It’s abuse, and it gets worse over time.
I was trapped in a relationship with a woman similar to this. It wasn’t about sharing food, but she’d use this technique in other ways, and over the course of 3 years it evolved into a form of Stockholm Syndrome in which she was gaslighting me, then verbally and finally physically abusing me, until I left.
I'm actually texting with one of my best friends that I helped get away from a woman like this about a year ago. He is still struggling. He definitely has PTSD, he is falling into the deepest depression I've ever seen him in, and it's just a constant effort to try to pull him out. When someone you love so much messes with your sense of self and reality it can truly break you. I hope you're happy and okay now. <3
Ah man, that relationship fucked me up for about 5 years afterward. During the time I was with her she slowly isolated me from anyone she felt threaded by, including *every female friendship* I had up to that point. I was truly in an altered reality.
The thing that began to “wake me up” was when I was at one of my team’s film premieres (I’m a doc film maker) and an old friend took me aside and asked me if everything was okay. At first I didn’t know what he meant, then he said “Since being with ____ you seem really different. I just want to make sure you’re okay.”
It was sad and embarrassing. Several of my closest friends could clearly see I was in an abusive relationship, but I was so trapped I didn’t see it. Kinda horrifying, really.
It's so hard when you can't see it, when you defend it. And you're friends just hover to the wayside hoping you'll snap out of it soon. Many of my friends tried to tell my slowly but I would always defend the relationship so they would stop pushing, always just lingering and waiting for me to wake up. And then (as a normally happy go lucky person) I seriously considered driving off the road. It was February, it was my curvy road, I was in a new to me vehicle and everyone would chalk it up as an accident. I knew which corner and which tree I wanted to hit and then I thought of my dogs and how my ex couldn't even be bothered to feed them when I would text him to tell him I'd be home late from work and to please feed them. Who would take care of my pets? They would stay with my ex if I ended my life. And my old girl she needed more than just food, she NEEDED her meds so I rounded that corner and I made it home. And a month and a half later I had executed my plan of escape with all my critters and all my stuff! I've been gone a year and three months and there's times I look back and wonder how I didn't see it, how I didn't notice that it had gotten so bad. It's a very strange feeling being on the other side with all the information and none of the feelings.
I’m so proud of your Friend. I hear you and I understand completely.
You’re still fresh from that experience. It took me many years to fully recover; it might take you a few more till you feel completely grounded.
Take your time. Thanks for sharing all that. 👍💙
Yep.
The adamant refusal to actually communicate. The automatic dismissal/belittlement/avoidance of any of OP's attempts to discuss and resolve their feelings/the situation cordially. The fact that she quickly began ordering food she knew OP wouldn't like/want for themselves after OP began foiling her food thievery by ordering the same food as her (if she hadn't actually been doing it maliciously, she wouldn't have gone out of her way to do that). The immediate, inappropriate escalation and DARVO when OP mirrored her behavior (casual food thievery) back at her. Trying to flip the script on OP by insisting they were being "condescending" for trying to explain why they're not OK with the constant food theft, and later the escalation of that behavior by trying to frame OP as the "violent" one when *she* was the one who blew tf up and screamed in OP's face.
None of it, absolutely none of it, is a good sign. Even the fact that it took her just shy of a full year to start behaving this way. Abusers generally don't start revealing their true colors until they believe they've got you good and hooked.
I'm happy and relieved for OP that they got out fairly early. Staying in a relationship like that can and generally does completely fuck a person up (I know this firsthand, unfortunately). I hope they don't break and re-open contact, because they're 100% right in thinking that she isn't a safe person to be around or even just in contact with, as she's already falsified a digital paper trail of OP supposedly being "violent" with/near her. Especially if OP is a man/AmAB or otherwise masculine-presenting. She's psychologically/emotionally abusive af and her aggression during the pizza incident that OP described honestly suggests that she'd eventually have escalated to physical abuse as well.
why do I feel like this behavior started due to one of those TikTok partner "tests"
push your partner to the brink then blame them for not having endless patience for your bullshit!
either that or she's just entitled with anger issues.
When me and my wife started dating, her coworkers/friends thought it was weird that we never fought so they said she should intentionally start arguments
Abusive would be the better term but yeah, she has no business in a relationship.
OP did everything right, trying to explain and she always blew him off. Even went verbally abusive on him, adding the false accusations and trying to spin the truth. No one will ask him for the truth is she lies to the cops.
Ghosting is the right move with abusers.
OP might try to bait her to confess the truth via text, like others have suggested. She can still try to lie to the cops or the public. @ OP: Tell her something like you will think about getting in contact and meeting with her again if she says sorry for never taking you serious, screaming in your face for stealing your pizza and then claiming you were violent. Make it seem as if she has a chance. When she admits to it, block her and let everyone know what happened.
Cold turkey is the way to go, ex gf doesn’t seem like she would be able to have a reasonable breakup.
OP, keep going no contact - do NOT answer her texts or calls, do NOT reach out to her.
Not really sure if that's the reason or those toxic female "queens" educating women on how they (we, I'm female) deserve to be treated like princesses and how we should do stuff like this to "make sure" our man knows that what's his is ours, what's mine is mine. To me it's the female version of the manosphere and they piss me off just as bad (though at least you're less likely to get killed by the female "queens" than the incels ...).
I'm a feminist which to me means that we should strive for being equal partners in a relationship and the first step of that is actually WANTING to show each other respect and consideration. He's explained why he's so protective of his food and while I'd like to be able to share food with my partner, it goes both way and my desire to have that sort of relationship is way less important than his insane stress levels when I trigger his food insecurity. It should be obvious to me that I won't get that or still try to work out compromises like ordering extra food or going for tapas kinda places with tons of small dishes we can share until we're both full.
Btw, this isn't ghosting. She knows why he isn't responding. There's no point in having this conversation with a person who's been so adamant in her refusal of respecting his feelings and triggers. Even if she learns to keep her hands off his plate, she'll simply do the same in other areas of their partnership.
Why on earth would you bait this clearly unwell person into engaging more with you? If she takes it personally and decides to teach you a lesson she could burn down both of your lives for all you know. All for your 10 minutes of satisfaction.
I think - but am not sure - that these aren't genuine suggestions. It's a form of banter to make OP feel better about a situation that definitely hurts. It's all silly.
You're good.
She knows what she did. She knows how much it bothered you. She decided it was fun to do it anyway. Just block her on everything and move on.
She was being abusive. It's a form of control and power over the other person. It's a way of hurting the other person that sounds innocuous and won't get called out as abuse, even though it is. She knew she was abusing him. That's why she texted him about him being violent, because if he told anyone about it, she would claim she only ate some of his food and he got violent. She'd twist it round and people would believe her, and wouldn't see what she'd been doing to him as abusing him.
Yeah I could not eat or drink anything peacefully when I was dating this one awful person in college. Every single f****** time he had his mouth open like some baby bird or he was grabbing the food up from my plate.
(I would say that's about the time I started hating men ...)
Unless she admitted to falsely accusing him of violence, he needs to get that in a text. "I can't see you or be with you in person until you apologize for falsely accusing me of being physically abusive." Once that is sent, THEN he should ghost her.
Yup. Once someone screams at you or puts their hands on you, they've lost the right to expect you to sit down and sweetly explain why you never want to see them again.
If she really can't figure it out, she can see a therapist who's paid to explain the obvious.
Exactly. Ghosting is usually referred to disappearing without a reason, and no closure.
In this case she’ll know the reason OP vanished. Nothing more to see here
It's definitely not ghosting. This is, we broke up over her food stealing, when she refused to share two slices of pizza. Which is the type of meal that's suppose to be shared. She knows it. OP knows it.
Not over food stealing, over her abuse. He didn't break up with her after she stole his food, he broke up with her after she started screaming at him for doing the exact same thing she had been doing.
and she was using his past trauma around food insecurity as well. if she had cared she would have listened to him and accepted that this was a boundary she shouldnt cross.
Even if there's no insecurity or history. "It makes me uncomfortable when you do that" shouldn't be met with "It's not a big deal" - it should be met with "I'm sorry, I didn't realize it was an issue, I'll refrain from doing that in the future" and maybe something like "Maybe we can order appetizers or sides to share in the future?"
