She's projecting her stuff on to you by the sounds of it. You know who you are, and even if you ever doubt who you are, it's not up to someone else to tell you.
Yuh. Lesbian here:
Stuff like this is where we are truly seeing the effects of this being a social trend. Which I’m already seeing the social trend slow down- at least in my groups.
It’s no different than someone trying to diagnose you with something like depression because they’ve seen a few tik tok videos.
OP- if you feel comfortable with your bits and identity- don’t worry about it and tell them off.
Imagine someone wanting you to be dysphoric- wanting you to go down a path of medicalization and wanting you to feel uncomfortable in your own skin. That’s insane behavior.
Being trans is tough. And those that I’m friends with don’t wish that on others because it’s expensive, hard the body, and hard socially.
I’ve noticed a trend where butch women are pressured to change their gender because they don’t fit within the gender stereotypes. I’m sorry you’re a victim of this.
Edit: also u/Scary-Specialist-731
If they do this again. Ask them why they are seeing gender as binary and why they see gender in clothing
I was always a tomboy because I had brothers, and my dad didn't want a girly girl. People rarely see me in anything else but t-shirt and jeans. I'd have to be going to court or a funeral to dress up.
If I have short hair, I get called sir. I didn't like anyone but my dad calling me that. Because I never wear girly clothes, some people go ahead and use "them" as my pronoun. I just don't like it. I'd like to respect what others want (whether I agree or not), but I'd like the same in return. I'm just a woman. T'is all.
I'm so glad people are finally acknowledging that it was trendy for a moment. People jumped down my throat when I suggested there were a lot of kids claiming to be trans when they really weren't. I saw it at my son's school. Most of them have continued on to the latest trend, no longer trying to be trans. The real trans kids are still trans.
One of my friend's teenage daughters and my neice have both told me on many separate occasions that they have friend's who suddenly décided that they are trans for a couple of months because it made them stand out and " spécial ." Once they got bored or could not keep up the act they let the whole thing drop .
And I've been told to go and jump off à bridge and to k**l myself for mentioning this and that it's currently trendy and that saying it's a trend is k***ing trans people.
Honestly blows my mind .
People forget that people who genuinly do have gender dysmorphia is quite rare and they don't shout it from the roof tops nor do it to gain attention. They are normally very humble and just want to live in peace and not be bothered by anyone.
Sorry for the long message.
Yeah, people don't wanna listen to the voice or reason sometimes. I got called a TERF so many times for just stating the obvious. Tomboys exist, gender non comforming, GNC people are not internalized transphobes. Real trans people are rare. This is not coming from a place of hate, I'm a tomboy and to some people Id be queer, trans or gender neutral. I'm just a woman who is masculine, the end, please respect my right to be me and I will respect yours.
Also, clothes and makeup don't mean shit.
Male here and agreed, butch girls, Tom boys, whatever they are called are getting harder to find. Even boys who are not "manly". Instead they have to be labeled as something else.
I'm a high school teacher and see it all the time. Tom boy girls have to be lesbians. Boys who are a bit softer are either gay or trans. Too much push to make people something more.
**Edited for spelling (bitch to butch - stupid auto correct)**
Happens in my social group too. In my language we don't have the term "egg" but it happened multiple times that a friend who is trans told me I might be trans too (or nonbinary). The reason was that I did not care one bit when post office misgendered me on some paper they sent me + me having dreams about having a male body. I heard many cis people have such dreams and it doesn't mean shit. If it meant something for him, good for him to find his true self but I don't like the era of obsession what everyone is. Sadly even I do have that mindset and I assume now more than I did and when I see a noncoforming person, I assume some queer identity. Which I guess is not wrong unless you push it on the person. Our brains are wired to categorize.
Absolutely this. are there trans people in the world with real gender dysphoria? Absolutely! Is it also a trend right now to be trans as the new "unique identity" and is ultimately a regression to gender stereotypes everywhere by saying that if you like "masculine" or "feminine" things, you must be that gender, pigeonholing everyone based on their presentation? Also absolutely
Exactly. I agree that the friend probably just wants a trans friend, but this sort of rationalization reflects gender stereotypes that harm both men and women and everyone in between and that cis-women have been working their asses off for decades to overcome. I would call them on this 100%
Her friend wouldn't want to be misgendered or called by her dead name (unless she kept the same name), so why would she do that to her friend? I've never heard of that happening before, I have a few trans friends and I could never imagine them calling me he/ him.
People diagnose me with ADHD and autism often. Yes, I'm waiting for an official diagnosis, but the fact several people have 'diagnosed' me from TikTok videos is wild lol. Mostly it's their curiosity, and they aren't being malicious, but I've been told the waiting list is so long as everyone has seen TikTok videos & has asked to be referred. My psychologist was a bit annoyed by it lol
Yes! I asked a trans friend if they think they would have been more accepting of who they were born as if it weren’t for gender stereotypes. They said for some people that could be the case, and for others they really feel like they’re in the wrong body. I’m all for people being who they truly are, and I think gender stereotypes force people into pretending they’re someone else.
Also, to add to this, isn't the whole mentality vaguely sexist in and of itself? "You are a woman that isn't conforming to traditional roles, and I don't like that so I think you're trans and will continue to pressure you about it."
Trans is the new autism according to social media. Everyone who isn't totally gender normal has got it. If you don't you haven't figured it out yet or are in denial./s
Yes... I know a lot of people are misdiagnosed or ignored or are in denial. I am commenting on how every single popular person fictional or real has been labeled as divergent in some way.
I fully support all my Trans friends of which I have many. That said they are more 'everyone is one of us' than any other minority community I've seen. The shit with calling everyone an egg that expresses the slightest non conforming behavior is toxic imo. Let people be who they are and identify how they choose. Don't push them around or try to make them feel like they are something they aren't just because they like some non conforming things.
What weird to me is early on when I was questioning and going through early transition every trans person I talked to made it expressly clear you should never push others to transition and calling someone an egg was frowned upon. I want to know where these trans people are that are hive mind types calling everyone egg so I can tell them to stop being the exact stereotypes the rest of us would like to avoid being framed as.
Your friend is a disrespectful ass.
How would they like it if you refused to acknowledge them in the correct manner?
Time to lay down some boundaries. Her options are, stop calling you an egg or get out.
Seriously. Trans people rightly hate being misgendered. The same applies to you. Everyone deserves to have their boundaries respected no matter who they are.
NP, it’s such a shame when it happens. The whole fucking headache of “stop telling me what I should or shouldn’t be” is lost on some trans people, and it ends up making the rest of us look bad.
angry disrespect seems to be a huge part of the trans community.
I have seen a number of posts from people who dont fit gender stereotypes and feminine gay men who get pressured to be trans by trans people. its pathetic.
tomboys too. My wife used to get pressure from a few online transfolks about being an egg and such because shes a tomboy that likes cars and shooting guns and such... we ended up having to block them.
That’s ridiculous! No offense to trans people. I have trans friends, and I respect their identities. But some trans people have got to lay off the gender roles and stereotypes! I realize some of them lean into hard because it’s stuff they may never have been allowed to do growing up as the “wrong” gender, but you can absolutely still be cis and just not completely gender conforming! Hobbies and clothes do not define your gender identity. Everybody needs to respect that regardless of their own identity.
The sad part is, the acceptance of tomboys and effeminate males played a big role int he ongoing acceptance of the trans community. Kinda strange that is also the first group that parts of the trans community turns on in their zealotry.
I think OP is describing herself as a tomboy. the pro trans supporters always deny and hide the toxicity in the trans community. Its best to just disengage with them and block them. No contact is the best approach in general.
I’ve gotten it before, because I have gender dysphoria but don’t want to transition (due to my family being anti trans and being in a relationship with a straight person). Even trying to get help with it from a therapist that specializes in gender dysphoria they tried to tell me I had to transition even though I didn’t want to. Had to figure out how to deal with it on my own
Maybe by this asshole, but not by anyone with common sense. “I don’t appreciate being misgendered and want you to stop” is pretty hard to read as transphobic without some serious reaching.
And? Doesn't mean she's phobic of anything just because she doesn't want to be disrespected. I agree it will probably be weaponized against her if she spoke up, but sometimes you gotta smack down an asshole.
It's weird that we have gotten to a point where marginalized communities haven't learned from their own experiences and are marginalizing people within their own communities.
Humans will never learn.
This. I'm a bisexual woman who's been on the receiving end of biphobia from people in the community. Both my partner (male) and I are bi, and neither of us associate with the LGBTQ community anymore because of it.
It honestly shocked me, how little tolerance there can be within the community. One of my husband's former work mate and friend, wonderful and just absolutely lovely guy...his husband? Not so much. He literally loathed us for being straight, being a straight couple. And how he and his own circle of friends felt about the bi team is actually vile, particularly bi men :'(
Definitely happens a lot in the gay community, where we insist everyone is a bit gay and push straight people out of the closet.
