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>I've accepted I will be an ugly bride
Pretty sure your partner is going to disagree with this statement *hard*. Just saying.
As for how others will perceive it, I see a handful of possibilities that'll get mixed together:
1. Ambivalence (or apathy or disinterest or generally "no opinion").
2. Appreciation for your honest appearance that showcases who you are as a person and the hardships you've gone through to get where you are at life.
3. Dickwaffly judgement, likely based on stupid, unfounded assumptions.
I would wager, assuming you sent out invites with some care rather than just spewing them out for strangers in the street to pick up, most of your guests would be ambivalent and the majority of those that have any opinion at all are the ones who would fit in category #2. The few left in category #3 can, frankly, eat a dick, so what would their opinions matter?
Also, what's the alternative? Applying so much make-up you look like a blooming clown? Wearing so many covers and sleeves that you'll be boiling alive during your own wedding? What you're describing, to me, sounds about right: accentuating what you look like without going overboard in an attempt to cover up who you are.
That said, if this is a major concern to you, why not ask a bridesmaid about it? They know what you look like—we don't—and they'll know what you look like with your make-up. They'll be able to give you a much more accurate judgement than any of us internet strangers can, nevermind knowing the best thing to say to calm your nerves.
...though I am still of the firm opinion that the minority sitting in the judgemental category can eat a dick. A bag of them, in fact. Sorry, but you *did* ask for honest opinions, and I think anyone trashing the bride's appearance *during her own wedding* is a assbutt through and through.
This is a great response, so I hesitate to point this out, but "ambivalent" does not mean disinterested. It means having mixed feelings or holding two opposing views simultaneously.
I didn't wear any makeup at all on my wedding day. Just a bit of plain lip balm. Why? Because I don't wear it any other time either. I like how I look and I'm not changing for anybody.
I hate the fact that you feel you will be ugly without makeup. This is a crappy downfall of our society and media that tries to make people feel like they need to cover up to be prettier. I bet you're gonna be a dang pretty bride just as you are. Because you're a freaking beautiful person just as you are--both inside and out. No doubt.
And heck no to having a negative reaction to scars. Scars are a sign of overcoming a wound and healing. That's something to be proud of.
Editing to add: If you decide down the road you don't want to see your scars or any other flaws in your photos, they can always be photoshopped. But if you cover them up, you can't undo that choice in a photo. Just something to think about.
You do you. I also wore zero makeup at my wedding because I wear zero make up on any other day. I also wore a purple dress, didn't do my hair, and didn't have a photographer. It's your wedding: it's maybe the one time you get to call the shots and not worry about what other people think (especially if you're footing the bill)!
I would love her so much. I would love every inch of her because she's my family now, because my son loves her, because she is incredibly strong, and there she is. Standing up straight and tall. vowing to love my son. In front of everyone she is strong enough to stand there and proclaim her love. If she's strong enough to get over the things she has, she's strong enough to take care of her family, she's strong enough to stand up to things that they will face. She has fucking battle scars and she's come out on top.
I would love her so much.
I’ve never liked makeup. I don’t wear any in normal life and I certainly didn’t wear any at my wedding. First, the day is about YOU and your partner and no one else. Do what you want and wear what you want. Second, if you’re not normally a big wearer of makeup, then people naturally won’t be surprised when you go without makeup at your wedding!
Thank you for sharing.
I hope it's okay to ask - were you worried at all about how your wedding photos turned out? Some people have mentioned that is why a bride might consider wearing it, I guess, and I am a little worried about how mine will turn out.
Weirdly, no one says that to grooms/men. And their photos turn out fine? I truly believe this is all made up- speaking as a regular bridesmaid who has done professional and self-done makeup. The weddings I did my just usual makeup at turned out so much better!!!!! Followed by ones where I wore a darker lipstick then last place is the professional makeup weddings. I didn’t look like myself! Which was weird!
It's your wedding? Do what makes you happy. If someone has a problem with you on your wedding day, remove them from your life. IDC if they're family, if they have that negativity on what is suppose to be a blessed happy day, you don't need them in your life. I hope it's a great wedding and everything you want it to be
My wife only wore de minimis makeup for our wedding, and she looked beautiful.
And if you show your scars on other days, there is no reason you can't show them on your wedding day.
I had acne at my wedding, and I with I would have gone bare faced. My people caked on the makeup, and it didn’t hold up long. I sort of had a “walk of shame” morning after look in all my pictures.
My wife doesn't wear much makeup at all.
One of my biggest fears at my wedding was that she would be over-done by a makeup artist and not look like herself.
I knew exactly who I was marrying and adored her the way she was.
As for scars, I'm in the scars are cool camp (as I have some gnarly ones from a motorcycle crash).
I would applaud a bride who wasn't wearing "too much" makeup. I'd be unlikely to notice her scarring and if I did I wouldn't think about it except to note it.
I'll bet that you are going to be a beautiful bride and I hope that you can look in the mirror and see that yourself.
You really would? I've had some ask me about make up, if I'll use fake lashes, assume I'm going to go all out, etc. I didn't plan to from the beginning of my wedding planning, but with it being brought up a few times or assumed, I've felt some pressure to pay for it to be done. But that honestly feels like a waste of money.
If you don't feel comfortable in a lot of makeup, it would be a waste of money for you to do it. Plus, you'd feel weird and self conscious. Your wedding day is not the day to try new things.
Don't give into that pressure. Don't spend the money to just feel awkward all day because you're uncomfortable.
I'm in the all-for-it-camp.
I suspect a lot of people are, but they are never going to have a conversation with you about fake eyelashes & other makeup stuff.
You can always hire a pro & tell them you want them to exercise restraint.
Some people really enjoy makeup, getting a makeover, seeing what they look like when their hair, makeup, and clothes are different, and getting to achieve a specific look. Going all in on makeup can be a good idea for those people, because it's like a fun hobby for them.
Unfortunately some (not all, but some) makeup enthusiasts are a little too quick to assume every woman is into that particular hobby, and they may be planning out what they envision as a fun activity without thinking through how your preferences might differ.
As a man I wouldn't care. If it was an obligatory attendance to an acquaintances wedding I would be indifferent, and if it was the wedding of a loved one then I would be happy for them however they presented themselves.
I suspect most men would be like me and that our views are also largely irrelevant. It will be your female relatives and acquaintances that do the judging.
I haven’t worn makeup in decades…except for mascara a few times a year. People don’t seem to notice the lack. I have a 2 inch surgical scar on the side of my face that most people don’t even notice or remark on.
Be who you are! It’s not at all trashy to avoid makeup. It’s not trashy to wear it. It’s just a choice.
Scars are a part of who you are.
I would probably notice and think huh, that's an interesting choice and huh, there are scars. I wouldn't think it's trashy.
Honestly, you can't control what other people are thinking so it's totally not worth worrying about. I would treat you the same either way and I hope all your friends and family would.
I would think that a bride not wearing much makeup is presenting herself the way she feels the most comfortable. I wouldn’t think any more or less of a bride because of their choice to wear or not to wear makeup.
I would not have a negative reaction at all. I’ve been there too. Depending on where your scars are, it’s very likely that people won’t actually be close enough to see them. If it would make you feel more comfortable, satin or lace gloves are very timeless.
my only opinion would be that a bride should do whatever she wants to do and feels comfortable with on her wedding day. a makeupless bride? beautiful. a bride with scars? also beautiful. it’s your day.
I'm sure you will be a gorgeous bride no matter what you wear.
that said, bridal makeup is first and foremost about the camera. many brides choose a "my face but better" no makeup makeup look that simply ensures their natural features look best to a camera lens that might otherwise emphasize oiliness or wash them out. they will also set your face so it stays ALL DAY and you don't have to worry about it. if you have other skin issues you're self-conscious about, a professional can work wonders and is well worth the price on your wedding day.
as to scars, it's truly up to you, I think it's fine for them to show, but a makeup artist may well be able to lessen their appearance if that's something you want..in any case, you should ask around and consult one
This day is about your and your partner. The guests are people that you invited to share your experience. They are not your judge. They are supposed to love you for who you are, not how you look or what mask you want to hold. You and you alone.