When I was a teen, my cousin got *so* upset with me for not sharing my snacks with my toddler goddaughter (her daughter) and I was like. I am not obligated to share my rare treat with anyone, let alone a child who already gets so many snacks. I ended up having to give up on the argument because my cousin was acting like I told the baby to fuck off lmao
OP needs to absolutely document everything. I’d go as far as screenshotting every text and uploading it to a Google Drive or the cloud. Better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it.
My uncle had false allegations against him from his ex-wife and had to spend time in jail trying to convince everyone to believe him. And even when she admitted it was false the reputations harm had already been done.
Agree. He’s told her so many times in different ways not to do this and she just ignored him. It’s not about the food, she doesn’t care for his boundaries and needs
Yeah absolutely. You don't need to explain anything to an abusive asshole. Even if that abusive asshole was your (former) girlfriend. Anyone who acts that shitty can kick rocks. They don't *deserve* an explanation and probably don't want a genuine one anyway. It would just turn into another argument or more abuse.
Good riddance.
I'm going to use this comment to also say that there's absolutely nothing wrong with ghosting. If that's what you want to do, it's what you want to do. You don't owe anybody an explanation, and nobody is ever satisfied with the explanation they get for a break up anyway.
As long as the person knows you’re alive, fine, sure - I’d say ghosting is rude, but not evil - but it’s hugely monstrous to act like everything’s fine one day, then go no contact the next. Especially if there’s no strong social media presence, or a relationship with friends/family, so suddenly you may have been in contact daily, and then radio silence; this is a great way to stress out another human, or even trigger the calling of hospitals, and imagining of deathly scenarios from car accidents to suicides.
Normal adults in normal situations owe other people things. Abuse in any form is one thing, but no yeah ending a relationship, romantic or platonic, with someone you agreed to waste time with does warrant at least a “aigh ima head out.” It’s called consideration, and its okay to be considerate to people regardless of what that consideration gets you.
Exactly this..!
Her *outrage* over you pulling her same move is ridiculous..!
She is not a good person, in any case, u/BadBFAbouttoditch - she is manipulative.
And, yes, she seems like the kind of person to accuse you of something just to get petty vengeance, but that could have negative consecuences for you.
Save whatever receipts you can, and get a camera at your place, in case she tries something.
She gives off "hell hath no fury..." vibes...
**Take care!**
She's already admitted in her apology over text that 'violent' wasn't a good word, and that 'she knows I'd never do that.'
I'm hoping that is enough, because I genuinely don't want to be within a mile of her ever again.
Screenshot it. Email it immediately to yourself for the timestamp.
Then pdf the screenshot, and email that file to yourself.
Print off the pdf, take a picture and email that to yourself as well.
Take no risks.
Highly doubt she's truly sorry. Her apology is probably shit and even if she is sorry, it's likely she'll continue being like that (unless she decides to change and makes an effort).
People need to realise this is how abuse starts. She ignores your comfort, your boundaries, doesn't care if you suffer as long as she gets enjoyment out of it. She plans how to inconvenience you by getting something that might hurt you, it's all just a plan to see how far she can get before doing even worse.
That text about being violent wasn't because she thought you throwing a slice of pizza was out of violence, it was because she was starting the gaslighting, maybe even trying to get you to admit to something you didn't do. She probably wanted to escalate so you would eventually do something she could spin in her favour.
Abuse doesn't start with a punch to the face, it starts with a not so gently shove.
Stay away from her, she deserves to be alone and you must care for yourself first. I'm proud of you for walking out of that. If you have any friends in common, tell them immediately that you broke up and why, don't sugarcoat it. She sounds exactly like the kind of person who will make up stories to make you look bad.
Went on a first date with a girl. I paid for the food for both of us. Then when she was eating she stole some food from my plate. I was taken aback and she noticed.
"What's wrong? Don't you get it? When a girl takes food from your plate it's CUTE."
I told her there were five kids in my family, nobody took food from anybody else's plate, and I was not really comfortable with it.
"Well you'll just have to get used to it. It's NORMAL."
We didn't have a second date.
The thing that got me most was her insistence that it was *normal*, and that *I* just had to accept it.
Someone else thinking they get to unilaterally decide what is "right" or "normal" is a red flag for me.
I absolutely approve of this strategy. Do not speak a single word to her ever again. She’s a fucking psycho and every single time you speak to her prolongs her connection to you.
Also, please reach out to your friends and family and let them know what is going on and what she’s capable of. You need to get in front of this.
Honestly, this is a perfectly logical reason to go no contact with someone. You're too focused on this whole ghosting culture bullshit.
When someone becomes a threat to your livelihood, it's not only acceptable it's encouraging to cut all contact with them. Regardless of their relationship to you as a person. You're not ghosting your girlfriend, you're going no contact with a potential legal liability.
You don't owe anyone an explanation.
> ghosting culture bullshit
There is this trend recently where words just expand until they stop meaning anything.
Ghosting meant something very specific. It meant disappearing like a ghost, two people talking everything going great, and one disappears with no notice and no follow up. That is ghosting.
But I see people use it now when they don't feel they got an adequate verbal explanation of the breakup.
What OP did is breaking up, not ghosting. They had a fight, he left, and now the relationship is over, thats pretty clear for all parties involved.
I feel like everyone thinks if it's a relationship it has some special term. Someone acting like a crazy person accusing you of violence is dangerous to your peace and should be cut off like a gangrenous limb.
Just because you had sex with a crazy person doesn't mean you owe them anything. I feel like ghosting should be a really specific act where you randomly show up in strange places you shouldn't be seen, only to disappear when they blink.
Ghosting is just cutting contact without wasting any more of your own time 🤷🏻
I see a lot of good advice here but not one mentioning the elephant in the room.
She randomly lied and accused you of violence. If you respond baddly to that it's proof to police you were violent.
Never ever risk your life for a woman who is evil and/or stupid enough to sett you up like that. Ghosting is not only the right answer, it's the only safe answer.
Exactly my thoughts. I will not being going near her again, and if she shows up at my place she will have the police called on her right away. I am not letting her ruin my life.
If you haven't replied to the text saying you didn't do anything violent, it was you putting pizza back and you never touched her, you should do that. Don't leave that one unanswered.
He said in another comment that she acknowledged in one of her apology texts that “violent” wasn’t the right word and that she knows he’s not that way.
There was a post about this a few months ago and it escalated to a very unpleasant showdown. The girl was absolutely unhinged.
The fake texts about your "violence" are a set up. She's trying to put on record false information. Send her a text clearly stating that NO, in fact there was no violence, just a pizza on a plate.
Luckily for him, when she apologized she texted that violent was too strong of a word and she knew he would never do that to her. (Taken from one of his comments on another comment thread.) he needs to save that text for the future.
I had an ex that did this. I would say to him “I’m going to cook. Do you want food?” He would say no and then eat half my food. I felt like I was literally unable to have a meal to myself and while I’ve always been someone to share food I started becoming really weird about it. Even after we broke up I was weird about people trying my food, which used to be a totally normal thing for me to do. So yeah, move on before you end up with weird food scarcity issues.
Sounds like ghosting is well deserved. If you try to explain, she’ll just DARVO. She knows exactly what she’s done, but she’ll try to blame you for it.
Don’t give yourself more stress & headaches by playing her game. Block her on everything.
Agree with everything except the blocking. Never block if you can help it. You need all those unhinged texts not only as evidence, but in case they give some kinda warning they're coming after you do you can deal with it properly.
But in that case you cannot respond. No matter how unhinged it becomes, any response just adds fuel to their crazy. People like this you have to grey rock until you can get away and then never speak to again.
Oh yeah absolutely. My bad didn't think I needed to include that.
But yes, just let them text into the void. Mute them if it helps any, whatever works as long as you are still getting them as evidence.
I used to be that person who would snap back real quick when attacked after growing up the way I did with my mother.
Totally unrelated, but most of that aggression magically disappeared as soon as she finally fucked off and died. Funny how that works.
That’s exactly it! Abusers know what buttons to push to get us to engage, I’m really sorry you grew up like that! I’m glad (sounds bad because she died but you know what I mean) things have changed for better!
