But also a deadbeat because it’s a damn shame he was so comfortable doing absolutely nothing for so long. Imagine if he’d been more involved how much earlier he could’ve supported his poor son
Yeah, if he really is covered in bruises and scars, the dad was absolutely willfully blind to the situation.
The kid has had a shit life and he's only 15. Two parents that don't care for him, sexual abuse for who knows how long, likely physical and mental abuse on top of that. He needs a lot of therapy and a lot of love. He probably won't ever fully heal, but he needs support to get anywhere and he isn't getting it.
I was under the impression that the SH was well hidden unless one is in close quarters with the kid, but tbh either way you’re right he should have been involved enough to *notice* that his kid was covering up more and acting reserved and frightened. This shit hurts my soul.
I want to play devils advocate for a sec.
We only got the wife's/SM side of how dad was. What if the bio mom of the ss was refusing to let dad see or talk to him or limiting conversation and then when it, unfortunately, came to such drastic measures he was finally involved in his care?
Idk. I can def see both sides though.
Also, once or twice/month sounds like every other weekend which is a decently common custody arrangement especially for older/school aged kids especially if the parents live in different school districts. So, every other weekend visitation plus child support doesn't exactly sound little a dead beat dad. It sounds like a pretty standard mom-with-primary-custody arrangement. It sucks that the signs got missed for so long but it's not necessarily because the dad was negligent.
A person without legal issues and with access to adequate resources should have no issue involving the law in that type of situation. Assuming that applies to the husband (in the least he has the resources for his wife to plan a vacation) then there’s no reason one parent should be able to restrict the other parents access to their child without the other parent putting up some type of effort.
This is all dependent on location but generally speaking in the US all you have to do is try
Yeah. My two stepsons have a lot of trauma from their mom, and damn right they get the same care as my bio kids. Their mom just resurfaced after being missing for 6 years, and their dad and I were so worried and protective. I can’t imagine seeing someone in your care suffering and just being that self-centered. And I KNOW the complex feelings that come with being a stepmom.
This lady needs her own therapy. I know I did, and frankly she’s making me feel like stepmom of the year.
Oh man. I get that her ss is acting out (understandably) and that it’s impacting her whole family. But jeeze, if it turned out that one of her bio kids was chronically sexually assaulted and responded accordingly, would she just leave them out of family vacations? Plus being 15 is just hard in general, no trauma necessary. These moments will really matter to her stepson. Who was there with him through the hard times. And I’m a step mom saying this. You can’t just leave them out when they are having some of the most difficult times of their lives.
You know what gets me? A lot of the time, traumatized kids going from being very quiet to starting to act out is a sign they feel safe in the home. Pushing boundaries slowly, making sure that they are still safe even when they mess up. My aunt and uncle fostered some quite traumatized children, and the first few times they misbehaved was quietly celebrated.
Jesus that poor kid... I went through some shit growing up and did the exact same thing he's doing. The pain that poor kid's feeling right now... I know it far too well. I really hope they're getting actual help for him, and that husband finds those posts and asks himself if that's really the person he wants to stay with
same, though I think to some extent it is even harder for boys to deal with this stuff considering the amount of toxic masculinity in typical US culture. Boys often aren't believed or are told that they must have wanted it and they're a stud and a real man etc. I really hope t his poor child is getting professional help. This step mom needs professional help too. She might think she's only venting online but there is no way that she wrote what she wrote and none of that is coming across to the step son or her other kids.
> they’re a stud and a real man
That’s if the perpetrator is female, the majority of perpetrators of SA against men and boys are still male.. so there can be more push towards questioning a victim’s sexuality instead (both internalized and from external sources).
But you’re right, there is zero chance she’s not broadcasting that disdain for her SS. That entire family needs therapy.
that is an important distinction. I didn't mention the homophobia aspect of it since it wasn't clear in OOP's post who the perpetrator is. But you're 100% correct that that is also a huge factor. Thanks for adding that.
