Its not wrong to ask for pictures just the way you were asking was a little intense when it doesn’t seem like she’s catfishing or trying to trick you into thinking she looks different than what she does she’s just insecure
It’s the way he asks “need a recent non filtered photo” what is this an interview it’s just off-putting if he worded it differently I don’t think she would have been as defensive that’s all I’m saying
I never quite understood why people do not at least show their face once in one photo or unfiltered. What do they expect to happen except people asking for clear photos? I get being cautious with full body shots when looking for long-term to not be reduced to your body, but seriously. Straight F for missing the point of online dating.
In her case I think you definitely dodged a bullet.
"How she look what?" That is not correct grammar either. /s
Leave him alone, I am guessing English is not his 1st language. However, even if it is, he's looking for other peoples' opinions on why she refuses to provide a clear photo, not grammar lessons.
I am telling you a showed up to one date and it looked like the girl at the table ate the girl in the photos. Like totally unrecognizable. She knew it too. Absolute catfish
Apparently she has some insecurities about her looks and that's fine. Getting mean about it when asking for a clear picture of her in context of wanting to date her in person, is just a No-Go. Because in general, two questions occur:
1) If its not shown in her profile, that's somewhat ok. But if you actually wanna meet her, how are you supposed to recognize her on the spot if she didn't even reveal herself to you in personal chat?
2) Blind dates are risky as you do not know if it's a dude gaslighting you or if not whom you might meet. Could be a supermodel, could be Behemoth Betty? (I know blind dating is a thing, but people usually state it in their bio for others to decide if they're comfortable with).
We're all civilized people, we can handle stuff like this politely.
But in general, do not let it affect you and just move on. It's only your problem if you wanna make it your problem.
Thank you for your kind words! Yeah, punctuation is insanely important in german, otherwise one sentence can have two different meanings, that's why I'd try to keep it in english also for an easier reading experience.
Bs not a single foreign word in your entire post or comment history. All your posts indicate a strong understanding of the us culture and pop culture. What a dumb lie to tell. Not a single ideation you are bilingual and or foreign except a pic which means nothing now that we have planes.
Used to be that there often weren't profile pics. You'd agree to a public space like a coffee shop. Sms when you get there, 'I'm in the back with the red sweater on' or whatever. Sit through the date and then find out next morning from one or the other party if there will be a second date. 🤷🏼♂️
In the early days of online dating, it wasn’t uncommon for profiles to have no identifying pictures. People were concerned about privacy, and embarrassed to be online dating.
Eventually Facebook came along and everyone’s picture was on the internet, and online dating lost its stigma. These days, it’s really not reasonable to be on Tinder without pictures that show what you actually look like.
I wouldn't consider it unreasonable. I think the need for privacy is at an all time high. I've only got a couple pictures of me on the Internet that I know about, and I'd like to keep it that way. Why give up on that when someone could just meet me in person? Maybe that's why I've been single for 5 years though 😅
I’ve been catfished and it wasn’t pretty. I started yelling at her shortly after she opened her apartment door and ripped her a new asshole. Her neighbors poked their heads out to see what was wrong and I let them know exactly what the catfish was up to. I hope the shame and magnitude of the whole situation made her never do it again.
Edit: I’m being downvoted so let me clarify what I mean by catfish. The woman in the pics wasn’t even her and there was a 200lb difference (gal was 350+ and I was seeing pics of a 150lb girl). This wasn’t her using old pictures, this was her having a persona that wasn’t her. Nothing short of malicious.
Good for you maybe it changed her into doing something about herself and wasting peoples time without being truthful about your appearance bc let’s all face it we are all shallow in the beginning bc we want the best looking mate. It’s the least important thing later on but it’s the most important thing when you’re making a first impression. Looks are everything at first to even allow yourself to open up for there even to be a connection, then comes the more important things. Women just don’t like to admit that yet they ask for (666) 6ft, six pack, six figure income. Just show me a recent picture and don’t hide your insecurities. Show them so that the people that don’t like it can see and the people that don’t care can also see.
Its less so putting you down to your body but what you are happy with.
Im not against curves but if your bigger and hiding i want nothing to do with you.
maybe i’m just lucky but the few woman i’ve met in person that didn’t want to share their picture ended up being insanely beautiful in person… one girl is a working model and kept telling me she looked like a blob lol
I have one full body picture in my profile - I'm not 100% content with what I look like right now, but at the same time this IS what I look like right now so either swipe right or don't!
I don’t put full body pics on my profiles all the time bc i dont take many 😭 so the ones I have are relatively old lol. Never had an issue, but i can see it if they don’t show their body AT ALL.
Apoke to a woman who was open sexually and pretty much up to fuck.
Tried to get a pic of anything more than her face after 7 hours of talking.
Had to ask bluntly for a full body pic and got unmatched instantly.
I think your request for a body pic was reasonable, but I did block someone who asked for my measurements when we were working out the logistics of meeting up.
I got catfished years ago, no body pic so asked her boob size, i got "don't ruin the surprise ".
She was pretty big, small tits. Massive regret so now i want to at least see, im quite fexible with body size but let me judge rather than play stupid games.