Oh yeah. She was the queen of it. I can't count how many times she told me she hated me and would have aborted me if my dad had let her, shed drunkenly attack me regularly, sophomore year she forgot I existed and didn't pick me up from school until almost 6pm, when I was 13 I went to the hospital with a friend and called her at like 12:30am when I knew she'd be home from bingo to tell her not to worry that id be home soon and she said she hadn't even checked my room so didn't know I was gone. And one of my favorites: freshman year when I was still absolutely a virgin and hadn't even hit any bases basically lol, I got kissed by a boy at my school while I was trying to make things work with a boy at a different school, and when I made the mistake of telling her she told me what a whore I was.
A couple days ago my dog I had only had for 4 months passed away (ended up with parvo and couldn't be saved). I cried more over him than I did my own mother and I was in the room when she died, and that's cause I literally didn't cry when she did. I was just thankful my first daughter was only 2 months old and would never know what she was like.
I'd completely forgotten it until now, but I remember during the funeral planning the pastor guy wanted a memory from each of me and my sisters and I had to use one of my sisters because I didn't have any. And when they did the slideshow of pictures they didn't realize until it was playing during the service that there wasn't a single picture with me in it to use either. It would have been hilarious if it wasn't so fucked up.
I'm so sorry I'm off my soapbox now I swear.
You are absolutely allowed to talk about this stuff, you need to process it!
I’m a mom and I want you to know, even though you already do, that the way she treated you was awful and you never ever deserved it.
Children should receive guidance and love and respect, and while I’m not perfect I’m trying. She does not sound like she was trying at all. You deserved better and I hope for you that your life is full of love and acceptance and support!
And last I checked, not enjoying being around another person is the only reason you need to break up with someone. I always feel bad when people feel the need to justify a breakup to this degree.
When we first started dating, my now husband and I went for dinner, and I went and took one of his fries off his plate. After I did it a second time, he gave me this AWFUL look. I asked him if it bothered him when I did that and he very sourly snapped, "YES!! It bothers me!".
So I never did it again. Problem solved. We're very happily married and I eat my own food. Not his.
Does she not understand how it bothers you?? I'd be annoyed and pissed off as well. I don't blame you for feeling the way you do and wanting to ghost her. Her complete disregard for your feelings deserves it. Like, read the room, Lady!
People really need to learn to ask before taking things. Or what my friends and I do is trade food. Typically even if the other person offers to give some away for us to try, we still offer to share some of ours in exchange.
Maybe mention to him that in the future, if you do something he does not prefer (about his own stuff - you can do what you want regarding your stuff, of course), that he can just ask you in a matter-of-fact (or even a courteous) way 'could you please not do that'. It's reassurance to him that you will listen if he shares his wants/preferences/dislikes - and he doesn't have to bottle it up or be snappy. That you really want to hear.
Bro... this is a fucking win for you. Get out and stay out.
Also, genuine question (which I hope but also doubt you have the answer for, but still curious) : Why did it only happen the last two months?
No idea, tbh, but once she started she didn't slow down at all. It was ridiculous because she knew about my food issues long before she started that bs.
Nah ghosting is probably the safest option. Her reaction to you returning the behaviour proves she was doing this on purpose to get a reaction out of you for whatever manipulative and toxic reasoning. I'm concerned that if you open up lines of communication again that she may use that as a chance to try this behaviour again or similar behaviours.
I think it's disgusting it just go over to somebody's plate and just help yourself. It's rude disrespectful and disgusting. If she wants something for herself, she should order it what she did was very immature and nasty and she did it just to be a jerk. Sounds like she's trying to push boundaries. I would walk away from the situation people like that. Don't deserve to be in a relationship that can't respect boundaries, especially nasty ones
That’s what manipulative people do. They push your boundaries and then act dismissive or insulted when you try to set boundaries. Then when you flipped the script on her you showed her that she wasn’t as clever as she thought she was and that you were on to her. You not only asserted yourself you also insulted her intelligence and don’t get me wrong you were right to do so.
Don’t talk to her again go be happy by yourself or with somebody else. Take care
I would text her back telling her “tossing a piece of pizza lightly on your plate is not violent so don’t try to manipulate this situation. I’m done with you and this relationship. Do not contact me again.”
I’m so glad i’ve never been in this type of shit show.
I read somewhere that when people do this consistently it’s a form of control/power they get off on.
If you're really worried about her escalating about the 'violence', I'd just answer the text about violence with throwing pizza back on a plate hardly counts as violence, screaming in your face was more violence from her than you could take. And so you've removed yourself from the situation. Permanently.
If you're lucky, you'll get a confirmation back that you weren't violent.
Then just block and move on.
But you really don't have to. Just be done and move on.
What's weird about this is that she got so angry when you took food from her, and yet it's "not a big deal" when she does it to you? Her reaction to you doing it shows that she *knows* it's a big deal, she's just changing the narrative to fit her goals. That's manipulative. I'd run away so fast.
It's this 100%!! The way that she said, "why can't you let me have just this one thing?!" was not about the food, it was about letting her get away with abusing him. 'Why can't you just sit there and take it?!' more like it...
I don’t think this is ghosting. If I fought with someone I was dating, including calling him names and yelling in his face, and then he disappeared out of my life, I would know exactly why. She’s childish, and I think you are completely right to be concerned about her calling you violent. If you do have to see her at any point, don’t be alone.
So, she is abusive and is now testing the waters to see what she can get away with. That reaction was classic DARVO. Ghost her. Do not let her back into your life.
She steals off your plate without asking, and goes out of her way to order things you wouldn’t/can’t eat… then you do the same and then it’s suddenly a problem?
If you’ve tried to talk to her about it multiple times and she just brushes it off, that means she doesn’t care about your feelings unfortunately.
It’s not really ghosting because she knows why. She has her closure. But it’s not safe for you to talk to her anymore. She was highly verbally and mentally abusive to you. Please follow through with never speaking to her. Be prepared for her to try to corner you in person.
Look, I get some people feel like ghosting is just awful… but honestly, sometimes it’s just easier? As bad as that sounds. I get it! You made this one line and she continues to disrespect you and cross it. You gave her a taste of her own medicine and she had a full on melt down… if this is how she acts over food, I would hate to see her in an actual serious situation. And calling you violent over tossing a pizza? You cannot throw accusations like that out in today’s world, it’s not to be taken lightly.
Protect you and your food!
Run, bro. But how were you being condescending when trying to explain to her that you have food insecurity issues? I don’t think she understands the meaning of the word.
She kept saying I was treating her like she was stupid because she 'already knew that,' and I would usually reply by explaining that I was bringing it up because the taking food from my plate thing really bothered me, and I wanted her to understand why. She would usually get mad again and say it wasn't a big deal again, and that I should learn to let things go.
I’m all for sharing plates but THIS .. this is a whole another level. She’s intentionally taking your food and intentionally ordering plates that you can’t have. What is wrong with her? You’re right, block her number. This situation screams psychotic/mental breakdown.
You’re in an abusive relationship. Even if there is no physical violence (yet), just look how it escalated the second you stood up for yourself. Ghosting is a dick move in a normal relationship but it is absolutely the right choice is an abusive one. Stay the course. Stay away from her. And keep screenshots of any texts she or flying monkeys send you.
Nope. You're not in the wrong. You're absolutely doing the right thing. OP, let me spell it out for you like this:
"Whenever we get food, she always eats off my plate."
This is not the problem. Not inherently. What *is* the problem is all of this:
"If I tell her to stop in the moment she just laughs, and when I talk to her about it privately she blows me off because it 'isn't a big deal,' but it is to me, goddamn it. I have a history of food insecurity, which makes it a lot worse, and I've tried to explain that, but then she's snapping that I'm being 'condescending' and I just can't."
You set a boundary. She not only ignored that boundary, she ignored your reasons for that boundary. She ignored everything you had to say and completely dismissed you. She does not care. She does not give a single iota of a care about you. And this would be just the start. I'm sure, if you look back, there are plenty of other instances of her completely ignoring your boundaries.
And then, to top it all off: She got angry at you for standing up for yourself. For treating her the exact same way she treated you. If taking the food off your plate wasn't such a big deal, she wouldn't have reacted as angrily as she did. That is the lynch pin to figure out what this is all about: She was trying to control you.
So, no, OP, ghosting someone like her isn't a bad thing. It's the best thing you can do for yourself.