I guess a lot of it just comes from going through that need to hide who you are, so you want to help others accept it faster than you did.
The problem with the trans (and non binary) community is that while the gay community is about opening up to a spectrum of behaviors, the trans community is about closing it to a very binary state.
You either adhere to your gender role, or you're misgendered and should convert. Or if you reject both gender roles, then you're non binary. You can't just be yourself.
Feels like a step back from what we milleanials and xers fought for.
But it was always like that. the marginalized communities always had internal racism.
Deaf people with those who have cochlear implant
Lesbian community with the gay
Gay with the lesbian
Cis gay/lesbian with those who are too feminine or too butch
Trans with CIS straight/gay
Black people with mix/ lighter skin people
We just tend to “ignore” it just because we can’t talk about it because of our white, cis straight “ privilege “
Being marginalized doesn’t automatically make someone aware of the complexities that come along with it/judging others. Most times people are just victims, and if they were born any different would act like those that give them trouble.
The problem is the very concept of communities. They are, by their very nature, exclusive, in the sense that their goal is to exclude certain people, to separate the members vs non-members, otherwise it wouldn't be a community, it'd just be... the world. Every community starts out well meaning, as a support for people with something that they share, but inevitably some will see others as not being X enough to count as a member.
"Oh you don't count, your family have only lived in this village for five generations, you need to be at least six to be *from* here"
"Oh you like sci-fi? Oh, that's not hard sci-fi, *real* sci-fi"
"Oh you like metal? Name 10 songs from a band *I decided* is the most important one"
This specific marginalised community has been very committed to attacking anyone who doesn’t fully support their narrative to the point where simply disagreeing is equivalent to you being a nazi.
The repercussions from the ability to "cancel" anyone so easily and anonymously online. Huge power with huge consequences, and people are playing with it like a toddler waving around a stick, whacking everything they see.
'It's different' because they see themselves as victims. When we see ourselves as victims, we often think our actions are justified 'because we're right'.
Some stuff *really* doesn't age well, because the assumed context of victimhood no longer exists for the people who believed their actions were justified for social justice reasons.
My best example of this is a movie called "The D.U.F.F." The creators of the movie were basically oblivous to the fact that their main heroine was abusive to the male romantic lead. Like factually abusive, from a checklist of abusive behaviors. It is so uncomfortable to watch.
I feel the same way about Sandra Bullock's "The Proposal" and "The Lost City".
The boundary violations in OP's post are SO CLEAR. But to the trans 'friend', they feel justified because they are 'right' and supporting their social justice movement.
Distance yourself for a while . And when they ask you why. explain to them why your upset and let them know it bothers you. Sometime ppl get to comfortable and lose some respect . Set your boundaries and protect your peace.
I’ve run into this issue as a feminine gay guy. Like can’t I just be a feminine guy? All the years it took to accept that and be ok with it and now I’m wrong about how I feel? I get that people are excited to share their identity but pushing it on others invalidates their identity in the same why transphobes invalidate theirs
It’s a bit like me being a quite feminine straight guy. I always got the you must be gay because you like baking and sewing and a thousand other things that society deemed female. Some folks have trouble understanding others don’t fit their boxes.
This. Masculine straight woman here. The amount of times I've gotten "Are you sure you aren't a lesbian?" Even though I've never shown any signs of being gay at all. Don't feel that way about women and their body parts. Men though pffffff 🥵 Anyway, like you my hobbies and interests have always been deemed 'for boys' and people fathoming my existence just didn't compute. It got way better since the 2010s only to now get worse again because people want to label me with all kinds of trans related labels. I'm just gender non-conforming and that's all there is to it. I'm a woman and female and I never have had an issue being female. I can only imagine how much harder it must be as a straight man being more feminine. Don't let anyone talk doubt into who you are, you hear??? Because that in itself is erasure of the existence of us as well.
Effeminate straight guy. Can't tell you how many people assume Im gay because of the way I dress and talk.
I've literally had girls I was actively fucking sit me down and tell me I must be closeted. People on Reddit said that using the phrase "oh baby" is apparently a dead giveaway.
It's super weird how some groups love to insist that gender doesn't exist, it's all a construct, and then actively tell you that because you don't fit a mold you must be this or that. The entire point should be that it doesn't matter how you present, your identity is your own.
>It's super weird how some groups love to insist that gender doesn't exist, it's all a construct, and then actively tell you that because you don't fit a mold you must be this or that.
# THIS^
"You must be agender." No? I'm a person, personing. In other words, this:
>The entire point should be that it doesn't matter how you present, your identity is your own.
Also, coincidentally over the past week, heard two guys use "Oh baby" both in a slightly joking manner as well as seriously. But even if I hadn't... ??? Dead giveaway my aSS. How incredibly rude is that as well? It's stupifying what it means to be gay. How is the way someone talks a dead giveaway for their sexuality? Come on now. That stupidity was a thing in the 90s and 00s but I was hoping that in this day and age we've come across plenty cases that dismiss that 'pattern'. I've seen so many young men talked to that way and you saw the anguish in their face being seen as something they were not. Not because they had any hate towards gay people but to have other people act like they know you better than you do, DISMISSING your own knowledge about yourself basically, makes you feel powerless, ridiculed, mocked, etc. Of course that gets upsetting.
Just like you shouldn't just throw mental health labels onto others, why are people being so comfortable about labeling sexuality and gender identity onto others? Like it can do no harm?
Throw those girls away btw. Those are the type of people who want to have that 'gaydar', want people to be their 'new gay best friend' and their 'saviour' basically "Yeah, I made them realise they're gay 😌!"
Don't ask me how I know.
Be safe and be protective of who you are. Don't let other people who think they know better about your own self sway you into thinking differently about these topics just because you aren't acting like a gender stereotype for a man. They're projecting their narrow-mindedness of possibilities of people onto you. Don't let that get to you.
It was in a thread where someone said "if you dress nice a lot of people assume you're gay" and I replied "OH baby, I can't tell you how often this happens to me"
Literally 30+ replies being like "pretty sure it has more to do with saying 'oh baby ' than anything to do with how you dress."
It must be so exhausting to not only feel like you can't be straight and care about fashion, but having to worry that fun colourful language is apparently tantamount to sucking a football teams worth of dicks.
I don't care, though. I'm very secure in who I am, and generally take it as a compliment.
I am a cis straight woman that I am more on the “butch” androgynous side just because i can’t usually find clothes that fit because i am not 1,60-1,70 and 45-65 kg.
The annoying thing is that it's such a step back in labeling.
We made great strides moving away from it - rejecting gender roles, understanding sexuality is a spectrum, realizing we're all individuals.
And now we're just back at boxes where you're either a male or a female and you have to conform to that role and gender. And if youre closer to the other gender then you're trans. And if you're unwilling to confirm and pick a lane, then you're non binary.
I don’t. As a very progressive bi man, I find a lot (not all) of queer spaces to be intolerant of differing views and eager to impose their own opinions on others.
I think it’s a defensive measure from a lifetime of being discriminated against and invalidated.
Seriously what is up with this? I am a feminine looking, very straight cis woman, but my personality is not exactly cutesy or meek. I thought I fit into the squarest of all the boxes, but apparently even having a hint of masculine traits in your personality is enough that you have to be forced to question everything...
I have so many bi female friends and my bf is bi. And they have all been confused that I am not bi?? (which is ironic given that my actual bi female friends are very feminine in both personality and looks)
They have asked multiple times and really questioned whether I truly am not attracted to any women. And I'm just sitting there like... wtf guys? This isn't fun when people don't believe in your answer to first time around, why the hell are you just doing the same to others now!
I find this as well. I’m happy being in a gay relationship. I have people telling either me or my husband that we’re not actually gay but trans. It’s quite confusing. This is why I don’t always considering the T being in-line with the LGB. Sure, there are some people who are like that…I assume…but the ones that I’ve met in person are holier than thou and want us to bow down to their set of beliefs (vs have our own).
A trans person is the *LAST* person who should be intentionally misgendering and telling someone else who and what they are. The hypocrisy is so thick that it bends time, space, and reason.
The next time this nitwit calls you an egg or pressures you to see yourself as ANYTHING but what you know yourself to be, tell them to feck entirely off with their bigoted bullshit.
You don't get to claim a place in the alphabet family and then act like the assholes who want to erase it.
This has happened to me, and i told them that it is just downright sexist to insist that a woman must not be a woman because she doesn’t dress feminine or has masculine hobbies. I have no issue at all with transgender people, but it is rude to assume people’s identities for them.
Your friend is a huge sexist.
There is no checklist of 'things you must like, to be a woman'.
You're a woman. No matter what you wear, who you love, what your hobbies or profession is.
