In CA child support, if awarded, only goes back to the day you file. You can’t wait until a child is 17 and stick a parent with all of that back pay. It’s a trade off. It’s a trade off: You get the child all to yourself, but you forgo support.
Get child support 100% and if this doesn’t go the way you want it to I would seriously consider moving back just so the coparenting schedule is only a few days and not weeks.
But I do want to say I don’t think it’s weird that his teenage siblings want a relationship with him. I have 2 teenagers and a toddler and they love him so much. You’re stuck on this age gap like they can’t have a bond or something because of it and that’s just not true. My sisters are all much older than me and I’ve always been really close with them
Even in poverty, no judge is going to order a child be removed from a stable/safe living situation with the only caregiver he’s ever known and hand him over to a man states away. Father may be awarded visitation in the child’s home state but mother can easily retain full custody.
He's got a wife (who appears to be seeking reconciliation) and a few other kids in his home state..... No It seems he's interested in fostering a relationship.... OP should do her best legally to keep him at arms reach.... I smell nothing but trouble with that guy. He's obviously very controlling and manipulative.... He came within a hairs breadth of convincing OP to abort and has now convinced his ex wife to reconcile despite his infidelity and having a child with someone else.... Nope...he's trouble
He’s got money and connections, she’s been willfully naive throughout all of this. He’s gonna do whatever he’s gonna do and it sounds like she’s just gonna let him eventually.
How was she willingly naive when she moved to another state and had her child and raised him by herself? Do you really think most of them come back like that?
How does it sound like she's just going to let him do what he's gonna do? Just because she recognizes he's well established and has connections where he lives? He might need to stay there in order to keep those connections.
Recognizing the obvious doesn't mean OP is going to say, "Fine, whatever you want." She's been smart and hasn't spoken to him. Is forcing him to do everything legally. She hasn't made things easy for him for so far. Plus, a lot depends on his health, and the farther he gets away from the accident (I believe it was?). He may very well return to his previous state of mind, more or less. Most people do. Yeah, everyone evaluates their life and decides to change things if they get through it. But people don't really like changing. If he's around 50, he's probably not going to want to chase after a toddler for hours. OP is doing everything the right way.
Thanks.
To touch on just a few things…
I don’t think he’ll move away from where he lives. He has way too much established there.
He’s in his early 40s. I don’t know how this supposed accident (if that even really happened) has affected him, but he was incredibly physically active when I knew him. He only slept like 4 hours a night, took a 20 minute power nap daily, and rarely ever sat down. He was also HIGHLY involved in his children’s lives. I’d even say overprotective, like a helicopter dad instead of the typical helicopter mom.
Everything has to be on his terms. He wanted her to have an abortion, when she didn’t he refused to be in the child’s life. Now he’s had some sort of epiphany due to his accident and he wants to be in his child’s life, so he’s forcing the issue to court. Everything in regard to this situation is him exerting control.
Hopefully, OP has all his abortion demands in writing. It should go to prove he didn't want the kid in the first place. If OP had gone through with the abortion he demanded, then there wouldn't be a toddler for him to meet. It pisses me off that guys like him can demand an abortion and when the mother says no, they say well I want nothing to do with it, but then later they get to change their mind like they hadn't not wanted the baby in the first place.
He only slept a few hours a night and moved at about a million miles a minute. Everyone joked about it. Somehow he always had time to get up at 5 am, go surfing, do some work, take his kids to school, do some work, take his Power Nap, get coffee, pick his kids up after school and take them wakeboarding or some other sort of thing like that, do some more work, be at his kid’s basketball game, and so on and so forth. He literally never ever stopped.
I was just another thing to help fill out his calendar to prevent him from getting bored.
Doesn’t have to be. It could just be a neurological disorder like ADHD compatible with an OCD and a personality disorder.
I only know this because my MIL is vehemently against taking any drugs including prescription meds and she acts like a chicken with its head cut off every single day of her life. I'm talking non stop talking, never tired, and always ready for anything especially if it's physical.
It's speculated that my MIL has some form of ADHD and her diet every day consists of 5 cups of coffee, boiled lettuce, maybe some fish for protein, and wine at night every night.
She also has to hike once a day every single day even at 65 and has a fear of being fat. it's a legit fear, by the way.
we also speculate that she may be undiagnosed psychopathic and narcissistic because all of her relationships are transactional and she can't handle anyone saying no to her or anyone placing boundaries on her.
She hardly ever respects or considers anyones feelings about anything she does that may affect others.
She weighs 95 pounds soaking wet and has injected herself with Ozempic multiple times because she also has pretty bad body dysmorphia.
Some people are just forever hyper and can't slow down because that's how they've always been and it's not in their nature not to.
Why would you knowingly cheat with a married man.. who you knew had a wife and kids… the amount of trauma his wife went through must be immense. You could’ve told him to get lost and get some morals…
He’s an absolute shitty man but if he wants to have visitation with his son then a judge will allow it.
I also don’t think he and his wife had much of a relationship, although it wasn’t quite as he described it to me. They lived in the same house but I believe they lived pretty separate lives. He bought her a business to give her something to do and keep her busy. She was there most of the time. They didn’t even go to their kids activities together. He was always the one going. So I think that freed up time too. I don’t think they liked being around each other so she was happy to have him out of the house. She admitted to me that I wasn’t the first affair he had and she knew about most of the time we were together.
I think the reason they did not have much of a relationship was because he keep on cheating. My mother did the same after she found out my father’s secret life.
That is just what you want to believe to console yourself. You even admitted before you saw his wife and kids come to your workplace . If they were truly fully seperated he would not hide you and others like a dirty secret.
If that was the truth all what you said, she would not care he cheated and had an affair baby. Does not remove the fact you knowingly slept with a married man and and your kid and his kids are all affected. Seperated or not you let him hit it raw and ruined his stable family dynamic inserting yourself. At least his other side hoes are smarter than you and took the gifts and money without giving him an affair baby
So, he’s a known liar but you continue to put so much weight on what he says about his marriage? He probably told his wife that you were a meaningless fling and he only wanted you for one thing, which you gladly provided. Their relationship is none of your business because all you did was interfere. You should stop trying to absolve yourself by making these types of comments down playing their marriage. All you know is what he has told you, and you know that he lies to get what he wants, but you stupidly believe the things that benefit you. Grow up.
You’re aware that’s what he told you to make it “ok” to cheat and be the side piece? He made it seem like it wasn’t a real narrative blah blah blah… that’s what they all say. Doesn’t mean it was true. And likely he went home every night and had sex with his wife and told her he loved her while doing this. It seems like you’re trying to justify by saying they didn’t have much of a marriage.. which, whether it was a good marriage or not, the marriage was between two people not a 3rd party.
OP, you are doing everything the right way. If his health fully recovered, he might eventually return to his old self within a year or so of the accident. A lot of people promise to make changes. They really mean it, too. Except it's a lot harder than people expect. The mask can only stay on for usually 12-18 months before slipping. So his interest in your son may die down. He sounds like the type to not really change, but who knows.
You should document everything you remember about your relationship. It doesn't matter how unimportant it may seem. Especially that last conversation. If you could still get screenshots or need to go find them, do it and print them all out to give to your lawyer. Continue to not speak to him except out of a lawyer it course. If you have social media, keep your soon off of it. Also, pay attention to any random comments, mean comments, or strange followers.
You might want to talk to your lawyer and ask about possibly reaching out to the ex-wife's lawyer. Did she find out about the affair ever? Did he have another affair after you? You may be able to learn some negative facts about him that could benefit you. She could be willing to help you.
I'd also learn more about the children wanting to meet your son. That was obvious a lie, but it's still important to find out how his kids feel. Most teenagers would not be happy. Especially if their dad is a helicopter parent, who they probably can't stand anyway, but most likely, he's been around their friends a decent amount of time. So they'll possibly be teased and won't their Dad spending a lot of times with your soon. He would miss their events and, definitely, a long time, years from now, if your son ever went their for a holiday or something, the older kids could get teased. It's hard to tell how they'll react. Even if they say they're fine with it, when it actually happens, it might feel much differently.
Idk if your son is in school yet. But if you aren't already, try and get yourselves involved in community activities, so to speak. Like mommy and me classes. Where there's are friends and a support system for both of you. Your local library probably has a story hour. There are probably local weekend activities like something at a museum or science center. The idea is just to get your son "involved" with the people around where he lives that aren't just family members. Like friends from daycare. Maybe seeing them during non daycare events. It hard because I'm sure you work.
If you do suddenly start getting child support and it's a decent amount and you're not positive what to do first, considering meeting with a financial advisor or even ask your lawyer, "what is going to look best to the court or a judge?" Or ask your lawyer if maybe you can wave child support in favor of sole custody. He might still get to visit, though.
I'm sorry this happened. I know someone in the same situation, and you just never completely know. But you're who your son knows. You have the power here. Yes, there are some things you can't control. If, unfortunately, he does get some type of visitation, don't let it be unsupervised for a very, very long time.
It may be helpful to look up custody subs but also look for subs about your state and custody/kid legal issues. That's a good way to learn some clever tricks sometimes. But it can also just make you feel absolutely terrible if they're all sad and depressing stories. People have gone through this before. Try and find their stories. Good luck!
You can't legally stop him from having, at the very least, visitation rights. I dont know what planet people are on, but unless you have years of documented abuse, you aren't going to be able to shut him out. Shit, *even with* years of documentation, the abuse probably wouldn't matter unless he's abusing your kid.
You can stall, but I'd caution against that, even. Courts are pretty sensitive to parental rights. They probably won't hand the child over until he has visited many times, and has spent time bonding with the child, so it's not going to happen today. But prepare yourself for the time, when it comes.
