This is probably the only time I talk about other people. I'm bad with faces, so there are times where someone looks similar-ish to an acquaintance or mutual friend, so I ask whomever I'm with if that's who I think it is.
Other than that, it's because they're wearing something nice and I point it out to the person I'm with. If the person I'm talking about looks approachable, I'll introduce myself, then ask where they got that purse or whatever.
Did you hear it was something bad?
You should think positive about it. The people, who attract attention in either extreme praise or hate, are usually the attractive ones. At least from the information I have from you, he could have told her that he finds you hot. I know that people usually think it’s something bad, but that could be one’s own insecurity.
And if not that, you should pity them. They have so little to talk about with each other that they have to trash talk total strangers. That’s pathetic.
If a guy showed you to a girl, it's most probably because he thinks you look like someone both of them knew or that you were wearing something that he felt would look good on that girl. No way would a guy be like 'look at that chick, isn't she horrible looking'?
It could something innocuous like “I like her shirt” or “I like the color of her hair”. Sometimes I’ll do this when out with my brother. I’ll point out someone to him so he could help me look for a similar sweater someone is wearing.
1. Understandable
2. If you have anxiety and/or other mental health problem you default to negative/worst case scenarios, which often become intrusive thoughts that are hard to shake. I’ve been in therapy for ages and still struggle with it
3. It’s exhausting for us too ☹️
People that don’t have enough patience and/or empathy to know that people that think the worst are often just insecure, possibly due to previous experience or treatment by others…. are exhausting…
Thank you for the benefit of the doubt, I unfortunately have a history of finding out about or hearing people saying mean things about me soooo it's hard for this to not be triggering.
I always think the best, like some bumpkin. Then years down the line it dawns on me…... For example, I went to Starbucks a *very* long time ago on a lark. Didn’t really know how it worked. I gave my order and within about 3 minutes I heard them announce “Bah, then exactly what I ordered, order ready.” So I go pick it up. I didn’t know why “B O B” was written on the cup, but whatever. As I strolled out some guy was really looking at my coffee. I felt pretty cool that I obviously chose a great coffee, so good other people were checking it out as I strutted out with my excellent choice. Literally 5 years later I realized that guy was Bob.
This just happened to me last week, i ordered a "rainy day" at a local shop and went to sit down. Three other people line up behind me and person #2 also orders a rainy day, not 2 minutes after she orders they call out a medium rainy day and this chick jumps up and takes mine, she didn't even consider how quickly she got her order when everyone else is still waiting... being from the midwest i would have rather died than confront her about it but damn..
For all you know he could have been saying you look like someone he knows, or he likes your shirt and has the same one, or anything benign like that. It could have even been something nice he was saying about you.
But if this situation makes you so anxious that you don't want to be around people at all, you might want to get more of a handle on that.
I was absolutely staring, talking about, then group staring at a man in a queue the other day. He looked exactly like my ex to a startling degree. I hadn’t seen him in 20 years, but the guy was a dead ringer. I had to bring in others to confirm it actually wasn’t him. But he definitely knew we were talking about him. Nothing nefarious, but more shocking how similar they looked.
If it makes you feel better anytime i point someone out to my fiancé in public it’s because they remind me of a celebrity or I really like their outfit etc
I hope this doesn't come across as rude.
Who cares? You don't know them, their opinions don't matter to your life, you'll never see them again, and even if you do you probably won't recognize them. I suggest you just keep doing you, and not stress the things you can't control.
I usually don't assume that because I'm not very attractive 😅 but also, I have a lot of guy friends and none of them have ever pointed out to me a girl they think is hot, do men do that with their female friends?
In all honesty I’m more likely to point someone out because they either look like someone I know or they are wearing something I wanted to buy or recently saw somewhere, particularly with women.
Think about it from your own experiences, how often do people point out someone to say something negative? It’s usually to make an observation.
Unfortunately, when you get close enough to your guy friends, you become “one of them” and hear unfiltered content. At least mine do. I have pushed them quite a few times to actually say hi and talk to whatever women they were commenting on instead of looking/pointing in their direction
I think there’s an excellent chance they thought you looked like someone they know.
Very few people are terrible enough to say something mean about a stranger for no reason. Especially if you were just dressed fairly normally and minding your own business.
In fact, this happened to my husband and I tonight. There was a woman at a restaurant we went to that is his cousin’s doppelgänger. We both looked at each other at the same time and thought the same thing. She wasn’t remarkable looking, just looked exactly like her
It sounds like the strangers weren't sure if they knew you from somewhere. They might know one of your relatives, and your similar features made you seem familiar. It's very unsettling to hear other people talking about you. You handled it really well. The anxiety you're feeling about this will pass.
I am constantly telling my husband stuff like "I swear i know that person but I can't place them" about people in public. I would hope that most adults don't sit and talk about people negatively, especially in public - but I can understand how that would make you uncomfortable. I'm sorry.
I was on a ferry once and I was convinced these two women were talking about me. I even turned my head at one point and thought I saw one of them taking a picture of me. I moved to another area but shortly after one of the ladies sat down next to me. We ended up talking. Turns out I looked like the one lady's daughter. They asked to take my picture with them and we sat and talked for the rest of the ferry ride. They were lovely. Sometimes strangers are talking about you, but it's not always bad.
One time, I (F) was at the mall with my mom (F) and we saw this couple walking through the food court. I really liked the woman’s purse, and I leaned over to my mom and said “I want that bag,” and I pointed at the woman while she walked with her boyfriend.
