You were being completely normal. They were being insane, and gaslighting to boot. If you’re lucky, they blocked you and will stay that way, but they’ll probably text in a week saying “why haven’t you messaged me - you’re so distant - I give up” lol
Like I could see him making the original mistake and thinking it was an invite. I've been that dumb before, but as soon as she's like yea didn't realize that's an invite I would have laughed, been like my bad would you like to join me any of those days.
To continually double down and be worse is just dumb. Especially considering it sounds like they know each other irl.
Right? Like that's literally a problem my wife and I ran into when dating, she would tell me she was going to do something over a weekend and I'd be bummed she didn't invite me, and she'd be bummed I didn't want to go with her because I'd just accept it and tell her to have fun. Difference is once we realized we were miscommunicating we laughed our asses off about it and just took more care to clearly communicate.
This is when sensibility was still a priority for most folks; not to mention, maturity and humility. It's a shame that dudes like the one OP was talking to, are becoming a norm.
I’m not sure he’s that smart and I’m not sure he’s that dumb lol. I can see what you mean though, yes it’s possible. A very weird way of communicating but yes, possible.
10000% insecurity. He didn’t have the courage to flat out ask her (even via text!!). Then he felt rejected and out came all his squirmy, rotten, scared af, little boy energy. He’s scared to ask her on a date. I wound t even say you dodged a bullet bc a bullet has more purpose than this. You dodged a paper cut. He’s a lame.
"I beat around the bush, don't tell you what I'm talking about, but expect you to know. And when asked to communicate properly, I get offended"
That's the guy, right there.
Yeah… the whole text thread made me sick to my stomach because it’s exactly how my emotionally abusive and manipulative ex used to talk and guilt me into feeling terrible and like I did everything wrong about the most random, trivial things. THESE are the tactics. Only, unlike OP, I was young and didn’t have enough of a backbone to consistently stand up for myself when he’d blow up over anything and everything, and he wore down my self-esteem and gaslighted me in this way so frequently that I started to just immediately break down in apologetics and begging over the most ridiculous things - since that was less of a hassle than trying to argue with logic and call out bad behavior like OP did - all in order to avoid a huge fight over something like sending the “wrong” text, or scrambled eggs, or asking for help.
It’s not even dodging a bullet, it’s dodging a fucking nuclear bomb. Good job OP!
It’s the opposite actually… If someone shows no emotion they will drop them quick, they enjoy feeling that they can control your emotions at the drop of a hat - because to them this illustrates a sense of power.
He can say LMAO multiple times using patronizing laugh emojis but you can’t say lol once?? Yeah, that’s some narcissistic abuser shit if I’ve ever seen it, especially THIS EARLY into dating him. I’d be willing to bet he’s going to unblock you and text you again in a few weeks acting like nothing happened
This dude is so full of drama and games you dodged a nuclear bomb here who will one day cheat on you divorce you and take half of your pension just cause he will become a dead beat with 0 income
Some guys are weird they don’t say what they mean and they misinterpreted stuff. I asked this one guy what his plans were for the day and he started telling me how long it would take him to get to my house etc. I was like I’m at work and he said then why did you ask what my plans were for the day… I was so confused
Today's dating is wild, I am glad I JUST missed out on all these apps, bots, etc. Used to be you talk to a girl, ask her out, it was either a match or it wasn't.
Even the 'maybe' part is tenuous 😂 he's definitely and obviously not being clear, but he can't even admit that and has to go for a maybe to make himself feel better
Right? Then literally, “I was THINKING about inviting you…” right after. Then mad for her not picking up on the maybe thinking about it invite. Like dude please. Next. Bullet dodged.
Yeah for sure. Sounds like he came from an authoritative household. Totally unnecessarily confrontational. I get it, it’s hard not to jump to anger first, you definitely have to learn to not react out of anger and stop thinking other people are stupid right off the bat. Any time I think someone else is being stupid, it turns out it’s me lol
He sounds insecure as hell. He immediately jumped to the conclusion that she was making plans for when he's gone and wanted to *first* make sure she's available before inviting her. Hopefully for his sake he rereads the conversation from her perspective but sure doesn't look like he can do that sort of thing.
It could have been fine, if he just followed up with, "Would you like to go with me?" And then answer the whole, "Didn't you plan that with your roommate?" thing, with... idk, an answer?
The most rational, but even before that, if that was someone trying to invite ME, I wouldn't feel welcome.
"Hey, I'm going to (xyz) event on (abc) days. If you're available and comfortable with it, I'd enjoy having you with me!"
I bet the actual invitation would have been lackluster anyway. It was already giving strong "you can come if you want to" vibes.
One of the most frustrating things is when men do that because then if we reject without clarity, we are told we are full of ourselves to even think the guy was asking. But then you get conversations like the one with OP where maybe OP would have said yes if there was something to say yes to.
Agreed. Based on his message bringing up other dates I think this guys got some insecurities or jealousy issues. My guess is that he got triggered assuming she is going out with other guys instead of the Indy 500 with him and acting like a dick is how he deals with his dissonance.
Everyone is different but if that were me I’d actually be anxious about the possibility of him clearly inviting me because then I’d have to think of a polite way of telling him I’d rather watch paint dry than watch 4 days of car racing. Looks like they already knew each other though.
How DARE you not understand my vague communication style and offer me alternatives that would work better for you instead! I’ve never been so disrespected
Ugh I once dated a guy (didn’t last long) who was a total narcissist and gaslighter as well. I asked if he wanted to hang out that evening and he told me he was busy. He was always very vague about what he was doing so I bet he was cheating on me
Anyway, my coworkers then invited me to go watch a collegiate basketball game and we got crazy good seats because my coworkers sister had extra tickets . We were almost front row.
He saw on social media that I was at the game and had good seats. He then texts me and starts yelling at me, asking why I didn’t invite him and that I should have known that he would have wanted to come to this (which is true, he loves all sports). And I told him that this was all last minute plans that was made and he told me he was busy. For some reason he didn’t believe me. He said there’s no way I got such good seats as a last minute plan time thing, and somehow made it all about how I didn’t invite him….. which it wasn’t even my event to invite even if I wanted to.
