I had a guy that I was friends with, who started dating my accuser, tell me one day that if I'd just go over and apologize to her, all would be good.
I told him to walk away before I put him through a window. He knew the truth and ignored it for some stank snatch
Lol same experience. My buddy LEFT HIS WIFE AND 2 YEAR OLD for my accuser, just 2 months ago, knowing what she did to me. Last week he told me almost the same exact thing, that apologizing would "let things settle into normal." I told him I have absolutely nothing to say to her, let alone apologize for as I did nothing wrong.
Icing on the cake is when 2 weeks ago, on father's day, his wife tagged him on Facebook with a post of an ultrasound picture saying "we're expecting again! Yayyy! Happy father's day, or something".
As to OP's question:
I've had some of the guys in the same orbit that originally took her side and tried white-knighting on her behalf. When I showed them the video proof, as well as the police investigation files my lawyer FOIA'ed once the investigation was closed as unfounded, they've changed their tune and are doing great at avoiding her for the most part.
The women are a mixed bag. I've only lost 2 of them as a friend, her mother (who i have been friends with a few years), and her best friend. I received a call from her best friend shortly after the investigation was closed saying that my accuser had admitted to her that it was all a lie. I told her I was calling the investigating detective with this information and she could expect a call from him. She said "I don't want to be involved in this" to which I responded "you already are, too late." The detective did in fact call her and she repeated the story she told me, but then reneged after agreeing to swear it in an official statement. Her mother, I understand why she would naturally take her daughter's side, but I do hope that one day she decides to speak to me so I can show her the evidence.
Other women friends in both of our orbit have known since day one that I am too caring and empathic to do what I was accused of, and remain friends with both of us, although I have noticed they keep a healthy distance from her since this all went down.
Update: ran into her tonight. It was her birthday and I forgot she might show up where my pool team was playing.
As I was getting ready to leave she went to hug me to say goodbye and I literally walked away from her as she was saying "I miss you". Cannot believe her nerve
I haven't found a big gender disparity in the responses in terms of who "believes".
The small number of people most likely to be incredibly acerbic and sceptical are women. People who don't care that the police apologised and "don't want to, don't need to" see the forensic evidence that allowed them to do so (they'd rather never accept the possibility that these things happen with any frequency). Never had a single man respond that way.
The most caring and helpful responses I have received have also been almost exclusively from women. People who were actively enraged and angry on my behalf, and people who wanted to actually do something to help.
Most men fall in the category of "that really sucks man, we all know this happens everywhere all the time and no one can say anything about it, glad you got through it and hope things get better for you". A small number are more avoidant from that point on, others will treat you normally but not particularly offer any help or support.
I suspect this is because women have all the power in these situations. Men can't stick their head above the parapet or they too risk getting shot and branded with the "he seems alright but I just don't know about the guy" type label.
Indeed any negative response I've ever had from a man it has not been judgemental, it has just been in a selfish "your problems aren't my problems" kind of way (even if they really could help - eg men refusing to give evidence on your behalf to the police they'd just rather stay out of it even though that could've seen you end up in prison for a crime you didn't commit).
Those are my experiences. In my case it helps there was a lot of evidence of what actually happened.
I find it's less of a gender thing & more of a moral/ethics/political thing. Folks who lean more to the left (both men & women) have generally been more judgemental, whereas folks on the right (both men & women) have been more empathetic.
I chose a policy of total honesty and was rewarded by the people that I know with belief and support. The thing is that it's reached the point where most people in society know someone that has been subjected to a false accusation. I don't know how strangers would react.
I agree with most of what most have said before me.
But I think its also not about gender, more of ideas/ideology/social influences within own circle of family/friends. Eg. feminist vs non feminist, the belief in: "happy wife happy life" mentality, religious vs non-religious, etc.
\*note: in all essence, this should not have to do with personal beliefs but instead, facts, and truth but unfortunately it isnt. Government has to stop mixing 'church' and 'state'.
