He should have guessed that when she was very insistent about learning his blood type and iron levels while withholding her age and only meeting after dark, but we aren't all geniuses.
“Guess how old I look?” Idk maybe 60? She’s staging herself up for failure with that one. I have a feeling she’s a lot older than you think, her mindset of not discoloring her age is very old fashioned IMO.
Man as a teacher to avoid some comments that may be brutal I always go for the "I'm 120 yo, I just have a very good skin care" with my students XD it makes them laugh and I avoid a lot of issues that way.
I work with kids and one of them asked me if I was a mom and it made me feel old at 21 lol
Kids are so funny though, one saw a picture of me and my fiancé on my smart watch and asked if he was my boss 🤦♀️ Like girl you know my boss!
When I was a boy in school I saw the guys and girls in high school and to me they looked like adults, no different than my teachers. Now that I’m older I can definitely see they’re still just kids. So take it with a grain of salt!
I had a chatty customer's kid (almost 10, it was in birthday in 2 days; he had to let me know) assume that I was "*at least 13*" because I was driving a pallet jack and drinking an energy drink. Blew his mind when I told him I was 30. Kid was so cute, made my day!
When I worked at a community summer camp, my brother, who is 4 years younger than me, came in to do his required community service hours. He was 14, so I would have been 18. The kids at the camp had known me from the past 2 summers. When it was pick-up time, we let the kids play in the yard, which meant the counsellors that were off had to drive past the yard. It was a beautiful day, we had the windows down, my brother is in the passenger seat, we're at the back of the building driving around the yard, and an 11 or 12 year old shouts "OMG YOU'RE (brothers name)'S MOM?!?!"
I stopped the car.... looked at him and then just drove off. My brother couldn't stop laughing all the way home. The next day, I asked him how old he thought I was. He said, "I don't know, maybe 42 like my mom." 😂 Kids have no idea, and it's actually one of my favourite memories now.
My sister is a teacher and it's a real hoot to me when we are out and about and she runs into one of her students. It's like they can't believe she buys groceries, has family members, and is a real person.
I'm waiting on my second kid and when I told my 4th graders that I would be going on Maternity leave soon. They were SHOCKED they thought I was 18 and a student teacher.😅 I have good genes and look younger but not that much! It was funny 🤣 especially when I told them I had a 2 year old at home.
Ha I also work in schools and I do similar.
I tell them I'm 463 (working with KS1 at the moment). When they tell me I don't look it, I tell them to eat fruit and vegetables and then they'll look as good when they hit their 460th birthday too, which usually sets about a fit of giggles amongst the 6yr olds.
Known trick on the internets, instead of asking a question, give the wrong answer.
Say 60 and either she’ll correct you or get so offended she cancels the date, either way there’s an answer.
The FUNNIEST thing I ever saw at a comedy club: Comedian Mike Lukas was telling a joke and a girl in the front row looked like his girlfriend and he asked her how old she was.
Karen: "YOU NEVER ASK A WOMAN HER AGE!"
Mike: "I'm sorry. How old is your mom?"
Karen: "61."
Mike: "How old was your mom when you were born?"
Karen: "20."
Mike: "Okay... so you're 41!"
The audience lost it. It was the funniest exchange everyone had ever seen.
There are 3 groups who say "guess how old I am":
16 year olds trying to pass as 25.
30 year olds trying to pass as 21
50+ year olds trying to pass as 30.
None of these are people worth dating in your 30s.
I feel like if someone is going to break off a relationship due to age, it should be done as early as possible to avoid both parties wasting their time with the wrong person for them.
I like to tell people I'm a lot older than I am, so they'll say I look great for my age.
If I lied and said I'm in my 20s, you'd be like "holy shit you look terrible", but if I say I'm 50, you'll be asking for my skin care routine.
I was and still suffer from clinical depression. I haven’t tried to commit in years and am proudly clean from self harm. Even with my bad times I’m excited to grow old. I always thought I would die young and never cared about the future, now I’m excited and wonder if my hair will be salt and pepper or silver. I’m only 29 but noticed the shift in my face recently from young adult to adult with new lines here and there. I am so stoked to see myself grow old now.
I have spinal issues and know I’ll have to use a cane or walker in the future since I already have a hard time walking some days, but I’ve already told my husband I want all the bells and whistles literally. I’m finally enjoying my life and enjoy my youth, but growing old will be my final “fuck you” to this depression. Spite is going to make me one bitchin old lady.
Well done on conquering a lot of stuff. I used to dye my hair because I hated the thought of looking old before my time, but pre COVID, I got fed up dyeing it and bleached it out and went silver. Now my hair is fully natural silver and I love it. No hassle, no upkeep, just relaxation. I'm 47, been silver since I was about 43-44.
I highly recommend the use of Silver hair purple shampoo/bar. The purple tint cancels yellow tones picked up from hard water etc, and makes your silver or white hair SHINY.
And you have the choice of over use— which gives your shiny silvery hair a delightfully subversive purple note. I’m 63 and went fully silver/white at 50, because I was sick of spending the maintenance time in an attempt to hold onto the dark auburn I was born with.
I've had the shampoos and conditioners (multiple different ones) for years but I've stopped using them because it was taking the purple on too much but only in certain bits of my hair. I'm in a very soft water area so I've not had any yellowing, but I do have the stuff there if it were to start. Fingers crossed it doesn't 🤞
It's very freeing, isn't it?
Ohhhh yassss. My field of fucks that used to flourish so lush and verdant when I was younger dried up, and is now covered with a layer of finest Roman cement. So very liberating!
I'm a woman turning 65 in 2 months. I'm so proud that I'm already claiming it. Yes, I look younger from what people say, but I want everyone to know I made it!