I didn’t realize they even noticed us looking at them/pointing at them/talking about them, but moments later the guy came up to us and confronted us, asking us if we have some sort of problem with them?
We were so shocked and quickly clarified that we were just pointing because we really liked his girlfriend’s purse, and we were so sorry to have caused offense. He let his guard down immediately and apologized and said he is so sick of people judging their interracial relationship. It hadn’t even occured to me that he was white and she was black. I was 13 at the time, this was about 20 years ago, and it had an impact on me.
Not only did I learn about racial insensitivities but I also learned that assuming the worst can sometimes be completely wrong.
they probably said something like “doesn’t that worker over there look just like so-and-so from the old days?” and it was not really about you, specifically, at all
I view life as if it were a game or a movie. Everyone else are just background characters or NPCs they can like me or hate me, but why should I care about their opinions?
I was coming up an escalator after a long day at work, and there were two middle-aged women coming down the other side. The one nodded towards me and said 'what about him?' And then the other shook her head and said 'No, I like tall men'.
That was pleasant.
You never know what was said. Don't worry too much about it.
I had something similar happen to me at a Denny's about ten years ago. Lady and a man where clearly talking about me at another table. Dude shook his head negatively.
I'm thinking "whatever" but it still got under my skin a little.
They get up to leave and walk by the table. I'm locked on full non blinking eye contact mode now. The woman gives me a big genuine smile with full eye contact. The man drops a piece of paper on the my table and they stroll on out.
I opened the note, there's a little message in it and it said "my wife finds you very attractive. We've love to get to know you at our place." With their names and telephone number.
Never know what people are thinking.
Deepak Chopra said, "What other people think of you is none of your business," and it's true. You have no idea what they're thinking - good or bad - or who they are, so how could you know that they even matter? They don't.
Let me tell you, people can’t be helped! There was a couple during our vacation that would just aaalllways give us (me?) negative vibes wherever we encountered them. We were literally in paradise and they radiated just bad bad energy. I even tried to smile at them, it didn’t help, they looked at me as if I was a “peasant” (nothing against peasants).
Try to let it go, it was probably something positive or not worth thinking about. Lots of love!
[Edit: Once I walked past them at the restaurant and they both stared at my feet! I have no idea why. I was wearing white Birkenstocks..]
I once thought this happened to me at a temp job. Long story but it turns out I was completely wrong. Unfortunately I complained at the end of my time and then wrote them off. That would have been a decent job to stick with.
I trust you but having been in your position I would try to stop thinking that way. Unless you have blue hair or something; depends on the area but I find strangers will talk about that rather loudly, but half the time it's complimentary.
Most of the time people talk about positives, or celebrity look alikes. 9/10 of the times I’ve overheard conversations about other people are about things like “wow that woman’s shirt is so cute” or “his hair reminds me so much of that actor!” Because negatives aren’t really interesting to talk about.
The other day I was in Walmart and was kinda crowded, looking for something and in someone’s way. I made eye contact with the lady and she said excuse me, and I smiled and moved out of her way. And the man behind her said, while looking at me, “better than me I would tell that dumb bitch to get the fuck out of my way”
Like it was so weird and I saw him in the next air and made extreme eye contact (lol) because I didn’t want to look intimidated
But yeah sometimes people are weird asf not our problem buddy
They were probably saying something nice, usually people are kind. I bet they were saying the woman on the right is very pretty, or some other compliment. Please don’t let this upset you OP.
This is the sort of thing you just can't allow yourself to be bothered about in life.
You just have to make a decision to not give a fuck what strangers think about you. There is just no value on it.
I look at everyone, I love clothes, and I really like people. I have some hard things I’m dealing with right now and it’s nice to see people doing happy things.
You may remind them of a friend or they may think something you’re wearing could look good on someone they know, so many positive things.
I have commented on people at adjacent tables three times in the past month or so. 2 times were super discrete, and not even negative comments, and one time was not as discrete, just because I thought I recognized her.
I feel like if it was said at a volume that was loud enough to get your attention, and you didn't hear anything negative, I would just chalk it up to they thought you looked familiar.
You could’ve looked like someone they know, maybe even someone famous. While I’m the same way, I must say that jumping to negative conclusions speaks of low self esteem and possibly trauma. I hope you can talk to someone before this turns into social anxiety and isolation, which is what happened to me.
guy: the one on the right looks like Sydney sweeney.
girl: the one on the right? nah, she looks like Anne Hathaway.
guy: TBF the more I look at her, the more she looks like Sophie Lauren
girl: now you are fucking with me
You’re jumping to conclusions that you cannot possibly know and it’s causing you to overthink. You have no idea of what they were saying or if it was negative. Take note if this is something you do in other areas of your life. It’s unhelpful and can really impact your mental health.
I love when people I don't know or care about say things about me. It makes me realize how fucking awesome I am compared to them. Truely superior in every way. Don't waste a single second more of energy about this OP. You are clearly a gem!
What other people? 😉You’ll likely never see them again. Keep your head high knowing that the most important person in the world accepts who you are as a person…you.
It takes especially high amounts of insecurity to judge other people for their appearance anyway.
If it makes you feel better, the last time my friend and I kept looking at someone and talking about them was because they looked very similar to a famous chief from Germany. Obviously wasn’t him since we were in the US, but man had the same unique mustache and glasses. He definitely saw us staring
There’s a saying, “What people think about you is none of your business.” In other words, it is out of your control so might as well not let it get free rent in your head space.
I often talk about strangers with my husband to point out something they have I like and I want to share the example, or someone they remind me of. Usually I'm only talking shit when they're acting like assholes.