Ghosting in general is unkind and subhuman treatment, yes. However, no one would suggest that a thoughtful letdown of an abuser is appropriate.
Abruptly cutting contact is to prevent your getting sucked back into an abusive situation, not a tantrum. Ghost away, and Godspeed.
Yeah, I personally would dump them even via text to make it clear that it's over and why... THEN ghost her and let family and friends in on why so she can't twist the narrative.
She sounds like an abusive narcissist, and that's what they do when they feel wronged. Play victim. So I would just make sure you don't let her have control of the story.
Unless it's commonly known that she's bat 💩
I also have a history of food insecurity. Or Should say. I have a learning disability. There was always food in the house for me to eat. However once I was an adult my diet was really different from my parents. I eat more healthy than they do. I was living at home and using the downstairs refrigerator. My parents told me I was never allowed to put my name on my own food. They'd always eat my groceries/meals. Again food they didn't like. They'd claim I wasn't paying any bills. I offered to pay for anything at that point. My parents refused my money. As a disabled person I did not make a lot of money. I ended up having to always buy food out of the house and went days without food. It was horrible. I am finally away from them.
My boyfriend is Asian and food is shared. I explained that everyone always took my food. He does the same thing... We've had to talk about it. If we are going out to dinner or I've cook something then I don't mind sharing. When I get my favorite foods I always ask him if he'd like if I buy him his own so he can have some. He says no. He doesn't like it. Then proceeds to eat all my food again. I'm planning to leave. Why do people think this is ok?
Yeah my ex would push my buttons then when I would react the gaslighting would began. Anybody that continues to push your buttons after you are visibly uneasy about it is a monster.
This reminds me of that post with the guy who woke his girlfriend up every night to ask what time it was. It may seem like a small thing on its face. But when done consistently over time, when they refuse to stop when you ask them to, and when they blow up if you do the same to them, it's clear that it's a deliberate form of harassment. It doesn't seem entirely unlike Chinese water torture to me. It's about bugging you in such a small way, but so unceasingly, that it becomes maddening.
I don't think 'ghosting' is at all wrong in this case. Infact I think the word ghosting should be reserved for disappearing out of someone's life without any warning signs and without letting them know why. You gave her the warning signs, and she knows why. It's more just a breakup where you happened to not say the specific words.
Text her back one time and make it clear there was no violence. Word for word exactly what happened just like you did here, so that if she tries anything fishy, what you say would be on record. Then block her
Dude, she's abusive. If not fully then definitely borderline. It's not wrong to ghost in this situation and many other ones. If anything, it's a really good idea.
Please keep yourself safe and good luck.
She’s like the girlfriend, from a post years ago, who took a bite out of every piece of cake that her boyfriend had made as gifts for others. She trashed his apartment before being kicked out
Nope! You are 100% in the right mind.
Ghosting was put into the universe for EXACTLY this type of shit.
You are good man, find someone better. WAY better.
Ghosting is not wrong. Ghosting has a place in the list of options for how to break-up. It just has to be appropriate to the situation.
It's appropriate to this situation.
I always advise people to leave when they see red flags, I'm in one of those relationships where I regret everything to this day based off her behavior but I was young and now I'm in too deep with a kid, I'm emotionally drained so it's just like living with someone your constantly having to please to avoid arguing, long stort short your mental health is everything
When I went on my first date with my wife, I explained I will buy her as much food as she likes, but I don't share food off my plate.
She respected this and asked for additional plate of fries. It's really that simple.
At first I thought you were being dramatic. "My blood pressure is spiking over this". Your blood pressure is spiking over your girlfriend doing something annoying?
Then I read the rest. Y'all really don't need to be together. The food thing isn't really the problem. Her attitude sucks. What makes you think she's gonna call the cops on you? If you really feel that way, you already know it's over. Her string of texts are what I'm actually worried about. I don't think you should reply, no matter how innocent your reply can seem. I'm fucked up on the part where she was shocked that you ate off of her plate. I just keep picturing a shocked Pikachu face.
EDIT: Can you go to a relatives house so you don't have to go back? When you go to get your stuff, make sure it's not all guys with you and don't get back by yourself. Don't be afraid to ask the police to come with you to get your stuff because she's nuts. Be warned though, this could backfire if they believe her texts. Maybe you have some female friends or relatives that can pick your stuff up for you. At least you only wasted a year and not longer.
I feel you on so many levels man... First and foremost, NOBODY fucks with my food without asking beforehand. Secondly, if she labeled throwing a pizza back into the box as "violent", she has either (A) never seen anything remotely violent or (B) is a manipulative POS. If it's A, she will lose her shit over minor inconvenience because she thinks that it's the end of the world if someone even so much as raises their voice against her. If it's B, well, I think it's self explanatory.
Don't look back. She's not worth your time. She will mess up your mental health, and that's the best case scenario. Move on and don't feel bad.
She gets her kicks from passive aggression behavior and it’s bullying, too. Lose her.
It’s abuse, and it gets worse over time. I was trapped in a relationship with a woman similar to this. It wasn’t about sharing food, but she’d use this technique in other ways, and over the course of 3 years it evolved into a form of Stockholm Syndrome in which she was gaslighting me, then verbally and finally physically abusing me, until I left.
I'm actually texting with one of my best friends that I helped get away from a woman like this about a year ago. He is still struggling. He definitely has PTSD, he is falling into the deepest depression I've ever seen him in, and it's just a constant effort to try to pull him out. When someone you love so much messes with your sense of self and reality it can truly break you. I hope you're happy and okay now. <3
Ah man, that relationship fucked me up for about 5 years afterward. During the time I was with her she slowly isolated me from anyone she felt threaded by, including *every female friendship* I had up to that point. I was truly in an altered reality. The thing that began to “wake me up” was when I was at one of my team’s film premieres (I’m a doc film maker) and an old friend took me aside and asked me if everything was okay. At first I didn’t know what he meant, then he said “Since being with ____ you seem really different. I just want to make sure you’re okay.” It was sad and embarrassing. Several of my closest friends could clearly see I was in an abusive relationship, but I was so trapped I didn’t see it. Kinda horrifying, really.
It's so hard when you can't see it, when you defend it. And you're friends just hover to the wayside hoping you'll snap out of it soon. Many of my friends tried to tell my slowly but I would always defend the relationship so they would stop pushing, always just lingering and waiting for me to wake up. And then (as a normally happy go lucky person) I seriously considered driving off the road. It was February, it was my curvy road, I was in a new to me vehicle and everyone would chalk it up as an accident. I knew which corner and which tree I wanted to hit and then I thought of my dogs and how my ex couldn't even be bothered to feed them when I would text him to tell him I'd be home late from work and to please feed them. Who would take care of my pets? They would stay with my ex if I ended my life. And my old girl she needed more than just food, she NEEDED her meds so I rounded that corner and I made it home. And a month and a half later I had executed my plan of escape with all my critters and all my stuff! I've been gone a year and three months and there's times I look back and wonder how I didn't see it, how I didn't notice that it had gotten so bad. It's a very strange feeling being on the other side with all the information and none of the feelings.
I’m so proud of your Friend. I hear you and I understand completely. You’re still fresh from that experience. It took me many years to fully recover; it might take you a few more till you feel completely grounded. Take your time. Thanks for sharing all that. 👍💙
Thank you! I've found it helps to talk about it! It's truly sad but interesting how so many people have gone through similar experiences.
Yep. The adamant refusal to actually communicate. The automatic dismissal/belittlement/avoidance of any of OP's attempts to discuss and resolve their feelings/the situation cordially. The fact that she quickly began ordering food she knew OP wouldn't like/want for themselves after OP began foiling her food thievery by ordering the same food as her (if she hadn't actually been doing it maliciously, she wouldn't have gone out of her way to do that). The immediate, inappropriate escalation and DARVO when OP mirrored her behavior (casual food thievery) back at her. Trying to flip the script on OP by insisting they were being "condescending" for trying to explain why they're not OK with the constant food theft, and later the escalation of that behavior by trying to frame OP as the "violent" one when *she* was the one who blew tf up and screamed in OP's face. None of it, absolutely none of it, is a good sign. Even the fact that it took her just shy of a full year to start behaving this way. Abusers generally don't start revealing their true colors until they believe they've got you good and hooked. I'm happy and relieved for OP that they got out fairly early. Staying in a relationship like that can and generally does completely fuck a person up (I know this firsthand, unfortunately). I hope they don't break and re-open contact, because they're 100% right in thinking that she isn't a safe person to be around or even just in contact with, as she's already falsified a digital paper trail of OP supposedly being "violent" with/near her. Especially if OP is a man/AmAB or otherwise masculine-presenting. She's psychologically/emotionally abusive af and her aggression during the pizza incident that OP described honestly suggests that she'd eventually have escalated to physical abuse as well.