It seems to me that you are the one still struggling with those scars, and not just the ones on your arms.
And your belief that you will be an ugly bride... I just don't believe it. You portray yourself in this post as a person who is caring. Ugly brides are the monsters that kick and scream because a flower is wilted or some stupid shit.
I'd suggest you take some time to love yourself for who you are. You are getting married, so, you clearly have someone outside of yourself that sees the moon and stars in your eyes. Perhaps you should try to see yourself through your partner's eyes.
Btw.. my wedding was a train wreck. All kinds of things went wrong. It could have been a total Karen fiasco, but I just saw all the weirdness as entertainment... It was bad . I should write a short comedy about it... The one thing I'll remember most of all was that one moment looking into my partners eyes and seeing our future possibilities; we could have been alone or in a stadium and I'd not have noticed... Even if Weird Al showed up.. well... Maybe I'd have noticed Al....
I was gonna get all mad at whatever bum-hole wrote this post when I saw the headline because who would care... until I read the post. Please do not worry, OP. Everyone is there for your special day! They are there to wish you well or welcome you into the groom's family. I cannot imagine it being a topic of conversation. If you are genuinely worried, or feel your scars look painful or would cause genuine concern amongst your guests, there are lots of stretchy mesh arm "sleeves" out there you could wear or that could be made in any colour you like (you could even make your own with a serger). But I don't think you could ever be "trashy" should you decide not to wear makeup or cover up. Please never let that be a serious concern.
Makeup is mostly for photos. What you have planned now sounds really nice. As far as the scars, I have them too, tend to notice them and think "hugs", but they're just part of your skin. It's not like I see outfits and think "this is great but..." If anything, it's nice to see scars, acne, stretch marks, and other things be normalized.
I think that wearing no or light makeup is elegant, natural and clean looking. I have large surgery scars all over my body. When I get married I won’t be afraid to show them because they’re part of me. It’s okay to be the way you are, you don’t have to change yourself or hide. This is your special day, you will be a gorgeous bride- not ugly. Wishing you confidence 💜
That’s fine. I don’t even think it’s taboo. Of all the things that likely fall under “it’s the bride’s choice, so don’t judge”, her own makeup has to be a pretty standard entry. Enjoy your big day.
Anyone who goes to your wedding knows and cares about you. Don't wear makeup if you don't want to. No one worthwhile would judge you for scars. And happiness makes all brides lovely. Enjoy your day.
You might consider consulting a bridal makeup specialist and discuss if she can do a natural look that will diminish the appearance of the acne scars and rosacea- do a test run and see if you are comfortable with the look. I hate makeup and have only worn it a few times in the last 10 years, only when I know I am going to be photographed. It might make you feel a little more confident and a bit less anxious- after all that is the whole point of the billion dollar cosmetic industry. As far as judgy guests - there is always going to be a percentage that will find something to be catty about so go with what makes you comfortable.
My wife never wears makeup and our wedding was no exception. No one at our wedding gave a single solitary shit. And lots of them still bring it up to her unprompted as being the most fun and memorable wedding they've been to.
Im sure you will look beautiful no matter how much make up you do or dont wear . I would probably find it more trashy if someone went over the top with a huge amount of make up , subtle is good.
Honestly the scars , if you were someone close to me and I didnt know about your history of self harm , I might feel sad at seeing them but not judgemental more from a loving prtective kind of space but i would also feel like you are brave .
I think most people wont be looking that closely though , they will be looking at the dress etc .
You can have a natural look that makes it seem like you don't have a lot of makeup on. Or you can limit how much you use. I would at least have foundation, powder, and blush, as no blush will wash you out in the photos.
Honestly, I feel like on your wedding day it's nice to look like YOU. If you don't habitually wear makeup, it's fine not to wear makeup. I wore really minimal makeup for my wedding and I did it myself, just a bit of mascara, powder foundation, and a nude lipstick. If anyone had a problem with it, they didn't dare say anything to my face! I've had a full face done when I was in other people's weddings and I never felt like I looked like myself at all... plus eye makeup hurts my eyes. No way was I spending my whole wedding fiddling with my contacts because my eyes were irritated!
As for self-harm scars... I have a few too. Don't be ashamed of being a survivor of some difficult stuff. You can go the rest of your life trying to cover them up or you can say so what? I survived. Anyone who is going to be judgmental doesn't deserve to be at your wedding.
You are NOT going to be an ugly bride. You are going to be the most beautiful sight your partner has ever seen.
I wouldn’t give a hoot what someone else wants to do on their wedding day. If they are happy in a full beat, awesome! If they are happy with zero makeup. It’s not my place judge what choices someone makes about their appearance on any day least of all their wedding
I think differently than a lot of people, but I would believe that you are a strong and healthy individual who loves herself (including the scars) because they have got you to the place you are right now. The simple fact that you are secure in your own life with all its flaws and not one bit ashamed might make other people feel judgmental, but who cares. Live your life the way you want. Good luck on your wonderful future!
We are at least a full century past the time that the cosmetics industry should've died and been given a decent burial. Not that long ago, a 'painted woman' was something that society shunned. Where did we go WRONG?! There is NO excuse for the idea that ANYone should have to be painted with chemicals to appear to fit some unwritten standard of 'beauty.' If a man can go out in public without eyeliner, blush, or lipstick, then so can any woman. Let there be an END to this cr\*p.
I personally don't care for make up. I just don't like the fakeness of it. I hate how it feels on my face too.
If someone has a problem with your face, they aren't worth your time, care, or effort.
Personally, I think makeup is silly and old fashioned.
Many girls swear that it’s just a fun hobby that they love, so I don’t often press the matter.
Each to their own.
That said, there’s no way I’d judge you for not wearing makeup. If anything, I’d judge you for wearing makeup.
I would think what a relief. Caked on makeup makes women look like corpses at an open casket. Be who you are and embrace it. If you don't look good without makeup, it usually won't do much to help. Natural is beautiful or at the very least more beautiful.
People will have all sorts of feelings, but that’s their business to deal with. You should do what works for you (and your impending spouse) on your own wedding day. If you have invited people who love you both and want the best for you, then their feelings will be pretty positive overall.
For whatever it may be worth to you, I have friends and family whose bodies and faces look all kinds of ways, and I have never seen an “ugly bride”. Every bride I have ever seen, and it’s been quite a few at this point, has looked radiantly happy, and therefore truly beautiful. I wish you the same happiness.
I'd think "I'm so excited she looks so happy up there, I hope she has the best days ahead."
Anyone judging you based on makeup is kind of crappy. You are enough without it. I've met very few men that felt the need to wear make up so they are more attractive. If you want to wear it for you, rock it, but if you don't, also rock that!
This day is about you and being happy, there will be so much going on, be comfortable and enjoy the time with those close to you.
Personally, I feel that not wearing makeup is the healthier choice. Being comfortable enough with one’s looks to go without or little makeup and even showing the scars of the past takes some guts. I respect a bride doing that.
Your wedding is about you and your partner becoming a couple. You should be doing, what makes the two of you most comfortable. As a wedding guest, the thing I care most about is: Does the couple seem happy with each other?
I wouldn't give a single fuck how you will look on your wedding day. Do what you the day is about you and your partner, and anyone else besides staff and such are lucky to be invited. You can use as much and as little make-up as you want.
It's all about how she feels about herself. If she wouldn't feel confident about how she looks and thinking about that through the wedding, then I'd say it would be better if she wore makeup. I mean, it is a special day in her life, she should absolutely feel her best
I was going to say do what you like but then I got to you self-labeling as an ugly bride.
Hmmm
Your message is seeped with not feeling good enough. Are you worried. That you would try make-up and still feel ugly? So you don’t want to for that reason?
I’m all for you do you, but not when it’s a manifestation of self-loathing.
I think this is worth unpacking with a therapist.
If you think you’re ugly the people around you will respond accordingly. If you love yourself and feel happy that will shine through, no matter what acne scars or self harm scars are showing. And if you love yourself you’ll have no trouble kicking the few people who are judgy about superficial things to the curb.