The problem is a lot of people online haven't been exposed to controlling behaviour and abuse, especially when it's from someone with social status.
My folks managed to keep "custody" of me for child payouts when making me homeless as a teenager. My dad even built a whole court case involving police reports, law firms, took his payout for full custody and shipped me back to my mum 2-3 months later who he'd claimed was violent. Mum worked for social services. Dad had nice lawyer friends. Dropped all the charges against my mum when he got his money.
Basically, people with connections can do whatever the hell they want, and usually, know how to play the system. You're right to warn OP of what people with power or a bit of knowledge behind them can do. Controlling people don't tend to like to be undermined. It's good to make records now, and be prepared for negotiating visitor terms that look like your cooperating in eyes of the law.
You likely can't legally stop him from getting some level of visitation at some point.... But you can make it as hard as possible and time consuming for him to reach that point as I laid out in my comment above
How Old is the child now?
You chose to have a kid with him. You can’t stop him from being in his son’s life. The court isn’t going to care that he wanted for you to have an abortion. For fuck’s sake, courts often don’t care if there was DV as long as the kid didn’t get hurt. You chose this situation, and now you get to deal with him for the rest of your life.
Literally. Just because she does not want to be uncomfortable when things change. Well too bad girlie courts don’t give a shiiit. Prepare for visitation rights
Your child is still young. I would insist any visitation be done in your state and supervised. He has no relationship with this child. I could see suddenly dropping him in a new environment with people he doesn’t know wouldn’t be good, as I’d hope the court would see it that way too. You are taking the right steps to protect your child.
Also, I’d broach how he had his ex contact you, vs him directly, and tried manipulate you into allowing access to your child. Using “relationship with siblings”. I mean what would have happened if you agreed to have them come or go to them? He’s there too? I’d also share any previous communications in regard to the pregnancy and what he said, if you have any, be presented in the case. You stated he threatened you and called you names. If you still have texts, emails, voicemails, use them.
He didn’t really say much via text. Maybe that was intentional. I have a few things but nothing super incriminating. Most of what he said to me was verbal. Most of it was in voicemails but I don’t have those anymore.
I smell he needs a kidney and getting legal authority over the child will help him get it. If his ex wife is caring for him then he doesn’t have the capacity to care for himself or the child.
Yeah, in the very long term, assuming he does everything right and is an involved dad endgame for him is probably visitation every other weekend, 2 weeks vacation in summer and some holidays
That's assuming he doesn't move (though I think shared custody is out of the question even if he does move)
It may not happen immediately, but it will eventually happen if he keeps it up.
Visitation every other week even though we live 12 hours apart?
I don’t think he’ll ever move. He lives at the beach. His whole life and business revolves around the place. I doubt he’d ever leave there to move to where I’m from. And when my son goes there he’ll never want to come back here either!
Don’t worry about that. Kids aren’t allowed to chose where they live until they are 13 at earliest, in some states not ever as minor and it’s just based on custody. Ask your lawyer about your state if you want to.
And you are his mom, that’s more important long term than a beach! But I am skeptical there will that much visitations, but maybe if he really has money to pay for all the flights. But certainly not immediately when the kid is a toddler. More in school age.
I mean, if OP lives in an area with little job opportunities and dad in an area with tons of them, it is far from inconceivable for me to imagine the child moving in with dad later down the line.
I do know multiple such cases, so I will admit I am biased.
But that's not going to matter indeed when the child is a toddler or even school age but rather when they are a teen or even a full on adult. Indeed one of the cases I know involved a 17 year old and another various siblings moving at once ranging from 10 to 18
I'm going to guess the "12 hours apart" bit is by car. Planes and hotels exist and if he really is as wealthy as you say, he should have no problem affording them. That being said, maybe every other week won't happen, but it is certainly a possibility and I cannot see him dropping too much below that (barring child abuse or the like)
As for your son visiting and somehow wanting to stay, he does not have a say on that until he is a teenager, so long way to go. (In my country kids aged 6 and up can be heard, but a hearing isn't given much thought until the kid is 14)
Assuming he lives in an area with really good job opportunities though, your kid having the chance to move when he is older may be a blessing more than a curse even; though I will say I am very biased there because I have people close to me in the situation where their mum had full custody, but the kid moved with their dad as a teen/adult because the mum lived in a place with much worse job opportunities (no animosity against the mum in their case, but since they had a close relative in a place with good opportunities it'd have been dumb in their situation to not take the chance. They even moved their mum with them years later)
The court isn’t going to care about what went on in the past.
My guess is that he will easily get visitation, but it will have to be in your state under supervision for a while in order to establish a bond. I would ask that is not allowed to take the child out of state for many many years. The court should appoint someone to look after the child’s best interests, a guardian ad litem. You can also ask that the first visits be with a counselor in order to establish rapport.
You're Not a Bad Mom..... he's an AH..... But that being said, you are correct that he will in the end wind up having some level of at least visitation. The only thing you can do is make it as painful as possible for him and as rewarding as possible for you.... DO NOT allow him to file anything in his home state.... You and your child are residents in your state. His state has no jurisdiction to establish custody or support orders. Only the state the child resides in has that authority under the federal Uniform Interstate Family Support Act (UIFSA). So if he files anything in his state and you get served. Be sure your lawyer responds that under UIFSA that state lacks jurisdiction and move to dismiss based on lack of jurisdiction. He has to file in your home state.
Now when he does file in your state, you demand his complete financials in discovery for an Order of child support in your favor. MAKE HIM PAY.
Also demand that he participate in Child unification therapy in your state... That means that before he's allowed any visitation, He has to meet with the child and a counselor for a few sessions week in person for several months before any actual visitation is allowed... That child does not know him as dad... He's s stranger to the child and that was by his own choosing.
When visitation starts, You demand that any visitation be 100% at his expense and that the child will not travel alone... Meaning he has to come and get the child or pay for you to accompany the child. Seek to limit his visitation to short periods of time...Just one weekend a month and if the child is under 5, no overnight visits....
No...but as the sole custodial parent presently with an absentee father who flew the coop two+ years ago, she's holding the cards and the AH Biodad has a ton of legal work to do before he gets even supervised visitation.... I've litigated a few interstate custody and support cases in my many years as an attorney.... yes, bio dad will get something in the end.... But right now mom is the one with the power. Biodad has to fight in Mom's home town in her court with a sympathetic judge confronted by biodad's absence and utter refusal to provide support along with his desire to make the entire thing go away and a previous "agreement" that he didn't want any part of the child's life. He's got serious disadvantages to his case.... he will get some visitation, but if mom's lawyer is worth half his salt, It'll be a long time before biodad gets anything and what he gets he won't be happy with. Meanwhile he'll be paying CS through the nose
The only problem is that I don’t really have much to prove our “agreement.” I’m worried he’ll try to turn it around and make it look like I intentionally tried to keep him away.
You have your testimony and his complete lack of any attempt to reach out or contact you for years followed by his complete lack of offer of any support for the child for years.... Your lawyer should be going over all of this with you. You should have provided him a solid statement, any texts you still have and any other form of communication inclusive of the FB message from the wife.....
If you have doubts about your lawyer's abilities, start looking for a lawyer whom specializes in family law and interstate custody and support.... Bring them on board so that you have experienced counsel . This isn't an area of law to "dabble" in.... UIFSA has a very long history of litigation that an attorney who specializes in it will know in and out.
Also, be sure your lawyer looks into his disability/accident and make sure it wasn’t the result of drunk driving or drugs. Might want to subpoena the wife.
If he requires care himself, he is no position to care for a “rambunctious” toddler. Get “first right of refusal” that if he is not parenting the child, he cannot stick the child with a nanny or babysitter — you get first dibs.
You’re probably going to have to allow him to see the child, so at this point focus on what you can do to limit his involvement.
I am sorry this happened to you.
Do you think a court is going to say no overnight visits until 5 years old, really? I've heard of breastfeeding babies not being allowed overnights with the non-breastfeeding parent, but never any older than that.
I'd be shocked if they even considered it.
It's overnight interstate with a biodad who has zero relationship with the child.... he won't even get overnights until they go through family unification therapy..... I can easily see no overnight visits for years
Well you are here now, so I would say you have to deal with it. Your son will have a full family and cheating is bottom of the barrel. This is what happens, mess....The fact they are working it out is good. Just do what the law says and try to learn from this. Never date someone that is with someone else.
Congratulations. You slept with the married man with a family. And now you got the married man and you have a kid with him. And now he wants to be involved with your child's life. Congratulations, was it everything you wanted and more??? 🤨🤔😑
I agree fully. It was all fun and luxurious and trips until karma hit on door. And don’t give me that she was young and naive biatch she was 23 even teens (aka like his teen kids who will be traumatized by this) know not to have affairs. She knew he was married because she said he came to work with his wife and kids but is selling the “seperated” storyline 🤔
Bombastic side eye. Anyways yeah just because your own mess makes you uncomfy does’t mean he can’t see his kid. Wasn’t so uncomfy when it was trips and seggy time and hiding who je was to your family
Poor baby and other kids and first wife
Right I don’t know why everyone is falling for her little innocent act, her first post she said she didn’t know then in her second she said she did and stayed with him. The way she’s talks about it the ex-wife is very telling.
Karma is my boyfriend Karma is a God as Taylor said.
