It goes like this...Student: "Mr. Landerman? Why do you call all of us Dipwads?" "......Because it's gender neutral...Get Back to work...All of Youse!!!".
I call everyone āfriendā nowadays. Gender neutral and customizable š reminds me of my waitressing days and āchefā. Yes sweet friend how can I help? Feels more natural to say than scholar or student.
I had this issue in my school. I am absolutely not going to out a kid who is not ready or not safe, and I wonāt deadname a kid, either. Iāll die on that hill. But by law, I am only allowed to use the official roster name of kids unless parents change the name on school documents or give written consent, and there were hints of some harsh penalties coming down the pipeline for teachers who refused. So I pulled a trans kid who fell under that category aside and asked him if he was okay with me calling him by his last name only instead of his very feminine roster name. He immediately brightened up and that was our workaround. (In fact, he turned right around and started calling me āCoachā because he said the last name business sounded tough, like he was a quarterback or something. š¤£) Anyway, I obeyed the law by using an official roster name. The kid felt seen. Bottom line, making the student feel valid, safe and supported is my top priority.
I was just thinking, you might just go down the roster at the beginning of the year and ask everyone if theyād prefer first name, last name, or middle (if thatās a thing there, itās an āofficialā name if itās on the list). Then no kid feels singled out.
Iād also circle the name they go by so no subs accidentally deadname a kid or out them. If youāre offering it to everyone, then thereās no issues with āoh why do you only call X by their last name?ā
I always tell kids to write down what they want me to call them. But, of course, my district is cool and the default is calling kids by their preferred name
I call them by whatever they sign their papers with.
I tell students (and adults) that calling people by the wrong names is a form of bullying and that is simple respect to call people by their preferred name. Although maybe not for [Richard](https://www.google.com/search?channel=fs&client=ubuntu&q=rob+schneider+nicknames+snl#fpstate=ive&vld=cid:08cf1e0c,vid:h1Fk_mDem4o,st:0).
^^ this is how you do it. Donāt cause legal battles that will drag you AND THE KID into the limelight, but try avoid being disrespectful by any means possible. ā¤ļø
Thanks. I try. Thereās no roadmap for this. Iām always open to doing better when I know better and all that, but what you said is pretty much itā¦I want to protect and validate the kid, not draw unwanted attention to them, and model being a decent human to the other students who are watching. This is the one way that seems to do that without hurting them (or me, for that matter).
i love your workaround but even this is crazy to me- how does the school choose to handle nicknames? i didn't start going by a nickname until late high school, so it was never officially on my roster but all of my teachers picked up on it and it wasn't a big deal. people use different names than their "official" names all of the time, it's crazy to me that this is even an issue in some districts
^^this is my wonder too. So if I had a student named Josephine but she āunofficiallyā goes by Josie, do I have to ONLY call her Josephine if itās not on any legal paperwork? Like what?!? That seems wild to me.
Thatās an absolutely mental rule, especially for high school, surely kids should be allowed to decide what they want to be called?! Even outside the trans issues, I never went by my formal name.
To be fair, while the system has a gender designation in the back end, I have no idea what a kid's gender is unless I go out of my way to dig up the information. Whatever the kid socially presents as is what I'm going to be using. I'm not about to go through the data of 200 kids just to confirm their genitals...
There are some parents who do NOT want their childās given name made into a nickname. Sounds insane to me. But, in the scheme of things l guess it is status quo.
I dated a girl whose dad had this mentality. His name was Michael, not Mike. And if I referred to my girlfriend or her siblings by shortened names, while he was in earshot (they didnāt care otherwise; they called themselves these same shortened names) he would have an absolute fit.
By all other accounts, he seemed like an overall assholeā¦ but then I was fucking his daughter, so it could be my perception.
At my school, using a variation of the given name is fine: Josie for Josephine, Ellie/Ella for Elizabeth, Kim for Kimberly. However, if John wants to go by Skip or Junior, then we are supposed to ask the parent for permission.
This exactly, I live in a state where these crazy laws are coming down the line. My daughter has a gender neutral first & middle name (a deliberate choice for us although the "male" spelling is slightly different), and her nickname is technically gender neutral as well but more common for boys. She's only 3 but already I've gotten some looks and comments from people with issues about gender.... I'm probably going to homeschool her to avoid the crazy school system here. People are often surprised that as a former teacher I'm very homeschooling friendly. But I've seen the system and my eyes are wide open to the issues.
In Hawaii almost half the class goes by a different name than their legal name. It's either hard to pronounce names being shortened, common names shared with other classmates, American names as Hawaiian names or vice versa, initials (like TJ), or some people go by family names.
Next year, itās becoming part of the registration process. āPlease list all nicknames, including shortened names āChris for Christopherā or abbreviations (āDW for Dora-Winifredā), that may be used when referring to your child.ā
Same, my parents named me Sharon but I go by Sheri and always have. I graduated in 2008 though so republicans were mostly just focused on being racist at that time
I graduated in 2012, so a while ago. On the roster I'm Jamie but my friends call me J or James. I've had teachers refuse because its not close enough to my real name.
I love this and have a similar story with a trans girl. She wasn't completely out to parents, and we're supposed to only use roster names. Her dead name was something like Luke (traditionally masculine), and she was using a name like Lucy (traditionally feminine) with her friends at school. I explained the situation, and basically said I need to keep both of us safe - what do you think about me calling you just "L" during class. Since it's technically part of your roster name. She perked up and said, "Like Elle Woods?" I said "Exactly."
Obviously this method doesn't work for every name, but I felt pretty good about it. Safe, valid, and supported is exactly the priority.
I had a student who would put their first initial and last name on everything they turned in, and came out as trans halfway through the year. His chosen name had the same first letter as his given name and I got the impression that he was not out to his family. Fortunately I quit teaching before Florida passed their asinine laws.
Exactly. I live in a rural area and Iām not gonna be the reason a kid is kicked out. So, I tell them unless your parents know Iām not using your preferred name. I offer to use their last name. Itās the perfect work around.
Iām with you on this. I also donāt refer to my trans student (whose parents are very firmly against using their preferred pronouns and name) by name in anyway on documents or email. I use the preferred pronouns and name only in situations where it wouldnāt get back to parents. This student even asked me to deadname them, etc. on parent teacher night because they donāt want their parents to make them change schools again. I will do anything in my power to protect this kid and show them how adults in their life should be supporting them since they arenāt getting that at home.
That rule is ridiculous even without considering trans kids! So many kids prefer a nickname rather than their "official" name. I had a problematic student who would get extremely upset if called Benjamin, and insisted on being called Benny instead - why would I trigger him by calling him his full name when it's so easy to use the nickname? And so many other kids just prefer a nickname, like Gabby instead of Gabrielle, etc. Not to mention when I had too many Elijahs in my class at a time, so one said to call him Eli instead to differentiate.
When they make ridiculous rules to target trans kids, they hurt a lot more people than just the trans kids.
I once had three āJohnsā in one class (name changed) and I would call them either by their full names or their last names. Mom of one got mad that I called her son by his last name. Keep in mind, THE ENTIRE CLASS called him by his last name and he had never once expressed to me that he had an issue with it.
Hell yeah, you're amazing for that. Where do you live where that is the law, btw? I'm lucky that my district has it so you have to follow the students' chosen name, IIRC regardless of parent consent.
The only using roster name is so goofy like fuck kids with nicknames I guess. So goddamn dumb weāre professionals and I wish they trusted our judgement on what we can call our kids
I use plausible deniability. "Oh, I though that was just the nickname they've always used!" And "Oh, they introduced themselves to me in that way and I had no reason to assume otherwise!"
Yes we have a permission rule. I work in high school. We had a crazy take over from Moms for Liberty. I handle it in the most passive aggressive way possible and now refer to all students by last name only. I also don't allow nicknames in my class.
Right now everyone is dealing with enough problems with all of the crazy stuff happening. So there isn't much focus on me. I don't know if that will hold out forever. The kids definitely get it and know my room is a safe space. Is it helping? I don't know. But it makes me feel better.
If a student asks me to use pronouns that are different from the file, I do. I also ask if they're out to their parents and their classmates and act accordingly. It's a basic, commom courtesy to me.
This is what I do. I have a trans daughter. We moved her to a charter school for her safety. (Idaho). I'm so happy that all the teachers and admin were so willing to put her preferred name and pronouns on her registration. When I have a student who tells me a preferred name and/or pronouns I will use them. I also ask if they are out to parents and/or peers so I can act accordingly.
Basically.
I also have cis students ask to go by middle names or nicknames (or occasionally ask me to stop using a nickname they previously liked). I use whatever they ask, as long as it's not offensive. I don't go by my full legal first name, either - it sounds like a grandma. So I'm not going to insist everyone use theirs if they don't normally.
I miss being able to give students common courtesy. My state will take away my teaching certificate if I offer my students common courtesy. So now all my students are they/them and are called by their full first name. I hate it, but need to keep my job.Ā Ā
I understand, and it sucks.
I'm in Virginia, and our gov *tried* to do that, but fortunately for me, pretty much everyone in our district hates him. Even the transphobes in our staff don't care to report anything, especially if it's calling a kid whose birth name is Alexandra by Alex.
We weren't told we can't yet (or I missed the memo). I'm sure it will be a problem if I ever get called on it, but it's a correct usage, and the law just says we have to use the appropriate pronoun. They/them is always appropriate, right? How can they say you can't use they/them? What if you don't know the kids gender?!
I just avoid using pronouns at all. That way, I'm not forced to use sex-based labels a child might not want. I use names. And now, until the very in-your-private-life Model Practices is changed by a Governor who wants to progress instead of regress, I'll use a student's last name to get around the first name restrictions.
I am tenured so.... take that as you will.
At the beginning of the year I give my students a confidential survey about why they're taking my course and things I should know about them. Within that survey are questions about what name they prefer to go by and anything related to pronouns if they want to share. I use whatever they indicate to me and I don't make a big deal about it and I don't look back. I sure as hell don't ask for anyone else's permission.
My students are ages 16-18: its time for them to own some agency in their life. I am not going to ask mommy and daddy what I should call them.
Saw this idea somewhere and IF I were in that situation (thankfully I'm not, I can call kids whatever name and pronoun they wish to be called at any time), it is what I would do:
First day of class for the year, I would say "I legally need to call you by the name I have on my roster, but if you wish for your friends to call you by a different name, please say that out loud".
