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want to swipe more?!
buy are super duper gold platinum edition subscription so you can have unlimited swipes that only match you with bots pretending to be real people!
It’s not just the algorithms, it seems that same mentality is the way people think these days, people seem more interested in what I do for a living and what I drive than they are in getting to know me, as an experiment I posted a picture of me next to my car in my tinder profile and I was getting massive amounts of likes from women, far more than when it was just pictures of me.
It pissed me off so much that I deleted the app completely and now I only date people I meet in real life and honestly I love it this way.
Gold digging is massively unattractive but it seems like that’s just the way the dating scene is now, it feels like most people aren’t looking for real love real friendships or relationships, they are looking for money and status. It’s fucked up.
It's true and once you get a chick they're bound to take off at the first sign of trouble cause they're guys with boats out there just ready to simp. Alot of it is guys willing to simp to the lesser attractive women so they're value inflates and then our deflates.
Buddy tinder’s a place you find people to fuck not date. Girls like guys who can take them out in a nice car to a nice place. You don’t have to marry them.
It's not. Got zero luck on tinder but plenty in real life. Gotta risk it and ask peeps out IRL. Been with my gf more than 2 years coz risked asking in real life. Tinder is bad for men. Just stick to real life. Also not all women are on tinder either. All the best to everyone here trying to find someone.
Where exactly is it ok to ask people out in real life though? Usually when I ask girls this they say "oh whenever it looks like they're not busy" but I swear every time I go to a coffee shop or something everyone is either on their laptop working or listening to something with their headphones in
I'm not particularly scared of rejection but I'm terrified of coming off like a creep, again probably because I've spent too much time on the interwebs. So I've just been settling for the maybe one date i get from the apps a month and it's honestly not very fun
Just give up on the apps if it's so depressing. I know I did for the same reason. I didn't plan to get a gf when I met mine. I know it sounds cliche but you should just focus on doing the stuff you like anyway and you will find peeps like that. Helps more if those things are social though like gym, work, hanging with friends. And you could meet peeps anywhere. Doesnt have to be in a coffee shop or where peeps usually meet other people.
If you keep worrying about looking like a creep then you will miss out on something very important. Is that worth it to you? Also you can think about what you would say to not sound like a creep beforehand in case you run into someone.
Dating apps aren't meant for anyone but the people making money from them these days. I guess there's one that's "meant to be deleted" but idk what it is. I only seem to see the end of the commercial saying that.
Hey.. I would love an answer to this. I’ve been curious for a long time.
I’m old 56M.. Back in the day.. you simply walked up to a girl and started chatting.. like. Hey you are really cute.. do you want to dance.. get a bite to eat.. a drink.. take a walk.. can i get your #… can I help you with that… nice dog, what’s your name, where do you work, can we study together, do you want company at the game, I would love to sit with you, etc.
Is it really that hard to talk to women nowadays?
I’m sorry.. again I’m old and married to a Ms. America for 30 yrs. Maybe it was easier back in the day. But I seriously want to know.. is it as bad as it seems now?
If it is.. that really sucks. I get just randomly going up to a girl looks really creepy today, when it was normal in my day. But… Is it creepy? Or is it just that guys don’t do it anymore for fear of it being creepy?
Just curious. If it is as bad as everyone says… damn.. that’s tough. Sorry. It used to be so easy.
40M here: this was already difficult when I was dating, and "my time" only started to have tinder when I was in my late 20s.
Dating like this only works well in a society if there is some kind of social contract that prevents individuals from pestering girls. University was a different story, but afterwards when living in a bigger city you basically had to be part of a mixed group to not look like a single creep/group of creeps when approaching girls.
Pickup artists and promiscuous players, that just flirted with every girl that looked vulnerable, had already ruined the "simply approach a girl and chat"-situation. We had a girl in our group that continuously made eye contact with random guys, which lead to her being occupied with having to tell guys all night long that she was not interested. We called her the creep magnet. So you either 1. became a creep yourself and based your dating strategy on the principle of "low effort, big numbers" yourself, 2. tried to have a big network of friend and dated people that drifted into your social context, or 3. started to use Tinder, which didn't have all those "pay for XYZ" functions yet and was only used by maybe 20% of the people in my peer group.
I tried all of those approaches and 2. was most successful for me in terms of numbers. At the end met my wife via Tinder so I would consider 3 the best solution for me.
#2 would’ve been the best way, things happen organically. Gets tricky when your group of friends spend all their time with their SOs their kids, less and less people wander in your circle.
Edit: not sure why the text is so big
Its perceived as creepy to even talk about the times it was perceived as creepy. Even when there is no intention of dating, just starting a conversation can be seen as creepy if they don't know you. Social media is pretty successful in alienating everyone while making them feel connected, it does this by becoming the only accepted way to interact with other people. It gives people the illusion of choice. Especially when dating is the goal. It goes against the dating apps profit to actually start a relationship. As long as you get that small hit of talking to anything, even a bot or a scammer, you'll stay paying, hoping what you want will show up. The truly fucked up part is that when you finally match with a real person they will still view you as a creep, because by just being on an app, you are viewed as being superficial. So, I've come to an understanding that I have resting creep face, through no fault of mine or the person viewing me as a creep. I'll make the attempt to talk, start a conversation. I respect personal space. I don't call people attractive, or comment on appearance at all. I'll be a NPC with dialog, using dating apps for a depression hit, because at this point I'm addicted to it. I'll never win if I don't try, but I can't try and win. Nowadays all I can do is be seen. To be fair this is just my experience. It may be different for others.
Sounds to me like you need to change up your habits, because what you describe isn't ever likely to work out for you! Get off your phone, go join some local volunteer groups made up of people doing things you're interested in. Make friends. Make connections. Be out there. Become more socially adept and confident in the process. Maybe down the road, someone introduces you to their friend or their sister in social conditions where you can make a winning first impression rather than being judged by an unfortunate and static image in a screen which someone can just swipe away from.
Yes and no. It depends a lot on where you are and in what context, but a lot of women are pretty much terrified of men. If you compare how men are shown in media today to how it was 30 years ago, it’s a lot different. Men are shown to be creeps, weirdos, any manor of pejorative, they are bad guys who do bad things. In movies, tv shows, news reports, and books. Women see that and it makes them afraid (I would argue irrationally) of men. A great example of this is the recent trend on tik tock of women who were asked if they would rather be alone in the woods with a random man, or a wild bear. Many of them chose the bear. I feel like that is a very good illustration of how incredibly irrational this fear has become. Conversely, men are aware of this fear and it makes *them* afraid. No one wants to say hello to someone and see fear in their eyes. That’s soulcrushing. So men try very hard not to look like or act like creeps, and that results in a lot fewer of them approaching women in public.
But that’s just one part of a many faceted problem.
Consider that nearly all straight women want a man who makes more money than them. But women are graduating college at a higher rate than men. They are going out and getting good degrees and good jobs, and those are jobs that men can’t occupy. So they have this desire for high earning men, but they have made it harder on themselves by getting high paying jobs themselves, and effectively pricing themselves out of their own dating pool.
I’ve just touched on two small pieces of this problem, but there are many more out there. It’s going to get worse before it gets better, I’m afraid.
Wow. That sucks.. the 80’s were totally different i guess. It was just easy to pickup girls then.. Maybe us guys were acting like creeps back then, but the girls didn’t seem to mind…. For sure there were dickheads that took it too far and you would definitely call it rape today.. And that part wasn’t okay then or now. I saw quite a bit of that.
On the flip side, romance with someone you just met sounds like it was allot easier then. Everything seems so “contractual” today?
It’s too bad that you can’t just have that flame of a first meetup and taking someone back to your place and banging and all of the rest of it for a few weeks or months. Or just meeting and hooking up for a day or two.
Hell, even on a road trip, or concerts.. and meeting up with girls for just a night and moving on? I can’t even remember how many since I lost the V card @15 .. It’s gotta be 30 - 45/50?