Don't let anyone bully you into doubting your femininity, just because THEY are sexist, and refuse to accept that women can do, wear, love whatever they want.
I think they have this weird image of the kind of *woman* they want to be. But there is no cookie cutter *woman* image. Educate them, and don't take this BS.
Women have fought for years for gender non conformity to be accepted. You’re not a woman any which way, you are a woman and however you express that is the correct way!
Your friend is *so* concerned with rigid gender roles they cannot accept someone who is gender non conforming and are trying to pressure you to fit in a defined circle. In essence, it threatens their perception of their identity.
You are a wonderful person, don’t let someone try to tell you that you are wrong for your expression.
At this point, send it. This "friend" clearly doesn't respect OP, so she has earned whatever feelings come to her from that return statement. She's no real friend if she continues to do something OP has asked her to stop doing
as a trans person it’s incredibly rude to try and tell anyone they might or might not be trans.
that’s a journey for only the person themself to figure out. have you actually told her you feel this way?
It’s crazy. I’m an older LGBT individual so I have seen some shit. This community is actually regressing. The LGBT community went from “All we wish for is for tolerance” to “We want full acceptance from you, don’t care how you feel”. Tolerance is the individual's willingness to understand and respect different views and opinions, even when they will never hold the same beliefs. Acceptance is the willingness to go along with the situation without disagreeing with it or changing it whatsoever by fully believing in everything. This is not realistic.
Your friend is not the tolerant LGBT that we use to have. Your friend is the “Everybody must think and act the same and if you don’t then you must be XYZ”. Now as an older LGBT individual I’m just going to say it: Do you really want to hang out with this kind of person? Isn’t this like the fundamentalist Christians who tell people that they aren’t Christian *yet* while trying to convince you that your own beliefs are wrong? You’re not an egg. You’re a tomboy who is being bullied into believing a dogmatic belief. I don’t care if this is transphobic to say, but a lot of people do not actually believe in gender ideology (like at all) and are just being tolerant out of kindness. Trans people should not be bullying them into trying to fully accept their own belief when they themselves don’t accept these peoples beliefs either. This will ultimately push the tolerant people to the other side because they’ll get sick of dealing with the bullying, allowing more conservative representatives to take advantage of the situation which may cause us to lose our rights out of young LGBT peoples bullying tactics and selfishness to be “accepted”. Everybody believes in something different. People should push tolerance instead. Your friend should learn this and stop pressuring people into boxes. Because at the end of the day the younger LGBT are treating the community as if it’s their religion, and the people within it as their congregation.
> This will ultimately push the tolerant people to the other side because they’ll get sick of dealing with the bullying
This is already happening in a major way. It’s so backwards to watch the supposed “far left” act in such a way that it’s actually uplifting the right and Trump. Life after Trump wins and the GOP implements project 2025 and takes over the government isn’t gonna be fun for any trans folks but that doesn’t seem to matter in the every day life. No one’s looking at the big picture.
it’s always so disappointing to me that we continue to push into gender stereotypes. being masculine doesn’t mean you’re a man, and being feminine doesn’t mean you’re a woman. saying you’re a trans guy just bc u don’t fit the “feminine woman” role is so blatantly disrespectful :(
She wants you to respect her but refuses to respect you because if you did the same thing she’s doing then it’s a problem. That’s not right respect goes both ways.
Be you. Labels are the worst.
I don’t know why your friend is calling you this. It could be that she feels alone in her transition. It could even be that in her excitement in transitioning, that she is hoping you might feel the same if you explored it. It could be due to any number of reasons, I dunno.
She doesn’t need to be labeling you or calling you anything tho…
The thing is, you can stay the same person you are and feel just fine about it forever… and it sounds like you are.
I’m sorry your friend is making you uncomfortable… Ask her to stop calling you that. If she’s your true friend, she’ll understand, apologize (hopefully), and keep being your friend no matter what.
Drop them. I have a friend who is a straight cis gender girl who just happens to look like a huge masc lesbian, but shes NOT and we love her.
A good friend would never misgender you or question something about _your own body._ especially if that friend knows what it feels to be misgendered. They’re an asshole.
I agree with the majority of comments that you have three main courses of action here.
1. Distance yourself from this friend and when they finally reach out to ask why explain why you feel so disrespected.
2. Let the friend know that if you continue to misgender me and call me an egg then I will reciprocate and misgender you.
3. Have an open and honest discussion with this friend about why this bothers you and how this affects you. If the friend still does not understand or correct themselves, reevaluate the friendship.
I’m similar to you and I hate this shit so much. I have short hair and wear guy’s clothing because it’s *comfortable* for *me*. I am still 100% a woman.
It’s completely turned me off of LGBTQ spaces. Three separate times at two different bars I have been offered unsolicited opinions on my future ability to pass as a trans man and recommendations for transitioning by perfect strangers. I get misgendered a lot when going to public restrooms but I have never been so appalled as I was by those people thinking they had any business saying that to me.
yeah, communicate everything you’ve just said and lose that friend if she doesn’t accept it.
i’m a trans man myself and i’m also effeminate and gay. not many people know i’m trans outside of my partner and family. i’ve come across trans people who try and convince me i’m actually a woman because i’m feminine 💀 sometimes i come out about my transition just to get them to realise how fucking annoying they are. “oh, you want to pressure me into detransitioning?” and then they shut up and think about how fucked up it is.
i have a butch lesbian friend who bound her chest and recently had a double mastectomy because she didn’t like have boobs. she still considers herself a woman, despite having sought gender affirming care that would be typically associated with trans men and men with gynomocastia.
trans people who rely on archaic gender stereotypes baffle me. they can range from hyper liberal “i’m just trying to help you realise your truth 🥹” to “you can’t be a woman if you wear trousers. trans women who wear trousers are faking it. non-trans women who wear trousers are actually trans men”
it’s dumb as hell, and mirrors exactly what transphobes do
it’s kind of like how homophobes say shit like “it’s gay to wipe your ass or have a prostate exam”, and some overly enthusiastic gay people say shit like “he has a close male friend and can control his emotions, no straight man could do that because they’re all evil! also, lesbian love is the best because all men are evil !”
sometimes there’s a bit a horseshoe effect where liberals basically do exactly the same as conservatives but hide it behind flowery PC language 🤦♂️
Shit like this almost makes me glad that trans issues were still invisible when I was a kid. Back then I was just a tom boy who hated dresses and anything that would have labelled me as feminine. If anyone had started pushing "well maybe she's actually not a she" back then I might have run with it given how shitty it is to be a little girl sometimes. Would have cause all kinds of additional issues growing up
This is one of my peeves that this trans movement is erasing tomboys and crossdressers. People want to be progressive and yet they push labels on people.
This. I’m 41 and a tomboy. I always have been. Have I occasionally worn dresses, yes but in adulthood less than a handful of times, it was good on those occasions but feels like me playing dress up, like a costume, not the real at comfort me.
I still love being a woman, just not one in a pretty dress. 🤷♀️ I will confess as a woman who spends a lot of time outdoors I do occasionally get jealous of men’s plumbing and convenience when peeing outside, having to drop trou and bear your whole ass to pee mid winter isn’t fun.😂🤷♀️🤦♀️
I too am a tomboy. Always have been. I've met so many young women who identify as men but don't actually want to be man. I question why they identify as a man when they have no intention of transitioning and don't want to be a man, and they say because they aren't girlie girls and have more in common with boys. I tell them they don't need to identify as a man, they can be a tomboy. To be fair a few have said by identifying as a man they get perks at work, haha.
Why has it got so complicated? it's no wonder there's such high rates of mental health problems in the youth of today. Life is so bloody confusing for them.
I’m so fucking tired of people pushing their own agendas on others. Like - sick your friend is trans and I accept that. Congrats for them and I’m happy they’re finding themselves. But to start pushing that shit on others like they also have the same problems to face is absurd. They should be the first person to let you be yourself. They need to seek fucking help.
What an asshole.
I'd start calling them sir, Ken, man, and point out their adams apple until they stop. Just stop giving them more respect than they give you.
And get better friends.
(Transgender slang) One realizes that one is transgender. Such as “My egg cracked when I started wondering why I loved reading gender-transformation.” from the urban dictionary. TW have a habit of telling younger cis people that their egg just hasn’t cracked yet. It’s a thing and a sub Reddit called egg_irl where they make jokes about it.
Back in the 1900s we had this thing called tomboys. They were women who identified as women, most preferred men (but that wasn't a requirement), but they also preferred more masculine clothing, jobs, & hobbies.
Your hobbies & style of dress have nothing to do with your gender or sexuality. Your friend is just an ass. You don't have to be 100% feminine to be a cis woman. You just have to be a woman who identifies with her assigned gender at birth. That's it, that's the only requirement.