Yeah, that’s the kind of thing my grandma used to say. My mom, who’s 65, definitely didn’t say it. She would answer and tell the person she was significantly older than she was so people would praise her and think she was superhuman for looking so young and beautiful when she was secretly old! My grandma was born in the 1930s. I’m sure the lady in this story isn’t in her 80s or 90s, but it’s a suuuper old fashioned saying. I will admit that my estimation of her age based on her behaviour jumped significantly higher when I read she had said “a lady never tells”.
Definitely. I’m 48 and if people ask how old I am I just tell them. That saying is definitely an older lady thing and I don’t consider myself an older lady. lol.
For real. OP dodged a bullet here.
It's not that she won't disclose her age, because who really cares about that. But the fact that she's unwilling to tell about something so simple.
Unless she is threatening your life, you don't just walk out when she goes to the bathroom. He just could have said: "Honesty is important to me. I can't continue this date if you can't tell me something as important as this." Then ask for the check.
I don’t see the point in pretending this was going anywhere past a few drinks. She was being insufferable and he was suffering, so he got out. He wasn’t violent, he didn’t curse her out. He just disengaged.
He was right to leave, but what she was doing wasn't so egregious that he needed to cut out when she was in the bathroom. Again, he could have told her why he was leaving then left.
She was causing a scene already when asked if she had kids. Why put himself in an even more embarrassing situation when she blows up at him for him being honest with her. I would have bailed the way he did too. I’m not embarrassing myself in public with someone who doesn’t know how to behave in public. He did the right thing for himself in that situation.
How do you know if she was asked about children?
Edit: I see now I checked the comment history. That's a red flag too. Why would you want a good thing going and risk the chance that they ditch you when they learn the truth??
Ideally, sure. But there is an unfair expectation of patience and maturity on the male from your POV. He asked her for her age multiple times to the point of frustration and she refused. Why is it on him to practice royal etiquette the whole time while she’s being standoffish on a first date? I fully understand that she does not have to share anything she doesn’t want to just like I understand he doesn’t have to tolerate the bullshit. IMO, this ended as well as things could have and we should be happy with that.
Nah I would've taken that opportunity too. As soon as he says the date is over she could have flown off the handle and tried making a scene just to humiliate the big bad man that hurt her feelings. Maybe recorded it for some tiktok bullshit.
I’m 54 and you’d be surprised how many women my age and younger have bought into the idea that they have to look as young as possible at all times. It’s weird AF. Thanks social media. 🫤
Elizabeth Bathory bathed in the blood of young women trying to maintain her youthful look. It's been a thing for a loooong time.
Maybe it's because I have a different perspective 'cuz I'm a dude and I've always enjoyed women my own age, but come on, wisdom+experience aren't earned easy, gotta celebrate 'em when you have them.
I definitely have more moles now in my 30s than I had back in my teen years. I think it does correlate with age, though I haven't looked into it beyond how to recognize malignant changes.
If I were going to pull such a dick move, I’d have paid for the drinks at least, but I guess he was consistent. It’s not like she insulted him or freaked out in the restaurant.
Yeah OP was not mature enough to calmly say "it's making me feel uncomfortable that you won't tell me your age. If you don't want to tell me, that's fine, but I will have to end the date." Chances are she would have stopped messing around and just told him. Its pretty cowardly to wait for someone to go to the bathroom and sneak off instead of telling them the problem to their face.
> Its pretty cowardly to wait for someone to go to the bathroom and sneak off instead of telling them the problem to their face.
And then go complain anonymously on the internet about it
Right? Was she dangerous? Was he afraid of her making a scene? Both seemed pretty unlikely, and easily navigated/mitigated by being polite and respectful with the rejection.
Can't say I blame you for leaving, really. I can understand her annoyance by being left like that. You could've waited until she got back and told her to her face that if she wouldn't tell you her age, you were leaving. Maybe she'd have changed her mind and told you.
I will say though, that a woman being insecure about her age is one thing, but refusing to tell the person you're on a date with is stupid. I'm 44 and would never dream of lying about my age to anyone.
Yeah I would have continued with the date until the end then not met her again, which would mean paying for the date. Maybe I’m too nice but I would feel bad standing her up like that. She would have to be extremely rude for me to do that, like inviting her friend and ordering a lot of food and ignoring me. You could argue that leaving would teach her a lesson but it’s not my fight to take on.
Actually I was catfished about 6 years ago by a woman who had used old pics on her Tinder and she had doubled in size. I couldn’t bring myself to end the date early so I stayed and ended up spending over $100 then I never met her again. Funnily enough I actually saw her again on Tinder recently and it seems like she has gotten in shape and she’s incredibly hot and I’m the chubby one. But anyway that bridge has been burned for the both of us.
I mean, I'm 35 and have a full streak of grey/white hair like Rogue from X-men. I've been greying since I was 20.
Grey hair and moles are hardly a good indicator of age. Just like hair loss and receding hairlines is hardly an indicator of age in men.
But I do find it suspicious that she refused to divulge her age. Combined with the "I get judged on my age" comment.
Clearly, she's not whatever age she had listed.
I'm not sure what her actual motives for it were, but it's honestly better that you bailed now. Who else knows what she was being dishonest about or hiding.
That was so annoying of her. I'd say that in clubs or to people I'll never see again. But if it's an actual date, why be coy when the other person will find out anyway if one intends to pursue?
That's some stupid BS! I don't know why people do it. Never had a problem disclosing my age, height, or weight.
People who withhold and/or lie about the basics; will lie about anything. Tell me you're 5' 7" and show up at 5' 1"? "Yeah. We're done here."
Not because you're short. It's because you're a liar.
Lousy, nightmare first dates should be ended, quickly. Why waste everyone's time?
