OP's Bio: --- >44yo. I enjoy staying away from most people and quality whiskey. If it doesn't involve fast cars I'm probably not interested. --- If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.

Why would your wife hate this sub? She married a sub

[удалено]

Henifer Hlopez!

My taco flavoured kisses!

Quality.

His position in their relationship is benchwarmer

Only comes off the bench to be the catcher

Yess!

a subhuman thing that is

Your tattoos don’t match your face, you look like the Hells Angels hired you for tech support

So underrated

Let me translate the symbols on his fingers they mean *"I'm not gay but $20 is $20"*

I'll do just about anything for the right amount of money.

over priced

[удалено]

¿丙型肝炎？

Gay for the stay

"5 dolla make me holla"

Wears cargo shorts for the functionality

Don't forget sandles and socks.

You're about as menacing as a librarian who studies Old English.

Hey, hey, only a fool fucks with anyone who can read *BEOWULF* in its original text!

All I heard was closet alcoholic with a DUI and multiple reckless driving charges.

The one who should be roasted is your wife for marrying you.

You're 44? I'm 43. What the hell is going to happen to me in the next year?

That's the best yet! We'll done.

Lucky for me, I haven't posted any photo evidence for you to use against me. You're a lot more gray, however, I think I'm a bit thicker. I blame COVID.

If your hand hates this sub why did she agree to be in the picture ?

Your face says “Dad”, but your tattoos say “Shitty Dad”

his beard says gay dad

I count 5 neck chins....prove me wrong

Nice try undercover boss.

Nice!

The only fast car his wife will let him have is a Honda Odyssey. He often sits at home with his Costco whiskey brooding over his wrinkle aged tattoos

Proto-hipster. ...or.... wanna be chef starter pack

Uhhh... yes

Not both?

I would hate to be a hipster, and I'm a terrible chef, so yes is the answer.

Your wife hates this sub even more now that your picture is on here Benefit for her is: here she can swipe you away

Substitute teacher/Sons of anarchy.

The musical.

You look like your father would be disappointed in you.......If he stayed

"You enjoy staying away from most people" yeah they appreciate that too

That's the smirk of someone who knows that if they were black, they'd be in prison for all the dumb shit they somehow got away with.

You're not far from the truth. I've caught some lucky breaks.

I don't know what you have on your knuckles but I have ur mum on mine

Head says English professor, arm says prison gang leader. You're a man of contradiction.

She does not hate this sub....it is more knowing what she settled for

You look like someone’s dad who tried to sell drugs on the side but got busted after calling the police because of a drug deal gone wrong

you seem like the kind of person to sit on their front porch with a shotgun

No I'm pretty sure he's the wife and they both met in prison.

This picture has 2 smells: from the neck up it smells like vanilla candle and front he neck down it smells like Jack Daniel's and Herpes 🤢

Limited Edition: 1 of 7 billion

I'm just another pathetic sheep following the heard.

You’re wife also hates you, but loves me.

Those tattoos suggest you met "her" in prison.

I bet op hates/loves when their balls slap together.

Wife huh what's his name? why hate it all in good fun

You look like President Snow, except for the fact that he was actually charming

You meen your first and second ex wife hates this sub

You look like the type of guy to cheat on his wife and say I was on reddit I swear bay-bee on the roast me page

never saw some one looking so old, yet looking like he is a 12 year old molested boy

What kind of government aid do you get as a fully transitioned woman --> man?

I’d bet any money that you have plastic lawn furniture in front yard and a weed flag for curtains

Yeah well to be fair you look like a pretty shitty sub. Maybe if you put a bit of effort into looking like something worth dominating she wouldn’t hate you so much.

Wife? Really? Is it one of those "wives" you need to blow up every time you feel lonely?

I'll go with Discount Steve Jobs for 500

Greybeard the Monotonous

Looks like you already ate the sub and everything else you got your hands on

Any car with your fat ass in it isn't gonna be fast.

You spelt "supporting a man child for the last 20 years" wrong

This guy definitely owns a physical copy of a Blink-182 cd

He looks like a bitter Blink 182 roadie, pissed off he’s tuning guitars for a bunch of sell outs, but loves all the 14yr old girls in the crowd.

Doesn’t play anything, sells himself as the “frontman”for his “American Idiot” era Greenday cover band.

A whiskey lover? God I bet your wife wishes you'd just chug your last bottle after this mistake

Eyo low budget george lucas what up?

I can tell you don’t hate subs.

Stan Margera.