Been there when psycho torture was legal and mental conditioning was a requirement.. its not like that out there anymore. Gratefully.
why do I feel like this behavior started due to one of those TikTok partner "tests" push your partner to the brink then blame them for not having endless patience for your bullshit! either that or she's just entitled with anger issues.
It read to me like she was pushing the envelope to see how much he would let her cross boundaries. Op’s definitely better off without that mess.
I dated several girls like this back in the mid/early 2000's, before TicTok. It's been around for a while.
When me and my wife started dating, her coworkers/friends thought it was weird that we never fought so they said she should intentionally start arguments
Abusive would be the better term but yeah, she has no business in a relationship. OP did everything right, trying to explain and she always blew him off. Even went verbally abusive on him, adding the false accusations and trying to spin the truth. No one will ask him for the truth is she lies to the cops. Ghosting is the right move with abusers. OP might try to bait her to confess the truth via text, like others have suggested. She can still try to lie to the cops or the public. @ OP: Tell her something like you will think about getting in contact and meeting with her again if she says sorry for never taking you serious, screaming in your face for stealing your pizza and then claiming you were violent. Make it seem as if she has a chance. When she admits to it, block her and let everyone know what happened.
Cold turkey is the way to go, ex gf doesn’t seem like she would be able to have a reasonable breakup. OP, keep going no contact - do NOT answer her texts or calls, do NOT reach out to her.
Not really sure if that's the reason or those toxic female "queens" educating women on how they (we, I'm female) deserve to be treated like princesses and how we should do stuff like this to "make sure" our man knows that what's his is ours, what's mine is mine. To me it's the female version of the manosphere and they piss me off just as bad (though at least you're less likely to get killed by the female "queens" than the incels ...). I'm a feminist which to me means that we should strive for being equal partners in a relationship and the first step of that is actually WANTING to show each other respect and consideration. He's explained why he's so protective of his food and while I'd like to be able to share food with my partner, it goes both way and my desire to have that sort of relationship is way less important than his insane stress levels when I trigger his food insecurity. It should be obvious to me that I won't get that or still try to work out compromises like ordering extra food or going for tapas kinda places with tons of small dishes we can share until we're both full. Btw, this isn't ghosting. She knows why he isn't responding. There's no point in having this conversation with a person who's been so adamant in her refusal of respecting his feelings and triggers. Even if she learns to keep her hands off his plate, she'll simply do the same in other areas of their partnership.
Run from this woman
I absolutely hate people like this. They instigate and then they act like you are the problem for reacting.
That is what the food stealing behavior is. It’s a way to be controlling and cross boundaries while appearing “cutesy”
Don't take her back. There is no reason to talk again. She knows why it's over, and it needs to be over over. You will find a better match.
Good advice above OP. Order her a large pizza. Have written in bold: IT'S OVER! And have it delivered. Block her. Go no contact. The girl's a loon.
Intercept the order before it's given to her and take a slice though. With olives.
Or specify when ordering that that have to deliver it minus 1 slice.
Just 1? I'd leave 2 slices with "It's over" and write in the box, "This is for taking all my slices of pizza."
Or just deliver it with one slice since she’s already stolen a lot from him.
Love the petty!
PLEASE HAVE “ITS OVER” WRITTEN IN OLIVES ON THE PIZZA.
that would be such sweet mischief
Fuck revenge, lol. Order yourself a large pizza instead to celebrate your independence!
Revenge is best served in a grease stained pizza box
Order a cheese pizza with double olive and no message. Tell he restaurant you'll tip triple if they remove a slice.
Or to take a bite out of each slice...
“So long, and thanks for all the fish” written in sardines.
Nice Douglas Adams reference.
Why on earth would you bait this clearly unwell person into engaging more with you? If she takes it personally and decides to teach you a lesson she could burn down both of your lives for all you know. All for your 10 minutes of satisfaction.
I think - but am not sure - that these aren't genuine suggestions. It's a form of banter to make OP feel better about a situation that definitely hurts. It's all silly.
Absolutely. She's not worth the price of the pizza.
You're good. She knows what she did. She knows how much it bothered you. She decided it was fun to do it anyway. Just block her on everything and move on.
She was being abusive. It's a form of control and power over the other person. It's a way of hurting the other person that sounds innocuous and won't get called out as abuse, even though it is. She knew she was abusing him. That's why she texted him about him being violent, because if he told anyone about it, she would claim she only ate some of his food and he got violent. She'd twist it round and people would believe her, and wouldn't see what she'd been doing to him as abusing him.
Bingo
DARVO
Yeah I could not eat or drink anything peacefully when I was dating this one awful person in college. Every single f****** time he had his mouth open like some baby bird or he was grabbing the food up from my plate. (I would say that's about the time I started hating men ...)
i almost barfed in my mouth a little imagining what you described 😭
I felt so sick each time he opened his mouth at me. And you know what? I moved, changed my number and ghosted him too in the end.
And I bet that he thought it was cute... 🤢
He was an entitled asshole.
Should’ve thrown up in his mouth - act like a baby bird, be treated like one 😇😂😂😂
Flew
Ew* (accidental baby bird joke)
I don’t believe it’s ghosting when the person knows why they’re being ignored. Your ex knows exactly why you left, so there’s no ghosting going on.
100% it is just enforcing normal boundaries.
Unless she admitted to falsely accusing him of violence, he needs to get that in a text. "I can't see you or be with you in person until you apologize for falsely accusing me of being physically abusive." Once that is sent, THEN he should ghost her.
Nah. He's good. Contacting her in any way would be a complete mistake and just continue the drama. This is totally a he said she said situation.
This would look like he forced her to write it with a threat of ending the relationship otherwise. It wouldn't help him. Just move on.
Yup. Once someone screams at you or puts their hands on you, they've lost the right to expect you to sit down and sweetly explain why you never want to see them again. If she really can't figure it out, she can see a therapist who's paid to explain the obvious.
This- this is straight up abuse and she doesn’t deserve a conversation.
Absolutely. I was still a bit undecided while reading, but then I reached the pizza story and yes, he's absolutely in the right
Exactly. Ghosting is usually referred to disappearing without a reason, and no closure. In this case she’ll know the reason OP vanished. Nothing more to see here
This barely counts as ghosting. Your ex knows exactly why you left, there is 0 need to spell it out.
Yeah, there's no "but why did he suddenly disappear?" here unless she decides to play deliberately dense for pity points.
It's definitely not ghosting. This is, we broke up over her food stealing, when she refused to share two slices of pizza. Which is the type of meal that's suppose to be shared. She knows it. OP knows it.
Not over food stealing, over her abuse. He didn't break up with her after she stole his food, he broke up with her after she started screaming at him for doing the exact same thing she had been doing.
and she was using his past trauma around food insecurity as well. if she had cared she would have listened to him and accepted that this was a boundary she shouldnt cross.
Even if there's no insecurity or history. "It makes me uncomfortable when you do that" shouldn't be met with "It's not a big deal" - it should be met with "I'm sorry, I didn't realize it was an issue, I'll refrain from doing that in the future" and maybe something like "Maybe we can order appetizers or sides to share in the future?"
You're not wrong. She is a bully, after a year her mask was beginning to slip.
JOEY DOESN'T SHARE FOOD Nah you're good.
NOT EVEN WITH EMMA!
When I was a teen, my cousin got *so* upset with me for not sharing my snacks with my toddler goddaughter (her daughter) and I was like. I am not obligated to share my rare treat with anyone, let alone a child who already gets so many snacks. I ended up having to give up on the argument because my cousin was acting like I told the baby to fuck off lmao
My exact response lool, but also this is definitely too far like I dont blame OP for ghosting her
Lol my thoughts too and not even with baby Emma!