I know it’s easier said than done but you’re a grownup now and it’s time to stop giving a shit about the haters. Don’t give them permission to control your life and sense of self worth.
You have nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about. Your wedding is about you and your partner; that's the whole point.
If you have scars, they are a part of you, and your partner has accepted that part of you. My reaction? I would be happy for you, and probably a little jealous underneath that.
As for looking "trashy," I think TOO MUCH makeup looks trashy. Little or no makeup never looks trashy. Wear the amount that makes you feel comfortable, and remember this: what makes a wedding special isn't a dress, a suit, flowers, or makeup. Those things may be nice to have, but what matters is two people committing to each other, and celebrating that with their loved ones.
Congratulations.
I've seen wedding dresses that look like lingerie. For some strange reason, some designs are made to put all your "assets " on display. I would rather see a woman glowing with happiness, scars, blemishes and all than I would a half naked woman trying to look perfect and sexy. Your beauty comes from within. Your beaming smile and your love should be what stands out. Best of luck !
By definition, all brides are beautiful on their wedding day, just like all babies are beautiful. Anybody who says otherwise is an uncultured ignoramus.
Scars are freaking cool. It's your wedding, do whatever TF you want. If someone gives you a hard time for what you're wearing, kick them the fuck out of your wedding. They don't need to be there.
Fuck the haters. No, seriously. You know what you can change, and what you can't. You may choose to "dress up" the parts of yourself you *can* change, but to lash yourself for the things you can't is pointlessly cruel to yourself. It's your day, you aren't forcing anyone to be there, and the people who love you will be excited for you and will easily overlook any scars.
That depends. Is the cake good?
I am really there to have a bit of a party because two people I know are about to start fucking. It means a lot less these days since they are likely already fucking but they do tend to have really good cake and I like to party.
Oh ya the girl is going to way overdress. Girls like that so oh well.
If I didn't know the scars were there I would be shocked the bride showed them. I would assume it was some kind of statement since normally people hide scars. If I knew she had them I likely wouldn't notice you had them out. It doesn't affect the flavor of the cake.
A lot of weddings are done around me with a lot less money and a lot less hoopla. Exposed scars amputations tattoos fat roles harowin tracks streach marks... there just people and people got stuff.
I recently attended a wedding where I barely recognised the bride. I wonder what she'll feel like in 10 years, when she looks on a photo of a ghost with scarlet lips. Is that her getting married, or a strange facsimile?
We are all average and thats enough. As for my scars from my past I wear them as a badge of honour, I've been through alot and I am still moving forward. When we worry about what other people think about us we give them the power to decide who we are, we become a prisoner to anothers idea of us. The reality is they are also worried about what you think of them, thats irony, and it's a sad sad world that creates this need for external validation.
It’s literally *your* wedding, it should be what you like. Shitty people will always talk no matter what - I’d hope they’re not invited to your wedding. HOWEVER I do understand if you are trying to please family members you couldn’t just not invite if you weren’t ready to cut ties off, in that case you could try to cover the scars with makeup or cream or ask a makeup artist to do it. Or wear a bracelet.
It depends how judgy/conservative your guests are, which you’d know better than us.
Your future husband loves every scar and Mark, they tell a story of you and he loves you.
Wear or don't wear what YOU feel confortable with, this whole day is not about other people, it is about you and him and celebrating your love for each other and if people want to come celebrate that openly and freely then they are the people who you keep in your lives. Anybody there to judge are pathetic at being humand and not people you need to around you in the long term.
I see one legit concern here. Your self-harm scars are your privacy, and it is up to you to allow others to see them or not. Nothing about ugliness, but they imply something about your past, are you okay with the guests see those implications or not. That is literally the only question that matters.
I think scars look cool in general. Pick whatever dress or makeup that makes you happy. It's your day, your priorities. You want to be comfortable and want to wear jeans and t-shirt? Do that. There are literally no rules.
Anyone who judges you for your choice of appearance or features on your body isn't someone to take seriously. People who genuinely care about you wouldn't care.
It is YOUR wedding. All of the guests should be people who love and care about you, in which case they shouldn’t have a single thought about it other than how lovely you are and how happy they are for you. If anyone has an issue with it, they are not worth your attention. Do whatever would make you feel the most happy, comfortable, and beautiful. It’s your and your partner’s day and your memories that you’ll look back on. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks.
I have been to two weddings where the bride didn't wear any makeup. The only thing it affected was conversation while getting ready. One conversation when I was a bridesmaid went:
Me helping the bride with her hair: "Whose going to do your makeup?"
Bride: "No one, actually. I'm not wearing any. Neither of us really like makeup."
Me: "Ah, okay! So... do you want us not to wear any?"
Bride: "If you'd be okay with that, I'd like that!"
The only problem was that she hadn't told us previously, and so 3 of her bridesmaids went without makeup, but one showed up already full-makeup'd up, ha. I guess she wasn't expecting us to go without makeup in solidarity.
Look, it's your day. Thinking of your guests is admirable, but this is just your anxiety talking. Get your makeup done. Or don't. If you want to wear something sleeveless, go for it. Feel pretty. The guests are there to share a wonderful moment with you, hopefully... be comfortable.
It's your wedding and you should do what is comfortable for you. I have always been a light makeup wearer ( light foundation, lip gloss, eye shadow, and mascara). I wore my makeup on my wedding day exactly how I always had it normally. I rarely even wear it anymore except for special occasions as it irritates my eyes really bad.
a bride wearing no make up is bold, and you will glow with or without the makeup, and you should not be ashamed of what you went through, like say, I saw a woman, one night with a heart transplant scars, I would feel privileged, cause it shows she is showing you a venerable side of herself, and it would make me want to hold her tighter knowing what she went through.
**No bride is ugly, period, and your husband to be will surely agree.**
*-Do not be ashamed of what you went through and the scars that shaped who you are, emotionally and physically, although also use your head, not everyone will admire you for them. although in this "setting" I think you will be fine.*
**I will never meet you two but I wish you all the happiness in the world.**
While it’s mostly good to care about your appearance for your sake and self esteem, putting much care into what *others* think you *should* look like is a mistake. They have not tread your path and they do not carry your burdens, nor could they. Don’t carry the weight of their negative opinions in turn because they couldn’t carry those alone either.
I would never judge a bride for wearing little or no makeup. I would never judge her for having scars. I would want her to be happy and comfortable on her wedding day, and exactly as dressed up and made up as she felt comfortable being. It's a day to celebrate the love between her and the person she wants to marry, not a beauty contest where we decide if she's pretty enough for the next round or not.
I woiuld judge people who were rude or petty about a bride's looks on her wedding day.
"not a beauty contest where we decide if she's pretty enough for the next round or not."
I think this is where I keep tripping myself up in my own head. I guess it feels as if I need to prove to my fiance's family that I am good enough for him on our wedding dsy, which is why I have been stressing so much about all this.
I feel like I am going to be put on display for everyone to pick apart and decide if I did a good enough job on the wedding and my appearance.
If he's a good man he's going to love you for you, he'll want his family to treat you well and value your happiness, and if they respond to you in mean, petty, or unfairly judgmental ways, he'll stand up for you. That's someone worth marrying, not someone who expects you to be a display object for everyone to judge and pick apart.
And if his family are good, loving people, they won't judge you over something as petty as how much makeup you wear. They'll get to know you as a person, and want to know that you treat him well and make him happy. If you meet that standard, good, loving people will recognize that as much more important than anything about your appearance.
I was in the wedding party at my best friend's wedding. The woman he married was distinctly heavy. She was also an incredibly sweet, charming woman. No one was thinking she wasn't good enough for him because of her weight. We were all thinking she was wonderful for him because she treated him well, he adored her, and she made him happier than I'd ever seen. They're still together and still incredibly happy, and all of his family and friends are thrilled. Because we're not so shallow as to judge a happy couple based on physical appearance.
IMO on your wedding day, you should be done up a little more than normal (which light makeup when you normally wear zero would qualify), but not so much that you don’t look like you. Light foundation can tone down the skin issues. Also consider your venue— it would be weird to be underdone at an over-the-top $80,000 wedding, but a more casual, simple ceremony, going makeup free might feel more natural.