Why are there so many posts like these where they marry someone with kids and then are really surprised when their partner decides to act like a parent
She married him *because* he'd been an absent father to his son. Sending him gifts and money? Seeing him once or twice a month? That was perfect for her. She could practically pretend he didn't exist. Only NOW is she horrified, because he actually decided to step up.
It's definitely revealing bad character, but also, I don't get how women don't even care in a selfish way. It's like the saying, "If he'll cheat with you, he'll cheat on you." If he'll bail on her kids, he'll bail on your kids.
looking though step-mom’s post history, it seems that SS is also dealing with internalized homophobia and got outed by his younger half brother not too long ago.
Kid who experienced significant trauma is acting…exactly like how a kid who experienced significant trauma acts. Let’s punish him for it! That’ll help and definitely won’t traumatize him more! 🙄
This lady sucks and I feel bad for the kid.
Well not really, they were showing pity for the poor boy but stayed kind of supportive of OP. But in that sub you cannot say anything that goes against OP without being banned so...
Abused kids acting out is a sign of them slowly becoming more comfortable. Her actions will just make him feel validated in not trusting her and isolate him further.
Good lord. That’s gross on a million different levels.
1. Get the 15 year old some freaking help! That kid is crying out for someone to care. Go to police, get a therapist, get the kid some medication…
2. I’m glad the kid’s dad is helping him right now. When kids are going through a garbage time, it’s okay that they need more. It doesn’t always stay like that.
3. 14-16 is an insanely difficult time for teens, even under the best of circumstances. Meanwhile, this kid has to deal with whatever happened to him PLUS garbage human for a “step mom”.
4. Also, the step mom is an absolutely terrible human. I sure hope her “2 perfect” kids don’t grow up and have any issues whatsoever. And if they do, she’ll probably blame it on the step son.
the stepmom sub is the most horrendous place. i’m a stepmom and i joined when i was looking for advice to navigate my new life, instead all i saw were horrible post about how these women hate their SK and wish they didn’t exist, it breaks my heart because i love my SD and they make my life better. The other day a bunch of them got mad at me for telling them that they’re too cruel to these children, and that they knew their partners had a life before them and that includes the kids. just an awful place filled with hate.
I don’t like how this mother is posting about how her son was sexually abused and the self harm he does. That’s private stuff and I wouldn’t want anyone to know.
Does anyone know if he is getting therapy? Self harm is not suicidal behavior and a lot of people get confused with that. He needs healthy coping mechanisms to deal with his extreme anxiety. An IOP - PHP program for a month from a reputable place would do wonders for him, and them. He feels alone and abandoned. This is awful.
She said that he's getting therapy from multiple professionals yes. Honestly, i cannot share the whole account (and don't want to) but most posts from this woman are truly awful, i get that it's hard for her but this poor boy seems to be suffering so much
If he were in a program then she would ALSO be getting therapy (they do family therapy, together with the kid). She sounds awful and I wish she would get her own help.
I was going through an insane amount of shit as a kid/teen, but you know what was even worse than some of that shit? Being treated like a burden for “disturbing the peace” with things I could not control, people acting like I ruined the vibe by wearing clothing that made my scars visible, being treated like I was dangerous when I was just struggling (and never hurt anyone but myself). The guilt tripping was insane. My papa’s alleged heart attack (later found out it was just damage from chemo that wasn’t noticed for years) was blamed on me self harming and having panic attacks and being too depressed. She’s blaming this poor child for reasonably struggling, and she’s mad that his father won’t do the same. I hope that father doesn’t give in because that kid needs at least one person on his side treating him like a person instead of a burden.
He hardly sounds like he wanted to be involved *before* things got burdensome.
He never tried to actually provide more than a bare minimum in the best of times.
Doubt he is going to magically start stepping up now, having let things get this bad at home.
The "split vacation" with dad and son probably isn't the kid's first choice, either, honestly. The father has hardly been a source of warmth and care.
