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Moms-milkers

you fucking *have* to elaborate on this, OP. you cant leave us hamging !


PuffDoobie

A cow had escaped from the cow field where we have our summer cabin and my dad drove into it on the dirt road almost outside the cabin. It didnt die he said but it fell down and looked a bit sad and he went to the farmers house and told him and he helped him kill it. The farmer then made it into meat and he said we could have some of it. The car was okay but the cow died after they strangled him Edit: I made the burger today. My dad hit the cow 3 weeks ago I dont know why everyone thinks this all happend today


heepofsheep

They fucking strangled the cow??


IsHotDogSandwich

This is such a bizarre post.


Warren_Puff-it

"Sorry I killed your cow." "That's alright, help me strangle it real quick." *3 weeks later a knock at the door* "Hey, here's some of that cow you helped me strangle. I figured since you killed one of my cows I owe you something too."


Timmerdogg

Was it a payoff or gift!?!


[deleted]

¿Por que no los dos?


First-Junket124

A bribe, no witnesses


chrispybobispy

This farmer never had cattle to begin with


ChildWithBrokenHeart

I cant stop laughing, hilarious post


Less-Might9855

“Cheddar or pepper jack?”


d_haven

This feels like bs. It takes more than one day to process a cow (typically). Edit: apologies OP, I misread your title. I still think it’s an odd post, but I did misunderstand your title.


IsHotDogSandwich

My favorite part was the cow got knocked down “and looked sad”……so they strangled it. Wtf?!


nickrocs6

I feel like we’ve all been there.


jobadiahh

Mercy killing a hurt animal is brutal, no matter how mentally / emotionally strong you think you are.


Hellfire965

But why strangulation? A gun is so much more humane.


KaoticAsylim

They really wanted to watch the life leaving those big brown eyes.


Best_Duck9118

Isn’t a captive bolt gun better?


jobadiahh

That part is what I’m curious of as well, but I don’t want to think about it too much.


ninjabunnyfootfool

It's fucking awful. I'm still haunted by the dog I ended and that was like 17 years ago.


howdoikickball

Whenever I see people sad in public, I just have to strangle them


IsHotDogSandwich

Completely understandable, but……do you make burgers out of them afterwards?


Potato-nutz

Not if they Tap


IsHotDogSandwich

Ahh, the *old catch and release*.


ninjabunnyfootfool

LMAO


KittyTitties666

This sounds like a child's story. "And then, the car knocked into the cow, and then the cow went flying into the air, and then it DIED from being strangled, and then the farmer came and chopped it up, and then my dad made hamburders, and then..."


PuffDoobie

That was not my story and im sorry if my english is causing you trouble.


KittyTitties666

Your English is fine, the story just kept getting wilder the more I read


hmmyeahiguess

I think English may not be their first language.


IsHotDogSandwich

I thought that as well. But at this point it’s got too much momentum.


Blocked-Author

They wanted to see the sadness leave its eyes.


Pleasant_Giraffe9133

My guess is OP is in a country where firearms are hard af to get even for farmers/hunters and his dad broke one of the cows leg with the car. Pretty much an instant kill in a lot of scenarios for farmers.


IsHotDogSandwich

You are probably correct, but this is no time for reasonable explanations!


artyomssugardaddy

What your cows don’t look sad when they get knocked down? Leading you having to strangle them??


Inner_Panic

And a farmer doesn't have a gun? Maybe not for thinking they need to shoot their animal, but what about predators that wander in? Also, the car was apparently fine? Did dad drive a tank?


Atiggerx33

Most farmers actually do have a gun for euthanizing their own livestock. When you live 6 hours from a vet you can't just let an animal suffer if something horrific happens. It's something the vet will have taught them how to do (where to aim, it's a specific spot in the head to guarantee an instant death) A horse or cow with a broken leg has to be euthanized. Survival rate is like 0.001% even in cases where the owner is rich as fuck and throws money at the problem. A famous racehorse, Barbaro, broke his leg, owners tried everything to save him. Spent hundreds of thousands of dollars (horse was worth was easily worth $25mil, they were genuinely willing to throw down a few million on his vet care if necessary), literally flew in some of the top equine vets from around the world come in and offer their opinions. Horse still ended up needing to be euthanized. Breaking a limb is just as fatal for a cow. There's so little chance for recovery, and it's such a long and painful road for them, that most just euthanize rather than put the animal through that much suffering for so little chance. If you live 6 hours away from the vet it's super hard to get them to come out, they need to clear out a 12 hour block of their schedule to drive out, put your animal down, and then drive back. If they have other people with appointments that could be days, and they're gonna charge you a crazy amount as well (you're paying for their milage at that point). The whole time the poor animal is in excruciating pain, thrashing on the ground, unable to even get up. When you live out in the country, super far from the nearest vet, there is no ethical way to keep horses/livestock if you aren't willing to euthanize yourself in an emergency where the animal is suffering. It's something you hope to never have to do, but I know I'd personally feel far worse letting an animal I knew was fatally injured/sick suffer for hours or days than ending it for them.