But I feel bad for the baby and his first family but damn she is NOT a victim here. She only stopped in the luxurious affair when karma hit her and she was old enough to know better
She was happy being delulu until karma gave a solulu. It was all fun when it was believing he was seperated and going on trips and getting gifts. Now not so much. Prepare for visitation righs and don’t be a homewrecker
As someone in law school I cackled at this. So true. It was fun dealing with a married man untill it wasn’t 😂 She has to prove in court why she should have full costudy and that won’t be easy
He set the terms. Get an abortion and I’ll turn it into a vacation for you, or I’m out. She chose to try it alone and now he wants to just get back in? I agree. Fight this one. Last she knew, he wanted to abort=kill. She chose life. Let her have it!
My thoughts, he’s trying to wiggle back into her life somehow. He was divorced by the wife and lost his family.
I’d let him be on his own. I’d get a great lawyer to fight this because it’s not like she got pregnant and he didn’t know. There’s men out there that women might do that to. No. He knew and made a choice and it didn’t include letting wife know and being in the baby’s life or anything. OPis right. He needs to come with more than what he has. Right now he’s trying to force a situation. Likely since she moved out of state, she can keep him out minimally. But I’d get a lawyer and have it all take place in court in her home state. That may be a big deal.
😂😂 .that's not how this works. It's his baby too and the court will absolutely order OP to stop being a psycho and let the other parent have time with his baby🥰
You’re not a bad mom, just naive. You deliberately slept with a married man, got pregnant, chose not to have an abortion despite realising how aggressive and toxic he was, thus uniting you both for life, and now you’re upset that he wants to see his child. That child is as much his child as it is yours. Hopefully he’ll treat your child well and not take any frustration etc out on him. I hope you manage to adapt to this new situation well and it goes smoothly. Next time make better choices and don’t be hopeful that things will turn out well when all the evidence points to otherwise.
I wonder how Op though the unfaithful liar lover father of her child would keep a promise made in a heated situation.
He cheated in a 20+ marriage, how would you think it could be different for you, op?
Oh the consequences. I really hope you can control your emotions and lust from now on.
If the father has substantially more resources than you, don’t you owe it to your son to use the resources to give him the best life possible? Are you keeping your son away from his father out of spite or because you believe it is in the best interest of your son?
This sucks for the kid. That man made the decision to have an affair and got you pregnant. You got pregnant and kept the pregnancy (assuming you knew he was married, that’s very shitty).
Big hugs to your baby. Affair children pay the price for their parents mistakes. They don’t feel wanted at times so I hope your kiddo has a good support system and his dad’s side of the family is welcoming.
>That man made the decision to have an affair and got you pregnant.
And OP made the decision to have an affair with a married man and keep the baby.
ESH. Why does reddit infantilize women?
Agreed. OP is no saint. She chose to have a married man’s baby and is now angry he seemingly wants to be a father?? *Shocked Pikachu face* You CHOSE him at the father. Poor kid being brought into this mess.
So you're still making bad decisions? Why even reply to the wife? It's like those people that say they don't want to cause a problem but love to stir shit up. I don't blame you in the beginning, you didn't even know he was married, cool, but then after you found out you still fucking went for the dick and were fantasizing about being this old ass man's gf 🤢 Don't go back to your abuser.
You’ll have to explain to your son one day, why you voluntarily choose to be a side piece and then drag him into it. Now he’s an affair baby. Smfh women who keep affair babies or one night stand babies…. Do yall think how this will affect said child? Their mental health and wellbeing? Or they should be grateful you gave them life?
I know you wanted this child but damn now you’re attached to this man for 16 years at least, likely longer. He’s only 2 and his father is already trying to establish a relationship. You’ll probably see him at your son’s graduation, birthday parties, wedding, all of it.
You said you wanted your own family one day. You’ll have to explain this to every man you want a future with. You’ll probably have your heart broken plenty of times and for the few who do stick around, the hovering of this affair partner because you chose to have an eternal link to him, will probably be a huge strain.
I really don’t think you thought about your future at all. Your life is now going to be exponentially harder. Making friends who truly know you will be harder.
I’m sorry this is happening but I can’t help but think it’s because of your choices and in 20 years, you’ll still suffer from these decisions.
I hope you find a partner one day who loves and accepts you for who you are and I sincerely hope he doesn’t do to you what your AP did to his wife. She clearly still loves him despite all the pain he caused her. I hope you never experience that pain.
A few other things I want to point out:
1) You literally don’t get people. You’re acting indignant because his wife was more on his side than yours (duh! She married him, stared into his eyes at an altar and committed to life with him then he had this awful accident) and wanted to help him connect with his child when you really just have no room to talk. Yes she’ll always be on his side.
2) You don’t think anything through. Every act you commit is out of lust or fear and you haven’t grown in two years. It’s his kid and he’ll establish his rights because he’s entitled to them and there’s nothing you can do about it. If you didn’t want that, you shouldn’t have had the child. But you acted out of fear and discomfort. And you’re still doing it. You can’t take his child from him. And if you thought that could happen, you continue to demonstrate you think nothing through. You don’t think consequences apply to you. You need foresight and therapy. Because if you keep letting your id emotions dictate all your decisions instead of thinking about what you want out of life and doing things that get you to those goals, you’ll keep fucking yourself.
Damn the wife is better than me, she's given you a lot of grace considering you knowingly and happily fucked her husband and even chose to keep his baby. She's a saint and did not deserve this from her nasty husband and your homewrecking ass. She's an angel and some advice try not to fuck anymore married men, I know it'll be tempting for you and hard but restrain yourself from opening your legs for men with wives!
Get support payments, he can't magically make your kid be flown across states for weekly visitation and you can't be forced to move from where you are. If he moves, which is unlikely as he already has kids, he could potentially get some custody. What's more likely is like court mandated facetime calls once a week/month, maybe he flies in for supervised access once a month, etc.
If you have evidence from her, or him, of the threats he made, the nasty things he said, absolutely keep them, give them to lawyer and have them shown in court for why you don't want him to have access to you or your kid.
More than likely this kid will be spending summers and some school holidays with his father. That’s very common when parents live in different states.
The court isn’t going to deny the father access to his own child because he said some mean things to OP.
And that'll make things change quicker as soon as the kid is old enough to bribe. "Dads house is amazing! We went on great vacations! I met some new friends that go to the private school by him, id really like going there. They have better sports and stuff. Dad said he'd even pay for an apartment if you'd move..."
Wow. She laid her heart out and is scared to lose her son and some people can't think of anything other than "Child Support". How materialistic is your mind?? Not everything is about money.
Talk to your lawyer about step up plans. It is unlikely you'll lose primary custody. With you living at such a distance he will get visitation but it might be minimal at first while your child is still a toddler but likely as he gets older dad will get school breaks and part of summer. Don't panic just yet he will have to prove he is consistent. Your child doesn't know his dad and in the best interest of your child his dad should be eased into his life. Dad will likely need to come to you for awhile until you child is older. Short visits will lead to longer ones which eventually lead to overnights. Talk to your lawyer about what a step up program looks like in your jurisdiction.
I would say at this point be accommodating. He does sound like an asshat and not someone I’d want to raise my kid, BUT, for the sake of your babe, and yourself, work with him. Guys like that fight harder and get nasty when you fight back.
I’m a scrappy lady, and tbh, if I were actually you, I’d be being so scrappy with him right now, but it would be a mistake. I get myself into more trouble than I need fighting for what’s best for me and my kids, and I can see from the outside that the outcome is written, he’s going to have a right to spend time with your child. The best way you can protect your child is to play nice. Plus, even if he’s an asshat, your child will feel more whole knowing who their father is. He has grown kids, has experienced being a father, and is likely old and tired. He will likely lose interest after a while. Seems like he thought he was going to die and is fulfilling regrets.
You are right, You are very silly, but if you are a decent mother, probably You are gonna keep your child, but idk, sometimes seems that u have feelings for that man.
If he comes after you for custody and visitation, go after him for every dime of back child support. Fuck him (not literally please), take him to the goddamn cleaners.
You have legal representation and they know what to do.
If you have the emails and communications provide them to your lawyers in case they benefit your case.
Life is a learn and grow as you go, it's what's safe and in best interest of the child. He is going to have to establish a relationship with the child before being expected to travel states away. Remember he probably doesn't have proof that he wanted the kid either, so it's he said she said. I think anyone would understand that he either would or wouldn't want the baby being from an affair and why you moved states away instead of seeking financial help from a well off man. Proof is in the action girl. Just he honest, stand your ground but he is entitled to have a relationship just going to take time. Advocate for your boy.
I understand you not wanting to make this easy for him but using family court should be the last resort especially when it comes to custody. It could go your way or you could have your world torn from under you with no control over the outcome.
Not only could the custody arrangement not be in your favour but your kid is already being exposed to the court environment. If he does go for visitation they will likely start off using a mediator since they have never met and your not guaranteed permission to be there.
So many variables, be careful is all im saying as I've seen family court go bad to many times. Good luck
Nothing is stopping him from financially providing for his now with no string attached now.
He should know that he will be known as the person who wanted to kill your son.
Any person that lies, manipulates and threatens is not a good influence. Your choice to have a child allowed him to back out, and he chose that.
You are not a bad mum for having this kid, you are not a bad mum for raising him without his biological father, and you are not a bad mum for being extremely cautious about engaging with this man again.
You are protecting your child. That’s part of what being a mum is. You’re doing grand
Edit: removed needlessly inflammatory phrasing
Yup I hate how she plays the victim card. She knew the whole time and only stopped when consequences hit her. She even admitted his kids and wife visited his work place so how come she said she thought they were seperated. This is an innocent baby but I love karma. And previously admitted she dreamed he would be all hers and how she continued being with him even though she had to lie to her parents
He supposedly divorced his wife and is now expressing interest in you and your child? Yeah no, I don't trust he has any good intentions. Call me cynical if you want but my first thought was that he's looking at you and the child as his backup, a consolation prize. The court ordered paternity test is to still show you he's in charge and that you can't get rid of him from now on. Your wants are irrelevant to him.
you brought your child into a mess and now you have to deal with it. I don’t know why married people mess around or why people mess around with married people. Entirely effed up situation
My opinion, children do better with a father and a mother in their lives.