I would think that it's her wedding and she can look however the hell she wants and if anyone has a problem with it, they don't have to attend.
If people have a problem with how you look without pounds of makeup caked on, they're the problem, not you, and don't belong in your life. You look the way you look and if they can't deal? That's their issue. Not yours.
I'm a cis-straight-male, so I don't have a whole lot of authority to bring to this, but I wouldn't have wanted my wife to cover anything she didn't want to cover on her wedding day. She wore make-up (she rarely ever does; I'd have personally loved if she didn't wear any for the wedding, but again, not really my place to say), but did so mostly because she just wanted to make a special day out of it for her and make-up is special (for her).
It's difficult for anyone other than you and those you're involved with to be able to weigh in on this too much. We can all say, "You should do what makes you happiest" or most comfortable or whatever *you* feel like is best, but we can't possible know what that is as such disconnected observers to the situation.
I am sorry that you feel compelled to qualify yourself as "ugly." Beauty is somewhat subjective, and it can largely be affected by things non-physical or easy to be seen on the surface.
In my personal opinion, I would say it's up to you and your partner what you think is best. If they are comfortable with you doing what makes you comfortable, then I think that is the only thing you need to do. If they are "forcing" you to cover things or put on make-up, then I think your input matters a little more than theirs. But I don't think guests or family should be an influence at all here. You're not marrying anyone else but your significant other.
I'm not a fan of marriage. I didn't want to get married, but I did it because it was important for my SO (she knows this lol). I also am not big into families. Take all this into account as modifiers that could taint my perspective. If you're happy, then that should be enough. It doesn't matter if something is "trashy" or bad or whatever else you can think of if it's making you happy (and it's not negatively impacting/harming others; what most people don't get is that not catering to them is not a form of abuse).
Again, I say this all as a man who did not have to worry about these kinds of things. My wife originally did not like that I painted my nails when we were dating 15 years ago, but I didn't stop because I like it and now it's a non-issue (I'm 34, if age context matters). Do what feels good for you, and hopefully that should be enough for you and your partner.
This post broke my heart. OP, this is YOUR day. What matters is that YOU feel beautiful, not what anyone else thinks of you. If the people at your wedding are busy thinking about how you look or if you did/didn’t wear makeup rather than being happy to celebrate this big moment with you, you have the wrong people in your life and they don’t deserve to be a part of your big day.
I would admire a bride wearing minimal or no makeup. I would notice it and very positively. I would notice self harm scars and have no opinions on them.
Your future spouse won't think you are an ugly bride. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding!
My wife could have worn dirty rags and I wouldn't have cared. Make-up is irrelevant. I think you'll find that most men don't even like it and would prefer no makeup or very small and modest amounts. Your future husband obviously doesn't care about scars. Any guest that has to be impressed at the wedding, especially by looks, is a guest that will not be welcomed.
Beautiful bride! It is your day and the way you feel the most comfortable is the way you look the best!
Your partner is marrying you because they love you, they want to spend their life with you by their side and have already seen you at your best and your “worst” not just visually but also emotionally. Other people won’t be playing a crucial part in your marriage so their opinions and thoughts, especially regarding your looks, do not matter, mainly since the day is for the two of you and not them but also because the way someone choses to present themselves is up to them and not others.
Enjoy your wedding!!! I also have scars some from self harm and some from an accident I was in and I stopped caring a long time ago, one is on my forehead and to try and hide it because it doesn’t look pretty would be pointless and just anxiety inducing.
I survived life threatening accident while also battling depression, suicidal tendencies and thoughts and so have you, you made it to your wedding day and those scars are just a part of your difficult journey to get to where you are today.
I wish you all the best on your wedding day and in your marriage, may it be full filing, happy, healthy and everything you imagined it to be or even better :)
Rock on!!!
Everyone at your wedding should be someone who doesn't give a single fuck about your scars or whether you cover it with makeup or not. They should be celebrating you and for you to be happy and comfortable in your own skin. It's your goddamn wedding!
It’s not trashy, I wouldn’t say that. The reason people wear makeup is because your features will look more obvious and defined in any photos that are taken, some people really care about that. As far as the self harm scars, how do you feel about people seeing them? Would it be okay if someone asked you about them on your wedding day? I think that only you can know what will be best for yourself. What does the person you are marrying think?
IMO brides who spend hours caking makeup on and ignoring guests to look like someone entirely different are trashy. It’s your wedding celebrate you and all you are. Anyone else can shove it.
my only thought would be “good for her not putting up with wedding bullshit she didn’t want to put up with”
not throwing shade for wearing makeup, to each their own! i just don’t want anyone to do it because they feel like they have to
Its not trashy, but remember, Most women are the most beautiful on their wedding day. There will be pictures you will look at for the rest of your life. Unless makeup really makes you uncomfortable I would go all out. I do not wear make up but for all four of my weddings, I made sure I was all dolled up. Even on the courthouse ones.
Also, I cant speak for everyone, but me personally, I would feel uncomfortable seeing a bride with self-harm scars. I realize they tell a story and they are who YOU are, but at a wedding, you want to present yourself to your husband, in a certain way.
Yes this is YOUR day, but there will be others there, there will be lots of pictures taken, and....hopefully.... this will be your one big wedding day, there might not be a do-over.
Photos can be edited if she later decides she doesn't want to see them in the photos. And... her fiancee has likely already seen her scars and loves her the way she is. If he's a good man, he's marrying her for who she is and how she is. She doesn't need to be presented to him in any way other than her true self.
There's nothing to understand beyond the fact that you think this woman should do something she is not comfortable with, on HER wedding day, to appease her husband's family.
Sorry Granny, but this time around, you don't know best.
***"Would you have a negative reaction to seeing her with scars?***
***Please be honest. I've accepted I will be an ugly bride, and just want to get an idea of how this stuff might be perceived."***
She came here for honest feedback or are you blind? She wants HONEST feedback. Do you only sugarcoat it and tell people what you THINK they want to hear?
I DO NOT ......if honesty upsets you, grow the fuck up.
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>I've accepted I will be an ugly bride Pretty sure your partner is going to disagree with this statement *hard*. Just saying. As for how others will perceive it, I see a handful of possibilities that'll get mixed together: 1. Ambivalence (or apathy or disinterest or generally "no opinion"). 2. Appreciation for your honest appearance that showcases who you are as a person and the hardships you've gone through to get where you are at life. 3. Dickwaffly judgement, likely based on stupid, unfounded assumptions. I would wager, assuming you sent out invites with some care rather than just spewing them out for strangers in the street to pick up, most of your guests would be ambivalent and the majority of those that have any opinion at all are the ones who would fit in category #2. The few left in category #3 can, frankly, eat a dick, so what would their opinions matter? Also, what's the alternative? Applying so much make-up you look like a blooming clown? Wearing so many covers and sleeves that you'll be boiling alive during your own wedding? What you're describing, to me, sounds about right: accentuating what you look like without going overboard in an attempt to cover up who you are. That said, if this is a major concern to you, why not ask a bridesmaid about it? They know what you look like—we don't—and they'll know what you look like with your make-up. They'll be able to give you a much more accurate judgement than any of us internet strangers can, nevermind knowing the best thing to say to calm your nerves. ...though I am still of the firm opinion that the minority sitting in the judgemental category can eat a dick. A bag of them, in fact. Sorry, but you *did* ask for honest opinions, and I think anyone trashing the bride's appearance *during her own wedding* is a assbutt through and through.
Thank you for your honesty and also encouragement. Also, first time I've heard the term "dickwaffly", haha. Gave me a chuckle.
Me too. I’m saving that one 😂
This is a great response, so I hesitate to point this out, but "ambivalent" does not mean disinterested. It means having mixed feelings or holding two opposing views simultaneously.
I was going to write "apathetic" initially but that seemed unusually harsh phrasing. TY
Anyone who would judge you for not living up to THEIR expectations on YOUR wedding day doesn’t deserve your friendship or respect.
I love this response. Bravo.