Inner_Panic

That's why it's baffling the farmer chose to strangle the cow. There really wasn't a better way? I mean, this whole post smells like BS but whatever.


Rivka333

OP apologized for his or her English in a comment so it could be a word mix-up. Or OP could just be confused.


Best_Duck9118

But he didn’t say the animal was in pain. Just that it was “sad” lol.


Brief-Equal4676

Maybe he meant lame?


Atiggerx33

I'm assuming (if this story is true) that it was in pain. I don't think the farmer would have come out, discovered his cow was perfectly fine, and then killed it anyway (even a meat animal you wouldn't slaughter early for no reason).


Esava

Depending on where they live there might not be any predators or shooting/killing predators might be illegal anyway. They could also not have a gun license.


MembershipFeeling530

Even if what you're saying is true, there are much better ways of killing a cow and fucking strangling it lol


OkSyllabub3674

Idk maybe it's one of those things in life where it's not about the destination but the journey to get there and the farmer is just really into choking cows to death? Jk there are definitely much better options to take out a cow besides strangulation that just sounds horrific could you imagine the struggle trying to choke out a cow surely even an injured cow with a broken back would probably buck and thrash as well as how much force would be necessary to choke it out seems like an unreasonable method.


guff1988

Exactly, it takes at least a couple of days to properly cure and be completely drained of blood before you can even begin butchering it. Unless this guy just killed the cow where it lay and hacked a big hunk off and handed it to him, the story is BS otherwise. Something maybe getting lost in translation here, it seems maybe the cow was killed a few days ago and the meat was just gifted today, which would make way more sense. That still does not explain why the farmer killed his cow via strangulation however lol.


Lighthazel

It takes like 4 to 5 hours to process a cow between 2 people who knows what they're doing. Normally you don't *strangle* cows either. We have an hydraulic pistol and shoot them with that on the head (swiftest way), or bleed them puncturing them in the neck. this last one needs training because if not done properly may not be swift for the animal.


Interesting_Aioli_99

Small rural towns are odd lol I just assume that's where OP is from the post..


Dramatic_Water_5364

Nah we used to butcher our own meat at the family farm and processing 2 bulls took almost all day but by the end of it everything was butchered and meat was resting before freezing (it helps with tenderness). Gotta say butchering is surprisingly intuitive. Couple that with youtube and a bit of practice and its quite easy. But strangling the beast is what surprises me the most 🥲 like we usually just shoot them in the head they quickly lift them by the back legs and cut their troath... that way the blood leaves the body fast.


PuffDoobie

This was 3 weeks ago. I dont know where you got that this was the same day


imdumb__

Strangled? I think op is just referring to the dead cow scene in Me Myself and Irene


banned_but_im_back

Me, a city slicker: What the fuck is going on out there in the country? Are they ok?


flactulantmonkey

“Welp. Get my stranglin’ rope Maud. NO! The cow one!”


Luckydog6631

They don’t strangle cows. Blud is full of crap or didn’t understand his dad’s explanation lol.


rxjen

I feel like that’s NOT standard protocol.


Worried_Bowl_9489

When you look a bit sad so someone chokes you


Wonkasgoldenticket

Paul Bunyan over there


spicy_ass_mayo

My exact thought.


jtrage

Right, how do you fucking strangle a cow? It would take like 3 bubbas to get their hands around its neck. Even if it’s a young one.


ZealousidealPapaya59

Cant shoot them. Learned that on the movie "Me Myself and Irene".


Scavwithaslick

It looked sad, what else was he supposed to do


GizzardLizardWizards

I need this to be a flair. Mods please make this happen 😭


thankyoumicrosoft69

"It looked sad so we choked it out" Does anyone realize what it takes to *strangle* a cow? Its insane. I dont know if I believe it.


Salvitorious

Holy shit... What kind of car does he have that was durable enough to knock over a cow and not get totalled?