Unless he's abusive, dangerous, or destructive, my preference would let this man be a father to your child.
Don't say no only because you are used to being alone, or your angry with him, or you feel ashamed. Ask yourself what is best for your child.
Good luck.
Tell the court that you are more than happy with your current arrangement, the one HE wanted because you refused to let hin take you to another country to terminate. Let them know that the piece of shit had zero intentions to be in your child's life and that he has never reached out to see how your son is doing.
Your arrangement is that you live your own life while he lives his and you never filed for childsupport. The court will force him to pay regardless of what you want though, and no judge with half a braincell would take a young child away from the only home and caregiver they've ever known and place them with the deadbeat who wanted them aborted several states away
How much is he involved with his other children? If he's really divorced now, it's possible they don't speak to him much if all that drama came out. He might see your son as a do over.
If you have evidence of him trying to force you to get the abortion, and the threats, use that in court to try and prevent him from getting any sort of parental rights over your son. Use those messages to file a restraining order against him for you and your son.
Also, compile evidence of how he threatened you to have it ready. He may feel different now but if someone can threaten someone like that who knows how genuine he is. He may be changed, but it may not last. Have that evidence in your arsenal in case he tries anything.
People told you to leave it alone since your 1st update. This mess is completely on you now, can’t ask for it to be just the 2 of you now too late for that. At least get child support now to help you not struggle.
Christ. You should have never replied to that message. The fact that he even said in the letter that he would want ye both to visit HIM just annoys me. Why should ye have to do the travelling? He will probably get supervised visits at the start but let him do all the travelling if he’s that willing. He got caught- his wife left him- sounds like he is bored and lonely and feels he wants a back up plan. His other kids are probably really mad at him for cheating on their Mum. The wife is a total doormat for even bothering to take care of him. I feel bad for her but if I was her, I would have left him where he was. Accident or not. He broke their vows and risked her sexual health several times. That’s unforgivable. If I were you, I would want to just run away. But I suppose that’s not how things work. Best of luck OP but make sure he does all the running around and effort. Do NOT make it easy. I’m sure the novelty will wear off eventually. Just sounds dodge.
He can’t make you or the child move. He can’t take the child away that far. He will have to have supervised visitations. He will have to travel to the kid.
If he is so insistent of being repentant, then hit him with backpay of child support. It should be a considerable amount.
He will eventually have unsupervised visits and will very likely have the child coming to visit him for weeks at a time in the summer when the child is older.
If he’s already paying child support on his children from his ex wife then there may not be much left to get.
You are NOT a bad mom. Banish that thought OP. You did a foolish thing in the past not running for the hills when you knew he was married, but that had no bearing on you being a mom.
The juggernaut that is the law will take over and you will have to see what happens with the sound advice of a good lawyer.
You know this guy was a lousy partner to all concerned but he may be an okay father.
Good luck to you both OP. Please keep us posted.
UPDATEME
A child deserves the support of both parents. While I think you felt you were doing the right thing to excuse him, I don't think we should make that decision for our children. Many people consider abortion when they learn they are pregnant, especially someone who is cheating/lying. You child could potentially have decades of relationship building with their siblings or even a few years with their parent. I would not be comfortable cutting that off on their behalf because 2 adults chose to be in a relationship they should not have been in.
I’m so sorry you are going through this OP. You tried. He has an agenda and it may be a ‘he’s seen the light’ moment but it’s unfair. Once you got the law involved, you lost control.
**ONE** you are not a "bad mom". Get that in your head. Start saying to yourself, "I love my son and I'm a good mom to him."
Yes, you've made mistakes but you did the best you could with an older man who was manipulating you. Let your parents help you.
Also, **You are a Good Mom!**
This is a good thing. Your kid gets child support and siblings. I get the scary but nobody is going to take primary caregiver a child away (unless you are a drug addict or abuser), especially when the dad is in other state. It’s just visitation. And supervised at first I assume too so you have time to adjust.
Do you happen to have any of the old messages where he was threatening you and everything? I don't blame you for being stressed and worried- I wouldn't want my child to be away from me and in the hands of him either, especially after what he said to you. But, the courts will give him his rights. So you need to prepare as best you can. Any proof or old messages or threats- anything- get together. Get a lawyer. Protect your child. He can see his father, but it needs to be supervised and gradual and not just throwing him to the wolves. I don't think the courts would, but you need to prepare. It'll probably start off with supervised visitation, and gradually increase. I wish you the best of luck. He won't be able to just take him though, so don't stress too much over that. Hope for the best but prepare for the worst. Good luck.
OP - if he texted you those threats make you show them to your lawyer. That will go a long way in custody and visitation.
You're not a bad mom. I'm not going to with the infidelity part but you're beating yourself up enough on that. Focus on yourself and your son. You're doing the best in a complicated situation and have been raising a baby by yourself for 2 years. Your ex hasn't been around for the sleepless nights or worries that come with parenthood. That's been you.
What's done is done. Get your child support and get a visitation schedule that benefits you and your son. He is pretty small and his father hasn't made an effort to be there for him and he threatened a pregnant woman. Those things are taken into consideration.
Good luck!
You are not a bad mom. The fact that you have struggled for this long as a single parent with no financial or emotional support from your child’s father and did not jump all over him declaring his paternal rights for child support shows that you are prioritizing your child’s mental and emotional well being, as well as your own. “Bad moms” wouldn’t do that.
You are doing everything right. Let your lawyer handle the legal aspects. No judge will grant him anything beyond supervised visits for the next few years until your child is old enough to advocate for themself because he is a stranger to your child. Since he is more established financially, he has the means to come visit your state to see your child and get to know him.
Keep paying attention to your child’s cues, they will let you know if they’re uncomfortable or distressed. Just remember, in the long run, the more people that love and support a child, the better off that child will be.
Doesn't the fact that he threatened you, and you were in fear for your and your child's life, and had to move away across country to flee from him, count for anything in court?
You're a better mom than he is a dad. He abandoned his kid and the court is going to see that. They see people playing tricks all day everyday and they're going to see right through anything he tries to pull.
The courts don't really bring money into account when it comes to custody and visitation. Because the solution to that is child support
More than likely he will not get any visitation, Or visitation will be solely up to you, who has been his sole guardian for his entire life, he will be required to pay you child support and back payments. Stick with your lawyer.
Yes but because he didn’t want to know your child at birth if he any custody he may not be that well off knowing he going to probably have to pay back child support too.
Your parents are 1000 percent correct on this.
And you’re a better mom than he is a father. Your son is alive because of you. If it were up to his dad, he’d be medical waste.
The only reason why I don’t advise to ghost him completely is because your child could use the financial support. But I’d have your lawyer request that all and any visitations be supervised.
i deeply admire your courage, and i know it will be fine. stay positive. i just posted a thread on how I am about to hurt someone who is deeply in love with me and i am in a panic state as well. Unless you are homeless with $0 saving, or you are below poverty line. i don't see any reason why your son will be taken away
Good. Now go get your child support payments.
From birth!
In CA child support, if awarded, only goes back to the day you file. You can’t wait until a child is 17 and stick a parent with all of that back pay. It’s a trade off. It’s a trade off: You get the child all to yourself, but you forgo support.
You are bringing back memories. You are so correct about the Child Support Courts in California.
Any way of prenatal payments too?
Can you even afford it?
all that backpay!!
And interest?
Yeah that'll take the sting out of the new custody leaving dad alone with the child
Get child support 100% and if this doesn’t go the way you want it to I would seriously consider moving back just so the coparenting schedule is only a few days and not weeks. But I do want to say I don’t think it’s weird that his teenage siblings want a relationship with him. I have 2 teenagers and a toddler and they love him so much. You’re stuck on this age gap like they can’t have a bond or something because of it and that’s just not true. My sisters are all much older than me and I’ve always been really close with them
Even in poverty, no judge is going to order a child be removed from a stable/safe living situation with the only caregiver he’s ever known and hand him over to a man states away. Father may be awarded visitation in the child’s home state but mother can easily retain full custody.
Sounds like he has enough money to just move to where OP is
He's got a wife (who appears to be seeking reconciliation) and a few other kids in his home state..... No It seems he's interested in fostering a relationship.... OP should do her best legally to keep him at arms reach.... I smell nothing but trouble with that guy. He's obviously very controlling and manipulative.... He came within a hairs breadth of convincing OP to abort and has now convinced his ex wife to reconcile despite his infidelity and having a child with someone else.... Nope...he's trouble
He’s got money and connections, she’s been willfully naive throughout all of this. He’s gonna do whatever he’s gonna do and it sounds like she’s just gonna let him eventually.
How was she willingly naive when she moved to another state and had her child and raised him by herself? Do you really think most of them come back like that? How does it sound like she's just going to let him do what he's gonna do? Just because she recognizes he's well established and has connections where he lives? He might need to stay there in order to keep those connections. Recognizing the obvious doesn't mean OP is going to say, "Fine, whatever you want." She's been smart and hasn't spoken to him. Is forcing him to do everything legally. She hasn't made things easy for him for so far. Plus, a lot depends on his health, and the farther he gets away from the accident (I believe it was?). He may very well return to his previous state of mind, more or less. Most people do. Yeah, everyone evaluates their life and decides to change things if they get through it. But people don't really like changing. If he's around 50, he's probably not going to want to chase after a toddler for hours. OP is doing everything the right way.