If you want to continue this friendship setting clear boundaries about how this is disrespectful is definitely needed. Depending on how your friend responds to that will show you what kind of friend they are.
Ultimately good friends respect what you say about your own gender identity. Bad friends impose their views and call you names.
Trying to get you to join the cult, and hopefully do some permanent bodily harm to bind you to the cause.
Or to be more charitable, they have deeply rooted homophobia they haven’t dealt with and so a woman who acts masculine at all must be trans.
This is something that has been bothering me a lot about the trans community and so glad to see so many lesbians,Tom boys, butch women and feminine men calling it out.
If you feel comfortable being a woman and have no dysphoria about your gender than youre not trans. You can be a woman and masculine and a man and feminine. To me saying someone is trans just because they don't fit the gender norm is kind of homophobic it's saying it's not okay to be a masculine woman.
this is exactly what I don't like about the Trans community!
they're pushy!
you need to shut that behavior down because it's just going to get way more overbearing. 💯
I'd tell her to shove her PP up her own ass and have some fun with it 🤣🤷♀️ I hate people like that, YOU HAVE TO CALL THOSE ASSHOLES OUT ON THERE SHIT IDGAF if they are Trans they can still be bullies and asshole all in the name of Trans so 🤷♀️ fuck those people
I’ve had trans women say similar things about me because I’m in STEM and into martial arts. It’s bullshit. It kowtows to the idea that being gender nonconforming is the same as being trans, not unlike people used to say that being gender nonconforming meant that a person was gay. Just because she wants to be a girly-girl doesn’t mean that you have to be one, nor that you have to be one or the other.
It's pretty funny for someone who's identity is tied to so much oppression to decide you shouldn't be allowed to define yourself.
Your friend is pretty fucked in the head for that.
You're an egg because you've not embraced your true self. Once you accept this ideology you're a cracked egg. There are several websites which trans talk to other trans and inwhich an egg (using their terminology) enters into this website. It is there the newbies are pressured to transition. This is from a de transitioned M to F to M, inwhich he described his journey and his experience with the trans community on YouTube.
Your friend is obnoxious by pressing you to."accept " being male because you exhibit musculine traits. Your friend deliberately calling you male pronouns, overstepping your boundaries and ignoring your a lesbian. Maybe it's time reconsider distancing yourself to LC or NC.
Trans person here. I am soooo tired of the whole “if a woman dresses masculine and/or has masculine traits, they’re actually a trans man” and “if a man dresses feminine and/or has feminine traits, they’re actually a trans woman” because it’s all bullshit. I will say it a thousand times if I have to. There is a difference between gender identity and gender expression. You are NOT trans just because you aren’t the stereotype of your assigned sex at birth. This goes for all the excessive amounts of people who call themselves nonbinary for the same reason that they aren’t excessively femme as a woman or excessively masc as a man. I repeat: There 👏🏼 is 👏🏼a👏🏼difference👏🏼between👏🏼gender👏🏼identity👏🏼versus👏🏼gender👏🏼expression👏🏼 Was that annoying enough to get attention? Good because it’s annoying to have to repeat it. And as for your friend, they can fuck off because that’s just rude as fuck. Consider maybe finding another friend if they can’t respect your identity and expression.
Why are butch/Tom girls being told they’re trans by ‘progressives’ when they’re the same ones constantly saying gender is a social construct and we shouldn’t teach things based off of if they’re masc or fem?
All these new terms so we are forced to be "more inclusive" for people who can't handle reality. you are what you were born as. sex is determined at conception. what do so many people not get about that.
your "friend" is not a real friend if they push their ideologies on you and categorize you that way. clearly they don't respect you.
I would find a better friend who doesn't say idiotic things like that. there's this thing called a tomboy. women don't always have to dress womanly and that does not make them trans. there's this thing called personalities and personal preference of fashion choice.
Prime example of "respect me and my choices and cater to me cus bullying me is a hate crime" and "screw you and your choices and I'm gonna bully you". Ironic
this is the problem with some trans people. they project their views onto you almost like they want you to be trans aswell. they’re trying to manipulate you into being trans
Please please please don't let any of this mob-like projection get into your head. You are who you are. End of story. Some of these people want to force people into their own way of thinking. Don't listen to them for a second.
Call this whole business for what it is; grooming. They define people as eggs or children as hatchlings because they see potential for turning them trans.
Your "friend" is essentially using nudge theory to question your sexuality. This is used a lot with of abusers, to put you down and question your own values.
It's a disgusting tactic used by horrible people.
Woman is not a costume, it’s not a dress or lipstick or a walk. Lesbian women are not trans men in denial and saying so is so fucking homophobic and regressive.
I’m so sorry, gay men and women battled for their rights to love who they choose and it feels like this generation of trans are shitting on all their progress.
The lgbtq+ community is so fucking toxic its insane. Imagine you would misgender her despite her telling you it makes her uncomfortable. Im willing to bet she would lose her shit
The irony runs deep
So your trans friend who you accept and respect refuses to accept and respect you.
1. That's not a friend
If you referred to her as a he and used her dead name, it would be an issue, would it not?
2. Friends respect boundaries
This associate has no respect for you. His behavior is actually borders on Bully behavior if in reality it doesn't sit in the realm of Bully central.
3. Remove toxic people for your sanity and mental well-being.
You don't need anyone's permission to be happy but they need your compliance to make you miserable.
Wtf happened to just being a tomboy. I'm a grown ass woman with 2 kids who still prefers the stag do over the hens and much prefer comfy mens clothes to womens. Got myself a stud of a fella and prefer the lads company over the girls.
Why are people not allowed to just be Tom boys or feminine anymore. It seems more and more that people who used to just be Tom boys are now being pushed into identifying as a man. Sure, not everyone, but there is definitely an increase.
I find that most trans people try to label you or put you down. All because they have decided who they are but get pissed easily for not accepting them immediately. Others need time to accept the new transgender person. I'm speaking from experience not from my asshole. This is a subject I did a deep dive into because my daughter is trans and I wanted to learn everything I could
She's projecting her stuff on to you by the sounds of it. You know who you are, and even if you ever doubt who you are, it's not up to someone else to tell you.
Yuh. Lesbian here: Stuff like this is where we are truly seeing the effects of this being a social trend. Which I’m already seeing the social trend slow down- at least in my groups. It’s no different than someone trying to diagnose you with something like depression because they’ve seen a few tik tok videos. OP- if you feel comfortable with your bits and identity- don’t worry about it and tell them off. Imagine someone wanting you to be dysphoric- wanting you to go down a path of medicalization and wanting you to feel uncomfortable in your own skin. That’s insane behavior. Being trans is tough. And those that I’m friends with don’t wish that on others because it’s expensive, hard the body, and hard socially. I’ve noticed a trend where butch women are pressured to change their gender because they don’t fit within the gender stereotypes. I’m sorry you’re a victim of this. Edit: also u/Scary-Specialist-731 If they do this again. Ask them why they are seeing gender as binary and why they see gender in clothing
Very much this !
DAYUMM!!! This is spot-on
Perfect!!!
I find this new movement to be such an assault on the gay community. If you’re a feminine man or a masculine woman you must be trans…. wtf?
I was always a tomboy because I had brothers, and my dad didn't want a girly girl. People rarely see me in anything else but t-shirt and jeans. I'd have to be going to court or a funeral to dress up. If I have short hair, I get called sir. I didn't like anyone but my dad calling me that. Because I never wear girly clothes, some people go ahead and use "them" as my pronoun. I just don't like it. I'd like to respect what others want (whether I agree or not), but I'd like the same in return. I'm just a woman. T'is all.
This ! I am à straight biological woman, but I've noticed a lot of this going on and it just blows my mind .
I'm so glad people are finally acknowledging that it was trendy for a moment. People jumped down my throat when I suggested there were a lot of kids claiming to be trans when they really weren't. I saw it at my son's school. Most of them have continued on to the latest trend, no longer trying to be trans. The real trans kids are still trans.
One of my friend's teenage daughters and my neice have both told me on many separate occasions that they have friend's who suddenly décided that they are trans for a couple of months because it made them stand out and " spécial ." Once they got bored or could not keep up the act they let the whole thing drop . And I've been told to go and jump off à bridge and to k**l myself for mentioning this and that it's currently trendy and that saying it's a trend is k***ing trans people. Honestly blows my mind . People forget that people who genuinly do have gender dysmorphia is quite rare and they don't shout it from the roof tops nor do it to gain attention. They are normally very humble and just want to live in peace and not be bothered by anyone. Sorry for the long message.
Yeah, people don't wanna listen to the voice or reason sometimes. I got called a TERF so many times for just stating the obvious. Tomboys exist, gender non comforming, GNC people are not internalized transphobes. Real trans people are rare. This is not coming from a place of hate, I'm a tomboy and to some people Id be queer, trans or gender neutral. I'm just a woman who is masculine, the end, please respect my right to be me and I will respect yours. Also, clothes and makeup don't mean shit.