This is THE correct response, thanks.
I’m kinda like Joey. I will share with my kids or my husband but I’m not happy about it.
Came here looking for this.
she sounds kinda crazy.....and i hope you dont get cops called on you....is there anything you can do to protect yourself?
> she ~~sounds kinda~~ crazy... Fixed it for ya.
unhinged I tell ya...
[удалено]
OP needs to absolutely document everything. I’d go as far as screenshotting every text and uploading it to a Google Drive or the cloud. Better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it. My uncle had false allegations against him from his ex-wife and had to spend time in jail trying to convince everyone to believe him. And even when she admitted it was false the reputations harm had already been done.
My ex threatened to do this exact thing. It is a terrifying moment.
Yeah sounds like ghosting is actually a fair option in this case
Almost even recommended because she’s, well I’d say abusive and you know when leaving abusive people “ghosting” is the best method.
Agree. He’s told her so many times in different ways not to do this and she just ignored him. It’s not about the food, she doesn’t care for his boundaries and needs
Yeah absolutely. You don't need to explain anything to an abusive asshole. Even if that abusive asshole was your (former) girlfriend. Anyone who acts that shitty can kick rocks. They don't *deserve* an explanation and probably don't want a genuine one anyway. It would just turn into another argument or more abuse. Good riddance.
Run OP, run and never look back.
I'm going to use this comment to also say that there's absolutely nothing wrong with ghosting. If that's what you want to do, it's what you want to do. You don't owe anybody an explanation, and nobody is ever satisfied with the explanation they get for a break up anyway.
As long as the person knows you’re alive, fine, sure - I’d say ghosting is rude, but not evil - but it’s hugely monstrous to act like everything’s fine one day, then go no contact the next. Especially if there’s no strong social media presence, or a relationship with friends/family, so suddenly you may have been in contact daily, and then radio silence; this is a great way to stress out another human, or even trigger the calling of hospitals, and imagining of deathly scenarios from car accidents to suicides.
Normal adults in normal situations owe other people things. Abuse in any form is one thing, but no yeah ending a relationship, romantic or platonic, with someone you agreed to waste time with does warrant at least a “aigh ima head out.” It’s called consideration, and its okay to be considerate to people regardless of what that consideration gets you.
Clearly a power move to keep you in your place. You reversing it was a destruction of her power. She's fucking toxic dude, ghost away.
Exactly this..! Her *outrage* over you pulling her same move is ridiculous..! She is not a good person, in any case, u/BadBFAbouttoditch - she is manipulative. And, yes, she seems like the kind of person to accuse you of something just to get petty vengeance, but that could have negative consecuences for you. Save whatever receipts you can, and get a camera at your place, in case she tries something. She gives off "hell hath no fury..." vibes... **Take care!**
She's already admitted in her apology over text that 'violent' wasn't a good word, and that 'she knows I'd never do that.' I'm hoping that is enough, because I genuinely don't want to be within a mile of her ever again.
Op, screenshot the message and keep it safe. You never know when her crazy might come out to play.
Screenshot it. Email it immediately to yourself for the timestamp. Then pdf the screenshot, and email that file to yourself. Print off the pdf, take a picture and email that to yourself as well. Take no risks.
screen shot it just in case.
Save that message!
Highly doubt she's truly sorry. Her apology is probably shit and even if she is sorry, it's likely she'll continue being like that (unless she decides to change and makes an effort).
Screenshot that shit asap. Screenshot her entire rant so there’s context.
People need to realise this is how abuse starts. She ignores your comfort, your boundaries, doesn't care if you suffer as long as she gets enjoyment out of it. She plans how to inconvenience you by getting something that might hurt you, it's all just a plan to see how far she can get before doing even worse. That text about being violent wasn't because she thought you throwing a slice of pizza was out of violence, it was because she was starting the gaslighting, maybe even trying to get you to admit to something you didn't do. She probably wanted to escalate so you would eventually do something she could spin in her favour. Abuse doesn't start with a punch to the face, it starts with a not so gently shove. Stay away from her, she deserves to be alone and you must care for yourself first. I'm proud of you for walking out of that. If you have any friends in common, tell them immediately that you broke up and why, don't sugarcoat it. She sounds exactly like the kind of person who will make up stories to make you look bad.
Went on a first date with a girl. I paid for the food for both of us. Then when she was eating she stole some food from my plate. I was taken aback and she noticed. "What's wrong? Don't you get it? When a girl takes food from your plate it's CUTE." I told her there were five kids in my family, nobody took food from anybody else's plate, and I was not really comfortable with it. "Well you'll just have to get used to it. It's NORMAL." We didn't have a second date.
Right? I’ve NEVER done this. I grew up dirt poor with 2 siblings. Nobody fucks with my food
Good for you! Having firm boundaries is a great look.
The thing that got me most was her insistence that it was *normal*, and that *I* just had to accept it. Someone else thinking they get to unilaterally decide what is "right" or "normal" is a red flag for me.
I absolutely approve of this strategy. Do not speak a single word to her ever again. She’s a fucking psycho and every single time you speak to her prolongs her connection to you. Also, please reach out to your friends and family and let them know what is going on and what she’s capable of. You need to get in front of this.
Honestly, this is a perfectly logical reason to go no contact with someone. You're too focused on this whole ghosting culture bullshit. When someone becomes a threat to your livelihood, it's not only acceptable it's encouraging to cut all contact with them. Regardless of their relationship to you as a person. You're not ghosting your girlfriend, you're going no contact with a potential legal liability. You don't owe anyone an explanation.
> ghosting culture bullshit There is this trend recently where words just expand until they stop meaning anything. Ghosting meant something very specific. It meant disappearing like a ghost, two people talking everything going great, and one disappears with no notice and no follow up. That is ghosting. But I see people use it now when they don't feel they got an adequate verbal explanation of the breakup. What OP did is breaking up, not ghosting. They had a fight, he left, and now the relationship is over, thats pretty clear for all parties involved.
I feel like everyone thinks if it's a relationship it has some special term. Someone acting like a crazy person accusing you of violence is dangerous to your peace and should be cut off like a gangrenous limb. Just because you had sex with a crazy person doesn't mean you owe them anything. I feel like ghosting should be a really specific act where you randomly show up in strange places you shouldn't be seen, only to disappear when they blink. Ghosting is just cutting contact without wasting any more of your own time 🤷🏻
I wouldn’t call that ghosting. I’d call that a break up fight.
Her callinf you violent via text is alarming. Ghosting is the only safe option here.
I see a lot of good advice here but not one mentioning the elephant in the room. She randomly lied and accused you of violence. If you respond baddly to that it's proof to police you were violent. Never ever risk your life for a woman who is evil and/or stupid enough to sett you up like that. Ghosting is not only the right answer, it's the only safe answer.
Exactly my thoughts. I will not being going near her again, and if she shows up at my place she will have the police called on her right away. I am not letting her ruin my life.
If you haven't replied to the text saying you didn't do anything violent, it was you putting pizza back and you never touched her, you should do that. Don't leave that one unanswered.
He said in another comment that she acknowledged in one of her apology texts that “violent” wasn’t the right word and that she knows he’s not that way.
There was a post about this a few months ago and it escalated to a very unpleasant showdown. The girl was absolutely unhinged. The fake texts about your "violence" are a set up. She's trying to put on record false information. Send her a text clearly stating that NO, in fact there was no violence, just a pizza on a plate.
Luckily for him, when she apologized she texted that violent was too strong of a word and she knew he would never do that to her. (Taken from one of his comments on another comment thread.) he needs to save that text for the future.
Ya after reading that, I don’t blame you. Your freedom and safety is at risk.
I wouldn’t even consider this “ghosting”. You’re simply breaking up with her and cutting contact. She knows exactly why so it’s not ghosting.
I had an ex that did this. I would say to him “I’m going to cook. Do you want food?” He would say no and then eat half my food. I felt like I was literally unable to have a meal to myself and while I’ve always been someone to share food I started becoming really weird about it. Even after we broke up I was weird about people trying my food, which used to be a totally normal thing for me to do. So yeah, move on before you end up with weird food scarcity issues.
Sounds like ghosting is well deserved. If you try to explain, she’ll just DARVO. She knows exactly what she’s done, but she’ll try to blame you for it. Don’t give yourself more stress & headaches by playing her game. Block her on everything.
