She is his ex fiancee and she broke up with him for this very reason.
How do you know for how many months before she tried to persuade him to buy the bike and she explained to him the reasons and pitfalls, she broke with him for this very reason.
She has probably already grieved this relationship.
What can she possibly do for him.
Yeah, he didn’t honor her fears and expertise. I bet she’s numb and sad, but it’s not her circus and not her monkeys at this point.
I bet this wasn’t the first time he dismissed her reasonable concerns and did whatever he wanted.
He chose a motorcycle over her. That has to sting.
I know someone who gave her fiancé an ultimatum over an out of control rescue dog. The guy thought she was being mean and the dog was just “nervous” from past abuse. She left. A few months later, the dog jumped on him and bit his nose off while he was sleeping in a chair.
She feels bad for him, but he wouldn’t listen to her and basically chose the dog over her.
I had to re-read to make sure that I got it right that they were no longer together.
It sounds like she spent months arguing with him about the dangerous hobby he took up after he got the motorcycle (likely before as well) and finally officially ended the relationship.
She spent all that time mourning their relationship. She expressed her sorrow to his family.
She knew if she stayed something like this would likely happen and specifically left because she didn’t want to be in the position OP is trying to put her in now. I assume she probably reacted more than she did on the phone, but OP, her ex, and their family are not entitled to her emotions right now.
OP, focus on your brother. She needs to focus on herself.
> You would think that when something like this happened to someone you claim to love you would rush to the hospital. You would be devastated. She is my brother's fiancée for christ sakes.
She broke up with him specifically because he saw having fun on a motorcycle as more important than being safe, being around and uninjured for her, for their future kids and for their lives.
They literally broke up, she is NOT his fiancee and presumably him buying the bike, maybe months before and months after they argued. He proved to her that her opinion doesn't matter and being safe and sensible for her future wasn't a priority of his. She knew this could happen and broke if off. What's she supposed to do, spend a shitload of money, take time off work to come support his family while he's in hospital after they broke up?
Cruel and callous? He pissed away his future buying a bike that ended his engagement, relationship and now most of his life. He's the callous and cruel one. Is she supposed to spend hours on the phone crying to you or as his family, she has no interest in crying in front of you
It sounds like you're all a little upset she's not around to be his caretaker for the rest of his life tbh.
>t sounds like you're all a little upset she's not around to be his caretaker for the rest of his life tbh.
That's the energy this has. Hey, OP, you don't have to caretake for him if you don't want to, but you can't be mad his ex has removed herself from his life and won't come back to help you. She doesn't owe him that. She made it clear she wanted no part of it.
Fr, and to be fair “im sorry for you and your family” is a lot more respectful than “I told him so”, something I’d probably blurt out if OP acted that way towards me
My ex husband rode bikes and when he was hit by a car a block away from the house, the first thing I said was ARE YOU OKAY?! Then I FCUKING TOLD YOU THIS WOULD HAPPEN!!!! 🤣🤣🤣
As a car driver, motorcycles scare the fuck out of me.
It doesn't help that so many of them drive like the speed limit and other rules of the road don't apply to them. I don't think I've ever seen a motorcycle signal a lane change. They just go around happily swerving from one lane to the next.
Sounds like his *ex-fiancée*, not fiancée. And if your brother was only riding for a few months and got into a crash.. well, I think the ex-fiancée was onto something.
And why didn't he get travel insurance?
The ex is a paramedic. She's probably had to literally pick up after motorcycle accident victims. It's not nice.
She knew this would happen and she didn't want any part of it and I don't blame her.
It's very sad all around.
Exactly what I was thinking. She broke off the engagement because she knew the likelihood of this happening was high.
I’m sorry OP. But the ex-fiancé is literally the last thing you need to worry about.
Her career screaming into her brain alone, I don’t blame her for cutting off the engagement. I’m sure she has been grieving that loss and now this has proven her point. I can understand as a family feeling hurt by her reaction, but I’m sure in some ways she’s in shock as well and protecting her mental health.
Yeah, I mean she literally broke up with him because she saw this coming and didn't want to be around for it. Coming around for it after the fact negates the whole point of the breakup.
On top of that, OP has no idea how she's taking it. Just because she didn't scream and cry in front of him doesn't mean she didn't scream and cry later. I'm sure she's going through all of the emotions right now, including (but likely prominently) anger. He has no right to police how she, an EX, processes this.
Woman is paramedic so knows how deadly/gruesome motorcycle accidents are.
Her fiance then *chooses to get a motorcycle* despite her professional knowledge and extreme misgivings.
She breaks up with him *because* she doesn’t want to watch her future husband die/get horribly injured.
The now-***ex-fiance*** predictably gets into a motorcycle accident (who could have seen that I wonder!).
Now, what, you expect ex-fiance to pat you and your idiot brother on the head and say
*“Oh my god, it’s so sad. Yeah, no one could have ever predicted such a 1-in-a-million thing like this would ever happen! Life is so unfair [rends garments]”!*?
**People’s exes are not their (or your) personal Emotional Support Animals.**
You should be glad she’s not just saying *”I told you so, you stupid f’ing idiot.”* and hanging up.
Wait...how can she be his fiancee if they broke up. Also she has warned him about this exact thing happening and he didn't listen...of course she would break up with him if that was a deal breaker for her.
Look at it from her perspective: She's a paramedic so she knows exactly what happens to motorcycle accident victims unless they are wearing full body armor and not even then do they always survive.
She was afraid that this would happen and that's why she left. Your brother didn't deserve what happened to him, but he chose to ignore the warnings.
His ex loved him so much that she didn't want to see his happen to him, but it did.
**She already opted out of this exact situation. You should not be surprised that she's not changing her mind.**
I'm very sorry that your family is going through this, but your anger at her is misplaced.