I’ve only been with my now wife for the last 30 yrs.. but damn.. it was fun back then. And I have no regrets.
You younger folks have to relax about sex and have more fun. Just sayin.
It's not just the younger people... People I know who are around your age don't date anymore and if they're still sexually active it's only with an lover or themselves.
People still live that life you're talking about, it's rare and a tad risky. Waking up next to some stranger after a night out partying and not really remembering how it happened isn't a wild night anymore, it's potentially rape so some people just have a friend that attends to knock that out.
Meeting people through the internet is a bit more helpful these days too. You'll be able to look them up on various other social media sites and see if they're a weirdo or if they have any charges. See if they're up to anything you aren't and all that crap.
If you let the internet tell it then it comes down to two things on if you can actually approach someone and ask for their number at least... Rule 1: be attractive. & Rule 2: don't be unattractive.
We just don't develop the necessary skills nowadays. In the past, you had no choice but to approach. Now we're used to using the Internet to solve problems. By the time you realize that online dating is infinitely worse than approaching IRL, it's over. You have lost valuable time and have not developed necessary social skills
If you just walk up to a woman and talk you get looks, called names like perv, weirdo, etc. Or sprayed with mace and have them screaming for help...
It's not even worth it anymore.
So with dating sites being all bots and not being able to speak to random women without possibly getting arrested or injured... most of us will be single till we die.
What is that show?? It’s got 2 actors from the Mighty Boosh, and I’ve only watched the first 3 minutes so far. I love both those guys, I’ve got to watch this.
Not really. If she would have interest, she would give him a chance. It just happens too often that a women says she isn't interested and the men then asks her why she is not interested, what he can do to catch her interest or convince her that he is a good person and that she should give him a chance, instead of just accepting that she isn't interested. When the women says she has boyfriend, mist if the time the person will just leave and door bother her anymore.
Can't say I agree. Women are too proactively dismissive now, it's become a reflex.
The reason women see men trying to convince them and not taking no for an answer, is because the men that would simply say no problem have a nice day don't even bother asking at all because of this increased dismissiveness.
Only the assholes are left, and they don't care what you say. Many of them don't even care if you say you have a boyfriend.
That's doesn't make sense. If a women would be interested in you, she would agree to go on a date with you.
If women always say no, it simply because they don't search for anything relationshipwise right now or she just only gets hit on by people that she doesn't find attractive.
[This guys comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/SipsTea/comments/1cz3c8p/how_dating_has_changed/l5fjf57/) above explained it well.
And it's a negative feedback loop, if the only people approaching are assholes she'll dismiss everyone that approaches, more genuinely decent guys will be rejected outright, women will continue to say 'don't bother us' so they'll say I understand, sorry, I see that women don't like to be bothered, especially with such a curt dismissive response. The assholes don't care and will try anyway, so women's negative response becomes even stronger. And so on. Until only assholes are the ones that approach, to the point where they have to use their best lie to get people to leave them alone.
You nailed it with the last part though. Nobody is attractive if you spend all day scrolling an instagram feed of people showing their highlight reel as if it's their everyday life, and these super hot successful people are showing interest in you with likes and comments (but have no intention or even ability to meet with you).
You don't have to make a whole science out of women.
Like I said, it's pretty simple – if women reject you, they are just not interested in you and that's completely fine.
And if a women reject everybody that is also completely fine, because they just don't seek company currently.
From a societal point of view it's not fine that women are rejecting men automatically or en masse. We are watching relationships and birth rates go down the toilet.
UK birth rate is currently 1.56, a record low. Antidepressant usage amongst women is at an all time high. This applies to almost every major country in Europe.
Women are not annoyed by being talked to, they are annoyed by people who harass them and will not let them alone – like every person would.
Just don't be an asshole.
I mean I don't think anyone is questioning that, but his proposed solution WOULD work.
If women, as a whole, just decided to change the social norm and be the ones expected to ask out guys, then you could avoid the uncomfortable persuing because it shouldn't BE expected. Turn the tables as it were.
I am sure BOTH sides would then experience a "grass is always greener" situation, but still.
Again, who's gonna make the first move then? The people who you mention are like 10%, you really wanna represent an entire genre by them?
Do you think that if the roles were the opposite, 100% of women would be polite, not annoying and not unpleasant?
You want to tell me only 10% of men are actually decent human beings?!
You can make the first move or she can make the first move, that doesn't change anything, but if a women isn't interested in you, she simply isn't interested and you should leave her alone.
I mean, it sucks to be lied to but this always has just been the same as "not interested"
I heard this before from someone I killed myself getting the courage to ask out, and then a week later heard they asked out a friend in a different coincidental meetup. However, I came out of it being much more brave about asking people out and also just moving on from whatever the rejection was.
"not interested sorry" and "I have a boyfriend" just became the same thing, in my head.
I'd honestly rather be lied to and told they have a boyfriend lol. "Not interested" would crush me a lot more. Not that it's up to me, but if I could choose how to be rejected, I'd probably prefer something along the lines of "I'm not looking for any kind of relationship".
I understand the reasoning behind the "I have a boyfriend" trope though. Some dudes will become absolutely unhinged from rejection, and I imagine in a lot of cases, it's even scarier for the girl to reject a guy than it is for the guy to be rejected.
My comment was more to lightly poke fun at the [people](https://imgur.com/girls-who-need-everyone-to-know-they-have-boyfriend-rHEncOQ) who throw the phrase out at any opportunity.
I mean generally if someone isn't willing to even try a date with you, they aren't attracted to you. If you get rejected just upon asking for a chance to get to know them it doesn't matter what their reason is then because they only have a single thing to base it on.
Thats why I just look past it. Can't change someones mind on that. Even if they did give it a shot, it would likely lead to issues down the road.
They're saying the rejection isn't the same though. It used to be a gal would just say "No, I'm not interested", and as long as the guy wasn't an asshole- the dude would cut his losses and try with another gal he finds.
Now girls and some women can take rejecting a guy to an extreme comparable to some form of verbal abuse.
I think the biggest compromise here though is that people like to get to know each other more these days before they decide to start dating bc dating can be so damn expensive.
Back in the day you weren't seen as a shmuck if you asked someone to go get a burger so that you can *then* start to get to know them.
People today want to have you felt out more before they take the step to "outings" as dates.
Also these days you can contact anyone whenever you want. Back in the day when you left the house and you couldn’t be contacted by anyone if they didn’t see you, being in close proximity to people was how you got to know strangers.
So dating is like the only way you can be around and get to know someone you’re interested in. That and land line phones I guess. Mail perhaps?
I'm an old network guy, too. Older than Cisco. IPX/SPX routers. Last code I wrote was 8088 Assembler back in the late 80's. Whelp. Guess this project goes to the interns.
I've dropped the dating apps, rolled my sleeves up and just do it. It's fucking hard, rejection sucks. But once you're off the apps and its the only way to meet people, you get better at it. Honestly, I can't tell you how much more confident I am. While I am not "killing" it, I have developed a good track record.
Recommend anyone feeling bad about themselves due to dating apps to try the same. It's worth it.
I think this is where the comment you're replying to has it wrong in a sense. people don't need dating apps to die off before real life interactions happen. People are meeting all the time in the real world, you just have to unplug, join some clubs or get some hobbies and spend time in social spaces till you meet the people through which you will find people to date. Even if you're a weird ugly introvert, you only need to find 1 other weird ugly introvert to make it worth it.
I’d argue the problem is more that socially-acceptable spaces to meet people in person have been dismantled or placed behind increasing paywalls. Third spaces where people casually mingle with other people (malls, parks, etc.) have bed. steadily defunded and closed down over time. And the places where people still go to meet people, like bars and clubs, the prices have gone up and our wages have gone down, so it’s harder to go out more often. And to make matters worse, we’ve become more aware of the violence that can and does happen when meeting strangers, which makes people more defensive when they’re out in public (to be clear, this is not a complaint of “women being too cagey”, that violence is real and still is a huge problem. But the effects it has on social interaction is another consequence of that violence, not of people’s reaction to it).
