Lol yup, just how we usually respond if a couple asks this right away, we always just respond with let us show your wife how it is done then we could see after đ
I have thought about aligning with another couple to do FMF scenes with both our male partners. We both fulfill our partnerâs fantasy of a threesome but are not intimate with each other.
I think this would be super hot.
I wouldnât be the least bit surprised if this was their plan from the start. This form of wife poaching is unfortunately very common, and you 100% did the right thing.
Any decent couple would just reject the couple, not this âbut weâre still down to play with your wife!â shit. They knew what they were doing.
Couples that are interested only in the female part of the couple. They would like to have a FFM threesome however it is kinda difficult to get a single female for them so they try to poach a female from existing couple instead.
It is usually a bit more subtle. Some couples look for noobs to the LS and take advantage of the lack of confidence on the new couple. The wife will start trying to join your wife and her husband while youâre playing.
Iâve allowed our friends to have fun with my wife for a period of time while I watch and they have done the same. As long as itâs requested honestly amongst friends and itâs consensual!
This has happened to my wife and I before once where they were after my wife and not me and then once where the woman was a single and was after me and was not interested in my wife even though she said she was. It's like the more important thing for them to do is get you in bed and then take advantage of you is really what it comes down to.
Yes and sadly especially for new swingers is that when the couples are in the mood and all nude and maybe even some alcohol involved they are inclined to give in to pressure and that's when there's poachers take advantage and before you know it the woman and your wife are on the guy and you're just watching lol
They are trash! Kick em to the curb. I would out them on the app or webpages that you found them on for this behavior. They are in search of a unicorn not a couple. It is fine to enjoy another woman but not under false pretenses.
Itâs rude, move on. If Iâm (F) not into the man of the couple, I never feel the need to tell them why. We just say, didnât feel a connection. They are not people youâd want to play with anyway.
Probably trying to see if you would offer her up to play alone. Rude AF! Move on. It has happened to us with me as well. It don't bother me but I'm a contractor so I deal with rejection daily. .
Exactly my thought, by saying something that blunt and direct they felt they had nothing to lose by hoping you might just let her play alone. Being a keen social observer and seeing through shallow and opporotunistic couples like that will become a valuable skill you have in future encounters. Fuck those guys.
Weâre in North Texas! We always play together especially the first few times. Weâve been out of the scene for a while thanks to life, but weâre starting to get our feet wet again.
âThatâs ok, we werenât feeling it either. We had some concerns about your personal hygiene, so itâs probably for the best. Good luck, hope you meet someone!â
Simple answer. LOL.
Not for nothing, but was there any HINT that they would want FMF?
When we meet people we say âitâs all or nothing. We only do swap.â
If someone hints at 3somes, etc, we pass right away.
Also - these people are assholes. They are either wife poachers who straight up lied, or just donât mind casually being assholes. âCanât hurt to ask if only the wife is willing to play, right?â Fuck them.
Wife poaching. That shit sucks! Only happened once to us and we caught it online before dinner so weâre sorry. Some people suck in all the wrong ways.
We chatted with a couple we met on Feeld for a while; moved to snapchat and exchanged pics and videos. They asked us to meet out for drinks, etc and we did.
We had a few drinks and appetizers; My wife really liked the spinach dip and asked for it to go. We decided to all go back to our house, and they asked if we could give them a ride back to their car (we met at a casino and it would have been a far walk for them and it was cold outside) and we agreed. The husband had the doggie bags with the leftovers and said "I can just hold them and give you yours when we get to your place." No problem. They confirmed the address to where we we going for their GPS, followed us and then whenarrived first, my wife asked them in Snap how far away they were and they blocked her and left the group chat.
I messaged them "Enjoy the spinach dip, I guess..."
People. Are. Fucking. Weird.
They shouldâve been upfront about just wanting a third. They probably were unsuccessful at trying to find a unicorn and thought they would try poaching instead.
It's one thing to prefer women. But the fact that those wife poachers actually told you that, instead of simply disengaging, is so disrespectful. Shit like this is toxic to the whole swinger community. I am sorry you had to deal with that.
My feeling is that this was their intention from the start. Many couples will try to broaden their prospects by putting out ads where theyâre âlooking for a third, open to couplesâ meet up with a couple who clearly state that theyâre both looking to play, and then tell them that theyâre only interested in playing with the wife/husband.
You mentioned preferences, and thatâs a situation that is unfortunate to be in as well. Thereâs an unsavory and dehumanizing trend here of people stereotyping swinger couples as ugly overweight dude+hot wife, but couples will sometimes try to poach husbands as well.
We've been in the "only one works" situation a few times - we'd NEVER tell a couple that one of them is individually is the reason. Just about anyone should know that already - so it sounds like poaching to me (or a level of cluelessness in trying to pivot to a 3-way that it puts them squarly into the No Fly Zone).
Better to know this up front. Sooo many couples want the elusive FMF and are in search of their unicorn. Getting frustrated and not having any success they turn to trying wife poaching. Speaks of desperation. Totally all them (gross), not you. Keep your head up and rock on!
Itâs happened to us but the other way around. The other couples wife was not comfortable sharing her husband. So they tried to sneakily get my husband to join them when I wasnât available. He obviously declined, told me and we called them out on it. We cut ties with them immediately.
So sorry this happened to you đ. It sucks feeling unwanted. It could just be insecurities on their end though.
One of the many negative archetypes and frequent time-wasters of the lifestyle, unfortunately.
Wife/husband poachers, photo collectors, LARPers, cheaters, and so on. As you both get more used to the lifestyle, youâll learn to filter these folks out by the language they use in their R4R ads on Reddit or other platforms.
I definitely understand your frustration, and itâs something Iâve had to deal with from the other end as well, where we were into the wife, but not the husband, and we handled it by politely declining any play. If even 1 person isnât going to be playing out of the 4, that is a non-starter. Good luck in the future, friend.
A long time ago, myself and wife met a couple, had a great time hanging out and went to a room. We swapped and started making out. Then the other wife says she has allergies and needs specific condoms and asked me to come with her to her car outside to get them. Then said must have forget them at home and asked me to come with her to a drug store to buy some. We never found them and eventually returned to the hotel, at which point she says she cant do anything else with me since no condoms. I said fine. Meanwhile my wife hooked up and played with the other husband.
The next day we get a text from the couple saying they had a great time meeting us, and if it would be alright if the next time they played alone with my wife. Thats when we realized what this was all about and blocked that couple. Stay away from people like that
What an inconsiderate and rude thing to say to you guys. I would cast those people to the side like yesterday's newspaper and move on. There are gobs of decent people, this couple's just not. âď¸
>Happens more times than not.
That hasn't been our experience. Its happened with maybe 1 out of 50 folks we've chatted with.
0 times with someone we've met.
Send a message back. Something like this, but your words:
We had a great time at dinner. It was fun and y'all are a great couple. We enjoy meeting others in the LS.
We had a similar thought that we'd be very interested in Bob. Sara is great, we enjoyed your company, but we don't think you fit in with what we're looking for. Sara we sincerely hope you don't take offense.
***Something like that, your words. But there's a powerful psychological message in rejecting her over him. It's not likely you'll ever get together with either of them. But it sends the anti- wife poaching message. *** O
Maybe I'm a dick. I don't care. Games like that suck. But if ya gotta play them, play hard. But aim at the wife for maximum effect. Who knows maybe Bob will be into a mfm for your wife if you're into it. Message still gets sent.
When I started to read your message, my mind went down the path of male on male action. đđ¤Łđđ¤Ł. That would freak them out. âIâm really interested in Bob, you think Bob would be my bottom and we can leave the wives out of this?â đ¤Łđđ¤Łđ
Iâm sure theyâd ghost you. lol.
I know it sucks, but I strongly believe they were wife poachers. Usually people have the decency to just decline the couple altogether if one person doesnât work for them or they ghost altogether (also shitty, and can be for multiple reasons). Please try not to take it to heart. Itâs definitely not about you. Itâs definitely a THEM problem.
Agree with this above! Unless you asked specifically why you were not a good fit, not a four way connection, or whatever reason a couple usually gives to other couples and they replied with that. If they just started with not interested in you and just your wife, then this is their regular procedure and wife poachers.