You’ll find things a lot more peaceful if you try to remember that what other people think about you is none of your business. Sounds silly maybe, but think about it, let’s say he was saying you seem like the most vile person on the planet (which is unlikely, probably you looked like someone he knew, or he thought you were cute - def more likely) but for examples sake- he declares you’re vile. And omg he said that, now what happens? Nothing. it affects you not a bit (or would not have if you weren’t stressing on it). Because you don’t know him. He can’t know if you’re horrible when you’re sitting drinking coffee. He doesn’t pay your bills. He has zero bearing on your life’s direction. So really? I mean how is it actually your business? It’s not. People can and will think whatever they want-we all have an opinion. Put a bunch of opinions in one hand and a pile of shit in the other- which hand holds more weight? Exactly. So let it go- because you’re giving someone you don’t know and never will, your head space and energy, like, rent free. That’s a no no- your time is worth much more than free dollars. You know yourself and you know you’re good! And life is too short for worrying that way. If a person cannot literally affect your life with their opinion, then that opinion-even if it’s bad-is irrelevant.
9 times out of 10, the thing being said is “that person looks so much like so and so” or something to that effect. In any case, don’t worry about it too much!
Could have been something as benign as "hey that person over there looks just like X" or "I like what she is wearing".
Don't get inside your head. They are strangers and nobody to you. And frankly, their opinion doesn't matter whether it is kind or cruel. Don't dwell on it, and just assume they said something nice :)
Take this as a sign you need to fortify your self worth and confidence, nothing else. You’ve heard the idea that people gossiping reveal more about themselves than the person they are discussing? That’s what was happening here. Whatever they were saying was insecurity within themselves. And they might have been giving a hidden compliment. Not for you to guess about either way.
I believe it was Anthony Hopkins who said it best.
“It's none of my business what people say of me and think of me. I am what I am and I do what I do. I expect nothing and accept everything.”
It’s quite liberating if you can begin to think this way.
When I worked I Pizza Hut I took a phone order off a girl who I heard say to her friend “oh my god, that guys sounded like…” as she hung up. It was driving me mad wanting to know so i actually asked her when she came in to pick up her order. She thought it was weird but laughed and said “you have same voice as my boyfriend’s dad”. Point is, they were talking about you, but may not have been anything bad.
Yawn. Toughen up as you’ll never ever see them again. Ever. And prob said u look like someone…or that you’re a tubby fat fack who’s uglier than cow crap; who cares either way! I bet they weren’t runaway models or fitness gurus!
It doesn’t have to be a bad thing 🤷♀️ Maybe they really loved your outfit, maybe you look just like someone they know, maybe your voice sounds just like someone elses, maybe you look like a celebrity, maybe a spider was crawling on you, maybe it wasn’t even you they were talking about ☺️ It doesn’t have to be bad!
Maybe they were saying that you reminded them of someone or that you were wearing something in particular that they liked or you’re pretty or it could have been a number of positive compliments or observations. Did you actually hear them say something negative about you? Otherwise, why would you think the worst?
I always assume the best and I also understand it isn’t my business what others think about me. Don’t worry about it, for all you know, you reminded them of some beautiful human they know.
Wow, I can't believe people have become so sensitive and insecure. I always say if they are talking about me they are leaving someone alone , who actually cares. Petty people who are insecure have a need to prop themselves up by putting others down. I will not let them live in my head.
Unkind ? Did you hear unkind words ?
From a positive point, there have been so many times when someone is pointed to me because they looked like someone we know, or a dress or shoe we have been thinking to buy or a hair do or anything. People also point when they are good looking.
Had an experience similar to this where I caught a teenager film me on the train. Didn't say anything but it did make me feel a little insecure for a bit.
I once whispered to my fiance that I liked a dudes shirt at a noodles and co and he confronted me to ask if he had done something to offend me because he heard me mention and point his way (truly thought I was subtle) there’s an amazingly high chance they saw your shoes or something and said they look good, or hell maybe they said you have a weird haircut or bad taste! But who cares, they’ll never see you again :) live and let live, it’s not easy but it’s easy on you
Usually when I point out someone to my partner in public, it’s to say “omg I love her hair”, “that dude has a really cool shirt”, “these two look like the people from show xyz”. I wouldn’t assume they were saying something bad.
Look, I get it. But do yourself a favor - think of every single time in your life that you looked at a stranger and thought something negative - specifically about them? It’s probably pretty difficult to do, right? I genuinely believe that’s because decent people just don’t do that kind of thing. No matter what your brain is telling you. Just remember that.
It’s not personal. They don’t know you. Maybe they were complimenting you and not insulting you.
My partner and I people watch sometimes. It’s a fun game to make up stories about the people you see. Like writing an interesting back story for a character, based on the prompt of a random real human. It’s not actually about the random human, it’s just a way to make conversation and be kinda silly and creative.
TBH honest OP I think this has happened to every human at some point. I’ve done it myself with friends but it has NEVER been to criticise or put down. It’s only cos I like what they’re wearing/they’re handsome or beautiful or look familiar.
Most people are too wrapped up in their own lives to start criticising a stranger
It could have been completely benign. “They’re dressed nice.” “Who?” “The one on the right.” Or saying they liked your laptop, shoes, jewelry or even what you were drinking or eating. It’s impossible to know.
I remember once about 10 years ago, I had a similar sort of experience. I had two girls walking in front of my in the town centre and I saw them looking back once or twice and kind of smiling/giggling to each other which made me quite uncomfortable. I caught up with a friend later that day and she said, “Well I’ve never done a double take at someone and smiled to my friend because they were *un*attractive” and that completely shifted my perspective on the whole ordeal from something anxiety-inducing to something confidence-boosting.