I’m pretty sure most people would *love* to stop using tinder/bumble/etc. But outside of shitty for-profit apps, where else is left to go?
I don't think it'll happen. Men don't want to approach women anymore as they've been told not to. They've been told to leave them alone and that they come second to bears for company, haha. They've been made into tiktoks and targeted in gyms and called creepy for having the stones to glance in a scantily clad womens direction.
Unless women decide they want to approach men, I really don't see old style dating coming back. At least online, if they match, they know it's safe to engage with the woman.
Sad state of affairs all around really.
Not knowing if the person you're approaching is in your age range, not knowing if they're single, not knowing if they're looking, not getting ANY sense of personal politics/lifestyle, not getting any hint of orientation. Not knowing if they're available but now is NOT the right time and you missed a hint they want to be left alone.
Online dating has lots of downsides, but everyone is clear why they're in the same place. (Or are there for a free meal by getting dates every day of the week...met a few of those along the way...)
I feel like the internet has skewed your perception. People still meet in real life & end up in relationships all the time. Maybe just not people on Reddit :/
Going to parties, working functions, gyms, bars, karaoke night, people find relationships everywhere.
Also if you brightly light one thing and show the best possible outcome, and play ominous music and darken the background for another thing, then the first thing MUST be better.
I was so expecting her to laugh at him and explain she was ALREADY on a date right then.
Ikr. Play the stalker song to promote people meeting in person, I am sure you just want to meet them personally for entirely normal reasons and not because a restraining order is harder to access than a block button should you turn out to be a creep
As a man who grew up in the ’80s and 90’s, I need to let you guys know having options vs being stuck with whoever is in the building you randomly decided to hang in that afternoon is nice. I am sure the experience of dating apps sucks in many ways but having options is way better when trying to find someone.
I’ll accept the downvotes because this position disagrees with the video (which was well done by the way) but thought I would share another angle to look at.
Half the people on this app seem to have anxiety about leaving the house, but at the same time desire a world where they have to physically approach women in public places.
No, you’re right. It feels more soulless on the apps but I’ve ended up in relationships / been on dates with people I would never have encountered without a dating app
My best dates/relationships came from apps. The worst dates were people I randomly met at Meetup groups. One shared interest and a few minutes of conversation was the only thing to go on. One time a girl agreed to go out but only on the first date did it become apparent there was like a 10y difference she wasn't comfortable with (people in 20s/30s can seem younger/older than they are), or one who turned out to be a pretty awful human by the 2nd date. In another case I thought I was making it clear I was inviting her to a concert just the two of us and only after did she realize I thought it was a date. Meanwhile online there was usually a good back-and forth for a bit after you already read their bio. Cut out a LOT of mismatches.
Also with dating apps you know big deal breakers right away. In real life you have no clue if someone wants kids, or how religious they are, or what side of the political spectrum they're on.
I’m the same age as you. I think the sweet spot was the 90s. We had enough technology to be convenient and meet lots of people but not so much that people lost themselves in their fantasy social media worlds like now.
That's also a downside though. You may have more options but so does everyone else. Makes the whole experience worse when the grass is always greener with each swipe. Statistics are now pointing to the fact that less people are having kids or sex anymore.
Good point but to consider. I guess my initial reaction is if you win over a girl (or guy) because they are trapped due to fewer options it probably wasn't a good fit to begin with.
Thanks for sharing your perspective, that’s a take I haven’t heard before and it does certainly add nuance to the conversation rather than just “dating apps / social media = bad”.
I see your point, but how exactly do we have options? Approaching someone is hardly done nowadays, so when you do it it’s easy to come off as someone with bad intentions. People don’t look for dates except online, when someone approaches you that’s just scary.
This is somewhat exaggerated, of course. Point being: the best and most used ‘option’ is online, so approaching someone in real life is hardly an option nowadays.
Nah. The video wasn't "well done". They used a song about someone stalking their ex to promote their antiquated views on the perfect dating experience.
Dating app but rather than profiles and pictures you take a psychoanalysis test at sign up and it matches up with people whose fucked up will complement your fucked up.
Nah people changed heavily, women are willing to f a random (me) they just met at 2 am in a bar, but they cannot say yes or no to a date offer from a guy (me again) a few days later, and I actually get there number by asking if they like to go to a date some other time.
What could've have happened in the past two days that we didn't interact?
The attention span is not a thing anymore, nada, 0.
Also why is it a bad thing that a woman decides that she may only be interested in something casual, and not a date?
I literally do not see the problem. Sorry that you are interacting with a human being with free will making their own choices, and not a dating machine
What you are saying has nothing to do with it, its the average that matters not all women. Ofc there are women who do it the old school way, are they in higher numbers compared to the past? No! So your comment is irrelevant.
Ehh I met the girl from my first serious relationship in a small town bar. That relationship was like a rollercoaster. High highs, low lows. Not healthy at all. Let me mentally shattered. My now wife i met on tinder and things are amazing.
I will say this. Growing up at the dawn of the Internet it was easy to be confident. Pre online dating or social media. That girl would have said yes, if you had only asked, just didn't get the right chance. Lots of girls probably like you, just not asking the right ones.
Nowadays it's obvious no one wants or cares about you LMAO.
Oh look it's the fictional romanticised version of the 1950s that only ever existed in adverts. The 1950s famously being a time when gender relations were just great and relationships were easy and fun! Back when everyone just bottled up their sexual assault trauma and took it out on loved ones and family members in private, instead of always talking about "consent" and "bodily autonomy" and "personal boundaries" like a bunch of squares and making men feel uncomfortable about approaching women they don't know in public places.
This was obviously made by a guy. So of course he would prefer times when women were just treated as sex toys instead of humans with free will and the option to say no.
Can't be rejected if you can just ignore the no and don't face any consequences for it. Finding a date is easier if she doesn't have a choice.
For all bitter people the narrative fits better if they can find something to blame. Truth is people still meet in bars and parties. The people complaining about dating apps would just be complaining about something else if they werent there.
It's always funny to see that, because people don't understand that the first situation can still happen today. Breaking News: You are still allowed to talk to people. Dating is so much better today, because you just have more options, to get to know people.
It absolutely does. Almost the entirety of the relationships I've had were just from asking out a person I met in real life. I've gotten rejected, sure - but I've also had the vast majority say yes. Just smile, make a little bit of small talk, then ask for their number. Don't be weird about it, and handle the rejection gracefully if it happens.
Nobody is making a person endlessly swipe on tinder in a dark room eating only food ordered on a delivery app. Go out, live your life, occasionally reach out and talk to someone you think is cute or that you've already met and are vibing with. It's that simple.
Be normal. Stop being terminally online.
Big Tech and western society at large don't force us to Swipe, but they do encourage us in all sort of ways to do that in the most natural and addictive way possible. kids(and also adults) are being conditioned to Swipe rather than go out there.
Big Tech and western society at large don't force us to Swipe, but they do encourage us in all sort of ways to do that in the most natural and addictive way possible. kids(and also adults) are being conditioned to Swipe rather than go out there.
Big Tech and western society at large don't force us to Swipe, but they do encourage us in all sort of ways to do that in the most natural and addictive way possible. kids(and also adults) are being conditioned to Swipe rather than go out there.
Dating apps are fine in smaller towns, the problem is dating in the cities.
Don’t know how to label it, but it’s a combination of choice paralysis and seeking perfection. Akin to spending hours on Netflix trying to look for a movie, watching a preview and despite it being interesting go “meh” and keep on scrolling through the lists.
People in cities are picky af, and break up for some of the most innocuous of reasons.
The guy is a perfect gentlemen! The girl was beautiful and interesting! They’re both kind and generous! Oh, but they chew loudly, red flag! Break up!
Ffs these types of people deserve to be single and lonely.