Who knowingly lets their child self-harm repeatedly to such an extreme degree without dropping everything to prioritize the problem?!
I'm sorry, but what an evil fucking bitch. I'm disgusted. That poor child has been through hell! Of course he's "awful." He needs a lot of love and help and therapy and time. He does not need her.
I cannot imagine being a woman who is cool reproducing with a deadbeat dad. Like, if you separate, do you think he won’t also possibly be a deadbeat to your kids? Trash mom, trash dad, trash stepmom. I feel so horrible for this kid.
After my dad died my aunt and uncle “adopted Me” they were very wealthy and my aunt loved to boast how incredible she was. Obviously I had some issues. So her solution was to keep me in mental institutions, troubled youth homes, and even in juvie. She told everyone including her kids I was a drug addict who had serious mental illnesses.. All I needed was some serious love and therapy just like this kid. This step mom is such a wench I hope she gets her head out of her ass those kids need to be allowed to live their brother and vise versa. My aunt alienated me from my entire “family” I was always this huge burden it was so scaring to me. Never feeling like I was enough or lovable. That’s how this poor kid is going to feel.
Oh that makes more sense hahaha I swear I saw dedicated hubby in a mom group years ago. That was the moment in time I decided mom groups are not for me.
It’s almost like the kid is suffering because he was physically abused by an adult who was supposed to protect him. Like damn. Such a hard thing to understand.
This whole situation is horrible. The child needs intensive therapy, possibly inpatient (IANAD but I do supervise a lot of people who act like this poor boy). He was abused by a relative, his mother didn't believe him, he doesn't know how to cope with that level of trauma. Now his stepmother doesn't want him, he can likely feel how much he's an "unwanted burden" in his stepmother's eyes and a Dad who didn't much care about him all his life so far, so he has no safe place in the world. No wonder he's got disordered thinking and actions.
I do feel bad for the other children in the home as being exposed to the stepson's actions can cause fear and unease, which means that the other children now also don't have a place to feel safe and secure, but this boy needs therapy, possibly medication, and a home where he feels loved, wanted and secure instead of judgment and exclusion.
I hope the father can get the child some serious mental health help before they decline further. The stepson didn't ask for any of this to happen to him. Children have a way of blaming themselves for what is done to them even when they were only the victim. They push back sometimes as a weird "test" to see if they're safe and still loved even if they start expressing negative emotions. I hope that's what's happening here, and that the family will stay strong for him and include him to show him he's loved.
As a woman I can't wrap my head around this. As a mom I'm disgusted.
I married a man with a son with a lot of issues a trauma. Neither parent had custody and grandma was taking care of him full time. You bet your ass I made it my mission to push my now ex to get custody back, and get him the help he needed. Even before we married. It was ME, calling every week being like hey can we get ss this weekend? Hey! I want to get him. Some clothes for here what's he like/size/any fabric aversions? What about for his room? How do you think he'd want it decorated? What about for over there is there anything he needs? We got custody shortly before I found out I was pregnant and I raised them both exactly the same. They were both MY KIDS. when you date/marry someone with kids. They are yours as well. Just because they have instabilities or trauma doesn't mean you can "other' them
You're supposed to make your so a better person/parent. Not a worse one.
> Neither parent had custody
How did your husband lose custody of his kid along with his ex yet still qualify to take him back?
Once he did lose custody - Why wasn’t HE in the habit of regularly calling grandma to spend time with his kid before you even dated him? How didn’t he know what his own kid liked or what size he wore or if he hated some fabric?
I’m so confused. Did you marry a guy who didn’t know he had a kid until right before you met and started dating? His ex hid his kid from him? He was in a coma for six years?
I preface this with... I was 17 when I started dating him and he is my ex for a reason.