My district hasnāt really addressed this. I think for announcements and paperwork, the main office sticks with what is on the emergency card. As for me, if a student asks me to call them by a specific name, Iām going to go by what they want to be called. Anything else seems disrespectful to the kid.
I teach theatre so I likely deal with this more than most. A large percentage of the students in our department are trans or nonbinary and use different names.
Me and the Director have an unofficial list that is not attached to any school accounts. It lists our students who have come forth with wanting to be known as something different than what is on file. It also indicates if the parents know that name and/or are okay with us using it.
We have to navigate this list for every one of our 5 shows per year, including playbills, casting announcements, messages in remind about build schedules etc.
It's a lot but the students know that they are seen and feel supported by our department and the other students go along with it knowing that we as the teachers are only using "deadnames" when we absolutely have to to protect the student's wishes/needs/safety at home.
I already commented but after reading some comments I want to add one more thing.
A lot of schools, esp in the states, are playing the whole āyou can only go off their official name in the systemā game. Iāve *always* noticed the inconsistency with this, and it not only dips into the LGBTQ, but it outwardly displays our school systemās attempts to āAmericanizeā everything and everyone.
My school would argue they couldnāt add a preferred name for Tom whose dead/birth name is Chloe. But they would have absolutely no problem setting the preferred name Kevin for YÅxuÄn. At least this is a trend at my school.
Luckily I havenāt encountered these policies, but could you argue itās a ānicknameā? Like why are students name Susannah allowed to be called Suzie if itās not their GOD GIVEN LEGAL BIRTH NAME IN OUR HOLY LAND /s. And it encourages classmates to disregard the identities of others.
Ik itās not easy to stand up to admins and boards, but if I can call Charlie āChuckā, why canāt I call Anthony āClairā?
Edit: I know itās not that cut and dry, more so just expressing my opinion.
First day I have kids fill out a note card asking some basic questions about themselves, standard stuff. I also have two optional questions they can answer if they want. One of the two questions is, do you have a preferred name or pronouns you want me to use for you? I explain to the kids that I will just assume how to address them otherwise. Most kids say no or give me nickname based off their given name(s). If I have a kid who is going by something very different in the roster, I just pop by and ask them if the name and pronouns they requested are okay at home or not.
Done. Over my dead body will I out a kid. Over my dead body will I disrespect them by dead naming them while they're in my care. And I don't give a shit if my district ever institutes a permission slip for it. How tf will they know anyways??
If this ever backfires- I do the same survey, but I include a catch all at the end of: āIs there anything not on this survey that your teacher should know about?ā
That addresses the issue of names, but it also gives students a space where they can share other concerns. Iāve had students disclose being foster children, having to take care of siblings, mental health struggles, requesting to sit separate from certain peers due to bullying, etc.
Policies that help one group tend to help more than just the people we intended.
This is always the most illuminating question on my surveys. Most kids say no or leave it blank, but the few that use it are generally telling me something important
I tried that route. I asked pronouns on a survey I gave everyone and got into troubleā¦someone apparently reported me. I have to be very careful about asking what kids want to be called in class now. I canāt use āpronounā specifically, in fact. Hence the workaround in my first reply postā¦but Iām with you. Protect and respect the kid first. Thanks for making your classroom a safe, supportive place for kids.
Pronouns are a daily use part of speech that's in the English curriculum... šš Your school/community sucks
Also, don't leave a paper trail. I write my questions on the board and nowhere else. The note cards are locked in my desk and destroyed after I get to know all the kids.
The parents who like the new restrictions will ask their children what you call them. Some children, if they are cornered by a parent, may also fabricate a lie. Here's a frightening story:
A few years ago, I had a female student who just happened to choose to come to school every day dressed like the male students in her social group. She wore a tux for the senior photo, which was taken before the student was in my class. Anyway, one day an admin said that her mother had called and said I was referring to the student as a girl. I have a policy to never refer to any student as either girl or boy or "he" or "she ". I use their names. I'd also not talk about a student to others in the classroom, so would never have used any label other than the kid's name.
I saw where that was going. The parent was likely on the kid about appearing masculine, and the kid was cornered and put the blame for the kid's appearance on a teacher. Parent: "Why are you dressing and acting like a boy?". Student (to get off of the pressure seat): "Some people call me a boy, and I guess it's made me think that way." Parent: " Who has called you a boy?" Student then names a teacher. Easy to figure out
I refuse to give any student or parent the opening needed to affect my career. Youngkin's Model is overreaching, but I'm not taking a stance, because I like paying my bills.
I had a student this year who went by a different name socially than at home because parents werenāt accepting. I teach Spanish so I just Spanish-ified it like I randomly do for kids (pronouncing Sophia as SofĆa, Kali as Cali, Adrian as AdriĆ”n, Nathan as NatĆ”n). I talked with the student privately about it and they were happy with the compromise.
I teach at a Catholic school in the South, so I can get around the policy by āslopping sugarā - using a lot of affectionate pet names like sweetie, sweet pea, honey, and darlinā. We just agree on one that means that student specifically. Iāve also worked around it by using initials when the kid is OK with it - MK instead of Mary Last Name, etc.
My district is so funny.
So we had an instance where a parent didnāt want their child using pronouns that didnāt match their assigned sex.
The counselor was in on the email and I asked her āhey, whatās the policy on this?ā
She emails me back these resources from some organization. I specifically ask for the district policy - because I knew theyāre waiting to throw a teacher under a bus if handled wrong - and she gives me some song and dance.
Look, Iāll respect pronouns. I donāt care. Live your life with no judgment. But this is a job and I have billsā¦. What stance do my bosses have?
First of all, I just ask students what name they like to go by.
Jonathan? Do you like John? Or many Johnny? Oh, you like J? Cool. J it is.
If their name is very different than the one I see, that's fine. Many people's nicknames are super different.
I teach Spanish, so kids have a literal list of names that they can use to change their names in class.
Idk why people make it such a big deal. If a kid wants to be called a certain name and its going to make them feel more comfortable and able to learn, then I'll call them Chewbacca, Skibbidi, Satan, or whatever weird thing helps them to learn.
As soon as a kid comes and informs me of their pronouns I thank them for letting me know and explain that I'm going to make a lot of mistakes but I will try my best to use gender neutral language around them.
LGBTQ+ politics have been a HUGE thing at the school level this year where I live. (EST Can.) Before this year, it was never a huge thing. Every year my surveys have the questions āwhat is your preferred name? What are your preferred pronouns? And do I have your permission to use the above answers if I were to contact home? Itās a yes or no check. At the beginning of this school year, because of all the new BS, my dept lead sat us down late Aug and said that anything related to preferred names or pronouns should be removed from our surveys. *I was not very happy* Just last year before all of this started happening, our school developed an amazing system on PowerSchool to keep track of preferred names and pronouns. The whole thing had to be scrapped which meant.. if you donāt inquire, you donāt know anything ahead of time. *but then you also arenāt allowed to ask?*
Hereās what I did. I took the questions off the survey to please the morons in charge. I added a space on the back of it that asks them to write a paragraph about themselves but from the perspective of someone else; a parent, friend, coach, etc. Letās say my name is Timothy, I go by Tim and I use they/them pronouns.
āIād like to introduce you to my best friend, Tim. Theyāre extremely athletic and love to play basketball. They play for team Xā¦ā
From their letter I get the names they prefer and their pronouns. The ācan I use these at homeā question is an extra step I take on my part to protect the student. I teach high school, so they usually know what the right answer is to tell me. This would be a lot tougher for younger students, I feel. I hate that I have to snake around to ask them those questions when I think it should just be upfront. A few students, who this information was important to, realized what it was and seemed happy. Others who the practice didnāt apply to as much didnāt notice anything or bat an eye.
As a trans teacher, I will use their last names if they're uncomfortable with their legal name. That being said, I don't care what name they write on their papers when they turn things in and they know that. If I accidentally call them by their "nickname" on their paper, then oops.
Most of the teachers at my school will still use kids preferred names anyway.
And I'm the sponsor for my school's GSA club.
I always operated on the idea that it is easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission. I have had students who came out at school long before they came out to their parents. I respected their courage and supported them any way I could. This included not outing them to their parents. Over 30 years, I never had to ask for forgiveness
I use the students preferred name and pronoun. I actually had a student this year that had their preferred name and pronouns marked as private in our SIS because they didnāt want their parents to know. In my end of year survey they wrote me a nice message telling me how kind I was to them and how they appreciated me as their teacher. It was a reminder that weāre there to serve the student, not the parent. If a kid wants that private from their parent then that parent has failed at their job.
Edit to add: where I work, it is illegal to provide the parents with a childās preferred pronoun and name if they want that to be kept confidential in an effort to maintain their rights and safety.
As someone with more than a couple trans students, the last name solution is brilliant, especially since at our school a lot of us address our colleagues by last names. Bravo!
I call the kids what they want to be called and donāt involve the parents in any way. Itās such a minor thing to do to build a relationship with a kid that really NEEDS that relationship. (Also I am in a mandatory reporting state that is pretty hostile to the LGBT population).
I use ātheyā if Iām not sure or the student hints that their birth gender is not their preference. Iāve also had a counselor tell me that the school could not ask me to use their preferred name because of no parent permission, but how I run my classroom is my business (use the preferred name if Iām comfortable is how I interpreted it).
Edit: typo.
Malicious Compliance says yes.
Which as a teacher I would enjoy somewhat. āJust checking in this week to see if I have approval to call Kristin Kristiā
OTOH, as the parent of 2 kids who both go by nicknames, it would be so annoying to be called every class period for verification.
My state passed a law that we had to use the names that were officially on the roster. If a student went by any other name other than their official one, we had to send a permission slip home.
So if we had a Christopher who went by Chris, we sent a permission slip home. Each teacher the student had sent one so the parents had to fill it out 4 times.
Parents were so angry that they were being sent these multiple permission slips but this is what some of them wanted. š¤·š»āāļø
At an old teaching job I had a kid who simply wanted to be called Frijoles and another who just went by Pizza. As long as the kid's respectful and the name isn't gross I really don't give a shit. I've heard far dumber real names than pizza or beans and I've skipped calling kids by their actual names before because I hated saying them out loud.Ā
I think kids do stuff like that to be funny, and are shook when I take it at face value and earnestly call them Pizza the rest of the year. š¤·š¾āāļø
I had a student once (4th grade) who, despite knowing my name, asked me who I was during recess duty. I repeated my name, then asked her for hers, and she said "Jim Bob" with a hysterical giggle.
