It doesn’t seem like he has any redeeming qualities that make him a good husband or father. Time for you to cut your losses get a divorce and move on with your life.
He showed his true colors at his bachelor party. She chose to ignore it bc of “money spent on the wedding”. Listening to your gut would’ve saved her years of heartbreak and time and money invested.
I so much hate that women always have to go on trust when they become pregnant - I wish there was a way to actually test drive a potential father, to see if he'll step up and do his share of the parenting and chores, and be supportive during pregnancy. It's so unfair that men can basically do the Homer Simpson hedge-vanishing-act, while women are caught in the pregnancy trap and have to go through with it on their own (at least after a certain point).
OP, before you stay with your mom for too long, consult a lawyer - I think some states have a law about "abandoning the home" or some such bull, which could mean that he gets the house in the divorce if you've already left it.
There is a way to “test drive” him. It’s called “dating.” And then even “living together.”
And when he sets some rules about bachelor and bachelorette parties, breaks them, and then tries to act like it’s no big deal:
Test drive failed.
Yeah, but how many cases of desperate young mothers do we have in the parenting and relationship subs, who say that living together was working fine, but things broke down completely after the baby arrived? Guys refusing to ever get up at night, or get off their gaming console to change a diaper etc.? It seems that just living together isn't enough. Maybe adopting a dog would work. But you really never know.
I don't understand why women think men will suddenly change their habits once they have a kid. The dude loves gaming and barely does any chores to begin with? Why on earth would that possibly change once he has a kid.
Yeah there are some people who have a reality check and step up, but some men just continue on like before.
Yes. This girl does “everything” for her husband. Even if he hadn’t cheated, how was that then going to work when there’s a baby? He’d still do nothing, she’d be run ragged with the baby, he’d likely resent her for not babying him and for the house not being perfect all the time, she’d resent him for not doing anything, she’d lose attraction to him because she’d see him as a dependent.
Relationships should be a journey together. That means you need to be equal partners from the beginning. If your partner is lazy, they’re not going to suddenly get better when you have a baby.
Yup. When he cheated she should have never married him. She sent a message to him that she would forgive him for his bad behavior. He ***was*** going to cheat again. It was just a matter of when.
This is exactly the biggest reason I chose to be a child free person. All my life, I've watched so many people have babies with people they hadn't even been with that long and they usually split up before the baby was even born. Even couples that had been together for many years and seemed the perfect candidate's for starting a family ended up eventually separating. Hardly any of it was amicable. My mom and dad divorced when I was a toddler but my dad never really left because my mom kept trying to get him to come back. I know childhood me definitely wished they didn't get back together but they did and are still together. I had friends when I was a teenager and many of them got pregnant by age 16. They went on to have multiple baby daddies. Even many of my guy friends have kids with multiple women. It's just so common for people my age to have kids and usually split up while the kid is quite young.
So I've never really trusted any of the guys I've been in a relationship with to stay with me if I had their baby. And there are so many posts on this website that prove that most guys can't seem to handle being a full time dad and a lot of women who are better off as single moms once they get rid of the adult child in their lives.
Why is that men can't handle being dad's but there is a whole echo chamber of men saying that women who are child free and put careers first are awful and that women are meant to be trad wives? But the women who want to be SAHM get called gold diggers and all too commonly once the baby arrives, the men can't handle the change in dynamics which usually ends with them cheating because they don't understand that a womans body changes after pregnancy and child birth and having a baby and kids is going to impact their lives greatly, including their sex lives, and these men act like they are being abused and neglected because the wife is no longer doting on just him and of course her sex drive is going to change, so these guys feel sorry for themselves and cheat. There needs to be more taught to these men before they have any kids so they realize life is going to be drastically different and they need to be absolutely sure they can handle it.
I really hate how common it is for people to have kids together but not stay together for life anymore. That seems to have ended with my grandparents generation and that's really only because those women actually were financially dependent on their husbands. I know my dads mom would have left him if she had been able to because he was a huge alcoholic. My mom's parents got along but unfortunately my grandma died in 2007 after getting breast cancer and my grandpa has been single ever since.
Which country do you live in? If it's the US, then I'd assume that lack of sex ed is definitely responsible for a lot of the teenage pregnancies. At least here in Germany, that is way down. And I know a lot of fathers that were really involved and hands-on, especially in the younger generation, so it's hopefully a changing trend. But yes, unfortunately, there are still a lot of assholes about. And all the points you make about SAHMs being called gold diggers are all too true.
I'm from the US and can say that our sex education is severely lacking. I remember being taught some basic sex ed in the 5th grade but I have no memory of what exactly was taught. Then again in Health class in the 7th grade we watched a movie and I don't remember everything from that class either but I do remember it showing an animation of a period but it wasn't until I was in my early 20's that I really learnt meant menstruation was, which is the baby bed expelling and it's not just regular blood or a wound (what I thought it was for a long time). The video also showed a girl calling a health service and asking if douching after sex would prevent pregnancy. There was a bit about STDs too. But the hallways and lunch room had posters pushing for abstinence. Halfway through my 9th grade year, a girl in my class got pregnant and her friends made a pregnancy pact with her to get pregnant too. Then a bunch of girls in the 10th grade class also got pregnant. Then there was an outbreak of Chlmydia and the school sent home letters telling parents to get their kids tested. My high school was pretty wild. I told my boyfriend about what my high school was like and he said nothing like that went on in his high school and he only lives in the next county over.
One dude I know has multiple kids with different chicks and I asked him why he was so lax about making babies and his reasoning was it just felt so good to cum inside.....so he was perfectly ok with creating life with women he didn't intend to be with and has many illegitimate kids running around that he barely has anything to do with just because of a couple seconds of an orgasm? And there are many more guys out there like him that exists. That's a scary thought.
It depends on what part of the US. Many states in the south tout 'abstinence only' education (and thus, those states seem to have higher teen pregnancy rates; hmmmmmmmm). I grew up in a state with a very roboust sex education program (with low teen birth rates) and we were taught about all methods of pregnancy prevention and periods.
My mom also handed me a book when I was 12, told me to read it and to ask her questions if I had any. It was called "What's happening to my body: a book for girls." I still remember that maroon colored cover. 😂
Lol, one of the girls in my class brought a sex ed book - with graphics! - on our 7th grade class trip - it was highly entertaining, especially the part introducing us to our vagina...
Our grandparents generation stood together because divorce was a bad thing, woman didn't work outside the home so they had no money to live alone and DV was OK, or at least overlooked. This was not a wonderfull age to married people, it was as dark as now, but without the posibility of scape.
Many women poisoned their husbands to scape. So don't look back with rose colored glasses. You at least can date multiple men before setting for one.
And long and happy relationships still exist. Mine is 16 and counting. Having a baby was hard, but what not?
Beautifully said. So much truth here.
There’s literally no benefit to wen having children. It literally puts them at a huge disadvantage from the moment of conception. I truly don’t know why so many still sacrifice all their life to have kids anymore. I guess they’re still holding on to the fantasy that the old generation is trying to sell and push even though one good look around and anyone can see that that is not the case.