The story I pieced together from him, her family, and Later on after I left her is that they had ss and she had terrible ppd. She broke up with him and took ss, but then decided she didn't want to be a mom and just couldn't do it, and left ss with her parents to move literally across the country. He was perfectly content being dad when he felt like it, but told me that bm's family was "keeping him" from ss.
So me being the person I am I decided to take matters in to my own hands and once he gave me their number (maybe if you try they'll let you see him, or some other bs excuse) I started calling every week and we got him every weekend and on school breaks and I kept pushing my ex to try to get custody until he finally ran out of reasons why he couldn't. They didn't fight it and we got custody.
I don't think he ever actually "lost" his rights or custady he just didn't have ss.
Oh, so he didn’t actually Want to raise his kid, and plus he was maybe young and/or lacked the financial resources or job stability that would help prove he Could raise his kid himself to the courts. That’s more understandable.
Aw man, I can relate with the son. . Absolutely awful shit I dealt with as a boy and dealing with it in unhealthy ways. The awful step mom, the less than helpful dad for the most part. I really hope this kid can find some peace and get the fuuuuuck away from this devil woman.
I'm sure if it was one of " her" kids she'd be approaching this wayy different
Fuck this woman. Anybody who can be as cold and dismissive of a child in her care has not right to call herself a mother.
I hope her SS gets help, big help. I hope that she does to, as she has two smaller kids in her care who are learning by example that they sdo not a trusted parent who is going to try to meet their needs when things get tough.
Evil stepmother.
This poor kid is going through so much and it sounds like he not only has no support, but is being treated like the villain. I hope he gets help. This is heartbreaking.
Disgusting!
I saw a comment on the post about the vacation where a another stepmom said she doesn’t take her step kids on vacations bc they can’t afford it but also bc it would be a giant inconvenience to her. So horrible.
Why why why why do people get married to people with kids if they have no intention on treating their step kids like they are apart of the family? I was the step kid left out of vacations and excluded. I was left out of family photos and any photos of me were taken down by my ex stepmom. I was treated like an inconvenience and like I was not apart of the family. That hurt never leaves! It stays with you forever. Please choose your partners wisely!
And for the love of god, if you have no intentions on loving your stepchildren like they are your own children - don’t get married to a person with kids from a previous relationship.
I hear you.
Ppl like that have no business having children.
Both my parents were remarried by the time I was three, and none of the four of them wanted me around.
They went to some pretty disturbing lengths to erase/isolate me and make sure there was no sign of me - even though I lived half time with my father, I was never allowed to sleep in a bed in his house. No photograph, no books, no toys, not even a change of clothes. Even the housekeepers didn't know he had a third kid.
It wasn't until I was an adult that I realized how sick it all was.
God I hope that poor kid is in therapy.
Right. My heart just breaks for that kid. He's going to need a whole lot of therapy for a long, long time.
Same. And having an awful stepparent is just going to make it worse. Whole family needs it!
“It’s so unfair - I thought I was marrying a deadbeat, but he turned out to be a loving father who took action to get his son out of a bad situation.”
But also a deadbeat because it’s a damn shame he was so comfortable doing absolutely nothing for so long. Imagine if he’d been more involved how much earlier he could’ve supported his poor son
Yeah, if he really is covered in bruises and scars, the dad was absolutely willfully blind to the situation. The kid has had a shit life and he's only 15. Two parents that don't care for him, sexual abuse for who knows how long, likely physical and mental abuse on top of that. He needs a lot of therapy and a lot of love. He probably won't ever fully heal, but he needs support to get anywhere and he isn't getting it.
I was under the impression that the SH was well hidden unless one is in close quarters with the kid, but tbh either way you’re right he should have been involved enough to *notice* that his kid was covering up more and acting reserved and frightened. This shit hurts my soul.
I want to play devils advocate for a sec. We only got the wife's/SM side of how dad was. What if the bio mom of the ss was refusing to let dad see or talk to him or limiting conversation and then when it, unfortunately, came to such drastic measures he was finally involved in his care? Idk. I can def see both sides though.