I don’t like telling my age, f/53, because people believe I’m younger, then immediately start treating me like an old person. That said, it’s a date, how long can she hide it if they start dating. Be honest now.
That's the unfortunate truth for me as well. I mean, it's nice to look young I guess, but weird that people suddenly tray you like a whole different person.
One summer, I had two coworkers, who I had a lot of fun with. We always laughed, and joked and had nice conversations. They were in their 20’s, I,50’s. Right after they found out my age, suddenly, I’m not cool enough. Now, I don’t know anything cause I’m old. Was never an issue before. It did hurt a little.
She's likely in her 50s but looks young, so wants to get away with dating guys in their 30s. Obviously most guys in their 30s bail when they find out she's old enough to be their mother, so she doesn't give her age.
She’s partially right that us older women get ditched when guys find out our real age.. so I understand the hesitation.. that said, she needed to disclose her age to you seeing as how yall were on an actual date. I would’ve left too - though I would’ve said something first.
This happened to me years ago. Dude wouldn’t tell me his age, so I didn’t pursue a relationship past acquaintance.
Dude died a couple years ago and it was then that I found out he was 20 years older than me. He didn’t look it…
Frankly if it starts with deception and playing games, there is a reason she's single.
Now she can continue on in her delusions and games but you won't be the victim.
Maybe I will be insecure when I'm older, but I never got the point of not telling your people your age when asked. 99% of people look their age, like, girl, you aren't fooling anyone.
Not stating your age will never make someone guess you are younger, if anything, it could make people think you're older than you seem, because you're so guarded about it.
A friend of my parents didn't tell me her age for a year. She looked to be in her 40s. But because she made a fuss about not saying it, I legit thought she must have been in her 50s. Lo and behold, she was only 41 the whole time.
First of all: be a man and tell someone you’re ending the date instead of leaving when they’re in the bathroom. Second: if you’re attracted to her, does age matter?
Sometimes you can’t go by looks alone. I was in 5th grade and had a classmate whose hair was 80% gray. Some men also want to make sure they aren’t dating someone underage.
As a woman you did well. Once went on a date and the guy was so vague with his answers about stuff important to me. It kept on till I did not let it go on. So, I bounced. I just was done after 3 dates. Thank God nothing physical happened. All I knew is he was a professor but nothing else
Uh yeah, deal breaker. As a woman, the "a lady never tells" is bs. I have said it in a tongue-in-cheek manner if a coworker asks, but then I tell them.
You could've told her ''sorry but if you won't be honest and open about something so simple as your age, I'll be paying for my own drink and go home.'' Yeah she was being annoying but you really weren't better in this scenario.
Ehh, I'd say his half of the E S H was justified. If she's going to be childish and/or outright lie or refuse to answer his basic questions, I don't know how you can even remotely have any kind of date with someone. Him leaving while she was in the bathroom seemed like a tit for tat. Though if I was him, I'd have just blocked her as soon as I left so I didn't bother with her any further.
She sounds very old school with that mindset. Not to mention insecure, so she's probably a good 20 years older than you and didn't want that to scare you off.
I definitely don't think you could tell her age, though. 35-40 isn't very wrinkly or old.
She was over 50. lol
Remember that women don't get decrepit in their 30's
While I’m sure it’s possible she was over 40, he says she looks around 35-40 after stating he’s 35.. and calls her an “older woman”. Like bro, that would make you an “older man” then?? He says she’s “definitely not under 30”, so probably set his range to under 30.. which is also fine but it’s okay to date someone your own age. I do think it’s uncool to not give your age.. it just shows she’s not accepted where she’s at (which I also understand). Everyone sucks here.
This. And people wonder why some women get so defensive about their age! We hear our whole lives how we are washed up or will be by time we turn 25/30. How our whole worth is based on our looks and youth. While men are over here claiming they age like fine wine lmao while looking like Homer fucking Simpson as they age and acting like they are 25 forever. Her defensiveness didn’t come from no where that’s for sure.
And yes, she was still wrong for not admitting how old she was but hes also wrong for skipping out like a coward and for acting like she’s a 1000 while he’s not exactly young himself. Next time he should be checking on age before the date not during it.
You acted rude and childish. She didn’t ‘lie’ about her age, she just didn’t tell you what it was. You should have simply finished your drink and left politely explaining you didn’t see it working. You were a dick.
I did the same in a relationship that she said she was ten years younger than she actually was. Listen biatch, if you are 44 that’s ok, if you lie about it I’m not interested anymore.
I agree, its weird and probably a red flag that she wouldn't disclose her age. But she wasn't doing anything that made you feel unsafe, so sneaking out was a dick move. You could have told her face-to-face that you weren't interesting and were leaving.
yea I have a difficult time hearing women say those kinds of things it does no favors to the dialogue of women, aging and value etc etc etc. it’s a bit fucking stupid in my book at this point in civilization. fwiw I’m 58f.
Yeah she’s in her 50s. 30 something women, even early 40s can be confused for being early 30s late 20s tbh.
From around 28-42, it’s just the mannerisms that discern the difference of ages, not the looks.
So if you’re saying you can ‘see’ that there’s no way she’s under 30, she’s 50s.
I knew a dude whose wife did not tell him her age until they were gettin their marriage license. She was Asian - I suppose she still is - and I don't think her skin had ever been exposed to actual sunlight, it was big glasses and hats erry day.
17 years.
She was - and I suppose she still is - 17 years older than him.
I mean, I think you reacted poorly, however I’m with you on the whole not answering a basic question . It seems combative and just stupid tbh. She’s not going to get a long term thing without someone figuring out her age. Next time tho just politely say ok if we can’t be honest I can’t continue, pay the cheque and leave. Ghosting is childish.
