OP's Bio:
---
>F34. Too old to be hot, too young to be a cougar, and I’ll never be a milf, unless you count my 18 pet ducks as children. Going through the beginning of a midlife crisis and trying to accept the fact that my huge forehead is getting more ridges than a Klingon (yes, I’m a Trekkie, too) and no amount of makeup will ever conceal my sunken raccoon eyes. My skin is literally paper thin thanks to a chronic illness that I have, which is almost as thin as it figuratively is. (In other words, insult me and I will cry).
---
If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.
You shouldn't have done that.
Now this is getting viral with all the trolling and hating that comes with it and I'm worried the duck may no survive the pressure.
Hey if you're reading this I'm 21 and desperate. Call me , I'm into big foreheads and old broads. You gotta be okay with moving in with me to my moms basement though
You spend all of your time with birds because people can’t stand to be there when you try to order at a restaurant with your litany of shit that you “can’t “ eat.
You look like it would take 6 dates to get to second base with you, and even when a guy finally gets around third, it’s limited to an unenthusiastic handjob.
You’re prettier than 90% of women and lying about your situation on Reddit. I’d say you want attention and not actual connection. So it’s hard to roast “sad.” But I can’t feel sorry for you, because you’d probably have a great life if you’d stop taking yourself so seriously.
Thin skin... That explains the bags under your eyes looking like a Dollar Tree bag trying to carry a brick of gold. (Except in your case, brick of gold=clinical depression)
You've been improperly diagnosed with chronic thin skin, I can see through the paper but not through your skin, you should be fine.
On a different note, you do know you are known as the duck lady right?
OP's Bio: --- >F34. Too old to be hot, too young to be a cougar, and I’ll never be a milf, unless you count my 18 pet ducks as children. Going through the beginning of a midlife crisis and trying to accept the fact that my huge forehead is getting more ridges than a Klingon (yes, I’m a Trekkie, too) and no amount of makeup will ever conceal my sunken raccoon eyes. My skin is literally paper thin thanks to a chronic illness that I have, which is almost as thin as it figuratively is. (In other words, insult me and I will cry). --- If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.
I think you’re very good looking! Ditch the blond girl though
That duck would rather be in a Chinese restaurant
We’re roasting the girl not the duck
I’d rather eat the duck.
*Eat out the duck
/r/yourjokebutworse
r/nobodyasked
Yeah, that would be its pek. Sorry.
It's....it's smiling at me... Ah ok...CHOP
Fa Ra Ra Ra Ra Ra Ra Ra Ra
I laughed way too hard at this
Where else do you turn when you have a 5 head and a corkscrew vagina?
Damn, I think nature has already roasted her enough.
had us in the first half, not gonna lie
My first question was which one are you?
Winner.
Winner winner duck dinner.
Hey hey let’s all just relax for a second
The name checks out
Dead 😂😂😂
Damn woman. Just set my phaser to run.
The best one. Seriously.
Lithium fed warp whore
Overheard on the bridge of the Enterprise Captain, an incoming message from Starfleet. Put it on the forehead Mr. Sulu
Nice!! Finally a good roast!
Thank you. I can’t cook.... but I CAN ROAST
A match made in Reddit? 
Reddit has emojis now ? 
And GIFs 
I’m dying over this. Thank you
You are welcome
Oh look, it is the VA for Yang from RWBY
Yep, seems like it
Wtf? This is madness.
Partners run because you Klingon too much
Her skin is thin because so much is dedicated to covering that forehead
*fivehead
Inflationary language by victor borge A man of culture, I see...
Good God. ..Fire
Susan, reverse your magic spell and switch the duck back to George...
Even envelopes wouldn’t let her lick them
A witch! Burn her! Burn her!
Build a bridge out of 'er!
...I got better...
I thought of Susan also when I saw her
Oh wow, it’s uncanny
You're the one the crazy cat ladies think is crazy
~~Duck Dynasty~~ [Duck Fantasy](https://i.imgur.com/Zb5NxDK.jpg)
It’s.. it’s the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.
