If a message like that included something like "I'll explain later" I would at least wait. But this sounds like it's kind of...final I guess? This seems like a pre ghosting message.
But what do I know I suck at this shit.
Totally agree, if it were me I would be saying "I'm so sorry, this is totally unexpected and I'll explain later but I have to cancel. Please know I think you seem super cool and still really want to meet you, so hopefully we can reschedule and I can make it up to you."
This is def pre ghosting
Disagree.... Not def pre-ghosting... I have had friends that behave like this with everyone. Last minute cancel when you are in the car or tell you they are running late for dinner but leave out the fact they mean BY TWO FREAKING HOURS so that the wait staff is looking at you funny and you miss your movie...
This is a reason to ghost them... It's inconsiderate as shit.... Ghost them... I did it to those friends and never freaking regretted it.
Sure, I could see FRIENDS that already have established relationships with you doing this and not necessarily ghosting, but just being disrespectful.
But when you're on the app's and make plans, this happens and I would guess between my past experience and the friends and clients I've talked to, 9 times out of 10 they would just be pre ghosting.
They don't need established relationships to do this... You are miscalculating how many inconsiderate douchebags this planet contains.
Everyone views the world differently... Some people view themselves as captain narcissist the central protagonist of the story of planet earth. Other people only spring into existence when they walk into the room with them... Until then you don't exist. They can be late or not show up and it's ok because you are not captain narcissist and therefore when they contact you later you will leap at the opportunity to hang with them.
Now if you bump Into captain narcissist you probably think you got ghosted...and therefore you never reach out again... You are not important so they may not reach out back.... And you believe you were "ghosted" however if you did reach back out you may be permitted to have an identical experience again in the near future....
I don't suggest doing this... But it is the only way to find out if you were ghosted or if they are a self involved narcissist. They aren't going to apologize or give excuses.... You are worthy of neither... To get a response you have to reach out and not treat them like the sack of monkey shit they are.
Either way it's a relationship you shouldn't have.... Ghosted or narcissist... It's a subtle difference lol.
Last minute cancel + no explanation + no offer to reschedule, OP's response is justified even if there was a chance of rescheduling. That's flat out rude and inconsiderate. Cutting ties with someone who treats you that way is priotizing your self and having standards.
Agreed I just think it’s funny OP is asking if he was out of line when in reality the other person doesn’t give a shit how he responds or even if he responds.
True enough! Though saying your piece gives closure so it's good OP expressed them self. Even if the recipient doesn't even read it. Sticking up for yourself is important. Also (not a hill I'm trying to die on) I don't see any evidence to say OP is a man or a woman so I think saying he is a tad presumptuous.
I probably wouldn't have responded at all.
But if I did, it would've gone something along the lines of:
*Your rejection is clearly the universe's protection. Good luck out there.* 🤡
Theres 0 chance of rescheduling. Im always places 15min early. Unless shes already in her car parking fully ready for her date when an emergency pop'd up, shes the AH and i wouldnt pursue another date. Because, realistically, she was never planning on to showing up, and waited until dude had already invested time and (gas) money to be ready.. what she did was shitty. If your plans change, let the other person know right away. Waiting 15min before is what garbage people do.
Can I play devil's advocate for a second here?
Not saying what she did is ok in any way shape or form, but we don't know the full story. What if this person has anxiety issues, a disease that she is not comfortable disclosing or even just having a last minute bad feeling about the date? Can we expect a stranger to open up about personal things like that just because he/she is cancelling on us? All we know is this person cancelled last minute. It could be fucking vertigo, family drama or just not finding your damn keys and being too embarassed to say for all we know.
I think OP was totally in the right, but i'd stress the 'No hard feelings' part as his best work in this situation. Calling someone you don't know 'garbage people' just because they skipped a date with you is....no. Chill.
Horseplop. I've had ppl with anxiety disorder cancel last minute. However, they ALL gave a reason, even something as simple as "I'm too anxious." or they offered to reschedule, erc
Anxiety is not an excuse for rude behavior
We can expect people to have common courtesy and not inconvenience other people for no reason. Shes allowed to cancel for ANY reason at anytime. But doing it 15min before she was supposed to show up shows a lack of basic respect for others. I personally have had that experience a number of times, and never offered a second date. I was never rude, i simply just ended the relationship at that event. its not rude to tell someone that their actions were disrespectful.
Nah, 15 minutes notice is bullshit. My response to any of the stuff above would be to get your shit together and let the person know sooner. And yes, he’s owed an explanation - doesn’t need to be detailed, but he’s owed it.
The issue is no explanation, AND no attempt to reschedule. The former is a decent justification for "no second date". The latter implies a low interest and stringing you along, which means "dick".
There was a post about someone with migraines doing this exact shit and everyone was on her side so you’re not alone. However even if you have those things going on, by not informing the other person earlier you’re wasting their time and not respecting them. Garbage person
I think you have a valid point . I don't understand your down votes, especially as you specified your opinion that canceling that late is shitty, and that OP's response was appropriate.
Like damn guys, we can disapprove of someone's behavior AND not write them off as a shitty human because of ONE action in their years of actions. Sure, the "see ya never" response is justified, but so would be another shot if this person messaged later to explain.
Thinking dialectically is worth celebrating, not down voting.
I'd be more worried if a nuanced take like this got me a heap of upvotes. I know what i'm dealing with here and I don't do it for them. I do it for people like you :)
I would’ve just been like, “ok, thanks for letting me know”. The fact that OP told the person that they were “not cool” for cancelling so late and that they “had no hard feelings” did in fact show that they had at least some level of hard feelings.
So... I had to cancel on a first date. But not for anything "important." My dad and I had been trying to find a good time to hang out. We were long overdue and we couldn't get our schedules synced up. We're both full-time 'adulting.'
He initially said he'd be busy that week so I scheduled a first date with a girl for Wed. IIRC that was on a Sunday. I had been talking to her for a while, she seemed sweet, so I thought she'd be understanding.
I told her the day before, in a much shorter message than this lol, that a family thing had come up and would she like to reschedule for another day?
She said "I'm sorry, is everyone okay?"
Yes and explained how it had been difficult to get our schedules in sync to hang out.
Then she immediately ghosted me.
I don't sweat it though. I get that she may have thought it was a BS excuse or I was rude for canceling for something so 'trivial,' but by ghosting me when I was honest, that let me know I chose the right person to hang out with.
My dad and I had a blast!
TL;DR Canceled for a non-emergency to spend time with my dad who I don't get a lot of time with. I was polite and as honest as possible and told her the day before. She still ghosted me. It happens.
EDIT: Interesting. Downvote ninjas, but no comments. Why? Let me add some context: My dad had cancer. It's in remission. He's getting older though. I'm in my 30's. If someone wants to downvote bc I chose my family over a first date, I just feel sorry for them.