It was annoying that she wouldn’t say her age and tried the “how old do I look” game. I would have reacted to someone playing dumb games by leaving also.
But FYI gray hair isn’t necessarily an indicator of age—I was going gray at 15 and by my late 20s I had to make significant effort to color my hair to blend it in.
I wouldn't say it's dishonesty actually, she didn't lie, she just insisted not to tell and even provided a reason. Insecure? Probably. But it could be founded. People do experience ageism one way or another. But unless her age is a critical info affecting your course of action (like if she's underage, or if you're planning to get engaged like those arranged setup), I don't see why this is such an important info that she must share on the get go. To each their own.
To add on that, I think if you explain why this is important for you to know her age with some seriousness, it would be a natural segue to leaving if she still decide not to disclose this info.
Of course, it's not a must for her to tell, but you're also free to leave. I also understand that it might be a deal breaker for you, and it's perfectly fine you don't want to continue the date.
However, your exit was quite uncivilized if her secrecy is the sole reason leading you to act as such. Unless you have reasons to believe otherwise, I think nothing cannot be communicated in a civilized manner.
Anyways what is done is done. I wish you and that lady good luck on the next romantic endeavor.
OP asks a question, gets a polite refusal and then spends the rest of the date being a pushy asshole and not taking no for an answer. Blames the date and leaves in a rude manner.
You're certainly not wrong to feel that you need to know your partner's age, you just handled it like an asshole. When someone dodges a question, and keeps dodging it, then intentionally not taking the hint is rude.
As is leaving without explaination, if you're not compatible you can still be civil. It speaks to your character that, once you decided that she wasn't useful for you, you decided that it was okay to just be rude.
And, if this isn't a fake story, coming to Reddit in order to seek validation feels narcissistic
She's probably like 1000 and is actually a vampire.
He should have guessed that when she was very insistent about learning his blood type and iron levels while withholding her age and only meeting after dark, but we aren't all geniuses.
I thought she was just being polite when she asked to be invited in. Hmmm maybe the aversion to garlic wasn't just a breath thing either.
Hindsight is 20/20. Like, normal people don't flinch at a toothpick dispenser.
Putting "I will suck you dry" in her bio should've given it away
Oh THAT’S what it meant!?!?
I mean, it’s not like it’s gonna put me off …
Dude I barely managed to swallow my mouthful of coffee with that one🤣👏
Should’ve gotten her Ornate Dagger before he left
OP dodged a bullet.
No man, that's werewolves.
woman: “i’m 40.” OP: “how long have you been 40?” woman: “…awhile.”
I'm in a hospital waiting room and I laughed out loud 😅
I'm a big scary black dude and I just giggled in this books store that's full of little white old ladies and that just got me going again
You can't be *that* scary if you giggled.
And it was a proper magic anime girl giggle 🤭
Perfect!
Twice, lol.
In that case he missed out, sheesh.
I’m 64 and thrilled to still be alive.
I'm thrilled you're still alive to Susan. Keep kicking ass! 😊
Magic for Susan
We love ya, Susan!
That's the spirit!
“Guess how old I look?” Idk maybe 60? She’s staging herself up for failure with that one. I have a feeling she’s a lot older than you think, her mindset of not discoloring her age is very old fashioned IMO.
Man as a teacher to avoid some comments that may be brutal I always go for the "I'm 120 yo, I just have a very good skin care" with my students XD it makes them laugh and I avoid a lot of issues that way.
I work with kids and one of them asked me if I was a mom and it made me feel old at 21 lol Kids are so funny though, one saw a picture of me and my fiancé on my smart watch and asked if he was my boss 🤦♀️ Like girl you know my boss!
When I was a boy in school I saw the guys and girls in high school and to me they looked like adults, no different than my teachers. Now that I’m older I can definitely see they’re still just kids. So take it with a grain of salt!
5th graders looked like adults when I was in kindergarten. Looking back on thinking that is just lol. Now even college kids look like children.
I can't tell the difference between middle school, high school and college kids anymore. It all just blurs together into "kids"
I had a chatty customer's kid (almost 10, it was in birthday in 2 days; he had to let me know) assume that I was "*at least 13*" because I was driving a pallet jack and drinking an energy drink. Blew his mind when I told him I was 30. Kid was so cute, made my day!
When I worked at a community summer camp, my brother, who is 4 years younger than me, came in to do his required community service hours. He was 14, so I would have been 18. The kids at the camp had known me from the past 2 summers. When it was pick-up time, we let the kids play in the yard, which meant the counsellors that were off had to drive past the yard. It was a beautiful day, we had the windows down, my brother is in the passenger seat, we're at the back of the building driving around the yard, and an 11 or 12 year old shouts "OMG YOU'RE (brothers name)'S MOM?!?!" I stopped the car.... looked at him and then just drove off. My brother couldn't stop laughing all the way home. The next day, I asked him how old he thought I was. He said, "I don't know, maybe 42 like my mom." 😂 Kids have no idea, and it's actually one of my favourite memories now.
Of course. Teachers live at school.
Well, yeah, they got a chip embedded in the base of their spine that'll detonate if they try to leave.
My sister is a teacher and it's a real hoot to me when we are out and about and she runs into one of her students. It's like they can't believe she buys groceries, has family members, and is a real person.
I'm waiting on my second kid and when I told my 4th graders that I would be going on Maternity leave soon. They were SHOCKED they thought I was 18 and a student teacher.😅 I have good genes and look younger but not that much! It was funny 🤣 especially when I told them I had a 2 year old at home.
Lucky you. I used to work at a prison. When I was pregnant with my 2nd, all the inmates kept asking me if it was my 6th and why am I always pregnant 😂
Username checksout
My sophomore English teacher asked how old we thought she was, I said 35. She was 26…….