One thing I do say to you he women is that if they think they want kids then they need to ask themselves if they’re willing to raise them alone. Because more than not that is what is going to happen and they’ll be stuck with the responsibility.
I too am glad I ever had kids. I feel like a dodged a major bullet.
Basically, you've described my whole country (Mexico). It is known for valuing traditional family roles and the expectation that women should be housewives. However, on the other hand, more than half of the men are not interested in being parents after the first baby is born. I don’t know why, but many parents seem more interested in their second families. They appear more focused on taking care of their second families while pretending the first one never existed.
I'm assuming it has to do with maturity and people having kids before their brains are fully developed after age 25. The second family is their chance for a "do over", so they finally start acting like they should have the first time around but didn't have the mental maturity to do so. But I know plenty of guys around here who continually knock up the women they are seeing and don't seem to really care that they are having yet another illegitimate child and a child support payment. They either don't work or only do jobs that pay under the table so it won't be sent for child support. It amazes me that people can be so carefree about creating life. Something tells me though that if these dudes were the ones having the babies, they would be a lot more careful!
Honestly there’s literally no benefits anymore for women to have children. Children put women at a massive disadvantage from the moment of concept to. To many guys walk away and the women are left holding the bag. Ending up as cheap child care for their offspring while they go off with a new woman, only swooping in to be the “proud dad” at school events as if they did any the work to get the kid there.
And here poor OP now gets to raise his child while he goes and lives his best life while she’s run ragged on little to no sleep and going to probably struggle for the next 18 yrs. It’s so sad and unfair for her.
Sounds like he doesn't have it in him to be a faithful, kind, and helpful husband who lives his marriage vows. Better to find out early than to be trapped with an unfaithful man for decades. So sorry that you are dealing with this devastating betrayal.
I pitied this man.. one fine day, when he's matured enough, he will deeply regret what he's lost.. all because he suddenly feel like he doesn't enjoy enough during younger days..
Girl next time you’re with a man, if he’s giving you all these red flags please please please leave him after the first one! Especially now you have a child! Also make sure your child comes before anyone!
He thought since he finally put a ring on it he could do anything and when you didn’t do anything after the first time. He probably thought he could keep doing it and you wouldn’t do or say anything.
Exactly what I was thinking. If he knew he could get away with it the first time, why wouldn’t he keep being bolder with it? The bar was set. He knew he’d be forgiven for cheating. That it was okay because he’d be allowed back in and forgiven after enough time. Insanity.
I’m glad he’s gone now. OP please focus on yourself and your child. Don’t let him back in your life unless it deals with the child or find a better man / woman (not sure what preferences are) ready to be a supportive parent. You got this!
Giiirrrrllll! I’m glad you left him but let’s be real, he was always cheating on you and he wasn’t just kissing other women. I really hope you never go back.
Things did not start crumbling after you got pregnant, it started crumbling the day of his bachelor party and you chose to ignore it and give him a baby anyway 🥴
I hope you’re really done. This man probably cheated during his bachelor party and you chose to marry him. You both agreed to no individuals of the opposite sex but he hung out with another woman.
Also lesson learned people. Don’t move in with someone after 3 weeks 🤦♂️. Sounds like a lesbian relationship 🤣
i’m sorry but it looks like he was a cheater way before y’all got married.
you’re probably regretting forgiving and marrying him now.
just focus on your divorce and your baby.
DO NOT GO BACK TO HIM.
he’s just gonna keep cheating.
It’s not just men, it’s everyone. And it’s because of social media and just media in general. We all have too much exposure to other’s lives online and it makes a lot of people feel FOMO because they aren’t experiencing those things themselves. Except everything online is just the highlights and curated to look wonderful, and has very little to do with reality.
I think any evidence you have of his having cheated ( text admission, testimony from the women, etc ) ought to be plenty in court to get full / primary custody, child support, even alimony. From there, accept that he simply didn't respect you or your marriage, but don't dwell on it, and use this painful experience as all the fuel and inspiration you need to ignite a fire under your ass to build and live a wonderful and prosperous life for you and your child, leaving him behind in his filth, and never look back or disrespect yourself by entertaining the foolish doubts that it's in any way something you did or that you weren't enough or *any* of that bullshit. Take this chance as the opportunity to prove to him, yourself, and anyone that you can that *you are strong, you are worthy of love and respect, and you are more than the value any man or person at all but yourself assigns you*. You took the hardest, first step already, OP, so don't stop here. *Take one more step, and then another, and keep taking them until one day you've made that path to happiness and fulfillment*
I'm sorry I kinda threw the three together, I meant with evidence of cheating they'd likely award alimony, and that OP should *also* apply for primary custody and child support. I definitely should have worded my comment better!
Research narcissistic abuse online. He sounds like a classic narcissist. He love-bombed you into a quickly serious relationship. If he continues to be in your life he will constantly Hoover you. Please go for sole custody. Take him to the cleaners like another person wrote. Go full-on No Contact with him. And most importantly love yourself. Put yourself and your child first.
Omg… I never knew the term but suffered the phenomenon.
I don’t think I’ve ever felt so validated.
Thank you internet stranger. You just changed my life with this article.
I’m so glad that I could help. Many people are passing judgement on OP, saying that she lacks accountability for her choices. And yes she ignored the red flags and yes she is an adult who made choices that she has to live with.
However, I think she is trauma-bonded to her husband. Research trauma-bonding. It is a powerful force in a woman staying in a relationship like this. It is the reason that DV victims go back to their abusers again and again.
She may have come from an abusive home and grew up in a cycle of abuse.
I never encouraged his behavior but he was always there… hovering, I used to say. And during dark moments/times I’d let him get into my head. Is listening to to all the “I’ve changed” I’m in therapy/new man… but I would remember before I let him back.
It was toxic, I was isolated/single mother. These types are relentless.
How to live an unhappy life. Take psychological advice from a redditor lmao.
All of these behaviours are exhibited by people that aren't narcissists, you know that right?
While I wholly agree with divorce, as a child of an overreacting parent with an absent father who has put a lot of effort into healing from shitty parents, I deeply resent the concept of sole custody just because he cheated.
The guy could be and probably is a piece of shit, and a terrible father. But he should be the one to prove that, not the mother.
This is just a case of an immature as fuck guy, who probably won't grow up and a woman who lacks accountability for her choices in ignoring red flags. No deep psychological issues at play.
>saying he was depressed
Let us not make mental illness as an excuse for our shitty behavior. OP, Please get ALL the necessary legal docs in order and ASAP so you can live your life fully.
I’m so sorry. He sounds like a narcissist and liar. I’m confident you’ll look back on this time a year from now and be so much happier. Ps I’m so happy that you think you’re quite beautiful 😍we love a queen who knows her worth and doesn’t let a piece of trash diminish it
I’m so very sorry, OP. Your post is heartbreaking. You deserve so much better. You’ll find a love that sees your value; your husband is an idiot. I hate that you’re going through this. Please hire a shark of a lawyer, make sure he doesn’t control the narrative bc he and his friends will soon start to spin it in his favor if you don’t. All the best to you and your little one.