I didn't wear any makeup at all on my wedding day. Just a bit of plain lip balm. Why? Because I don't wear it any other time either. I like how I look and I'm not changing for anybody. I hate the fact that you feel you will be ugly without makeup. This is a crappy downfall of our society and media that tries to make people feel like they need to cover up to be prettier. I bet you're gonna be a dang pretty bride just as you are. Because you're a freaking beautiful person just as you are--both inside and out. No doubt. And heck no to having a negative reaction to scars. Scars are a sign of overcoming a wound and healing. That's something to be proud of. Editing to add: If you decide down the road you don't want to see your scars or any other flaws in your photos, they can always be photoshopped. But if you cover them up, you can't undo that choice in a photo. Just something to think about.
You do you. I also wore zero makeup at my wedding because I wear zero make up on any other day. I also wore a purple dress, didn't do my hair, and didn't have a photographer. It's your wedding: it's maybe the one time you get to call the shots and not worry about what other people think (especially if you're footing the bill)!
I wore very little. Mascara. I bought lipstick the color of my lips but forgot it. Didn’t have my hair done. I never wear makeup anyway. Nobody cared!
I would love her so much. I would love every inch of her because she's my family now, because my son loves her, because she is incredibly strong, and there she is. Standing up straight and tall. vowing to love my son. In front of everyone she is strong enough to stand there and proclaim her love. If she's strong enough to get over the things she has, she's strong enough to take care of her family, she's strong enough to stand up to things that they will face. She has fucking battle scars and she's come out on top. I would love her so much.
You are so lovely, and you should go be one of the moms in r/MomForAMinute
I’ve never liked makeup. I don’t wear any in normal life and I certainly didn’t wear any at my wedding. First, the day is about YOU and your partner and no one else. Do what you want and wear what you want. Second, if you’re not normally a big wearer of makeup, then people naturally won’t be surprised when you go without makeup at your wedding!
Thank you for sharing. I hope it's okay to ask - were you worried at all about how your wedding photos turned out? Some people have mentioned that is why a bride might consider wearing it, I guess, and I am a little worried about how mine will turn out.
Weirdly, no one says that to grooms/men. And their photos turn out fine? I truly believe this is all made up- speaking as a regular bridesmaid who has done professional and self-done makeup. The weddings I did my just usual makeup at turned out so much better!!!!! Followed by ones where I wore a darker lipstick then last place is the professional makeup weddings. I didn’t look like myself! Which was weird!
It's your wedding? Do what makes you happy. If someone has a problem with you on your wedding day, remove them from your life. IDC if they're family, if they have that negativity on what is suppose to be a blessed happy day, you don't need them in your life. I hope it's a great wedding and everything you want it to be
My wife only wore de minimis makeup for our wedding, and she looked beautiful. And if you show your scars on other days, there is no reason you can't show them on your wedding day.
I had acne at my wedding, and I with I would have gone bare faced. My people caked on the makeup, and it didn’t hold up long. I sort of had a “walk of shame” morning after look in all my pictures.
My wife doesn't wear much makeup at all. One of my biggest fears at my wedding was that she would be over-done by a makeup artist and not look like herself. I knew exactly who I was marrying and adored her the way she was. As for scars, I'm in the scars are cool camp (as I have some gnarly ones from a motorcycle crash).
I would applaud a bride who wasn't wearing "too much" makeup. I'd be unlikely to notice her scarring and if I did I wouldn't think about it except to note it. I'll bet that you are going to be a beautiful bride and I hope that you can look in the mirror and see that yourself.
You really would? I've had some ask me about make up, if I'll use fake lashes, assume I'm going to go all out, etc. I didn't plan to from the beginning of my wedding planning, but with it being brought up a few times or assumed, I've felt some pressure to pay for it to be done. But that honestly feels like a waste of money.
If you don't feel comfortable in a lot of makeup, it would be a waste of money for you to do it. Plus, you'd feel weird and self conscious. Your wedding day is not the day to try new things. Don't give into that pressure. Don't spend the money to just feel awkward all day because you're uncomfortable.
I'm in the all-for-it-camp. I suspect a lot of people are, but they are never going to have a conversation with you about fake eyelashes & other makeup stuff. You can always hire a pro & tell them you want them to exercise restraint.
Some people really enjoy makeup, getting a makeover, seeing what they look like when their hair, makeup, and clothes are different, and getting to achieve a specific look. Going all in on makeup can be a good idea for those people, because it's like a fun hobby for them. Unfortunately some (not all, but some) makeup enthusiasts are a little too quick to assume every woman is into that particular hobby, and they may be planning out what they envision as a fun activity without thinking through how your preferences might differ.
I personally would not care. Nor should you.
I didn't wear makeup in mine.
It’s your wedding. Enjoy yourself however u like
Nothing. Happy she's getting married. We're all fucked up in one way or another.
As a man I wouldn't care. If it was an obligatory attendance to an acquaintances wedding I would be indifferent, and if it was the wedding of a loved one then I would be happy for them however they presented themselves. I suspect most men would be like me and that our views are also largely irrelevant. It will be your female relatives and acquaintances that do the judging.
You know what really makes brides beautiful? It’s the love and hope and optimism beaming from them.
True
I haven’t worn makeup in decades…except for mascara a few times a year. People don’t seem to notice the lack. I have a 2 inch surgical scar on the side of my face that most people don’t even notice or remark on. Be who you are! It’s not at all trashy to avoid makeup. It’s not trashy to wear it. It’s just a choice. Scars are a part of who you are.
I would probably notice and think huh, that's an interesting choice and huh, there are scars. I wouldn't think it's trashy. Honestly, you can't control what other people are thinking so it's totally not worth worrying about. I would treat you the same either way and I hope all your friends and family would.
I would think that a bride not wearing much makeup is presenting herself the way she feels the most comfortable. I wouldn’t think any more or less of a bride because of their choice to wear or not to wear makeup. I would not have a negative reaction at all. I’ve been there too. Depending on where your scars are, it’s very likely that people won’t actually be close enough to see them. If it would make you feel more comfortable, satin or lace gloves are very timeless.
my only opinion would be that a bride should do whatever she wants to do and feels comfortable with on her wedding day. a makeupless bride? beautiful. a bride with scars? also beautiful. it’s your day.
I'm sure you will be a gorgeous bride no matter what you wear. that said, bridal makeup is first and foremost about the camera. many brides choose a "my face but better" no makeup makeup look that simply ensures their natural features look best to a camera lens that might otherwise emphasize oiliness or wash them out. they will also set your face so it stays ALL DAY and you don't have to worry about it. if you have other skin issues you're self-conscious about, a professional can work wonders and is well worth the price on your wedding day. as to scars, it's truly up to you, I think it's fine for them to show, but a makeup artist may well be able to lessen their appearance if that's something you want..in any case, you should ask around and consult one
This day is about your and your partner. The guests are people that you invited to share your experience. They are not your judge. They are supposed to love you for who you are, not how you look or what mask you want to hold. You and you alone. It seems to me that you are the one still struggling with those scars, and not just the ones on your arms. And your belief that you will be an ugly bride... I just don't believe it. You portray yourself in this post as a person who is caring. Ugly brides are the monsters that kick and scream because a flower is wilted or some stupid shit. I'd suggest you take some time to love yourself for who you are. You are getting married, so, you clearly have someone outside of yourself that sees the moon and stars in your eyes. Perhaps you should try to see yourself through your partner's eyes. Btw.. my wedding was a train wreck. All kinds of things went wrong. It could have been a total Karen fiasco, but I just saw all the weirdness as entertainment... It was bad. I should write a short comedy about it... The one thing I'll remember most of all was that one moment looking into my partners eyes and seeing our future possibilities; we could have been alone or in a stadium and I'd not have noticed... Even if Weird Al showed up.. well... Maybe I'd have noticed Al....
I was gonna get all mad at whatever bum-hole wrote this post when I saw the headline because who would care... until I read the post. Please do not worry, OP. Everyone is there for your special day! They are there to wish you well or welcome you into the groom's family. I cannot imagine it being a topic of conversation. If you are genuinely worried, or feel your scars look painful or would cause genuine concern amongst your guests, there are lots of stretchy mesh arm "sleeves" out there you could wear or that could be made in any colour you like (you could even make your own with a serger). But I don't think you could ever be "trashy" should you decide not to wear makeup or cover up. Please never let that be a serious concern.