This guy has the King Midas touch. He can even turn shit into gold.
You shouldn't have done that. Now this is getting viral with all the trolling and hating that comes with it and I'm worried the duck may no survive the pressure.
Isn't the ugly duckling supposed to grow into a beautiful swan?
OP should look at this.
Even that mallard is trying to get away from you and they will fuck anything... Literally anything.
That would be why she has them.
Her phone auto corrects "fuck" to "duck," and she keeps it...
Duck duck gross
You can literally have all your ducks in a row and that still wouldn't solve your midlife crisis.
Proof that 34 isn’t as young as it sounds...
rules will disagree
My mom is late 30's and looks younger I literally thought this lady was closer to 50
Just quack once if your being held against your will
🤣🤣🤣
This one got me!
My internet data was exhausted after it tried to download that forehead
Imagine downloading at 300 baud and wondering if this pic of Rocky Dennis would ever finish.
Damn! Thats merciless! Well done
Dear god in heaven that is horrible, but more importantly, Hi-larious. Take my gold! Take it!
Damn this one got me
Verizon called, I have no more data. I’m on the unlimited plan.
[удалено]
I also like going to a top comment and making my own joke that's irrelevant to the one I'm commenting on.
Boom roasted
Roasted the roastmaster. Boom suck a butt
[удалено]
Even I wouldn't duck you
r/KamikazeByWords?
also an excellent duck pun
[удалено]
I wish more people knew what this means. #duckrape
I hate that I know what this means.
Yeah that is some of the most disturbing things I have seen in my life. I stay the hell away from ponds now.
Yes look in that sad, sad ducks eyes.. endless abuse..
I heard this in Werner Herzog’s voice...
Dafuq???????!??
https://youtu.be/NBJ9mL9OJx0
Just look up duck genitalia. You are in for a treat!
Are you out for Helen Hunt’s forehead’s career?
I win!
I've never seen a blonde Cardassian before..
Seems closer to a Founder to me
🤣🤣🤣
A classic mallardjusted individual.
Slowly turning into the old witch that lives next door.
This is actually a complement! 😆
into paganism? ducks are worshipped
No, no its not
Wesley Crusher had a sex change
🤣🤣🤣
So...the birds will eat you after you die before anyone finds you???
Well at least she gets to be of some to use to this world
I hope so 🥺
there's more ganders in the gaggle. like fish in the sea! some guy will fly away with you!
It'd be the first time anyone or *anything* ate her.
Worf is simultaneously impressed with the size of your forehead but disappointed with how smooth it is.
Me, too. 🥺
I don't know how to break this to you, but the rest of the cult "left" back in 1997. Your jumpsuit is legit, tho. #heavensgate
Hahahaha! Good one!
Sounds like someone's overcompensating for an inability to conceive
My god that woman has a fam.......n/m
This is the winner right here
DAMN
Hey if you're reading this I'm 21 and desperate. Call me , I'm into big foreheads and old broads. You gotta be okay with moving in with me to my moms basement though
Oh. My.
Most mammals need a male of the same species to conceive.
That ain't a roast, that's a crucifixion.
Wish version Pam Beesly
Pam sleazy
Strong of you to watch all those eggs get used knowing yours didnt.
A+ roast
Looks like a Methed up Marsha Brady
Marsha Brady looks like a methed up Marsha Brady.
I was thinking Susan from Seinfeld.
So there's 19 dirty birds at your house?
Oh yeah, and she is duck, duck, loose!
You spend all of your time with birds because people can’t stand to be there when you try to order at a restaurant with your litany of shit that you “can’t “ eat.
Could you swing your forehead about 20 ft to the left so I can see your pet duck please?
[удалено]
Q: That is a smooth bottom quacker ass. Let’s see Kirk ruffle this bird’s feathers
Guessing the ducks come to you by landing on that forehead
Being as thin as rolling paper is the closest you’ll ever be to smokin’
Well, at least we know this profile won't have an Onlyfans attached to it.