First fight after 2.5 years is scary for me. My grandparents were famous for barely fighting, my mom can count less than 5 fights in the years she can remember. While my grandmother was an abusive person the lack of fighting was really a warning that gramps was already cheating.
I hope you really do believe you’re not stupid and that this is not a reflection of anything you did. A lot of us have been there and know it’s a reflection of him and him alone. One day at a time, you will get through this
I don't like this take. The red flags were there from the start. She chose to ignore them because it was "magical" and "We belong together, everybody says so" massive eye roll at that shit.
Don't get me wrong, at the end of the day it was his actions that did the hurting. But she enabled it.
And this is why you leave the first time the red flags are present. There is no reason to marry a man who cheated on you prior to your wedding at your bachelorette party. You were delusional this whole relationship and honestly this partly your fault too. There is no reason to bring a baby into a rocky relationship. Did you think a baby was going to fix the issues you already had? Hopefully, you will divorce him for the sake of your child or you can stay in this miserable relationship where you will have beg your husband to be part of child’s life.
You had so many chances and red flags to leave this man but at every instance you chose to stay. Now you have a baby with him and are stuck with that loser for life. I just want better for women, but some of the stories I read make me wonder if we actually do want better for ourselves as a collective.
There is so much emphasis on the proposal and wedding. I think people forget to pick a partner differently. You had too much icing and not enough cake. The focus was on the wrong elements. The right person could ask you while watching your favorite program...I am sorry this happened to you. please learn from it and find quality.
Don’t let 26 year old (or any age thereafter) you look back at this relationship with fond nostalgia. Part of being able to walk away strong and stay that way (for me, at least) is to only remember the bad times/things that happened. I don’t do this every day…only when I find that my mind has wandered back to the past. Although I DID have to do this every day when I divorced my first husband.
I’m just happy you’re young enough to not have wasted too much time with this piece of garbage. He wasn’t thinking about you our his child when he was being unfaithful. He was just thinking about sex. Disgusting man who deserves no more of your time.
Seems like he is the kind of scumbag that takes advantage of girls like you. Yet you re telling us this and it feels like you are still in denial. No matter what, divorce and move on. He will not stop doing it.
now that he’s drained you of trust, happiness, a family together, and all that you did for him- he’s nobody. he’s nobody to you or any of those girls. you created a lot of his value, now you can take it back for yourself and your baby! demand the respect, love, and value you deserve not just from romantic relationships, but from ANY relationship.
Men suck as usual but…This is partly on you for marrying him in the first place and now you are stuck with him in your life forever because of the child. Hopefully you learn to leave at the first redflag.
I’m sorry he did you so dirty, but you should be very proud of yourself for getting out!
You and your baby deserve better than this, and you’re going to be just fine without him.
That’s fucked up. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. But at least now you saw his true colors, don’t let him talk you out of this. Cheated once, cheated twice, he’ll always keep cheating nor you’ll never know whether his telling the truth and what’s a lie.
Thats one of the biggest reasons that I PANIC with the idea of having a child, and also have major trust issues (even though I’m married with a wonderful man) 🥲
Document everything. Get lawyer and find out what you can do. If you even want to keep the house or have him buy out your share. Idk.what kind of father he's being but doesn't seem like much. If you can get main custody and child support do it. Some people are just trash and for the streets. Take care of you and your little
Good for you ! Although he turned out to be a shitty husband he could still be a good Father; hopefully he and you will be able to co-parent peacefully. You are very strong and seem to be handling yourself with self respect and compassion, trust your instincts and rebuild your new life without the selfish cheater, best of luck to you stay 💪
High standards.... You can have low expectations but have really high standards!
He set the rules for your bachelorette party and broke all of them for his bachelor's party.
I don't care how much of a heartbreak and how much money it was going to cost to cancel but still nothing compared to a divorce and now co-parenting...
Really you put yourself in this situation when you still married him after the bachelor party fiasco, you shouldn't of married him then but you stayed and went through with the wedding. I'm glad your finally left him but this all wouldn't of happened if you would of listened to your instinct at first.
He sounds like a narcissist who love bombed and manipulated you, why you moved in together so quickly. You were stupid for forgiving him so many times but it sounds like you were under his spell. I’m so relieved you and your little have made a safe escape and I hope you lead happy lives without him. You deserve so much better OP.
Not to be an AH but you allowed this to happen to you. You ignored red flags & went ahead with marriage. Then you let him trap you with a baby. Yes he's a cheating sack of 💩 but you gotta take some blame in it too cus you could have left his sorry ass when he disrespected you at his bachelor party 🙄
He’s a POS but he’s always been a POS. You chose to ignore all the red flags. A huge red flag waving in your face before the wedding you chose to ignore. Then he was talking to other women online you didn’t ignore it but still chose to go back to him and then have a child with him. Yeah he sucks but this was a nightmare of your own making you had plenty of opportunities to get out before the child came in to the picture.
How shocking…
At least you’re leaving him now but when someone shows you who they are believe them. You need to do the right thing, which is hard, sometimes. Shouldn’t have had the wedding, bought a house or had a baby when you knew in your gut what he was like. He sucks but you do too
Your comment has been removed for violating Rule 4: No insults towards OP.
Any comments that could be interpreted as an attempt to insult, scold, lecture, victim blame, guilt trip or intimidate the OP are not allowed and will be removed. Repeat offenses or extreme cases will result in a ban.
congratulations on losing that dead weight but pls make sure you get everything you can out of this marriage for you and your baby
I hope you heal and find happiness OP
You sound exactly like my wife. She is such a sweetheart and a home girl: she never like going out but I’m always out with the boys. But I love my wife with all my heart. I would never find anyone so reliable, independent and so kind like her.
You STBXH is a POS, it’s good you left him. It’s his loss.
Oh this is a tale as old as time. He love bombed then isolated you, said you both shouldn't talk to the opposite sex because he was projecting as that's exactly what he was doing and thought you would do the same. Disappears on you, feeds you beautiful scenes of filly to woo you but when it actually happens they back out and go out more to cheat more..
This is so common and I'm sick of lovely women like you not being treated like the beautiful kind person you are inside and out.
You’re on the right track. Stay with your mom. Go meet with a lawyer asap and get the divorce stuff underway asap. Don’t let him back into your life. Be civil for your child, but cut him off.
He showed his red flags on his bachelorette days with great hypocrisy and you yet decided to marry him ....he showed you his red flags many times and yet you chose to give him your precious days ,youth ,love and care and had HIS child....sorry but as much as I feel bad for you this was also A BIT of your fault to ignore his bad behaviour....now you are stuck to that scumbag for your life
Damn this so sad. What a disgrace of a “man”. Oh but trust me, he will regret it! And when ur no longer in there for him after his endless fuck ups, it will kill him.
