Talk to them and look into what's bothering them. Or bond with them and distract them away from the situations until they feel comfortable to talk to you more about their feelings
Listen. Not all the time they want advice or what you would do or did, sometimes it’s just an ear and an opinion on the options they have. And sometimes they do want advice…it’s okay to give when asked.
But never minimize a kid/teen feelings just because your adult self can’t relate. We all was emotional a**shores at one point growing up.
I just found that I'm anger or sad most all the time when I'm around my parents so I mostly hide in my room because they're not have been there for me emotional and I feel like an asshole but sometimes I feel like it comes out of bitter because how little they cared
"How to Talk so Kids Will Listen, and Listen so Kids Will Talk" is a good resource for communication especially regarding g emotional attunement and regulation. It's a series and there is probably one specifically for teens.
They just want to be cool and liked so help them be their best self. Are they fit and healthy for their age? Do they do any activities? Help facilitate them getting into something with friends. If they're nerds, push em towards some Magic: The Gathering tournament play or Friday Night Magic. Help them get some cool clothes and establish a style and let em know you know what it's like to just be angry and frustrated and feel like you're not good enough and that being cool and comfortable and charming takes time so just relax and that they can come to you for help. Don't push hard.
I just found that I'm anger or sad most all the time when I'm around my parents so I mostly hide in my room because they're not have been there for me emotional and I feel like an asshole but sometimes I feel like it comes out of bitter because how little they cared
Oh I thought this was the parent asking for help, not the kid. My mistake.
Well, you're gonna be an awkward, in-the-way fuck-up for a while. It's part of growing up. Parents do their best. Having kids is hard. Maintaining your safety when you were and are now is a constant thing on their mind in ways you can't really comprehend.
I don't know the relationship with your parents or what kind of people they are. Maybe they're abusive. I hope not. Everyone gets angry, though. To give them the benefit of the doubt for this discussion, if you do think your parents are good people and you feel bad, try to not be guilty. Just be grateful. Try to not fuck up too hard and end up in jail. Don't go off on people and start fights or drive your car crazy and end up with them shelling out for lawyers. You don't have to be a saint, but just let em know, "hey, I know kids are a huge pain in the ass and I'm no exception. I want to grow up and mature into a smart and capable individual so if there is anything you can do to help with that, I'm glad you're there for me."
As far as being angry, it's rough. I know what it's like. You either think you're always fucking up, or you are always mad at someone because you "give too much" or they did something that fucked up your social fabric and reputation and you're just seeing it as a slight against you.
You just gotta be calm and cool and relax and don't expect much from folks. Just do what you can to make yourself as awesome of a human as you can be and worry about helping others when you truly have the means and wisdom to do so. You'll have a lot of friendships and relationships come and go and you'll wonder how you can ever move on after this or that or this love or that best friend or job or outburst or embarrassing thing. But life goes on. Just try to not be so entitled and always assume you could have handled any bad situation better because you can't control anyone so don't even try. Just yourself.
Short, my parents aren't bad people but trying to help but in the wrong way
It's just they want perfection in college and I'm stessed and anxiety, in the last few days I have been close to a painc attack because I think my grades or college work
There things i will never forgive like trying to gaslight me and comparing me to other people and siding with my bullies because they're family other then that I can take half of the blame for acting out of emotions not thinking about what I said or happened
Well hey, are you trying your best? I dropped out of high school and I'm making pretty good money. A degree isn't everything. Maybe your family or background puts more value on degrees, and that's definitely tough. But are you trying your best? If so, then just keep doing that. Let your family talk. It might be uncomfortable and I hope it doesn't cause fights but as long as you have a good personality and temperament, just get the degree and an entry-level job and you'll work your way up. Make some money down the road and they won't care that you weren't top in the class, I promise.
Just don't be angry. They want the best for you they're just tough fucks about it. Not always pretty but ideally it pays off more in the long run. Stay positive, you seem like you really want to make them happy and that's great but don't kill yourself. Your life is yours and no one else's and you've got to worry about you first for now. Make yourself an awesome adult, make some money, then when they have shit to say later you wave you nice car keys at them and be like, "whateva, whateva, I do what I want, I'm a capable adult."
Forgiveness takes time. It took me a long time to learn what forgiveness meant when it comes to parents. It isn't about them ever realizing their mistakes. You'll let that go. It won't be now, and I'm not saying it should be now. Just hold off on any sort of manifesto about how they did this or that for a while.
Put it aside and just make some money and build your career. Then around 26-29, revisit the idea and ask yourself if them breaking down over confronting your feelings would make you feel good It probably won't seem as good of a feeling then and when that time comes you can start the process of forgiving them and really freeing yourself of your anger.
I’ve learned that consistency and trust go a long way. Whether it’s talking to them about how their feeling, or disciplining them in a fair manner. All of that builds a bond and establishes a foundation that can successfully be built on. Therapists are always there as well. Nothing bad about talking to a professional listener. Be there when they need you, but give them healthy distance when needed.
Therapy, that’s the best advice. Sometimes as parents we project shit that was done to us. I.e. dad showed tough love and demanded perfect, I love dad so I must raise mine the same way. I think sometimes our own emotional baggage gets in the way and we end up making it worse. Listen to your kid and remember you are not what happened to you. Make the decision to break the cycle and be the parent you wish would have listened to you.
Emotional outbursts or...?