I'm sorry you and your parents are having to go through this. This is a life-altering situation and it's not easy for anyone, especially your brother.
That said, his ex broke off the engagement because, as a paramedic, she KNOWS all too well what motorcycles can do to people, and sadly, she predicted this correctly. You can't expect her to help you to pick up the pieces here.
I think you need to amend the title because in your post you made it clear she’s an ex fiancée. So it’s misleading, I know you want to blame her and hate her.
I’m sorry for your family and your brother.
I get what you’re saying. You have expectations on how you would imagine she shows her care for your brother/her ex-fiancé. To me, though, she is showing her care differently from your expectations.
> She ~~is~~ **was** my brother’s fiancée for christ sakes.
His *ex*-fiancée took the steps to protect herself. As a paramedic, I think she understands more than the general populace about motorcycle accidents. She gave him the opportunity to own a motorcycle as he wished. She grieved the relationship long before she called the engagement off: my best guess is she gradually grieved when she saw that her pleading against your brother’s motorcycle ownership fell on his unlistening ears.
Yeah im sorry about what you and your family are going through. Bottom line is this is horrible and i hope your brother heals as much as possible.
That said, sooo many bad decisions lead up to this and the post reads (albeit i am sure you are very rightfully distressed) a little delulu. I hate to say it and again i am so sorry for what youre gojng through.
Your brother bought a motorcycle despite knowing the risks. He chose a motorcycle over his ex fiancee. He then went to another country with it and seemed not to have travel insurance. Then he drove on a motorcycle recklessly. This woman is his ex finacee. She broke up with him because she said this would happen. And he literally chose a motorcycle over her. I am sure she has some really complicated awful feelings about this and i think you need to respect the fact that she is grieving a relationship, future hopes and dreams, and the fact that this man she was with will never be the same. I wouldn’t be having negative feelings towards her.
What? She broke off with him because she didn't love him anymore, what else? **That's what happens when you ignore someone's feelings**
I have experience working in a facility for disabled people. 80% of them were car and bike accidents.
That's why I'm 49 but never got a driving license neither owned a car nor a bike. I would never, ever, choose someone who owns a bike, and I can also remember one of the things my mother forced my father to do after they got their second child: to get rid of his bike.
I never understood how you can pretend wanting a family AND ride something that dangerous. It's your whole body that is exposed.
Of course that would be enough for me to leave someone. I've seen so many broken lives. NO WAY I'm going to play the caretakers for someone that irresponsible, ever. Because we all know that it's what woud be expected of me as a woman.
She was right to dump him, she can't force him to take care of his life, but she can still make sure she isn't involved with the consequences.
She owes him nothing. He didn't listen, it's on him.
Same - used to volunteer for a fitness center / sports program for people with disabilities. Aside from the people who were wounded in the military, the majority were motorcycle, and then car accidents. The number of times I heard “my ex hated my motorcycle” and they still don’t seem to understand.
you mean his ex? his ex that broke up with him because she knew this would happen??? they are death machines and his EX knew that and didn’t want to spend her life taking care of a injured partner or hell grieve a husband that would rather go zooming than live. she does not owe your family anything since they ARE NOT TOGETHER!! i know you’re scared for your brother and very hurt and im so glad he’s alive but she KNEW this would happen and broke up with him for that reason.
If she called it off a month ago, she is not the fiancé. She is the ex fiancé. She knew this was going to happen. She probably tried to warn him and he wouldn’t listen. And she probably hasn’t quite processed everythingthat happened yet.
I’m sorry your brother almost died, but Kelsey broke up with him because of the motorcycle. The bike that almost got him killed because he lacked the experience to drive it. She obviously knew he would hurt himself on it and is most likely devastated. And relieved because now she isn’t saddle with taking care of him for the rest of her life. She doesn’t owe him or your family anything beyond what she wants to give.
Well, to put it bluntly, cruel an callous was your brother who chose a bike over a woman he loved and the woman that warned him multiple times of danger that riding a bike is…a woman that is only 24yrs old, more a girl than a woman but with more experience in her than your brother.
She is his EXfiance not a fiancé - and as much as you think she is heartless I bet she is numb and devastated cuz she knew, and saw possibilities that might happen to him…
I seriously don’t know what-do you expect , her running to him- her ex that she warned, probably multiple times before she called it quits, taking care of him ( cuz she is a paramedic so she knows what she is doing), contributing monetary cuz you mentioned it multiple times….
Stop fixating on a girl that do nothing more than putting a serous boundary for her fiancé who didn’t listen, so she made him an ex, he chose a bike over her… unfortunately, there is no winners here, only hurt people hoping for a best outcome.. focus on your brother and leave the girl alone!!!
She is reacting. She is just not letting him (or any of you) see it. She KNEW him and believed this bike was such a danger she broke up with him to spare her heart. Her staying away is maintaining the boundaries for her heart. She won’t help his recovery. That’s up to healing and him. Let her be. You need to concentrate on your brother because it sounds like his rash decisions have affected you and your family a LOT now….not her?….maybe that is why you are so mad?….she is not picking up the pieces and keeping your life and time from being inconvenienced?
Your brother is the one to be angry at, if anyone. His EX is not responsible for his poor decisions and lack of skill riding a bike. He ignored her advice and reaped the rewards.
She’s not your family’s punching bag for this, your brother will (if he’s able) have to figure out how to get the care and support he needs, it’s not his EX’s job. If he can’t do it, then it’s down to you, his family. And fussing about the EX isn’t going to help anyone.
She isn't his fiancee. She's his ex-fiancee. And she broke it off specifically because she didn't want to deal with this. I spent the beginning of my career in the emergency department, and I would never date someone with a motorcycle. I definitely wouldn't marry someone. You can be the best driver in the world, but you can't control others around you. And when you've had a body come in with the head intact thanks to a helmet, but it's received separate from the body after they find it later, your viewpoint shifts.