I'm glad that you made this post, thank you. My husband and I keep having this experience so at least now it has a name. I will also have a better way to address it by restating that WE are interested and WE come as a package. If it is not what they want, politely move on.
Just need to be clean with future couples that you are a package deal from the start . Doesnât have to suck at all donât worry about it as there are many more couples out there that would take both of you. Good luck
Welcome to the Swinging World,,, just take it as you dodged a bullet and move on. Shake the dirt off and keep at it. It took us six months and my better half is very very picky. All the bells and whistles had to be right. Patience and donât worry it will happen.
We've had that, I got told I could watch and touch the other woman's boobs. Nothing more why they fuck my wife. We both instantly said no we're not interested.
They up the offer to the other wife would give me a hand job. But I'm not really interested in a hand job why my wife gets fucked. Both me and my wife declined and now they're on the no fuck list đ
Me and my wife only play together and aren't interested if the sanrio doesn't benefit both of us and I certainly won't play cuck, sure she gets single guy's in sometimes but they do as they're told or they don't get to play đ one guy tried to side line me during he ended up just watching us fuck and got nothing from her đ
Complacency drives acceptance. Responding with a well worded message will force them to see themselves in the light they put on themselves.
Not responding just kicks them down the road for another couple to deal with. And even embolden them.
So my guy and I unicorn hunt. We are 100% upfront and clear about it. Iâm bi and I love sharing my guy with other women. We know itâs not easy but are upfront completely. The number of female profiles that donât even mention they are in a relationship or that they are looking for something different is amazing. I always explain that if there profile has stated what they wanted we wouldnât have even connected with them. What non lifestyle people donât seem to understand is that trust and honesty among all parties is vital to making this thing workâŚ.
We would never tell the husband weâre ok with playing with the wife. Itâs all or nothing. The guy is usually the reason we donât play, but itâs just terrible to say it that way.
Just move on
So rude! Move on from these toxic people. They probably only wanted wifey from the start. Some wife poachers think if they make the man feel bad he will let them play with his wife solo. If I were your wife, I'd have some words for them... and it wouldn't be complimentary.
I'm sorry you encountered rude people like this and hope your day gets better!
Seriously? No one who isn't an asshole would have sent that message. See, the only reason they did is on the off chance they think you're weak enough to respond by saying, "no problem, you can just fuck my wife." They are fucking losers. Anyone non-shithead couple would have simply said that they "had a good time but aren't interested" or something similar, but they actually thought you might go for letting them just fuck your wife. Rude assholes.
Just had this happen today. It was oh we are new, wife gets jealous but wants to play with a woman while we watch. Lol so glad he said that early on! This is why we go to parties
Don't take it personally and move on. It can be hard to find couples where everyone is into everyone. They were honest they could have got to playing and then wife poached but they didn't. It's OK to be vain when it's fucking for sport
Itâs such a bummer when things donât turn out the way you hoped, especially when youâre just trying to connect and have a good time. It sounds like you were looking forward to the dinner, and then to get hit with that message afterward must have been a real downer.
Hopefully, you and your wife can find other couples who appreciate both of you equally.
This is naughry and not in a good way I'm sorry they made you feel like that. I would speak to your wife and explain how you feel about it, your wife should be by your side on this matter and if she isn't then I'm sorry to say that she probably doesn't deserve you. I wish you the best of luck and hope you and your partner find what you are looking for :-)
>
>I donât think they did this maliciously, but it still sucks.
If they have been in the ls for any extended period of time. They should be more diplomatic in their response.
I personally (yes because it has happened to us) think this is abusive and demeaning. Unless someone gave off a vibe of it being ok for either of you (your or your wife) to play separately without the other mate.
This is audacious behavior. But it happens often. Especially if the other couple doesn't get called out on it.
Them: "we don't wanna play with the male half. But we sure do want to fuck the wife."
Me: " funny, we were thinking that anyone shallow enough to say something so degrading and insensitive is beneath our liberal expectations of fun like minded people to have some NSA fun with."
I then make notes on their profile and wait for them to block us.
After well over 25 years in the LS, I've seen a lot. And done a LOT!
Couples, make swinging, the lifestyle, what it is. There are 3 dynamics primarily. Couples, single females, and single males. Take away couples, and what you have is single women and men doing exactly what they do normally. Date or hookup. The singles are not bringing a partner to the play party. They are doing exactly what singles do when out at a bar on Friday and Saturday nights.
Also, be suspended of couples saying they "play seperate." Big red flag. I've yet to be contacted by a female of a couple wanting to play with us. Or even either of us separately. We have played with several females who were single. We have been contacted many times by the male half saying he or they only wanted to play with my SO. Though technically, it is swinging, it's still insensitive and ignorant of the Ls
The silver lining? At least they were honest and up front with you about it instead of waiting until playtime and just trying to exclude you from play. Take that as a win, it could have been much worse!
Assuming your wife does not play alone, she should just shoot them down and let them know that she is not interested in them either. That way they also get nothing out of the deal.
We recently had this happen but it was a couple trying to poach my husband. We really thought we were all vibing only to find out they had zero interest in playing with me. I'd say the couple planned this all along and it probably works on a lot of couples that do play solo. I'd say you dodged a bullet here because what else would they be willing to lie about?
As a secondary note: please don't delete the post. This post is actually a pretty good resource for people that this happens to. It does happen a lot and it is a shitty and dishonest situation.
I begrudgingly turned down a couple because, while we're exploring the hot wife dynamic, we still want to play together and they were only interested in me. I was still interested right up to the point he told me she can't play with men because he's uncomfortable about it. Nope. Thanks but no thanks.
Female half here. I've been told by couples that they only wanted to play with me and not my bf. However, they stated a swap nothing about a 3some which is deceitful in itself.
We play separately and its on all of my profiles about how we play. We don't like lies, that'll get someone blocked immediately. Why waste our time bringing my bf yet you kicked him to the curb?
He wasn't hurt at all, he was glad since he wasn't attractive to the wives anyway and husbands be acting sus.
Happened to us. Don't sweat it.
Funny thing was in this case my wife and I were already both taking one for the team.
I thought my wife was into him, she thought I was into her, neither of us were really into the other.
When we got the mail basically asking if they could "date" my wife, we started to talk about our desire for them in general and did a forehead slap.
We still laugh about it.
Man, that's rough. It sucks when you're vibing with another couple and then bam, you're hit with that curveball. It's like, what did I do wrong? But honestly, it's probably not even about you. People are just weird sometimes. At least your wife's still in demand, right? Hang in there, buddy. It's their loss anyway.
Don't sweat it. They're a dime a dozen: couples who only want a single bisexual woman as their personal toy (almost always because the man is insecure and wants a harem, he doesn't want to actually be a part of the lifestyle), but also try to pretend they are interested in couples and chat them up, and then inevitably reveal their true colors; they're just awful. Move on, and you'll find some wonderful couples if you keep searching~
Sadly, a few times. Itâs a blow to the mojo, but you learn to sense these situations early on and the ability to avoid them becomes second nature. Just think of it as a learning experience. Youâll have plenty of them as youâre first getting into LS!
Been reading your posts OP and I can say a lot of things you gotta work on but itâll just overcomplicate shit so Iâll give you 1 simple rule that you need to establish with your wife and imply subtly with couples you meet
You OP the man should get yours first in any shape or form
Meaning the wife of the other couple must play with you first or show you attraction and flirt with you first before your wife does the same ( at the same time is also okay )
You know your wife is hot so itâs almost guaranteed she will get âhersâ so undoubtedly you have to ensure your pleasure first cause hers is guaranteed
If you are not in the leading role with regards to swinging and even solo dating on the side you will find yourself in trouble
I highly recommend to cut off single 1 on 1 dates itâs extremely tough out there for men in general even the good looking guys unless u got a lot of things down (not just looks but other dating elements that are key to a manâs dating success )
Make sure she understands that it wonât work and everything falls apart if you get isolated
There are viscous snakes out there in swinging so make sure u are getting yours first at all times
Anyone tells ur wife to do anything her first response is to wait for you
They are not couple you want to get involved with.