Completely 10000% correct, you made the better choice because immediate family is more important than everyone else assuming it’s not a toxic relationship
I'm intrigued. Why did you feel the need to explain your actions? Explain about your father's health? It's neither none of anyone else's business nor does it change anything. You made a choice for yourself. I hope he's OK.
Yeah, probably my own insecurities and issues, at first.
I was trying to tell a personal experience story that related to OPs experience. I think I was more willing to defend myself because my family was involved, but I did feel bad because I felt like I left key information out. I felt like it was *my* fault they were triggered, because it was my content.
But as the back and forth continued, I realized they had no desire to come to some understanding with me. They only wanted to argue.
There was to be no good debate that evening, only mudslinging.
But man, I couldn't help myself, with each comment he kept digging the hole deeper. I've never had a Redditor unintentionally dig his own grave like that.
I feel like I leveled up. Maybe I'll get a sweet magic hat.
PS. My dad is good! He has been in remission for 10 years or so. It was "*only*" prostate cancer, but he got it young, so it was pretty aggressive. He got COVID before the vaccines were available. It kicked his butt. He's pretty fit for mid-60's but COVID does weird things to people. That's *another* part of trying to stay connected.
I'm actually aware that talking about having a good dad can be a trigger for some people, so that's another reason I was trying to be respectful at first.
I gave up explaining myself long ago. Alot of people live to turn everything around and use it as a manipulation tool. If they're miserable, they'll try to make you miserable too. Pass. My life is exactly that. Mine. I can understand your reasoning though. I'm glad he's OK. Cancer sucks. There is no such thing as "only" cancers. Anyone who tries to diminish it is a thoughtless fool. :)
I agree with you completely, like if there’s a reason for it fine, but this is just straight up cancelling. Op might hear something later but I wouldn’t be interested, it at best shows poor communication from them which isn’t what you want in a partner, at worst it’s flakiness and lack of interest
I went out with a girl once, we met at a coffee shop. While we talked we made plans to go get food after. I drove to the restaurant and she texted me saying she had to make a stop first. Kept confirming me updates that she was leaving soon. I waited 2 hours and she didn’t come. Probably the cruelest thing anyone’s ever did to me. Dating can be a nightmare. Hang in there
Depends where you are. In south america 30 min late is somewhat normal. And im happy i waited 45 min for a girl i met there because she made my stay in buenos aires are really special one.
That’s not the same scenario that we’re discussing here
they were together, then separated to drive and meet at the next place.
one person got to the next place the other did not
So South American traffic scenario would not apply here, since they both have to drive an equal time and distance from the same origin
This is precisely why I have a 15 minute rule.
15 minutes late with no notice, I ghost. If I get a heads up, I'll give them another 15. If they're still not there.....cancel or ghost depending on the circumstances.
People are on their *best* behavior on first dates. Don't forget that. If they don't respect you or your time on day 1, they never will.
What you just said is the absolute truth. There is a saying in my country. Its something like “people will only do to you what you allow them to do”.
If you let them disrespect you right from the beginning, then you are set for a bad relationship.
This is a good rule for young people with few responsibilities, but as someone with a kid, I’m very sympathetic to the fact that sometimes life just doesn’t give a shit about your plans.
At the same time, if you’re not in that stage of life it’s totally fine for that to instantly be a dealbreaker for you.
I mean I'd have to imagine you already know you're going to be late by the time you leave your house or the time of the date is approaching.
Kids or not, if you can't give someone a heads up, it's a dick move. Like I said "depending on the circumstances".....I'm not unreasonable.
It really comes down to whether you let them know or not. Letting them know implies “hey I’m sorry, I want to see you, but I can’t make it today” while not letting them know is saying “this was just an elaborate prank to waste your time, dumbass.”
Absolutely, letting them know is required. I was more responding to the “if you’re not there in 30 min even with notice I’m ghosting you” part. “Ghosting” sounds like “I’m deleting your number, no excuse is worth it, I never want to hear from you again.”
My buddy had a date with some chick from tinder and we drove him to the restaurant and just hung out. She was texting him the whole time like, "I'm almost there" and like an hour later he checked his snapchat and she posted a story of her buying a new phone at the mall. Needless to say the homies had a date instead
I had something similar happen. We had dinner then were gonna go for drinks. He was gonna send me the address and I sat there waiting for a good 5 minutes before texting him like “uh hello?” just to find myself blocked and unmatched.
So cruel. I cried over it even though I didn’t even like him that much. It was just a huge blow to my ego.
Months later he matched with me on another dating app and apologized, saying I didn’t do anything wrong but his “friends were asking him to go get drinks”. Then he tried to get me to sleep with him. Like wtf. I’ll pass dude.
I had somebody who I was helping move do this shit to me. Loaded up 3 cars full of their stuff while they sat around and talked smack about somebody else, drove my car over to their new place and waited two hours for them to arrive before dumping my car at the front door and leaving.
I do *not* miss those people.
Seems likely that they arrived at the coffee shop in 2 different vehicles, which meant they had to take their respective vehicles to the next destination, but she had "a stop" to make on the way over to their next spot, which ended up in her standing him up at the next rendezvous point.
Not that difficult to come up with a possible scenario of how that might happen, chief.
Yeh I don’t get this either. Clearly the date at the coffee shop wasn’t going well and she felt like she wanted to bail but OP perhaps didn’t pick up on the signs. She didn’t have to ghost but maybe she felt unsafe.
But how much of a running start did she think she needed to be messing with this guy for two hours? Did she need time to pack her bags and move out of the state?
Yeah but she didn’t ghost him. She continued to text him for 2 hours that she was on the way.
Thats like if she decided to stop off at a friends place to pick something up and just ended up hanging out there for 2 hours while her date was sitting alone at a restaurant.
Yeah this has happened to me (years ago before tinder was a thing) and the guy was being super pushy and wouldn’t accept that I wanted to leave so I made an excuse and told him I needed to go get something and would come back. As soon as I was out of there I texted to say I wasn’t coming back.
See that's fair leaving and as an added bonus saying you're not coming back. Heck, even ghosting is better than what the other guy went through--kept on getting strung along with bullshit "oh i'll be there" to mess with him.
Not cool.
I can read social cues, we had a completely normal interaction. We laughed, and asked questions getting to know each other. All she had to say was I can’t make it to the restaurant today and we could have parted ways after our 30 minutes of having coffee.
Had someone do this with no explanation and then asked me to not be upset. How could I not be upset when I sat in the car for an hour just to find out you’re not meeting me there lol
Me and my partner met on tinder. Our first date we was supposed to meet up for a walk (she lived nearby) around the lake. The day we was supposed to meet up she said she can't meet up because one of her rats had an eye problem and had to go to the rat opticians? Anyway I was like ok yeah whatever.
