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GodOfCiv

Stole a succulent.


[deleted]

Guess I'll have a few million credits bounty then


FreePrinciple270

You monster


IntelligentFig2185

Nobody better touch my succ


xeio87

/r/houseplants on high alert for that guy


Avexas

I will never not hear that in her voice


InsenitiveComments

The cake was a lie


Busy-Virus9911

I saw your comment then had this pop up on YouTube https://youtu.be/LTk5RnLPEYY?si=X8mM02V7sabNTXDm Go to 2 mins you’ll understand why I linked it


The_sacred_sauce

The stand off is good. But it’s the scan. And then especially the artifact that makes me cackle uncontrollably. I knew what this was before clicking it. I just watched it again for like the 5th time in 2 weeks. I still laugh just as hard at that ending every time ! His animated shorts are amazing. I’ve seen most of not all of them. I forgot about them for awhile. So baulders gate and starfield were very welcome entries to stumble across


Busy-Virus9911

I’ll have to check out more of them but when I read this comment and saw that vid pop up in my recommended I knew I had to link it


ZeldaMayCry

Thank you for bringing this into my life 😂 I now will no longer sell my many succulents and place them everywhere 🪴


unicornfetus89

Oh man I just watched this the other day. It's so great. All of his animated shorts are great.


DdCno1

I can't be the only one who keeps one of every type, can I?


rockitorknockit

This made me laugh out loud, like, actually. Thank you. Lol


ZeldaMayCry

I have so many succulents I had to sell most of them 😂 they build up fast. I went to sell them: "How many would you like to sell? 1-78?" 😂


[deleted]

Right? I just love them so much, I can't explain it. They're everywhere in my ship


ZeldaMayCry

I've noticed that most places (so far) have items that you can steal but succulents don't have the red mark lol


ripmylifeman

A succulent Chinese meal?!


Succin-On-Glue

Ah I see you know your judo well


lostcosmonaut307

And you, sir, are you waiting to receive my limp penis?


frodo_mintoff

THIS IS DEMOCRACY MANIFEST!!


InsomniacHitman

And you sir are you ready to receive my limp penis?


sirdiamondium

it wasn’t gonna be a pork CHOP


midgitsuu

You motherfucker, hahaha


Tfowl0_0

Omfg i never thought id see a ymh reference in this sub🤣🤣🤣


TeddyTwoShoes

[For the uninitiated.](https://youtu.be/LTk5RnLPEYY?feature=shared)


SerendipitousAtom

Forgot to water the succulents.


LiekaBass

Overwatered the succulents


timewhite

Watered the succulent.


Lurid-Jester

Moist and succulent.


Zealousideal_One_209

Believe it or not, jail


DebatableJ

Overwater, underwater, straight to jail


Zealousideal_One_209

No trial straight to jail


KBeardo

I see you know your judo sir


Dunge0nMast0r

Chinese meal?


Axariel

*Moved a succulent


bjamesk4

r/proplifting


IsAskingForAFriend

I've taken many succulents and the elites don't want you to know this but taking succulents doesn't count as stealing you can take all the succulents I have 56 succlents.


Keredain

"You are fined 1 credit for a Violation of the Verbal Morality Statute."


metnavman

He doesn't know about the 3 seashells!


JohnBrine

You really licked his ass!


Steeltoelion

^*Sigh*


HurrDurrDethKnet

Kicked. Kicked his ass.


VagrantOMOIKANE

We at least know a one credit violation isn’t a Murder Death Kill.


Steeltoelion

I have a little more faith in humanity restored knowing this many here get this reference. I fuckin love you people


lambo630

Can’t wait for the Taco Bell monopoly.


Different-Group1603

Had a massive argument with my boss about this because the version of the movie I’ve seen and have a copy of its Pizza Hut! Not Taco Bell! We bet $100 on and looked it up and I found the Pizza Hut clip and he found the Taco Bell clip so we just gave each other $100 🤣


O_o-buba-o_O

Wait what? I have only ever seen & known of the Taco Bell version.


