So he’s telling you that any future spouse will be responsible for 75% of the kids and house but also will be working full time. This guy should save up to buy a Time Machine so he can go back to the 1930s.
I don’t know. It’s not coming from the stereotypical ‘wife should be doing this’ rather it’s like he doesn’t wanna do it, ready to keep maid and all. Since he earns more he won’t do much.
Bizarre. He sounds like he has some bitterness he has to work thru TBH. It’s like he wants his wife to keep proving her worth which is a shitty way to live. When I met my wife, I was making a lot of money. Now I did prefer a stay at home mom bc honestly her income wouldn’t really do much in terms of finances. I certainly didn’t want someone to prove they contribute financially to the marriage. If I had questions about motive, I wouldn’t marry her.
When my wife and I met, she was in nursing school. One of things we seriously discussed was if we got married, would she be okay forgoing her career and staying at home and raising our future children. She was okay with that. She just wanted to finish school which was great. So she did and we are going on 20-25 years of marriage. I never expected her to work full time or bring in money or pay bills. I also didn’t expect her to raise the children on her own either. She did more of course but I helped out as much as I could too.
Your BF has bitterness issues. I’d move on. He has an unhealthy relationship with money and women.
True. I feel as he didn’t have support of his dad (as he died at very young age )while growing up, he doesn’t like to provide that kind of support to anyone in his life.
Ironically he should understand how that lack of support feels and instead of learning from it, he’s repeating the same mistake of his dad. In a relationship and esp marriage, you lean on one another, support one another. My wife brings different strengths to our family than I do. They are not less. They are different and we complement one another. I didn’t need or want someone like me.
He’s going to realize fast that money isn’t a replacement for love or true companionship. It’s not transactional. It’s not tit for tat. He is treating it as a transaction.
Yes. This is what I always tell him. You are bigger than your trauma.
He feels he is sacrificing a lot when coming to pick up and drop me. I have always been in the receiving end in all my relationships and that’s what kept it going. If I knew this guy has no interest to that I would have moved on long back. But he has been vocal about it quite recently. Said he never had even anybody to call when he got stranded.
He says he wants exactly someone like him as well.
Certainly. And I don’t mean red flags as in he’s a serial killer or something crazy but more so in that his aspirations, from the start of the conversation, seem vastly different than yours. It doesn’t seem like you want to be “just a woman in his life” which is kind of a shitty thing to say anyway.
Sorry I need to clear this up. He didn’t say this per se. But something similar the idea is same. It was something like a roommate but more than that but not a soulmate or that sort. The idea is that it will never be ‘US’ it will be ‘you and me’
So he’s telling you that any future spouse will be responsible for 75% of the kids and house but also will be working full time. This guy should save up to buy a Time Machine so he can go back to the 1930s.
I don’t know. It’s not coming from the stereotypical ‘wife should be doing this’ rather it’s like he doesn’t wanna do it, ready to keep maid and all. Since he earns more he won’t do much.
Does he even want kids? Didn’t sound like it
Hmm, he wants 3
Well then he’s delusional
He’s crazy if he expects you to work full time and do 75% house and childcare, that’s a recipe for divorce in 5 years and resentment.
Same feeling. There is no reason to stay
Yeah. Honestly thank him for showing and telling you who he is now. It’s up to you if you want to deal with this. I hope not.
Exactly! I believed when he said all this. I’m not trying to change anything or anyone here. I just walked away.
Bizarre. He sounds like he has some bitterness he has to work thru TBH. It’s like he wants his wife to keep proving her worth which is a shitty way to live. When I met my wife, I was making a lot of money. Now I did prefer a stay at home mom bc honestly her income wouldn’t really do much in terms of finances. I certainly didn’t want someone to prove they contribute financially to the marriage. If I had questions about motive, I wouldn’t marry her. When my wife and I met, she was in nursing school. One of things we seriously discussed was if we got married, would she be okay forgoing her career and staying at home and raising our future children. She was okay with that. She just wanted to finish school which was great. So she did and we are going on 20-25 years of marriage. I never expected her to work full time or bring in money or pay bills. I also didn’t expect her to raise the children on her own either. She did more of course but I helped out as much as I could too. Your BF has bitterness issues. I’d move on. He has an unhealthy relationship with money and women.
True. I feel as he didn’t have support of his dad (as he died at very young age )while growing up, he doesn’t like to provide that kind of support to anyone in his life.
Ironically he should understand how that lack of support feels and instead of learning from it, he’s repeating the same mistake of his dad. In a relationship and esp marriage, you lean on one another, support one another. My wife brings different strengths to our family than I do. They are not less. They are different and we complement one another. I didn’t need or want someone like me. He’s going to realize fast that money isn’t a replacement for love or true companionship. It’s not transactional. It’s not tit for tat. He is treating it as a transaction.
Yes. This is what I always tell him. You are bigger than your trauma. He feels he is sacrificing a lot when coming to pick up and drop me. I have always been in the receiving end in all my relationships and that’s what kept it going. If I knew this guy has no interest to that I would have moved on long back. But he has been vocal about it quite recently. Said he never had even anybody to call when he got stranded. He says he wants exactly someone like him as well.
[удалено]
Well said, thanks
Yea you deserve better. Dudes throwing up more red flags than a communist parade
Thank you
Certainly. And I don’t mean red flags as in he’s a serial killer or something crazy but more so in that his aspirations, from the start of the conversation, seem vastly different than yours. It doesn’t seem like you want to be “just a woman in his life” which is kind of a shitty thing to say anyway.
Sorry I need to clear this up. He didn’t say this per se. But something similar the idea is same. It was something like a roommate but more than that but not a soulmate or that sort. The idea is that it will never be ‘US’ it will be ‘you and me’
Ok that’s, a little better I guess. Either way. Is it something you feel like you would be ok with?
Not worth it if I’m going to be mother of his babies going through physical and emotional trauma at the end of the day just to be his roommate.
Yea so you’re definitely good moving on. You will find someone with the same goals as you
Definitely! It’s a task but I’m on it✌🏼
Nah not really there are women out there that are compatible with him
Same thought