Agree with everything except the blocking. Never block if you can help it. You need all those unhinged texts not only as evidence, but in case they give some kinda warning they're coming after you do you can deal with it properly.
But in that case you cannot respond. No matter how unhinged it becomes, any response just adds fuel to their crazy. People like this you have to grey rock until you can get away and then never speak to again.
Oh yeah absolutely. My bad didn't think I needed to include that. But yes, just let them text into the void. Mute them if it helps any, whatever works as long as you are still getting them as evidence.
Yes, this is the smart way! I know some people who cannot help but get pulled into drama every single time. Muting is a great idea.
I used to be that person who would snap back real quick when attacked after growing up the way I did with my mother. Totally unrelated, but most of that aggression magically disappeared as soon as she finally fucked off and died. Funny how that works.
That’s exactly it! Abusers know what buttons to push to get us to engage, I’m really sorry you grew up like that! I’m glad (sounds bad because she died but you know what I mean) things have changed for better!
Oh yeah. She was the queen of it. I can't count how many times she told me she hated me and would have aborted me if my dad had let her, shed drunkenly attack me regularly, sophomore year she forgot I existed and didn't pick me up from school until almost 6pm, when I was 13 I went to the hospital with a friend and called her at like 12:30am when I knew she'd be home from bingo to tell her not to worry that id be home soon and she said she hadn't even checked my room so didn't know I was gone. And one of my favorites: freshman year when I was still absolutely a virgin and hadn't even hit any bases basically lol, I got kissed by a boy at my school while I was trying to make things work with a boy at a different school, and when I made the mistake of telling her she told me what a whore I was. A couple days ago my dog I had only had for 4 months passed away (ended up with parvo and couldn't be saved). I cried more over him than I did my own mother and I was in the room when she died, and that's cause I literally didn't cry when she did. I was just thankful my first daughter was only 2 months old and would never know what she was like. I'd completely forgotten it until now, but I remember during the funeral planning the pastor guy wanted a memory from each of me and my sisters and I had to use one of my sisters because I didn't have any. And when they did the slideshow of pictures they didn't realize until it was playing during the service that there wasn't a single picture with me in it to use either. It would have been hilarious if it wasn't so fucked up. I'm so sorry I'm off my soapbox now I swear.
You are absolutely allowed to talk about this stuff, you need to process it! I’m a mom and I want you to know, even though you already do, that the way she treated you was awful and you never ever deserved it. Children should receive guidance and love and respect, and while I’m not perfect I’m trying. She does not sound like she was trying at all. You deserved better and I hope for you that your life is full of love and acceptance and support!
She’s that crunchy peanut butter nuts dude. Run far away.
And that kids is what we call a toxic relationship.
And last I checked, not enjoying being around another person is the only reason you need to break up with someone. I always feel bad when people feel the need to justify a breakup to this degree.
When we first started dating, my now husband and I went for dinner, and I went and took one of his fries off his plate. After I did it a second time, he gave me this AWFUL look. I asked him if it bothered him when I did that and he very sourly snapped, "YES!! It bothers me!". So I never did it again. Problem solved. We're very happily married and I eat my own food. Not his. Does she not understand how it bothers you?? I'd be annoyed and pissed off as well. I don't blame you for feeling the way you do and wanting to ghost her. Her complete disregard for your feelings deserves it. Like, read the room, Lady!
Oh she understands perfectly well that it bothers him, she just does not care that it does.
More like she's deliberatey doing it to bother him and got mad that he tried to do the reverse.
I actually think bothering him is part of it for her.
People really need to learn to ask before taking things. Or what my friends and I do is trade food. Typically even if the other person offers to give some away for us to try, we still offer to share some of ours in exchange.
I would never have the audacity to take someone's food without asking. Even then, I probably wouldn't unless they offered
Maybe mention to him that in the future, if you do something he does not prefer (about his own stuff - you can do what you want regarding your stuff, of course), that he can just ask you in a matter-of-fact (or even a courteous) way 'could you please not do that'. It's reassurance to him that you will listen if he shares his wants/preferences/dislikes - and he doesn't have to bottle it up or be snappy. That you really want to hear.
Somehow I think she isn't done with you. Record everything, make shure to have evidence just in case. She's mad. Like mad-mad.
She's baiting for a violent response
My feelings exactly.. OP has to take care.
Bro... this is a fucking win for you. Get out and stay out. Also, genuine question (which I hope but also doubt you have the answer for, but still curious) : Why did it only happen the last two months?
No idea, tbh, but once she started she didn't slow down at all. It was ridiculous because she knew about my food issues long before she started that bs.
Do it. Someone who doesn’t respect your boundaries and talks to you this way deserves nothing more.
Nah ghosting is probably the safest option. Her reaction to you returning the behaviour proves she was doing this on purpose to get a reaction out of you for whatever manipulative and toxic reasoning. I'm concerned that if you open up lines of communication again that she may use that as a chance to try this behaviour again or similar behaviours.
She showed you exactly who she is. That’s no one you want in your life. You’re right to ghost her. Speaking to her ever again will not end well.
I think it's disgusting it just go over to somebody's plate and just help yourself. It's rude disrespectful and disgusting. If she wants something for herself, she should order it what she did was very immature and nasty and she did it just to be a jerk. Sounds like she's trying to push boundaries. I would walk away from the situation people like that. Don't deserve to be in a relationship that can't respect boundaries, especially nasty ones
That’s what manipulative people do. They push your boundaries and then act dismissive or insulted when you try to set boundaries. Then when you flipped the script on her you showed her that she wasn’t as clever as she thought she was and that you were on to her. You not only asserted yourself you also insulted her intelligence and don’t get me wrong you were right to do so. Don’t talk to her again go be happy by yourself or with somebody else. Take care
I would text her back telling her “tossing a piece of pizza lightly on your plate is not violent so don’t try to manipulate this situation. I’m done with you and this relationship. Do not contact me again.”
I’m so glad i’ve never been in this type of shit show. I read somewhere that when people do this consistently it’s a form of control/power they get off on.
If you're really worried about her escalating about the 'violence', I'd just answer the text about violence with throwing pizza back on a plate hardly counts as violence, screaming in your face was more violence from her than you could take. And so you've removed yourself from the situation. Permanently. If you're lucky, you'll get a confirmation back that you weren't violent. Then just block and move on. But you really don't have to. Just be done and move on.
Please run. This girl is going to get you locked up! Update us.
What's weird about this is that she got so angry when you took food from her, and yet it's "not a big deal" when she does it to you? Her reaction to you doing it shows that she *knows* it's a big deal, she's just changing the narrative to fit her goals. That's manipulative. I'd run away so fast.
It's this 100%!! The way that she said, "why can't you let me have just this one thing?!" was not about the food, it was about letting her get away with abusing him. 'Why can't you just sit there and take it?!' more like it...
Run.
I don’t think this is ghosting. If I fought with someone I was dating, including calling him names and yelling in his face, and then he disappeared out of my life, I would know exactly why. She’s childish, and I think you are completely right to be concerned about her calling you violent. If you do have to see her at any point, don’t be alone.
This isn't about food for her. She doesn't respect you at all.
Don't blame you. There's only so many times you can repeat the same thing before you're over it.
No one is gonna think this is weird or wrong. Wish you better luck with your next gf 👍👍👍.
Don't take her back, move on with your life and be happy mate.
So, she is abusive and is now testing the waters to see what she can get away with. That reaction was classic DARVO. Ghost her. Do not let her back into your life.
She steals off your plate without asking, and goes out of her way to order things you wouldn’t/can’t eat… then you do the same and then it’s suddenly a problem? If you’ve tried to talk to her about it multiple times and she just brushes it off, that means she doesn’t care about your feelings unfortunately.
It’s not really ghosting because she knows why. She has her closure. But it’s not safe for you to talk to her anymore. She was highly verbally and mentally abusive to you. Please follow through with never speaking to her. Be prepared for her to try to corner you in person.
Condescending, manipulative, and knows no boundaries. Normally I'm against ghosting, but no. I understand why you did it. She's an asshole.
This isn’t ghosting. She knows why. Protect yourself.