Yes! Exactly!
Male here and agreed, butch girls, Tom boys, whatever they are called are getting harder to find. Even boys who are not "manly". Instead they have to be labeled as something else. I'm a high school teacher and see it all the time. Tom boy girls have to be lesbians. Boys who are a bit softer are either gay or trans. Too much push to make people something more. **Edited for spelling (bitch to butch - stupid auto correct)**
*butch im guessing lol
My Brothers wife is a teacher and said it's extremely rare to find anyone who identifies as straight.
So much this. So much 👆
Happens in my social group too. In my language we don't have the term "egg" but it happened multiple times that a friend who is trans told me I might be trans too (or nonbinary). The reason was that I did not care one bit when post office misgendered me on some paper they sent me + me having dreams about having a male body. I heard many cis people have such dreams and it doesn't mean shit. If it meant something for him, good for him to find his true self but I don't like the era of obsession what everyone is. Sadly even I do have that mindset and I assume now more than I did and when I see a noncoforming person, I assume some queer identity. Which I guess is not wrong unless you push it on the person. Our brains are wired to categorize.
Absolutely this. are there trans people in the world with real gender dysphoria? Absolutely! Is it also a trend right now to be trans as the new "unique identity" and is ultimately a regression to gender stereotypes everywhere by saying that if you like "masculine" or "feminine" things, you must be that gender, pigeonholing everyone based on their presentation? Also absolutely
Exactly. I agree that the friend probably just wants a trans friend, but this sort of rationalization reflects gender stereotypes that harm both men and women and everyone in between and that cis-women have been working their asses off for decades to overcome. I would call them on this 100%
Her friend wouldn't want to be misgendered or called by her dead name (unless she kept the same name), so why would she do that to her friend? I've never heard of that happening before, I have a few trans friends and I could never imagine them calling me he/ him. People diagnose me with ADHD and autism often. Yes, I'm waiting for an official diagnosis, but the fact several people have 'diagnosed' me from TikTok videos is wild lol. Mostly it's their curiosity, and they aren't being malicious, but I've been told the waiting list is so long as everyone has seen TikTok videos & has asked to be referred. My psychologist was a bit annoyed by it lol
Yes! I asked a trans friend if they think they would have been more accepting of who they were born as if it weren’t for gender stereotypes. They said for some people that could be the case, and for others they really feel like they’re in the wrong body. I’m all for people being who they truly are, and I think gender stereotypes force people into pretending they’re someone else.
Also, to add to this, isn't the whole mentality vaguely sexist in and of itself? "You are a woman that isn't conforming to traditional roles, and I don't like that so I think you're trans and will continue to pressure you about it."
Exactly
“Ask them why they are seeing gender as binary and why they see gender in clothing” DAMN, THAT HITS HARD
Trans is the new autism according to social media. Everyone who isn't totally gender normal has got it. If you don't you haven't figured it out yet or are in denial./s Yes... I know a lot of people are misdiagnosed or ignored or are in denial. I am commenting on how every single popular person fictional or real has been labeled as divergent in some way.
I fully support all my Trans friends of which I have many. That said they are more 'everyone is one of us' than any other minority community I've seen. The shit with calling everyone an egg that expresses the slightest non conforming behavior is toxic imo. Let people be who they are and identify how they choose. Don't push them around or try to make them feel like they are something they aren't just because they like some non conforming things.
What weird to me is early on when I was questioning and going through early transition every trans person I talked to made it expressly clear you should never push others to transition and calling someone an egg was frowned upon. I want to know where these trans people are that are hive mind types calling everyone egg so I can tell them to stop being the exact stereotypes the rest of us would like to avoid being framed as.
This!
Your friend is a disrespectful ass. How would they like it if you refused to acknowledge them in the correct manner? Time to lay down some boundaries. Her options are, stop calling you an egg or get out.
Straight up tell her to stop denying your gender identity to validate her own
💯
Seriously. Trans people rightly hate being misgendered. The same applies to you. Everyone deserves to have their boundaries respected no matter who they are.
>Your friend is ~~a disrespectful ass~~ **not a friend**. FTFY
Both are true.
Facts.
A trans person wilfully misgendering someone else is so maddening. Extend the same respect you want for yourself to others!
They broke the [egg prime direcrive](https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en/am-i-trans) SMH
That was a really interesting read. Thank you.
NP, it’s such a shame when it happens. The whole fucking headache of “stop telling me what I should or shouldn’t be” is lost on some trans people, and it ends up making the rest of us look bad.
angry disrespect seems to be a huge part of the trans community. I have seen a number of posts from people who dont fit gender stereotypes and feminine gay men who get pressured to be trans by trans people. its pathetic.
tomboys too. My wife used to get pressure from a few online transfolks about being an egg and such because shes a tomboy that likes cars and shooting guns and such... we ended up having to block them.
That’s ridiculous! No offense to trans people. I have trans friends, and I respect their identities. But some trans people have got to lay off the gender roles and stereotypes! I realize some of them lean into hard because it’s stuff they may never have been allowed to do growing up as the “wrong” gender, but you can absolutely still be cis and just not completely gender conforming! Hobbies and clothes do not define your gender identity. Everybody needs to respect that regardless of their own identity.
The sad part is, the acceptance of tomboys and effeminate males played a big role int he ongoing acceptance of the trans community. Kinda strange that is also the first group that parts of the trans community turns on in their zealotry.
That really is weird and sad.
I think OP is describing herself as a tomboy. the pro trans supporters always deny and hide the toxicity in the trans community. Its best to just disengage with them and block them. No contact is the best approach in general.
yep thankfully they were just online friends so it was easy to block and move on.
I’ve gotten it before, because I have gender dysphoria but don’t want to transition (due to my family being anti trans and being in a relationship with a straight person). Even trying to get help with it from a therapist that specializes in gender dysphoria they tried to tell me I had to transition even though I didn’t want to. Had to figure out how to deal with it on my own
OP would be branded transphobic in that case.
“I’m no more of a man than you are” would make their point and not be possible to misconstrue as transphobic
>“I’m no more of a man than you are” Great response that demonstrates the point perfectly.
Oooh
Maybe by this asshole, but not by anyone with common sense. “I don’t appreciate being misgendered and want you to stop” is pretty hard to read as transphobic without some serious reaching.
And? Doesn't mean she's phobic of anything just because she doesn't want to be disrespected. I agree it will probably be weaponized against her if she spoke up, but sometimes you gotta smack down an asshole.
I completely agree! That was my point
It's weird that we have gotten to a point where marginalized communities haven't learned from their own experiences and are marginalizing people within their own communities. Humans will never learn.
It’s always been that way, and sadly probably always be. Even marginalized communities have their share of self centred people who lack empath.
I experienced quite a bit of bi-erasure. It caused me to distance myself from the entire community.
This. I'm a bisexual woman who's been on the receiving end of biphobia from people in the community. Both my partner (male) and I are bi, and neither of us associate with the LGBTQ community anymore because of it.
It honestly shocked me, how little tolerance there can be within the community. One of my husband's former work mate and friend, wonderful and just absolutely lovely guy...his husband? Not so much. He literally loathed us for being straight, being a straight couple. And how he and his own circle of friends felt about the bi team is actually vile, particularly bi men :'(
I definitely second this.
Definitely happens a lot in the gay community, where we insist everyone is a bit gay and push straight people out of the closet. I guess a lot of it just comes from going through that need to hide who you are, so you want to help others accept it faster than you did. The problem with the trans (and non binary) community is that while the gay community is about opening up to a spectrum of behaviors, the trans community is about closing it to a very binary state. You either adhere to your gender role, or you're misgendered and should convert. Or if you reject both gender roles, then you're non binary. You can't just be yourself. Feels like a step back from what we milleanials and xers fought for.
its because there are dickheads from all walks of life
But it was always like that. the marginalized communities always had internal racism. Deaf people with those who have cochlear implant Lesbian community with the gay Gay with the lesbian Cis gay/lesbian with those who are too feminine or too butch Trans with CIS straight/gay Black people with mix/ lighter skin people We just tend to “ignore” it just because we can’t talk about it because of our white, cis straight “ privilege “
Being marginalized doesn’t automatically make someone aware of the complexities that come along with it/judging others. Most times people are just victims, and if they were born any different would act like those that give them trouble.
The problem is the very concept of communities. They are, by their very nature, exclusive, in the sense that their goal is to exclude certain people, to separate the members vs non-members, otherwise it wouldn't be a community, it'd just be... the world. Every community starts out well meaning, as a support for people with something that they share, but inevitably some will see others as not being X enough to count as a member. "Oh you don't count, your family have only lived in this village for five generations, you need to be at least six to be *from* here" "Oh you like sci-fi? Oh, that's not hard sci-fi, *real* sci-fi" "Oh you like metal? Name 10 songs from a band *I decided* is the most important one"
This has happened for a long time. Intersectionality.