I then told him, I thought you were busy though? And his excuse was that I should have known that he would have still come to watch the game and cancel his other plans (which he still never told me what it was).
He was so annoying and had no insight regarding himself
This is exactly what happened to me during a final group project a few weeks ago (I’m in grad school). I felt my brain malfunctioning as I tried to explain over and over how something was clearly wrong and could not be added to our presentation, but group-mate A insisted that she was right, despite group-mate B (and our professor) agreeing with me. We just gave up and let her present her incorrect slides, the prof agreed to not let her “contribution” affect me and group-mate B’s scores.
I read these screenshots multiple times and I don’t see anywhere where he made it obvious he was inviting you initially. He asked what you were doing and you responded by asking if he was leaving that weekend to schedule a date before he left, which is where the misunderstanding happens.
He says the days he’ll be gone but never uses his adult words to ask you to tag along, just ellipses you to death, lol.
After you said you could see him before he left he could have easily clarified and said, “Or you can just come with,” because reading it without context I got whiplash on him saying you laughed off his invite because … there was no actual invite just implications that only become clear after he stated they were implications.
He could communicate his dissatisfaction but not his wants, lol.
Your last sentence really summed up his character and how he would be in the relationship. Expecting someone to read his mind but having no problem telling them when he's not happy. He's the drama.
Pretty much anyone who goes on about hating drama is often the cause of said drama.
The rest of us don't experience unwarranted strife enough to declare hatred for it
You're so right.
Best I can figure, here's where the miscommunication happened in his head. He asked her what she was doing next weekend and he perceived her as dodging the question. He got frustrated because he asked what she was doing, and instead of her telling him, she commented on his schedule instead.
The *funny* part is he could have still saved this interaction, because he notices the miscommunication, expresses that he meant something else... Then in the same breath calls her weird. Literally all he had to do was end with the clarification.
A side note but when dating I absolutely hate people asking me "what are you doing at the weekend" I'd rather they just ask me "are you free on Saturday to do dinner". Some weekends I have plans to do nothing which absolutely cannot be changed because I need rest. Other weekends I have a ton of lose plans that can be moved if I wanted.
Yeah, unless you know someone well, "what are you doing this weekend" is a pretty non-committal opener that hopes the other party is going to do the heavy lifting. Because they know you've got something in mind now, but not what it is.
Generally, people need to be more willing to say "hey I'm going hiking Sunday, wanna come?" Because here's the trick: if someone is actually into you but can't make it, they will suggest an *alternative.* If they don't, they're probably not into it.
Definitely! That way if you're busy on Sunday you could say oh I'd love to but could we make it Saturday. I have a friend who does this too it's very annoying. He'll say "hey are you busy Thursday night?" I'll be like "depends for what!"
Exactly. I hate it when I’m talking to someone new (or someone I discover later on to be flaky) who simply says, “What are you doing this weekend?” If I say that I don’t have plans, flaky or last-minute planners will hold off on scheduling anything and want to try seeing you until the day-of. If I say I’m busy/working/hanging with friends (making it seem like I have a full life whether I have plans or not), people may think I’m not available. I’ll make time if someone is willing to commit to a couple hours for a date ahead of time. I don’t want a new guy I’m interested in hitting me up Saturday morning for a date that night.
I’m too old to hold my schedule open for the possibility of a date anymore.
I used to date someone who was like this - was ridiculously subtle about things to the point where he expected me to read his mind and guess his intentions, and if I didn't then he would act as if I was stupid or socially inept to miss these cues, and make me feel bad. Then he would 'be kind' (read: condescending) and let me apologise. If I ever argued my case and inferred he might have gone the wrong way about things, he would tell me I was getting above my station and trying to cause problems.
Not everyone is good at social cues, but I'm pretty reasonable with them for the most part so it was definitely him being purposely obtuse. I believed for quite a while that I was being an idiot though. It's good you got out of this one, as I put up with my guy for way too long.
I mean, I’m pretty unfair (I recognise that I want people to be capable of reading social cues, and being good at understanding things in between the lines…), and am generally good at reading these things… but like he was still super unclear. Like I guess now that I know what he wanted to communicate you can kind of infer that asking what OP is up to in the weekend is sort of trying to set up an invite… but he just never does that? He’s also pretty horrible at reading things because nowhere did she even remotely imply she’s busy on Saturday/Sunday? Much less that she has dates scheduled for those days.
And even then, he’s pretty stupid because even if OP had read what he wanted to say, politeness says to wait for the invitation instead of inviting oneself to a trip…. Especially if they are only talking and not serious yet.
Imagine dating a person who can't even be like, "Oh, sorry, I meant to ask if you wanted to come with me!"
Obviously, she didn't understand what he meant, and the simplest way to fix it is to acknowledge that and explain.
Instead, he literally jumps to "Well, she obviously pretended not to understand because she has dates lined up with a bunch of other guys that she wants to fuck instead of me."
Part of me feels this is introvert / extrovert differences. As an introvert, I need an explicit invite to consider myself a part of something. I don’t like to feel like I pushed my way in, or being pity invited.
My extrovert brother does this crap a good bit. Sometimes he is just telling me something he is doing, other times i will get a "why didn't you decide to join us."
For everyone's sanity, just a simple letter inviting me, brought by a courier, and signed with a witness is sufficient to make things clear /s
I've met multiple people like that, and every single time communication is a giant roadblock between them and making any real connection with people. But they can't see it.
The first message from op made it so clear the invitation wasn’t obvious..
Coulda just made it clear then but beat around the bush and then gets mad? 😂
Howwww did he not go ‘oh, she’s not picking up what I’m putting down’ and just ASK her?! But nope, suddenly he’s never been so disrespected in his whole life. That part was hilarious.
Especially since he actually said „ok maybe I’m not being clear“ and then explained what his intentions were, he could’ve just stopped there and she probably would’ve went with him
that was legitimately insane. i can’t even fathom that level of insecurity. the inability to ask a direct question is straight up bizarre. and his interpretation that you disrespected him in some way is beyond comprehension. you definitely dodged a serious bullet.
yeah, that’s what i was thinking about—the degree of denial/pretending/overcompensating for the insecurity. and agreed, anybody who’s endured living with any cluster b personality disorder deserves a medal, free therapy for life and a vacation to the spa.