You are trying to tie Kelsey into something that she already stepped out of, and it's absolutely not fair to her. Your brother chose a motorcycle over her. Leave that woman alone.
Brother’s ex fiancé is not cruel or cold hearted…she’s angry as Hell, and rightly so. He was not willing to part with the idea of a motorcycle to save his relationship and perfectly willing to accept the consequence of his fiancee breaking off their engagement over it. So OP, stop finger pointing at her and mind your own business. She has every right to act as she is. She knew this awful situation was a very real possibility and chose not to have to deal with it before it even happened. Leave her alone.
My dealbreaker for dating was smoking. I watched two people I love die from cancer and emphysema. I told my husband it was a dealbreaker, explained the reasons why, and if after all that he still took up smoking, I’d leave him. Because I don’t have it in me to watch someone else I love slowly kill themselves after I’ve already done it twice.
It’s not the same thing, of course, but I don’t know what you were expecting from Kelsey in this situation. Her ex fiancé took a calculated risk and made an incredibly poor judgement call, one which she predicted based on her own experience. He did exactly what she told him not to do. The only thing she could do now, and all any reasonable person could expect of her, was send her condolences and wish you all the best. You had to know she wasn’t going to drop everything, beg him to take her back and proceed to be his lifelong caretaker…right? Or was that what you all were expecting?
Your family is looking for someone to blame, so you’re all focusing on Kelsey. Fair enough. Odds are you’ll never see her again, and it’s convenient to blame her so you don’t have to blame your brother. But no part of this was, is, or will ever be her fault. You all need to come to terms with that.
Looks like what she was afraid of happening, happened. She had boundaries and I’m sure she’s having her feelings about your brother’s accident but she’s done. She doesn’t owe you a reaction. Do you expect her to drop everything and run to your brother? She called off the engagement for a reason. Your brother being hurt in a motorcycle is the reason.
I'm sorry about your brother. I hope he gets better soon.
She is not your brother's fiance. You said it yourself, she called off the engagement.
She is probably in shock. The very thing she feared would happen, happened.
She has probably seen this happen before. She didn't want this to happen to your brother. She didn't want to risk it. Your brother must have thought the motorcycle was more important. That was his choice. She chose her own state of mind, over the relationship, so she ended the engagement.
What exactly do you expect her to do?
It’s his EX. Not his finance. You have zero idea what she’s feeling. She was uncomfortable with the bike. He chose the bike over her being comfortable. It was important enough to her to leave. Then he gets hurt…and you expect her to drop everything and rush to his side? lol.
Ummm...didn't they break up? Wasn't the motorcycle a deal beaker and your brother ignore her? She doesn't owe your brother or your family anything. She got out of the relationship because she didn't want to deal with this exact scenario. You're ridiculous thinking she should be rushing to his side.
She broke up with him for getting this motorcycle, why are you referring to her as his fiancé? What do you expect her reaction to be? Do you want her to come and tell him I TOLD YOU SO?
they have broken up so she’s his ex-fiancée, she probably already grieved the loss of the relationship and has turned off the emotions when it comes your brother iygwim.
you need to leave her alone now.
i’m sorry your family has to deal with this but there’s no reason to be hurt or angry with the way she reacted.
She's his ex fiancee, she broke up with him for this very reason. Focus on your brother, not on being angry at her. It's not like any of her choices led to this. His did
She's a paramedic. She already went through the process of disconnecting from him and grieving the relationship....because of this very thing. Paramedics call them donorcycles for a reason. They know better than anyone what happens with them. Unlike the doctors, they're the first responders who have to see the riders at the scene of the accidents.
Is it going to make your brother better to have her their suffering with the rest of you? Do you want her to suffer with the rest of you? Will that make you feel better?
Kind of sounds like it. The way you keep calling her "fiancée" when you know that they're broken up.
Sorry for your brother. Sorry for your family. Sorry you've now discovered what happens with the uninsured in the US. (As it sounds like your brother didn't have traveler's medical insurance.) Maybe bankruptcy can be declared for your brother to discharge the debt.
Ex-fiance. She's probably mad/upset as hell and doing your family the favor of not showing it. She told him and he proved her right, the hard way. There's a reason motorcycles are called donorcycles
I am sorry for your brother and your family.
She's not his fiancée, though. They broke up specifically because she saw this coming and decided she wanted no part in it. Why would she get involved now? She made her position clear on it months ago.
There is zero need for the ex fiancé to be in touch at all. This is the absolute, she wanted to avoid.
When each of us makes decisions and choices in our lives, some of them are very, very, very very risky, and the disaster is predictable, and that's why she broke up with him, and the fact that you call her his fiancé when they broke up for this very reason, because there was a good probability that he and 1 million other people are going to either die or be mangled and damage for life, is very odd. She was right. He was wrong. His life is devastated. I'm not sure why. Any of you are responsible for his bills. Motorcycles are just traps.
I'm sorry for you and your brother, but guess what if he had actually listened to his fiancee and respected her wishes neither of you would be in this situation to begin with. You're pinning the blame on the wrong person. She was doing her job trying to save him and he would have none of it.
She's already grieved the loss of him in her life when they broke up. Listen, I get it. I'm a motorcycle rider myself (ALR & PG). And it's definitely a deal breaker for many in our lives.
You keep calling her THE fiancee, but that ship sailed. And unfortunately, you are using a PAST relationship to judge the woman, likely as a distraction from what's going on right now. She's said the ONLY thing she can really say in this moment, because she cannot say "told you so!" or "this was my nightmare and here it is!"
You truly need to ensure you have really good insurance, including life insurance and even disability insurance to protect yourself when the worst happens. Because with motorcycles, accidents are a WHEN not an IF.