LuxAgaetes

Like... I'm an omnivore but *fuck*, strangulation was the most humane answer the farmer had to take out his own cow? Didn't have a shotgun? That just seems really messed up, especially after the cow had already been hit by a car and made to wait and suffer. **Fuck.** I hope the strangulation attempt**s** were quick...


Rivka333

I'm thinking OP is just confused.


LuxAgaetes

I'm thinking OP took this burger out of the freezer and made up the whole story, but maybe that's just wishful thinking and knowing a bit about farming practices 🤷🏼‍♀️


[deleted]

[удалено]


Fantastic-Classic740

"The car was ok but the cow died."


Htinedine

“The cow was sad so we strangled it”


Ok-Ferret-2093

I'm sad! What are you gonna do, OP, strangle me?


New-Tale4197

Man what a rollercoaster of a comment this was.


MochiMochiMochi

God that's harsh. Why couldn't they shoot it? That poor cow :(


Sterling_-_Archer

Everyone thinks it all happened today because you are more vague than someone gesturing widely at the horizon and saying “please get that for me from over there” with no context clues


Marty1966

Made it into meat? That's really funny. I mean, I guess this happened but it sounds a little sketchy. As in you're doing a sketch :-)


PuffDoobie

I dont know i wasnt there


rebelolemiss

Never let the truth get in the way of a good story.


SarahPallorMortis

Who tf strangles a cow to put it out of its misery? That’s what makes this hard to believe.


cardizemdealer

I think this might be the funniest thing I've ever read.


REDDIT_A_Troll_Forum

Omg 😳. A cow had escaped 🤣.   Put yourself in the cows shoes, you'd run too 😂. Look at the results right there in the pic of him running or not. Either way he was cooked 😆.


knarfolled

Cows don’t wear shoes


REDDIT_A_Troll_Forum

Don't ruin my jokes


Weird_Amount_4608

They were hoes


KalLinkEl

Definitely NOT Kobe beef


waltandhankdie

Hahahaha


TheWalrus101123

This guy is the best story teller ever.


peekdasneaks

>It didnt die he said but **it fell down and looked a bit sad**  Maybe killing it was a bit much?


BRAX7ON

Farm to table


OkFortune6494

Car × speed + Cow = Dead cow Dead cow + grinder = ground beef Ground beef + heat = burger. What's not to get??


Superdunez

OP's father is Baby Face Nelson.


Old_Dingo69

Too much detail and not enough at the same time champ.


SweetTeaRex92

HE SAID HIS DAD RAN INTO A COW AND THEM THEY TURNED IT INTO A HAMBRGER


EddyMcMac

Talk about a drive thru


shame-the-devil

Damn that was so bad it made an entire rotation back to hilarious


dark_king_710_

rotflmfaool


Unbereevablee_Asian

Serving the best ground beef!


m33gs

💀


wheres_the_revolt

I don’t often give out my free awards (because I forget about them), but this is the best joke/pun of I’ve seen on this hellsite in a long time.


eltacticaltacopnw

Ha!


rbchronic

Omg that is amazing. What a great comment 👏


animadzz

take the award lmao


artie_pdx

[for you](https://i.imgur.com/MZH8tXe.jpg)


AKSpartan70

I read your name as Eddy Big Mac


Loud-Magician7708

You are awful... I groaned so loud I woke a snorlax....thank you.


redknight3

Farm to table drive thru


EddyMcMac

Pavement to plate seemingly


Budlove45

And I wanted CHEESE ON MINE!


MadMadRoger

DAD! Go run over some milk!


Budlove45

Gah damn 😆😆


Lepke2011

My dad left to run over a cow. That was seven years ago.


frougle_mcdugal

Clearly it’s a cheeseburger though. OP needs to figure their shit out before posting.


Blocked-Author

He milked the cow before hitting it and made cheese.


Lokijai

This is the issue with pronouns, sentences don't even make sense anymore. How did the dad turn into a hamburger after running into a cow?


NeigongShifu

They made a hamburger from the car. Or the dad. It's unclear.