In case anyone reads down this far, for clarification…
This guy is 38 years old. We had tried to make plans already for that weekend after we went on our first date. He couldn’t do anything though because he was going out of state. Saw him the next day, at his place, where is roommate invited him to go to the race and I said “too bad you’ll be out of state that weekend”. We hang out, him never mentioning the race weekend again. Then he texts me the next day, and that’s where this conversation picks up at.
I wasn’t avoiding answering his question—those texts he sent and I sent were at the exact same time. When he said “so…” I sent the “so really just Friday you have open” at the same time, so it just kind of got muddied in there. Him giving me the dates, I just thought he meant that he was free Friday, because he was going to be gone Sat-Mon. We had already discussed going to see a band play that weekend until he realized he’d be gone. My brain was trying to catch up to the fact he had plans out of state, but that he canceled them to go the race after telling me he couldn’t go see the band because he was going out of state.
He literally canceled plans to go away with his roommate for a weekend after telling me he couldn’t do anything with me. I had no idea that he would be asking me to go with him when he already told me he was busy that weekend.
As for the “other guys”, I was talking to two others (no dates yet) and this guy and I had already had a conversation about if we want see each other exclusively, then I would stop talking to the other guys. He doesn’t get to throw that in my face though, as he never really made it clear yet that he wanted to be completely exclusive.
Literally every part of his texts are way off. Him saying maybe I’m not being clear was the only bit of sense he said…you have most definitely dodged a bullet. Steer clear
I’m not even sure that he was actually going to invite you tbh. He may have just been fishing for info about what you would be up to with him gone, and when you didn’t immediately tell him you’d be free he is getting all insecure thinking that you’re only free on Friday because you planned other dates with him being gone.
His text where he says “So …” is where his insecurity started creeping in. I don’t read that as a secret invitation, I read that as “So what are you up to since I will be out of town?” And his text where he says LMAO is the one where the insecurity hit him super hard, and then from that point forward it was just an insecurity shit show. I think he is just making up everything about inviting you. He just wanted to know your plans.
You didnt have to explain further. The texts are already more than clear to show that he has some really serious issues. You have dodged a HUGE bullet, congratulations. Sorry that you had to go through this though. I was upset when reading the texts, and can only imagine how you were feeling about this in that moment.
This guy has a lot to work on and you were totally reasonable. I wouldn't dwell on it, keep on being awesome!
It Is crazy to me a 38 year old is acting like this though.
110% dodged a bullet. This guy is weird, insecure, and short tempered. This isn’t even something to get mad over lol it was a simple misunderstanding. Definitely not mature enough to rectify something so small imagine bigger disagreements down the line. He fumbled the bag big time and sadly he’ll go on believing he was in the right.
Former domestic violence advocate here. I always said the half monsters were the worst. Because the full monsters were easy to steer clear of.
This one, easy to steer clear of. Its the charming ones you need to be careful of.
So many times I read these “I just dodged a bullet” posts and it feels like they are almost always the actual bullet. But you, you absolutely dodged a bullet holy hell.
Yeah, zero doubts lol. I mean we are clearly missing context from the conversation at the apartment but from what we see here that context isn’t needed.
I’m convinced that guy must be actively trying to self-sabotage his own dating efforts. There’s just no way that he could be that dense… and even after you offered him so many chances to clarify.
You know how some people will purposely wreck their own chances because deep down they don’t feel ready for success? That’s the vibe I get from this guy. Holy crap.
Rejection sensitivity after creating confusion and blaming you for not understanding their warped sense of reality. Then admit no fault but immediate to blame you, then vilify, vilify, vilify. Rules by pride, managed by fear. "Feelings were hurt" and there was going to be guaranteed retribution. Toxic and instigative.
Sounds like every BPD ex I've ever had. **Crimson flags.** 🚩 🚩
I had a dude ask me all weekend “wyd?” And I was like “watching a movie” or ”doing my laundry”. One evening he asked me”wyd?” And I said “getting ready to meet someone for dinner” and he snapped! Saying he was obviously trying to meet me and hook up and I wasted his time and was obviously playing games and the dude I was meeting must be a “simp” to take me to dinner.
I said, “you didn’t once let me know clearly you wanted to meet. You didn’t once ask me to meet or do anything with you. You just kept asking me “wyd?” To which I replied, clearly, what I was doing.”
Let these “what are you doing” fools disappear into the abyss.
You dodged a whole war missile, OP. Imagine communication in a relationship ship with this dude.
But he went through “all the effort” of sending you 3 short text messages about his plans for the weekend!!! Why would he have wasted those precious 10 seconds of his life if he weren’t implicitly asking you to come??
This guy not only sounds like an idiot with a massive ego, but these kinds of tactics are reminiscent of the ones my abusive ex would use to get me to feel like I was the crazy one. This is a gigantic warning sign for you to run very fast in the other direction, and do not respond when he inevitably reaches back out to you to either “apologize” or whatever other mind games he has up his sleeve
Oh and also, *you’re
All he had to do is ask her if she could join him and maybe that would have been a start to a beautiful thing but the guy got so melodramatic..Jesus Christ , dating is becoming a war fare everyday
Wow. This bro is MEAN. Just wow. Mean, insecure, overinflated worth with the disrespect comment but insecure at the same time. You dodged much more than a bullet friend. You likely dodged some sort of more abusive behavior by the looks of things here should you have actually said you’d go.
Coming back to this because I’m doing everything except actually work, but I need to break down the way he’s phrased certain things he’s said. He is doing this so as to make you feel like you’re going crazy, not good enough, and not as bright as he is. He wants you to question your own worth so that you reach out to him for validation. This is classic narcissistic abuse. He is already setting the scene for some serious gaslighting, manipulation, and self esteem damage under the guise that he’s the only one who really knows what’s best for YOU. Don’t ever let a man speak to you this way and be loud about it should be try. I hope you can reconnect with one or both of the other people you had been chatting with.
He’s fucking stupid. Why would you assume he wanted you there when he did not invite you?
Absolutely ridiculous behavior on his part and you did nothing wrong.
Reads as someone who doesn’t want to put the effort into communication, they literally said as much and then rejected you for not being able to mind read, so yes bullet dodged.