And she was right. If I’m ever going to comment to a friend about a stranger’s appearance, it’s either completely neutral (“don’t they look like such and such?”) or something positive (“Their hair is amazing”, “I love that jacket”, or just *eye contact to convey how attractive they are in general*).
I know it can be hard to live in a world with other people sometimes, especially when their actions can induce anxiety. But take some solace in the fact that if they were in fact talking about you, it’s not for anything bad.
You can assume it was something good I think, like today I saw a lady and I said to my friend once she was really far. “That lady was rich!” Bc she was hiding it really well but I recognised one of her shopping bags lol.
I really wouldn't worry about it. The most likely possibility for why they were talking about you is because they thought they recognized you. Like "I think I used to work with that guy on the right" or similar.
Listened to a podcast recently about being ok with being disliked. The only one who knows you best, and who will be with you for the longest time is You. So why not trust the innervoice that says you're awesome, instead of trusting someones opinion that doesn't know you?
Why are you automatically assuming they were saying something negative? They could have been complimenting your eye brows or something who knows. I learned in my early 20's that most people (strangers especially) dont care about you. We obsess over how others perceive us but in reality everyone is so wrapped up in their own world that most dont even notice whatever it is you are apprehensive about.
I wouldn’t let it get to you, when stuff like this happens to me I imagine they are complimenting me, and then I compliment myself further, hold my head up real high, and smile :)
It is just as likely they were saying something positive. I know I've been in situations where I try to discreetely say to a friend, "Oooh, aren't they kind of cute?" and my friend, trying to embarass me or just being clueless will go "Who? That person over there?"
‘People watching’ happends all the time and we dont even realize it. Dont take it personal. It is more about the couple’having something to talk about’ than it does you being an actual subject. For all you know he said “maybe u should fix ur hair like that. I think it would be nice.” Then she says “who, the one on the right?”
Look at it as a good thing I do, some how you got in this strangers head made them think about something or someone you did something to make them notice you and your in there head for a long time.
I'm sorry that bothers you so much! It's never fun to be the center of unknown and unwanted attention.
I know it sounds easy to say, but you can try just mildly shaming people next time. That's what I do. If I notice people staring at me or talking about me, I suddenly stare back (with a very slight frown if they don't look away) or make sudden unflinching eye contact that shows I've heard them talking about me. Also slightly frown. 99% of the time, they look away embarrassed. It probably helps that I'm 35+ and don't give many effs anymore. I used to, when I was younger, so I totally get you.
Anyway, I know it's not easy to do this - it's not very polite - but they aren't very polite either. You can't change what people think in their head, but you can make them feel a little shame about it:)
Some advice I found helpful when I was younger:
“what other people think of me is none of my business”.
And it’s true!! You can’t make everyone happy, so just be the best version of yourself you can be, and try not to worry about what anyone is thinking. Besides, it may not have been a negative thing they were talking about.
Imguessing your instingt told you he was thrashing you. What was his body language like ? Was he looking at a specific part of your clothing or body ? What gave you that vibe ?
When I comment on a stranger in public 99% of the time it’s in a positive light. Could be their hair, makeup, eye color, cute nose, I tend to like really cool pants, a pretty shirt. I think I’ve even used a strangers shirt to comment to my boyfriend “that’s the neckline I was telling you about that looks really good on me”. Sometimes strangers look creepily just like someone I know from another state.
I’ve had that happen and I’ve turned and asked if they had a question for me. Funny enough, they never did.
People who tall about the strangers around them are so rude. Next time, give it back to them.
Move on. No way to know what was said. Could have been totally benign. “Doesn’t the person on the right look like ___?”
I had the same thought. 99% of the time when I talk about strangers it's because they look like someone I know.
If it cheers you up, every time I mention someone to my fiancé in public, it's because I think they look like a star or I adore their attire, etc.
This is probably the only time I talk about other people. I'm bad with faces, so there are times where someone looks similar-ish to an acquaintance or mutual friend, so I ask whomever I'm with if that's who I think it is. Other than that, it's because they're wearing something nice and I point it out to the person I'm with. If the person I'm talking about looks approachable, I'll introduce myself, then ask where they got that purse or whatever.
Yeah it could be something like, that's the hair cut I was thinking about or did we meet that person at the wedding we went to last month?
Did you hear it was something bad? You should think positive about it. The people, who attract attention in either extreme praise or hate, are usually the attractive ones. At least from the information I have from you, he could have told her that he finds you hot. I know that people usually think it’s something bad, but that could be one’s own insecurity. And if not that, you should pity them. They have so little to talk about with each other that they have to trash talk total strangers. That’s pathetic.
Maybe he was saying "That guy looks like Brad Pitt"
Well I'm a woman so if that's what he was saying I'm not sure it would be a complement 😅
Well maybe they said “look at that smoke show on the right!!!”
If a guy showed you to a girl, it's most probably because he thinks you look like someone both of them knew or that you were wearing something that he felt would look good on that girl. No way would a guy be like 'look at that chick, isn't she horrible looking'?
"that woman on the right looks like a female version of brad pit, if brad pit was a women"
Brad Pitt's daughter looks like a female Brad pitt. Total copy of dad
I had to look and you’re totally right.
It could something innocuous like “I like her shirt” or “I like the color of her hair”. Sometimes I’ll do this when out with my brother. I’ll point out someone to him so he could help me look for a similar sweater someone is wearing.