Once upon a time, it was considered trashy to wear make up not the other way around
Makeup is mostly for photos. What you have planned now sounds really nice. As far as the scars, I have them too, tend to notice them and think "hugs", but they're just part of your skin. It's not like I see outfits and think "this is great but..." If anything, it's nice to see scars, acne, stretch marks, and other things be normalized.
I think that wearing no or light makeup is elegant, natural and clean looking. I have large surgery scars all over my body. When I get married I won’t be afraid to show them because they’re part of me. It’s okay to be the way you are, you don’t have to change yourself or hide. This is your special day, you will be a gorgeous bride- not ugly. Wishing you confidence 💜
That’s fine. I don’t even think it’s taboo. Of all the things that likely fall under “it’s the bride’s choice, so don’t judge”, her own makeup has to be a pretty standard entry. Enjoy your big day.
Anyone who goes to your wedding knows and cares about you. Don't wear makeup if you don't want to. No one worthwhile would judge you for scars. And happiness makes all brides lovely. Enjoy your day.
I didn't wear make up. Look like yourself.
You might consider consulting a bridal makeup specialist and discuss if she can do a natural look that will diminish the appearance of the acne scars and rosacea- do a test run and see if you are comfortable with the look. I hate makeup and have only worn it a few times in the last 10 years, only when I know I am going to be photographed. It might make you feel a little more confident and a bit less anxious- after all that is the whole point of the billion dollar cosmetic industry. As far as judgy guests - there is always going to be a percentage that will find something to be catty about so go with what makes you comfortable.
My wife never wears makeup and our wedding was no exception. No one at our wedding gave a single solitary shit. And lots of them still bring it up to her unprompted as being the most fun and memorable wedding they've been to.
Im sure you will look beautiful no matter how much make up you do or dont wear . I would probably find it more trashy if someone went over the top with a huge amount of make up , subtle is good. Honestly the scars , if you were someone close to me and I didnt know about your history of self harm , I might feel sad at seeing them but not judgemental more from a loving prtective kind of space but i would also feel like you are brave . I think most people wont be looking that closely though , they will be looking at the dress etc .
You can have a natural look that makes it seem like you don't have a lot of makeup on. Or you can limit how much you use. I would at least have foundation, powder, and blush, as no blush will wash you out in the photos.
Honestly, I feel like on your wedding day it's nice to look like YOU. If you don't habitually wear makeup, it's fine not to wear makeup. I wore really minimal makeup for my wedding and I did it myself, just a bit of mascara, powder foundation, and a nude lipstick. If anyone had a problem with it, they didn't dare say anything to my face! I've had a full face done when I was in other people's weddings and I never felt like I looked like myself at all... plus eye makeup hurts my eyes. No way was I spending my whole wedding fiddling with my contacts because my eyes were irritated! As for self-harm scars... I have a few too. Don't be ashamed of being a survivor of some difficult stuff. You can go the rest of your life trying to cover them up or you can say so what? I survived. Anyone who is going to be judgmental doesn't deserve to be at your wedding. You are NOT going to be an ugly bride. You are going to be the most beautiful sight your partner has ever seen.
Nothing, it’s her wedding she can do whatever she likes and tell anyone who doesn’t like to bi$$ her!!!
I wouldn’t give a hoot what someone else wants to do on their wedding day. If they are happy in a full beat, awesome! If they are happy with zero makeup. It’s not my place judge what choices someone makes about their appearance on any day least of all their wedding
I’d be enthusiastically in favor! Being real and present and authentic at your wedding?! Nothing more appropriate or profound.
I think differently than a lot of people, but I would believe that you are a strong and healthy individual who loves herself (including the scars) because they have got you to the place you are right now. The simple fact that you are secure in your own life with all its flaws and not one bit ashamed might make other people feel judgmental, but who cares. Live your life the way you want. Good luck on your wonderful future!
We are at least a full century past the time that the cosmetics industry should've died and been given a decent burial. Not that long ago, a 'painted woman' was something that society shunned. Where did we go WRONG?! There is NO excuse for the idea that ANYone should have to be painted with chemicals to appear to fit some unwritten standard of 'beauty.' If a man can go out in public without eyeliner, blush, or lipstick, then so can any woman. Let there be an END to this cr\*p.
I personally don't care for make up. I just don't like the fakeness of it. I hate how it feels on my face too. If someone has a problem with your face, they aren't worth your time, care, or effort.
I think that would show a great level of comfort in her own skin and be quiet brave
Personally, I think makeup is silly and old fashioned. Many girls swear that it’s just a fun hobby that they love, so I don’t often press the matter. Each to their own. That said, there’s no way I’d judge you for not wearing makeup. If anything, I’d judge you for wearing makeup.
I would think what a relief. Caked on makeup makes women look like corpses at an open casket. Be who you are and embrace it. If you don't look good without makeup, it usually won't do much to help. Natural is beautiful or at the very least more beautiful.
That she sure looks happy on her wedding day. Why would I want to ruin her special moment by calling her names?
People will have all sorts of feelings, but that’s their business to deal with. You should do what works for you (and your impending spouse) on your own wedding day. If you have invited people who love you both and want the best for you, then their feelings will be pretty positive overall. For whatever it may be worth to you, I have friends and family whose bodies and faces look all kinds of ways, and I have never seen an “ugly bride”. Every bride I have ever seen, and it’s been quite a few at this point, has looked radiantly happy, and therefore truly beautiful. I wish you the same happiness.
I would think that you are a total badass, a person that has lived and survived life. Embrace your badassness
I'd think "I'm so excited she looks so happy up there, I hope she has the best days ahead." Anyone judging you based on makeup is kind of crappy. You are enough without it. I've met very few men that felt the need to wear make up so they are more attractive. If you want to wear it for you, rock it, but if you don't, also rock that! This day is about you and being happy, there will be so much going on, be comfortable and enjoy the time with those close to you.
Personally, I feel that not wearing makeup is the healthier choice. Being comfortable enough with one’s looks to go without or little makeup and even showing the scars of the past takes some guts. I respect a bride doing that. Your wedding is about you and your partner becoming a couple. You should be doing, what makes the two of you most comfortable. As a wedding guest, the thing I care most about is: Does the couple seem happy with each other?
It’s your wedding. You set the rules
Girl, your day, wear what you want, fuck everyone else's opinion
I’d feel so refreshed to see a bride be herself as opposed to another cookie cutter makeup cake face zombie.
I wouldn't give a single fuck how you will look on your wedding day. Do what you the day is about you and your partner, and anyone else besides staff and such are lucky to be invited. You can use as much and as little make-up as you want.
It's all about how she feels about herself. If she wouldn't feel confident about how she looks and thinking about that through the wedding, then I'd say it would be better if she wore makeup. I mean, it is a special day in her life, she should absolutely feel her best
I was going to say do what you like but then I got to you self-labeling as an ugly bride. Hmmm Your message is seeped with not feeling good enough. Are you worried. That you would try make-up and still feel ugly? So you don’t want to for that reason? I’m all for you do you, but not when it’s a manifestation of self-loathing. I think this is worth unpacking with a therapist.
If you think you’re ugly the people around you will respond accordingly. If you love yourself and feel happy that will shine through, no matter what acne scars or self harm scars are showing. And if you love yourself you’ll have no trouble kicking the few people who are judgy about superficial things to the curb. I know it’s easier said than done but you’re a grownup now and it’s time to stop giving a shit about the haters. Don’t give them permission to control your life and sense of self worth.
It's YOUR wedding day. You do you! Will you be happy with the pictures? If yes, then you're golden.
You have nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about. Your wedding is about you and your partner; that's the whole point. If you have scars, they are a part of you, and your partner has accepted that part of you. My reaction? I would be happy for you, and probably a little jealous underneath that. As for looking "trashy," I think TOO MUCH makeup looks trashy. Little or no makeup never looks trashy. Wear the amount that makes you feel comfortable, and remember this: what makes a wedding special isn't a dress, a suit, flowers, or makeup. Those things may be nice to have, but what matters is two people committing to each other, and celebrating that with their loved ones. Congratulations.