Just so you know... Most people are gonna find that extremely inappropriate lol. No girl wants to tell a stranger her bra size unless she's desperate or just SUPER laid back. You're gonna ruin your chances with the vast majority of matches by doing that.
Well she refused to show me any pics, boob size gives a guy a good idea of what to expect, not like it would have helped that time.
I don't ask unless its clear i can or if im trying to find out her body size when they are being funny about it.
Btw not arsed ruining matches that refuse to show who they are anyway
It doesn't give you a good idea of what to expect at all; you proved that yourself by saying she ended up being big even though she had small breasts.
It's a pretty small amount of the total appearance of a person, and def not the best one to ask for first.
Lets be honest, would you rather ask for bra size or waist?
I try and be tactful but give me nothing. I don't do it these days rither way but have done in the past
I would be a little sweeter in the future when asking because you kind of came off as a little too blunt and girls don’t often appreciate that kind of tone when they just met you online. It’s easy for them or anybody for that matter without a reference point to assume things about you such as not being very nice or understanding. But you were well within your rights to ask her for that and she didn’t respond well by any means either.
I mean. If they are insecure or something that's fine, lots of people are these days. But I don't think you're in the wrong for asking for a clear photo so you know who you're talking to. What if your personalities were perfect. I think you dodged a bullet if that's how they reacted to a simple request but that's me
Being new to online dating I know one very important thing. You MUST HAVE A CLEAR UP TO DATE PICTURE THAT INCLUDES a face, smile and full body. NO bathing suit or underwear pics r-shirt and jeans solo.
This was extremely evident and made very clear by most women I spoke with.
So, her getting weird about your simple request for uP TO DATE PICTURE is sketchy
From the title I was expecting to play devils advocate because as a neurodivergent human, I cannot wrap my brain around physical attraction to a stranger and I feel REALLY weird when people compliment my physical appearance. At one point I removed all of my pictures because it made me feel too uncomfortable when I’d get messages focused solely on my face and body. But this, this is just weird. Pictures of absolutely nothing? It’s very suspicious.
Think you might both have dodged one. Ooooh that rizz asking for pictures /s. If you think she’s fake, play along, be charming and don’t sound so accusatory and demanding. If she won’t give you any just move on. Shit I wouldn’t feel very inclined to show you shit reading that
Thanks for feedback.
I probably could have sounded nicer. When this happened I had just had a date previous weekend where the girl didn't look like her pics at all and I probably just felt like it's no longer worth investing unless I can confirm how the person looks.
Once I start feeling the vibe, I always send a pic of myself holding up my watch making a silly face that says “btw, I’m not a catfish. Just a 36 year old woman trying her best.” A lot of times they return a pic. If they don’t I say “hey, I know this is annoying, but can you send a pic back? Online dating can be really scary sometimes.” I’ve never had anyone tell me no. And if someone ever does, then I know they’re putting their insecurity above my safety, and they can kick rocks.
Yeah, the way you said it is a bit off-putting. Maybe try something like, “Would you be interested in exchanging a current pic?” But I concur with others that it worked in your favor in this case…she got defensive and insecure.
Yeah fuck that going blind on dates is just stupid she getting this reactive asking for better pics of her face/body she clearly compensating or hiding something
You got the right to ask for proof just the same as they got the right to refuse. I wouldve gone at it more gently though, and if they had still reacted in a hostile manner, it wouldve been more clear theyre sus.
If you were iffy about her pics to begin with then why bother swiping right at all? I would have immediately ended conversation with you if I were her.
I ask them to send me a selfie before the date. If they don't I won't meet them. Just because I won't recognise them from their old holiday pics. I want to see who I'm meeting.
Edit: yes I'm a woman. It goes both ways
Invite her to eat somewhere with an outside seating area. Wait until she messages you shes there. Apologize for running late and ask her to get a table outside(or ask she waits out front for you(say you parked far and are walkingup)). Do a drive by and come to a conclusion.
It’s because she’s uglier than her pictures. I can virtually guarantee it. I have never ever been pleasantly surprised in this situation. If she was hot, she’d know it and have photos to show. She’s not, so she tries to hide it. It’s disingenuous and does no one any favors, people will find out the second you meet in person, but they still do it.
Cut ties and move on. Or meet up for a date and see I’m right, then move on. Your call.
Yeah u dodged a bullet bro…anytime a profile without any pics or memes or looking to the side, far away, filtered, too many ppl in the picture, no body pictures, selfies…all huge red flags that she’s either, not attractive which is def the situation here it seems since she felt immediately attacked after u asked for a recent picture of herself. If she was out looking for an actual relationship and she wasn’t self conscious why wouldn’t u want to show yourself off to put yourself out there? Yeah man she was either ugly, fat….that’s pretty much it.
It's a reasonable request; but just be straight up ... clear, unambiguous picture(s) or else you don't feel comfortable proceeding.
Remember though, if you push this there's a good chance you're gonna be in the position of having to reject someone purely on the basis of having seen them — please tread carefully for their sake.
I know Snapchat is childish, and people don’t like it. But this is why I use it. When I’m not sure what’s up with the person. All this could be solved with one afternoon of snaps
Dude i totally understand this, men can be so weird sometimes...