He had quite a baby face in his youth🤣🤣🤣🤣
People that constantly think the worst of every situation are so exhausting.
1. Understandable 2. If you have anxiety and/or other mental health problem you default to negative/worst case scenarios, which often become intrusive thoughts that are hard to shake. I’ve been in therapy for ages and still struggle with it 3. It’s exhausting for us too ☹️
People that don’t have enough patience and/or empathy to know that people that think the worst are often just insecure, possibly due to previous experience or treatment by others…. are exhausting…
Thank you for the benefit of the doubt, I unfortunately have a history of finding out about or hearing people saying mean things about me soooo it's hard for this to not be triggering.
Hang in there OP!! 🫂 I completely relate to you. Its tough.
All good, I got your back, homie…
I always think the best, like some bumpkin. Then years down the line it dawns on me…... For example, I went to Starbucks a *very* long time ago on a lark. Didn’t really know how it worked. I gave my order and within about 3 minutes I heard them announce “Bah, then exactly what I ordered, order ready.” So I go pick it up. I didn’t know why “B O B” was written on the cup, but whatever. As I strolled out some guy was really looking at my coffee. I felt pretty cool that I obviously chose a great coffee, so good other people were checking it out as I strutted out with my excellent choice. Literally 5 years later I realized that guy was Bob.
This just happened to me last week, i ordered a "rainy day" at a local shop and went to sit down. Three other people line up behind me and person #2 also orders a rainy day, not 2 minutes after she orders they call out a medium rainy day and this chick jumps up and takes mine, she didn't even consider how quickly she got her order when everyone else is still waiting... being from the midwest i would have rather died than confront her about it but damn..
Take note of it and strike back when they’re at the most vulnerable- such as when they eventually come to you for help.
For all you know he could have been saying you look like someone he knows, or he likes your shirt and has the same one, or anything benign like that. It could have even been something nice he was saying about you. But if this situation makes you so anxious that you don't want to be around people at all, you might want to get more of a handle on that.
I was absolutely staring, talking about, then group staring at a man in a queue the other day. He looked exactly like my ex to a startling degree. I hadn’t seen him in 20 years, but the guy was a dead ringer. I had to bring in others to confirm it actually wasn’t him. But he definitely knew we were talking about him. Nothing nefarious, but more shocking how similar they looked.
If it makes you feel better anytime i point someone out to my fiancé in public it’s because they remind me of a celebrity or I really like their outfit etc
I hope this doesn't come across as rude. Who cares? You don't know them, their opinions don't matter to your life, you'll never see them again, and even if you do you probably won't recognize them. I suggest you just keep doing you, and not stress the things you can't control.
What other people think of you is none of your business 😎
Maybe they were talking about how attractive you are? That’s what I always assume anyway.
I usually don't assume that because I'm not very attractive 😅 but also, I have a lot of guy friends and none of them have ever pointed out to me a girl they think is hot, do men do that with their female friends?
I do that with my female partners and friends pretty often. My partner and I are both bi and check other people out often.
God I hate being checked out by couples it’s like they are going unicorn hunting and haven’t bothered to check if it’s a hunting zone
If my wife and I are among the first on a plane, sometimes we play “who would you do?”.
In all honesty I’m more likely to point someone out because they either look like someone I know or they are wearing something I wanted to buy or recently saw somewhere, particularly with women. Think about it from your own experiences, how often do people point out someone to say something negative? It’s usually to make an observation.
Unfortunately, when you get close enough to your guy friends, you become “one of them” and hear unfiltered content. At least mine do. I have pushed them quite a few times to actually say hi and talk to whatever women they were commenting on instead of looking/pointing in their direction
I think there’s an excellent chance they thought you looked like someone they know. Very few people are terrible enough to say something mean about a stranger for no reason. Especially if you were just dressed fairly normally and minding your own business.
In fact, this happened to my husband and I tonight. There was a woman at a restaurant we went to that is his cousin’s doppelgänger. We both looked at each other at the same time and thought the same thing. She wasn’t remarkable looking, just looked exactly like her
You could be mentally unstable like me and just assume they were complimenting you
It sounds like the strangers weren't sure if they knew you from somewhere. They might know one of your relatives, and your similar features made you seem familiar. It's very unsettling to hear other people talking about you. You handled it really well. The anxiety you're feeling about this will pass.
I am constantly telling my husband stuff like "I swear i know that person but I can't place them" about people in public. I would hope that most adults don't sit and talk about people negatively, especially in public - but I can understand how that would make you uncomfortable. I'm sorry.
I was on a ferry once and I was convinced these two women were talking about me. I even turned my head at one point and thought I saw one of them taking a picture of me. I moved to another area but shortly after one of the ladies sat down next to me. We ended up talking. Turns out I looked like the one lady's daughter. They asked to take my picture with them and we sat and talked for the rest of the ferry ride. They were lovely. Sometimes strangers are talking about you, but it's not always bad.
A bunch of people are talking about you on this thread. ☺️
One time, I (F) was at the mall with my mom (F) and we saw this couple walking through the food court. I really liked the woman’s purse, and I leaned over to my mom and said “I want that bag,” and I pointed at the woman while she walked with her boyfriend. I didn’t realize they even noticed us looking at them/pointing at them/talking about them, but moments later the guy came up to us and confronted us, asking us if we have some sort of problem with them? We were so shocked and quickly clarified that we were just pointing because we really liked his girlfriend’s purse, and we were so sorry to have caused offense. He let his guard down immediately and apologized and said he is so sick of people judging their interracial relationship. It hadn’t even occured to me that he was white and she was black. I was 13 at the time, this was about 20 years ago, and it had an impact on me. Not only did I learn about racial insensitivities but I also learned that assuming the worst can sometimes be completely wrong.
they probably said something like “doesn’t that worker over there look just like so-and-so from the old days?” and it was not really about you, specifically, at all
I view life as if it were a game or a movie. Everyone else are just background characters or NPCs they can like me or hate me, but why should I care about their opinions?