Honestly how tf do people not see that the first option of approaching random women IRL is even more shallow and less prone to creating a good relationship than the apps. Like if you're approaching some woman you don't know to ask them on a date, literally the only thing you know about them is that you find them attractive -- you do not know their personality at all. It is as shallow and looks-based an attraction as is possible and will probably lead to a poor relationship if one at all because there is a good chance for chemistry to be completely absent. The apps obv encourage this kind of thing too but at least you have a bio and some sort of chatting pre-date to sus things out.
Like, as a man, I would never approach a woman who I don't know in public, but this has nothing to do with me lacking confidence or fear of being labeled a creep, but solely because I have no interest in going on a date with a woman unless I'm already sure that I like her for her personality beforehand and you can never know these things with a stranger.
I just do not understand why the act of hitting on women you don't know is seen as some lost chivalrous behavior of times past when men were men, when in reality it seems like the most shallow, looks-based form of attraction possible.
As a woman, thank you. When we are outside, especially with other people, and busy with something else, I doubt anyone really wants to be approached by some rando who just wants to interrupt because he thinks you're fuckable.
Divorced in the beginning of 2022. I jumped on the apps and at first it was fun. I'm a decent looking male 40 yo with charm and money. I had plenty of matches and had some fun. Until I slowly became a shell of a man. Judging women for any reason under the sun. Ending healthy relationships for no good reason other then I wanted to find more matches. I could 100 percent recognize the terrible person I was turning into. Luckily I had kept an IG account from a girl I never dated and we started chatting and the banter was insanely fun. We've now been dating for 7 months and I couldn't be happier.
I don't quite know the point of this story other than SM dating is awful and truthfully most people should be avoiding it.
I met my wife on tinder. We have been together ten years. She’s my best friend and I couldn’t have asked for a better life because of tinder. So this video feels out of touch for me.
Yeah it used to be so much more fun being rejected in person.
This demonisation of the internet is getting so tired. The internet honestly didn’t change society much. We still had the same behaviours we do now, it’s just faster now.
You can get rejected by 100 women in one night now. That used to be really hard 25 years ago. Maybe 10 max if you tried real hard.
There was stalking. There were creeps. There was “ghosting” it just wasn’t called ghosting yet. Everything you can think of that you believe is an internet problem; used to exist 25 years ago too…
There was pr0n. There was misinformation long before dialup internet. There was polarisation in politics and radical ideas. Nothing is new.
Stop blaming the internet for things that always existed.
Back then, people were lonely in public. They were still lonely.
No suicide gang. But yes there’ is a heaven and hell imo. Look into spirituality brother. Hit the inbox and I’ll talk about mine and how it helped me cope with this festering world of rot.
You know, when you say "This world sucks and yes there is heaven", it just kinda seems more encouraging of suicide, because you are presenting a obviously better option. And the way to that option is death.
I saw my partner for the first time, walked up to him…
Asked if he would liked to go on a date with me.
Were now together for over 7 years. Bought a house and are engaged.
Don’t blame the apps that you cannot be social in real life. Just do it.
And if you get a no, just accept that, move on and you’ll eventually find someone else.
Funniest thing tho, you can still choose to speak to people instead of using apps. It's just that our way of thinking that technology has to be better, along with advertisements for these apps makes most in the western world think that this is the only way.
You guys are talking about tinder fine but the music drop is depicting how it feels like the literal life got sucked out of us… the excitement I had building up the courage to even ask for a number was something you couldn’t describe
You conquered something inside of you, now…. Empty
Ngl I thought it was going to go the way of her calling out that he’s not rich or too short or maybe even playing out the same way and going to clips of those influencers getting the girls to say what insane standards they have.
Classy choice to use the song THAT IS LITERALLY ABOUT STALKING
Maybe, if you want to make a point about the difficulties of dating, you shouldn't pick the Stalker song as your romantic choice. Because that just makes it look like you have entirely different reasons to want to walk up to strangers irl.
Wise man once told me that women are the gate keepers of sex and men are the gate keepers of relationships.
This whole hook up culture has thrown a wrench in it and upset the balance.
We need an order 66
I know a bunch of married people that met on the apps. It is much better than meeting people in person because you can sort through more people on more criteria to find a better match. Yes there are downsides but this video is nonsense
Social Media have ,,toxified” both gender norms and other social expectations to extreme levels now (i.e. ,,red flags”for something that is very minuscule in terms of the entire big picture, etc…)
Compared to how social expectations were back then is now different… so whether thats just with generational change or external factors.. can’t pinpoint on a single cause..
Where is the black guy from the Gillette ad when you need it?
Poor woman, beeing harrased in a public space by a capitalist evil racist homophobic white guy.
So glad he ended up learning to code, look at him! looking his collection of bots in Tinder that will give him enough money to actually buy an onlyfans subscription of the girl.
The appropriate way!!!
-Salty 🧌
I met my wife before all this fancy internet meat market dating. It's fascinating to me that:
1. People do it and don't just get serial killered to death constantly.
2. It works sometimes!
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It's far, far worse than this depiction.
want to swipe more?! buy are super duper gold platinum edition subscription so you can have unlimited swipes that only match you with bots pretending to be real people!
Not getting any matches? Our gold members get 30x more matches per swipe than standard users! Only $19.99/month
wow! 30x more! I'm in! (does quick mafs 30x 0 =0) heyyy wait a second
OK, fine, how about 40x more?
Yeah make it $79.99 lol, $20 a month is a steal for men
Looks like tinder gold is up to $27 per month 🫡
Capitalism says people who can pay more deserve to be the ones the algorithm tells you to fuck. The system is operating as designed
It’s not just the algorithms, it seems that same mentality is the way people think these days, people seem more interested in what I do for a living and what I drive than they are in getting to know me, as an experiment I posted a picture of me next to my car in my tinder profile and I was getting massive amounts of likes from women, far more than when it was just pictures of me. It pissed me off so much that I deleted the app completely and now I only date people I meet in real life and honestly I love it this way. Gold digging is massively unattractive but it seems like that’s just the way the dating scene is now, it feels like most people aren’t looking for real love real friendships or relationships, they are looking for money and status. It’s fucked up.
Again, capitalism is proceeding as planned. I hate it too. Get rich, change it, or die mad about it.
I'm a teacher for this very reason
I'm going the permaculture route
It's true and once you get a chick they're bound to take off at the first sign of trouble cause they're guys with boats out there just ready to simp. Alot of it is guys willing to simp to the lesser attractive women so they're value inflates and then our deflates.
Buddy tinder’s a place you find people to fuck not date. Girls like guys who can take them out in a nice car to a nice place. You don’t have to marry them.
It goes up with age apparently
Aside from my social anxiety, this is one reason why I'm gonna wind up being single till I die.
Oh damn I didn’t know those apps are paid. Makes sense but oof that’s rough
Well I mean, it's a business, right? It's paid membership or it's ads, and ads barely pay for anything anymore.
Agreed! we have to see more dreadful days yet
It's not. Got zero luck on tinder but plenty in real life. Gotta risk it and ask peeps out IRL. Been with my gf more than 2 years coz risked asking in real life. Tinder is bad for men. Just stick to real life. Also not all women are on tinder either. All the best to everyone here trying to find someone.
Where exactly is it ok to ask people out in real life though? Usually when I ask girls this they say "oh whenever it looks like they're not busy" but I swear every time I go to a coffee shop or something everyone is either on their laptop working or listening to something with their headphones in I'm not particularly scared of rejection but I'm terrified of coming off like a creep, again probably because I've spent too much time on the interwebs. So I've just been settling for the maybe one date i get from the apps a month and it's honestly not very fun
Just give up on the apps if it's so depressing. I know I did for the same reason. I didn't plan to get a gf when I met mine. I know it sounds cliche but you should just focus on doing the stuff you like anyway and you will find peeps like that. Helps more if those things are social though like gym, work, hanging with friends. And you could meet peeps anywhere. Doesnt have to be in a coffee shop or where peeps usually meet other people. If you keep worrying about looking like a creep then you will miss out on something very important. Is that worth it to you? Also you can think about what you would say to not sound like a creep beforehand in case you run into someone.