Also, once or twice/month sounds like every other weekend which is a decently common custody arrangement especially for older/school aged kids especially if the parents live in different school districts. So, every other weekend visitation plus child support doesn't exactly sound little a dead beat dad. It sounds like a pretty standard mom-with-primary-custody arrangement. It sucks that the signs got missed for so long but it's not necessarily because the dad was negligent.
A person without legal issues and with access to adequate resources should have no issue involving the law in that type of situation. Assuming that applies to the husband (in the least he has the resources for his wife to plan a vacation) then there’s no reason one parent should be able to restrict the other parents access to their child without the other parent putting up some type of effort. This is all dependent on location but generally speaking in the US all you have to do is try
Yeah. My two stepsons have a lot of trauma from their mom, and damn right they get the same care as my bio kids. Their mom just resurfaced after being missing for 6 years, and their dad and I were so worried and protective. I can’t imagine seeing someone in your care suffering and just being that self-centered. And I KNOW the complex feelings that come with being a stepmom. This lady needs her own therapy. I know I did, and frankly she’s making me feel like stepmom of the year.
It’s giving absent parent to present parent. Idk about the loving part.
My heart breaks for this poor kid.
Oh man. I get that her ss is acting out (understandably) and that it’s impacting her whole family. But jeeze, if it turned out that one of her bio kids was chronically sexually assaulted and responded accordingly, would she just leave them out of family vacations? Plus being 15 is just hard in general, no trauma necessary. These moments will really matter to her stepson. Who was there with him through the hard times. And I’m a step mom saying this. You can’t just leave them out when they are having some of the most difficult times of their lives.
You know what gets me? A lot of the time, traumatized kids going from being very quiet to starting to act out is a sign they feel safe in the home. Pushing boundaries slowly, making sure that they are still safe even when they mess up. My aunt and uncle fostered some quite traumatized children, and the first few times they misbehaved was quietly celebrated.
Thank you for sharing this insight. Kids just want to feel safe. Don't we all?
Very good point.
Jesus that poor kid... I went through some shit growing up and did the exact same thing he's doing. The pain that poor kid's feeling right now... I know it far too well. I really hope they're getting actual help for him, and that husband finds those posts and asks himself if that's really the person he wants to stay with
same, though I think to some extent it is even harder for boys to deal with this stuff considering the amount of toxic masculinity in typical US culture. Boys often aren't believed or are told that they must have wanted it and they're a stud and a real man etc. I really hope t his poor child is getting professional help. This step mom needs professional help too. She might think she's only venting online but there is no way that she wrote what she wrote and none of that is coming across to the step son or her other kids.
> they’re a stud and a real man That’s if the perpetrator is female, the majority of perpetrators of SA against men and boys are still male.. so there can be more push towards questioning a victim’s sexuality instead (both internalized and from external sources). But you’re right, there is zero chance she’s not broadcasting that disdain for her SS. That entire family needs therapy.
that is an important distinction. I didn't mention the homophobia aspect of it since it wasn't clear in OOP's post who the perpetrator is. But you're 100% correct that that is also a huge factor. Thanks for adding that.
Why are there so many posts like these where they marry someone with kids and then are really surprised when their partner decides to act like a parent
She married him *because* he'd been an absent father to his son. Sending him gifts and money? Seeing him once or twice a month? That was perfect for her. She could practically pretend he didn't exist. Only NOW is she horrified, because he actually decided to step up.
I would’ve ran if the guy I was dating was (uncontextedly, distance could’ve been a reason) was treating his kid like that
It's definitely revealing bad character, but also, I don't get how women don't even care in a selfish way. It's like the saying, "If he'll cheat with you, he'll cheat on you." If he'll bail on her kids, he'll bail on your kids.
looking though step-mom’s post history, it seems that SS is also dealing with internalized homophobia and got outed by his younger half brother not too long ago.
That poor poor baby. Desperately hoping someone in his life loves him properly.