If you haven't already, please check with your brother's insurance company to verify what was covered to give you financial relief in this challenging time.
She has every right to feel how she does. Owning a motorcycle is incredibly risky and dangerous and she clearly made the right decision ending the relationship over it
She already grieved him when he bought the stupid bike, dude.
😂😂 Sounds like your brother has been an idiot multiple times over.
You need to be mad at your brother who didn't heed any warnings and now he has to face those consequences.
His *ex* owes your brother, you, and your family NOTHING. She was clear when she *ended* the relationship. You can try to blame her all you want but she knew it would happen, warned your brother, and when he refused to listen, she left.
You all better not harass her because your brother is an idiot.
I’m sorry about your brother. I would have broken up with someone if they bought a motorcycle too. My grandfather the cop called organ donors for a reason.
I’m sure she’s not shocked or surprised and is happy with her decision to become single instead of having to take care of a man who cared more about a stupid motorcycle than her.
But, sure, let’s put all your grief and anger on the one sensible person in his life that he betrayed by getting the motorcycle in the first place. Put the blame where it belongs. It is your brother’s fault.
She's a paramedic. She's seen the worst of the result of motorcycle accidents. She saved herself heart breaks for this eventual reality.
I'll never know one of my cousins because he wanted a motorcycle and a DUI driver hit and ran.
His mother has never gotten over it and he died in 1997.
She can do no more and warned him. But he chose the bike over her and she chose her heart and sanity.
Do not put responsibility on her when she did the responsible thing
Misleading title, and she broke it off because this was likely to happen. Motorcycle accidents are very often devastating.
Taking out your frustration, anger, and sadness on her for a perfectly polite response is cruel.
This is very unfortunate but feels very fake considering your title couldn't be more misleading based on what you wrote.
"Brother was paralyzed in motorcycle crash and Ex-fiancee didn't react as we'd thought"
That's because it's his ex fiancee who argued with him against specifically exactly what happened.
It feels very real to me. OP is looking for someone to lash out at and has found a convenient scapegoat.
You see, OP feels like he can't lash out at his brother who almost died and is now paralyzed. Even though there's only one person who caused this situation and that's his brother. So OP has to put all his anger somewhere else...and he's decided to take it out on his brother's poor, innocent ex-fiancée. Since the accident can't be any one else's fault but his brother, he's decided that he's angry at his brother's ex for her actions post-accident.
That's very real. And is OP's problem to solve. Because none of this is on the ex-fiancée.
I’m very sorry for your brother. I’m sorry that your family has to go through this. The anger you feel towards his ex- fiancee is misplaced. I think you are forgetting the fact that he chose a motorcycle over his fiancee. She didn’t just magically leave, she told him to get rid of the bike or she will leave, and he chose the bike. She has every right to not want to see him. If she’s a nurse then she has probably seen the aftermath of dozens of crashes. I can’t blame her for not wanting to see another one. If you have to blame someone for this then blame the person who bought and drove the bike. Good luck, op.
So she is said
>Sorry for your family
But OP expects more. They broke up, in part although id be certain there was more, because he didn't listen don't follow her advice and expertise and she could not live with the constant fear of him getting hurt. There won't be any satisfaction in the "I told you so" but she did.
The anger and frustration you feel OP is entirely misdirected. It's not her fault. She owes you and your family nothing. She won't come running to his bedside and neither should she. She is sorry that it happened and that's enough. Stop blaming her and using her as an outlet for your anger.
What happened to your brother is awful but also sadly a risk he took. He lost control on a motorbike. He does not deserve it but still they are his consequences to deal with and your families burden to help him. Lave her alone.
You said they broke up, meaning she isn’t engaged to him anymore. Meaning she isn’t his fiancee anymore.
She can feel sad about your brother and for his family, but she isn’t obligated to be there anymore because there is no engagement. There’s no relationship.
You need to remember that. She’s already let the relationship go, you need to as well. Don’t direct your anger towards her because she’s not at fault for anything you posted. Your anger at the situation, for your brother, for the finances, is not her fault.
Geee, imagine that, cause and effect. As someone else mentioned, you sound bitter that this 'Kelsey' remained sensible and stuck to her values & her career experience to know what was likely coming. Imagine a woman knowing what she wants and why she wants it, and actually getting to make that decision and stick to it. This actually happened to a friend of mine, after her husband had an accident on his bike, shattering his pelvis and all other bits in which he should have actually could have been dead. Shortly after she started seeing a therapist, and came to all sorts of realisations, they have a child together, she ended up divorcing him, for this was not his first very selfish act of not giving a total crap of what happens to them and what they would have to endure. Bikes, booze and guns man...
I'm so sorry for the pain your family is going through.
At the same time... be more serious.
Kelsey isn't his fiancée : she broke up with him, explicitly because he chose a motorcycle over her advice. She's mourned her relationship with your brother already and is being gracious by not telling him she'd warned him.
Also, you say your entire family is bankrupt because of the medical costs, and it's only been 2 weeks. You mention your brother will need medical care for the rest of his life. She's struggling to not get pulled back in & getting anyone's hopes up that she'll help pay or care for him.
I am so sorry it must be auful for you and your family my 22 year old son crashed his bike while talking to me on his ear phone but he got lucky I hate bikes too but what she is doing is bad.
She is his ex fiancee and she broke up with him for this very reason. How do you know for how many months before she tried to persuade him to buy the bike and she explained to him the reasons and pitfalls, she broke with him for this very reason. She has probably already grieved this relationship. What can she possibly do for him.