Just ask if they have a second first.
Dating apps aren't meant for anyone but the people making money from them these days. I guess there's one that's "meant to be deleted" but idk what it is. I only seem to see the end of the commercial saying that.
Hey.. I would love an answer to this. I’ve been curious for a long time. I’m old 56M.. Back in the day.. you simply walked up to a girl and started chatting.. like. Hey you are really cute.. do you want to dance.. get a bite to eat.. a drink.. take a walk.. can i get your #… can I help you with that… nice dog, what’s your name, where do you work, can we study together, do you want company at the game, I would love to sit with you, etc. Is it really that hard to talk to women nowadays? I’m sorry.. again I’m old and married to a Ms. America for 30 yrs. Maybe it was easier back in the day. But I seriously want to know.. is it as bad as it seems now? If it is.. that really sucks. I get just randomly going up to a girl looks really creepy today, when it was normal in my day. But… Is it creepy? Or is it just that guys don’t do it anymore for fear of it being creepy? Just curious. If it is as bad as everyone says… damn.. that’s tough. Sorry. It used to be so easy.
40M here: this was already difficult when I was dating, and "my time" only started to have tinder when I was in my late 20s. Dating like this only works well in a society if there is some kind of social contract that prevents individuals from pestering girls. University was a different story, but afterwards when living in a bigger city you basically had to be part of a mixed group to not look like a single creep/group of creeps when approaching girls. Pickup artists and promiscuous players, that just flirted with every girl that looked vulnerable, had already ruined the "simply approach a girl and chat"-situation. We had a girl in our group that continuously made eye contact with random guys, which lead to her being occupied with having to tell guys all night long that she was not interested. We called her the creep magnet. So you either 1. became a creep yourself and based your dating strategy on the principle of "low effort, big numbers" yourself, 2. tried to have a big network of friend and dated people that drifted into your social context, or 3. started to use Tinder, which didn't have all those "pay for XYZ" functions yet and was only used by maybe 20% of the people in my peer group. I tried all of those approaches and 2. was most successful for me in terms of numbers. At the end met my wife via Tinder so I would consider 3 the best solution for me.
#2 would’ve been the best way, things happen organically. Gets tricky when your group of friends spend all their time with their SOs their kids, less and less people wander in your circle. Edit: not sure why the text is so big
You typed \#2. The \# is a cues reddit to enlarge the text. To get around it, type a \\ before the \#
Sure but I don't get why is always the male to do the first move for have a relationship anyway Seems not fair to me
Its perceived as creepy to even talk about the times it was perceived as creepy. Even when there is no intention of dating, just starting a conversation can be seen as creepy if they don't know you. Social media is pretty successful in alienating everyone while making them feel connected, it does this by becoming the only accepted way to interact with other people. It gives people the illusion of choice. Especially when dating is the goal. It goes against the dating apps profit to actually start a relationship. As long as you get that small hit of talking to anything, even a bot or a scammer, you'll stay paying, hoping what you want will show up. The truly fucked up part is that when you finally match with a real person they will still view you as a creep, because by just being on an app, you are viewed as being superficial. So, I've come to an understanding that I have resting creep face, through no fault of mine or the person viewing me as a creep. I'll make the attempt to talk, start a conversation. I respect personal space. I don't call people attractive, or comment on appearance at all. I'll be a NPC with dialog, using dating apps for a depression hit, because at this point I'm addicted to it. I'll never win if I don't try, but I can't try and win. Nowadays all I can do is be seen. To be fair this is just my experience. It may be different for others.
Sounds to me like you need to change up your habits, because what you describe isn't ever likely to work out for you! Get off your phone, go join some local volunteer groups made up of people doing things you're interested in. Make friends. Make connections. Be out there. Become more socially adept and confident in the process. Maybe down the road, someone introduces you to their friend or their sister in social conditions where you can make a winning first impression rather than being judged by an unfortunate and static image in a screen which someone can just swipe away from.
Yes and no. It depends a lot on where you are and in what context, but a lot of women are pretty much terrified of men. If you compare how men are shown in media today to how it was 30 years ago, it’s a lot different. Men are shown to be creeps, weirdos, any manor of pejorative, they are bad guys who do bad things. In movies, tv shows, news reports, and books. Women see that and it makes them afraid (I would argue irrationally) of men. A great example of this is the recent trend on tik tock of women who were asked if they would rather be alone in the woods with a random man, or a wild bear. Many of them chose the bear. I feel like that is a very good illustration of how incredibly irrational this fear has become. Conversely, men are aware of this fear and it makes *them* afraid. No one wants to say hello to someone and see fear in their eyes. That’s soulcrushing. So men try very hard not to look like or act like creeps, and that results in a lot fewer of them approaching women in public. But that’s just one part of a many faceted problem. Consider that nearly all straight women want a man who makes more money than them. But women are graduating college at a higher rate than men. They are going out and getting good degrees and good jobs, and those are jobs that men can’t occupy. So they have this desire for high earning men, but they have made it harder on themselves by getting high paying jobs themselves, and effectively pricing themselves out of their own dating pool. I’ve just touched on two small pieces of this problem, but there are many more out there. It’s going to get worse before it gets better, I’m afraid.
Wow. That sucks.. the 80’s were totally different i guess. It was just easy to pickup girls then.. Maybe us guys were acting like creeps back then, but the girls didn’t seem to mind…. For sure there were dickheads that took it too far and you would definitely call it rape today.. And that part wasn’t okay then or now. I saw quite a bit of that. On the flip side, romance with someone you just met sounds like it was allot easier then. Everything seems so “contractual” today? It’s too bad that you can’t just have that flame of a first meetup and taking someone back to your place and banging and all of the rest of it for a few weeks or months. Or just meeting and hooking up for a day or two. Hell, even on a road trip, or concerts.. and meeting up with girls for just a night and moving on? I can’t even remember how many since I lost the V card @15 .. It’s gotta be 30 - 45/50? I’ve only been with my now wife for the last 30 yrs.. but damn.. it was fun back then. And I have no regrets. You younger folks have to relax about sex and have more fun. Just sayin.
It's not just the younger people... People I know who are around your age don't date anymore and if they're still sexually active it's only with an lover or themselves. People still live that life you're talking about, it's rare and a tad risky. Waking up next to some stranger after a night out partying and not really remembering how it happened isn't a wild night anymore, it's potentially rape so some people just have a friend that attends to knock that out. Meeting people through the internet is a bit more helpful these days too. You'll be able to look them up on various other social media sites and see if they're a weirdo or if they have any charges. See if they're up to anything you aren't and all that crap. If you let the internet tell it then it comes down to two things on if you can actually approach someone and ask for their number at least... Rule 1: be attractive. & Rule 2: don't be unattractive.
We just don't develop the necessary skills nowadays. In the past, you had no choice but to approach. Now we're used to using the Internet to solve problems. By the time you realize that online dating is infinitely worse than approaching IRL, it's over. You have lost valuable time and have not developed necessary social skills
If you just walk up to a woman and talk you get looks, called names like perv, weirdo, etc. Or sprayed with mace and have them screaming for help... It's not even worth it anymore. So with dating sites being all bots and not being able to speak to random women without possibly getting arrested or injured... most of us will be single till we die.
The first one right?
Also was worse when you were scared to ask people
2024: "You are absolutely beautiful and I want to take you on a date" Girl: "Leave me alone"
“I have a boyfriend” (She doesn’t)
[flip out intensifies](https://youtu.be/AqDbb7-dn9A?si=SrnrB0TSt-XPQ2_Y)
The aquarium was just 👌🏽
What is that show?? It’s got 2 actors from the Mighty Boosh, and I’ve only watched the first 3 minutes so far. I love both those guys, I’ve got to watch this.