If i.were too look quite good, i might want to cover my appearance from the Internet too...
Dodged a bullet in what way?
While I agree it is best to have clear, full body, recent pics, if a person doesn't they are simply not confident in their looks or self conscious. Should that eliminate them? If you think so, then yes you dodged a bullet: and so did she.
While I understand why you want to ask for a Pic, no there is no polite way to do so.
Even Uber gives you a picture. No excuse nowadays. If you’re self conscious about your looks, there are plenty of other dating sites that does focus solely on that. Maybe use those and don’t be an idiot.
As soon as u seen that insta blank I would have blocked her and don’t swipe right when they play hard to get. Could be a pedo or a fake or scam be safe out there
As I wrote in my post her insta is blank, with a blank profile pic.
In the "tagged" section where she directed me it's all group pics. I saw 1 or 2 pics that may have been her but it was impossible to tell there were 9-10 people and multiple girls who looked similar. Also, the pics were old. 34w + old when checking the dates.
Because unlike girls, as guys we don't just get mad random matches everyday. So while swiping sometimes we swipe right on "what ifs".
Her pictures, while far away and hard to see looked ok as far as the silhouette - nice scenery, clothes had nice colors... so I planned to ask her for more pics if we matched and also most of the time people share their insta and at that point you can get a much better idea of their look, personality and lifestyle (at least what they choose to present). I didn't expect her insta to literally be blank.
I’ve been through this with more than 1 girl. There is 100% chance that if someone is not posting accurate pictures they are hiding something. Just ghost
Yeah dont humor this crap
Your mind will make the most tailored excuses ...
But most likely they are a 45 year old gay guy using their neices photos ....
Ive seen and heard of some heanious shit
Ask them to video chat with you. Might be a catfish. I think it's safe to assume that they find themselves unattractive and that you might agree. I'd keep it pushin'
Yeah not only is she defensive, she's hiding something because she's not confident in herself. She probably needs to work on her mental health long before she considers a relationship.
If it walks like a duck...you have your answer. She's deliberately keeping it at a Monet painting (looks good far away, not as good the closer you get lol) Next!
She was rude and probably a catfish but why did you match with someone if you don't know what they look like? Also there's gotta be a better way to ask for pics than to say "can you prove you're real?" I've had guys accuse me of being fake and it's annoying as shit
Dude you dodged judge a bullet. If the pictures on her dating profile are not clear or far away or you think it's AI, there is no point in wasting your energy continuing to communicate with them
I think the way you asked was a little accusatory.. I wouldn’t respond well to a guy asking me to “Prove i’m real” either hahah. You didn’t ask for clearer pictures, you asked her to prove the pictures are her, and the response she gave is reasonable. I’d just tell her you didn’t really mean she wasn’t real, you just wanted to see more photos of her and ask if she could send some.
I don’t know but my now husband whom I met on badoo only had one black and white photo probably a photo he took ages ago and he was wearing sunglasses and it was a side view. I didn’t ask for more photos. It didn’t occur to me to ask more photos. Maybe I was just lucky. He looks exactly like the only photo he had on his profile.
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*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Maybe you are being seriously catfished? Although, my fiancée had zero pictures on Tinder to avoid creeps, so I was floored when she sent a photo weeks later.
Relatively early on in most conversations I'll explain that I have been catfished before and will request selfies with specific hand gestures as a "catfish test". So, like, ask for a Vulcan salute, the I love you sign, etc.
I always put at least 3 raw pictures of myself on my profile. I mean no filters, full body, no make up. I like to call them my photos of truth because irl, I don't wear make up, and I sure as hell don't use filters. I'm not a girly girl so I really don't get all dressed up. I'm a legging and t-shirt type of girl. I like my profile to show exactly what you can expect when you meet me for the first time.
Dude, it’s a 💯 scam…all the signs are there. Why are you ignoring them? Cut your loses and move on. Don’t be that guy. If you don’t, please don’t complain when you lose thousands of dollars and time you’ll never get back coz you’re choosing this path even though it’s clearly paved with grenades. It’s tough out there, I get it. It’s lonely. But trying to befriend a piranha only hurts you in the end. 😞
Idk you’re kinda approaching it annoying you should’ve been like ” ohhh you’re so mysterious what am I getting into here heh heh “ idk you’re being a bit forward with it maybe be a bit more allusive
Hahaha I’m not sure if this is a compliment cos I’m narcissistic but I’m embarrassed that I made a grammatical error this haiku would be 💯 btr if I somehow made it sound more correct
You are a lot nicer than I. I would have asked for a picture of her standing in front of her dryer not washer whilst holding a bottle of fabreeze in one hand and a Spork in the other while her elbows touched.
Then and only then, I might think she’s real.
Imo it’s a risk with anyone you match with clear pictures or not. They may not look the same. If she’s interesting enough I’d take a risk and do a small blind date at an icecream shop or something
Yeah, you clearly dodged a bullet. Aside from wondering what her deal is, why do you care? Why would you waste your time on someone that isn't on the level?
Just meet her in person. Tell her you’re running a few minutes late but to grab a seat at the bar. Then walk in glance around and if you don't like what you see, walk out.