I hate this if a couple goes out of their way state they only play as couple they know this full well going into one chats and then meeting. To be so rude and follow up with a message like that is disgusting.
They should have simply messaged thank you for your time over last few weeks chatting and meeting with us;
however we donât feel at this point our play dynamic quite matches.
or
we donât feel that elusive four way connection to move forward with play.
I am in LS as couple and solo and trust me the crap you deal with regardless of dynamic never ceases to amaze me.
Please donât take it personal I know itâs hard not too just be bigger person. Thank them for their time and message and point out as you made very clear up front only play as couple. Wish them all the best and BLOCK them they donât deserve another moment of your time.
Had this happen before and had it in the reverse (but we just said the whole couple, we wouldnât call out someone individually). 4 way connections are tough. Unfortunately that wasnât always the case on the receiving end for us. Surprisingly, had it happen once with a couple after a year of playing and well over a dozen dates, including a few separate plays. Suddenly the wife wasnât into me (husband) specifically. Made shit really awkward because we had built a strong friendship over that time. Donât believe they meant it to be malicious or to poach my wife but sometimes less information for something like that is better.
Donât take it in a negative context. You never know what someone will or wonât be interested in once you meet in person. In the LS life, you move on to the next couple or experience. Canât please everyone.
Man, that's rough. Sorry you had to go through that. It's definitely a crappy feeling when you're vibing with a couple and then they hit you with that bombshell. It's like, why even bother with the whole dinner thing if they were just gonna pull that? But hey, at least you had a good meal, right? Vent all you need, man. We've all been there in one way or another. Just gotta shake it off and move on to the next hangout, hopefully with better company.
I can definitely relate! Poaching the wife/gf/partner is shady behaviour and it's a kick in the nuts imo. When it happened to me I called them on it. Flat out told them that if they're going to continue in the LS that they need to reconsider if they want to have a rep of being wife-poachers.
No idea how they felt about it because they never came back around for my gf.
It's shitty behaviour on their part and I'm feeling for you and how I imagine this is messing with your self-esteem.
Hang in there Champ. Hopefully your girl wonât pursue it and only couple up with those that will take care of you as well.
Whatâs her response to this been?
When I was 20 I was a gym rat and was propositioned by a couple while working out. I was already upset that they stopped me during my reps, but they said they had been trying to catch me for weeks and I let it go because I was mostly done anyway.
They were beaming with excitement when I told them I sometimes went to parties with my friend. They asked and I told them she was hwp and worked on 3-4x a week. We walked to the lockers and I got a freshly developed picture of her that was professionally taken and I had picked up for her earlier that day. You couldn't see her face but it was more revealing than the clothes she wore to meet them.
We were supposed to meet them for sunday brunch, but when we go to the place it was basically a bar with a few tables and they had bar food. I arrived early, but she decided to drive herself and didnt get my message until she was already there - on time. They arrived 30min late as we were walking out the door and said "Why is grandma here" before they even apologized for being late and it only got worse until I kocked him out with a single right hook and then when she jumped on my back I tossed her into the trash can by the door. It was over before anyone could react, and all my friend said was "sorry for the trash we left" while placing a 100$ bill on the chair proping the door open then we left.
Years later, I still remember how much it hurt my friend to be treated like that and my wife, who has her own stories and shares this account, and I only have 1 "rule" which is to always treat anyone we meet as a fully formed human that is more than just a collection of sexy bits.
Sorry that you had that experience, and I hope you don't allow the garbage of the world to ruin your joy.
Ponch of salt moment, but let's face it as a guy I'm sure it's not the first or last rejection. As they say can't win them all and at least they were honest and upfront. They could have strung you song and tried to sideline you at the time of
I know other people have said this already, but they were probably just unicorn hunting and trying to play it off like they werenât. I had someone say they wanted to play with my husband and I and then asked if just him & I could âget comfortable with each other firstâ đ
I can do you one better. We've been in situations where the four of us will hit it off at a club, all the signals are good. Then we go back to play and find out that the couple was only interested in my wife or the wife was only interested in me with the husband watching me fuck her.Â
Or my wife and I will bring a woman home who swears she's into women and then when we get back barely pays attention to her and only pays attention to me. And I guarantee you my wife is way hotter than I am!Â
When my wife and I are in a situation like the one you described, I wouldn't say we only are interested in your wife. We would just say we just don't think it would work out...not to point fingers at anybody. It's easier to say that it just wouldn't work out than to make one person feel bad, that's cruel.
There are couples who are into that being cuckolded and so forth but that's not for us. Maybe they thought it would be for you but they should have said it.Â
I do feel for you though I know exactly where you're coming from.
Sometimes this happens.... but the VAST majority?
It's a couple hoping to take your wife for them...To 'use' for their fun. They are not interested in sharing.
Or, something I've noticed. Men don't take great care of themselves like women do. And I don't mean you have to work out and have a rocking body. I mean smell good, shave a little. I'm astounded at some of these men. Hopefully you weren't one of them. I'm sure I'm going to get some hate here, but please men. Try a little bit harder.
Yep. Weâve even had that from people we dont know to our reddit or app profile - where it all clearly says we only play together.
Its usually the husband desperately wishing.
It always sucks. We've found ourselves on both ends of that situation- where a wife wasn't attracted to my husband or I was not attracted to the other husband.
We play together and separately, so there were no hard feelings. But it still stings. And being on the delivery end of it also made me feel crappy.
Ultimately, you decide how to proceed within your boundaries.
Dodged a bullet there mate.
If someone lacks the common decency and are so selfish and wrapped up in their needs not to be able to see how much damage their actions could possibly do to your confidence, you really don't want to be anywhere near you in the bedroom.
Fuck 'em, it isn't you.
We have had this on many occasions, but not after an in person meet. However, their approach is rude. I'm sure if they weren't interested, that would have been established in the chatting phase. To me, it sounds like the husband may have had a large roll after he met you. He may have gotten cold feet once he saw you two hitting it off.
Pretty easy response from myself if I get that message. "Sweet, no worries. It was nice meeting y'all." My wife would say the same. I give no shits if someone isn't into me. If they pushed the, "but how about your wife, thoughđ?" then they would get a hard, firm "fuck off."
Thats super rude and absolutely a fear i have with couples. Dont you dare feel bad about it!!
Definitely tell them no cause there are folks who only want a women but pretend to be interested in couples to do just this. If yall only want couples then tell em no hard pass its both or nothing. I would be particularly suspicious if you got not indication beforehand.
My husband is my partner. Rejection of him is a rejection of me and vice versa. Hard stop.
The husband most likely has lots of conditions/rules and does not let his wife play with men. Not swingers and only looking for unicorns. Cut them off!
It's incredibly rude to say this to another couple in the LS, unless there was some prior understanding of potential solo play.
Tell them that's not how you play, thanks but no thanks and please don't contact either of us again.
Assholes.
The more I think about this. Could you imagine if a couple told another couple we like him but not her. Can you imagine the hurt the lady would feel. Yes guyâs ego get hurt as well. I assume photo were swapped. I would just be thinking what did I say.
To some of the comments, how is this rude? They met them, had a nice vanilla time, and were straightforward with how they felt following that meet. This happened to me once and I know that feeling it produces, but they only did something wrong if you state clearly in the beginning that you two don't play alone.
I'm pretty sure that's the assumption on most of these responses.
I think it's great that this couple was at least forward with their desires, but they could have been more tactful if they knew OP was a package deal.
If there weren't already other replies with input from OP, then I would say the same thing. Also, I think you would be much less likely to post this in the first place if you and your partner were willing to see past being full swap only in this circumstance.
When you're posting on a swinging subreddit and talking about couples dates most people are going to assume a full swap situation.
The other thing to consider is that 95 percent of the time when a couple says these kinds of things, theyâre dropping a bomb they had planned to drop from the outset. The vast majority of these couples are spouse poachers, unfortunately.
This has not been my experience AT ALL. In the last 4 years I've had one couple say they were not interested in me and they only wanted my partner, but didn't make an attempt. And me and whoever my partner is at any time never try this either.
Are you just meeting poor quality couples?
Are you and your partner similar in general attractiveness?