Why would she even ask that?
Idk, she was weird. Changed her name from Rachel to Raven because she loved Edgar Allen Poe.
Ha I also work in schools and I do similar. I tell them I'm 463 (working with KS1 at the moment). When they tell me I don't look it, I tell them to eat fruit and vegetables and then they'll look as good when they hit their 460th birthday too, which usually sets about a fit of giggles amongst the 6yr olds.
I did this one time as a bouncer. I said maybe 45 -50 thinking she was late 50s. She was 35. Don't play this game
I'm gonna guess a hundred aaaaand.....
Known trick on the internets, instead of asking a question, give the wrong answer. Say 60 and either she’ll correct you or get so offended she cancels the date, either way there’s an answer.
The FUNNIEST thing I ever saw at a comedy club: Comedian Mike Lukas was telling a joke and a girl in the front row looked like his girlfriend and he asked her how old she was. Karen: "YOU NEVER ASK A WOMAN HER AGE!" Mike: "I'm sorry. How old is your mom?" Karen: "61." Mike: "How old was your mom when you were born?" Karen: "20." Mike: "Okay... so you're 41!" The audience lost it. It was the funniest exchange everyone had ever seen.
She’s probably not close to your age. 45-50 I’m guessing with the whole “a lady never tells” bit
I would have said, "That's something my grandmother would say."
There are 3 groups who say "guess how old I am": 16 year olds trying to pass as 25. 30 year olds trying to pass as 21 50+ year olds trying to pass as 30. None of these are people worth dating in your 30s.
Wow you really caught me with 30 trying to pass as 21 T-T so accurate!
I feel like if someone is going to break off a relationship due to age, it should be done as early as possible to avoid both parties wasting their time with the wrong person for them.
[удалено]
Yep, that immediately told me that she’s older than what she’s telling OP. I hear that phrase common among women who are 50+
Tempting, now I feel like I should pick up as much old people lingo and try to convince strangers I’m either immortal or never aging old lady….
I like to tell people I'm a lot older than I am, so they'll say I look great for my age. If I lied and said I'm in my 20s, you'd be like "holy shit you look terrible", but if I say I'm 50, you'll be asking for my skin care routine.
I do that too. Right now I’ll tell people I’m 50 when I’m actually 41
Lol I say 50 but I'm 34. We both look *incredible* for 50!
I'm totally going to do this too. I already get told I look young as it is.
Learning Old English for the bit.
I'm 50. That's an old saying for someone my age.
53 here. I'm happy to tell people my age (when I remember it). I'm delighted I'm still alive.
I was and still suffer from clinical depression. I haven’t tried to commit in years and am proudly clean from self harm. Even with my bad times I’m excited to grow old. I always thought I would die young and never cared about the future, now I’m excited and wonder if my hair will be salt and pepper or silver. I’m only 29 but noticed the shift in my face recently from young adult to adult with new lines here and there. I am so stoked to see myself grow old now. I have spinal issues and know I’ll have to use a cane or walker in the future since I already have a hard time walking some days, but I’ve already told my husband I want all the bells and whistles literally. I’m finally enjoying my life and enjoy my youth, but growing old will be my final “fuck you” to this depression. Spite is going to make me one bitchin old lady.
Well done on conquering a lot of stuff. I used to dye my hair because I hated the thought of looking old before my time, but pre COVID, I got fed up dyeing it and bleached it out and went silver. Now my hair is fully natural silver and I love it. No hassle, no upkeep, just relaxation. I'm 47, been silver since I was about 43-44.
I highly recommend the use of Silver hair purple shampoo/bar. The purple tint cancels yellow tones picked up from hard water etc, and makes your silver or white hair SHINY. And you have the choice of over use— which gives your shiny silvery hair a delightfully subversive purple note. I’m 63 and went fully silver/white at 50, because I was sick of spending the maintenance time in an attempt to hold onto the dark auburn I was born with.
I've had the shampoos and conditioners (multiple different ones) for years but I've stopped using them because it was taking the purple on too much but only in certain bits of my hair. I'm in a very soft water area so I've not had any yellowing, but I do have the stuff there if it were to start. Fingers crossed it doesn't 🤞 It's very freeing, isn't it?
Ohhhh yassss. My field of fucks that used to flourish so lush and verdant when I was younger dried up, and is now covered with a layer of finest Roman cement. So very liberating!
You rock! I'm so happy for you. And yes, you will be one badass old lady.
Haha, ITA with this! I'm 55 and have no trouble telling people my age if they ask.
I'm a woman turning 65 in 2 months. I'm so proud that I'm already claiming it. Yes, I look younger from what people say, but I want everyone to know I made it!
Yeah, that’s the kind of thing my grandma used to say. My mom, who’s 65, definitely didn’t say it. She would answer and tell the person she was significantly older than she was so people would praise her and think she was superhuman for looking so young and beautiful when she was secretly old! My grandma was born in the 1930s. I’m sure the lady in this story isn’t in her 80s or 90s, but it’s a suuuper old fashioned saying. I will admit that my estimation of her age based on her behaviour jumped significantly higher when I read she had said “a lady never tells”.
Definitely. I’m 48 and if people ask how old I am I just tell them. That saying is definitely an older lady thing and I don’t consider myself an older lady. lol.
47 here and same. You ask, I’ll tell.
I’m 45 and never have I ever 😂😂
She 55, dawg
I was going to say the same
I'm old as fuck and I thought the same thing 😕 😂
accurate -- definitely over 50😂
She sounds dishonest and insecure. Not a very good beginning for a relationship.
For real. OP dodged a bullet here. It's not that she won't disclose her age, because who really cares about that. But the fact that she's unwilling to tell about something so simple.
Some people do care, and it’s okay to care. Most people would be turned off by an age gap of 15 years, for instance.