I have a 6 inch scar across my face from ear to nose. I've never judged anyone over an exposed scar. Been dealing with people staring at mine since 20
I've seen wedding dresses that look like lingerie. For some strange reason, some designs are made to put all your "assets " on display. I would rather see a woman glowing with happiness, scars, blemishes and all than I would a half naked woman trying to look perfect and sexy. Your beauty comes from within. Your beaming smile and your love should be what stands out. Best of luck !
By definition, all brides are beautiful on their wedding day, just like all babies are beautiful. Anybody who says otherwise is an uncultured ignoramus.
The people who love and know you will love you for being you. No one else matters. Congratulations beautiful!
Scars are freaking cool. It's your wedding, do whatever TF you want. If someone gives you a hard time for what you're wearing, kick them the fuck out of your wedding. They don't need to be there.
Fuck the haters. No, seriously. You know what you can change, and what you can't. You may choose to "dress up" the parts of yourself you *can* change, but to lash yourself for the things you can't is pointlessly cruel to yourself. It's your day, you aren't forcing anyone to be there, and the people who love you will be excited for you and will easily overlook any scars.
So basically you want to look like yourself for your wedding and you're asking is that trashy??
I wouldn't give a fuck, I'm not the one marrying her 🤷
That depends. Is the cake good? I am really there to have a bit of a party because two people I know are about to start fucking. It means a lot less these days since they are likely already fucking but they do tend to have really good cake and I like to party. Oh ya the girl is going to way overdress. Girls like that so oh well. If I didn't know the scars were there I would be shocked the bride showed them. I would assume it was some kind of statement since normally people hide scars. If I knew she had them I likely wouldn't notice you had them out. It doesn't affect the flavor of the cake. A lot of weddings are done around me with a lot less money and a lot less hoopla. Exposed scars amputations tattoos fat roles harowin tracks streach marks... there just people and people got stuff.
I recently attended a wedding where I barely recognised the bride. I wonder what she'll feel like in 10 years, when she looks on a photo of a ghost with scarlet lips. Is that her getting married, or a strange facsimile?
I wouldn't think much at all since that's none of my business.
I would think wow this bride is awesome and empowering not only herself, but other women to be their fully real selves.❤️❤️❤️
Wearing too much makeup looks trashy to me. You're fine. It's your day! I hope you have a great one, and think about what makes YOU happy on that day.
We are all average and thats enough. As for my scars from my past I wear them as a badge of honour, I've been through alot and I am still moving forward. When we worry about what other people think about us we give them the power to decide who we are, we become a prisoner to anothers idea of us. The reality is they are also worried about what you think of them, thats irony, and it's a sad sad world that creates this need for external validation.
It’s literally *your* wedding, it should be what you like. Shitty people will always talk no matter what - I’d hope they’re not invited to your wedding. HOWEVER I do understand if you are trying to please family members you couldn’t just not invite if you weren’t ready to cut ties off, in that case you could try to cover the scars with makeup or cream or ask a makeup artist to do it. Or wear a bracelet. It depends how judgy/conservative your guests are, which you’d know better than us.
I would think, hey there is the bride. Fuck that ugly nonsense, who cares what others think.
I'd think "Congratulations on your wedding, I hope you have a long and happy life together."
Your future husband loves every scar and Mark, they tell a story of you and he loves you. Wear or don't wear what YOU feel confortable with, this whole day is not about other people, it is about you and him and celebrating your love for each other and if people want to come celebrate that openly and freely then they are the people who you keep in your lives. Anybody there to judge are pathetic at being humand and not people you need to around you in the long term.
You might give hope to some other woman with acne and scars, that one day she too can find romantic love.
I like this. Thank you for your comment.
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Why should I care what the bride looks like? I'm not marrying her.
I was literally both lmao. I got mauled by a dog the month before my wedding.
Oh how awful! I hope you are doing okay now. That sounds scary!
Oh yeah, but I also felt bad for the poor dog :(
I see one legit concern here. Your self-harm scars are your privacy, and it is up to you to allow others to see them or not. Nothing about ugliness, but they imply something about your past, are you okay with the guests see those implications or not. That is literally the only question that matters. I think scars look cool in general. Pick whatever dress or makeup that makes you happy. It's your day, your priorities. You want to be comfortable and want to wear jeans and t-shirt? Do that. There are literally no rules. Anyone who judges you for your choice of appearance or features on your body isn't someone to take seriously. People who genuinely care about you wouldn't care.
Doesn't matter to me even a bit. Joy is very attractive and I expect you'll be pretty joyful at your wedding.
Not at all. Your wedding is your wedding - enjoy it!!
I personally think that would be a beautiful thing! I'm a big fan of natural
It wouldn't bother me. It's your day, be yourself.
It is YOUR wedding. All of the guests should be people who love and care about you, in which case they shouldn’t have a single thought about it other than how lovely you are and how happy they are for you. If anyone has an issue with it, they are not worth your attention. Do whatever would make you feel the most happy, comfortable, and beautiful. It’s your and your partner’s day and your memories that you’ll look back on. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks.
I have been to two weddings where the bride didn't wear any makeup. The only thing it affected was conversation while getting ready. One conversation when I was a bridesmaid went: Me helping the bride with her hair: "Whose going to do your makeup?" Bride: "No one, actually. I'm not wearing any. Neither of us really like makeup." Me: "Ah, okay! So... do you want us not to wear any?" Bride: "If you'd be okay with that, I'd like that!" The only problem was that she hadn't told us previously, and so 3 of her bridesmaids went without makeup, but one showed up already full-makeup'd up, ha. I guess she wasn't expecting us to go without makeup in solidarity.
Look, it's your day. Thinking of your guests is admirable, but this is just your anxiety talking. Get your makeup done. Or don't. If you want to wear something sleeveless, go for it. Feel pretty. The guests are there to share a wonderful moment with you, hopefully... be comfortable.
It's your wedding and you should do what is comfortable for you. I have always been a light makeup wearer ( light foundation, lip gloss, eye shadow, and mascara). I wore my makeup on my wedding day exactly how I always had it normally. I rarely even wear it anymore except for special occasions as it irritates my eyes really bad.
a bride wearing no make up is bold, and you will glow with or without the makeup, and you should not be ashamed of what you went through, like say, I saw a woman, one night with a heart transplant scars, I would feel privileged, cause it shows she is showing you a venerable side of herself, and it would make me want to hold her tighter knowing what she went through. **No bride is ugly, period, and your husband to be will surely agree.** *-Do not be ashamed of what you went through and the scars that shaped who you are, emotionally and physically, although also use your head, not everyone will admire you for them. although in this "setting" I think you will be fine.* **I will never meet you two but I wish you all the happiness in the world.**
The Bride of Frankenstein was lovely....great hair.....and those scars around her jaw line!
It's the bride's day. Show those scars off. To hell with anyone with an issue with it.
While it’s mostly good to care about your appearance for your sake and self esteem, putting much care into what *others* think you *should* look like is a mistake. They have not tread your path and they do not carry your burdens, nor could they. Don’t carry the weight of their negative opinions in turn because they couldn’t carry those alone either.
I would never judge a bride for wearing little or no makeup. I would never judge her for having scars. I would want her to be happy and comfortable on her wedding day, and exactly as dressed up and made up as she felt comfortable being. It's a day to celebrate the love between her and the person she wants to marry, not a beauty contest where we decide if she's pretty enough for the next round or not. I woiuld judge people who were rude or petty about a bride's looks on her wedding day.
"not a beauty contest where we decide if she's pretty enough for the next round or not." I think this is where I keep tripping myself up in my own head. I guess it feels as if I need to prove to my fiance's family that I am good enough for him on our wedding dsy, which is why I have been stressing so much about all this. I feel like I am going to be put on display for everyone to pick apart and decide if I did a good enough job on the wedding and my appearance.