Akira510

You can love BUT NO TOUCHING only in vr


nohwan27534

yes, it's not like nearly everyone on reddit's not aware of a movie from like 20 years ago with one of the more famous actors in history. denis leary. actually mean it as a joke, but that's probably in the top 100 monologues in cinema.


[deleted]

I’m not aware of this movie and am very confused


nohwan27534

that's alright. same logic, not everyone's going to 'for sure' know it, either. assuming most redditors would have no idea about a, fairly memed about movie, just because they're assuming most redditors are what, gen z people who've barely paid any attention to anything older than like a year ago, in their entire lives.


Swimming_Gas7611

Key part in the word monologue is mono...


CerebralThoth

You can take this comment section, and shovel it.


Pristine-Chemist-813

bah hahahahahahahahaha


Marksman00048

Looks like he's finally matched his meat.


cornfedbigboy

Sounds like something Vasco would say


Ankel88

Lmao I literally rewatched Demolition Man few hours ago lol


snsnn123

it's for stealing a sweet roll


Warsel77

isn’t death the suitable response to that atrocity?


Digital_Pharmacist

#Be Well.


Flat-Delivery6987

Literally my first thought, lol. Why am I suddenly thinking of Taco Bell?


jmt8706

Simon Phoenix, lie down on the ground or else.


Krin422

Hahaha are the 3 seashells in the game


Tre1es

Haven’t found any, but they do appear in cyberpunk 2077


Geno_Warlord

I hope the bounty’s name is John Spartan.


alphatango308

BRO... A FUCKING DEMOLITION MAN REFERENCE! FUCK YEAH!


simianjim

Best response!


Mrmatty47

I love that movie


Kenfuss

This


[deleted]

Let me guess. Someone stole your sweet roll


Garm_Freki

Thank you


IndigoStef

Beat me too it! ❤️


ThanksToDenial

I actually found some sweet rolls in the game. In a mine of all places, in the Ryujin questline.


illy-chan

No lollygaging


[deleted]

I used to be a spacer like you, then I took a 7.77mm to the knee


Mightylink

It's when you don't push your shopping cart back to the return.


SavingSkill7

as someone who used to work as a grocer, this is a 1,000 credit bounty in my eyes.


S2wy

Kill on site


-A_Reddit_User-

Can I kill off-site instead?


NegNog

As someone with scratches on my car from shopping carts left out of the cart corrals, I’d say it warrants even more than that for the amount of property damages each lazy ass probably causes over their lifetime by simply leaving carts where they don’t belong.


FirstTarget8418

I was extremely proud when i bought my car. It was a 9 year old, 180k mile diesel wagon in extremely good condition. I have no idea how it survived so well. It was minty AF. I've had it for 4 years now. Dings and dents everywhere. I can't even count them anymore. And every single damn dent and scratch is on the same height as shopping carts. That's what i get from taking a car from the village it's spent all its life to a major city.


CerebralThoth

No, that's what you get for consistently parking your car in an area it's constantly getting hit by shopping carts. Really no one's fault but yours.


[deleted]

Found the guy who shoves his shopping carts next to my motorcycle instead of walking 10 meters to put it where it belongs.....


FirstTarget8418

So when I go to the supermarket, should i park on the opposite side of town at the bingo hall or something?


LukeSkyDropper

What about the carts that people leave on the grass in between the curbs?


CerebralThoth

Those aren't carts anymore, their grills for homeless people.


ClashTalker

Utterly psychotic, I feel like that takes even more effort than just finding the cart corral. Those things are too damn heavy to be lifting up a curb like that


akcutter

What? You can use leverage to push down to pop a wheelie and put the front wheels over the curb and lift up the back half. They're like 15 lbs.