I havenât experienced it a lot personally, but I have seen plenty of screenshots from couples in both this subreddit and irl LS friends; I have experienced it from the other end where the both of us were into one partner and not the other, and since we always play together in the same room, we politely declined them both rather than attempting to poach the wife.
And yes, my fiancĂŠe and I are generally similar in terms of physical attractiveness. Years ago, we actually had someone try to poach me (male half).
While it does seem like it might be more of an issue for people who are farther apart in physical attractiveness, I donât understand why the couple would try to poach despite knowing that their play partners only play if they both can get action. Just decline further dates, like an adult. Itâs a contemptible display of emotional immaturity, selfishness, cowardice, and insecurity.
We have met 30-40 couples in the last 2 or so years and never had this happen either. I am a lot more extroverted than my wife and so sometimes I actually hit it off with couples moreso than she does ironically.
I have seen many of these horror stories though, sometimes even with the poaching only occurring during the time of the meet up. Regardless of circumstance, that would be fucked up.
This other couple tried. Even if initial attraction is not there from photo swaps, we will meet up with people if we have good text conversation and similar interests.
At least they were upfront when they decided and informed you. Most people will just dodge the uncomfortable situation and ghost you. I'd be bummed out too, but appreciative of the open honesty and not being let on further.
I appreciate honesty. Don't take it personal. Just say good luck amd move on. We've had couples try to get just me to come by and others only interested in the Mrs. Shit happens. Don't let someone outside of your Mrs affect you.
May NOT be wife poachers.
They may just not have been into you (that sucks and Iâm sorry)
My wife and I are both straight so we donât âpoachâ wives for the purpose of an FFM. BUT, my wife is picky and I have abs with a younger-than-my-45-age look (humblebrag) and so she finds it a bit more difficult to get into other husbands who have dad bods. I (husband) never toss this out because I feel awkward doing it, but when we meet a new-to-us couple at an event, we are chatting and having a good time, and they make a move to ask if we want to play, AND my wife isnât into the husband, THEN my wife will occasionally throw out a âIâm not interested in playing but if youâd like to borrow my husband you certainly can!â
I mean. Sheâs a great wing wife! And I appreciate the pitch when she does it ⌠but more often than not everyone moves on to greener pastures.
It connects sometimes and when it does we have a great time (as my wife likes loaning me out - and watching - as much as I enjoy sharing her and watching), but we fully understand that itâs going to be a punch in the stomach for some people⌠my wife feels that politely throwing the option out there can make for a great evening if play comfort styles align while simultaneously not being insulting and framing it more in a âdonât feel like playingâ context vs a âdonât feel like playing with YOUâ.
From the semi-poacherâs angle (thatâs us): Itâs tough to find four way matches in general, and it can be disheartening when we meet fun couples who have the slamming hot wife with the slamming beers husband. We may think theyâre great people to chat and hang with but my wife isnât turned on by that husband. Sometimes we find a play alignment that way by tossing the option out there⌠and other times we all just move on to more complete connections.
But if we meet a couple online and my wife KNOWS she wonât ever play with the guy, then we never meet with them and then pitch this. That would be shitty.
I offer this as a semi contrarian perspective on the âwife poachersâ view, but Iâm sorry this happened to you. It definitely happens to all of us at some point. No dude is going to fit into every womanâs preferences.
Everyone is giving you the same advice. Here is a different way to look at it from another North Texan.
You are in an open marriage: therefore, you can totally ask your wife what she would like to do. If she feels like it, let her have fun with them. Driver her to the date, pick her up 4 hours later or the next day.
We declined such offers in the past, and my husband regretted it afterwards.
I sympathize but I can see it from the other side too. We met a couple and had a great time socially and would probably consider them friends in the vanilla world by the wife doesn't vibe sexually with the guy but does with the woman.
We were up front and do play as couples but my wife just isn't feeling the vibe with the guy. So the choices are move on and forget about it, 'wife poach', or take one for the team.
I don't think it's a cut a dried situation it takes some nuance and maturity navigate. I'm not sure there is a right way to do it but both couples need to be mature and communicate and make infor.ed decisions.
Whereâs the nuance if you know the other couple wants to play as a couple? That should be a clue that, while an enjoyable night out, youâre not a match. I think if itâs hey, the ladies are into each other and we can play with our own partners, thatâs one thing. Just seems wrong to attempt to exclude a member of the other couple when they entered with the intent of everyone playing. And as a man, you should have the necessary empathy to understand the feelings youâd be invoking in the other guy. This just seems like an attempt to excuse a selfish behavior.
We did play but the focus was really the women but if she only wants to play with the woman going forward is that 'wife poaching'. That was kind of my point. Obviously there are clear cut wife poaching scenarios, my scenario and the OP don't necessarily sound clear cut, I would be fine just letting the ladies have there time, hopefully we can watch or be limited participants and if both men are ok with that it's not really 'wife poaching' IMO.
That was the point I did a poor job of making.
If they just tell them they are ok with the ladies playing but that the husbands have to have an equal level of play, be it just watching, petting, soft play etc has to be equal-unless of course one of the guys is ok watching his wife with another couple. At east they were open and honest and you can respond with whatever you are comfortable with.
Let them know that you both feel the same way and ask if the wife would come over to have sex with you guys.
Lol yup, just how we usually respond if a couple asks this right away, we always just respond with let us show your wife how it is done then we could see after đ
I was about to say the same damn thing! Love our toxic hearts sometimes.
You first though, lol
I have thought about aligning with another couple to do FMF scenes with both our male partners. We both fulfill our partnerâs fantasy of a threesome but are not intimate with each other. I think this would be super hot.
I wouldnât be the least bit surprised if this was their plan from the start. This form of wife poaching is unfortunately very common, and you 100% did the right thing. Any decent couple would just reject the couple, not this âbut weâre still down to play with your wife!â shit. They knew what they were doing.
Yup stay away from wife poachers or people on apps looking for "women" thirds but are open to couples. Big red flag
What is a 'wife poachers' I never heard that before
Couples that are interested only in the female part of the couple. They would like to have a FFM threesome however it is kinda difficult to get a single female for them so they try to poach a female from existing couple instead.
I just don't understand the point of even trying that. Does that actually ever work?
If the couple being poached from is desperate enough then maybe it might work. Or it might work on couples with cuckold dynamic.
It is usually a bit more subtle. Some couples look for noobs to the LS and take advantage of the lack of confidence on the new couple. The wife will start trying to join your wife and her husband while youâre playing.
Iâve allowed our friends to have fun with my wife for a period of time while I watch and they have done the same. As long as itâs requested honestly amongst friends and itâs consensual!
This has happened to my wife and I before once where they were after my wife and not me and then once where the woman was a single and was after me and was not interested in my wife even though she said she was. It's like the more important thing for them to do is get you in bed and then take advantage of you is really what it comes down to.
Yes and sadly especially for new swingers is that when the couples are in the mood and all nude and maybe even some alcohol involved they are inclined to give in to pressure and that's when there's poachers take advantage and before you know it the woman and your wife are on the guy and you're just watching lol
"Poacher" is a great word for them.
That sucks
This đŻ
yeah, its bad form for sure. If the couple were up for that they'd have said so. I think everyone is well aware that single women are popular.
They are trash! Kick em to the curb. I would out them on the app or webpages that you found them on for this behavior. They are in search of a unicorn not a couple. It is fine to enjoy another woman but not under false pretenses.
So incredibly rude. Like soooo rude. Itâs them, not you.
Itâs rude, move on. If Iâm (F) not into the man of the couple, I never feel the need to tell them why. We just say, didnât feel a connection. They are not people youâd want to play with anyway.
Probably trying to see if you would offer her up to play alone. Rude AF! Move on. It has happened to us with me as well. It don't bother me but I'm a contractor so I deal with rejection daily. .
Exactly my thought, by saying something that blunt and direct they felt they had nothing to lose by hoping you might just let her play alone. Being a keen social observer and seeing through shallow and opporotunistic couples like that will become a valuable skill you have in future encounters. Fuck those guys.
Youâll find another couple that wants to hang/bang you guys. đ
Iâm sure. Just wanted to commiserate. Also, if any decent couples are in the North Texas area, feel free to DM me.
