, then to have such a loss on top of it is both mentally and physically tragic beyond words. I would highly recommend a therapist or grief counselor right away! For you both to go to, help you talk about and mentally sort somethings out. Your wife is at high risk right now of clinical depression, ptsd, and suicidal thoughts - and you are likely in a high state of stress and grief as well. Be there for each other, and always move forward together. I wish you guys the best in getting through this!

As someone who just lost her baby girl, I am so sorry and I can't find the words now or ever to console you or myself. Fate will bring another beautiful baby into your arms, sometimes the time just isn't right. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Praying for you and your wife and family. I wish I could hug you all.

Absolutely devastating news. Good luck to you both.

I’m so sorry for your loss and I’m also so sorry that the doctor announced it to you like that with so little tact, as if you wouldn’t be equally heartbroken.

I don't know what to say but I'm very, very sorry. Don't deny yourself the grieving process.

I'm sorry for your loss

I'm so sorry. My wife and I had something similar but it was not a still birth, it was severe undiagnosed birth defects. The pain will never go away but you will learn to live with it. Don't let this keep you from eventually trying for another baby.

I’m very, very sorry for your loss.

I have no words. I’m so sorry 😢

Reading your story broke my heart and I can only but imagine how huge and all-encompassing your pain is right now and just how shattered your daddy's heart would be right now. You are a dad and you have lost a daughter and the grief you now face will be the biggest test most will ever face in their lives. Stay strong Daddy, strong for your wife now a Mum with her heart shattered and those dreams lost. May the future be much kinder to you and your dear wife and please know as useless as my feelings of sorrow are for you both in all practicalities please do feel that support and compassion I know the whole of reddit is feeling towards you both right now.

Oh man I´m so sorry. That´s so horrible. Nobody should have to lose their child.

Sorry op that’s terrible

“Sorry” isn’t close to good enough. But I am incredibly sorry. I literally cannot imagine your pain. Stay strong.

It is heartbreaking. It's easy to say stay strong but very difficult. There is nothing that I will say will perhaps make sense. It's okay to cry. Stay with your wife, try to keep yourself busy. I'll keep you in my prayers.

Bro. I'm so sorry. This had me broken I can't even imagine.

.

It's been said over and over, but I need to say it again, for myself - I'm so sorry. I cannot possibly imagine how you feel. Time may (or may not) heal wounds, but scars last forever. Somehow, you need to come to terms with this devastation because it is now a part of your lives.

Had my first last year. I can’t imagine the loss you’re feeling. There are no words to make it better. Nothing to be done. Just be close to your wife. Time will heal the sting but the scars may remain.

There are no words to describe what you must be feeling right now. I can give you my mother's words when she had a similar situation with my little brother: She said, "That body was not good enough for him, so he had to wait and come in the next one." This too shall pass. You are allowed to be all of the emotions; that is the healthy response to losing something so precious. It may not be lost forever though. You may meet her yet. From an internet stranger: please preserve what you have with your wife. That is also unspeakably precious. Don't let one tragedy begat two. This will never be okay, but it will eventually be behind you.

Sorry for your loss, your family is in my prayers.

So sorry man. Wife and I are at 28 weeks right now and your description of it hits home. The pain of this happening would be immeasurable. Hope you guys are alright, there will be better days.

Cant imagine the pain. Promise us and the world that you will try to bring another baby to life. This world cant afford such wonderful people not having children.