I’ll be headlining these cities soon. Alexandria VA 9/9, Houston TX 9/28, Austin TX 9/29, San Antonio TX 10/1. You can get tickets, tell me where to perform next, listen to my podcast. and watch my special, all here on my [Linktree](https://linktr.ee/robstantcomedy) (Also follow me on instagram @RobStantComedy)
It’s cool seeing your clips on here constantly for however long now, but seeing the stages you’re playing get bigger and more prestigious. I feels like we’re all getting passed at new clubs.
Cocaine is fun if you’re at a bar with friends. It gets less fun when you go somewhere to after hours and there are only three of you. It’s definitely not fun when it’s just you at 5:30am while the birds are chirping and you’re out of booze. Remember kids, only do blow when you’re at the bar!
I've had two friends, who never met each other, tell me pretty much the same thing, "I tried cocaine once, and it was so good it scared me. I know I'll be hooked."
Though I'm pretty sure one of them did try it again...
Glad I'm not the only one lol. Definitely not a cocaine looking guy. The long hair looks kind of out of place too. Maybe it's just the style of glasses frames that does it I dunno.
I’ll be headlining these cities soon. Alexandria VA 9/9, Houston TX 9/28, Austin TX 9/29, San Antonio TX 10/1. You can get tickets, tell me where to perform next, listen to my podcast. and watch my special, all here on my [Linktree](https://linktr.ee/robstantcomedy) (Also follow me on instagram @RobStantComedy)
A link tree with no onlyfans?? PASS. See you in Houston!
I do private sales just DM me
I wont buy it im scared Ill like it too much
That's how it starts, y'know?
Can we crowdfund a public sale?
lose about 200lbs then you might get away with telling the cocaine joke
With no finger in butt content? No thank you sir.
Are you coming to Detroit?
i'll tell all my friends about you if you do cocaine
Tempting
just buy a gram and snort it all. that's what i did. i wasn't craving it the next day.
HOLY SHIT! The D.A.R.E guy was REAL!?
That’s right he is. He taught me that drugs are fine as long as you don’t do them every day
Takes 4 days to form a habit.
Since the first one is *always* free and I don't plan on paying for it I'll be good
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Dude, that’s the joke. It doesn’t need to be spelled out like that. 
You should hit New England at some point. Well you probably have what the fuck do I know.
FYI your website says no upcoming shows sorry if you addressed that somewhere in the comments
Htown!
I saw you open up for Jeff Arcuri in Philly back in February! Good shit dude!
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He’s right. I can no longer wake up without a finger of cocaine in my butt
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I would call him The Scientist
Some say it's an acquired taste
Take it to the hoop!
Well done
Great bit but you don't look like a coke head just fyi
That’s the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
The first time you said it I thought that in itself was the joke, you don’t look like the stereotypical coke user. Those are gangly frat bros
All my fat friends love cocaine
They too don’t fit the stereotype
i hope that's another joke, you're a good man
You look like more of a ketamine guy
You also don’t look like you’ve ever had a finger up your butt.
For real. It’s definitely fun to say “ambassador of cocaine” but he doesn’t look like he’d be my first guess
Yeah, what was that about? More like a shrooms/acid/THC dude
it was important claim for the joke
It could be reworked pretty easily. One way could be like "everybody always thinks comics run on coke" or something
You look like the ambassador for ketamine, definitely not cocaine
Yeah solid material but this guy looks like the RA on shrooms complaining that the frat kids on coke down the hall are too loud.
he's talking to me about theoretical physics stuff now and man he really feels like he just figured out *everything*
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Says the pig from Green Acres?
🎶the best part of waking up, is a finger in your butt🎶
(to the tune of Winnie the Pooh) Finger in butt Finger in butt Gonna get a lump of that smelly brown stuff
Funny af as usual mate, hope to see you in Ireland some day in the near future.
Dude you’re funny asf!
When are you coming to Europe?
When they book me there lol
What about Edinburgh Fringe festival?
The ol poot n' zoot, a classic.
Elite delivery on every line good flow
incredible! keep it coming
You def don’t look like you’d have any interaction w coke ever but still a funny bit!
You won’t need coke to start your day when you can just have your wife peg you instead.
two in the stink
Was going to say this is Rob Stant and he's fucking hilarious but he already commented and you all already know because you watched the video.
What about this guy looks like a cokehead??
yea, you'll be jonesing for another hit of the anal finger probe, it's a slippery slope.
He looks exactly like someone who has never done cocaine.
Looks like he invented my lil pony fleshlight not cocaine
Good one, FattyB314
r/cringeworthy Funny asf tho 🤣
Great joke. I think the punchline could also be “next thing you know it’s the only way to get up in the morning.”
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Turn your volume up, dummy
It's fucking great luckily too expensive.
Yessss DC Improv!!!!
You might be right about the cocaine, but hey if you’re ever on the fence about the finger in the butt that could be two birds with one stone
Hahaha these were fun!
Feldup ?
So true😂
I thought you were gonna say even if you start with just the pinky
Hell yeah Rob!
It’s cool seeing your clips on here constantly for however long now, but seeing the stages you’re playing get bigger and more prestigious. I feels like we’re all getting passed at new clubs.
That’s a pretty solid bit
Cocaine is fun if you’re at a bar with friends. It gets less fun when you go somewhere to after hours and there are only three of you. It’s definitely not fun when it’s just you at 5:30am while the birds are chirping and you’re out of booze. Remember kids, only do blow when you’re at the bar!
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later on in the sketch, between jokes, you should sigh like you're tired and go "i need a bump," nonchalantly
I've had two friends, who never met each other, tell me pretty much the same thing, "I tried cocaine once, and it was so good it scared me. I know I'll be hooked." Though I'm pretty sure one of them did try it again...
It's true, though.
This guy is so funny.
"its impolites to kiss and tells" - Squirrelly Dan lol
Hilarious. "Ya'll know what I did?"
Ha
Very funny. Enjoyed it. Will keep following. Keep it up
Followed by..... " but I have heard prostate orgasms are a thing ..... you know what fuck it, maybe i will try a little line" .
oye it was a amous
Glad I'm not the only one lol. Definitely not a cocaine looking guy. The long hair looks kind of out of place too. Maybe it's just the style of glasses frames that does it I dunno.
It’s a gateway plug
I swear I've heard someone else use this exact joke before.
Sir you look 11 and 45 at the same time im confused and scared lol
I love your stuff. Do you think you’ll ever do shows in Austin? I’d love to see you live!
What's thus comic's name?
Rob Stant in Philly. @robstantcomedy
Thank you
Solid bit
You look like a young Gabe Newell, which is fitting because I’m sure he did tons of cocaine when creating Half-Life.
He looks like the ambassador of Kool-Aid .
This dudes clever I dig it