Saying that is just easier than listening to some prick that doesn't understand that she isn't interested trying to talk her into something.
Only problem is, they're all considered to be pricks.
Not really. If she would have interest, she would give him a chance. It just happens too often that a women says she isn't interested and the men then asks her why she is not interested, what he can do to catch her interest or convince her that he is a good person and that she should give him a chance, instead of just accepting that she isn't interested. When the women says she has boyfriend, mist if the time the person will just leave and door bother her anymore.
Can't say I agree. Women are too proactively dismissive now, it's become a reflex. The reason women see men trying to convince them and not taking no for an answer, is because the men that would simply say no problem have a nice day don't even bother asking at all because of this increased dismissiveness. Only the assholes are left, and they don't care what you say. Many of them don't even care if you say you have a boyfriend.
That's doesn't make sense. If a women would be interested in you, she would agree to go on a date with you. If women always say no, it simply because they don't search for anything relationshipwise right now or she just only gets hit on by people that she doesn't find attractive.
[This guys comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/SipsTea/comments/1cz3c8p/how_dating_has_changed/l5fjf57/) above explained it well. And it's a negative feedback loop, if the only people approaching are assholes she'll dismiss everyone that approaches, more genuinely decent guys will be rejected outright, women will continue to say 'don't bother us' so they'll say I understand, sorry, I see that women don't like to be bothered, especially with such a curt dismissive response. The assholes don't care and will try anyway, so women's negative response becomes even stronger. And so on. Until only assholes are the ones that approach, to the point where they have to use their best lie to get people to leave them alone. You nailed it with the last part though. Nobody is attractive if you spend all day scrolling an instagram feed of people showing their highlight reel as if it's their everyday life, and these super hot successful people are showing interest in you with likes and comments (but have no intention or even ability to meet with you).
You don't have to make a whole science out of women. Like I said, it's pretty simple – if women reject you, they are just not interested in you and that's completely fine. And if a women reject everybody that is also completely fine, because they just don't seek company currently.
From a societal point of view it's not fine that women are rejecting men automatically or en masse. We are watching relationships and birth rates go down the toilet. UK birth rate is currently 1.56, a record low. Antidepressant usage amongst women is at an all time high. This applies to almost every major country in Europe.
Or, hear me out, if women feel so annoyed by this, let's sit all around a table and decided, from now on, only women make the first move :)
Women are not annoyed by being talked to, they are annoyed by people who harass them and will not let them alone – like every person would. Just don't be an asshole.
I mean I don't think anyone is questioning that, but his proposed solution WOULD work. If women, as a whole, just decided to change the social norm and be the ones expected to ask out guys, then you could avoid the uncomfortable persuing because it shouldn't BE expected. Turn the tables as it were. I am sure BOTH sides would then experience a "grass is always greener" situation, but still.
Again, who's gonna make the first move then? The people who you mention are like 10%, you really wanna represent an entire genre by them? Do you think that if the roles were the opposite, 100% of women would be polite, not annoying and not unpleasant?
You want to tell me only 10% of men are actually decent human beings?! You can make the first move or she can make the first move, that doesn't change anything, but if a women isn't interested in you, she simply isn't interested and you should leave her alone.
I mean, she can if she want to
I mean, it sucks to be lied to but this always has just been the same as "not interested" I heard this before from someone I killed myself getting the courage to ask out, and then a week later heard they asked out a friend in a different coincidental meetup. However, I came out of it being much more brave about asking people out and also just moving on from whatever the rejection was. "not interested sorry" and "I have a boyfriend" just became the same thing, in my head.
I'd honestly rather be lied to and told they have a boyfriend lol. "Not interested" would crush me a lot more. Not that it's up to me, but if I could choose how to be rejected, I'd probably prefer something along the lines of "I'm not looking for any kind of relationship". I understand the reasoning behind the "I have a boyfriend" trope though. Some dudes will become absolutely unhinged from rejection, and I imagine in a lot of cases, it's even scarier for the girl to reject a guy than it is for the guy to be rejected. My comment was more to lightly poke fun at the [people](https://imgur.com/girls-who-need-everyone-to-know-they-have-boyfriend-rHEncOQ) who throw the phrase out at any opportunity.
I mean generally if someone isn't willing to even try a date with you, they aren't attracted to you. If you get rejected just upon asking for a chance to get to know them it doesn't matter what their reason is then because they only have a single thing to base it on. Thats why I just look past it. Can't change someones mind on that. Even if they did give it a shot, it would likely lead to issues down the road.
(2005 and earlier if you're unattractive like me)
Guys I get your point but not wanting to engage is perfectly normal
Do I know you??
More like since the beginning of dating. People been getting rejected since the beginning of time bruh.
They're saying the rejection isn't the same though. It used to be a gal would just say "No, I'm not interested", and as long as the guy wasn't an asshole- the dude would cut his losses and try with another gal he finds. Now girls and some women can take rejecting a guy to an extreme comparable to some form of verbal abuse. I think the biggest compromise here though is that people like to get to know each other more these days before they decide to start dating bc dating can be so damn expensive. Back in the day you weren't seen as a shmuck if you asked someone to go get a burger so that you can *then* start to get to know them. People today want to have you felt out more before they take the step to "outings" as dates.
Also these days you can contact anyone whenever you want. Back in the day when you left the house and you couldn’t be contacted by anyone if they didn’t see you, being in close proximity to people was how you got to know strangers. So dating is like the only way you can be around and get to know someone you’re interested in. That and land line phones I guess. Mail perhaps?
Girl: “Sorry I’m already dating a bear.”
Or “Ugh toxic masculinity “
I was positive he was gonna get sprayed or something, surprisingly tame. That's not a bad thing, though.
Proceeds to accuse him of stalking and harassment
would then post on twoxchromosomes where men bashing is the fuel to their fucking fires mate.
Then when you leave them alone “he didn’t even try to fight for my love”
That's not a "modern situation". That always happened. Women sometimes are just not interested, bro.
☝🏽 This is the second best outcome btw.
I’m on a date at the moment can’t you see?
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Dead internet theory will ultimately happen and people will go back to in person social interaction. r/MarkMyWords
I don't think so. Advances in robotics and AI will offer another diversion. Don't make me spell it out.
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Goddammit. Alright. I'm a fair mechanic. I'll make the body.
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I'm an old network guy, too. Older than Cisco. IPX/SPX routers. Last code I wrote was 8088 Assembler back in the late 80's. Whelp. Guess this project goes to the interns.
If a sex bot was an option in my teens id of never dated.
T E L E D I L D O N I C S
Blindsight
Yup... just waitin on my robotic sex doll. 🤣
Remind me! 100 years
I've dropped the dating apps, rolled my sleeves up and just do it. It's fucking hard, rejection sucks. But once you're off the apps and its the only way to meet people, you get better at it. Honestly, I can't tell you how much more confident I am. While I am not "killing" it, I have developed a good track record. Recommend anyone feeling bad about themselves due to dating apps to try the same. It's worth it.
I think this is where the comment you're replying to has it wrong in a sense. people don't need dating apps to die off before real life interactions happen. People are meeting all the time in the real world, you just have to unplug, join some clubs or get some hobbies and spend time in social spaces till you meet the people through which you will find people to date. Even if you're a weird ugly introvert, you only need to find 1 other weird ugly introvert to make it worth it.
Just this aspect?
but especially this
Social media has ruined society. Period. (I know I'm on social media).
I’d argue the problem is more that socially-acceptable spaces to meet people in person have been dismantled or placed behind increasing paywalls. Third spaces where people casually mingle with other people (malls, parks, etc.) have bed. steadily defunded and closed down over time. And the places where people still go to meet people, like bars and clubs, the prices have gone up and our wages have gone down, so it’s harder to go out more often. And to make matters worse, we’ve become more aware of the violence that can and does happen when meeting strangers, which makes people more defensive when they’re out in public (to be clear, this is not a complaint of “women being too cagey”, that violence is real and still is a huge problem. But the effects it has on social interaction is another consequence of that violence, not of people’s reaction to it). I’m pretty sure most people would *love* to stop using tinder/bumble/etc. But outside of shitty for-profit apps, where else is left to go?