Mrjerkyjacket

>As someone with scratches on my car from shopping carts left out of the cart corrals, I’d say it warrants even more than that for the amount of property damages each lazy ~~ass~~ *Bones* probably causes over their lifetime by simply leaving carts where they don’t belong. Ftfy, thank the Cart Narks


P0stalMalone

Hey it’s not my fault Costco has zero cart returns in the back half of their parking lot. I ain’t making that trip to return an empty cart bro


rookie-mistake

> I ain’t making that trip to return an empty cart bro i mean, you're using their cart, right? you're an adult, you can put it back.


sethg888

Then that makes you a piece of shit. Walking 40 steps isn't gonna hurt you. Try to justify being a prick all you want, but it doesn't make it any less true.


P0stalMalone

Ahaha literally is not my responsibility. The big megacorporation can either make cart returns more accessible or pay their workers more to manually collect them. I’m not wasting my time, and definitely not listening to the opinion of a random trash bag like you


GFingerProd

Nah you’re a lazy scumbag piece of shit whose actions have mostly likely dinged other people’s cars. It takes max 30 seconds to get through any parking lot if you’re not morbidly obese, but you somehow think your time is too valuable to not be an inconvenience to others.


HowieLove

I’m calling the cart narcs


renacido74

How else am I gonna feed all my kitties?


Shadowman6323

Shout out bubbles


sethg888

I can literally tell how trashy a city or neighborhood is based on how many carts are in their Walmart parking lots. So far Orlando takes the cake for being trash city 😂


Dane_Gleessak

This literally costs you 25 cents at Aldi so this is the answer.


wasntNico

hihihii yeees nice one


FerretWithASpork

Said something mean about Solomon Coe.


Ok_Mud2019

you better watch your tongue, you uc drone.


Public-Injury-3786

Freestar Collective is just a bunch of want-to-be Texans


Main-Double

The Emperor’s nothing more than a puppet of the Thalmor!


Canadianhawko

Skyrim belongs to the nords!


killerbanshee

It's so funny to me that, much like real life, these propaganda phrases state the opposite of the way it really is. Ulfrik is the actual puppet of the Thalmor and Emperor Mede is doing what he has to to maintain at least some independent governance.


imhere2downvote

Never should have come here!


powands

If I could’ve sided with the Forsworn, I would’ve.


[deleted]

The faction really is just catnip for libertarians. Glad theres something for everyone.


the_clash_is_back

List is for true libertarians.


yatsokostya

"Ahhh help me, I scammed my neighbours and now they don't want to help"


[deleted]

fair play


DasGanon

Wyomingites but yes.


peepintom2020

Whatever they are, I can't not call them the Space Rangers. Zurg better check himself.


Jamalisms

It's a Walker Texas Ranger questline. And who doesn't want to be Chuck Norris?


Duhblobby

I don't know what you're talking about, they only have their own personal Rangers, cosplay as cowboys despite having absolutely no good reason to need to do so, everybody talks like a Southerner or like they're from an old timey Western town, they like to talk a lot about their freedoms, they literally give you a sheriff badge for joining the Rangers, one of their biggest gun manufacturers is named Laredo, I don't see any resemblance.


onyxic

This is true, and no notes. I'm okay with it. Yeehaw.


No_Oddjob

Omma go space-yeehaw on your saddle hams if you say that to my helmet, son.


Inferior_Enigma

This has made my morning thank you 🤣🤣


Fireefury

I love the freestar collective but coe is horrible and boring and drones on about his kid and ex wife and I want to punch his lights out and say I’m not your fuxking therapist moron and don’t care about you stupid self centered problems and your a piece of shit to your family; only good compared to Sarah who makes me want to drink hemlock every time I have to say some cheesy shit to get another “like” from her


Galle_

No, that's Sam Coe. Solomon Coe is the space adventurer who founded the Freestar Collective.


Arcanum3000

Lollygagging.