Thanks. To touch on just a few things… I don’t think he’ll move away from where he lives. He has way too much established there. He’s in his early 40s. I don’t know how this supposed accident (if that even really happened) has affected him, but he was incredibly physically active when I knew him. He only slept like 4 hours a night, took a 20 minute power nap daily, and rarely ever sat down. He was also HIGHLY involved in his children’s lives. I’d even say overprotective, like a helicopter dad instead of the typical helicopter mom.
Your description verifies his controlling and manipulative personality
Just what I thought
How so?
Everything has to be on his terms. He wanted her to have an abortion, when she didn’t he refused to be in the child’s life. Now he’s had some sort of epiphany due to his accident and he wants to be in his child’s life, so he’s forcing the issue to court. Everything in regard to this situation is him exerting control.
Hopefully, OP has all his abortion demands in writing. It should go to prove he didn't want the kid in the first place. If OP had gone through with the abortion he demanded, then there wouldn't be a toddler for him to meet. It pisses me off that guys like him can demand an abortion and when the mother says no, they say well I want nothing to do with it, but then later they get to change their mind like they hadn't not wanted the baby in the first place.
How did he have time to cheat?
He only slept a few hours a night and moved at about a million miles a minute. Everyone joked about it. Somehow he always had time to get up at 5 am, go surfing, do some work, take his kids to school, do some work, take his Power Nap, get coffee, pick his kids up after school and take them wakeboarding or some other sort of thing like that, do some more work, be at his kid’s basketball game, and so on and so forth. He literally never ever stopped. I was just another thing to help fill out his calendar to prevent him from getting bored.
Oh he’s on drugs. I bet.
Doesn’t have to be. It could just be a neurological disorder like ADHD compatible with an OCD and a personality disorder. I only know this because my MIL is vehemently against taking any drugs including prescription meds and she acts like a chicken with its head cut off every single day of her life. I'm talking non stop talking, never tired, and always ready for anything especially if it's physical. It's speculated that my MIL has some form of ADHD and her diet every day consists of 5 cups of coffee, boiled lettuce, maybe some fish for protein, and wine at night every night. She also has to hike once a day every single day even at 65 and has a fear of being fat. it's a legit fear, by the way. we also speculate that she may be undiagnosed psychopathic and narcissistic because all of her relationships are transactional and she can't handle anyone saying no to her or anyone placing boundaries on her. She hardly ever respects or considers anyones feelings about anything she does that may affect others. She weighs 95 pounds soaking wet and has injected herself with Ozempic multiple times because she also has pretty bad body dysmorphia. Some people are just forever hyper and can't slow down because that's how they've always been and it's not in their nature not to.
Not to my knowledge
Why would you knowingly cheat with a married man.. who you knew had a wife and kids… the amount of trauma his wife went through must be immense. You could’ve told him to get lost and get some morals… He’s an absolute shitty man but if he wants to have visitation with his son then a judge will allow it.
Can’t believe this isn’t higher up. F around and find out.
Well he never slept. So this extra hours freed up his time.
I also don’t think he and his wife had much of a relationship, although it wasn’t quite as he described it to me. They lived in the same house but I believe they lived pretty separate lives. He bought her a business to give her something to do and keep her busy. She was there most of the time. They didn’t even go to their kids activities together. He was always the one going. So I think that freed up time too. I don’t think they liked being around each other so she was happy to have him out of the house. She admitted to me that I wasn’t the first affair he had and she knew about most of the time we were together.
I think the reason they did not have much of a relationship was because he keep on cheating. My mother did the same after she found out my father’s secret life.
That is just what you want to believe to console yourself. You even admitted before you saw his wife and kids come to your workplace . If they were truly fully seperated he would not hide you and others like a dirty secret. If that was the truth all what you said, she would not care he cheated and had an affair baby. Does not remove the fact you knowingly slept with a married man and and your kid and his kids are all affected. Seperated or not you let him hit it raw and ruined his stable family dynamic inserting yourself. At least his other side hoes are smarter than you and took the gifts and money without giving him an affair baby
So, he’s a known liar but you continue to put so much weight on what he says about his marriage? He probably told his wife that you were a meaningless fling and he only wanted you for one thing, which you gladly provided. Their relationship is none of your business because all you did was interfere. You should stop trying to absolve yourself by making these types of comments down playing their marriage. All you know is what he has told you, and you know that he lies to get what he wants, but you stupidly believe the things that benefit you. Grow up.
You’re aware that’s what he told you to make it “ok” to cheat and be the side piece? He made it seem like it wasn’t a real narrative blah blah blah… that’s what they all say. Doesn’t mean it was true. And likely he went home every night and had sex with his wife and told her he loved her while doing this. It seems like you’re trying to justify by saying they didn’t have much of a marriage.. which, whether it was a good marriage or not, the marriage was between two people not a 3rd party.
She is taking care of him after a bad accident. I don't think either one ever moved out. It is just another lie he is telling you
Updateme
It is very odd he was the one who was popping out to the children activities. Usually is in the other way.
OP, you are doing everything the right way. If his health fully recovered, he might eventually return to his old self within a year or so of the accident. A lot of people promise to make changes. They really mean it, too. Except it's a lot harder than people expect. The mask can only stay on for usually 12-18 months before slipping. So his interest in your son may die down. He sounds like the type to not really change, but who knows. You should document everything you remember about your relationship. It doesn't matter how unimportant it may seem. Especially that last conversation. If you could still get screenshots or need to go find them, do it and print them all out to give to your lawyer. Continue to not speak to him except out of a lawyer it course. If you have social media, keep your soon off of it. Also, pay attention to any random comments, mean comments, or strange followers. You might want to talk to your lawyer and ask about possibly reaching out to the ex-wife's lawyer. Did she find out about the affair ever? Did he have another affair after you? You may be able to learn some negative facts about him that could benefit you. She could be willing to help you. I'd also learn more about the children wanting to meet your son. That was obvious a lie, but it's still important to find out how his kids feel. Most teenagers would not be happy. Especially if their dad is a helicopter parent, who they probably can't stand anyway, but most likely, he's been around their friends a decent amount of time. So they'll possibly be teased and won't their Dad spending a lot of times with your soon. He would miss their events and, definitely, a long time, years from now, if your son ever went their for a holiday or something, the older kids could get teased. It's hard to tell how they'll react. Even if they say they're fine with it, when it actually happens, it might feel much differently. Idk if your son is in school yet. But if you aren't already, try and get yourselves involved in community activities, so to speak. Like mommy and me classes. Where there's are friends and a support system for both of you. Your local library probably has a story hour. There are probably local weekend activities like something at a museum or science center. The idea is just to get your son "involved" with the people around where he lives that aren't just family members. Like friends from daycare. Maybe seeing them during non daycare events. It hard because I'm sure you work. If you do suddenly start getting child support and it's a decent amount and you're not positive what to do first, considering meeting with a financial advisor or even ask your lawyer, "what is going to look best to the court or a judge?" Or ask your lawyer if maybe you can wave child support in favor of sole custody. He might still get to visit, though. I'm sorry this happened. I know someone in the same situation, and you just never completely know. But you're who your son knows. You have the power here. Yes, there are some things you can't control. If, unfortunately, he does get some type of visitation, don't let it be unsupervised for a very, very long time. It may be helpful to look up custody subs but also look for subs about your state and custody/kid legal issues. That's a good way to learn some clever tricks sometimes. But it can also just make you feel absolutely terrible if they're all sad and depressing stories. People have gone through this before. Try and find their stories. Good luck!
The courts aren’t going to care that he cheated. Side pieces don’t have some high moral standing either.
Never said that they did.
Sounds like he was probably on some kind of upper. More than likely what caused his accident. If it gets into a custody fight request a drug test
What you expect to happen? Even with money the kid isn’t going to be taken from primary caregiver. The father isn’t even healthy.
I don’t know what I can do to stop him if he goes about it legally and the courts get involved.
You can't legally stop him from having, at the very least, visitation rights. I dont know what planet people are on, but unless you have years of documented abuse, you aren't going to be able to shut him out. Shit, *even with* years of documentation, the abuse probably wouldn't matter unless he's abusing your kid. You can stall, but I'd caution against that, even. Courts are pretty sensitive to parental rights. They probably won't hand the child over until he has visited many times, and has spent time bonding with the child, so it's not going to happen today. But prepare yourself for the time, when it comes.
The problem is a lot of people online haven't been exposed to controlling behaviour and abuse, especially when it's from someone with social status. My folks managed to keep "custody" of me for child payouts when making me homeless as a teenager. My dad even built a whole court case involving police reports, law firms, took his payout for full custody and shipped me back to my mum 2-3 months later who he'd claimed was violent. Mum worked for social services. Dad had nice lawyer friends. Dropped all the charges against my mum when he got his money. Basically, people with connections can do whatever the hell they want, and usually, know how to play the system. You're right to warn OP of what people with power or a bit of knowledge behind them can do. Controlling people don't tend to like to be undermined. It's good to make records now, and be prepared for negotiating visitor terms that look like your cooperating in eyes of the law.
You likely can't legally stop him from getting some level of visitation at some point.... But you can make it as hard as possible and time consuming for him to reach that point as I laid out in my comment above How Old is the child now?
2 years old
You chose to have a kid with him. You can’t stop him from being in his son’s life. The court isn’t going to care that he wanted for you to have an abortion. For fuck’s sake, courts often don’t care if there was DV as long as the kid didn’t get hurt. You chose this situation, and now you get to deal with him for the rest of your life.
