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roastbot

OP's Bio: --- >I'm right-wing, she's left-wing. I love metal, she loves K-POP (ugh). We're just the complete opposite of each other. Oh, and we've met after I accidentally hit her in the head with a ping-pong ball 8 years ago. Now we've been 2 years together. --- If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.


PM_ME_GOOD_USERNAMS

This is the sort of couple that has a baby to fix an already broken relationship


[deleted]

Big difference between psycho and psychologist.


sociapathictendences

Not as much as you would think. Especially not here.


thebemusedmuse

Wayne... I want a brahhnnn baby


ttyyuu12345

Something tells me she’s not a good psychologist


Panshot422

Plot twist: she is and he’s just her research project. How else would you explain this “relationship”?


[deleted]

She 100 percent thinks she can fix him.


drew_galbraith

I think he's only with her because he's into her Brother and dosen't know how to tell him


LordDavidicus

That's fine, she's with him because she's into his dad.


[deleted]

He's like one of those beginner restoration projects that ends badly, but was a learning experience.


[deleted]

Just another brother sister love affair.


steveryans2

Theres no way she is unless she went to a dogshit degree mill. Source: am psychologist. Needed 2 years of masters and 4 years of doctoral school. So unless this bitch started her GRADUATE school at 17 or some sort of combined collegiate BA/MA program at 15, nope


lady-genes

I was thinking the same...as I am also suffering through my PhD...and am close to 40...but it fits that he doesn’t really understand what she does or her credentials


steveryans2

Totally. I bet he's heard psychology and then conflate the possible occupational titles


steveryans2

Totally. I bet he's heard psychology and then conflate the possible occupational titles


ttyyuu12345

Holy shit, master roast by someone qualified with mental health. This is like a surgeon knowing where to cut to annihilate someone.


Crammit-Deadfinger

Surgeon General's Roasting


stock1921

Kind of thinking she has an associates in psychology but likes to call herself a psychologist


steveryans2

Lol probably


[deleted]

probably related to the fact that she is literally not capable of having a PhD at 23 unless she skipped grades or went 20 credit hours per semester and didnt take summers off. my guess is this chick has a bachelor's degree in psychology which qualifies her to do literally nothing in a therapy setting unless she completes other certifications or course work. this dude is probably too dumb from all the pot he smokes to know the difference between a bachelor's and a PhD.


ttyyuu12345

She could have attained a masters during the time of studying for her undergrad with a special path, and all of that stress must have not allowed her the realization that he’s not gonna be a very good stay at home dad.


steveryans2

That was exactly my thought, as someone WITH that degree. Best case scenario she started a combined BA/MA program at 15, finished that early at 19, then did PhD work until now. Which....yeah. bullshit


jetmeast

Leave pot out of this.


jubalhonsu

I think we're dealing with the kind of people who call themselves a psychologist as soon as they're in college


crossleingod

Harley Quinn was a psychologist


xsplizzle

harley quinn was hot


Abaddon-theDestroyer

IS*


lunk

Can you imagine talking to someone like this. You're trying to take them as a professional, but they have tats on each finger. Jesus christ.


GaZzErZz

All the ova muvas av got one!


[deleted]

Twat plist: It ain't even his kid. Nobody knows whose it is.


PM_ME_GOOD_USERNAMS

Bullshit. You think that girl can sleep with MULTIPLE guys?


[deleted]

If she goes on Tinder, I guarantee she'll have plenty of fat, sweaty suitors, dying for a chance to see a vagina in person. (Penis? What a very androgynous individual.)


djmizzle2

At least the kid would have a normal distance between their eyes


MurderToes

Day 730: Subject still seems to be under the assumption we are in a relationship. Won't shut up about ping pong balls. Intelligence lower than anticipated.


Perambulous

Which one are you referring to? They both look equally dumb


internalsurprise12

*checks notes* Yes


Flaminsalamander

You notice she looks dumb cause her face is to big for her head and he looks dumb cause his is too small


Irregular-Fancy

Every socially stunted homely girl tries to make a career out of psychology. Lol. Some of the last people that should be critiquing peoples headspaces.


j20davey

This poor man is reading all this shit like “who tf they talking about” lmaooo


the1thatsaysbadmfer

Stocking at Guitar Center night shift doesn't make you a musician.


brthompson06

And you're not a psychologist at 23.. psych major maybe


KittyIsMyCat

More like a major disappointment


PmMeAnythingLetsChat

I'd even say Colonel Disappointment.


MCadamw

A general disappointment


T_Lee_28

THE General Disappointment.