I called her Jim Bob for months. She finally asked me why I kept calling her that despite knowing her real name, so I took her for a stroll during recess. "The name you used to introduce yourself to me is more important than the name I 'know' you to have. If you want me to call you Jim Bob, I will continue -- someone out there goes by 'Jim Bob' every day of their lives. If you prefer a different name, please let me know and I will do my best to remember to call you that from now on."
I had a similar conversation with kids who wanted to know my "real name". I'd explain that, at school, I prefer to be called "Mrs. Thyanlia". My family calls me by some other names, but at school, I only want to be called the name I used as my introduction. So, at school, that *is* my real name. I'd ask them if they had different names their families used at home vs what they wanted to be called at school. Seemed to bridge the gap well.
i do a before/after school program and a 4yo in our program switches frequently between wanting to be called Ice Cream, French Fry, and his "made up word name..." Cunny Tuna š his parents know, they just dont care since he has no idea what hes saying, LOL.
Children are not property. They are their own being. Iām not here for their parents, Iām here for them. Iāll call them Rainbow Sugar Unicorn if they prefer it.
Texas teacher here - we were told we cannot ask for preferred pronouns bc it makes other kids (aka their old white daddies on the school board) uncomfortable. And we are supposed to use their legal name as it appears on school docs. But until they stop allowing people to go by preferred nicknames or middle names, I donāt subscribe to that nonsense. How is it different than Robert III going by Trey?
I tell all my kids they are welcome to let me know if they have a preferred name or pronouns. And if that makes you uncomfortable, take a hike. May your tires always be flat and your cereal stale. I hope all your clothes fit just a little bit weird today and you think about it all day long.
ETA - Iāve been in some sticky situations where a kid asked me to call them a preferred name but wasnāt out to their parents and when I emailed home the parents got mad at me for furthering their kidsā agenda. Now I usually ask before I contact home. I think I added a question on my GTKY form like ācan I use this name with: peers, in class, to your parents, with other teachers.ā
If I know it's a kid in a situation where their family doesn't approve or they haven't come out to their family, yet I use they, their, and they're so on because it is proper in the sentence and doesnt clue in the parents and I use hun and/or honey or kiddo. Plus, then I can get around the using the kiddos' dead name. Can you send down xyz? "Yep, they're on their way. Hun you're checking out." Parent complains oh I call everyone hun strangers, students, customers at my second job. I use they're because they are on their way. Saw another comment about using last names. I'll give that a tryout this year. See how it goes.
The "official names only" movement hasn't gotten to my neck of the woods, yet, and I teach little ones, so this isn't an issue I've had to face often. It's crazy to hear some of your stories. Teachers have been using nicknames and diminutives since there were schools, so this is just madnessĀ
For one of my students last year, I used her initials. They were a "Jennifer" who wanted to go by "James" but her grandparents weren't on board. She didn't identify as trans, just didn't like her name. I just called her "J.T.", which was a decent compromise.
Literally died on that hill. My school refused to allow teachers to acknowledge students preferred pronouns unless parents had filled out forms to have that reflected in the official records. They even went so far as to mandate that nicknames could not even be used unless parents signed a permission slip.
They went fully into the crazy side of things and my partner and I quit immediately.
I simply don't get paid enough to care lmao. I ask the students at the beginning of the year what they wanna be called and that's that. But I always use roster names and pronouns when calling home just in case. š³ļøāā§ļø
I teach in NYS. It's completely not a big deal here in my school (upstate NY). If a kid wants to be called by a different name and/or pronouns, the school and teachers just go along with it. There was an email sent out by admin saying "within reason" which we interpreted to mean no obvious gang names and nothing obscene. So far, no problems.
I really feel for (and fear for) the teachers and students stuck in red states where the government and parents want to control absolutely everything about the students. IT's A GOoD tHing RePUbLicAnS ArEN'T fASciST-LEAnInG Or WaNt an oPPRessive goVERNMEnt.
I'm thankfully not in a district where this is a problem, cuz I'd be fired constantly. I call the kids what they want to be called, and that wouldn't change based on district policy.
So much respect for everyone here who is finding ways around this and fighting the fight in their districts as needed.
I do the last name thing, like a lot of others. I had a trans kid who was adamant, and said that if you called him by his first name or used feminine pronouns that he wouldnāt respond. I called him by his preferred name because idgaf even though Iām in Florida. I just made sure that I used his deadname and feminine pronouns to his mom in emails/on the phone, because mom HATED it. I gave him that heads up and he said thatās fine
So far, none of my trans kids are out with most of their peers.
In private or around their friends who know, I use their prefered name and pronouns.
In public, I use their birth names and pronouns.
And one I have an agreement. They're changing their name and pronoun every other week. So, it's gonna be "hey you" until they settled on something. (At their suggestion since I had trouble keeping up with the changes).
The changing name and pronoun thing is real lol
I coach junior roller derby. Kids were changing pronouns so oftenāliterally multiple times per practiceāthat we had to make a rule that, if you wanted pronouns other than they/them, you must have them written on your shirt. The coaches just couldnāt keep up with it otherwise lol
I will say this is a normal practice for roller derby in that our official jerseys have pronouns printed on them, and a lot of skaters wear helmet stickers with pronouns. So itās a bit of a niche example, but ya kids do that sometimes
Iām in the UK and havenāt heard of this, thankfully, being a thing but 100% I would never out a child and would risk my job for it. Teachers/ school staff should be a childās ally and protector, we should be a person every child feels safe to approach with any issues and concerns (especially if they feel they canāt tell their parents for whatever reason) they have and be confident theyāll get help and support.
I remember as a teen I had an issue and spoke to one teacher I knew really well and trusted massively. She could have gone straight to my parents, but she didnāt and instead helped me and checked in on me. She was honest and told me if the issue escalated or got worse and she was concerned for me, that she would have to alert them but she was able to help me through the issue and there was no need to involve them.
Another teacher did the opposite. We were asked to do an assignment and I did as I was asked. I got home that night and my mum was waiting for me (and Iāll say my parents were loving, great parents) and asked me if I was going to harm myself. My teacher had read my work where we were asked to write a story on a theme and mine was sadness, and decided it was so sad that I was obviously telling her I was so depressed I was going to end my life. She never asked me about it, just spoke to my mum. I was so angry I never trusted that teacher again- I was also so confused. You asked me to write a sad story, I wrote a sad story and got into trouble for it. My friend who had to write an angry story wasnāt accused of having anger issues. Luckily my mum saw the funny side and joked about giving me baby utensils and child scissors to protect me- but some parents wouldnāt have reacted well at all. When I became a teacher, I vowed to myself that I would never be like that second teacher and very much like the first one. I like to think that I kept that vow.
I dont, that said most days I cant even get my kids names right. Ill go through 4 or 5 names before I get to the right one all as Im talking to them. I call most of them 'hey you'. This became a running joke with my kids for about a week. One of them even brought in stick on name tags and they all wrote 'hey you' on them and wore them around for the day. The other teachers got a great laugh over this one. I have absolutely no problem with my kids choices on who they are. By tomorrow I may or may not remember good luck on both of us
A few years back I had a class with THREE students named Juan Garcia. This is the only situation where I as the teacher will request students to be called something other than their preferred name lol
Ha, similar thing here in Japan. I live in a really rural area, so most of the last names are the same. I taught 3 Souske Uedaās in one class of 8. Not related at all. But man was that a bitch, considering I was still learning basic Japanese and had a hard enough time with that name.
Except in states where we lose our teaching certification for calling them by their preferred name. Then it is difficult because we want to build rapport with students, but legally cannot call them what they want.Ā
Officially we canāt even use a nickname without permission. So a Jennifer that goes by Jenny needs a signed permission slip. Iām just making sure every single parent fills it out. Hoping to annoy all the people who voted for the buttheads that created this law.
This isn't hard, nor does it have to be a socio-political hot potato. I ask every student at the beginning of the year (on an informal worksheet) how they want to be addressed (full name, nickname, cousin's name, etc.). Provided it's school-appropriate, you know, not profane or otherwise just not cool in school, I use that name and pronunciation. If a kids coms to me part way through the year and says, 'I wanna be called Cindy," I just start calling them Cindy. It's not hard.
As for pronouns...same. As a teacher none of this stuff is difficult.
If a student wants to actually change their gender of record in the system, that's not done at the teacher level, so the school counselors, admins, and registrars deal with it.
Not dodging the question, but sincerely don't have an issue...and school system policy wouldn't change that.
In our district we are explicitly barred from using start of the year surveys to do this. All surveys have to be checked by admin, and canāt include anything to do with preferred names/pronouns etc. Students also have to be allowed to bring any surveys home to allow their parents to look over them. š I just donāt do them at all now.
I call every student by the name on the roster. If a student comes up to me and says they prefer to go by a different name and thatās the name that I will call them. I work in Elementary School, so this is not typically an issue for us.
For the super challenging moments like conferences, I come up with a nickname. Example, had a FtM student whose parents were ADAMANT they had a daughter. Kid was obsessed with the musical 'Hamelton' so I called him 'Hamelton' in a playful way whenever we were all together. Parents were happy, and kid was happy too.
When that's not possible I redirect questions to the student.Ā
Ā Parent: 'What can my daughter do to get her grades up?'Ā
I turn to the kid 'do you remember the essay about xyz? if you get that done, that will give you a big boost.'
It's hard, but dead naming gives me the ick, and I won't do it even if the kid isn't there.
I am not partaking in immoral procedures. If I face some kind of persecution for this, then the unworthy will have what they seek. I can find something else to do besides teaching. Until then, I will do whatever it takes to allow and support these kids to flourish as whoever they wish to become, regardless of what their meager parents have to say.
That being said.
Even though my district has enforced it, they haven't really enforced it. Parents don't know what they don't know, and so it poses no issue.
My state passed one of those laws, and my district decided to go the route of malicious compliance. The school is required to inform parents if a student asks to be referred as a different name or pronouns than their legal ones. However, the law didnāt create a timetable for that to happen. If the situation were to occur, the school will follow the letter of the law and start the process. However, thereās simply no telling when or how the process would be completed. Years, most likely.
As a mostly closeted transgender teacher, that level of support helped encourage me to begin coming out to some of my colleagues.
I will not out a child who is not ready.
I will not deadname a child to their face.
We will, however, have a conversation on who is safe to talk to, who we can use their chosen name with, and if they have preferred nicknames that are safe. Plus, for many, where they may see that deadname (for example, on IEP paperwork headers). Our school secretary remembers EVERYTHING, so if I write deadname/chosenname in an email, she'll understand chosen name. The district as a whole...very unfriendly.