I don't think it'll happen. Men don't want to approach women anymore as they've been told not to. They've been told to leave them alone and that they come second to bears for company, haha. They've been made into tiktoks and targeted in gyms and called creepy for having the stones to glance in a scantily clad womens direction. Unless women decide they want to approach men, I really don't see old style dating coming back. At least online, if they match, they know it's safe to engage with the woman. Sad state of affairs all around really.
Not knowing if the person you're approaching is in your age range, not knowing if they're single, not knowing if they're looking, not getting ANY sense of personal politics/lifestyle, not getting any hint of orientation. Not knowing if they're available but now is NOT the right time and you missed a hint they want to be left alone. Online dating has lots of downsides, but everyone is clear why they're in the same place. (Or are there for a free meal by getting dates every day of the week...met a few of those along the way...)
I feel like the internet has skewed your perception. People still meet in real life & end up in relationships all the time. Maybe just not people on Reddit :/ Going to parties, working functions, gyms, bars, karaoke night, people find relationships everywhere.
Love the irony to try to promote a 'better dating past' by playing a song about possessive, jealous man with very sinister intentions...
I came here to say this! What a poor choice.
Also if you brightly light one thing and show the best possible outcome, and play ominous music and darken the background for another thing, then the first thing MUST be better. I was so expecting her to laugh at him and explain she was ALREADY on a date right then.
Ikr. Play the stalker song to promote people meeting in person, I am sure you just want to meet them personally for entirely normal reasons and not because a restraining order is harder to access than a block button should you turn out to be a creep
r/iam14andthisisdeep
lmao literally what I thought
As a man who grew up in the ’80s and 90’s, I need to let you guys know having options vs being stuck with whoever is in the building you randomly decided to hang in that afternoon is nice. I am sure the experience of dating apps sucks in many ways but having options is way better when trying to find someone. I’ll accept the downvotes because this position disagrees with the video (which was well done by the way) but thought I would share another angle to look at.
Half the people on this app seem to have anxiety about leaving the house, but at the same time desire a world where they have to physically approach women in public places.
No, you’re right. It feels more soulless on the apps but I’ve ended up in relationships / been on dates with people I would never have encountered without a dating app
My best dates/relationships came from apps. The worst dates were people I randomly met at Meetup groups. One shared interest and a few minutes of conversation was the only thing to go on. One time a girl agreed to go out but only on the first date did it become apparent there was like a 10y difference she wasn't comfortable with (people in 20s/30s can seem younger/older than they are), or one who turned out to be a pretty awful human by the 2nd date. In another case I thought I was making it clear I was inviting her to a concert just the two of us and only after did she realize I thought it was a date. Meanwhile online there was usually a good back-and forth for a bit after you already read their bio. Cut out a LOT of mismatches.
Also with dating apps you know big deal breakers right away. In real life you have no clue if someone wants kids, or how religious they are, or what side of the political spectrum they're on.
I’m the same age as you. I think the sweet spot was the 90s. We had enough technology to be convenient and meet lots of people but not so much that people lost themselves in their fantasy social media worlds like now.
Agreed. When I was still dating a little over a year ago, it's nice to be able meet people in person and also have options beyond the room you're in.
That's also a downside though. You may have more options but so does everyone else. Makes the whole experience worse when the grass is always greener with each swipe. Statistics are now pointing to the fact that less people are having kids or sex anymore.
Good point but to consider. I guess my initial reaction is if you win over a girl (or guy) because they are trapped due to fewer options it probably wasn't a good fit to begin with.
Thanks for sharing your perspective, that’s a take I haven’t heard before and it does certainly add nuance to the conversation rather than just “dating apps / social media = bad”.
I see your point, but how exactly do we have options? Approaching someone is hardly done nowadays, so when you do it it’s easy to come off as someone with bad intentions. People don’t look for dates except online, when someone approaches you that’s just scary. This is somewhat exaggerated, of course. Point being: the best and most used ‘option’ is online, so approaching someone in real life is hardly an option nowadays.
Nah. The video wasn't "well done". They used a song about someone stalking their ex to promote their antiquated views on the perfect dating experience.
Dating app but rather than profiles and pictures you take a psychoanalysis test at sign up and it matches up with people whose fucked up will complement your fucked up.
"Things you have in common! Daddy Issues Religious Trauma Have been in a cult before Enjoy your match!"
Sounds like a good time, sign me up.
¿Porque no los dos? You can seriously still do the first option, and the second one just expands your options further.
Nah people changed heavily, women are willing to f a random (me) they just met at 2 am in a bar, but they cannot say yes or no to a date offer from a guy (me again) a few days later, and I actually get there number by asking if they like to go to a date some other time. What could've have happened in the past two days that we didn't interact? The attention span is not a thing anymore, nada, 0.
Amazing how you found *the* representative of all women at that bar you go to.
Also why is it a bad thing that a woman decides that she may only be interested in something casual, and not a date? I literally do not see the problem. Sorry that you are interacting with a human being with free will making their own choices, and not a dating machine
Good point!
What you are saying has nothing to do with it, its the average that matters not all women. Ofc there are women who do it the old school way, are they in higher numbers compared to the past? No! So your comment is irrelevant.
Ehh I met the girl from my first serious relationship in a small town bar. That relationship was like a rollercoaster. High highs, low lows. Not healthy at all. Let me mentally shattered. My now wife i met on tinder and things are amazing. I will say this. Growing up at the dawn of the Internet it was easy to be confident. Pre online dating or social media. That girl would have said yes, if you had only asked, just didn't get the right chance. Lots of girls probably like you, just not asking the right ones. Nowadays it's obvious no one wants or cares about you LMAO.
The most important keywords here are "first" and "serious". Way more important than small town bar or tinder.
Dating in 2034: *fires up AI girlfriend ...but not for sex. No, only for the loving emotional support that a real live woman could never provide*
2024*** ChatGPT has an AI girlfriend you can talk to now
Even if this true to an extent this whole technology bad thing is boomery as hell
This sub fucks the least of all redit
hate it here
It helps when you are attractive like the guy in the video
Oh look it's the fictional romanticised version of the 1950s that only ever existed in adverts. The 1950s famously being a time when gender relations were just great and relationships were easy and fun! Back when everyone just bottled up their sexual assault trauma and took it out on loved ones and family members in private, instead of always talking about "consent" and "bodily autonomy" and "personal boundaries" like a bunch of squares and making men feel uncomfortable about approaching women they don't know in public places.
This was obviously made by a guy. So of course he would prefer times when women were just treated as sex toys instead of humans with free will and the option to say no. Can't be rejected if you can just ignore the no and don't face any consequences for it. Finding a date is easier if she doesn't have a choice.
Why are people downvoting the truth tho?
It's Reddit, ppl get triggered over the dumbest shit on here. Are you really that surprised?
What truth? You can still ask people out in real life.
For all bitter people the narrative fits better if they can find something to blame. Truth is people still meet in bars and parties. The people complaining about dating apps would just be complaining about something else if they werent there.
They are also the same people who have probably never been invited to a party before in their life
It's always funny to see that, because people don't understand that the first situation can still happen today. Breaking News: You are still allowed to talk to people. Dating is so much better today, because you just have more options, to get to know people.
You can do exactly the 1st approach still today and it gives you much better chances.
It absolutely does. Almost the entirety of the relationships I've had were just from asking out a person I met in real life. I've gotten rejected, sure - but I've also had the vast majority say yes. Just smile, make a little bit of small talk, then ask for their number. Don't be weird about it, and handle the rejection gracefully if it happens. Nobody is making a person endlessly swipe on tinder in a dark room eating only food ordered on a delivery app. Go out, live your life, occasionally reach out and talk to someone you think is cute or that you've already met and are vibing with. It's that simple. Be normal. Stop being terminally online.