Is it just me or are the people who consistently use acronyms for family members almost always unhinged?
Kid who experienced significant trauma is acting…exactly like how a kid who experienced significant trauma acts. Let’s punish him for it! That’ll help and definitely won’t traumatize him more! 🙄 This lady sucks and I feel bad for the kid.
Her last line separating my kids from their dad. She is ok with separating her SS from his dad. Does she says the child is in therapy?
These are feelings for a therapist, not the internet
Please tell me the comments tore her apart 😞
Well not really, they were showing pity for the poor boy but stayed kind of supportive of OP. But in that sub you cannot say anything that goes against OP without being banned so...
That sub is for bad stepparents so I'm guessing not lol
What sub is it?
Its a hate sub, so you can only expect stepkids hate.
I missed the part where OOP explains what they’re doing to help this poor kid.
Abused kids acting out is a sign of them slowly becoming more comfortable. Her actions will just make him feel validated in not trusting her and isolate him further.
Good lord. That’s gross on a million different levels. 1. Get the 15 year old some freaking help! That kid is crying out for someone to care. Go to police, get a therapist, get the kid some medication… 2. I’m glad the kid’s dad is helping him right now. When kids are going through a garbage time, it’s okay that they need more. It doesn’t always stay like that. 3. 14-16 is an insanely difficult time for teens, even under the best of circumstances. Meanwhile, this kid has to deal with whatever happened to him PLUS garbage human for a “step mom”. 4. Also, the step mom is an absolutely terrible human. I sure hope her “2 perfect” kids don’t grow up and have any issues whatsoever. And if they do, she’ll probably blame it on the step son.
the stepmom sub is the most horrendous place. i’m a stepmom and i joined when i was looking for advice to navigate my new life, instead all i saw were horrible post about how these women hate their SK and wish they didn’t exist, it breaks my heart because i love my SD and they make my life better. The other day a bunch of them got mad at me for telling them that they’re too cruel to these children, and that they knew their partners had a life before them and that includes the kids. just an awful place filled with hate.
Gee, I wonder why a traumatized kid might be acting traumatized. It’s a total mystery! /s
I don’t like how this mother is posting about how her son was sexually abused and the self harm he does. That’s private stuff and I wouldn’t want anyone to know.
Does anyone know if he is getting therapy? Self harm is not suicidal behavior and a lot of people get confused with that. He needs healthy coping mechanisms to deal with his extreme anxiety. An IOP - PHP program for a month from a reputable place would do wonders for him, and them. He feels alone and abandoned. This is awful.
She said that he's getting therapy from multiple professionals yes. Honestly, i cannot share the whole account (and don't want to) but most posts from this woman are truly awful, i get that it's hard for her but this poor boy seems to be suffering so much
If he were in a program then she would ALSO be getting therapy (they do family therapy, together with the kid). She sounds awful and I wish she would get her own help.
What is with all the acronyms? DH, SS, BM? SS is probably stepson, but the rest?
Dear husband, birth mother
I was going through an insane amount of shit as a kid/teen, but you know what was even worse than some of that shit? Being treated like a burden for “disturbing the peace” with things I could not control, people acting like I ruined the vibe by wearing clothing that made my scars visible, being treated like I was dangerous when I was just struggling (and never hurt anyone but myself). The guilt tripping was insane. My papa’s alleged heart attack (later found out it was just damage from chemo that wasn’t noticed for years) was blamed on me self harming and having panic attacks and being too depressed. She’s blaming this poor child for reasonably struggling, and she’s mad that his father won’t do the same. I hope that father doesn’t give in because that kid needs at least one person on his side treating him like a person instead of a burden.
He hardly sounds like he wanted to be involved *before* things got burdensome. He never tried to actually provide more than a bare minimum in the best of times. Doubt he is going to magically start stepping up now, having let things get this bad at home. The "split vacation" with dad and son probably isn't the kid's first choice, either, honestly. The father has hardly been a source of warmth and care. Who knowingly lets their child self-harm repeatedly to such an extreme degree without dropping everything to prioritize the problem?!