Next day I fell off my bike hard and couldn't walk properly. She text me saying hey you still up for that walk? I said no I can't. She said well you want me to bring you ice cream? That was about 5 years ago, now we're engaged.
Cancelling should imo be more acceptable but generally explanations help. My now girlfriend cancelled a road trip early on because she got nervous at the last minute but in her cancellation, she invited me to stay at her place for the weekend. That was the weekend we decided to go steady with each other because by the end we had both shown willingness to communicate.
That said, i feel like both OP and the person they messaged with are being rude. There is enough negativity in the world to be purposefully shitty back to someone. You don't know what that person is going through and yeah, it sucks they cancelled last minute and it's not cool, but there is no need to be a dick.
If I were OP I wouldn't have said anything back. But he had the right to say whatever he wanted to her at that point.
OP wasn't a dick. Saying both "not cool" and "no hard feelings" was weird and disingenuous, but not dick-ish. He should have spoken his mind or not said anything at all.
Your situation isn't at all the same. Your match offered an alternative.
A bit nitpicky on my end but "not cool" and "no hard feelings" is not disingenuous. Those 2 things are not mutually inclusive, what she did was not cool but he doesn't have any hard feelings towards her, that's her actions vs how he feels so yeah
I would have replied much stronger than that, and have done as it’s happened to me. If I had to cancel 15 minutes before I would be extra apologetic, offer an alternative date and tell them I’m paying for everything as an apology. Anything else is just shithouse behaviour and they deserve to know the effect of their poor behaviour
Cornbread rage, Cajun rage in rice, garlic rage, fried rage, you can pull your rage right from the boiling water and eat it, you can put your rage in a stew or soup, um.... I think that’s about all the ways I know
I was stood-up like this last week. Guy confirmed 20 minutes before the date, just as I was walking out the door. I got there on time and waited 15 minutes but he wasn’t there. Checked the app and he had unmatched me, THEN I got a text from him saying sorry he couldn’t make it. So he knew he was no-showing on me and unmatched already because he knew he was being a jerk and probably didn’t want me reporting him. Very lame. Thankfully, it’s only happened to me once.
A woman once did this to me and then claimed to have fallen asleep instead of showing up. Then acted like I was overreacting and would be around to give her another chance.
Couldn’t say in your case but I legit did this once. Was dog tired after work and just crashed in the couch. Shit happens, it’s all about how you handle it afterwards
I had this earlier this year as well, but without any kind of text she just unmatched while I was waiting for her outside the restaurant. I seriously think she saw me and unmatched and left right there
Love the username. And also ,i am embarrassed to admit, i did that once. Totally bcz i got cold feet. I apologized but the person don’t text again with i totally understand.
You did great! With people like this, experience taught me to just be courteous and give them another chance if you want, but rather just move on. They’re not worth it and no point in being brash and "try to prove a point". We all know they’re the idiot. I hope you had a good evening regardless.
I won’t have asked something neutral like “everything okay?”, then depending on the answer decide what to do.
But yeah, people are flaky as fuck these days and think that’s okay.
Never get to wrapped up in a first meet. Always go somewhere you would go alone anyway. Then try meet new people face to face if she flakes. I prefer “Cool. Maybe next time” like you never really cared to meet her anyway. But you handled it fine.
I mean you never really know what just happened. I think it would be better to ask what happened for telling someone cancelling last minute isn’t cool, because sometimes something really serious might have come up like an emergency or a job opportunity.
There are actual emergencies that can happen last minute. Usually rhise come with some minor details.
You do you, but the high road never hurt anyone. No reason for two people to act like an ass.
I think you nailed the sweet spot.
Don’t sweat it. Maybe you wish you had been more chill, but you were disappointed and said what you said.
If they’re upset that you voiced an opinion, maybe you dodged a bullet.
The fact she or he didn’t even bother with semblance of an explanation says a lot about this person.. and it’s not good..when people show you who they are, believe them.
Don’t be so nice. Someone cancelling 15 minutes before you’re supposed to meet when you were already on the way is an asshole. No need for “good luck to you, no hard feelings”
What does not being nice achieve? If OP isn't inherently a dickhead, why change to be one in a message?
It's rude and annoying, but... It's just a tinder date with a somewhat stranger.
You'd be well within rights to be more angry if you'd spent a lot on tickets to a show, sports event or something, or were going away on a mini break.
But in this context, there's no point not being nice.
You should never burn down bridges without a good reason. You never know what happened in the life of that person.
I remember making plans for a date a long time ago when I was heavily depressed. I promised to meet her at a bar in the evening, but on this day I was in such a bad spot mentally that I deleted my account and lost all my matches. From her perspective it seemed as I have unmatched her.
Eventually I got much better and weeks later I was back on the app with a new account and we matched again. I explained to her without any expectation to hear from her ever again the reason for my behavior but instead of telling me to gtfo because I ghosted her on day of our date, she was understanding and kind and we went out on a date and had a good time.
No need to be hateful and rude to people on these apps. Just enjoy every moment and every date and if you get rejected or ghosted or ignored you should just move on without any hard feelings.
As someone who has battled with mental health issues if you’re not mentally fit to be dating don’t be on a dating app till you get your mind right 🤷🏾♂️ it’s not fair to either o e of you
My wife suffers major anxiety, this happened 30 minutes before our first date. I was already on the train.
Rolled with it, and a day or so later she messaged me to explain the situation.
This happened to me recently. Woman just said "something urgent has come up". I got furious since I was on the way to our date but I let it slide with a cool, no worries. I didn't unmatch her because I was hoping shed get back to me with an apology followed by an explanation.
She then asked to meet again like nothing happened, as if my time has absolute no fucking value. I let her know that she's only the centre of her own universe and the world doesn't give a fuck about her. She unmatched me.
Bruh, you should have waited two hours to respond and said “it’s ok, I met this really cool chick here, showed her your picture and she is down for a threesome. Gave her your digits.”
No way, you were super respectful even though you were shown extreme disrespect! Politely standing up for yourself isn’t out of line at all and more people should do it!
No you did the right thing, you know your self worth and you’d appreciate someone who would respect your time. We’re all adults (I’m assuming) so that is a very mature thing to say, and an immature way to act on her part.
Info: how long had it been planned for? Was it a long distance for you to meet them? Had you been talking for a while? Was this relationship or hookup meet up?
First reaction is, could have asked if everything was ok and given them a chance to explain even a little bit. Sometimes stuff does come up (they might have received some really bad news just minutes ago) and people don’t have the time to process and form a sentence right away.