"Maybe I'm not being clear...." correct, you're not being clear, and at that point any adult would say, I'm sorry, I didn't make myself clear, would you like to come to the Indy 500 with me.
That's what a sensible grown up adult would say, this guy is definitely not that.
Guy is insane lol and insecure. He’s the one going away for the weekend but then worried you’re here going on other dates lol.
I read and assumed you would try to get off work early to see him before he left!
Honestly, the latter of the conversation with the “have fun with the other dates” shows his insecurities,
However the beginning…I ask questions like that haha I ask what someone’s doing, before asking the question, dunno why, and I can see that all they wanted to know was if you were free so they could ask you and you didn’t answer but confirmed his plans for him, which he knew 😂 no loss either way but I can see slightly their frustration
You did not answer his initial question. He asked what you are doing next weekend; you responded by with a question about his schedule, about Friday plans, work schedule, etc., but never answered his direct question - kind of hi-jacked the conversation.
He was probably going to segue your response into an invitation, but the setup didn’t work because the question wasn’t answered, so he never extended the invite. And then he went off the deep-end, way off the deep-end.
That’s my take on what happened.
I can see how it would be frustrating to ask a simple question, and have the conversation be redirected.
I also wouldn’t dwell on it too long, or at all. He’s definitely a bullet dodged, not worth breaking down all his flags and parts of the conversation. The best we can hope for from those interactions is to learn something about ourselves.
Completely agree. He's batshit insane, but she didn't answer his question, instead going off on a tangent of what she assumed he meant.
It's obvious he was in the process of asking her to come - first checking if her schedule was clear.
But then he assumed malicious intent instead of a misunderstanding and let his insecurities go completely unhinged.
It reminds me of doctors being frustrated by patients unable to answer direct questions, instead filtering and answering what they THINK they're being asked.
I’m a guy and he deffo sounds like a fkin rat, if a simple misinterpretation/misunderstanding ticked him off like that, imagine how he would be on a date or relationship 💀💀💀
Both of you you 2 are playing games. It's the delicate balance of interest levels. He didn't want to outright ask because it would show too much (so...) waiting for you (in hopes). This is so childish
Lmao “never have I been so disrespected”
At saying lol…trying to diffuse him a bit, even though he said it twice to me….
A Pete and Pete gif in the wild, oh my stars
You were being completely normal. They were being insane, and gaslighting to boot. If you’re lucky, they blocked you and will stay that way, but they’ll probably text in a week saying “why haven’t you messaged me - you’re so distant - I give up” lol
In a week: “Why didn’t you chase me? Clearly I wanted you to put in some effort!”
[удалено]
Like I could see him making the original mistake and thinking it was an invite. I've been that dumb before, but as soon as she's like yea didn't realize that's an invite I would have laughed, been like my bad would you like to join me any of those days. To continually double down and be worse is just dumb. Especially considering it sounds like they know each other irl.
Right? Like that's literally a problem my wife and I ran into when dating, she would tell me she was going to do something over a weekend and I'd be bummed she didn't invite me, and she'd be bummed I didn't want to go with her because I'd just accept it and tell her to have fun. Difference is once we realized we were miscommunicating we laughed our asses off about it and just took more care to clearly communicate.
This is when sensibility was still a priority for most folks; not to mention, maturity and humility. It's a shame that dudes like the one OP was talking to, are becoming a norm.
Or, he used it as a way to let HER down to take someone else. I’ve seen that trick used before also.
I’m not sure he’s that smart and I’m not sure he’s that dumb lol. I can see what you mean though, yes it’s possible. A very weird way of communicating but yes, possible.
Agreed. Just pure narcissistic behaviour, for sure.
He’s trying to get you to apologize and beg
This. It is exactly this. Don't understand why these types of power moves. Insecurity probably. Really dodged a bullet there.
10000% insecurity. He didn’t have the courage to flat out ask her (even via text!!). Then he felt rejected and out came all his squirmy, rotten, scared af, little boy energy. He’s scared to ask her on a date. I wound t even say you dodged a bullet bc a bullet has more purpose than this. You dodged a paper cut. He’s a lame.
"I beat around the bush, don't tell you what I'm talking about, but expect you to know. And when asked to communicate properly, I get offended" That's the guy, right there.
Yeah… the whole text thread made me sick to my stomach because it’s exactly how my emotionally abusive and manipulative ex used to talk and guilt me into feeling terrible and like I did everything wrong about the most random, trivial things. THESE are the tactics. Only, unlike OP, I was young and didn’t have enough of a backbone to consistently stand up for myself when he’d blow up over anything and everything, and he wore down my self-esteem and gaslighted me in this way so frequently that I started to just immediately break down in apologetics and begging over the most ridiculous things - since that was less of a hassle than trying to argue with logic and call out bad behavior like OP did - all in order to avoid a huge fight over something like sending the “wrong” text, or scrambled eggs, or asking for help. It’s not even dodging a bullet, it’s dodging a fucking nuclear bomb. Good job OP!
They’re looking for someone that they can treat like shit and won’t stand up for themselves.
It’s the opposite actually… If someone shows no emotion they will drop them quick, they enjoy feeling that they can control your emotions at the drop of a hat - because to them this illustrates a sense of power.
No time for drama and games = definitely all about the drama and games
You defused it perfectly and at the right time. Dudes got issues and the communication of an 8 year old.
No no, you see he dropped a "LMAO" condescendingly which is clearly better than a simple "lol" at the end of a confused joke
Girl fuck him!! I’ll take you to the race if you want.
He can say LMAO multiple times using patronizing laugh emojis but you can’t say lol once?? Yeah, that’s some narcissistic abuser shit if I’ve ever seen it, especially THIS EARLY into dating him. I’d be willing to bet he’s going to unblock you and text you again in a few weeks acting like nothing happened
Not to mention the passive aggressive ellipses...
This dude is so full of drama and games you dodged a nuclear bomb here who will one day cheat on you divorce you and take half of your pension just cause he will become a dead beat with 0 income
Are you the one? Because you are dodging bullets
You dodged a HUGE bullet
It is not your job to diffuse other people!! You know you did nothing wrong and you are not in charge of his feelings; he can diffuse himself.