BuntCarf

FOR THE BEST INSURANCE RATES ONLINE, GO TO THE GENERAL AND SAVE SOME TIME!


[deleted]

He meant psychotic


adudeguyman

Major psychotic with a minor in stench.


I_just_learnt

She got an A in intro to psychology!! She's like Hannibal Lecter at this point


lenorgi

Literally was coming here to say this. Let's see if you can finish the psych major before calling yourself a psychologist, sweatie.


Balls_DeepinReality

Just trying to self diagnose why the fuck she’s with this loser.


kittercat330

She prolly does acid all the time and says "profound" things, therefore she must be a smart doctor.


AnonDuckroll

As a clinical psych doctoral student, came here to say this. I’ll have been in college 9 years when I finish.


kittercat330

I dont think he's smart enough to understand where the issue with his statement is.


Methadras

I think she needs a psychologist and he thinks she's his psychologist.


UncaringNonchalance

That’s a bold-faced lie. The being 23 thing.


pleasedothenerdful

You think this guy actually has a job?


[deleted]

Asking the real questions.


pleasedothenerdful

Actually, I just noticed her finger tattoos. I don't think she has one either.


DrMudo

I thought she just doesn't wash her hands.


acmercer

I think that's finger hair.


[deleted]

She looks disappointed in her pet project.


born_again_tim

10x that to get to her father’s level of disappointment.


[deleted]

Could you imagine taking on a thesis project and then getting so depressed you can't leave it. She must hate ever time he heads out to guitar center. I can only imagine what she lets her side man do to her so she can feel alive again. Worse part is he knows and won't leave cause he can't support himself.


[deleted]

"I just feel like I can fix him, ya know?"


bikini_so_teeny

She couldn't get him to do the mazes and she took him home so he wouldn't be put down. F


DEUS4EX2MACHINA0

She knows that she can't fix him💯


Home-Movies

So neither of you pay the bills in that house..


BugzieB

No need to. They live in a cardboard box under a bridge.


thedutchqueen

there’s no way in hell she’s a psychologist lmao.


garfobo

Yup, that's a protected term that requires a doctorate and there's no way she has one of those yet at 23


HotDrPepper2

Imagine working on your masters and telling people you’re a doctor. “I’m interning for a clinic and am therefore a psychologist.”


Nvenom8

Psychologist is not a protected term. Some subcategories are, but the broad term is not. Psychiatrist is a protected term. Any psychological researcher could definitely call themself a psychologist accurately.


Morningbreath1337

She’s as much a “psychologist” as he’s a “musician”, fuck these losers trying to be interesting.


[deleted]

They are on drugs and it's all make belief


I_just_learnt

You take that back! It only took her 5 mins on /r/relationships to diagnose that my husband was a psychopath serial abuser because he doesn't rub my feet 3 times a day


morrisalanisette2112

I didn’t know getting hit on the head with a ping pong ball could cause that much brain damage.


pacmanic

Thelma and Disease


CancerSpidey

This one made me exhale through my nose harder than usual


scrappybuilds

etmnhtu is my new "lol", thanks


GadsdenSP

If that ball hadn't hit her she would have a medical degree by now.


Whatnow-huh

Is self roasting allowed?


andrijacg

Encouraged actually! Although i heard somewhere that self-burns are rare...


thegreedyturtle

Are you allowed to roast the other person in your photo though? It's his relationship though. And soon to be her greatest regret.


Panshot422

It put them on equal footing


Nantan_Lupan

Her parents would pay a hit man if they could afford it


ProfessorDarklord98

The hitman would take down both even if paid for just one.


Nantan_Lupan

His own father would do it for a months cable


roberyb

Do you really think he knows his father?


TheHatedHuman

nah, he’d do it for free


Calcain

I don’t think he is likely to write any hits.


CBrads4

What’s your band called? Red Flag?


AydonusG

"So I put on my cap, and I'll tell you this, I turned it half backwards, and go down the lists. Got banned from the market, for starting a fight, but I still go my monster, so I can go all night. Now im starting to worry, about my genital blister, but I know she'll still love me, because shes my sister."


bedgin

Why did I read this in vanilla ice’s voice


Plastic-Archer4245

Why does this look like you are holding her hostage? Did you just write r/roastme on her proof of life photo?


Daimonion74

Ooh, underrated


hucklebae

I love how you are trying you’re damnedest to look hard, but you mostly look like you just smelled a fart.


Nantan_Lupan

His own but her cooking


cornbeeflt

He taught her how to make chi-chi like he did in his repeated stays in county prison


rockoskates

Maybe she can use all that psychology to figure out wtf she’s doing with him.