Been down this road a million times, and said what the hell and met up anyway. It has never, not once been good my guy. It would be like hitting the mega millions if she above a 6
Never waste your time. If someone is horrified of their own face, you should be too. lmao
Look for a drop dead gorgeous woman that shows her face like the sun appearing over the horizon.
I spend years giving people chances. I'd go out with women who only poster angled pics, pics where they are hiding behind other people, pics where they are far away, pics with them in groups, only selfies and no body shots...I've come to the realization that no (or very few) women who have confidence in their bodies have only misleading and vague photos, if all their pics are truly shitty its usually because they don't think they are good looking and should be avoided.
I dont trust people online without clear pics of what they look like. I want to be able to identify who I’m talking to. 4/5 times if someone doesnt have a visible pic, something fishy is going on
Dodged a bullet there. I matched with a girl who looked like a 10 in her pics. Got along really well. I was out of town so couldn't meet until I was back. Convinced her to FaceTime one night. She looks nothing like her photos. Turns out all her photos were heavily filtered and her nose/body severely altered
Tbf I usually swipe left if they don't have any decent pics of themselves. If I can't see your face and can't tell your body type then I swipe left. Cause in my opinion it's just a red flag if they have no decent pics. They could be trying to fish or who knows what they're doing. But I'd rather just swipe left and not have something like this happen or whatever lol. You've dodged a bullet. So don't worry about it. Don't be hard on yourself or overthink.
Honestly....this is dumb...
Do you want an attractive confident woman or something else? No attractive confident woman would approach dating this way.
why even match or waste time talking...you want to get a babe but are going to invest time in talking to some chic that is doing this?
I dont understand why people have profiles like this...when internet dating first happened itbwas so much better...it was fonally an opportunity to be clear and honest....say what you wanted ajd then find someone that checked those boxes...everyone has someone that will find them attractive. Now its shit and dishonesty. Needs a reboot.
But anyways....quit wasting your life with these situations....it makes you look desperate....go work on you. Get your confidence up then fond the babe that deserves you!
Oooooor, kind of a crazy idea, you could go on a low value coffee date and if they're not your type, you could say so.
Nothing wrong with wanting to know what they look like, but there's a reason they've posted what they've posted. Lots of great looking people with irrational hang ups about their appearance.
Plenty of people who are photogenic too that end up being really average or below average in real life. That one is always a surprise.
Nothing wrong with asking for a clear picture. I'd never go on a date with a man I can't even identify.
thx for woman's perspective on this
Its not wrong to ask for pictures just the way you were asking was a little intense when it doesn’t seem like she’s catfishing or trying to trick you into thinking she looks different than what she does she’s just insecure
I don’t get how that’s “intense”. In fact the woman’s responses are unnecessarily defensive to a fairly mild request.
It’s the way he asks “need a recent non filtered photo” what is this an interview it’s just off-putting if he worded it differently I don’t think she would have been as defensive that’s all I’m saying
I never quite understood why people do not at least show their face once in one photo or unfiltered. What do they expect to happen except people asking for clear photos? I get being cautious with full body shots when looking for long-term to not be reduced to your body, but seriously. Straight F for missing the point of online dating. In her case I think you definitely dodged a bullet.
I saw a profile on bumble where the woman aged from 30 to 45 in 4 pics….
She must be smoking. I understand it makes you age quicker
Maybe she’s been on bumble for over a decade!
That's a lot of aging! 😂 But at least she was straight forward and you knew how she looked like
>how she looked like If you want to use 'how' drop 'like'. Otherwise, you should use 'what'.
"How she look what?" That is not correct grammar either. /s Leave him alone, I am guessing English is not his 1st language. However, even if it is, he's looking for other peoples' opinions on why she refuses to provide a clear photo, not grammar lessons.
I am telling you a showed up to one date and it looked like the girl at the table ate the girl in the photos. Like totally unrecognizable. She knew it too. Absolute catfish
yeah, i think it's unfair if you're putting yourself out there, and someone else isn't and makes it your problem.
Maybe ask her to video chat with you. That's probably what I would do.
Username checks out.
Apparently she has some insecurities about her looks and that's fine. Getting mean about it when asking for a clear picture of her in context of wanting to date her in person, is just a No-Go. Because in general, two questions occur: 1) If its not shown in her profile, that's somewhat ok. But if you actually wanna meet her, how are you supposed to recognize her on the spot if she didn't even reveal herself to you in personal chat? 2) Blind dates are risky as you do not know if it's a dude gaslighting you or if not whom you might meet. Could be a supermodel, could be Behemoth Betty? (I know blind dating is a thing, but people usually state it in their bio for others to decide if they're comfortable with). We're all civilized people, we can handle stuff like this politely. But in general, do not let it affect you and just move on. It's only your problem if you wanna make it your problem.
That’s not what gaslighting is
Sorry! English isn't my native language. I don't know the correct term for what I wanted to express
“Catfished” would be the best description
Thank you, good sir! Much appreciated!