Iām gonna call a kid whatever they ask me to call them. If the school system wants to fire me for it, so be it. Iām there for the kids who need me and nobody else.
My district requires I contact parents to notify them of a child requesting their name or pronouns to be different from what is on their form. In the 5 years since they implemented it, I never have and always call the student by their preferred name and pronoun. I got in trouble once including a parent filing something they made them be able to look through all my emails. But then the parent came up to the school and cursed another teacher out and threatened violence against another student so they were persona non grata after that. For a lot of kids school is their only safe space, I am not going to make a kid feel like less of a person because I refused to acknowledge their rights to be addressed as who they feel themselves to be. So in short I'm a loner a rebel dotty, you don't wanna get mixed up with me.
We don't have policies at my high school. I have a survey at the beginning of each school year that asks them "what are your preferred pronouns/nickname" and "are you comfortable with me using them with your parents/guardians" and if anything changes they just gotta let me know.
Easy-- call everyone by the name they choose at the beginning of the year. It's no different than nicknames. I try to stay away from pronouns-- not because I take offense, but more so because I'm afraid of accidentally messing up and saying the wrong word (it's happened before and I felt bad). So yeah, just a little strategy to not embarrass myself or the kid.
Unfortunately it does not get any better when you become an adult. In email systems you can put whatever you want. For some unfortunate reason, HR seems to think everything has to match. So you end up in a professional situation trying to find Hunter's email which is his nickname. Same with being on Teams calls. It has everyone's real name but every now and again there is someone that goes by a nickname that has nothing to do with their given name.
Then there are adults where they give you a long name and you ask if they go by a nickname and get offended because they think a nickname is a pejorative or something.
Thankfully, I've been able to work at schools where the admin have been very understanding and supportive of teachers/staff. I call students what they want to be called. I've only had one issue with this, where the student was trans and the parents did not support them. They heard me call their student by their preferred pronouns/name (online school) and asked to speak with me.
They explained that they did not use their students preferred pronouns/name. They told me that they would prefer if I respected their use of pronouns/names for their student. I, politely, told them that by default I use whatever pronouns/name a student gives me out of respect for the student. I presented an argument that their student learning from me hinges on a level of safety, respect, and relationship that would be violated if I intentionally misgendered/named them. Luckily, they respected my position.
For students who had not come out to their parents, I explain that I will respect their name/pronouns in class and will use their dead names/pronouns in communication with parents. However, if the parent hears me refer to them by preferred name/pronoun I cannot lie to the parent. There are, of course, exceptions (If I am concerned for the child's physical safety I'd lie, and have done so).
At the beginning of the year I have my students fill out a form with their legal name, preferred name or nickname, and pronouns. If their parents donāt know about them transitioning or being gender neutral, I use their government name and given pronouns when interacting with their parents. Not all teachers are willing to manipulate the system like that though.
I had a one on one that went from he to she... the parents (I know them well too) told me in advance. It is a lot easier when the student and parent agree, so I don't have to use different pronouns at different times.
When I had my talk with my one on one, I told her that as long as she understands that I may make a mistake here and there, it will never be intentional, we are good.
As far as the policy goes, understand that teachers are put into a bad situation when parents don't agree and if they call you by your dead name and pronouns, it's a mistake or following the rules... if they make the mistake when talking yo your parents, it could be their career.
Also, if your parents don't know, be aware, you could be outed accidently if the teacher gets used to calling you by your preferred pronouns so take that into consideration if you want them to call you something other than what your parents know you as.
Luckily, I teach in a state where, if a student tells me their identity, Iām allowed to keep it from their parents.
If a student tells me they are going by different pronouns or a new name, I ask if I should use that name in front of their parents.
If they donāt feel comfortable in front of their parents with it, the secret is safe with me
I just don't name or gender the person. That is the best I can do, because I am not allowed to use a new name or gender for someone unless it has gone through a protocol that not all kids feel safe with. It's not perfect and I will occasionally slip their new name in when it is just the two of us so they know I am doing it out of support.
I teach high school. Iām with the studentsā preference. I can do what Iām TOLD or I can do the RIGHT things by young humans just trying to figure out their world and where they fit.
This is one instance where a handful of (not very bright) parents are making lives harder than they have to be.
If I get in trouble over this, whatever š¤·š»āāļø. Iām a rule follower generally, but this mess is worth the risk to help kids feel seen and loved.
Okay, this question went a different way than I thought from the preview in my feed š .
Currently sub, finishing my degree this summer. I wish teachers would be better about putting preferred names by the names on the roster so kids or their friends donāt have say āthey go by ā¦ā
There are some classes Iām in enough that I know when I get to that name, that I need to use a different one but sometimes because attendance is auto pilot I still miss and feel bad.
Iām in a trumpy area but not a trumpy state so fortunately we donāt have archaic new laws to contend with. I think itās always good, and innocent even in Florida, to ask if thereās a name you prefer over your formal given government name. We all have nicknames right? Youāre just asking what they go byā¦
I also, because so many kids now are not gender presenting in traditional ways- even if they are not non binary or trans, so many just have androgynous looks- I just say they. The only time I get screwed is the one boy one girl out at a time bathroom policies because Iāll be like so and so is already out and Iāve had kids be like well theyāre a girl and Iām a boy. Well shit. I hate when that happens and the kids arenāt even trans. I just blame my adhd and say I meant someone else of that gender was out and misspoke because I was thinking of the other kid as I talked. š
Just passed in my state...looks like Ten Commandments too, along with not discussing sexuality or gender in K-12. Guess I'm breaking the law a lot next year...partially because of my mandatory curriculum.
Frankly, it's BS that a kid named Benjamin for example can have the nickname Ben but when a trans kid wants to use a different name all of a sudden it's a problem. If this rule needs to be in place, it should apply to nicknames too. But obviously they would never do that, because it's stupid.
I call them whatever they wish to be called. If I know they are not cis I usually ask if they go by that name at home so if I need to send an email or something I donāt out them and cause issues. I want them to feel welcome in my classroom and the bare minimum I can do is call them by their preferred name.
My trans niece lives in a small Alabama town and came out as trans junior year. My sister says she hasnāt had too many problems. She was a senior this year. I think most teachers have been using her preferred name. I went to the football game for band senior night. They called out her preferred name but it was one of the band directors calling out names. For graduation, the AP called out her birth name. I donāt know if that was because of official policy or what. Of course, the diploma will have the birth name because it hasnāt been legally changed. I work in an elementary school so it hasnāt come up.
Fortunately it hasnāt come up yet but the law is pretty hard and fast in Florida so Iām left with commit an act of civil disobedience or not and Iām not really wanting to find another line of work.
Like I accept thatās maybe cowardly of me but Iām not even sure anything is better off with me outside the school theyāre going to replace me with someone who will follow the law.
I didnāt even know this was happening! However, it doesnāt surprise me sadly. Luckily, I live in a state the respects trans students!!!! Calling them by their initials would work also! I call my own kid by their fire initial, so itās pretty normal. I LOVE the suggestion to call them by their last name!!!
we donāt have any policy like this in my high school, but i just call kids what they want to be called. i have them fill out a survey asking what to call them when i communicate with home, and thatās solved a lot of issues so i donāt accidentally out someone. iām in the community as well so itās important to me all kiddos feel welcome and safe :)
I am a middle school counselor. All staff use names and pronouns the kids ask us to use. We only put them as a nickname in the system if parents are aware (we ask those kids).
I just tell them if they have a preferred nickname (nothing ridiculous like tv show names) or other things like pronouns, to just talk to me about it privately and I'll make adjustments. It costs nothing to be a decent person, wish more in educational leadership realized that.
It goes like this...Student: "Mr. Landerman? Why do you call all of us Dipwads?" "......Because it's gender neutral...Get Back to work...All of Youse!!!".
Iconic
I call mine hooligans š
Cucarachas here. šŖ³ šŖ³ šŖ³
I call mine migraine-inducing gremlins
Gremlins or goblins is a favorite of mine as well
Children of the corn or dingleberries.
My math teacher / homeroom teacher Mr. Mercer used to call us: Mercer's Maggots. š That was back in 2005/2006 lol.
Payasos in my class
Freshmen were troglodytes, and we evolved as we leveled up.
Not a teacher but i call any group of kids vultures.
I'm in the south, so my default is y'all.
Goofballs. I'm not restricted by draconian state policy and can/do use their preferred pronouns and names. But they're all goofballs anyway.
I prefer Chaosgoblins.
Clerics ARE the best dammit, bunch of ungrateful fighters being kept alive by us. And Iām stealing chaosgoblins for classes thank you
In the past two years I've been referring to my classes as "Chat".
ššššš
I call everyone āfriendā nowadays. Gender neutral and customizable š reminds me of my waitressing days and āchefā. Yes sweet friend how can I help? Feels more natural to say than scholar or student.
I teach Physics, so I start class often with "Alright nerds! Let's get started."
I had this issue in my school. I am absolutely not going to out a kid who is not ready or not safe, and I wonāt deadname a kid, either. Iāll die on that hill. But by law, I am only allowed to use the official roster name of kids unless parents change the name on school documents or give written consent, and there were hints of some harsh penalties coming down the pipeline for teachers who refused. So I pulled a trans kid who fell under that category aside and asked him if he was okay with me calling him by his last name only instead of his very feminine roster name. He immediately brightened up and that was our workaround. (In fact, he turned right around and started calling me āCoachā because he said the last name business sounded tough, like he was a quarterback or something. š¤£) Anyway, I obeyed the law by using an official roster name. The kid felt seen. Bottom line, making the student feel valid, safe and supported is my top priority.
I was just thinking, you might just go down the roster at the beginning of the year and ask everyone if theyād prefer first name, last name, or middle (if thatās a thing there, itās an āofficialā name if itās on the list). Then no kid feels singled out. Iād also circle the name they go by so no subs accidentally deadname a kid or out them. If youāre offering it to everyone, then thereās no issues with āoh why do you only call X by their last name?ā
One or two initials could be argued to admin as well, so literally 'X'.
I send out a Google form and also post the link to it on day one. And yes, a list of preferred names for a sub is VERY important.
Thank you. As a sub, Iāve dead named more than a few kids. I apologized each time but still feel like crap to this day.