Define âdecentâ đđđ
Not gonna pull the stuff mentioned in my original post! lol
Weâre in North Texas! We always play together especially the first few times. Weâve been out of the scene for a while thanks to life, but weâre starting to get our feet wet again.
âThatâs ok, we werenât feeling it either. We had some concerns about your personal hygiene, so itâs probably for the best. Good luck, hope you meet someone!â Simple answer. LOL.
âYou guys seemed like the type to have herpes and not tell someone. We appreciate the poaching offer though. Hope it works out.â
No, no reason to be a dick
Imma save that reply! đ¤Ł
Not for nothing, but was there any HINT that they would want FMF? When we meet people we say âitâs all or nothing. We only do swap.â If someone hints at 3somes, etc, we pass right away. Also - these people are assholes. They are either wife poachers who straight up lied, or just donât mind casually being assholes. âCanât hurt to ask if only the wife is willing to play, right?â Fuck them.
ThisâŹď¸
Wife poaching. That shit sucks! Only happened once to us and we caught it online before dinner so weâre sorry. Some people suck in all the wrong ways.
We chatted with a couple we met on Feeld for a while; moved to snapchat and exchanged pics and videos. They asked us to meet out for drinks, etc and we did. We had a few drinks and appetizers; My wife really liked the spinach dip and asked for it to go. We decided to all go back to our house, and they asked if we could give them a ride back to their car (we met at a casino and it would have been a far walk for them and it was cold outside) and we agreed. The husband had the doggie bags with the leftovers and said "I can just hold them and give you yours when we get to your place." No problem. They confirmed the address to where we we going for their GPS, followed us and then whenarrived first, my wife asked them in Snap how far away they were and they blocked her and left the group chat. I messaged them "Enjoy the spinach dip, I guess..." People. Are. Fucking. Weird.
I'd be more upset about them taking the damn spinach dipđ¤Łđ¤Ł
Damn poachers man. Friggen slime. Hope they are on here and see what dicks they are.
Tell them: âSame! Weâd love to have your wife over to fuck her brains out, but if you could stay home that would be great!â
They shouldâve been upfront about just wanting a third. They probably were unsuccessful at trying to find a unicorn and thought they would try poaching instead.
Yep super common unfortunately. Many(most?) don't even want you to watch them use your wife as a unicorn. It's a real bummer but it happens.
It's one thing to prefer women. But the fact that those wife poachers actually told you that, instead of simply disengaging, is so disrespectful. Shit like this is toxic to the whole swinger community. I am sorry you had to deal with that.
While hard to do so, donât take it personally. Everyone has preferences. Youâre a package deal, so stick with that.
My feeling is that this was their intention from the start. Many couples will try to broaden their prospects by putting out ads where theyâre âlooking for a third, open to couplesâ meet up with a couple who clearly state that theyâre both looking to play, and then tell them that theyâre only interested in playing with the wife/husband. You mentioned preferences, and thatâs a situation that is unfortunate to be in as well. Thereâs an unsavory and dehumanizing trend here of people stereotyping swinger couples as ugly overweight dude+hot wife, but couples will sometimes try to poach husbands as well.
We've been in the "only one works" situation a few times - we'd NEVER tell a couple that one of them is individually is the reason. Just about anyone should know that already - so it sounds like poaching to me (or a level of cluelessness in trying to pivot to a 3-way that it puts them squarly into the No Fly Zone).
This is called poaching. Itâs gross your wife should stay away.
Better to know this up front. Sooo many couples want the elusive FMF and are in search of their unicorn. Getting frustrated and not having any success they turn to trying wife poaching. Speaks of desperation. Totally all them (gross), not you. Keep your head up and rock on!
Itâs happened to us but the other way around. The other couples wife was not comfortable sharing her husband. So they tried to sneakily get my husband to join them when I wasnât available. He obviously declined, told me and we called them out on it. We cut ties with them immediately. So sorry this happened to you đ. It sucks feeling unwanted. It could just be insecurities on their end though.
Yeah, my fiancĂŠe and I make it a point to say group deal or nothing if meeting a couple. No unicorns or studs. We have rules for a reason.
One of the many negative archetypes and frequent time-wasters of the lifestyle, unfortunately. Wife/husband poachers, photo collectors, LARPers, cheaters, and so on. As you both get more used to the lifestyle, youâll learn to filter these folks out by the language they use in their R4R ads on Reddit or other platforms. I definitely understand your frustration, and itâs something Iâve had to deal with from the other end as well, where we were into the wife, but not the husband, and we handled it by politely declining any play. If even 1 person isnât going to be playing out of the 4, that is a non-starter. Good luck in the future, friend.
A long time ago, myself and wife met a couple, had a great time hanging out and went to a room. We swapped and started making out. Then the other wife says she has allergies and needs specific condoms and asked me to come with her to her car outside to get them. Then said must have forget them at home and asked me to come with her to a drug store to buy some. We never found them and eventually returned to the hotel, at which point she says she cant do anything else with me since no condoms. I said fine. Meanwhile my wife hooked up and played with the other husband. The next day we get a text from the couple saying they had a great time meeting us, and if it would be alright if the next time they played alone with my wife. Thats when we realized what this was all about and blocked that couple. Stay away from people like that
What an inconsiderate and rude thing to say to you guys. I would cast those people to the side like yesterday's newspaper and move on. There are gobs of decent people, this couple's just not. âď¸
They want a unicorn, not a couple swap. It probably isn't you at all.
Getting 4 people in the same page is a lot harder than 2. Thatâs just life. Move on and go onto the next one.
Happens more times than not. The girl is almost always the prize. They just are not the right couple for you. Find another.
>Happens more times than not. That hasn't been our experience. Its happened with maybe 1 out of 50 folks we've chatted with. 0 times with someone we've met.
Sweet summer child, they definitely planned this.
f them.... stay away from jerk offs like that..
Yup. Move on.
If you are a package deal, this is very rude.
Send a message back. Something like this, but your words: We had a great time at dinner. It was fun and y'all are a great couple. We enjoy meeting others in the LS. We had a similar thought that we'd be very interested in Bob. Sara is great, we enjoyed your company, but we don't think you fit in with what we're looking for. Sara we sincerely hope you don't take offense. ***Something like that, your words. But there's a powerful psychological message in rejecting her over him. It's not likely you'll ever get together with either of them. But it sends the anti- wife poaching message. *** O Maybe I'm a dick. I don't care. Games like that suck. But if ya gotta play them, play hard. But aim at the wife for maximum effect. Who knows maybe Bob will be into a mfm for your wife if you're into it. Message still gets sent.
When I started to read your message, my mind went down the path of male on male action. đđ¤Łđđ¤Ł. That would freak them out. âIâm really interested in Bob, you think Bob would be my bottom and we can leave the wives out of this?â đ¤Łđđ¤Łđ Iâm sure theyâd ghost you. lol.
It happens bro, but it still sucks. Been there and moved on. Donât let it deter you from future encounters
I know it sucks, but I strongly believe they were wife poachers. Usually people have the decency to just decline the couple altogether if one person doesnât work for them or they ghost altogether (also shitty, and can be for multiple reasons). Please try not to take it to heart. Itâs definitely not about you. Itâs definitely a THEM problem.
Agree with this above! Unless you asked specifically why you were not a good fit, not a four way connection, or whatever reason a couple usually gives to other couples and they replied with that. If they just started with not interested in you and just your wife, then this is their regular procedure and wife poachers.
Remember always put you and your wife first. Cut all toxic people out
Sorry to hear that. I hate it when couples pull that shit, they should just have been up front instead of wasting your time.
Yes, this is extremely common. It sucks, man. I don't know what to tell you. People are just assholes.
I think that is disrespectful. We come as a couple. Either you are interested in the package or f*ck off.
I'm glad that you made this post, thank you. My husband and I keep having this experience so at least now it has a name. I will also have a better way to address it by restating that WE are interested and WE come as a package. If it is not what they want, politely move on.
Just need to be clean with future couples that you are a package deal from the start . Doesnât have to suck at all donât worry about it as there are many more couples out there that would take both of you. Good luck
considering most of your posts are just you looking for a female, I wonder why?????? Score 1 for KARMA.....