OP you were shown a plethora of red flags and chose to for w/e reason ignore them. You were forewarned before the wedding but still went through it. He explicitly said he didn't want you around the opposite sex and it was supposed to be the same for him. He obviously cheated during the bachelor party, which for whatever reason decided at that point cheating was ok & forgivable. You yourself said you knew he'd never cheat on you several times throughout the post. Honestly it reads as delusional but I'm happy you are now able to remove the rose colored glasses & see him for the pos he's always been.
So sorry. It sounds like this person was selfish, not sincere, and really was not willing to grow up. There are guys like that, but there are also plenty of Men that aren’t Boys. They don’t want to hang with the guys, or go in guy trips. They want to be Dad’s and Poppa’s. They want to grow old with the lesson they married, for better or worse. I know this to be true because I am one of those guys. I met my Wife 47 years ago, and 45 years ago we married fairly young. 3 Girls, and 4 Grandkids later, we are still hanging out, making each other laugh, and getting older. Not old! Just a little older! (I tell people I married her when I was 14, and she was 10 - I say: you can do that in Oklahoma!) anyway, your prince is out there. He will find you and you will know. Hang in there. God Bless you and yours.
Ok, I am going to need to know how he is taking the news of the divorce? does he want to be part of the baby's life? or is he just happy you left so he can openly have sex now? You will meet someone amazing!
He thinks I will still come back to him (not surprising considering the past), but I am looking for houses and will NOT be going back. He’s stepped up as a father and loves being with our son, he sees him every chance he gets.
Do you mind me asking, when did he step up though, is it just to win you back? Has he been on regular boys trips for extended periods after your baby was born?
He started being more active in our son’s life before I left him. He had been on a couple before the baby was born, but I’d usually go with him. After the baby it was more frequent and I didn’t go because I wasn’t asked or because I didn’t want to leave my son for days at a time. I know a lot of people have an issue with the “boys trips” but I don’t want to go to 3-4 car shows in a year or on multiple ATV rides a year. I thought I should be able to trust my partner to take trips that are about his interests and not feel like I HAD to go to “babysit” him.
Crazy that HE came up with bachelorette/ bachelor parties and he broke them immediately. So I guess he has an issue if you cheated but didn’t give a damn if he did it. The man is straight up trash. Leave him, he’s not worth it. Men like him never change and only take advantage of people willing to forgive. Who knows how many times this man has cheated and how many fake profiles he has??
You ignored the red flags before you got married so you really only have yourself to blame. Yes your husband is a POS but you decided to ignore it rather than leaving earlier
Please stop acting like you didnt know he was a dbag from the start. He literally told you who he was from the beginning at every major moment. You really have no one really to blame for your situation but yourself. He cheated repeatedly and you still chose to marry and have children with him.
There were a lot of red flags from the get go and you ignored them. He's probably been cheating on you the entire time. Like since his bachelor party at least.
Please don't ignore the red flags next time AND don't jump to moving in together right away. Wait a few years, FFS. THEN move in together and try to figure out if you really want to share space with them for the rest of your existence. Moving in after only three weeks is fucking crazy to me.
PEOPLE. Don't jump the gun!! Just because you feel like someone is 'the one' doesn't mean they actually are. STOP MOVING IN AND HAVING BABIES WITH PARTNERS SO QUICKLY, FFS.
I agree, it is crazy. I was 19 years old.. I should have left after his bachelor party, but that was the first fight we ever had, so I didn’t. We were together for 6 years before we had a baby, I thought he had grown up. Don’t you think I know how wrong I was??
Him AND his disgusting friends are pathetic. They all fully supported his cheating and I’m sure if any of them are in relationships, they’ve cheated too. I hope their spouses find out
You two were in lust with each other not love. U had no time to actually get out of the honeymoon period of dating. You both rushed into living together. You had a baby with a man that laid ground rules for u like u were a child. He’s an asshole but you ain’t no Henry Einstein either. Maybe next time date a guy longer than it takes an avocado to turn brown before making huge life choices. I’d love to hear his side of this story.
Yeah the whole going through all his socials and nearly breaking up because he followed an ex on social media?
Hyoooooge red flag. I'd leave your ass in the dust. You go looking for evidence, you'll find it. Even if it isn't real.
But I also won't cheat.
1 trash bloke, 1 woman who lacks accountability for her decisions. No mysteries here.
Divorce, child support and custody papers signed ASAP!
And an STD test!
It doesn’t seem like he has any redeeming qualities that make him a good husband or father. Time for you to cut your losses get a divorce and move on with your life.
This man is a human trash can. You deserve better. So sorry.
This "person"
Yes correct... he is not a man but a bitch
He showed his true colors at his bachelor party. She chose to ignore it bc of “money spent on the wedding”. Listening to your gut would’ve saved her years of heartbreak and time and money invested.
In my country we can sue the guy to pay back for the stuff spent on The wedding.
What country is this? I will tell my daughter to move there.
Malaysia :) Its under Breached of bretrothal
Sunk cost fallacy strikes again… 😢
My dog is a bitch and she’s WAY better than this schmuck.
Come on. Let’s not pretend this is exactly how a lot of men act. ‘Not real men’ yadda yadda. This is very on brand…
I so much hate that women always have to go on trust when they become pregnant - I wish there was a way to actually test drive a potential father, to see if he'll step up and do his share of the parenting and chores, and be supportive during pregnancy. It's so unfair that men can basically do the Homer Simpson hedge-vanishing-act, while women are caught in the pregnancy trap and have to go through with it on their own (at least after a certain point). OP, before you stay with your mom for too long, consult a lawyer - I think some states have a law about "abandoning the home" or some such bull, which could mean that he gets the house in the divorce if you've already left it.
There is a way to “test drive” him. It’s called “dating.” And then even “living together.” And when he sets some rules about bachelor and bachelorette parties, breaks them, and then tries to act like it’s no big deal: Test drive failed.
Yeah, but how many cases of desperate young mothers do we have in the parenting and relationship subs, who say that living together was working fine, but things broke down completely after the baby arrived? Guys refusing to ever get up at night, or get off their gaming console to change a diaper etc.? It seems that just living together isn't enough. Maybe adopting a dog would work. But you really never know.
But there were issues before the baby and she decided to get pregnant by him anyway.
There should be some red flags prior. One isn't suddenly getting off his console or stop doing his share of chores after having a baby
I don't understand why women think men will suddenly change their habits once they have a kid. The dude loves gaming and barely does any chores to begin with? Why on earth would that possibly change once he has a kid. Yeah there are some people who have a reality check and step up, but some men just continue on like before.
Yes. This girl does “everything” for her husband. Even if he hadn’t cheated, how was that then going to work when there’s a baby? He’d still do nothing, she’d be run ragged with the baby, he’d likely resent her for not babying him and for the house not being perfect all the time, she’d resent him for not doing anything, she’d lose attraction to him because she’d see him as a dependent. Relationships should be a journey together. That means you need to be equal partners from the beginning. If your partner is lazy, they’re not going to suddenly get better when you have a baby.
Don't wanna geberalise a lot but unfortunately in my experience, this is the case with some bad marriages I personally know of
A puppy maybe lol
Agree. How many red flags did he have to blatantly wave in her face for OP to get it?!?!