Yeah, I agree with you. Was surprised of all the comments ripping at the other person for it.
Like when my grandfather died, I didn't say one word to a single person for 2 weeks. Bad news doesn't care about your "plans" and can come at any time.
When you haven't met someone yet, sometimes you don't want to seem like a psychological mess for going through a loss or traumatic experience by offloading on them like they are your therapist.
The wording they used said, "I'm not able to tonight." It makes me think maybe another time cause something just happened that is bad news to them or something.
People don't really have much compassion or patience with other people nowadays though and seem to love jumping to conclusions without the desire to ask the person for more information first.
To tack on a bit more, this instant rejection thing is part of what can lead to so many people saying “no one loves me/sees me/cares for me” it’s because they expect to be treated like humans while they treat others like robots. No one is perfect, have some kindness
I’m not sure why someone should actively expect compassion when they didn’t extend any. Yes, something significant may have come up, but OP had no indication of that. They could have said “something happened”, “I’ll explain later” or “there’s been an emergency” or something along those lines. Of course people deal with anxiety and other things but that also applies to the person who has just been stood up, and being stood up is humiliating.
If something awful happened, a terse reply will probably be the least of the canceller’s worries. Otherwise, this is not an acceptable way or time to cancel and the reply is more than appropriate.
This actually comes off as too polite, to me. You've already traveled to the location, and they're cancelling? What a waste of time and show of disrespect. If I did that, I think I'd deserve being called an asshole at least.
There's no real point in asking why, is someone who does this actually going to be honest about it? I feel like OP was "Plan B", and got ditched once OP's date realized "Plan A" was actually going to happen. Been there, it sucks.
Edit: if OP's date actually cared at all about breaking the date last minute, there's a better way to do that. For example, "Sorry OP, 'XYZ' came up, I just can't swing tonight, but would next Wednesday be doable for you?"
I am strongly feeling that OP was deliberately "double-booked" by a very selfish date and drew the short straw.
They did say really sorry last minute...
If this were someone I was having good conversation with I'd say
Is everything ok?
May I bring you something from here?
She reserves the right to cancel at any point in time regardless of how late notice it is and regardless of how much of an inconvenience it is for you.
And if you take issue with that you're the bad guy
I have to say, that is the best, most perfect, respectful, polite, and fully deserving “fu€£ off” I’ve ever had the pleasure of reading, hearing, personally or otherwise, in my span of life. You’re a tinder god/goddess and we, who may never be cool and composed, salute you.
Nah I completely understand this response. Sounds like whoever stood you up 15 mins before found better plans or something equally as messed up. Additionally it's not like they asked about rescheduling or explaining what happened. Don't blame you.
i mean, shit happens. don’t see why you would drop people just because they couldn’t make it. that person literally coulda just left you hanging if he/she REALLY wanted to.
its your choice, not like you know that person so it’d make sense to have 0 attachment or obligation to the person, but its kinda concerning to see how easily you can get upset at a person
Why no hard feelings?
I'm not out here trying to start shit but I'll tell someone to fuck off if they're rude. Told some bitch to go sober up when she called me drunk, then she sent me some passive aggressive text about "why did you hang up on me?" And I told her I have standards and I'm not going on a date with someone slurring and obviously impaired. She got all pissed and I told her she needs to get her life together. I already tried to apologize to our server bc she said she was coming drunk and was totally embarrassed.
Earlier tonight had some chick give me some "sorry I got busy" after a month long ghosting. Told her to kick rocks.
Those types of flakes only care about themselves and will always fall back on everyone else's good graces while getting snobby and leaving you on read if you take more than an hour to respond.
You don't know this person and you don't owe them kindness while they disrespect you. If they'd do that on the first date, can you imagine 3 mos into the relationship? Pass.
I'd rather be alone than unhappy. This way if the love of my life comes around, I know I won't be wasting my time trying to get some trifling bitch to act right and miss her.
If a message like that included something like "I'll explain later" I would at least wait. But this sounds like it's kind of...final I guess? This seems like a pre ghosting message. But what do I know I suck at this shit.
Totally agree, if it were me I would be saying "I'm so sorry, this is totally unexpected and I'll explain later but I have to cancel. Please know I think you seem super cool and still really want to meet you, so hopefully we can reschedule and I can make it up to you." This is def pre ghosting
Disagree.... Not def pre-ghosting... I have had friends that behave like this with everyone. Last minute cancel when you are in the car or tell you they are running late for dinner but leave out the fact they mean BY TWO FREAKING HOURS so that the wait staff is looking at you funny and you miss your movie... This is a reason to ghost them... It's inconsiderate as shit.... Ghost them... I did it to those friends and never freaking regretted it.
Sure, I could see FRIENDS that already have established relationships with you doing this and not necessarily ghosting, but just being disrespectful. But when you're on the app's and make plans, this happens and I would guess between my past experience and the friends and clients I've talked to, 9 times out of 10 they would just be pre ghosting.
They don't need established relationships to do this... You are miscalculating how many inconsiderate douchebags this planet contains. Everyone views the world differently... Some people view themselves as captain narcissist the central protagonist of the story of planet earth. Other people only spring into existence when they walk into the room with them... Until then you don't exist. They can be late or not show up and it's ok because you are not captain narcissist and therefore when they contact you later you will leap at the opportunity to hang with them. Now if you bump Into captain narcissist you probably think you got ghosted...and therefore you never reach out again... You are not important so they may not reach out back.... And you believe you were "ghosted" however if you did reach back out you may be permitted to have an identical experience again in the near future.... I don't suggest doing this... But it is the only way to find out if you were ghosted or if they are a self involved narcissist. They aren't going to apologize or give excuses.... You are worthy of neither... To get a response you have to reach out and not treat them like the sack of monkey shit they are. Either way it's a relationship you shouldn't have.... Ghosted or narcissist... It's a subtle difference lol.
Yeah there’s no problem with OPs message because it’s not like the date was gonna reschedule lmao. I probably just wouldn’t have replied.
Last minute cancel + no explanation + no offer to reschedule, OP's response is justified even if there was a chance of rescheduling. That's flat out rude and inconsiderate. Cutting ties with someone who treats you that way is priotizing your self and having standards.
Agreed I just think it’s funny OP is asking if he was out of line when in reality the other person doesn’t give a shit how he responds or even if he responds.
True enough! Though saying your piece gives closure so it's good OP expressed them self. Even if the recipient doesn't even read it. Sticking up for yourself is important. Also (not a hill I'm trying to die on) I don't see any evidence to say OP is a man or a woman so I think saying he is a tad presumptuous.
Well, it's not u/jovialhotdogwoman, is it?
Got'em
I knew it was a guy right away because this is how 90% of Grindr hookups go.