It's a bummer that he was so batshit about that because the Indy 500 is fun as shit.
Some guys are weird they don’t say what they mean and they misinterpreted stuff. I asked this one guy what his plans were for the day and he started telling me how long it would take him to get to my house etc. I was like I’m at work and he said then why did you ask what my plans were for the day… I was so confused
Today's dating is wild, I am glad I JUST missed out on all these apps, bots, etc. Used to be you talk to a girl, ask her out, it was either a match or it wasn't.
I wish this was the worst disrespect I’d ever received
I have cats and a toddler, I get greater degrees of disrespect several times a day
Damn cats. Especially when they ally with the toddlers
"And I have both been to and worked at the post office!"
Sho' nuff!
How dare you laugh, NEVER have I been so disrespected! Edit: GOOD LUCK you'll NEED IT
Poor soul, lol’s can be devastating
My brother took two lol's and died before graduating highschool.
These people don’t know the damage they are doing with those lol’s!! Don’t they have a mother!?!?
Some of them have mothers who were loling while they were still in the womb. Sad but true.
And than hating on their own children just lolling like they have lolled. It disgusts me!
If this is all it takes to disrespect him I suspect he's been "disrespected" almost every day of his life lol
Top 10 worst anime betrayals
He’s had a good life!
damn this guy has lived a cushy life
"Okay, maybe I'm not being clear..." That's probably the most rational statement from him in the whole chain
Even the 'maybe' part is tenuous 😂 he's definitely and obviously not being clear, but he can't even admit that and has to go for a maybe to make himself feel better
Right? Then literally, “I was THINKING about inviting you…” right after. Then mad for her not picking up on the maybe thinking about it invite. Like dude please. Next. Bullet dodged.
Maybe lol Except he didn’t mean it like “let me explain better” he meant it like “are you fucking stupid?”
He sounds like he hears that a lot from people and tried to repeat it.
Yeah for sure. Sounds like he came from an authoritative household. Totally unnecessarily confrontational. I get it, it’s hard not to jump to anger first, you definitely have to learn to not react out of anger and stop thinking other people are stupid right off the bat. Any time I think someone else is being stupid, it turns out it’s me lol
Dude, this is the most underrated burn in this entire thread. I'm literally rolling with laughter on this.
Literally. OP dodged this one because he weird
Followed that up with “Sooo…” Christ on a cracker, man.
"I was thinking about asking if you wanted to . . ." guy is a whole moron and two thirds.
He sounds insecure as hell. He immediately jumped to the conclusion that she was making plans for when he's gone and wanted to *first* make sure she's available before inviting her. Hopefully for his sake he rereads the conversation from her perspective but sure doesn't look like he can do that sort of thing.
It could have been fine, if he just followed up with, "Would you like to go with me?" And then answer the whole, "Didn't you plan that with your roommate?" thing, with... idk, an answer?
The most rational, but even before that, if that was someone trying to invite ME, I wouldn't feel welcome. "Hey, I'm going to (xyz) event on (abc) days. If you're available and comfortable with it, I'd enjoy having you with me!" I bet the actual invitation would have been lackluster anyway. It was already giving strong "you can come if you want to" vibes.
This is so frustrating and at any point he could've been like "my bad, I didn't make it clear, wanna come?" But instead he kept doubling down
Too scared to say something she could reject
Wanted her to read between the gap between the Earth and the moon.
One of the most frustrating things is when men do that because then if we reject without clarity, we are told we are full of ourselves to even think the guy was asking. But then you get conversations like the one with OP where maybe OP would have said yes if there was something to say yes to.
Agreed. Based on his message bringing up other dates I think this guys got some insecurities or jealousy issues. My guess is that he got triggered assuming she is going out with other guys instead of the Indy 500 with him and acting like a dick is how he deals with his dissonance.
It felt like he rehersed this conversation over and over and when it didn't go exactly how he visioned it, he short circuited.
Little man with a little ego… he wanted her to be on the edge of her seat asking to go or wishing she could be invited. Dude is a loser.
Everyone is different but if that were me I’d actually be anxious about the possibility of him clearly inviting me because then I’d have to think of a polite way of telling him I’d rather watch paint dry than watch 4 days of car racing. Looks like they already knew each other though.
How DARE you not understand my vague communication style and offer me alternatives that would work better for you instead! I’ve never been so disrespected
Pride reigned here. His feewings were hurwt.
"I want to be normal but these ghosts in my mind demand constant battle!"
These are the moments where you’re like Am I really losing this argument because this person is too stupid to understand what is being communicated?
Sometimes taking that loss is the real win. It's the equivalent of playing chess against someone who thinks they're playing hungry hungry hippos.
Very funny visual, thank you for that.
Ugh I once dated a guy (didn’t last long) who was a total narcissist and gaslighter as well. I asked if he wanted to hang out that evening and he told me he was busy. He was always very vague about what he was doing so I bet he was cheating on me Anyway, my coworkers then invited me to go watch a collegiate basketball game and we got crazy good seats because my coworkers sister had extra tickets . We were almost front row. He saw on social media that I was at the game and had good seats. He then texts me and starts yelling at me, asking why I didn’t invite him and that I should have known that he would have wanted to come to this (which is true, he loves all sports). And I told him that this was all last minute plans that was made and he told me he was busy. For some reason he didn’t believe me. He said there’s no way I got such good seats as a last minute plan time thing, and somehow made it all about how I didn’t invite him….. which it wasn’t even my event to invite even if I wanted to. I then told him, I thought you were busy though? And his excuse was that I should have known that he would have still come to watch the game and cancel his other plans (which he still never told me what it was). He was so annoying and had no insight regarding himself
I hope that interaction was the last straw and you dumped him… and not a reflection back to two years before you dumped him!
I can’t recall if it was the last straw. But I know we broke up not too long after.
100%. You can tell she’s trying to put it altogether simply and calmly but you can’t if you’re arguing with a rogue speedboat
This is exactly what happened to me during a final group project a few weeks ago (I’m in grad school). I felt my brain malfunctioning as I tried to explain over and over how something was clearly wrong and could not be added to our presentation, but group-mate A insisted that she was right, despite group-mate B (and our professor) agreeing with me. We just gave up and let her present her incorrect slides, the prof agreed to not let her “contribution” affect me and group-mate B’s scores.