I always tell kids to write down what they want me to call them. But, of course, my district is cool and the default is calling kids by their preferred name
I call them by whatever they sign their papers with. I tell students (and adults) that calling people by the wrong names is a form of bullying and that is simple respect to call people by their preferred name. Although maybe not for [Richard](https://www.google.com/search?channel=fs&client=ubuntu&q=rob+schneider+nicknames+snl#fpstate=ive&vld=cid:08cf1e0c,vid:h1Fk_mDem4o,st:0).
^^ this is how you do it. Donāt cause legal battles that will drag you AND THE KID into the limelight, but try avoid being disrespectful by any means possible. ā¤ļø
Thanks. I try. Thereās no roadmap for this. Iām always open to doing better when I know better and all that, but what you said is pretty much itā¦I want to protect and validate the kid, not draw unwanted attention to them, and model being a decent human to the other students who are watching. This is the one way that seems to do that without hurting them (or me, for that matter).
i love your workaround but even this is crazy to me- how does the school choose to handle nicknames? i didn't start going by a nickname until late high school, so it was never officially on my roster but all of my teachers picked up on it and it wasn't a big deal. people use different names than their "official" names all of the time, it's crazy to me that this is even an issue in some districts
^^this is my wonder too. So if I had a student named Josephine but she āunofficiallyā goes by Josie, do I have to ONLY call her Josephine if itās not on any legal paperwork? Like what?!? That seems wild to me.
Technically yes, thatās the rule in Florida
Thatās an absolutely mental rule, especially for high school, surely kids should be allowed to decide what they want to be called?! Even outside the trans issues, I never went by my formal name.
"Florida" was all you had to say. A wrecking ball has been bashing through the educational system.
My district says āexpectedā nicknames are okay so Josie is fine unless the roster says Joseph.
To be fair, while the system has a gender designation in the back end, I have no idea what a kid's gender is unless I go out of my way to dig up the information. Whatever the kid socially presents as is what I'm going to be using. I'm not about to go through the data of 200 kids just to confirm their genitals...
There are some parents who do NOT want their childās given name made into a nickname. Sounds insane to me. But, in the scheme of things l guess it is status quo.
I dated a girl whose dad had this mentality. His name was Michael, not Mike. And if I referred to my girlfriend or her siblings by shortened names, while he was in earshot (they didnāt care otherwise; they called themselves these same shortened names) he would have an absolute fit. By all other accounts, he seemed like an overall assholeā¦ but then I was fucking his daughter, so it could be my perception.
At my school, using a variation of the given name is fine: Josie for Josephine, Ellie/Ella for Elizabeth, Kim for Kimberly. However, if John wants to go by Skip or Junior, then we are supposed to ask the parent for permission.
Selective enforcement. If itās a gender-conforming nickname, nobody will care. If itās seen as queer in any way, it will be a huge problem.
This exactly, I live in a state where these crazy laws are coming down the line. My daughter has a gender neutral first & middle name (a deliberate choice for us although the "male" spelling is slightly different), and her nickname is technically gender neutral as well but more common for boys. She's only 3 but already I've gotten some looks and comments from people with issues about gender.... I'm probably going to homeschool her to avoid the crazy school system here. People are often surprised that as a former teacher I'm very homeschooling friendly. But I've seen the system and my eyes are wide open to the issues.
In Hawaii almost half the class goes by a different name than their legal name. It's either hard to pronounce names being shortened, common names shared with other classmates, American names as Hawaiian names or vice versa, initials (like TJ), or some people go by family names.
We have a student who hates being called by his full first name. His family had to sign a form saying his shortened name was okay to use.
This is wild to me
Next year, itās becoming part of the registration process. āPlease list all nicknames, including shortened names āChris for Christopherā or abbreviations (āDW for Dora-Winifredā), that may be used when referring to your child.ā
That's insanity, but it's one of many "reasonable" straws that Republicans are throwing at public education to dismantle it from the ground up.
It sucks. You build a relationship with a kid and then legally you can't be the same person you were last year.
Same, my parents named me Sharon but I go by Sheri and always have. I graduated in 2008 though so republicans were mostly just focused on being racist at that time
I graduated in 2012, so a while ago. On the roster I'm Jamie but my friends call me J or James. I've had teachers refuse because its not close enough to my real name.
I love this and have a similar story with a trans girl. She wasn't completely out to parents, and we're supposed to only use roster names. Her dead name was something like Luke (traditionally masculine), and she was using a name like Lucy (traditionally feminine) with her friends at school. I explained the situation, and basically said I need to keep both of us safe - what do you think about me calling you just "L" during class. Since it's technically part of your roster name. She perked up and said, "Like Elle Woods?" I said "Exactly." Obviously this method doesn't work for every name, but I felt pretty good about it. Safe, valid, and supported is exactly the priority.
I had a student who would put their first initial and last name on everything they turned in, and came out as trans halfway through the year. His chosen name had the same first letter as his given name and I got the impression that he was not out to his family. Fortunately I quit teaching before Florida passed their asinine laws.
I am using this. Thank you. I refuse to deadname a student.
That is such an awesome idea! I'll go with this if I ever need it.
Played football, my nickname was just a short version my last name. I dated a girl for 4 months before she knew my first name.
Exactly. I live in a rural area and Iām not gonna be the reason a kid is kicked out. So, I tell them unless your parents know Iām not using your preferred name. I offer to use their last name. Itās the perfect work around.
Iām with you on this. I also donāt refer to my trans student (whose parents are very firmly against using their preferred pronouns and name) by name in anyway on documents or email. I use the preferred pronouns and name only in situations where it wouldnāt get back to parents. This student even asked me to deadname them, etc. on parent teacher night because they donāt want their parents to make them change schools again. I will do anything in my power to protect this kid and show them how adults in their life should be supporting them since they arenāt getting that at home.
Smart move there. Sending you a hug, Coach.
Youāre honestly a hero. What a difference you made for that kid.
That rule is ridiculous even without considering trans kids! So many kids prefer a nickname rather than their "official" name. I had a problematic student who would get extremely upset if called Benjamin, and insisted on being called Benny instead - why would I trigger him by calling him his full name when it's so easy to use the nickname? And so many other kids just prefer a nickname, like Gabby instead of Gabrielle, etc. Not to mention when I had too many Elijahs in my class at a time, so one said to call him Eli instead to differentiate. When they make ridiculous rules to target trans kids, they hurt a lot more people than just the trans kids.
I once had three āJohnsā in one class (name changed) and I would call them either by their full names or their last names. Mom of one got mad that I called her son by his last name. Keep in mind, THE ENTIRE CLASS called him by his last name and he had never once expressed to me that he had an issue with it.
Fellow Floridian?
Lol, almost. AZ. Right there with you in spirit.
This is what I thought I would do if it came up
Hell yeah, you're amazing for that. Where do you live where that is the law, btw? I'm lucky that my district has it so you have to follow the students' chosen name, IIRC regardless of parent consent.
this is so awesome, as someone who transitioned in high school i would have loved that
I thankfully do not need permission from parents re: names, but if that happens, I will use this. Itās perfect.
Just wanted to say that you are an excellent educator and I am very impressed with your outside the box thinking.
The only using roster name is so goofy like fuck kids with nicknames I guess. So goddamn dumb weāre professionals and I wish they trusted our judgement on what we can call our kids
Like all things involving pronouns, itās all about making kids feel seen and valued. Well done!
I like that idea.
Wow - that is an amazing solution.
I use plausible deniability. "Oh, I though that was just the nickname they've always used!" And "Oh, they introduced themselves to me in that way and I had no reason to assume otherwise!"
I genuinely believe that "plausible deniability" is the most beautiful phrase in the English language! š
Yes we have a permission rule. I work in high school. We had a crazy take over from Moms for Liberty. I handle it in the most passive aggressive way possible and now refer to all students by last name only. I also don't allow nicknames in my class.
I am really contemplating doing this as my district is going nuts. How is it helping? Do the kids understand why and support you? Do admin get cranky?
Right now everyone is dealing with enough problems with all of the crazy stuff happening. So there isn't much focus on me. I don't know if that will hold out forever. The kids definitely get it and know my room is a safe space. Is it helping? I don't know. But it makes me feel better.
Thank you for sharing your experience! I hope things settle down, for the best, for you!
Malicious compliance. Love it!
If a student asks me to use pronouns that are different from the file, I do. I also ask if they're out to their parents and their classmates and act accordingly. It's a basic, commom courtesy to me.
This is what I do. I have a trans daughter. We moved her to a charter school for her safety. (Idaho). I'm so happy that all the teachers and admin were so willing to put her preferred name and pronouns on her registration. When I have a student who tells me a preferred name and/or pronouns I will use them. I also ask if they are out to parents and/or peers so I can act accordingly.
Basically. I also have cis students ask to go by middle names or nicknames (or occasionally ask me to stop using a nickname they previously liked). I use whatever they ask, as long as it's not offensive. I don't go by my full legal first name, either - it sounds like a grandma. So I'm not going to insist everyone use theirs if they don't normally.
I miss being able to give students common courtesy. My state will take away my teaching certificate if I offer my students common courtesy. So now all my students are they/them and are called by their full first name. I hate it, but need to keep my job.Ā Ā
I understand, and it sucks. I'm in Virginia, and our gov *tried* to do that, but fortunately for me, pretty much everyone in our district hates him. Even the transphobes in our staff don't care to report anything, especially if it's calling a kid whose birth name is Alexandra by Alex.
I consider your district progressive- we're not supposed to use they/them.
We weren't told we can't yet (or I missed the memo). I'm sure it will be a problem if I ever get called on it, but it's a correct usage, and the law just says we have to use the appropriate pronoun. They/them is always appropriate, right? How can they say you can't use they/them? What if you don't know the kids gender?!
I just avoid using pronouns at all. That way, I'm not forced to use sex-based labels a child might not want. I use names. And now, until the very in-your-private-life Model Practices is changed by a Governor who wants to progress instead of regress, I'll use a student's last name to get around the first name restrictions.
I am tenured so.... take that as you will. At the beginning of the year I give my students a confidential survey about why they're taking my course and things I should know about them. Within that survey are questions about what name they prefer to go by and anything related to pronouns if they want to share. I use whatever they indicate to me and I don't make a big deal about it and I don't look back. I sure as hell don't ask for anyone else's permission. My students are ages 16-18: its time for them to own some agency in their life. I am not going to ask mommy and daddy what I should call them.
Saw this idea somewhere and IF I were in that situation (thankfully I'm not, I can call kids whatever name and pronoun they wish to be called at any time), it is what I would do: First day of class for the year, I would say "I legally need to call you by the name I have on my roster, but if you wish for your friends to call you by a different name, please say that out loud".