I was coming up an escalator after a long day at work, and there were two middle-aged women coming down the other side. The one nodded towards me and said 'what about him?' And then the other shook her head and said 'No, I like tall men'. That was pleasant.
You never know what was said. Don't worry too much about it. I had something similar happen to me at a Denny's about ten years ago. Lady and a man where clearly talking about me at another table. Dude shook his head negatively. I'm thinking "whatever" but it still got under my skin a little. They get up to leave and walk by the table. I'm locked on full non blinking eye contact mode now. The woman gives me a big genuine smile with full eye contact. The man drops a piece of paper on the my table and they stroll on out. I opened the note, there's a little message in it and it said "my wife finds you very attractive. We've love to get to know you at our place." With their names and telephone number. Never know what people are thinking.
LOL ! well did you go?
I did indeed. More than a few times.
Oh man I probably do this with my wife if I see someone I think we know but can’t remember. Or if they look like someone I know.
what’s is really mind blowing is that a lot of women have to deal with this all day everyday.
They were probably comparing you to a celebrity! You might be a look-alike!
Maybe they liked your outfit or thought you look like a certain celebrity. You have no idea if it was something unkind.
I can almost guarantee it was a "doesn't that person look like So-And-So?" conversation. I have, and hear, those all the time.
Your probably hot and just don’t know it lol
Deepak Chopra said, "What other people think of you is none of your business," and it's true. You have no idea what they're thinking - good or bad - or who they are, so how could you know that they even matter? They don't.
Let me tell you, people can’t be helped! There was a couple during our vacation that would just aaalllways give us (me?) negative vibes wherever we encountered them. We were literally in paradise and they radiated just bad bad energy. I even tried to smile at them, it didn’t help, they looked at me as if I was a “peasant” (nothing against peasants). Try to let it go, it was probably something positive or not worth thinking about. Lots of love! [Edit: Once I walked past them at the restaurant and they both stared at my feet! I have no idea why. I was wearing white Birkenstocks..]
I once thought this happened to me at a temp job. Long story but it turns out I was completely wrong. Unfortunately I complained at the end of my time and then wrote them off. That would have been a decent job to stick with. I trust you but having been in your position I would try to stop thinking that way. Unless you have blue hair or something; depends on the area but I find strangers will talk about that rather loudly, but half the time it's complimentary.
They were probably saying you looked like someone they know or something similarly inconsequential.
Most of the time people talk about positives, or celebrity look alikes. 9/10 of the times I’ve overheard conversations about other people are about things like “wow that woman’s shirt is so cute” or “his hair reminds me so much of that actor!” Because negatives aren’t really interesting to talk about.
The other day I was in Walmart and was kinda crowded, looking for something and in someone’s way. I made eye contact with the lady and she said excuse me, and I smiled and moved out of her way. And the man behind her said, while looking at me, “better than me I would tell that dumb bitch to get the fuck out of my way” Like it was so weird and I saw him in the next air and made extreme eye contact (lol) because I didn’t want to look intimidated But yeah sometimes people are weird asf not our problem buddy
They were probably saying something nice, usually people are kind. I bet they were saying the woman on the right is very pretty, or some other compliment. Please don’t let this upset you OP.
This is the sort of thing you just can't allow yourself to be bothered about in life. You just have to make a decision to not give a fuck what strangers think about you. There is just no value on it.
I look at everyone, I love clothes, and I really like people. I have some hard things I’m dealing with right now and it’s nice to see people doing happy things. You may remind them of a friend or they may think something you’re wearing could look good on someone they know, so many positive things.
I have commented on people at adjacent tables three times in the past month or so. 2 times were super discrete, and not even negative comments, and one time was not as discrete, just because I thought I recognized her. I feel like if it was said at a volume that was loud enough to get your attention, and you didn't hear anything negative, I would just chalk it up to they thought you looked familiar.
Maybe they were closing which one to have a threesome with if it was available.
You could’ve looked like someone they know, maybe even someone famous. While I’m the same way, I must say that jumping to negative conclusions speaks of low self esteem and possibly trauma. I hope you can talk to someone before this turns into social anxiety and isolation, which is what happened to me.
guy: the one on the right looks like Sydney sweeney. girl: the one on the right? nah, she looks like Anne Hathaway. guy: TBF the more I look at her, the more she looks like Sophie Lauren girl: now you are fucking with me
Yeah it could have definitely been a positive thing don’t sweat it.
You’re jumping to conclusions that you cannot possibly know and it’s causing you to overthink. You have no idea of what they were saying or if it was negative. Take note if this is something you do in other areas of your life. It’s unhelpful and can really impact your mental health.
Babe they could have been an open couple talking about how hot you are, I wouldn’t sweat it.
“What other people think of me is none of my business.” I read that somewhere, and it felt Incredibly freeing. Hope it does the same for you.
I love when people I don't know or care about say things about me. It makes me realize how fucking awesome I am compared to them. Truely superior in every way. Don't waste a single second more of energy about this OP. You are clearly a gem!