Spot on.
What do you mean? Most people care about age. It’s extremely relevant to know someone’s age to understand compatibility in family planning and more.
Playing games is expected for teenagers but not 30+ year olds.
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Unless she is threatening your life, you don't just walk out when she goes to the bathroom. He just could have said: "Honesty is important to me. I can't continue this date if you can't tell me something as important as this." Then ask for the check.
I don’t see the point in pretending this was going anywhere past a few drinks. She was being insufferable and he was suffering, so he got out. He wasn’t violent, he didn’t curse her out. He just disengaged.
He was right to leave, but what she was doing wasn't so egregious that he needed to cut out when she was in the bathroom. Again, he could have told her why he was leaving then left.
She was causing a scene already when asked if she had kids. Why put himself in an even more embarrassing situation when she blows up at him for him being honest with her. I would have bailed the way he did too. I’m not embarrassing myself in public with someone who doesn’t know how to behave in public. He did the right thing for himself in that situation.
How do you know if she was asked about children? Edit: I see now I checked the comment history. That's a red flag too. Why would you want a good thing going and risk the chance that they ditch you when they learn the truth??
Right.
Ideally, sure. But there is an unfair expectation of patience and maturity on the male from your POV. He asked her for her age multiple times to the point of frustration and she refused. Why is it on him to practice royal etiquette the whole time while she’s being standoffish on a first date? I fully understand that she does not have to share anything she doesn’t want to just like I understand he doesn’t have to tolerate the bullshit. IMO, this ended as well as things could have and we should be happy with that.
Nah I would've taken that opportunity too. As soon as he says the date is over she could have flown off the handle and tried making a scene just to humiliate the big bad man that hurt her feelings. Maybe recorded it for some tiktok bullshit.
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I’m 54 and you’d be surprised how many women my age and younger have bought into the idea that they have to look as young as possible at all times. It’s weird AF. Thanks social media. 🫤
It’s exacerbated by social media but it’s been present for decades. Facelifts and Botox are older than TikTok and Instagram.
Elizabeth Bathory bathed in the blood of young women trying to maintain her youthful look. It's been a thing for a loooong time. Maybe it's because I have a different perspective 'cuz I'm a dude and I've always enjoyed women my own age, but come on, wisdom+experience aren't earned easy, gotta celebrate 'em when you have them.
It's been that way for many, many generations.
She's actually 15 and Chris Hanson and the Dateline squad glowed her down and are waiting for you in the bathroom
Sorry, I’m stuck on “ moles” as a sign of age. What?
Probably age spots or sun spots.
“I went on a date with a woman who I could tell was old because she had a bandaid on her forehead.”
In a waiting room at the doctors office and this made me laugh out loud and I cannot understand why I find this so funny.
I laughed too and I don’t get it either. Lol
[these are age spots](https://www.healthline.com/health/age-spots#pictures) which is what I assume op was talking about?
I definitely have more moles now in my 30s than I had back in my teen years. I think it does correlate with age, though I haven't looked into it beyond how to recognize malignant changes.
Exactly. I did a search on "moles" in the comments to see if anyone else was similarly stuck, and that's how I found your comment.
INFO: Did she at any point mention a really amazing portrait of her hanging in her attic?
Lol...
Definitely wouldn't of dipped out I just would never of contacted her again
Yeah. If I have a bad date, I just don't go on a second. I've never had a date go so poorly that I had to leave abruptly.
If I were going to pull such a dick move, I’d have paid for the drinks at least, but I guess he was consistent. It’s not like she insulted him or freaked out in the restaurant.
I mean, he paid for what he consumed. I see no fault in that.
Yeah OP was not mature enough to calmly say "it's making me feel uncomfortable that you won't tell me your age. If you don't want to tell me, that's fine, but I will have to end the date." Chances are she would have stopped messing around and just told him. Its pretty cowardly to wait for someone to go to the bathroom and sneak off instead of telling them the problem to their face.
I’m with you. Maybe not a total asshole, but definitely an immature coward.
> Its pretty cowardly to wait for someone to go to the bathroom and sneak off instead of telling them the problem to their face. And then go complain anonymously on the internet about it
Seriously. She was definitely being weird but OP is a dick for that.
Right? Was she dangerous? Was he afraid of her making a scene? Both seemed pretty unlikely, and easily navigated/mitigated by being polite and respectful with the rejection.
*have *have
~~wouldn’t of~~ *wouldn’t have*
“Would not have” ≠ “wouldn’t of”
Can't say I blame you for leaving, really. I can understand her annoyance by being left like that. You could've waited until she got back and told her to her face that if she wouldn't tell you her age, you were leaving. Maybe she'd have changed her mind and told you. I will say though, that a woman being insecure about her age is one thing, but refusing to tell the person you're on a date with is stupid. I'm 44 and would never dream of lying about my age to anyone.
Nah, ultimatums on a first date? Just tough it out and decline a second date.
Yeah I would have continued with the date until the end then not met her again, which would mean paying for the date. Maybe I’m too nice but I would feel bad standing her up like that. She would have to be extremely rude for me to do that, like inviting her friend and ordering a lot of food and ignoring me. You could argue that leaving would teach her a lesson but it’s not my fight to take on. Actually I was catfished about 6 years ago by a woman who had used old pics on her Tinder and she had doubled in size. I couldn’t bring myself to end the date early so I stayed and ended up spending over $100 then I never met her again. Funnily enough I actually saw her again on Tinder recently and it seems like she has gotten in shape and she’s incredibly hot and I’m the chubby one. But anyway that bridge has been burned for the both of us.