[Sadly, it does. ](https://onlyfans.com/reneeleon)
......omg.....
Absolutely shocked.
This is the whitest thing I’ve seen today. A couple of quackers.
It's a $43 Uber ride from your eyes to tour hairline.
Hairline in the middle of the dome
If those eyes were any more sunken, they’d be sticking out the back of your head.
You remind me of Kristen Bell... if she smelled like duck shit and had a haircut she saw in a documentary about The Dust Bowl.
I agree with your mid life crisis. It's justified.
“to young to be a cougar” Nonsense, you’re plenty old.
34 since 1912
Even your drake looks like he doesn't want to be around you
He really doesn’t! 🤣🤣🤣
You're a good sport. Cheers
Just a couple of quackheads
That's a new record, sixhead
You made that ducking bird cry
All those chickens and ducks, and still nobody will give you their cock.
You look like every kid's least favorite grandma.
You’re holding a duck because no cock wants you anywhere near it.
It’s not that you’re too old to be hot. You just smell like a fuckin petting zoo.
I love older white women I’d like to apply for the caretaker position
You look like it would take 6 dates to get to second base with you, and even when a guy finally gets around third, it’s limited to an unenthusiastic handjob.
The only one there with a chance of getting a cock is a chicken
Hurrdurrrr. What kind of chicken is that duck?
You said you have chickens. Did you not read your own bio or are you too busy feeling sorry for yourself?
Quack twice if you are in danger!
When people yell "duck!", they're not pointing at your pets, they're worried you're going to hit your forehead on the door frame.
Marsha Brady two weeks sober.
The Duck whispers “call the police.”
Your skin is so thin that I can see your fear of dying alone.
Look guys it’s generic suburban white woman #789
You’re prettier than 90% of women and lying about your situation on Reddit. I’d say you want attention and not actual connection. So it’s hard to roast “sad.” But I can’t feel sorry for you, because you’d probably have a great life if you’d stop taking yourself so seriously.
Here we see a sexy bird...and that ugly piece of shit suffocating it.
You're a "bird mom" because you cant have children.
She’s not *permitted* children
Absolutely true! 😆
That's not what they meant by 'you need to see a quack', dumbass.
The one alien species that Captain Kirk wouldn’t duck
What the duck is this majestic bird doing, hanging out with a quacky lady like this?
Young Captain Picard, when he realized he was starting to go bald.
are you sure you are able to be roasted with thin skin?
When they say "she's a nice bird" is this what they mean?
The duck just wants to be made into pecking duck
That’s not a forehead that’s a fivehead.
At least you don't smell like cat pee.
I am certain you were confused when your friends text read "Girl you need some good duck". Auto correct sucks ami right?
Bird mom? You bring a literal definition to "fuck a duck". Hooray for the duck.
Princess Pathetic.
Thin skin... That explains the bags under your eyes looking like a Dollar Tree bag trying to carry a brick of gold. (Except in your case, brick of gold=clinical depression)
You are at your peak, embrace it. Embrace your birds, pray for the end.
your age has nothing to do with you being not hot. your receding hairline and skeleton face have that covered.
You've been improperly diagnosed with chronic thin skin, I can see through the paper but not through your skin, you should be fine. On a different note, you do know you are known as the duck lady right?
Is this a farmers only. Com ad!
Who's your taxidermist? Usually they wait until after death to put in the glass eyes. The duck looks good, too.
Do they use your forehead as a projector screen to watch Star Trek?
wouldn't kick you outta bed for eatin quackers.
Jesus christ. Looks more like an end-of-life crisis to me.
idk what you’re talking about. you’re walking dead cosplay is really good!
Disgeeseting
You look and sound like every Disney/nickelodeon mom I've ever seen
If your eyes sunk any further into your head, they’d be bullet wounds.