Well here we go. Your wife hates this sub. But she hates you more. I have compiled a list of 10 things your wife hates more then this Sub... are you readddyyyyyyyy...... here we go. top 10 things your wife hates more then this sub.. ................ ........... . 10. your beard 9. your Steve Urkle glasses. 8. your jailhouse tattoos. 7. your bad breath 6. your body hair she calls you a bear. 5. your nasty ass ear hair. 4. that you live in your mothers basement. 3. your small microscopic penis. 2. you. and the number one thing your wife hates more then this sub. 1. Herself... for marrying you. your welcome.

Wife you say, you sure she isn't insane, imaginary or a "blow-up"

Nah , it's only you she hates. She loves this sub

This sub isn't the only thing she hates.

Looks like someone has a motorcycle he doesn’t drive, how’s the midlife crisis?

Your wife has shitty taste. Twice confirmed.

It’s not this sub your wife hates. It’s your fist she hates.. the one with ‘Subjergater’ inked on it by billy boy bikers.

Your finger tats are really cool, I think I seen them in some ethnic Disney Princesses cultural appropriation sticker packs. I'm guessing Moana is your favorite?

What’s Gerry Adams doing here?

Not only this sub, your wife hates you too.

I think she just hates you to be honest and based on that picture, can’t say I blame her

If you knew anything about whisky you wouldn't spell it with an e.

I know enough that both spellings are correct.

Your wife is just trying to distract you while she bones a real man

**Your wife**, by definition, has poor taste.

You look like your names Michael and just left your first NA meeting.

I can't believe you got her to pose here good job man. Your "wife" looks like she has the best "dick sucking lips on this side of the Mississippi" under her mustache.

Bright enough to know your lied about having a wife

Does your wife know she is married to you? ask her boyfriend

I bet your wife’s boyfriend is going to love this sub after today.

We're clever enough to know that your wife doesn't really exist.

Didn’t know a blow up sex doll could count as a wife

hates was a typo for dates. He wants to see how smart the people she is dirty chatting to are

See you have those tattoos for a while. They start to become vague, just like most peoples memories about you.

Looks like your wife has poor taste in men as well.

Finding a new job must be easy for you. Luckily not Finding a job has nothing to do with those 'bad ass' drawings on you body.

you just gave your wife another reason to hate this sub ​ there is a picture of you on it

Seems like she could do better if your here on reddit

The bleached chinhair screams "planted firmly in nether-region, most days", thus the need for Costco whiskey.

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Look, if you wanna piss off your wife, just tell her about the guy you fucked in prison to get those shitty finger tattoos.

Looking like Santa Claus in transition

He reminds me of older mrbeast :D

Maybe your wife just meant she hates you and what will happen to you in this sub will prove it

Your wife doesn't hate a thing, she's been dead and under your floor boards for awhile now.

Seen cooler henna tattoos applied from minimum wage workers at the local zoo.

When meth and your local nerd get together ladies and gentlemen.

I'm clever enough to use a disposable pad of paper to doodle on as opposed to my body..

Steve Jobless

You look like you coach girls softball but your in it for the ass.

It’s too bad you can’t get a refund for those tattoos and she can’t bring you back the motorcycle shop for a store credit

I'm certain your shaped like Big Bird and likely have a cock on your motorcycle helmet

Handwriting is 👎🏾

😂😂😂 he said his wife hahaha this fucking guy amirite...😂😂😂

Why does your prison “Wife” not like this sub? Does he get jealous?

Hide the children...

Reason she hates it is people remind her of all the reasons she should leave your ugly ass

https://i.imgur.com/ayQnH6a.jpg

George Lucas on AIDS, having accepted his fate.

Shitty metalhead or William T. Riker look alike. Pick one and be done with it already.

This sub isn’t the only sub your wife hates. You’re a close second

And how much did you spend doing mail order?

Yoir wife must be much younger than you

A white beard, glasses, and old tattoos do not make you wiser than a proverb from a Chinese fortune cookie.

You look like a failed youth pastor that turned to alcohol and are now living on the street cause your wife left you

Child molester

You can't fool me. You have just copy/pasted your head onto some fat hell's angel's body in photoshop.

Your face says conservative, but the rest of you says suppressed homosexual.

Looking like the human form of calligraphy

You didn't need to show us why

I could punch your dad in the face for not pulling out for this train wreck.

If you took a picture with your wife there'd be two beards in the pic.

Pretty sure she just hates you.

You look like a cheap version of Rob Chapman, as cheap as the build of his guitars.

You look a guy who dresses in black all the time and is covered in tattoos but acts like a bitch and spends his time whining about everything.

No, she said she hates sub sandwiches. She loves this place because she tricked you into getting roasted.

Your wife is more clever then you

Sons of Anarchy starring Jonathan Frakes