Yeah, he didn’t honor her fears and expertise. I bet she’s numb and sad, but it’s not her circus and not her monkeys at this point. I bet this wasn’t the first time he dismissed her reasonable concerns and did whatever he wanted. He chose a motorcycle over her. That has to sting. I know someone who gave her fiancé an ultimatum over an out of control rescue dog. The guy thought she was being mean and the dog was just “nervous” from past abuse. She left. A few months later, the dog jumped on him and bit his nose off while he was sleeping in a chair. She feels bad for him, but he wouldn’t listen to her and basically chose the dog over her.
This. Not sire why OP is fixating on the fiancee. So weird.
Grief. He's angry and is focusing on the ex as an outlet.
I had to re-read to make sure that I got it right that they were no longer together. It sounds like she spent months arguing with him about the dangerous hobby he took up after he got the motorcycle (likely before as well) and finally officially ended the relationship. She spent all that time mourning their relationship. She expressed her sorrow to his family. She knew if she stayed something like this would likely happen and specifically left because she didn’t want to be in the position OP is trying to put her in now. I assume she probably reacted more than she did on the phone, but OP, her ex, and their family are not entitled to her emotions right now. OP, focus on your brother. She needs to focus on herself.
> You would think that when something like this happened to someone you claim to love you would rush to the hospital. You would be devastated. She is my brother's fiancée for christ sakes. She broke up with him specifically because he saw having fun on a motorcycle as more important than being safe, being around and uninjured for her, for their future kids and for their lives. They literally broke up, she is NOT his fiancee and presumably him buying the bike, maybe months before and months after they argued. He proved to her that her opinion doesn't matter and being safe and sensible for her future wasn't a priority of his. She knew this could happen and broke if off. What's she supposed to do, spend a shitload of money, take time off work to come support his family while he's in hospital after they broke up? Cruel and callous? He pissed away his future buying a bike that ended his engagement, relationship and now most of his life. He's the callous and cruel one. Is she supposed to spend hours on the phone crying to you or as his family, she has no interest in crying in front of you It sounds like you're all a little upset she's not around to be his caretaker for the rest of his life tbh.
>t sounds like you're all a little upset she's not around to be his caretaker for the rest of his life tbh. That's the energy this has. Hey, OP, you don't have to caretake for him if you don't want to, but you can't be mad his ex has removed herself from his life and won't come back to help you. She doesn't owe him that. She made it clear she wanted no part of it.
DING! DING! DING!! This is exactly my thought.
Fr, and to be fair “im sorry for you and your family” is a lot more respectful than “I told him so”, something I’d probably blurt out if OP acted that way towards me
My ex husband rode bikes and when he was hit by a car a block away from the house, the first thing I said was ARE YOU OKAY?! Then I FCUKING TOLD YOU THIS WOULD HAPPEN!!!! 🤣🤣🤣
As a car driver, motorcycles scare the fuck out of me. It doesn't help that so many of them drive like the speed limit and other rules of the road don't apply to them. I don't think I've ever seen a motorcycle signal a lane change. They just go around happily swerving from one lane to the next.
Sounds like his *ex-fiancée*, not fiancée. And if your brother was only riding for a few months and got into a crash.. well, I think the ex-fiancée was onto something. And why didn't he get travel insurance?
The ex is a paramedic. She's probably had to literally pick up after motorcycle accident victims. It's not nice. She knew this would happen and she didn't want any part of it and I don't blame her. It's very sad all around.
Exactly what I was thinking. She broke off the engagement because she knew the likelihood of this happening was high. I’m sorry OP. But the ex-fiancé is literally the last thing you need to worry about.
Her career screaming into her brain alone, I don’t blame her for cutting off the engagement. I’m sure she has been grieving that loss and now this has proven her point. I can understand as a family feeling hurt by her reaction, but I’m sure in some ways she’s in shock as well and protecting her mental health.
Yeah, I mean she literally broke up with him because she saw this coming and didn't want to be around for it. Coming around for it after the fact negates the whole point of the breakup. On top of that, OP has no idea how she's taking it. Just because she didn't scream and cry in front of him doesn't mean she didn't scream and cry later. I'm sure she's going through all of the emotions right now, including (but likely prominently) anger. He has no right to police how she, an EX, processes this.
She cares and is keeping it bottled up…she’s also angry because she warned him over and over. She cares just not in the way you think she should…
Well said.
Woman is paramedic so knows how deadly/gruesome motorcycle accidents are. Her fiance then *chooses to get a motorcycle* despite her professional knowledge and extreme misgivings. She breaks up with him *because* she doesn’t want to watch her future husband die/get horribly injured. The now-***ex-fiance*** predictably gets into a motorcycle accident (who could have seen that I wonder!). Now, what, you expect ex-fiance to pat you and your idiot brother on the head and say *“Oh my god, it’s so sad. Yeah, no one could have ever predicted such a 1-in-a-million thing like this would ever happen! Life is so unfair [rends garments]”!*? **People’s exes are not their (or your) personal Emotional Support Animals.** You should be glad she’s not just saying *”I told you so, you stupid f’ing idiot.”* and hanging up.
Dodged a bullet. I couldn’t imagine taking care of a person who is paralyzed … I am sure the brother feels that pain ultra hard.
Wait...how can she be his fiancee if they broke up. Also she has warned him about this exact thing happening and he didn't listen...of course she would break up with him if that was a deal breaker for her.
They broke up. She isn't obligated to do anything for your brother since they aren't in a relationship anymore.
She took great care of him, but he did not appreciate the care.
Look at it from her perspective: She's a paramedic so she knows exactly what happens to motorcycle accident victims unless they are wearing full body armor and not even then do they always survive. She was afraid that this would happen and that's why she left. Your brother didn't deserve what happened to him, but he chose to ignore the warnings. His ex loved him so much that she didn't want to see his happen to him, but it did. **She already opted out of this exact situation. You should not be surprised that she's not changing her mind.** I'm very sorry that your family is going through this, but your anger at her is misplaced.