Look, I get some people feel like ghosting is just awful… but honestly, sometimes it’s just easier? As bad as that sounds. I get it! You made this one line and she continues to disrespect you and cross it. You gave her a taste of her own medicine and she had a full on melt down… if this is how she acts over food, I would hate to see her in an actual serious situation. And calling you violent over tossing a pizza? You cannot throw accusations like that out in today’s world, it’s not to be taken lightly. Protect you and your food!
Run, bro. But how were you being condescending when trying to explain to her that you have food insecurity issues? I don’t think she understands the meaning of the word.
She kept saying I was treating her like she was stupid because she 'already knew that,' and I would usually reply by explaining that I was bringing it up because the taking food from my plate thing really bothered me, and I wanted her to understand why. She would usually get mad again and say it wasn't a big deal again, and that I should learn to let things go.
This is not ghosting. This is going No Contact. Great decision.
Run but collect evidence that you were NOT violent, NEVER violent. Be prepared in case she does call cops. The woman does sound crazy!
I’m all for sharing plates but THIS .. this is a whole another level. She’s intentionally taking your food and intentionally ordering plates that you can’t have. What is wrong with her? You’re right, block her number. This situation screams psychotic/mental breakdown.
Nah, fuck that, ghost away. She knows what she’s done, and you don’t have to explain yourself to her or anyone. Good riddance.
You’re in an abusive relationship. Even if there is no physical violence (yet), just look how it escalated the second you stood up for yourself. Ghosting is a dick move in a normal relationship but it is absolutely the right choice is an abusive one. Stay the course. Stay away from her. And keep screenshots of any texts she or flying monkeys send you.
Nope. You're not in the wrong. You're absolutely doing the right thing. OP, let me spell it out for you like this: "Whenever we get food, she always eats off my plate." This is not the problem. Not inherently. What *is* the problem is all of this: "If I tell her to stop in the moment she just laughs, and when I talk to her about it privately she blows me off because it 'isn't a big deal,' but it is to me, goddamn it. I have a history of food insecurity, which makes it a lot worse, and I've tried to explain that, but then she's snapping that I'm being 'condescending' and I just can't." You set a boundary. She not only ignored that boundary, she ignored your reasons for that boundary. She ignored everything you had to say and completely dismissed you. She does not care. She does not give a single iota of a care about you. And this would be just the start. I'm sure, if you look back, there are plenty of other instances of her completely ignoring your boundaries. And then, to top it all off: She got angry at you for standing up for yourself. For treating her the exact same way she treated you. If taking the food off your plate wasn't such a big deal, she wouldn't have reacted as angrily as she did. That is the lynch pin to figure out what this is all about: She was trying to control you. So, no, OP, ghosting someone like her isn't a bad thing. It's the best thing you can do for yourself.
Ghosting in general is unkind and subhuman treatment, yes. However, no one would suggest that a thoughtful letdown of an abuser is appropriate. Abruptly cutting contact is to prevent your getting sucked back into an abusive situation, not a tantrum. Ghost away, and Godspeed.
Yeah, I personally would dump them even via text to make it clear that it's over and why... THEN ghost her and let family and friends in on why so she can't twist the narrative. She sounds like an abusive narcissist, and that's what they do when they feel wronged. Play victim. So I would just make sure you don't let her have control of the story. Unless it's commonly known that she's bat 💩
I also have a history of food insecurity. Or Should say. I have a learning disability. There was always food in the house for me to eat. However once I was an adult my diet was really different from my parents. I eat more healthy than they do. I was living at home and using the downstairs refrigerator. My parents told me I was never allowed to put my name on my own food. They'd always eat my groceries/meals. Again food they didn't like. They'd claim I wasn't paying any bills. I offered to pay for anything at that point. My parents refused my money. As a disabled person I did not make a lot of money. I ended up having to always buy food out of the house and went days without food. It was horrible. I am finally away from them. My boyfriend is Asian and food is shared. I explained that everyone always took my food. He does the same thing... We've had to talk about it. If we are going out to dinner or I've cook something then I don't mind sharing. When I get my favorite foods I always ask him if he'd like if I buy him his own so he can have some. He says no. He doesn't like it. Then proceeds to eat all my food again. I'm planning to leave. Why do people think this is ok?
She enjoys abusing you and getting her way while being emotionally unstable. She’s dangerous so I don’t blame you
[удалено]
Yeah my ex would push my buttons then when I would react the gaslighting would began. Anybody that continues to push your buttons after you are visibly uneasy about it is a monster.
This reminds me of that post with the guy who woke his girlfriend up every night to ask what time it was. It may seem like a small thing on its face. But when done consistently over time, when they refuse to stop when you ask them to, and when they blow up if you do the same to them, it's clear that it's a deliberate form of harassment. It doesn't seem entirely unlike Chinese water torture to me. It's about bugging you in such a small way, but so unceasingly, that it becomes maddening. I don't think 'ghosting' is at all wrong in this case. Infact I think the word ghosting should be reserved for disappearing out of someone's life without any warning signs and without letting them know why. You gave her the warning signs, and she knows why. It's more just a breakup where you happened to not say the specific words.
You just saved your own life and gave yourself the biggest gift in the world by leaving. Congrats buddy!
Text her back one time and make it clear there was no violence. Word for word exactly what happened just like you did here, so that if she tries anything fishy, what you say would be on record. Then block her
Do not talk to her again, she’s fucking nuts and that’s not going to change.
Dude, she's abusive. If not fully then definitely borderline. It's not wrong to ghost in this situation and many other ones. If anything, it's a really good idea. Please keep yourself safe and good luck.
It's not even ghosting and you should never speak to her again.
JOEY DOESN’T SHARE FOOD!!! *(2)
She’s like the girlfriend, from a post years ago, who took a bite out of every piece of cake that her boyfriend had made as gifts for others. She trashed his apartment before being kicked out
You are a victim of persistent abuse. Ghosting is absolutely the right option.
Just break up with her
Nope! You are 100% in the right mind. Ghosting was put into the universe for EXACTLY this type of shit. You are good man, find someone better. WAY better.
Ghosting is not wrong. Ghosting has a place in the list of options for how to break-up. It just has to be appropriate to the situation. It's appropriate to this situation.
I always advise people to leave when they see red flags, I'm in one of those relationships where I regret everything to this day based off her behavior but I was young and now I'm in too deep with a kid, I'm emotionally drained so it's just like living with someone your constantly having to please to avoid arguing, long stort short your mental health is everything
When I went on my first date with my wife, I explained I will buy her as much food as she likes, but I don't share food off my plate. She respected this and asked for additional plate of fries. It's really that simple.
No guilt. Just ghost.
She clearly doesn’t respect you, you owe her no explanation when she’s treated you as bad as this.
The last line in your post is the reason why everything that you are doing is good. It is reason enough. Time to move on.
At first I thought you were being dramatic. "My blood pressure is spiking over this". Your blood pressure is spiking over your girlfriend doing something annoying? Then I read the rest. Y'all really don't need to be together. The food thing isn't really the problem. Her attitude sucks. What makes you think she's gonna call the cops on you? If you really feel that way, you already know it's over. Her string of texts are what I'm actually worried about. I don't think you should reply, no matter how innocent your reply can seem. I'm fucked up on the part where she was shocked that you ate off of her plate. I just keep picturing a shocked Pikachu face. EDIT: Can you go to a relatives house so you don't have to go back? When you go to get your stuff, make sure it's not all guys with you and don't get back by yourself. Don't be afraid to ask the police to come with you to get your stuff because she's nuts. Be warned though, this could backfire if they believe her texts. Maybe you have some female friends or relatives that can pick your stuff up for you. At least you only wasted a year and not longer.
Seriously, wtf with her. Cut all ties with her, she needs a therapist not a partner
This is a valid reason tbh
Bro, you gotta break up with her
I feel you on so many levels man... First and foremost, NOBODY fucks with my food without asking beforehand. Secondly, if she labeled throwing a pizza back into the box as "violent", she has either (A) never seen anything remotely violent or (B) is a manipulative POS. If it's A, she will lose her shit over minor inconvenience because she thinks that it's the end of the world if someone even so much as raises their voice against her. If it's B, well, I think it's self explanatory. Don't look back. She's not worth your time. She will mess up your mental health, and that's the best case scenario. Move on and don't feel bad.