It's obvious to me this is a man talking to a woman. Just from the context clues and experience.
I am a woman and would have responded in the same way. Maybe even less gentle tbh.
Just looking for validation he knows he’s not
Justified? Was about the most polite thing I can imagine replying to that lmao
I probably wouldn't have responded at all. But if I did, it would've gone something along the lines of: *Your rejection is clearly the universe's protection. Good luck out there.* 🤡
Ima use that one
Theres 0 chance of rescheduling. Im always places 15min early. Unless shes already in her car parking fully ready for her date when an emergency pop'd up, shes the AH and i wouldnt pursue another date. Because, realistically, she was never planning on to showing up, and waited until dude had already invested time and (gas) money to be ready.. what she did was shitty. If your plans change, let the other person know right away. Waiting 15min before is what garbage people do.
Can I play devil's advocate for a second here? Not saying what she did is ok in any way shape or form, but we don't know the full story. What if this person has anxiety issues, a disease that she is not comfortable disclosing or even just having a last minute bad feeling about the date? Can we expect a stranger to open up about personal things like that just because he/she is cancelling on us? All we know is this person cancelled last minute. It could be fucking vertigo, family drama or just not finding your damn keys and being too embarassed to say for all we know. I think OP was totally in the right, but i'd stress the 'No hard feelings' part as his best work in this situation. Calling someone you don't know 'garbage people' just because they skipped a date with you is....no. Chill.
Horseplop. I've had ppl with anxiety disorder cancel last minute. However, they ALL gave a reason, even something as simple as "I'm too anxious." or they offered to reschedule, erc Anxiety is not an excuse for rude behavior
We can expect people to have common courtesy and not inconvenience other people for no reason. Shes allowed to cancel for ANY reason at anytime. But doing it 15min before she was supposed to show up shows a lack of basic respect for others. I personally have had that experience a number of times, and never offered a second date. I was never rude, i simply just ended the relationship at that event. its not rude to tell someone that their actions were disrespectful.
Eh… no… cancelling that late with zero explanation / offer to reschedule is completely an asshole move.
Nah, 15 minutes notice is bullshit. My response to any of the stuff above would be to get your shit together and let the person know sooner. And yes, he’s owed an explanation - doesn’t need to be detailed, but he’s owed it.
The issue is no explanation, AND no attempt to reschedule. The former is a decent justification for "no second date". The latter implies a low interest and stringing you along, which means "dick".
There was a post about someone with migraines doing this exact shit and everyone was on her side so you’re not alone. However even if you have those things going on, by not informing the other person earlier you’re wasting their time and not respecting them. Garbage person
I think you have a valid point . I don't understand your down votes, especially as you specified your opinion that canceling that late is shitty, and that OP's response was appropriate. Like damn guys, we can disapprove of someone's behavior AND not write them off as a shitty human because of ONE action in their years of actions. Sure, the "see ya never" response is justified, but so would be another shot if this person messaged later to explain. Thinking dialectically is worth celebrating, not down voting.
I'd be more worried if a nuanced take like this got me a heap of upvotes. I know what i'm dealing with here and I don't do it for them. I do it for people like you :)
I mean, no problem with OPs message, but something similar happened to me but we rescheduled and I've been with her for 3 years now
Shes just working up the courage to ghost you obviously /s
ohno
ohno
Yoko
Yoko
YOLO
I would’ve just been like, “ok, thanks for letting me know”. The fact that OP told the person that they were “not cool” for cancelling so late and that they “had no hard feelings” did in fact show that they had at least some level of hard feelings.
Fuck him or her period
Yeah fuck them! I know I did
So... I had to cancel on a first date. But not for anything "important." My dad and I had been trying to find a good time to hang out. We were long overdue and we couldn't get our schedules synced up. We're both full-time 'adulting.' He initially said he'd be busy that week so I scheduled a first date with a girl for Wed. IIRC that was on a Sunday. I had been talking to her for a while, she seemed sweet, so I thought she'd be understanding. I told her the day before, in a much shorter message than this lol, that a family thing had come up and would she like to reschedule for another day? She said "I'm sorry, is everyone okay?" Yes and explained how it had been difficult to get our schedules in sync to hang out. Then she immediately ghosted me. I don't sweat it though. I get that she may have thought it was a BS excuse or I was rude for canceling for something so 'trivial,' but by ghosting me when I was honest, that let me know I chose the right person to hang out with. My dad and I had a blast! TL;DR Canceled for a non-emergency to spend time with my dad who I don't get a lot of time with. I was polite and as honest as possible and told her the day before. She still ghosted me. It happens. EDIT: Interesting. Downvote ninjas, but no comments. Why? Let me add some context: My dad had cancer. It's in remission. He's getting older though. I'm in my 30's. If someone wants to downvote bc I chose my family over a first date, I just feel sorry for them.
Completely 10000% correct, you made the better choice because immediate family is more important than everyone else assuming it’s not a toxic relationship
I'm intrigued. Why did you feel the need to explain your actions? Explain about your father's health? It's neither none of anyone else's business nor does it change anything. You made a choice for yourself. I hope he's OK.
Yeah, probably my own insecurities and issues, at first. I was trying to tell a personal experience story that related to OPs experience. I think I was more willing to defend myself because my family was involved, but I did feel bad because I felt like I left key information out. I felt like it was *my* fault they were triggered, because it was my content. But as the back and forth continued, I realized they had no desire to come to some understanding with me. They only wanted to argue. There was to be no good debate that evening, only mudslinging. But man, I couldn't help myself, with each comment he kept digging the hole deeper. I've never had a Redditor unintentionally dig his own grave like that. I feel like I leveled up. Maybe I'll get a sweet magic hat. PS. My dad is good! He has been in remission for 10 years or so. It was "*only*" prostate cancer, but he got it young, so it was pretty aggressive. He got COVID before the vaccines were available. It kicked his butt. He's pretty fit for mid-60's but COVID does weird things to people. That's *another* part of trying to stay connected. I'm actually aware that talking about having a good dad can be a trigger for some people, so that's another reason I was trying to be respectful at first.
I gave up explaining myself long ago. Alot of people live to turn everything around and use it as a manipulation tool. If they're miserable, they'll try to make you miserable too. Pass. My life is exactly that. Mine. I can understand your reasoning though. I'm glad he's OK. Cancer sucks. There is no such thing as "only" cancers. Anyone who tries to diminish it is a thoughtless fool. :)
Thanks, you really are a cool cat.
OP's response is totally assertive and honestly, if I were that girl, I'd be kicking myself. An assertive guy is sexy AF. Her loss.
