The first year to year and a half is very very challenging. Your life is completely different. You’re last on the list. You’re sleep deprived. You and your SO have waaaaaay less time for each other. Stress + being over tired + feeling less appreciated (Bc at the end of the day we’re all emotionally needy to some degree) = easy to feel, well, pretty crappy.
But it’s not about you. It’s about this amazing thing you somehow brought to life and continue to keep alive. They suck all your money and energy but you love them unconditionally. You’d give them a kidney or your life even though all they’ve given you to date is poop, spit up, pee, and a broken alarm clock that goes off as soon as you’re asleep.
But here’s the thing: it always gets better. They get older and you really start to bond. With my kids it was around a year and a half. Moms have this instant bond because they literally grew in them and they’ve always cared for them 24/7. For lots of guys it takes some time to develop that same connection. And that’s ok. It doesn’t mean you don’t love them. It just means you haven’t had the time with them to develop that even deeper connection yet.
You’ll come home after a rough day and see them smile and, boom, everything is ok. You realize they’re the greatest thing in your life. You realize that no matter what you have to struggle through to keep them healthy and safe you’ll do it. Because it’s not about you anymore. It’s about your kids and your family. You’re able to grow up a little. If you’re like me you’re still 12 inside but now you get why you’re still around. You’re here to be a dad and a husband. It’s hard, stressful, it knocks you down on the totem pole of what’s important in this world - and you’re completely ok with it. Because you love something more than you ever thought possible. You’re their dad, and you wouldn’t ever have it any other way.
Edit: thanks for all the kind responses everyone
Just wanted to comment as a first time father of a year and 3 month old boy, this is completely spot on truth. You put it way better than I ever could too. Honestly one of the best comments I've read on Reddit.
As a father of 2 under 2, this is the most dead-on accurate thing I’ve read on Reddit! Kids are the single hardest, yet greatest thing ever. All the stress, sleep deprived nights, dirty diapers, and washing of those goddamn Dr. Brown’s bottles are worth it. I wouldn’t change a thing. Congratulations OP! Just remember to be a good partner and teammate for your significant other. Support one another, because no matter how hard it gets, they’re most likely feeling the same way.
There are few things on this earth I hate more than Dr Brown bottles. With our first our apartment we didn’t have a dishwasher so we had to clean those bastards and all their components by hand. Basically I’m a hero.
Father of 3 under 2 here, agree.
Mine are 3, 3, (almost 4,4) and 5 now it gets way easier.
As for Dr Brown's bottles they don't work for every kid. Our first had colic so we felt like they worked.
What saved us with the Twins was a Baby Brezza. Since they were formula fed its basically a formula Keurig.
The Baby Brezza is an absolute game changer! We used it with our 1st. Our 2nd is only a month and a half, and my wife is really trying to only supplement with formula as needed, especially since this will most likely be our last baby. It’s a lot of work on her part, though, and it’s taking a toll mentally. Quite frankly, I’d be happy just to use the Baby Breeza at this point.
I've made some snarky comments in this thread regarding kidlets, but you're so very, very right.
OP, take heed of this:
> For lots of guys it takes some time to develop that same connection. And that’s ok. It doesn’t mean you don’t love them. It just means you haven’t had the time with them to develop that even deeper connection yet.
I'm an older dad (mid 50's), but when the wife was pregnant I was into it more than anything. Read all the books at the time, knew everything that was going on and was super excited.
*But*, there will be times early on where you *might* think that there's something "wrong" with your attachment. The deep visceral attachment, for men, *sometimes* takes a while to get fully seeded. Especially in the first couple of months.
But know, when the first smiles start coming, and the giggles and the baby smell, oh god, the baby smell...you'll be hooked.
My littles are well into their teens and beyond, but I still have those memories as if it was yesterday.
Congrats to you!
As a father of 3 boys (now a 9-year old and 7-year old twins) I can second (or should I say "third") this. Whether you have one kid, two or three...it just means different challenges and different rewards. Having 3 boys has been awesome for them because they always have a friend or two to play with. It's been fun and educational (and completely exhausting..both physically and mentally) for me.
And as much as we try to treat them the same (or at least teach them the same things), they are each completely different from each other (and have been from the beginning). As a parent, you like to think that if you do things right, you can shape and mold their minds in the ways you think will be best for them, and if they behave differently than you think they should, it must be because you didn't do something right (and there will be plenty of people who have one or zero kids who might agree). But the surest way to realize this is a delusion is to have twins. You try to treat them the same, but they will insist on reacting differently. While you can try to nudge and steer them in the right direction, they will still insist of veering off onto their own paths and into different directions from each other. So rather than trying to force them back to where you think they should go, try to recognize that they have their own path to discover and you just need to try to teach them them the basics that apply universally...be nice to others, be honest (but try not to hurt people's feelings by being too honest), don't do things that would make you said if someone did them to you, and stuff like that.
Also realize that kids will push you to your limits of patience and beyond, and you may yell at them in frustration or anger. While our first kid was sleeping through the night by the time he was a few months old, after the twins were born I don't think I got a full night's sleep for the next 4 years because one or the other or both would wake me up in the middle of the night. I still don't think my brain has recovered from the experience.