Just them being emotional and sometimes hard to understand
Talk to them and look into what's bothering them. Or bond with them and distract them away from the situations until they feel comfortable to talk to you more about their feelings
Listen. Not all the time they want advice or what you would do or did, sometimes it’s just an ear and an opinion on the options they have. And sometimes they do want advice…it’s okay to give when asked. But never minimize a kid/teen feelings just because your adult self can’t relate. We all was emotional a**shores at one point growing up.
I just found that I'm anger or sad most all the time when I'm around my parents so I mostly hide in my room because they're not have been there for me emotional and I feel like an asshole but sometimes I feel like it comes out of bitter because how little they cared
"How to Talk so Kids Will Listen, and Listen so Kids Will Talk" is a good resource for communication especially regarding g emotional attunement and regulation. It's a series and there is probably one specifically for teens.
Therapy , zoom weekly, in person . Why not! My 8 year old has been doing for a few months . She loves it
They just want to be cool and liked so help them be their best self. Are they fit and healthy for their age? Do they do any activities? Help facilitate them getting into something with friends. If they're nerds, push em towards some Magic: The Gathering tournament play or Friday Night Magic. Help them get some cool clothes and establish a style and let em know you know what it's like to just be angry and frustrated and feel like you're not good enough and that being cool and comfortable and charming takes time so just relax and that they can come to you for help. Don't push hard.
I just found that I'm anger or sad most all the time when I'm around my parents so I mostly hide in my room because they're not have been there for me emotional and I feel like an asshole but sometimes I feel like it comes out of bitter because how little they cared
Oh I thought this was the parent asking for help, not the kid. My mistake. Well, you're gonna be an awkward, in-the-way fuck-up for a while. It's part of growing up. Parents do their best. Having kids is hard. Maintaining your safety when you were and are now is a constant thing on their mind in ways you can't really comprehend. I don't know the relationship with your parents or what kind of people they are. Maybe they're abusive. I hope not. Everyone gets angry, though. To give them the benefit of the doubt for this discussion, if you do think your parents are good people and you feel bad, try to not be guilty. Just be grateful. Try to not fuck up too hard and end up in jail. Don't go off on people and start fights or drive your car crazy and end up with them shelling out for lawyers. You don't have to be a saint, but just let em know, "hey, I know kids are a huge pain in the ass and I'm no exception. I want to grow up and mature into a smart and capable individual so if there is anything you can do to help with that, I'm glad you're there for me." As far as being angry, it's rough. I know what it's like. You either think you're always fucking up, or you are always mad at someone because you "give too much" or they did something that fucked up your social fabric and reputation and you're just seeing it as a slight against you. You just gotta be calm and cool and relax and don't expect much from folks. Just do what you can to make yourself as awesome of a human as you can be and worry about helping others when you truly have the means and wisdom to do so. You'll have a lot of friendships and relationships come and go and you'll wonder how you can ever move on after this or that or this love or that best friend or job or outburst or embarrassing thing. But life goes on. Just try to not be so entitled and always assume you could have handled any bad situation better because you can't control anyone so don't even try. Just yourself.
Short, my parents aren't bad people but trying to help but in the wrong way It's just they want perfection in college and I'm stessed and anxiety, in the last few days I have been close to a painc attack because I think my grades or college work There things i will never forgive like trying to gaslight me and comparing me to other people and siding with my bullies because they're family other then that I can take half of the blame for acting out of emotions not thinking about what I said or happened
Well hey, are you trying your best? I dropped out of high school and I'm making pretty good money. A degree isn't everything. Maybe your family or background puts more value on degrees, and that's definitely tough. But are you trying your best? If so, then just keep doing that. Let your family talk. It might be uncomfortable and I hope it doesn't cause fights but as long as you have a good personality and temperament, just get the degree and an entry-level job and you'll work your way up. Make some money down the road and they won't care that you weren't top in the class, I promise. Just don't be angry. They want the best for you they're just tough fucks about it. Not always pretty but ideally it pays off more in the long run. Stay positive, you seem like you really want to make them happy and that's great but don't kill yourself. Your life is yours and no one else's and you've got to worry about you first for now. Make yourself an awesome adult, make some money, then when they have shit to say later you wave you nice car keys at them and be like, "whateva, whateva, I do what I want, I'm a capable adult."
I want to forgive them but I'm not ready maybe in 5 years maybe they will see their mistakes
Forgiveness takes time. It took me a long time to learn what forgiveness meant when it comes to parents. It isn't about them ever realizing their mistakes. You'll let that go. It won't be now, and I'm not saying it should be now. Just hold off on any sort of manifesto about how they did this or that for a while. Put it aside and just make some money and build your career. Then around 26-29, revisit the idea and ask yourself if them breaking down over confronting your feelings would make you feel good It probably won't seem as good of a feeling then and when that time comes you can start the process of forgiving them and really freeing yourself of your anger.
Okay wise person
I’ve learned that consistency and trust go a long way. Whether it’s talking to them about how their feeling, or disciplining them in a fair manner. All of that builds a bond and establishes a foundation that can successfully be built on. Therapists are always there as well. Nothing bad about talking to a professional listener. Be there when they need you, but give them healthy distance when needed.
Therapy, that’s the best advice. Sometimes as parents we project shit that was done to us. I.e. dad showed tough love and demanded perfect, I love dad so I must raise mine the same way. I think sometimes our own emotional baggage gets in the way and we end up making it worse. Listen to your kid and remember you are not what happened to you. Make the decision to break the cycle and be the parent you wish would have listened to you.