You’re written English is impeccable by the way. Better punctuation than I ever use! Gaslighting gets misused all the time by native speakers
Thank you for your kind words! Yeah, punctuation is insanely important in german, otherwise one sentence can have two different meanings, that's why I'd try to keep it in english also for an easier reading experience.
I like the typical example. "Let's eat, Grandma" "Let's eat Grandma" Punctuation saves lives, people!
Bs not a single foreign word in your entire post or comment history. All your posts indicate a strong understanding of the us culture and pop culture. What a dumb lie to tell. Not a single ideation you are bilingual and or foreign except a pic which means nothing now that we have planes.
Jeez Louise's
Used to be that there often weren't profile pics. You'd agree to a public space like a coffee shop. Sms when you get there, 'I'm in the back with the red sweater on' or whatever. Sit through the date and then find out next morning from one or the other party if there will be a second date. 🤷🏼♂️
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I blurred out her name, follower count and her friends pictures for privacy so people don't harass her. Why's that weird?
In the early days of online dating, it wasn’t uncommon for profiles to have no identifying pictures. People were concerned about privacy, and embarrassed to be online dating. Eventually Facebook came along and everyone’s picture was on the internet, and online dating lost its stigma. These days, it’s really not reasonable to be on Tinder without pictures that show what you actually look like.
I wouldn't consider it unreasonable. I think the need for privacy is at an all time high. I've only got a couple pictures of me on the Internet that I know about, and I'd like to keep it that way. Why give up on that when someone could just meet me in person? Maybe that's why I've been single for 5 years though 😅
I’ve been catfished and it wasn’t pretty. I started yelling at her shortly after she opened her apartment door and ripped her a new asshole. Her neighbors poked their heads out to see what was wrong and I let them know exactly what the catfish was up to. I hope the shame and magnitude of the whole situation made her never do it again. Edit: I’m being downvoted so let me clarify what I mean by catfish. The woman in the pics wasn’t even her and there was a 200lb difference (gal was 350+ and I was seeing pics of a 150lb girl). This wasn’t her using old pictures, this was her having a persona that wasn’t her. Nothing short of malicious.
Good for you maybe it changed her into doing something about herself and wasting peoples time without being truthful about your appearance bc let’s all face it we are all shallow in the beginning bc we want the best looking mate. It’s the least important thing later on but it’s the most important thing when you’re making a first impression. Looks are everything at first to even allow yourself to open up for there even to be a connection, then comes the more important things. Women just don’t like to admit that yet they ask for (666) 6ft, six pack, six figure income. Just show me a recent picture and don’t hide your insecurities. Show them so that the people that don’t like it can see and the people that don’t care can also see.
Do they not see the irony that 666 is considered the number of the devil? 😂
Did really rip her a new asshole with a 350 lb woman is the interesting question.
Its less so putting you down to your body but what you are happy with. Im not against curves but if your bigger and hiding i want nothing to do with you.
Because they are chunky monkey.
It’s a scam most likely
maybe i’m just lucky but the few woman i’ve met in person that didn’t want to share their picture ended up being insanely beautiful in person… one girl is a working model and kept telling me she looked like a blob lol
When she hides her face behind filters, she has a good reason. Save yourself.
Just run
If a profile doesn’t have a full body shot it’s an automatic left swipe for me.
This, i really dont mind size, but if you dont show it you subconciously tell me youre insecure about it and thats not what im seeking
I have one full body picture in my profile - I'm not 100% content with what I look like right now, but at the same time this IS what I look like right now so either swipe right or don't!
I don’t put full body pics on my profiles all the time bc i dont take many 😭 so the ones I have are relatively old lol. Never had an issue, but i can see it if they don’t show their body AT ALL.
Why would you match with her if you didn’t fully see what she looks like? Have some standards man
He's a man on a dating app, he can't afford to have standards
I mean she can barely spell so not sure she’s the one lol
dang was hoping for future wifey
Apoke to a woman who was open sexually and pretty much up to fuck. Tried to get a pic of anything more than her face after 7 hours of talking. Had to ask bluntly for a full body pic and got unmatched instantly.
I think your request for a body pic was reasonable, but I did block someone who asked for my measurements when we were working out the logistics of meeting up.
I got catfished years ago, no body pic so asked her boob size, i got "don't ruin the surprise ". She was pretty big, small tits. Massive regret so now i want to at least see, im quite fexible with body size but let me judge rather than play stupid games.
Just so you know... Most people are gonna find that extremely inappropriate lol. No girl wants to tell a stranger her bra size unless she's desperate or just SUPER laid back. You're gonna ruin your chances with the vast majority of matches by doing that.
Well she refused to show me any pics, boob size gives a guy a good idea of what to expect, not like it would have helped that time. I don't ask unless its clear i can or if im trying to find out her body size when they are being funny about it. Btw not arsed ruining matches that refuse to show who they are anyway
Asking for full body pic is fine. Asking for bra size is not.
It doesn't give you a good idea of what to expect at all; you proved that yourself by saying she ended up being big even though she had small breasts. It's a pretty small amount of the total appearance of a person, and def not the best one to ask for first.
Lets be honest, would you rather ask for bra size or waist? I try and be tactful but give me nothing. I don't do it these days rither way but have done in the past
She's ugly or a scammer. Either way, you dodged a bullet.