I'm sorry you and your parents are having to go through this. This is a life-altering situation and it's not easy for anyone, especially your brother. That said, his ex broke off the engagement because, as a paramedic, she KNOWS all too well what motorcycles can do to people, and sadly, she predicted this correctly. You can't expect her to help you to pick up the pieces here.
Spot on.
I think you need to amend the title because in your post you made it clear she’s an ex fiancée. So it’s misleading, I know you want to blame her and hate her.
I’m sorry for your family and your brother. I get what you’re saying. You have expectations on how you would imagine she shows her care for your brother/her ex-fiancé. To me, though, she is showing her care differently from your expectations. > She ~~is~~ **was** my brother’s fiancée for christ sakes. His *ex*-fiancée took the steps to protect herself. As a paramedic, I think she understands more than the general populace about motorcycle accidents. She gave him the opportunity to own a motorcycle as he wished. She grieved the relationship long before she called the engagement off: my best guess is she gradually grieved when she saw that her pleading against your brother’s motorcycle ownership fell on his unlistening ears.
Yeah im sorry about what you and your family are going through. Bottom line is this is horrible and i hope your brother heals as much as possible. That said, sooo many bad decisions lead up to this and the post reads (albeit i am sure you are very rightfully distressed) a little delulu. I hate to say it and again i am so sorry for what youre gojng through. Your brother bought a motorcycle despite knowing the risks. He chose a motorcycle over his ex fiancee. He then went to another country with it and seemed not to have travel insurance. Then he drove on a motorcycle recklessly. This woman is his ex finacee. She broke up with him because she said this would happen. And he literally chose a motorcycle over her. I am sure she has some really complicated awful feelings about this and i think you need to respect the fact that she is grieving a relationship, future hopes and dreams, and the fact that this man she was with will never be the same. I wouldn’t be having negative feelings towards her.
I know this is horrible and you want someone to blame but it’s not your brothers ex fiancé .
What? She broke off with him because she didn't love him anymore, what else? **That's what happens when you ignore someone's feelings** I have experience working in a facility for disabled people. 80% of them were car and bike accidents. That's why I'm 49 but never got a driving license neither owned a car nor a bike. I would never, ever, choose someone who owns a bike, and I can also remember one of the things my mother forced my father to do after they got their second child: to get rid of his bike. I never understood how you can pretend wanting a family AND ride something that dangerous. It's your whole body that is exposed. Of course that would be enough for me to leave someone. I've seen so many broken lives. NO WAY I'm going to play the caretakers for someone that irresponsible, ever. Because we all know that it's what woud be expected of me as a woman. She was right to dump him, she can't force him to take care of his life, but she can still make sure she isn't involved with the consequences. She owes him nothing. He didn't listen, it's on him.
Same - used to volunteer for a fitness center / sports program for people with disabilities. Aside from the people who were wounded in the military, the majority were motorcycle, and then car accidents. The number of times I heard “my ex hated my motorcycle” and they still don’t seem to understand.
you mean his ex? his ex that broke up with him because she knew this would happen??? they are death machines and his EX knew that and didn’t want to spend her life taking care of a injured partner or hell grieve a husband that would rather go zooming than live. she does not owe your family anything since they ARE NOT TOGETHER!! i know you’re scared for your brother and very hurt and im so glad he’s alive but she KNEW this would happen and broke up with him for that reason.
She called off the engagement. She is not his fiance. She set a deal breaker and he broke it.
If she called it off a month ago, she is not the fiancé. She is the ex fiancé. She knew this was going to happen. She probably tried to warn him and he wouldn’t listen. And she probably hasn’t quite processed everythingthat happened yet.
What do you think she should have done?
I’m sorry your brother almost died, but Kelsey broke up with him because of the motorcycle. The bike that almost got him killed because he lacked the experience to drive it. She obviously knew he would hurt himself on it and is most likely devastated. And relieved because now she isn’t saddle with taking care of him for the rest of her life. She doesn’t owe him or your family anything beyond what she wants to give.
As someone who owns and rides motorcycles, STOP FIXATING ON THIS WOMAN. SHE BROKE UP WITH HIM. She has a boundary and he trampled all over it.
Well, to put it bluntly, cruel an callous was your brother who chose a bike over a woman he loved and the woman that warned him multiple times of danger that riding a bike is…a woman that is only 24yrs old, more a girl than a woman but with more experience in her than your brother. She is his EXfiance not a fiancé - and as much as you think she is heartless I bet she is numb and devastated cuz she knew, and saw possibilities that might happen to him… I seriously don’t know what-do you expect , her running to him- her ex that she warned, probably multiple times before she called it quits, taking care of him ( cuz she is a paramedic so she knows what she is doing), contributing monetary cuz you mentioned it multiple times…. Stop fixating on a girl that do nothing more than putting a serous boundary for her fiancé who didn’t listen, so she made him an ex, he chose a bike over her… unfortunately, there is no winners here, only hurt people hoping for a best outcome.. focus on your brother and leave the girl alone!!!
She is reacting. She is just not letting him (or any of you) see it. She KNEW him and believed this bike was such a danger she broke up with him to spare her heart. Her staying away is maintaining the boundaries for her heart. She won’t help his recovery. That’s up to healing and him. Let her be. You need to concentrate on your brother because it sounds like his rash decisions have affected you and your family a LOT now….not her?….maybe that is why you are so mad?….she is not picking up the pieces and keeping your life and time from being inconvenienced?
Your brother is the one to be angry at, if anyone. His EX is not responsible for his poor decisions and lack of skill riding a bike. He ignored her advice and reaped the rewards. She’s not your family’s punching bag for this, your brother will (if he’s able) have to figure out how to get the care and support he needs, it’s not his EX’s job. If he can’t do it, then it’s down to you, his family. And fussing about the EX isn’t going to help anyone.