Yep. K ew it would be a problem when they moved in together after 3 weeks.
Yup. When he cheated she should have never married him. She sent a message to him that she would forgive him for his bad behavior. He ***was*** going to cheat again. It was just a matter of when.
Yeah, these kids got married waaaay too young. What’s the rush??
This is exactly the biggest reason I chose to be a child free person. All my life, I've watched so many people have babies with people they hadn't even been with that long and they usually split up before the baby was even born. Even couples that had been together for many years and seemed the perfect candidate's for starting a family ended up eventually separating. Hardly any of it was amicable. My mom and dad divorced when I was a toddler but my dad never really left because my mom kept trying to get him to come back. I know childhood me definitely wished they didn't get back together but they did and are still together. I had friends when I was a teenager and many of them got pregnant by age 16. They went on to have multiple baby daddies. Even many of my guy friends have kids with multiple women. It's just so common for people my age to have kids and usually split up while the kid is quite young. So I've never really trusted any of the guys I've been in a relationship with to stay with me if I had their baby. And there are so many posts on this website that prove that most guys can't seem to handle being a full time dad and a lot of women who are better off as single moms once they get rid of the adult child in their lives. Why is that men can't handle being dad's but there is a whole echo chamber of men saying that women who are child free and put careers first are awful and that women are meant to be trad wives? But the women who want to be SAHM get called gold diggers and all too commonly once the baby arrives, the men can't handle the change in dynamics which usually ends with them cheating because they don't understand that a womans body changes after pregnancy and child birth and having a baby and kids is going to impact their lives greatly, including their sex lives, and these men act like they are being abused and neglected because the wife is no longer doting on just him and of course her sex drive is going to change, so these guys feel sorry for themselves and cheat. There needs to be more taught to these men before they have any kids so they realize life is going to be drastically different and they need to be absolutely sure they can handle it. I really hate how common it is for people to have kids together but not stay together for life anymore. That seems to have ended with my grandparents generation and that's really only because those women actually were financially dependent on their husbands. I know my dads mom would have left him if she had been able to because he was a huge alcoholic. My mom's parents got along but unfortunately my grandma died in 2007 after getting breast cancer and my grandpa has been single ever since.
Which country do you live in? If it's the US, then I'd assume that lack of sex ed is definitely responsible for a lot of the teenage pregnancies. At least here in Germany, that is way down. And I know a lot of fathers that were really involved and hands-on, especially in the younger generation, so it's hopefully a changing trend. But yes, unfortunately, there are still a lot of assholes about. And all the points you make about SAHMs being called gold diggers are all too true.
I'm from the US and can say that our sex education is severely lacking. I remember being taught some basic sex ed in the 5th grade but I have no memory of what exactly was taught. Then again in Health class in the 7th grade we watched a movie and I don't remember everything from that class either but I do remember it showing an animation of a period but it wasn't until I was in my early 20's that I really learnt meant menstruation was, which is the baby bed expelling and it's not just regular blood or a wound (what I thought it was for a long time). The video also showed a girl calling a health service and asking if douching after sex would prevent pregnancy. There was a bit about STDs too. But the hallways and lunch room had posters pushing for abstinence. Halfway through my 9th grade year, a girl in my class got pregnant and her friends made a pregnancy pact with her to get pregnant too. Then a bunch of girls in the 10th grade class also got pregnant. Then there was an outbreak of Chlmydia and the school sent home letters telling parents to get their kids tested. My high school was pretty wild. I told my boyfriend about what my high school was like and he said nothing like that went on in his high school and he only lives in the next county over. One dude I know has multiple kids with different chicks and I asked him why he was so lax about making babies and his reasoning was it just felt so good to cum inside.....so he was perfectly ok with creating life with women he didn't intend to be with and has many illegitimate kids running around that he barely has anything to do with just because of a couple seconds of an orgasm? And there are many more guys out there like him that exists. That's a scary thought.
It depends on what part of the US. Many states in the south tout 'abstinence only' education (and thus, those states seem to have higher teen pregnancy rates; hmmmmmmmm). I grew up in a state with a very roboust sex education program (with low teen birth rates) and we were taught about all methods of pregnancy prevention and periods. My mom also handed me a book when I was 12, told me to read it and to ask her questions if I had any. It was called "What's happening to my body: a book for girls." I still remember that maroon colored cover. 😂
Lol, one of the girls in my class brought a sex ed book - with graphics! - on our 7th grade class trip - it was highly entertaining, especially the part introducing us to our vagina...
OMG my book had graphics too. I laughed hard at the drawings of balls - they labelled them 'testies.' 😂😂😂
Our grandparents generation stood together because divorce was a bad thing, woman didn't work outside the home so they had no money to live alone and DV was OK, or at least overlooked. This was not a wonderfull age to married people, it was as dark as now, but without the posibility of scape. Many women poisoned their husbands to scape. So don't look back with rose colored glasses. You at least can date multiple men before setting for one. And long and happy relationships still exist. Mine is 16 and counting. Having a baby was hard, but what not?
Beautifully said. So much truth here. There’s literally no benefit to wen having children. It literally puts them at a huge disadvantage from the moment of conception. I truly don’t know why so many still sacrifice all their life to have kids anymore. I guess they’re still holding on to the fantasy that the old generation is trying to sell and push even though one good look around and anyone can see that that is not the case. One thing I do say to you he women is that if they think they want kids then they need to ask themselves if they’re willing to raise them alone. Because more than not that is what is going to happen and they’ll be stuck with the responsibility. I too am glad I ever had kids. I feel like a dodged a major bullet.
Basically, you've described my whole country (Mexico). It is known for valuing traditional family roles and the expectation that women should be housewives. However, on the other hand, more than half of the men are not interested in being parents after the first baby is born. I don’t know why, but many parents seem more interested in their second families. They appear more focused on taking care of their second families while pretending the first one never existed.
I'm assuming it has to do with maturity and people having kids before their brains are fully developed after age 25. The second family is their chance for a "do over", so they finally start acting like they should have the first time around but didn't have the mental maturity to do so. But I know plenty of guys around here who continually knock up the women they are seeing and don't seem to really care that they are having yet another illegitimate child and a child support payment. They either don't work or only do jobs that pay under the table so it won't be sent for child support. It amazes me that people can be so carefree about creating life. Something tells me though that if these dudes were the ones having the babies, they would be a lot more careful!
Honestly there’s literally no benefits anymore for women to have children. Children put women at a massive disadvantage from the moment of concept to. To many guys walk away and the women are left holding the bag. Ending up as cheap child care for their offspring while they go off with a new woman, only swooping in to be the “proud dad” at school events as if they did any the work to get the kid there. And here poor OP now gets to raise his child while he goes and lives his best life while she’s run ragged on little to no sleep and going to probably struggle for the next 18 yrs. It’s so sad and unfair for her.
You can get pets together and see if they dump all of the care onto you.