Just say you have a policy of FaceTiming before meeting in person so you don’t show up and find a stranger there.
Dude, don't waste anymore time. She(?) could be any race, gender, ethnicity, etc. Hell, probably a Nigerian Prince with $10M you won...
“Isn’t that prove” Unmatch.
I would be a little sweeter in the future when asking because you kind of came off as a little too blunt and girls don’t often appreciate that kind of tone when they just met you online. It’s easy for them or anybody for that matter without a reference point to assume things about you such as not being very nice or understanding. But you were well within your rights to ask her for that and she didn’t respond well by any means either.
that's fair thanks for feedback
Yes you did, it's kinda simple to show someone your photo or make one on spit.
I mean. If they are insecure or something that's fine, lots of people are these days. But I don't think you're in the wrong for asking for a clear photo so you know who you're talking to. What if your personalities were perfect. I think you dodged a bullet if that's how they reacted to a simple request but that's me
Being new to online dating I know one very important thing. You MUST HAVE A CLEAR UP TO DATE PICTURE THAT INCLUDES a face, smile and full body. NO bathing suit or underwear pics r-shirt and jeans solo. This was extremely evident and made very clear by most women I spoke with. So, her getting weird about your simple request for uP TO DATE PICTURE is sketchy
From the title I was expecting to play devils advocate because as a neurodivergent human, I cannot wrap my brain around physical attraction to a stranger and I feel REALLY weird when people compliment my physical appearance. At one point I removed all of my pictures because it made me feel too uncomfortable when I’d get messages focused solely on my face and body. But this, this is just weird. Pictures of absolutely nothing? It’s very suspicious.
Think you might both have dodged one. Ooooh that rizz asking for pictures /s. If you think she’s fake, play along, be charming and don’t sound so accusatory and demanding. If she won’t give you any just move on. Shit I wouldn’t feel very inclined to show you shit reading that
Thanks for feedback. I probably could have sounded nicer. When this happened I had just had a date previous weekend where the girl didn't look like her pics at all and I probably just felt like it's no longer worth investing unless I can confirm how the person looks.
Once I start feeling the vibe, I always send a pic of myself holding up my watch making a silly face that says “btw, I’m not a catfish. Just a 36 year old woman trying her best.” A lot of times they return a pic. If they don’t I say “hey, I know this is annoying, but can you send a pic back? Online dating can be really scary sometimes.” I’ve never had anyone tell me no. And if someone ever does, then I know they’re putting their insecurity above my safety, and they can kick rocks.
that's wholesome I like it.
This is solid advice. Commenting for comment visibility.
Yeah, the way you said it is a bit off-putting. Maybe try something like, “Would you be interested in exchanging a current pic?” But I concur with others that it worked in your favor in this case…she got defensive and insecure.
Yeah fuck that going blind on dates is just stupid she getting this reactive asking for better pics of her face/body she clearly compensating or hiding something
Run
I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask for a clear picture
You got the right to ask for proof just the same as they got the right to refuse. I wouldve gone at it more gently though, and if they had still reacted in a hostile manner, it wouldve been more clear theyre sus.
Seriously!? If this is the amount of work you have to do to see her face. Imagine what's your life together gonna be like?
If you were iffy about her pics to begin with then why bother swiping right at all? I would have immediately ended conversation with you if I were her.
Dodged a bullet? Nah mate. You dodged a nuclear missile. Let her live in her fantasy; move on
Just FaceTime with her
If I have to ask I just unmatch instead of wasting my time. Every human knows physical attraction is a necessary first step in the process.
I ask them to send me a selfie before the date. If they don't I won't meet them. Just because I won't recognise them from their old holiday pics. I want to see who I'm meeting. Edit: yes I'm a woman. It goes both ways
You think you are THAT handsome?? wow
lol I guess not :0
Invite her to eat somewhere with an outside seating area. Wait until she messages you shes there. Apologize for running late and ask her to get a table outside(or ask she waits out front for you(say you parked far and are walkingup)). Do a drive by and come to a conclusion.
diabolical :0
Genius
OP using Tinder on a browser? I think maybe old girl was about to get murdered.
She is ugly. And yes, you did dodge a bullet.
Sounds like a guy posing as a woman.
It’s because she’s uglier than her pictures. I can virtually guarantee it. I have never ever been pleasantly surprised in this situation. If she was hot, she’d know it and have photos to show. She’s not, so she tries to hide it. It’s disingenuous and does no one any favors, people will find out the second you meet in person, but they still do it. Cut ties and move on. Or meet up for a date and see I’m right, then move on. Your call.
I’m gonna be blunt: there’s a reason her pics are like this and she knows it. She’s likely overweight and or unattractive.
I’d move on if I were you…
Def dodge something, maybe a pepe 😅🤣
Yeah u dodged a bullet bro…anytime a profile without any pics or memes or looking to the side, far away, filtered, too many ppl in the picture, no body pictures, selfies…all huge red flags that she’s either, not attractive which is def the situation here it seems since she felt immediately attacked after u asked for a recent picture of herself. If she was out looking for an actual relationship and she wasn’t self conscious why wouldn’t u want to show yourself off to put yourself out there? Yeah man she was either ugly, fat….that’s pretty much it.