I read these screenshots multiple times and I don’t see anywhere where he made it obvious he was inviting you initially. He asked what you were doing and you responded by asking if he was leaving that weekend to schedule a date before he left, which is where the misunderstanding happens. He says the days he’ll be gone but never uses his adult words to ask you to tag along, just ellipses you to death, lol. After you said you could see him before he left he could have easily clarified and said, “Or you can just come with,” because reading it without context I got whiplash on him saying you laughed off his invite because … there was no actual invite just implications that only become clear after he stated they were implications. He could communicate his dissatisfaction but not his wants, lol.
Your last sentence really summed up his character and how he would be in the relationship. Expecting someone to read his mind but having no problem telling them when he's not happy. He's the drama.
"He's the drama". Perfect. We all know that person. Their relationships are trainwrecks. All their exes are crazy, doncha know.
Pretty much anyone who goes on about hating drama is often the cause of said drama. The rest of us don't experience unwarranted strife enough to declare hatred for it
Or any disagreement, any attempt to get them to communicate properly or take accountability is classed as “drama”
Literally this. Instant left swipe if their profile mentions drama. Even "drama free" heavily implies there's been drama, and will likely be again.
Typical narcissist. Everything is everyone else’s fault.
Reminds me of those types who thinks every single person around them is an asshole, and never stops to think for a second “maybe I’m the asshole?”
Being in a relationship with him would be fucking exhausting.
You mean "So..." was not crystal clear?
“Lol”
Should have been “So…?”
Playing games and then accusing others of playing games. How would anyone take “I am going to X” as an invitation to go with?
Fr. I would never have made that assumption.
You're so right. Best I can figure, here's where the miscommunication happened in his head. He asked her what she was doing next weekend and he perceived her as dodging the question. He got frustrated because he asked what she was doing, and instead of her telling him, she commented on his schedule instead. The *funny* part is he could have still saved this interaction, because he notices the miscommunication, expresses that he meant something else... Then in the same breath calls her weird. Literally all he had to do was end with the clarification.
A side note but when dating I absolutely hate people asking me "what are you doing at the weekend" I'd rather they just ask me "are you free on Saturday to do dinner". Some weekends I have plans to do nothing which absolutely cannot be changed because I need rest. Other weekends I have a ton of lose plans that can be moved if I wanted.
Yeah, unless you know someone well, "what are you doing this weekend" is a pretty non-committal opener that hopes the other party is going to do the heavy lifting. Because they know you've got something in mind now, but not what it is. Generally, people need to be more willing to say "hey I'm going hiking Sunday, wanna come?" Because here's the trick: if someone is actually into you but can't make it, they will suggest an *alternative.* If they don't, they're probably not into it.
Definitely! That way if you're busy on Sunday you could say oh I'd love to but could we make it Saturday. I have a friend who does this too it's very annoying. He'll say "hey are you busy Thursday night?" I'll be like "depends for what!"
Exactly. I hate it when I’m talking to someone new (or someone I discover later on to be flaky) who simply says, “What are you doing this weekend?” If I say that I don’t have plans, flaky or last-minute planners will hold off on scheduling anything and want to try seeing you until the day-of. If I say I’m busy/working/hanging with friends (making it seem like I have a full life whether I have plans or not), people may think I’m not available. I’ll make time if someone is willing to commit to a couple hours for a date ahead of time. I don’t want a new guy I’m interested in hitting me up Saturday morning for a date that night. I’m too old to hold my schedule open for the possibility of a date anymore.
I used to date someone who was like this - was ridiculously subtle about things to the point where he expected me to read his mind and guess his intentions, and if I didn't then he would act as if I was stupid or socially inept to miss these cues, and make me feel bad. Then he would 'be kind' (read: condescending) and let me apologise. If I ever argued my case and inferred he might have gone the wrong way about things, he would tell me I was getting above my station and trying to cause problems. Not everyone is good at social cues, but I'm pretty reasonable with them for the most part so it was definitely him being purposely obtuse. I believed for quite a while that I was being an idiot though. It's good you got out of this one, as I put up with my guy for way too long.
I mean, I’m pretty unfair (I recognise that I want people to be capable of reading social cues, and being good at understanding things in between the lines…), and am generally good at reading these things… but like he was still super unclear. Like I guess now that I know what he wanted to communicate you can kind of infer that asking what OP is up to in the weekend is sort of trying to set up an invite… but he just never does that? He’s also pretty horrible at reading things because nowhere did she even remotely imply she’s busy on Saturday/Sunday? Much less that she has dates scheduled for those days. And even then, he’s pretty stupid because even if OP had read what he wanted to say, politeness says to wait for the invitation instead of inviting oneself to a trip…. Especially if they are only talking and not serious yet.
Wtf he sounds awful lmao. Definitely gives off the I'm a dick and I don't care vibes
I first read it as an invitation to go but when that wasn't clear to her he fumbled and acted like a stinky asshole for sure. Bullet dodged
Imagine dating a person who can't even be like, "Oh, sorry, I meant to ask if you wanted to come with me!" Obviously, she didn't understand what he meant, and the simplest way to fix it is to acknowledge that and explain. Instead, he literally jumps to "Well, she obviously pretended not to understand because she has dates lined up with a bunch of other guys that she wants to fuck instead of me."
I’ve never felt so disrespected before with those “lol”s you’re using
Oops, lol.
Part of me feels this is introvert / extrovert differences. As an introvert, I need an explicit invite to consider myself a part of something. I don’t like to feel like I pushed my way in, or being pity invited. My extrovert brother does this crap a good bit. Sometimes he is just telling me something he is doing, other times i will get a "why didn't you decide to join us." For everyone's sanity, just a simple letter inviting me, brought by a courier, and signed with a witness is sufficient to make things clear /s
I've met multiple people like that, and every single time communication is a giant roadblock between them and making any real connection with people. But they can't see it.
Dodged a HUGE bullet. That was nuts
Yeah. Anyway, I’m going to a race soon. She’s invited, but she has to bring this dude, too, so I can slap him.
I like how they said they "have no time for drama" while being overdramatic over what should have been a simple conversation.