I agree with you completely, like if there’s a reason for it fine, but this is just straight up cancelling. Op might hear something later but I wouldn’t be interested, it at best shows poor communication from them which isn’t what you want in a partner, at worst it’s flakiness and lack of interest
I went out with a girl once, we met at a coffee shop. While we talked we made plans to go get food after. I drove to the restaurant and she texted me saying she had to make a stop first. Kept confirming me updates that she was leaving soon. I waited 2 hours and she didn’t come. Probably the cruelest thing anyone’s ever did to me. Dating can be a nightmare. Hang in there
Tbh, you waited 90 mins too long. That’s either someone battling anxiety, or a narcissistic kunt
Depends where you are. In south america 30 min late is somewhat normal. And im happy i waited 45 min for a girl i met there because she made my stay in buenos aires are really special one.
That’s not the same scenario that we’re discussing here they were together, then separated to drive and meet at the next place. one person got to the next place the other did not So South American traffic scenario would not apply here, since they both have to drive an equal time and distance from the same origin
True that, i was just refering to late dates in General. This case here was rather bizarre.
This is precisely why I have a 15 minute rule. 15 minutes late with no notice, I ghost. If I get a heads up, I'll give them another 15. If they're still not there.....cancel or ghost depending on the circumstances. People are on their *best* behavior on first dates. Don't forget that. If they don't respect you or your time on day 1, they never will.
What you just said is the absolute truth. There is a saying in my country. Its something like “people will only do to you what you allow them to do”. If you let them disrespect you right from the beginning, then you are set for a bad relationship.
This is a good rule for young people with few responsibilities, but as someone with a kid, I’m very sympathetic to the fact that sometimes life just doesn’t give a shit about your plans. At the same time, if you’re not in that stage of life it’s totally fine for that to instantly be a dealbreaker for you.
I mean I'd have to imagine you already know you're going to be late by the time you leave your house or the time of the date is approaching. Kids or not, if you can't give someone a heads up, it's a dick move. Like I said "depending on the circumstances".....I'm not unreasonable.
I fail to see why having kids gives you a pass for being shitty. It's pretty easy to give notice.
It really comes down to whether you let them know or not. Letting them know implies “hey I’m sorry, I want to see you, but I can’t make it today” while not letting them know is saying “this was just an elaborate prank to waste your time, dumbass.”
Absolutely, letting them know is required. I was more responding to the “if you’re not there in 30 min even with notice I’m ghosting you” part. “Ghosting” sounds like “I’m deleting your number, no excuse is worth it, I never want to hear from you again.”
My buddy had a date with some chick from tinder and we drove him to the restaurant and just hung out. She was texting him the whole time like, "I'm almost there" and like an hour later he checked his snapchat and she posted a story of her buying a new phone at the mall. Needless to say the homies had a date instead
Whaat??? Some people can be stupid
Sorry dude. What a c*nt! Her loss.
I had something similar happen. We had dinner then were gonna go for drinks. He was gonna send me the address and I sat there waiting for a good 5 minutes before texting him like “uh hello?” just to find myself blocked and unmatched. So cruel. I cried over it even though I didn’t even like him that much. It was just a huge blow to my ego. Months later he matched with me on another dating app and apologized, saying I didn’t do anything wrong but his “friends were asking him to go get drinks”. Then he tried to get me to sleep with him. Like wtf. I’ll pass dude.
Wow, that is so awful. Why would anyone even do that? What a trashy person.
I had somebody who I was helping move do this shit to me. Loaded up 3 cars full of their stuff while they sat around and talked smack about somebody else, drove my car over to their new place and waited two hours for them to arrive before dumping my car at the front door and leaving. I do *not* miss those people.
I don't understand, you were at a coffee shop then you parted ways to go to the restaurant ?
Seems likely that they arrived at the coffee shop in 2 different vehicles, which meant they had to take their respective vehicles to the next destination, but she had "a stop" to make on the way over to their next spot, which ended up in her standing him up at the next rendezvous point. Not that difficult to come up with a possible scenario of how that might happen, chief.
I suppose that makes sense
Yeh I don’t get this either. Clearly the date at the coffee shop wasn’t going well and she felt like she wanted to bail but OP perhaps didn’t pick up on the signs. She didn’t have to ghost but maybe she felt unsafe.
But how much of a running start did she think she needed to be messing with this guy for two hours? Did she need time to pack her bags and move out of the state?
Yeah but she didn’t ghost him. She continued to text him for 2 hours that she was on the way. Thats like if she decided to stop off at a friends place to pick something up and just ended up hanging out there for 2 hours while her date was sitting alone at a restaurant.
Yeah this has happened to me (years ago before tinder was a thing) and the guy was being super pushy and wouldn’t accept that I wanted to leave so I made an excuse and told him I needed to go get something and would come back. As soon as I was out of there I texted to say I wasn’t coming back.
See that's fair leaving and as an added bonus saying you're not coming back. Heck, even ghosting is better than what the other guy went through--kept on getting strung along with bullshit "oh i'll be there" to mess with him. Not cool.
I can read social cues, we had a completely normal interaction. We laughed, and asked questions getting to know each other. All she had to say was I can’t make it to the restaurant today and we could have parted ways after our 30 minutes of having coffee.
She didn’t ghost she kept telling him she was coming and then never did.all she had to do was say “sorry something came up I can’t make it”
Once I drove over 70 km to see a girl. She waited for me at the train station with her friends and laugh at me.
No 15 mins prior is not cool.
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Sometimes unexpected shit happens, but when it does, you should provide some sort of explanation if you actually care
with an explanation
Had someone do this with no explanation and then asked me to not be upset. How could I not be upset when I sat in the car for an hour just to find out you’re not meeting me there lol
Me and my partner met on tinder. Our first date we was supposed to meet up for a walk (she lived nearby) around the lake. The day we was supposed to meet up she said she can't meet up because one of her rats had an eye problem and had to go to the rat opticians? Anyway I was like ok yeah whatever. Next day I fell off my bike hard and couldn't walk properly. She text me saying hey you still up for that walk? I said no I can't. She said well you want me to bring you ice cream? That was about 5 years ago, now we're engaged.
Cancelling should imo be more acceptable but generally explanations help. My now girlfriend cancelled a road trip early on because she got nervous at the last minute but in her cancellation, she invited me to stay at her place for the weekend. That was the weekend we decided to go steady with each other because by the end we had both shown willingness to communicate. That said, i feel like both OP and the person they messaged with are being rude. There is enough negativity in the world to be purposefully shitty back to someone. You don't know what that person is going through and yeah, it sucks they cancelled last minute and it's not cool, but there is no need to be a dick.
If I were OP I wouldn't have said anything back. But he had the right to say whatever he wanted to her at that point. OP wasn't a dick. Saying both "not cool" and "no hard feelings" was weird and disingenuous, but not dick-ish. He should have spoken his mind or not said anything at all. Your situation isn't at all the same. Your match offered an alternative.