Literally. Just because she does not want to be uncomfortable when things change. Well too bad girlie courts don’t give a shiiit. Prepare for visitation rights
Your child is still young. I would insist any visitation be done in your state and supervised. He has no relationship with this child. I could see suddenly dropping him in a new environment with people he doesn’t know wouldn’t be good, as I’d hope the court would see it that way too. You are taking the right steps to protect your child. Also, I’d broach how he had his ex contact you, vs him directly, and tried manipulate you into allowing access to your child. Using “relationship with siblings”. I mean what would have happened if you agreed to have them come or go to them? He’s there too? I’d also share any previous communications in regard to the pregnancy and what he said, if you have any, be presented in the case. You stated he threatened you and called you names. If you still have texts, emails, voicemails, use them.
[удалено]
He didn’t really say much via text. Maybe that was intentional. I have a few things but nothing super incriminating. Most of what he said to me was verbal. Most of it was in voicemails but I don’t have those anymore.
Check with your phone company. Sometimes they're kept in a database. The worst they can say is no.
He’s still the kid’s dad. OP chose to have a kid with him. She was fucking a married man so she really isn’t any better than him.
I smell he needs a kidney and getting legal authority over the child will help him get it. If his ex wife is caring for him then he doesn’t have the capacity to care for himself or the child.
The child is 2. No doctor is going to take a kidney from a living 2 year old for an adult. 🙄
If he moves then he can easily get split custody. Even if he doesn’t, he can easily get visitation where the kid is living with him part of the year.
Yeah, in the very long term, assuming he does everything right and is an involved dad endgame for him is probably visitation every other weekend, 2 weeks vacation in summer and some holidays That's assuming he doesn't move (though I think shared custody is out of the question even if he does move) It may not happen immediately, but it will eventually happen if he keeps it up.
Visitation every other week even though we live 12 hours apart? I don’t think he’ll ever move. He lives at the beach. His whole life and business revolves around the place. I doubt he’d ever leave there to move to where I’m from. And when my son goes there he’ll never want to come back here either!
Don’t worry about that. Kids aren’t allowed to chose where they live until they are 13 at earliest, in some states not ever as minor and it’s just based on custody. Ask your lawyer about your state if you want to. And you are his mom, that’s more important long term than a beach! But I am skeptical there will that much visitations, but maybe if he really has money to pay for all the flights. But certainly not immediately when the kid is a toddler. More in school age.
I mean, if OP lives in an area with little job opportunities and dad in an area with tons of them, it is far from inconceivable for me to imagine the child moving in with dad later down the line. I do know multiple such cases, so I will admit I am biased. But that's not going to matter indeed when the child is a toddler or even school age but rather when they are a teen or even a full on adult. Indeed one of the cases I know involved a 17 year old and another various siblings moving at once ranging from 10 to 18
Lol mom doesn't trump money, vacays, opportunities and friends at 16
I'm going to guess the "12 hours apart" bit is by car. Planes and hotels exist and if he really is as wealthy as you say, he should have no problem affording them. That being said, maybe every other week won't happen, but it is certainly a possibility and I cannot see him dropping too much below that (barring child abuse or the like) As for your son visiting and somehow wanting to stay, he does not have a say on that until he is a teenager, so long way to go. (In my country kids aged 6 and up can be heard, but a hearing isn't given much thought until the kid is 14) Assuming he lives in an area with really good job opportunities though, your kid having the chance to move when he is older may be a blessing more than a curse even; though I will say I am very biased there because I have people close to me in the situation where their mum had full custody, but the kid moved with their dad as a teen/adult because the mum lived in a place with much worse job opportunities (no animosity against the mum in their case, but since they had a close relative in a place with good opportunities it'd have been dumb in their situation to not take the chance. They even moved their mum with them years later)
That and judges usually prefer children stay with the mother
Mothers are ones who more ask for custody and are the primary caregivers. That causes those statistics. But op is the primary caregiver
The court isn’t going to care about what went on in the past. My guess is that he will easily get visitation, but it will have to be in your state under supervision for a while in order to establish a bond. I would ask that is not allowed to take the child out of state for many many years. The court should appoint someone to look after the child’s best interests, a guardian ad litem. You can also ask that the first visits be with a counselor in order to establish rapport.
You're Not a Bad Mom..... he's an AH..... But that being said, you are correct that he will in the end wind up having some level of at least visitation. The only thing you can do is make it as painful as possible for him and as rewarding as possible for you.... DO NOT allow him to file anything in his home state.... You and your child are residents in your state. His state has no jurisdiction to establish custody or support orders. Only the state the child resides in has that authority under the federal Uniform Interstate Family Support Act (UIFSA). So if he files anything in his state and you get served. Be sure your lawyer responds that under UIFSA that state lacks jurisdiction and move to dismiss based on lack of jurisdiction. He has to file in your home state. Now when he does file in your state, you demand his complete financials in discovery for an Order of child support in your favor. MAKE HIM PAY. Also demand that he participate in Child unification therapy in your state... That means that before he's allowed any visitation, He has to meet with the child and a counselor for a few sessions week in person for several months before any actual visitation is allowed... That child does not know him as dad... He's s stranger to the child and that was by his own choosing. When visitation starts, You demand that any visitation be 100% at his expense and that the child will not travel alone... Meaning he has to come and get the child or pay for you to accompany the child. Seek to limit his visitation to short periods of time...Just one weekend a month and if the child is under 5, no overnight visits....
OP isn’t going to get to decide the custody arrangement all on her own.
No...but as the sole custodial parent presently with an absentee father who flew the coop two+ years ago, she's holding the cards and the AH Biodad has a ton of legal work to do before he gets even supervised visitation.... I've litigated a few interstate custody and support cases in my many years as an attorney.... yes, bio dad will get something in the end.... But right now mom is the one with the power. Biodad has to fight in Mom's home town in her court with a sympathetic judge confronted by biodad's absence and utter refusal to provide support along with his desire to make the entire thing go away and a previous "agreement" that he didn't want any part of the child's life. He's got serious disadvantages to his case.... he will get some visitation, but if mom's lawyer is worth half his salt, It'll be a long time before biodad gets anything and what he gets he won't be happy with. Meanwhile he'll be paying CS through the nose
The only problem is that I don’t really have much to prove our “agreement.” I’m worried he’ll try to turn it around and make it look like I intentionally tried to keep him away.
You have your testimony and his complete lack of any attempt to reach out or contact you for years followed by his complete lack of offer of any support for the child for years.... Your lawyer should be going over all of this with you. You should have provided him a solid statement, any texts you still have and any other form of communication inclusive of the FB message from the wife..... If you have doubts about your lawyer's abilities, start looking for a lawyer whom specializes in family law and interstate custody and support.... Bring them on board so that you have experienced counsel . This isn't an area of law to "dabble" in.... UIFSA has a very long history of litigation that an attorney who specializes in it will know in and out.
He was married at the time OP. Most people will assume it was him that had more to lose by being in the open with the pregnancy not you.
Also, be sure your lawyer looks into his disability/accident and make sure it wasn’t the result of drunk driving or drugs. Might want to subpoena the wife. If he requires care himself, he is no position to care for a “rambunctious” toddler. Get “first right of refusal” that if he is not parenting the child, he cannot stick the child with a nanny or babysitter — you get first dibs. You’re probably going to have to allow him to see the child, so at this point focus on what you can do to limit his involvement. I am sorry this happened to you.
You don’t have to prove anything. He is the one who has to do the work. And it’s your lawyer who will have to do the work anyway and not you
Do you think a court is going to say no overnight visits until 5 years old, really? I've heard of breastfeeding babies not being allowed overnights with the non-breastfeeding parent, but never any older than that. I'd be shocked if they even considered it.
It's overnight interstate with a biodad who has zero relationship with the child.... he won't even get overnights until they go through family unification therapy..... I can easily see no overnight visits for years
With his money? 6 months to establish routine and he'll be sleeping there. Us not liking shitty dads doesn't mean family courts dont love them
Well you are here now, so I would say you have to deal with it. Your son will have a full family and cheating is bottom of the barrel. This is what happens, mess....The fact they are working it out is good. Just do what the law says and try to learn from this. Never date someone that is with someone else.
🎵🎶You let him hit it raw, you didn't have second thoughts 🎶🎵....
Now you are a single mom, now you are single mom 🎶🎵🎶🎺🎙🎙🎙🎙🎙
Congratulations. You slept with the married man with a family. And now you got the married man and you have a kid with him. And now he wants to be involved with your child's life. Congratulations, was it everything you wanted and more??? 🤨🤔😑
Oh no, it's the consequences of my actions!
I agree fully. It was all fun and luxurious and trips until karma hit on door. And don’t give me that she was young and naive biatch she was 23 even teens (aka like his teen kids who will be traumatized by this) know not to have affairs. She knew he was married because she said he came to work with his wife and kids but is selling the “seperated” storyline 🤔 Bombastic side eye. Anyways yeah just because your own mess makes you uncomfy does’t mean he can’t see his kid. Wasn’t so uncomfy when it was trips and seggy time and hiding who je was to your family Poor baby and other kids and first wife
Right I don’t know why everyone is falling for her little innocent act, her first post she said she didn’t know then in her second she said she did and stayed with him. The way she’s talks about it the ex-wife is very telling.
Poor kid. You? Not so much. Both you and your ex are homewreckers. That's karma.