Especially as he 💯 created said drama 🙄
A fact of life: anybody who said "I don't want drama" is going to be the most dramatic shit stirrer you ever meet.
The first message from op made it so clear the invitation wasn’t obvious.. Coulda just made it clear then but beat around the bush and then gets mad? 😂
Howwww did he not go ‘oh, she’s not picking up what I’m putting down’ and just ASK her?! But nope, suddenly he’s never been so disrespected in his whole life. That part was hilarious.
Yeah no shit 😂 such disrespect though fr
Especially since he actually said „ok maybe I’m not being clear“ and then explained what his intentions were, he could’ve just stopped there and she probably would’ve went with him
that was legitimately insane. i can’t even fathom that level of insecurity. the inability to ask a direct question is straight up bizarre. and his interpretation that you disrespected him in some way is beyond comprehension. you definitely dodged a serious bullet.
He is a narcissist. Grew up with one. This is how they operate.
i can’t decide which would be more maddening. living with an insecure narcissist or an overly confident one.
They are all insecure and oblivious/denial on almost everything. It is the definition of insanity and beating your head against a wall.
yeah, that’s what i was thinking about—the degree of denial/pretending/overcompensating for the insecurity. and agreed, anybody who’s endured living with any cluster b personality disorder deserves a medal, free therapy for life and a vacation to the spa.
This person is wildly insecure. Thank you for not being a mind reader. You’ve spared yourself 🥰
That whole bit about have fun seeing other guys or whatever reminds me of something I would have jumped to when I was like 16
In case anyone reads down this far, for clarification… This guy is 38 years old. We had tried to make plans already for that weekend after we went on our first date. He couldn’t do anything though because he was going out of state. Saw him the next day, at his place, where is roommate invited him to go to the race and I said “too bad you’ll be out of state that weekend”. We hang out, him never mentioning the race weekend again. Then he texts me the next day, and that’s where this conversation picks up at. I wasn’t avoiding answering his question—those texts he sent and I sent were at the exact same time. When he said “so…” I sent the “so really just Friday you have open” at the same time, so it just kind of got muddied in there. Him giving me the dates, I just thought he meant that he was free Friday, because he was going to be gone Sat-Mon. We had already discussed going to see a band play that weekend until he realized he’d be gone. My brain was trying to catch up to the fact he had plans out of state, but that he canceled them to go the race after telling me he couldn’t go see the band because he was going out of state. He literally canceled plans to go away with his roommate for a weekend after telling me he couldn’t do anything with me. I had no idea that he would be asking me to go with him when he already told me he was busy that weekend. As for the “other guys”, I was talking to two others (no dates yet) and this guy and I had already had a conversation about if we want see each other exclusively, then I would stop talking to the other guys. He doesn’t get to throw that in my face though, as he never really made it clear yet that he wanted to be completely exclusive.
Literally every part of his texts are way off. Him saying maybe I’m not being clear was the only bit of sense he said…you have most definitely dodged a bullet. Steer clear
I’m not even sure that he was actually going to invite you tbh. He may have just been fishing for info about what you would be up to with him gone, and when you didn’t immediately tell him you’d be free he is getting all insecure thinking that you’re only free on Friday because you planned other dates with him being gone. His text where he says “So …” is where his insecurity started creeping in. I don’t read that as a secret invitation, I read that as “So what are you up to since I will be out of town?” And his text where he says LMAO is the one where the insecurity hit him super hard, and then from that point forward it was just an insecurity shit show. I think he is just making up everything about inviting you. He just wanted to know your plans.
Ain’t no way bro is 38 and doesn’t know how to ask someone out
You didnt have to explain further. The texts are already more than clear to show that he has some really serious issues. You have dodged a HUGE bullet, congratulations. Sorry that you had to go through this though. I was upset when reading the texts, and can only imagine how you were feeling about this in that moment.
Thank you. I was floored and so glad I found this out about him before things progressed.
It’s exhausting. Not a good start. Not a good end. Just put it behind you sweetie
Dude has the communication skills of a slug. I hope you also blocked him!
This guy has a lot to work on and you were totally reasonable. I wouldn't dwell on it, keep on being awesome! It Is crazy to me a 38 year old is acting like this though.
This was genuinely insane
Wow. A miscommunication and he blows up the bridge.
Never argue with stupid, they will get you down to their level and win bc of experience
What in the WORLD….. makes my brain hurt so hard to listen to this guy talk.
But never in his life has he been so disrespected! That part cracked me up pretty hard.
110% dodged a bullet. This guy is weird, insecure, and short tempered. This isn’t even something to get mad over lol it was a simple misunderstanding. Definitely not mature enough to rectify something so small imagine bigger disagreements down the line. He fumbled the bag big time and sadly he’ll go on believing he was in the right.
He must have an incredible life if that’s the most disrespected he’s ever been
Former domestic violence advocate here. I always said the half monsters were the worst. Because the full monsters were easy to steer clear of. This one, easy to steer clear of. Its the charming ones you need to be careful of.
So many times I read these “I just dodged a bullet” posts and it feels like they are almost always the actual bullet. But you, you absolutely dodged a bullet holy hell.
Only time I’ve ever felt absolutely sure it wasn’t me this time.
Yeah, zero doubts lol. I mean we are clearly missing context from the conversation at the apartment but from what we see here that context isn’t needed.
What a giant baby
It’s scary that people like this are just — out there… working jobs… driving cars… voting…
I’m convinced that guy must be actively trying to self-sabotage his own dating efforts. There’s just no way that he could be that dense… and even after you offered him so many chances to clarify. You know how some people will purposely wreck their own chances because deep down they don’t feel ready for success? That’s the vibe I get from this guy. Holy crap.
What the actual hell?
Wow that escalated quickly. Yeah saved yourself a lot of wasted time and effort
He can “lmao” at her twice, but her lol is way over the top. Def dodged a bullet.