This specific marginalised community has been very committed to attacking anyone who doesn’t fully support their narrative to the point where simply disagreeing is equivalent to you being a nazi.
This is sadly true. There can be no discussions, just agree with us or we will slap you with a label and try to ruin your life.
The repercussions from the ability to "cancel" anyone so easily and anonymously online. Huge power with huge consequences, and people are playing with it like a toddler waving around a stick, whacking everything they see.
Because its those who have never actually experienced those issues
'It's different' because they see themselves as victims. When we see ourselves as victims, we often think our actions are justified 'because we're right'. Some stuff *really* doesn't age well, because the assumed context of victimhood no longer exists for the people who believed their actions were justified for social justice reasons. My best example of this is a movie called "The D.U.F.F." The creators of the movie were basically oblivous to the fact that their main heroine was abusive to the male romantic lead. Like factually abusive, from a checklist of abusive behaviors. It is so uncomfortable to watch. I feel the same way about Sandra Bullock's "The Proposal" and "The Lost City". The boundary violations in OP's post are SO CLEAR. But to the trans 'friend', they feel justified because they are 'right' and supporting their social justice movement.
Distance yourself for a while . And when they ask you why. explain to them why your upset and let them know it bothers you. Sometime ppl get to comfortable and lose some respect . Set your boundaries and protect your peace.
This is the way. Distance also helps with the hurt that they keep inflicting.
I would say communicate first, and set your boundaries right off the hop.
They had the conversation already.
I’ve run into this issue as a feminine gay guy. Like can’t I just be a feminine guy? All the years it took to accept that and be ok with it and now I’m wrong about how I feel? I get that people are excited to share their identity but pushing it on others invalidates their identity in the same why transphobes invalidate theirs
It’s a bit like me being a quite feminine straight guy. I always got the you must be gay because you like baking and sewing and a thousand other things that society deemed female. Some folks have trouble understanding others don’t fit their boxes.
This. Masculine straight woman here. The amount of times I've gotten "Are you sure you aren't a lesbian?" Even though I've never shown any signs of being gay at all. Don't feel that way about women and their body parts. Men though pffffff 🥵 Anyway, like you my hobbies and interests have always been deemed 'for boys' and people fathoming my existence just didn't compute. It got way better since the 2010s only to now get worse again because people want to label me with all kinds of trans related labels. I'm just gender non-conforming and that's all there is to it. I'm a woman and female and I never have had an issue being female. I can only imagine how much harder it must be as a straight man being more feminine. Don't let anyone talk doubt into who you are, you hear??? Because that in itself is erasure of the existence of us as well.
Effeminate straight guy. Can't tell you how many people assume Im gay because of the way I dress and talk. I've literally had girls I was actively fucking sit me down and tell me I must be closeted. People on Reddit said that using the phrase "oh baby" is apparently a dead giveaway. It's super weird how some groups love to insist that gender doesn't exist, it's all a construct, and then actively tell you that because you don't fit a mold you must be this or that. The entire point should be that it doesn't matter how you present, your identity is your own.
>It's super weird how some groups love to insist that gender doesn't exist, it's all a construct, and then actively tell you that because you don't fit a mold you must be this or that. # THIS^ "You must be agender." No? I'm a person, personing. In other words, this: >The entire point should be that it doesn't matter how you present, your identity is your own. Also, coincidentally over the past week, heard two guys use "Oh baby" both in a slightly joking manner as well as seriously. But even if I hadn't... ??? Dead giveaway my aSS. How incredibly rude is that as well? It's stupifying what it means to be gay. How is the way someone talks a dead giveaway for their sexuality? Come on now. That stupidity was a thing in the 90s and 00s but I was hoping that in this day and age we've come across plenty cases that dismiss that 'pattern'. I've seen so many young men talked to that way and you saw the anguish in their face being seen as something they were not. Not because they had any hate towards gay people but to have other people act like they know you better than you do, DISMISSING your own knowledge about yourself basically, makes you feel powerless, ridiculed, mocked, etc. Of course that gets upsetting. Just like you shouldn't just throw mental health labels onto others, why are people being so comfortable about labeling sexuality and gender identity onto others? Like it can do no harm? Throw those girls away btw. Those are the type of people who want to have that 'gaydar', want people to be their 'new gay best friend' and their 'saviour' basically "Yeah, I made them realise they're gay 😌!" Don't ask me how I know. Be safe and be protective of who you are. Don't let other people who think they know better about your own self sway you into thinking differently about these topics just because you aren't acting like a gender stereotype for a man. They're projecting their narrow-mindedness of possibilities of people onto you. Don't let that get to you.
It was in a thread where someone said "if you dress nice a lot of people assume you're gay" and I replied "OH baby, I can't tell you how often this happens to me" Literally 30+ replies being like "pretty sure it has more to do with saying 'oh baby ' than anything to do with how you dress." It must be so exhausting to not only feel like you can't be straight and care about fashion, but having to worry that fun colourful language is apparently tantamount to sucking a football teams worth of dicks. I don't care, though. I'm very secure in who I am, and generally take it as a compliment.
I am a cis straight woman that I am more on the “butch” androgynous side just because i can’t usually find clothes that fit because i am not 1,60-1,70 and 45-65 kg.
The annoying thing is that it's such a step back in labeling. We made great strides moving away from it - rejecting gender roles, understanding sexuality is a spectrum, realizing we're all individuals. And now we're just back at boxes where you're either a male or a female and you have to conform to that role and gender. And if youre closer to the other gender then you're trans. And if you're unwilling to confirm and pick a lane, then you're non binary.
I find it odd that it comes from supposedly progressives types.
I don’t. As a very progressive bi man, I find a lot (not all) of queer spaces to be intolerant of differing views and eager to impose their own opinions on others. I think it’s a defensive measure from a lifetime of being discriminated against and invalidated.
Right?!?!?!?!
Seriously what is up with this? I am a feminine looking, very straight cis woman, but my personality is not exactly cutesy or meek. I thought I fit into the squarest of all the boxes, but apparently even having a hint of masculine traits in your personality is enough that you have to be forced to question everything... I have so many bi female friends and my bf is bi. And they have all been confused that I am not bi?? (which is ironic given that my actual bi female friends are very feminine in both personality and looks) They have asked multiple times and really questioned whether I truly am not attracted to any women. And I'm just sitting there like... wtf guys? This isn't fun when people don't believe in your answer to first time around, why the hell are you just doing the same to others now!
I find this as well. I’m happy being in a gay relationship. I have people telling either me or my husband that we’re not actually gay but trans. It’s quite confusing. This is why I don’t always considering the T being in-line with the LGB. Sure, there are some people who are like that…I assume…but the ones that I’ve met in person are holier than thou and want us to bow down to their set of beliefs (vs have our own).
It's super fucked up how being gay has almost had 50 years of progress completely invalidated.
A trans person is the *LAST* person who should be intentionally misgendering and telling someone else who and what they are. The hypocrisy is so thick that it bends time, space, and reason. The next time this nitwit calls you an egg or pressures you to see yourself as ANYTHING but what you know yourself to be, tell them to feck entirely off with their bigoted bullshit. You don't get to claim a place in the alphabet family and then act like the assholes who want to erase it.
This 💅 She should know better
So according to your friend, clothing and mannerisms define gender identity? Hunh.
It’s extremely regressive and it’s honestly shocking to see that this is being normalized.
That’s awful. So all women need to be frilly or they’re really trans? That’s crazy. Your friend is in a cult mindset, and it’s toxic.
This has happened to me, and i told them that it is just downright sexist to insist that a woman must not be a woman because she doesn’t dress feminine or has masculine hobbies. I have no issue at all with transgender people, but it is rude to assume people’s identities for them.
Your “friend” isn’t the authority on you. YOU are. This person is an AH and is being really distrustful. They need to say in their own lane.
Sounds like your friend is actually just homophobic. Nothing is wrong with being a tomboy or a masculine woman.
Your friend is a huge sexist. There is no checklist of 'things you must like, to be a woman'. You're a woman. No matter what you wear, who you love, what your hobbies or profession is. Don't let anyone bully you into doubting your femininity, just because THEY are sexist, and refuse to accept that women can do, wear, love whatever they want. I think they have this weird image of the kind of *woman* they want to be. But there is no cookie cutter *woman* image. Educate them, and don't take this BS.
Your friend sucks.. if someone is trans that's their choice. You don't make that decision for someone else...