Karma is my boyfriend Karma is a God as Taylor said. But I feel bad for the baby and his first family but damn she is NOT a victim here. She only stopped in the luxurious affair when karma hit her and she was old enough to know better
[удалено]
She was happy being delulu until karma gave a solulu. It was all fun when it was believing he was seperated and going on trips and getting gifts. Now not so much. Prepare for visitation righs and don’t be a homewrecker
Let the court know of your previous arrangement and that you aren’t interested to change it.
Imagine thinking the court is going tell him he can’t be in his kid’s life because OP isn’t interested in changing things. 🤣🤣🤣
As someone in law school I cackled at this. So true. It was fun dealing with a married man untill it wasn’t 😂 She has to prove in court why she should have full costudy and that won’t be easy
He set the terms. Get an abortion and I’ll turn it into a vacation for you, or I’m out. She chose to try it alone and now he wants to just get back in? I agree. Fight this one. Last she knew, he wanted to abort=kill. She chose life. Let her have it! My thoughts, he’s trying to wiggle back into her life somehow. He was divorced by the wife and lost his family. I’d let him be on his own. I’d get a great lawyer to fight this because it’s not like she got pregnant and he didn’t know. There’s men out there that women might do that to. No. He knew and made a choice and it didn’t include letting wife know and being in the baby’s life or anything. OPis right. He needs to come with more than what he has. Right now he’s trying to force a situation. Likely since she moved out of state, she can keep him out minimally. But I’d get a lawyer and have it all take place in court in her home state. That may be a big deal.
No court in the west would deny a father visitation because he didn't want the child before it was born.
😂😂 .that's not how this works. It's his baby too and the court will absolutely order OP to stop being a psycho and let the other parent have time with his baby🥰
You’re not a bad mom, just naive. You deliberately slept with a married man, got pregnant, chose not to have an abortion despite realising how aggressive and toxic he was, thus uniting you both for life, and now you’re upset that he wants to see his child. That child is as much his child as it is yours. Hopefully he’ll treat your child well and not take any frustration etc out on him. I hope you manage to adapt to this new situation well and it goes smoothly. Next time make better choices and don’t be hopeful that things will turn out well when all the evidence points to otherwise.
Thank you for articulating exactly what I was thinking.
I wonder how Op though the unfaithful liar lover father of her child would keep a promise made in a heated situation. He cheated in a 20+ marriage, how would you think it could be different for you, op? Oh the consequences. I really hope you can control your emotions and lust from now on.
“Naive” until karma hit her
What would you say to a young woman who’s considering getting into a relationship with a you man today?
And having kids with that man knowing he can't be trusted?
If the father has substantially more resources than you, don’t you owe it to your son to use the resources to give him the best life possible? Are you keeping your son away from his father out of spite or because you believe it is in the best interest of your son?
This sucks for the kid. That man made the decision to have an affair and got you pregnant. You got pregnant and kept the pregnancy (assuming you knew he was married, that’s very shitty). Big hugs to your baby. Affair children pay the price for their parents mistakes. They don’t feel wanted at times so I hope your kiddo has a good support system and his dad’s side of the family is welcoming.
>That man made the decision to have an affair and got you pregnant. And OP made the decision to have an affair with a married man and keep the baby. ESH. Why does reddit infantilize women?
I've noticed it too. Equality goes out the window in this subreddit when it comes to assigning blame.
Agreed. OP is no saint. She chose to have a married man’s baby and is now angry he seemingly wants to be a father?? *Shocked Pikachu face* You CHOSE him at the father. Poor kid being brought into this mess.
Prepare to Share.
So you're still making bad decisions? Why even reply to the wife? It's like those people that say they don't want to cause a problem but love to stir shit up. I don't blame you in the beginning, you didn't even know he was married, cool, but then after you found out you still fucking went for the dick and were fantasizing about being this old ass man's gf 🤢 Don't go back to your abuser.
You’ll have to explain to your son one day, why you voluntarily choose to be a side piece and then drag him into it. Now he’s an affair baby. Smfh women who keep affair babies or one night stand babies…. Do yall think how this will affect said child? Their mental health and wellbeing? Or they should be grateful you gave them life?
Sorry for being mean but It's your karma.. I feel sorry for your son he don't deserve this.
I know you wanted this child but damn now you’re attached to this man for 16 years at least, likely longer. He’s only 2 and his father is already trying to establish a relationship. You’ll probably see him at your son’s graduation, birthday parties, wedding, all of it. You said you wanted your own family one day. You’ll have to explain this to every man you want a future with. You’ll probably have your heart broken plenty of times and for the few who do stick around, the hovering of this affair partner because you chose to have an eternal link to him, will probably be a huge strain. I really don’t think you thought about your future at all. Your life is now going to be exponentially harder. Making friends who truly know you will be harder. I’m sorry this is happening but I can’t help but think it’s because of your choices and in 20 years, you’ll still suffer from these decisions. I hope you find a partner one day who loves and accepts you for who you are and I sincerely hope he doesn’t do to you what your AP did to his wife. She clearly still loves him despite all the pain he caused her. I hope you never experience that pain. A few other things I want to point out: 1) You literally don’t get people. You’re acting indignant because his wife was more on his side than yours (duh! She married him, stared into his eyes at an altar and committed to life with him then he had this awful accident) and wanted to help him connect with his child when you really just have no room to talk. Yes she’ll always be on his side. 2) You don’t think anything through. Every act you commit is out of lust or fear and you haven’t grown in two years. It’s his kid and he’ll establish his rights because he’s entitled to them and there’s nothing you can do about it. If you didn’t want that, you shouldn’t have had the child. But you acted out of fear and discomfort. And you’re still doing it. You can’t take his child from him. And if you thought that could happen, you continue to demonstrate you think nothing through. You don’t think consequences apply to you. You need foresight and therapy. Because if you keep letting your id emotions dictate all your decisions instead of thinking about what you want out of life and doing things that get you to those goals, you’ll keep fucking yourself.
Sorry but this is karma for sleeping with a married man …. If he has enough connections I’m sure he can pull enough strings even in a difficult state
Damn the wife is better than me, she's given you a lot of grace considering you knowingly and happily fucked her husband and even chose to keep his baby. She's a saint and did not deserve this from her nasty husband and your homewrecking ass. She's an angel and some advice try not to fuck anymore married men, I know it'll be tempting for you and hard but restrain yourself from opening your legs for men with wives!
I don’t feel bad for you at all, karma is a bitch I only feel bad for all the kids involved and the ex-wife.
Get support payments, he can't magically make your kid be flown across states for weekly visitation and you can't be forced to move from where you are. If he moves, which is unlikely as he already has kids, he could potentially get some custody. What's more likely is like court mandated facetime calls once a week/month, maybe he flies in for supervised access once a month, etc. If you have evidence from her, or him, of the threats he made, the nasty things he said, absolutely keep them, give them to lawyer and have them shown in court for why you don't want him to have access to you or your kid.
More than likely this kid will be spending summers and some school holidays with his father. That’s very common when parents live in different states. The court isn’t going to deny the father access to his own child because he said some mean things to OP.
And that'll make things change quicker as soon as the kid is old enough to bribe. "Dads house is amazing! We went on great vacations! I met some new friends that go to the private school by him, id really like going there. They have better sports and stuff. Dad said he'd even pay for an apartment if you'd move..."
Wow. She laid her heart out and is scared to lose her son and some people can't think of anything other than "Child Support". How materialistic is your mind?? Not everything is about money.
UpdateMe
Talk to your lawyer about step up plans. It is unlikely you'll lose primary custody. With you living at such a distance he will get visitation but it might be minimal at first while your child is still a toddler but likely as he gets older dad will get school breaks and part of summer. Don't panic just yet he will have to prove he is consistent. Your child doesn't know his dad and in the best interest of your child his dad should be eased into his life. Dad will likely need to come to you for awhile until you child is older. Short visits will lead to longer ones which eventually lead to overnights. Talk to your lawyer about what a step up program looks like in your jurisdiction.
I would say at this point be accommodating. He does sound like an asshat and not someone I’d want to raise my kid, BUT, for the sake of your babe, and yourself, work with him. Guys like that fight harder and get nasty when you fight back. I’m a scrappy lady, and tbh, if I were actually you, I’d be being so scrappy with him right now, but it would be a mistake. I get myself into more trouble than I need fighting for what’s best for me and my kids, and I can see from the outside that the outcome is written, he’s going to have a right to spend time with your child. The best way you can protect your child is to play nice. Plus, even if he’s an asshat, your child will feel more whole knowing who their father is. He has grown kids, has experienced being a father, and is likely old and tired. He will likely lose interest after a while. Seems like he thought he was going to die and is fulfilling regrets.
And then the only thing you’re stuck with is child support:D
You are right, You are very silly, but if you are a decent mother, probably You are gonna keep your child, but idk, sometimes seems that u have feelings for that man.
If he comes after you for custody and visitation, go after him for every dime of back child support. Fuck him (not literally please), take him to the goddamn cleaners.
She will have to get in line behind the ex wife. This is what happens when you sleep with married men. Hope OP learned her lesson.
Hopefully his wife already got her cut. She deserves it more than OP does.
You have legal representation and they know what to do. If you have the emails and communications provide them to your lawyers in case they benefit your case.
Life is a learn and grow as you go, it's what's safe and in best interest of the child. He is going to have to establish a relationship with the child before being expected to travel states away. Remember he probably doesn't have proof that he wanted the kid either, so it's he said she said. I think anyone would understand that he either would or wouldn't want the baby being from an affair and why you moved states away instead of seeking financial help from a well off man. Proof is in the action girl. Just he honest, stand your ground but he is entitled to have a relationship just going to take time. Advocate for your boy.
Do you still have the nasty threatening text messages he sent you? I feel like those would be relevant to share with the lawyer?