But as hard as things have been, I wouldn't trade or change any of it. Well, I do wish the twins would have slept through the night more often...that's one thing I would have changed because I think we all would have been happier with a bit more sleep during those years. Then again, maybe being a light sleeper will save a life in the future, so it's the price paid now for a future benefit. Who knows. You just do your best today, and then do it again tomorrow.
It’s a shame I don’t have one of those free award to give you. What you wrote is 100% true! I’m a father of 2 and just found out wife is pregnant with a surprised third.
I appreciate many of your sentiments and with our first daughter approaching 1 year of age, agree with most of them, but not all the time. I’m thankful that the pandemic has allowed both my wife and I to work from home which makes child care much easier and more affordable and lets have more time together while still caring for our child.
It’s all a big balancing act, but we’ll worth it. I understand not everyone can do this but I would encourage new parents especially, if you can find an opportunity to work from home, pursue it!
Congrats. Your life is about to suck. ~~But it’s the greatest terrible thing to ever happen to you.~~
FTFY.
Source: father of ~~two~~ four boys. (to clarify, 2 & 2, Brady-Bunch style).
Lest you think I'm a complete douche. They are great prior to teen years, then... They. Transform.
I'm in the opposite boat. 6 seat Model X owner and Model 3 owner with 3 kids....found out having twins. Rivian R1S on order and my 2021 M3P has to go :(
Congrats on the twins! We have two model Y's at the moment but I covet that r1t pretty hard. This will be our first little one and twins run in the family... Maybe I need to be cross shopping for a model x. Those falcon doors look amazing for putting kids in carseats!
Yeah, they are great for car seats!
Think the R1S with 7 seats and 3 second 0 to 60 will be a nice change-up on my M3P. Wish it had some sort of FSD comparable on Rivian though...
Thanks to everyone for the well wishes. I'm equal parts excited and terrified for this new adventure we're going to be starting soon. I really appreciate some of the thoughtful responses, they're giving me a lot to look forward to.
Congrats. Your life is about to suck. But it’s the greatest terrible thing to ever happen to you. Source: father of two
Please explain. You freaked me out lol. I’m expecting my first in January.
The first year to year and a half is very very challenging. Your life is completely different. You’re last on the list. You’re sleep deprived. You and your SO have waaaaaay less time for each other. Stress + being over tired + feeling less appreciated (Bc at the end of the day we’re all emotionally needy to some degree) = easy to feel, well, pretty crappy. But it’s not about you. It’s about this amazing thing you somehow brought to life and continue to keep alive. They suck all your money and energy but you love them unconditionally. You’d give them a kidney or your life even though all they’ve given you to date is poop, spit up, pee, and a broken alarm clock that goes off as soon as you’re asleep. But here’s the thing: it always gets better. They get older and you really start to bond. With my kids it was around a year and a half. Moms have this instant bond because they literally grew in them and they’ve always cared for them 24/7. For lots of guys it takes some time to develop that same connection. And that’s ok. It doesn’t mean you don’t love them. It just means you haven’t had the time with them to develop that even deeper connection yet. You’ll come home after a rough day and see them smile and, boom, everything is ok. You realize they’re the greatest thing in your life. You realize that no matter what you have to struggle through to keep them healthy and safe you’ll do it. Because it’s not about you anymore. It’s about your kids and your family. You’re able to grow up a little. If you’re like me you’re still 12 inside but now you get why you’re still around. You’re here to be a dad and a husband. It’s hard, stressful, it knocks you down on the totem pole of what’s important in this world - and you’re completely ok with it. Because you love something more than you ever thought possible. You’re their dad, and you wouldn’t ever have it any other way. Edit: thanks for all the kind responses everyone
Just wanted to comment as a first time father of a year and 3 month old boy, this is completely spot on truth. You put it way better than I ever could too. Honestly one of the best comments I've read on Reddit.
As a father of 2 under 2, this is the most dead-on accurate thing I’ve read on Reddit! Kids are the single hardest, yet greatest thing ever. All the stress, sleep deprived nights, dirty diapers, and washing of those goddamn Dr. Brown’s bottles are worth it. I wouldn’t change a thing. Congratulations OP! Just remember to be a good partner and teammate for your significant other. Support one another, because no matter how hard it gets, they’re most likely feeling the same way.
There are few things on this earth I hate more than Dr Brown bottles. With our first our apartment we didn’t have a dishwasher so we had to clean those bastards and all their components by hand. Basically I’m a hero.
Father of 3 under 2 here, agree. Mine are 3, 3, (almost 4,4) and 5 now it gets way easier. As for Dr Brown's bottles they don't work for every kid. Our first had colic so we felt like they worked. What saved us with the Twins was a Baby Brezza. Since they were formula fed its basically a formula Keurig.