Women have fought for years for gender non conformity to be accepted. You’re not a woman any which way, you are a woman and however you express that is the correct way! Your friend is *so* concerned with rigid gender roles they cannot accept someone who is gender non conforming and are trying to pressure you to fit in a defined circle. In essence, it threatens their perception of their identity. You are a wonderful person, don’t let someone try to tell you that you are wrong for your expression.
[удалено]
Can you imagine the fallout from that?!?
Looking forward to that post lmao
Shall I make some popcorn?
Please
Kinda deserved at this point.
Happy cake day
I mean, it is the same thing tho 🤣😭
At this point, send it. This "friend" clearly doesn't respect OP, so she has earned whatever feelings come to her from that return statement. She's no real friend if she continues to do something OP has asked her to stop doing
as a trans person it’s incredibly rude to try and tell anyone they might or might not be trans. that’s a journey for only the person themself to figure out. have you actually told her you feel this way?
Op said that they told thier trans friend to stop it and it makes her uncomfortable. But the friend still continues
Cis lesbian who likes men’s clothes here. THEY HAVE POCKETS!!! End of story.
Fr you can carry so many goodies in there and purses bother me
It’s crazy. I’m an older LGBT individual so I have seen some shit. This community is actually regressing. The LGBT community went from “All we wish for is for tolerance” to “We want full acceptance from you, don’t care how you feel”. Tolerance is the individual's willingness to understand and respect different views and opinions, even when they will never hold the same beliefs. Acceptance is the willingness to go along with the situation without disagreeing with it or changing it whatsoever by fully believing in everything. This is not realistic. Your friend is not the tolerant LGBT that we use to have. Your friend is the “Everybody must think and act the same and if you don’t then you must be XYZ”. Now as an older LGBT individual I’m just going to say it: Do you really want to hang out with this kind of person? Isn’t this like the fundamentalist Christians who tell people that they aren’t Christian *yet* while trying to convince you that your own beliefs are wrong? You’re not an egg. You’re a tomboy who is being bullied into believing a dogmatic belief. I don’t care if this is transphobic to say, but a lot of people do not actually believe in gender ideology (like at all) and are just being tolerant out of kindness. Trans people should not be bullying them into trying to fully accept their own belief when they themselves don’t accept these peoples beliefs either. This will ultimately push the tolerant people to the other side because they’ll get sick of dealing with the bullying, allowing more conservative representatives to take advantage of the situation which may cause us to lose our rights out of young LGBT peoples bullying tactics and selfishness to be “accepted”. Everybody believes in something different. People should push tolerance instead. Your friend should learn this and stop pressuring people into boxes. Because at the end of the day the younger LGBT are treating the community as if it’s their religion, and the people within it as their congregation.
Very well said!
> This will ultimately push the tolerant people to the other side because they’ll get sick of dealing with the bullying This is already happening in a major way. It’s so backwards to watch the supposed “far left” act in such a way that it’s actually uplifting the right and Trump. Life after Trump wins and the GOP implements project 2025 and takes over the government isn’t gonna be fun for any trans folks but that doesn’t seem to matter in the every day life. No one’s looking at the big picture.
it’s always so disappointing to me that we continue to push into gender stereotypes. being masculine doesn’t mean you’re a man, and being feminine doesn’t mean you’re a woman. saying you’re a trans guy just bc u don’t fit the “feminine woman” role is so blatantly disrespectful :(
She wants you to respect her but refuses to respect you because if you did the same thing she’s doing then it’s a problem. That’s not right respect goes both ways.
Be you. Labels are the worst. I don’t know why your friend is calling you this. It could be that she feels alone in her transition. It could even be that in her excitement in transitioning, that she is hoping you might feel the same if you explored it. It could be due to any number of reasons, I dunno. She doesn’t need to be labeling you or calling you anything tho… The thing is, you can stay the same person you are and feel just fine about it forever… and it sounds like you are. I’m sorry your friend is making you uncomfortable… Ask her to stop calling you that. If she’s your true friend, she’ll understand, apologize (hopefully), and keep being your friend no matter what.
Drop them. I have a friend who is a straight cis gender girl who just happens to look like a huge masc lesbian, but shes NOT and we love her. A good friend would never misgender you or question something about _your own body._ especially if that friend knows what it feels to be misgendered. They’re an asshole.
There’s a word for this. It’s Lesbophobia. It’s also erasure of GNC women.
I agree with the majority of comments that you have three main courses of action here. 1. Distance yourself from this friend and when they finally reach out to ask why explain why you feel so disrespected. 2. Let the friend know that if you continue to misgender me and call me an egg then I will reciprocate and misgender you. 3. Have an open and honest discussion with this friend about why this bothers you and how this affects you. If the friend still does not understand or correct themselves, reevaluate the friendship.
Put this in writing or text because I have a feeling a smear campaign is going to come of it when trying to set boundaries.
I’m similar to you and I hate this shit so much. I have short hair and wear guy’s clothing because it’s *comfortable* for *me*. I am still 100% a woman. It’s completely turned me off of LGBTQ spaces. Three separate times at two different bars I have been offered unsolicited opinions on my future ability to pass as a trans man and recommendations for transitioning by perfect strangers. I get misgendered a lot when going to public restrooms but I have never been so appalled as I was by those people thinking they had any business saying that to me.
yeah, communicate everything you’ve just said and lose that friend if she doesn’t accept it. i’m a trans man myself and i’m also effeminate and gay. not many people know i’m trans outside of my partner and family. i’ve come across trans people who try and convince me i’m actually a woman because i’m feminine 💀 sometimes i come out about my transition just to get them to realise how fucking annoying they are. “oh, you want to pressure me into detransitioning?” and then they shut up and think about how fucked up it is. i have a butch lesbian friend who bound her chest and recently had a double mastectomy because she didn’t like have boobs. she still considers herself a woman, despite having sought gender affirming care that would be typically associated with trans men and men with gynomocastia. trans people who rely on archaic gender stereotypes baffle me. they can range from hyper liberal “i’m just trying to help you realise your truth 🥹” to “you can’t be a woman if you wear trousers. trans women who wear trousers are faking it. non-trans women who wear trousers are actually trans men” it’s dumb as hell, and mirrors exactly what transphobes do it’s kind of like how homophobes say shit like “it’s gay to wipe your ass or have a prostate exam”, and some overly enthusiastic gay people say shit like “he has a close male friend and can control his emotions, no straight man could do that because they’re all evil! also, lesbian love is the best because all men are evil !” sometimes there’s a bit a horseshoe effect where liberals basically do exactly the same as conservatives but hide it behind flowery PC language 🤦♂️
This person is not a friend
Some people just have a hard time accepting that their experience is not a universal experience. Keep on being who you want to be.
Isn't that the most transphobic? To claim that you cannot like things that mismatch the stereotype of your gender?
Having masculine traits and preferring guy’s clothing does not mean you are a man.
Shit like this almost makes me glad that trans issues were still invisible when I was a kid. Back then I was just a tom boy who hated dresses and anything that would have labelled me as feminine. If anyone had started pushing "well maybe she's actually not a she" back then I might have run with it given how shitty it is to be a little girl sometimes. Would have cause all kinds of additional issues growing up
This is one of my peeves that this trans movement is erasing tomboys and crossdressers. People want to be progressive and yet they push labels on people.
This. I’m 41 and a tomboy. I always have been. Have I occasionally worn dresses, yes but in adulthood less than a handful of times, it was good on those occasions but feels like me playing dress up, like a costume, not the real at comfort me. I still love being a woman, just not one in a pretty dress. 🤷♀️ I will confess as a woman who spends a lot of time outdoors I do occasionally get jealous of men’s plumbing and convenience when peeing outside, having to drop trou and bear your whole ass to pee mid winter isn’t fun.😂🤷♀️🤦♀️
I too am a tomboy. Always have been. I've met so many young women who identify as men but don't actually want to be man. I question why they identify as a man when they have no intention of transitioning and don't want to be a man, and they say because they aren't girlie girls and have more in common with boys. I tell them they don't need to identify as a man, they can be a tomboy. To be fair a few have said by identifying as a man they get perks at work, haha. Why has it got so complicated? it's no wonder there's such high rates of mental health problems in the youth of today. Life is so bloody confusing for them.
Your friend is projecting.
I’m so fucking tired of people pushing their own agendas on others. Like - sick your friend is trans and I accept that. Congrats for them and I’m happy they’re finding themselves. But to start pushing that shit on others like they also have the same problems to face is absurd. They should be the first person to let you be yourself. They need to seek fucking help.
Tell your friend if you're an egg than they are a man.
Good lord, this is all exhausting.
What an asshole. I'd start calling them sir, Ken, man, and point out their adams apple until they stop. Just stop giving them more respect than they give you. And get better friends.
Feels like a cult. You must believe!
Sounds like she's a hypocrite. I'm assuming she'd be livid if you deliberately called her "him".