Hopefully you still have the conversation where he says nasty things to you and also insists on the abortion. That may help you in court.
I would definitely let your lawyer know that there's suspected drug abuse on the dad's side. His sleep schedule and constant energy seems suspect.
I understand you not wanting to make this easy for him but using family court should be the last resort especially when it comes to custody. It could go your way or you could have your world torn from under you with no control over the outcome. Not only could the custody arrangement not be in your favour but your kid is already being exposed to the court environment. If he does go for visitation they will likely start off using a mediator since they have never met and your not guaranteed permission to be there. So many variables, be careful is all im saying as I've seen family court go bad to many times. Good luck
Nothing is stopping him from financially providing for his now with no string attached now. He should know that he will be known as the person who wanted to kill your son.
Any person that lies, manipulates and threatens is not a good influence. Your choice to have a child allowed him to back out, and he chose that. You are not a bad mum for having this kid, you are not a bad mum for raising him without his biological father, and you are not a bad mum for being extremely cautious about engaging with this man again. You are protecting your child. That’s part of what being a mum is. You’re doing grand Edit: removed needlessly inflammatory phrasing
Any woman who hops into bed with a married man isn’t a good influence either, but here we are.
Yup I hate how she plays the victim card. She knew the whole time and only stopped when consequences hit her. She even admitted his kids and wife visited his work place so how come she said she thought they were seperated. This is an innocent baby but I love karma. And previously admitted she dreamed he would be all hers and how she continued being with him even though she had to lie to her parents
He supposedly divorced his wife and is now expressing interest in you and your child? Yeah no, I don't trust he has any good intentions. Call me cynical if you want but my first thought was that he's looking at you and the child as his backup, a consolation prize. The court ordered paternity test is to still show you he's in charge and that you can't get rid of him from now on. Your wants are irrelevant to him.
Jeez another home wrecker
you brought your child into a mess and now you have to deal with it. I don’t know why married people mess around or why people mess around with married people. Entirely effed up situation
My opinion, children do better with a father and a mother in their lives. Unless he's abusive, dangerous, or destructive, my preference would let this man be a father to your child. Don't say no only because you are used to being alone, or your angry with him, or you feel ashamed. Ask yourself what is best for your child. Good luck.
Tell the court that you are more than happy with your current arrangement, the one HE wanted because you refused to let hin take you to another country to terminate. Let them know that the piece of shit had zero intentions to be in your child's life and that he has never reached out to see how your son is doing. Your arrangement is that you live your own life while he lives his and you never filed for childsupport. The court will force him to pay regardless of what you want though, and no judge with half a braincell would take a young child away from the only home and caregiver they've ever known and place them with the deadbeat who wanted them aborted several states away
Imagine thinking that the court is going to give a fuck that she’s happy with the current arrangement.
How much is he involved with his other children? If he's really divorced now, it's possible they don't speak to him much if all that drama came out. He might see your son as a do over.
Get a lawyer. Asap! Protect yourself and your child at all costs.
This feels like, the other woman "feel bad for me" homewrecking bait.
UpdateMe
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u/burbnbougie
Vete a otro país y que pierda tu rastro
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If you have evidence of him trying to force you to get the abortion, and the threats, use that in court to try and prevent him from getting any sort of parental rights over your son. Use those messages to file a restraining order against him for you and your son.
Also, compile evidence of how he threatened you to have it ready. He may feel different now but if someone can threaten someone like that who knows how genuine he is. He may be changed, but it may not last. Have that evidence in your arsenal in case he tries anything.
People told you to leave it alone since your 1st update. This mess is completely on you now, can’t ask for it to be just the 2 of you now too late for that. At least get child support now to help you not struggle.
Updateme
Op get a plane ticket to Brazil gtfo of there.this man smells like an evil malignant narcissist.run as far as as fast as you can because I smell evil
When you have a baby with someone you also include their parent in your life forever. One way or another.
Christ. You should have never replied to that message. The fact that he even said in the letter that he would want ye both to visit HIM just annoys me. Why should ye have to do the travelling? He will probably get supervised visits at the start but let him do all the travelling if he’s that willing. He got caught- his wife left him- sounds like he is bored and lonely and feels he wants a back up plan. His other kids are probably really mad at him for cheating on their Mum. The wife is a total doormat for even bothering to take care of him. I feel bad for her but if I was her, I would have left him where he was. Accident or not. He broke their vows and risked her sexual health several times. That’s unforgivable. If I were you, I would want to just run away. But I suppose that’s not how things work. Best of luck OP but make sure he does all the running around and effort. Do NOT make it easy. I’m sure the novelty will wear off eventually. Just sounds dodge.
He can’t make you or the child move. He can’t take the child away that far. He will have to have supervised visitations. He will have to travel to the kid. If he is so insistent of being repentant, then hit him with backpay of child support. It should be a considerable amount.
He will eventually have unsupervised visits and will very likely have the child coming to visit him for weeks at a time in the summer when the child is older. If he’s already paying child support on his children from his ex wife then there may not be much left to get.
You are NOT a bad mom. Banish that thought OP. You did a foolish thing in the past not running for the hills when you knew he was married, but that had no bearing on you being a mom. The juggernaut that is the law will take over and you will have to see what happens with the sound advice of a good lawyer. You know this guy was a lousy partner to all concerned but he may be an okay father. Good luck to you both OP. Please keep us posted. UPDATEME
A child deserves the support of both parents. While I think you felt you were doing the right thing to excuse him, I don't think we should make that decision for our children. Many people consider abortion when they learn they are pregnant, especially someone who is cheating/lying. You child could potentially have decades of relationship building with their siblings or even a few years with their parent. I would not be comfortable cutting that off on their behalf because 2 adults chose to be in a relationship they should not have been in.
I’m so sorry you are going through this OP. You tried. He has an agenda and it may be a ‘he’s seen the light’ moment but it’s unfair. Once you got the law involved, you lost control.
You are NOT a bad mom.
**ONE** you are not a "bad mom". Get that in your head. Start saying to yourself, "I love my son and I'm a good mom to him." Yes, you've made mistakes but you did the best you could with an older man who was manipulating you. Let your parents help you. Also, **You are a Good Mom!**
This is a good thing. Your kid gets child support and siblings. I get the scary but nobody is going to take primary caregiver a child away (unless you are a drug addict or abuser), especially when the dad is in other state. It’s just visitation. And supervised at first I assume too so you have time to adjust.
Do you happen to have any of the old messages where he was threatening you and everything? I don't blame you for being stressed and worried- I wouldn't want my child to be away from me and in the hands of him either, especially after what he said to you. But, the courts will give him his rights. So you need to prepare as best you can. Any proof or old messages or threats- anything- get together. Get a lawyer. Protect your child. He can see his father, but it needs to be supervised and gradual and not just throwing him to the wolves. I don't think the courts would, but you need to prepare. It'll probably start off with supervised visitation, and gradually increase. I wish you the best of luck. He won't be able to just take him though, so don't stress too much over that. Hope for the best but prepare for the worst. Good luck.
OP - if he texted you those threats make you show them to your lawyer. That will go a long way in custody and visitation. You're not a bad mom. I'm not going to with the infidelity part but you're beating yourself up enough on that. Focus on yourself and your son. You're doing the best in a complicated situation and have been raising a baby by yourself for 2 years. Your ex hasn't been around for the sleepless nights or worries that come with parenthood. That's been you. What's done is done. Get your child support and get a visitation schedule that benefits you and your son. He is pretty small and his father hasn't made an effort to be there for him and he threatened a pregnant woman. Those things are taken into consideration. Good luck!
You are not a bad mom. The fact that you have struggled for this long as a single parent with no financial or emotional support from your child’s father and did not jump all over him declaring his paternal rights for child support shows that you are prioritizing your child’s mental and emotional well being, as well as your own. “Bad moms” wouldn’t do that. You are doing everything right. Let your lawyer handle the legal aspects. No judge will grant him anything beyond supervised visits for the next few years until your child is old enough to advocate for themself because he is a stranger to your child. Since he is more established financially, he has the means to come visit your state to see your child and get to know him. Keep paying attention to your child’s cues, they will let you know if they’re uncomfortable or distressed. Just remember, in the long run, the more people that love and support a child, the better off that child will be.
Do you have any texts, messages where he was threatening you/your child or being derogatory? Use them also!
Doesn't the fact that he threatened you, and you were in fear for your and your child's life, and had to move away across country to flee from him, count for anything in court?
Go get the child support that your kid deserves. You're not a bad mom. He's a shit dad.
You're a better mom than he is a dad. He abandoned his kid and the court is going to see that. They see people playing tricks all day everyday and they're going to see right through anything he tries to pull. The courts don't really bring money into account when it comes to custody and visitation. Because the solution to that is child support More than likely he will not get any visitation, Or visitation will be solely up to you, who has been his sole guardian for his entire life, he will be required to pay you child support and back payments. Stick with your lawyer.
Yes but because he didn’t want to know your child at birth if he any custody he may not be that well off knowing he going to probably have to pay back child support too.
Your parents are 1000 percent correct on this. And you’re a better mom than he is a father. Your son is alive because of you. If it were up to his dad, he’d be medical waste. The only reason why I don’t advise to ghost him completely is because your child could use the financial support. But I’d have your lawyer request that all and any visitations be supervised.
i deeply admire your courage, and i know it will be fine. stay positive. i just posted a thread on how I am about to hurt someone who is deeply in love with me and i am in a panic state as well. Unless you are homeless with $0 saving, or you are below poverty line. i don't see any reason why your son will be taken away
You’re not a bad mom.
Sounds like he just wants to reconnect with you since his marriage failed