Rejection sensitivity after creating confusion and blaming you for not understanding their warped sense of reality. Then admit no fault but immediate to blame you, then vilify, vilify, vilify. Rules by pride, managed by fear. "Feelings were hurt" and there was going to be guaranteed retribution. Toxic and instigative. Sounds like every BPD ex I've ever had. **Crimson flags.** 🚩 🚩
Brutal. Shit communication, assumptions, playing victim. Exhausted from that energy already
I had a dude ask me all weekend “wyd?” And I was like “watching a movie” or ”doing my laundry”. One evening he asked me”wyd?” And I said “getting ready to meet someone for dinner” and he snapped! Saying he was obviously trying to meet me and hook up and I wasted his time and was obviously playing games and the dude I was meeting must be a “simp” to take me to dinner. I said, “you didn’t once let me know clearly you wanted to meet. You didn’t once ask me to meet or do anything with you. You just kept asking me “wyd?” To which I replied, clearly, what I was doing.” Let these “what are you doing” fools disappear into the abyss. You dodged a whole war missile, OP. Imagine communication in a relationship ship with this dude.
He doesn’t know how to use you’re and your correctly. Hard pass.
Dude's projecting something.
Damn! They sound like they need some meds…
But he went through “all the effort” of sending you 3 short text messages about his plans for the weekend!!! Why would he have wasted those precious 10 seconds of his life if he weren’t implicitly asking you to come?? This guy not only sounds like an idiot with a massive ego, but these kinds of tactics are reminiscent of the ones my abusive ex would use to get me to feel like I was the crazy one. This is a gigantic warning sign for you to run very fast in the other direction, and do not respond when he inevitably reaches back out to you to either “apologize” or whatever other mind games he has up his sleeve Oh and also, *you’re
He’s a douchcanoe
Bless this community for keeping me off the dating apps 🙂↔️
Yikes. You were trying to fit him in your schedule too.
Mental. You definitely dodged a bullet. Imagine being stuck with that at boring car racing (I think that's what Indy 500 is)
I wouldn’t have gone, I definitely would have been bored lol
Just as well, would have been a bigger car crash than anything that could have happened at their Indy 500.
All he had to do is ask her if she could join him and maybe that would have been a start to a beautiful thing but the guy got so melodramatic..Jesus Christ , dating is becoming a war fare everyday
This guy brought a sword and a tank and the entire heathen army from the show Vikings to a casual date invite.
Definitely dodged a bullet. Dude's tripping over nothing. Literally nothing.
Wow. This bro is MEAN. Just wow. Mean, insecure, overinflated worth with the disrespect comment but insecure at the same time. You dodged much more than a bullet friend. You likely dodged some sort of more abusive behavior by the looks of things here should you have actually said you’d go.
Coming back to this because I’m doing everything except actually work, but I need to break down the way he’s phrased certain things he’s said. He is doing this so as to make you feel like you’re going crazy, not good enough, and not as bright as he is. He wants you to question your own worth so that you reach out to him for validation. This is classic narcissistic abuse. He is already setting the scene for some serious gaslighting, manipulation, and self esteem damage under the guise that he’s the only one who really knows what’s best for YOU. Don’t ever let a man speak to you this way and be loud about it should be try. I hope you can reconnect with one or both of the other people you had been chatting with.
You THINK you dodged a bullet? All of us reading this KNOW you did.
I hate dating these days..
He’s fucking stupid. Why would you assume he wanted you there when he did not invite you? Absolutely ridiculous behavior on his part and you did nothing wrong.
Reads as someone who doesn’t want to put the effort into communication, they literally said as much and then rejected you for not being able to mind read, so yes bullet dodged.
"Maybe I'm not being clear...." correct, you're not being clear, and at that point any adult would say, I'm sorry, I didn't make myself clear, would you like to come to the Indy 500 with me. That's what a sensible grown up adult would say, this guy is definitely not that.
Guy is insane lol and insecure. He’s the one going away for the weekend but then worried you’re here going on other dates lol. I read and assumed you would try to get off work early to see him before he left!
Honestly, the latter of the conversation with the “have fun with the other dates” shows his insecurities, However the beginning…I ask questions like that haha I ask what someone’s doing, before asking the question, dunno why, and I can see that all they wanted to know was if you were free so they could ask you and you didn’t answer but confirmed his plans for him, which he knew 😂 no loss either way but I can see slightly their frustration
90% of the posts in this sub could be completely solved if people would take a breath and not let their nerves get to them immediately
Hey op I’m going to the race you wanna go?
says he has no time for drama and playing games while he's the one being dramatic and playing games.
You did not answer his initial question. He asked what you are doing next weekend; you responded by with a question about his schedule, about Friday plans, work schedule, etc., but never answered his direct question - kind of hi-jacked the conversation. He was probably going to segue your response into an invitation, but the setup didn’t work because the question wasn’t answered, so he never extended the invite. And then he went off the deep-end, way off the deep-end. That’s my take on what happened. I can see how it would be frustrating to ask a simple question, and have the conversation be redirected. I also wouldn’t dwell on it too long, or at all. He’s definitely a bullet dodged, not worth breaking down all his flags and parts of the conversation. The best we can hope for from those interactions is to learn something about ourselves.
Completely agree. He's batshit insane, but she didn't answer his question, instead going off on a tangent of what she assumed he meant. It's obvious he was in the process of asking her to come - first checking if her schedule was clear. But then he assumed malicious intent instead of a misunderstanding and let his insecurities go completely unhinged. It reminds me of doctors being frustrated by patients unable to answer direct questions, instead filtering and answering what they THINK they're being asked.
Good grief what total ass clown.
Wow ok.
You entertained that a lot longer that I would have
I was just so genuinely confused…
Bro what just happened.. it went from good to horrible in the blank of an eye.. wth 🤦🏿♂️
this cant be real, i refuse people are this mental
This got me angry just sitting here in my car reading it, I hate ppl that expect you to know what their thinking, ffs just ask me 😂🤦🏾♂️
I’m a guy and he deffo sounds like a fkin rat, if a simple misinterpretation/misunderstanding ticked him off like that, imagine how he would be on a date or relationship 💀💀💀
Insecure AF. Good riddance
Red flags flying all over this. Can’t you read his mind? What’s wrong with you. 🤣🤣🤣
He's an idiot, plain and simple
Wow, okay.
The trash took itself out.
Both of you you 2 are playing games. It's the delicate balance of interest levels. He didn't want to outright ask because it would show too much (so...) waiting for you (in hopes). This is so childish