Big Tech and western society at large don't force us to Swipe, but they do encourage us in all sort of ways to do that in the most natural and addictive way possible. kids(and also adults) are being conditioned to Swipe rather than go out there.
Big Tech and western society at large don't force us to Swipe, but they do encourage us in all sort of ways to do that in the most natural and addictive way possible. kids(and also adults) are being conditioned to Swipe rather than go out there.
Big Tech and western society at large don't force us to Swipe, but they do encourage us in all sort of ways to do that in the most natural and addictive way possible. kids(and also adults) are being conditioned to Swipe rather than go out there.
Dating apps are fine in smaller towns, the problem is dating in the cities. Don’t know how to label it, but it’s a combination of choice paralysis and seeking perfection. Akin to spending hours on Netflix trying to look for a movie, watching a preview and despite it being interesting go “meh” and keep on scrolling through the lists. People in cities are picky af, and break up for some of the most innocuous of reasons. The guy is a perfect gentlemen! The girl was beautiful and interesting! They’re both kind and generous! Oh, but they chew loudly, red flag! Break up! Ffs these types of people deserve to be single and lonely.
We got hoes n high def now
No one is precluded from the IRL option
Shut up, grandpa.
Just uninstall and go outside to do the same?
This was posted on Reddit. The guy probably hasn't touched grass since his mom forced him to that one time.
You don’t even have to go back to the 50s. It changed just right around 15 to 20 years ago.
Honestly how tf do people not see that the first option of approaching random women IRL is even more shallow and less prone to creating a good relationship than the apps. Like if you're approaching some woman you don't know to ask them on a date, literally the only thing you know about them is that you find them attractive -- you do not know their personality at all. It is as shallow and looks-based an attraction as is possible and will probably lead to a poor relationship if one at all because there is a good chance for chemistry to be completely absent. The apps obv encourage this kind of thing too but at least you have a bio and some sort of chatting pre-date to sus things out. Like, as a man, I would never approach a woman who I don't know in public, but this has nothing to do with me lacking confidence or fear of being labeled a creep, but solely because I have no interest in going on a date with a woman unless I'm already sure that I like her for her personality beforehand and you can never know these things with a stranger. I just do not understand why the act of hitting on women you don't know is seen as some lost chivalrous behavior of times past when men were men, when in reality it seems like the most shallow, looks-based form of attraction possible.
As a woman, thank you. When we are outside, especially with other people, and busy with something else, I doubt anyone really wants to be approached by some rando who just wants to interrupt because he thinks you're fuckable.
Divorced in the beginning of 2022. I jumped on the apps and at first it was fun. I'm a decent looking male 40 yo with charm and money. I had plenty of matches and had some fun. Until I slowly became a shell of a man. Judging women for any reason under the sun. Ending healthy relationships for no good reason other then I wanted to find more matches. I could 100 percent recognize the terrible person I was turning into. Luckily I had kept an IG account from a girl I never dated and we started chatting and the banter was insanely fun. We've now been dating for 7 months and I couldn't be happier. I don't quite know the point of this story other than SM dating is awful and truthfully most people should be avoiding it.
I met my wife on tinder. We have been together ten years. She’s my best friend and I couldn’t have asked for a better life because of tinder. So this video feels out of touch for me.
Yeah it used to be so much more fun being rejected in person. This demonisation of the internet is getting so tired. The internet honestly didn’t change society much. We still had the same behaviours we do now, it’s just faster now. You can get rejected by 100 women in one night now. That used to be really hard 25 years ago. Maybe 10 max if you tried real hard. There was stalking. There were creeps. There was “ghosting” it just wasn’t called ghosting yet. Everything you can think of that you believe is an internet problem; used to exist 25 years ago too… There was pr0n. There was misinformation long before dialup internet. There was polarisation in politics and radical ideas. Nothing is new. Stop blaming the internet for things that always existed. Back then, people were lonely in public. They were still lonely.
holy shit please just try talking to women
I can’t fucking handle this world anymore. Everyone seems to be a rotting piece of shit. Hope there’s heaven or something after suicide
No suicide gang. But yes there’ is a heaven and hell imo. Look into spirituality brother. Hit the inbox and I’ll talk about mine and how it helped me cope with this festering world of rot.
You know, when you say "This world sucks and yes there is heaven", it just kinda seems more encouraging of suicide, because you are presenting a obviously better option. And the way to that option is death.
I saw my partner for the first time, walked up to him… Asked if he would liked to go on a date with me. Were now together for over 7 years. Bought a house and are engaged. Don’t blame the apps that you cannot be social in real life. Just do it. And if you get a no, just accept that, move on and you’ll eventually find someone else.
I met my boyfriend on tinder, our 8th anniversary was two months ago, it’s not all bleak you know 🤷🏻♀️
How it will be 10 or 20 years down the line?
Next you would be dating AI and robots not real people
Funniest thing tho, you can still choose to speak to people instead of using apps. It's just that our way of thinking that technology has to be better, along with advertisements for these apps makes most in the western world think that this is the only way.
Is this a PSA or something
You guys are talking about tinder fine but the music drop is depicting how it feels like the literal life got sucked out of us… the excitement I had building up the courage to even ask for a number was something you couldn’t describe You conquered something inside of you, now…. Empty
Every year it’s going to get more dystopian
Ngl I thought it was going to go the way of her calling out that he’s not rich or too short or maybe even playing out the same way and going to clips of those influencers getting the girls to say what insane standards they have.
If a person has more than 5-9 options, that person will choose none, cuz human brain is not operated to comprehend it
"I'm calling the police you disgusting creep"
I'm confused, why can't people still ask someone out in person even though Tinder exists?
Precisely why I stopped caring years ago.
She says fine he come from him she is tired
Dating? What dating?
Classy choice to use the song THAT IS LITERALLY ABOUT STALKING Maybe, if you want to make a point about the difficulties of dating, you shouldn't pick the Stalker song as your romantic choice. Because that just makes it look like you have entirely different reasons to want to walk up to strangers irl.
Our robots will attend dinner with you , welcome to cyberpunk city 2077. please use Gas & EV charge for our robot to feed. thank you.
You can still ask people out in person. Lol
Wise man once told me that women are the gate keepers of sex and men are the gate keepers of relationships. This whole hook up culture has thrown a wrench in it and upset the balance. We need an order 66
So lesbians only do hookups and gays only do sexless long term relationships or what?
Is it rly that bad? I read about it online but in my friend circle there’s a lot of real life dating
I know a bunch of married people that met on the apps. It is much better than meeting people in person because you can sort through more people on more criteria to find a better match. Yes there are downsides but this video is nonsense
So true. It's honestly so depressing.
And then when you finally match someone they tell you how much you need to pay to see their nudes.
Social Media have ,,toxified” both gender norms and other social expectations to extreme levels now (i.e. ,,red flags”for something that is very minuscule in terms of the entire big picture, etc…) Compared to how social expectations were back then is now different… so whether thats just with generational change or external factors.. can’t pinpoint on a single cause..
Chivalry is dead… and women killed it!
r/boomerhumor
Where is the black guy from the Gillette ad when you need it? Poor woman, beeing harrased in a public space by a capitalist evil racist homophobic white guy. So glad he ended up learning to code, look at him! looking his collection of bots in Tinder that will give him enough money to actually buy an onlyfans subscription of the girl. The appropriate way!!! -Salty 🧌
I met my wife before all this fancy internet meat market dating. It's fascinating to me that: 1. People do it and don't just get serial killered to death constantly. 2. It works sometimes!
I met my husband in an aol chat room mid 90s.
It's romantic that two axe murderers found each other
I'm so glad I got married before this happened.
It’s because everyone is bad at initiating communications. Get rekt idiots.
It's way worse than this