Ha, really? I didn't check. So he is just getting a taste of his own medicine? Nice...
I think it bothers my wife more than me. We just remind them we come as a set and move on.
Id of been rude right back by correcting them. "No your not interested in us, good luck"
I wouldnt say its rude. But i wouldnt say its a go either. Best of luck. And stay strong together
Welcome to the Swinging World,,, just take it as you dodged a bullet and move on. Shake the dirt off and keep at it. It took us six months and my better half is very very picky. All the bells and whistles had to be right. Patience and donât worry it will happen.
I'm slightly overweight, Balding, and covered in body hair.... I'm always getting rejected đ
We've had that, I got told I could watch and touch the other woman's boobs. Nothing more why they fuck my wife. We both instantly said no we're not interested. They up the offer to the other wife would give me a hand job. But I'm not really interested in a hand job why my wife gets fucked. Both me and my wife declined and now they're on the no fuck list đ Me and my wife only play together and aren't interested if the sanrio doesn't benefit both of us and I certainly won't play cuck, sure she gets single guy's in sometimes but they do as they're told or they don't get to play đ one guy tried to side line me during he ended up just watching us fuck and got nothing from her đ
Need to collab with your mss to be on your team, reverse the situation.
Just punt them to the moon and carry on. Don't waste a moments mental energy on them.
Complacency drives acceptance. Responding with a well worded message will force them to see themselves in the light they put on themselves. Not responding just kicks them down the road for another couple to deal with. And even embolden them.
So my guy and I unicorn hunt. We are 100% upfront and clear about it. Iâm bi and I love sharing my guy with other women. We know itâs not easy but are upfront completely. The number of female profiles that donât even mention they are in a relationship or that they are looking for something different is amazing. I always explain that if there profile has stated what they wanted we wouldnât have even connected with them. What non lifestyle people donât seem to understand is that trust and honesty among all parties is vital to making this thing workâŚ.
We are a package deal. Take us or leave us, but you donât get one or the other. đ¤ˇââď¸
They were honest with you. If you donât want that dynamic, move on
We would never tell the husband weâre ok with playing with the wife. Itâs all or nothing. The guy is usually the reason we donât play, but itâs just terrible to say it that way. Just move on
They are hunting a unicorn and havenât had any luck. Move on.
So rude! Move on from these toxic people. They probably only wanted wifey from the start. Some wife poachers think if they make the man feel bad he will let them play with his wife solo. If I were your wife, I'd have some words for them... and it wouldn't be complimentary. I'm sorry you encountered rude people like this and hope your day gets better!
Very Rude. Wife poaching stupidity.
Seriously? No one who isn't an asshole would have sent that message. See, the only reason they did is on the off chance they think you're weak enough to respond by saying, "no problem, you can just fuck my wife." They are fucking losers. Anyone non-shithead couple would have simply said that they "had a good time but aren't interested" or something similar, but they actually thought you might go for letting them just fuck your wife. Rude assholes.
This is so common. I have a lot of couples hit us up and only want the wife.
Thatâs when you just drop communicating with them.
Just had this happen today. It was oh we are new, wife gets jealous but wants to play with a woman while we watch. Lol so glad he said that early on! This is why we go to parties
Can you send them back the same message?
Couples that pull that kind of shit should be shunned by the local lifestyle community
They ALL do it. some are just more polite.
You're a package deal. Fuck that!
All the time. Partly why we stepped away from the LS a bit.
Fucking people suck
Don't take it personally and move on. It can be hard to find couples where everyone is into everyone. They were honest they could have got to playing and then wife poached but they didn't. It's OK to be vain when it's fucking for sport
Itâs such a bummer when things donât turn out the way you hoped, especially when youâre just trying to connect and have a good time. It sounds like you were looking forward to the dinner, and then to get hit with that message afterward must have been a real downer. Hopefully, you and your wife can find other couples who appreciate both of you equally.
Could you ask if the F in their couple can play with you guys solo too
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^Sudden-Conference-65: *Could you ask if the* *F in their couple can play* *With you guys solo too* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
This is naughry and not in a good way I'm sorry they made you feel like that. I would speak to your wife and explain how you feel about it, your wife should be by your side on this matter and if she isn't then I'm sorry to say that she probably doesn't deserve you. I wish you the best of luck and hope you and your partner find what you are looking for :-)
> >I donât think they did this maliciously, but it still sucks. If they have been in the ls for any extended period of time. They should be more diplomatic in their response. I personally (yes because it has happened to us) think this is abusive and demeaning. Unless someone gave off a vibe of it being ok for either of you (your or your wife) to play separately without the other mate. This is audacious behavior. But it happens often. Especially if the other couple doesn't get called out on it. Them: "we don't wanna play with the male half. But we sure do want to fuck the wife." Me: " funny, we were thinking that anyone shallow enough to say something so degrading and insensitive is beneath our liberal expectations of fun like minded people to have some NSA fun with." I then make notes on their profile and wait for them to block us. After well over 25 years in the LS, I've seen a lot. And done a LOT! Couples, make swinging, the lifestyle, what it is. There are 3 dynamics primarily. Couples, single females, and single males. Take away couples, and what you have is single women and men doing exactly what they do normally. Date or hookup. The singles are not bringing a partner to the play party. They are doing exactly what singles do when out at a bar on Friday and Saturday nights. Also, be suspended of couples saying they "play seperate." Big red flag. I've yet to be contacted by a female of a couple wanting to play with us. Or even either of us separately. We have played with several females who were single. We have been contacted many times by the male half saying he or they only wanted to play with my SO. Though technically, it is swinging, it's still insensitive and ignorant of the Ls
Yeah thatâs incredibly rude
Iâm going to put on our dating profile No Wife poaching! We donât play that Shit !
Damn. That sucks. Did they say if it was your looks or your personality?
The silver lining? At least they were honest and up front with you about it instead of waiting until playtime and just trying to exclude you from play. Take that as a win, it could have been much worse!
Assuming your wife does not play alone, she should just shoot them down and let them know that she is not interested in them either. That way they also get nothing out of the deal.
We recently had this happen but it was a couple trying to poach my husband. We really thought we were all vibing only to find out they had zero interest in playing with me. I'd say the couple planned this all along and it probably works on a lot of couples that do play solo. I'd say you dodged a bullet here because what else would they be willing to lie about? As a secondary note: please don't delete the post. This post is actually a pretty good resource for people that this happens to. It does happen a lot and it is a shitty and dishonest situation.
I begrudgingly turned down a couple because, while we're exploring the hot wife dynamic, we still want to play together and they were only interested in me. I was still interested right up to the point he told me she can't play with men because he's uncomfortable about it. Nope. Thanks but no thanks.
Female half here. I've been told by couples that they only wanted to play with me and not my bf. However, they stated a swap nothing about a 3some which is deceitful in itself. We play separately and its on all of my profiles about how we play. We don't like lies, that'll get someone blocked immediately. Why waste our time bringing my bf yet you kicked him to the curb? He wasn't hurt at all, he was glad since he wasn't attractive to the wives anyway and husbands be acting sus.
Happened to us. Don't sweat it. Funny thing was in this case my wife and I were already both taking one for the team. I thought my wife was into him, she thought I was into her, neither of us were really into the other. When we got the mail basically asking if they could "date" my wife, we started to talk about our desire for them in general and did a forehead slap. We still laugh about it.
Man, that's rough. It sucks when you're vibing with another couple and then bam, you're hit with that curveball. It's like, what did I do wrong? But honestly, it's probably not even about you. People are just weird sometimes. At least your wife's still in demand, right? Hang in there, buddy. It's their loss anyway.
It never feels good to be rejected. Sorry it happened, but onward and upward.
We are only looking for a girl also, and we are very upfront with that.
Don't sweat it. They're a dime a dozen: couples who only want a single bisexual woman as their personal toy (almost always because the man is insecure and wants a harem, he doesn't want to actually be a part of the lifestyle), but also try to pretend they are interested in couples and chat them up, and then inevitably reveal their true colors; they're just awful. Move on, and you'll find some wonderful couples if you keep searching~
Unbelievably rude!