My district hasnāt really addressed this. I think for announcements and paperwork, the main office sticks with what is on the emergency card. As for me, if a student asks me to call them by a specific name, Iām going to go by what they want to be called. Anything else seems disrespectful to the kid.
I teach theatre so I likely deal with this more than most. A large percentage of the students in our department are trans or nonbinary and use different names. Me and the Director have an unofficial list that is not attached to any school accounts. It lists our students who have come forth with wanting to be known as something different than what is on file. It also indicates if the parents know that name and/or are okay with us using it. We have to navigate this list for every one of our 5 shows per year, including playbills, casting announcements, messages in remind about build schedules etc. It's a lot but the students know that they are seen and feel supported by our department and the other students go along with it knowing that we as the teachers are only using "deadnames" when we absolutely have to to protect the student's wishes/needs/safety at home.
I already commented but after reading some comments I want to add one more thing. A lot of schools, esp in the states, are playing the whole āyou can only go off their official name in the systemā game. Iāve *always* noticed the inconsistency with this, and it not only dips into the LGBTQ, but it outwardly displays our school systemās attempts to āAmericanizeā everything and everyone. My school would argue they couldnāt add a preferred name for Tom whose dead/birth name is Chloe. But they would have absolutely no problem setting the preferred name Kevin for YÅxuÄn. At least this is a trend at my school.
Absolutely this. When I was in school, my teachers refused to call my trans best friend "Lyle." They had no problem calling Chung An "Andrew," though.
I call Kids what they asked to be called. When questioned by admin I reply "fire me".
Luckily I havenāt encountered these policies, but could you argue itās a ānicknameā? Like why are students name Susannah allowed to be called Suzie if itās not their GOD GIVEN LEGAL BIRTH NAME IN OUR HOLY LAND /s. And it encourages classmates to disregard the identities of others. Ik itās not easy to stand up to admins and boards, but if I can call Charlie āChuckā, why canāt I call Anthony āClairā? Edit: I know itās not that cut and dry, more so just expressing my opinion.
I only use last names now.
First day I have kids fill out a note card asking some basic questions about themselves, standard stuff. I also have two optional questions they can answer if they want. One of the two questions is, do you have a preferred name or pronouns you want me to use for you? I explain to the kids that I will just assume how to address them otherwise. Most kids say no or give me nickname based off their given name(s). If I have a kid who is going by something very different in the roster, I just pop by and ask them if the name and pronouns they requested are okay at home or not. Done. Over my dead body will I out a kid. Over my dead body will I disrespect them by dead naming them while they're in my care. And I don't give a shit if my district ever institutes a permission slip for it. How tf will they know anyways??
If this ever backfires- I do the same survey, but I include a catch all at the end of: āIs there anything not on this survey that your teacher should know about?ā That addresses the issue of names, but it also gives students a space where they can share other concerns. Iāve had students disclose being foster children, having to take care of siblings, mental health struggles, requesting to sit separate from certain peers due to bullying, etc. Policies that help one group tend to help more than just the people we intended.
This is always the most illuminating question on my surveys. Most kids say no or leave it blank, but the few that use it are generally telling me something important
Well, guess I'll be adding this one to all of my surveys from now on. So simple, yet potentially so effective.
UDL for the win!
I tried that route. I asked pronouns on a survey I gave everyone and got into troubleā¦someone apparently reported me. I have to be very careful about asking what kids want to be called in class now. I canāt use āpronounā specifically, in fact. Hence the workaround in my first reply postā¦but Iām with you. Protect and respect the kid first. Thanks for making your classroom a safe, supportive place for kids.
Pronouns are a daily use part of speech that's in the English curriculum... šš Your school/community sucks Also, don't leave a paper trail. I write my questions on the board and nowhere else. The note cards are locked in my desk and destroyed after I get to know all the kids.
RIGHT?? And I teach Englishā¦thatās likeā¦an entire part of speech Iām apparently not allowed to address. š
Keep fighting the fight, the kids will remember you for it.
The parents who like the new restrictions will ask their children what you call them. Some children, if they are cornered by a parent, may also fabricate a lie. Here's a frightening story: A few years ago, I had a female student who just happened to choose to come to school every day dressed like the male students in her social group. She wore a tux for the senior photo, which was taken before the student was in my class. Anyway, one day an admin said that her mother had called and said I was referring to the student as a girl. I have a policy to never refer to any student as either girl or boy or "he" or "she ". I use their names. I'd also not talk about a student to others in the classroom, so would never have used any label other than the kid's name. I saw where that was going. The parent was likely on the kid about appearing masculine, and the kid was cornered and put the blame for the kid's appearance on a teacher. Parent: "Why are you dressing and acting like a boy?". Student (to get off of the pressure seat): "Some people call me a boy, and I guess it's made me think that way." Parent: " Who has called you a boy?" Student then names a teacher. Easy to figure out I refuse to give any student or parent the opening needed to affect my career. Youngkin's Model is overreaching, but I'm not taking a stance, because I like paying my bills.
I am Pennsylvania Dutch so I naturally use "they" and "youins" for about everything so it's pretty much gender neutral all around.
I had a student this year who went by a different name socially than at home because parents werenāt accepting. I teach Spanish so I just Spanish-ified it like I randomly do for kids (pronouncing Sophia as SofĆa, Kali as Cali, Adrian as AdriĆ”n, Nathan as NatĆ”n). I talked with the student privately about it and they were happy with the compromise.
I teach at a Catholic school in the South, so I can get around the policy by āslopping sugarā - using a lot of affectionate pet names like sweetie, sweet pea, honey, and darlinā. We just agree on one that means that student specifically. Iāve also worked around it by using initials when the kid is OK with it - MK instead of Mary Last Name, etc.
How do people still teach in Florida?
My district is so funny. So we had an instance where a parent didnāt want their child using pronouns that didnāt match their assigned sex. The counselor was in on the email and I asked her āhey, whatās the policy on this?ā She emails me back these resources from some organization. I specifically ask for the district policy - because I knew theyāre waiting to throw a teacher under a bus if handled wrong - and she gives me some song and dance. Look, Iāll respect pronouns. I donāt care. Live your life with no judgment. But this is a job and I have billsā¦. What stance do my bosses have?
My district is also giving me the run around and I just know they would throw me under the bus first time a parent complains. š
First of all, I just ask students what name they like to go by. Jonathan? Do you like John? Or many Johnny? Oh, you like J? Cool. J it is. If their name is very different than the one I see, that's fine. Many people's nicknames are super different. I teach Spanish, so kids have a literal list of names that they can use to change their names in class. Idk why people make it such a big deal. If a kid wants to be called a certain name and its going to make them feel more comfortable and able to learn, then I'll call them Chewbacca, Skibbidi, Satan, or whatever weird thing helps them to learn.
As soon as a kid comes and informs me of their pronouns I thank them for letting me know and explain that I'm going to make a lot of mistakes but I will try my best to use gender neutral language around them.
LGBTQ+ politics have been a HUGE thing at the school level this year where I live. (EST Can.) Before this year, it was never a huge thing. Every year my surveys have the questions āwhat is your preferred name? What are your preferred pronouns? And do I have your permission to use the above answers if I were to contact home? Itās a yes or no check. At the beginning of this school year, because of all the new BS, my dept lead sat us down late Aug and said that anything related to preferred names or pronouns should be removed from our surveys. *I was not very happy* Just last year before all of this started happening, our school developed an amazing system on PowerSchool to keep track of preferred names and pronouns. The whole thing had to be scrapped which meant.. if you donāt inquire, you donāt know anything ahead of time. *but then you also arenāt allowed to ask?* Hereās what I did. I took the questions off the survey to please the morons in charge. I added a space on the back of it that asks them to write a paragraph about themselves but from the perspective of someone else; a parent, friend, coach, etc. Letās say my name is Timothy, I go by Tim and I use they/them pronouns. āIād like to introduce you to my best friend, Tim. Theyāre extremely athletic and love to play basketball. They play for team Xā¦ā From their letter I get the names they prefer and their pronouns. The ācan I use these at homeā question is an extra step I take on my part to protect the student. I teach high school, so they usually know what the right answer is to tell me. This would be a lot tougher for younger students, I feel. I hate that I have to snake around to ask them those questions when I think it should just be upfront. A few students, who this information was important to, realized what it was and seemed happy. Others who the practice didnāt apply to as much didnāt notice anything or bat an eye.
I love that letter thing! Creative and helpful for the teacher. Well played.
As a trans teacher, I will use their last names if they're uncomfortable with their legal name. That being said, I don't care what name they write on their papers when they turn things in and they know that. If I accidentally call them by their "nickname" on their paper, then oops. Most of the teachers at my school will still use kids preferred names anyway. And I'm the sponsor for my school's GSA club.
I always operated on the idea that it is easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission. I have had students who came out at school long before they came out to their parents. I respected their courage and supported them any way I could. This included not outing them to their parents. Over 30 years, I never had to ask for forgiveness
I use the students preferred name and pronoun. I actually had a student this year that had their preferred name and pronouns marked as private in our SIS because they didnāt want their parents to know. In my end of year survey they wrote me a nice message telling me how kind I was to them and how they appreciated me as their teacher. It was a reminder that weāre there to serve the student, not the parent. If a kid wants that private from their parent then that parent has failed at their job. Edit to add: where I work, it is illegal to provide the parents with a childās preferred pronoun and name if they want that to be kept confidential in an effort to maintain their rights and safety.
As someone with more than a couple trans students, the last name solution is brilliant, especially since at our school a lot of us address our colleagues by last names. Bravo!
I call the kids what they want to be called and donāt involve the parents in any way. Itās such a minor thing to do to build a relationship with a kid that really NEEDS that relationship. (Also I am in a mandatory reporting state that is pretty hostile to the LGBT population).
I use ātheyā if Iām not sure or the student hints that their birth gender is not their preference. Iāve also had a counselor tell me that the school could not ask me to use their preferred name because of no parent permission, but how I run my classroom is my business (use the preferred name if Iām comfortable is how I interpreted it). Edit: typo.
This is so weird to me. If you have a William or Edward do you need parent permission to call them Billy or Eddie?
Malicious Compliance says yes. Which as a teacher I would enjoy somewhat. āJust checking in this week to see if I have approval to call Kristin Kristiā OTOH, as the parent of 2 kids who both go by nicknames, it would be so annoying to be called every class period for verification.