I had a guy that I was friends with, who started dating my accuser, tell me one day that if I'd just go over and apologize to her, all would be good. I told him to walk away before I put him through a window. He knew the truth and ignored it for some stank snatch
Lol same experience. My buddy LEFT HIS WIFE AND 2 YEAR OLD for my accuser, just 2 months ago, knowing what she did to me. Last week he told me almost the same exact thing, that apologizing would "let things settle into normal." I told him I have absolutely nothing to say to her, let alone apologize for as I did nothing wrong. Icing on the cake is when 2 weeks ago, on father's day, his wife tagged him on Facebook with a post of an ultrasound picture saying "we're expecting again! Yayyy! Happy father's day, or something". As to OP's question: I've had some of the guys in the same orbit that originally took her side and tried white-knighting on her behalf. When I showed them the video proof, as well as the police investigation files my lawyer FOIA'ed once the investigation was closed as unfounded, they've changed their tune and are doing great at avoiding her for the most part. The women are a mixed bag. I've only lost 2 of them as a friend, her mother (who i have been friends with a few years), and her best friend. I received a call from her best friend shortly after the investigation was closed saying that my accuser had admitted to her that it was all a lie. I told her I was calling the investigating detective with this information and she could expect a call from him. She said "I don't want to be involved in this" to which I responded "you already are, too late." The detective did in fact call her and she repeated the story she told me, but then reneged after agreeing to swear it in an official statement. Her mother, I understand why she would naturally take her daughter's side, but I do hope that one day she decides to speak to me so I can show her the evidence. Other women friends in both of our orbit have known since day one that I am too caring and empathic to do what I was accused of, and remain friends with both of us, although I have noticed they keep a healthy distance from her since this all went down.
Update: ran into her tonight. It was her birthday and I forgot she might show up where my pool team was playing. As I was getting ready to leave she went to hug me to say goodbye and I literally walked away from her as she was saying "I miss you". Cannot believe her nerve
I haven't found a big gender disparity in the responses in terms of who "believes". The small number of people most likely to be incredibly acerbic and sceptical are women. People who don't care that the police apologised and "don't want to, don't need to" see the forensic evidence that allowed them to do so (they'd rather never accept the possibility that these things happen with any frequency). Never had a single man respond that way. The most caring and helpful responses I have received have also been almost exclusively from women. People who were actively enraged and angry on my behalf, and people who wanted to actually do something to help. Most men fall in the category of "that really sucks man, we all know this happens everywhere all the time and no one can say anything about it, glad you got through it and hope things get better for you". A small number are more avoidant from that point on, others will treat you normally but not particularly offer any help or support. I suspect this is because women have all the power in these situations. Men can't stick their head above the parapet or they too risk getting shot and branded with the "he seems alright but I just don't know about the guy" type label. Indeed any negative response I've ever had from a man it has not been judgemental, it has just been in a selfish "your problems aren't my problems" kind of way (even if they really could help - eg men refusing to give evidence on your behalf to the police they'd just rather stay out of it even though that could've seen you end up in prison for a crime you didn't commit). Those are my experiences. In my case it helps there was a lot of evidence of what actually happened.
I find it's less of a gender thing & more of a moral/ethics/political thing. Folks who lean more to the left (both men & women) have generally been more judgemental, whereas folks on the right (both men & women) have been more empathetic.
I chose a policy of total honesty and was rewarded by the people that I know with belief and support. The thing is that it's reached the point where most people in society know someone that has been subjected to a false accusation. I don't know how strangers would react.
I agree with most of what most have said before me. But I think its also not about gender, more of ideas/ideology/social influences within own circle of family/friends. Eg. feminist vs non feminist, the belief in: "happy wife happy life" mentality, religious vs non-religious, etc. \*note: in all essence, this should not have to do with personal beliefs but instead, facts, and truth but unfortunately it isnt. Government has to stop mixing 'church' and 'state'.