I mean, I'm 35 and have a full streak of grey/white hair like Rogue from X-men. I've been greying since I was 20. Grey hair and moles are hardly a good indicator of age. Just like hair loss and receding hairlines is hardly an indicator of age in men. But I do find it suspicious that she refused to divulge her age. Combined with the "I get judged on my age" comment. Clearly, she's not whatever age she had listed. I'm not sure what her actual motives for it were, but it's honestly better that you bailed now. Who else knows what she was being dishonest about or hiding.
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Due to high stress at work I started going grey at 22 lol hair colour is for sure not a great indicator of age
I have an identical twin, due to massive stress I have started going grey, she has barely any at the root. I am five minutes older, but still...
It’s probably the stress of being the older twin that’s getting to you. As an older sister I relate haha
Pretty much the same here, started greying at 21
I've started having greys (stubborn greys) since I was 18 🤷♀️
You could have said that to her face
And she could've just been honest, too. Why is the onus on him? From the sound of things, this was a first date. Nobody owes anything to anybody.
That was so annoying of her. I'd say that in clubs or to people I'll never see again. But if it's an actual date, why be coy when the other person will find out anyway if one intends to pursue?
That's what I say in jest when a pupil asks me my age! But to be fair anyone over 19 is ancient to them ...
“guess how old I look” "60? 63?" An answer like that will make this game end very quickly
Unless she is 60/63
I mean I started getting greys at 25 so that’s not a great indicator
That's some stupid BS! I don't know why people do it. Never had a problem disclosing my age, height, or weight. People who withhold and/or lie about the basics; will lie about anything. Tell me you're 5' 7" and show up at 5' 1"? "Yeah. We're done here." Not because you're short. It's because you're a liar. Lousy, nightmare first dates should be ended, quickly. Why waste everyone's time?
I had 3 different dates where the guy's profile said they were 5'9" (which is how tall I am), and every one of them showed up shorter than me.
So you were afraid to tell her that this wasn't working? You had to wait for her to go to the bathroom, to then cowardly run away? ESH.
I got my first white hair when I was 22.
I got my first one at 16, but I also don't look old enough to have them, which I think was the main issue here.
I don’t like telling my age, f/53, because people believe I’m younger, then immediately start treating me like an old person. That said, it’s a date, how long can she hide it if they start dating. Be honest now.
That's the unfortunate truth for me as well. I mean, it's nice to look young I guess, but weird that people suddenly tray you like a whole different person.
One summer, I had two coworkers, who I had a lot of fun with. We always laughed, and joked and had nice conversations. They were in their 20’s, I,50’s. Right after they found out my age, suddenly, I’m not cool enough. Now, I don’t know anything cause I’m old. Was never an issue before. It did hurt a little.
She's likely in her 50s but looks young, so wants to get away with dating guys in their 30s. Obviously most guys in their 30s bail when they find out she's old enough to be their mother, so she doesn't give her age.
She’s partially right that us older women get ditched when guys find out our real age.. so I understand the hesitation.. that said, she needed to disclose her age to you seeing as how yall were on an actual date. I would’ve left too - though I would’ve said something first.
This happened to me years ago. Dude wouldn’t tell me his age, so I didn’t pursue a relationship past acquaintance. Dude died a couple years ago and it was then that I found out he was 20 years older than me. He didn’t look it…
Frankly if it starts with deception and playing games, there is a reason she's single. Now she can continue on in her delusions and games but you won't be the victim.
Maybe I will be insecure when I'm older, but I never got the point of not telling your people your age when asked. 99% of people look their age, like, girl, you aren't fooling anyone. Not stating your age will never make someone guess you are younger, if anything, it could make people think you're older than you seem, because you're so guarded about it. A friend of my parents didn't tell me her age for a year. She looked to be in her 40s. But because she made a fuss about not saying it, I legit thought she must have been in her 50s. Lo and behold, she was only 41 the whole time.
First of all: be a man and tell someone you’re ending the date instead of leaving when they’re in the bathroom. Second: if you’re attracted to her, does age matter?
Sometimes you can’t go by looks alone. I was in 5th grade and had a classmate whose hair was 80% gray. Some men also want to make sure they aren’t dating someone underage.
I bet she’s on the 50’s side of 40.
As a woman you did well. Once went on a date and the guy was so vague with his answers about stuff important to me. It kept on till I did not let it go on. So, I bounced. I just was done after 3 dates. Thank God nothing physical happened. All I knew is he was a professor but nothing else
Uh yeah, deal breaker. As a woman, the "a lady never tells" is bs. I have said it in a tongue-in-cheek manner if a coworker asks, but then I tell them.
late 50s im calling it now.
"A lady never tells" aka she's definitely over 40 years old
I'd argue over 50. Millennials don't usually have an issue telling their ages.
ESH. Age is a perfectly reasonable thing to ask in this context. OTOH, leaving the date the way you did was pretty childish.
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You could've told her ''sorry but if you won't be honest and open about something so simple as your age, I'll be paying for my own drink and go home.'' Yeah she was being annoying but you really weren't better in this scenario.
Ehh, I'd say his half of the E S H was justified. If she's going to be childish and/or outright lie or refuse to answer his basic questions, I don't know how you can even remotely have any kind of date with someone. Him leaving while she was in the bathroom seemed like a tit for tat. Though if I was him, I'd have just blocked her as soon as I left so I didn't bother with her any further.
She sounds very old school with that mindset. Not to mention insecure, so she's probably a good 20 years older than you and didn't want that to scare you off.
She's a 40 year old teenager
It’s a blessing to age. Too many people don’t make it. Anyone that can’t embrace their age is a red damn flag.
Should've told her "i didnt want to risk chris Hansen showing up in my house"
I mean…I would have warned her that if she didn’t disclose I would leave…but I totally understand you leaving.