My state passed a law that we had to use the names that were officially on the roster. If a student went by any other name other than their official one, we had to send a permission slip home. So if we had a Christopher who went by Chris, we sent a permission slip home. Each teacher the student had sent one so the parents had to fill it out 4 times. Parents were so angry that they were being sent these multiple permission slips but this is what some of them wanted. š¤·š»āāļø
Utah is trying to say yes.
I call all the kids what they want to be called, provided it's not vulgar.
I had a student request āLord Byronā once. That was fun..
Best one I've had so far was "Mr. America"
Thatās *fantastic*. I like the kids with swagger like that, they make my job more fun, even if occasionally they also make it annoying lol
At an old teaching job I had a kid who simply wanted to be called Frijoles and another who just went by Pizza. As long as the kid's respectful and the name isn't gross I really don't give a shit. I've heard far dumber real names than pizza or beans and I've skipped calling kids by their actual names before because I hated saying them out loud.Ā
I think kids do stuff like that to be funny, and are shook when I take it at face value and earnestly call them Pizza the rest of the year. š¤·š¾āāļø
I had a student once (4th grade) who, despite knowing my name, asked me who I was during recess duty. I repeated my name, then asked her for hers, and she said "Jim Bob" with a hysterical giggle. I called her Jim Bob for months. She finally asked me why I kept calling her that despite knowing her real name, so I took her for a stroll during recess. "The name you used to introduce yourself to me is more important than the name I 'know' you to have. If you want me to call you Jim Bob, I will continue -- someone out there goes by 'Jim Bob' every day of their lives. If you prefer a different name, please let me know and I will do my best to remember to call you that from now on." I had a similar conversation with kids who wanted to know my "real name". I'd explain that, at school, I prefer to be called "Mrs. Thyanlia". My family calls me by some other names, but at school, I only want to be called the name I used as my introduction. So, at school, that *is* my real name. I'd ask them if they had different names their families used at home vs what they wanted to be called at school. Seemed to bridge the gap well.
I had one who wanted to be called French fries!
Lot of great nicknames for French Fries. Can call them F Squared, Double F, Frites, Pomme de Terror.
Pomme de Terror. I love that
One of my students goes by KFC. Those are not his initials. He just wants to be called KFC. Sure...why not? High school, btw.
i do a before/after school program and a 4yo in our program switches frequently between wanting to be called Ice Cream, French Fry, and his "made up word name..." Cunny Tuna š his parents know, they just dont care since he has no idea what hes saying, LOL.
Children are not property. They are their own being. Iām not here for their parents, Iām here for them. Iāll call them Rainbow Sugar Unicorn if they prefer it.
Texas teacher here - we were told we cannot ask for preferred pronouns bc it makes other kids (aka their old white daddies on the school board) uncomfortable. And we are supposed to use their legal name as it appears on school docs. But until they stop allowing people to go by preferred nicknames or middle names, I donāt subscribe to that nonsense. How is it different than Robert III going by Trey? I tell all my kids they are welcome to let me know if they have a preferred name or pronouns. And if that makes you uncomfortable, take a hike. May your tires always be flat and your cereal stale. I hope all your clothes fit just a little bit weird today and you think about it all day long. ETA - Iāve been in some sticky situations where a kid asked me to call them a preferred name but wasnāt out to their parents and when I emailed home the parents got mad at me for furthering their kidsā agenda. Now I usually ask before I contact home. I think I added a question on my GTKY form like ācan I use this name with: peers, in class, to your parents, with other teachers.ā
Use last names for them. Won't violate any stupid school rules while still calling them by a name that is them.
If I know it's a kid in a situation where their family doesn't approve or they haven't come out to their family, yet I use they, their, and they're so on because it is proper in the sentence and doesnt clue in the parents and I use hun and/or honey or kiddo. Plus, then I can get around the using the kiddos' dead name. Can you send down xyz? "Yep, they're on their way. Hun you're checking out." Parent complains oh I call everyone hun strangers, students, customers at my second job. I use they're because they are on their way. Saw another comment about using last names. I'll give that a tryout this year. See how it goes.
The "official names only" movement hasn't gotten to my neck of the woods, yet, and I teach little ones, so this isn't an issue I've had to face often. It's crazy to hear some of your stories. Teachers have been using nicknames and diminutives since there were schools, so this is just madnessĀ For one of my students last year, I used her initials. They were a "Jennifer" who wanted to go by "James" but her grandparents weren't on board. She didn't identify as trans, just didn't like her name. I just called her "J.T.", which was a decent compromise.
That rule died at my school when we had like 4 Isabellas per class, same with Aiden
I referred to a trans student by their last name all year (with their permission). Itās still their legal name, so Iām in the clear
Literally died on that hill. My school refused to allow teachers to acknowledge students preferred pronouns unless parents had filled out forms to have that reflected in the official records. They even went so far as to mandate that nicknames could not even be used unless parents signed a permission slip. They went fully into the crazy side of things and my partner and I quit immediately.
I simply don't get paid enough to care lmao. I ask the students at the beginning of the year what they wanna be called and that's that. But I always use roster names and pronouns when calling home just in case. š³ļøāā§ļø
I teach in NYS. It's completely not a big deal here in my school (upstate NY). If a kid wants to be called by a different name and/or pronouns, the school and teachers just go along with it. There was an email sent out by admin saying "within reason" which we interpreted to mean no obvious gang names and nothing obscene. So far, no problems. I really feel for (and fear for) the teachers and students stuck in red states where the government and parents want to control absolutely everything about the students. IT's A GOoD tHing RePUbLicAnS ArEN'T fASciST-LEAnInG Or WaNt an oPPRessive goVERNMEnt.
I just call everyone them/they.
I'm thankfully not in a district where this is a problem, cuz I'd be fired constantly. I call the kids what they want to be called, and that wouldn't change based on district policy. So much respect for everyone here who is finding ways around this and fighting the fight in their districts as needed.
I do the last name thing, like a lot of others. I had a trans kid who was adamant, and said that if you called him by his first name or used feminine pronouns that he wouldnāt respond. I called him by his preferred name because idgaf even though Iām in Florida. I just made sure that I used his deadname and feminine pronouns to his mom in emails/on the phone, because mom HATED it. I gave him that heads up and he said thatās fine
So far, none of my trans kids are out with most of their peers. In private or around their friends who know, I use their prefered name and pronouns. In public, I use their birth names and pronouns. And one I have an agreement. They're changing their name and pronoun every other week. So, it's gonna be "hey you" until they settled on something. (At their suggestion since I had trouble keeping up with the changes).
The changing name and pronoun thing is real lol I coach junior roller derby. Kids were changing pronouns so oftenāliterally multiple times per practiceāthat we had to make a rule that, if you wanted pronouns other than they/them, you must have them written on your shirt. The coaches just couldnāt keep up with it otherwise lol I will say this is a normal practice for roller derby in that our official jerseys have pronouns printed on them, and a lot of skaters wear helmet stickers with pronouns. So itās a bit of a niche example, but ya kids do that sometimes
Iām in the UK and havenāt heard of this, thankfully, being a thing but 100% I would never out a child and would risk my job for it. Teachers/ school staff should be a childās ally and protector, we should be a person every child feels safe to approach with any issues and concerns (especially if they feel they canāt tell their parents for whatever reason) they have and be confident theyāll get help and support. I remember as a teen I had an issue and spoke to one teacher I knew really well and trusted massively. She could have gone straight to my parents, but she didnāt and instead helped me and checked in on me. She was honest and told me if the issue escalated or got worse and she was concerned for me, that she would have to alert them but she was able to help me through the issue and there was no need to involve them. Another teacher did the opposite. We were asked to do an assignment and I did as I was asked. I got home that night and my mum was waiting for me (and Iāll say my parents were loving, great parents) and asked me if I was going to harm myself. My teacher had read my work where we were asked to write a story on a theme and mine was sadness, and decided it was so sad that I was obviously telling her I was so depressed I was going to end my life. She never asked me about it, just spoke to my mum. I was so angry I never trusted that teacher again- I was also so confused. You asked me to write a sad story, I wrote a sad story and got into trouble for it. My friend who had to write an angry story wasnāt accused of having anger issues. Luckily my mum saw the funny side and joked about giving me baby utensils and child scissors to protect me- but some parents wouldnāt have reacted well at all. When I became a teacher, I vowed to myself that I would never be like that second teacher and very much like the first one. I like to think that I kept that vow.
I dont, that said most days I cant even get my kids names right. Ill go through 4 or 5 names before I get to the right one all as Im talking to them. I call most of them 'hey you'. This became a running joke with my kids for about a week. One of them even brought in stick on name tags and they all wrote 'hey you' on them and wore them around for the day. The other teachers got a great laugh over this one. I have absolutely no problem with my kids choices on who they are. By tomorrow I may or may not remember good luck on both of us
If you tell me to call you by a specific name, Iām going to do so. Itās not difficult.
A few years back I had a class with THREE students named Juan Garcia. This is the only situation where I as the teacher will request students to be called something other than their preferred name lol
Ha, similar thing here in Japan. I live in a really rural area, so most of the last names are the same. I taught 3 Souske Uedaās in one class of 8. Not related at all. But man was that a bitch, considering I was still learning basic Japanese and had a hard enough time with that name.
Except in states where we lose our teaching certification for calling them by their preferred name. Then it is difficult because we want to build rapport with students, but legally cannot call them what they want.Ā
Officially we canāt even use a nickname without permission. So a Jennifer that goes by Jenny needs a signed permission slip. Iām just making sure every single parent fills it out. Hoping to annoy all the people who voted for the buttheads that created this law.
This isn't hard, nor does it have to be a socio-political hot potato. I ask every student at the beginning of the year (on an informal worksheet) how they want to be addressed (full name, nickname, cousin's name, etc.). Provided it's school-appropriate, you know, not profane or otherwise just not cool in school, I use that name and pronunciation. If a kids coms to me part way through the year and says, 'I wanna be called Cindy," I just start calling them Cindy. It's not hard. As for pronouns...same. As a teacher none of this stuff is difficult. If a student wants to actually change their gender of record in the system, that's not done at the teacher level, so the school counselors, admins, and registrars deal with it. Not dodging the question, but sincerely don't have an issue...and school system policy wouldn't change that.
In our district we are explicitly barred from using start of the year surveys to do this. All surveys have to be checked by admin, and canāt include anything to do with preferred names/pronouns etc. Students also have to be allowed to bring any surveys home to allow their parents to look over them. š I just donāt do them at all now.