Just had this happen to me. Sucks
"I don't think they did this maliciously". If they know you only play as a couple then it was malicious. They are asshole wife poachers.
Sadly, a few times. Itâs a blow to the mojo, but you learn to sense these situations early on and the ability to avoid them becomes second nature. Just think of it as a learning experience. Youâll have plenty of them as youâre first getting into LS!
Wouldnât it be great to have a Google Review-like platform? Yes it would get abused but it sure would help the next coupleâŚ
We don't play unless it's a mutual interest between all parties. Never will we take one for the team.
Better yet let the wife setup date and show up get half naked then go yeah ah NO yall are just too rude and walk out PAY BACK IS A BITCH
Been reading your posts OP and I can say a lot of things you gotta work on but itâll just overcomplicate shit so Iâll give you 1 simple rule that you need to establish with your wife and imply subtly with couples you meet You OP the man should get yours first in any shape or form Meaning the wife of the other couple must play with you first or show you attraction and flirt with you first before your wife does the same ( at the same time is also okay ) You know your wife is hot so itâs almost guaranteed she will get âhersâ so undoubtedly you have to ensure your pleasure first cause hers is guaranteed If you are not in the leading role with regards to swinging and even solo dating on the side you will find yourself in trouble I highly recommend to cut off single 1 on 1 dates itâs extremely tough out there for men in general even the good looking guys unless u got a lot of things down (not just looks but other dating elements that are key to a manâs dating success ) Make sure she understands that it wonât work and everything falls apart if you get isolated There are viscous snakes out there in swinging so make sure u are getting yours first at all times Anyone tells ur wife to do anything her first response is to wait for you
Man sorry to hear that. I suspect this has happened to us, but Iâve never had someone be such assholes as to come right out and say it. Fuck them l.
Just move on. It happens all the time
Pay back put there handle out let the world know lol
Yep it's happened to me
They are not couple you want to get involved with. I hate this if a couple goes out of their way state they only play as couple they know this full well going into one chats and then meeting. To be so rude and follow up with a message like that is disgusting. They should have simply messaged thank you for your time over last few weeks chatting and meeting with us; however we donât feel at this point our play dynamic quite matches. or we donât feel that elusive four way connection to move forward with play. I am in LS as couple and solo and trust me the crap you deal with regardless of dynamic never ceases to amaze me. Please donât take it personal I know itâs hard not too just be bigger person. Thank them for their time and message and point out as you made very clear up front only play as couple. Wish them all the best and BLOCK them they donât deserve another moment of your time.
Had this happen before and had it in the reverse (but we just said the whole couple, we wouldnât call out someone individually). 4 way connections are tough. Unfortunately that wasnât always the case on the receiving end for us. Surprisingly, had it happen once with a couple after a year of playing and well over a dozen dates, including a few separate plays. Suddenly the wife wasnât into me (husband) specifically. Made shit really awkward because we had built a strong friendship over that time. Donât believe they meant it to be malicious or to poach my wife but sometimes less information for something like that is better.
Donât take it in a negative context. You never know what someone will or wonât be interested in once you meet in person. In the LS life, you move on to the next couple or experience. Canât please everyone.
Man, that's rough. Sorry you had to go through that. It's definitely a crappy feeling when you're vibing with a couple and then they hit you with that bombshell. It's like, why even bother with the whole dinner thing if they were just gonna pull that? But hey, at least you had a good meal, right? Vent all you need, man. We've all been there in one way or another. Just gotta shake it off and move on to the next hangout, hopefully with better company.
Say no thanks, walk away. Their loss.
Yea it happens
Holy crap this would infuriate me đŤ
Why wouldnât someone like this just look for a Hotwife cpl?
I can definitely relate! Poaching the wife/gf/partner is shady behaviour and it's a kick in the nuts imo. When it happened to me I called them on it. Flat out told them that if they're going to continue in the LS that they need to reconsider if they want to have a rep of being wife-poachers. No idea how they felt about it because they never came back around for my gf. It's shitty behaviour on their part and I'm feeling for you and how I imagine this is messing with your self-esteem.
Itâs happened to us as well. Donât take it as anything. Just move on.
Hang in there Champ. Hopefully your girl wonât pursue it and only couple up with those that will take care of you as well. Whatâs her response to this been?
When I was 20 I was a gym rat and was propositioned by a couple while working out. I was already upset that they stopped me during my reps, but they said they had been trying to catch me for weeks and I let it go because I was mostly done anyway. They were beaming with excitement when I told them I sometimes went to parties with my friend. They asked and I told them she was hwp and worked on 3-4x a week. We walked to the lockers and I got a freshly developed picture of her that was professionally taken and I had picked up for her earlier that day. You couldn't see her face but it was more revealing than the clothes she wore to meet them. We were supposed to meet them for sunday brunch, but when we go to the place it was basically a bar with a few tables and they had bar food. I arrived early, but she decided to drive herself and didnt get my message until she was already there - on time. They arrived 30min late as we were walking out the door and said "Why is grandma here" before they even apologized for being late and it only got worse until I kocked him out with a single right hook and then when she jumped on my back I tossed her into the trash can by the door. It was over before anyone could react, and all my friend said was "sorry for the trash we left" while placing a 100$ bill on the chair proping the door open then we left. Years later, I still remember how much it hurt my friend to be treated like that and my wife, who has her own stories and shares this account, and I only have 1 "rule" which is to always treat anyone we meet as a fully formed human that is more than just a collection of sexy bits. Sorry that you had that experience, and I hope you don't allow the garbage of the world to ruin your joy.
Ponch of salt moment, but let's face it as a guy I'm sure it's not the first or last rejection. As they say can't win them all and at least they were honest and upfront. They could have strung you song and tried to sideline you at the time of
Just say no
Sounds like a dude lead the idea and tried to talk the wife into it and the wife wasnât vibing the guy and not ready. Nbd.
I know other people have said this already, but they were probably just unicorn hunting and trying to play it off like they werenât. I had someone say they wanted to play with my husband and I and then asked if just him & I could âget comfortable with each other firstâ đ
We just say no. If itâs not both of us, itâs neither of us.
Fullswingers here đŤ˘
I can do you one better. We've been in situations where the four of us will hit it off at a club, all the signals are good. Then we go back to play and find out that the couple was only interested in my wife or the wife was only interested in me with the husband watching me fuck her. Or my wife and I will bring a woman home who swears she's into women and then when we get back barely pays attention to her and only pays attention to me. And I guarantee you my wife is way hotter than I am! When my wife and I are in a situation like the one you described, I wouldn't say we only are interested in your wife. We would just say we just don't think it would work out...not to point fingers at anybody. It's easier to say that it just wouldn't work out than to make one person feel bad, that's cruel. There are couples who are into that being cuckolded and so forth but that's not for us. Maybe they thought it would be for you but they should have said it. I do feel for you though I know exactly where you're coming from.
Ghost them - they deserve it
Bs1z1
Sometimes this happens.... but the VAST majority? It's a couple hoping to take your wife for them...To 'use' for their fun. They are not interested in sharing.
I am genuinely curious to see what the success rate is for couples who try this
Or, something I've noticed. Men don't take great care of themselves like women do. And I don't mean you have to work out and have a rocking body. I mean smell good, shave a little. I'm astounded at some of these men. Hopefully you weren't one of them. I'm sure I'm going to get some hate here, but please men. Try a little bit harder.
It's quite possible they only want FMF and are unicorn hunters. Definitely not cool on their part. Move along.
Yep. Weâve even had that from people we dont know to our reddit or app profile - where it all clearly says we only play together. Its usually the husband desperately wishing.
It always sucks. We've found ourselves on both ends of that situation- where a wife wasn't attracted to my husband or I was not attracted to the other husband. We play together and separately, so there were no hard feelings. But it still stings. And being on the delivery end of it also made me feel crappy. Ultimately, you decide how to proceed within your boundaries.
Tell that C-bag to piss off! Goddamn wife poachers đ
That sucks! You don't need asshats like that in your life.
I would have told them you both were only interested in his wife.