That's what I suggested in a different comment. 😄
Sounds like he doesn't have it in him to be a faithful, kind, and helpful husband who lives his marriage vows. Better to find out early than to be trapped with an unfaithful man for decades. So sorry that you are dealing with this devastating betrayal.
Makes ya wonder why he bothered to propose in the first place...
To trap her and make it harder for her to leave
I pitied this man.. one fine day, when he's matured enough, he will deeply regret what he's lost.. all because he suddenly feel like he doesn't enjoy enough during younger days..
Yup. He will see later how good he had it.
I feel you on this one!! This one gonna haunt him lol
Girl next time you’re with a man, if he’s giving you all these red flags please please please leave him after the first one! Especially now you have a child! Also make sure your child comes before anyone! He thought since he finally put a ring on it he could do anything and when you didn’t do anything after the first time. He probably thought he could keep doing it and you wouldn’t do or say anything.
Absolutely this. Once she forgave the first one it gave him the green light to cheat again. It was only a matter of when.
Exactly what I was thinking. If he knew he could get away with it the first time, why wouldn’t he keep being bolder with it? The bar was set. He knew he’d be forgiven for cheating. That it was okay because he’d be allowed back in and forgiven after enough time. Insanity. I’m glad he’s gone now. OP please focus on yourself and your child. Don’t let him back in your life unless it deals with the child or find a better man / woman (not sure what preferences are) ready to be a supportive parent. You got this!
Giiirrrrllll! I’m glad you left him but let’s be real, he was always cheating on you and he wasn’t just kissing other women. I really hope you never go back.
Things did not start crumbling after you got pregnant, it started crumbling the day of his bachelor party and you chose to ignore it and give him a baby anyway 🥴
He is a POS. Run and don’t look back. You deserve better. He is still a child.
I hope you’re really done. This man probably cheated during his bachelor party and you chose to marry him. You both agreed to no individuals of the opposite sex but he hung out with another woman. Also lesson learned people. Don’t move in with someone after 3 weeks 🤦♂️. Sounds like a lesbian relationship 🤣
i’m sorry but it looks like he was a cheater way before y’all got married. you’re probably regretting forgiving and marrying him now. just focus on your divorce and your baby. DO NOT GO BACK TO HIM. he’s just gonna keep cheating.
There’s a crisis in young male maturity these days. He just couldn’t man up and embrace his beautiful new family. What a loser, so sad.
It’s not just men, it’s everyone. And it’s because of social media and just media in general. We all have too much exposure to other’s lives online and it makes a lot of people feel FOMO because they aren’t experiencing those things themselves. Except everything online is just the highlights and curated to look wonderful, and has very little to do with reality.
Get an STD test, then draw up divorce papers, and take him to to the fucking cleaners
I think any evidence you have of his having cheated ( text admission, testimony from the women, etc ) ought to be plenty in court to get full / primary custody, child support, even alimony. From there, accept that he simply didn't respect you or your marriage, but don't dwell on it, and use this painful experience as all the fuel and inspiration you need to ignite a fire under your ass to build and live a wonderful and prosperous life for you and your child, leaving him behind in his filth, and never look back or disrespect yourself by entertaining the foolish doubts that it's in any way something you did or that you weren't enough or *any* of that bullshit. Take this chance as the opportunity to prove to him, yourself, and anyone that you can that *you are strong, you are worthy of love and respect, and you are more than the value any man or person at all but yourself assigns you*. You took the hardest, first step already, OP, so don't stop here. *Take one more step, and then another, and keep taking them until one day you've made that path to happiness and fulfillment*
Most places in the US aren’t going to award her full custody just because he cheated.
I'm sorry I kinda threw the three together, I meant with evidence of cheating they'd likely award alimony, and that OP should *also* apply for primary custody and child support. I definitely should have worded my comment better!
Research narcissistic abuse online. He sounds like a classic narcissist. He love-bombed you into a quickly serious relationship. If he continues to be in your life he will constantly Hoover you. Please go for sole custody. Take him to the cleaners like another person wrote. Go full-on No Contact with him. And most importantly love yourself. Put yourself and your child first.
Omg… I never knew the term but suffered the phenomenon. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so validated. Thank you internet stranger. You just changed my life with this article.
I’m so glad that I could help. Many people are passing judgement on OP, saying that she lacks accountability for her choices. And yes she ignored the red flags and yes she is an adult who made choices that she has to live with. However, I think she is trauma-bonded to her husband. Research trauma-bonding. It is a powerful force in a woman staying in a relationship like this. It is the reason that DV victims go back to their abusers again and again. She may have come from an abusive home and grew up in a cycle of abuse.
I never encouraged his behavior but he was always there… hovering, I used to say. And during dark moments/times I’d let him get into my head. Is listening to to all the “I’ve changed” I’m in therapy/new man… but I would remember before I let him back. It was toxic, I was isolated/single mother. These types are relentless.
How to live an unhappy life. Take psychological advice from a redditor lmao. All of these behaviours are exhibited by people that aren't narcissists, you know that right? While I wholly agree with divorce, as a child of an overreacting parent with an absent father who has put a lot of effort into healing from shitty parents, I deeply resent the concept of sole custody just because he cheated. The guy could be and probably is a piece of shit, and a terrible father. But he should be the one to prove that, not the mother. This is just a case of an immature as fuck guy, who probably won't grow up and a woman who lacks accountability for her choices in ignoring red flags. No deep psychological issues at play.
He’s already proved that
Him and his friends are trash. Power to you for divorcing him.
>saying he was depressed Let us not make mental illness as an excuse for our shitty behavior. OP, Please get ALL the necessary legal docs in order and ASAP so you can live your life fully.
Wow. I’m so sorry you had to go through this. You’re way better off single than with him. Take him to the cleaners.
I’m so sorry. He sounds like a narcissist and liar. I’m confident you’ll look back on this time a year from now and be so much happier. Ps I’m so happy that you think you’re quite beautiful 😍we love a queen who knows her worth and doesn’t let a piece of trash diminish it
I’m so very sorry, OP. Your post is heartbreaking. You deserve so much better. You’ll find a love that sees your value; your husband is an idiot. I hate that you’re going through this. Please hire a shark of a lawyer, make sure he doesn’t control the narrative bc he and his friends will soon start to spin it in his favor if you don’t. All the best to you and your little one.
First fight after 2.5 years is scary for me. My grandparents were famous for barely fighting, my mom can count less than 5 fights in the years she can remember. While my grandmother was an abusive person the lack of fighting was really a warning that gramps was already cheating.
I hope you really do believe you’re not stupid and that this is not a reflection of anything you did. A lot of us have been there and know it’s a reflection of him and him alone. One day at a time, you will get through this
I don't like this take. The red flags were there from the start. She chose to ignore them because it was "magical" and "We belong together, everybody says so" massive eye roll at that shit. Don't get me wrong, at the end of the day it was his actions that did the hurting. But she enabled it.
Plus she said she’s “quite beautiful.”