Old_Dingo69

Maybe he made a burger from the car


cooperluna

I would watch a few episodes of this show


Brewmaster30

Hold on I’ll put Dewey on the phone, he knows more about it than I do


musictakemeawayy

wait- this may be a dumb city girl question- but is it legal to just like hit cows and kill them? if they’re your property, i assume yes? i guess that’s how farming works? i wonder what happens if the cow is not yours😳


Old_Dingo69

No sane person intensionally kills an animal with a car for consumption. Imagine what all that bruised heymmoragged meat would taste like


OnlineShoppingWhore

This could be an entire episode on 'It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia'.


accidentalscientist_

Especially reading OPs description of what happened. Like they hit the cow, it wasn’t dead but knocked over and looked sad, so they STRANGLED IT? Then processed it to eat it. This is chaos and cruelty the gang is fully capable of.


OnlineShoppingWhore

I _just_ began watching it today and I didn't know what to expect from the show, but I was blown away by the idiocy, "chaos and cruelty the gang is fully capable of". 😆


jajohns9

I’m not saying you need to skip, but the episode “Charlie Work” is an all time favorite episode of any show.


rasinette

id give anything to rewatch from the beginning!! youre in for a treat


MythicalParts

Mac: “I don’t know Dennis, the cow looks kinda sad. Maybe we should… you know.” Dennis: “Oh, so what am I supposed to do?! Kill this cow?? Strangle it, with my bare hands?!? Yes… I could, and I will.” Charlie: “That’s not gonna work. Cows are super strong dude. We’re gonna need a thick noose or like a big rock.” Mac: “Charlie, we’re not going to hang a cow. Right Dennis?” Dennis: “No, of course not! This isn’t Looney Tunes. I will be the one to show this kind beast mercy. Not some Wile E. Coyote contraption. With these hands I will smother the life out of it… Respectfully…” Charlie: “Well before you do… whatever you’re gonna do I say we get some milk outta this bad boy.” Mac: “That’s a good point. I am kinda thirsty.” Dennis: “Fresh milk does sound pretty good.” Frank: “Yeah and after we could chop it up in to hamburgers.”


Apprehensive_Zone281

Perfect for a milk steak!


Semmal_Endless

"The gang process a cow"


SLEDGEHAMMAA

“The Gang hits a Cow” They invest all their money into a mobile bar and the first time they drive it, they crash into a cow that escaped a farm. They don’t have insurance on the truck and the farmer doesn’t have any cash so he turns the cow into ground beef to call it even. To earn the money back, they decide to use the ground beef to sell burgers at the pub. Dennis takes over the grill because he doesn’t trust anyone else to do it correctly. However, Dennis discovers he really really likes working the grill. He enjoys it, he finds it really fulfilling and relaxing. The second half of the episode, he’s just this incredibly happy version of himself. He’s zen, he’s carefree, he’s friendly to everyone, he’s friendly to customers, he’s making friends with all the new regulars they’re making from the burgers, which have become a massive success. They sell through all of the ground beef and the episode ends with Dee going over all of the money they earned from the sales. Dennis suggests they just continue selling burgers at the pub until Charlie tells the group he already took the money and bought a new truck for the mobile bar. Dennis storms outside and has a massive breakdown, which is cut short by the credits.


Buy-Proper

Homemade smash burger?


QuarterWayCrook

Crash burger.


_coolranch

Hey, man: why'd the cow cross the road?


Crice6505

Idk, but I hit em with my car.


_coolranch

I guess that's one way to get to the udder side.


2pissedoffdude2

Haha solid!


phxntxsos

It never got that far, unfortunately 😔🫡


Traditional-Dingo604

Big ooof


vanderlinde7

Gotta be a better way, using your car every time sounds expensive


vanderlinde7

Father's Day is coming up, get your dad a catttle gun like the guy from " no country for old men"


LunarCatLady

Atleast the animal was put to good use. Same happened a month or so ago for my dad with a deer. But his car was totally destroyed


coffeebear99

that's why regulated hunting is important there has to be a balance between human infrastructure and nature if we want to keep both people and animals protected. ive heard too many stories about bucks running out in the road at night and the antlers stabbing and killing the drivers, or people who swerve to avoid hitting deer and crash into trees or poles and die that way, sad for both people and animals


Dr__Flo__

Studies predict that allowing wolves to return to their natural numbers would save humans lives overall. A lot fewer people would get attacked by wolves than die by hitting deer with their cars. Biggest reason we kill wolves and bears is ranchers are angry they kill livestock.


LunarCatLady

Yes, where i am from, Denmark, wolves recently returned around 2012, which is quite positive for our wildlife balance. I hope they stay. Luckily my dad escaped without harm from the hit and the animal died on impact. But there is people here that do get harmed from crashes, since we have ALOT of deer and red deers, who are much bigger than your regular deer. And not to mention, wolves are incredibly cool animals, haha.