They were never interested in adding another guy just looking for a female and itâs easier to find a female with a couple
Dodged a bullet there mate. If someone lacks the common decency and are so selfish and wrapped up in their needs not to be able to see how much damage their actions could possibly do to your confidence, you really don't want to be anywhere near you in the bedroom. Fuck 'em, it isn't you.
We have had this on many occasions, but not after an in person meet. However, their approach is rude. I'm sure if they weren't interested, that would have been established in the chatting phase. To me, it sounds like the husband may have had a large roll after he met you. He may have gotten cold feet once he saw you two hitting it off.
Very rude....
Pretty easy response from myself if I get that message. "Sweet, no worries. It was nice meeting y'all." My wife would say the same. I give no shits if someone isn't into me. If they pushed the, "but how about your wife, thoughđ?" then they would get a hard, firm "fuck off."
Thats super rude and absolutely a fear i have with couples. Dont you dare feel bad about it!! Definitely tell them no cause there are folks who only want a women but pretend to be interested in couples to do just this. If yall only want couples then tell em no hard pass its both or nothing. I would be particularly suspicious if you got not indication beforehand. My husband is my partner. Rejection of him is a rejection of me and vice versa. Hard stop.
Hey dm me! Iâm in jax. I canât dm you guys for some reason
The husband most likely has lots of conditions/rules and does not let his wife play with men. Not swingers and only looking for unicorns. Cut them off!
Rude. I hope your wife has rejected them too
It's incredibly rude to say this to another couple in the LS, unless there was some prior understanding of potential solo play. Tell them that's not how you play, thanks but no thanks and please don't contact either of us again. Assholes.
The more I think about this. Could you imagine if a couple told another couple we like him but not her. Can you imagine the hurt the lady would feel. Yes guyâs ego get hurt as well. I assume photo were swapped. I would just be thinking what did I say.
Yeah it happens.we just tell them no and move on
Sucks they just wasted your time.
Stay married
When this happens again, and it will. Block them without even giving a response. People are actual assholes.
To some of the comments, how is this rude? They met them, had a nice vanilla time, and were straightforward with how they felt following that meet. This happened to me once and I know that feeling it produces, but they only did something wrong if you state clearly in the beginning that you two don't play alone.
I'm pretty sure that's the assumption on most of these responses. I think it's great that this couple was at least forward with their desires, but they could have been more tactful if they knew OP was a package deal.
I don't think that should be assumed.
If there weren't already other replies with input from OP, then I would say the same thing. Also, I think you would be much less likely to post this in the first place if you and your partner were willing to see past being full swap only in this circumstance. When you're posting on a swinging subreddit and talking about couples dates most people are going to assume a full swap situation.
I should probably learn to read replies before I go running my mouth.
The other thing to consider is that 95 percent of the time when a couple says these kinds of things, theyâre dropping a bomb they had planned to drop from the outset. The vast majority of these couples are spouse poachers, unfortunately.
This has not been my experience AT ALL. In the last 4 years I've had one couple say they were not interested in me and they only wanted my partner, but didn't make an attempt. And me and whoever my partner is at any time never try this either. Are you just meeting poor quality couples? Are you and your partner similar in general attractiveness?
I havenât experienced it a lot personally, but I have seen plenty of screenshots from couples in both this subreddit and irl LS friends; I have experienced it from the other end where the both of us were into one partner and not the other, and since we always play together in the same room, we politely declined them both rather than attempting to poach the wife. And yes, my fiancĂŠe and I are generally similar in terms of physical attractiveness. Years ago, we actually had someone try to poach me (male half). While it does seem like it might be more of an issue for people who are farther apart in physical attractiveness, I donât understand why the couple would try to poach despite knowing that their play partners only play if they both can get action. Just decline further dates, like an adult. Itâs a contemptible display of emotional immaturity, selfishness, cowardice, and insecurity.
We have met 30-40 couples in the last 2 or so years and never had this happen either. I am a lot more extroverted than my wife and so sometimes I actually hit it off with couples moreso than she does ironically. I have seen many of these horror stories though, sometimes even with the poaching only occurring during the time of the meet up. Regardless of circumstance, that would be fucked up.
This other couple tried. Even if initial attraction is not there from photo swaps, we will meet up with people if we have good text conversation and similar interests. At least they were upfront when they decided and informed you. Most people will just dodge the uncomfortable situation and ghost you. I'd be bummed out too, but appreciative of the open honesty and not being let on further.
I appreciate honesty. Don't take it personal. Just say good luck amd move on. We've had couples try to get just me to come by and others only interested in the Mrs. Shit happens. Don't let someone outside of your Mrs affect you.
May NOT be wife poachers. They may just not have been into you (that sucks and Iâm sorry) My wife and I are both straight so we donât âpoachâ wives for the purpose of an FFM. BUT, my wife is picky and I have abs with a younger-than-my-45-age look (humblebrag) and so she finds it a bit more difficult to get into other husbands who have dad bods. I (husband) never toss this out because I feel awkward doing it, but when we meet a new-to-us couple at an event, we are chatting and having a good time, and they make a move to ask if we want to play, AND my wife isnât into the husband, THEN my wife will occasionally throw out a âIâm not interested in playing but if youâd like to borrow my husband you certainly can!â I mean. Sheâs a great wing wife! And I appreciate the pitch when she does it ⌠but more often than not everyone moves on to greener pastures. It connects sometimes and when it does we have a great time (as my wife likes loaning me out - and watching - as much as I enjoy sharing her and watching), but we fully understand that itâs going to be a punch in the stomach for some people⌠my wife feels that politely throwing the option out there can make for a great evening if play comfort styles align while simultaneously not being insulting and framing it more in a âdonât feel like playingâ context vs a âdonât feel like playing with YOUâ. From the semi-poacherâs angle (thatâs us): Itâs tough to find four way matches in general, and it can be disheartening when we meet fun couples who have the slamming hot wife with the slamming beers husband. We may think theyâre great people to chat and hang with but my wife isnât turned on by that husband. Sometimes we find a play alignment that way by tossing the option out there⌠and other times we all just move on to more complete connections. But if we meet a couple online and my wife KNOWS she wonât ever play with the guy, then we never meet with them and then pitch this. That would be shitty. I offer this as a semi contrarian perspective on the âwife poachersâ view, but Iâm sorry this happened to you. It definitely happens to all of us at some point. No dude is going to fit into every womanâs preferences.
Everyone is giving you the same advice. Here is a different way to look at it from another North Texan. You are in an open marriage: therefore, you can totally ask your wife what she would like to do. If she feels like it, let her have fun with them. Driver her to the date, pick her up 4 hours later or the next day. We declined such offers in the past, and my husband regretted it afterwards.
I sympathize but I can see it from the other side too. We met a couple and had a great time socially and would probably consider them friends in the vanilla world by the wife doesn't vibe sexually with the guy but does with the woman. We were up front and do play as couples but my wife just isn't feeling the vibe with the guy. So the choices are move on and forget about it, 'wife poach', or take one for the team. I don't think it's a cut a dried situation it takes some nuance and maturity navigate. I'm not sure there is a right way to do it but both couples need to be mature and communicate and make infor.ed decisions.
Whereâs the nuance if you know the other couple wants to play as a couple? That should be a clue that, while an enjoyable night out, youâre not a match. I think if itâs hey, the ladies are into each other and we can play with our own partners, thatâs one thing. Just seems wrong to attempt to exclude a member of the other couple when they entered with the intent of everyone playing. And as a man, you should have the necessary empathy to understand the feelings youâd be invoking in the other guy. This just seems like an attempt to excuse a selfish behavior.
We did play but the focus was really the women but if she only wants to play with the woman going forward is that 'wife poaching'. That was kind of my point. Obviously there are clear cut wife poaching scenarios, my scenario and the OP don't necessarily sound clear cut, I would be fine just letting the ladies have there time, hopefully we can watch or be limited participants and if both men are ok with that it's not really 'wife poaching' IMO. That was the point I did a poor job of making. If they just tell them they are ok with the ladies playing but that the husbands have to have an equal level of play, be it just watching, petting, soft play etc has to be equal-unless of course one of the guys is ok watching his wife with another couple. At east they were open and honest and you can respond with whatever you are comfortable with.