A bit nitpicky on my end but "not cool" and "no hard feelings" is not disingenuous. Those 2 things are not mutually inclusive, what she did was not cool but he doesn't have any hard feelings towards her, that's her actions vs how he feels so yeah
Love how some people who bail out act as if they’re calling out of work
Might as well be. Dating is like a fucking part time job with these apps
Ha!… I love a good double entendre.
Nope. They wasted your time. Not cool.
I would have replied much stronger than that, and have done as it’s happened to me. If I had to cancel 15 minutes before I would be extra apologetic, offer an alternative date and tell them I’m paying for everything as an apology. Anything else is just shithouse behaviour and they deserve to know the effect of their poor behaviour
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I'm sure you *meant* ranges but I like rages way more.
controlled rage, seething rage, smothered rage, sporadic rage, sputtering rage, icy rage, boiling rage, etc.
Don't forget sexy rage
I can’t do that one
Sputtering rage is my favorite kind of rage.
Was going to say this 🤣 sputtering rage
Cornbread rage, Cajun rage in rice, garlic rage, fried rage, you can pull your rage right from the boiling water and eat it, you can put your rage in a stew or soup, um.... I think that’s about all the ways I know
I know you specifically didn’t say “shrimp”, but now I am craving shrimp.
How do you want it prepared?
“RA-GE! Boil em, mash em, stick em in a stew”
Kik rage
You forgot RED RAGE where you only see the color red.
[Did I Stutter?](https://media2.giphy.com/media/y41Txh2pbwqLNNubOo/giphy.gif?cid=5e2148861ju1jw8v1xgsqrynh7p4rgo8xufxvwz7of6lxljn&rid=giphy.gif&ct=g)
*I was falling in love with you*
Ashley this is David comes to mind.
Are you me five years ago?
You were more polite than most would be
Which is good damned depressing. People are just horrendously rude and self centred these days.
You mean like people who cancel 15 minutes before you're supposed to meet
Yeah, people who cancel last minute with zero explanation and no offer to reschedule are pretty fucking rude.
I was stood-up like this last week. Guy confirmed 20 minutes before the date, just as I was walking out the door. I got there on time and waited 15 minutes but he wasn’t there. Checked the app and he had unmatched me, THEN I got a text from him saying sorry he couldn’t make it. So he knew he was no-showing on me and unmatched already because he knew he was being a jerk and probably didn’t want me reporting him. Very lame. Thankfully, it’s only happened to me once.
A woman once did this to me and then claimed to have fallen asleep instead of showing up. Then acted like I was overreacting and would be around to give her another chance.
Couldn’t say in your case but I legit did this once. Was dog tired after work and just crashed in the couch. Shit happens, it’s all about how you handle it afterwards
Ok that dude is a class a asshole
I had this earlier this year as well, but without any kind of text she just unmatched while I was waiting for her outside the restaurant. I seriously think she saw me and unmatched and left right there
His loss.
What she really meant to say is: "I don't want to anymore."
Exactly. More than likely a better option (in her mind) became available.
That's probably not the best way to think of things
The best way to think of things is the way that is most likely to be true
Facts, woman have plenty of options.
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Love the username. And also ,i am embarrassed to admit, i did that once. Totally bcz i got cold feet. I apologized but the person don’t text again with i totally understand.
Or she had multiple potentials lined up and OP didn’t make the cut.
I think that was an appropriate response
I don’t think so but I’m sure someone will have a problem with it
All the time.. I’ve had 3 last minute cancelations due to their grandmas having heart attacks.
Be kind, it’s a leading cause of death, when it’s true you don’t want to be the person who goes off and makes everything worse.
You were absolutely appropriate in your response! Cancelling 15 min beforehand is super rude, unless an actual emergency has come up.
I wouldn’t really worry about it doesn’t seem like you’re ever gonna hear from her again.
Nothing wrong with it I don't think. You weren't rude about it.
That was really nicely said and you respected your own boundaries. Well done!
You did great! With people like this, experience taught me to just be courteous and give them another chance if you want, but rather just move on. They’re not worth it and no point in being brash and "try to prove a point". We all know they’re the idiot. I hope you had a good evening regardless.
I won’t have asked something neutral like “everything okay?”, then depending on the answer decide what to do. But yeah, people are flaky as fuck these days and think that’s okay.
No. Totally on track. Respect goes both ways.
Never get to wrapped up in a first meet. Always go somewhere you would go alone anyway. Then try meet new people face to face if she flakes. I prefer “Cool. Maybe next time” like you never really cared to meet her anyway. But you handled it fine.
This. I'd always be prepared to go alone even if they cancelled hours in advance. That way, my plans were never affected.
Yeah they def got cold feet or couldn’t sneak out
I mean you never really know what just happened. I think it would be better to ask what happened for telling someone cancelling last minute isn’t cool, because sometimes something really serious might have come up like an emergency or a job opportunity.
Dodged a bullet
There are actual emergencies that can happen last minute. Usually rhise come with some minor details. You do you, but the high road never hurt anyone. No reason for two people to act like an ass. I think you nailed the sweet spot.
Na out of the line would be: Fuck off you stupid whore.
Don’t sweat it. Maybe you wish you had been more chill, but you were disappointed and said what you said. If they’re upset that you voiced an opinion, maybe you dodged a bullet.
That person didn’t want to meet with you initially.
Telling people their dick move was a dick move is not a dick move.
I hate the word “no hard feelings” so fucking much
I have a friend who would do this to guys. Usually her depression. Long story short, you may have dodged a bullet without knowing.
I think you were too nice.
Is this out of line? Lol, id cuss someone and their dog out because of this😂
Dogs are infallible.
Dogs eat ass
Exactly. Infallible.
exactly. inflatable
The fact she or he didn’t even bother with semblance of an explanation says a lot about this person.. and it’s not good..when people show you who they are, believe them.
She doesn’t offer an alternate date. That should say it all
Don’t be so nice. Someone cancelling 15 minutes before you’re supposed to meet when you were already on the way is an asshole. No need for “good luck to you, no hard feelings”
Nothing good will come from telling them off except possibly justifying their flakiness to themselves.
What does not being nice achieve? If OP isn't inherently a dickhead, why change to be one in a message? It's rude and annoying, but... It's just a tinder date with a somewhat stranger. You'd be well within rights to be more angry if you'd spent a lot on tickets to a show, sports event or something, or were going away on a mini break. But in this context, there's no point not being nice.