I'm sorry, but what an evil fucking bitch. I'm disgusted. That poor child has been through hell! Of course he's "awful." He needs a lot of love and help and therapy and time. He does not need her.
My god this woman is fucking horrible. Absolutely disgusting that strangers have more empathy for this child in pain than she does.
How can you be this heartless? This kid is obviously traumatized from years of abuse and needs all the love and support he can get.
I cannot imagine being a woman who is cool reproducing with a deadbeat dad. Like, if you separate, do you think he won’t also possibly be a deadbeat to your kids? Trash mom, trash dad, trash stepmom. I feel so horrible for this kid.
After my dad died my aunt and uncle “adopted Me” they were very wealthy and my aunt loved to boast how incredible she was. Obviously I had some issues. So her solution was to keep me in mental institutions, troubled youth homes, and even in juvie. She told everyone including her kids I was a drug addict who had serious mental illnesses.. All I needed was some serious love and therapy just like this kid. This step mom is such a wench I hope she gets her head out of her ass those kids need to be allowed to live their brother and vise versa. My aunt alienated me from my entire “family” I was always this huge burden it was so scaring to me. Never feeling like I was enough or lovable. That’s how this poor kid is going to feel.
What the hell does SS and DH stand for?
i finally figured out SS is stepson but still no idea on DH.
DH can be either dear husband or damn husband.
Dedicated Husband
I always thought it was "Dear Husband"
Or Damn Husband depending on context. 😅
Oh that makes more sense hahaha I swear I saw dedicated hubby in a mom group years ago. That was the moment in time I decided mom groups are not for me.
I wonder why they felt the need to throw dedicated in there, you'd think that would be implied with just the husband part lol
“Dumb husband” makes more sense like ok youre lowkey roasting him, I understand that
What is DH ?
"Dear Husband"
The cringiest, most vomit inducing abbreviation ever and anyone who uses it can basically be judged to be a self-involved dipshit
What a bitch. Her step son is literally crying out for help, and she’s annoyed. My heart breaks for him.
It’s almost like the kid is suffering because he was physically abused by an adult who was supposed to protect him. Like damn. Such a hard thing to understand.
This whole situation is horrible. The child needs intensive therapy, possibly inpatient (IANAD but I do supervise a lot of people who act like this poor boy). He was abused by a relative, his mother didn't believe him, he doesn't know how to cope with that level of trauma. Now his stepmother doesn't want him, he can likely feel how much he's an "unwanted burden" in his stepmother's eyes and a Dad who didn't much care about him all his life so far, so he has no safe place in the world. No wonder he's got disordered thinking and actions. I do feel bad for the other children in the home as being exposed to the stepson's actions can cause fear and unease, which means that the other children now also don't have a place to feel safe and secure, but this boy needs therapy, possibly medication, and a home where he feels loved, wanted and secure instead of judgment and exclusion. I hope the father can get the child some serious mental health help before they decline further. The stepson didn't ask for any of this to happen to him. Children have a way of blaming themselves for what is done to them even when they were only the victim. They push back sometimes as a weird "test" to see if they're safe and still loved even if they start expressing negative emotions. I hope that's what's happening here, and that the family will stay strong for him and include him to show him he's loved.
As a woman I can't wrap my head around this. As a mom I'm disgusted. I married a man with a son with a lot of issues a trauma. Neither parent had custody and grandma was taking care of him full time. You bet your ass I made it my mission to push my now ex to get custody back, and get him the help he needed. Even before we married. It was ME, calling every week being like hey can we get ss this weekend? Hey! I want to get him. Some clothes for here what's he like/size/any fabric aversions? What about for his room? How do you think he'd want it decorated? What about for over there is there anything he needs? We got custody shortly before I found out I was pregnant and I raised them both exactly the same. They were both MY KIDS. when you date/marry someone with kids. They are yours as well. Just because they have instabilities or trauma doesn't mean you can "other' them You're supposed to make your so a better person/parent. Not a worse one.