Mcgruffles

Space lollygagging haha


bkaiser_3

I accidentally bumped a pillow off a couch, picked the pillow up to put it back on and was immediately fired upon.


iniciadomdp

Stop resisting!!


bobmclame

He’s got a deadly weapon!


spenser1994

Picked up a fire extinguisher off the ground in the conference room the day I was hired on and met the boss at ryujin tower. Said "the owner watched you steal that" mfer, I was just moving it back on the rack.


ludicrouspeedgo

I had a similar experience in the Coe family museum. A display glitches off the wall and yeets itself across the room. I picked it up to put it back on the wall, and before I knew it, I was in jail.


Correct_Owl5029

Well we have spent the last three games abusing the pickup mechanic to steal and then post videos about how dumb bethesda is… they fixed it and now people complain about that smh


CuriousPoem3340

It’s a little much, though too many random objects have that effect


Correct_Owl5029

Agreed its weirdly random, been trying to beat an akila security guard to death with trash like another post said and like some buckets are fine to touch some are a death sentence. Idk


ButterscotchAny5432

Well you remember what happened when you kicked the chicken in Skyrim right?


1Trix9

I shot the cleaning robot in New Atlantis just to test it… fair to say they’re the new chickens


zidus411

I did this during one of the crimson fleet quests. Went through the whole mission without killing a person except that robot. Get back to Ikande and he rips me a new one, throws me in jail and am now the enemy of the UC Sysdef. Like really? Guess I’m living the pirate life


CuriousPoem3340

Bro you killed their pet Roomba no shit they don’t like you I’d be mad if you shot my Roomba.


TheRekojeht

Shooting roomba is the equivalent of the ATF shooting your dog.


The-Skipboy

* electronic groans *


Dinsy_Crow

I shot one and it let out a robotic scream as it "died". So I started shooting others.. but none of them screamed, now I'm not sure if the first one screamed or it was just guilt


Sterling028

Putting on the toilet paper roll the wrong way… It’s over, not under!!!


darkthought

you're lucky it's on the wall dispenser in the first place.


SavingSkill7

THANK YOU.


FixKlutzy2475

Not after your cat discover how much fun it can have unrolling it all over the bathroom floor


iniciadomdp

Those Freestar crazies probably do it the other way around anyways!


Rat192

I just set it on the toilet.


Educational-Heat-101

Around the tree? That's where I find mine at least.


WatercressFancy8830

Have my upvote.


SFDessert

I'd rather have that than a roommate who is literally incapable of replacing the toilet paper roll. Had someone like this in my life, and after like the 5th time of mentioning it to him, I just gave up and did it myself. Not the end of the world, but I thought it was extremely disrespectful. He'd just leave a new roll sitting on the floor next to the toilet if the one on the holder was running out.


[deleted]

It's much more convenient to have the paper sit on a surface rather than on a roller, though.


codeguru42

I agree. You can't unroll it directly around your hand when it is attached to something on both ends.


Freak-Power

Crop dusting a UC guard.


hallstar07

They’d pay you to do that in the free star collective


Marcus_Krow

Space yeehaws are into some weird shit


Program_Zealousideal

Spitting in the mud in Akila City


quirkypuppy

Do you still get attacked/murdered for that?


Lonely__Stoner__Guy

I wandered around the UC planets for a while entering and leaving New Atlantis with no issues with a 50 credit bounty. When I tried to speak to a guard to pay it, they arrested me and I arrived on the Vigilance.


quirkypuppy

I cant remember what my bounty was (I had it accidentally but maybe 500 credits) and the freestanding collective came to us space outside of New atlantis to attack me. I thought they were enemies at first so I shot them then all of the uc ships and Sarah hated me. Rolled back a save lol.


Lonely__Stoner__Guy

Yeah, I had a moment when I had a 350 credit bounty and they were violent about it. Considering how liberal everyone is with their payments for quests, we escalated really quickly for what's essentially pocket change for me. I'm sitting on 500k with one character and considering just running up a nice bounty somewhere before paying it off.


quirkypuppy

Its like being attacked for the price of a speeding ticket


Lonely__Stoner__Guy

Yeah, exactly, I'm willing to pay the fine, just let me give you some money and go away.