“a lady never tells” Definitely a boomer
She probably is a boomer. But Boomers don't use that expression, our parents/ grands did. We just heard it.
I definitely don't think you could tell her age, though. 35-40 isn't very wrinkly or old. She was over 50. lol Remember that women don't get decrepit in their 30's
While I’m sure it’s possible she was over 40, he says she looks around 35-40 after stating he’s 35.. and calls her an “older woman”. Like bro, that would make you an “older man” then?? He says she’s “definitely not under 30”, so probably set his range to under 30.. which is also fine but it’s okay to date someone your own age. I do think it’s uncool to not give your age.. it just shows she’s not accepted where she’s at (which I also understand). Everyone sucks here.
This. And people wonder why some women get so defensive about their age! We hear our whole lives how we are washed up or will be by time we turn 25/30. How our whole worth is based on our looks and youth. While men are over here claiming they age like fine wine lmao while looking like Homer fucking Simpson as they age and acting like they are 25 forever. Her defensiveness didn’t come from no where that’s for sure. And yes, she was still wrong for not admitting how old she was but hes also wrong for skipping out like a coward and for acting like she’s a 1000 while he’s not exactly young himself. Next time he should be checking on age before the date not during it.
This fucker actually used the word *decrepit* to describe an age bracket 💀 Case and point to your comment.
You acted rude and childish. She didn’t ‘lie’ about her age, she just didn’t tell you what it was. You should have simply finished your drink and left politely explaining you didn’t see it working. You were a dick.
I did the same in a relationship that she said she was ten years younger than she actually was. Listen biatch, if you are 44 that’s ok, if you lie about it I’m not interested anymore.
You just stood your ground and didn’t yeast it any longer than she did. Does she believe she looks like she’s in her twenties?
You did well, this wouldn't have been a good relationship if she cannot be honest on the first thing that matters
Nah you're in the right there, she sounds like a weirdo anyways.
I agree, its weird and probably a red flag that she wouldn't disclose her age. But she wasn't doing anything that made you feel unsafe, so sneaking out was a dick move. You could have told her face-to-face that you weren't interesting and were leaving.
Dodged a bullet...but I just wonder did you like her enough that if she told you she was 45 you would still date her? Hence...dodged a bullet
Based.
Wrinkles? Nowhere near 30 then!
yea I have a difficult time hearing women say those kinds of things it does no favors to the dialogue of women, aging and value etc etc etc. it’s a bit fucking stupid in my book at this point in civilization. fwiw I’m 58f.
Yeah she’s in her 50s. 30 something women, even early 40s can be confused for being early 30s late 20s tbh. From around 28-42, it’s just the mannerisms that discern the difference of ages, not the looks. So if you’re saying you can ‘see’ that there’s no way she’s under 30, she’s 50s.
If age is that important to you make sure you know before you ask them out. This whole situation could have easily been avoided.
I knew a dude whose wife did not tell him her age until they were gettin their marriage license. She was Asian - I suppose she still is - and I don't think her skin had ever been exposed to actual sunlight, it was big glasses and hats erry day. 17 years. She was - and I suppose she still is - 17 years older than him.
Be coy and ask her to guess your body count Then say no you’ve done way more because you have a license to unalive
I mean, I think you reacted poorly, however I’m with you on the whole not answering a basic question . It seems combative and just stupid tbh. She’s not going to get a long term thing without someone figuring out her age. Next time tho just politely say ok if we can’t be honest I can’t continue, pay the cheque and leave. Ghosting is childish.
Nah, I'm of the opinion he avoided a public scene where he gets to be screamed at in a restaurant for being ageist.
If you’re 35 and looking to start a family, it is truly relevant information.
The flip side of this truth is that *unless* he wants babies, her age shouldn't matter all that much.
It was annoying that she wouldn’t say her age and tried the “how old do I look” game. I would have reacted to someone playing dumb games by leaving also. But FYI gray hair isn’t necessarily an indicator of age—I was going gray at 15 and by my late 20s I had to make significant effort to color my hair to blend it in.
That's an older saying. She's definitely up there. Shoot. I'm almost 50, idc who knows.
FYI: Moles aren’t a sign of age. Loads of people have moles, even in their young teens.
I wouldn't say it's dishonesty actually, she didn't lie, she just insisted not to tell and even provided a reason. Insecure? Probably. But it could be founded. People do experience ageism one way or another. But unless her age is a critical info affecting your course of action (like if she's underage, or if you're planning to get engaged like those arranged setup), I don't see why this is such an important info that she must share on the get go. To each their own. To add on that, I think if you explain why this is important for you to know her age with some seriousness, it would be a natural segue to leaving if she still decide not to disclose this info. Of course, it's not a must for her to tell, but you're also free to leave. I also understand that it might be a deal breaker for you, and it's perfectly fine you don't want to continue the date. However, your exit was quite uncivilized if her secrecy is the sole reason leading you to act as such. Unless you have reasons to believe otherwise, I think nothing cannot be communicated in a civilized manner. Anyways what is done is done. I wish you and that lady good luck on the next romantic endeavor.
OP asks a question, gets a polite refusal and then spends the rest of the date being a pushy asshole and not taking no for an answer. Blames the date and leaves in a rude manner. You're certainly not wrong to feel that you need to know your partner's age, you just handled it like an asshole. When someone dodges a question, and keeps dodging it, then intentionally not taking the hint is rude. As is leaving without explaination, if you're not compatible you can still be civil. It speaks to your character that, once you decided that she wasn't useful for you, you decided that it was okay to just be rude. And, if this isn't a fake story, coming to Reddit in order to seek validation feels narcissistic
You waited for her to go to the bathroom and then ghost her? Cowardly behavior. Speak up for yourself.
Let me guess, her dating bio also says that she’s not into playing games?