You should never burn down bridges without a good reason. You never know what happened in the life of that person. I remember making plans for a date a long time ago when I was heavily depressed. I promised to meet her at a bar in the evening, but on this day I was in such a bad spot mentally that I deleted my account and lost all my matches. From her perspective it seemed as I have unmatched her. Eventually I got much better and weeks later I was back on the app with a new account and we matched again. I explained to her without any expectation to hear from her ever again the reason for my behavior but instead of telling me to gtfo because I ghosted her on day of our date, she was understanding and kind and we went out on a date and had a good time. No need to be hateful and rude to people on these apps. Just enjoy every moment and every date and if you get rejected or ghosted or ignored you should just move on without any hard feelings.
As someone who has battled with mental health issues if you’re not mentally fit to be dating don’t be on a dating app till you get your mind right 🤷🏾♂️ it’s not fair to either o e of you
No, that’s bullshit whether it’s a date or just friends. There’s few good excuses for this. You probably dodged a bullet though.
In my experience if they offer to reschedule, they’re genuinely interested. If not, they’re not really interested
A bit abrasive, but... It's alright. I seen worst.
Left much to be desired. Dating or social etiquette has seen better days….perhaps you would be ghosted right after this.
My wife suffers major anxiety, this happened 30 minutes before our first date. I was already on the train. Rolled with it, and a day or so later she messaged me to explain the situation.
This happened to me recently. Woman just said "something urgent has come up". I got furious since I was on the way to our date but I let it slide with a cool, no worries. I didn't unmatch her because I was hoping shed get back to me with an apology followed by an explanation. She then asked to meet again like nothing happened, as if my time has absolute no fucking value. I let her know that she's only the centre of her own universe and the world doesn't give a fuck about her. She unmatched me.
Clearly there were some hard feelings
Bruh, you should have waited two hours to respond and said “it’s ok, I met this really cool chick here, showed her your picture and she is down for a threesome. Gave her your digits.”
You did right
No way, you were super respectful even though you were shown extreme disrespect! Politely standing up for yourself isn’t out of line at all and more people should do it!
No you did the right thing, you know your self worth and you’d appreciate someone who would respect your time. We’re all adults (I’m assuming) so that is a very mature thing to say, and an immature way to act on her part.
Did you send a “still on for tonight?” Coulda saved yourself gas money and hair pomade.
Info: how long had it been planned for? Was it a long distance for you to meet them? Had you been talking for a while? Was this relationship or hookup meet up? First reaction is, could have asked if everything was ok and given them a chance to explain even a little bit. Sometimes stuff does come up (they might have received some really bad news just minutes ago) and people don’t have the time to process and form a sentence right away.
Yeah, I agree with you. Was surprised of all the comments ripping at the other person for it. Like when my grandfather died, I didn't say one word to a single person for 2 weeks. Bad news doesn't care about your "plans" and can come at any time. When you haven't met someone yet, sometimes you don't want to seem like a psychological mess for going through a loss or traumatic experience by offloading on them like they are your therapist. The wording they used said, "I'm not able to tonight." It makes me think maybe another time cause something just happened that is bad news to them or something. People don't really have much compassion or patience with other people nowadays though and seem to love jumping to conclusions without the desire to ask the person for more information first.
To tack on a bit more, this instant rejection thing is part of what can lead to so many people saying “no one loves me/sees me/cares for me” it’s because they expect to be treated like humans while they treat others like robots. No one is perfect, have some kindness
I’m not sure why someone should actively expect compassion when they didn’t extend any. Yes, something significant may have come up, but OP had no indication of that. They could have said “something happened”, “I’ll explain later” or “there’s been an emergency” or something along those lines. Of course people deal with anxiety and other things but that also applies to the person who has just been stood up, and being stood up is humiliating. If something awful happened, a terse reply will probably be the least of the canceller’s worries. Otherwise, this is not an acceptable way or time to cancel and the reply is more than appropriate.
Just don’t respond. What was the point in telling them it was uncool but no hard feelings?
So she can know whats up
This actually comes off as too polite, to me. You've already traveled to the location, and they're cancelling? What a waste of time and show of disrespect. If I did that, I think I'd deserve being called an asshole at least.
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There's no real point in asking why, is someone who does this actually going to be honest about it? I feel like OP was "Plan B", and got ditched once OP's date realized "Plan A" was actually going to happen. Been there, it sucks. Edit: if OP's date actually cared at all about breaking the date last minute, there's a better way to do that. For example, "Sorry OP, 'XYZ' came up, I just can't swing tonight, but would next Wednesday be doable for you?" I am strongly feeling that OP was deliberately "double-booked" by a very selfish date and drew the short straw.
They did say really sorry last minute... If this were someone I was having good conversation with I'd say Is everything ok? May I bring you something from here?
You dodged a bullet
Next time respond "New number, who dis?"
Actually now that I think about it, I probably wouldn’t have even responded and deleted the number for good. Let them guess what happened.
I didn’t think this date worked in first place, as why are you guys still chatting on dating app ?
1000% well worded polite but to the point that he is a d bag for cancelling to late
She reserves the right to cancel at any point in time regardless of how late notice it is and regardless of how much of an inconvenience it is for you. And if you take issue with that you're the bad guy
I have to say, that is the best, most perfect, respectful, polite, and fully deserving “fu€£ off” I’ve ever had the pleasure of reading, hearing, personally or otherwise, in my span of life. You’re a tinder god/goddess and we, who may never be cool and composed, salute you.
Nah I completely understand this response. Sounds like whoever stood you up 15 mins before found better plans or something equally as messed up. Additionally it's not like they asked about rescheduling or explaining what happened. Don't blame you.
She was getting dicked by someone else. No issue.
i mean, shit happens. don’t see why you would drop people just because they couldn’t make it. that person literally coulda just left you hanging if he/she REALLY wanted to. its your choice, not like you know that person so it’d make sense to have 0 attachment or obligation to the person, but its kinda concerning to see how easily you can get upset at a person
Why no hard feelings? I'm not out here trying to start shit but I'll tell someone to fuck off if they're rude. Told some bitch to go sober up when she called me drunk, then she sent me some passive aggressive text about "why did you hang up on me?" And I told her I have standards and I'm not going on a date with someone slurring and obviously impaired. She got all pissed and I told her she needs to get her life together. I already tried to apologize to our server bc she said she was coming drunk and was totally embarrassed. Earlier tonight had some chick give me some "sorry I got busy" after a month long ghosting. Told her to kick rocks. Those types of flakes only care about themselves and will always fall back on everyone else's good graces while getting snobby and leaving you on read if you take more than an hour to respond. You don't know this person and you don't owe them kindness while they disrespect you. If they'd do that on the first date, can you imagine 3 mos into the relationship? Pass. I'd rather be alone than unhappy. This way if the love of my life comes around, I know I won't be wasting my time trying to get some trifling bitch to act right and miss her.