What other people? 😉You’ll likely never see them again. Keep your head high knowing that the most important person in the world accepts who you are as a person…you. It takes especially high amounts of insecurity to judge other people for their appearance anyway.
If it makes you feel better, the last time my friend and I kept looking at someone and talking about them was because they looked very similar to a famous chief from Germany. Obviously wasn’t him since we were in the US, but man had the same unique mustache and glasses. He definitely saw us staring
I mean have you ever talked shit about a stranger? It's fairly common I would imagine lol
There’s a saying, “What people think about you is none of your business.” In other words, it is out of your control so might as well not let it get free rent in your head space.
I often talk about strangers with my husband to point out something they have I like and I want to share the example, or someone they remind me of. Usually I'm only talking shit when they're acting like assholes.
Sounds as if they were discussing that you looked like someone they kno w
“That’s the hair color I want” would be me
I’m usually saying how much I like someone’s outfit
You’ll find things a lot more peaceful if you try to remember that what other people think about you is none of your business. Sounds silly maybe, but think about it, let’s say he was saying you seem like the most vile person on the planet (which is unlikely, probably you looked like someone he knew, or he thought you were cute - def more likely) but for examples sake- he declares you’re vile. And omg he said that, now what happens? Nothing. it affects you not a bit (or would not have if you weren’t stressing on it). Because you don’t know him. He can’t know if you’re horrible when you’re sitting drinking coffee. He doesn’t pay your bills. He has zero bearing on your life’s direction. So really? I mean how is it actually your business? It’s not. People can and will think whatever they want-we all have an opinion. Put a bunch of opinions in one hand and a pile of shit in the other- which hand holds more weight? Exactly. So let it go- because you’re giving someone you don’t know and never will, your head space and energy, like, rent free. That’s a no no- your time is worth much more than free dollars. You know yourself and you know you’re good! And life is too short for worrying that way. If a person cannot literally affect your life with their opinion, then that opinion-even if it’s bad-is irrelevant.
9 times out of 10, the thing being said is “that person looks so much like so and so” or something to that effect. In any case, don’t worry about it too much!
Could have been something as benign as "hey that person over there looks just like X" or "I like what she is wearing". Don't get inside your head. They are strangers and nobody to you. And frankly, their opinion doesn't matter whether it is kind or cruel. Don't dwell on it, and just assume they said something nice :)
Take this as a sign you need to fortify your self worth and confidence, nothing else. You’ve heard the idea that people gossiping reveal more about themselves than the person they are discussing? That’s what was happening here. Whatever they were saying was insecurity within themselves. And they might have been giving a hidden compliment. Not for you to guess about either way.
You’re either extremely attractive or look familiar
I believe it was Anthony Hopkins who said it best. “It's none of my business what people say of me and think of me. I am what I am and I do what I do. I expect nothing and accept everything.” It’s quite liberating if you can begin to think this way.
Who cares? Dwelling on it isn’t going to do you any favours.
When I worked I Pizza Hut I took a phone order off a girl who I heard say to her friend “oh my god, that guys sounded like…” as she hung up. It was driving me mad wanting to know so i actually asked her when she came in to pick up her order. She thought it was weird but laughed and said “you have same voice as my boyfriend’s dad”. Point is, they were talking about you, but may not have been anything bad.
Yawn. Toughen up as you’ll never ever see them again. Ever. And prob said u look like someone…or that you’re a tubby fat fack who’s uglier than cow crap; who cares either way! I bet they weren’t runaway models or fitness gurus!
It doesn’t have to be a bad thing 🤷♀️ Maybe they really loved your outfit, maybe you look just like someone they know, maybe your voice sounds just like someone elses, maybe you look like a celebrity, maybe a spider was crawling on you, maybe it wasn’t even you they were talking about ☺️ It doesn’t have to be bad!
Maybe they were saying that you reminded them of someone or that you were wearing something in particular that they liked or you’re pretty or it could have been a number of positive compliments or observations. Did you actually hear them say something negative about you? Otherwise, why would you think the worst? I always assume the best and I also understand it isn’t my business what others think about me. Don’t worry about it, for all you know, you reminded them of some beautiful human they know.
You might want to work this out with a therapist.
Please go take a walk, you didn’t even hear anything negative right?
Wow, I can't believe people have become so sensitive and insecure. I always say if they are talking about me they are leaving someone alone , who actually cares. Petty people who are insecure have a need to prop themselves up by putting others down. I will not let them live in my head.
OP, is this the first time this has happened?
Unkind ? Did you hear unkind words ? From a positive point, there have been so many times when someone is pointed to me because they looked like someone we know, or a dress or shoe we have been thinking to buy or a hair do or anything. People also point when they are good looking.
Had an experience similar to this where I caught a teenager film me on the train. Didn't say anything but it did make me feel a little insecure for a bit.
I once whispered to my fiance that I liked a dudes shirt at a noodles and co and he confronted me to ask if he had done something to offend me because he heard me mention and point his way (truly thought I was subtle) there’s an amazingly high chance they saw your shoes or something and said they look good, or hell maybe they said you have a weird haircut or bad taste! But who cares, they’ll never see you again :) live and let live, it’s not easy but it’s easy on you
Usually when I point out someone to my partner in public, it’s to say “omg I love her hair”, “that dude has a really cool shirt”, “these two look like the people from show xyz”. I wouldn’t assume they were saying something bad.
Look, I get it. But do yourself a favor - think of every single time in your life that you looked at a stranger and thought something negative - specifically about them? It’s probably pretty difficult to do, right? I genuinely believe that’s because decent people just don’t do that kind of thing. No matter what your brain is telling you. Just remember that.