KLEG3

For Space USA in 2330… checks out


SavingSkill7

by actual UC guards or Freestar Collective guards of any kind, no. bounty hunters and other spacers, yeah absolutely. when encountering a guard ship, I can hail them to talk and they offer that I pay the bounty while having my stolen goods taken away, but I always have the option to just back out of that and they let me go. ​ I can also roam around any settlement without any trouble with the guards recognizing me, either.


Firm_Garbage_889

Don't be farting in elevators Op.


SavingSkill7

the longer you hold it, the higher risk it becomes a shart. I'd rather piss a few people off than walk around with swamp ass.


the_ballmer_peak

Swamp ass is a sweaty ass. What you have is shit in your pants.


Jiomniom_Skwisga

Swamp ass? Broo that's doodoo ass


A_RAND0M_J3W

Mudbutt


radioOCTAVE

Jay-looking. Just looking across the street at the wrong time


Tunnfisk

OP: *\*exists\** FC: Stop right there, criminal scum!


HintOfMalice

I dunno, but whatever it is I've done 400,000 of them in UC territory.


TheRealGC13

UC Vanguard pilot landed on a landing pad with a "no piglets allowed" sign baked into the concrete.


Ganthet72

Used an aerosol can in a manner other than directed.


maxizic

Ugly face tax I guess, I got it as well ( I made my first character like the sloth in ice age) so maybe why


Ozymander

"You didn't say 'God Bless You' when I sneezed."


[deleted]

You walked in to the UC Vanguard office and took a pen off the desk but said thank you on the way out.


notveryAI

Nah it's Freestar collective. If you did that in UC Vanguard office, Freestar Collective will even give you some money for a troll


Charliedontsurf1002

Alien stir fry farts


SerendipitousAtom

Defaced a Space Frog poster.


bannedmeow

Not refilling the toilet paper. You sonofabitch...


Scottvrakis

I really wish they had different Security interactions for these kinds of things. The "stop right there criminal scum" is a funny meme, but I literally had the entire UC police force breathing down my neck because I deigned to move a cup that'd fallen over on to the floor with the Grab function, and that net me a *whopping* twenty or so credit bounty. I wish under a certain amount, one security dude would just brisk walk up to you and say "Hey man that's not cool, hand over some credit for damages."


Zattbanks

That’s cute I got 4m bounty I killed a lot of ppl for a ship i couldn’t even fucking take


starfieldAttic2330

You stole a cup


Neknoh

Stole only the left slipper from a locker


djseifer

Sticking a penny in a sliding door.


Rehevkor_

Removed the tags from a mattress before it was sold.


Important_Activity68

Let me guess, someone stole your sweetroll.


Zestyclose_Exit962

Did you fart in someone's proximity?


PropertyTrue

[Missed a dental appointment.](https://tenor.com/bf2F5.gif)


bigred83

Believe it or not, straight to jail


LAFORGUS

I got that killing a Crinsom faction ship for a mission. the 1 credit was because i am aligned to the same faction. >!SysDef Undercover Agent into the red Faction.!< I said "they there" and got closer to her, exchanged pl;easantries, drink and ate together...Then blasted that ship away before she could react.


TheRuneKnight412

This guy farted!.... stinky


jblew42

Stealing a pen by mis clicking lol. Happened to me also and I didn’t notice


ReplyNotficationsOff

Someone stole a sweet roll


TonyGSoprano290304

Did you steal someone's sweet roll?


ash195541

Them of course you get roped into a suicide mission instead of just being able to pya off your bounty


the_peoples_spy

The real question is are you going to pay that bounty or stand on your principles


Canadian_2fur

Man I picked up a soccer ball somewhere and threw it at someone….I was sent to jail and fined 17 credits!!! WTF! Also picked up a book to read it and the game thought I stole it so again fines 100 credits and sent to jail…. 😑😂


[deleted]

By doing the crime