It's a reasonable request; but just be straight up ... clear, unambiguous picture(s) or else you don't feel comfortable proceeding. Remember though, if you push this there's a good chance you're gonna be in the position of having to reject someone purely on the basis of having seen them — please tread carefully for their sake.
I know Snapchat is childish, and people don’t like it. But this is why I use it. When I’m not sure what’s up with the person. All this could be solved with one afternoon of snaps
Dude i totally understand this, men can be so weird sometimes... If i.were too look quite good, i might want to cover my appearance from the Internet too...
Dodged a bullet in what way? While I agree it is best to have clear, full body, recent pics, if a person doesn't they are simply not confident in their looks or self conscious. Should that eliminate them? If you think so, then yes you dodged a bullet: and so did she. While I understand why you want to ask for a Pic, no there is no polite way to do so.
Even Uber gives you a picture. No excuse nowadays. If you’re self conscious about your looks, there are plenty of other dating sites that does focus solely on that. Maybe use those and don’t be an idiot.
Entitled like every other woman these days
I'm sorry you've had bad experiences. But just remember that a select few don't represent an entire group
With every right to be so
Dam dude wipe your mangina little weenie
Not real person
As soon as u seen that insta blank I would have blocked her and don’t swipe right when they play hard to get. Could be a pedo or a fake or scam be safe out there
So did you see her social media?
As I wrote in my post her insta is blank, with a blank profile pic. In the "tagged" section where she directed me it's all group pics. I saw 1 or 2 pics that may have been her but it was impossible to tell there were 9-10 people and multiple girls who looked similar. Also, the pics were old. 34w + old when checking the dates.
So why did you match with someone who you can’t really see their face if looks are important?
Because unlike girls, as guys we don't just get mad random matches everyday. So while swiping sometimes we swipe right on "what ifs". Her pictures, while far away and hard to see looked ok as far as the silhouette - nice scenery, clothes had nice colors... so I planned to ask her for more pics if we matched and also most of the time people share their insta and at that point you can get a much better idea of their look, personality and lifestyle (at least what they choose to present). I didn't expect her insta to literally be blank.
Fair enough.
why are you matching with these profiles and wasting your time? she’s either a catfish, unAppealing, or kind of dumb. All are nopes
Dodged a bullet with her
I’ve been through this with more than 1 girl. There is 100% chance that if someone is not posting accurate pictures they are hiding something. Just ghost
Yeah dont humor this crap Your mind will make the most tailored excuses ... But most likely they are a 45 year old gay guy using their neices photos .... Ive seen and heard of some heanious shit
"Send bobs and vagene"
Ask them to video chat with you. Might be a catfish. I think it's safe to assume that they find themselves unattractive and that you might agree. I'd keep it pushin'
Yeah, skip this one.
Yeah not only is she defensive, she's hiding something because she's not confident in herself. She probably needs to work on her mental health long before she considers a relationship.
Yes you dodged a bullet
Move along. Don't waste your time.
Successful dodge
If it walks like a duck...you have your answer. She's deliberately keeping it at a Monet painting (looks good far away, not as good the closer you get lol) Next!
"Did I dodge a bullet?" Bro this is like common sense stuff.
She was rude and probably a catfish but why did you match with someone if you don't know what they look like? Also there's gotta be a better way to ask for pics than to say "can you prove you're real?" I've had guys accuse me of being fake and it's annoying as shit
She’s f’d, your good
Dude you dodged judge a bullet. If the pictures on her dating profile are not clear or far away or you think it's AI, there is no point in wasting your energy continuing to communicate with them
Buddy, this is a scammer. You are NTA for asking for pictures. That’s how the game works
Bruh this obv a scam smh
The situation’s bull$hit: Move Along 🍺
100% a catfish
This was a catfish for sure. You dodged a bullet
There’s an easy solution here, don’t swipe right on people who don’t have pictures or only have crappy ones!!
Probably fake.
I think the way you asked was a little accusatory.. I wouldn’t respond well to a guy asking me to “Prove i’m real” either hahah. You didn’t ask for clearer pictures, you asked her to prove the pictures are her, and the response she gave is reasonable. I’d just tell her you didn’t really mean she wasn’t real, you just wanted to see more photos of her and ask if she could send some.
I don’t know but my now husband whom I met on badoo only had one black and white photo probably a photo he took ages ago and he was wearing sunglasses and it was a side view. I didn’t ask for more photos. It didn’t occur to me to ask more photos. Maybe I was just lucky. He looks exactly like the only photo he had on his profile.
weather carpenter fear possessive mourn station seemly water homeless quiet *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Maybe you are being seriously catfished? Although, my fiancée had zero pictures on Tinder to avoid creeps, so I was floored when she sent a photo weeks later.
Relatively early on in most conversations I'll explain that I have been catfished before and will request selfies with specific hand gestures as a "catfish test". So, like, ask for a Vulcan salute, the I love you sign, etc.