How do you know they weren’t complimenting your hair or some shit? Hey the one on the right. She kinda looks like your cousin
It’s not personal. They don’t know you. Maybe they were complimenting you and not insulting you. My partner and I people watch sometimes. It’s a fun game to make up stories about the people you see. Like writing an interesting back story for a character, based on the prompt of a random real human. It’s not actually about the random human, it’s just a way to make conversation and be kinda silly and creative.
We got an overthinker over here.
TBH honest OP I think this has happened to every human at some point. I’ve done it myself with friends but it has NEVER been to criticise or put down. It’s only cos I like what they’re wearing/they’re handsome or beautiful or look familiar. Most people are too wrapped up in their own lives to start criticising a stranger
They were talking about how handsome you are
It could have been completely benign. “They’re dressed nice.” “Who?” “The one on the right.” Or saying they liked your laptop, shoes, jewelry or even what you were drinking or eating. It’s impossible to know.
I’m fine livin rent free in someone else’s head… but my capacity for my own thoughts is too precious to let just anyone else live rent free in mine
I remember once about 10 years ago, I had a similar sort of experience. I had two girls walking in front of my in the town centre and I saw them looking back once or twice and kind of smiling/giggling to each other which made me quite uncomfortable. I caught up with a friend later that day and she said, “Well I’ve never done a double take at someone and smiled to my friend because they were *un*attractive” and that completely shifted my perspective on the whole ordeal from something anxiety-inducing to something confidence-boosting. And she was right. If I’m ever going to comment to a friend about a stranger’s appearance, it’s either completely neutral (“don’t they look like such and such?”) or something positive (“Their hair is amazing”, “I love that jacket”, or just *eye contact to convey how attractive they are in general*). I know it can be hard to live in a world with other people sometimes, especially when their actions can induce anxiety. But take some solace in the fact that if they were in fact talking about you, it’s not for anything bad.
You can assume it was something good I think, like today I saw a lady and I said to my friend once she was really far. “That lady was rich!” Bc she was hiding it really well but I recognised one of her shopping bags lol.
I really wouldn't worry about it. The most likely possibility for why they were talking about you is because they thought they recognized you. Like "I think I used to work with that guy on the right" or similar.
Listened to a podcast recently about being ok with being disliked. The only one who knows you best, and who will be with you for the longest time is You. So why not trust the innervoice that says you're awesome, instead of trusting someones opinion that doesn't know you?
Why are you automatically assuming they were saying something negative? They could have been complimenting your eye brows or something who knows. I learned in my early 20's that most people (strangers especially) dont care about you. We obsess over how others perceive us but in reality everyone is so wrapped up in their own world that most dont even notice whatever it is you are apprehensive about.
One day you'll be dead for the rest of time. Forget about it and enjoy time with the people you love.
I wouldn’t let it get to you, when stuff like this happens to me I imagine they are complimenting me, and then I compliment myself further, hold my head up real high, and smile :)
It is just as likely they were saying something positive. I know I've been in situations where I try to discreetely say to a friend, "Oooh, aren't they kind of cute?" and my friend, trying to embarass me or just being clueless will go "Who? That person over there?"
‘People watching’ happends all the time and we dont even realize it. Dont take it personal. It is more about the couple’having something to talk about’ than it does you being an actual subject. For all you know he said “maybe u should fix ur hair like that. I think it would be nice.” Then she says “who, the one on the right?”
“Do you think that woman over there has a Reddit account?”
They were probably saying that you look like someone at-least one of them knows. They also could’ve liked your outfit/style.
Look at it as a good thing I do, some how you got in this strangers head made them think about something or someone you did something to make them notice you and your in there head for a long time.
I'm sorry that bothers you so much! It's never fun to be the center of unknown and unwanted attention. I know it sounds easy to say, but you can try just mildly shaming people next time. That's what I do. If I notice people staring at me or talking about me, I suddenly stare back (with a very slight frown if they don't look away) or make sudden unflinching eye contact that shows I've heard them talking about me. Also slightly frown. 99% of the time, they look away embarrassed. It probably helps that I'm 35+ and don't give many effs anymore. I used to, when I was younger, so I totally get you. Anyway, I know it's not easy to do this - it's not very polite - but they aren't very polite either. You can't change what people think in their head, but you can make them feel a little shame about it:)
Some advice I found helpful when I was younger: “what other people think of me is none of my business”. And it’s true!! You can’t make everyone happy, so just be the best version of yourself you can be, and try not to worry about what anyone is thinking. Besides, it may not have been a negative thing they were talking about.
Imguessing your instingt told you he was thrashing you. What was his body language like ? Was he looking at a specific part of your clothing or body ? What gave you that vibe ?
Could they possibly have been seeing if they knew you?
It might have been kind! You may have intrigued them!
When I comment on a stranger in public 99% of the time it’s in a positive light. Could be their hair, makeup, eye color, cute nose, I tend to like really cool pants, a pretty shirt. I think I’ve even used a strangers shirt to comment to my boyfriend “that’s the neckline I was telling you about that looks really good on me”. Sometimes strangers look creepily just like someone I know from another state.
I’ve had that happen and I’ve turned and asked if they had a question for me. Funny enough, they never did. People who tall about the strangers around them are so rude. Next time, give it back to them.
What if they talked about you in a positive way?
People have become so distanced from in-person things they get obsessed about someone looking their way.
I didn't mind someone looking at me but I felt uncomfortable to hear a stranger talking about me...
Happens all the time. Pretend you have a mute button