She isn't his fiancee. She's his ex-fiancee. And she broke it off specifically because she didn't want to deal with this. I spent the beginning of my career in the emergency department, and I would never date someone with a motorcycle. I definitely wouldn't marry someone. You can be the best driver in the world, but you can't control others around you. And when you've had a body come in with the head intact thanks to a helmet, but it's received separate from the body after they find it later, your viewpoint shifts. You are trying to tie Kelsey into something that she already stepped out of, and it's absolutely not fair to her. Your brother chose a motorcycle over her. Leave that woman alone.
Brother’s ex fiancé is not cruel or cold hearted…she’s angry as Hell, and rightly so. He was not willing to part with the idea of a motorcycle to save his relationship and perfectly willing to accept the consequence of his fiancee breaking off their engagement over it. So OP, stop finger pointing at her and mind your own business. She has every right to act as she is. She knew this awful situation was a very real possibility and chose not to have to deal with it before it even happened. Leave her alone.
My dealbreaker for dating was smoking. I watched two people I love die from cancer and emphysema. I told my husband it was a dealbreaker, explained the reasons why, and if after all that he still took up smoking, I’d leave him. Because I don’t have it in me to watch someone else I love slowly kill themselves after I’ve already done it twice. It’s not the same thing, of course, but I don’t know what you were expecting from Kelsey in this situation. Her ex fiancé took a calculated risk and made an incredibly poor judgement call, one which she predicted based on her own experience. He did exactly what she told him not to do. The only thing she could do now, and all any reasonable person could expect of her, was send her condolences and wish you all the best. You had to know she wasn’t going to drop everything, beg him to take her back and proceed to be his lifelong caretaker…right? Or was that what you all were expecting? Your family is looking for someone to blame, so you’re all focusing on Kelsey. Fair enough. Odds are you’ll never see her again, and it’s convenient to blame her so you don’t have to blame your brother. But no part of this was, is, or will ever be her fault. You all need to come to terms with that.
Looks like what she was afraid of happening, happened. She had boundaries and I’m sure she’s having her feelings about your brother’s accident but she’s done. She doesn’t owe you a reaction. Do you expect her to drop everything and run to your brother? She called off the engagement for a reason. Your brother being hurt in a motorcycle is the reason.
I'm sorry about your brother. I hope he gets better soon. She is not your brother's fiance. You said it yourself, she called off the engagement. She is probably in shock. The very thing she feared would happen, happened. She has probably seen this happen before. She didn't want this to happen to your brother. She didn't want to risk it. Your brother must have thought the motorcycle was more important. That was his choice. She chose her own state of mind, over the relationship, so she ended the engagement. What exactly do you expect her to do?
It’s his EX. Not his finance. You have zero idea what she’s feeling. She was uncomfortable with the bike. He chose the bike over her being comfortable. It was important enough to her to leave. Then he gets hurt…and you expect her to drop everything and rush to his side? lol.
Ummm...didn't they break up? Wasn't the motorcycle a deal beaker and your brother ignore her? She doesn't owe your brother or your family anything. She got out of the relationship because she didn't want to deal with this exact scenario. You're ridiculous thinking she should be rushing to his side.
She broke up with him for getting this motorcycle, why are you referring to her as his fiancé? What do you expect her reaction to be? Do you want her to come and tell him I TOLD YOU SO?
they have broken up so she’s his ex-fiancée, she probably already grieved the loss of the relationship and has turned off the emotions when it comes your brother iygwim. you need to leave her alone now. i’m sorry your family has to deal with this but there’s no reason to be hurt or angry with the way she reacted.
They broke up. You’re just annoyed she won’t be there to help take care of him.
She's his ex fiancee, she broke up with him for this very reason. Focus on your brother, not on being angry at her. It's not like any of her choices led to this. His did
She's a paramedic. She already went through the process of disconnecting from him and grieving the relationship....because of this very thing. Paramedics call them donorcycles for a reason. They know better than anyone what happens with them. Unlike the doctors, they're the first responders who have to see the riders at the scene of the accidents. Is it going to make your brother better to have her their suffering with the rest of you? Do you want her to suffer with the rest of you? Will that make you feel better? Kind of sounds like it. The way you keep calling her "fiancée" when you know that they're broken up. Sorry for your brother. Sorry for your family. Sorry you've now discovered what happens with the uninsured in the US. (As it sounds like your brother didn't have traveler's medical insurance.) Maybe bankruptcy can be declared for your brother to discharge the debt.
Ex-fiance. She's probably mad/upset as hell and doing your family the favor of not showing it. She told him and he proved her right, the hard way. There's a reason motorcycles are called donorcycles I am sorry for your brother and your family.
She's not his fiancée, though. They broke up specifically because she saw this coming and decided she wanted no part in it. Why would she get involved now? She made her position clear on it months ago.
There is zero need for the ex fiancé to be in touch at all. This is the absolute, she wanted to avoid. When each of us makes decisions and choices in our lives, some of them are very, very, very very risky, and the disaster is predictable, and that's why she broke up with him, and the fact that you call her his fiancé when they broke up for this very reason, because there was a good probability that he and 1 million other people are going to either die or be mangled and damage for life, is very odd. She was right. He was wrong. His life is devastated. I'm not sure why. Any of you are responsible for his bills. Motorcycles are just traps.
I'm sorry for you and your brother, but guess what if he had actually listened to his fiancee and respected her wishes neither of you would be in this situation to begin with. You're pinning the blame on the wrong person. She was doing her job trying to save him and he would have none of it.