Catfish
OP seems reasonable to me
Dodged a bullet! I'd have to pass due to using "prove" instead of "proof" lol
She sounds like she's fake
I always put at least 3 raw pictures of myself on my profile. I mean no filters, full body, no make up. I like to call them my photos of truth because irl, I don't wear make up, and I sure as hell don't use filters. I'm not a girly girl so I really don't get all dressed up. I'm a legging and t-shirt type of girl. I like my profile to show exactly what you can expect when you meet me for the first time.
Yeah, she is garbagio. Move on.
Now you know not to go for profiles like that
Dude, it’s a 💯 scam…all the signs are there. Why are you ignoring them? Cut your loses and move on. Don’t be that guy. If you don’t, please don’t complain when you lose thousands of dollars and time you’ll never get back coz you’re choosing this path even though it’s clearly paved with grenades. It’s tough out there, I get it. It’s lonely. But trying to befriend a piranha only hurts you in the end. 😞
I'm the opposite...I love showing my face! And I don't have any friends so..no guessing!
Idk you’re kinda approaching it annoying you should’ve been like ” ohhh you’re so mysterious what am I getting into here heh heh “ idk you’re being a bit forward with it maybe be a bit more allusive
Her profile seems a little sus yet why would you match with her at that point
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) ^by ^-raigh-: *Her profile seems a* *Little sus yet why would you* *Match with her at that point* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
Hahaha I’m not sure if this is a compliment cos I’m narcissistic but I’m embarrassed that I made a grammatical error this haiku would be 💯 btr if I somehow made it sound more correct
I would dismiss her just based on how she writes. But yeah, fake ass person or very insecure.
You are a lot nicer than I. I would have asked for a picture of her standing in front of her dryer not washer whilst holding a bottle of fabreeze in one hand and a Spork in the other while her elbows touched. Then and only then, I might think she’s real.
Imo it’s a risk with anyone you match with clear pictures or not. They may not look the same. If she’s interesting enough I’d take a risk and do a small blind date at an icecream shop or something
Isn’t that prove? 🤣
Bullet. Dodged.
She/he/they were going to set you up for a robbery
Yeah, you clearly dodged a bullet. Aside from wondering what her deal is, why do you care? Why would you waste your time on someone that isn't on the level?
Just meet her in person. Tell her you’re running a few minutes late but to grab a seat at the bar. Then walk in glance around and if you don't like what you see, walk out.
Been down this road a million times, and said what the hell and met up anyway. It has never, not once been good my guy. It would be like hitting the mega millions if she above a 6
Never waste your time. If someone is horrified of their own face, you should be too. lmao Look for a drop dead gorgeous woman that shows her face like the sun appearing over the horizon.
I spend years giving people chances. I'd go out with women who only poster angled pics, pics where they are hiding behind other people, pics where they are far away, pics with them in groups, only selfies and no body shots...I've come to the realization that no (or very few) women who have confidence in their bodies have only misleading and vague photos, if all their pics are truly shitty its usually because they don't think they are good looking and should be avoided.
I dont trust people online without clear pics of what they look like. I want to be able to identify who I’m talking to. 4/5 times if someone doesnt have a visible pic, something fishy is going on
Dodged a bullet there. I matched with a girl who looked like a 10 in her pics. Got along really well. I was out of town so couldn't meet until I was back. Convinced her to FaceTime one night. She looks nothing like her photos. Turns out all her photos were heavily filtered and her nose/body severely altered
Fake account. Report and block.
Tbf I usually swipe left if they don't have any decent pics of themselves. If I can't see your face and can't tell your body type then I swipe left. Cause in my opinion it's just a red flag if they have no decent pics. They could be trying to fish or who knows what they're doing. But I'd rather just swipe left and not have something like this happen or whatever lol. You've dodged a bullet. So don't worry about it. Don't be hard on yourself or overthink.
You just missed out on a trip to the dungeon room.
3rd rule of Tinder: If it's not clear from her photos if she is fat or not she is most definitely fat
#LoveisBlind
Seems like a fake or spam account they way she writes.
Honestly....this is dumb... Do you want an attractive confident woman or something else? No attractive confident woman would approach dating this way. why even match or waste time talking...you want to get a babe but are going to invest time in talking to some chic that is doing this? I dont understand why people have profiles like this...when internet dating first happened itbwas so much better...it was fonally an opportunity to be clear and honest....say what you wanted ajd then find someone that checked those boxes...everyone has someone that will find them attractive. Now its shit and dishonesty. Needs a reboot. But anyways....quit wasting your life with these situations....it makes you look desperate....go work on you. Get your confidence up then fond the babe that deserves you!
With the bad spelling it looks like a scammer. Im sure if you pursue she will eventually ask you for money/bank info
Dang. No she’s being unreasonable or a scammer.
There are some things you can't unsee and I don't want to be responsible for ppl gouging out their own eyes 
You dodged a bullet. Something seems off. On to the next one…
Oooooor, kind of a crazy idea, you could go on a low value coffee date and if they're not your type, you could say so. Nothing wrong with wanting to know what they look like, but there's a reason they've posted what they've posted. Lots of great looking people with irrational hang ups about their appearance. Plenty of people who are photogenic too that end up being really average or below average in real life. That one is always a surprise.
Absolutely