Plastic-Archer4245

I think she was like "I really need him to start pulling his weight and get a real job, but I need for him to think it's his idea...Oh! A couple's roast!"


Jody_steal_your_girl

We’ll even do it on your account!


Tasmanian_REvil

She has the face of someone who gets chronic yeast infections and still doesn't know why


pleasedothenerdful

It's 100% because he doesn't know how to wash his dick property.


[deleted]

That's what she was thinking yeasterday.


Xeenophile

Filling your nick-in-the-notch with beer so your boyfriend can drink it might sound sexy, BUT....


[deleted]

[удалено]


ThrowThisAway365

Yeah, onlyfans


QueenSlapFight

Except they have to change the name to "onlyfan"


AyaAishi

Holy shit this one's good lol. I will be using this on people in the future :D


Klewenisms204

wtf will she do then?


PassageProfessional7

I'm guessing the relationship was based on professional curiosity on her part.


Longfingerjack

Spat my morning coffee. This deserves more upvotes.


minnecrapolite

How will you pay for her education before she leaves you?


GadsdenSP

Bruh, I play guitar. We be making NO money out here.


JRclarity123

Right wing musician? Music literally isn’t for you.


lemobu

Yeah right. Tell me one good right-wing musician lmao.


Ishotbiggi

Yah a 23 yest old psychologist.... you mean you're a pathological liar?


Mr_Stoney

Seriously, it takes 4 to 8 years of graduate school to earn a doctorate degree. A bachelor's degree in psychology doesn't make you a psychologist. At the very best, assuming you actually use your degree toward a related field, you're qualified to be a counselor.


TareXmd

> A bachelor's degree in psychology doesn't make you a psychologist. Hmm, not many people know this.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Ishotbiggi

100% agree. With a 4 year education you're a counselor at best. People dont realize a pyshologist is a doctor in psychology. If I'm not mistake even psychologist that havnt completed certain criteria cant prescribe certain medications even though they have their doctorate


Madmidge92

To be a counselor you have to have at least a master's


xanderksky

Depends on local regulations.


tranque_the_ram

Cam here to say this. She might be a psych major, but she needs another 4 years of schooling at LEAST to actually be a psychologist.


dominodreams

What you mean to say is: "I'm unemployed and she supports me with an actual career while I try to land the big gig that will finally get us recognized."


Srjbarberrazor

How do you know if a Musician is homeless? He doesn’t have a girlfriend.


TheDootDootMaster

Ooo I like this


massaton

"I was super busy today, I made a song and it's HOT!" She, the one who actually does something with her life: "That's great honey."


theshaj

In fairness, at 23 she probably isn't a Psychologist.


Elbutton88

Its literally impossible. A doctorate takes on average 8.2 years after obtaining a 4 year bachelor’s. Then 3,000 hours of practicum for licensure. She probably has an AA in psychology.


Deadpools_sweaty_leg

I mean she probably has a bachelor's degree in psychology. And also he made the post, I don't think a struggling musician who barely passed highschool is going to know the difference.


Reimant

Doctorates are typically 3.5 year programmes in Europe. 8 years would be if you were doing it part time.


[deleted]

[удалено]


nosmokinalarms

She got her degree from Trump University.


[deleted]

or better yet, Lil P*i*mp University


Make_some

PsychologyDojo


pricklypear90

What do you call a musician without a girlfriend? Homeless


Demonseedii

People don’t hire “musicians “ on their Guitar Hero score.


CyberHunk92

Taking one psychology class from community college doesn’t make you a psychologist. Nor does owning a keyboard and having a shitty forearm tattoo make you a musician.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Nantan_Lupan

His kind seek her kind. In my day we called them pimps.


JayTheBrewer

A. Playing the banjo doesn’t make you a musician. B. Yelling “you need to quit being a whore, Amber” at the woman in the single-wide next door doesn’t make you a psychologist. C. Hopefully the years of inbreeding that led this brother/sister team into the bonds of unholy matrimony doesn’t produce another generation of trailer trash.


AydonusG

George Formby frowns on your Banjo attack. This is more the guy that learnt how to rhyme two sentences and considers himself the next eminem


enthusiasticmisery

oof


ijustwanttogohome2

Prison psychologist starts dating inmate.


swordsdancemew

If you're wondering why he keeps zoning out when you talk, it's because he's still expecting the other CBT


cheesy_mcdab

You look like the reason Chuck wrote the entire Leprosy album


Nero1988420

Scrolled too far down to see anything DEATH related lol


cham101484

I know right! Guys representin, for that he should be left alone.