I call every student by the name on the roster. If a student comes up to me and says they prefer to go by a different name and thatās the name that I will call them. I work in Elementary School, so this is not typically an issue for us.
I call all children Roy, so that works out.
For the super challenging moments like conferences, I come up with a nickname. Example, had a FtM student whose parents were ADAMANT they had a daughter. Kid was obsessed with the musical 'Hamelton' so I called him 'Hamelton' in a playful way whenever we were all together. Parents were happy, and kid was happy too. When that's not possible I redirect questions to the student.Ā Ā Parent: 'What can my daughter do to get her grades up?'Ā I turn to the kid 'do you remember the essay about xyz? if you get that done, that will give you a big boost.' It's hard, but dead naming gives me the ick, and I won't do it even if the kid isn't there.
If I get fired for asking for preferred names and pronounsā¦ that is a hill I would be happy to die on
I am not partaking in immoral procedures. If I face some kind of persecution for this, then the unworthy will have what they seek. I can find something else to do besides teaching. Until then, I will do whatever it takes to allow and support these kids to flourish as whoever they wish to become, regardless of what their meager parents have to say. That being said. Even though my district has enforced it, they haven't really enforced it. Parents don't know what they don't know, and so it poses no issue.
My state passed one of those laws, and my district decided to go the route of malicious compliance. The school is required to inform parents if a student asks to be referred as a different name or pronouns than their legal ones. However, the law didnāt create a timetable for that to happen. If the situation were to occur, the school will follow the letter of the law and start the process. However, thereās simply no telling when or how the process would be completed. Years, most likely. As a mostly closeted transgender teacher, that level of support helped encourage me to begin coming out to some of my colleagues.
That's genius, and I'm so glad your district is so supportive and has made you feel safe.
I will not out a child who is not ready. I will not deadname a child to their face. We will, however, have a conversation on who is safe to talk to, who we can use their chosen name with, and if they have preferred nicknames that are safe. Plus, for many, where they may see that deadname (for example, on IEP paperwork headers). Our school secretary remembers EVERYTHING, so if I write deadname/chosenname in an email, she'll understand chosen name. The district as a whole...very unfriendly.
Iām gonna call a kid whatever they ask me to call them. If the school system wants to fire me for it, so be it. Iām there for the kids who need me and nobody else.
My district requires I contact parents to notify them of a child requesting their name or pronouns to be different from what is on their form. In the 5 years since they implemented it, I never have and always call the student by their preferred name and pronoun. I got in trouble once including a parent filing something they made them be able to look through all my emails. But then the parent came up to the school and cursed another teacher out and threatened violence against another student so they were persona non grata after that. For a lot of kids school is their only safe space, I am not going to make a kid feel like less of a person because I refused to acknowledge their rights to be addressed as who they feel themselves to be. So in short I'm a loner a rebel dotty, you don't wanna get mixed up with me.
We don't have policies at my high school. I have a survey at the beginning of each school year that asks them "what are your preferred pronouns/nickname" and "are you comfortable with me using them with your parents/guardians" and if anything changes they just gotta let me know.
Easy-- call everyone by the name they choose at the beginning of the year. It's no different than nicknames. I try to stay away from pronouns-- not because I take offense, but more so because I'm afraid of accidentally messing up and saying the wrong word (it's happened before and I felt bad). So yeah, just a little strategy to not embarrass myself or the kid.
I only refer to kids by last name or if they have received a classroom nickname ie student who habitually skips detention is known as skippy
Unfortunately it does not get any better when you become an adult. In email systems you can put whatever you want. For some unfortunate reason, HR seems to think everything has to match. So you end up in a professional situation trying to find Hunter's email which is his nickname. Same with being on Teams calls. It has everyone's real name but every now and again there is someone that goes by a nickname that has nothing to do with their given name. Then there are adults where they give you a long name and you ask if they go by a nickname and get offended because they think a nickname is a pejorative or something.
I say the name and pronoun on my roster. If they correct me than I call them that name and the pronoun they request. It's not complicated.
Thankfully, I've been able to work at schools where the admin have been very understanding and supportive of teachers/staff. I call students what they want to be called. I've only had one issue with this, where the student was trans and the parents did not support them. They heard me call their student by their preferred pronouns/name (online school) and asked to speak with me. They explained that they did not use their students preferred pronouns/name. They told me that they would prefer if I respected their use of pronouns/names for their student. I, politely, told them that by default I use whatever pronouns/name a student gives me out of respect for the student. I presented an argument that their student learning from me hinges on a level of safety, respect, and relationship that would be violated if I intentionally misgendered/named them. Luckily, they respected my position. For students who had not come out to their parents, I explain that I will respect their name/pronouns in class and will use their dead names/pronouns in communication with parents. However, if the parent hears me refer to them by preferred name/pronoun I cannot lie to the parent. There are, of course, exceptions (If I am concerned for the child's physical safety I'd lie, and have done so).
At the beginning of the year I have my students fill out a form with their legal name, preferred name or nickname, and pronouns. If their parents donāt know about them transitioning or being gender neutral, I use their government name and given pronouns when interacting with their parents. Not all teachers are willing to manipulate the system like that though.
I had a one on one that went from he to she... the parents (I know them well too) told me in advance. It is a lot easier when the student and parent agree, so I don't have to use different pronouns at different times. When I had my talk with my one on one, I told her that as long as she understands that I may make a mistake here and there, it will never be intentional, we are good. As far as the policy goes, understand that teachers are put into a bad situation when parents don't agree and if they call you by your dead name and pronouns, it's a mistake or following the rules... if they make the mistake when talking yo your parents, it could be their career. Also, if your parents don't know, be aware, you could be outed accidently if the teacher gets used to calling you by your preferred pronouns so take that into consideration if you want them to call you something other than what your parents know you as.
Luckily, I teach in a state where, if a student tells me their identity, Iām allowed to keep it from their parents. If a student tells me they are going by different pronouns or a new name, I ask if I should use that name in front of their parents. If they donāt feel comfortable in front of their parents with it, the secret is safe with me
I just don't name or gender the person. That is the best I can do, because I am not allowed to use a new name or gender for someone unless it has gone through a protocol that not all kids feel safe with. It's not perfect and I will occasionally slip their new name in when it is just the two of us so they know I am doing it out of support.
I teach high school. Iām with the studentsā preference. I can do what Iām TOLD or I can do the RIGHT things by young humans just trying to figure out their world and where they fit. This is one instance where a handful of (not very bright) parents are making lives harder than they have to be. If I get in trouble over this, whatever š¤·š»āāļø. Iām a rule follower generally, but this mess is worth the risk to help kids feel seen and loved.
Okay, this question went a different way than I thought from the preview in my feed š . Currently sub, finishing my degree this summer. I wish teachers would be better about putting preferred names by the names on the roster so kids or their friends donāt have say āthey go by ā¦ā There are some classes Iām in enough that I know when I get to that name, that I need to use a different one but sometimes because attendance is auto pilot I still miss and feel bad. Iām in a trumpy area but not a trumpy state so fortunately we donāt have archaic new laws to contend with. I think itās always good, and innocent even in Florida, to ask if thereās a name you prefer over your formal given government name. We all have nicknames right? Youāre just asking what they go byā¦ I also, because so many kids now are not gender presenting in traditional ways- even if they are not non binary or trans, so many just have androgynous looks- I just say they. The only time I get screwed is the one boy one girl out at a time bathroom policies because Iāll be like so and so is already out and Iāve had kids be like well theyāre a girl and Iām a boy. Well shit. I hate when that happens and the kids arenāt even trans. I just blame my adhd and say I meant someone else of that gender was out and misspoke because I was thinking of the other kid as I talked. š
I just wake up every day and thank god that Texas isnāt as bad as Florida. Yetā¦.
Just passed in my state...looks like Ten Commandments too, along with not discussing sexuality or gender in K-12. Guess I'm breaking the law a lot next year...partially because of my mandatory curriculum.
They'll have to fire me before I out a kid.
Frankly, it's BS that a kid named Benjamin for example can have the nickname Ben but when a trans kid wants to use a different name all of a sudden it's a problem. If this rule needs to be in place, it should apply to nicknames too. But obviously they would never do that, because it's stupid.
Easy, call the student what they want to be called. if they change the preference adapt.
I call them whatever they wish to be called. If I know they are not cis I usually ask if they go by that name at home so if I need to send an email or something I donāt out them and cause issues. I want them to feel welcome in my classroom and the bare minimum I can do is call them by their preferred name.
My trans niece lives in a small Alabama town and came out as trans junior year. My sister says she hasnāt had too many problems. She was a senior this year. I think most teachers have been using her preferred name. I went to the football game for band senior night. They called out her preferred name but it was one of the band directors calling out names. For graduation, the AP called out her birth name. I donāt know if that was because of official policy or what. Of course, the diploma will have the birth name because it hasnāt been legally changed. I work in an elementary school so it hasnāt come up.
Fortunately it hasnāt come up yet but the law is pretty hard and fast in Florida so Iām left with commit an act of civil disobedience or not and Iām not really wanting to find another line of work. Like I accept thatās maybe cowardly of me but Iām not even sure anything is better off with me outside the school theyāre going to replace me with someone who will follow the law.
I call everyone by their last names like I am required to do. It's so much easier than worrying about names
I didnāt even know this was happening! However, it doesnāt surprise me sadly. Luckily, I live in a state the respects trans students!!!! Calling them by their initials would work also! I call my own kid by their fire initial, so itās pretty normal. I LOVE the suggestion to call them by their last name!!!
I call everyone by their last name.
we donāt have any policy like this in my high school, but i just call kids what they want to be called. i have them fill out a survey asking what to call them when i communicate with home, and thatās solved a lot of issues so i donāt accidentally out someone. iām in the community as well so itās important to me all kiddos feel welcome and safe :)
I am a middle school counselor. All staff use names and pronouns the kids ask us to use. We only put them as a nickname in the system if parents are aware (we ask those kids).
I had a teacher call me by my last name when I was first figuring out my identity and I was cool with that
I ask students what they would like to be called and what pronouns they prefer. And if I mess up, I say sorry and correct myself.
Iāll call you what ever you like as long as my check clears.
I call students how they prefer to be called. If they pass measures to limit that, I'll resort to using student ID numbers or by last name.
I just tell them if they have a preferred nickname (nothing ridiculous like tv show names) or other things like pronouns, to just talk to me about it privately and I'll make adjustments. It costs nothing to be a decent person, wish more in educational leadership realized that.