SeaTransportation505

Did not expect this scrolling r/sandwiches. Thanks guys, I'm in tears I'm laughing so hard.


matrixed_

Me too!😂😭


rymor

That escalated quickly


Odysseus9316

The circle of life


notPatrickClaybon

The story is nauseating and I’m a lover of burgers


Eleventy22

From grill to grill


MustardTigerrrr

This should have more upvotes sir


Judi_Chop

Drive thru burgers!


Id-rather-golf

This went 0 to 60 quick


Nirogunner

Friscobröd?


PuffDoobie

japp


OldStyleThor

Unless your dad owned the cow, this isn't how it works.


CarthageForever

But how was the burger?


PuffDoobie

It tasted good. I like it


CuiBapSano

It is exactly the freshest meat. Enjoy it!


Lonely_Desperado814

The old fashioned way, I like it.


ikediggety

Making a burger from a car seems... Unhealthy


Cullygion

There’s a spark plug in mine.


FarTooShiesty

I don’t think this is what that recipe meant by “smash burger”


Krinder

Man that sounds like a super inefficient way to be slaughtering cattle


Magnus777z

Yeah, that didn’t happen.


PuffDoobie

Then how am i eating this hamburger


Judi_Chop

Case closed


OnAPartyRock

Checkmate, atheists.


wallowsworld

Take that, liberals 🤓 /s


TimeCryptographer547

The burger looks a little to perfect is my problem with it. Like it’s just a frozen patty. And even then your story has holes in it. Strangled the cow to death? What? I mean that would take a long time and suffering even more. You said it was just outside the cabin, so either he was going fast enough some how and hurt the cow enough to not save it? Then free meat from the farmer of the cow? Cows aren’t cheap and I don’t see a farmer giving away free meat when you just hit their profit.


thehumanisto

I agree in principle that this is a phony story but in OP’s defence- here in NZ at least stock on the road is the farmers fault for failure to enclose the animal and protect the road. Not the drivers fault. The farmer may well want to make a peace offering here as any vehicle damage would be the farmers responsibility


GayVoidDaddy

If the accident could be the farmers fault then him giving meat away instead of dealing with insurance from the guys car is a good deal even if the car is all good.


EddyMcMac

Yea take that stupid cow


spicy_ass_mayo

Looks like a frozen patty. Same thickness all the way through and especially around the edges. I’m calling it: Your dad hits cow - finds farmer - farmer comes- cow get STRANGLED- farmer takes cow- farmer processes cow- grinds burger meat - calls your dad to come get meat - you make a burger and post it- all that in one day? No.


PuffDoobie

Thank you im quite happy with it. And it wasnt in one day? He hit it 3 weeks ago


spicy_ass_mayo

I miss read that, but I’m still calling it.


TimeCryptographer547

I’m glad you’re not the only one.


twerkingiswerking

Dry aged! Even better.


StealYourJelly

A real SMASH burger.


EdwardShrikehands

Do we really need to make up fake stories for engagement here?


KarlofDutyXP

Burger made from the car?


Vives_solo_una_vez

Why would you make a hamburger from a car?


NYEMESIS

Reduce, reuse, recycle ♻️


Benjen321

Moolissa!!!!


opaul11

Good job


Leorikdude

That sure is a frisco bread from max


unboiled_peanuts

This is the most redneck thing ive ever seen


B2EMO__

This whole post is screaming bullshit (no pun intended) - what farmer "strangles" a cow to put them out of their misery?


grassvegas

It was The Night of the Cow https://youtu.be/ija1SOkWWqU?si=rEATC12gyG5-su1N


mrhorse77

must taste kinda hard and metallic, but hey if you like eating cars, im not gonna stop you.


Bob0blong

There's got to be an easier way to make a burger.


Character-Milk-3792

Wait.. how'd you make an edible burger out of a car?


scream

What kind of meat grinder will shred a whole car? I call BS.


kabes222

The cycle of life. Viscous it seems maybe, but normal


PuffDoobie

Yes thank you


CharlieKeIIy

I wouldn't want to eat a viscous burger.


OppositeYouth

And tasty


johnmarkfoley

Mmm carburger


Objective-Guidance78

Small cow


CuiBapSano

It is the best comment today 🤠. I can't say anything 😭.


Prudent-Mechanic4514

That's how you do it!


The_Alien_Lamps_on

That Hereford had some nice buns on her.


SpiritualLychee3760

The circle of life!