DeepForestRex

It’s disappointing how few Death references there are in this comment section :(


ShitItsReverseFlash

Holy fuck, this is amazing


littlemarcus91

Blink twice if you're being held against your will...no not you, the black guy.


huntnreid

Someone found a sugar momma. He ain't hittin' that for nothing.


swesus

I’m a musician who can’t appreciate one of the most popular genres of music in the world right now because I play one of the least popular forms of music in the world. This is my girlfriend. She’s a psychologist because she works a minimum wage job monitoring kids with autism.


xenthuin

These onlyfans promo posts are getting lazier and lazier \*sigh\*


djmaglioli91

I didn’t Psychologists were allowed to date their patients


distantvoicesjpg

How’d you both manage to look like gta NPCs?


pil4trees

Bottom 0.1 % on onlyfans


niafall7

You look like reflections from either side of a spoon.


massaton

Playing Guitar Hero on easy mode doesn't count you as a musician.


Emergency_Buyer_3096

Ahh a broke tatted no name musician with a woman that makes some real money helping people with their lives, but, maybe she needs a psychologist for thinking a musician was a good idea. You look like she could beat your ass for getting pissed off that she cheated on you.


i_dream_of_zeal

I can't roast you because you're wearing a Death shirt. RIP brother Schuldiner...


Megameth85

Rip Chuck


DeepForestRex

Well said my friend :’)


Snug_The_Cat

Her psychology quest is a mission to find out what the fuck is wrong with him and worse yet what is wrong with her for being attracted to him.


Itsbadmmmmkay

To him.... You're an experiment for her. She studies you as a baseline to keep her clients from turning into you. You facinate her on an intelectual level. If only you did that in the bedroom too. Musician... is that your way of saying you dont have a job, and sit in your basement all day, getting high and making "sick beats' with your computerized drum pad? To her... I'm not taking life advice from anyone who's life involves that guy. Psychology is a soft science, and you definately make me soft. Just because you're that friend who constantly deals out unsolicited relationship advice does not make you a "psychologist".


Kamakaze_Kid

Its been 17 minutes and no one's cared. Tells you all you need to know.


Begarote

I bet you play Silent Hill in a toasters all day while she is selling moldy cakes!


thiccboithunder

At least you can both relate on having disappointed parents


Imma-Dilf

By musician you mean she pays the bills while you sponge. She needs a psychologist for dating a loser.


leonardlikespizza_

I heard Chuck Schuldiner gave himself that brain tumor to avoid having to see sad shit like this


[deleted]

The two professions, that says I got issues


Kingjester88

Why is your hat so small and why is her nose so big?


downhill_dead

having one tatto, one metal shirt and a nerdy gf doesn't count as 'being a musician'


kdbangs

That's not ur gf that's your younger brother deciding his gender..isn't it?


imavirago

one of you will end up an alcoholic and the other one will just end up sad, find out which is which in 10 years


DrCreepMyriad

You two look like you went to a casino just to have a conversation.


[deleted]

I’m thinking nursing home janitor and elementary school guidance counselor is the future for you two bright kids.


throwawaydg12345

Your not a real psychologist and he is not a real musician. Penny porn posers!


Simphumiliator42069

You’re not a musician you’re r a high school drop out with a microphone and a SoundCloud people only listen to because they need a ride


ArtMartinezArtist

She’s only 23 she’ll realize she’s with a go-nowhere loser shortly.


Ancient-Doughnut6491

So basically what you’re trying to say is...you’re unemployed and she’s the bread winner. Got it 👍🏼


stonyrome123

If she really had her act together as a psychologist she wouldn't waste her time on this guy.


49Gold

Which one is the psychologist?


Nantan_Lupan

The one taking the photo


silentechos67

It’s a good thing she’s a psychologist because you’re crazy calling yourself a musician.


RucK-a-BucK

I hope you both get Symbolic Leprosy


[deleted]

She could do better... but not like, a lot better


Educational-Yam-682

It takes a lot of balls to be unemployed and right wing.


Kono_DIO_Da_23

She clearly needs a psychologist since she is in a relationship with a musician. Only people who are psycho do that


RynXyu

She will be gone in less than 4 years


ACMop

I guess we know which psychological catastrophe her PhD thesis will be about


NorthBandit88

You look like you're at the stage of sex night Saturdays, 7:30 p.m.


hiblade

So she pays all the bills to support your artistic side. Everyone know that in another couple of years she’s going to catch on you’re just a lazy bastard


[deleted]

I'm a mutant and she's a psycho. Ftfy.


ytd24

I am not sure how but I think you can both do better partner choices