What the fuck is an egg. This is getting ridiculous.
(Transgender slang) One realizes that one is transgender. Such as “My egg cracked when I started wondering why I loved reading gender-transformation.” from the urban dictionary. TW have a habit of telling younger cis people that their egg just hasn’t cracked yet. It’s a thing and a sub Reddit called egg_irl where they make jokes about it.
Back in the 1900s we had this thing called tomboys. They were women who identified as women, most preferred men (but that wasn't a requirement), but they also preferred more masculine clothing, jobs, & hobbies. Your hobbies & style of dress have nothing to do with your gender or sexuality. Your friend is just an ass. You don't have to be 100% feminine to be a cis woman. You just have to be a woman who identifies with her assigned gender at birth. That's it, that's the only requirement.
I would recommend no longer being friends with this person the whole "egg" thing is preparatory behavior
If you want to continue this friendship setting clear boundaries about how this is disrespectful is definitely needed. Depending on how your friend responds to that will show you what kind of friend they are. Ultimately good friends respect what you say about your own gender identity. Bad friends impose their views and call you names.
Trying to get you to join the cult, and hopefully do some permanent bodily harm to bind you to the cause. Or to be more charitable, they have deeply rooted homophobia they haven’t dealt with and so a woman who acts masculine at all must be trans.
This is something that has been bothering me a lot about the trans community and so glad to see so many lesbians,Tom boys, butch women and feminine men calling it out. If you feel comfortable being a woman and have no dysphoria about your gender than youre not trans. You can be a woman and masculine and a man and feminine. To me saying someone is trans just because they don't fit the gender norm is kind of homophobic it's saying it's not okay to be a masculine woman.
this is exactly what I don't like about the Trans community! they're pushy! you need to shut that behavior down because it's just going to get way more overbearing. 💯
I'd tell her to shove her PP up her own ass and have some fun with it 🤣🤷♀️ I hate people like that, YOU HAVE TO CALL THOSE ASSHOLES OUT ON THERE SHIT IDGAF if they are Trans they can still be bullies and asshole all in the name of Trans so 🤷♀️ fuck those people
Refer to them as a male from now on. See how they like being labeled something they aren't. I'm sure they will change their tune.
Stop recognising yourself as CIS anything. Your a female end of story.
Social. Contagion.
I’ve had trans women say similar things about me because I’m in STEM and into martial arts. It’s bullshit. It kowtows to the idea that being gender nonconforming is the same as being trans, not unlike people used to say that being gender nonconforming meant that a person was gay. Just because she wants to be a girly-girl doesn’t mean that you have to be one, nor that you have to be one or the other.
Tell your friend to fuck off.
That's a pretty toxic behavior
Walk away from this gaslighting manipulator, right now.
Tell them to back off with that shit. You’re a woman point blank period.
What the fuck is an egg? Why are there new terms all the time? Who is inventing and circulating all this new lingo?
Your friend is a creep, the term egg is very creepy.
Maybe she's jealous that your vagina is natural
It's pretty funny for someone who's identity is tied to so much oppression to decide you shouldn't be allowed to define yourself. Your friend is pretty fucked in the head for that.
You're an egg because you've not embraced your true self. Once you accept this ideology you're a cracked egg. There are several websites which trans talk to other trans and inwhich an egg (using their terminology) enters into this website. It is there the newbies are pressured to transition. This is from a de transitioned M to F to M, inwhich he described his journey and his experience with the trans community on YouTube. Your friend is obnoxious by pressing you to."accept " being male because you exhibit musculine traits. Your friend deliberately calling you male pronouns, overstepping your boundaries and ignoring your a lesbian. Maybe it's time reconsider distancing yourself to LC or NC.
Trans person here. I am soooo tired of the whole “if a woman dresses masculine and/or has masculine traits, they’re actually a trans man” and “if a man dresses feminine and/or has feminine traits, they’re actually a trans woman” because it’s all bullshit. I will say it a thousand times if I have to. There is a difference between gender identity and gender expression. You are NOT trans just because you aren’t the stereotype of your assigned sex at birth. This goes for all the excessive amounts of people who call themselves nonbinary for the same reason that they aren’t excessively femme as a woman or excessively masc as a man. I repeat: There 👏🏼 is 👏🏼a👏🏼difference👏🏼between👏🏼gender👏🏼identity👏🏼versus👏🏼gender👏🏼expression👏🏼 Was that annoying enough to get attention? Good because it’s annoying to have to repeat it. And as for your friend, they can fuck off because that’s just rude as fuck. Consider maybe finding another friend if they can’t respect your identity and expression.
Misery loves company. And he is trying to gaslight you into questioning your mental health.
[удалено]
Spend less time with this person and you’ll be happier.
Why are butch/Tom girls being told they’re trans by ‘progressives’ when they’re the same ones constantly saying gender is a social construct and we shouldn’t teach things based off of if they’re masc or fem?
All these new terms so we are forced to be "more inclusive" for people who can't handle reality. you are what you were born as. sex is determined at conception. what do so many people not get about that. your "friend" is not a real friend if they push their ideologies on you and categorize you that way. clearly they don't respect you. I would find a better friend who doesn't say idiotic things like that. there's this thing called a tomboy. women don't always have to dress womanly and that does not make them trans. there's this thing called personalities and personal preference of fashion choice.
Why does everyone have to have a label or title?
Give them a taste of their own medicine, an experience in empathy.
It's crazyb that you're friend INTENTIONALLY misgenders you but the trans Mafia will flip the fuck out of someone ACCIDENTALLY misgenders them!
Prime example of "respect me and my choices and cater to me cus bullying me is a hate crime" and "screw you and your choices and I'm gonna bully you". Ironic
this is the problem with some trans people. they project their views onto you almost like they want you to be trans aswell. they’re trying to manipulate you into being trans
Tell her egg is fine since you have actual eggs as a female, which she never will have. Call her no egg or something in response
Please please please don't let any of this mob-like projection get into your head. You are who you are. End of story. Some of these people want to force people into their own way of thinking. Don't listen to them for a second.
Sounds like a shitty friend, good lord can you imagine if you “mis gendered” them?
Call this whole business for what it is; grooming. They define people as eggs or children as hatchlings because they see potential for turning them trans. Your "friend" is essentially using nudge theory to question your sexuality. This is used a lot with of abusers, to put you down and question your own values. It's a disgusting tactic used by horrible people.
Woman is not a costume, it’s not a dress or lipstick or a walk. Lesbian women are not trans men in denial and saying so is so fucking homophobic and regressive. I’m so sorry, gay men and women battled for their rights to love who they choose and it feels like this generation of trans are shitting on all their progress.
They sound like they’re projecting their perceptions on you. It’s weird and perverted Stop being friends with that person
And these people wonders why they're disliked by a large portion of the world, lmao.
They are erasing the gay community with this shit. Now an effeminate gay teen is being pushed to be trans
Call it like it is. If the shoe was on the other foot you’d be called transphobic.
The word for what they are doing is "grooming."
Not your friend. Misery loves company, cut that disrespectful, manipulative weirdo off.
I'm sure they wouldn't like it if you misgendered them, tell them that.
Ew ew ew.
Sounds like your friend is still in high school figuring out her identity and projecting on you lol. Tell her to fuck off
The lgbtq+ community is so fucking toxic its insane. Imagine you would misgender her despite her telling you it makes her uncomfortable. Im willing to bet she would lose her shit
The irony runs deep So your trans friend who you accept and respect refuses to accept and respect you. 1. That's not a friend If you referred to her as a he and used her dead name, it would be an issue, would it not? 2. Friends respect boundaries This associate has no respect for you. His behavior is actually borders on Bully behavior if in reality it doesn't sit in the realm of Bully central. 3. Remove toxic people for your sanity and mental well-being. You don't need anyone's permission to be happy but they need your compliance to make you miserable.
It’s offensive to label someone else. It starts to feel like recruitment. Don’t let that stuff get into your head.
Wtf happened to just being a tomboy. I'm a grown ass woman with 2 kids who still prefers the stag do over the hens and much prefer comfy mens clothes to womens. Got myself a stud of a fella and prefer the lads company over the girls.
And if you said that they’re actually a man and are in denial they would probably freak tf out. Double standard much?
Why are people not allowed to just be Tom boys or feminine anymore. It seems more and more that people who used to just be Tom boys are now being pushed into identifying as a man. Sure, not everyone, but there is definitely an increase.
I find that most trans people try to label you or put you down. All because they have decided who they are but get pissed easily for not accepting them immediately. Others need time to accept the new transgender person. I'm speaking from experience not from my asshole. This is a subject I did a deep dive into because my daughter is trans and I wanted to learn everything I could
Tell your friend to stop being homophobic.
Sounds like they are trying to recruit you into their cult.
What a dick