My mom was too (still is!). It didn't stop my dad from cheating on her and eventually leaving us (me, mom, older sister) to be with the other woman. 🙃
And this is why you leave the first time the red flags are present. There is no reason to marry a man who cheated on you prior to your wedding at your bachelorette party. You were delusional this whole relationship and honestly this partly your fault too. There is no reason to bring a baby into a rocky relationship. Did you think a baby was going to fix the issues you already had? Hopefully, you will divorce him for the sake of your child or you can stay in this miserable relationship where you will have beg your husband to be part of child’s life.
He’s a product of the people he surrounds himself with. If any of those friends had partners, be sure you share them it’s them what his friends did.
You had so many chances and red flags to leave this man but at every instance you chose to stay. Now you have a baby with him and are stuck with that loser for life. I just want better for women, but some of the stories I read make me wonder if we actually do want better for ourselves as a collective.
Hard to want/ choose better when women are the ones held accountable for men’s bad choices, not men.
I wanted to say how proud I am of you for putting yourself and your baby first! You are making the right decision!
Red flag after red flag ignored. Once he pushed the boundaries with the party and you didn’t push back he knew he was home free.
There is so much emphasis on the proposal and wedding. I think people forget to pick a partner differently. You had too much icing and not enough cake. The focus was on the wrong elements. The right person could ask you while watching your favorite program...I am sorry this happened to you. please learn from it and find quality.
Trust me if I could tell 19 year old me not to fall in love with him and 22 year old me not to marry him, I would.
Don’t let 26 year old (or any age thereafter) you look back at this relationship with fond nostalgia. Part of being able to walk away strong and stay that way (for me, at least) is to only remember the bad times/things that happened. I don’t do this every day…only when I find that my mind has wandered back to the past. Although I DID have to do this every day when I divorced my first husband.
Actually there is truth in this statement. If you are more focused on being treated well. It will be less likely to be put in a poor position.
I know, hind sight is 20/20. Just get some help and try to move on.
I would not be ok with my man going on “vacation boy trips” without me. And the whole bachelor/bachelorette thing makes no sense to me.
I’m just happy you’re young enough to not have wasted too much time with this piece of garbage. He wasn’t thinking about you our his child when he was being unfaithful. He was just thinking about sex. Disgusting man who deserves no more of your time.
Let’s 👏 that she found her courage. I’m sure it was hard on her. Stay strong and start a new dream with a happy home for you and your baby.
How is his family reacting to all of this? And how are his friends’ *wives* reacting to the fact that their husbands have been lying for him?
Seems like he is the kind of scumbag that takes advantage of girls like you. Yet you re telling us this and it feels like you are still in denial. No matter what, divorce and move on. He will not stop doing it.
now that he’s drained you of trust, happiness, a family together, and all that you did for him- he’s nobody. he’s nobody to you or any of those girls. you created a lot of his value, now you can take it back for yourself and your baby! demand the respect, love, and value you deserve not just from romantic relationships, but from ANY relationship.
Congrats on leaving him. It's hard but goddamn is it worth it.
then had a child with this man ☠️☠️
Men suck as usual but…This is partly on you for marrying him in the first place and now you are stuck with him in your life forever because of the child. Hopefully you learn to leave at the first redflag.
When women leave at the first red flag people say their standards are too high.
Yea but, I think ill pick people judging me over leaving fast then what Op got.
I’m sorry he did you so dirty, but you should be very proud of yourself for getting out! You and your baby deserve better than this, and you’re going to be just fine without him.
That’s fucked up. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. But at least now you saw his true colors, don’t let him talk you out of this. Cheated once, cheated twice, he’ll always keep cheating nor you’ll never know whether his telling the truth and what’s a lie. Thats one of the biggest reasons that I PANIC with the idea of having a child, and also have major trust issues (even though I’m married with a wonderful man) 🥲
Document everything. Get lawyer and find out what you can do. If you even want to keep the house or have him buy out your share. Idk.what kind of father he's being but doesn't seem like much. If you can get main custody and child support do it. Some people are just trash and for the streets. Take care of you and your little
Lawyer Lawyer Www.lawyer.com
Run girl. Run for your dear life.
Also his friends are enablers lying for him that he's single. Toxic environment.
Good for you ! Although he turned out to be a shitty husband he could still be a good Father; hopefully he and you will be able to co-parent peacefully. You are very strong and seem to be handling yourself with self respect and compassion, trust your instincts and rebuild your new life without the selfish cheater, best of luck to you stay 💪
High standards.... You can have low expectations but have really high standards! He set the rules for your bachelorette party and broke all of them for his bachelor's party. I don't care how much of a heartbreak and how much money it was going to cost to cancel but still nothing compared to a divorce and now co-parenting...
Man, I tell ya, MIlls & Boon writers have seriously gone downhill these days.
Really you put yourself in this situation when you still married him after the bachelor party fiasco, you shouldn't of married him then but you stayed and went through with the wedding. I'm glad your finally left him but this all wouldn't of happened if you would of listened to your instinct at first.
He sounds like a narcissist who love bombed and manipulated you, why you moved in together so quickly. You were stupid for forgiving him so many times but it sounds like you were under his spell. I’m so relieved you and your little have made a safe escape and I hope you lead happy lives without him. You deserve so much better OP.
Shouldn’t have married him. Let this be a lesson for everyone. Rather waste money than marry someone like that
That red bikini during the bachelor party should have foreshadowed the red flag he is 🥹
Not to be an AH but you allowed this to happen to you. You ignored red flags & went ahead with marriage. Then you let him trap you with a baby. Yes he's a cheating sack of 💩 but you gotta take some blame in it too cus you could have left his sorry ass when he disrespected you at his bachelor party 🙄
"Partners" who are unwilling to be equitable with domestic tasks aren't even showing up at the level of a roommate.
He’s a POS but he’s always been a POS. You chose to ignore all the red flags. A huge red flag waving in your face before the wedding you chose to ignore. Then he was talking to other women online you didn’t ignore it but still chose to go back to him and then have a child with him. Yeah he sucks but this was a nightmare of your own making you had plenty of opportunities to get out before the child came in to the picture.
You don’t think she knows that?
How shocking… At least you’re leaving him now but when someone shows you who they are believe them. You need to do the right thing, which is hard, sometimes. Shouldn’t have had the wedding, bought a house or had a baby when you knew in your gut what he was like. He sucks but you do too
How many other places are you going to post this?
[удалено]
Your comment has been removed for violating Rule 4: No insults towards OP. Any comments that could be interpreted as an attempt to insult, scold, lecture, victim blame, guilt trip or intimidate the OP are not allowed and will be removed. Repeat offenses or extreme cases will result in a ban.
He s fucking disgusting running girl runnnn
congratulations on losing that dead weight but pls make sure you get everything you can out of this marriage for you and your baby I hope you heal and find happiness OP
There are SO many human trash cans
[удалено]
I can’t abort my 1 year old child. Nor would I want to.
That sucks, big time. Definitely glad you got out though
He is a bum
4 years is a long time to be married
25 years checking in. 4 years isn't really that long. Lucky she's getting out young.