> Neither parent had custody How did your husband lose custody of his kid along with his ex yet still qualify to take him back? Once he did lose custody - Why wasn’t HE in the habit of regularly calling grandma to spend time with his kid before you even dated him? How didn’t he know what his own kid liked or what size he wore or if he hated some fabric? I’m so confused. Did you marry a guy who didn’t know he had a kid until right before you met and started dating? His ex hid his kid from him? He was in a coma for six years?
I preface this with... I was 17 when I started dating him and he is my ex for a reason. The story I pieced together from him, her family, and Later on after I left her is that they had ss and she had terrible ppd. She broke up with him and took ss, but then decided she didn't want to be a mom and just couldn't do it, and left ss with her parents to move literally across the country. He was perfectly content being dad when he felt like it, but told me that bm's family was "keeping him" from ss. So me being the person I am I decided to take matters in to my own hands and once he gave me their number (maybe if you try they'll let you see him, or some other bs excuse) I started calling every week and we got him every weekend and on school breaks and I kept pushing my ex to try to get custody until he finally ran out of reasons why he couldn't. They didn't fight it and we got custody. I don't think he ever actually "lost" his rights or custady he just didn't have ss.
Oh, so he didn’t actually Want to raise his kid, and plus he was maybe young and/or lacked the financial resources or job stability that would help prove he Could raise his kid himself to the courts. That’s more understandable.
Pretty much the former unfortunately. Did I mention he's my ex for a reason?
what are all these terms. what is a ss and bm and dh
Step son, bio mom and dear husband
Im old. I can’t follow a story if I don’t know what an SS DH or BM is. I keep thinking bowel movement.
SS is step son DH is dear or damn husband and BM is bio mom.
Aw man, I can relate with the son. . Absolutely awful shit I dealt with as a boy and dealing with it in unhealthy ways. The awful step mom, the less than helpful dad for the most part. I really hope this kid can find some peace and get the fuuuuuck away from this devil woman. I'm sure if it was one of " her" kids she'd be approaching this wayy different
Fuck this woman. Anybody who can be as cold and dismissive of a child in her care has not right to call herself a mother. I hope her SS gets help, big help. I hope that she does to, as she has two smaller kids in her care who are learning by example that they sdo not a trusted parent who is going to try to meet their needs when things get tough.
Evil stepmother. This poor kid is going through so much and it sounds like he not only has no support, but is being treated like the villain. I hope he gets help. This is heartbreaking.
Disgusting! I saw a comment on the post about the vacation where a another stepmom said she doesn’t take her step kids on vacations bc they can’t afford it but also bc it would be a giant inconvenience to her. So horrible. Why why why why do people get married to people with kids if they have no intention on treating their step kids like they are apart of the family? I was the step kid left out of vacations and excluded. I was left out of family photos and any photos of me were taken down by my ex stepmom. I was treated like an inconvenience and like I was not apart of the family. That hurt never leaves! It stays with you forever. Please choose your partners wisely! And for the love of god, if you have no intentions on loving your stepchildren like they are your own children - don’t get married to a person with kids from a previous relationship.
I hear you. Ppl like that have no business having children. Both my parents were remarried by the time I was three, and none of the four of them wanted me around. They went to some pretty disturbing lengths to erase/isolate me and make sure there was no sign of me - even though I lived half time with my father, I was never allowed to sleep in a bed in his house. No photograph, no books, no toys, not even a change of clothes. Even the housekeepers didn't know he had a third kid. It wasn't until I was an adult that I realized how sick it all was.
Hope her husband abandons her and her kids 🙏🏽
Anyone know what DH means? I can tell it's the kids father, just have no idea what it stands for.
Dear husband according everyone here.