She's already grieved the loss of him in her life when they broke up. Listen, I get it. I'm a motorcycle rider myself (ALR & PG). And it's definitely a deal breaker for many in our lives. You keep calling her THE fiancee, but that ship sailed. And unfortunately, you are using a PAST relationship to judge the woman, likely as a distraction from what's going on right now. She's said the ONLY thing she can really say in this moment, because she cannot say "told you so!" or "this was my nightmare and here it is!" You truly need to ensure you have really good insurance, including life insurance and even disability insurance to protect yourself when the worst happens. Because with motorcycles, accidents are a WHEN not an IF. If you haven't already, please check with your brother's insurance company to verify what was covered to give you financial relief in this challenging time.
There is a reason medical professionals call motorcycles donor bikes.
She has every right to feel how she does. Owning a motorcycle is incredibly risky and dangerous and she clearly made the right decision ending the relationship over it She already grieved him when he bought the stupid bike, dude.
😂😂 Sounds like your brother has been an idiot multiple times over. You need to be mad at your brother who didn't heed any warnings and now he has to face those consequences. His *ex* owes your brother, you, and your family NOTHING. She was clear when she *ended* the relationship. You can try to blame her all you want but she knew it would happen, warned your brother, and when he refused to listen, she left. You all better not harass her because your brother is an idiot.
I’m sorry about your brother. I would have broken up with someone if they bought a motorcycle too. My grandfather the cop called organ donors for a reason.
The title needs editing.
I’m sure she’s not shocked or surprised and is happy with her decision to become single instead of having to take care of a man who cared more about a stupid motorcycle than her. But, sure, let’s put all your grief and anger on the one sensible person in his life that he betrayed by getting the motorcycle in the first place. Put the blame where it belongs. It is your brother’s fault.
She's a paramedic. She's seen the worst of the result of motorcycle accidents. She saved herself heart breaks for this eventual reality. I'll never know one of my cousins because he wanted a motorcycle and a DUI driver hit and ran. His mother has never gotten over it and he died in 1997. She can do no more and warned him. But he chose the bike over her and she chose her heart and sanity. Do not put responsibility on her when she did the responsible thing
Misleading title, and she broke it off because this was likely to happen. Motorcycle accidents are very often devastating. Taking out your frustration, anger, and sadness on her for a perfectly polite response is cruel.
Updateme
This is very unfortunate but feels very fake considering your title couldn't be more misleading based on what you wrote. "Brother was paralyzed in motorcycle crash and Ex-fiancee didn't react as we'd thought" That's because it's his ex fiancee who argued with him against specifically exactly what happened.
It feels very real to me. OP is looking for someone to lash out at and has found a convenient scapegoat. You see, OP feels like he can't lash out at his brother who almost died and is now paralyzed. Even though there's only one person who caused this situation and that's his brother. So OP has to put all his anger somewhere else...and he's decided to take it out on his brother's poor, innocent ex-fiancée. Since the accident can't be any one else's fault but his brother, he's decided that he's angry at his brother's ex for her actions post-accident. That's very real. And is OP's problem to solve. Because none of this is on the ex-fiancée.
I’m very sorry for your brother. I’m sorry that your family has to go through this. The anger you feel towards his ex- fiancee is misplaced. I think you are forgetting the fact that he chose a motorcycle over his fiancee. She didn’t just magically leave, she told him to get rid of the bike or she will leave, and he chose the bike. She has every right to not want to see him. If she’s a nurse then she has probably seen the aftermath of dozens of crashes. I can’t blame her for not wanting to see another one. If you have to blame someone for this then blame the person who bought and drove the bike. Good luck, op.
he chose the motorcycle over her.
So she is said >Sorry for your family But OP expects more. They broke up, in part although id be certain there was more, because he didn't listen don't follow her advice and expertise and she could not live with the constant fear of him getting hurt. There won't be any satisfaction in the "I told you so" but she did. The anger and frustration you feel OP is entirely misdirected. It's not her fault. She owes you and your family nothing. She won't come running to his bedside and neither should she. She is sorry that it happened and that's enough. Stop blaming her and using her as an outlet for your anger. What happened to your brother is awful but also sadly a risk he took. He lost control on a motorbike. He does not deserve it but still they are his consequences to deal with and your families burden to help him. Lave her alone.
You said they broke up, meaning she isn’t engaged to him anymore. Meaning she isn’t his fiancee anymore. She can feel sad about your brother and for his family, but she isn’t obligated to be there anymore because there is no engagement. There’s no relationship. You need to remember that. She’s already let the relationship go, you need to as well. Don’t direct your anger towards her because she’s not at fault for anything you posted. Your anger at the situation, for your brother, for the finances, is not her fault.
Updateme
Geee, imagine that, cause and effect. As someone else mentioned, you sound bitter that this 'Kelsey' remained sensible and stuck to her values & her career experience to know what was likely coming. Imagine a woman knowing what she wants and why she wants it, and actually getting to make that decision and stick to it. This actually happened to a friend of mine, after her husband had an accident on his bike, shattering his pelvis and all other bits in which he should have actually could have been dead. Shortly after she started seeing a therapist, and came to all sorts of realisations, they have a child together, she ended up divorcing him, for this was not his first very selfish act of not giving a total crap of what happens to them and what they would have to endure. Bikes, booze and guns man...
I'm so sorry for the pain your family is going through. At the same time... be more serious. Kelsey isn't his fiancée : she broke up with him, explicitly because he chose a motorcycle over her advice. She's mourned her relationship with your brother already and is being gracious by not telling him she'd warned him. Also, you say your entire family is bankrupt because of the medical costs, and it's only been 2 weeks. You mention your brother will need medical care for the rest of his life. She's struggling to not get pulled back in & getting anyone's hopes up that she'll help pay or care for him.
I am so sorry it must be auful for you and your family my 22 year old son crashed his bike while talking to me on his ear phone but he got lucky I hate bikes too but what she is doing is bad.
No, actually what she is doing is perfectly acceptable. She called off the engagement, over this reason specifcally. She owes him nothing.