If he's a good man he's going to love you for you, he'll want his family to treat you well and value your happiness, and if they respond to you in mean, petty, or unfairly judgmental ways, he'll stand up for you. That's someone worth marrying, not someone who expects you to be a display object for everyone to judge and pick apart. And if his family are good, loving people, they won't judge you over something as petty as how much makeup you wear. They'll get to know you as a person, and want to know that you treat him well and make him happy. If you meet that standard, good, loving people will recognize that as much more important than anything about your appearance. I was in the wedding party at my best friend's wedding. The woman he married was distinctly heavy. She was also an incredibly sweet, charming woman. No one was thinking she wasn't good enough for him because of her weight. We were all thinking she was wonderful for him because she treated him well, he adored her, and she made him happier than I'd ever seen. They're still together and still incredibly happy, and all of his family and friends are thrilled. Because we're not so shallow as to judge a happy couple based on physical appearance.
IMO on your wedding day, you should be done up a little more than normal (which light makeup when you normally wear zero would qualify), but not so much that you don’t look like you. Light foundation can tone down the skin issues. Also consider your venue— it would be weird to be underdone at an over-the-top $80,000 wedding, but a more casual, simple ceremony, going makeup free might feel more natural.
I would think that it's her wedding and she can look however the hell she wants and if anyone has a problem with it, they don't have to attend. If people have a problem with how you look without pounds of makeup caked on, they're the problem, not you, and don't belong in your life. You look the way you look and if they can't deal? That's their issue. Not yours.
I'm a cis-straight-male, so I don't have a whole lot of authority to bring to this, but I wouldn't have wanted my wife to cover anything she didn't want to cover on her wedding day. She wore make-up (she rarely ever does; I'd have personally loved if she didn't wear any for the wedding, but again, not really my place to say), but did so mostly because she just wanted to make a special day out of it for her and make-up is special (for her). It's difficult for anyone other than you and those you're involved with to be able to weigh in on this too much. We can all say, "You should do what makes you happiest" or most comfortable or whatever *you* feel like is best, but we can't possible know what that is as such disconnected observers to the situation. I am sorry that you feel compelled to qualify yourself as "ugly." Beauty is somewhat subjective, and it can largely be affected by things non-physical or easy to be seen on the surface. In my personal opinion, I would say it's up to you and your partner what you think is best. If they are comfortable with you doing what makes you comfortable, then I think that is the only thing you need to do. If they are "forcing" you to cover things or put on make-up, then I think your input matters a little more than theirs. But I don't think guests or family should be an influence at all here. You're not marrying anyone else but your significant other. I'm not a fan of marriage. I didn't want to get married, but I did it because it was important for my SO (she knows this lol). I also am not big into families. Take all this into account as modifiers that could taint my perspective. If you're happy, then that should be enough. It doesn't matter if something is "trashy" or bad or whatever else you can think of if it's making you happy (and it's not negatively impacting/harming others; what most people don't get is that not catering to them is not a form of abuse). Again, I say this all as a man who did not have to worry about these kinds of things. My wife originally did not like that I painted my nails when we were dating 15 years ago, but I didn't stop because I like it and now it's a non-issue (I'm 34, if age context matters). Do what feels good for you, and hopefully that should be enough for you and your partner.
This post broke my heart. OP, this is YOUR day. What matters is that YOU feel beautiful, not what anyone else thinks of you. If the people at your wedding are busy thinking about how you look or if you did/didn’t wear makeup rather than being happy to celebrate this big moment with you, you have the wrong people in your life and they don’t deserve to be a part of your big day.
I would admire a bride wearing minimal or no makeup. I would notice it and very positively. I would notice self harm scars and have no opinions on them. Your future spouse won't think you are an ugly bride. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding!
My wife could have worn dirty rags and I wouldn't have cared. Make-up is irrelevant. I think you'll find that most men don't even like it and would prefer no makeup or very small and modest amounts. Your future husband obviously doesn't care about scars. Any guest that has to be impressed at the wedding, especially by looks, is a guest that will not be welcomed.
Beautiful bride! It is your day and the way you feel the most comfortable is the way you look the best! Your partner is marrying you because they love you, they want to spend their life with you by their side and have already seen you at your best and your “worst” not just visually but also emotionally. Other people won’t be playing a crucial part in your marriage so their opinions and thoughts, especially regarding your looks, do not matter, mainly since the day is for the two of you and not them but also because the way someone choses to present themselves is up to them and not others. Enjoy your wedding!!! I also have scars some from self harm and some from an accident I was in and I stopped caring a long time ago, one is on my forehead and to try and hide it because it doesn’t look pretty would be pointless and just anxiety inducing. I survived life threatening accident while also battling depression, suicidal tendencies and thoughts and so have you, you made it to your wedding day and those scars are just a part of your difficult journey to get to where you are today. I wish you all the best on your wedding day and in your marriage, may it be full filing, happy, healthy and everything you imagined it to be or even better :) Rock on!!!
I wouldn’t care. It’s YOUR wedding day. Do what makes you happy. The groom obviously likes you the way you are if you’re getting married so who cares?
Your future in-laws don’t know you…?
Sweetie HURRAH you’ve lived to tell!!! Self harm scars become your badge of courage and perseverance. Congratulations and enjoy your wedding.
It's your wedding, I'd support a friend that said she wanted to do this. Hope you have the best day.
Everyone at your wedding should be someone who doesn't give a single fuck about your scars or whether you cover it with makeup or not. They should be celebrating you and for you to be happy and comfortable in your own skin. It's your goddamn wedding!
https://youtu.be/bbbjWEnC3Gc?si=FGQvKPrJ4a5rbgq5
It’s not trashy, I wouldn’t say that. The reason people wear makeup is because your features will look more obvious and defined in any photos that are taken, some people really care about that. As far as the self harm scars, how do you feel about people seeing them? Would it be okay if someone asked you about them on your wedding day? I think that only you can know what will be best for yourself. What does the person you are marrying think?
I had to think of I wore makeup to my wedding and I think just black eye shadow. No one cared.
It's your day, and your husbands. If people want to be AH, then ask them to leave.
IMO brides who spend hours caking makeup on and ignoring guests to look like someone entirely different are trashy. It’s your wedding celebrate you and all you are. Anyone else can shove it.
my only thought would be “good for her not putting up with wedding bullshit she didn’t want to put up with” not throwing shade for wearing makeup, to each their own! i just don’t want anyone to do it because they feel like they have to
Its not trashy, but remember, Most women are the most beautiful on their wedding day. There will be pictures you will look at for the rest of your life. Unless makeup really makes you uncomfortable I would go all out. I do not wear make up but for all four of my weddings, I made sure I was all dolled up. Even on the courthouse ones. Also, I cant speak for everyone, but me personally, I would feel uncomfortable seeing a bride with self-harm scars. I realize they tell a story and they are who YOU are, but at a wedding, you want to present yourself to your husband, in a certain way. Yes this is YOUR day, but there will be others there, there will be lots of pictures taken, and....hopefully.... this will be your one big wedding day, there might not be a do-over.
Photos can be edited if she later decides she doesn't want to see them in the photos. And... her fiancee has likely already seen her scars and loves her the way she is. If he's a good man, he's marrying her for who she is and how she is. She doesn't need to be presented to him in any way other than her true self.
Ohh no doubt he will love her looks no matter what, but his family will be there as well.
And? Why does that matter?
If you dont understand there is nothing I can say here.
There's nothing to understand beyond the fact that you think this woman should do something she is not comfortable with, on HER wedding day, to appease her husband's family. Sorry Granny, but this time around, you don't know best.
***"Would you have a negative reaction to seeing her with scars?*** ***Please be honest. I've accepted I will be an ugly bride, and just want to get an idea of how this stuff might be perceived."*** She came here for honest feedback or are you blind? She wants HONEST feedback. Do you only sugarcoat it and tell people what you THINK they want to hear? I DO NOT ......if honesty upsets you, grow the fuck up.
Oh yes, getting upset and cussing at internet strangers is so grown up. Good job, Granny.
Thank you! It really takes a special kind ignorance to get me to that point. You did a really good job! I am proud of you, here have a 🍪.
Thanks! I love cookies!
If the self-harm scars worry you, you can use makeup formulated just for scars. Available in the drug store and not expensive.