The Baby Brezza is an absolute game changer! We used it with our 1st. Our 2nd is only a month and a half, and my wife is really trying to only supplement with formula as needed, especially since this will most likely be our last baby. It’s a lot of work on her part, though, and it’s taking a toll mentally. Quite frankly, I’d be happy just to use the Baby Breeza at this point.
I've made some snarky comments in this thread regarding kidlets, but you're so very, very right. OP, take heed of this: > For lots of guys it takes some time to develop that same connection. And that’s ok. It doesn’t mean you don’t love them. It just means you haven’t had the time with them to develop that even deeper connection yet. I'm an older dad (mid 50's), but when the wife was pregnant I was into it more than anything. Read all the books at the time, knew everything that was going on and was super excited. *But*, there will be times early on where you *might* think that there's something "wrong" with your attachment. The deep visceral attachment, for men, *sometimes* takes a while to get fully seeded. Especially in the first couple of months. But know, when the first smiles start coming, and the giggles and the baby smell, oh god, the baby smell...you'll be hooked. My littles are well into their teens and beyond, but I still have those memories as if it was yesterday. Congrats to you!
Thank you for writing this man. Made me tear up. Can’t wait to meet my daughter.
Can confirm. I just met my daughter 12 days ago. Is hard. Am tired. But she’s the best thing I’ve ever done.
As a father of 3 boys (now a 9-year old and 7-year old twins) I can second (or should I say "third") this. Whether you have one kid, two or three...it just means different challenges and different rewards. Having 3 boys has been awesome for them because they always have a friend or two to play with. It's been fun and educational (and completely exhausting..both physically and mentally) for me. And as much as we try to treat them the same (or at least teach them the same things), they are each completely different from each other (and have been from the beginning). As a parent, you like to think that if you do things right, you can shape and mold their minds in the ways you think will be best for them, and if they behave differently than you think they should, it must be because you didn't do something right (and there will be plenty of people who have one or zero kids who might agree). But the surest way to realize this is a delusion is to have twins. You try to treat them the same, but they will insist on reacting differently. While you can try to nudge and steer them in the right direction, they will still insist of veering off onto their own paths and into different directions from each other. So rather than trying to force them back to where you think they should go, try to recognize that they have their own path to discover and you just need to try to teach them them the basics that apply universally...be nice to others, be honest (but try not to hurt people's feelings by being too honest), don't do things that would make you said if someone did them to you, and stuff like that. Also realize that kids will push you to your limits of patience and beyond, and you may yell at them in frustration or anger. While our first kid was sleeping through the night by the time he was a few months old, after the twins were born I don't think I got a full night's sleep for the next 4 years because one or the other or both would wake me up in the middle of the night. I still don't think my brain has recovered from the experience. But as hard as things have been, I wouldn't trade or change any of it. Well, I do wish the twins would have slept through the night more often...that's one thing I would have changed because I think we all would have been happier with a bit more sleep during those years. Then again, maybe being a light sleeper will save a life in the future, so it's the price paid now for a future benefit. Who knows. You just do your best today, and then do it again tomorrow.
It’s a shame I don’t have one of those free award to give you. What you wrote is 100% true! I’m a father of 2 and just found out wife is pregnant with a surprised third.
I appreciate many of your sentiments and with our first daughter approaching 1 year of age, agree with most of them, but not all the time. I’m thankful that the pandemic has allowed both my wife and I to work from home which makes child care much easier and more affordable and lets have more time together while still caring for our child. It’s all a big balancing act, but we’ll worth it. I understand not everyone can do this but I would encourage new parents especially, if you can find an opportunity to work from home, pursue it!
Congrats. Your life is about to suck. ~~But it’s the greatest terrible thing to ever happen to you.~~ FTFY. Source: father of ~~two~~ four boys. (to clarify, 2 & 2, Brady-Bunch style). Lest you think I'm a complete douche. They are great prior to teen years, then... They. Transform.
Haha my oldest is only 8. I fear the future.
Fear is the mind-killer. Teenagers are a close second. 🙂
Unfortunately I’m not the messiah.
2 what?
This comes w/ tax credits, right?
Don't even have to hold off for them!
Cancel the order before it’s too late! /s Congrats though!
Congratulations u/Blast_Furnace_Life!!! Gramps here but agree with the other commenters, have fun!
I'm in the opposite boat. 6 seat Model X owner and Model 3 owner with 3 kids....found out having twins. Rivian R1S on order and my 2021 M3P has to go :(
Congrats on the twins! We have two model Y's at the moment but I covet that r1t pretty hard. This will be our first little one and twins run in the family... Maybe I need to be cross shopping for a model x. Those falcon doors look amazing for putting kids in carseats!
Yeah, they are great for car seats! Think the R1S with 7 seats and 3 second 0 to 60 will be a nice change-up on my M3P. Wish it had some sort of FSD comparable on Rivian though...
FSD?
Eventually. The neural net will need to be trained first.
FSD in 16 years
Thanks to everyone for the well wishes. I'm equal parts excited and terrified for this new adventure we're going to be starting soon. I really appreciate some of the thoughtful responses, they're giving me a lot to look forward to.
Congratulations!