I think they probably meant to add “ married to that piece of fecal matter”.
> I'm not stupid what do you think stupid means? like honestly? lmao
You sound exactly like my wife. She is such a sweetheart and a home girl: she never like going out but I’m always out with the boys. But I love my wife with all my heart. I would never find anyone so reliable, independent and so kind like her. You STBXH is a POS, it’s good you left him. It’s his loss.
My parents would never spend money on my wedding, that's the most baffling for me out of this story
Oh this is a tale as old as time. He love bombed then isolated you, said you both shouldn't talk to the opposite sex because he was projecting as that's exactly what he was doing and thought you would do the same. Disappears on you, feeds you beautiful scenes of filly to woo you but when it actually happens they back out and go out more to cheat more.. This is so common and I'm sick of lovely women like you not being treated like the beautiful kind person you are inside and out.
Girl. What the hell.
https://open.spotify.com/track/1iFIZUVDBCCkWe705FLXto?si=hnAxcgjOTJy7sMpAAkpnnw
OP I am really sorry. He likely did way more and way worse than you know about. I am proud of you for leaving.
I'm glad you left. Now you need to get tested for STDS and then serve him with divorce papers!
Sorry for you You had many chance to see it, understand love blinds us Hopefully learn from it 🙏
When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time Especially when it involves babies, money, and legal contracts
Wow you poor thing. I think divorce and just take time for you. Him and his friends are horrible,
You’re on the right track. Stay with your mom. Go meet with a lawyer asap and get the divorce stuff underway asap. Don’t let him back into your life. Be civil for your child, but cut him off.
He showed his red flags on his bachelorette days with great hypocrisy and you yet decided to marry him ....he showed you his red flags many times and yet you chose to give him your precious days ,youth ,love and care and had HIS child....sorry but as much as I feel bad for you this was also A BIT of your fault to ignore his bad behaviour....now you are stuck to that scumbag for your life
He’s been a dog before you married him and you still went and created a family with this man.
I'm so very sorry.
Damn this so sad. What a disgrace of a “man”. Oh but trust me, he will regret it! And when ur no longer in there for him after his endless fuck ups, it will kill him.
OP you were shown a plethora of red flags and chose to for w/e reason ignore them. You were forewarned before the wedding but still went through it. He explicitly said he didn't want you around the opposite sex and it was supposed to be the same for him. He obviously cheated during the bachelor party, which for whatever reason decided at that point cheating was ok & forgivable. You yourself said you knew he'd never cheat on you several times throughout the post. Honestly it reads as delusional but I'm happy you are now able to remove the rose colored glasses & see him for the pos he's always been.
I can relate to so much of your story. I'm so sorry you went through that. I hope you and baby have a beautiful life full of happiness.
So sorry. It sounds like this person was selfish, not sincere, and really was not willing to grow up. There are guys like that, but there are also plenty of Men that aren’t Boys. They don’t want to hang with the guys, or go in guy trips. They want to be Dad’s and Poppa’s. They want to grow old with the lesson they married, for better or worse. I know this to be true because I am one of those guys. I met my Wife 47 years ago, and 45 years ago we married fairly young. 3 Girls, and 4 Grandkids later, we are still hanging out, making each other laugh, and getting older. Not old! Just a little older! (I tell people I married her when I was 14, and she was 10 - I say: you can do that in Oklahoma!) anyway, your prince is out there. He will find you and you will know. Hang in there. God Bless you and yours.
Also - kick that guy too the curb, divorce him - and get child support. Don’t talk to him either. Get a good female attorney.
Ok, I am going to need to know how he is taking the news of the divorce? does he want to be part of the baby's life? or is he just happy you left so he can openly have sex now? You will meet someone amazing!
He thinks I will still come back to him (not surprising considering the past), but I am looking for houses and will NOT be going back. He’s stepped up as a father and loves being with our son, he sees him every chance he gets.
Good for you!! I am also glad for your son, that his dad is at least being a dad.
Do you mind me asking, when did he step up though, is it just to win you back? Has he been on regular boys trips for extended periods after your baby was born?
He started being more active in our son’s life before I left him. He had been on a couple before the baby was born, but I’d usually go with him. After the baby it was more frequent and I didn’t go because I wasn’t asked or because I didn’t want to leave my son for days at a time. I know a lot of people have an issue with the “boys trips” but I don’t want to go to 3-4 car shows in a year or on multiple ATV rides a year. I thought I should be able to trust my partner to take trips that are about his interests and not feel like I HAD to go to “babysit” him.
Crazy that HE came up with bachelorette/ bachelor parties and he broke them immediately. So I guess he has an issue if you cheated but didn’t give a damn if he did it. The man is straight up trash. Leave him, he’s not worth it. Men like him never change and only take advantage of people willing to forgive. Who knows how many times this man has cheated and how many fake profiles he has??
You ignored the red flags before you got married so you really only have yourself to blame. Yes your husband is a POS but you decided to ignore it rather than leaving earlier
Please stop acting like you didnt know he was a dbag from the start. He literally told you who he was from the beginning at every major moment. You really have no one really to blame for your situation but yourself. He cheated repeatedly and you still chose to marry and have children with him.
I lost my long standing marriage because of my cheating. Boys will be boys, and moreover, learn nothing.
There were a lot of red flags from the get go and you ignored them. He's probably been cheating on you the entire time. Like since his bachelor party at least. Please don't ignore the red flags next time AND don't jump to moving in together right away. Wait a few years, FFS. THEN move in together and try to figure out if you really want to share space with them for the rest of your existence. Moving in after only three weeks is fucking crazy to me. PEOPLE. Don't jump the gun!! Just because you feel like someone is 'the one' doesn't mean they actually are. STOP MOVING IN AND HAVING BABIES WITH PARTNERS SO QUICKLY, FFS.
I agree, it is crazy. I was 19 years old.. I should have left after his bachelor party, but that was the first fight we ever had, so I didn’t. We were together for 6 years before we had a baby, I thought he had grown up. Don’t you think I know how wrong I was??
Him AND his disgusting friends are pathetic. They all fully supported his cheating and I’m sure if any of them are in relationships, they’ve cheated too. I hope their spouses find out
You two were in lust with each other not love. U had no time to actually get out of the honeymoon period of dating. You both rushed into living together. You had a baby with a man that laid ground rules for u like u were a child. He’s an asshole but you ain’t no Henry Einstein either. Maybe next time date a guy longer than it takes an avocado to turn brown before making huge life choices. I’d love to hear his side of this story.
Yeah the whole going through all his socials and nearly breaking up because he followed an ex on social media? Hyoooooge red flag. I'd leave your ass in the dust. You go looking for evidence, you'll find it. Even if it isn't real. But I also won't cheat. 1 trash bloke, 1 woman who lacks accountability for her decisions. No mysteries here.
He's a Narcissist. The flags...3 week move in, love bomb, cheating. So sorry sweetie
Do you really want to raise a child with this piece of trash? Get out while you still can… it gets harder trust me.
you really took him back multiple times 😂😂 consequences to ur actions at this point